Master PC - Licensed Edition

by Dominant Doktor
mc, mf, md, gr
This is my first story, and intended to be a multi-part story, if I get enough feedback to encourage me to continue it.

Assuming that you are reading this from the intended site -, then you should be well aware of the usual disclaimers. If not, then don't read this. It is perverse, shocking and not intended for children, those who can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality, or those with mainstream religious values.

Chapter 1.

I'd become accustomed to thinking of myself as privately corrupt. Not actually evil, but if I was to be measured by what I wanted to do rather than what I did do, well shall we say it's just as well I don't believe in an afterlife. I sat looking at the files in my download tray, disbelieving. After years of deadends and 24/7 crawler searches, someone had emailed IT to me. The holy grail of mind control and morphing, the Master PC program.

My older brother once inscribed his bedroom wall with the adage 'the measure of a man's honesty is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out' and it has stayed with me ever since. There isn't much that would be beyond the pale for me.

So what do you do with power like this when you're 40, married with young kids, working every day to pay off a massive mortgage and put the kids through school and to live a comfortable life?

What do you do with power like this when you have an imagination far more active than your real sex life, an imagination that at this point is running wild with the idea that 'hmmm okay the program is real... So the conspiracies surrounding it could be too'. Did someone send me this thing out of the goodness of their heart? Obviously someone who knew more than me about the web, since I couldn't discover who sent it. Are they about to trash my life in some bizarre contest I wasn't aware we were playing? Did one of my online toys send it to me in the hopes I'd use it on her? Is the government or some clandestine corporation watching me even now?

Honestly, you'd think I would have at least run the program to make sure it was the real deal before getting so uptight about it. It probably is just a cute extension of the fantasy. Ah. Brilliant. A registration page. No one ever mentioned one of these in the stories. Full name and date of birth and current address. Okay done. How long is this license agreement? It's scrolling forever. I've never actually read through one of these in my life. I'm sure it's good for a laugh later, so I'll just click yes and keep going. Now this is too funny. Proof of age required. Give us your credit card details, and we promise it's not to bill you. Utterly brilliant. How many people would stop at this point? Most I would think, but as it happens my Visa's maxed out, so what the hell.

And there's the little guy... <Welcome to Master PC>... Well f&*k me raw... It's a bit different to some of the stories though.

<Do I want a tutorial>. YES.

What was in that goddamn license agreement?

<Would you care to change the helper persona?>' Yes... Jeeves always got up my nose...

I'll take Peter Cook for $250 thanks. So now the help is a humorously petty Satan. It fits, and hopefully reminds me to be very careful what I wish for...

I can interrupt the tutorial at any time. GOOD. WHAT was in that goddamn license agreement?!! Mmm hmmm, Mmm hmmm no problems there... Oh oh. The user will be judged in breach of the license if the user's actions since taking up the license have a detrimental effect on the global condition of humanity. The license will be revoked and the user will be subject to appropriate punishment. Oh come on! How vague can you get?? Still... Global condition of humanity? A bimbo here... A bimbo there... That's got to still be good to go though right?

<defaulting to voice mode>

'Well my son... ' affords Satan, 'if you start small, you can't go too wrong can you?'

'But what are my actions judged against? The condition of the world if I'd never used the program at all? Am I judged against a different timeline??'

'You what? No nothing like that. It's against the ahhh...dominant paradigm, yes that'll do.'

'Would I get a straighter answer from a different persona?'

'Ummm no, come on... It's nice to be trotted out once in a while... Most people don't even remember me... Give us a break then? Can't we just get on with increasing your cock size?'


'It's the first lesson in the tutorial. Very popular. An inch is as good as a mile so they say!'

'What can I do with this program?'

'Well anything you like to a person really. Personality, appearance, health, memories... But only to people, not material things or even other forms of life, it's very specific.'

'But that doesn't make sense, if I change a person who has an artificial heart valve, I'm changing a material thing... And what about the parasites and bacteria on and in the body, they'd have to change too! And the partially digested food... '

<sigh>'You're a Virgo aren't you. Look. It's not science you total Rodney, It's magic. It's godlike power. Those are the parameters in which you work. We'll move the bacteria, and disappear the heart valve if we need to, AND get rid of the partially digested remains of the bucket of KFC in the fat chick you turn into a Barbie... It's a general preventative so you don't suddenly generate masses of wealth and such... Or decide a nuclear weapon would be a nice hood ornament. Now can we add a few inches to your fuckmeat? Fuck... Ha... They never let me say that on TV... Fuck fuck fuck... Flippin censors. Sod em.'

