                        Taking the Blame
                           A Sad Story

     I remember the first time I saw Jennie.  My first 
impression, was, "Oh what a shame!"  The little 11-year-old 
seemed so bright and cheerful that day, I almost couldn't believe 
that she didn't even seem to know what had been done to her.  
Well, sadly that's my job.  I'm a psychiatrist, that works for 
the city Human Services Department, and they send me the abused 
little girls that seem to make up an ever-growing number of our 
city's children.
     If you looked, you could almost see the tiny little bulge in 
the girl's tummy, that advertised the fact that she would 
probably be a mother, before she was 12 years old.  The really 
sad thing was; Jennie didn't even seem to realize what had been 
done to her.  I mean, she DID know that she was pregnant, it's 
just that, at that time, the little girl seemed almost proud, 
that she was carrying her own father's baby inside her, instead 
of ashamed and frightened, like she should have been.  It was my 
duty to show her, so she could lead a normal life, like I do.
     I got into this job, because I know what it's like to be 
raped by a relative, and it gives me insight that other people 
don't have; especially men.  Some people think that a single 
woman like me isn't the best person to be handling cases 
involving families, but I've been able to counter that at least 
I'm a woman.  No man could possibly know what it's like to be 
raped.  Besides, could you imagine putting these little girls in 
the hands of a MAN, after a thing like this?  I try to fix things 
up, but sometimes even I can't do much to undo the damage.
     It took me three days to win Jennie's confidence, enough 
that she'd even talk to me.  At first she was suspicious of me, 
figuring I was just another or those so-called court-appointed 
head-shrinks; trying to help the prosecutor make a case against 
her father.  I had to reassure the little girl, that my duty was 
to her, not to the state, and that anything she told me couldn't 
be divulged.  Not even to convict her father.
     As I talked to her, she finally admitted to having sex with 
her father.  Not once, but many times.  It had all started, she 
told me, as she followed her big sister one night; when she saw 
the older girl sneaking down to their father's bedroom.  She told 
me that once she saw how much fun her older sister had with their 
father, she insisted on doing the same thing herself.  Later, 
when her big sister got pregnant, she told me how she had bugged 
her father, until she finally got him to do the same thing to 
her.
     Can you imagine the depravity of the man?  Not only does he 
fuck his own little girl; somehow convincing her that she 
"enjoys" this atrocity, but he abuses her, until she actually 
BEGS him to get her pregnant.  That's something like whipping a 
man, until he begs you to shoot him.  Something I think should be 
done to men like the one who raped this cute little girl.






