Hiking Trip, December 30 - January 05 2003
I made the biggest step in my life since falling in love with Nikki. I came out to Ella. It wasn't easy. I was scared and confused and didn't know how to explain everything. I wanted her to know I still loved her, but she just refused to talk to me for the whole day. I think it was a good idea to tell her everything on our trip when we had time to work it out between us. As I write this, everything seems to be back to normal, but we don't talk as much as we used to. I'm here alone writing this letter while she is watching TV in another room. I will start from the begining to make it less confusing.
We left home early in the morning on Monday the 30th and drove all the way to the place where I booked a cabin for the two of us. Even along the way to our desitination, everything was under snow and snow was still falling when we arrived. It was cold. I was freezing even under a thick coat and couldn't wait to get inside the cabin and get warm. But inside the cabin was cold too, and the first thing we had to do was light up the fire place which took us a half an hour because neither of us went to girl scouts to learn how to make a log fire. We felt like complete dupes!
Once the fire was burning, we unpacked our luggage and looked around the cabin. It was a very simple hut made of timber with one but very cozy room. On one side was an old double bed and opposite to the bed was an antique wardrobe, a mirror, and some tapestries on the wall to hide the timber beneath. There was also a little kitchen and a bathroom with a nice big bath. I couldn't wait to fill it up and get inside it with Ella. Our first night together was very romantic as can be expected for two girls in love and alone in a quiet little mountain cabin.
In the morning we had breakfast and then we went exploring the area. There was a hotel nearby where the New Year's party was to be held that night, lots of hiking trails around, and down lower in the valley some houses and shops. About a half-an-hour walk away from our cabin was a skii resort and Ella was already planning how we'd go skiing there. I like skiing and skating too, but this time I was looking forward to hiking with Ella so I had an oportunity to tell her about me and Nikki.
In the afternoon we dressed up and went out to dinner. The party we wanted to go to was held in the hotel which was a ten-minute walk from our cabin, so we didn't have to worry about transportation. People began arriving soon after eight in the evening, and there was music and bands playing and later they even had fireworks. There's nothing special to say about it and I don't remember a lot of what happened because the chamapaigne was pretty cheap and we didn't care what we did as long as we had a good time. I danced with Ella, and I remember we were kissing right at midnight, probably to the horror of everyone at the party, but we didn't care about it at all. It was probably around 3am when we left the party and walked through the snow and dark to our little cabin.
The next day we woke up very late and didn't go anywhere at all because we were still tired. We spent most of the day in bed and watching TV and then making dinner in the evening. We planned to go hiking the next day, so we went to bed early to get some rest, but when we woke up it was snowing really heavily, and we decided to go ice skating instead. The ice skating rink was just near the hotel and it wasn't too crowded because most people were outside skiing. But we still saw many girls there and some of them were little girls too. I saw a pretty little blond one. I think she was twelve, and she skated like a pro. I used to skate when I was little, and I can still do it now, and Ella is pretty good too. We had a great time, but after a while it became boring, so we left. We went to the skiing slope and looked around, and then we rented some skiis and went up the mountain with the skii lift. It was still snowing, and it was pretty hard to see where we were going, and going down the hill was even scarrier.
Nothing special happened until the day we went hiking. This was the day I decided to tell Ella about my attraction to little girls and about Nikki. It was a beautiful but cold day, and we were walking along the snowy path to the top of the mountin where a warm and cozy lodge was awaiting us. I really wasn't sure how to start. I didn't know what to tell her at all, and I was all scared. What I finally said was how I loved to be in Nikki's company. I told her I thought Nikki was beautiful and I was in love with her. I told her everything about us and how I met her and the things we did even before I met Ella. She was listening to me all the time without saying much. I knew this was a huge surprise for her, but she was also aware of how close Nikki and I are, so I think she connected some pieces herself as well. When I had nothing more to say, she just kept quiet and looked at me. I think she was angry but didn't want to say anything. It only came out later when we returned to our cabin. She got angry and kept asking me why I did it and why I was involving her in all this. I said I wasn't involving her in anything. I said I love her and I wanted to tell her the truth. I couldn't hide it from her any longer because I thought it was wrong to lie to her all the time. Then she started telling me how it was all wrong and so on. I won't go into details about it all. After that day she went all cold and we hardly spoke to one another until we returned home. This wasn't one of my favorite holidays, but I think it was important. At least I have nothing more to hide from Ella and I still love her as much as before.