After the Truth or Dare incident, they left the Fosters' house in silence. The guilt over what she had done was starting to dawn on Pam. But each time she felt a remorseful twinge, she couldn’t help but remember it was Jeremy who started it. He had propositioned her first after all. Would he really have dared her to take off her top if he was truly going to be disturbed by it? Even now as they were packing up to go home, Jeremy was acting as if nothing strange had happened.
Pam fiddled with the lock to the front door as Jeremy extinguished the lights. After double-checking that the door was securely closed, they crossed the yard to go home. The wind outside had begun blowing mightily while they were in the pool. The air moved at near gale proportions, which made walking the few feet into the late spring breeze a Herculean task. They let themselves into Jeremy’s house, slamming the door shut in relief. Jeremy sneezed twice. Pam noticed that his eyes had gotten red again in the short time it took to get to cross the yard.
“Hey, are you feeling okay?” she asked, her concern for his well-being overriding the awkwardness of what had just transpired.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jeremy answered. “Can I go play Call of Duty before dinner?”
“Go ahead,” she told him. “I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” Pam’s search through the fridge proved fruitless, so dinner turned out to be frozen pizza. While waiting for it to bake, she couldn’t stop thinking about the pool incident. Since Jeremy was the one who started it all, she decided it best to follow his lead. “If he never mentions it again, then that’s where we’ll leave it,” she thought, slipping on a pair of oven mitts. “But I’m putting my foot down if something like that happens again.” After removing the pizza from the oven, Pam left it on the counter to cool while she went to find Jeremy.
She headed to the den where she expected him to be playing video games. To her surprise, the room was quiet. The television was dark and there was no sign of Jeremy anywhere. Frowning, Pam went to his room.
The door was partially closed. Pam only meant to pop her head in to announce that dinner was ready, but what she saw almost made her heart leap out of her throat. Jeremy was laying on his bed. Though fully clothed, one hand was inside his pants while the other turned the pages of a magazine. Pam was speechless.
Jeremy’s head jerked up, surprised. With one fluid motion, he yanked his hand out of his pants while simultaneously shoving the magazine under his pillow. In that instant, Pam could read the guilty and embarrassed look on his face as if she were reading a book. She did her best to remain calm.
“Hey there,” she said, her voice croaking a bit. “Um, dinner’s ready. Hope you want pizza!” With that, she turned and marched back to the kitchen. She heard him jumping out of bed to follow her. “Don’t forget to wash your hands,” she reminded him over her shoulder.
“Okay,” Jeremy said, heading for the bathroom. “I have to pee too so I’ll be right there.” He shut the door.
Pam took a deep breath. Her heart was still racing so she tried to relax. “Had he really been masturbating?” she wondered to herself. “He’s only ten years old! Surely he’s too young to be doing that.” Gripped by an insatiable curiosity, Pam spun on her heel. The bathroom door was still closed when she tiptoed by it.
Feeling like an intruder, she re-entered Jeremy’s room, not bothering to turn on the light. Piles of dirty laundry were strewn about the room and a poster of a Ferrari hung crooked on the wall, one corner having come undone and drooping slightly. She hadn’t noticed before, but the smell of suntan lotion hung heavily in the air. Pam quickly approached his bed and peeked under his pillow.
Victoria’s Secret. He had been paging through a Victoria’s Secret catalog.
From the bathroom, she heard the sound of the toilet flushing. Pam quickly dashed out of the room toward the kitchen, keeping her footsteps as quiet as possible. Even though her head was now spinning, she willed herself to think straight. She got some plates out of the cupboard and served the pizza. She was pouring milk when Jeremy sat down at the dinner table.
“I couldn’t find anything in the refrigerator,” she apologized. “I hope you wanted frozen pizza.”
Jeremy shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m actually not that hungry.”
She glanced at him. His eyes were even redder than before, something she hadn’t noticed when she saw him in the bedroom. Jeremy reached for a Kleenex on the table to blow his nose. “Not feeling well?” Pam asked.
“Not really,” he admitted.
She put a hand up to his forehead.” You don’t have a fever,” she noted. Without thinking, she said, “Boy, you really smell like Coppertone though.”
A funny look crossed Jeremy’s face. He stared at the table “It really helps with my allergies,” he said, not looking at her.
But Pam saw the embarrassed look on his face. She was blushing too now, suddenly understanding what Jeremy was using the Coppertone for. She was surprised since any drugstore carried an entire aisle’s worth of lubricant. But those were meant for adults, she realized, and a boy Jeremy’s age would have to make do with whatever was… slippery. Her heart began pounding again. “Well, sure, of course,” she said, trying to gloss over it. “You’re right, it must be allergies. You felt fine at the Fosters, though.”
