Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind.

Wellhung

Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart

I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung

I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.

Sweetheart

I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung

OK

Sweetheart

We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung

I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart

I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung

Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart

I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung

I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart

I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.

Wellhung

My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart

That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung

I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart

Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung

I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you have scissors?

Sweetheart

I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung

How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart

I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung

I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart

I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung

I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart

WHAT?

Wellhung

I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart

I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung

I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.

Sweetheart

OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung

I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart

I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung

I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart

What's the matter?

Wellhung

I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart

Are you OK?

Wellhung

I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart

Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung

I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart

In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung

I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart

Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung

I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart

I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung

Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?

Sweetheart

Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung

I found it.

Sweetheart

I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung

Me too.

Sweetheart

I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.

Wellhung

Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart

Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung

OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.

Sweetheart

I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung

I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom

Sweetheart

Hurry back lover.

Wellhung

I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart

I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung

I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart

What's the matter now?

Wellhung

I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart

Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung

Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's thing.

Sweetheart

Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung

I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here.

Sweetheart

I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung

I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart

WHAT?

Wellhung

I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart

I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung

I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart

NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung

No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart

I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung

Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart

Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!

Wellhung

Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!