LINDA PEE AND POOP GARDEN

A full-length Novel by Linda Keresan

Preface

Dear Reader,

I decided to write this book shortly after Darcy DeVries came into my life. Darcy's arrival was the beginning of things, and the end of other things. The universe is about beginnings and endings, about change. The universe is about love.

This book is about love. But it is mostly about the great, unspeakable, forbidden taboo in matters of love. Even the greatest of lovers keep certain parts of themselves secret and hidden. They may want to give or receive or share their complete selves, but they can't because they are ashamed.

We live in a cycle of shame about these secrets, this forbidden taboo. That makes me very sad.

The great, forbidden taboo, the thing that is secret and hidden, is what my artist friend Jeanette calls "the poop taboo." It's a "pee taboo," too. We do these unspeakable things alone, in the bathroom, with the door locked. I think that people need to feel free to take these intimate things out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, or out into the garden!

I have been fortunate to be able to do that, to step from this cycle of shame in my own life. I had a lot of help from wonderful girl friends, many of whom you will get to meet in my story.

So, this is a book about that secret and hidden and private garden inside of all of us, the "forbidden fruit." No book like this has ever been written that I know of. Some of it may be embarrassing for you. It used to be for me, too. Now, I love it! Now, it makes me moist between the legs!

I am a psychologist. I have written and published books about psychology, but this is not a psychology book (even though I know I won't be able to keep myself from piping up a lot about psychology, because that is what I do). This is a love book. But I did not write this book to help you love. If it helps you love yourself and others, I'll be very happy. But I wrote this book to tell my personal story about what it has been like to visit this secret, private, hidden place in my own life. I write it for me. It is a story of my journey. It is a celebration of me.

I hope it helps lead you to your own celebration!

With love and regards,

Linda Keresan
San Diego, California
1999

Chapter 1

 My own personal journey began long ago and far away, but this story really begins with Darcy DeVries. Darcy came to see me in mid-May. It was on a Wednesday. She was anxious to have an appointment when she called on the phone that morning. Fortunately, I had a one o'clock cancellation.
.........."I've been through sort of an ordeal," she told me on the phone. "The whole experience was very intense. I feel like I need to talk to someone in detail about it. Sort of ... what do they say? ... get a 'debriefing' or something."
..........The first thing I noticed about Darcy when we met was that she was probably the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. She had chestnut brown hair, creamy-white skin, and delicate, angelic features. Her physical loveliness had a tragic intensity that can best be described as heartbreaking. She wore a charming and very expensive pale yellow silk blouse, a light blue cotton skirt, and elegant, low-heel, plain leather, barefoot sandals. She was very mature for being only nineteen. She had definitely had some life experience.
.......... We were sitting in comfortable chairs, facing each other, with nothing between us. I don't hide behind a desk in therapy. Thank God for Dr. Carl Rogers. He revolutionized the field of therapy, getting the therapist out from behind the desk and down off the arrogant, Freudian pedestal. I'm a very good therapist. My practice is humming, with fifteen paying clients.
.......... During our first meeting, Darcy asked how much the sessions would cost. She hadn't made that inquiry when she called on the phone, which is unusual. I never charge for the first meeting, but my standard fee is $120 per hour. I have to charge that to get any decent insurance reimbursement. But Darcy had said that she had no insurance. In spite of her lovely clothing, she didn't carry herself as someone with wealth, so I quoted her my sixty-dollar discount rate. She didn't flinch. I later realized she would have happily paid the full $120. That was my first mistake, in a way, crossing an invisible line, feeling sorry for her, making assumptions, patronizing her by lowering my fee. I suppose it had something to do with that amazing, vulnerable beauty. That same tragic quality came out in her voice, a delicate, faint little tremble, which gave it the sweetest melodic quality, but which also suggested a defenselessness that made me want to really help her. I'm in what they call a "helping profession." Wanting to help too much is not good!
.......... I gave Darcy my little lecture on the difference between counseling and therapy, that my therapy clients came at least twice per week, and Darcy asked if she could come more than that, because she had some important issues. We scheduled her for Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at ten o'clock in the morning. Nice. That's a hard slot to fill. She hadn't read either of the books I have published. She had gotten my name from the yellow pages.
.......... I flipped on my tape recorder after telling her I liked to tape sessions to help me remember the important things. She didn't object. I have a nice, high tech file system, and a new transcriber on my computer that creates text from the tape recording so I can have an automatic written record of client sessions. It helps a lot with the research when I write books. Darcy had filled out my preliminary information sheet, but I always like to hear clients introduce themselves in their own words in our initial session, so I asked her to tell me a little about herself.
.........."I grew up here in San Diego, Dr. Keresan," she said. Some patients start out calling me "Linda," and some call me "Dr. Keresan." I let them call me what they want, let them project whatever they wish on our relationship. I'm a non-directive therapist because that works best.
.........."My father owned a butcher shop. He was very mean to me. He has a drinking problem and would beat me up sometimes."
.........."Did he abuse you sexually?" I asked gently. Sexual abuse is so frequent nowadays that I can almost assume it, but I like to get it out right away. I had curled my legs beneath me in my chair, getting comfortable. I was wearing a spring pantsuit, light cotton, with a green and yellow floral print. Darcy sat rigidly in her chair. I could tell she was nervous. Not unusual at the first session.
.........."He might have," she said, "when I was little. I don't have any memory of that. He was basically just mean."
.........."And Mom?"
.........."He was abusive and mean to her, too. She was a wallflower, usually, although she spanked me a few times when I was little. She was basically very quiet. I don't have any brothers or sisters. My father made me work in the butcher shop all through junior high and high school and never paid me. The thing was, he had always said that there was this trust fund he had for me to go to college when I turned eighteen. He said he was saving up lots of money for that."
.........."You speak of your parents in the past tense. Are they no longer living?"
.........."Oh, they are, but they are sort of, you know, dead I suppose you could say in my mind. I have no desire to see them again."
.........."Uh huh."
.........."Anyway, when I finally turned eighteen, he said he didn't think I was suited for college, and that he wanted me to keep working for him."
..........I nodded. "And the money?"
.........."There wasn't any money. I got so angry with him when he told me that. It was the first time I had been angry with him, ever. When I got angry, he backed down. Sort of shriveled up. That surprised me so much."
.........."Hmm. An interesting revelation. You had more power than you thought you had."
.........."I guess I did, yes. Anyway, he finally said that there wasn't any trust fund. That night he got drunk and tried to beat me up for what I vowed was the last time. I promised myself to get out of there. I hated that butcher shop. I'm a vegetarian, anyway."
..........I smiled. "That must have been hard."
.......... "The thing was, what could I do? I couldn't get a job. I tried. I was afraid to put down on the application about the butcher shop because he would give me a bad reference because he didn't want me to leave. So I didn't have any experience that I could write down." She paused and looked at the pictures on my wall. Cezanne prints. Flowers, mostly. My cozy office is in a private wing of my house off a garden. It's a nice office, a nice house. The house is actually far too big for just me. I bought it on a whim because I loved the location and the garden. It's right on the beach. I make a lot of money. The two books have done very well, and I've invested wisely. I learned how to buy channeling stocks five years ago. I'm also a silent partner in a successful restaurant.
.........."Then what?" I asked gently.
.........."Well, I was looking for work. Checking want ads in all the papers. They have these ... you know ... newspaper machine stands with all the real estate news and ... different things?"
..........I nodded.
.........."So, there was this one newspaper in one of the machines that was about ... you know ... sexual things?" She blushed. "It just sort of crossed my mind that maybe ... I don't know."
.........."Yes," I said quietly.
.........."Well, you have to understand that I was really desperate to get out of there. I mean, I thought I was going to die if I stayed."
.........."I understand."
.........."I thought maybe there would be a modeling job or something. I'm not a prostitute."
.........."I understand. Sometimes a girl gets desperate." I smiled kindly.
.........."I know," she said. "I had never looked at those newspapers before. I thought that maybe I could, you know, find a way to get enough money for a little room somewhere just so I would have time to look for a good job. Anyway, I bought the paper and looked through the ads." She paused again. Poor thing. She was so sweet! My heart really went out to her. That's a red light for me. I can't do good therapy when I start caring as much as I was starting to for this darling girl.
.........."There were lots of sex ads in there," she continued. "The last thing I wanted was to be a, you know, prostitute. But I guess there was this one ad that sort of caught my eye. It said that this 'generous' man wanted a pretty young girl to ..." She paused, blushed again.
.........."Yes?"
.........."It's hard to say the words. This is really embarrassing."
.........."I understand. Take your time."
.........."...wanted a pretty young girl to ... go to the bathroom."
.........."That's what the ad said? 'Go to the bathroom?'"
.........."Actually, it said he wanted a 'g.s.' I had to look at the abbreviation codes at the front of the ad section to see what the initials meant. It meant 'golden shower.'"
.........."Yes."
.........."You've heard of that?"
.........."Yes."
.........."And I thought that by 'generous' he meant that he would pay me, and that he didn't want ... you know ... regular sex, just wanted to watch me do that ... go to the toilet ... so it wouldn't be like prostitution, and I thought that maybe if I just did that, he would give me enough money to get a room and I could move out of that house."
.........."I understand."
.........."Anyway, I thought a lot about it and then finally called the phone number. He sounded like an old guy on the phone. Actually, he sounded a little like my father. For a second there, I had this terrible thought that it was my father!"
.........."And how did that make you feel?"
.........."Scared. Scared and weird. But it wasn't him. It was just some old guy."
.........."Mm hmm. And?"
.........."Well, he said he wanted to meet me for coffee before he decided, to see if he liked me. He was looking for a certain type of girl. We set a date for the next day in this coffee shop downtown. I got dressed up and fixed my hair real nice, like I needed to impress him. He was this sixty-year-old guy, and married. Had a business suit. He told me that he had had this kinky desire all his life and couldn't get his wife to do it. He kept telling me how pretty I was."
.........."You are pretty, Darcy. Very beautiful, in fact."
.........."That's what people say," she said
..........Of course, people had probably been saying that to her whole life. It was very dumb of me to say. I don't know why I said it. I resettled myself in my chair. Really beautiful girls, by the way, have it very hard in our culture because they unconsciously feel they have to live up to the perfect cultural ideal of feminine beauty, while at the same time defending themselves at every turn. It is my experience that they usually end up with pretty low self-esteem. I have some personal as well as professional experience in this area since I've always been quite attractive.
.........."Anyway," she said, "I told him I needed two hundred dollars and that I didn't want to have any sex. Do you think that's prostitution?"
.........."'Prostitution' is just a word, Darcy. People do lots of things for money. I believe that people do what they have to in certain situations. You shouldn't be hard so on yourself. You were doing what you had to do to survive, and I admire that a lot."
.........."You do?"
..........I nodded, and she smiled for the first time. Her body began to relax.
..........That smile filled my room like sunshine.

Chapter 2

"So," said Darcy, "I told him that I would not have sex with him, and he said that was okay, and he told me to call this hotel the next morning and ask for his room number and then come up. The hotel was a couple of miles away and I told him I would need taxi fare, and he gave me twenty dollars. He asked me if I would buy one of those big bottles of water and drink it an hour before I came. I said I would."
.......... "How were you feeling about all this by this time?"
.........."A little scared and really nervous. I couldn't imagine what it would be like. It sounded so ... you know, disgusting, really, and nasty. I had never dreamed that people were interested in doing things like that ... getting turned on by ... going to the bathroom."
.........."Your mother wouldn't have approved, in other words," I smiled.
.........."That's for sure!"
.........."Darcy, do you mind telling me, had you had any sexual relations before?"
.........."Three or four times, with a cousin, he was just a kid, my age, and we had gotten used to playing doctor when we were little and then tried it once or twice."
.........."Hmm," I smiled. "Was it nice for you?"
.........."Oh, it was okay. I was a little disappointed, I guess."
.........."You expected more."
.........."Right. But that was the only time anyone had seen me, you know, naked or anything, except the doctor, of course, so I was pretty nervous, but I figured that this was the only way I was going to get out of that house, you know?"
.........."I understand."
.........."So I called him and went up there the next day, to the hotel. He was very polite, like a real gentleman, actually. His name was Mr. Evans. He sort of made it easy for me, even though I was really embarrassed. Anyway, he had taken all of the covers off the bed and had like plastic sheets spread out on the bed and then a lot of towels on top of that. He said that he wanted to take his clothes off and lie down on the bed and have me get undressed and then get on my knees with one leg on each side of his chest and then ... like I said ... go to the bathroom. It sounded sort of harmless, in a way. Harmless, and, I don't know, almost ridiculous, really. It was just, you know, so new and all. So he took his clothes off and sat there naked on the edge of the bed. He looked pretty funny. He was old and sort of fat."
.........."Did he still remind you of your father?"
.........."Well ... not exactly, I guess, except his voice a little bit, and about the same age, plus being fat."
.........."Mm hmm."
.........."Anyway, he had me stand in front of him between his legs and he undressed me. Do you really want to hear all these details?"
.........."Darcy, that's entirely up to you. The way you are telling me, it sounds like the details are important. That's what 'de-briefing' is about. But it's entirely up to you, okay?"
.........."Well, I guess it seems like I need to really tell all of it. Okay, so anyway, he undressed me really slowly. He was kind of like a kid unwrapping a Christmas present, that was the thought I had. I remember he reached down and very carefully unlaced my tennis shoes and took them off. That was sort of touching, actually. Then he took my socks off. Then he pulled my shorts down, and then my panties. I turned crimson, I was so embarrassed to have him see me. He just kept telling me how beautiful he thought I was. Anyway, then he put his hands on my stomach and asked me if I had to go to the bathroom and I said that I did, which was true because of all that water I drank. He kissed my stomach -- he kissed it in a really nice way, actually, like he respected me a lot or something -- and then he lay on his back and I went ahead and straddled his chest and he put his fingers on my ... you know, my sex, just sort of feeling it. Like I said, he was very gentle. I could tell he was really getting excited. As much as I had to pee, I couldn't make it come out when he was touching me there, and I told him that, so he stopped, and I closed my eyes and concentrated and then I started ... urinating. It sprinkled all over his chest, and he started breathing really hard and actually rubbing it all over himself. I couldn't believe it."
.........."What were your feelings?"
.........."It was just so, you know, astonishing to me, really. It felt so strange on top of him like that, naked, with my legs touching his skin, looking down at my pee flowing out on his chest. The urinating part seemed really disgusting, in one way."
.........."Did you have any thoughts of your father at the time?"
.........."Well, it's funny, yeah, I did."
.........."What it would be like to 'piss' on your father?" I wanted to see if I could get her to tap into that unspent anger at Dad.
.........."Hm. Yeah. Maybe. It was sort of fun, actually. I want to say liberating, almost."
.........."Like rebelling, sort of?"
.........."That's it. Yes. So, anyway, Mr. Evans was actually rubbing it on his face and in his mouth with his fingers ..."
.........."What did that make you feel like?"
.........."It made me feel sort of -- tingly, I guess, in my stomach. I mean, it was really shocking to me. And then he scooted himself down and put his hands on my hips and sort of pulled me down over his face and put his mouth right on my ... sex. I was actually urinating right in his mouth! And he was actually drinking it and playing with himself at the same time."
.........."Were you feeling ashamed?"
.........."Yeah, I was. Like it was really naughty, you know?"
.........."Was it like, with your mom and dad, 'I'll show you?'"
.........."Actually, yes. I kept thinking about the two hundred dollars, really. It was my ticket out, you know? That's probably why it felt sort of freeing."
.........."Maybe so."
.........."I really peed a lot, in his mouth. It was unbelievable that he just drank it all. He really loved it. I could tell by the sounds he was making. And then he reached his climax, at about the same time that I was finished peeing. I got up and grabbed my clothes and went in the bathroom and sponged myself off with a wash cloth where urine had splashed inside my legs and then I got dressed and went back out. He had his clothes back on and gave me two one-hundred dollar bills. That was kind of a rush."
.........."Freedom."
.........."Yep. Anyway, he said that he wanted to do that every day, drink my pee. He said that I was the sweetest girl he had ever seen, and that he loved drinking me. It sort of gave me chills the way he said it."
.........."Good chills or bad chills?"
.........."Not bad chills. Sort of ... like I said ... a tingly butterfly feeling."
.........."Mmm."
.........."But he said that he couldn't afford to pay me two hundred dollars every day. Anyway, we talked about it for a little while and finally agreed on Monday and Wednesday and Friday morning for five hundred dollars a week."
..........The coincidence of that didn't escape me. It was the same schedule as her therapy appointments with me. My mind was racing to see if I could figure out any significance in that. I decided not to say anything. Looking back, though, that's when the first fantasy came to me. I need to say that I take great pride in the fact that none of my patients, whether they are men or women, would ever be able to tell that I am bi-sexual, and I have been perfectly capable of keeping my sexual interests and passions entirely separate from my patients. I also pride myself in being in control all the time when I am in that therapist chair. I am a disciplined and neutral container for anything that the client chooses to bring to the session. That's how I work. My own personal material or interests have no place there. But something broke right then for just an instant. A vivid vision leapt into my brain, completely unbidden. The vision was me, lying naked in my bed, which was in fact upstairs, approximately fifty feet from where we sat in my office, with this beautiful girl straddling my head on her knees.
..........I was shocked by the vision. I knew from that moment that staying completely objective was going to be a challenge with Darcy, because she had that luscious and youthful vulnerability that made my loins stir a little as I sat across from her listening to her selfassured story. I loved her way of speaking. That delicate, melodic, sepulchral little tremble. Her childish "you know's" were charming. She was indeed a little girl, a little girl for whom some event had brought her to the very threshold of womanhood, and she wanted me to navigate for her as she traveled across that threshold. It was what I do best, the very work that is closest to my heart. Young girls are the most disenfranchised and disempowered people in our society, and they need help to realize their true personhood. Providing that sensitive and strong help is precisely what I became a therapist to do. I immediately checked myself, drove the vision from my mind, but it startled me just the same.
.........."I was stoked," Darcy was saying. "It seemed so easy. I went right home and packed a bag and split."
.........."Did you leave a note?" I asked, resettling myself in the chair and taking a deep breath. I felt a little moisture between my legs. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. But then, no creature this delicious had ever sat before me describing herself urinating in someone's mouth. And my own personal sexual desires just happen to include pee. I got rid of all my own sexual hangups years ago. Pee, as Darcy had apparently learned, can be very liberating, and great fun besides.
.........."I left a note and said that I had to get away, please don't try and find me, I'll call when I get settled. That's it."
.........."Must have felt pretty good," I smiled.
.........."Did it ever! I think that's one of the best feelings I've had in my life, in fact. Just, you know, 'Bye.'"
..........I nodded and smiled again, validating her feeling. Validation of feelings is the better part of therapy. That's where all the movement is, where Freud got left in the dust. "And then?" I asked.
.........."Well, I rented a room in a boarding house for girls and signed up for a couple of classes at City College. Bought a few little things that first week."
.........."And the relationship with Mr. Evans?" That was it, looking back. Crossing some threshold. It happened in a flash, without thinking. Not following the rules of therapy I know so well. I should have followed with her about the boarding house, the classes, the things she bought. I'll admit it. Instead, I wanted to hear more about the sex. Very selfish. Very unprofessional. Very stupid.
.........."Well, we would meet three times a week, like I said, usually at the same hotel. I would always drink a lot of water before I went and then urinate in his mouth. He wanted different positions sometimes, like having me lay back naked on the edge of the bed and then he would get down on the floor and spread my legs and put his mouth on me as soon as I started peeing and he would drink it all. Or he would have me go in the bathroom with him and he would get down on the floor and have me put a leg up on the toilet seat and then he'd get between my legs."
.........."He never went any further?"
.........."No, except, well, he did seem to like my ... bottom a lot." She blushed deeply. "That second time, when he had me lie back on the edge of the bed, while I was urinating in his mouth, he lifted my legs up and started putting his finger on my ... you know, my other hole, and then he slid his finger in it. It really shocked me. I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to do that."
.........."Do you think he wanted you that way, too?"
.........."Well, I sort of thought about it. He really liked putting his finger way up inside back there. He never said anything about that. I always made sure I went to the bathroom back there before I came to meet him so it would be ... I don't know. That seemed so nasty to me when I thought about it. Anyway, if he did ... like you said .. want that part, he never said anything. He did put his mouth on me back there one time. That really shocked me. He had us meet in a park, and we walked down this nice trail in the sunshine into the woods and he had me lean back against a big round rock and then he knelt down in front of me and pulled my shorts down and drank my pee and then he asked me if he could just kiss my bottom a little, and I said 'okay,' so he had me just turn around and lean against the rock with my shorts down, and then he opened my cheeks back there and kissed me and put his tongue right in my ... you know ... bottom."
..........At that moment, I remember that the afternoon sun was coming in my office window behind me, and had fallen on the top of Darcy's head. Her hair was as fine as silk, and not as dark as it had first seemed now that it was in direct sunlight. It was such a contrast with her ivory skin. Breathtaking. I was fidgeting a bit. Another colorful image came unbidden, of her leaning on her tummy, pants down, against that round rock in the sunshine ... so intense in my mind's eye. I tried to push it away. It was such a sensuous image, and it was really interrupting my therapeutic focus! As I say, this had never happened to me before. It was very unsettling. "And how did you feel about that?" I asked.
.........."It felt ... nice, really. I could feel his beard stubble scratch my sensitive skin back there, but other than that, it was pretty shocking having someone's mouth right there where I actually, you know, go potty, feeling his tongue slide up inside there, making me feel like I had to go to the bathroom. That was a pretty nice day, actually. I think if he had wanted to ... like you said before ... do more with my bottom ... I guess I would have let him. It made me feel ... unwrapped somehow. Very rebellious, very liberating, very unnatural, very ... kinky, I guess you would say."
.........."Mmm. I assume you mean that you would have been willing to give him your feces?" I noticed that she was shifting a little in her chair like I was. I had to keep my focus. This was actually very important material. This path led directly back to her childhood potty training, which is usually the original trauma, the ultimate drag in a child's develop-ment. The key to loving ones self usually gets lost there. The original shame is born and bred around that. If there would be some way to do away with that shame, most of us therapists would be out of work.
.........."Yes," she said blushingly.
.........."That's really something important, Darcy, being willing to give yourself to someone that way if he had asked you. Your feces, you know, is really the most personal and private and intimate thing that is yours. Like a treasure. Your inner gold, really. It is very significant to be willing to share that with someone."
..........She stared at me. I could see, back behind those large, magnificent, dazzling brown eyes, that her adorable mind was working hard to process my words. I let her sit with it for a moment, and then asked, "How did you feel about your bottom and about going potty when you were little? Do you remember?" She was blushing now. I wasn't. I had my own feelings in check again. It wasn't easy, because I could feel all of the cells of my body developing a real interest in her bottom and how sweet it would be to ... mmm ... What can I say? I wanted to let more fantasies in. Beneath my objective, therapeutically unattached discipline, I'm a physically and sexually liberated woman with real, animal desires for other women's bodies. My desires are sexual and they are also visceral. Bottoms are definitely included! That's my favorite part, actually. In my own personal theory of the Universe, the crowing achievement of the Goddess of Creation is the female derriere. There is nothing more beautiful in nature to me than a soft, round, upturned, unclosed feminine bottom. I am a connoisseur. I have seen many of them, pressed my face into many of the delightful canyons that separate yielding, gracefully rounded cheeks, felt with my lips the thrilling warmth of many sumptuous little anuses. I was envious of Mr. Evans. It certainly wouldn't have been difficult to launch into vivid fantasies of what Darcy's adorable bottom would look like, uncovered and open. What was difficult was remaining focused on my job at that moment!
.........."Well," Darcy said, "my mother let me know in no uncertain terms that it was pretty nasty and dirty. I remember getting spanked once for doing it in my swim suit."
.........."How old were you? Do you remember?"
.........."Maybe, I don't know, seven or so. We were in our backyard. I had been swimming in this little rubber wading pool we had and was lying on my stomach on the grass next to where my mother was reading. I had to go ... you know ... have a 'b.m.' ... and didn't want to walk all the way to the bathroom. I just thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and go right there, in my bathing suit. It was a little one-piece navy blue one, I remember. The material was kind of scratchy. I hated it, actually. The sun felt so good, and the green grass smelled so good, and I just ... went."
.........."Mmm."
.........."It felt so good, coming out."
.........."Warm and nice between your cheeks."
.........."Exactly."
.........."That's very sweet."
.........."Suddenly my mother was grabbing me and dragging me in the house and into the bathroom. She pulled my swim suit off and sat on the toilet and pulled me over her knees and wiped off my bottom with a dry wash cloth and then spanked me really hard."
.........."Ouch!" I said.
.........."I know! She just kept spanking me and telling me what a filthy, naughty little girl I was."
.........."What a horrible invasion and violation of such a private and personal and natural thing!" I got angry for her. That's a big part of what I do. I express the emotions for clients that they can't access themselves.
.........."I know!" she said angrily.
.........."People have so many hang-ups about that," I said. "So much shame, and they pass that shame on to their kids. I hate that."
.........."I do, too!" she said.
.........."And it sounds like it was such a natural experience, lying there on the nice grass in the sunshine."..........
.........."It was."
.........."Like the sunshine in the park with Mr. Evans? Like maybe that was a chance to get permission to be that innocent little child again?"
.........."Hmm. I guess, maybe so."
..........She paused a long time. She seemed to be studying something behind me, outside in my garden. The sun had fallen on her face now, and she moved her chair a bit.
.........."We can come back to all this later if you want to, Darcy."
.........."Mmm." She looked back at me. "Do you have any water?"
..........I got up and went to the cooler to get some water for her, passing close beside her, feeling the warmth of her body. I came back with a glass and, as I handed it to her, I put my hand gently on her shoulder for a moment, and then went back to my chair and sat and watched her beautiful, slender throat pulse lightly as she drank. Touching clients is very tricky. I follow my intuition about that, and my intuition is generally correct, but as I sat watching her I feared I had overstepped some boundaries. Things were getting a little mixed up for me.

Chapter 3

Darcy carefully put the glass on the table beside her and said, "I guess I was afraid that Mr. Evans might get tired of me or something, so I kept looking in the paper for other ... you know ... things I might do in case he got weird or it didn't work out or something. I was saving some of the money, but I didn't want to depend on it too much, you know?"
.........."That was probably wise," I smiled.
.........."I bought quite a few of those sex newspapers. That's where I saw the ad."
.........."The ad?"
.........."It was actually in three different papers. It was really big. Almost a whole half a column."
.........."And what did it say?"
.........."It had the words 'Pee and poop' at the top in big letters. Underneath it said that they were having auditions in different areas for young and attractive female models. It said they had to be talented and very uninhibited. It said that the auditions would pay five thousand dollars."
.........."Wow. That's a lot of money for an audition."
.........."I know. It said that the auditions were for this project that was going to be filmed in the Bahamas for a ten week period, starting in February. It was in October when I saw the ad. It was really incredible. It said that the models they selected would get to stay in private, luxury, beach-front cabanas in this private estate, with all expenses paid, and that they would earn a thousand dollars a day, seven days per week plus bonuses."
.........."A thousand dollars a day?"
.........."Plus bonuses. Plus all expenses. For ten weeks. That's what it said."
.........."Did it say what you had to do for that?"
.........."I remember the words exactly because I ended up reading it so many times. It said you had to model 'reciprocal acts with other women involving intimate bodily functions.'"
.........."Mm hmm. And what did you think about that?"
.........."Well, I didn't know what to even imagine, really."
.........."Had you ever thought about having any intimate relations with women?"
..........Being bi-sexual myself makes me more sensitive to this, but it is amazing how many young women I have had in my practice who were fighting their own sexuality. It is my experience that most people are bi-sexual naturally, but our culture is so homophobic that it gets repressed and causes people lots of guilt and shame about their natural desires and interests. Okay, that's mostly a lot of bullshit. The reality was, I was selfishly interested in the question in this case. I admit it, looking back.
.........."Well, I hadn't really thought about it much until I saw that ad. It did get me thinking about that one relationship I had had with, you know, my cousin, and how I felt about that. I mean, boys ... men ... are okay, you know? But I do remember times when I was growing up. Well, I mean, in the locker room in gym and stuff, I never minded seeing other girls naked, was curious about them, I guess, their, you know, bodies. I didn't get any breasts till kind of late, so I was envious, too, and always checking out the other girls when they were dressing for PE or whatever."
..........Darcy's breasts, by the way, still weren't extremely large, but their contours seemed pretty perfect and sumptuous to me underneath that lovely yellow blouse. I wondered for a sweet and brief instant what they might feel like against my lips, my face. I quickly pushed the fantasy away. This was getting out of hand. I had to figure out a way to stop drifting into my own desires.
.........."And there was this one girl, Veronica," she said. "We were in the same classes a couple of times. I think it was in eighth grade math when she had a seat just across the aisle and one up from me. She was really quiet, and pretty, with light brown hair that she wore down, and she had this way of leaning her chin on her hand and gently tapping her lips with her finger. I would watch her do that all the time. I never got to see her naked because we never had PE together, but somehow I got started having this fantasy about kissing her on the lips. It was about the time I started masturbating, I guess, because ... I would have these fantasies about Veronica when I did that, I remember."
.........."Mmm," I smiled. Darcy was blushing. "Sounds nice. You said she was pretty?"
.........."She was really pretty." Her blush deepened.
.........."But you never said anything to her, did anything about it?"
.........."God, no!"
.........."I understand. Its very normal and natural for girls to have those fantasies. Veronica probably had them, too."
.........."Mm."
.........."So, when you read this ad ..."
.........."I read it lots of times before I responded. I was very interested in the five thousand dollars. I thought, you know, wow, I can get a bank account and go to school full time. I didn't think too much about the other deal, the 'project,' because I have no professional experience modeling, but I thought if I could at least get the audition ... anyway, it said to send them a portfolio of photos or a video plus a letter saying that I was willing to model ... like I said ... in 'reciprocal acts with other women involving intimate bodily functions.'"
.........."And your feelings were ..."
.........."Ashamed, I guess. I mean, it was modeling, not prostitution, but it felt cheap."
.........."Five thousand dollars isn't very cheap," I smiled. I almost wished I had seen the ad.
..........Darcy smiled and looked at her pretty sandals and then drank some more water. Then she said, "I went to a photo-mart and took some pictures in the booth. That was my 'portfolio.' I got a letter right back saying that they wanted to audition me the first week of November in Los Angeles. There was this form to fill out to send back and then they sent me an airplane ticket and a pre-paid reservation at the Marriott Hotel at the airport. That's where the audition was, in one of their fancy suites."
.........."It sounds like there was a lot of money behind this 'project.'"
.........."Really a lot."
.........."Too much for it to be just a commercial venture."
.........."I thought that, too. They said they were going to select 20 girls for the project. It turned out that this guy behind it was just this kinky multimillionaire type of guy. His name was Mr. Clarendon."
.........."Mm."
.........."He was there greeting me when I went to the suite that day of the audition, although I didn't know at the time that he was the actual guy behind it. He was really nice. An older guy. A very stylish dresser. He was very polite and businesslike. Another girl, Karen, was there. It was just the three of us in the front room of the suite. Karen was auditioning, too. Mr. Clarendon introduced us. He had our letters and pictures and the forms we had filled out on the coffee table. I could peek and see that Karen's pictures were sure a lot nicer than mine, big glossy eight-by-tens showing her posing naked. She was very beautiful. Long, light brown hair. A very nice, slender figure.
.........."Like Veronica?"
.........."Well, actually, yes, in a way. Do you think I might be a Lesbian?"
..........That caught me off guard for a second. "Well, again, that's just a word, Darcy. Almost everyone feels sexual attraction for both males and females at different times in their lives. There isn't any 'normal.' The important thing is to be who you are, whatever that is, because who you are is perfect for you. Its a big world out there." I smiled.
.........."Hmm." She paused, looking out the window behind me into my garden, then looked down in her lap, fussing with the fabric of her pretty skirt. "Anyway, Mr. Clarendon said that the audition was going to be in the next room and told us what it was going to be like. He made a big point that we weren't competing with each other at all. He said the audition would be filmed, but that the important thing was going to be not to pay any attention to the cameras or camera operators at all. We had to act like we were all alone and that we were really passionate lovers who were crazy about each other's bodies. He said the important thing was that neither of us show any hesitation or inhibition at all about our bodies, our own or each other's. He said the thing the camera really wanted to get were moments of really sensuous desire for each other. He said that the cameras were going to be interested in getting lots of very wet mouth kissing and that they would want to see our tongues a lot. He said that the idea was that we loved each other so much physically that we were trying to get inside each other's bodies, get the other ones' body inside of us. He said to be as creative and spontaneous as we could in how we came in contact with and exchanged each other's ... you know ... pee and poop. He said those parts should be really unhurried and gentle. He said we would be naked on a big king-sized bed, and that there would be microphones for the sound, too. He emphasized that it didn't have to all be perfect at all, to just take our time and try and really get into each other in a really sensual way. Then he asked if we had to go to the bathroom. We both said that we did. It had talked about that in the letter I got, how we had to be, you know, ready. Actually, I was a little uncomfortable because it was one o'clock in the afternoon, and I usually go to toilet first thing in the morning. I had been drinking lots of water, too, like I got used to doing with Mr. Evans. Anyway, then he said that there was one important thing, that he had to make sure that our ... feces was firm. He said that if it wasn't, he would have to reschedule us. We were both sitting on this couch across this coffee table from him. He asked us to come around the coffee table. We did, and he had me turn around with my back to him and pulled my skirt up and my panties down. He asked me to bend over and then he spread my bottom cheeks with one hand and slid his finger way up inside me. He examined around up in there. He was very gentle, but it felt very strange because I had to go poop so bad! I don't think I have ever been more embarrassed or shocked in my life. I must have been blushing even back there, on my bottom, because I knew his finger was in there actually ... you know ... feeling my poop!"
.........."Mm." I have to admit that I was just sitting there sort of mesmerized. In a trance. The therapist inside me had taken flight. My senses were filled with Darcy, her animated face, her melodic voice, her enchanting spirit, her sweet body, reposed in her chair. Her frankness stirred me so much that I became captivated with her story and the images it aroused in my all-too-vivid imagination.
.........."He felt me inside there like that for what seemed like a long time, and finally he slid his finger out and said that that was very nice, and I quickly stood up, really bright red, I'm sure, and pulled my panties up, and then I watched while he did the same thing to Karen. I have to admit that it turned me on a little because there was her pretty rear end with him examining her like that. When he finally finished checking her out and took his finger out I could see that his finger had a little bit of brown on it, and he looked at me and his eyes twinkled and he smiled and sucked his finger off. I was so shocked by that! ... but it was arousing in a really strange way. He made it seem like there was some secret between us or something."
.........."So," I said, trying to pull myself together, "you are having this combination of shame and embarrassment and arousal all at the same time."
.........."That and being afraid, too, that I wouldn't be able to do this right and wouldn't get the money. I didn't dream I would get the job itself, on the, you know, the 'project,' because, like I said, I have no experience in acting or modeling or anything, but I at least hoped I could get the five thousand dollars. Mr. Clarendon seemed to read my mind just then because he took out a folder and handed each of us five thousand dollars in new hundred dollar bills, fresh with bank wrappers and everything. I had seen that much money in the butcher shop because I did the banking sometimes, but this was my own money. My heart was beating fast as I stuck it in my purse. He said that he wanted us to know that we didn't have to worry about getting that money at this point, so we could relax during the audition, but he said there would be very, very big bonuses if we did a good job. Could I have some more water?" She held up her empty glass.
.........."Help yourself," I said, nodding toward the cooler.
..........She got up and walked to the water cooler. It's a ceramic one with a Native American design. I bought it in Santa Fe. Darcy straightened her pretty blue skirt on the way toward it. The skirt came to mid-calf. My eyes were glued to her bottom as she moved toward the cooler. It was a petite, beautifully rounded bottom. I had the feeling at that moment that it was probably the most beautiful one I had ever seen, even though my appraisal was severely restricted by the blue fabric that adorably covered it. I felt moisture again between my legs. I realized then that I had gone completely over the edge. There was only one thing to do. I would need to tell Darcy that I was very interested in her and liked her very much. but that for personal reasons I would not be able to be her therapist, and that I would be happy to refer her to another qualified person that I knew could help her. It was the first time in my career that I had encountered this boundary problem. I was very disappointed in myself for not being stronger.
..........As she turned from the cooler to return to her chair, she gave me the sweetest, warmest smile. It nearly brought tears to me eyes. There was so much trust in that smile. Trust in me! She really felt comfortable and safe here. The first goal of therapy is safety. I was so good! This was really a shame. I really wanted to help her. And I knew I could. I already knew what the issue was, the resolution of the trauma of the ordeal she was beginning to describe. I knew exactly how to bring her through that. It was tragic that I wouldn't be able to do it. Even amid these thoughts, my loins were aching with desire for her precious body. She sat down again. I decided to let her finish. We only had ten minutes left in the session anyway. Then I would tell her my decision.
.........."So," she said, "do you think I'm a terrible person for doing this, going there and everything?"
.........."I feel as though you know the answer to that, Darcy. You are a warm and lovely person with nothing in this world to be ashamed of. It sounds like you could have been walking into a very dangerous situation, but you were doing just exactly what you thought you needed to do to survive and remove yourself from a very bad situation so that you could be free to become the beautiful woman that you are. I honor you and respect you, and I know that you are a person of great integrity and self-honesty. You are impressing me very much with your frankness and openness with me. I appreciate it very much."
.........."Thank you," she whispered. She smiled again, and then took a drink of water and set the glass on the table and settled deeper into the chair. I could almost see the stress she had been carrying fall from her in waves. God, I was good! All this movement in the first session!
.........."So, anyway, then Mr. Clarendon told Karen and me to wait for just a few minutes, and he went through a door into another room. Karen and I both sat down on that couch again. Like I said, she was very beautiful. She said 'Hi.' We both started blushing. She asked me if I knew anything about this more than she did. She was from Las Vegas and had just moved to LA. She said she had been working for escort services for a couple of years and wanted to make enough money to go to acting school in LA. She was definitely pretty enough to be an actress. I was honest with her and told her I didn't have any experience with this sort of thing. She said I would do fine and smiled and touched my hand. She told me I was very pretty and she wasn't going to have much trouble acting with me. I asked her if she had had any experience with the ... you know ... the potty part. She blushed and said that she had had a little. She said that if anything bothered me, that her advice was that she had found a place inside herself where she could go when she was doing weird things with someone, a way of sort of separating herself from what was going on. It was like a meditation kind of thing. She said she would just concentrate on something beautiful, like flowers, or a brook in the forest, or swimming in the ocean, and she would just sort of actually go there in her mind. I asked her if she had any ideas about what we should do when we got inside. She said that the way to do it was to pretend, like Mr. Clarendon had said, that we were passionately in love, to just sort of surrender inside to what that feeling would really be like, and then to just be spontaneous and let it sort of unfold naturally. She had taken some acting classes and said that that was what she had learned. That was going to be hard for me because I had never been in love, I don't think. I didn't know what that would really feel like. I didn't tell her that."
.........."But you were attracted to her?" I was sort of on free time, now. I could ask anything I wanted. The session was over, even though we had a few more minutes. I had already made my decision about ending the therapy here, and it had been an incredibly productive session. There was nothing to lose now, really.
Darcy blushed. "I don't know. I had decided that I would really try and do what Karen said, pretend that I was really passionately attracted to her physically, so I'm not sure at this point if I was starting to pretend that already or if I really was. I guess I was attracted to her, yeah. She was very sweet. It had been kind of arousing seeing her naked in her pictures and then seeing her bent over with her dress up and Mr. Clarendon's finger in her."
.........."Mmm."
.........."I guess I was already trying to imagine what it would be like to put my own finger inside her, because I assumed they would want me to do that, what it would be like to actually feel her ... you know ... potty. I was remembering that sort of twinkle in Mr. Clarendon's eye when he ... after he slid his finger out. I was just trying to prepare myself. I was also really uncomfortable then because I had to go to the toilet so bad. Karen suggested that we rehearse a little bit, and she had started caressing my breast. She told me I should be the passive one at first until I got used to it since I didn't have any experience making love to girls. She said she knew how to get me stimulated so it would be easier for me. She unbuttoned the first two buttons of my blouse and gently caressed my breast through my bra. Then she leaned over and gave me a very sweet kiss on the cheek, smelling my hair, and slid her fingers under my bra on my breast and started fondling it. She whispered to me how beautiful I was, and I could feel her breath against my cheek. I could feel my nipple start to get stiff. I sort of turned my face toward her and then she kissed me really delicately on the lips. She just gently brushed her lips back and forth against mine. They felt kind of moist. Then she put her other hand on my leg and moved it up to my thigh under my skirt and began stroking me there. It was so new and strange, letting her sort of 'make out' with me like that."
.........."Sounds kind of nice."
.........."It was, really. I mean, I was pretty uncomfortable, like I say, sitting there because I had to go to the toilet so bad. I mean, I really had to pee, plus when Mr. Clarendon put his finger in my bottom he sort of dislodged things or something and it was just really hard not being able to just go to the bathroom. But Karen's touch was so tender and gentle. Like she had a lot of respect for my body. It got my mind off it. It was hard to tell she was acting. I opened my legs a little and she moved her hand further up my bare thigh between them and touched my panties. Her finger just sort of gently caressed my lips down there between my legs underneath my panties while she touched my breast and started kissing me a little more seriously. I could feel her mouth open a little. Then she whispered that she loved me. She was acting, of course, but that had quite an effect on me."
.........."Darcy, I'm going to guess that no one had told you that in quite awhile."
.........."That's true," she said softly. "It sounded really nice." She stared out of my window again for a long moment.
.........."Anyway," she continued, "I let her slide her finger under my panties and it was kind of moist there, which was really embarrassing, and she just gently brushed her finger against my opening and sort of felt my ... you know ... clitoris. She whispered to me that she was really going to love this so much because I was so beautiful and she loved my body everywhere and was really looking forward to kissing me all over. Then she gently slid her finger inside me. She asked me if I had to urinate really bad, and I said that I did. She moved her finger around inside and whispered that she was really looking forward to kissing me down there and tasting my pee because she bet it tasted just like honey. That turned me on a lot, for some reason. And then her finger slid deeper up inside me and then I felt the tip of her tongue brush against my lips. I opened my mouth a little and felt her tongue slide just inside my lips against my teeth."
.........."Did that feel nice?" I was really losing it, now. I was wet between my legs, and my own clitoris and nipples were at full attention. My eyes were riveted on Darcy's gorgeous lips. I fantasized about sliding my own tongue into that scrumptious mouth, imagining the taste of her. It is my experience that the shape of a woman's mouth is a good predictor of the shape of the lips of her vagina. I imagined Darcy's sweet labia to be as delicate and ravishing as Springtime rose petals. I imagined my tongue between those moist, luscious lips, gilding into the tasty, pink interior passage, filling her.
.........."It was very nice. And then, Karen whispered that if I would let her feel my 'grunts,' she would let me feel hers. She told me she bet I had very sweet grunts. That was pretty shocking to me, her saying that. She eased her finger out of my vagina and slid it back underneath, and I lifted myself up from the sofa a little so she could slide her finger back under there. She found my bottom hole with her finger tip and then real gently started feeling it, and then she put her tongue into my mouth while at the same time sliding her finger into my bottom. Her tongue was pressing against mine while she pushed her finger further inside my ... you know ... rectum. She made a soft little moan and I could tell she was touching my actual poop with her finger. Her other hand was still fondling my breast. Her touch was so gentle, I couldn't believe it the way she was caressing me. It really felt nice. Without really thinking, I started sort of sucking her tongue. It was kind of rigid at first, but then it got really soft, and I sucked it all the way inside my mouth, and she was making little circles with her finger inside my bottom and getting it deeper and deeper. Then she took her tongue out of my mouth and whispered that I had really sexy grunts and that she was really going to enjoy kissing my bottom hole and playing with them and tasting them. She took her finger out and put it in her mouth and sucked it, smiling at me, which really blew me away, and then told me to feel hers, and she guided my hand in between her legs and under her panties and I found her bottom hole with my finger and put it up inside of her. I could feel these smooth little clumps of her poop just inside."
.........."How did that make you feel?" The therapeutic value of that question was totally zero. Lust had taken over my head. I didn't know who I wanted to make love with more at the moment, Darcy or the amazing Karen. I had lost it.
.........."It was ... electrifying, really. Something deep inside me got turned on. She had reached over and put her finger under my panties again and was gently stroking my sex, which was getting pretty wet."
I could relate. Mine was soaked.
.........."Karen moaned and pushed down and her bottom hole seemed to open up a little and I felt the little clumps of her poop move down along the tip of my finger. A little bit of air came out, and it felt like maybe she was going to do them out right there. My heart was pounding really fast. She asked me if I could feel her grunts, and I said that I could. She put her tongue in my ear and asked if I liked playing with her grunts, and I nodded because I couldn't really talk just then. Finally, we kind of settled down. I took my finger out and she asked me to smell it and put it in my mouth. There wasn't any poop on it or anything, but I could smell it on my finger. I put it in my mouth and sucked it. 'See,' she said, 'it's easy,' and she giggled and took my finger and then put it in her mouth. It was strange, feeling her tongue moving against my finger inside her mouth. Then she asked me if I could make bubbles. I didn't know what she meant, and she said that, you know, like when I was little, did I ever make spit bubbles? She told me to practice doing that because she reminded me that Mr. Clarendon had said they wanted really wet kisses. She said that making bubbles was sexy for her. I made some little bubbles with my saliva and Karen actually licked it off my lips with her tongue and then licked between my lips and told me to dribble a little more out, and I did and she covered my lips with hers and sucked my, you know, saliva into her mouth and then she told me that we should start out with some kissing, and do what we just did, and that I should lie on my back and she would play with my mouth a little while and then I could pee first because she said that she could hold hers for awhile longer, and then I could poop, and then we would sort of switch roles and play it by ear."
.........."Darcy," I said, "I'm sorry, but our time is up."
..........Believe me, I didn't want to end this. Not at all. But my little message light on the office wall had been on for five minutes, which meant my next client was outside in the waiting room. It would take a moment to gather myself.
.........."Mm, okay," she said.
.........."Are you okay?" I asked. "Do you need to tell me anything else before we close?"
.........."No, just that, I really like it here. You are really great. I was nervous about coming, but I just feel really comfortable."
..........My heart was breaking. I decided it would be too much of a let-down to tell her right away that I couldn't see her again. I decided a phone call would be better. I would call her later in the day or tomorrow.
..........We both stood up as she gathered her things.
.........."May I give you a hug?" she asked.
..........I approached her and we embraced. I felt the fullness of her body against me, felt her warmth. Her hair smelled like heaven. I hoped she couldn't smell my dripping arousal.
.........."Thank you," she whispered softly in my ear, then moved from our embrace. "I'll see you Friday at ten o'clock."
..........And then, she was gone.
..........My next two appointments of the day were an ordeal for me. I was sharp, and did fine, but images of Darcy kept intruding. Those images continued on into the evening. I had my regular Wednesday night dinner with Edna Livingston, one of my mentors, at the restaurant at the Marina, and I planned to tell her about Darcy, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, we talked about other clients, and about the book on trauma for which I was just completing the final draft. But Darcy was there with us, in my mind, like a ascending obsession.
..........The obsession grew throughout the rest of the evening. I actually tried to make the phone call to Darcy when I got home from dinner, to tell her I could not be her therapist. I pulled up her new file in my computer, even dialed her number once, and then hung up. It was torturous, really. Keeping her as a client given my feelings and responses to her was an ethical violation that would cost me my license if it ever came to light.
..........On the verandah off my bedroom, in my robe, drinking tea in the moonlight, I realized with trepidation that I was not going to be able to call her, would not call her. That was the biggest professional decision of my ten years as a licensed therapist. It was a decision that took me across a threshold, any return from which would be an enormously difficult if not impossible task.
..........The first step across that threshold had actually come earlier in the evening. It was the decision not to tell Edna. Keeping Darcy a secret with my most trusted colleague and mentor meant that I had already ventured out across that threshold, had already actually made this decision in my unconscious.
..........Freud was right that there is an unconscious. Where he was wrong was as to its location. He thought it was in the head. But as Wilhelm Reich figured out, its not in the head. It's in the body. It is the body. It whispers and then screams at us, "let me out, let me out!"
..........In my wild and rationalizing fantasies, I entertained the possibility that I could stop the therapy with Darcy and perhaps initiate a romantic relationship with her. But it was already too late for that. She was officially a client. I had provided her with my professional services, and I was already ethically bound to abstain from any personal relationship for five years.
..........Then, under the covers, in my nakedness, I gave full and hopeless reign to my fantasies about her. With visions of her heavenly body swimming through me, I reached a wonderful orgasm. It was my first in a very long time. All of my energies had been focused elsewhere. My last waking vision, before I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep, was the beautiful face of Darcy DeVries.
..........And the thought of how hard it would be to wait until I would see her again on Friday!