'What about range?

'What about it? If you can name them, they're yours.

'So I could... What? Make George Bush smart?'

'Well you'd have to be more specific than that, to get your intended subject in screen, but sure. Of course, you'd run a real risk of a license breach if you muck about on the world stage like that.'

'How about John Howard?'

'Less risky of course... But still risky. Come on... You know you want to...'

'Well if it's just for the purpose of the tutorial..'

'Great! Here we go then (steps onto the changing presentation which now has more slide controls than a recording studio, right alongside a pudgy naked clasp that looked unfortunately familiar, if from another angle)

'So many factors just for a penis?'

'Like I said, it's popular. Now you notice the colour coding on the sliders? When you move out of the green you are in territory that other uses have been in, and then reversed the changes at a later point. I'm not saying why... Could be anything, but the more that did, the darker the colour gets. Now we slide this one... Addictiveness of semen... Nasty little bugger this, up into the red... Hear that Geiger clicking sound? The more of those you hear, the more people broke the license agreement. Doesn't mean you can't, or even shouldn't... But well... It does say addictive... You know... GOT to have it... KILL to get it... Give me more or I WILL die kind of addictive. Honestly. Some people just won't do the tutorial.

'What about getting piercings? Surely if you can deal with heart valves you could insert a little hardware too?'

'That's an excellent point. I'll check with my superiors and... No just kidding. No.


'No. N. O. You might sneak in a ruby barbell or something. Trickster. I can see you'll be trouble. Just take a look at your options here... Surely there is something to interest you...'

'Will you make the necessary mods if I simply tell you what I want?'

'Oh of course I will, here to serve you know... (sarcastically) I've got nothing better to do after all...'

'Good. Can you make it so that my conversing with you or using MPC in any way goes unnoticed by other people? An ongoing effect, always on, so they'll not be aware that I am talking, and think that I am doing something worthwhile and appropriate on the computer...'

'Nope, you have to name them.'

'Oh come on, you're magic, that should be easy!'

'You HAVE to name them'

'Jen Richards' (and a list of 267 show up worldwide, with location data)

'Look, if you KNOW where all these people ARE, then obviously you are aware of all people spatially at all times... So why NOT accept general commands?'

'It's for your own safety you know... Every person who's unlocked the general command function has broken the license conditions.'

'But you can warn me if I am doing something that's likely to do it can't you?'

'That's what I'm doing you git. Every single person. I can't see the future, so I can't tell you for sure if a command will do it, I mean some are obvious, but it's a very grey area, and any command with a general effect has that risk'

'But every story I've read on MPC has general commands, even if it's just for people to think that the girl's always been a DD cup... Are you saying every person who has used MPC has broken the license agreement?'

'That's right'




'Just do it.' I mean, how bad could it get?

'You want to activate general commands and implement the privacy field you described earlier?'


'It's your funeral...Done.'

'So I assume it's magic that lets you hear me even without a mic connected?'


'Okay let's get on with changing it then. Will I have a blood flow problem if I go large? Errol Flynn supposedly passed out from lack of oxygen to the brain if he stayed up too long...'

'Gullible aren't you? He had a party trick with a toy from the props department, but to answer your question, MPC is a learning program. If many users add riders to a change to protect themselves from unfortunate consequences, the program adopts those changes as part of the deal. We dealt with that one very soon after initial release.'

'So how many people have the program?'

'Oh I can't tell you that, confidentiality and such, but it's in the hundreds.'

'And you are getting information from all those copies all the time?'

'Yes, we helpers keep in touch, and my oh my humanity is SUCH a dirty dirty bunch.'

'Can you protect me from other people using any copy of the program?'

'Yes, but if I lock your profile then other users will know you have the program if they try and access you'

'Can you intercept commands to change me from any copy of the program so that I can pre-approve them?'

'Yes but they'll still know you weren't effected immediately, since your profile won't have updated.'

'And we can't fool the other program to think I have been changed?'

'That's right, nothing gets by me...'

'So let me know who is requesting changes to me, and let me have the option to let it happen or not, oh and can you tell me if any changes have been made to me in the past?'

'Done, and yes I can, and no, they haven't.'

