!ADULTS ONLY! Prof. Pinwoody's New-Fangled Homemade Lady!

ROLL 'EM IN ROOM D! And they did. In front of an audience of four.

Alice watched. With reddening cheeks, as there she was, big as life, moving her sweet ass cheeks up and down while doing the hanky-panky with her Pinny Winny. To her further chagrin, she realized she had forgotten to change the angle of the camera. There were no shots of Respy doing the hanky-panky with the crash-test dummy.

Pinwoody watched. With a very proud grin on his mug. He didn't know it, couldn't know it at the time, but it's true the camera adds ten pounds to a person. Judging from his grin, you'd swear the whole ten pounds went straight to his lady pleaser.

Officer Phil watched. Did he ever! With eyes that seemed utterly glued to the up and down moving ass of the beautiful professor Hames. If you had popped your head into room D at the moment, you would have saw his head going up and down as it kept time with her motions. Up. Down. Up. Down. And, if the lighting hadn't been so dim, you would have sworn you saw him salivating.

Officer Joan watched. But she couldn't seem to get into the spirit of the lewd moment. Why, when officer Phil shot her a cute little glance, she had the mood-killing audacity to say to him, "In your dreams, you perv!"

They all watched. Watched, as Respy took on the graduate student, Willie, in the bed arena. Willie was doing real well, even seemed to have the upper hand one time, at least until Respy fouled him by squeezing him below the belt. A definite no-no in any arena.

They all watched. Watched, as old Pinwoody showed just how well he had learned, years ago, to swing a genuine Mickey Mantle autographed baseball bat. Even if the baseball had been replaced by a human head.

And during this alarming sequence, the audience Pinwoody looked proud. The audience Alice looked happy. The audience officer Phil looked angry. And, don't forget her, officer Joan looked sick. She even whispered, loud enough for all the other audience members to hear, "That poor woman!"

Alice showed no sensitivity whatsoever when she told officer Joan, in an equally whispered tone, to hush it up now. Ms. Moisty Mound, it seems, didn't want to miss a trick on the TV screen.

Well, the film ended right after Pinwoody had given Willie his little love tap. On the screen, Pinwoody could be heard saying to Alice, "Call 911!" Fini.

Then Alice made two sure enemies in room D when she stood up and clapped. And yelled, "Bravo! Way to go Pinny! Bravo!"

It was too much for officer Phil, not to mention officer Joan. Officer Phil went quickly over to the wall switch, cut on the lights and went quickly over to where Pinwoody was still sitting.

"You're under arrest, professor Pinwoody, for the murder of the woman named Respy." Pinwoody looked stunned. His mouth hung open.

The cop took out the cuffs. And, as he placed them on Pinwoody, he said, "You have the right to remain silent . . . "

Pinwoody said, "But, officer, she's just a female ro . . . "

"Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law . . . "

Alice said, "For Christ's sake, she a ro . . . "

"You have the right to have an attorney present now and during any future questioning . . . "

Pinwoody said, "But she's a ro . . . "

"If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you free of charge if you wish. Do you understand these rights?" Pinwoody nodded.

Alice nodded, too, but she didn't know why. But it was good she had, for the in the next moment . . .

Officer Joan said, "You too, miss. Hands behind the back. You're being taken in as an accessory during the fact." Her cuffs, the old bracelets, were dangling from her left hand.

Alice said, in protest, "You fucking idiots! She was a robot, for Pete's sake!"

Pinwoody said, "She's right you know, Respy was a ro . . . "

"You professors are something else," said officer Phil, scowling at them. "Kill a poor woman just because her performance was a little stiff. You two ever consider her feelings? How maybe she tenses up having an audience gawking at her while she's making whoopee?" He turned to officer Joan.

"Nah, not these two, Joanie, they can't see shit from way up there in their ivory towers." Officer Joan nodded vigorously and said, "You got that right, Phillie!"

As the two officers led the two suspected perps out of room D and back into room C, they could all see that the crime scene crew had arrived. One of them, a female, was bending over Respy's lifeless body. Anyone with even one good eye could see Respy's gyrating had finally ceased.

The female CSI said, "Holy cripes, this ain't no lady, it's a ro . . . "

"C'mon you two," Barked officer Phil, yanking on Pinwoody's arm. "Time's a wasting . . . "

The End.
"From my mind, to your mind!"