Chapter 4

Being a San Diegan, I have the view that the only thing wrong with that wonderful and vibrant city of San Francisco is that, unless one flies, Los Angeles (and its horrid traffic) is always in the way. I had a similar thought when I awoke the next morning, when my first sensations were waves of longing for Darcy DeVries.
..........The big problem with Friday, when I would see her again, was that Thursday was in the way!
..........But there was no way to fly over it. I had to go through it. It was going to be hard. The seconds would be like hours as I waited, breathless with anticipation in every cell of my body, waited ... for Friday morning at ten o'clock!
..........I felt like a school girl.
..........I only had two scheduled appointments that day, and both in the afternoon. It was a beautiful, sunny morning. I threw on a robe, took my morning coffee, and went to my favorite spot on the grass in my private flower garden and set up my chaise lounge. I slipped off my robe and lay back on the lounge, the morning sun bathing my nakedness. I tried to meditate, but my meditation shifted to visions of Darcy, and I began basking in other memories, trying to get my mind off her.
..........I had been sexually abstinent for quite a few months. Sort of a dormancy. The truth is, I was actually very satisfied not being in a relationship. I treasure my solitude. I don't need to be in a relationship to feel like a woman. I feel like a woman all by myself. I never go out looking for partners. It wasn't that there hadn't been opportunities. Part of it is that my own evolution of sexual tastes and interests has taken me to a plane where there aren't many available partners with whom I don't have to go through a tedious sort of educational process. People are really so sexually repressed in our culture, so limited in their sensuality. Once you've tasted it all and worked through your shame, it's hard to settle for anything less than total physical and emotional intimacy. I realized, lying there, that that might be a large part of what was troubling Darcy, and what had brought her to me. She probably thought there was something wrong with her. I smiled. Her story the things she had described had hit home for me in so many ways.
..........So reminiscent of Diane, for example. A few years ago, I went through this period of casting a net to find women who seemed potential partners in the intimate sensual activities that I enjoy. I was pretty obsessed with those activities at that time, to be honest. I think its part of the human condition that we become obsessed with the things we can't have. Sort of a divine discontent. I was open to relationships with men, but my preference at that time in my life was for female tenderness.
..........My net casting strategy was to hire maids. I don't need a maid. I don't mind housework at all. But it was a way of recruiting "special friends." I would run an ad and then do interviews, looking for someone to whom I was attracted and whose circumstance and demeanor seemed to lend itself to possible romance. I'm very intuitive, and can usually trust my instincts. I would end up interviewing twenty or thirty applicants before I found someone who fit my specifications. Very tedious. But it was like a hobby. When I found a prospect, I would hire them, pay them very well, schedule them to come during blocks of time when I didn't have clients, and then watch and wait. I admit, it was the old seduction leitmotif, the spider and the fly. In my view, that is perfectly legitimate archetypal behavior. A fun game that made my personal life interesting.
..........I could never have sought out such a relationship with a therapy client, of course, because of the ethics violation of a dual relationship. It would have been exploitation. "Sexploitation" is the modern term. Such has not always been the case in therapy. In the old days, there was much bartering for services that resulted in dual relationships, and before that were the notorious sex therapists of the 1960's, who maintained that going to bed with their clients had great therapeutic value. Those days are gone. Clients are protected against any and all exploitation. I agree with the spirit of this protection. Therapists are often sicker than their clients. Rights need to be protected where power and money are concerned.
..........Such rules do not, thankfully, apply to housekeepers, so long as there is no harassment, of course, and I would never harass anyone for any reason. It is not in my nature. Exploitation was possible, but I always thought everything through to always make sure that anyone who became my maid would benefit far more in the end than had I never hired them. Looking back, that was probably a rationalization. But it felt okay at the time. As I said, I was pretty obsessed!
..........The last such relationship I initiated, nearly a year and a half ago, was with Diane. I got up from the lounge and got another cup of coffee, and then, lying there naked in the warming sunshine, I began revisiting memories of her, especially those luscious first weeks. She and I had sat many mornings in this very spot, drinking coffee together, laughing together, playing together. She wasn't as beautiful as Darcy, but she was ravishing in her own way. She was very lovely and demure. Her skin was exquisite, and she had gorgeous, light brown hair.
..........She came to me in a state of great financial and emotional poverty. She was twenty-two, and had spent her years since high school caring for a wretched and ill aunt who had just died and left her nothing but some bills. She would have been stereotyped by many as "developmentally delayed." She was extremely quiet and retreating in her manner. A very frightened child, having suffered great trauma from both her mother and her aunt. She hardly spoke three words of her own initiative during the first week she was with me. Getting her to say anything at all during the interview had been like pulling teeth. She was desperate for work. My heart went out to her, but I would have hired her in any case, because I sensed in her the capacity to love and be loved in the ways that most excited and interested me.
..........Diane started out as a splendid maid, in spite of her nearly autistic nonverbal behavior. She was fastidious in her house cleaning. I gave her three salary increases the first two weeks. I ordered a special maid's outfit that I asked her to wear. The routine was that she would put it on in the mornings when she came, and leave it in the hamper in the laundry porch when she left, and I would send the clothes out and have a freshly cleaned outfit waiting the next time she came. The uniform was white with blue trim, and carefully chosen a cute little cap, simple blouse, a short skirt and matching white panties, and peds and white tennis shoes.
..........My first reason for having a uniform at all was that I made sure the panties were about one size too small for Diane's petite body. As she went about her chores, especially the ones requiring bending or stooping, I would usually happen to be in the same room, unobtrusively reading a book in the corner, and could relish in the view of and hence stimulate luxuriant fantasies about! her luscious bottom, which was and is, as I mentioned earlier, my favorite aspect of the female anatomy. It was best, of course, when she was scrubbing the kitchen floor. I would wear a loose skirt on the days when she did the kitchen floor, and usually sit at the dining table sipping tea, and would clandestinely slip a finger beneath my panties and fondle myself as I watched her. As I mentioned before, urine is incredibly sexy for me, and often, while watching Diane on her hands and knees, I would allow a little to dribble on my finger, and then bring the finger to my mouth and taste it as I watched her shift and turn this way and that as she tried hopelessly to readjust herself to keep her skirt from sliding up and her undies from gathering in the cleft of her sumptuous bottom.
..........My second reason for having her wear a uniform was that in the evenings, after she had changed clothes and gone, I would retrieve her soiled garments from the hamper, take off my own clothes in the laundry room, and explore the scents she had left behind. The panties often held the faint and breathtaking odor of her sex. I would bury my nose in the soft cotton and envision what her sweet little naked vulva would look like, open to my lips and tongue. Sadly for me, the scents she left behind were seldom visceral because the girl's fastidiousness extended to personal hygiene. Only twice in her first two weeks was I able to detect the slightest odor of urine in the crotch of the panties, and only on one occasion did she leave a faint trace of brown residue behind. Regardless of what treasures the panties held, once I had sucked all of Diane's essences from the fabric, I would often dribble a little of my own urine into them and pretend it was hers, or even put a little lump of my own feces in the crotch and imagine that it had come from Diane's gorgeous bottom, and then suck these into my mouth, letting their flavors waft through my senses.
..........As I mentioned, I am a very sexually liberated woman, and my desires are very visceral! I am also blessed with a vivid imagination!
..........Another vicarious thrill came after Diane's morning break. I would always fix her little homemade muffins that she liked, and fruit and coffee, and following her break she would always go into the toilet off my living room to take care of her private business. I would kneel quietly at the door and listen to the delicious sounds, muffled from inside: an adorable tinkling in the toilet bowl, sometimes a flutter of air from her delightful bottom, and then the subdued plopping into the toilet bowl of the fruit of her deepest insides. Then I would imagine her painstakingly wiping herself, and then hear the lamentable sound of the toilet flushing saddened by such lost treasures!
..........The breakthrough came during her third week. I came upon her in the morning in the living room. I have a large window overlooking the ocean. The window has a ledge where I keep a few little figurines and knickknacks that I've picked up in my travels. There is a large sofa in front of the window, and Diane was on the sofa on her knees, facing the window. She had apparently been dusting and had knocked a little statuette on to the floor behind the couch. She hadn't heard me come into the room. She was stretched over the back of the sofa trying to retrieve it. Her skirt was drawn up nearly to the top of her panties, and the seat of the panties had gathered narrowly between her bottom cheeks, so that I was staring at the most exposed view of her beautiful behind that I had thus far enjoyed.
.........."That's a nice position," I whispered softly as I came up behind her.
She raised up quickly, startled, and became flustered. "I'm sorry," she said. "I knocked the little statue off the ..."
..........I giggled. "Don't worry about it, Sweetheart. You just looked so pretty in that position." I gently placed my hand on an exposed bottom cheek. I got on my knees on the sofa beside her. "Diane," I whispered, "I don't know if I have told you this, but you have the most beautiful bottom I think I have ever seen." I caressed the cheek a little as I spoke. I stroked a lock of her hair with my free hand, leaving the other one resting gently on her smooth, naked cheek. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "but your bottom is so beautiful, I just had to ... touch it for a moment. Is that okay, Sweetheart?"
.........."I ... I guess so," she murmured.
..........Okay. I know that seems like pretty blatant sexual harassment. I was her employer. She was vulnerable. But my instincts told me that beneath her vulnerability was genuine sexual attraction to me. I had seen it in her eyes, felt it in her movements. I was trusting my instincts, and I knew that she was not going to be harmed in any material way from my advances. If she felt herself to be victim as the result of my actions, I knew that I could dispel that feeling with ease. In the worst case scenario, I would give her a year's severance pay and find her another maid's job through my substantial personal connections.
..........With that inner confidence, I let my hand roam a bit over the cheek, kneading it gently. The flesh was so resilient, so smooth, so heavenly. "Are you sure its okay?" I asked gently. "Please tell me to stop if it isn't."
..........She was mine. I sensed it. I could feel her body almost imperceptibly relax into the back of the sofa. "Has anyone ever told you what a lovely bottom you have?" I asked, as my fingertips traced lines over its smooth curves.
"No," she whispered.
..........I let my hand roam wider over the cheek, tracing a line around its contours, nearly touching the leg hem of the panties that had nestled into that sweet valley. "Thank you for letting me touch you like this, Diane. It feels so nice to me. Does it feel nice to you?"
.........."Uh huh," she murmured quietly.
..........She had closed her eyes. I leaned my face toward her and my lips brushed against her ear. "Diane," I whispered, "I would love it if you would let me just give your bottom a little ... kiss. Would you mind, Sweetheart?"
.........."Nnn," she said under her breath. It was a sort of helpless little whimper.
.........."Its okay, Sweetheart," I said. "I promise it's okay. Please tell me stop if you want to. It would be okay if you wanted to tell me to stop. I promise."
.........."It's ... okay," she whispered.
..........My heart pounded as I slowly eased myself down to my knees on the floor behind her, gazing in reverence at the bared, white cheeks of her enchanting rump. I deftly lifted her skirt further up, folding it over her back. A quick tease at the top hem of her panties caused the narrow ribbon of cotton at the garment's seat to bunch even further into the breach of her tantalizing buns. I could see where the creamy white of her cheeks, in its downward curve, darkened into the tawny flesh of her inner cleavage. I could even see, low in the cleft itself, on either side of the narrow band of white cotton, the beginnings of the slate-brown, tender wreath of flesh that encircled the little anal blossom itself. I leaned forward and lightly pressed my lips into the creamy, buoyant flesh of one lovely globe, and then the other. My lips roamed over the ethereal sphere of each cheek, tentatively brushing more and more inward toward the hidden valley between them. I carefully placed a hand on each of those adorable globes, kneading then gently with my fingers, rotating them, deftly beginning to splay them. My thumbs glided down to the divine creases underneath them, following those sweet furrows inward, and gently plied the tender flesh there, shrewdly drawing open her hidden private parts. She gave out a soft little moan of surprise.
.........."Soooo beautiful," I whispered. "You are so lovely. I need you to stop me now, Diane, if you don't want me to keep doing this, because in a minute, I'm not going to be able to stop myself because you are so beautiful, okay?"
..........She made a little vibrating sound, and her body melted further into the back of the sofa. My heart was racing. I reached up and unhooked and unzipped her skirt, and then took the top hem of her panties in my fingers and slowly drew them down over her buttocks, exposing at last the luscious treasures I had so ardently dreamt of. She gave a tiny gasp. I quickly drew the panties down her thighs, then pulled them under her knees and off.
.........."Oh, Diane, you are so exquisite," I said. "It's okay, Honey."
..........I felt her body surrender further.
.........."Open your legs a little, Sweetheart," I said, growing more confident now, "and lift up your bottom a bit."
..........She spread her knees on the sofa, and raised her rear end, baring all of her secrets to the bright morning sunlight that filled the living room. A quiver of passionate delight rushed through my loins as my eyes at last focused on those unveiled treasures. I knelt there entranced for a long moment, mesmerized by the ethereal configuration of her intimate, unveiled splendor. Her private orifices lay in such sweet tranquillity and innocence within the sweetly curved hollows and recesses of her open and exposed snow-white flesh. My eyes were feasting upon the perfectly nestled helix of her precious little anal mouth, delicately folded inward in peaceful repose. I wanted to go there first, but I decided it might shock her too much, so I lowered my sites to the smooth and luscious lips of her vulva. With my thumbs, I gently spread them open, revealing the pink, moist, interior. I moved my nose close, feeling her warmth, inhaling the soft, faint, delicate fragrance of her sex, and then let my tongue brush through the little gap that I had opened.
..........Diane moaned softly. I lightly rubbed her stiffening little clitoris with my tongue, and then pressed my lips into the center of her sex. She crumpled into the sofa, and I covered her entire vaginal opening with my mouth and slid my tongue deep into the sweet chamber. As I gave this beautiful child the sweetest cunnilingus I am sure she will ever receive in her life, her hips began to gently undulate, and I could feel her energy begin to climb toward what was likely her first orgasm. As she rose toward that pinnacle, I unbuttoned my blouse, unsnapped my bra in front, unhooked and dropped my skirt, and eased my panties down and off, all without missing a single stroke with my mouth and tongue and lips at this delightful maiden's silken, feminine essence.
..........While I was certain that this act of loving was likely unprecedented and no doubt quite shocking for her, it was, with all respect to her, just a little on the tame side for me. My tastes and interests ranged far beyond this delightful act. For example, as she was spiraling toward the Elysian fields of her first climax, I was trying to locate her urethra with my tongue. It was hard because she was heaving about so much by then, but I found it, that tiny, scrumptious shrine to her flowing body, the fountain of her moist, innermost essences. I poked at it with my tongue. At the same time, I put my hand between my legs and cradled my own moistened sex and passed a little urine into my hand and brought it to my stomach beneath my blouse, spreading it up to my breasts, and then to my throat and lips. I reached between Diane's spread legs and cradled her naked stomach with my still damp hand and pulled her to me as though I might be able to draw her urine from her bladder down through that luscious duct and into my mouth.
..........While my tongue was vainly seeking access to her small intestine, my nose was conveniently ensconced in her other and even more engaging intestinal opening. I imagined that I could catch the faint bouquet of what might have passed that way the day before, but it could have been my imagination, as fastidious as she was in her wiping. I played with that pliable opening with the tip of my nose, kneading it, envisioning that I could perhaps even get my nose inside the sphincter. I was keenly aware of the fact that she hadn't yet gone to the bathroom that morning! Actually, that was my first thought when I had initially approached her on the sofa. Visions of boundless, sumptuous, inner treasures danced in my head as I continued to squeeze and press my fingers into the soft flesh of her lower tummy between her legs!
..........I was doing "creative imaging." I was trying to get the message to her unconsciously about what I really wanted. I'm sure the messages never got through, because she was miles away in the throes of her amazing orgasm. I lost my train of thought, yielded, rose with her to her peak. Somewhere in there, I peed a little more in my hand and took my mouth from her sex long enough to fondle it with my dripping fingers, and then covered it again with my mouth, relishing in the taste, imagining that it was her urine and not mine.
..........She didn't notice because it was so wet there anyway.
..........Her orgasm ebbed, and she began to relax again. I eased my mouth from her, gave her a sweet kiss, and then slid up beside her on the couch. I put my arm around her and whispered in her ear. "God, Baby, you are so beautiful, so wonderful, I loved that so much. Thank you for letting me touch you that way."
.........."Mmm," she murmured.
.........."Are you okay, Baby?"
.........."Mmm hmmm."
..........I kissed her cheek. She probably thought we were finished. We weren't.

Chapter 5

Teased back down to the floor and began kissing her vagina again, rekindling her. Then I very gently slid two fingers inside, massaging her clitoris at the same time with my thumb. She moaned softly. It felt so wonderful inside her body. I began exploring the feminine cavern with my fingers. I found what I was looking for. It was a series of uneven lumps beneath the upper interior wall, on the other side of the smooth membrane separating her vagina from her rectum. My heart palpitated, and I caught my breath as I investigated the irregular surface. I weakened with longing. They were little nuggets of her actual poop! I gently probed at that little treasure I had found, and at the same time I boldly placed a thumb on either side of her beautiful little anal sphincter and gently drew it open until I could see the dawn tinted hue of the interior passageway. I quietly sniffed it, catching just a hint of her visceral bouquet. My heart fluttered again at the thought of what lay just inside that gleaming fissure. And then I licked my lips and kissed it, a warm, honoring, penetrating kiss. She gave a little gasp of surprise.
.........."I have to go to the bathroom," she whispered.
.........."Mmmm, I know, Sweetie," I said, letting her feel my tongue on her sphincter while I nudged at the little fecal clumps that I had located beneath the vaginal wall, urging them toward me. In response to the pressure of my fingers, her little anal mouth involuntarily pooched out a little against my lips. My heart raced. I was close. I slithered my tongue into the center of her anus, through the taut muscles just inside, while continuing to try and loosen the fecal pebbles with my fingers.
..........And, at last, there it was! My tongue tip suddenly brushed against something smooth and warm that was not Diane's flesh! I swooned, tugging the sphincter open further, pressing my tongue deeper into the mouthwatering channel. I could now feel with my tongue the irregular contours of the luscious little gem. I was crazed with desire. My loins were on fire. I coaxed the little fecal nougats with my two fingers, pressing them toward the gate, felt the one with which my tongue was in contact start to move toward me. Its luscious, earthy odor reached and filled my nostrils.
..........I was a little nervous that I might lose Diane in all of this. She was no doubt wondering what in the world I was doing. But I couldn't stop. I wanted it so bad, that little delicacy from her bowels in my mouth. The ultimate, intimate contact! And then, here it came, gently tumbling over itself. I slowly extricated my tongue, and it followed. It didn't have a choice, because I was pushing at it through the vaginal wall. I watched as the scrumptious little sphincter magically opened around it.
..........That's the most exciting sight in nature to me, by the way. Its like the opening of a rose bud in one of those time-lapse sequences. That burgeoning, flowering, blossoming, is the decisive act of completion, the end of a cycle. It's quite a feminine thing, actually, very profound in the yin and yang of things. Delivery, execution, the return to the earth. Its just so ... what can I say? Delicious!
..........Diane's darling little fecal morsel slid out of her exquisite budding anus like an offering from the gods to me. It radiated, then glided on to my tongue. It was like a jolt of electricity.
..........For me, ingesting someone else's feces is a little like taking communion. Its a symbolic act, a sacrament. It is something to savor, and I definitely savored Diane's sweet little earthy gift that day in the living room. I let it float through my senses as I broke it apart with my tongue and drank in all of its heavenly succulence. I sort of collapsed. She turned on the sofa at some point, inclined, and I nestled my head in her lap, swooning and swallowing and finding my own deep and sweet orgasm as my hands caressed her beautiful body, her thighs, her tummy.
..........She touched my hair!
..........Then I came up beside her and kissed her. She received my kiss with a quiet and reserved passion, taking my tongue in her mouth, tasting herself. She finally whispered, "I have to go to the bathroom."
.........."I know," I whispered back. "I could feel you, taste you." I kissed her. "You are so sweet, so precious. I think I'm falling in love with you."
..........Mmmm. I was, too.
..........Incidentally, I fired Diane as my maid the next day, and she moved in with me that night. She lived with me for more than a year. It was a year filled with joy and pleasure and laughter as she awakened to me, awakened to life. We loved one another in every way that it is possible for two people to love one another. I helped her get accepted to Pennsylvania State last Fall. She is beginning her life. She sends me cards. We email each other. We talk on the phone. I miss her. I am so happy for her.
..........Lying there in my chaise lounge alone in the warm sun, in the warm reverie of those precious memories, I indulged myself, loving myself, tasting myself. I hadn't gone to the bathroom yet. I let my urine flow out into my hands, bathed myself in the "Eucharist wine" from my own body, sipped it from cupped hands. Then, recalling Darcy's childhood tale of her navy blue swim suit, I rolled down on to the grass on my tummy and squeezed a luscious, firm yield from my bowels, squeezed its smooth warmth between my cheeks, felt it separate and recline gently and luxuriously between my thighs, rolled over and brought its warm softness to my stomach, my breasts, my face, my lips a generous sacrament, filling my senses, and then a powerful, quiet, and blissful orgasm melted through me.
..........I felt so sensuous and alive in every cell! After months of slumber, Darcy had reawakened me.
..........And, the morning had fled. It was time to get ready for appointments!
..........I showered by the pool, grabbed a swim suit from the laundry room, and walked around the house down to the beach and swam. Then I showered again and dressed, had a bite of lunch, and put on my therapist hat.
..........It was hard getting it on.
..........The afternoon sessions went fine, and I went out to dinner and a movie that evening. More diversion, more escape. Darcy never left my consciousness. Visions of her followed me to bed again. Another orgasm. Three in 24 hours. What was I going to do with all of this?
..........I was up early on Friday, at my computer by six o'clock, buying and selling some little stocks I had been following, all under ten points each, moving money around. I made and reinvested three thousand dollars in twenty minutes. A tribute to Hermes, the God of information. A little statuette of him sat on my desk overseeing the operation. It was a Roman version of the promiscuous little scamp, with wings on his head and a massive erection and no viscera, no heart. Just a messenger. I was his Hester, Goddess of the hearth. I had tamed him.
..........At seven, I was picking bouquets of flowers from my garden and arranging them in the office, which I customarily do on Mondays. I saw my eight thirty client, Jeremy Richardson, a challenging and interesting young marketing executive. He commented on the flowers. A mark of great progress for him.
..........I was wearing a chic, bright green floral print dress, long, with pleats. Its my sexiest dress in that it does something interesting with my green eyes. I hadn't worn it in a long time. White chiffon blouse with a floral pattern. I was feeling like flowers. I had spent some time with my hair. Giddy, like a teenager.
..........Darcy came at ten sharp. I greeted her professionally, offered her coffee, which she accepted, took the check she had written to me for sixty dollars (the demarcation line, as far as the State Board of Medical Examiners are concerned), and then I sat in my chair, my legs curled beneath me, and sipped my coffee, peering at her over the mug. She was dressed more casually than on Wednesday, with a pale blue blouse, a khaki pants skirt, and sandals. We sat in silence for at least thirty seconds.
..........I never open the conversation with clients. I once sat with a client for forty-five minutes before she finally spoke. It's their therapy, not mine, their "dime," as they say. Darcy fidgeted a bit, and her eyes roamed around the room, avoiding my own. I had recognized immediately that she was nervous, distant. Her demeanor had changed. That was no surprise. It was to be expected. She had misgivings about how much she had shared with me on Wednesday. People leave the session, especially the first one, feeling bolstered, but the effect of my presence as a therapist wears off, usually in about twelve hours, and feelings of apprehension come at the realization that one has bared ones soul with a total stranger.
.........."I think I shared a little too much last time," she finally said.
.........."It's normal to feel that way," I said with a smile.
.........."You probably think I'm really weird."
.........."Weird is nice. Weird is natural. Everyone is weird. I think you're wonderful."
.........."But don't you think less of me because I did those things?"
.........."There is nothing you could tell me to make me think less of you, Darcy."
..........She looked at me. I smiled at her, my warmest smile. She lightened a bit.
.........."Nice flowers," she said, looking around the office.
.........."Hankyu." I think I may have blushed. Their scent filled the room.
.........."I don't know, this whole thing that happened, it was just so strange. I feel like I'm walking around in a dream. It was really all pretty intense."
.........."Its called 'trauma,' Darcy. Its a normal reaction to unusual life events. The way to deal with trauma is to accept what happened, and the way to do that is just exactly what you have chosen to do, which is come here. Your own prescription was a very good one 'debriefing.' That's what we began doing last time. It is often painful and scary to do that. Part of us would like to just push it aside. But its good to go through it like this, and then go on with life. Otherwise, it can hold us back. I know its hard."
.........."Hmm."
..........Another silence.
.........."I'm not your mom," I said. "I'm not your dad."
..........She gave me an odd look, and then broke into a grin. Her body loosened. She leaned back in the chair and played with her coffee mug. "So, should I just start in where I left off?"
.........."You may start wherever you like, Darcy." Actually, could you tell the part again when Karen plays with your grunts?
..........Speaking of weird, I was in a very, very weird place right then. I had done this incredible convoluted job of precariously rationalizing this entire affair. The idea was this: I could allow myself complete emotional freedom to sit there and respond inside to her in any way that I wanted, just let flow whatever fantasies naturally arose from anything she said, let whatever feelings happened just drift in, and what I would actually be doing is being a better and more genuine therapist because I would have more empathy and congruity with her. This wasn't an ethical violation at all because I certainly wasn't going to act on any of those feelings that came up. I was just going to ... do therapy as I knew how and at the same time surrender to the situation emotionally. I had to work out the precise details of how I was going to do that, but it was certainly possible. It was actually sort of a new mode of therapeutic posturing that I had just invented.
.........."I had that whole deal at the Marriott all wrong," Darcy said.
.........."In what way?"
.........."I thought I had to be perfect to pull it off. Do everything just perfectly, you know?"
.........."Hmm. I've had a lot of experience with perfectionism."
.........."Perfectionism, yeah. That's it. I always do that to myself."
.........."If you could only be perfect enough, people would accept you, love you."
.........."Right."
.........."Perfection is a masculine quality," I said. "Did you know that?"
.........."No."
.........."Its feminine counterpart is completion."
.........."Hmm. I like that."
.........."Me, too. Carl Jung said that once."
.........."Who?"
.........."Carl Jung. Very famous psychotherapist and philosopher."
.........."I really screwed up the whole audition because I was so nervous. But it didn't even matter. I got the job anyway."
.........."You must not have screwed it up as bad as you thought."
.........."Thank God for Karen. I never could have gotten through it without her."
.........."It sounds like she was a special person."
.........."She was. She just sort of took care of everything, helped me through everything." She paused, staring into her coffee mug.
.........."Mmm." I wanted to hear about the "everything" part.
.........."So anyway," she said, taking a deep breath and settling into the chair, "some other ladies came out of the room next to where Karen and I were sitting, and then Mr. Clarendon came out and told us they were ready. I immediately got the worst case of the butterflies I've ever had. That room was pretty amazing inside. There were three cameras not just camcorder types but big huge cameras on stands with wheels. One was even up on a little hoist, and the man operating it sat in a chair that was mounted behind it. There were big studio lamps on tripods, and a couple of people standing around, besides the camera operators. The bedroom was large, but it seemed sort of closed in with all of that stuff crammed in there. All of the equipment was sort of arranged around this king-sized bed that had been pulled away from the wall. The covers had been stripped so there was just a white sheet and pillows. They must have had plastic sheets or something underneath, but you couldn't tell. Anyway, Mr. Clarendon took Karen and I into a little dressing room where he told us we could leave our clothes. We both undressed. God, Karen was really pretty with her clothes off. Her skin was so smooth and creamy. Her breasts were gorgeous. When we were both naked she giggled and gave me a peck on the cheek and her fingers grazed my breast and she said, 'let's go for it.' I took a deep breath, and then we walked back in that room, stark naked."
.........."I can only imagine how scary that must have been."
.........."I was petrified. I tried to keep my mind on the money in my purse, but I felt sort of dazed. It was like a dream. I just wanted to go through it and get out of there. All those cameramen gawking at me. The room was really quiet, though. Mr. Clarendon said that we had lots of time and that there was no rush, that we should just take our time and do our best. He said not to worry about getting anything wet or dirty or anything. Karen and I sat on the bed. Then Mr. Clarendon said the cameras were rolling. It was so quiet in there. You could hear a pin drop. I tried to block all of the people and cameras out of my mind. Karen reached over and took my hands and said, 'Thank God, I think we're finally alone now.' That made me crack up laughing, and she started giggling, too."
..........I giggled myself. "Darcy," I said, "I'm noticing that you are actually quoting her words, what she said, instead of just telling me what she said. I want to tell you that that's really a good thing. Keep doing that, trying to recall the words that were actually spoken to you as we go through this. That will help us get back into the feelings you were having, and that's important, okay?"
.........."Okay, I will."
That was true. It was a technique I used to get people less distanced from feelings they were trying to recall. The feelings were the important thing in dealing with trauma. All right. It would also help my juices flow a little better, make everything a little more vivid.
.........."So then Karen started kissing me, while we were just, you know sitting there on the edge of the bed. She told me she loved me again ..."
.........."Do you remember her words?"
.........."Oh, right. I think she said, 'Oh, God, Baby, I love you so much.'"
.........."Mmm." I could relate. That was it. I was falling in love with her! I had been fighting it, but now I knew it. Only problem was, what to do with it!
.........."Karen was sort of cradling my head in her hands and kissing my cheek and neck and hair and nose and then she started kissing my mouth, sort of gently forcing me to open my mouth with her fingers while she pressed her lips and tongue against my teeth. Then she put her tongue in my mouth and I started sucking it like I had when we were sitting outside. It was ... so soft, and so ... sweet. She put one hand on my breast, sort of massaging it really gently, and put her other hand down between my legs. I spread my legs. The camera in front of me came down low and I could tell the cameraman was doing a close up shot of her hand between my legs. Karen opened my legs further and then pushed me on to my back on the bed and sort of crawled up on top of me. I felt her naked tummy and breasts and legs cuddling all against me. It was such a rush, feeling her naked against me that way. That's how it was, sort of going in and out of these states of almost forgetting where we were and then remembering again. All the cameras seemed to sort of reposition themselves when we lay down. I guess they were trying to get all of the angles they could of our bodies together. Anyway, Karen started petting my hair and whispered for me to close my eyes. I did, and then she kissed my eyes, really softly and sweetly. 'My sweet baby,' she said. 'I love you so much. You are so beautiful, so sweet.' She kissed my face all over while she stroked my hair. I kept my eyes closed. Then she kissed and caressed my throat and then kissed under my chin and then up to my mouth. She opened my lips with her fingers and pressed her mouth inside and kissed me really lovingly and then she took her mouth away and put two of her fingers in my mouth, feeling inside and playing with my tongue. She whispered to me. 'Don't swallow, I want to drink you. Give me your tongue. I love your tongue so much.'"
..........Darcy took a deep breath. A little shudder passed through her body, and she closed her eyes.
.........."What are you feeling?" I asked gently.
.........."Lonely." She opened her eyes and stared into her empty coffee mug.
.........."Mm."
..........There was a long pause. I could hear my clock ticking on the wall. Its an antique. It was a present to me from Jeanette Corseaut, my artist friend in San Francisco. She likes old things. Darcy looked up and I smiled at her. She seemed to pull herself back from some place far away. I longed to know where that place was. I wanted to go there with her.

Chapter 6

Then Karen took her fingers out of my mouth," she said softly, "and carefully rubbed them on one of my nipples and then started giving me these really passionate and wet kisses on my lips, sliding her lips and tongue underneath my lips. She whispered for me to make some bubbles. I opened my eyes, and her eyes were looking right into mine. Her eyes were deep and warm and loving. She was really an amazing actress. I was so grateful that I got matched up with her, because I'm not sure I could have pulled that off otherwise. Anyway, she gently brushed her lips back and forth against mine while I was letting little dribbles of saliva come out, and then she ran her tongue over the crease between my lips and sipped the wetness, and then she whispered, 'Oh, Baby, give it all to me,' and I started sort of seeping spittle out of my lips. It ran down my cheek and she trailed her fingers through it real sexy like and then licked it off my cheek, and then she sort of pooched my lips together and told me that she wanted my tongue, and I slid it out and she kissed it and sucked the tip and then she just took it all the way in her mouth and sucked it. Then she put her hand down between my legs and began fondling me there at the same time. She took her mouth away and asked, 'Do you have to peepee, Baby?' I nodded that I did, which of course she already knew. 'Give me some of your peepee, Sweetheart,' she said. 'I want to feel it come out in my hand.' Well, it did come out in her hand all right, a regular deluge. Karen made swooning sounds and caressed my sex while I was urinating. 'Save some for me to drink,' she said. I finally got the flow to stop, and she nudged me further up on the bed on my back and then kissed her way down my body to between my legs. She spread my legs wide apart. I had pee all over me down there. She started kissing me and licking it. I started to get really excited. It felt so good. Her kisses were so sweet and I guess you could say ... I don't know, graceful. Like she had had a lot of experience. She put her tongue inside me and rubbed her lip against my ... you know, clitoris, and it was like a bolt of electricity went through me. 'Give it to me, Baby," she whispered, and then I started urinating again."
..........I guess my part in this was just to add a nod once in awhile, let her know I was still listening. She had put the coffee mug aside and was delicately animating her description with her hands, lifting them from her lap to make small movements and circles, and then replacing them. Her voice was mesmerizing. Her words awakened my lust. I didn't fight it today as I had on Wednesday. I had surrendered. I let the flow of her story carry me away with her into my own deep infatuation with her, which was growing by the moment. In my unbridled fantasies, it was my own mouth, not Karen's, that was pressed into the warmth of that precious vestibule, my own tongue plunging into that moist, pink, interior, tasting the dripping treasure that fountains from within that heavenly inner sheath. But all this was only within certain aspects of my consciousness. Dr. Linda Keresan, the psychotherapist, was sitting in the corner of my mind, arms folded, quietly observing, ready to take the chair again in an instant, to do her duty as a good clinician.
.........."Is there more coffee?" Darcy asked.
.........."Beg pardon?"
.........."More coffee?"
.........."Sure, Sweetheart, I'll get it."
..........I realized with alarm as I was crossing to her in a trance to take her cup that I had called her "Sweetheart." Not much therapeutic distance there! The word had come so naturally. I felt like my insides had turned to liquid. I was just a free flowing river of desire. Darcy smiled pleasantly as she handed me her cup. Our fingers brushed for a split second. I felt energy sparks between them. Though my discerning and intuitive therapeutic skills had all seemed to have taken flight, I felt at that moment that I knew one irrevocable fact for sure: In this therapeutic relationship, my bisexuality was in the closet no more. I was out. She knew that there was more than clinical empathy here. I couldn't hide my feelings. You can't imagine how devastating that is for a psychotherapist. The trail's end, almost.
.........."So," she continued, after I had given her coffee and returned to my chair, "I don't know what she did down there because I couldn't see her. I had lay back and closed my eyes, it was so embarrassing peeing with all the cameras and everyone. As soon as I finished, Karen was up on top of me again. She was caressing my face with her hands, and her hands were really wet with my pee. She had a mischievous little twinkle in her eye. She slid one of her fingers under my lips. Then she tugged on my chin and I opened my mouth and she put her fingers in my mouth. 'Taste it, Sweetheart,' she whispered. I sucked her fingers. It felt so weird."
.........."Weird bad, or weird nice?"
.........."Weird strange. It seemed so ... indecent. I was really resistant at first, but she kept stroking me down there where I was soaked and getting more on her fingers and then putting them in my mouth. It started to feel kind of sexy, I guess, in a way. Is that really bad? Swallowing your own, you know ... pee?"
.........."Mm. I have a friend who is a doctor who claims that your own pee is nature's perfect homeopathic medicine. She drinks a little glass of hers every morning, just to stay healthy. I don't know about that myself. For me, its more like a sacrament." Since I had apparently completely lost my ability to counsel, I thought I might as well lecture a bit. "In our society, Darcy, we are taught to loath our bodies. We are forced out of our bodies and into our heads when we are very little. Potty training is one of the ... nasty ways that grownups do that to us. I mentioned that last time. Our parents pass the shame they have about their own bodies on to us. So we live half-lives, really, denying and pushing away the essence of who we are. I believe that the body is a temple, and the biggest journey in life is getting back in touch with that temple. Our bodies have so much wisdom. That's where our intuitive knowledge comes from. The important question is, how do we nurture that? Celebrate that? And our bodies are so sensuous. Peeing is sensuous. Pooping is very sensuous! as you realized in your little swim suit that day you told me about. Our society is obsessed with perfection, like we spoke of a few minutes ago. The remedy for that is completion. Urinating and defecating is about completion of a cycle. It's not 'waste.' Our bodies need sustenance. They take the sustenance they need at the moment from what we eat and drink. It doesn't mean that what is left over is bad. It's just more than our bodies needed at the moment. It's abundance, really. That's one way to look at the sacrament. A celebration of abundance. A celebration of completion. A celebration and intimate acceptance of our wonderful, beautiful, sensuous, wise bodies." I sat back, sipping coffee, resting my case. I had definitely dropped into some therapeutic black hole.
..........Darcy sat in silence. It was as though time in the room had stopped. We had entered some magical, ritual space. I felt like I had just smoked some really good dope which I hadn't actually done in years and was trapped in time, like in between the notes of a symphony that was in the room. I heard the sweet songbirds of Spring outside in the garden. The sounds seemed so vivid, so filled with color. The scent of the flowers in the room drifted through my senses. They were filled with color, too. I could smell my coffee. There wasn't anything wrong with me. Everything was just perfect. Not complete, yet, insofar as Darcy was concerned, but certainly perfect. I wasn't anxious. I was serene. I had all the time in the world. It was so nice sensing Darcy's presence in the room, her spirit. What a treasure! She had closed her eyes. There was a tear on her cheek. I dismissed the urge to step to her and kiss it away. More tears came. She wept quietly for a moment, and then more deeply. There was a box of tissues on the table beside her, but she didn't use it. She opened her eyes to look at me through her tears. I smiled gently, and she wept some more.
..........At length, she took some tissue, stood up, and walked to the window behind me overlooking my garden. "This is such a beautiful place," she said from the window.
.........."I know," I said. My chair has a swivel on it, and I turned to face her back. A gorgeous, sensuous back. "I bought the house mostly for that garden."
.........."You have so many different kinds of flowers."
.........."So do you, Darcy."
She turned and looked at me. I was smiling at her. Her brow furrowed. "Thank you," she whispered.
..........I nodded.
.........."You are so beautiful," she said.
..........I blushed, startled.
.........."I have never met anyone so beautiful." She was looking right at me. I blushed some more.
.........."Thank you," I said.
..........She returned to her chair. Tears and nose dribbles were still on her face, and she brushed carelessly at the moisture with the heel of her exquisite hand. She wasn't wearing makeup. I wanted to come to her and clean her face with my tongue. I'm an animal.
.........."Karen rolled me over on my tummy," she said, "and I had a bowel movement. She played with my bottom and licked me back there while I did it. I had my eyes closed. I pretended I was at the ocean somewhere. I tried to ignore the noise it made. I was so embarrassed, I could have died."
..........I pressed my thighs together. My panties were dripping.
.........."Then she rolled me back on my back and put my poop on my stomach and played with it a little, licking it and ... things ... and then she kissed my mouth and tried to slide a little section of the ... poop ... in my mouth. I cringed when I realized what she was doing, but she gave me a sort of 'nono' sign with her eyes, so I let her put it in my mouth. She took her mouth away and looked really lovingly in my eyes. I ... felt it in my mouth a little, and then pushed it out and she leaned close and took it back with her lips. The cameras seemed to be going nuts. They kept moving around. Karen opened my lips with her fingers and made me take the poop back in my mouth. 'I love your grunts,' she whispered. 'Your potty is so sweet.' It didn't taste very sweet to me. Sort of bitter, actually."
.........."Mm."
.........."Anyway, we did that for awhile, and then Karen pushed my potty aside and climbed up on her knees straddling me. It was like I used to do for Mr. Evans, so I knew what was coming, except her ... sex ... was right over my face. 'Do you want to kiss my pee pee?' she asked. I was staring right into it. I had never seen one up close before, except my own, of course, in the mirror."
.........."Must have been scary."
.........."It was. Terrifying, actually. I could smell it. It was really awesome. But it looked .. pretty, too. It was very delicate, her, you know, lips, and ... delicate and sweet looking. It was right over my mouth. I was very scared that she was going to start going to the bathroom right then. She lowered herself over me and I kissed it and then put my mouth on it. It was really warm and ... sort of moist. I guess she was excited. It tasted sort of tangy. It was all just so ... new to me, and strange, you know? She told me to lick it. 'Lick my pee pee, Sweetheart,' she said. 'I want to feel your tongue inside me.' So I did that, and then she scooted down so that her sex was over my breasts, and then she started urinating. That was so shocking, sort of rousing, really, feeling her pee splash and run all over me. It looked kind of sexy coming out. She put her hands in it and then started rubbing my breasts, and then started actually rubbing it on my face and my cheeks and then my throat and then she rubbed some on my lips with her fingers. I got the idea, and opened my mouth and let her put her fingers in my mouth so I could suck them. It tasted so ... foreign to me. Pretty exotic, really."
.........."Mmm."
.........."She finished, but there were still little dribbles coming out, and she scooted back up and cradled my head and lowered herself on my mouth again. I felt it trickling a little on my lips. I figured I had to open my mouth, so I did, and she lowered herself all the way and the last of her pee leaked right into my mouth."
.........."Mmm. A little ... sacrament."
.........."Yeah. What is that exactly? A sacrament?"
.........."Its a celebration of the passages of life."
.........."Mm. I guess that's what that was. It was a little hard swallowing it, but when I did, it did something to me inside."
.........."Mm hmm." I passed a tiny trickle of pee in my panties just then. I couldn't help myself. I didn't think that was mentioned specifically as an ethics violation by the State Medical Board. I squeezed my thighs together and dribbled just a tiny bit more.
.........."A real deep sort of vibration went through me," Darcy said.
.........."I know that feeling."
.........."Not a bad feeling, really."
.........."I understand." I readjusted myself. I was thinking, really, who better than I to do this therapy? It was the ethics board in Sacramento who was crazy. Not me. They were dominated by sexually repressed old men and uptight matrons who were in total denial of the beauty of their bodies. What did they know? This was the real thing. My new therapeutic posture was perfect. It would be my next book. I thought of the title: Sensual Posturing in the Psychotherapeutic Treatment of Trauma in Women. It would probably be a crossover bestseller. I could subtitle it, The Efficacy of Peeing your Pants while Counseling.
.........."Anyway," Darcy said, "then Karen turned around, still straddling me. She asked me to feel her grunts. I put my finger in her bottom. 'Deeper,' she said. She was already starting to go to the bathroom. I could feel it pushing out. 'That's it, Baby,' she said. 'Play with my grunts.' She sort of pooped my finger out, and then I watched her bowel movement come out, several little pieces. They dropped on my chest, and then some more came, a bigger one. It looked kind of neat, actually. I was kind of captivated. I didn't like the smell that much, of course."
.........."Mm." I hadn't had my own bowel movement that morning. I don't know what I was saving it for. This moment, I guess. I could feel it in my bottom. The slight, delicious pressure. I surreptitiously pushed down a little bit, felt it shifting, felt the slight, pleasing pressure against my anal ring. Then I drew it back inside.
.........."When she finished," Darcy said, "she wanted to make me wipe her with my tongue. There was still a little bit of her feces on it. I didn't have much choice, really. She lowered herself right on my face, so I had to lick it. That was pretty gross."
.........."Mm."
.........."So, that was it. The audition. We showered and got dressed and we got separated after that. Mr. Clarendon took me in this other room that was like little sitting room. There was just the two of us. He told me I did very well and gave me another five thousand dollars."
.........."Wow." I recomposed myself.
.........."I know it. Then he explained how the 'project' would work. He gave me this contract that he said I could either sign right then or take with me to read over and then sign and mail back. He said that once I signed it, they would send me a first class airline ticket from San Diego to Miami, Florida, on January 31. He said I would be met at Miami and then would fly by private jet to this town called Freeport, in the Bahamas. Then I would go by boat to their private island. He flipped on a VCR in the room and it showed this scenic shot of this island. Then it showed pictures of the actual estate on the island. It was like he was giving me a tour. It showed the pool and beach and dining room where he said all the meals would be served. He said I would be assigned a cabana, and then the video showed the inside of one. It looked so luxurious. He said there were two private bedrooms in each cabana, and that I would share the common area with another woman. The video showed how my own bedroom would have a private lanai on the sand and a private bath, plus a big screen television with VCR and stereo. Then the video showed a picture of the commons beside the pool, which was a recreation area with a gym and library with videos, CD's, books, and magazines that I could take back to my room. He told me that nineteen other girls were being chosen, and that they wanted to protect the health of everyone involved in this, so the first thing I would have to agree to do was to get a blood test for any infectious diseases. He said that some diseases take six weeks to show up on the test, so for the first six weeks while they were waiting, they would be filming solo shots of me going to the bathroom in different positions and playing with myself, and also I would be going to acting classes and learning about exactly what they would be wanting us to do when they started the other part after six weeks. He said we would all get a folder with scenes or suggested scenes between two or three or sometimes four women. It would always involve very sensuous lovemaking and playing with each other in intimate ways like Karen and I had just done. He said that during the first six weeks our job would be to connect with other girls and rehearse how we would do these different scenes to sort of get used to the idea. He said there would be a woman who would act as the director and acting coach and help us with that part because she knew exactly what they wanted. After six weeks, they would start filming from six in the morning until around noon seven days per week. He said we would get a total of eight paid days off per month, which would cover when we were having our period, plus a couple of sick days. He said they would have special sound stages and some exterior sets where they would be filming. He said I would get paid a thousand dollars per day, but that when they started the actual filming, I could get bonuses up to an extra two thousand dollars per day depending upon how well I acted and how passionate and creative I was in doing these scenes the way they wanted them done. He said we would get paid every day, after lunch, in a bank draft drawn on this bank in Freeport. He said they weren't reporting any of the money. He said that a boat would leave every afternoon at two o'clock for Freeport. We could open an account and deposit the money there, or get cash at the bank, or arrange for a wire transfer of the funds to any bank of our choice. He said this also gave us the opportunity to quit any time we liked, but he said that there would be a big extra bonus at the end after the last day of shooting for everyone who stayed for the whole project. He said the boat would return from Freeport every evening at five o'clock. We had to agree not to have sex with anyone outside during the whole time."
.........."Wow." It was mind boggling. I would have enjoyed doing therapy with Mr. Clarendon for a couple of hours, see what he was really up to. "So, you did it?"
.........."Yes."
.........."The whole, what was it, ten weeks?"
.........."Yep. I stayed the whole time. I got back to San Diego with over a hundred thousand dollars in the bank."
.........."Unbelievable." And I had given her my sixty dollar discount rate.
.........."And since I got back, I have been walking around in sort of this dreamlike state. Kind of frozen or something. It was so intense."
.........."I can imagine."
.........."There's this ... I don't know ... sort of this lonely, aching thing. I wake up in the night. I feel really alone. And afraid sometimes."
.........."Afraid of ...?"
.........."Afraid that I ... I don't know ... broke something inside or something. I have these dreams. Desires for things I don't think I can have in a normal, you know, life."
.........."I understand."
.........."I need help to, you know, sort of get on with my life somehow."
.........."You will do that, Darcy. I promise you. You have everything you need inside of you to help you do that. You didn't break anything."
.........."And you don't think I'm a bad person? I feel so ashamed sometimes."
.........."You're a beautiful and wonderful and sensitive person, and very wise. Plus, you're a survivor. We just need to move through the surviving of this so you can thrive and flourish. Fly, like a bird, you know?"
She smiled.
.........."Times up," I said. The fifty minutes had actually flown like a bird. It seemed as though she had just arrived. My light wasn't on, because I didn't have any more clients that day, but I had to establish some kind of boundaries in this somewhere!
.........."I feel so much better," she said, smiling as she rose gracefully from her chair. "You are really ... wonderful."
.........."Mmm," I smiled. I turned off the tape recorder and stood up. I felt a tiny dribble of moisture slither down the insides of my thighs. Then came the hug. Much more of an embrace than a hug. It lasted a long time. Our bodies fit together perfectly. I was a bit taller than she. I could feel her heart beating gently against mine, feel her tender breasts press against mine. Our thighs touched. I could feel her warm, electrifying energy flow into me, into my heart. I squeezed my own thighs and buttocks cheeks together slightly, feeling the wetness between them. I thought I could sense an almost imperceptible undulating response from somewhere deep in Darcy's loins. I trembled a little. "Darcy," I whispered, "I really feel your loneliness. I understand. It's going to go away. I promise."
..........We moved apart. There was a tear on her cheek. I couldn't keep myself from touching it gently.
.........."Okay," she said, finding a smile, a light laugh.
..........At the door she turned and said, "Thank you. I'll see you Monday at ten."
..........And then she was gone again.
..........I brushed my finger, damp from her tear, on the tip of my tongue and swooned.

