http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7775.txt


Celestial Reviews 252 - January 24, 1998


"(p)Your Erotica" by SandMan (sandman@bitsmart.com).  When I grade student
papers, I usually try not to look at the students' names.  Occasionally (very
rarely, but occasionally), I'll give a C to a paper and then note that it was
written by one of the best students in the class.  At that point, I may say to
myself, "Maybe I missed something!" and I'll go back over the story.
Sometimes I'll see the story in a different perspective and change the grade;
sometimes I won't.  I suppose I shouldn't do this, because in a sense I am
screwing the weaker students who don't get a second chance; but I think it's
human nature to do this.

Anyway, when I read this story, I thought it was weak.  Then I noticed that it
was by an author who had posted several really good stories recently.  So I
assumed maybe I was wrong, and I looked more closely.  It still didn't move
me.

As the disclaimer says, this story is a long, passionate sex scene.  As I re-
examined the story, I found that it was indeed long and passionate and about
sex.  All the components were there.  I'm convinced that the entire problem in
this story - a very serious problem - is the author's point of view.  

What we have here is a second/third person narrative.  This you/her
perspective presented me as a reader with some real problems.  

Somebody is narrating the story.  That person would often be referred to as
"I" in a story like this.  I would find that irritating, but tolerable.  In
this story, however, "I" never appears, except implicitly as the teller of the
story.

The "you" in this story is a man - a very nice and tender man, I might add.

The "she/her" is a woman - the beneficiary of the things done by "you."

This is going to be difficult to express, but here goes.  If you, I, and she
were all real people, this format would work. Even if only two of them were
real, it could work.  For example, if I (real Celeste) were telling this story
to my husband (if "you" were my husband), then it would be easy for my husband
to project himself into this imaginary setting.  However, once everybody
becomes imaginary, the whole system falls apart.

In other words, when I (real Celeste) read this story, I have to remember that
"you" is not me (a woman) but rather a man who is the one of the two co-
protagonists of this story.  This sounds trivial; but in practice, it's not.
I suspect that this transposition of perspective may be a little easier for
heterosexual male readers, but even they will have problems with this story.

As a story written by a woman for her lover or cyberlover, this might be a
masterpiece.  The lover ("you") would read this as a nice fantasy about love
with another woman.  In fact, if I were a betting person, I would bet that
this story was not written by a male named SandMan, but rather by a female who
wrote it to SandMan.  SandMan may have edited it and dressed it up a little;
but had he written it himself, I think he would have noticed the problems with
the perspective.

What it amounts to is that authors have a responsibility to consider their
audiences.  A woman writing for a cyberlover, for example, has one audience.
When that audience (the cyberlover) receives the story and says, "Hot damn,
this is good!  Let's publish it!", it is necessary to consider that the
audience will be different.  It is simply not sensible to expect to get the
same result from a different audience with a story like this.

I hope this information is helpful.  This point-of-view problem is not unique
with this story: a large number of authors have the same problem.  This story
simply provides a very clear example of how the point-of-view can interfere
with the storyline.  

Ratings for "(p)Your Erotica"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5