You've Gotta Have Laughter, Too!

I'm glad to share my stories with you. They are, after all, the main reason this Pub exists. But a good pub needs humor, too, and some input from the guests. Besides, the storyteller needs a break now and then so he can down a pint or two himself. (Storytelling is thirsty work, ya know.) That's what this page is all about. Send me something that made you giggle or roar with laughter. Hopefully it will be something naughty (after all, this is an erotic pub). If it's copyrighted, be sure to let me know so I can ask permission before posting it. Try to make it short and simple if you can or I'll need to put a table of contents on this page just so people can find things!

Country Breakfast

 A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning." Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

-- Submitted by "Sue", 2/9/2000

Texas Cowgirl

 One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex. The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?" The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see!" After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?" The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see!" Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple wash up and start to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my!" she cries: "What is that?" "Well, darlin'" he chuckles proudly: "That's ma' rope!" She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks. "Honey, those're my knots!" he answers. Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute! Her husband, panting a little, asks: "What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?" "No," the bride replies, "undo them dang knots, I need more rope!"

-- Submitted by "Sue", 2/10/2000

Random Quips

 Cucumbers Are Better Than Men Because...
...cucumbers stay hard for a week.
...cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
...cucumbers won't pout if you have a headache.
...cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet.
...a cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
...a cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over.
...no matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
...with a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
...cucumbers don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
...no matter how you slice it, you can have your cuke and eat it too.
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
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This page last updated Thursday, February 10, 2000.

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