Chapter 7

 

After Darcy left my office, I went back to my chair and sat quietly for a few moments, still feeling her
presence, her scent, and the sensation of her lithe, young body against mine.
..........The taste of her tear on my tongue!
..........As images of the intense session filled me, I did a quick assessment of all the pluses, which helped shore up my new therapeutic philosophy. For example, she accessed feelings directly. No avoidance strategies, other than her understandable embarrassment at disclosing the quite personal subject matter. Additionally, she commented on things around her in the room, indicating presence and connectedness. Most important, her long, comfortable silences were a sign of great trust, which is the essential foundation of therapy.
..........Long, comfortable silences are also the sign of great intimacy and trust in relationships between two people, by the way. That kind of silence is so rich. I love being with people who don't have a need to talk all the time in order to be comfortable. I have a Native American friend, an old man, sort of another mentor of mine, who says, "White man has a need to fill up all the space with words." Words are great. I make my living with words. But intimacy and trust, the things that really matter, grow in silent places. I imagined that Darcy was the kind of person who enjoyed silence that way.
..........In my reverie, I drifted in my mind toward the sexual fantasies that had sprung from her story, her descriptions of the rather clumsy and fragile exchanges with Karen of their pee and -- in Karen's words -- grunts. The word struck me as adorably sexy. Sweet grunts. Mmm. I reached beneath my skirt, fondling the wetness in the crotch of my panties, and then slid a finger underneath them and gently probed my anus, pressed down to feel the smooth, intimate surface of my own ... "sweet grunt." I let another dribble of pee leak out, through my panties, into my hand. I brought it to my face, pressed my lips and tongue into the wetness.
..........My reflections on my therapeutic excellence transformed quickly to flaming, unrestrained lust. I got to my feet as though intoxicated, and went to the laundry porch and undressed. I held my soiled panties in my hands, sniffed them, and then engulfed my face in the drenched crotch, smelling and tasting and savoring the enticing mixture of urine and sex. I sucked the entire crotch section of the silken fabric into my mouth, enjoying the illusion that the panties were not mine, but Darcy's. Reminiscent of Diane (and some other maids I haven't told you about yet)!
..........Naked, I squatted wantonly in the laundry porch and held the panties beneath my genitals and drenched the fabric with urine, filling my hands, then lifted and pressed the dripping garment to my face and sipped warm piss from it, laced my fingers through the drenched cloth and slid them in my mouth and sucked. I fondled my wet sex with the other hand, passed more urine, fondled my anal sphincter and vented the taut ring. A soft whisper of air poofed out as I opened myself up, and I found my little fecal clusters, grunted, toyed with the pebbles, squeezed one out into my hand and popped it in my mouth, peed more in the panties and sipped it, mixing it with the poop, swallowing it as I drove fingers into my vagina and manipulated my clitoris with the heel of my hand.
..........I spiraled toward an Edenesque climax that rocked me over on to my side on the floor as I panted and cried out in ecstasy.
..........I began to slowly calm down, spasms abating, heart and breath quieting, and drifted back into earthly reality. My cheek was pressed against cold linoleum. I was staring at cobwebs underneath my washing machine, pee-wet panties pressed to my breasts, the taste of excrement fresh in my mouth. The sophisticated, self-image of Dr. Linda Keresan, Super-Therapist, began to wane, then collapsed. My brilliantly innovative new therapeutic posture began to fracture at the seams, then crumble.
..........I was not a transcendent, cutting-edge master of sentient, new age psychotherapy. I was a puddle of wanton lust on my laundry room floor.
..........I shook myself, got up, got a two-piece swimsuit from the clothes dryer and pulled it on, gave the laundry room floor a perfunctory mopping, and then walked out through the garden, around the corner of the house, and down the steps to the beach. I was trying to change the subject. But the humbling insights about my therapeutic rationalizations hadn't dampened my lust in the least, nor had my ravishing orgasm. I was still brimming with waves of carnal passion and desire. It wouldn't go away.
..........I had fallen into some kind of sexual sinkhole.
..........There is nothing more sensuous or healing to me than the ocean, cradling my body, nourishing my soul. I love the taste of it, the smell of it. I wish I could swim nude at my pretty beach, but there are other houses nearby, and almost always people on the sand and swimming. Most of my neighbors are snobs. I sometimes find classism to be an even more harmful and offensive characteristic than racism or sexism. It transcends those two defense systems and seems so utterly pervasive in those it possesses. Its probably the greatest barrier to effective therapy. My mentor Edna often leans over the dinner table at me, tapping her temple: "The more I see and the older I get," she whispers secretly, "the more I think we should be reading again Mr. Karl Marx, yes?" Personally, I feel myself to be classless. I don't take credit for that. It is a gift. I think it is because of my loving father. His heart was so open and strong. While very successful in life, he embraced humility. Being fathered well is the greatest gift that a girl can receive.
..........Sadly, that's getting to be pretty rare nowadays.
..........I crossed the sand and swam out through the breakers, and then past them, where the water was quiet but where I could still touch the bottom with my tip toes and sort of float standing up. I hadn't peed and pooped in the ocean for a long time. I love doing that. I pulled the bottom of the swimsuit down to my ankles. I put my hands gently between my legs, caressing myself, and felt my urine stream softly over my hands and through my fingers, blending with the sea from which it had come. I let it come slowly, intermittently, fondling myself, letting it build and start flowing again. When it was gone, I spread my buttocks cheeks, drew my anus open with my fingers, pushed down gently, felt it swell deliciously, pressed my finger inside, opened the luscious cleft, felt the teeming fruit from within my bowels move sensuously through my sphincter, through my fingers, then pressed the lush warmth and softness against my body. Fragments of it bobbed to the surface, floating around me.
..........Sacraments for the fish and gulls!
..........I pulled my suit back up and floated on my back. I felt like liquid inside with the vibrant, buoyant, warm ocean below me and the balmy sunshine air above. I began to feel connected again.
..........I swam with leisurely backstrokes further out, a quarter mile at least, and then slowly began drifting back to shore, at one with the sea, finally letting the swells carry me back to the sand.
..........Along the way, I lost my feelings of trepidation about the relationship with Darcy. Things were going to be okay, whatever they turned out to be. They were going to be okay!
..........I washed the sand away at the shower by my pool, then dropped my swimsuit in the laundry room, slipped into sandals, grabbed shorts and a halter, and went back into my office. I could still feel Darcy's energy in the room, her arousing fragrance.
..........I checked my e-mail, charted some little stocks I had been watching, checked my regular mail, wrote a few clinical notes for insurance companies, lost my focus to work, and ended up grabbing the tapes from my two sessions with Darcy. I got my earphone cassette player that I sometimes use for jogging in the kitchen drawer, and while I was there, I got some fruit and cheese and pastry and made a fresh cup of coffee. I went to my garden. As I ate, I put on my earphones and began listening to the tapes from the beginning.
..........I seldom review my client tapes. I don't need to. I work in the present moment, and there is a special place in my memory that records everything that is said in that ritual space of our sessions together. In this case, I simply wanted to relive the flow of Darcy, bask in her voice, revisit the images that she had awakened in me.
..........Her opening words felt like they had been spoken weeks ago rather than two days ago. Time had shifted, somehow. I giggled at the image of the vegetarian daughter of a tyrannical butcher. The most effective way that children have of rebelling against their parents has to do with the things that they put in their mouths. Actually, I don't eat meat either. There is no particular philosophy or dogma attached to that. It's just that the older and more sensitive I have become, the less I enjoy meat. Except fish. I eat fish once in awhile. My restaurant specializes in fish. I love really nice cheese, too.
..........Did Dad abuse her sexually? I still suspected that he had. There were a lot of issues with Dad. There always are. He lied about the trust fund. The bastard. Edna, my mentor, says that the greatest crimes we commit against our children are the lies we tell them. She says that they could reasonably survive all of the other abuses of broken homes, molestation, emotional and physical abandonment, if we would just stop lying to them. She says that the crisis today with children is not childcare, or gangs, or drugs, or pornography. The crisis with children today is adult hypocrisy. "What the fuck are they supposed to do with that?" she asks, as her Jewish temper flares. "Where the fuck are they supposed to go with that?"
..........But how can people be honest with their children when they can't be honest with themselves? Where does that cycle end?
..........There was a lot to Darcy's mom's spankings, too, probably. Repressed sexuality always comes out in violence. I admired the way Darcy had divorced herself from the two of them. Stepping from the cycle. Very courageous. She was definitely a survivor. She would return to them when she was strong. There was lots of time for that healing.
..........Her sweet, melodic voice in my ears made me feel liquid inside again. I finished eating as I listened to the part about the enviable Mr. Evans "unwrapping his Christmas present," and then, in spite of the gardens of passion I had already visited that morning, I lay back on the chaise lounge, slipped off my shorts and halter, and, in my shining, lucid imagination, began unwrapping her myself, opening her, sliding the pretty yellow silk blouse from slender white shoulders, unhooking, unzipping, saw her blue skirt falling to the floor, sandals slipping from dainty, beautiful feet.
..........Darcy, stark naked.
..........A Goddess incarnate.
..........My fingers traced unveiled breasts and tummy, lips pressing ... Mmmm ... her juicy, wet, gorgeous little -- pee-pee, as Karen had called it. Scrumptious indeed, yes! And then, Darcy on the edge of Mr. Evan's hotel room bed, naked, legs raised and spread, gorgeous, delicate vulva suddenly erupting in sweet urine, kneeling at the fountain, drinking it all. An exploring finger, sliding gently into her succulent anus, investigating the smooth walls of her heavenly but empty rectum.
..........Darcy in the sunshine, leaning against the rock, exposed, welcoming, a probing kiss, pretty shocking, she had said, having someone's mouth right there where I actually, you know, go potty, feeling his tongue slide up inside there, making me feel like I had to go to the bathroom.
..........And then, her amazing willingness to have given him her feces! - "if he had wanted to," - her wonderful, pensive silence when I told her that was her private, intimate treasure, her inner gold.
..........I slid my finger deep inside my own rectum. I had given my inner gold to the sea. I wished there was more. There was. It was a soft pebble, way up inside. I worked it out, pressed it to my lips, my nose, my tongue, took it in my mouth, relishing it. Juicy, ambrosial, sensuous! I swooned through a soft and filmy orgasm as I swallowed its savor and slid it out of my mouth into my fingers, rubbing it gently against the crease of my lips. I was able to urinate some more, just a little, my fingers spreading wetness on my tummy, my breasts, my lips, tasting myself, mouth watering, issuing, mixing it with my pee, trailing my fingers through all the sensuous wetness, down my cheeks and over my throat, drooling more, laving my feces, tinkling more pee in my hand and caressing my face and tongue and lips, spreading saliva and pee on my nipples, under my arms, in my nostrils.
..........The symphonic accompaniment to my dripping, sordid indulgences was Darcy's melodic voice in my ears, and the pillow in which my impassioned senses reposed was the vision of her imagined, naked body.
..........I abruptly rolled to my side and flicked off the tape, set the earphones aside. I couldn't do this! I decided I was not going to fantasize about Darcy any more. It was making me create a "new" Darcy in my head, even with her real voice flowing into me through the headphones. I didn't want a new, different Darcy in my head. The real one was too precious! If I was ever to actually touch her -- and I doubted I ever would -- I wanted to be fully there with my body and not have a second Darcy in my head coming between us, filtering things.
..........Plus, it wasn't fair to her as a client. I needed to be fully present for that, too, not be talking with some image of her.
..........My kaleidoscopic imagination is a profuse mansion inside of me, not just inside my head, but inside my heart, my loins, my viscera. I had been lounging in the heartthrob room of this mansion, many stories up in the air. Sort of a honeymoon suite. Mirrors on the ceiling, pillows on the floor, flowers everywhere. I looked around the room for someone to whom to shift my passionate fantasies. The person nearest, of course, was the dear Mr. Evans. He was sitting naked on the edge of my fanciful circular bed. You can do more with me than play with my pee, Mr. Evans. I dropped to my knees in front of him, spread his legs, stroked his soft, inner thighs, cradled and laved his sweet testicles, fondled the moist, perfect glands of his erect penis, tongued the wonderful moisture on the succulent tip, took the organ deep in my mouth, into my throat. My fingers danced on his naked belly as I suckled his exquisite, rigid cock. So, do you like golden showers, Mr. Evans? Like to drink pretty girls' pee? Play in their bottoms? Play with their feces? I crawled up on top of him, pushing him back down on the bed, pressed my wet breasts against his belly, kissed his throat, inched up, opened and kissed his mouth, let him taste the urine on my lips and tongue, slid my fecal treasure between his lips with my fingers. Taste my sweet female shit, Baby. That's a good boy. Chew it up nicely, swallow it, like that, yes! I slid up and squatted over his face, my nakedness engulfing him, felt his tongue on my sex, felt his finger slide deep inside my bowels, searching for more golden treasures, pressed down, opening my intestines to his deep search, felt my warm urine tinkle gently into his mouth, reached back and grazed his throat with my fingers, feeling him swallow me. You can drink me every day, if you want to, Baby. I'll save all of my sweet grunts for you, too, if you want them, Sweetheart. Can I taste your pee? Play with your poop?
..........Another orgasm!
..........I got up from the chaise lounge, knees trembling, letting the heat of the sun dry my body, went into the kitchen naked and rinsed my dishes in the sink, put the tapes back in the office drawer, properly filed. Miraculously, my loins still ached with desire! Some insatiable pit had opened up inside of me. I hadn't felt like I had been pent up or deprived these past months of chastity. It was amazing to me! Some deep floodgate had opened up, with a vast reservoir of liquid passion behind it!
..........Still naked except for my sandals, I went upstairs.
..........My bedroom is all soft blues and greens. A sprinkle of saffron here and there. Always fresh flowers. One wall is glass, opening on a terrace over the ocean. Half of another wall is fireplace and hearth, blue Spanish tile, mahogany bookshelves, a cozy alcove for reading in the corner. I left my sandals at the door, crossing barefoot through my soft and rich, dark blue carpet to my bath. The carpet extends into the bath. I have a large whirlpool tub, framed in Spanish tile. Aqua. There are floor to ceiling glass door along one side of the tub, framed in redwood, and the blue tile ledge extends there out into another, smaller terrace. I have filled that terrace with redwood planters, where I grow at least fifteen varieties of perennials. There is a rose trellis at the edge of the terrace, hiding the view, making it private, but you can hear the surf beyond, see glimpses of the blue-green sea through the roses.
..........I turned on the bath spigot and opened the glass doors to the terrace. The soft, warm, sea breeze filled my private chamber, carrying with it the delicious scent of my flowers outside.
..........I squeezed some white ginger bubble bath into the water. It's Whythe and Barclay, an old English soap company. They don't make white ginger any more. When I learned that they were discontinuing it, I stockpiled cases of it. Why do companies always discontinue my favorite products? I am buying stock in Whythe and Barclay. I will make them bring back white ginger when my supply runs out.
..........I lay back in the tub. The floor is the same shade of blue as the tile. It is made of a miraculously soft, spongy material. The wonders of science!
..........I closed my eyes, feeling the water begin to curl around my legs and thighs, lap my bottom, warmly enveloping me.
..........Remembrances of Diane warmly enveloped me, too. They often do in the bath. It was here that I brought her that day, from downstairs on the sofa, after I first tasted her, after I came up beside her and kissed her, after she had taken my tongue in her mouth and whispered, "I have to go to the bathroom."
.........."I know," I had whispered back. "I tasted you. You are so sweet, so precious. I think I'm falling in love with you."
..........She had swooned and melted into my arms when I said that. But I wasn't manipulating her, seducing her. Those words were true ones. As my friend Jeanette always says, "The body never tells a lie."
..........I had found her ear then, a gorgeous, precious ear, underneath strands of her sweet-scented, angel hair, and had whispered, "Sweetheart, will you come upstairs with me to my bathroom? I want to love you some more ... feel you some more."
..........I fell back into my memories of that day. The memories were not just in my head. They were emotional memories, physical memories, visceral memories. My tongue remembered her mouth, remembered her anus, her sweet love nest; my fingers remembered her inner thighs; my nose and tongue remembered her excrescence's; my vagina and rectum remembered her tongue, her fingers, her mouth.
..........During her three weeks as my maid, she had never once been in my bedroom. I had told her not to clean in there, that I took care of that myself. I was saving that sacred space for us. Saving it for that moment.
..........She had come so sweetly, so willingly, up the stairs, through the door, across the blue carpet, into the bathroom. I had stood before her in this room and slowly taken my clothes off, watching her blush, sensing her heart aflutter as she stared at my nakedness. I had sat on the edge of the tub where my arm now rested, on the broad ledge, and had drawn her to me and carefully undressed her. She had the most heavenly breasts I had ever seen. They were not large, but almost unbearably beautiful, so soft, so delicately and perfectly formed. I had spent long, luscious moments kissing and laving her from her exquisite throat to the smooth, soft plane of her tummy. Her legs had begun trembling so much that I had to sort of support her while my fingers explored the smooth nakedness of her back.
..........Then, leaving her naked, I had taken a stack of soft towels and stepped into the tub and opened the door to the little private terrace and spread the towels on the tile ledge extending out into the flowers. I turned with my back to her and bent as I arranged them. I wanted to reveal myself to her that way, let her see my private parts from behind, unveiled and vulnerable, as she had allowed me to see hers. I turned to catch her staring at my bottom, her lovely mouth partly agape, her gorgeous blue eyes filled with soft awe, gentle surprise, untainted curiosity. She blushed deeply, and I smiled.
.........."It's okay," I had whispered. I extended my hand to her and she took it and stepped into the tub. "Lie here. On your tummy. I want to ... taste and kiss you again ... feel you again. I promise that it will be very nice for you."
..........And then she spoke words that made my heart melt, made my whole insides melt in tenderness! "I will," she whispered. "But ... will you please ... do something?"
.........."What, Honey,?"
.........."Kiss me again, first?"
.........."Oh, Sweetheart, yes!" I whispered as I cradled her in my arms and pressed my mouth to her sweet lips.

Chapter 8

The first time that Diane had felt my tongue between her lips, downstairs, she had received it so tentatively. Now, in my bathroom, the tentativeness was gone. My tongue seemed to dissolve in her mouth as she drew it deep inside, her lips surging against mine, her arms clinging to me in her ardent embrace, her full nakedness pressing against mine.
..........That heavenly kiss brought new moisture between my legs. When it finally ended, she whispered, "I've never ... done anything like this before."
.........."I know," I whispered back. "It's okay, Baby. It really is. I love you, Diane."
..........It was true.
..........She gave me her mouth again. This time it was her sweet tongue, cautiously brushing my lips.
..........In the Chinese view of the body, the soul dwells in the heart, and the tongue is an extension of the heart. In my own soul and in my heart I know that this is true, and I knew that Darcy was offering to me her heart and soul in that exquisite moment.
..........I cradled her beautiful face with my hands and let her tongue trail over my lips, then gently took it between my lips and drew it softly into my mouth. Her saliva tasted like honey.
..........I have never known anyone who loved to kiss more than Diane!
..........My tub was full now. This felt good and steamy, letting Diane back into my memories, letting the fantasy of Darcy fade. I turned off the water and lay back again, resettling myself, basking in the scent of the flowers, rubbing a warm, soft washcloth filled with white ginger over my breasts and chest and throat and shoulders.
..........I closed my eyes again.
..........In my memory was a vivid, full color, three dimensional image of Diane's gorgeous bottom as she had lay there on her tummy on the soft towels, her head extended out into the terrace, cradled in her arms amid the flowers. Her thighs inclined, her knees resting down on the bottom of the bathtub.
..........I gently drew the gorgeous legs further apart. I was on my hands and knees, kneeling in solemn supplication. I bent and kissed the backs of her ankles, the soles of her feet, lifted her beautiful feet and slid my tongue in between her cute little toes. I kissed and licked her calves, buried my lips in the delicate, soft, inner place behind her knees.
..........I love the delicate, soft, secret, inner places. Those are the most feminine parts!
..........I trailed my lips and tongue up the backs of her thighs, traced them down to kiss the insides. I drew my lips and tongue along those delicious faint creases below her buttocks cheeks, then deliberately skipped her buttocks itself and caressed and kissed her back, all the way up to her shoulders, her neck. "You are so beautiful," I whispered, kissing her cheek, letting her feel my full nakedness press gently against her.
.........."Nnn," she cooed.
.........."You comfortable, Sweetie?"
.........."Nnn hmmm," she purred.
.........."The flowers smell nice?"
.........."Nnn hmmm."
.........."Diane, I want you to do something. I want you to imagine that you are a little girl again. Just let yourself drift back to the most innocent place you can remember inside. You have come to a beautiful flower garden. You are a beautiful flower garden. You are one with the flowers. They are around you, and inside you. You have let me come into your garden. I am so honored that you would let me visit your private, secret, special garden. Would you ... let me ... pick one of your beautiful flowers?"
.........."Nnn hmmm."
.........."Mmm."
..........I kissed my way down her back, nestling down between her legs, then gently pressed my lips and fingertips into the soft flesh of those glorious orbed cheeks of her behind. What a treasure! My heart was fluttering. I was in heaven. Very gently, I opened them, my eyes feasting again on that sumptuous little anal garland, folded inward, sleeping, so much promise, so much possibility! I gently put my thumbs on either side of that beautiful little opening and spread the sphincter until I could see the flushed pink channel inside, then pressed my lips there, held them still, lounging for a moment in the emanating, visceral warmth of that special, tender spot.
..........She made a soft, deep, quiet, moaning sound.
..........I moved my lips in a little circle, let her feel my tongue there, gently probing, not inside but just around the edges.
..........Another soft moan.
..........Then I left that precious center, crept back up her body to kiss her hair. I touched her anus with my finger, pressed gently. "I love kissing you there so much, Baby," I whispered. "Does it feel good to you?"
.........."Uh huh," she murmured.
.........."Kissing you ... there? Touching you there?"
.........."Uh huh."
.........."I want to feel ... inside you again. Is that okay, Sweetheart?" My finger nudged gently at the center of the resilient little ringlet.
.........."Nnn."
..........I pressed a little deeper. "Feel your beautiful flowers?"
.........."Nnn."
.........."Its okay. Just push down gently, okay? I promise, its okay."
..........I felt her anal ring billow softly against my finger. I pressed my fingertip a little further inside the wondrous, luscious little sphincter. "That's it, Baby," I whispered. "Yes, a little more, just keep pushing down, okay?"
..........I slithered back down between her legs, applying more pressure with my finger at the mouth-watering portal. The anal lips bulged more, kissing out, and my finger slid inside. Diane made a soft, sweet sound, something between a yielding grunt and a moan. She was opening up. Unfolding herself to me!
..........I was jelly inside.
..........There was air inside that scrumptious rectum! The walls were smooth and taut, like a balloon, and her darling poop was sort of floating, drifting, wandering in the cushion of air. A thrill shuddered through me all the way to my toes.
.........."Push down, Sweetheart," I said as I eased my finger out and replaced it with my tongue, gluing my lips to her luscious sphincter. The rim fluttered softly, my tongue sank to the hilt, the air in her rectum passed whisperingly into my mouth, infiltrating my senses.
.........."Oh, nooo!" moaned Diane.
..........I answered her concern with a little wail of total passion as I received and drank in and swallowed that sweet zephyrous gift into every fiber of my being. The fluttering passing of that ambrosial breath of air further loosened the sphincter. I wanted to crawl inside. I was riveted to her, face enshrined in her rump between those heavenly cheeks. My hands were between my legs. I was fingering my own rectum, fingering my sex, letting urine dribble into my hands, down my thighs.
..........The fecal nougats inside Diane's surging, teeming bottom seemed to fan outward against my tongue. They squashed against it, then over and beneath it. Her luscious little poop hole expanded and spread, and then the essence of her bowels was brushing against my lips! Her insides were unfolding, and then her excrement was filling my mouth, her sweet grunts! -- finding and filling all of my oral crevices!
.........."Oh, my God," Diane whimpered.
.........."Nnnnnngh," I moaned in return, letting the substance and flavor and fragrance of her insides drift through me as an enormous climax rolled all the way through my body. I ate morsels of her juicy grunts, rubbed some of the soft parts on my body, and saved some firmer pieces, gathering them into my own bottom, an electrifying sensation in itself!
..........At length I scooted up her back again and whispered in her ear. "Oh, God, Diane, that was so wonderful, you are such a treasure, I love that part so much. Thank you, Baby, for giving yourself to me."
..........She was kind of comatose. She made a soft fluttering sound, like a bird.
.........."Your sweet poo-poo tastes so good, feels so good. I'm so honored that you would give that to me. Your sweet, private pearls." I reached down and softly cupped her vulva in my hand "Do you have to go potty here too a little?" I asked.
.........."Nnnnnn," she moaned. "Uh huh."
.........."Go ahead and go, Honey. Let me feel it come out. I want that part, too."
..........I felt a gentle pulsing, and then my hand was wet. I slid down again quickly with a little cry of glee to watch the beautiful cascade of pale yellow urine springing from her nether lips. God, it was gorgeous! Its delicate fragrance wafted through me. I opened her legs further, readjusting myself so that the stream bathed my stomach and trickled down between my legs. Then I cupped my hands beneath the golden flow, filling them, upturning it on myself, and then I curled up and leaned down and spread that tender fountaining orifice with my thumbs and pressed my mouth into its fluid essence, my lips covering the sweet little issuing fountain, her luscious pee percolating out into my mouth, tickling my tongue, gliding down my throat, filling me, cascading, overflowing.
.........."Oh, Baby," I breathed when she had finished. "Are you okay?"
..........I'm not codependent. I don't say, "Are you okay" to people hardly at all. It drives me nuts when people say that to me. I only say it at the very end of a therapy session, because sometimes people need to take a moment or get some feedback or clarification before they are ready to go back out into the world. I knew that for Diane, this experience was taking her far away inside herself to very strange and unfamiliar emotional terrain, and it was all happening pretty fast, and I asked if she was okay once in awhile because I wanted to help nurture her through that if she needed it.
..........I didn't ask it much after that day in the bathtub.
..........She was very okay.
..........We bathed one another then, using the goose-neck shower, shampooed one another. We went in the bedroom, pulled the sheets back, and I made love to her for most of the afternoon.
..........Then I took her out to a late lunch.
..........Lunch! I was getting hungry. My bath water was getting cool anyway. While it was draining out, I showered and shampooed. Then I dried my hair, put on a fresh skirt and blouse and sandals and went downstairs. I made a fresh tuna salad and fruit juice and went back to my office.

..........My thought was to do some work on my manuscript, but my heart wasn't in it. I looked over Amanda Wilson's file. She was my first client Monday morning, and I wanted to try and take her in a new direction. She was the almost-fiancée of Jeremy Richardson, my Friday morning client who had noticed the flowers. They had originally come for couples counseling. They had "sort of" decided to get married, but then decided to do some counseling first to make sure it was the right choice. The further we went, the deeper we got, and the more uncertain they became about marriage. I ended up scheduling them separately for individual therapy. It felt like it was close to time to bring them both back in for a couples session to check some things out. I had suggested it to Jeremy on Friday, and he was nervous about it. Amanda had sort of hit a wall in our last session, and kept using Jeremy as an excuse to avoid looking at her own issues. I wanted them together so I could blow her cover. It was getting complicated. They both had a long way to go. People get stuck in places that it is very hard to get out of. It's as though they become hooked on their own myth about themselves, the way they perceive themselves. They invest so much in that, and it is very hard to change. I planned my Monday strategy with Amanda.
..........Just because I'm a non-directive therapist doesn't mean I don't have strategies.
..........An image of them in bed together suddenly leapt into my brain. What was happening to me? This was verrry out of character for me!
..........I guess all of my sexual juices were still flowing. I had had lots of little climaxes in the bath, but was still teeming with sensuousness and desire. I closed Amanda's file and fiddled with my computer awhile and then decided to e-mail Diane at Penn State.
..........I scrapped the letter halfway through, deciding to call her instead. I am not usually at all indecisive. I felt sort of disjointed. Unglued.
..........I caught her in her apartment studying. It was five o'clock in Pennsylvania.
.........."Linda," she said, "My God, it's so good to hear your voice! How are you?" Her voice was music to my ears.
.........."I'm great, Sweetheart. Just missing you a lot today."
.........."Mmmm," she purred. "I miss you all the time."
.........."What are you doing? How's everything?"
.........."Everything is really good! I'm just cramming for a big exam in Poly Sci tomorrow."
.........."Poly Sci?"
.........."Yeah, I have to take all of these introductory social science classes for my major."
.........."Of course. Be a 'Renaissance Woman!'"
.........."I know!" she laughed. "Its all great, though, really. What are you doing?"
.........."I'm ..." I hesitated only a moment. "I'm busy falling in love with a client."
.........."Linda, wow, that's great! I am so ... a client?"
.........."I know. That's never happened to me before."
.........."Well. Is it he, or she?"
.........."She."
.........."So what are you going to do about that?"
.........."I haven't figured it out yet."
.........."Does she know?"
.........."Nope. We've only had two sessions."
.........."Wow. That's pretty heavy. I'm happy for you, though. You deserve to be in love more than anyone I know."
.........."Oh, Baby, that's so sweet. I wish you could come out for a little visit. I just really miss you. I would be glad to buy the plane ticket." I hadn't planned to suggest that. I was feeling so needy. That's really unlike me, too.
.........."Oh, Linda, I'd love to. Finals are just around the corner and I have so many projects to finish. Can you wait till June?"
.........."Sure I can wait till June, Sweetheart. I was just, remembering, today, so many of the wonderful times ..."
.........."Mmmm. I do that all the time. I can't tell you how much our love, the love you gave me, turned my life around, sort of launched me."
.........."It was so precious for me. You are so precious. So, how about you. Any new loves in your life?"
.........."Oh, I'm sort of seeing this guy, Paul. He's really nice. He's a history major, too."
.........."Have you made love yet?"
.........."No. His idea of a fun date is driving down to D.C. and spending the day at the Smithsonian. That's fine, though. I'm so busy with school that I really don't need any emotional distractions, you know?"
.........."You stick to your own priorities, Sweetheart. That's smart. You're so smart!"
..........She giggled. "I know. You taught me that. I didn't know that before I met you."
.........."Mmm. Well, I would like to distract you myself just a bit right now, physically at least, if I were there with you. Maybe just play with your lovely bottom a little bit?"
.........."Ooo, yes, oh, God would that be nice."
..........I reached under my skirt and put my hand between my legs. I hadn't put on any panties. "Makes me wet just thinking about it."
.........."Are you wet now?"
.........."Mmm hmmm."
.........."Are you ... feeling it?"
.........."Mmm hmmm."
.........."Through your panties?"
.........."No. I'm not wearing any panties."
.........."You're not? Oh, my God. Your hand is on your wet, naked cunny? Right now?"
.........."Nnn hnn." The way she said "cunny" always turned my loins into hot embers.
.........."What does it feel like?"
.........."Wet and warm and sort of slippery. My little clitoris is hard."
.........."Mmmm. Is your sweet love nest wet from pee? Or from your sexual discharge? Probably both, knowing you." She laughed her warm, soft, bubbly laugh.
.........."Just sexual discharge ... at the moment."
.........."Mmm. Put your finger in it."
.........."Okay." I did.
.........."Is it in?"
.........."Yes."
.........."All the way in?"
.........."Yes."
.........."What does it feel like up inside. I forgot." She giggled again.
.........."It feels deep and warm and moist, and the membranes, the walls, are very soft and, a little ... viscous, sort of."
.........."Can you feel your urethra?"
.........."Mmm hmm."
.........."Are you feeling it right now?"
.........."Uh huh."
.........."Your delicious little pee hole?"
.........."Uh huh."
.........."Can you tinkle a little?"
.........."I'll have to take my finger out. I'll try."
.........."I want you to pee a little. Where are you?"
.........."On the phone in the kitchen."
.........."Sitting at the kitchen table?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Mmm. You can just do it on the floor. Do you have a maid?"
..........I completely broke up in laughter. "You're a little devil," I said.
.........."I know," she giggled. "You made me that way." She had the most musical little giggle.
..........Some warm urine dribbled over my fingers. "There it is," I said softly.
.........."Did you tinkle?"
.........."Uh huh."
.........."A lot or just a little?"
.........."Just a little dribble."
.........."Taste it. Put your fingers in your mouth and taste it."
..........I did. "Mmnn."
.........."Do you like tasting your urine?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Swallow it."
.........."Okay." I did.
.........."Do you like that? Swallowing your precious pee-pee?"
.........."Yes." My voice was getting sort of throaty. My juices were really flowing now. She had that effect on me. A lot!
.........."Pee some more. Cup your hand under your love nest and urinate in it."
.........."Ooookay." I eased myself to the edge of the kitchen chair, pulled my skirt up, spread my legs, cupped my hand between my legs and filled it. It leaked over the sides and dripped to the red tile floor.
.........."Did you do it?"
.........."Uh huh."
.........."Now drink it, but let some of it spill down your chin and on your throat.
.........."Nnnn, okay," I whispered. I brought my hand to my lips and sipped the warm urine, dribbling some back out of my mouth so that it ran down.
.........."Swallow it," she said softly.
..........The warm urine glided down my throat.
.........."Did you swallow it?"
.........."Yes," I whispered.
.........."Do you like that? Drinking your urine?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Does it taste good to you, Baby, your sweet pee-pee?"
.........."Mmnn hnn."
.........."What are you wearing?"
.........."I ... I'm wearing that light blue skirt you picked out that time, and my teal blouse with the ..."
.........."... little green flowers on it?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Did you spill some pee on it?"
.........."A little."
.........."Unbutton it. Are you wearing a bra?"
.........."No."
..........My breasts are quite large. I've been luck in that they have kept their shape, so I don't need to wear a bra.
.........."Unbutton it all the way. Open it up."
.........."Uhh huh." I didn't really call Diane expecting this outcome, although we had had sessions like this on the phone before, especially right after she left for Pennsylvania. She used to do this to me all the time when we lived together. Initially unable to even speak, this sweet, demure, retreating child could have me speechless and on my knees in nothing flat, whimpering with passion. I opened my blouse, pulled it out of my skirt.
.........."Away from your breasts," she said. "I want your breasts out there naked. Your gorgeous tits."
.........."They are."
.........."Cup your hand between your legs again and fill it with pee."
.........."I will." I did.
.........."Did you do it?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Pee in your hand?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Is it warm?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Is it strong? Is it really yellow?"
.........."Faintly yellow, yes."
.........."Put your nose in it."
.........."My nose?"
.........."Put your nose in it and smell it. Smell your pee."
.........."Nnnngh."
.........."You like that?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Get some up your nose. Put your nose right down in it and breathe some pee in your nostrils."
..........She was really assertive. I taught her that. "Snnnft. Okay. I did it."
.........."Got some of your pee-pee in your nose?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Put your fingers in your nose. I want to make sure you got some of your urine in there."
.........."Nnnn. Yes."
.........."Now pour it on your breasts. Both of them. On the nipples. I want you to rub your warm pee all over your breasts. Down under them. All around."
.........."Okay." I trickled urine from my cupped hand over each breast, and then spread the liquid over and around them.
.........."Get them really wet."
.........."Okay."
.........."Rub it on your tummy. I really miss your tummy."
.........."I miss your tummy."
.........."You miss my tummy?"
.........."Yes!" I whispered passionately.
.........."And what comes out of it?"
.........."Yes," I whispered, stroking the smooth plane of my abdomen.
.........."Do you have any poop, Linda?"
.........."No. I went in the ocean this morning."
.........."God, I miss doing that with you."
.........."Me, too."
.........."Put your finger in your bottom and check."
.........."Okay." I eased my finger into my rectum. It was empty. "Sorry," I said.
.........."Mmm. Me too. Tell you what. Linda, you know that little butt syringe you have in your bathroom upstairs?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Go get it. I'll wait."
.........."Okay." I put the phone down and obediently ran upstairs and got the syringe. It was a small rubber one, pale blue. I returned to the kitchen and picked up the phone.
.........."You got it?" Diane asked.
.........."Yes."
.........."Put the phone on the floor and put me on the speaker phone."
.........."Okay." I did as she asked.
.........."Can you hear me?"
.........."Yes." Her voice filled the kitchen.
.........."Get a glass from the cupboard. Put it on the floor next to the phone with the syringe."
..........I did it, getting shivers. "Okay."
.........."I know you used to sit at that table and pretend to be reading or something while I was scrubbing the floor."
.........."I ... yes, I did that."
.........."You were checking me out."
.........."You turned me on so much."
.........."I know. Linda, I want you to take off your skirt and get down on your hands and knees on the floor by the phone."
.........."Nn. Okay." I got down on the hard tile floor, trying to avoid the little puddle of pee that had dribbled down there.
.........."On your hands and knees with your pooper sticking up in the air. Spread your legs."
.........."Okay."
.........."Are you in position?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Well, I would love to see your beautiful bottom sticking up and open like that. But at least maybe I can listen to it. You used to listen to me in the beginning when I was in the potty, didn't you?"
.........."Yes," I whispered.
.........."That was pretty naughty."
.........."I know."
.........."Take the syringe and put two or three bulbs-full of air in your bottom."
..........This was sort of humiliating. I hoped I didn't get a visitor at my back door just then. I got the syringe and licked the tip a little and slid it in my anus, and then squeezed the bulb. Then I slid it out so the bulb would refill with air, and then did it again, and then again. The pressure inside my bottom was pretty immense. "Okay," I groaned.
.........."Mmm. Now I want you to hold the glass under your sweet love nest and urinate in the glass."
.........."Diane, my God ..."
.........."Do it."
..........The pee made a tinkling sound going into the glass.
.........."Oh, Baby," Diane breathed on the phone. "I can hear it. Mmmm. Okay, now fill the syringe with pee and put it you know where."
.........."I don't think it will fit."
.........."Yeah, it will. I've seen a lot more than that in your bottom."
..........It was true, she had.

Chapter 9

 I dipped the syringe in the glass on my kitchen floor by the phone and drew pee into the bulb, straining to keep the air in my bottom from coming out. Then I pressed the rubber tip into my anus and slowly squeezed.
..........I could feel the warm liquid trickle into my distended rectum. So delicious! I was breathing really heavily.
.........."Let it out verrrry slow," Diane said over the speaker phone. "A tiny bit at a time, real gentle, like you taught me. And do it close to the phone so I can hear. Keep your beautiful naked butt up nice and high in the air. Are the cheeks spread really wide?"
.........."Yes," I moaned. I slowly relaxed my sphincter. The noise that came out of my bottom was not a delicate one at all! I knew Diane could hear it. I could hear her breathing heavily over the cavernous sounds my bottom was making. Pee sprayed on the floor behind me and dribbled down the insides of my legs.
.........."Soooo sweet!" Diane whispered. "Know where I wish my mouth was right now?"
.........."Mmmnnngh," I murmured.
.........."Push down all the way. I want to hear all of it come out."
..........The gurgling, fluttering resonance of my straining sphincter ended on an ascending note, sort of like a question.
.........."Oh, Jesus, yes," Diane said. "I want my tongue in there, Linda."
.........."Nnnn," I breathed, finishing, my legs wet all over.
.........."I wish you had some poop. I have some."
.........."You do?" I asked, grabbing a napkin and getting back on the chair. "Where are you?"
.........."Well, I was at my desk with my clothes on when you called, but I'm not any more! I'm on my bed, naked."
.........."Oh, wow."
.........."Naked and wet."
.........."Wet with pee? Or love juice?"
.........."Both. And I just pooped a little while you were doing that."
.........."You did?"
.........."Mmm, hmm. Its in my hand right now. I'm looking at it."
.........."Oh, sweet Baby. Poop from your scrumptious little bottom?"
.........."Mmm, hmm."
.........."What does it look like?"
.........."Like chocolate candy."
.........."How big is it?"
.........."Well, its smaller than a bread box."
.........."Be serious."
.........."Its just little, about the same size as ... your big toe!" She giggled. "With a lumpy sort of bend in the middle."
.........."I want it."
.........."You want to touch it?"
.........."Yes."
.........."You want to smell it?"
.........."Yes."
.........."I'm smelling it right now. Its under my nose."
.........."Nnnnn."
.........."It smells ... poopy. Nice. Sweet. You want to taste it?"
.........."God, yes! Brush your lips against it."
.........."Mmmm. Its still warm. From my insides. I'm putting my tongue on it."
.........."I want it in my mouth."
.........."All the way in?"
.........."Yes."
.........."You want to eat my do-do?"
.........."Yes. Your sweet grunt."
.........."Grunt?"
.........."Uh, huh."
.........."Mmmm. It tastes good."
.........."Didn't your mother tell you not to talk with your mouth full?"
.........."Mmmmgh." She giggled.
..........There was some silence. She was really eating it! I masturbated in the chair, imagining what that morsel would taste like! Another delicious orgasm swept through me, and then there was a long silence. "Diane," I finally said, drifting down to earth again, "I really miss you. This is so nice. When can you come and see me?"
.........."June 13th," she said, subdued for a moment. "So, what's her name?"
.........."Her name is Darcy."
.........."Mmm. And you don't know what you're going to do?"
.........."No. Its kind of hard. I haven't told anyone. You're the first."
.........."You should call Jeanette."
..........Of course. I should call Jeanette. She was among my best and oldest friends. Diane and I had visited her a few times in San Francisco. "That's a good idea," I said. "I will. As soon as I get off the phone."
.........."Good. Linda, you'll do just the right thing, I know you will."
.........."Thank you Sweetheart. I'm so proud of you."
.........."Thank you for everything, again. I just keep thanking you. I really appreciated that e-mail you sent. It helped with my sociology paper."
.........."Did you use the Westmeier stuff?"
.........."It fit in perfect. I found that book in the library."
..........I had pulled my skirt back on, picked up the phone, and was at the stove, fixing coffee. "I'm glad."
.........."This was so nice. I got to get back to the books for tomorrow."
.........."I love you, Diane."
.........."I love you, too, Linda. Really a lot!"
.........."Call me. Soon."
.........."I will."
..........We hung up. I mopped the floor with a smile on my face. She really was a little devil! Then I more thoroughly mopped the laundry room from my morning spree.
..........Then I poured some coffee and called Jeanette. I hadn't spoken with her in a couple of months. She has her own studio and gallery on Union Street, and lives in an apartment upstairs. She is vibrant, and when she talks, there is a rich, deep laughter just underneath the surface. For some people, making jokes out of everything is a defense mechanism. But not for Jeanette. In fact, she is the least defended person I have ever met. She just happens to think that the world is an very, very funny place. She thinks that God has an absolutely gigantic sense of humor. She thinks God probably spends most of the time laughing, so she laughs all the time, too!
..........The moment I told her about Darcy, she said, "Linda, you need to come up here right now, because we need to talk and get this straightened out." She could hear a deep tension in me that even I didn't know was there. She got on the internet while we were talking and booked me a flight for ten-thirty that night.
..........I took a quick dip in my pool, and another shower, and then put on a dress and sandals and took a taxi to Magela's, my favorite Italian dinner spot. I felt strange, a little disconnected. I realized during my dinner of Caesar salad and pasta that all of the sexual fantasizing and stimulation was, at least in part, really a way of covering up the possibility that my entire professional career of ten years was hanging in the balance of a love affair I was having in my head with a client! Very unsettling. I felt relieved that I was going to see my dear old friend.
..........When I got home, I took a short nap, then threw a few things in an overnight bag. I called Greg, my neighbor, and asked him to keep an eye on the house, and got a cab to the San Diego airport.
..........I got to the airport with an hour to spare, so I bought a novel and started reading it while I was waiting for the plane to board. The story was about a woman who was lost in Mexico. She was being chased by twenty different people. It got boring pretty fast.
..........I boarded and settled back for the delight of flying over Los Angeles. I had driven through it so many times, and always hated it. The plane took off, and the flight attendant brought coffee. He gave me a bag of peanuts. He had an exceptionally nice rear end! I was still filled with a sort of free-floating desire and sensuousness.
..........I felt excited to get away, to see Jeanette, to have some laughs with her, and a good talk, and probably other things!
..........I first met Jeanette when I was still an undergraduate student, nearly fifteen years earlier. It was at a conference on "The Psychology of 20th Century Feminine Art," at UCLA. Jeanette was on a full scholarship at the time to the San Francisco School of Fine Arts, and I was getting my BA in psychology at the University of California at San Diego. We kept sort of bumping into one another at the conference. She had a very intriguing and bohemian air about her, and her spirit seemed so free. I loved her bubbling laughter! She wasn't that pretty at first glance, rather plain, but she had beautiful skin, and a deep, inner glow that drew me to her. She was wearing some sort of dark gray tattered coat and T-shirt and Levi's. Her hair was cropped short, and she wore no makeup or jewelry except for a ruby ring that didn't seem to fit her style somehow. It turned out that it had belonged to her great grandmother. It was one of her ways, she told me later, of staying connected with her ancestors. She was a few years older than I, and seemed to me to possess all of the wisdom of the universe. She was very outspoken and opinionated at the conference, and I loved listening to her challenge the presenters. She seemed to know more than any of them did about the subject matter. She was, at the same time, so unpretentious.
..........Jeanette was the one who taught me about the inner pleasures of my body, how to love myself so I could fully love others. She taught me the true nature of taboos and how to face and move through them so I could become a free spirit. She was so filled with laughter and compassion and good humor about everything. As I mentioned, she is one of the funniest people I have ever met. She told me, for example, that she wasn't bi-sexual. She said she was everything-sexual. Her joke about that was that she would make love with anything that would stand still long enough, but that she wouldn't let a crocodile into her bed unless it wore a condom.
..........We missed the last day of the conference. We took off together, found a coffee shop on Melrose Avenue in Hollywood, and spent the entire day talking and laughing.
..........It's hard to describe how much she opened up a whole new world of understanding for me. She was like a psychic bulldozer! She told me, among other things, that there are many people in our world who don't know how to love well. She pointed out that there were hundreds and hundreds of books written about intimacy, relationships, how to be a good lover, and so on, but that they all left something essential unsaid. She said that when she is at a book store and sees books about loving, or psychology, or self-esteem, or whatever, she would sometimes check the index to see if it -- this essential unsaid thing -- was mentioned. It never is. She told me that this unsaid, unmentioned, essential thing is our culture's greatest taboo. Our private and universally held secret. She believed that this taboo is a key to lots of things.
..........The body itself is a great cultural taboo, she told me. We are not a culture of bodies, even though we get pretty obsessed about them sometimes. We are a culture of heads. "Talking heads," she said. She used that phrase years before it became a popular media expression. "We are judged and rewarded," she said, "based on how well we manipulate things with our heads. The rest of our bodies are thought of as something of an 'adornment' for the head's pleasure or convenience, or just a piece of equipment to get ourselves the things that our heads want."
..........I have since learned in my therapy practice that many people have a very deep resentment of their bodies, and of what they perceive as their bodily limitations. Some people think of their body like a piece of furniture in a corner of the room that is their life. A nuisance that they have to drag around with them everywhere.
..........Jeanette taught me that one of the things about our bodies is that they don't manipulate. They never lie. They are honest. Our heads manipulate. We are a culture of manipulators.
..........She pointed out that she wasn't being critical of manipulation, or of the head, or of the mind, or of the head's marvelous ability to manipulate information and ideas and resources. The problem with love was not that the head is a bad thing; the problem with love was the head's obstinate denial that there is a body attached!
.........."Everyone wants and needs to love and be loved," she said. "That is central to our being. What is so sad is that we are not a culture of lovers. We are like a culture of birds who can't fly, or fishes who can't swim. Lots of our problems stem from that," she said. "We are birds out of air; fish out of water." Then she laughed.
..........Jeanette was the first one to introduce me to the idea that the ability to love others and get loved back depends upon the ability to love ones self. That is a very simple truth. She pointed out that self-love does not mean a self-serving, self-absorbed, self-seeking irresponsibility or insensitivity. She meant simply a genuine affection and regard for who one personally and privately is. People who are able to love themselves are able to give love freely to others, and to receive love freely from others. Those who don't love themselves have problems with giving and receiving love with others.
..........And here was another astounding truth she told me: Love of ones self begins with love of ones physical body. It's not an abstract thing. It's a physical thing. Very basic. Self-love begins there, with the body. Not just one part of the body, either, but the whole enchanting, wonderful thing, the perfect completeness of it. "Your body," she told me, "is delightful, sensuous, and very sexy. You know what the sexiest erogenous zone is?" she asked me. "The skin. All of it. Every inch. Inside and out. But it is as though we have been given a radio that has a thousand frequencies, and we sit and listen to only one or two stations. What a waste of a good radio that would be!" Then she bubbled over in laughter again.
..........Jeanette told me a lot more about psychology than I was learning at the University of California at San Diego. As little babies, she told me, we knew that our entire bodies were an erogenous zone. We were delighted with our bodies. We loved them without having to figure out how to, because loving and enjoying ones body is the natural state of things. Animals, she said, don't have any trouble loving themselves. They are so quick and agile in matters of survival because their love of themselves is built in. They don't have to work on it, or have second thoughts about it. There is no hesitancy in the self-regard that animals have.
..........But in our own childhood development, somewhere along the way, we got conned out of that. We got inducted out of our bodies and into our heads. The well-intentioned grown-ups wanted us to pay attention to the world of "talking heads." The most powerful tool that they used for that was shame. We were taught to feel ashamed of our bodies by the grown-ups. It was easy for them to teach us that, because they also felt ashamed of their own bodies, because it is what their parents taught them, and so on, back and back. Its a continuing cycle.
..........Jeanette said that stepping out of that cycle of shame is a long journey. She said it was also the most important journey she had made in her life. She said she could not have become an artist without taking that journey. ..........Then she told me a very interesting thing that she had figured out about artists. She said it was a very well-kept secret that not too many people knew. The secret she told me was this: "Artists are people who like to play with their own shit."
..........She said that therapists (which was something I was planning to become), were artists who liked to play with their own shit, but who also liked to play with other people's shit!
..........It was pretty shocking for me to hear that!
..........She said that poop was the big taboo in our culture. It was why art was countercultural by its nature. And it was why therapists had to go through all of this complicated education and licensing. You couldn't just play with somebody else's poop if you wanted to. You had to get a license to do that! She laughed and laughed about that.
..........She had me nearly rolling on the floor laughing, myself. Lots of people in that Melrose coffee shop were staring at us. Jeanette didn't mind that. Not at all. She would probably have gotten up on the table and lectured them, if she had felt like it!
..........Then she said that the funniest thing about it was that everyone in the universe is really an artist in disguise. Including God. "God is an artist who is creating the universe through us," she said. Jeanette's God was not a male or a female. Jeanette's artist God was an everything. The universe was a work of art, she said. A "work in progress," and she laughed again.
..........Then she gave me this whole amazing language lesson. She said that a key to understanding what she called "the poop taboo" was the language we used to describe it. She said that while there are lots of words we use, none of them were very good. She said that the best evidence that it was a taboo was that we don't even have the words to describe it properly. She explained all the etymological and metaphorical differences between the vulgar terms, such as "shit" and "piss;" the medical terms, like "feces" and "excrement;" the historical terms, like "scat" and "dung," and the words that are associated with childhood before the taboo was instilled in us by the grown-ups, like "potty," and "poop," and "do-do." She said she liked these terms best because they had connotations of innocence. She pointed out that "going to the bathroom" or "going to the toilet" or "going potty" are euphemisms that refer not to the process they intend to describe, but to the place where it occurs, or the funny furniture you sit on to do it. But she thought those phrases were sexy because they have a childhood innocence about them. She didn't like the vulgar terms because they reinforced the taboo by virtue of having evolved into euphemism for negative things, like "you don't know shit," and "you piss me off," and so forth.
..........She said that what was lacking in our vocabulary were grown-up, non-vulgar, non-medical, non-euphemistic words that describe these bodily products (and the parts of the anatomy where they come from) from a benevolent, moderate, accepting, or neutral point of view, or from a point of view such as her own, which was one of tenderness, sensuousness, passion, arousal, and receptivity.
..........I was shocked, embarrassed, but incredibly intrigued by all of this. Then she asked me these really personal and probing questions about how I really felt about my own poop and pee. It made me squirm, but she was so loving and compassionate and filled with laughter the whole time that I found myself opening up to her in a way that I had never opened up with anyone before.
..........During the afternoon, something else was also happening. I was so intrigued by her words, but at the same time there were these amazing undercurrents that kept building on the non-verbal level. I never got the feeling that she was seducing me at all, but there was a deep, sensuous river flowing beneath the surface, and it seeped gradually and emphatically into my soul as she spoke. By mid-afternoon, I was completely unhinged. I felt naked. Really naked. I wanted to be really naked with her, more naked than I had ever gotten with anyone! She knew it, too. She suggested we go back to the hotel. It wasn't a proposition. It didn't need to be. There wasn't any doubt at all about what we were going to do.
..........But nothing I had ever thought or done in my life prepared me for what we in fact ended up doing!