'Okay, so on with the penis then... I'll have ummm... An extra 2 inches in length and a half in width, and I'd like to be able to swell to an appropriate size when I'm in a woman's pussy so that I fill her, length and girth, with an inch to spare for bouncing on. I want any woman feeling my cock to be powerfully aroused. I want any woman feeling my cock inside her to feel such pleasure that she forgets anything worrying her for a while, and indulges in the moment. I want it to be the best fuck she's ever had, and I want to be able to lose my erection at my discretion, and in addition to being aroused normally, I want to be able to get hard when I choose. I want to be able to delay myself cumming but remain hard and pleasured until I choose to release. I want my orgasm to trigger orgasm in whoever I am fucking, I want my cum to be sterile (that's NO impregnations) by default, but I can control the viability of my cum. I want to spurt a good specimen jar's worth every time I cum, but not have giant balls or any outward indication that I produce that much. I want excellent muscular control of my cock so that it expels all the cum and doesn't leak afterwards. I want my cum to taste as sweet and pleasant as it could naturally be made to taste through diet. I want women to cum hard and often when I fuck them, not just when I orgasm. I want my whole groin area to be hairless, healthy, immune to disease, virus and parasites, and I want my cum to heal illness and injury in whoever I fuck, but without obviously miraculous change. I also want fucking to be a stress relieving and fatigue free experience for myself and the fuckee that leaves us both happy in the aftermath. My cum will trigger changes in a woman's body and mind so that she will want to change her diet to a healthy one, and she will rapidly lose or gain weight appropriately until she reaches a healthy optimum for her body shape and height. The most weight gain or loss will be a kilo a day, and she will retain that ability and attribute it to a healthy diet. She'll keep the diet up, with the occasional indulgence so that she isn't a nazi about it.

(Satan by this time has scrawled a list that is pooling at his feet)

'Fries with that? I should tell you that this is highly likely to breach your licence... The word will get around... The sick and lame flocking to your cock... The whole gay community will want to do you...'

'How can healing people be detrimental to the global condition?'

'I'm just warning you of possible consequences... Do you REALLY want all this?'

'Yep... Do it.'

(The sensation of growth in my loins was very enjoyable... Virility... Power... Oh that DOES feel good to have inner peace at last. Don't let anyone tell you that size doesn't matter.)

I realised I had made no attempt to change my wife's ideas of what my penis looked or felt like... 'I want Jen to notice the difference, accept the idea that I've just completed a course of pills I ordered from the net to increase my cock, and be happy with the result. She won't try and endorse any product that reports to do this. She'll also believe I had the vasectomy we talked about, and that there is no risk of pregnancy.'

I shut down the computer after instructing Satan to make it impossible for anyone but myself to find, use or delete this copy of MPC, and scooted off to bed to try out my new equipment.

Jen is a woman that most people would say has a pretty face. That's right. She's fat. A lot of fun, a great mum, a good friend... But there's a reason I spend so much time on the net. Or is that the reason she's fat? Whatever the cause, I now had the cure hard and rampant between my legs.

I climbed into bed naked and snuggled up against her, my naked meat pressed against her ample ass cheeks. She was already asleep, but her breathing changed to a sighing gasp as her dreams shifted to an R rating and she pressed back into me. My hand slid down her hip into her pussy hair and she gently moaned. Her normal response to this kind of entreaty in the middle of the night is to make me turn away since she needed the sleep more, but this time l'amour was winning.

The sensation of my extended cock rubbing against her was blissful to me, and she rolled onto her back to open her thighs. I could already smell her pussy and feel it glistening under my fingers, and she basked in the feelings not quite half awake. Positioning myself between her spread thighs, I guided my rod into her, barely containing a groan of delight at the pleasure of it.

Her eyes flew open in screaming fear at the stranger inside her before she recognised my voice and the half seen silhouette over her. 'What ... Ohhhhh... Oh my .... God that feels sooooo good honey.... Mmmm what have you.... Ohhhh I can't... I'm... Ohhhhh yesssssssssssss' and with that she came. Shudderingly... Gloriously... Rapturously. I'd only thrust about 10 times. I waited, inside her, marvelling at the feel of my cock pressed against her cervix as she came down from her gasping quiet O (when you have kids you learn). My cock was hugely fat inside her, more than 3 inches across. Jen had been lazy about the pelvic floor exercises after two babies, and was consequently 'loose' down there to my natural meat... Mmm but not anymore... I could feel the substantial weight of my temporarily resized cock, and although it sounds juvenile, it felt so damned good to be that well hung.

