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From: Bradley Stoke
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: 10 Sep 2002 10:15:54 -0700
Homer
I've never read a Homer Vargas story before, but this story was an interesting introduction. Clearly, the subjects of your stories appear to be associated with pregnant women, horny men, sweaty bodies and gallons of semen. It's not really what rocks my socks, but it's an interesting view of things nonetheless. Once again the poor old feminists get a bad press in a sex story written by a middle-aged man. Which I think is a little unfair. Most feminists I've met are not gay. And not every gay woman I've met has been a militant feminist.
However, I quite enjoyed the story even though I didn't share the erotic fantasy and I wasn't in sympathy with its views. It reminded me a bit of those cheerful comic strips you get in men's magazines of the 60s and 70s. Although to your credit, the women who populate your story aren't all young and doe-eyed. The forty-year old woman fan of the Homer Vargas literary canon might be just a fuck machine, but at least she's not your standard teenaged nymphomaniac.
So, what are the good things about the story? I actually quite liked the structure of the piece. A discussion on the erotic benefits of reading Homer Vargas' fiction (if an increased birth rate is considered a good thing), followed by a spoof news story. It broke away from the usual structure of boy meets girl, boy fucks girl and everything is happy ever after. So, well done there!
I also liked the cheekiness of all the self-promotion. You've taken the art form beyond even those other great practitioners on ASSD (and elsewhere). I wish I had the cheek. But why not? Self-referential literature is scarcely new. And I now know where to go if I want a story of the "(MC, Fdom, preg)" variety (which is probably never).
I wasn't so sure about some of the language in the story. It sounded a little strained (although the joke on the author's "annoyingly alliterative affectation" was unfortunately spot-on for me). Perhaps the thesaurus is a little too well thumbed? Sometimes the more common expressions are rather better than ones like "confabulation of concentrated copulation", "the feminist conclave" and "the power of the strange ambiance" (or "ambience"). Still some of this heightened exaggerated prose wasn't too bad. I liked "a hutch of over-heated hamsters", for instance.
I suppose I was also not taken by all the jokes on places like "Upper Knocksville" and sexually frustrated feminists. But this is very much what this kind of sex story's all about and has to be accepted on its own terms. I suppose as the fantasy of an orgy of women screaming to conceive isn't really on my radar, I have difficulty with a lot of the motifs. It would be inappropriate I suppose to wonder why the story had such a narrow focus, when this is a common feature of a lot of erotic fiction. There may well be many men and women out there who associate lactation with orgasm, or "cocks like truncheons" with sexual satisfaction. However, as a more appropriate criticism I have to confess I found the forty-something Homer Vargas fan's dialogue a little unconvincing. No woman I've ever met (or seen on television) has spoken like her. Who speaks of being filled with "boiling hot jizz"? Who is so enamoured of a "magnificent upthrust cock"? Perhaps everyone in Upper Knocksville, but nowhere else.
So, quite an entertaining fantasy. Not bad at all!
Bradley Stoke
http://www.asstr.org/~Bradley_Stoke
From: fumunda cheeze
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: Tue, 10 Sep 2002 23:40:32 GMT
I liked it Homer. In my book, far better than some FF Lickety split shit that has an interest of a 2 out of a possible 100 . Well written shit that very few people read. I mean, it is erotica. It is not like a story that will get you the Pulitzer prize for fine literature. It will however, stiffen the organ. Keep it up.
From: Mat Twassel
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: 11 Sep 2002 15:40:38 GMT
How does the epilogue/sequel fit the original?
I though the pairing was a good idea. In both parts I had some difficulty with the chronology and time-span, more so in the newspaper account at the end. It was the Fantasy Aftermath middle that I couldn't make much sense of. How does it fit? As for the news article, maybe it would have been better as a magazine piece, complete with graphs, tables, charts. Or as a news story if much shorter.
Is the reference to "Homer Vargas" stories off-putting?
No. I didn't need to have read the stories to enjoy the references. The idea of a Vargas wing in fact was my favorite part of the story.
How easy is it to accept the fantasy premises of the stories?
I had no problem accepting the bookstore wing. I never really figured out what the woman's motive was in telling her story. I didn't pay much attention at all to the scientific theories advanced in the news article.
My suggestions: slim this down, add some plot or romance or both. If, for example, the news article were more matter-of-fact, typical, and dry, (and shorter) except for one mind-blowing bit of juiciness, that would be really something. Often understated fantasies have more power. Overblown material threatens to numb the reader.
- Mat Twassel
Mat's Erotic Calendar at http://calendar.atEros.com
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 13:44:25 -0600
On Mon, 9 Sep 2002 08:38:45 -0400, "Desdmona" <me@desdmona.com> wrote:
The following is a complete story. It is 3,667 words in length. Some of the questions the author would like for us to address are:
How does the epilogue/sequel fit the original? Is the reference to "Homer Vargas" stories off-putting? How easy is it to accept the fantasy premises of the stories?
Let's cover these parts first. The epilogue thing seems to push the setting past unlikely into unbelievable. But as a fantasy, that works. Which answers the last query, that the fantasy is acceptable as a fantasy. It isn't something which is likely as reality, barring some really odd mind control games.
The references, OTOH, work fine if you think of this story set as a promo for the author. As Homer appears in the story directly, as a character, self-promotion doesn't seem unreasonable. Real world print authors pull that sort of referencing all the time.