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     Of course, Jennie kept insisting that it WASN'T rape, that 
if anything, SHE raped HIM.  God, that's even worse.  Can you 
imagine how much he must have abused the child, to get her to 
think that having sex with him was a pleasure?  And worse yet, 
she didn't seem to think there was anything wrong, with having 
her own father's baby.  In fact, she seemed quite proud of the 
fact, almost flaunting her slightly bulging tummy, and saying how 
much she was looking forward to holding the little boy in her 
arms, and feeding him from her own body.  That a man would do 
this, to his own little girl, then somehow force her into 
thinking she LIKED it, is beyond me.
     For the first few days, hearing the little girl chattering 
happily away, about how good it felt; how much she liked the idea 
of being able to give her father another child to love, and even 
how having sex with her father had made both her and her big 
sister grow even closer together, almost convinced me.  Then 
reality set in.  I mean, a little girl starting to have sex, at 
10 years old?  There's no WAY a child that young could enjoy sex.  
I mean, a woman's body isn't ready to have babies, until she's 14 
or 15 (Jennie being the rare exception.)  If a girl that young is 
having sex with her father, no matter how much she says she wants 
it, it must because he's forced her.  Probably in some 
unspeakable manner as well.  In a case like Jennie, I figured 
that her father's abuse must have been so bad, she was even 
repressing the memory.  This made me all the more determined to 
find out just how bad his abuse had been; to make her think it 
never happened.  I mean ALL men abuse their children to some 
extent.  It's in the nature of being a man.  It's just that some 
men are worse than others; and her father looked to be one of the 
worst.
     It took many sessions, but I finally managed to get Jennie 
to remember how her father had abused her.  At first, the little 
girl insisted that her father had NEVER abused her, but after 
many sessions, I was able to help her uncover the memories she 
had repressed so hard.  It makes me so mad; to see a little girl 
so abused, that she can't even remember BEING abused.  It was 
only when I made her dig into her memories, pointing out each 
little time her father had punished her, and showing her that the 
times she thought he was showing his love, were just a chance to 
feel her body, not genuine hugs of affection.  I mean, a man 
isn't supposed to hug his own son; let alone his daughter.  I 
told Jennie, that she should have known that men don't love the 
same way women do.  Any man who pretends to love you, is just 
dreaming of a way to get in your pants.  It's a shame, but true.
     I remember the first time I found out about men.  As I 
mentioned earlier, I was raped by my uncle, when I was 12 years 
old.  Just a little older than Jennie here.  No, he didn't hold a 
knife to my throat.  In fact, his approach was similar to 
Jennie's father.  He made me believe I wanted it.  I was just a 
little girl playing at being sexy, and he encouraged me.  In 
fact, the SOB actually made me feel I wanted it.  And you know 
that's not true.  I mean, how can a girl of 12, really want to 
have sex?  Heck, I'm over 35 years old, and barely like it now.




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     Of course, the worst part, was when he got caught.  There I 
was that time, in his bedroom, sliding up and down on his cock 
while John was lying on his back with his eyes closed.  He didn't 
even know my parents were there, until Momma's screams about him 
raping me woke the whole neighborhood.  Up until that time, I 
thought a man had to hold a knife or gun to a woman, to rape her.  
Thankfully Momma taught me different.
     Momma says I must have been in incredible pain, as I was 
moaning and screaming and even begging my uncle to cum in me.  
Can you imagine how much pain I must have felt, to be begging my 
own uncle to squirt his sperm inside me, just to get it over 
with?  It must have been unbelievably bad, as my mind has blocked 
out almost everything.  Even now, after years of therapy, I still 
can't make myself remember the pain.  It must have been extremely 
bad, as all I remember is the horrified look on my mother's face, 
when she came into the room and found me sliding up and down one 
last time, before her brother filled my womb with incestuous cum.  
Years later, my memories still almost trick me into thinking it 
felt good.
     For a while, I thought my mother was mad at ME.  In fact, it 
wasn't until she got me to press charges against my uncle, that 
she let up on lecturing me about the evils of sex, and especially 
with your own relatives.  After that, Momma would always make 
sure everyone knew about how abused I was and how you had to be 
careful around men.
     Indirectly, I think that my uncle's raping me, led to my 
parent's divorce, as my father was trying to make Momma stop 
protecting me all the time, while Momma knew I had to be 
sheltered, and taught never to let men touch me in any way.  
Thankfully, Momma decided that I needed to be protected from men, 
more than she needed a husband, so they broke up.
     Can you imagine?  My father actually thought I should go to 
dances and parties, where men actually held the girls in their 
arms, before I was eighteen.  Momma protected me from this kind 
of sexual abuse, until I turned 21.  Then, she told me that being 
of age, she couldn't legally protect me any more, so she hoped I 
had learned to do it myself.  I think I have.
     If it hadn't been for Momma, who knows what might have 
happened?  Momma taught me all about men, and what they wanted.  
I it hadn't been for her, who knows how I might have turned out?  
Thanks to my mother, I'm the woman I am today.
     Poor Jennie.  It took so much longer than I originally 
figured it would, to bring up the repressed memories of abuse.  
At first, she kept insisting, that her father had NEVER hurt her, 
and that you could hold a gun to his head, and he still wouldn't 
hurt her.  It's a shame to see a little 11-year-old girl 
brainwashed like that.  It was only with the help of hypnosis, 
that I was finally able to bring the full horror of her abuse to 
the surface.