“My mom says their house has a super-fancy air conditioning system,” he told her. “That’s why my allergies never bug me over there.”
“Do you want to take something for it?” Pam asked.
“Sometimes my mom gives me Benadryl,” Jeremy said. “Do we have any of that?”
Pam found some in the medicine cabinet. “How many do you usually take?” she asked, scratching the foil from the blister pack that held the pills.
“Two.” She poured him a glass of water and handed him two blue pills. Jeremy scrutinized them for a moment. “They look different than usual,” he told her.
Pam inspected the box of pills. “Well, it says Benadryl for sure,” she said. Jeremy shrugged and took the pills. “Are you sure you want to skip dinner?” she asked him.
“I’m not hungry.”
“All right,” Pam granted. “Maybe you should get ready for bed though. The box says the Benadryl will make you sleepy.” He shuffled off without a complaint. Pam helped herself to a slice of lukewarm pizza.
“Poor kid,” she thought. There was usually at least minor resistance to teeth brushing. “He really must not be feeling well.” She was putting the Benadryl away in the medicine cabinet when something caught her eye. Tucked away in the corner of the shelf behind other prescription bottles was a box of Benadryl Kids.
“Oh crap…” Pam said aloud to herself. She went to the bathroom where he was listlessly brushing his teeth.
“Say, Jeremy?” She held up the blister pack of the kids’ version. “Is this what your Benadryl usually looks like?” He stopped and squinted at the pills she showed him.
“Uh huh,” he nodded. “What did I just take?”
“Oh, just some regular Benadryl,” Pam told him. “It’s not a big deal, it’s the same active ingredient after all.” He nodded and resumed brushing his teeth. But Pam hurried back to the kitchen to examine the boxes of medicine. The ingredients were indeed the same. But the regular version had three times the dosage of the kids’ version.
A small alarm of panic rang in her head. “Surely it wouldn’t be dangerous though?” She retrieved her phone and began searching the internet. From the other side of the house, she heard Jeremy finishing up in the bathroom. Still searching on her phone, she went to his bedroom.
“Hey there!” she said perhaps too perkily. He was already in bed and pulling the covers on. “Feeling okay?”
“Not really,” Jeremy muttered, blowing his nose again. He had changed into his Fruit Ninja pajamas.
“Well, I mean, it’s allergies right? Like you don’t feel funny in any other way?”
“I don’t know,” answered Jeremy. He wadded up the Kleenex and added it to the growing pile on the floor.
“Yes, but…” Pam searched her mind for a way to ask if he was okay without letting him realize what happened. “Um, I think I’ll just sit over here,” Pam told him, pointing to an armchair covered with laundry and toys. She shoved the detritus off the chair and onto the floor.
“You’re going to sit there while I sleep?” Jeremy asked.
“Well, sure,” said Pam. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. I’ll be quiet. You don’t mind, right?” Instead of answering, he closed his eyes. Pam continued researching on her phone. To her relief, she could find no incidences of dangerous side effects from overdosing with Benadryl. There were even reports of people who shunned Benadryl Kids altogether and just gave their kids half-pills of regular Benadryl.
“He’ll probably be fine,” Pam tried to reassure herself. “He just needs to sleep it off.” Indeed, he had already appeared to fall asleep. Pam listened to his breathing, raspy from his stuffed nose, and decided to stay in the room for a bit longer to ensure he suffered no ill effects from the Benadryl dosage.
It wasn’t exactly exciting to watch someone sleep. Pam studied Jeremy’s room. Call of Duty advertisements, clipped from magazines, were taped to his wall. On his desk lay several Lego Star Wars game cases, a partially finished model airplane, stacks of loose school paperwork, and three empty glasses that apparently once contained soda. Under the bed, she could see a forlorn iPod nano lying on the floor. Next to it was an overturned container of Coppertone.
Coppertone. Moving on tiptoes, she picked up the bottle to find it practically empty. Pam remembered earlier when she walked in on Jeremy with his hand inside his pants. Along with the Victoria’s Secret under his pillow, it was clear proof that he was masturbating, aided by some slippery Coppertone sun lotion. Perhaps bemusement or shock would have been appropriate reactions but Pam was confused to find herself feeling guilty.
It was the same way she felt after letting Jeremy touch her breasts. The mere thought of the memory made her flush: the two of them, alone in the jacuzzi, while Jeremy roughly touched her. With a start, Pam realized the reason why she felt guilty about Jeremy’s masturbating habits. It was because the thought of him touching himself excited her.