 

Chapter 10

.....I.looked out the window of the airplane. It was a clear night. The lights of Los Angeles, and its sprawling environs, were strung like Christmas tree lights for as far as I could see.
..........Faraway lights of civilization from an airplane are always mystical for me. Maybe I was a space traveler in a former lifetime.
..........I could see the ribbons of night traffic far below on the freeways, the exposed arteries of civilization. While offensive while in their midst, they were exquisite from the air. A mosaic of motion, migratory lights of meaning and purpose. People's lives unfolding.
..........I had driven those ribbons between San Diego and San Francisco a lot in 1984, in the months following that first incredible encounter with Jeanette.
..........And "incredible" doesn't even begin to describe that encounter! I had been in bed with both men and women, and I thought I was very sophisticated and experienced in sexual things. But in Jeanette's world, as I quickly learned when we got to her hotel room in Los Angeles that day, I might as well have been a virgin! She found and touched places on and in my body that I didn't know were there, and she took me soaring to heights of sexual nirvana that I never knew existed. She spent about fifteen minutes, for example, just touching and kissing me on the soft inner part of my left knee! -- and the way she did it brought me to the most intense and sensuous orgasm I had ever experienced!
..........She turned me inside out.
..........I lost touch with where my body ended and hers began. The difference between my toes and fingers, between my elbows and calves, between my mouth and rectum, my tongue and clitoris, all blurred and then disappeared. The difference between the bed and the floor disappeared, too, and between the bathtub and the top of the dresser, and between the chair at the desk and the toilet seat in the bathroom. It was like an acid trip without the acid. (It was all natural, except of course for the caffeine, which we had completely peed out of our systems by midnight!)
..........There were no toys, no games, no accouterments, no barriers, no embellishments. Just us. And the us became one. We flowed into and out of one another like liquid fuel. Taboos melted. No parts of our bodies were left untouched. I used to be ticklish in a few places, but I wasn't ticklish anymore. None of our excrescence's were untasted. We were the ocean. The feminine part of her sought out and found in me some deep masculine part, and some masculine part of her opened up my femininity as it had never been opened before. Sometimes it magically seemed like she actually had a penis! And then the genders blended. We soared above that. We were omnisexual angels in flight in a genderless universe!
..........Tears flowed from me, but I could neither tell nor care if they were tears of grief, or joy, or laughter, because all of that finally blended, too.
..........We were still loving each other when the sun came up the next day.
..........Before Jeanette, when I was in bed with someone, I would always have this little guarded place within me that came from knowing how physically pretty I am. No matter how close I was with the person, a small part of myself never trusted that they were loving me for me and not just for my body. So I couldn't ever be completely, totally free. ..........But that feeling evaporated the first time I was with Jeanette, and it never came back. It became a non-issue. With her, it was an inside kind of loving that had nothing to do with physical appearance. She was so beautiful in such a deep way, and that was what I was drawn to, and I knew she felt the same way about me. The beauty was in our being so openly human, not in being one another's "sex object," or idealized version of this or that need or desire. It was all on the inside.
.........."Women," she told me once, "have more of a problem with self-esteem in our culture than men do because of the commercialization of feminine beauty as an ideal for them to live up to, and, of course, to inevitably fall short of. The main reason for us women to organize politically," she said, "is to get our fucking pictures off the covers of all those fucking glamour magazines! Nobody looks like that," she said. "The models in those pictures don't even look like that!"
..........We were together every weekend after that first time, unless we had finals or big projects due. I kept a frantic pace at school, just so I could spend quiet and sensuously filled hours with her. We met halfway a lot, usually in Santa Barbara. That was a little further for her, but more traffic for me. I nearly wore out my little Volkswagen Bug, which was already ten years old at the time. I almost went broke with the motel and phone bills! We couldn't afford to fly. Neither of us had any money.
..........I had a fidelity issue with her. I wanted our relationship to be monogamous. We talked a lot about that. I was jealous at the thought that she might have sex with other people, whether they were male or female. I was faithful to her. Out of respect for my feelings, she was faithful to me, too. She said she believed in what she called "serial monogamy," that it was all right to be faithful to one person at a time, depending upon the nature of the relationship, but she said that ours was not a "life-long love." She said we had come together at that moment in our lives to grow and learn about ourselves from each other. She would not make a commitment to me, nor did she want me to make one to her. She said that the real commitment she wanted me to make was to myself. She said that was the only one that mattered. I should marry myself, she said, and vow to honor, obey, love and cherish myself forever. If I could make that commitment -- and act and feel as though it were true -- I would have no need for a commitment from her. In order to honor my feelings, she agreed to not be with anyone else until I had been able to make that commitment, but she said that when I did make that commitment, and then if she found someone else to love, I would celebrate that with her because there would be no jealousy.
..........She scoffed at people making fidelity commitments to each other in marriage when they had no commitment to themselves. "Why should a bird with a broken wing make a commitment to a sea otter?" She would ask, and then break into gales of laughter. I didn't understand what that meant, exactly, but it still struck me as funny, so I would laugh with her. She said that when a person found their true soul mate, and if both of them were committed to themselves, that they would logically choose fidelity because they would be on the path of discovering true intimacy, the ultimate inward journey, a path that few ever find. The need or desire to look outside would disappear. She said that she and I were soul mates in the sense of being fated to meet and explore one another, but that we weren't "true" soul mates.
..........I had no idea how she knew that.
..........Our fidelity ended when I was half through with graduate school at Berkeley. I had found that commitment to myself. We celebrated with a party that lasted four days!
..........I've never laughed harder, or loved better, with anyone than I did with Jeanette.
..........We continued to see each other over the years, and we continued to be lovers, alone and together with other people. Diane and I went to see her, as I mentioned, on several occasions, and she visited us, once alone, and once with a new boyfriend. That was an exciting weekend!
..........Speaking of men, the flight attendant with the nice butt offered me more coffee. I accepted. He looked like he might have a pleasingly large penis as well as a nice butt. I couldn't see any evidence of that in the crotch of his black pants, but he did have long fingers, and that's usually a sign.
..........I hadn't been with a man in a very long time. My loins stirred a little as he smiled at me, handing me my coffee. I was still floating on the same quiet sea of a vague sort of sexual desire that I had been floating on all day. The flight attendant's eyes were seductive. He was undressing me with them. In my imagination, I fleetingly drew him to me, opened the black pants, took out his cock and examined it, licked it, squeezed it, enfolded it in my mouth.
..........It is my experience that sensuous men who love themselves, who love their bodies and have completely embraced their masculinity, are very hard to find. Sadly, this handsome young man wasn't one of them. He was uninitiated in his manhood. It showed everywhere. He was looking for a woman to make him feel like a man.
..........A bird with a broken wing, giving seductive looks to a sea otter!
..........The thought made me giggle out loud, just as he was expressing his adoration by handing me two more complimentary bags of peanuts. I quickly looked away out the window, blushing. The lights of Los Angeles were gone. There was only an ocean of darkness below. When I turned back, he had disappeared up the aisle. He would never know why I had giggled. I hoped I hadn't hurt his feelings.
..........I took another look at my novel. The heroine had been captured now. She was bound and gagged in a warehouse in Mexico. It all had to do with chemical weapons and so forth. I couldn't keep my mind on it. My thoughts, and my body, kept drifting back to the flight attendant!
..........Okay, so he was an uninitiated male. But it wasn't in my mind to marry him, have a relationship with him, even have dinner with him. All that was in my mind was what his penis might look like, feel like, taste like. I imagined it as being long and thick and soft, imagined it filling my mouth, imagined what it would feel like against my tongue as it grew thicker, longer, harder, like steel, and I imagined his youthful maleness flowing into my mouth and down my throat.
..........Mmm!
..........That sensuous sea I was floating on began to surge, as from a tidal wave. All of my cells became focused on the flight attendant's imagined penis.
.......... Perhaps, in the way I would touch him, I could help him somehow on his journey to manhood.
..........Bullshit. I just wanted to suck his cock.
..........Really a lot!
..........But where?
..........I glanced up the aisle. He was talking with a small child near the front of the section. He was being nice to the child. That was nice. I was touched.
..........It wasn't a crowded flight. Half the seats were empty. I unbuckled my seat belt, grabbed my shoulder bag, arose from my seat, and walked up the aisle toward the rest room sign. He was still chatting with the child, a little boy. His back was to me, but he had glanced up and seen me coming. I gave him one of my more enticing smiles. As I passed him, I put my bag over my shoulder and brushed against him as though the aisle were too narrow to get by. I let both my hands graze his hips, then moved one hand to his buttocks, gave it a meaningful caress. It felt as nice and firm as it looked!
..........I sensed his astonishment, and moved past him quickly and walked to the rest room. It was vacant, but I lingered at the door as though it was occupied. His eyes were on me. I smiled at him. I ran my tongue across my lower lip. I alluringly let my hands rest on my flanks and briefly caressed them.
..........Not very subtle! A wanton woman in need.
..........His conversation with the little boy ended abruptly, and then he was beside me. "Need some help?" he asked. ........."I do," I said, looking around the cabin. "My panties got a little wet back there and I need a place to go to change them. I don't think the rest room is large enough. Is there any other private place you could show me to ... do it?" I smiled and let him see the tip of my tongue.
..........He turned crimson. "Uh ... yes," he stammered. "He looked surreptitiously around the cabin. "This way."
..........I followed him up through the deserted first class section. He opened a metal door. It was where they kept the food, except there were no meals on this flight. Just racks of empty trays. "Is this all right?" he asked.
.........."Fine with me," I said, pressing against him as I walked through the door. The rest room was probably larger than that cubbyhole was. I turned and smiled at him, took his hand, and he came in behind me. "Close the door," I whispered.
..........He did, and then turned toward me, and I reached down and fondled his genitals through the pants. I knelt, unzipped the trousers, reached inside. White boxer shorts. I found the opening, slithered my fingers through it.
..........My "long finger theory" was once again confirmed! He made a delightful little gasp as my fingers connected with genitals. I curled my fingers around his penis and testicles and pulled them gently out of the pants. He was rapidly getting an erection. His gorgeous cock was uncircumcised. I lifted it, took the head in my mouth, and gently sucked the glans out of the foreskin. He trembled, steadying himself against the wall, and his cock became instantly rigid.
..........I learned many things in college. One of them was how to control my gag reflexes so that I could accommodate the most graciously endowed men with whom I chose to share myself. I used bananas to practice with. I wanted to be able to peacefully and smoothly open my throat to long, thick penises. I know that some women are alarmed at the thought of receiving a man in their mouth. Some women feel that it's degrading of their femininity, somehow. Perhaps that's related to kneeling before a man. When I kneel before people, it is to honor them, not submit to them. I submit to myself, to my own sexuality. This is easy for me, because I honor myself.
..........I slithered my lips down his beautiful, silken shaft until my nose was pressed against his belt buckle. The whiff of his belt leather titillated me! I let his delicate, firm glans glide into the opening of my throat. I suckled him gently as I fondled his testicles, encircling his buttocks with my other hand and pulling him to me. I pressed my fingers between his cheeks through the pants.
.........."Oh, God, I'm going to come," he wheezed.
..........I could tell that myself. It was a courteous warning, though. Very thoughtful. It's a warning that also usually reveals an unpleasant experience in the past. Lots of women don't like men to come I their mouths. I love it, myself. Receiving masculine essences in my mouth and throat fulfills and heightens my femininity. When a man comes in my mouth, he impregnates my heart with his immaculate, masculine love!
..........When he pees in my mouth, he nourishes the yielding passions of my soul for deep and biological human intimacy.
..........And, when he gives me his feces ... well ... but I knew I probably wouldn't get anywhere near that far with this sweet flight attendant!
..........But I didn't want him to come yet. I wanted to play a little more. Usually, when a man comes, that's the end of playing. I understand that, because I understand masculine physiology and masculine psychology. Some of that satiation following climax is natural, but a lot of it comes from shame. That makes me so sad!
..........If mothers really knew how much future tenderness they were depriving their sisters of when they shamed their little boys about sex, maybe they would stop doing it.
..........Then again, probably not, because they are so ashamed themselves.
..........The unending cycle. It certainly keeps us psychotherapists in business!
..........I sucked gently off the tip. "You are very sweet," I said, unbuckling his pants. I disentangled his genitals from the boxer shorts and pulled the pants and shorts down to his ankles. Then I kissed his thighs and testicles and the moist pockets of skin underneath them, kissed and laved his flanks, raised his white shirt and T-shirt and kissed his lower belly, licking hairs. I bit a pubic hair off and swallowed it while my hands explored his bottom, opened him, fingered the valley between his smooth, firm cheeks, found his pliable anus, cleaved and fondled it.
.........."Oh, God," he whimpered, and then he came! I wasn't even touching him! His sizzling discharge buffeted my face. I quickly recaptured his penis in my mouth, encircled the base of the shaft with my fingers, and palpated him deftly to maximize his pleasure as he surged and exhausted himself in my mouth, deep quivers passing through him. .........."Mmm, sweet," I whispered as I withdrew. I got a tissue from my bag and wiped my face as I stood up.
.........."I'm ... sorry," he said as he quickly pulled his pants back up. He was bright red.
.........."Nothing to be sorry about," I smiled. "I enjoyed that a lot. Thank you."
..........He was sorry! How sad. Well, he was probably sorry that he hadn't been able to feel my wet panties. Now it was too late. All of his seductive passion and desire had been replaced by a little boy's guilt. Oh, how I wished I could somehow pass my hands over him and expunge all of that guilt and shame, reach inside of him and show him the beauty of his complete manhood!
..........Dr. Linda Keresan, sexual exorcist.
..........But I didn't know how to do that. I'm not sure that it something that a woman can do for a man. That's really what they call an "inside job."
..........We awkwardly left the food storage compartment. He asked if he could see me again, and I politely said that, no, he couldn't, that it was just a nice moment we had fortuitously shared.
..........I returned to my seat still floating in a sea of desire.
..........Then I took a nap.
..........I dreamt of the ocean, and of Darcy DeVries.

 

Chapter 11



 

..........Jeanette met me at the flight gate in San Francisco. She was wearing a lavish tweed jacket.
..........She looked like an angel to me.
..........I hugged her tight and stayed in her arms for a long time. She gently rocked me. "Sweet Baby, sweet Baby," she whispered over and over.
..........We rode to her Union Street apartment in her Toyota pickup in silence. I didn't feel like talking yet. I just wanted to feel her presence, her energy. It was so calming.
..........She accepted the silence. She knew I would talk when I was ready. She was just feeling my presence, too. There was no need for words.
..........Comfortable silence! The true mark of really good friendship.
..........It was nearly two in the morning when we got to her apartment. She made tea, and we sat on her sofa. "I fucked the flight attendant on the way up," I smiled.
.........."How delightful!" she said. "Did you use a condom?"
.........."It was a flight attendant, not a crocodile," I giggled. She nearly fell off the sofa in laughter. She and I can joke about condoms because we both know a lot about what's risky and what's not as far as sexually transmitted diseases go, and because we keep ourselves really healthy.
.........."So, tell me what its like to be in love with a client," she said.
.........."I think maybe I set myself up for this with Diane and that maid thing," I said angrily.
.........."Desire is a real thing," she said.
.........."I believe in the ethics that therapists have to follow. I believe in client rights. It's a sacred thing. You can't have therapy without it."
.........."Not the kind of therapy you do, that's true."
.........."I do good therapy."
.........."I'll bet you're the best, Baby."
.........."I am."
..........She smiled. "The sexually repressed establishment built this tight little box and handed it to you and said, 'here, work inside of this.' And you have really excelled inside that box."
.........."Its not a bad box."
.........."Oh, I love boxes, myself," she said. "I paint them all the time. Live in one. Keep my tea in one. They don't occur in nature, though. Nature has channels, not boxes. Nothing is closed off from anything else in nature."
.........."We're part of nature, and we make boxes."
..........She laughed a deep, hearty laugh. "Who in the fuck told you that?"
.........."You did!"
..........She nearly rolled off the couch laughing. Then she composed herself. "You're right, I did. But, Sweetheart, look: There is only one rule, and that's the rule of change. The universe -- life -- isn't a static thing, its a process. The wheel is always still in spin, things becoming other things, becoming each other. The rule is that nothing ever gets locked in. Everything has an opening. Everything has to poop to live, right?"
.........."I don't want to change. I'm happy. I'm successful. I'm good."
.........."I know you are."
.........."I have an inherent knowledge of how to do therapy. Like I was born with it."
.........."I was re-reading James Michener lately. He had an almost inherent knowledge of all the different locales in the world, but that didn't mean he had to be a travel agent for a living." She laughed.
.........."Meaning what?"
.........."Meaning, there is always something else, a next step. Everything is a foundation for something else."
.........."You think I should stop doing therapy?"
.........."You know me better than that. I would never tell you what to do. That's none of my business. I just know that there are never any accidents or mistakes in the universe, and that the body never tells a lie, and that it will never let you down if you listen to it. What is your body saying, by the way?"
.........."It's saying that ... it loves Darcy."
.........."Mmm. And you're saying that you can't love Darcy inside that box."
.........."Right."
.........."Well, it's your deal, Sweetie, but that says to me that there just might be something wrong with the box. Because I know there's nothing wrong with love!"
.........."I'm not sure I want to hear that."
.........."I'm not sure your head wants to hear that. But, how does your body feel about it?"
.........."It feels ... frightening. I don't know what else I would do if I stopped doing therapy."
.........."What is therapy, exactly? I mean, besides being licensed to play with other people's shit?" She giggled.
.........."Its providing an emotional and intellectual place for people to do their important life work."
.........."You have to be a licensed therapist to do that? You do that just getting up in the morning and walking around the planet!"
.........."But, it's how I make my living."
.........."Say it right, Linda. 'It's how you have been making part of your living so far.' That and your wonderful books, and the rolling stock thing you figured out, and your restaurant. It's been the foundation of a very nice living, yes it has. You've got a nice house. You even have a big private swimming pool. You're in bourgeois fucking heaven!" She laughed.
.........."It's security," I said. I was getting angry.
.........."Yep. Well, I'll tell you what. You're right. I think you should just go ahead and opt for that. Cut Darcy lose as a client, and cut her out of your life, and go on with your security. That's smart. She's just a girl, anyway, you know?"
.........."Fuck you."
..........She laughed. "That's not a bad idea, either, but you look a little too wiped out right now."
..........I started crying, and she put her arms around me, cradling me. "Its a tough decision," she said softly. "I know. Let's put it to bed. Lots of time to talk tomorrow."
.........."Okay," I said, sniffling.
.......... She led me through her studio, rich with the stimulating fragrance of oil paint, to her bedroom in the back of the apartment, where the smell of paint changed to the smell of incense.
..........Walking into Jeanette's bedroom was like stepping into the 19th Century. She had a reverence for antiques, for old things. She pulled homemade quilts and bedding back on her brass bed while I slipped my clothes off. She embraced me, and then I climbed naked in between the clean, cool, sweet-smelling sheets.
.........."I've got just a couple of things yet to do tonight for the gallery tomorrow," she said as she tucked me in. "Saturday's still a big day around here. But I'll have lots of free time tomorrow because I've got a lot of help."
.........."Oh, Jeanette, I'm sorry, I've kept you ..."
.........."Hush," she said, kissing me on the forehead. "I never sleep much, anyway."
..........I was asleep before she had time to turn out the light.
..........I awoke to morning sun streaming in the window -- and to beautiful Jeanette, sitting on the bed beside me with a cup of coffee. I had no recollection of her either coming to bed or getting up.
.........."Hi, sleepy head," she smiled, handing me the coffee.
.........."What time is it?" I asked, moving pillows behind me and scooting up in bed with the quilt.
.........."Past ten," she said. "Its a beautiful morning."
.........."Wow." I took the coffee and sniffed it. It smelled rich and wonderful. "I never sleep this late. Thank you for the coffee." I sipped it. It was the perfect cup of coffee. Jeanette's life was effortlessly perfect, effortlessly complete. A glowing balance of yin and yang.
.........."You're welcome, Sweetheart. I'm so glad you're here."
..........Her smile warmed me to the cockles of my heart. Her brown eyes were so beautiful, deep and kind. Her smile came from deep inside them, sparkling. "Me, too," I said. "Are you working?"
.........."I've got such a great staff, now. Everything is humming downstairs. I'm through for the day, except to go down when they close tonight at nine o-clock."
.........."Great." I sipped more coffee.
.........."How are you feeling this morning?"
.........."Better. Rested."
.........."You look better. Linda, look, Sweetheart, I know you are probably feeling like you need to make a decision today, or maybe tomorrow, but I'll tell you what. I have a feeling that the decision is already made, deep inside, and all you need to do is wait for it to trickle out. So let's just relax. Have fun." She gently stroked a lock of my hair by my ear. Her fingers softly brushed against my ear giving me a luscious little chill.
.........."I'm sure you're right," I said, nuzzling against the fingers.
..........Her eyes were on my lips as I sipped the coffee. I could see a quiet passion drifting behind them.
..........While my body was just waking up, my own passion was waking up a little, too as I looked into those lovely brown eyes. She was becoming more beautiful with age. She smiled. "I sure have missed you," she whispered. Her tongue did a little exercise on her upper lip.
.........."I've missed you, too."
..........It was true.
.........."I always love you most in the mornings," she said. "Especially in the sunshine." There was a sensuousness in the way she spoke the words that caused a slight pulsation somewhere deep in my loins. Her eyes were caressing my face and neck and shoulders. I finished the coffee and handed her the cup.
.........."More?" She asked, taking the cup.
.........."Not right now," I whispered.
..........I blushed. I felt coy, bashful because it had been so long since I had made love with anyone. Anyone other than myself, that is, and Diane on the telephone. And, of course, the quickie with the flight attendant!
..........She set my coffee cup on the little table beside the bed. My heart fluttered as she reached up and stroked my hair. "God, you're beautiful," she whispered as she leaned toward me. "I want you for breakfast!" She gently cradled my face with her hands and kissed me sweetly on the lips. Her full mouth lingered on mine. I stroked her shoulders, and the quilt slid down from my breasts. She kissed down over my chin, the gentle weight of her body beginning to melt against me, and then she pressed her lips to my throat.
..........That shut down all my heat controls! My heart fluttered. My breathing deepened. Her fingertips danced over my shoulders. I felt her tongue trail over the skin of my throat, then down over my chest.
..........Then she drew her fingers down and softly cradled a bare breast in both of her sensitive, artist's hands and pressed her lips into the aureole of my nipple. The nipple was raised and rigid. She drew it gently into her mouth, played with it with her tongue, drew more of the flesh surrounding it into her mouth, sucking delicately, her mouth pulsing, the edges of her teeth brushing against the delighted, electrified nipple.
..........Then she moved to the other breast. As she sucked it deeply, her fingers danced back over the sides of my breasts, back to my shoulders, and then burrowed and fondled their way into the warm hollow of my underarms. That gesture was so forthright it took me by surprise. It sent a tremor through my loins, caused my midsection to undulate involuntarily.
..........Then she moved her hands down my sides and, agilely lowering the quilt, and started kissing me on my tummy -- deep, luscious kisses! Everything under my flesh turned to liquid. She drew the covers down to my knees as she tongued my navel, and then she pressed her face into the smooth flesh just below it. She had studied a lot of human anatomy. She knew exactly where my bladder was. It was teeming with my morning pee. She knew that, too! She buried her face deeper in my flesh right in that spot, and I could feel her energy seem to penetrate it. She moaned softly as her hand brushed my pelvis.
..........Than she ran her tongue down my flanks, and then through the bush of my pubic hair. She nuzzled me there, bit off a hair or two, then pressed her lips down into the crest of my vulva to kiss my stiffening clitoris, and then began kissing and fondling her way down my thighs.
..........I leaned over as she was doing that to reach the buttons on her Levi's. They were naturally faded Levi's, worn and covered with old paint stains. I undid the buttons one at a time. She was naked underneath them. She never wore panties. Another twitter of excitement raced through me when I saw the naked ribbon of her flowing white skin just above where her dark, sexy, pubic hair started. She was a little on the plump side. I caressed her soft, naked, tantalizing flesh, trying to get at more of it, but the jeans were very tight. She was unbuttoning her denim shirt with one hand while she was kissing my knee. Since I had sort of turned on my side, her other hand had roamed up the back of my thigh, and her fingers were caressing the lower part of my buttock cheek. I tugged on the Levi's, trying to get them down further, and she finally stood up and pulled them off, and her shirt, too.
..........She never wore a bra. Her breasts were large and full and breathtaking. She was an earth mother! She pulled her socks off and got on the bed with me facing the opposite direction, straddling me on her knees, abruptly exposing to me her gorgeous, tantalizing rear end. Though plainly in view, and spread lewdly open, those radiant regions were just out of my reach, down over my hips, because her head was at my feet and I was too aflame with passion to sit up because of what she was doing with my feet! She had one in her mouth, sucking and tonguing each toe and the spaces in between. Her own beautiful bare feet were on either side of my breasts. I took one in my hands and brought it to my face, pressing my lips into the sole, inhaling the ripe, captivating pungency, then laving it with my tongue.
..........Jeanette didn't bathe often. Or else she avoided bathing before we were to be together knowing how aroused I was by her natural bodily essences. Whichever was the case, I loved it! Her beautiful feet had that wonderfully enticing, natural odor that only feet can have. I was electrified! I inhaled deeply, fondling the sole of her foot with my nose. I drew each earthy toe all the way into my mouth, sucking and laving them all clean. Then I took her other foot, just as she was herself switching to my other one.
..........I don't have a foot fetish. A fetish is where you just love that one thing. I love the whole thing! While my tongue and mouth were loving her feet, my eyes were between her legs, relishing in the display of her majestic, hairy, moist vagina, surrounded by the fawn-colored lips of her mouth-watering labia, and above that, the delicious garland of her poop hole.
..........I could smell her sex, even from that far away. I wanted my mouth there. As though to oblige, she began inching back toward me as she kissed her way back up my legs and thighs. I put my hands on the soft cheeks of her luscious bottom and drew her to me. The pillow-soft skin of her plump inner thighs brushed my cheeks, and the strong redolence of her sex filled my nostrils and my lungs. Jeanette often peed herself as I did. In fact, she's the one who taught me how much fun it is! And, because personal hygiene was not the highest priority in her life, her sublime sex smell was commingled with a racy fragrance of her urine. I buried my nose in her humid essence, and then covered it with my mouth, licking and sucking the feminine fullness of her, sliding my tongue deep inside the moist, tasty cavern. She whimpered softly, and then her lips were upon me as well. I opened my legs wide, arching up to receive her mouth and tongue.
..........As she locked my head between her thighs, I opened her rear cheeks with my hands and spread her anal sphincter with my thumbs. Her lack of attention to hygienic matters extended here, too! Tiny, brown, fecal delicacies clung amid the Epicurean tufts of hair that surrounded the circle of her luscious asshole, like she hadn't wiped in awhile, and so I was reveling in an abundant, luscious, organic bouquet! I pressed my nostrils into the intoxicating tepidness. God, I love that smell so much! It enraptured me. All of my cells were trying to inhale at once!
..........All of my animal urges were wide awake!
..........And at the same time, her hands were beneath me, fingers dancing in between my own bottom cheeks, opening me.
..........Then one of her fingers gently, effortlessly, slithered into my rectum (a little cleaner at the gate, I think, than hers!). I had to go to the bathroom, though. Both ways. Her finger undulated deep inside, and she moaned softly. I pressed gently down around the deeply probing finger, opening myself up more for her. Some air fluttered out of my rectum, and she moaned again.
..........Then she dislodged herself and turned around, moving down to the foot of the bed, on her stomach between my spread legs. She opened them further and covered my sex with her mouth and again eased her loving finger deep inside my bottom, amid my morning treasures. Her other hand was fondling my lower stomach, over my distended bladder, kneading my tender flesh, making me want to pee.
..........I closed my eyes and began releasing my urine for her. I felt it progress toward the portal. I had to go really bad! She had stopped licking me, now. Her mouth was motionless, enveloping my sex, waiting, as her finger lay nestled serenely deep in my other teeming garden.
..........Then I felt my urine begin to trickle out into Jeanette's cloying mouth.
..........It had been so long since I had done this! -- this total visceral abandonment of self to the body of another! Nothing feels sexier to me than that special, liquid relinquishing of that which passes within me, through me, out of me and into someone's affectionate, unretreating mouth.
..........I was physically suspended and cleansed and connected in the earth. A true communion! A blessing indeed.
..........Maybe it was just a metaphor for love. But it sure didn't feel like a metaphor!
..........It felt like Paradise!

Chapter 12

........I could hear the familiar sound of my pee coursing out of my body, a flowing, liquid whisper. The sound was muffled inside Jeanette's luscious mouth, and it was combined with the sound of her breathing and swallowing.
..........Swallowing me! - swallowing my piss!
..........Our bodies were blending in passionate, rippling, rapture!
..........I tried as soon as I could to constrain the flow of my urine and give it to her in intervals, so she would have time in between the squirts to swallow it. It was difficult at first, because my bladder was so full, but I've had lots of practice in self-control in that area, and I quickly found a delightful, leisurely, liquid rhythm. Her mouth became less passive as it surged and suckled against and around and inside my sex, and her tongue began exploring within the flowing sheath, frolicking in my golden discharge.
..........Her finger, meantime, was stirring deep in my bottom, exploring, penetrating, delving, examining. Things were moving around in there. I kept pushing down, and a second finger joined the first, opening me up more. It felt like her fingers were pressing all the way up inside my bowels! I lifted my legs, drew them back, put my own fingers on either side of my anus and pulled it further open so she could get in deeper. Some more air poofed out of my rectum around her fingers as I pushed down, and that made her moan in a deep, guttural craving.
..........I was moaning, too! The overwhelmingly intimate sensation of her fingers deep inside, stroking and probing my morning poop, coupled with the feeling of my pee spurting into her mouth, sent me into a lustful and blazing passion of complete abandon!
..........The last of my pee dribbled out. She lapped it, laved my vagina deeply, and then delightfully moved her focus lower down, slowly easing her fingers out of my bottom and covering my anus with her mouth.
..........We didn't need any words. I knew she wanted it all, and I gave it to her, straining against her lips, feeling her tongue and mouth enclosing the softly emerging fragments of my bowel movement that rustled and surged from my rectum into her mouth.
..........I was turning myself inside out. It's the most intimate gesture I know about. The ultimate, personal, organic, aphrodisial act two people can perform together!
..........For lots of people, its a sign of some kind of dominance, going to the toilet that way in another person's mouth. For me, its the ultimate surrender.
..........What greater surrender is there?
..........The center of my being spun out into a million galaxies!
..........She didn't eat it all. With her, as with me, it's a sacrament. In taking the bread at church, you don't ask if you can have the whole loaf! She had a napkin by the bed, and she put it there. And then her mouth had returned to my vulva.
..........Receiving oral love from Jeanette was like taking a trip around the moon and back. I put a pillow over my face to keep my wails and squeals from disrupting the gallery patrons downstairs!
..........Nearly an hour later, we changed places. She lay on her back, her legs spread, her bottom arched up, and I nestled between her legs and lapped and drank her warm urine as it trickled and seeped from her gorgeous sex. Her body was my fountain of bliss! It came out so sensuously against my tongue, slowly, little saffron rivulets seeping from between her delicate labia and forming little runnels down through her feminine creases. It kissed softly at my lips as I sipped it. Then it started flowing faster, and I enfolded her geysering sex with my mouth. Her soft, warm pee was like ocean spray bubbling against my tongue, the roof of my mouth, the back of my throat. It went down my throat in sweet, silken, golden waves. I played with it. I loved trying to get my lips directly attached to the little spout inside of her, where it issued from, pressing the tip of my tongue into the wellspring.
..........When I was finished drinking the last delectable dribbles, and had laved her juicy vulva clean, my tongue trailed down to her luscious, pungent, smelly asshole. She raised her hips and legs and turned herself upside down in a ball.
..........Jeanette does a lot of chi gong and yoga, and even though she's a little on the plump side, she has an unimaginably limber body. She can get her toes in her own mouth, for example, without even straining. If she were a man, I'm sure she could even get her own penis in her mouth (and, if she were a man, I'm sure that she would!).
..........Now her appetizing bottom was upended and accessible, splayed wide open in front of me, an unrestricted, main-course buffet!
..........I was in heaven!
..........First, her poop hole needed cleaning. I pulled the little anal cleft open with my thumbs to see how far inside the smudges went that she hadn't wiped the last time she went to the toilet. It was plenty brown in there. Some of it looked pretty fresh.
..........She had had ample opportunity, of course, to clean herself there before I arrived the night before, or certainly before I woke up that morning. But she knew how much I get turned on my naturally tainted poop holes, especially hers!
..........I have such wanton desires!
..........I really am an animal. She knows that about me, too!
..........I spent the first couple of minutes just enjoying the bountiful fragrance and the marvelous, visual pageant of it. I mean, its something one doesn't get to see that often! I gently lowered my nose and my lips into the warm, heady, succulent, anal flesh, nuzzling it, grazing against it, breathing it in deeply through my nose and mouth. Such a divine bouquet! Then I let my tongue tip lightly skim the anal opening and the flesh around it, letting some spittle out to soften things a bit, dabbing it with my fingertips.
..........Then I started licking little fecal dabs into my mouth.
..........I got so charged up so fast that I couldn't maintain my unhurried pace, and started deeply laving the candied flesh, then enclosed the entire area in my mouth and sucked it greedily. Her ambrosial, visceral flavors infused my body, sending tingles down my spine and clear through my entrails and genitals. She made a soft, grunting moan, and her sphincter kissed out deliciously against my tongue. I kissed it back, probed it, and my tongue dipped inside the rubbery anal tube. The sphincter pulsed, quivered, expanded, and air came out into my mouth! -- the sweet, reverberating voice of her insides! -- whispering to me, inviting me inside for more!
..........I certainly wanted more! I swooned, letting the delectable breath of her guts waft into me, burying my tongue deeper into the loosening nook. My tongue brushed against a warm, wondrous expanse of turd! My heart fluttered. It was just beneath the little anal tube, nestled at the gate. Whimpering with craving, I expanded the anal rim more with my fingers, opening the center, mashed my tongue in against the fecal surface and explored the soft little ridges and silken valleys. Her sphincter was soft and malleable, completely relaxed. She was making passionate little cooing sounds in her throat as I plied the stretchy muscle to expose more of her insides. I used my thumbs to perforate the tube, then withdrew my tongue. I could see the rosy, dank, interior membrane of her anal orifice, and then I saw her dark brown, shimmering excrement!! -- beaming out at me from inside her juicy rectum!
.........." Oh, Jeanette, God, " I breathed, and then I burrowed my tongue and lips into the little crater that my thumbs made, kissing the rich, brown, lumpy surface. I encircled her body with my arms, one over the backs of her thighs, and the other beneath them, cradling her soft belly. I cuddled closer to her, my own stomach and breasts pressed against her back. Jeanette had a way of conforming physically to whatever I did by reciprocally shifting her weight and energy toward me, into me, fusing and melding with my cells.
..........She started pressing down a little inside, helping me to open her. I began working fingers into her obliging cave, pushing the lumpy mound of poop back and trying to get underneath and through and around it and into it.
..........It was malleable, like clay.
..........I was a potter, recreating the universe at my wheel! Or a farmer, playing in the fecund earth of Eden!
..........I didn't want it to come out of her bottom yet. I wanted to play with it in its natural habitat. Jeanette knew that. She knew everything about me. She liked it that way, too. I could tell from the ecstatic, sweet, whimpering little song she was making! My little songbird!
..........Two of my fingers had wormed their way deep into her bountiful, sweet rectum. I was disrupting the environment. Back when Jeanette and I had first met, I believed that disrupting the environment is evil. It can be that, of course, but it is also transformative, regenerative. I know because, as a therapist, I disrupt emotional environments for a living.
..........Had, up to that point, at least!
..........That sodden thought -- that my career might have ended -- disturbed my focus for a moment. I drifted.
..........I had gotten into this little avoidance pattern by that time, that whenever a thought of Darcy came into my head, I would pull a little switch and move to a memory of Diane. Diane and I had been on this very bed with Jeanette, who had been in a very similar position, and I had watched Diane at the same endeavor in which I was currently engaged, which was exploring and probing and mining the luscious, stuffed asshole of our beautiful hostess. Diane had given me the giggles because she reminded me of little Jack Horner, pulling a plumb from a pie. Then she would drool on her pooped fingers and rub them on my lips, inside my lips, then in my mouth.
..........We had the bed covered with a plastic sheet during that particular escapade, and our three naked bodies, and their surroundings, were quite wet. Pee was everywhere -- Diane's, Jeanette's, mine. Diane was squirting it from between her legs and mixing it with Jeanette's poop as she fed it to me. She would smear poop and pee on my lips and cheeks and chin and tongue and teeth and then lean over impishly and kiss me, with her mouth open, and feed me little fecal nougats.
..........I lost track of whose they were.
..........It didn't matter.
..........Diane's appetite for feces was even more sizable than my own! She developed a passionate taste for it very quickly. She is majoring in history. Jeanette theorizes that perhaps historians transcend both artists and therapists. Maybe they are people who like to play with civilization's shit! You don't need a license to do that, Jeanette would laugh, but you do need a doctorate degree if you want to make any money at it!
..........At last I extricated my fingers from Jeanette's mouth-watering bottom. They were covered with her luscious feces. I sucked them clean, giddiness rising to my head in waves as I swallowed the soft, savory, inmost richness of her sweet intestines, my mind still drifting with delicious memories of Diane's tongue and saliva in the mix!
..........Then I watched, enraptured, as Jeanette began defecating, very slowly and languidly. She knew how much I loved to just watch it ease out, see her anus surge and crest around the end of her treasure. Then she teasingly drew the thrilling brown column's tip back inside, and the little anal blossom retreated, closing inward as the chestnut gem disappeared back inside. Then the beautiful anal lips would open again, distend, then retreat and close. The ebb and flow of yin and yang, a visceral tide!
..........Art imitating life! That was Jeanette's forte.
..........Then she stopped playing and began to liberate that exquisite treasure. I watched mesmerized as her luscious grunt ascended from the garden gate, emerging gloriously into the full sunlight with a soft, squishing sound. It curled and finally settled deliciously in a viscous, irregular mound in the cradle of her gorgeous rump. I trailed my fingers over it, leaned down and explored its interesting contours with my tongue, pressed my lips and nose and tongue into its warmth.
..........The fragrance reminded me of a trip that Jeanette and I had taken one time to Mt. Lassen, which is (like Jeanette!) an active volcano. We had walked down a trail to a place where the earth exposes its simmering insides, an ancient, warm, sweet, feral, sulfurous smell.
..........So extraordinary, so strangely familiar, so intimate! Earthly secrets!
..........I mashed my mouth into her warm grunt, drew some small, rounded sections inside. I was only intending to actually eat one little morsel, but my craving for her inner essences began to rise dramatically once I started swallowing it and pressing my face into it, and so I just kept swallowing more. It was mild and pleasant tasting, intoxicating, and it was such an electrifying sensation as slivers of her feces slid smoothly down my throat!
..........The nourishment that she had taken into her body as food had now passed through her, had been intimately touched by and fused with every material and chemical aspect of her being, and now this essence passed into me!
.........."Are you sure it's safe to ingest someone else's feces?" I once asked Jeanette, early in our relationship.
.........."Well, you want to be careful of anything that isn't FDA-approved!" she answered, and then she laughed hysterically.
..........Jeanette talks on and on sometimes about how people live in so much fear. The fear extends to germs, of course. "Contamination dread surrounds us," she says. "We fear being poisoned from a thousand directions." Some of this fear, she concedes, is well founded. Our bodies are vulnerable. But they are also resilient, and she makes a point of eating well and taking care of herself and paying attention and trusting her senses. Her main point is that we have a choice about living in fear or living in faith. She means faith in the fact that the world is basically a friendly place. It nourishes us. It is not, fundamentally, a hostile environment. If we operate from fear, she says, then we separate ourselves from it, from life, from each other. We become cautious observers of life rather than active participants in it.
..........Anyway, that may be a rationalization of hers. The bottom line is that she's the type of person who would rather enjoy her appetites for the fullness of life and die young as a result than to live to be a frightened and cloistered old lady!
..........I have to admit that I feel the same way.
..........So, I just go for it.
..........She unfolded herself then on the bed and turned and pulled me down on top of her. She kissed me, her tongue sliding between my lips, and she had me pass the last morsels of her feces from my mouth to hers. We played with it back and forth with our mouths for a long time, mixing it with our saliva, breaking it apart and gluing it back together, reshaping it.
..........As it slowly dissolved with each exchange, we ourselves dissolved into countless, rising orgasms in one another's arms.
..........I always felt so close to Jeanette, emotionally and intellectually and spiritually. We were connected, even when we were apart. Now we were establishing the deepest and most intimate physical connection that is possible between two lovers. A man and a woman together can achieve transcendent physical closeness in creating life. Jeanette and I were giving birth, in a way.
..........The transforming of a seedling to grain, of grain to bread, of bread to energy in our bodies, is the sacred miracle of the earth. It binds us to the earth, and grounds us in our communal being as humans. This act of communion with Jeanette was a regeneration of that sacred cycle in the cells of our bodies. We became one another. Our physical boundaries dissolved. We were inside out, mutually enfolded at multi-faceted planes of one another's existence, mellifluous in one another's embrace.
..........Giving birth to spirit babies!
..........Jeanette told me once that she had an entire biological theory about such intimate, physical sharing. Other animals, she said, are very interested in each other's poop (as well as in their own). For them, excrement is connected to territory. Its about setting boundaries. She said she believes that we have evolved to a point that our survival depends less on territoriality and more on connecting with each other. In the global community, she believes, the boundaries are disappearing, and if we are going to survive and flourish, it will be because we have learned how to embraced the things we have in common instead of dwelling on distinctions and differences.
..........Its time to come together, inotherwords!
..........For my part, I have learned that people generally fear the ultimate surrender in love. They think they might somehow loose themselves if they give themselves utterly to the other. This, like all ungrounded fears, is born of insecurity. The wonderful truth is that one can never lose ones self in love. The ultimate surrender is always really only to self. Just as the seed, in becoming the grain, does not lose but rather becomes itself, so do we never lose but always become more ourselves in total physical and emotional surrender to love. Love is never loss, always gain. I have always come away from my most intimate loving of others -- and of myself! -- more myself, never less.
..........After I made love to Jeanette's beautiful breasts, I disappeared between her legs for a long time. Then we just cuddled in Sensual silence in each other's arms.
..........At something around three in the afternoon, we got up and showered together, where we drank more from one another's bodies. Warm shower sprinkles outside, warm shower sprinkles inside.
..........We kissed and kissed.
..........Then, pampering like school girls, we shampooed one another, patted each other dry with fluffy towels, brushed one another's hair, helped dress one another.
..........We took a cab to Fisherman's Wharf and had a lobster brunch at Tarantino's. We walked back, laughing and giggling, looking in windows, stopping in gift and antique and thrift stores, buying little things for each other. Jeanette bought a new little Buddha for the altar she keeps in her entrance hall. I bought a little gift for Darcy, not knowing under what circumstances I would ever be able to give it to her.
..........We got back home in time for Jeanette to close the gallery, and I fell asleep on the sofa while she was downstairs.
..........She didn't awaken me, and I slept the whole night through!