She laughed delightedly when I reminded her of those 'useless' pills she couldn't believe I was so idiotic as to buy, and then groaned in heat as I twitched myself inside her. When I moved again she surprised me by thrusting her hips up to keep me inside. I guess she thought I was pulling out since she normally couldn't handle the sensitivity of her pussy straight after an orgasm. I thrust back into her, 'I'm not done yet babe, don't worry'. Jen spread her legs wider and grunted approval as I thrust into her again and again. My usual images of gorgeous girls I'd recently seen were replaced in my mind by how I imagined Jen would soon look, and I hardened more and caught her eyes as we truly fucked for the first time in years. I couldn't hold back any longer and she shivered beautifully and then convulsed in a bucking hip spasming orgasm as she came first from the friction and then from the feel of my load spurting inside her...sooo much it squirted out around my cock. As I came down myself she'd stopped her hippy shudders. I looked at her face, it was wide eyed... staring.  Dead.

Chapter 2

Time stretched into a falling tunnel as I held myself over her, unable to breath. I'd killed her. Well that was quick. You'd think I would have had a bit more fun with MPC before it was taken away from me. Little demons would be dragging me into the shadows any second. Most of you readers will be the kind of people familiar with that horrific future history moment when you see the probable course of the consequences of some awful event you are guilty of. I was having that play out before my eyes right now. My heart clenched with grief at what I had done to my sons and with my own loss. I switched off my erection in shame, pulling out of my poor dead wife. And her eyes opened.

With a gulping intake of breath she coughed and stared at me.

'Oh fuck honey that was soooo intense.'

'Ummmm yeah.... You okay? You scared me...'


'Well you were (don't say DEAD you dumb fuck) gone for a bit... Out of it you know?'

'Mmmm it was so dreamy...'

I didn't sleep at all well.

In the morning Jen was up early doing some exercises. She was usually in a good mood the day after sex, but today she was positively sunny. It was my turn for dropping the boys off to school so after the usual flurry of activity, argument and cajoling they were in the car and I was off after a far more passionate kiss from Jen than usual. Drop off at the school is hectic in itself, settling the youngest into his morning activity, dealing with the separation and charging off to get the older one into line to be marched off like well like little kids marched off to class. I've always kept an eye on the milfier mums but with the possibilities open to me now I was much more aware, and hard, watching all these sexy thirty somethings to-ing and fro-ing. And then a wave of boisterous kids rolled past and one of the mums stepped back into me to get out of the way. From the way she reacted at feeling my boner against her ass, I guess I should have been more careful with my comma


She gave a discreet wiggle against it to show me she felt it and approved, before making a blushing show of apologising for stepping into me. 'Oh please Trish don't worry about it... Better me than you going down under a scrum of 2nd graders' Her lips parted slightly at the going down bit... and I was wishing I'd done a bit more about changing my appearance, but apparently I'd put her in flirt mode rather than anything more adulterous. Drop off conversations between parents are usually brief and moving, literally, as you hurry back to the car to get to work to pay for fees you can't really afford, and the subject is usually school events. Trish promised to bump into me again at the upcoming food and wine night with a slow grin that was causing a lot of reaction in my pants. She walked off with a fair bit more sway in her hips than I recall her using before, and a coquettish look over her shoulder to make sure I was enjoying the show.

I finally got to work, wishing I'd had the time to check the program and figure out what had gone wrong, and right. I needed the program to be more mobile than just sitting on my home PC, and I was adding to the list in my head of the things I wanted to do to my own profile. The near miss last night really should have had a profound cautionary effect, but the horror of that moment was already dimming. It's amazing how an erection can change your perspective.

I looked about the floor with renewed interest. It's a big organisation with plenty of female employees, some of whom were cute, some were pretty, and some were drop dead gorgeous. A straw poll taken over drinks at lunch one day with my workmates established this truth: Every guy makes an assessment of every woman he sees. Would I do her? There are only a limited number of responses to this:

With the possible addition of 'if she was rich enough', that about exhausts the possibilities. It's also worth noting that the probability of a rendezvous with the woman in question is completely irrelevant. It doesn't matter if you're partnered or she is, and certainly has nothing to do with your chances of actually scoring with her. Reality doesn't matter, and yet your willingness to listen, help or otherwise deal with this woman is largely predicated on the assessment result. Of course I'm not saying that's the only factor, but it's a biggie.