The idea of sex for pregnancy, and making love to sexy pregnant women, is rather nice. The fantasy fetish with pregnancy tends to ignore the consequences and complications (pregnancy and infants are the goals, not children growing to adulthood who'll need nurturing family support). That pushes it out of reality, though there are some parents who do seem only to care for the initial results, not the upkeep that the outcome of their "playtime" has :-(
The two stories both seem to be tongue in cheek, too intense to be taken as reality. They both put a fine humorous spin on the entire situation. If the intent is to make the reader laugh, both are doing that well. The "Author's Fantasy" story isn't too out of line for an author worship scene, and of course unlikely but overwhelming adoration is just part of the fun.
The news story, though, reads more like a parody of the situation than a serious take on it. It pumps up the level of incredulity considerably.
Have to run, or maybe I could find something to improve. Only quick thing is that maybe, the news story thing needs to read a little more like a serious news story, or else more clearly be a tabloid sort. The style varies between the serious "big city" formal language and the more enticing, teasing extremes.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Altan
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 20:16:38 GMT
On Mon, 9 Sep 2002 08:38:45 -0400, "Desdmona" <me@desdmona.com> wrote:
The following is a complete story. It is 3,667 words in length. Some of the questions the author would like for us to address are:
How does the epilogue/sequel fit the original? Is the reference to "Homer Vargas" stories off-putting? How easy is it to accept the fantasy premises of the stories?
FishTank guidelines apply:
1) 2 positive comments
2) 2 suggestions for improvement
3) Try not to repeat!
First off, I'm pretty new here, and I had never heard of Homer Vargas before. This has gotten me curious, though :-).
Positive: Both my wife and I have always maintained that having sex during pregnancy was almost the best sex we ever had, second only to having sex "for real," with the purpose of starting a child. I think this is a very positive idea to promote.
Positive: This story was fun! After I figured out it was a parody, a spoof, I got a good laugh out of it.
Improvement: I missed the "humor" story code. From remarks in this newsgroup, I gather that this code has been hotly debated in the past, but it took a while for me to figure out that this story was intended as a spoof, and until I realized that, the sillyness irritated me.
Improvement: It is hard to think of a second suggestion that was not already noted. Maybe that the "Oh my God, I'm sorry!" at the end of the first section sounded out of place. From the preceding story I would have expected Mr. Vargas to be proud of the result, not sorry for it :-).
Regarding the additional questions: as was remarked before, the newspaper article would probably work better if it was considerably shorter, but I think the contrast between the self-centered first part and the "objective" second was good. The references to Homer Vargas were not off-putting at all, although I was confused by them at first, not being familiar with the name.
By the way, on the use of a "feminist convention" mentioned in another post: it felt as if the author tried to make some kind of a statement that was not related to the rest of the story. Maybe replace it by a "nurses convention," noting that most of the attandees were female?
A.
http://www.asstr.org/~altan/
From: PleaseCain
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: 12 Sep 2002 00:12:53 GMT
Entertaining, indeed. Sure, there's tons of gratuitous references, but I know you have a large following, and it is your fan who will read a story like this one, anyhow - and get every one of the references. The epilogue then works just fine. Plus, you do a good job of sustaining interest in a story of pure dialogue, which I've only seen one other time around here (another Fish Tank too, I think). You pull off the mind-control aspect without a hitch.
I would beef up the sexual action, so that the story is less an exercise in self-reference. Then, add open-quotes before each paragraph where characters continue their speech:
"Blah blah blah.
"Blah blah blah.
"Blah blah blah."
where the same character is speaking all three consecutive paragraphs. Or is that just Yankee punctuation (I really don't know, nor do I know your nationality)?
Thank you for sharing this with the Tank.
Cain
From: celia batau
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: Thu, 12 Sep 2002 17:49:16 -0700
hi Des and Homer Vargas!
we liked the story. :) it was funny. :) we really can't do a pozzie or neggie thing bc the story wasn't serious and felt kind of pointless to pick on things that weren't meant to be serious, you know?
"Desdmona" <me@desdmona.com> wrote in message news:unp5t9io6cm12@news.supernews.com ...
How does the epilogue/sequel fit the original?
it fits. :)
Is the reference to "Homer Vargas" stories off-putting?
a little at first. the one after another was a little much.
How easy is it to accept the fantasy premises of the stories?
really easy. even the alliteration and all the different sex words worked. the only thing that put-off were the feminist references. it was the only thing that felt like it didn't fit.
-cb (off to find some beautful brown boys built for burying buns in our bakeshop ;)
An Author's Fantasy (MC, Fdom, preg)
By Homer Vargas
Vargas111@yahoo.com
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From: Vinnie Tesla
Re: An Author's Fantasy, by Homer Vargas
Date: Mon, 09 Sep 2002 13:40:02 GMT
Before having read this particular story carefully, I'd like to point out what a marveously postmodern sex writer Homer is. A recurring fetish in his stories is for either partner in a marriage to be coerced or manipulated into staying home and caring for the children. That's a very cool twenty-first century sort of flexibility.
-Vinnie
vinnie_tesla@yahoo.com
http://www.asstr.org/~vinnie_tesla/
He polishes birds of the Vista