Monday, October 28 2002

Nikki is making good progress. She still has to go to hospital three times a week for check ups, take her medications and has to stay at home but they said she'll be able to return to school maybe even next week. Otherwise, she's getting really bored at home because there's no one to play with her. Her parents go to work every day and I can visit her only after work which is usually after six in the evening if I'm not working some silly late shift. She's been playing Super Mario Bros and she loves it. She's playing some other games too. Her favorite is The Lord of the Rings which I bought for her when she was in the hospital. Now that she can't go out, we're almost never alone so I miss being with her and having some time together just for ourselves. When I visit her we usually stay in her room and sometimes she would ask me to hold her or she would put her arms around me and I would kiss her. I really wish I could spend at least one night with her. It's been a while since we did that.

I still haven't told Ella anything about me and Nikki. I'm too scared. I think she's just like any average lesbian, she doesn't think it's ok but I don't know how she would react if she knew it was me in question. Maybe she would have a different opinion, I don't know. Perhaps I will just tell her and see what happens but another part of me wants to keep it as it is. I don't see what benefit could me and her have from telling her about Nikki. I'm not only risking losing Ella but Nikki too if she chooses to do something about it.

I'm trying to finish writing about our holiday but it's going slowly. I hope I won't forget everything we did before it's over.