..........Tony Casselman came for breakfast the next morning. Jeanette had written and told me about him, but I had never met him.
.........."We always have Sunday breakfast together," she told me in the kitchen as we fixed a fruit bowl before he came. "It's become a nice ritual," Jeanette said. "I cook one Sunday, and he cooks the next. I wish you could see his apartment. He has one of those stellar views way up on the top of Market Street."
.........."Are you lovers?" I asked. I was just curious.
.........."Who isn't" she laughed. "Some people's bodies fit together, like yours and mine. Some people's minds fit together, or their hearts, you know? Tony and I make love once in awhile. It's so refreshing for me to find a man who is really present with himself, you know what I mean?"
.........."I sure do," I smiled, slicing strawberries.
.........."He has the most exquisite penis I have ever seen," she said, giggling. "Its a really big one." She held up a banana and laughed.
.........."Mmm," I said, blushing a bit at her abruptness.
.........."But mostly we talk. He's an architect. I love architects. They have so much soul."
.........."Mmm."
.........."And such huge cocks."
..........We folded up in laughter.
.........."But mainly," she said, "I love him because he has taken the great journey that so many men have such a hard time taking. He is comfortable with himself."
..........She was right. Tony Casselman was one of the more engaging men I had ever met. He was gracious and charming and witty and sensuous. Our breakfast was filled with laughter, and with an easy and open flow of conversation about art and buildings, politics and gender, love and spirituality. Tony had deep brown eyes, a handsome face, and a delightful, warm smile. He was so comfortable in his clothes, which to me is a good measure of a person's inner security.
..........Not that I walk around psychoanalyzing people all the time. I don't But you just can't help noticing certain things.
..........His hands were sensitive and beautiful. His fingers were exceptionally long. I definitely couldn't help noticing that!
..........I was feeling especially pretty that morning, wearing a lovely summer dress I had bought on our walk the day before. It was light beige with pale blue flowers that looked like orchids. When we finished eating, during a break in the delightful conversation, just as I was entertaining a little fantasy about what Tony's penis looked like, Jeanette rose from the table. "Come with me, you two," she said. "Linda, I have a new piece of artwork I want to show you."
..........I was in for a shock.

Chapter 13

.......Tony Casselman and I followed Jeanette into her studio, through the disarray of her beautiful paintings and into her bedroom.
.........."It's in here," she said. She sat on the edge of her bed, and patted the spot beside her and looked at me and smiled. "Sit," she said.
..........I sat beside her, getting an awkward feeling. Tony stood in front of us, confused.
.........."Tony, Sweetie, I was telling Linda that you have the most beautiful cock I have ever seen. I know she'd love to have just a peek. Do you mind?"
..........Well, that was certainly like Jeanette! Her brazen abruptness and daring had taken me out at the knees on more than one social occasion. I turned crimson. Jeanette punctuated her amazing suggestion with her deeply infectious laugh, but it was clear that she wasn't joking!
..........I wanted to crawl under the bed! I don't know if Tony wanted to crawl under the bed or not. He smiled at me with a kind and apologetic look. Then we both laughed out of embarrassment.
.........."Thank you for the wonderful compliment, Jeanette," he said, "but I certainly don't want to distress your delightful guest."
..........How thoughtful! I regained my composure and smiled. "Well Tony, you know, I came up here to try and fix the boundaries in my life. Jeanette's specialty is blowing them out with sticks of dynamite!"
..........We all laughed. Jeanette laughed the hardest. Tony said, "That's why I love her."
.........."Me, too," I smiled, reaching over and taking her hand. "But I do have a plane to catch. One thing always leads to another in Jeanette's house, you know?"
.........."I know," he smiled. "As in life."
.........."Well, then, just a peek," Jeanette urged, giggling.
.........."Okay," I said softly, smiling up at him. "I would be delighted to see any new 'piece' that Jeanette finds artistically beautiful."
..........Tony moved closer to me and carefully unzipped his trousers. With those long, graceful, sensitive fingers, he withdrew his penis. I caught my breath. That penis was probably the last one that my Creation Goddess had completed after eons of practicing to get it just exactly right.
.........."Isn't that exquisite?" Jeanette smiled, reaching up and stroking it. It began to swell. "Tony is a wonderful lover, Linda. He understands all of the things you and I have shared."
..........I blushed. So did Tony. We smiled at each other.
.........."Feel it, Linda," Jeanette whispered. "And don't worry. He's safe. We test all the time around here, you know."
..........Tony moved a little closer to me, and I stroked the warm, elegant shaft of his astonishing and beautiful penis with my fingertips. It was like silk. I delicately drew the foreskin back, unveiling the breathtaking, perfect glans. That exposed, rose-colored flesh looked so tender and succulent! I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward and took it in my mouth.
..........The rubbery suppleness turned to steel against my tongue as I explored the contours and planes and recesses of the shining crown. As I took more and more of the wondrous shaft in my mouth, Jeanette unbuckled Tony's trousers and let them fall to the floor. He wasn't wearing underpants. She went around behind him and knelt and started doing things with his bottom as the head of his penis began to press at my throat.
.........."Tony," Jeanette whispered from behind him, freeing her mouth from whatever she was doing back there, "tinkle a little if you can. Linda loves that."
..........I had let Tony's penis glide deep into my throat, gently undulating all of my flesh as I absorbed his masculine scepter. At Jeanette's words, I eased back, holding his penis gently between my tongue and the roof of my mouth. Most men can't urinate when their penis is fully erect, but Tony could. A sweet trickle fountained over my tongue. I moaned as it glided lusciously down my throat. He gently stroked my hair with his fingers, then my cheeks. More urine came out of that succulent penis, and I swallowed it.
..........It tasted like the elixir of life! It had been so long since I had received a man in this special way!
..........Jeanette knew that. She wasn't just staging a Sunday morning orgy in her bedroom. She had an ulterior motive. In spite of my quickie with the flight attendant, she wanted me to reawaken my senses to masculine sex before I made any life-changing decisions that involved a nineteen-year old girl!
..........Pretty smart.
..........I felt a profound tenderness sweep over me as Tony Casselman urinated gently in my mouth. I put my hands on the cheeks of his smooth, muscular buttocks, squeezed them, slid my fingers inward out of curiosity about what Jeanette was doing back there. She had two fingers deep in his bottom. My fingertips caressed his anal rim, taut around Jeanette's fingers. I stretched the sphincter and felt her fingers sink deeper.
..........He moaned then, and his exquisite penis pulsed, trembled. He steadied himself with his hands on my shoulders, and then, in sweet waves, he impregnated my heart!
..........As his masculine essence flowed into me, Jeanette's fingers palpated briefly in his anus, turned, opened him, and then gently withdrew at the moment of the zenith of his orgasm. I clasped the thickness of his organ in my lips, undulating up and down, moved one hand in front to fondle and tug at his magnificent testicles, reached up beneath his shirt with the other and stroked his tummy.
..........He cried out his delight, his entire body trembling as his orgasm swept through him. He put his hands on my shoulders to steady himself.
..........Keeping my lips clasped tightly around his shaft, I slowly withdrew, drawing the last mementos of his mellifluous manhood into my mouth, and then sucked gently off the tip. "Jesus Christ," he whispered, his breath frayed, his body still trembling.
.........."Just a little after-breakfast treat," Jeanette giggled, rising behind him and kissing his neck.
..........I looked up at him and smiled. His eyes were filled with devotion and gratitude. He nodded. "You are wonderful," he whispered. "You ... honor me so. Thank you for your tenderness."
..........Sometimes, when men say, "thank you," it really irritates me. Its often a sign of insecurity. But Tony's words stirred me deeply. There was a deep genuineness about him. I was crazy about him. "Maybe you can visit me in San Diego sometime," I said, blushing again.
.........."I'm there often. I'll call you. We'll have dinner." He was pulling his pants back on.
.........."Linda has her own restaurant," Jeanette said.
.........."Oh, really? Which one?"
.........."The Chateau," I said. "At the Marina. I'm half owner."
......... "I know the place," he smiled, buckling his belt. It was a gorgeous belt. Everything about him was gorgeous! "Its a lovely building. And the cuisine is delightful!
.........."I'll take you there," I smiled. "I know the chef."
..........He smiled politely and nodded. He was plenty charming, all right!
..........We went back in the dining room and cleared the table, and everyone helped with the dishes.
..........Then I packed my overnight bag.
..........Tony had come in a cab, so he left with us and we dropped him at his office downtown. I kissed him good-bye.
..........Then Jeanette took me to the airport for my three o'clock flight home.
..........I was restless on the plane. I fidgeted with the pleats of my pretty new dress. Jeanette had said that my decision had probably already been made, deep inside, and all I had to do was wait for it to trickle out. Maybe she was right, but I didn't feel any trickling.
..........What was waiting for me when I got home was not a trickle but a deluge!
..........Darcy DeVries was sitting on my front porch!
..........She stood up when she saw me get out of the cab. She looked disheveled and fretful. She was wearing shorts and a pullover, and I could tell that she had been crying. I hurried to her. "Darcy!" I said.
.........."Dr. Keresan, I didn't mean to come here. I'm so sorry to bother you. I've been trying to call you all day, but there wasn't any answer."
..........I always check my messages throughout the weekend, even when I'm away, in case a patient has a crisis. I had completely forgotten to do it. I couldn't believe I did that.
.........."I couldn't wait until our appointment tomorrow," she said. "I'm sorry. I won't bother you. I just need you to tell me someplace I can go because I can't stay by myself right now. I'm so afraid." She put her face in her hands, weeping.
.........."Honey," I said, putting my bag and purse down and putting my arms around her. She came into my arms in great, heaving sob. I held her trembling body. "I'm so sorry I didn't check my messages," I said as she began to quiet down. "I'mso sorry!"
.........."I didn't know where to go, so I came here. I'm so sorry to bother you, but I didn't know where else to go. There's no one ..."
.........."Shhhh, Honey, it's okay, it's okay. Let's go inside and I'll fix some tea, okay?"
.........."I don't want to trouble you," she said, sniffling. "I really don't. I just hoped you could tell me somewhere I could go."
.........."Come inside," I said. I unlocked the door and gathered my things and took her hand and led her through the foyer into the kitchen. She sat at the table while I fixed tea. "Tell me what happened," I said.
.........."I ... I just got so frightened. It started yesterday afternoon. I went into a sort of panic. I just felt like I couldn't stay by myself."
.........."Can you tell me what you were frightened of?"
.........."I ... I don't know. I just feel so ... alone."
..........I sat at the table with her while the water boiled. "Free floating fear," I said. "I get that sometimes."
.........."You do?"
.........."I think we all do," I smiled.
.........."Since I got back, I've just been sort of frozen. I got this hotel room. I had all of these plans. Get a little apartment and sign up for classes at City College. I missed the deadline for summer quarter. It was last week. I've just been sitting in that hotel. I don't even go out."
.........."Are you hungry?"
.........."I ... oh, no, I don't want you to bother. I didn't want to bother you at all. I was just going to wait until our appointment tomorrow, but ..."
.........."You aren't bothering me, Darcy," I said gently. "I'm very glad that you came here."
..........I got up and looked in the refrigerator. I picked through some strawberries and sliced some cheese and homemade bread and made a little plate. I brought it with the tea pot to the table. "Start with this," I said.
..........I sat across the table and sipped tea and watched her eat. She just picked at first, then stepped up the pace a bit. "This tastes good," she said softly. "Thank you."
.........."You're welcome. There's lots more. You want some hot vegetable soup?"
..........She looked up at me. I could tell she did. I got up and heated some soup. I keep a homemade pot in the refrigerator. I keep adding leftovers to it. She had finished the bread, and I sliced some more.
.........."I had friends," she said, "you know, growing up, but there just wasn't anyone that I could call. No place I could go."
..........I didn't know exactly where I could go with this, either. Not in any rational way. As I was sitting down again I heard my own voice say, "You can stay here, Darcy."
..........She looked up at me.God, she was beautiful! I felt myself toppling into her eyes.
.........."I ... I can?"
.........."I ... well, I mean,yes, I want you to." In my head I was already wording the letter I would write to the Board of Medical Examiners relinquishing my license.
.........."That's very generous and kind of you."
.........."You can sleep here tonight," I said, "and tomorrow, we'll go to the hotel and get your things and bring them back here."
..........She began weeping. I gallantly fought the urge to come around the table and fold her in my arms. The transition would not be easy from therapist to house mother to friend to ... what?
..........One step at a time. The only ethic concerning my profession that I would really lie down and die for is, "first, do no harm." I wouldn't abandon that, licensed or not.
..........Her weeping diminished, and I said, "Darcy, would you like to go into the living room where it's more comfortable and talk a little? Or do you feel like resting? There's a nice guest room upstairs. A comfy bed. A nice private bathroom."
.........."I can't believe how good you are to me," she said through her tears. "I guess I would like to ... talk a little." She wiped the corners of her eyes with her paper napkin, and then politely blew her nose with it. "If you don't mind."
.........."That sounds good to me." I got up and quickly cleared the dishes. I feigned dropping her napkin in the garbage under the sink. I intended to actually drop it there, but then my fingers accidentally brushed against the slippery moisture it held, moisture from Darcy's ravishing body! -- and I clutched in my hand instead as I led her into the living room and turned on a lamp. As I leaned over the lamp, I surreptitiously slid the damp napkin beneath my bra, against the naked skin of my left breast. All things being equal, that's where I would have chosen for her to shed her tears and sniffle. It made my heart flutter, feeling the moisture there!
..........We sat together on the sofa. Not a very appropriate therapeutic distance! The therapeutic distance between us was slowly, irrevocably ending. I could feel it in my guts. In my genitals, too! I certainly felt it against my left breast!
..........My body was coming to some trickling consensus!
..........The palm of my hand was still a little wet from the moisture from Darcy's ravishing body. I rested it gently, unpretentiously, on the inside of my left knee. "Can you tell me what you're afraid of, Sweetheart?"
..........Sweetheart. Well, at least it wasn't the first time I had called her that. It just tumbled out so naturally.
.........."Just this ... this dark place inside, I guess. Like something is all stirred up and it won't quiet down."
..........Like the sweet grunts in your bottom after Mr. Clarendon put his finger inside? I tried desperately to quiet the animal inside me and find my therapeutic voice. "Since the project in the Bahamas?" I asked.
.........."Yeah, since I got back."
.......... "Do you think you could describe that dark place?" I asked the question very tenderly. My left hand was resting on the back of the sofa, next to the window ledge with the figurines. I played with one. It was the same one Diane had knocked over that day. My right hand was still on my inner knee, caressing the flesh there in inconspicuous little circular strokes. Darcy and I were three or four feet apart. A comfortable distance, if not a very therapeutic one. My eyes were conducting a research project on the way her chestnut hair curled just over her ear. She was staring at her fingers, which were playing with the hem of her shorts. The shorts were a soft green, a light weight cotton with a small, off-white checkered pattern. Very expensive. She probably bought them in some upscale women's store in the Bahamas. I was arduously working to avoid looking at the smooth and creamy, white, naked legs that stretched lusciously out from them. I wondered if she was warm enough. The sun was going down outside.
.........."A seething, sort of," she said, "like a deep pit, with things at the bottom of it?"
..........Why don't you just climb up here on your hands and knees and spread your pretty legs and we'll pull your shorts down and I'll just check your deep pits with my fingers and see what we can find, okay? We'll need to check your tongue, and take a urine sample, too.
.........."What things?" I asked.
.........."Evil things. Squirmy things."
.........."Things that want to do what?"
.........."I ... I don't know."
.........."Mmm." I gathered myself. "Do you trust me, Darcy?"
..........She turned and looked at me, a little alarmed. "Yes, of course I do! I trust you more than anyone in the world."
..........I smiled. My heart melted some more. It was already liquid. "Thank you for your trust, Darcy. That's very precious to me. Just lean your head back and close your eyes, okay?"
..........She did.
.........."We're just going to do a little meditation. To relax, okay?"
.........."Okay."
..........I gathered myself and got my passion under control and did a standard relaxation routine, starting by telling her that she was feeling the tips of her toes relaxing and so forth up to the top of her head. "Now," I said, "I want you to imagine yourself walking down a long, dark stairway. I'll count to twenty. There are twenty stair steps. When I get to twenty, you'll be at the bottom. Nothing will hurt you there, I promise, okay?"
.........."Okay." The word was nearly inaudible. She was really relaxed. A willing subject! I counted slowly. When I reached twenty, I said, "Now, Darcy, take a few steps. There will be a figure in the darkness. It will become clearer as you get closer. When you can make it out, tell me what it is."
..........She was quiet for a minute. "Its a giraffe," she said.
..........I stifled a giggle. How delightful! No one I had hypnotized hadever seen a giraffe before! I composed myself. "Darcy, that giraffe is from the bottom of that pit. It knows what's in the pit and why the pit is there. I want you to give the giraffe a little gift. Something nice that you have unfolded in your hand, something you think the giraffe will like."
.........."Okay."
.........."What did you offer the giraffe?"
.........."My necklace. One I bought in Freeport. It has rubies in it. I think rubies come from Africa."
.........."Mm. Did he take it?" I intuited that it was a "he."
.........."Yes. I put it on his neck."
..........I tried to keep the grin out of my voice. "Now ask him a question, Darcy. Ask him the most important question in your life right now."
..........She was quiet for a long moment. Then a tear flowed from her eye, and she gave a gentle sob, and more tears began to flow.
.........."Everything's okay, Honey. Can you tell me what he said?"
..........She wept for a minute, and then said, "I ... I asked him if I would ever be whole again, and he said that ... he said that there was never anything that wasn't whole inside of me, that it was okay for him to come inside. 'Dance, there is only one,' he said."
.........."Mmm. 'Dance, there is only one,' I whispered back to her.
..........Her tears didn't last long. A very deep serenity came over her. I let her bask in it for a moment. Then I said, "I'm going to count to twenty again, Darcy, and when I get to twenty, you'll be back here with me on the sofa. You will feel your body come back, and you will feel safe and very relaxed and refreshed."
..........I counted. She opened her eyes. I couldn't resist. I reached over with my left hand and wiped a tear away with my finger. "Okay?" I asked.
..........She took a deep breath and looked at me and smiled and nodded.
.........."Are you warm enough?'
.........."I'm fine. Thank you."
.........."A giraffe," I said. Then I got the giggles. "Nobody sees giraffes!" I said. She started giggling, too. Then we started giggling really hard. It just kept getting funnier.
..........Her laughter sounded like a cascading mountain stream.
..........When we had finally quieted down, I looked at her and smiled. "You are so special, Darcy."
..........Her beautiful brown eyes held mine. They were glistening, radiant. Her lips parted, and she whispered, "Thank you."
..........There was so much love and adoration in her voice!
..........She came to me then, putting her arms around me, holding me tighter than I think I have ever been held. I put my arms around her, too. She was trembling, but that stopped after a few seconds, and I could feel her exquisite, sensuous body soften into mine.

Chapter 14

........I didn't caress Darcy as we sat on the couch in one another's arms. I just held her. I still had some objectivity left in my head, and I needed to be careful. She was experiencing a lot of transference with me. I could sense it. I always can. I had become her wished-for archetypal mother, father, lover, and guru.
..........Psychological transference usually remains vague and obscure early in therapy. It is naturally subdued by the boundaries that the therapist establishes. But I had already broken those boundaries by inviting Darcy into my home, my own inner sanctuary, so the normal transference was likely to erupt in a dramatic way. This would all have to be carefully nurtured. She was so vulnerable!
.........."Darcy," I whispered, "let me get some things for you and show you your room." I gave her a quick tour of the downstairs, telling her to please feel at home. Then we went upstairs and I opened the guest room. It's on the corner of the house, with its own little terrace overlooking the ocean, and its own bathroom. I put out some fresh towels, and rummaged around and found a cotton nightgown and robe, a new toothbrush, an extra hairbrush. The essentials. "I'm going to grab a quick shower and leave you to settle in," I said. "My room's right down the hall. I'll leave my door open in case you need anything."
.........."I don't know how to thank you, Dr. Keresan."
.........."You can call me Linda if you want," I smiled.
.........."Linda," she said softly.
..........I had never heard my name spoken more beautifully, more reverently!
..........When I peeked in after my shower, she was in the nightgown, sound asleep on the bed. She hadn't even bothered to get under the covers.
..........I got a quilt from the hall closet and gently spread it over her. Then I knelt beside her for a long time, listening to her breath, gently stroking her lovely hair. God, she was such an exquisite angel!
..........Then I went downstairs and made myself a pot of tea and checked my office phone messages. Darcy had called eight times! It brought tears to me eyes to listen to the progressive anxiety and dismay in her voice over the course of the messages. Three other clients had called. I felt ashamed of myself for not having checked in from San Francisco. That was such a monumental oversight! None of the three other messages were emergencies, but they could have been!
..........I checked Saturday's mail. My quarterly royalty check was there from Paul Franks, the literary agent who represents me. My two books had generated just over $17,000 for the quarter, up a bit from February's check. It bolstered my professional faith in myself. He had also included a friendly note asking when the book on trauma would be ready. It nearly was.
..........There weren't any messages on my home machine, a reflection of my rather reclusive social life of late. I called Jeanette and got her machine. She, in contrast with me, was a social gadfly, always at the center of multiple circles of friends and acquaintances. I preferred my own life. Introverts make better therapists because they are scrupulous in their use of quality time, conserving energy. Well, I didn't feel like much of a therapist at the moment. My life was feeling out of balance. I left Jeanette a long message about Darcy's appearance on my doorstep, and thanked her for the rich weekend.
..........I pulled up the trauma book on my computer and pecked at it a bit. The middle section needed strengthening. My mind drifted to the sleeping angel upstairs, and then to my calendar of five clients tomorrow. I wasn't looking forward to those sessions.
..........I closed the computer file and checked locks and turned out lights and took my last cup of tea upstairs. I peeked in on Darcy once more. She had crawled under the sheets. I crept silently to the bed and watched her breathe for a few moments, and then fantasies started to come of her sleeping body beneath the covers. I wondered how soundly she slept. Would it awaken her if I just did a little ...tentative exploring? She was on her back. The covers lay across her breast. Maybe I could just pull the nightie down a bit and get a glimpse of a ...
..........I immediately forced the fantasy from my head, leaned down and softly kissed her cheek, and then tiptoed out of the bedroom and gently closed the door. I went into my own bedroom, turned off the light, and slipped my clothes off. When I unhooked my bra, I carefully removed the soiled paper napkin and held it in my hand. I pulled the covers down from my bed and lay back, naked on the sheets in the moonlight. I held the soft napkin to my lips and nose, ran my tongue softly over the meager dampness that still remained, tasting Darcy's discharges.
..........Shameless!
..........I took it my mouth and slowly sucked the essence from it, mixing it with my saliva as I spread my legs and began caressing and fingering my sex. I dribbled some urine in my fingers, trailed the moisture up my flank, over my belly, to my breasts, fondling my nipples with the dampness. Then I held the napkin between my legs and squirted pee into it, and then brought it to my mouth and nose. As I fingered my wet vagina, I also fingered my mouth through the wet napkin.
..........Then I eased a finger into my bottom, found a soft, warm treasure inside, toyed with it, found my clitoris with my thumb and arched myself up into my hand and fingers as I filled my mouth with the napkin and sucked the moisture and flavors from it.
..........I imagined Darcy's tender nakedness there beside me, above me, under me, exploring her youthful flesh, her planes and hollows, hidden crevices, warm, moist places, the nectar of her body and spirit flowing into me.
..........I reached a small orgasm, and then wrenched my fantasies away from her, still desiring not to choreograph sex with her in my head in order to keep the integrity of us together fresh and spontaneous when the moment came, which I now believed it indeed would.
..........I lay staring at the ceiling, gently caressing myself. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was only eight-thirty. Eleven-thirty in Philadelphia. I was frustrated. Was it too late to call Diane? She had called me this late on many occasions.
..........The phone rang just as I was reaching for it. Serendipity! I knew it was Diane before I picked it up.
.........."Hi," I said. My voice reflected my erotic frame of mind.
.........."Hi, Linda. Just checking in."
.......... "I was just reaching for the phone to call you."
.........."Woo wooo wooo." She giggled.
.........."She's here."
.........."Here?"
.........."Sleeping in the next room."
.........."Wow!"
.........."I know. I spent the weekend with Jeanette, and she was on my front step when I got home last night."
.........."Mmm. Have you felt her poop yet?"
.........."Diane! No, I haven't felt her poop yet! I haven't done anything yet. She's just staying with me. She is very frightened and lonely."
.........."Mmm. So, what does this mean?"
.........."It means ...I don't know what it means. I think it means I'm closing my practice."
.........."Isn't that a little radical? No one is going to know."
.........."I'll know. I have to be honest with myself. That's the way I live my life."
.........."I know. It just seems ...wow. Jesus. So, what are you going to do?"
.........."I haven't thought about it. I don't know. It isn't just Darcy. I've been doing therapy for ten years. That's longer than I've ever done anything in my adult life."
.........."You're okay financially?"
.........."I'm fine. The stocks, you know."
.........."I know. That's putting me through school, the things you taught me. I'm selling Paula's Yogurt first thing in the morning, depending on how it opens."
.........."Me, too."
.........."So are you okay?"
.........."I'm fine, Sweetheart. I feel really alive. I've been dormant for awhile. I didn't realize that I was stuck, but I was."
.........."Mmm. So, how's Jeanette?"
.........."Nnnn, exceptional!"
.........."What did you guys do?"
.........."We made love all morning yesterday -- until the afternoon. Like the old days. I thought about you. Wished you were there."
.........."Mmmm. Tell me what it was like."
.........."Well, she is so soft, you know?"
.........."Her skin. I remember. God, her breasts! Did you suck them?"
.........."For about an hour each!"
..........She laughed. "Did you drink her ...pee-pee?"
.........."Three times."
.........."Mmm. Was it sweet?"
.........."Like dripping honey. Hang on a minute." I reached over and turned on the speaker on my phone, turned the volume low, and replaced the receiver. "Okay."
.........."Mmmm. She peed right in your mouth?" Her voice hummed softly in my ear over the speaker.
.........."Uh huh." I moved my hand between my legs again. I was arching up, opening myself.
.........."You swallowed her pee?"
.........."Yes," I whispered.
.........."Lots of it?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Was it warm?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Warm going down your throat into your tummy?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Where are you?"
.........."In bed."
.........."In bed? It's not even nine o-clock there!"
.........."I know."
.........."Did you go to bed to play with yourself?"
.........."I ...yes."
.........."Thinking about Darcy, asleep in the next room?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Do you want to drink her pee?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Do you want to drink my pee?"
.........."Oh, Baby, yes," I breathed.
.........."I'm in my bed, too. Naked. I just did a little in my hand."
.........."You urinated in your hand?"
.........."Mmm hmm."
.........."Rub it on your tummy. I want to lick it off."
.........."Mmmm. Okay."
.........."I want to suck your pee from your skin, your tummy."
.........."I'm licking my fingers. They're really wet. Can you urinate?"
..........I grabbed a hand towel that I keep in the night stand and put it under my thighs to keep the bed from getting too wet, and then squirted a stream of urine into my hand, strewing it up through my pubic mound and over my belly. "Yes," I whispered.
.........."Lick it, Linda. Lick it off your hand."
.........."Mmm." I covered my mouth with my wet hand and laved it with my tongue.
.........."I want to drink your pee, Linda. I really miss it."
.........."Oh, Baby, Sweetheart."
.........."I want you to do it in my mouth right there in bed."
..........I swooned.
.........."I want to see it dribble right out of your delicious, juicy cunt."
.........."Oh, God," I whispered. That wasn't my favorite word -- cunt -- but the way Diane said it called up some adolescent part of my sexuality that made me turn liquid inside.
.........."Did Jeanette drink your pee?"
.........."Yes," I whispered.
.........."Did she eat your poop? Your sweet grunts?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Right out of your asshole?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Did she swallow your shit?"
.........."Yes!" Diane was so coarse sometimes! It tuned me into an animal. She knew it, too!
.........."Did you eat her shit?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Did she do it out of her bottom right in your mouth?"
.........."I watched it come out and then I played with it and ate some."
.........."Was it warm?"
.........."Yes."
.........."What did it taste like?"
.........."Like the earth."
.........."Mmmm. Linda?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Put your finger in your poop hole."
.........."Nnn. Okay." I touched my anus.
.........."Deep in your butt."
.........."Okay." I slid my finder finger deep inside.
.........."Is your finger way up there?"
.........."Yes," I whispered.
.........."Is it warm and tight and soft in there?
.........."Yes."
.........."Can you feel anything?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Can you feel any turds?"
.........."Yes."
.........."What does it feel like?"
.........."A warm clump. Kind of soft."
.........."Ooo. How sweet! Your picnic basket is all packed and filled with goodies!"
.........."Nnnngh." God, how she could turn me on!
.........."Go do-do, Baby. Do your little turd out in your hand."
..........I moaned softly and bore down, helping it along with my fingers. It squished out, filling my hand.
.........."Sweet poopsie," Diane whispered huskily. "Did you dirty yourself in bed?"
.........."Yes."
.........."I want you to rub your shit on your tummy and tits."
.........."Okay," I whispered. I brought my hand to my midsection and spread my excrement on my body, closing my eyes and feeling its earthy warmth permeate my skin.
.........."Linda's sweet poop," Diane whispered in the phone. "Are you rubbing it all over?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Your bowel movement? All over your tummy and your breasts?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Put it on your throat and on your face."
.........."Oh, God," I murmured as I trailed my sordid fingers over my throat and chin and cheeks.
.........."Put some in your nose."
..........I rubbed a little feces in each nostril with my little finger.
.........."Get some more from your tummy and put it in your mouth and taste it."
..........I caressed my abdomen, smeared more poop on my fingers, and rubbed it on my lips, and then slid my fingers in my mouth, resting them there, exploring the fecal fragments that clung to them with my tongue.
.........."Eat your shit, Linda," Diane whispered. "Lick it off and swallow it."
.........."Nnnngh." I did.
.........."Sweet, poopy baby," she said. "Does that taste good?"
.........."Yes," I breathed.
.........."Make you feel tingly?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Want something to wash it down?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Something from my body?"
.........."Oh, yes."
.........."Want me to piss in your mouth a little?"
.........."Yes!"
.........."Or maybe spit in your mouth a little?"
.........."Oh, Baby, yes."
.........."You want a drink from my cunt?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Drink from my mouth?"
.........."Yes." My hands were back between my legs, and I was quickly climbing to an astonishing orgasm. "Oh, God, oh, YES!" I squealed, as my vivid imagination blessed me with visions of Diane's gorgeous sex dribbling urine into my mouth, her beautiful face above mine as her full mouth came to mine, trickling her sweet saliva over my tongue.
..........She had reached a climax, too. She had put the phone down, and I could hear the sweet sounds she made in the distance.
..........I fell in gentle waves back down into the third dimension, depleted and full, slowly regaining my breath.
.........."How was that, Sweetheart?" Diane's gentle voice.
.........."Mmmm," I purred.
.........."Mmm. Me, too," she said, laughing softly.
.........."Thank you, Baby," I said.
.........."Thank you. Yogurt in the morning, right?"
.........."Yogurt for breakfast."
.........."I love you, Linda."
.........."I love you, too, Darling."
.........."Call me soon."
.........."I will."
.........."Good night."
.........."Good night."
..........I eased myself into the shower in gratitude that Darcy had not awakened and happened in on me in the middle of that!
..........Then I tucked myself into my cozy bed and slept like a baby.
..........Darcy was still asleep when I finished my eight-thirty appointment with Amanda Wilson the following morning. That session had been austere and brief. And a symbolic watershed session, in terms of my career. "Amanda," I had said gently, "before we start, I need to tell you something. I've made a decision to close my practice. I'm not going to do therapy any more."
.........."You're what? I don't understand."
.........."Well, life is about change, right? The time has come in my own life to move on."
.........."What are we going to do?" she asked helplessly. The "we" referred to herself and her almost-fiancée, Jeremy Richardson, who came on Fridays, and about whom we had been discussing having a couples session again.
.........."Well, I'm going to refer you to a very excellent therapist, Dr. Edna Livingston. She has been my mentor and teacher for many years."
.........."But I don't want a new therapist. I want you!"
.........."I understand. But that's not an option, Amanda. I would like to spend the hour today talking about your feelings about this."
.........."Its not fair."
..........Poor woman. 90% of the problems that people bring to therapy are directly related to the fact that life doesn't ever measure up to their standards, and fairness is the sort of universal, mythical standard that people walk around expecting life to be. I've often thought of writing a book about that. The title would be, Sorry - Life's Not Fair. The problem is, nobody would buy it!
.........."Life's not fair, Amanda," I said.
.........."I'm sorry. I know that."
..........She was constantly apologizing. And, no, she didn't know that. She always said she knew anything I said, but she didn't know much at all. She was thirty, a natural blond, and a graceful, elegant, attractive, charming woman. She dressed beautifully, carried herself in a refined manner, and made over a hundred thousand dollars a year as an interior designer for a large hotel chain that sent her all over the world. Beneath her thoroughly composed and well-defended veneer, she was a basket case, as fragile as egg shells. She was terrified of her own shadow. She was constantly doing battle with her weight and her physical appearance. She was searching for and insisting upon perfection in all things. She was searching for a perfect mate, for example, and had gotten sidetracked by Jeremy Richardson, who, while very attractive and successful and sweet, was far from perfect.
..........She had been a most frustrating client because she seemed to be in total agreement with everything I said on an intellectual level, but at the same time remained obstinately resistant to any emotional acceptance of things, resistant to allowing her feelings any voice in her life.
..........She was the classic product of an autocratic, domineering father and a frightened, emotionally absent mother. She was the perfect, tragic, patriarchal woman. She gave lip service to feminist issues, but was terrified of her own femininity. For her, feminism meant successfully competing in the world of men. It had nothing to do with cultivating her own femininity, her womanness, her sense of self. I had been unable to find any chinks in her shield of armor, to find some place to get inside her repressed consciousness to help her break the cycles that were causing her so much pain.
..........Like so many women today, she was a fortress of conventionality, and a reservoir of anguish.
..........God help Jeremy Richardson if he decided to marry her! The challenges that he had been willing to embrace in his own therapy were monumental compared with Amanda's. He was willing to look inside himself, scary though it was, and to do the hard work of acceptance of the things that had brought him to his current myths about himself. Amanda's posture, on the other hand, was basically one of waiting for me to "fix" Jeremy so she could carry him off and marry him and get on with her life, whose major purpose would then likely become making Jeremy Richardson as miserable as possible.
.........."Your life is more important and a lot bigger than our relationship in this room, Amanda."
.........."I know it is."
.........."We've done some important work. There is more to do."
.........."I know there is."
.........."So, what do you feel about this?"
.........."Well," she said, composing herself, "I guess I'm interested in knowing something about this Edna Livingston person."
..........There it was. No fear, no anger, no sadness, no apprehension. Nothing. Just, "let's get on to the next step."
..........Then she launched a perfect diversion from her feelings. "So, what are you going to do?" she asked.
.........."I haven't given it much thought," I said. "I guess I'll do what I always do, which is to do what is before me, what feels right, and then move on."
.........."Well, I really wish you well. Do I owe you a co-payment for this session?"
.........."No, we're square, Amanda."
..........Unbelievable. This was already over.
..........I felt a little vacant after she left. Vacant and relieved. Free from trying to save Amanda Wilson for Jeremy Richardson. Free from trying to save Amanda Wilson for herself!
..........I went upstairs. Darcy was still asleep. She was going to miss her therapy appointment at ten o-clock! I smiled and closed the door quietly and went downstairs and put some whole wheat bread in the toaster. She had finished all my homemade bread last night. I squeezed some fresh grapefruit juice and got some fresh coffee and made a quick batch of muffins and popped them in the oven, and then got the morning paper and went out and sat at the little table in my garden.
..........A little while later, I heard a sound and turned. Darcy stood leaning at the door in her cotton pajamas, hair disheveled, sleep in her eyes. She looked like a princess! She took my breath away.
..........And my heart!
..........Darcy at the doorway to my garden!
..........I was in heaven.

Chapter 15

...... Good morning," I smiled.
..........Darcy smiled back, leaning in the kitchen doorway. "I'm missing my therapy appointment," she said.
.........."Mmm. We'll take care of that."
.........."Do you charge if I miss the appointment?"
..........I broke into laughter. "Yes. Double!" I said.
..........She laughed.
.........."There's fresh coffee in the kitchen. And muffins in the oven that should be ready. Help yourself."
..........She turned to go back into the kitchen. I thought I could see the flesh tones of her bottom outlined through the thin cotton of the pajama bottoms. I drooled. She returned a moment later with a plate of muffins and honey and coffee. She liked her coffee black, like I do. "You look beautiful," she said, joining me at the little table. "That's a gorgeous dress."
.........."Thank you," I smiled. It was actually one of my old, post-hippie dresses, paisley, light cotton, full and long. I was in a radical mood. Closing my practice.
.........."Did you see any clients yet?" Darcy asked, munching a muffin.
.........."Yes. It's a full day. They're bunched up at the beginning of the week. But I'm free from noon till two. We can go to your hotel and get your things. Did you drive here last night?"
.........."I took a cab. I don't have a car. I was going to buy one, but ... everything, like I said, just sort of stopped when I got back."
.........."A little time warp."
..........She nodded. "That was so nice last night," she said. "It ... did something to me. I think it helped a lot."
..........I smiled and nodded. "You have a very wise and nice giraffe!"
..........She giggled. "So, are you sure it's okay if I ... stay here awhile? I mean, it's so generous. I can pay you."
..........I shook my head. "I know you can, but you're a special and welcome guest, Darcy. I want you to stay as long as you like."
.........."I've never met anyone like you. You're so ... good to me!"
.........."Mmm. Well, maybe it's time in your life for you to have someone be very good to you. You certainly deserve that. And I am honored that you are here."
..........She blushed.
........."You can make yourself breakfast. Help yourself to anything in the refrigerator. I want you to make yourself at home."
..........She smiled. "Thank you," she said.
..........As beautiful as she was the first time I met her, with her quietly elegant clothes, and tasteful make-up, and hair so beautifully done, she was even more beautiful to me now in flimsy cotton pajamas and no make-up, hair tousled from sleep. I could have folded her in my arms and ...
..........No fantasies! She was here in the flesh, and she was very vulnerable, and I wanted to stay as neutral as I could, to let her find her own way. I trusted that everything would unfold in just the right way. I had lots of time.
..........And I would have lots more time! Because one by one, throughout the day, I was letting my clients go.
..........Some of those sessions were very painful. One was too painful, and I agreed to another session. I felt myself unraveling. Ten years of being a therapist brought a strongly embedded motif to my life, and it would take a long time to disengage emotionally.
..........I was exhausted by the end of the day. Darcy and I had gone at noon in my new Honda to get her checked out of the hotel, and she had spent the afternoon unpacking and arranging her personal things in the guest bedroom. I took her to the Marina for dinner at the Chateau, the restaurant in which I am a partner. Raphael, the other owner, is the manager, and supervises the cooking. We had lobster, one of his specialties. Darcy's vegetarianism, like mine, allowed for fish.
..........While we were drinking after-dinner cappuccinos, I told her that I was closing my practice. She was very surprised. I knew she would be. I had to make sure that she didn't have the slightest thought that it had anything to do with her.
..........And, in a true way, it didn't. I was realizing by the end of the day that she was only a catalyst in the decision. It was time for me to move on to other things. If one stays doing one thing too long, one becomes that thing. For example, when I ask a client what they do for a living, if they say, "I sell vacuum cleaners," or, "I teach," then I can safely guess that this is a person who has a reasonably healthy relationship with their work. They may not necessarily like their work, but they have it in a healthy perspective. If instead they say, "I am a vacuum cleaner salesman," or "I am a teacher," then I know that they may have crossed a line toward losing their identity to their work. A wise psychiatrist I respect a lot used to say, "I do not own my car. My car is a product of centuries of technological evolution that I have the privilege of participating in." This kind of thinking keeps life in process, which is where it belongs. Identifying too much with ones profession or vocation or possessions has a way of discounting or deprecating the millions of other frequencies and channels of ones life. Sometimes it is good to specialize, but balance is the important thing.
..........I another way, sitting in my restaurant across from Darcy, I was sort of startled to realize that she had come, even now, and aside from my feelings for her, further into the circle of my personal life than any client I had ever had in ten years. No other client, for example, had ever been to my restaurant with me, or even knew that I had a restaurant. I had, in fact, never so much as shared a meal with any other client.
..........That struck me as decidedly weird and antiseptic. The hundreds of people who had shared their deeply personal lives with me and whom I had helped were off in a cloistered little cell of my life. My cozy office suddenly seemed like a detached and rather icy container which had been, by degrees, reducing me to some kind of specialized and isolated life form.
..........It could swallow me up entirely if I kept doing it!
..........I realized, with alarm, that that had happened to my mentor, Edna Livingston. She had become a psychotherapist, narrow and single-minded, driven by a set of rules instead of by inner wholeness and spontaneity, brilliant but encumbered in terms of what was in front of her in her life.
..........As Jeanette would say, "Stuck on one station of a radio with a thousand frequencies."
..........And, Jeanette was right in her reflection that my therapy practice had become an unhealthy box, because it was so closed in. It had been eating away at me without my realizing it. I don't mean to suggest that there are not psychotherapists who do wonderful and valuable work. I have done wonderful and valuable work, and have helped hundreds of people find the path back toward themselves. But what would be the point if I ultimately became lost myself in the process? I would then have become sicker than my sickest client!
..........Yes. It was definitely time for a change! During a short break that afternoon, I had called a friend of mine who is the chief executive at Val Verde University, a local school of clinical psychology, and he assured me that I could teach a couple of classes in the Fall. I had my book on trauma to finish and send off to Paul Franks, and that would result in a nice little speaking tour, seminars and guest lecturing. As far as money was concerned, I was making more from my little rolling stocks than I had been from my therapy practice, and all the profits from the restaurant went to the mortgage on my house, which, as things were going, would be paid off in two years.
..........I felt suddenly free. More free, in fact, than I had ever felt in my life!
.........."But you are helping me so much." Darcy said over her coffee when I told her the news.
..........I smiled and reached across the table and took her hand. "That doesn't end, Darcy. I will help you any way that I can. It only means that you don't need to make an appointment to see me any more." I giggled.
..........She squeezed my hand, and her smile was a ray of sunshine penetrating into every corner of my soul.
..........As I dispelled my clients that week, gently as I could, one my one, Darcy spent most of her time on the beach, or by my pool in the sun. She moved quietly and unobtrusively about the house, a perfect and gracious house guest. We had quiet dinners together. Between clients, I would sometimes join her at the pool. We didn't talk a lot. It was a gentle and comfortable silence. Just as I had sensed, in that perfect fitting together of our bodies when we embraced after out last session, so did our everyday comings and goings seem to fit perfectly, without effort or strain. I sensed in her a deep process of healing. Each day she was becoming more relaxed and at ease.
..........After my last Thursday afternoon client, I found her in my garden, in my redwood chaise lounge in her bathing suit. I changed to my swim suit in the laundry room, got some herbal iced tea, and came and sat in the grass beside her.
.........."Hi," she smiled. "Good sessions?"
.........."Yes," I said. "This is all feeling very good, very right."
..........She smiled. "I'm glad for you. Your garden is so beautiful," she said, moving her hand in a graceful arch.
.........."Mmm. Thank you. This is my special place."
.........."It's so luscious." She paused. "There was a beautiful garden there. Not as beautiful as this, but very nice."
.........."On the island?" It was the first she had spoken of it.
.........."Yes."
.........."Mm." I sat up attentively and leaned my elbow on the arm of the chaise lounge and looked up at her. "What was that like?"
.........."Well, the garden was so lush and tropical, flowers everywhere, soft grass, warm and balmy. I would have spent more time there alone if I could have, but they were shooting video there all the time."
.........."Mm."
.........."There was this one scene they shot there. I did it different times with different ladies, switching the roles."
.........."Mm."
.........."They had, you know, all these different scenes we could do, even though we pretty soon figured out that the bonuses would be better if we did all of them, switching roles and things. But this one scene was kind of the easiest in some ways, so I did it different times." She sipped her coffee and shook her head.
.........."I'd like to hear about it, if you feel like telling me." I said gently.
.........."Well," she said, taking a breath, "the scene was that two girls would come into the garden, holding hands. We would both be wearing really pretty dresses. One of us would be wearing panties, and the other one would be naked underneath. No bras. We would both be barefoot. We would stop in front of where the cameras were, pretending, you know, like we were all alone. There weren't any words in the scene. That was one thing that made it easier. The girl who was naked under her dress would start kissing the other girl, and would go around behind her and unzip her dress and let it fall to the ground so the girl would be completely naked except for her panties. Then the other girl would slowly start kissing her body, her neck and shoulders and back and breasts and tummy, and then get down on the grass on her knees and kiss her legs all the way up to the edge of her panties."
..........I put my head in my arms with my cheek resting against the redwood arm of Darcy's chair, warmed by the sunshine. Darcy was wearing a two piece swim suit. The exquisite, smooth, naked plane of her stomach was inches from my face. I could feel the warmth from her body, see the gentle pulsing of her heart against her smooth skin. There was a fine tracery of moisture there. Her perspiration! The sun was warm. It had just now gone behind the top of an orange tree, so that it danced on her flesh through the leaves.
.........."There was this special way we were supposed to do it," she said. "Nice and slow. No 'fan fare,' was the way they put it. The one with the dress would get down on her knees in front of the other girl, sort of in a gesture of devotion, and the other girl would begin urinating in her panties. She was supposed to do it really slowly. It would start dribbling down her legs, and the girl on her knees would lean forward and real gently start rubbing her lips against where the pee dripped down, and then licking it off the girl's legs. The girl who was peeing was supposed to spread her legs apart a little so the girl on her knees could get her mouth up the insides of her legs. The girl standing up was supposed to be really passive, not touch herself or the other girl or anything. The pee would sort of bubble down out of the panties, and keep running down the girl's legs. Then the girl on her knees was supposed to hold her hands under the dribble and then sip some out of her hands and then get some more and spill it on herself and let it run down over her dress, and then lean forward and put her mouth on the panties where the urine was coming out and just sort of let it trickle into her mouth and then swallow it."
..........Darcy's legs were slightly spread on the chaise lounge. The swim trunks were pale blue. Very skimpy. I could see the delicious, soft curve of her pubic mound, and could even see a few little pubic hairs peaking out around the edges of the crotch. I couldn't help myself. I let a little pee dribble out into my swim trunks, thrilling in the spreading warmth, my eyes basking in Darcy's body, so close to my face.
.........."When the girl finished peeing, the other girl, on her knees, was supposed to lick all the urine off her legs and then lick and suck it out of the panties. They would be pretty soaked by then. Then she was supposed to gently lift the crotch band of the panties aside and get her tongue in there and lick the urine right from the girl's ... you know ... vagina."
.........."Mm." I readjusted myself a little. I dribbled more pee into my swimsuit. It sprinkled down into the grass. I did it slowly and gently so it didn't make any noise.
.........."Then she was supposed to crawl around behind the girl. The cameras would follow her, of course. Then the girl standing up was supposed to bend over a little bit and slowly have a bowel movement in her panties.
.........."Mm."
.........."The girl on her knees was just supposed to kneel there and watch the bowel movement sort of filling the panties, and then when the girl had finished she was supposed to feel it with her hands through the panties and sort of play with it, and then press her face into it and kiss it, you know, through the panties. Then you were supposed to kiss the girl's skin all around the seat of the panties and then slowly pull the hem of the panties aside and lick her skin there until you were right up next to her, you know, poop, and then slowly start to lift the hem more so the camera could see it, and then start licking and kissing and sort of nibbling it. You would eventually take it out of the panties and hold it in your hand and then the girl would bend over and you were supposed to pull the panty hem aside and lick her bottom until she was clean."
.........."Wow," I whispered. I was reflecting on this strange metamorphosis that was happening to the physical space between my face and Darcy's naked abdomen. In a dream-like way, they weren't disconnected any more. They had melted together. I wondered if Darcy happened to have any poop in her bottom at the moment. Probably not. I had already become aware of her personal habits, and she usually went to the bathroom mid-morning. I had decided not to listen at the bathroom door. I was trying to respect her privacy as much as I could. I wasn't doing a very good job of that at the moment, however, because my entire body was inside her large intestine!
.........."Then the girl on her knees was supposed to take her dress off and lie back in the grass and slowly spread the other girl's poop all over her body and her face. We were supposed to be really sensuous with that. The other girl was supposed to get down on her knees and just watch while she did that, and then she would lie down on top of the other girl and cradle her head and slowly kiss and lick her face where the, you know, poop was."
.........."And you did it both ways?" I asked. I wasn't sure she could hear me because I had sort of disappeared inside her bowels somewhere. The grass under my bottom was soaked.
.........."Yeah." She giggled softly. "It was kind of fun, going in my panties. I liked that."
.........."Mmm. I like that, too."
.........."You do?" she asked, surprised.
..........I lifted my head up and smiled, reentering the third dimension, startled by what I had just said. "Sure. It makes me feel free."
.........."Hm. Me, too. Well, I mean, there were all those cameras around all the time, so it wasn't really free, I guess. They had this one other panty scene like that that was indoors. It was basically the same, except it was inside this part of their sound stage where they had a padded table that went up and down and had these sort of sections in it that they could spread apart and move up and down. The girl wearing panties would lie on her stomach and they would adjust the table so that her rump was sort of up in the air, and the part of the table where her legs were would get lowered and spread apart somehow and the other girl would sit in between her legs with her face right there between her legs, and then the girl on the table would urinate in the panties that same way, and in that position it would dribble right down on the other girl's body, and then the girl would have a bowel movement in the panties. The girl's poop had to be really firm for that scene because then the other girl was supposed to put it in her own bottom afterward."
.........."That's kind of personal," I giggled.
.........."I know! It always made me feel this ... really strong tingling inside."
.........."I know that feeling," I said.
..........She gave me a queer sort of look. "You do?"
..........I was suddenly afraid I had gone too far. I blushed.
..........Maybe I was expressing too much empathy!