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     For those of you not in the psychiatric field, hypnosis is a 
very suggestible state, where the person being hypnotized will do 
almost anything to please the hypnotist.  A person can be made to 
imagine they feel no pain, even through having teeth pulled, or 
to see things that aren't there, or to even forget things, if the 
subject thinks that will please the hypnotist.  It can also be 
used as a tool to uncover repressed memories.  The subject can be 
asked to remember something, and he or she will search their 
memory in a manner not possible to a normal person.  It was this 
method, that finally gave me some success with Jennie.
     At first, even under hypnosis, Jennie insisted that her 
father had always loved her, and had never hurt her.  However, 
when I asked her to remember times when she at least didn't get 
her way, she gradually remembered times when he had sent her to 
bed hungry, then times when he had spanked her.  When I 
encouraged her, I was gradually able to get her to remember worse 
and worse things he had done to her, at my prompting.
     After about 5 hypnosis sessions, Jennie finally broke down.  
Now I finally  had her remembering these horrible things that her 
father had done to her.  (Some of which are just too horrible to 
tell here.  It's absolutely amazing, that the little girl wasn't 
scarred for life, the things she told me her father did to her, 
with a knife, cigarettes, and heavy leather belt.  Surprisingly, 
she had managed to escape with only one little scar, that at 
first she had insisted she had gotten while roller-skating.  It 
was only under hypnosis, that I was able to get her to remember 
how her father had beaten her with the lamp-cord, and then only 
when I prompted her.)  It was quite a relief to me, to see the 
little girl finally admit to this abuse.  After all, they say the 
first step to recovery, is to admit you have a problem.  Now, 
Jennie finally had.
     Once she realized that her father's love was all a sham, 
Jennie broke down.  It was at this point, that she tried to  take 
both her own life and the baby's, by sticking herself in the gut 
with a sharpened coat-hanger.  She only succeeded, with the baby.
     When I remember how much Jennie had told me she wanted that 
baby, I almost cried.  I guess the little girl is better off 
without it though.  I mean: can you imagine having to spend your 
life caring for the baby of the man who raped you?
     It still aches me a little bit, when I remember how proud 
Jennie had been, when she first came to see me, almost showing 
off the fact that she was big enough to have her Daddy's baby.  
She had seemed so smug.  Now look at her.  She'll probably never 
have normal sex again, and almost certainly never have any 
children, with the damage she did.  And all because of her 
father.
     After several years, I'm just beginning to get Jennie to 
remember how much she hates her father.  It's surprising how much 
she had suppressed this.  Even with hypnosis, she's just 
beginning to remember.  Up to now, she's kept this hate hidden so 
deep inside her, that you wouldn't even have suspected it, if you 
weren't a professional like I am.  Once I get Jennie to confront 
the hate for her father, maybe she can finally start to heal.




                                4


     Jennie is slowly recovering from her trauma, and I still see 
her every so often.  Sadly, I was never able to help her older 
sister, like I have Jennie.  It was with Karen's help, and even 
some from Jennie, that their father's sentence was reduced from 
20 years, to 2, of which he only served 3 months.  They both 
moved out of state, and who knows what depravity the man does to 
the girl?  Karen was old enough at the time, that she refused to 
let me help her, like I did her little sister.
     Right now, I understand that Jennie is doing fairly well, at 
the nursing home.  She'll never be the young, happy child again, 
that I had such a precious glimpse of when I first saw her.  
Sadly, I understand that both her father and her older sister 
blame ME for her condition for some reason, instead of putting 
the blame where it belongs, on her father.  It's amazing how some 
people will blame everybody but themselves, for the damage they 
do.









































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