“I have got to stop,” Pam shook her head. Why on earth was she suddenly feeling this way about a ten year old boy? Considering their past history, Pam had always enjoyed his company, had always felt comfortable around him. The feeling was obviously mutual which was why they had developed a close rapport. But this?
Jeremy stirred in bed, then coughed. Pam sat up straight, alert and concerned. Was it the Benadryl? Jeremy slowly rose to a sitting position. “Hey, are you all right?” she asked him worriedly.
“Mmmph,” he mumbled, swinging his legs onto the floor. He shuffled across the room so awkwardly that Pam wondered if he was sleepwalking. She was about to follow him when she saw him enter the bathroom. The sound of tinkling made her breathe with relief. He hadn’t closed the door so she could clearly hear everything. Once he was done, he returned to the room without washing his hands.
“Hey, Jeremy?” she began. “Where did the rest of your pajamas go?” When he left he had been fully clad in his pajamas, but now he was only wearing the pajama top and his white underpants.
“Too hot,” he mumbled.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Pam asked again. To her surprise, instead of getting back into bed, Jeremy climbed into her lap and curled up into a ball. She put her arms around him. “You’re not feeling sick to your stomach or anything?” He shook his head. Pam held him like that for a few minutes until it became clear he wasn’t getting back into bed.
“Hey,” she prodded him. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in bed?”
“Nnrgh,” groaned Jeremy, half-conscious. “Sleep here.” He shifted until his head was resting on her shoulder. Moving in the slow motion of a half-awake person, he reached under the armchair’s seat cushion, fumbling for something. An electric whirring sound startled Pam. She realized that the armchair was in fact a recliner. Jeremy moved it into a full reclining position which rendered them nearly horizontal. Now able to stretch out, he yawned and arranged himself practically on top of her since the armchair was so narrow.
His head now nestled in the crook of her arm, his legs intertwined with hers, Jeremy sighed softly. He was quite apparently comfortable because she soon heard him snoring lightly. The Benadryl must have kicked in because his breathing was now clear and even. Pam was gratified that not only were his allergies better, but that she also hadn’t given him an overdose.
Pam checked her watch. It was only 9 pm. Kate wouldn’t be back for at least an hour. She could stay with him like this for that long, she supposed. It was quite pleasant after all. Racking her memory, Pam tried to remember the last time Jeremy had snuggled with her like this. It had been a while.
She was about to doze off herself when Jeremy shifted in his sleep. He fussed for a moment until his head was fully resting on her left breast. Pam absolutely froze. Wondering if he was faking, she put an arm on Jeremy’s shoulder but he seemed to be fully asleep.
The weight of his head against her immediately made her thoughts return to the jacuzzi. Truth or Dare! It must have been at least a decade since she played that. And look where it led... Shamefully, Pam remembered how aroused she felt while he was touching her. It was similar to how she felt now with his head resting on her chest, the sweet burden of him heavy against her. Wild thoughts began populating her mind. She imagined Jeremy waking up to nuzzle her breast. She imagined him running his hands over them again. She imagined…
“Snap out of it,” Pam told herself sharply. She tried to figure out how to get out of the armchair without waking him up. She experimentally lifted one of his arms. But the movement disturbed him just enough that Jeremy made a whiny sound in his sleep. Jeremy turned his head to face the other way, brushing hard against her breast in the process. He was apparently having trouble finding a comfortable spot because he then turned his face back to its original position, once again burying his face in her chest. The accidental content made Pam blush.
Nothing could prepare her for what happened next though. Jeremy shifted one last time, his body trying to find the perfect spot on top of hers on the recliner. Pam remained perfectly still until he settled into a position where his crotch was pressed tightly against her thigh. Only her jeans and his underwear separated their bodies from each other and Pam could feel...
History was repeating itself. "Or is it my imagination?" Pam thought as she stared at the ceiling. "No… it's definitely not my imagination." Something hard and alive was pressing deep against her leg. Not just something, a little voice inside her head said. It was Jeremy's p-...
Disgusted with herself, Pam sat up in the armchair and extricated herself from the sleeping boy. It wasn’t easy because of the recliner’s position, but she was eventually able to awkwardly roll off the recliner. To her horror, Jeremy's head bonked violently against the sidearm but he did not stir. She thought for sure he would wake up again, but instead he peacefully snored away.
It was the Benadryl, she reminded herself. She briefly debated carrying Jeremy to his bed but decided against it. He seemed comfortable enough at the moment. Plus, she didn’t want to throw out her back. She pulled the blanket off his bed, intending to tuck him in while he slept on the armchair.