Chapter 16

.........I smiled at Darcy. "Yes, I do know what that feels like. That kind of physical intimacy is pretty rare. Your bodies sort of blend. It's natural to want to feel really close to people sometimes, don't you think?"
..........She nodded.
.........."So, what were the other girls like," I asked, changing the subject away from the intensity that had suddenly fallen upon the conversation.
.........."Oh, they were really nice, most of them," Darcy said, taking a deep breath and relaxing. "They were all very pretty, that's for sure. There was this woman named Rebecca who worked there. She was sort of like, I don't know, a combination house mother and coach. She did all of these like acting workshops the first six weeks and demonstrated all of these ways we were supposed to act for the cameras, using volunteers. She was sort of jovial and nice and really friendly. You could tell that she really loved girls a lot when she used us to demonstrate different positions and things. They always had cameras on while she was doing that so we would get used to them. She would also give us little tips about ways we could get extra bonuses. How to kiss each other, and different expressions -- like what words to use and how to talk to each other in the different scenes."
.........."There were lots of different scenes?"
.........."There were twelve, actually. They had this one that was in this part of the sound stage that was like a dress shop where a girl would go in and be picking out dresses and go into the dressing room to try them on, and the other girl would be the sales girl and she would bring different dresses for the other girl to try. It was like an attraction would build between them until the sales girl would finally start kissing her while she had her dress off, and fondling her. And then the girl playing the customer would tell her that she had to go to the toilet really bad and was there a rest room? And the salesgirl would tell her that this was the rest room, and would get down in front of her and pull the girl's panties down and kiss her vagina and then drink her urine and then have her turn around and bend over and have a bowel movement in her mouth. Then there was this kind of scary scene in an office. Rebecca was usually in this one. She would play the part of a harsh and overbearing boss, and one of the girls would play a really subservient secretary. Rebecca would be scolding her for screwing up on this big project she was supposed to be working on, pacing around and criticizing the secretary who would be sitting in this chair in front of Rebecca's desk. Rebecca would stand right over her and berate her something awful, telling her how inadequate she was and stuff, and at one point, while she was still scolding the girl, Rebecca would pull up her skirt and drop her panties and turn around and press her bottom to the girl's face and make her kiss it and then while the girl was kissing her back there Rebecca would start pooping on her and then turn around and urinate on her while she was still in her clothes and everything, and then rub the pee and poop on the girls face and in her mouth and stuff.
.........."Wow," I said.
.........."There was another one kind of like that where one girl would play a really mean warden in a prison, and two female guards would bring in this girl in handcuffs and a gray prison smock who was supposed to be a new inmate, and the warden would let the girl think they had brought her in there to tell her she was being released, but instead the warden would start forcing herself on the girl and kissing her and fingering her and the guards would take the smock off the girl and she would be naked underneath, and the warden would make her go to the toilet standing there and rub it on her and would then force herself on the girl in really dirty ways. Then were other group scenes, too. One was staged in a bedroom, where one girl would lie naked on the bed and three other girls would take their clothes off and take turns getting on top of her and urinating on her breasts and tummy and in her mouth and different places while the other girls would play with it and spread it all over the girl's body, or else get some in their mouth and then have the girl who was lying down drink it out of their mouths and stuff. Then they would take turns having bowel movements on her breasts or tummy and the other girls would play with it and rub it different places and make the girl who was lying down eat some of it, or else put it in her bottom and things."
..........It was very hard for me to stay composed. Darcy's words bubbled through me like hot lava and gave rise to the most vivid images! "How are you feeling now about all of that?" I asked.
.........."Well ... I don't know. It was just so intense, you know? First it was really hard doing those things, and then I started getting used to it because it was every day. I mean they had this sort of rule that no one ever used the toilet any more. I mean, even if you had to just pee and weren't doing a scene, there was this one corner of the sound stage where there would always be a cameraman hanging out and you were supposed to go there and squat on this table and urinate so they could film it, and get it on your hands and in your mouth and stuff. It was like every day. So after awhile it just got to be sort of common. And then ... "
..........She paused for a long moment.
..........I sat back on the grass with my arms around my legs. My swim suit was very dark green, so she couldn't see how wet I was between the legs.
.........." ... I don't know," she said. She paused again.
.........."You don't have to say it if you don't want to," I said gently.
.........."Well, its just that, it makes me feel like I'm really weird or something, but after awhile I almost started ... liking parts of it. Do you think somebody could become, like, addicted to doing things like that?"
.........."Hm. Well, people can get addicted to almost anything, Darcy. Usually people get addicted to things that make them feel whole inside. In our society, the 'normal' state is to feel disconnected and separate from things and from each other. We really long to feel connected, to feel a part of each other, to feel fully present in our bodies and our lives, but in our culture that's very hard because we get forced out of our bodies and out of our senses when we're really little. So, yes, we can sometimes get hooked on anything that takes us back into our physical senses like that."
.........."Hmm. How do you get over that?"
..........I laughed softly. "You get over addiction by owning it. Accepting it. By understanding that all human desires are normal, that all our instincts are healthy, that our bodies are alive and wonderful and that its okay to be with our body, be inside ourselves. Not just in our heads. That's what we did the other night. The little meditation with the stairway. I took you deep inside yourself. That giraffe was some part of your unconscious body, and his message was not to be afraid of what's in there, you know? Its when we try to repress our body's normal desires and wishes that we get into trouble. That can come out in addiction. Meditation helps."
.........."I don't know how to do that."
.........."Well, I'll teach you more about it sometime." I smiled at her. "The important thing, Darcy, is to know that there's nothing wrong with you! I know that lots of people have told you that you are beautiful on the outside. What I want you to know is that you are beautiful on the inside. All the way inside. Every little cell. Your pee and poop are beautiful, too. I believe that it is good to find ways to accept our inner beauty and to nurture that acceptance, come into the fullness of it. It's like, 'I am who I am. What and who I am is enchantingly wonderful. Everything. Inside and out. I love myself. My body. My insides. Who I am.' See, once we get there, then we can more freely love others, and receive love from others. too."
.........."I want to do that."
.........."I know. Everybody does. That's life's big journey. Its a rich and exciting journey. We'll work on that, okay?"
.........."Okay."
.........."But you have to realize that I'm no smarter or better than you. Maybe I can teach you, help you get in touch with that, but its all you doing it yourself, because you are already complete and perfect inside. All you need to do is figure out how to live with that!" I laughed.
.........."No one ever talked to me like you do."
.........."Mmm. I love talking to you. I love listening to you, too! Thank you for sharing those personal stories. You have shared so much of yourself with me, and I am really honored by that."
..........She smiled.
.........."How about a dip in the ocean before the sun goes all the way down?"
..........We walked to the sand, and swam out a long way in silence.
..........We swam apart, then came near one another, then separated again.
..........It was a water dance.
..........We were like circling mermaids.
..........Jeremy Richardson, not surprisingly, was far more mature in his responses in our final session on Friday than his fiancée had been on Monday. She had already told him my news, of course, and he came prepared to do some very nice closure. I have a rule that I never give direct advice, but it was hard to resist suggesting that he not waste any more time with Amanda Wilson. But, of course, that was really none of my business.
..........We talked about grief for most of the session. Grief is the hardest emotion for men to deal with in our culture. They're supposed to be "up" all the time, in control, cool and contented. Real men don't necessarily eat quiche, as the saying goes, but real men certainly grieve! They grieve their lost childhoods, their unfulfilled dreams, their personal failures and losses. They grieve all of their lost brothers through generations of war and violence. Truly great men grieve well. You can see it in them. Just look at a photo some time of Abraham Lincoln. Or a late one of Franklin Roosevelt. Or Winston Churchill or Martin Luther King. Those men knew how to grieve. We don't have great male leaders nowadays because men don't know how to grieve well. Grief makes them full of their manhood. It makes them trustworthy. And, if other things are there as well, it makes them capable of love and intimacy, because they are no longer afraid of losing anything, especially themselves.
..........Jeremy gave me a nice hug at the end of the session. He wept. I did, too. I told him to take care of himself, and while I didn't exactly say that he should give Amanda Wilson a wide berth and head in the opposite direction, I probably indirectly conveyed that. I decided not to refer him to Edna, but referred him instead to a male therapist that I know. I believe that men are better served by male therapists in most cases, especially for the deep work.
..........He would be fine, I thought as he walked out the door.
..........It was my last meeting with a client! I sat quietly in my office for a long time after he left, deep in process, feeling chunks of who I thought I was falling away.
..........Grieving. My tears at the end of the session with Jeremy hadn't been for him. They weren't for all the other clients I was losing, either. They were for me.
..........I moved gently from my grieving to thoughts of how I might redecorate the office a bit. I walked around the room. I took my license and diplomas and awards and honors down from the wall, and locked the little tape recorder away in a file drawer.
..........Then I sat down at the computer and wrote my letter to the State Medical Board. It was short and sweet: "This is to inform you that I am closing my practice and relinquishing my license as of the above date." I printed it on my letterhead stationery that has my license number on it, signed it, and put it in the outgoing mail.
..........Done!
..........Darcy and I crossed the border and spent the afternoon in Mexico, shopping and laughing and eating tacos. We both broke our vegetarian regimens.
..........I noticed that people we saw were drawn to us, to our energy. Neither of us had the stereotypical appearance of being Lesbian at all, but there was a closeness between us that people could sense, especially the Mexican people. We got lots of smiles and interested stares. We were bubbling. It was one of the nicest, most enchanting days of my life!
..........We drove back to San Diego in our comfortable silence. I had never felt more free.
..........Free, and yet guarded insofar as my relationship with Darcy was concerned. We touched a lot during the day, casual touching, and I had to be careful because I wanted to tear her clothes from her and eat her alive!
..........For a diversion, I thought about Angela. Trips to Mexico always make me think of Angela, anyway.
..........Darcy and I rented a video that night and watched it lying on my living room floor on pillows. I don't remember what it was about, because I couldn't keep my mind off Darcy's body. To divert the fantasies, I thought more about Angela.
..........Sweet Angela! -- another former maid. She came into my life a couple of years before Diane. She was a Mexican girl in her late twenties, dripping sensuousness from every pore! It was before the days when you had to be careful about hiring illegal immigrants. As is so often the case with people arriving illegally in San Diego, Angela had come to earn money for her poverty-stricken family, who lived in a small village in Sinaloa. She was staying in Coalinga with cousins who were citizens, and commuted every day to my house on the bus.
..........My relationship with her was so delightful for me because of the gradual way it got started. As with Diane, I began by simply observing her, giving her sweet smiles, and, of course, listening at the bathroom door when she went in to do her private business, which she did every morning shortly after she arrived. I also delighted in the panties she left behind each day. She was not nearly as meticulous as Diane in wiping herself, so the sweet fragrances of her body often graced the undergarment that she left in the laundry room hamper. The crotch almost always held the heavenly scent of her intestinal nectar. It was even a little damp on more than one occasion. And frequently, there was a small, delicious brown smudge in the seat of the undies!
..........After she had been with me for two or three weeks, she took to blushing when I would smile at her. As often as I could, I would "accidentally" brush against her in passing, or lightly graze her hip or shoulder when I was speaking with her. She spoke very little English, and I speak even less Spanish, but we were able to communicate the essential things satisfactorily, often laughing at each other's clumsiness in saying things.
..........Then I started leaving little signs for her. For example, I began asking her to clean my bedroom and do my laundry, and I started wearing panties and leaving them on the top of the laundry hamper in my bathroom. At first, I would leave them just a little soiled, but then I began masturbating in them so they would be really juicy, and then, instead of wiping myself after I went to the toilet, I would just pull the panties back on and let my all my natural residue rub off on them naturally for a few hours. Then I would drop them in the hamper.
..........I also took to sun bathing in the nude in my garden as she worked, and a few times I caught her watching me. I positioned the lounge chair so she could see between my legs from the back door, and I would casually open them a bit when I saw her through my sunglasses at the door watching me. I would capriciously stroke my flank, or let my fingers rest on my pubic mound. I knew she was attracted to me. I also knew from experience that women of color who embrace their native culture, as Angela did, are much more in touch with their bodies and are more comfortable with their deep sensuality and with their femininity. Living in ones head and in denial of the body is largely a product of white, Western European culture. As I have mentioned before, I think our natural state is one of comfortable bisexuality.
..........At any rate, I kept giving Angela my most alluring smiles every time she looked at me, and I also began giving her nice, warm hugs every time she came to work.
..........She responded with a blushing shyness that turned my insides to liquid desire.
..........I knew how important the job was to her, and I kept raising her salary and buying her little gifts and letting her know how much I treasured her so she would begin to feel more safe and secure. I also bought little presents for her to send to Mexico to her family so she would know that I appreciated why she was working for me in the first place. This wasn't manipulation on my part. I was just honoring her for who she was.
..........Well, okay, not entirely manipulation. I admit that I really wanted her in bed with me, wanted to do very kinky things with her beautiful body!
..........One evening alone I pooped in my panties in the bed, rubbing a little feces on the sheet, and then masturbated and got my juices flowing and made sure that they dripped on the place where the brown stain was, and then I dribbled urine in the same spot. I also urinated in my panties and left a sizable smidgen of poop in the crotch, and then dropped them in the hamper.
..........The next day, I asked if she would please change my sheets because I had had a little accident in bed the night before. When she came down from my bedroom with her arms full of dirty laundry, I was sitting in the kitchen. I smiled demurely at her when she passed through the room, and she smiled at me and blushed.
..........I read so much into that simple smile!
..........That evening, after she left, when I went into the laundry room, I found a wonderful treat! Her panties were bountifully candy-coated with her sexual discharge! They were also damp with urine. Was she leaving me a message? I squatted naked on the porch and licked and sucked them clean. Then, instead of putting them in the laundry that I send out, I left them in the hamper.
..........The hug I gave her the next morning when she came was more intimate than the ones before. I pressed my body against hers and held her longer than usual, feeling the warmth of her. She didn't draw away. I stroked her beautiful hair as I held her, and felt an almost imperceptible undulating of her hips as I pressed against her. When I withdrew from the embrace, her face was flushed, and I could see the desire in her eyes. I smiled at her. "You are very beautiful, Senorita," I whispered, gazing at her sensuous lips. "Gracias por favor ... yesterday."
..........Terrible Spanish! She smiled and blushed. I had no idea if she knew what I was thanking her for or not. Mid-morning, when she made her first trip to the laundry porch, I was sitting in the kitchen having tea. She was out of sight on the porch for a pretty long time. Had she found her panties from yesterday? Did she realize that I had cleaned them? Could she guess how I had cleaned them?
..........She was blushing furiously when she returned to the kitchen. She avoided looking at me, and went upstairs.
..........I followed her.

Chapter 17

..........I followed Angela upstairs, and into my bedroom. She was in my bathroom with the door ajar, where I had left in the hamper a pair of my freshly peed and pooped panties with a really juicy crotch!
..........I came to the door. "Angela?" I called softly. I slowly pushed the door open and walked in. She turned from the hamper, blushing. "Hi," I whispered.
.........."Senorita," she said, getting even redder in the face.
.........."I wanted to tell you, Angela, that you don't have to go to the bathroom downstairs. You can use my bathroom here, if you like." I nodded at the toilet. I spoke the words in the best Spanish I could. I said banos instead of "bathroom." I hoped she got the picture.
.........."Gracias," she said.
..........Then I took the big risk. "I would love to watch you do that," I said gently as I walked up to her and caressed her hair. I could see the warmth of desire in her beautiful eyes. She didn't look away from me.
..........I stared at her luscious lips. They were slightly parted. Her deep, brown eyes were riveted to mine. My heart was pounding! I carefully unpinned and removed the little maid's cap from her beautiful black hair and tossed it aside, then leaned forward and gently kissed her on the lips. "So beautiful," I murmured, letting my hand graze against her full breast beneath the maid's uniform.
..........She didn't resist. Her eyes closed as I gently cradled and fondled the breast, dropping my other hand to her thigh and stroking it tentatively.
..........She trembled.
.........."It's okay," I whispered, and I kissed her mouth again. Her soft, full lips undulated against mine, then parted, like a flower blossom opening. I brushed her teeth with my tongue and moved my hand down under the skirt between her legs. She moaned softly as I trailed my fingers up her bare, warm thigh and fondled the moist crotch of her panties. I reached behind her with the other hand and clasped her shapely bottom and pulled her tightly against me as I slid my tongue in her mouth.
..........Her breathing intensified, and her body quivered deliciously as she drew my tongue deep in her mouth and surged her pelvis against my hand.
..........I withdrew from her and unbuttoned and unzipped her skirt. It fell to her feet, and I drew her panties down her thighs and slowly pressed her back to the toilet. I kissed her throat and then reached behind her and raised the toilet seat lid. "Sit here," I whispered, gently pushing her shoulder.
..........She sat on the toilet, and I knelt before her on my knees and pulled her panties down and off. I carefully spread her legs and moved in between them and kissed her warm, inner thighs, opening them further. "I want you so much, Angela," I whispered. "Your beautiful body. You are so lovely!"
..........She cradled my head in her hands as I lifted her blouse and leaned forward and pressed my face into the soft flesh of her stomach. My fingertips moved under her and grazed the lips of her vulva. They were moist. She moaned softly.
.........."Pee in my hand," I whispered.
..........I didn't know the Spanish words to say. But she understood. We were speaking in a universal, wordless language now.
..........She whimpered softly as she leaned back on the seat.
..........Then I felt the warm sprinkle of her urine against my fingers! Its ambrosial fragrance filled my nostrils. I swooned as it overflowed my hand and dribbled into the toilet bowl. I put the other hand beneath her in the stream, basking in the fluid warmth of her, and then I brought one hand to my face and caressed my mouth and licked and sucked the wetness from my fingers. Its taste was so exhilarating! She whimpered again, caressing my cheeks. I cupped the other hand beneath her flow, filling it, then brought it to my mouth and sipped her enchanting, golden elixir.
..........The taste of her urine aroused a torrent of passion inside me! I cooed and moaned as I received her flow with both cupped hands, filled them, drank, and then I grasped her hips and urged her to lift her bottom from the seat so I could get my mouth between her legs and capture the flow directly from her sumptuous, fleecy sex. As I drank her, I found her anus with my fingers. The luscious sphincter was softly distended, and I gently nudged a finger through the ring. She gasped. As I slid my tongue deep in her vagina and drank her visceral spirit, I slid my finger deep in her cloying rectum.
..........A large, semi-soft mass of warm feces greeted me! I encircled it, probed deeper inside the teeming cave, felt her muscles stretching and opening deliciously around my finger. Her whole body was heaving and pulsating, and then she gave a little cry as I tongued her to a soft climax and swallowed the last dribbles from her luscious pee.
..........She lowered herself back down on the potty, and I eased my finger from her bottom. "I want it, Angela," I whispered, caressing her anus with my fingertip, and then the sphincter fluttered and opened and she filled my hand with her enormous, soft, bowel movement!
..........I crumpled before her on the floor in an orgasmic wave as the warmth from deep inside her body filled my hands. I dropped it in the toilet, licked feces from my fingers as she watched, and then I grasped her hips and propelled her to stand and turn around, She bent over the toilet and I opened her bottom cheeks and cleaned her adorable anus with my tongue. Then I returned my mouth to her sex and aroused her to a series of orgasms which eventually brought us both to the floor.
..........I took her to bed and made love to her all day and into the night.
..........She came to live with me, and stayed for six months. I went with her to Sinaloa to meet her family. I used the quarterly royalties from my first book to buy a little tourist restaurant in the town, and turned it over to her family to own and manage.
..........I still get little checks in the mail from them sometimes, but I usually send them back.
..........I was up very early Saturday morning, and, while Darcy slept, I finished the final draft of my trauma book. I had been pecking at it off and on during the week. That morning the words flowed. I had it boxed and ready to go to Paul Franks by nine o'clock. I was still in my robe.
..........I put on a halter and shorts and fixed some fruit and homemade muffins and juice and went out to the little table in the garden to eat and read the morning paper.
..........Darcy came out with coffee just as I was finishing. She was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. I could tell there was no bra beneath it. I wondered if she was wearing panties. I had seen a couple of pair go through the wash. They were pretty clean. I didn't study them in detail. I was respectful. That's hard sometimes, when you're an animal like I am!
.........."Good morning," she smiled.
.........."Good morning, Darcy. Did you sleep well?"
.........."I've slept better the last three nights than I can ever remember," she said as she sat down. "I feel so good!"
.........."Oh, I'm so glad, Sweetheart."
..........She looked at me with great seriousness. "I really want to learn how to ... like you said ... love myself."
..........I sat with the question for a moment, weighing things, weighing my feelings, balancing fantasies against intuition. "Well," I finally said, "You know what? I bought you a little present not too long ago. Maybe its time for me to give it to you."
.........."A present? For me?"
.........."Mm hm. It's sort of ... personal. Would you like to see what it is?"
.........."Yes!" she said, her eyes filled with childlike excitement.
..........She was so cute!
..........This was a big risk. "Well," I said, "you sit there and finish your coffee, and I'll go upstairs and get it, okay?"
.........."Okay," she smiled and giggled.
..........I put my dishes in the kitchen and went upstairs and found the gift I had bought for her in San Francisco with Jeanette. It seemed a lot longer than a week ago. I found a gift box in my closet and folded the odd present in tissue and put it in the box. I stared at the box. I wasn't really prepared for this. It needed a note. I looked in my little writing table drawer and found a blank note card with flowers on it. Perfect.
.........."Dear Darcy," I wrote. "This is for special moments by the wading pool." I signed it "Love, Linda." I found some lavender ribbon in the bottom drawer of my dresser and wrapped the box and slipped the note underneath.
.........."Does this feel okay?" I whispered to myself, staring at the box.
.........."Yes," I answered, smiling, and went back downstairs and out into the garden.
..........I put the gift on the table in front of Darcy and sat down, breathless with anticipation.
..........She opened and read the card, smiled an inquisitive little smile, and opened the box. "Wow, a bathing suit!" she exclaimed, holding it up.
..........I could see her mind working hard toward the significance. It was a very unstylish, one-piece suit. It was very old. I had found it in a thrift store. It was navy blue. It was made of broadcloth and felt scratchy. I had paid fifty cents for it.
.........."Darcy," I said gently, "I don't know what that little suit was like that you told me about that you had when you were a little girl."
.........."It ... it was just like this one. Where did you find this?"
.........."In a thrift store. I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice if you could have that day, that moment, over again and have it come out differently?"
.........."I'm not sure I understand," she said.
.........."I'm sorry that I don't have a little rubber wading pool, Darcy, but I have a real swimming pool over there, and a nice lawn, and I could sit beside you like your mother did that day when you were little. I'm not your mother, Darcy, and I don't ever want to be, but we could pretend a little bit and maybe you could get some of those feelings back and we could ... heal some things?"
..........She looked at me thoughtfully. "That's a little scary," she said.
.........."I know. You would have to really trust me."
.........."I've never trusted anyone in my life more than I trust you."
.........."I'm worthy of your trust, Darcy. I promise."
..........She looked down at the swimsuit and then back at me. "Okay," she whispered.
.........."You want to put it on and go for a little dip in the pool? I'll watch you swim."
..........She took the suit and went back into the house. I got another cup of coffee, my hands shaking a little, and grabbed some towels and took the newspaper over by the pool beyond the hedge.
..........My pool has a high fence separating me from my good if snobby and nosy neighbors. The fence is covered with roses. I pulled a lawn chair over to the grass by the pool in the sun and sipped coffee, waiting for Darcy. I perused the newspaper. It might as well have been upside down and written in Greek! My mind was on other current events.
..........She was gone a long time. I began to worry. Maybe this was too intense!
..........And then she was beside me. "Its scratchy," she said. "I hate it." She looked as though she might have been crying.
.........."I hoped you would," I giggled. It was a little baggy.
..........She walked gingerly to the edge of the pool and dove in. I sipped coffee, the newspaper in my lap, watching her swim, moisture gathering between my legs.
..........We were at the turning point of the relationship. Life always has these fundamental choices: either you can go out, or you can go in. We were definitely heading in now!
..........She was an beautiful swimmer, lithe and graceful. She dove deep, and then came up at the ladder and climbed out, dripping. She demurely came up beside me and spread her towel and lay on the grass on her stomach. She was shivering a little, though it wasn't at all cold outside.
.........."You're a wonderful swimmer, Honey," I said.
.........."Thank you," she murmured.
.........."You're such a good little girl. The best little girl in the whole world. I love you so much."
..........She glanced up at me. She was trying to see if I was acting or not. I gave her my warmest smile. "I love you, too," she whispered.
..........A surge of tenderness filled me then. I felt my eyes moistening. I closed them, feeling the warm sun on my body.
..........Time was suspended.
..........And then I heard a delicious, muffled sound that made me turn liquid inside! It was a tiny whisper of air rustling softly from her anus! It was slightly muffled by the wet fabric of the swim suit. It made my heart race! I opened my eyes and looked down at her. She was cradling her head in her arms, facing the other way. Her body shifted almost imperceptibly on the grass. And then I saw a little swelling in the seat of the trunks. The wet fabric pressed out noiselessly as it stretched to accommodated the unspeakable treasure that filled it.
..........Darcy moaned softly.
.........."Oh, Sweetheart," I said tenderly, coming down to my knees beside her. "I think you just did something very precious."
.........."Nnn," she breathed softly.
.........."That's so marvelous, Honey," I said, gently resting my hand on a cheek of her bottom. "Did that feel good, Sweetheart?"
.........."Yes," she whispered almost inaudibly.
.........."What a precious and special little girl you are. I love you so much! That's kind of fun doing that outside, isn't it, Baby?"
.........."Uh huh," she said in a soft whimper.
..........I gingerly trailed my fingers over the fabric to the mound between her cheeks. I could feel its divine warmth. Sensitively, I pressed into its firmness. "Your potty is so beautiful, so wonderful. Its so nice to do it outside in the warm sunshine, isn't it Sweetheart?"
.........."Yes," she breathed, quivering a bit.
..........I started manipulating it gently. "It feels good between your precious little bottom cheeks, doesn't it, Honey?"
.........."Uh huh."
..........I knelt down, brushing her ear with my lips. "You are the most wonderful little girl in the whole world, Darcy. I love you so much." I kissed her cheek gently, still tentatively manipulating the mound, pressing it inward. "Would you like for me to clean your bottom up a little, Baby? Or do you want to just feel it there for a little while between your cheeks. It's so precious! Your sweet little do-do."
..........Well, it wasn't that little, actually. Pretty substantial, in fact. I could feel its wondrous warmth permeate my fingers like an electrical current. It had a light, sweet, enchanting fragrance.
.........."That ... feels ... good," she whispered, "you just touching it like that."
.........."Mmmm. Feels good pressing against you?"
.........."Mmm hmm."
..........I gently rotated it and compressed it more firmly in between her cheeks, cheeks I couldn't see, cheeks whose lusciousness I could only imagine. "Like that?"
.........."Nnngh, Jesus, Uh huh."
..........I massaged her little rear ravine with the malleable mound, palpating it with my palm, pressing more firmly, up and down, up and down. "It's fun to play with sometimes, isn't it, Honey?"
.........."Nnnn," she sighed.
.........."You're such a princess. So precious!" I maneuvered it purposefully down lower into her crotch, squishing it firmly between her legs. "Does that feel nice, Honey?"
.........."Oh, God, yes," she breathed, pushing her bottom gently up against my hand.
.........."I love doing this, Baby. Thank you for letting me play with your poopsie a little bit like this. I love the way it feels. Do you have to go potty the other way, too, Sweetheart?"
.........."Uh ...huh ..."
.........."Mmmm. Why don't you do that. It would feel nice tinkling right here on the nice, warm grass in your swimsuit, don't you think?"
..........The navy blue fabric in the center of her crotch suddenly became soaked, and then a sweet little geyser of golden urine bubbled out on to the grass. I could hear the sound of its gentle coursing from her body. I cupped the wet region with my other hand. "Oooo, Sweetheart, that feels so good! Isn't that nice and warm?"
.........."Yes," she murmured.
.........."Just let it flow, Sweetheart. That's so beautiful! Your sweet, precious honey!" I enclosed the flow with my hand so it would drift back over her genitals. "Does that feel nice, Baby?"
.........."Nnn, God, yes," she whispered.
.........."My beautiful little girl. I love you so much."
..........I was so impressed with my self-imposed discipline! I was moving into an ocean of unbridled passion as my hands felt the breathtaking warmth and energy that was emanating from her luscious inner body. I was doing a pretty good job of not trembling, and of keeping my voice disengaged from the engulfing sexual desire I was feeling. But I could not resist my customary impulse to wet myself as I fondled her soft and warm and flowing personal treasures. My pee dribbled from my shorts, trickling down on the backs of my calves, which were folded beneath me.
..........As Darcy's enticing urine ebbed, I gave her poop another affectionate squeeze and leaned my head down next to her again and whispered in her ear. "Darcy, Sweetheart, this is real. There aren't any cameras here. I'm not an actress. This is for free. No one is watching us. This is just you, Darling. All of the things you are feeling are real, my sweet Baby. You are perfect and complete and connected with everything that is happening. You have a little child inside you who is taking so much delight in this right now! I want you to find that sweet little girl inside and have a private little celebration with her. Give her a little present, unfolding in your hands, something precious, so she knows how much you love her. While you do that, I'm going to just slide your swimming suit off and go put it in the laundry and leave you here in the warm sunshine for just a minute, and then I'm going to come back with a nice, fresh, wet, warm towel so we can clean up a little and some nice clean shorts and T-shirt and so you don't have to worry about a single thing, okay."
.........."Okay," she said in a silvery, subdued whisper.
.........."Everything is wonderful and perfect, Sweetheart." I gave her a little kiss behind her ear.
.........."Mmm hmm."
..........I raised up on my knees, my heart racing, and slipped the navy blue straps down from her shoulders

Chapter 18

.........."I'm going to buy you a beautiful new swimsuit," I said to Darcy as I gently rolled the garment down her back, "so you never have to wear this old thing again." She lifted her torso, and I slid it down to her hips, revealing the exquisite expanse of her radiant, flowing back. It was nicely tanned, except for a cute ribbon of white flesh across her shoulder blades from her halter strap.
..........She lifted her hips from the grass as I cautiously rolled the garment down over her buttocks.
..........Joy of joys!
..........My ravenous eyes were devouring the creamy flesh I was slowly exposing -- the adorable little twin dimples in her creamy white flesh just below her tan line, then the initial hummock of her buttocks, then the glorious beginnings of the soft hollow between her increasingly visible bare cheeks, and finally the creamy white, flawless expanse of the luscious, smooth cheeks themselves! They arose gleaming from the deepening fissure that separated them. I had to hold my breath to subdue the sounds of my panting! They were absolutely celestial, more exquisite than in my most hopeful fantasies!
..........And then, there it was!! - deeply snuggled between those luscious orbs was a succulent, glistening, dark brown, luscious column, nestled in between the lower part of her cheeks, disappearing down between her luscious flesh of her thighs!
..........I could tell that it had originally been elliptical, but my manipulations had flattened it a bit. "Oh, my, that's so beautiful, Sweetheart!" I exclaimed as I drew the suit smoothly down her legs the rest of the way and from her feet. I lay the garment aside.
..........It was the most delicious thing I had ever seen in my life! Darcy's pooped, naked bottom in the bright sunshine!
..........I gingerly grazed the warm surface of the thrilling brown column with my fingertips. "I'm just going to put this nice grunt in the potty for you, okay, Baby? Its so pretty! My sweet baby's precious do-do."
..........She responded with a very subdued but assenting murmur. I knew she was probably light years away.
..........I dislodged and lifted the treasure slowly and gently from the crevice. "Mmm, so sweet," I whispered, sort of peeling it away from her. I had pressed it so firmly into her little rump valley that I had to sort of gouge it out, and it broke into two pieces as I gathered it in my hand. Its warmth sent chills clear to my toes!
.........."I'll be right back," I said. "You just stay there and feel the nice warm sunshine on your beautiful back, my precious baby. I love you so much!"
..........I arose with my fortune, grabbing the navy blue trunks, and hurried to the laundry room. I dropped the swim suit in the laundry hamper, and then cradled the clustered, visceral prize in both my hands. Its intimate, ponderous, material presence in my actual hands! - the body of it, the mild, sweet fragrance of it! It rocked me to the very ground of my being! It was so magnificent!
..........I carefully examined its organic essence, the smooth little cinnamon-brown, aggregate clumps of which it was formed. There was a little strand of rectal mucous nestled between two of the little rounded hillocks. I pressed my lips there, drawing that succulence into my mouth. The intoxicating, visceral essence instantly infused my senses. I sucked a globule of the glistening feces into my mouth, let it waft over my tongue, swallowed it.
..........A million butterflies cascaded through my belly and loins as all my neuro-receptors lit up like torches! And then I closed my lips on a larger, softer fragment, letting it fuse into my mouth, down my throat. Then, breathless, I buried my lips and nose deep in the fragrant lushness. The inner part was still warm from her sweet body.
..........Darcy DeVries's actual poop!!
..........I was trembling so much that I had to lean against the doorway to the kitchen to steady myself!
..........I could have spent all afternoon with that radiant abundance from her sweet little breadbasket! But there were other, far more sacred issues at hand. This was definitely not the time to abandon her! Plus, additional treats awaited my return to her.
..........I drooled on the more tapered end of each firm chunk, pulled my shorts down, bent over, and carefully worked both sections gently into my rectum. Another deluge of delighted butterflies cascaded through my loins and intestines and up into my belly. I squeezed it far up inside of me, my body enfolding it. Darcy's essence was inside of me now from both ends! - would be drawn through my cells, uniting us.
..........I quickly washed my hands and face and grabbed two clean pair of shorts and a T-shirt from the clothes dryer. I took my pee-wet shorts off and dropped them in the hamper and put the new ones on. If she noticed I had changed, she would assume they got a little soiled by accident. Then I filled a plastic dishpan with hot water in the kitchen and returned to the pool.
..........She hadn't moved.
.........."Hi, Sweetie," I said, getting back on my knees beside her glorious nakedness and putting the dishpan on the grass and dipping a clean towel in it. "We'll get you nice and clean here in a jiffy, and I brought you some nice clean shorts and a T-shirt. Are you okay, Sweetheart?"
.........."Uh huh," she murmured. She was still facing away from me, her head resting adorably in her arms.
..........I reverently opened her scrumptious butt cheeks, indulging my eyes for a measured instant in the engaging, chocolate-brown residue that graced the open, heavenly valley, the breathtaking curl of her twinkling little anus, mostly hidden by a luscious twist of soft excrement that emanated from its center.
..........Then, with sadness, I lay a wet part of the towel in the ethereal hollow. This method of cleaning her off back there was definitely not my first choice! The electrifying sensation of her feces in my stomach and in my rectum still permeated me. I licked my lips, tasting the residue of her earthiness in my mouth. "Oh, Baby," I said, "you are so beautiful back here! You have the cutest, sweetest little bottom, do you know that?"
..........She made a soft, blissful little moan as I gently bathed her most intimate bottom flesh with the wet, fluffy-soft towel, working as slowly as I dared. I leisurely folded and refolded it, getting fresh warm water from the pan, carefully cleaning all around her voluptuous little furrow and the surrounding cheeks. "Open your legs a little, Honey, so I can get all the precious places."
..........She spread them without hesitation, and more than adequately, and then I could see her breathtaking vulva! -- glistening wet from her fresh urine in the bright sunlight.
..........My lip theory was once again validated. Darcy had the most heavenly labia I had ever seen! How I longed to slide my tongue down over those soft, wet, tender petals!
..........I took my time cleaning up and down and around the dainty lips, and all down the insides of her thighs, and back up over her glorious rump cheeks again.
.........."You probably got a little pee-pee on your front, too, Honey. Why don't you roll over so I can get you all nice and clean everywhere?"
.........."Nnn," she whispered, rolling away from me on to her back. She turned her head in the other direction, folding her arms over her face to shield her eyes from the direct sunlight.
..........My breath caught in my throat at the sight of her sudden, full, frontal nakedness.
..........Darcy's naked breasts! God, were they divine! My eyes feasted on them, and then on the sensual hollows of her lower pelvis, her glorious, dainty little mound of Venus. I swooned with capricious longing to enfold all of that nakedness in my arms.
..........Instead, I folded and dampened the towel again and moved next to her, my bare knees scooting over on the drenched towel she had just vacated. My bare knees hugged the wetness there. All the cells of my body were tingling with sensual delight! The warm, light breeze carried the sweet scent of her fresh urine up into my nostrils. I breathed deeply as I carefully bathed her pubic area and flanks, her lower tummy and the tops of her thighs. She involuntarily spread her legs a little, and I gently washed her private parts again with fresh, warm water.
.........."All done," I smiled, dropping the towel in the pan. "Nice and clean."
..........She sat up wordlessly, squinting in the sun, and I handed her the clean shorts and T-shirt. She slowly pulled them on.
..........She was flushed, and trembling a little. I could think of a hundred things to say, but I settled back in the grass watching her, letting the ponderous silence hang between us, letting her absorb into her body the amazing devotional experience we had just shared.
..........I was absorbing it inside of me, too -- absorbing her inside of me! I could still feel the vibrant energy of her excrescence in my rectum, radiating out through my intestines and into the very center of my being.
..........On the emotional and intellectual side, I was doing a lot of assimilating as well. This had been an utterly unprecedented experience for me. I couldn't recall from any of the clinical research literature in psychology what the guidelines were for helping someone re-frame early potty trauma. There certainly wasn't any class at the University of California in pee-poop-therapy. There probably should be! I stifled a giggle.
..........But, seriously, how could anything be more important to a person's developmental reintegration of themselves than getting re-parented in a loving way in such a volatile but innocent thing as this?
..........But then, I wasn't a therapist any more. What did I know?
..........Her eyes finally found mine, and I smiled warmly and gave her a gentle little nod.
.........."Wow," she whispered.
.........."I know," I said softly.
.........."I ... wish you had been my ... mother." A little tear rolled down her cheek.
.........."Mmm. Me, too," I smiled. Then I added gently, "But I wasn't, Darcy, and I'm not. And you know what? I'm sort of glad, because if I were your mother, we wouldn't be able to be such special friends like we are."
.........."I know," she said, wiping her tear away, smiling, giving a little heave as her trembling melted away.
..........I felt that her next response would probably be to minimize the experience. She would rationalize that I had been play-acting. "I just want you to know, Darcy, that was a very easy, natural, enjoyable, and pleasant thing for me to do. I didn't have to act at all. All those ... things I said were very real things."
..........She looked at me, and more tears quietly came. "I think ... I think I need to be alone for a little while," she said, "if that's okay."
.........."Of course it's okay," I smiled. "I understand. I'll be here if you need me."
..........She nodded and arose and walked back to the house.
..........I lay back in the grass and closed my eyes and let images flow freely in and out. There was some fear attached to them. A little anxiety. I hoped I hadn't made a bad mistake. There was nothing I could do now. I would just have to give her time to process.
..........I took a swim in the ocean, still feeling the delicious pressure of her poop deep inside my bottom.
..........And then did my own highest form of self therapy; I worked in my garden.
..........The fertile earth is so yielding, so giving. Tiny seeds do their fearless, first reaching out while hidden deep in its womb, and the womb nurtures them, offering everything. The sun is only a half-formed dream for the little seed, and yet relentlessly it presses upward, cradled by the magic of the rich and deep and brown earth that surrounds it, challenges it, teases it, nourishes it.
..........There are no secrets between them. Nothing is wasted here in this consecrated place, in this sacred relationship. All is freely given, freely received. Tiny, hair-like roots venture out and down, experimenting. They are intimately embraced as they find their way. They long for more. They want to get further inside. They crave to tap deep. They crave for inmost bonds with the place of vitality that engulfs them, permeates them, regenerates them. They are as the soul, seeking greater and stronger depth and wholeness.
..........The delicate upward shoots are as the spirit, seeking light and air and freedom. At last, they burst forth, kissing the sun's rays, drinking the life-giving moisture that it bears upon them. They grow strong in spirit as the soul deepens its roots in the cloying, intimate earth, and then they blossom and bloom and fill the air with their perfume, and then they shed and give back to the receptive earth at each completion of their glorious cycle, returning the nurturing gifts they have received tenfold so that the earth may in turn replenish their multiplying roots in a symphony of luxurious intercourse.
..........Darcy didn't come down all afternoon.
..........She didn't come down for dinner, either. I fixed myself some vegetables and pasta. It was a warm evening, and I took another swim around seven, showered by the pool, watched part of a movie, and then went upstairs and undressed and got in my bathtub.
..........I leisurely discharged Darcy's ambrosial feces from my rectum and baptized myself with the sacred fruit. I became crazed with passion as I leisurely rubbed it everywhere, on my breasts and belly and flanks and vulva, on my cheeks and chin and lips and nose, in my nose, in my mouth, on my tongue. Most of it finally ended up inside my tummy!
..........Then I took a shower and a long bubble bath.
..........I listened at her door at nine-thirty and couldn't hear any sounds. I was starting to worry. I was about to knock when I heard her shower running.
..........I turned out lights and locked up downstairs and then climbed into bed, leaving my door ajar in case she needed me.
..........I heard her door open at around ten, and then close a minute later. At a little past eleven, I heard it open again, saw a light in the hall, and heard her downstairs, and a half hour later the light in the hall went out.
..........And then I saw her in my doorway! She was silhouetted in the dim moonlight that came in through my window.
.........."Hi," I said softly. "I'm awake."
.........."Hi."
.........."Are you okay, Sweetheart?"
.........."Yes," she whispered.
.........."Can I get you anything?"
.........."No, thank you."
.........."Would you like to talk?"
..........She lightly crossed the room to my bed. She seemed to be floating in her soft nightgown. She had never been in my room before.
..........She sat down on the edge of the bed. "I was wondering ... if I could just lie down with you awhile. I'm feeling sort of ... lonely."
.........."Oh, Sweetheart," I said, I would love it." I scooted over and pulled the covers down. I usually sleep in the nude, but tonight I had left my robe on when I had gotten into bed in case she needed me.
.........."Thank you," she whispered, climbing in beside me. She curled up facing me, and I pulled the covers over us and turned on my side to face her and brushed a lock of her hair. She looked ethereal in the faint moonlight. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. "Would you hold me?"
..........I reached out and she came into my arms and I embraced her against me. Her beautiful body, full and warm and soft, melted into mine. "Linda," she whispered.
.........."Yes."
.........."Out there, by the pool, you ... when you told me that you ... loved me. Were you saying that because you were ... pretending to be what my mother should have been?"
.........."I told you that because it's true, Sweetheart," I whispered. "I love you very much."
..........She snuggled closer. "I love you, too," she murmured. "I don't think I knew what that was."
..........I gently stroked her hair. "I know, Baby, I know."
..........With so much anticipation and so many fantasies about this angelic girl, I suppose one would think that I..........then devoured her with passion as we lay dissolved together in my bed at the end of that very long evening. But in that moment, I was wholly content to simply lie with her in my arms, to cradle her, to feel the rising and falling of her gentle breathing against me. It was the culmination of an emotional saga for me. I found myself suddenly weak from fatigue.
..........I think that was true for her, too, perhaps in an even larger sense than for me. Seconds after her sweet declaration of love for me, the sound of slumber suffused her breathing.
..........And only seconds later, I was deeply asleep with her.
..........Life is a mosaic. The patterns in the mosaic are woven through our relationships, our careers, our busy and mundane comings and goings. It's all a very sad and sweet tapestry. We call this woven tapestry destiny and fate. The older I become, and the more myself I become, the more I trust the weaver, and the more I realize how small my personal will is in the larger themes of the mosaic.
..........I don't believe much in accidents any more.
..........Awaking with Darcy DeVries beside me, for example, didn't feel like any accident. She was where she was supposed to be, and so was I. I awoke in bliss and fullness, with not an iota of qualm or misgiving.
..........I slipped quietly from bed and went downstairs and made fresh ground coffee in the French press, bringing it back up to the bedroom in a carafe with two cups. I set it on the side table and poured myself some. Darcy stirred as I climbed gently back into bed, propping myself up with pillows.
.........."Good morning," I smiled as she rolled over and looked up at me, rubbing sleep from her eyes and yawning. God, was she beautiful!
..........The first gift she gave me that morning was her radiant, heavenly smile, so filled with kindness and love. "Good morning," she smiled back, adjusting pillows and sitting up as I poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her. "Thank you!"
.........."Did you sleep well, my beautiful princess?"
.........."Never better," she smiled.
..........A little blush imbued her lovely face, because the intractable reality of the morning was that we were two grown women in bed together!
.........."Me, too." I smiled. "I think I was really tired."
..........She smiled at me and sipped at the hot coffee. "That was a pretty intense day," she said softly.
.........."Yes, it was."
.........."Definitely unprecedented."
.........."For me, too, Darcy."
.........."There is something really magical about you," she said.
.........."Well, I guess love is magical. Everything I did with you yesterday came from love, the love I feel for you."
.........."I think I started loving you right away," she said coyly. "That first day."
.........."Me, too," I said gently. Her left hand was lying across her breast, and I placed my fingers gently upon it, caressing it. It lightly turned as she took my hand easily in hers and looked at me. Her beautiful eyes were filled with so much tenderness and love and devotion. We exchanged soft smiles again, and she sipped more coffee, her eyes remaining on mine.
.........."I don't know how to do this," she whispered.
.........."Love?"
..........She nodded.
.........."Yes, you do. There aren't any secrets about it. Deep down inside yourself, you know all about it."
.........."I ... I don't feel like I'm ... worthy of loving you, somehow."
.........."Oh, Sweetheart, I know that feeling so well! But you know what?"
.........."What?"
.........."It's not even about worthiness at all. Your only part is to be freely yourself. If we are both freely ourselves, and love comes, then there is never anything about worthiness involved. Love is worthy of us, and we are worthy of love. Its built into our being. Its not something you do. It's just something you are, naturally. Does that make sense?"
..........She nodded. "Yes, but I mean, you probably have a lot of experience."
.........."I do," I smiled. "And the one important thing that my experience has taught me is that it is okay to just trust myself, that all of my desires are wonderful and natural and good. That's all there is to learn. There is no 'standard' about it 'out there' somewhere that you have to live up to. Its all just naturally on the inside. If someone knows how to breathe, they know how to love!"
.........."Mmm."
.........."There is only one important rule," I said, with feigned seriousness.
.........."What's that?"
.........."Just keep breathing!" I giggled.
..........She broke into a beautiful, deep laugh. "I'll try to remember that," she said.