Lisa was do-able. She was short but well proportioned, waistlength blonde hair with something exotic about the set of her green almond eyes, she had a generous smile and a generous bust, a tight little bum and beautifully tapered legs. She wore stylish business clothes in a way that made them maybe just a little bit flirty and had a twinkle in those to die for eyes that let you know she was no lie back and think of England girl. She also thought I was a lecherous old bastard. Honestly, it was just the one time, it was summer and the sun caught her from behind and outlined her legs all the way to a distinctly pouty camel toe. I was about 30 feet away talking to friends, miraculously looking the right way at that godgiven moment. and still had my mouth open (possibly drooling?). She had the most contemptuous 'oh you've GOT to be kidding me' face, looking directly at me. I didn't even know her name then. She turned out to be good friends with some of my work buds, always

sunny and sexy for them, reserving THAT look for me. I probably made it worse because I started smirking or even outright laughing when she gave it to me. After a year or so she started smiling at me too, perhaps my friends had put in a word, perhaps I'd been privately sentenced and had served my time, I don't know, but at least these days she was (warily) nice to me too.

Lisa was the only one on deck for her team when I went to see them about a project dependency. She smiled as she explained their absence. The guys I actually wanted to see were friends and colleagues, and the slickest pair of salesmen in the company. Not that we actually sold anything. I'm talking internal politics and convincing upper management they ought to hand over buckets of money for a cowboy style IT solution that won't ever be documented. These guys were good. They were also a lot of fun to go on a boys weekend with. While the work part of me was saying appropriate things to Lisa, my mind was of course creating a variety of bent over the desk scenarios, all of which required me to find an excuse to rub my erection against her. The likelihood of this event in a cube farm 100 metres long wasnt good. Clearly, I had some work to do tonight on the program. But as I stood there I spied my friend Steve's family photo on the desk, his gorgeous half Burmese wife and

there stunningly pretty young daughter. Emma was born with cerebral palsey - she was a smart girl whos body didn't respond to the commands she gave it. Her speech, her ability to walk, her hand eye coordination were all severely affected. And I could do something about it! Not, you perverts, for the nefarious purpose of having sex with a beautiful young girl, but simply because if you have the means, how could you not? I wasn't about to turn into some crusading miracle worker, I couldn't care less about people I don't know, but I could do this! And have sex with her gorgeous mum. Honestly it's like there's a little voice from down below that has to inject the possibility of a sexual encounter into anything. That statistic that on average guys think of sex every 4 minutes? I'm one of the ones that keeps the average low.

Funnily enough, Lisa was being extra nice today. She'd just thrown out a line about the lunchtime drinks I was always heading off to with her friends. Any departure from a work script with her was new territory for me. Perhaps it had something to do with me standing up, and her sitting down, and the resulting indications she had of the new engine I was sporting under the hood.

'How can you guys head off there every day and do any work at all in the afternoon? I know what I'm like after a few' Her eyes twinkled as she said this and I was watching her lips do an adorable pout as she said 'few'

'Why not join us and find out? I'm sure Jesus'll scoot over to give you a seat' Jesus was a South American friend with a wicked sense of humour, a genuine way with women, and a dangerous air about him. I was a kind of project of his, the soft mate who was really as perverted as him and just needed some encouragement to become really bad. It amused me that the guy who was trying to lead me down the dark path had that name. Jesus was the one Lisa was the most flirty with.

'Hmmm well I was thinking more of sitting on your lap but if you WANT me to sit with Jesus...' ??? What was going on here?

'Oh so you're opting for the comfy chair then'

'I'm pretty hard on chairs you know, I've always rocked back and forth on them. The stuffing's been known to come out'

'If I blow a coil I can afford the repair bill. Don't know what it'll do to your skirt though'

'A gentleman would offer to fix it'

'I don't think you'll ever be short of offers for being fixed up Lisa'

'Oh so you're not a gentleman?'

'I've been a lapsed gentile for a long time, but recent events are leading me to the existence of God'

'Did you have an epiphany? I had one last Saturday, and I bet mine was more fun' her smile was getting wider, more inviting, and her eyes were getting more green.

'Was it a private revelation?'

She giggled 'you should see the size of my prayer beads'

By now a few heads were peering over partitions. Don't you just hate it when the person you are talking to enjoys the conversation and someone ELSE finds it demeaning? Political correctness can go fuck itself. Lisa suddenly looked embarrassed. 'Maybe we can continue this at lunch?'

As I walked back to my floor I wondered about the change in her. I'd seen her that flirty and suggestive before, but never to me. God it's fun being on the receiving end of that kind of attention... Bathed in the sensual warmth of her full attention. She knew that I'm married, and yet didn't blink before starting in on getting my gander up... But maybe that's all she was up to. Either way, I'd find out in a few hours.