Just before she did so, however, something caught Pam’s attention. His Fruit Ninja pajama top had ridden up. It occurred to Pam that she shouldn’t be looking, but she couldn’t help it. His belly, perfectly flat, irresistibly lured her gaze downward to his white underwear where Pam could easily see a bulge. The shape of his erection was evident, even if hidden by his underwear. Her heart pulsing in excitement, Pam couldn’t help but remember how she watched Jeremy getting hard while he felt her up in the jacuzzi. And now here it was again.
Pam wondered what he was dreaming about. Maybe… Perhaps… A small part of her mind whispered: “Maybe he’s dreaming about me.” To her embarrassment, Pam could feel the slightest hint of wetness between her legs. Getting wet over a ten year old boy! He was wearing plain Fruit of the Loom briefs, the kind worn only by young boys and old men. It had never occurred to Pam how appealing they looked on boys.
Unable to resist, Pam moved into a kneeling position next to the recliner. Moving of its own volition, she saw her trembling hand reaching out. “Just a little touch,” she told herself. “It’s not going to hurt anybody.” Gently, ever so gently, Pam caressed the little tent in Jeremy’s white underwear. The cotton felt smooth beneath her fingers as she traced the rising and falling outline of the swelling She carefully kept one eye on Jeremy but he did not stir.
“I wish… I wish his underwear wasn’t in the way,” Pam thought fiercely. “I wish…” Pam swallowed hard. Would she dare do it?
She glanced at Jeremy again to confirm he was still asleep. Her knees were shaking. Even her fingers trembled, which made it difficult to carefully pry open the fly of the white underwear. Her mind was screaming danger at her. But Pam pressed on until she had successfully fished out his penis.
It was so small, yet so perfect. She hadn’t been able to get a good look in the jacuzzi but now Pam was free to gaze in wonder. In her memory, it was nothing more than a miniature penis. In reality, however, it was nothing of the sort, no more than a boy resembles a miniature man.
The first thing she noticed was the delicate creamy shade of his skin, completely unblemished in its pure smoothness. Though erect, it didn’t stick straight up from his body but instead lay flat, pointing at his head. He was uncircumcised, she noted, something she hadn’t noticed until now when she had an unencumbered view. His foreskin hid the familiar ridged shape of his penis head, although its outline was clearly visible underneath the tightly stretched skin. A small pucker of excess foreskin capped off the whole thing. Sitting very still in the dimly lit room, she could see his penis pulsing ever-so-slightly as the blood flowed through it.
It was a transfixing sight. Pam felt as if she were a little girl herself, discovering the male body for the first time. Wanting to see everything, she carefully tugged the underwear’s fly a bit wider until she revealed his scrotum. The color of his skin here matched that of his tiny shaft, except the surface was intricately adorned with hundreds of small wrinkles. A jagged line, almost resembling a scar, neatly bisected his scrotum in two.
Wanting to touch him, Pam reached out a hand, but then paused. “Do it,” a small voice told her. “You’ve already come this far. And besides, didn’t he get to feel you up in the jacuzzi? It’s only fair that you get to touch him. Isn’t it?”
Her entire body prickled with anticipation. Pam ran her hand so softly against his shaft that the touch felt barely perceptible, like the gentlest breeze on a summer day. She did it again, feeling a shiver run up her spine. Throwing caution to the wind, Pam extended a finger and let it caress him, starting from the base of his hairless scrotum to the very tip of his small penis.
She knew it was wrong. But Pam couldn’t help herself. Over and over she touched, exploring every inch, savoring the smoothness of his skin and the heat from his body. Her entire hand easily covered both his penis and scrotum so she cupped him like that for a long moment. He wasn’t even semi-erect, but Pam wondered if he would get hard if she touched him enough. But what would happen if he suddenly woke up and found her cupping him like this? Would he tell her to stop? Or would he ask her to continue?
Despite her misgivings, Pam had never felt so turned on in all her life. Her mouth felt dry so she licked her lips. Another wild thought escaped as she imagined him in her mouth, a thought that ignited both her hormones and her conscience. She shamefully took her hand away.
“Stopping, stopping, stopping,” Pam repeated. She briskly closed up his fly, feeling the slightest ping of regret as she did so. His hair was artfully flung across his face, blissfully unaware and completely at peace. Pam stared at him, caught between a longing tenderness in her heart and an illicit fire somewhere deeper. Picking up the forgotten blanket on the ground, Pam covered up Jeremy’s slumbering form before quickly exiting the room.
Locking herself in the bathroom, Pam sat down on the toilet and stared at her feet. A jumble of thoughts rolled in her head, each one full of guilt and contradiction. How could she feel so regretful, yet also so energized, for what she did? Remaining completely immobile, Pam wrestled with that question until she heard Jeremy’s mom come home.