 

Chapter 19

..........Darcy sipped coffee, lying beside me in bed, and then she grew pensive. She looked down at our hands, clasped gently together at her breast. Her fingertips caressed my palm, my wrist, and then she delicately raised my hand to her face and kissed it.
..........A quaking thrill went through my entire body as her honeyed lips grazed the backs of my fingers, fingers which instinctively responded to the kiss, turning gently and pressing softly into lushness of her beautiful lips! The lips parted slightly against my finger in a delicious little acquiescence to the sensual turn the gesture was taking.
..........My loins began to tingle.
..........As my middle finger lay in the crease of her parted lips, she pressed my hand more tightly against her face. My other fingers grazed her cheek. It was the softest skin I think I had ever felt. I kneaded it sensitively. I could feel her gentle breath against my thumb. Her breath was deepening.
..........So was mine!
..........There was this pleasant sort of vagueness as to which one of us was active and which was passive as my finger nestled further between her lips. It is part of that remarkable phenomenon of two people fitting so perfectly together that boundaries and determination begin to disappear. It wasn't she or I doing it; it was us doing it. Not even us; the sensation was that it was doing it, that third mysterious center of volition in which wills disappear when one surrenders to the fulfillment of life on its own terms.
..........We disappear into it.
..........From there, of course, arises the great fear of intimacy, the fear of loss of self.
..........That's the most groundless fear I know of, by the way.
..........My finger slid in past the dry, soft, supple, full flesh of Darcy's lips to the moist, succulent, inner flesh of her mouth. It was galvanizing! My nipples and clitoris became fully erect, and my organs of generation fluttered.
..........I caressed her teeth, felt them gently unclose, explored their ridges, pressed gently between them, felt her the tip of her luscious tongue, yielding and tender and moist.
..........A little flutter infused her breathing, and she closed her eyes, pressing her hand more firmly against the back of mine, favoring the finger one that was in her mouth, urging it further inside, slowly surveying it with her tongue. My finger responded by caressing the soft, wet member.
..........She moaned softly.
..........I moaned, too, as a sea of tenderness and passion swept through me like a tidal wave. My finger seemed to liquefy against her luscious tongue as it slipped deeper into her loving mouth, becoming engulfed in that intimate province. It slowly stretched out along the full length of her juicy organ as she began gently sucking it.
..........As gracefully and unobtrusively as I could, leaving my finger exactly where it was, I maneuvered my coffee cup over to the side table, then took her cup from her hand and put it beside it. I cuddled closer to her. I moved the tip of an adjacent finger to her sweet lips, beckoning gently at the portal, and she opened her mouth and took the second one inside, trailing her tongue between the two as she suckled them deep into the warm, wet, oral sanctuary. I gently explored the interiors of her mouth and tongue, the soft corners, the tender recesses beneath her tongue. She stopped sucking, and her mouth and tongue went slack as my fingers drifted and penetrated far back inside, reveling in the moistening den of bliss!
.........."Oh, God, Darcy, Baby, that's heaven," I whispered. I raised my other hand to gently cradle her soft cheek on the other side of her face. My fingertips grazed over her temple there, slid beneath the tousled tresses of her hair to her ear, danced, tracing the ridges, fondling the lobe. She leaned slightly toward the caress and purred like a kitten. Though I was touching her with my fingers, the sensation of her breathtaking flesh was sending messages to my toes and every cell in between! I nestled closer to her, still exploring her mouth with my fingers, and my lips neared the side of her face, feeling the warmth of her skin, and then I gently kissed her feathery cheek. She made a soft, passionate, whimpering sound as I pressed my full lips into the softness. I drew her head closer to me with the hand that was playing with her ear, deeply inhaling in the scent of her.
..........My lips parted then, undulating, and my tongue pressed against the flesh of her cheek. As my lips and tongue slithered toward her cloying mouth, she began slowly to release my fingers. I slid them sensuously from between her teeth, visiting for one moist, blissful moment the soft underside of her lower lip. As my fingers at length withdrew, she turned toward me to find my mouth.
..........I kissed her.
..........A sheet of lightning struck all of my cells. My heart fluttered!
I was .Her lips were so moist, soft, supple, warm, yielding! They billowed ethereally against mine. I grazed against them with my tongue tip, and they parted. I cradled her head in both hands, and then her fingers were on my cheeks. I pressed my lips and tongue into the sweet succulence of her mouth, ran my tongue over her teeth where my fingers had been. They parted again and my lips went inside hers, pressing against her teeth as my tongue wended its way into her private sepulcher.
..........As we began loving each other, I would have thought that I might need to be saying things like, "It's okay, Sweetheart, there aren't any cameras here, no stage direction, no script, no Mr. Clarendon scrutinizing behind the scenes, no cash bonuses or bribes at the end to make sure you do it right." But there was no need. The thought didn't even cross my mind. She was totally and utterly and freely present in my arms. She was the magical one, not me! She had taken these amazing, quantum leaps away from the trauma that had brought her to me -- first as a client, then as a friend-in-need, now as a lover -- and I was filled with wonder and awe at her astonishing resilience.
..........She took my tongue deeply and fully in her mouth. The passion with which she suckled it was not an exterior, unbridled passion, but a deep and solemn one, filled with unspeakable and unearthly longing. She was like a newborn at her mother's breast. It was as though she were drawing some vital sustenance from me through my tongue.
..........An extension of the heart!
..........For me, such sweet and intense craving for the essence of another's body is the forerunner of absolute human intimacy. It always makes me simply dissolve inside!
..........That's what my tongue was doing in her mouth. Dissolving!
..........I offered all of it to her, and she welcomed all of it, her lips sliding into my mouth back over my tongue toward its root. I engulfed her mouth, my lips wandering clear to her nose and cheeks! I pressed into her, and she slipped away from the pillows on to her back. With our mouths riveted together, I came down on top of her, basking in her, melting into her, kicking covers aside so that I could feel the fullness of her body against mine.
..........My robe fell open. My nakedness was pressed against the thin cotton of her nightgown. Our pelvises danced and gently rotated together. Our naked feet accosted and enticed each other's feet and ankles.
..........After long moments, she slowly began releasing my tongue. I withdrew it leisurely, exploring and licking underneath her lips, and finally lifted my mouth from hers. Her beautiful brown eyes were wide open. They were so deep! I was swimming in them.
.........."I've ... I've had lots of fantasies about your mouth," she whispered.
..........I blushed, my heart aflutter. "You have?"
.........."Mmm hmmmmm."
.........."I've had lots of fantasies about yours, too."
.........."Really?"
..........I nodded, pressing a finger to her exquisite lips. "When you were telling about ... making bubbles ... it was driving me crazy."
..........She giggled softly. "Really?"
..........I nodded.
.........."Bubbles on my lips with my saliva?"
..........The breath of her words kissed my fingertip. I nodded again. I guess she could see the desire dripping behind my eyes. She pursed her lips and a tiny bubble grazed my fingertip. A deep groan of animal passion erupted from within me, and I trailed my finger through the moisture. "Oh, God, Baby, yes," I murmured, swooning in passion. She parted her lips slightly, secreting a narrow little pool of saliva. Nectar from the Goddess of Love!
..........I lowered my lips to her mouth and sipped it, let it slide over my tongue and down my throat. "Oh, Honey," I whispered softly, and then I covered her lips with mine, moaning, suckling, and more sweet elixir effused gently from her mouth to mine. I withdrew, trailing my fingertip across her wet lips, and another bubbly little effluence glistened between them. I trailed my fingertip through the moisture and brushed the finger to my lips. "I love you, Darcy," I whispered, covering the little emanation with my lips and drawing it inside.
..........And then she gave me her luscious, dripping tongue!
..........My passion was far less chaste than hers had been. Mine was more on the order of an insatiable beast in the final throes of death from desiccation in the desert! Her soft, full, juicy tongue filled my mouth. I sucked it ravenously. She moaned, surrendering more and more of herself as my lips slithered down its bounteous expanse in search of its ambrosial source. I ran my own tongue beneath it, exploring its delicate, silken underside.
.........."Oh, Baby," I whispered moments later, withdrawing from her, "I could do that for a very long time!"
.........."Me, too," she whispered breathlessly. Her eyes, languid with passion, focused on my mouth, and she gently touched my lips with her finger. Her lips parted in anticipation. She wanted me to do the same as she had done. I carefully secreted a tiny trickle of saliva from my lips against her finger. She caught her breath, and then sighed deeply, making a little whimpering sound as she gently fingered the wetness, then licked her finger. Her eyes were glazed with passion, staring at my mouth. Her lips opened further, sensuous, waiting. I carefully pressed my own lips between them and salivated fully in her mouth. Her tongue was there to receive it, and she whimpered again softly as she swallowed. I raised up a little.
.........."Oh, Jesus, Linda, " she said, "I want you inside me so much!"
..........I swooned, pressed my lips gently to hers, and gave her more wetness, and then some more, and more again. She closed her eyes, and her fingertips made little circles on either side of my mouth as she sipped long trickles of my spittle. My fingers were tracing the contours of her face, caressing and fondling her soft flesh, and then they were in her hair, disheveling it, teasing her heavenly curls.
..........At last I lifted my face. Her lips were agape, wet, wanton, passive, receptive. I pooched them together with my fingers and gave her a long, deep, sweet kiss, and some more spit. Her eyes were still closed. I gently kissed her eyelids, her forehead, her hair, gently undulating the fullness of my body against her. I kissed her temples, her lovely ears, down her cheeks. I inched my body lower and buried my face in the warmth of her exquisite throat, pressing my lips deeply, feeling her deep pulsing.
..........Her nightie buttoned down the front. I opened the top two buttons and kissed her shoulders, then her clavicle, feeling the soft pulsing beneath it. Then I kissed and laved the soft pectoral region above her breasts. I nuzzled down the sweet, warm expanse of skin between her breasts, opening another button.
..........My robe had fallen further open, and I felt her hands slide beneath it and touch my ribs. Her touch on my bare skin was electric, causing my hips to undulate involuntarily. Her fingers traced the line of my lower ribs, pressing gently into the soft flesh beneath them.
..........I uncovered a silken, glorious breast!
..........Its elegant tenderness nearly overwhelmed me! Its splendor radiated out to me, like a consecrated field of immaculate, procreative energy.
..........I brushed my lips against the softness. "Oh, Sweet Baby," I breathed against the delicate flesh. I could sense the winged fluttering of her heart beneath it. With my hands resting gently on her throat, feeling her throb, I kissed the nipple, traced around it with my tongue, enclosed it. She moaned softly and pressed up against my mouth, and her fingers danced down over my tummy, down to my pelvic bone, then up over my sides, beneath the robe to my back. I had raised up on my knees, and the movement of her hands drew the bottom of my robe up. I felt cool air bathe my unenclosed buttocks.
..........I uncovered and kissed her other luscious breast, expanding my mouth upon its succulence, pressing my tongue deep into its sweetness, laved down beneath it, then returned again to the other one.
..........Her hands were on my shoulders beneath the loose robe, and then they trailed down beneath my arms to my breasts. Shivers went through me as her fingers traced their contours, explored my rigid nipples. Then she cupped them gently in her hands.
..........I pressed my full face between Darcy's tender breasts.
..........The heart is more to the center of the bosom than is commonly thought. I nuzzled against Darcy's, feeling its rhythms, basking in the energy that emanated from the center of her being. I unbuttoned her gown further so I could slide my hands underneath her naked back, encircling her and drawing her bosom up against my face, burrowing toward her essence, her epicenter, uniting with her on some mercurial plane.
..........She felt the intimate ocean of energy that we had abruptly entered, and gave a little gasp.
..........This was no longer a sexual union, but an unbounded spiritual one. Her hands trailed from my breasts and found my head, pressing me to her heart. She cried out in astonishment as the intimate ocean enlarged, swallowing us. The flawless intensity enraptured me, transported me! We were afloat in the rarest intimacy two people can ever know. We were being reborn in one another, coming home to one another. Our souls joined. I was getting her wet with my quiet tears!
..........I wonder sometimes how many people ever get to experience that. There is no parallel feeling one can have in life. It is beyond orgasm. It is the Edenesque demesne that lies beyond total surrender to love. It is a return to the garden of Paradise. That ecstasy is a frightening thing for one who doesn't know what it is. It is my experience that when most people feel the onset of that, they change the subject. They have sex. Or, like Adam and Eve, they stop and eat an apple!
..........That's understandable. Its a lot to take in!
..........But Darcy and I didn't drift from it at all. We went swimming in it! Heavenly mermaids, dancing in an celestial sea! She was a brave soul indeed. We wept together. I reached up and cradled her head as she was cradling mine, stroked her forehead.
..........And then, inevitably, as one tries to capture something, like the essence of a sweet dream, it flees.
.........."What was that?" She whispered.
.........."Our love," I smiled, rising. "Our sweet, sweet love." I kissed her mouth gently.
.........."I never felt anything like that before," she said.
.........."Mmm," I smiled. "It's so special. It was God telling you how worthy you are." I giggled.
..........She smiled. "I think I broke the rule," she said. "I don't remember breathing."
..........We both got the giggles.
..........And then I got up, straightened my robe, and opened the doors on to the terrace. I could feel the shift from late Spring to Summer in my bones. A balmy, languid, mid-morning breeze kissed me. I warmed our coffees from the carafe and we drank together.
..........I lay back down again on the pillows with my coffee, and Darcy reached over, opened my robe again, and began leisurely exploring my breasts with her fingers. "God, you are beautiful," she whispered, feasting on my breasts so lovingly with her eyes.
.........."Thank you," I smiled, blushing a little. My nipples grew rigid. She played with them, manipulated them between her thumb and forefinger, caressed the aureoles around them. Then she looked up at me and lifted her hand and gently rested her finger on my lips. I let my mouth open, and she slid her finger inside, fondling my tongue, getting her finger wet, and then returned it to one of my nipples, gently fondling the rigid flesh.
..........I crumpled inside, delirious with passion! She smiled and finished her coffee and set the cup aside. I drained my cup and put it on the side table. She leaned up on her elbow and smiled and pressed two fingers to my lips. Instead of opening my mouth, I gathered some saliva and slowly let it seep through my lips against her fingers. She gave a little twitch of delight as she gathered it on her fingers, and then she rubbed the palm of her hand gently against the wetness of my lips.
..........Then her wet hand covered my breast! I closed my eyes and swooned as she deliciously kneaded the sensitive flesh, sending bolts of lightning to my core!
.........."Feel good?" she whispered.
.........."Jesus, Baby, yes! " I moaned, beginning to undulate again as she deeply fondled one supple breast, and then the other.
..........Then she reached up with both hands, putting one palm against my mouth and cradling the back of my hair with the other, pressing my head down. "More," she whispered.
..........I shamelessly drooled saliva in the palm of her hand. She took her other hand from behind my head and extended it under my mouth. I gathered more spittle and dribbled it in her hand.
..........Then she covered both my breasts with her wet hands, lovingly squeezed and fondled them. A small, luscious orgasm swept through me. I cried out.
.........."Oh, Baby, that's so sweet," she smiled, and she raised up and leaned over me and took one of my breasts in her mouth, cradling it with her hands and sucking and laving it deeply.
..........I was electrified. I came again!
..........Smiling, she reached over and cupped her hands coquettishly under my chin. I bowed my head and brazenly drooled more saliva in them. She didn't move them. I looked up at her and she smiled. She wanted some more. I dribble more into her cupped hands, and then she took them away and covered my other breast with them, amassing and kneading the soft mound, then covered the aureole with her mouth, extending her lips down over the wet globe, laving it, gathering nearly all of it in her mouth.
.........."Nnnngh, Jesus, God! " I moaned, arching myself up, turning liquid with desire. Another gentle orgasm swept through me.
..........She nuzzled between my breasts with her moist face, laved downward, drawing my robe aside, suckling and licking at my ribs, and then she buried her face in the softness beneath them. Her hands drifted up my sides to my underarms, back over my wet breasts and down my middle as she suckled the flesh of my tummy. Then she lusciously framed my navel with her still-moist hands and pressed her tongue into the little hollow, gathering the yielding flesh around it in her mouth, propelling her tongue down into my entrails.
..........I had to pee really badly.
..........My fingers trailed through her silken hair. My loins quivered with another sweet orgasm. Wave upon sensuous wave!
..........Then she moved down between my legs, raising them at my knees and spreading my thighs. She knelt there, as though momentarily suspended, gazing down at my bared feminine parts, fingertips dancing gently through my pubic hairs.
.........."Oh, God, " she sighed, her eyes filled with desire. "Oh, my God! "

Chapter 20

..........Darcy lowered her head slowly down between my legs and abruptly pressed her lips into my dripping sex. Her lips pulsed, palpitated, surged, opened, and then she covered me with her mouth, and her tongue slid inside.
..........I involuntarily convulsed, arching up against her, clenching the mattress with my fists as a unconstrained orgasm rocked me. She rode me, opened me with her tongue, while her lips and teeth skillfully manipulated my rigid clitoris and her tongue plunged deep inside my love nest. Her fingers trailed down the exterior contours of my vulva, opening my vagina further and gently stimulating the sensitive, surrounding flesh, teasing all the creases from my pubic bone to the underside of my buttocks and back again.
..........Then she sucked, hard, grinding deliciously against my clitoris, and another orgasm coursed through me!
..........I shrieked! Anyone on the beach below could have heard me. I didn't care. I was with Darcy, now. So deeply with her! Tears streamed down my cheeks. "Oh, God, Baby," I wailed, pressing against her luscious mouth, her glorious tongue.
..........She cradled my buttocks in both her hands and pulled me more tightly up against her, moaning her ecstasy, her tongue exploring my insides, her lips and teeth thrilling my labia, and every oral part of her moving somehow at the same time against my clitoris.
..........And then one of her fingers crept to the lower edge of my vaginal mouth, traced the taut ridge, snuggled its way inside. A second finger joined it, and then a third. She somehow managed to keep her tongue inside at the same time. The fingers sank deep, and then deftly spread out, spiraling, wiggling, gyrating, opening me up, seeking my cervix!
..........I shrieked and squealed again, unfolding to her, my loins quivering, as another climax pierced through me, the biggest so far!
..........The blushing, demure Darcy DeVries! - a Goddess in my bed! An angel at my heart strings! I couldn't help but breathe a little prayer of gratitude to Rebecca, Mr. Clarendon's "acting coach," or whoever else had instructed this maiden in the art of feminine lovemaking!
..........And yet, who knows? Perhaps it was inborn.
..........As I began to touch down, floating in the sweet aftermath, her fingers became quiet, weightless inside me. Then they almost imperceptibly palpated, causing an involuntary, luscious little spasm in my loins. Darcy tenderly kissed my labia, which were distended around her fingers. Inside, the fingers gently probed and undulated, exploring my vaginal interior.
..........I suddenly felt the urge to have a bowel movement. She was toying with my feces through the vaginal wall!
..........I moaned softly.
..........Then a finger of her other hand found my anus and nuzzled gently at the portal.
.........."Ohhh, Jesus," I whispered.
..........Her finger cautiously slid into my anus. She made a voluptuous little whimpering sound as her finger sank deeper inside my rectum.
..........I was teeming inside. I could feel it. ..........That special giddiness swept through me, the sensation of an intimately penetrating finger, unretreating, touching my intestinal treasures. It makes me feel so naked and vulnerable! That was Darcy's finger doing that! It made me weaken with passionate dizziness.
..........Then she slowly, gently withdrew all of her fingers from my orifices and gave my vulva a sweet kiss, and then she slithered up my body and leaned on her elbows with her head above mine. I assumed that her sudden withdrawal was associated with a traumatic flashback of some kind at having touched me that way.
.........."Was that nice for you?" she asked modestly.
.........."Darcy, Sweetheart," I said, stroking her hair, "That was heaven. No one has ever made love to me like that before. It was luscious, absolutely unprecedented!"
.........."Mmmm," she cooed, smiling. Then she said in a low, intimate whisper, "I could ... feel your ... potty."
..........I blushed. I couldn't help myself.
.........."Do you mind my touching you like that? Feeling you that way?" She blushed.
.........."God, Baby, no!" I swooned. "When you put your finger in there it was like I felt so ... indescribably luscious! You can touch me any way you like, Sweetheart."
.........."Do you have to go to the bathroom the other way, too?"
..........I nodded.
.........."I was thinking, maybe we could put on some panties and ... go down in your flower garden?"
.........."You want to go down in my flower garden?" I smiled.
.........."Yeah, like that, you know, when I was telling you about that one ... scene?"
.........."I remember," I smiled.
.........."I don't know. I just ... I have been having fantasies a lot about ... doing that with you."
.........."You have?"
..........She nodded, blushing again.
.........."You want me to be the one wearing the panties?"
.........."Mmm hmmm."
.........."I really want to do that with you, Darcy," I whispered.
..........She broke into a grin, then giggled. I pulled her face down and kissed her joyful lips. She stopped giggling and I glided my tongue into her mouth. I could taste my own sex. I slowly withdrew my tongue and placed my fingertip delicately on her beautiful lips. She smiled and then pursed her lips. I opened my mouth and received a smooth trickle of her saliva, letting it bathe my tongue and glide down my throat like silk. "Oh, Darcy," I whispered, "I love you so much."
.........."I love you, too," she said, and she gave me a delicious, lingering kiss, and then scooted from the bed.
..........While she poured us more coffee, I got up and went to my dresser and went through my panty drawer. "What kind of panties would you like me to wear?" I asked, giggling.
.........."Mmm." she came over beside me and looked at the selection. "Those," she said.
.........."Plain white cotton," I smiled. "How innocent!"
..........She handed me a cup of coffee. "And that beautiful light blue summer dress you wore to Mexico that day. With the cute little yellow flowers on it."
.........."Okay."
..........She smiled coyly. "I'll meet you downstairs." She gave me a peck on the cheek and went out the door and down the hall.
..........I took my robe off and slipped the white panties on that she had chosen for me. Then I took the dress she liked from my closet. It was fresh from the cleaners. I took it out of the plastic wrap and put it on and zipped it up, and then gave my hair a quick brush.
..........I went downstairs, breathless with anticipation.
..........Darcy was waiting for me at my little table in the garden, finishing her coffee and smiling at me. She was wearing a very pretty, blue summer cotton dress with a multicolored, floral pattern. She had brushed her hair, too. She looked like a princess.
..........She arose as I approached her. I put my coffee cup on the little table, and she took my hand and led me to a grassy bower of my garden where there are trellises filled with tea roses, and a redwood arbor with garlands of morning glory.
..........We stopped. She turned to face me and put her arms around me and kissed me. I traced her shoulders with my fingers.
.........."You are so ravishing," she whispered. She lifted my hands to her face and kissed them, traced my fingers with her tongue tip, then kissed my throat. She kissed my hair as she circled around close behind me, and then slowly unzipped my dress, kissing her way down my back as she exposed it. The warm breeze teased at my nakedness as Darcy lifted the dress from my shoulders and let it fall to the ground.
..........I stepped from the dress at my feet, and Darcy kissed my shoulders and arms and fingers, then my underarms and breasts, and down to my stomach and flanks. She knelt in front of me and kissed my thighs, my knees, caressed and kissed my calves and shins down to my feet.
..........I was trembling with passion beneath her lips, and had to reach down and steady myself on her shoulder to keep from falling.
..........As she began kissing and laving her way back up my legs, I spread them, and felt her lips and tongue on the soft flesh of my inner thighs.
..........Then she knelt solemnly before me on her knees. She raised her fingers and softly grazed the fabric on the front of my panties. She looked up at me, slightly flushed, a cast of reverence in her eyes, anticipation upon her lips. Then she dropped her eyes and her hands and gazed immodestly at the apex of my crotch.
..........I touched her hair. My loins were tingling.
..........I had needed to urinate since I had awakened. My bladder was bursting! I slowly relaxed my urethra, felt my insides bloat behind it, felt the pressure build, and then burst forth.
..........I closed my eyes as my warm urine tickled my labia and spilled into the panty crotch, filled it, soaked it, overflowed it, cascading down my inner thighs. I heard Darcy give a little gasp, and I looked down at her. Her eyes were glued on my flowing crotch. I tried to stop the stream. It was hard because my bladder was so full! I had been holding it back for hours.
..........At last I was able to arrest the outpouring. Darcy leaned forward and pressed her lips between my legs into the drenched fabric of the panties, nibbled at it, sipped from it, then knelt lower and began licking the urine from my inner thighs!
..........My legs felt liquid. I was standing in a dream. I don't know how I kept from falling over. Butterflies were cascading through my stomach and up my spine as I felt her luscious tongue trail over my sensitive flesh where my urine had spilled.
..........I tinkled some more, and she captured it in her hands and let it overflow, running down on her beautiful dress, soaking it. She captured more in her cupped hands and then raised them to her face and sipped my pee, then overturned her hands and let it flow down her body. She looked up at me and smiled. The drenched fabric of the dress clung to her breasts and belly.
..........I peed some more, and she leaned forward and pressed her mouth to the place where it percolated out through the cotton. Moaning softly, she reached behind me and clasped my buttocks, pulling my body to her as she swallowed mouthfuls of my geysering urine, letting more mouthfuls overflow and run down her body.
..........As the flow began to ebb, she delicately lifted the crotch band of my panties aside and put her lips directly on the last of the bubbling spring, drinking it.
..........Her lips on my naked, tender, issuing flesh sent shock waves to my toes!
..........When my bladder was emptied, she lifted the panties further aside and licked my vaginal area, then sucked urine from the panties, and then licked all the residual moisture from between my legs all the way down to my feet. A sweet little orgasm swept through me as she was licking between my knees, and I nearly fell over!
..........And then she was behind me. I found myself filled with self-consciousness as I felt the weight and fullness of the poop in my bottom. A blush passed over me, and I closed my eyes and bent forward a little and then bore down. A long, fluttering, draft of wind vibrated through my anus, and I blushed more deeply, a little horrified, but Darcy cooed her delight and I felt her hands trace the cheeks of my buttocks through the panties.
.........."Oh, God, Linda," she whispered, "that's so heavenly! "
..........I pressed down and felt my anus distend, felt the firm fruit that filled my rectum pass squishingly through my anus and into the seat of the panties, felt the weight of it stretching them back there. More poop slithered out, and still more, and I involuntarily bent further forward and grunted as I squeezed the last of it into the packed panties.
..........Then Darcy's hands were there, plying it, pressing into it, and I felt its warmth compress between my cheeks and down into my crotch.
.........."Oooo, God, Sweetheart," I breathed, trying to maintain my balance as her hands cupped the warm, supple mass, fondling it, rubbing it, and rotating it between the cheeks of my bottom. She pressed it so hard that a little bit got pushed back up inside my anus.
..........And then her hands were around in front, on my abdomen, and I felt her face press into the mound of feces in the panties, gently undulating against it.
..........I swooned as her face circled, pressed, undulated, and then drifted from the center. She began kissing my bare cheeks on either side of the panties, licking me there, slowly drawing the leg band aside and licking further and further in toward the center. I sensed her tongue reach the edge of my poop! She moaned, and I could tell that her tongue was upon it. She lifted the leg band up high, and I felt the pressure of her mouth against my fecal mass, heard moist sounds of licking and suckling.
..........My heart was pounding, my head was giddy, and my body was trembling!
..........And then she slowly drew the panties down over my buttocks, down my legs to my ankles.
..........Then her hands were on my buttocks, spreading me open, and her mouth was on my cheeks, licking at me, and then she was dislodging my grunts from between my cheeks. And then it was gone, and her tongue and lips were there, laving and kissing my sensitive bottom flesh, her face filling the cleft of my behind, spreading me wide, sucking and licking my anus, spearing it with her tongue, kissing it sweetly.
..........Then she was gone. I slowly turned, trembling.
..........She had pulled her dress off and was lying back naked on the grass, rubbing my feces on her thighs, between her legs, over her tummy and breasts and throat, under her arms.
..........I came down to my knees at her feet and eased myself on top of her, our nakedness blending. She was kneading feces around her lips and nose. My feces! I pressed my lips into her tainted flesh, licking her face, and she languished, sighed, closed her eyes. She had feces on her lips, and I licked and sucked them clean. Then her fingers were at our mouths. She had a clump of feces in her fingers, and she slid it in her mouth. I pressed my mouth to hers and she pushed it with her tongue into my mouth. I opened her mouth with my hands and pressed my lips inside and gave it back to her.
..........I watched, mesmerized, as she chewed and swallowed it!
..........I swooned, kissed her again, and then I slowly slid down her body, cleaned her throat with my tongue, then each breast, then her tummy.
..........And then I was between her legs.
..........Her beautiful legs!
..........I raised and spread them.
..........At last! - Darcy's beautiful, delicate sex! - bare, open, yielding! There were little pieces of my poop on it. I licked it clean, and then I pressed my lips into that delicate labia in a worshipping kiss, then engulfed it, drinking its succulence, tasting her moist interior about which I had so ardently dreamed. She tasted so divine!
..........She exploded in orgasm almost instantly. I traveled with her, thrilling and dancing with her in her blissful firmament, moving in perfect cadence to her frenetic, orgasmic rhythms, my tongue and lips and teeth and fingers dissolving into her sexual essence.
..........I drifted quietly, deeply, back down to earth with her.
..........I withdrew, my eyes riveted to her dazzling love nest. "I want to drink you, Darcy," I whispered, trailing a fingertip through her ethereal labia and raising my eyes to hers.
..........She smiled. And then those exquisite feminine lips burst forth in a sweeping flow of lush, yellow urine!
..........I cried out, hunkered down between her legs, and covered the delicious fountain with my mouth. Darcy's scrumptious pee flooded me, its arousing scent filled my lungs. It glided lusciously down my throat, vitalizing me, fulfilling me and thrilling me far beyond my most vivid fantasies of her!
..........Her precious body, bursting forth its pure, fresh, liquid vitality into me!
..........As I drank from her intimate, exhilarating spring, drawing her rich, fluid essence into my body, I pressed her legs and thighs back up over her body and found her anal blossom with my finger. I had become a passionate receptacle for everything inside of her. My desires for her deepest parts consumed me. I slid my finger inside her rectum.
..........And there it was. Her inner gold!
..........Her sweet grunts!
..........They were semi-soft, lusciously yielding. She moaned as my finger penetrated her bowels, explored her bountiful cave, delighting in the banquet that filled it.
..........I already knew that this was going to be more than a little sacramental nibble!
..........Her flow of urine decrease, trickled, spurted, then ceased. I licked the sweet crevice, tongued the luscious little interior spout from which it had flowed, eased my finger from her sweet bottom, and rolled her over on her tummy.
..........I stretched out between her legs and pressed my face between the dazzling, white, soft cheeks of her derriere, nuzzling in the intimate warmth of her rear cleft, luxuriating in its divine splendor.
..........My lips fell upon her little anal mouth. I kissed it affectionately, traced its delicious contours with my tongue. It pooched out in response. I enclosed it, drawing it to me.
..........It suddenly vibrated noisily, and my mouth was filled with air from inside her. I swallowed it hungrily, and slid my tongue into the center of the ring.
..........My slithering tongue pressed against the succulent surface of her warm excrement, penetrated it as it drifted lusciously toward me. Her anal ring expanded against my lips, opened, extricating my tongue, and then her profuse treasure was gliding into my mouth, filling me!
.........."Oh, God, Linda, " she moaned, her bowels unfolding lavishly in my mouth, their soft, juicy essence melting into me, filling the corners of my mouth, breaking apart under my tongue, gliding easily and lusciously down my throat and into my stomach.
..........Darcy's feces inside of me!
..........I devoured her.
..........When her abdominal treasures were finally gone, I devotedly cleaned her honeyed anal ravine with my tongue. The precious little ring was loosened and soft. I could easily slide my tongue deep inside her heavenly rectum, which was now empty. It opened to my exploration. The flesh inside was as soft as rose petals. I wanted to crawl inside, through her colon, up into her moist, pink, luscious bowels all the way to her tummy, enfold myself inside of her, be strewn through all her cells!
..........In my glorious imagination, I did!
..........I swam inside of her.
..........At length I withdrew, she turned, and we melted into one another's arms, lying in the warm sun on the soft grass, feeling the gentle breeze kiss our naked bodies, feeling moisture between us, the tastes and smells of one another lingering sweetly in our mouths and in our senses. Our consciousness seemed, for a timeless instant, one consciousness, one mouth, one body, one heart beating in divine tranquillity.

Chapter 21

..........Much of the week that followed was spent in deep, delicious, prolonged lovemaking with Darcy. Each intimate encounter incredibly surpassed those that had gone before. Our menstrual periods, which came magically together mid-week, scarcely interrupted our tempo. We celebrated our feminine sacredness together, enfolding each other as only women can.
..........Our vaginas and tongues became sore, and then resilient through the hours of scrumptious cunnilingus that spiraled us to orgasm after orgasm.
..........We fed each other at the kitchen table, on the kitchen floor, in the garden, in bed, in the bathroom. We were on a food and water conservation program. By the end of the week, our cells were combined.
..........We spent long, leisurely soirees at each other's mouths. She liked kissing even more than Diane! She would lie on top of me, her honeyed lips hovering over mine, and would sometimes go an hour or more without swallowing any of her own saliva. I couldn't get enough of her oral nectar! Then we would trade places.
..........Neither of us urinated in the toilet the entire week. Even if we were out on little journeys we would take shopping, or getting dressed up and eating out, we would find some secret place to share our pee -- maybe in a dress shop fitting room, or behind a tree in a park, or in the toilet stall of a restaurant ladies room, or behind a rock on a beach in Mexico. We nearly got caught a couple of times, which excited us to do it even more! We drank one another's urine directly from the source, from soaked panties, from behind, from cupped hands, from each other's mouth, from each other's anus, under water in the ocean. And we drank it from my little blue butt syringe.
..........Darcy loved that syringe. I would spend hours at her delicious bottom, filling her rectum with air, watching and feeling her anal sphincter recede, draw tightly inward, then gently distend, swell, vibrate, speaking to me, whispering against my fingers, my lips, my tongue, even against and into my own anus as we would sometimes turn and connect ourselves behind. I received her bowel movement sometimes that way to, directly from her pooper to mine.
..........We would often lose track of whose feces and whose urine was whose, and the more confusing that became, the more it seemed to thrill us!
..........We found creative ways of feeding one another our own and each other's poop. I ate her delectable grunts directly from her anus, from her hands, from her mouth, licked it from her body, her face. Then we would reverse roles. She received my bowel movement under water once, in the ocean. It was like I had gone to heaven! - drifting at sea, treading water, her mouth at my issuing anus! Then, when it was gone, she dove down again and pressed her lips to my anus and spewed a mouthful of cool sea water in my rectum.
..........An ocean enema!
..........The lecherous Mr. Clarendon with his video cameras would have gone nuts watching us during those days together. We could have made a million dollars!
..........That little blue syringe, by the way, was the only toy we used. Even though I have a large, lifelike, rubber penis in my closet, I never thought to bring it out. Ours was a deeply feminine undertaking.
..........Until Tony Casselman called, that is.
..........That broke the spell.
..........It was a Friday afternoon. May had just turned gracefully to June, which brought cozy, morning fog. Tony Casselman's calling was good timing, actually. Our cadence had passed through a cycle. We were at the end of the beginning.
..........All relationships move through natural cycles. The early cycles in relationships of intimacy are always glorious, of course, as bodies awaken to one another. So many people get stuck there because, when the cycle changes, as all cycles do, they think something is wrong. Rather than embracing the change and moving forward, they try to go back to something that belonged to another moment of the relationship.
..........Darcy and I were embracing our own cycles. She was so sensitive, and had so much beautiful, innate consciousness about things.
..........The cycle we were in when Tony called was curling up together on the living room floor eating popcorn and watching a movie together. It was a horror movie. We mostly giggled as we watched it, trying to suddenly startle each other.
..........Tony's architectural firm had a remodeling contract in San Diego. He had had a morning meeting, and was free. He asked if he could see me. I told him that I was very glad to hear from him, and that I was with someone at the moment.
.........."Of course," he said graciously. "Jeanette told me that a young woman is staying with you, and I certainly don't want to intrude in any way. It's just that I was in town, and ..."
.........."Give me a minute," I said. "Can I call you back?
.........."Of course." He gave me the number of his hotel.
.........."Who was that?" Darcy asked when I hung up the phone and went back in the living room.
.........."A man," I said.
.........."Mm." She picked up the remote and turned off the video. "I ... I didn't know you were seeing someone." She got up from the floor and sat down on the sofa, giving me an inquisitive look.
..........I giggled and came over and sat down beside her. "I'm not 'seeing' anyone," I said, caressing her hair. "It was Tony Casselman. The friend of Jeanette's I told you about."
.........."Oh, wow! The guy with the really nice cock?"
.........."Mm, hm. He said he would call if he happened to come to San Diego."
..........I had told Darcy about Jeanette. A lot about her, in fact. "The Universe According to Jeanette Corseaut."
..........Philosophy 101.
..........In that regard, I had also described Jeanette's philosophy about monogamy, about commitment, about fidelity. Darcy had embraced those ideas. In theory, at least.
.........."You made love to him in her bedroom, right?"
..........I smiled. "Yes, I did. He is an exquisite and gentle man. Charming and funny."
.........."I've never been with a man like that," she said.
..........She hadn't been with any men at all, really. Except for the teenage cousin she had told me about in therapy, she was still basically a virgin insofar as men were concerned, although she had told me that she had once given pleasure to Mr. Clarendon on the island. The word had circulated, she told me, that there were large bonuses for anyone willing to visit him in his private cabana. Arrangements to do that would always be made through Rebecca, and always replaced the particular girl's active role in any taping session that day, which meant of course that she would not be defecating in front of the cameras that day, but in Mr. Clarendon's private cabana, usually in his mouth! He had a table in his cabana similar to the one Darcy had described that was used for the indoor panty scene, one that could be raised or lowered, and whose sections could be operated independently, which would, in response to buttons he would push, render its occupant in any imaginable position of accessibility.
..........In that private cabana, Darcy told me, were a bank of video monitors through which Mr. Clarendon could view and review all of the days filming, including the filmed rehearsals with Rebecca.
..........He was, Darcy said, with most of the girls only once or twice during the six weeks of active filming, but he was with Darcy a dozen times. The requests would come through Rebecca. Darcy was his favorite. I knew why. My body knew why. She was a Venus! She would awaken primordial devotion and passion in the loins of nearly every man -- and most women -- that she would meet for years to come. Darcy DeVries would leave a trail of tears in her lovely wake.
..........I backed a distance away from her on the sofa and stopped stroking her hair. "So, how does it make you feel deep inside at thoughts of my being with someone else now, or of the two of us being with someone else? Jeanette, for example? Or a nice, attractive, sensitive, man? Or Karen?"
..........I had asked her about Karen, her auditioning partner. For some reason completely beyond us both, Karen had not been accepted for the project on the island. Darcy had asked Mr. Clarendon about that, and he had only smiled. "So much beauty in the world," he had said, "and so little time." Darcy, before she left the island, had persuaded Mr. Clarendon to have someone go into his files and find Karen's address in Los Angeles. She had thought that she would call her sometime, but she hadn't done it.
.........."I ... I don't know," she said, looking into my eyes. "Would you want to?"
.........."Sweetheart, I would never seek out anyone for myself in this treasured time we are sharing. You have satisfied me more than anyone has ever satisfied me in my life. I want for nothing. I do love men, though, and if it were something that you wanted to do, or if you ever felt like involving anyone else in our circle of love, I would be completely open to that. I feel no possessiveness toward you at all."
..........My words surprised me a little. I was recalling Jeanette's reflection about "soul mates," that when a person found their true soul mate, and if both of them were committed to themselves, that they would naturally choose fidelity because they would be on the path of true intimacy.
..........When Jeanette had first told me that, years before, I didn't have any idea how one would know when the "true" soul mate came. I didn't feel in that moment like I knew any more about that than I had then. ..........Darcy and I fit together so perfectly. That, it seemed to me, was a pretty good sign of true soul mates, wasn't it? Then why was I expressing a willingness to explore outside with her, if she wanted? And why, since the instant I had heard his voice on the phone, was such a vigorous and thrilling image of Tony Casselman suspended so softly in my central nervous system?
.........."I don't want to be at all possessive of you, either," said Darcy. "That's the last thing I want. I feel ... a little confused, I guess."
.........."This love I feel for you is so special, Darcy. A treasure beyond words. We have come together so deeply."
.........."I know." She nibbled some popcorn, staring at the carpet for a long moment. Then she said, "You know how you said that the more people can love themselves, the more they can give and receive love with others?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Well, how come that same thing wouldn't be true for a couple, too?"
.........."You mean that if we were really embracing of us, secure in our own love, that we could freely give and receive love from someone else?"
.........."Mm, hm."
.........."How does that feel to you? Does that feel like a true thing?"
..........She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and put some more popcorn in her mouth. "I don't know," she said with her mouth full.
..........I loved the way she looked with her mouth full.
.........."So, when is Diane coming home?"
..........I had told her all about Diane. "A week from tomorrow. Next Saturday." I had already told her that.
.........."I guess I'll find out then how I feel about it."
.........."Honey, Diane and I are very close, and we're also very clear in our relationship. That relationship doesn't have to be anything that you aren't comfortable with, I promise you. Diane knows that, too. I am not going to abandon you, emotionally or sexually or any other way."
..........She looked at me and smiled. "I know," she said softly.
.........."Tony Casselman wants to come over," I said. "I told him I was busy and would call him back. The same thing applies to him, Darcy. If we invite him over, it will be whatever you want it to be. He's very sensitive. He's not the kind of man to have any false expectations. Its up to you."
..........She toyed with some popcorn in her mouth and then pushed an unpopped kernel into her hand with her tongue and looked at it. "I'd like to meet him," she said. "Do we get to get dressed up?"
..........We showered and dressed hurriedly after I called Tony back. It had turned into a beautiful, sunny day after the morning fog had lifted, and I put some fruit and cheese and other snacks on the little table in the garden and made some fresh iced tea.
..........Tony was at my front door within an hour after I called him back. He looked magnificent. Very European. He was wearing an exquisite, sort-sleeved, silk shirt, and beautiful beige slacks, and leather sandals on bare feet. He greeted me with a light hug, but there was nothing sexual in the gesture, no innuendo at all in his attitude toward me that suggested what we had done in Jeanette's bedroom.
..........I led him to the garden, where Darcy arose gracefully from her chair to meet him. We had taken to sharing each others clothes since we wore the same size and had very similar tastes. She was wearing my teal blouse, which she loved, and a beige skirt of mine, and I wore a lavender silk blouse of hers with soft, yellow flowers and a pale yellow skirt she had bought that perfectly matched the flowers.
..........She had spent a lot of money on clothes in the Bahamas.
.........."Darcy, this is such a pleasure," Tony said, crossing to her and shaking her hand. "Linda has spoken so highly of you to Jeanette Corseaut, our friend in San Francisco. It is such an honor to meet you."
..........Darcy blushed. "Linda has told me about you, too, Mr. Casselman."
..........Then he blushed. "Please call me 'Tony,'" he said.
..........We sat, and I poured iced tea. .........."This garden has such beautiful energy," he said quietly, glancing around. "What a wonderful place."
.........."I bought the house for the garden," I said. "The garden and the sea."
.........."The garden and the sea," he repeated. "I feel your presence in this garden. This is you. You did this yourself."
.........."I love the earth," I said.
..........He smiled, closing his eyes briefly. He was absorbing the energy of my garden. I could tell. It gave me vibrations deep inside.
..........Then he turned to Darcy, smiling his engaging smile.
.........."What brings you to San Diego?" she asked.
.........."My firm has a number of clients here. We're remodeling for a software company in El Cajon."
.........."I'm afraid I don't know anything at all about architecture," said Darcy. "But I would love to learn more. It seems very intriguing."
.........."Mm," Tony smiled. "It's the oldest art, you know. Where the earth and the sky meet."
.........."I would love to see some of your work," I said. "Jeanette says you are brilliant. I didn't have time to see any of your buildings when I was in San Francisco."
.........."I love building," he said. "But I'm not particularly happy with the firm I'm with now. So much design is computer generated nowadays. I'm more drawn to the creative design part. Working with raw materials. I'm not fond of prefab. Buildings should be connected to the place where they are built, you know? Concepts are so often artificially transplanted now days. No regard for place."
.........."Maybe you need to leave your firm," I said. "Make a change."
.........."Jeanette tells me that you have made a pretty significant change in your life."
.........."Mm. Yes. I just closed my therapy practice. After ten years."
.........."That must give you some mixed emotions."
.........."In the beginning. It feels very right, now." I smiled. It did.
.........."Well, then, congratulations," he smiled, raising his glass in a toast.
..........I nodded and smiled and raised my glass.
.........."She still gives me therapy, though," Darcy giggled, raising her glass.
..........He laughed softly "Any new plans?" he asked me.
.........."Teaching. Writing. And, the most important, loving my wonderful new friend here." I smiled at Darcy. She beamed back.
.........."I can tell," he said gently, "from the way that you are together that you have a very wonderful and special love. You are both glowing! I am so happy for both of you."
..........He really meant that. He was not a manipulator. He was speaking from deep inside himself. An honest man. A man inside his body. What a treat! "Thank you," I smiled.
.........."Didn't know it showed," Darcy said, blushing and grinning.
.........."There is so little enchantment in the world," he said. "When one is honored to see true enchantment, it leaps out at one. Like a rare diamond. You two strike me as very rare diamonds, and there is an aura around you that I can feel. It is very strong. An extraordinary and beautiful thing. Thank you so much for allowing me to sit in your circle in this moment."
.........."You are very sensitive," I said, a little tremor passing through me. I looked at Darcy. She was slightly flushed. Tony Casselman had a pretty impressive aura, himself!
..........We sat in silence for a moment.
..........Something was shifting. We were entering a different time zone. The sun had fallen behind the orange tree, and something very distinct had replaced its radiance. It was as though some mystical ambiance had fallen upon my garden, or arisen out of it. It was enfolding us. The distances separating us around the table were subtly altering.
..........An exquisite bird with a long red tail alighted on the orange tree and sang to us. Tony looked up at it. "A messenger," he said quietly.
..........Darcy looked up at the bird. "What's the message?"
.........."The only true message, I suppose," said Tony.
.........."What's that?" Darcy asked.
.........."Dance, there is only one," he smiled.
..........I caught my breath. A tingling chill passed through me. It was that special kind of chill one gets when evidence is presented that we are not alone in the universe, that we are part of some larger matrix of meaning. Life has a purpose. We don't always know what the purpose is, but we don't always need to. Being in control of everything is the great illusion.
..........I looked at Darcy. Her face was tilted slightly downward. Her lips were parted. A gentle aura of light surrounded her, an natural extension of her ethereal beauty. Her eyes were on Tony Casselman.
..........She was thinking about giraffes. I could tell.
.........."There was a necklace," she said softly.
..........He smiled, nodded. "So many gifts."
..........We sat silently, the three of us, for long moments. Blessed silence. Boundaries melting away. Darcy looked at me. I arose, circled the table, came up behind her, leaned over and put my arms around her and kissed her hair. "I love you so much," I whispered.
..........I felt her tremble. She reached up and caressed my hand. "What's happening?" she asked in a whisper.
.........."Things becoming other things," I answered gently. "Circles opening up."
..........Her hands went to her breasts. I covered them with mine, pressed lightly, felt a gentle quiver in her bosom.
..........The channel was open.
..........My fingers grazed up from her hands. I gently began unbuttoning the teal blouse. She moved her hands from her breasts, and I leaned down and pressed my face to her cheek. She had closed her eyes. I opened the blouse, delicately drew it from her shoulders. Her exquisite breasts came into the light.
..........Tony got up and knelt on the grass before her, took her hand, lifted it, kissed it gently. I could see her heart palpating beneath her flesh.
..........Her hand responded to the kiss, turned gently, the fingers grazing Tony's face. He kissed her fingertips. I had undone all of the buttons. I plucked the blouse from the beige skirt and uncovered her smooth tummy. I fondled the softness there, then drew my fingers up and caressed her nipples. They sprang to life beneath my touch.
..........Her hands were in Tony's hair now. He very slowly leaned forward, guided by the vitality he could feel in her hands, and kissed her stomach. A tremor passed through her, and she cradled his head and drew it tightly against her. His fingers danced up her ribs. I took them and guided them to her breasts as he nuzzled his face in her tummy.
..........While his beautiful, sensitive, long fingers caressed her breasts, I gave her cheek a kiss, and then straightened up and trailed my fingers up to her face, her lips. She leaned back against my body, her lips parting. Tony was kissing his way up her middle, nuzzling at the lower curvature of her breasts. Then his mouth enclosed that luxurious flesh, covered a nipple, and his hands were stroking her throat, and then his fingers joined mine at her mouth.
..........She began undulating softly as we both teased at her lips. I drew them further open, and Tony slid a finger inside, and I slithered my finger in beside it. Our fingers danced together on her tongue as she took them deep in her mouth, sucking them. His lips left her breast and began laving the other. With my free hand, I gently kneaded the breast he had vacated, feeling the wetness with my fingers. I could feel Darcy's heart racing beneath the tender skin.
..........She was on fire.
..........So was I!
..........I moved my fingers to the other breast, found Tony's mouth, his tongue, toyed with it as it danced on Darcy's nipple.
..........Then I wet myself. Pee dribbled down the insides of my legs. I undulated my pelvis against the back of Darcy's head, turning liquid inside. Her head flowed gently back against me, nuzzling. She could tell I was urinating. She reached around behind her and felt it running down my ankle, ran her fingers through it.
..........With her other hand, Darcy had raised her skirt and spread her legs, and Tony, still on his knees, had moved between them. I caressed his cheek and lips as he kissed his way up her throat. We slid our fingers from her succulent mouth, and then he kissed her. He was pressing his body against her, but there was room for me to get my hand between them and unbutton his shirt. While I was caressing his bare chest, I peed some more. I reached down with my other hand and felt my wetness, then slid my damp hand down to rub pee on Darcy's stomach. She writhed in response.
..........Then I knelt in the grass behind her. The chair she was sitting in, like all of my patio chairs, was redwood, cushioned, with a back that reclines. I pressed my shoulder against the back of the chair and neatly uncoupled the wooden catch at the base and gently lowered the back.
..........As Tony followed her down, still kissing her, he slipped his shirt off and tossed it aside. I leaned over him and stroked his beautiful, tanned back, fondled his ribs, his firm buttocks through the beige slacks, kissed his shoulders. He kissed down Darcy's chin, down her throat, over her breasts and buried his face in her tummy again, moaning in response to the wetness there. He knew what it was.
..........I leaned over Darcy's face and kissed her mouth upside down as Tony unzipped her skirt and drew it down and off. She wasn't wearing panties.
..........I slid my tongue deep in her mouth, and she murmured sweetly as she sucked it. I fondled her breasts. Tony opened her legs wider, and then his face disappeared between them.
..........Darcy was writhing in passion, her body undulating up against Tony's mouth, her breasts heaving beneath my hands, her mouth drawing my tongue deep inside. I slipped my dress off as we kissed. Then she raised her legs, bending them back over her body, her hands clutching under her knees. She was making deep, animal sounds. I couldn't see what Tony was doing down there. His hands had been roaming over her belly, but now they had also disappeared between her legs.
..........I withdrew from our kiss and slithered up on the seat that had now become a bench, straddling Darcy's face on my knees. Her hands were behind me on my bottom, and I slowly lowered myself over her mouth. Her lips covered my sex, her tongue plunged inside, her fingertips danced in the parted valley between my buttocks and gently tickled at my anal opening. As I reached down and kneaded her breasts, her tongue slowly withdrew from my vagina. I could sense her parted lips just beneath it, and I squirted a little urine in her mouth. She moaned deeply and covered my love nest with her mouth, lapping me. I let a little more pee dribble out.
..........Then, without dislodging my vagina from her mouth, I leaned down on top of her, kissing the backs of her upended thighs, and then her lower belly.
..........I wanted to see what Tony was doing down there.
..........His face and tongue were buried in her vulva. His fingers were grazing her vaginal lips on either side, caressing her clitoris that peeked out, a pink little pinnacle emerging from her flushed labia. I reached down, intertwining my fingers with Tony's, and helped him spread her sex further open as I nuzzled her pubic mound with my nose and teeth.
..........Then Darcy slid a finger deep inside my rectum. I cooed and undulated and reached a little climax. I slid my hands down her splayed rump, grazing Tony's cheeks, and toyed with Darcy's anus, then slid a finger inside.
..........She pressed down. My finger slid further into her rectum, brushing against a smooth, solid, fecal nugget.