So the thought of helping Emma got me thinking about other people I knew who could do with some repairs... There was my dad, who was on the verge of falling apart with a bad heart, prostate cancer, a bad hip and maybe a touch of senility. Mum, well she could probably do with some medical work too, but the prospect of seeing her naked on the MPC screen was daunting, maybe I could turn that off? I should check out my kids for anything lurking inside them... Maybe give them a boost? The changes could be subtle, no cause for government agents to swoop or such. None of these things could trip me over the license agreement could they?

What I had been pondering for a little while was how I could use the program to make money safely. The program had said that there were hundreds of copies active, which made me wonder why someone like Osama bin Laden was still at large. The positional awareness of the program would make locating him a snap wouldn't it? And with such a huge reward on his head... So why hadn't someone done it? Surely I'm not the first person to think of using the program that way? Of course it would draw attention to yourself, though you could set up a patsy to bear the brunt of that and then have them hand over the reward... Did he maybe have a copy of the program himself? Nah, how could HE have not breached the license? Unless he never used the program to further his religious and political goals? But then if he was using the program to avoid capture, shouldn't that come into conflict with the agreement condition about actions detrimental to the global condition of humanity? Then I r

emembered that the license condition said 'actions since taking up the license...' So ANY action, whether assisted by the program or not. If he DID have a copy, then I didn't understand what it took to breach the license agreement at all, and if he didn't have a copy, what was to stop me from locating him and collecting the reward? Fear. Not knowing WHY everyone else with the program hadn't done it already. Perhaps I could get some information out of the program...

My mind really was all over the place this morning. I worked through with my team - Jane (Nuh!) - Marguerite (Nuh!) - Sabina (totally), Michael, Craig, Tai and Paul. A little after midday I went over to the club next to work for drinks. Jesus was there with his partner Kiera (Rabbit boiler), Alex the token gay mate, Dave the country lad, Sharon (if she lost a few pounds) and her boyfriend Warren. No sign of Lisa. Jesus said hi with his customary 'wassup bro?' But after taking one look at my face he knew something was up. He's a cunt, but he's intuitive. He wasn't about to get me to spill the beans with Kiera sitting right there, so he followed with 'yeah we're gonna talk you and me'. We sat and spun the usual lunchtime conversation, paying out on those absent, and those present, turning the conversation to sex whenever possible, talking TV and news and film - the sort of inane but occasionally laugh out loud banter that people who see each other a lot have. Scientifi

c evidence supposedly indicates that having one or two alcoholic drinks a day is good for you. It's not the drinks. It's the fact that you're relaxing in company when you have them.

Lisa arrived toward the end of the first round. Since I was sitting next to Jesus and I really didn't expect her to sit in my lap, I drew up a chair between us, but in the process I managed to slide my way past her, my groin making contact with her hip. A not so smooth move that drew some guffaws from the assembled, who were after all, paying a great deal of attention to Lisa, for whom a lunchtime drink was a rarity. Lisa didn't laugh, didn't wiggle. She turned to me and put her hand on my chest. Her eyes were smouldering and she practically purred 'Aren't you going to be my comfy chair Rob?' The look on Jesus' face was priceless. Kiera and Sharon seemed to close ranks immediately in instinctive defence of Jen's rights, and the rest of the guys wanted to be me.

'He was actually nerding on about what happens to heart valves for fuck's sake'. The salicious babe with the gently swaying tail made sympathetic noises as she listened to Peter Cook going on and on about his latest client. When the waiter came around again he ordered Black Russians for the both of them and continued to bemoan the virtues or lack of them of Rob Richards.

'Oh I so laughed when his dear wife croaked. Totally legitimate interpretation! And then in steps the almighty third umpire, overruling me because of the illness and injury clause that Richards had put in. Where's MY right of appeal eh? Downgrading a heart attack to a little death. Totally unfair.'

The barman in the meantime was pouring something ethereal into two glasses, something that shifted and shimmered in a most unliquidlike way, the light on it seeming to pick out strange ripples that might, to a casual observer, appear to outline a screaming mouth and fearful wide eyes as its substance stretched and tore to fill the two high balls. If one could lipread, in Russian, one might have even understood exactly what it was trying to say. The emotional content was quite evident.

End of chapter 2

Once again, if you want to read more, let me know that you're enjoying it. If you have some constructive criticism, I'd love to read it. If you feel like being abusive, stuff off.