Sunday, August 04 2002

I'm not too lonely without my girls. It's kind of refreshing too and I can catch up with things I didn't have time for before like writing in my diary and reading a book.

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I guess I'm lucky to know Nikki's parents but I don't think it's really a question of them trusting me. It's more about them trusting Nikki because I know they would stop me from seeing her if Nikki says to them something bad happened, and I know she speaks with them about everything we do. They're not average parents. They are very open with Nikki and they let her do what she wants, but she has to be responsible for what she does. They really treat her as a grown-up person but they still take care of her and look after her. I think she's lucky to have mom and dad like them.

I would love to see more parents like Nikki's around. I was very fortunate to meet them when I did, but I found that the longer we know each other the closer we get. I still remember how they refused my request to see Nikki the first time I told them about myself so it feels kind of nice to see how far we've come since then. I sometimes meet with Nikki's mom and we just talk about things, but it's not very often. Mostly we just chat when I go over there to pick up Nikki. I think it's important to let them know me as much as they can because I want to be friends with them too.

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I kind of disagree that kids and adults should have sexual intercourse. It's different with kissing and fondling but when intercourse comes into the picture most kids are just not ready for it, at least not until they get into their early teens. I don't think sex is bad but it shouldn't include intercourse. I know it might sound hypocritical because sex between women and girls often doesn't include penetration, while in case of guys it's the main point of having sex. If people look at it from that perspective it might appear unfair but I believe that pre-teens are not physically ready for intercourse. Sometime I think men find it unfair that it's easier for us women to have sex with little girls because it doesn't involve intercourse and so it's easier for us to get away with it than it is for them, but I don't understand why guys always insist on penetration when having sex. There are so many other was of enjoying sex with someone and guys just don't seem to be interested in them.

I wish I had someone to talk about it with in real life. Maybe I will one day with Ella or even Nikki when she gets older and we look back on her childhood and the fun we had when she was a little girl.

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I just heard from the people who manage those houses in France. They said many of them are already booked, but that people sometimes cancel their bookings because they can't go. So there's still a chance to find a place. They said they'll contact me soon. I hope we won't miss out on our place. I should have done something about it much earlier.