 

Chapter 22

..........Darcy's climax burst from her, her body flowing up against Tony's face, her mouth flowing into my sex, crying out against my sensitive flesh, her finger undulating deep inside my bottom, my own finger toying with the enchanting contents of hers.
..........Tony kissed her sex so lovingly. His forehead was convenient to my lips, and I kissed him there gently, then moved my lips lower, nestled my face down next to his, laving his fingers. Our lips met, and we kissed.
..........It was a quiet kiss. Given the erotic context in which it was exchanged, it was curiously lacking in passion. It was as though the love-making seas had momentarily parted, and we had paused for some brief, supreme rendezvous. Time stopped. The ground of some basic aspect of my being fell away beneath me.
..........It was an oddly familiar kiss, too. One I had been patiently waiting for through countless lifetimes?
..........I felt a quiver.
..........I withdrew from it a little disoriented. Our eyes met. His were filled with wonder, like a reflection pool of what I was feeling. Then those eyes twinkled, and we smiled at each other.
..........Then Darcy bit me! Right on my clit! It was a gentle bite, but it certainly got my attention!
..........She had lowered her legs. I slithered back up and then down to the grass behind her again and cradled her face and kissed her deeply, then withdrew. "Hi," I whispered.
.........."Hi," she smiled.
.........."I love you, Baby," I said.
.........."I love you, too."
.........."You ready for something special?"
..........She smiled and nodded.
..........I scooted down to where Tony was. I smiled at him and unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and lowered his pants. I fondled his marvelous, fully erect penis with one hand and caressed Darcy's sex with the other. He moved between her legs. I guided him to her, stroked her labia with the unsheathed head of his cock. He entered her gently, gracefully. She made a little moaning sound as he slid inside of her, arched up against him. I leaned down and pressed my tongue against her clitoris. It grazed against Tony's organ as it began to artfully glide in and out of her in the ancient rhythms of love.
..........His hands were upon Darcy's breasts. Mine were cradling her buttocks and Tony's testicles at the same time. I toyed with Darcy's anal ring, slid a finger inside, feeling Tony's gliding cock beneath the thin vaginal wall and fondling the luscious little clumps of feces in her bottom. I played with them, pressing them up against the towering shaft that glided smoothly back and forth in her neighboring channel.
..........My tongue was still laving her clitoris. Tony's pubic hair tickled my cheek on the in strokes. He continued to lovingly stroke Darcy's exquisite breasts with one hand, but his other hand was exploring my body. I had never felt a hand such as his upon my nakedness! It was as gentle as a feather, and yet it somehow penetrated deep inside me everywhere it touched. It traveled down the curves of my back, around the side of my breast, down to my hip, and then beneath my thighs. I opened my legs and his fingers found me, opened me, entered me.
..........I swooned. I melted.
..........Darcy came. Her orgasm rippled through all three of us. Everything shifted to Darcy. I was back at her head, kissing her, and then Tony was on top of her, kissing her too, cradling her. We enfolded her. She made delicious moaning and shrieking noises as the fire of culmination and fulfillment ascended through her.
.........."Oh, my God," she whispered in the aftermath. "Oh, my sweet God."
..........Tony was so sweet. He hadn't come. I could tell. He stayed with her, stayed inside of her, making subtle little movements that sent tremors through her body.
..........Whatever aspect of her that had still been a virgin was gone now.
..........We cradled her for long moments.
..........And then Tony gently withdrew from her, moved down between her legs and began giving her sweet kisses. I returned to the upside-down kissing position again, which was so delicious in the way it allowed our tongues to fit together. I melted into Darcy's sweet and thirsty mouth, toying with its corners with my fingertips as I gave her little sips to drink from my lips.
..........Tony was lighting more fires down below. Within moments, Darcy was in the throes of another huge orgasm. At its apex, Tony took his mouth away and slid his penis back into her vagina.
..........In the aftermath of that one, after Tony had withdrawn his penis from her, I sort of somehow levitated her off the bench and on to the grass. She ended up on her tummy. Just where I wanted her. Straddling her head, I kissed my way down her back. Tony was there, on his knees, between her legs. As I kissed her buttocks, she raised her hips. Tony's eyes were glued to the canyon between her cheeks as I opened them, splaying her little anal blossom. I stretched the sphincter open, and Tony knelt and kissed it. Darcy moaned. I wet my finger in Tony's mouth and slid it into her luscious rectum. She moaned again.
.........."You like poop?" I asked Tony in a whisper.
..........He looked up at me, his eyes dripping with desire, and nodded.
.........."Want to feel hers?"
..........As he nodded, I eased my finger out, took his hand and licked his finger, and watched as he slid it gently into her bottom.
.........."Oh, God," he whispered as the finger inched deeper.
.........."Can you feel it?"
.........."Oh, Jesus, yes," he breathed.
..........I spread the sphincter on either side as his finger sank still deeper. Darcy's hips were undulating gently. Her anal ring pulsed, billowed gently outward. She was pushing down as he was pushing in.
..........I peed a little. I couldn't help it. It dribbled down on Darcy's back. She moaned softly, wiggling a little on the grass.
..........With circular movements, Tony gently eased his finger out of the rectal cavern. I caressed the opening with my fingers, plying the sphincter, and it pooched delicately outward. Then it opened deliciously around a smooth, brown little nugget. I caught it in my fingers, licked it, and held it up to Tony. He lowered his face, pressed his lips against it, and then took it in his mouth and swallowed it.
..........I was masturbating myself against Darcy's back, pressed tightly against it, undulating myself against the wetness there. Now I readjusted myself and lowered my head between her rump cheeks and covered her anus with my mouth. She pooped three more little pebbles out. I ate the first two. I raised up with the third one in my mouth and leaned forward and kissed Tony, and slipped him the little morsel with my tongue.
..........Darcy rolled over, turned, sat up, looked at Tony, and moved to him and gently pushed him over on his back. She fell upon his genitals, exploring them with her tongue, and then took his penis in her mouth. I got down behind her and returned my attention to her bottom. I thought there might be a little more luscious feces inside. There was, one more little sliver, and Darcy pooped it out into my hand. I savored it, swallowed it, and then I lay down on my back with my face beneath her sex and she passed little dribbles of urine in my mouth as she made love to Tony's cock.
..........I could look over and see that she also had her finger in his bottom. She was eliciting lots of moans of pleasure from him. He managed to reach down between her legs and feel her pee dribble out, following its course into my mouth with his fingers.
..........After some long, delicious, liquid moments in that position, I crawled over and straddled Tony's face on my knees. He fondled my buttocks and drew me down to his mouth. His tongue was electric! His mouth was everywhere at once. I rotated myself against his lips, melting in instant orgasm.
..........Then he pushed me up a little, away from his mouth, his lips parted, and he gazed longingly at my sex. I let a tiny dribble of pee out. It fell between his lips. He moaned in passionate pleasure, fingering my belly, and I gave him a little more. He really liked it, I could tell. I lowered myself to his open mouth and let him have a long stream. He swallowed every drop!
..........I was so delighted!
..........I gave him more, and then he found my anus with his fingers and slid one inside.
..........I billowed out against him, swooning as his long finger probed deep in my rectum. Then he withdrew it and pulled me down and covered my anus with his mouth. I felt his tongue slither inside. I pushed down, opening myself. I was going to do it. I could feel it. I was tingling inside. I knew he wanted it. I pushed harder. His tongue went deeper, and then slowly began to depart. It wasn't alone. I felt a rather solid column of poop at my portal, felt my sphincter opening in his mouth.
..........I gave a little orgasmic cry as I squeezed it out.
..........He cried out, too. So did Darcy.
..........Tony was coming. Darcy took him, stayed with him. I was amazed!
..........She was a natural born lover.
..........The three of us ended up in disarray on our backs on the grass. No one had noticed until then that it had gotten a little chilly. The evening fog was descending.
..........It had been a very long time since there had been a threesome in the sanctuary of my private bath. Tony was pretty impressed with the design. We leisurely bathed one another, and loved one another some more. We both drank his pee. I found a sweet little pebble in his bottom and ate it while Darcy watched. She and I took turns lying on the ledge with our legs up, squirting urine in Tony's mouth.
..........We were all sort of dizzy as we finished showering with my handy goose-necked shower head. Then we dried one another.
..........I shook out Tony's shirt and slacks and gave them a quick press, and Darcy and I dressed freshly and then we took a cab to the Marina. I had called ahead and asked Raphael to save a nice corner table for us at the Chateau. We got there about nine o'clock.
..........Our dinner was scrumptious, and surrounded with soft laughter and easy conversation and warm, intimate silences. We all knew what tremendous, wonderful, glowing energy was being exuded from our table. We could see it reflected in the faces of those around us.
..........It is, for me, one of the great ironies of life that our own personal destiny often appears as a rude intruder when it visits us at the turning points in our lives. Our lives will be traveling along smoothly in one direction, and then some odd and bothersome event will interrupt us at what seems to be the most inopportune moment, and our whole lives change forever as a result.
..........I felt that strong sense of intrusion when the two former therapy clients came up to our dinner table at the Chateau. It was so shocking, looking into their faces. I felt like I had been soaring somewhere in another universe, and I had to travel through a million time zones to even come back to a place where I could recognize them!
..........Looking back, of course, it was perfect destiny. But it felt like such an intrusion into a blissful moment as I arose from my chair and introduced Darcy DeVries and Tony Casselman to Amanda Wilson and Jeremy Richardson.
..........They both held cocktail glasses. They had seen me from the bar. Darcy and Tony and I were having expresso coffees. It was initially awkward in that I couldn't introduce them as former clients because that would be a clear breach of confidentiality to which I was still ethically and legally bound. They stood at the table long enough that it became unavoidable for me to ask them to join us, which they eagerly did. They acted like they were getting to sit with a group of movie stars! I think the three of us had set up some sort of magnetic field.
..........The confidentiality issue dissolved a few minutes into the conversation after they sat down. "Dr. Keresan was our therapist," Jeremy told Darcy and Tony.
.........."She's the best," Amanda added. "We miss her so much! You two need to help me make her open her practice again!"
..........Darcy and Tony smiled politely. There wasn't a bone in either of their bodies that would ever try to "make" me do anything.
.........."So how are things?" I asked.
..........I instantly wished I hadn't asked. Frankly, it was the last thing I wanted to know. That sounds really selfish. But I guess I was just feeling covetous of this precious new three-way relationship, and I had no interest in going down any back roads at the moment, especially those that tangled through the psyche of the infinitely repressed interior decorator, Amanda Wilson!
.........."Oh, just wonderful," she lied. "My company got a big new contract last week. I'll be spending the fall in the Bahamas."
..........I felt Darcy flinch a little under the table.
.........."I love the Caribbean style," she said. "Don't you, Mr. Casselman?" I had mentioned in the introductions that he was an architect.
.........."It's so ... warm," he said, smiling wryly. The polite gibe went right over her head. I was sure that Tony had designed interiors in his sleep that would make the passionless Amanda Wilson shrivel up inside even more than she already had.
.........."And what do you do?" she asked Darcy, a bit condescendingly.
.........."I'm becoming a world famous lover," Darcy smiled, straight-faced. I stifled a giggle.
..........Amanda nodded and blushed. I had never seen her speechless before.
.........."We were watching you from the bar," Jeremy said. "We could hear you laughing all the way over there. You three seem to have something really special going on. I'm envious."
.........."Well," said Tony, "It's just plain, old-fashioned enchantment. I stumbled upon these two earlier today. Its quite contagious. You are very discerning, sir, to have noticed it." He gallantly lifted his coffee cup to Jeremy in a salute.
.........."Thank-you," Jeremy said.
.........."So what's the big secret?" Amanda asked. "Are you celebrating something?" I suddenly noticed how worn and frail she looked. I could tell she hadn't been sleeping well. I played with my expresso cup. I was going to let someone else answer that.
.........."Love," Darcy said softly. "I was serious when I told you what I do."
.........."Mm," said Amanda.
.........."It's art, I think" said Tony. "Don't you? I mean, enchantment is the act of creation. The moment of art. The opportunity. It's all around us, really. Love and art are the same thing, you know."
.........."That's always eluded me, somehow," Jeremy said.
..........Amanda shot him a dirty glance, fearing he had said something to which she ought to take offense.
.........."Elusive, indeed," Tony smiled. "It's always hiding in the last place you would think to look."
.........."Where is that?" Amanda asked. I don't think she had any idea what we were talking about. I wasn't sure I did, either. As I would later learn, Tony had this magical way of weaving people into things they didn't understand as though it was the most commonplace thing in the world. He had told us at dinner that the most challenging and wonderful part of his job was discovering what kind of house people would like to live it. He said they usually had no idea, and as their architect, he would have to help them discover that before he began the design. He said he had a knack for that. It sounded a lot like therapy to me. I had never imagined that architecture and therapy were linked.
..........I still had lots to learn!
.........."Inside," said Darcy. She gave Amanda one of her winning smiles. Amanda melted in the warmth of it.
.........."Inside." repeated Jeremy. "Hm. Very interesting."
.........."The basic culture problem," said Tony, "is the inside-outside paradox, you know? That's the problem of Enlightenment. It's also the problem with love of course. Love and art. We're always looking 'out there' for it. And it's never 'out there.' It all comes from inside."
.........."I've spent most of my life trying to get people to really love me," said Darcy.
..........I had to smile inwardly. She sounded like she was speaking from fifty years of experience. Perhaps she was. Physical age doesn't always count for much.
..........But her comment struck Amanda right between the eyes. She stared at Darcy. Her face softened, became filled with a sad vulnerability. I thought for a moment she was going to cry. It was actually the first time I had noticed how beautiful she was beneath her veneer of trying so hard to be beautiful!
.........."Me, too," said Jeremy. "That's a normal thing, though, isn't it? Wanting to be loved?"
.........."More than 'want,'" said Tony. "'Need!' That's our nature, I think. Its just that it's not out there."
.........."So, what is that?" asked Amanda. "God's cruel joke? To make us need something we can't have?"
..........Tony laughed a deep, rich, marvelous laugh. "Well, God certainly does have an amazing sense of humor, all right," he said.
.........."Well, I don't think it's an especially funny joke," she said.
..........I was starting to feel a little frisky. "When we die," I said in a very serious tone, "God asks us if we got the joke. If we say, 'no,' then we have to come back and do it over again."
..........Amanda shifted nervously. I smiled at her. "It's inside, Amanda. It's all inside. That's what makes it funny."
.........."I'm not sure I understand that."
.......... "Mm," I said. How well I knew!
.........."You seem to me like very wonderful, beautiful, loving people," Tony said. "I can sense that about you. Don't you feel that?"
..........There was an awkward silence as they both stared at him. He might as well have suggested that they were Martians.
.........."I love your eyes," Darcy said to Amanda. "They're so beautiful!" I saw her tongue do a little dance on her lower lip. Amanda blushed.
..........That's when I got the idea.
..........I think maybe Tony got it at the same time. He glanced across the table at me.
..........Darcy was way ahead of us both. She reached out boldly and put one hand on Amanda's wrist, and the other hand on Jeremy's. "You should come over to our house." she said. "We can have a nice, warm fire and talk some more."
..........They both stared at her. Her tone of voice was not that of someone inviting somebody over for cocktails or coffee. It was the voice of someone inviting Adam and Eve back to the Garden of Eden. Who could have resisted such an invitation?
.........."What a good idea!" I said.
.........."Yes," said Tony. "Do you have a car? We came in a cab."
.........."Yes," said Jeremy. "Yes, I do."
..........Darcy laughed, suddenly like the teenager she was. "Oh, wow, this is going to be really neat," she said.
..........She had gathered them up and swept them away.
..........I picked up their tab. They were understandably shocked to find out that I owned the restaurant.
..........Jeremy's car was a new Acura legend. The men sat in front. Jeremy had orchestrated that bit of chauvinism, but I was glad he had, because it meant that Amanda was delightfully trapped between Darcy and me in the back seat. She kept trying to readjust herself so that her thigh wouldn't press into mine, but I wouldn't let her. I think Darcy was doing the same thing on the other side.
.........."Oh, so we're going to your house," Amanda said to me after Tony had given Jeremy the directions. It was dawning on her that Darcy and I were living together. She was trying to figure things out. A perennial habit of hers.
.........."Darcy and I are lovers, Amanda," I whispered.
.........."Oh, I see," she said.
..........Silence. Then she leaned forward. "Are you gay, too, Mr. Casselman?"
.........."I have a theory about that, Amanda," he said, looking back and smiling his charming smile at her. "And please, call me 'Tony.' My theory is that there is this sort of conspiracy. People who have gotten in touch with who they really are have kidnapped the word 'gay' from the English language, and they are holding it hostage until we pay the ransom to get it back."
.........."Beg pardon?" she said.
.........."What's the ransom?" Jeremy asked.
.........."Aha," said Tony. "Good question. I've been thinking a lot about that."
.........."It's not outside, it's not outside, it's not outside," Darcy whispered softly.
.........."What?" Jeremy asked, looking back.
..........Amanda turned to Darcy abruptly, and Darcy flashed her one of her amazing smiles. "God you have beautiful eyes!" she beamed. "They shine so much! Even in the dark like this. You must have such a wonderful soul. The eyes are the windows of the soul, you know." She found Amanda's hand and squeezed it.
.........."Why ..." Amanda said, disconcerted. "... thank you."
.........."Mmm," Darcy breathed. She let Amanda have her hand back.
.........."There is a path," Tony said to Jeremy. "It's rather long. Difficult. Not unpleasant, though."
.........."Which path is that?" Jeremy asked.
.........."The one from the head to the heart."
.........."Hm. Interesting."
.........."There aren't any maps. You really need a guide."
.........."Yes," said Darcy. "I know I did." She looked across Amanda at me and smiled. I reached across and took her hand. Amanda tried vainly to get out of the way. We were both leaning against her.
..........Tony looked back at me and smiled. He extended his hand over the seat and touched my knee. I leaned forward kissed him, a long and passionate kiss. Darcy giggled.
..........Poor Amanda! I could almost hear the gears in her brain working to find a box into which she could fit the three of us! I suddenly got the giggles, too, and then Tony started, even before our kiss ended.
.........."You guys are great," I finally said. "You were my two favorite clients, you know that?"
..........Amanda looked at me in disbelief. I smiled at her. "Everything is just fine," I said, patting her knee. "Everything is going to be just fine."
.........."Indeed," said Tony. "I can feel it."
.........."Me, too," said Darcy. "You guys are great."
..........It was all far, far from Amanda at the moment. She sat in confused silence. Jeremy wasn't doing much better. "The cantilever is the best foundation," Tony said, turning and speaking to all of us. "For tall buildings, anyway. A steel beam, going deep in the earth, and the building suspends from that, structurally. The building can sway in an earthquake, like a tree in the wind, but it doesn't fall. Then you are free to do creative things with the corners both inside and out because you don't need those beams to hold up the structure. You should appreciate that, Amanda, being a designer."
.........."Yes," she said.
.........."That way, the central support is internal. The building has integrity. It's not dependent on external support, you know?"
.........."Hm," said Jeremy.
.........."But it's still all connected," I said.
.........."Intrinsically," said Tony. "And extrinsically. That's the wonderful paradox, of course. But how does it stand, you know? That's the thing."
.........."Exactly," I said.
.........."Bless Frank Lloyd Wright," Tony added.
..........Amanda wasn't resisting my thigh any more. I pressed ever so slightly a little closer. She didn't move away. I tried another eighth of an inch. Her thigh was very warm, very soft. I made a little purring sound and turned to her. "Are you okay?" I asked gently.
..........She looked at me and nodded. The lines of her face seemed sweet and flowing in the dim light inside the car. I studied her lips. They were luscious and full. I smiled and put my arm up on the seat behind her. "Amanda," I said softly, "There are ... some things I couldn't tell you in therapy because it's not very ... conventional. Being licensed and all. It's actually why I had to quit. That's a long story. There are some very important things I wish I could have ... shown you. Maybe I could show you now, if you're willing to take a little risk. Darcy will be glad to help. I promise it will be very nice. Are you willing to take a little risk? Would you trust us to guide you down the path that Tony was talking about? You know, from the head to the heart?" I brought my arm to her shoulder and gently touched a lock of her beautiful, blond hair.
..........It felt like it had cement on it.
.........."Linda is worthy of your trust, Amanda," Darcy whispered. "I can promise you that."
..........There was a lot of warmth in the woman's eyes just then. She opened her mouth to speak. I gently put my finger to her lips. "It's okay, Amanda" I said. "You don't need to say anything. It isn't even about words."
..........We rode in silence for awhile. I was putting together a picture in my mind of what Amanda's naked cunt was going to look like, all spread open and juicy, what it was going to taste like when I slid my tongue deep inside!
..........I wondered briefly if she put hair spray down there, too. I stifle a giggle.
..........Darcy had made me more comfortable, by the way, with using the word "cunt." We had had long conversations about semantics. My thought was that "cunt" was a man's word for describing a woman's anatomy that got generalized to the whole woman, as in "she's a cunt." Darcy said it didn't have to be thought of or used that way by us, that we could take the word back, and that we should take it back because, she said, it was such a delicious word. "You have such a delicious cunt," she would whisper to me as she slid her fingers or her tongue inside of it.
..........I was getting wet between the legs thinking about Amanda's. I kept staring at her mouth in the darkness inside the car.
..........We pulled up in front of my house.
.........."Tell you what," said Tony. "Why don't you ladies go on in. Jeremy and I need to talk awhile. We'll be along later."
.........."Good idea," I said, opening the car door. "The men need some time alone."

Chapter 23

..........And so it was that Amanda Wilson became the second new person in one day to be in my private bedroom. That set a serious precedent! I felt like my life had suddenly been launched over into the fast lane. Sexual abstinence for months, and then the floodgates had opened!
..........I had no idea how we were going to do this, exactly. No plan or blueprint. As Tony had said, there are no maps about how to get from the head to the heart. It was bound to be quite a trek for Amanda. Darcy and I would have to wing the first leg of the journey.
..........It began with tea and muffins at my kitchen table. It's a round, intimate table, a little cozy for four when laden, but perfect for three. Darcy and I had eased up on her a bit when we had left the men. She sensed something major was about to happen, and she was plenty nervous. She didn't handle change very well anyway. So Darcy and I just sort of backed off and let her ramble on about things of little interest to us: the corporate politics of hotel color schemes; the inconveniences of international travel. Things like that.
..........All her stories had a single thesis, which had to do with how smart and in control and on top of things Amanda Wilson was.
..........She would be very beautiful, I thought, if only she could just shut up!
..........My heart breaks for women who have the need to live in their heads and mouths all the time. I always want to cuddle them to me and take them down, down, down to the center of their being. Let them know that there is nothing wrong with them. Let them know how truly beautiful they are. How truly beautiful and feminine silence is!
..........Darcy had kicked her shoes off under the kitchen table, and she clandestinely kept caressing the insides of my legs under my skirt with her bare feet. I slid my fingers into my crotch at one point and peed on my fingers a little and rubbed it between Darcy's toes while Amanda was providing us with a dissertation on glass ceilings in the world of interior hotel design contracting. Darcy withdrew her feet and pulled them up beneath her in the chair, and I could tell she was playing with her wet toes with her fingers, and then she interrupted Amanda to tell her that she had a little speck of eye makeup that had somehow gotten on her cheek. She leaned over and, with her finger, wiped it off for her.
.........."Thank you, Dear," Amanda smiled.
..........I had to excuse myself quickly go to the bathroom, barely getting the door closed behind me before bursting out laughing.
..........When I returned, I decided to take control of the situation. We had chatted long enough. "It's time to get started, Amanda," I said as I cleared the table. "We're going to start with a nice massage. All of the stress that we carry gets stuck in the body, you know, and massage is a good foundation for starting to loosen it up." I came back to the table and took her hand. "Come on. Let's go upstairs."
..........She looked up at me with fearful eyes. All her chatter had been designed to forestall anything happening that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to control. That's why people talk so much, to keep the emotions nicely at bay. But it was my house, she was a guest, and I was pulling rank. She suddenly looked like a small, crushed, beaten, little child.
..........That's who was living inside of her. A small, crushed, beaten, little child.
..........She arose, terrified, and Darcy led her up to my bedroom while I turned out lights. I left the porch light on and the front door unlocked in case the men returned. I doubted they would be back for a few days. Jeremy, like Amanda, had a long journey ahead.
..........Darcy laid a little fire in my fireplace. It was a bit chilly. Not unusual for June nights on the Southern California coast. She lit the gas starter and I went to my hall closet and got my massage table and a clean sheet.
..........I don't use the table very much any more. I used to incorporate massage with psychotherapy. Especially for trauma patients. I wondered briefly why I had stopped doing that. Cerebral arrogance, I suppose. I used to have a massage license, but I let it expire. Just as well. I would presently be breaking every rule in that regard anyway! Massage licensing is designed to keep sexual perverts out of an otherwise legitimate field. People like me, for example! I got the giggles as I dusted off the table and brought it into the bedroom and set it up in the open space in front of the fire. I spread the clean sheet over it neatly, and grabbed a pillow from my closet.
.........."There," I said, smiling at Amanda. I walked over to her. She had been staring into the fire when I had walked into the room. Now she was staring at the table. I faced her. "It's going to be nice and cozy," I said. "We need to get you undressed." Holding her eyes with mine, I reached up and pulled the knot loose from the silk scarf she was wearing, drew it from her neck, and handed it to Darcy. Then I unbuttoned her tailored suit jacket and pulled it from her shoulders. Darcy was waiting with a cloth hanger. Then I slowly began unbuttoning her blouse. "You have to get naked," I whispered.
..........Her lips parted slightly, but she didn't say anything. Her eyes were sort of dazed. She offered no resistance as I undid the buttons and gently tugged the garment out of her skirt and lifted it from her shoulders. Darcy was nicely arranging her clothes on hangers on the bed.
.........."Pretty," I said, grazing the bare shoulders with my fingertips. She was wearing a full slip. I reached down and unbuttoned and unzipped her skirt. It fell to the floor. Darcy knelt and picked it up as Amanda stepped from it, and then Darcy lifted each of Amanda's feet and pulled off her pumps. They were navy calf, mid-heal, Amalfi.
..........These were all unbelievably beautiful clothes. Amanda was lavishly packaged on the outside, and frozen on the inside.
..........I pulled the slip up and off. She was as compliant as she knew how to be, raising her feet for Darcy and her arms for me, but she wasn't doing much else to help. I hoped she was sort of enjoying it. I certainly was!
..........The unveiling of Amanda Wilson!
..........Gorgeous tummy. Beautiful, buttermilk skin!
..........She smelled like an accident in a cosmetic factory, though. She probably used ten varieties of perfumes and deodorants and powders and creams and rinses. No wonder her sex life with Jeremy was less than perfect. He would have to wear a bandanna! Or a gas mask!
..........Down came the panty hose next. I couldn't remember the last time I had worn panty hose. What a nuisance! Women's clothing is a nuisance in general. The women's clothing industry is ruled by men. They make a fortune trying to get us in all their spin-cycle fashion clothes, and then spend the rest of their time trying to get us out of them. I buy nice things now, at specialty stores, but I also shop thrift stores a lot. I like simple things. I pull on a dress and sandals and go out the door. I like natural, too. Sometimes a dab of makeup, but generally not.
..........Darcy finished getting the panty hose off the feet as I reached behind and deftly unhooked Amanda's bra. She flushed as I drew it from her shoulders. Her breasts were exquisite, large and full. Mouth watering! Except for all the odors, of course. They declined slightly on the down slope, but only due to their magnificent size. The skin was white and smooth and creamy.
.........."Oh, Amanda," I whispered. "You are so beautiful!"
.........."Wow," said Darcy in total agreement.
..........Amanda blushed more and smiled.
.........."Okay," I said, ignoring her panties. "Let's climb up here on your tummy." I patted the table.
.........."You're going to love this, Amanda," Darcy said. "Linda has magic fingers. It's going to be the best thing you've ever felt in your life." She was hanging Amanda's clothes in the closet.
..........Amanda lay down quietly. I drank in the nakedness of her back, the sweep of her thighs. She was a little plump, but her body was exquisite. I studied the scrumptious hillock of her bottom through the sheer silk panties. They were black panties. Very fitting. The fingers of repression reach everywhere! I wanted to rip them from her and ...
..........Patience! My greatest, tried and true, imperfect virtue.
..........Her back was beautiful, but underneath the surface, it was a mess. An ocean of stress. How tragic, because it truly was such a gorgeous back. I think backs are so beautiful, anyway. Definitely one of my favorite parts! Giving someone a nice back massage is one of the most sensuous things I know of. Backs are so strong. At the same time, they are so vulnerable. Most people carry their trauma and stress in their backs. That's why so many people have back problems. Maybe we are really, in former lifetimes, beasts of burden, like camels and donkeys, but the burdens we carry on our backs are, at least in modern times, emotional ones. If that's true -- that we are sort of biologically programmed to carry things on our backs -- it would explain why modern people get so attached to the emotional burdens they carry, and have so much trouble unloading them.
..........Oh well. That's just a theory of mine. Maybe I'll write a book about it some day: Beasts of Burden in an Electronic Age. Or, maybe, Fish without Water; Birds without Air; Beasts without Burdens.
..........Okay, I know, I just get these really crazy ideas sometimes.
..........Anyway, you can feel the burdens people carry in their backs. There's no trick to it. Amanda's back, for example, had dozens of little knots of stress deep in the muscles. They feel like cysts. I call they "trauma pockets." The body remembers everything stressful and traumatic, and stores those memories right in the cells. To give a real massage, you just find them and knead them very hard, one by one, and they break apart and go away. That's one part of the theory of how acupressure and acupuncture work. It's also why there are such a growing number of chiropractors.
..........Bless all the healers!
..........But, my question is, where are all the sexual healers? Since that's the source of so much trauma and stress, doesn't it make sense to go there to do the healing? It seems like we run in circles all around the problem and never go directly into it. Maybe that's because we don't know how to.
..........Darcy and I were going to see if we could figure it out.
..........I have very strong fingers. I went to work on Amanda's back. As good a place as any to start. At least we had her in a bedroom and almost naked! That fact wasn't foremost on her mind at the moment, however. She was moaning and whining and complaining and flinching a lot under my fingers. That was understandable. Healing is hard work.
..........I use this nice, natural, body lotion with aloe in it that I buy at the health store. While I was working on her back and neck and shoulders, Darcy got a chair so she could sit down and massage Amanda's feet with the lotion. Darcy and I had spent lots of time massaging each other's feet during those first days of sensual feasting together. She was really good at it. She was doing Amanda's feet very lovingly, caressingly, sweetly. She started with the soles, cradling a foot in her hand, and I could see her start to gradually inch up to the ankles, then return to the feet, then to the shins, and back, then to the calves. She got this little symphonic crescendo going of visiting with her fingers the soft spots behind Amanda's knees, very sensuously, without losing focus on the feet. She would bend a leg up at the knee and stroke and caress up and down so lovingly.
..........It was making me very wet between the legs just watching her!
..........Then she moved up to Amanda's hands. She performed the same symphony there, dancing from hands and fingers to wrists, to forearms, and the to soft spots behind the elbow.
..........While I was working, I kept leaning over and whispering things in Amanda's ear, like, "Your body is so beautiful, Amanda, so precious. You are such a treasure. I love touching you so much. Your skin is so divine." And so on.
..........Those were all true things.
..........And I kept checking in with her. "Are you comfortable, Sweetheart? Are you warm enough? Does this feel good, Baby? Can we get you a glass of water or anything?"
..........We were enfolding her in our love. She didn't know it, but she had arrived right at the garden gate of Eden!
..........She was on her way back home. ..........In tiny increments, I kept expanding my own focus from therapeutic touches to sensuous ones. I would soften my probes at her neck, for example, and graze my fingers down under her throat and back, briefly fondle her shoulders in passing, lightly touch a cheek, or momentarily trace down her sides to where her breasts began, and then return. I drew the hem of the panties down, a scant inch at a time, looking for trauma pockets where the hillock of her buttocks began. There were some there, all right. At length I was able to stealthily lower them to the top of the cleft between her creamy buttocks cheeks. In one bold moment, I briefly fondled the tip of her spine there, and visited the soft, delicious little hollow just beneath it, then quickly retreated.
..........For my crescendo, I went to the backs of her thighs. Not much trauma stored there, but they certainly felt soft and wonderful to my fingers! I bestowed loving caresses on those magnificent expanses of delicate, white skin, and, with gradually increasing boldness, traced the lower creases of her buttocks, just below the hem of the panties. Once I teased her by actually sliding a gentle finger just beneath that hem, then quickly withdrawing it. Often, I would dip for just an instant to her smooth inner thighs, and then retreat back to non-sexual terrain.
..........Jeanette, of course, would howl in laughter at that. "Non-sexual terrain?" She would ask. "Where the fuck is that, exactly?"
..........It's true. We are sexual creatures. In every cell of our being.
..........When I shifted my sensual massage focus to Amanda's exquisite thighs, Darcy returned to her feet for a second round. Our fingers and hands danced toward one another's on the creamy, feminine spectacle of the woman's lower extremities. In those incredibly sexy little hollows behind her knees, our fingers would occasionally meet and touch.
..........I was dripping by then. I kept looking down between Amanda's legs to see if maybe there were signs of moisture in her crotch, but it would have been impossible to tell in that black satin fabric. I leaned over once to see if I could smell any telltale signs of sexual arousal. I thought I could, but maybe it was my imagination.
..........I could feel it, however. Her emotional energy was definitely changing. I was done hurting her, had broken up most of the little stress knots, and my hands had turned from rolfing to stroking, from kneading to caressing. Her body had become unrestrained, slack, free from the tension that had been there when we started. Whining had turned to an occasional, nearly inaudible purring sound.
..........There was lots of deliberate teasing that Darcy and I were doing, too. If Amanda was in fact becoming aroused, if she was beginning to develop even the smallest, unconscious expectation or hope of being touched sexually, then we were definitely cultivating a growing cascade of little disappointments, because each subtle suggestion of a gesture toward intimate touch was immediately withdrawn.
..........Thus mounts desire -- the delicious craving for completion.
..........I felt she might be ready to go somewhere else inside. I moved to her head, rested a hand on her hair, rested my other hand down on a pantied buttock cheek, gently pressing against that rounded, shrouded mound. "Amanda," I whispered in her ear. "Your body is so exquisite, so beautiful. Would you like to turn over on your back?"
.........."Mm," she murmured, contemplating the implications.
..........The implications mostly involved her naked tits! "Okay," she finally breathed.
..........My fingers and Darcy's danced on her body as she turned over. It was a graceful turning, as though the energy of our hands were magically levitating her.
..........Amanda Wilson's naked front!
..........Well, practically naked front. There were those offensive black panties.
..........When she had gotten comfortable, I took a colossal risk. "Amanda," I said, gently stroking her forehead. "What we are doing is about letting go of things, getting in a really natural place. Getting free, you know? I would like to slip your panties off. Is that okay with you? Would you let me do that?"
.........."Uhhnngh," she said. Her eyes were closed.
..........Darcy had joined me at her head. She was gently stroking Amanda's hair. "Your body is sooo beautiful," she cooed. "I love touching you so much. Everything about you is so beautiful. I would love to see all the ... beautiful parts."
..........Darcy's voice had a way of melting people at the core. That was certainly my experience, anyway!
.........."All right," Amanda whispered, opening her eyes. "There wasn't any fear in her beautiful eyes any more.
..........Like the trauma pockets, it had broken apart and gone away.
..........I leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "So sweet," I whispered against her skin. "You are a princess. An angel. Such a gorgeous, wonderful, exquisite woman, inside and out! "
.........."Mmm," she sighed, and her eyelids fluttered shut again. I sensed a sweet, subtle stirring somewhere deep inside her. The sweet stirring of surrender!
..........Darcy and I did it together. It was such a relief getting rid of those frightful panties! We were symbolically removing a sort of chastity belt that Amanda Wilson had likely been wearing for decades. All her life, probably.
..........With Darcy slowly drawing the panty hem down on one side, and I on the other, Amanda smoothly raised her hips for us, and we bared her resplendent, tender, lower belly, her scrumptuous, smooth, soft flanks, her protuberant, sexy pelvic bones, her luscious, bushy, artistically formed mons veneris, descending deliciously at the vortex, disappearing between such ravishing thighs.
..........She really was a natural blond.
..........Down, down, and off!
..........Amanda kept her eyes closed. She was drifting somewhere far away.
..........Darcy carried the panties between thumb and finger to the waste basket by my desk and dropped them in, holding her nose. I stifled a laugh.
..........I started at the top of Amanda's body, Darcy at the bottom ..........I began by stroking her forehead again, and her hair, grazed her face with my fingertips, pausing for a brief moment at the edges of her lips, and then gently stroked her lovely throat. "So beautiful," I whispered. I fondled her shoulders, her upper arms, then moved my fingers between her breasts, caressing her center, over her heart. I could feel its gentle beating. "So precious."
..........I traced a line along the crease beneath her breasts, coming up on the sides, gently kneading the tender flesh there, then cradled the sides gently. Then I brushed the tops of them where the soft globes began to ascend. "Such loveliness," I whispered, as I carefully traced the tender flesh around the aureoles. "You are so lovable, Amanda."
..........And then I enclosed them gently with my hands. I felt her quiver. Her heart quickened. Her breath deepened. I knew she had never been touched this way before.
.........."Oh, my," she breathed softly.
.........."So beautiful," I answered, sensitively kneading her bountiful breasts, finding the nipples with my fingertips.
..........I was gently consecrating her bosom. Linda Keresan, high priestess of femininity!
..........The magnificent, rubbery, pinkish-brown nipples were fully erect. I traced their appetizing, delicate contours. Darcy was meanwhile running her fingers up over Amanda's thighs, over her knees, caressing the sides of her calves, her ankles, then slowly up again, each time getting a little further up the thighs and down their beautiful tender insides. Then she gently lifted Amanda's legs up at the ankles and deftly drew them further apart. She slowly danced her fingers up the inner surface of the beautiful legs. As her fingers roamed precariously close to the woman's sex, I encircled a breast with both hands and pressed my lips to a supple nipple.
.........."Oh, yes," Darcy whispered.
..........Amanda flinched only slightly, as if from some deep, melancholy reflex, and then I could feel her melt in exquisite acquiescence. Her sensuous body had delightfully won out over her distressed, phobic mind! She cooed softly, a delicate, luscious sound.
..........It brought a deep tingle to my loins.
..........I seized the moment of passion, parted my lips upon the nipple, let her feel my tongue, enclosed the breast, sucked it gently, let her feel my teeth upon the sensitive nipple flesh as I manipulated the curved, pillow-soft hillock which it so gloriously graced.
..........Darcy had meanwhile leaned forward over the table and was tracing the topmost lines of the scrumptious, fair, pubic mound, caressing the tender flanks, then flirting with the creases that descended down into the furrow of the pubic bone.
..........I abruptly stood up. "How are we doing?" I asked.
..........Darcy stood up and came around beside me.
..........Amanda opened her eyes and looked at me. I saw signs of a delightful, beautiful passion swimming in them. Passion unfulfilled.
..........Passion rudely interrupted!
.........."Time for the next step," I smiled, stroking her forehead and taking her hand and gently pulling her up. "Upsy-daisy. Massage time is over."

Chapter 24

..........Amanda arose lethargically, a little disoriented, and stepped down from the massage table. I led her by the hand into the bathroom.
.........."This is a sort of cleansing phase," I smiled as I began to undress.
..........I didn't actually know if the cleansing phase came next or not. I only knew that I didn't want to get all of Amanda's war paint and cosmetic chemicals and strange body powders in my mouth! They had already fetored my nostrils pretty badly.
..........Darcy followed my lead and began taking her clothes off. Amanda stood watching us as we both got naked.
..........I took a stack of fresh washcloths and towels from the cabinet and lay them on the ledge of the bath, then stepped into the tub and swung open the doors to the terrace, letting the sweet smell of flowers and ocean bathe the room. I have a little decorative, propane radiant heater out there for foggy nights like this one. I turned it on. Darcy turned down the indirect lighting in the bathroom a little, and she also lighted some candles and incense that I keep on a little ledge above the toilet.
..........Amanda was getting a good view of our naked bottoms as we did those things. I wondered what she thought about that. I bent over, opening mine a little, in order to turn on the water jets and adjust the temperature.
..........Then I stood up and turned and gave her a nice smile and held my hands out to her. She took them and stepped into the tub. It was already a third full, steam rising. I had turned the water on full blast.
..........I had that tub custom made, by the way. It's more of a hot tub than it is a bathtub. It's very deep, and there are ledges to sit on and still be mostly in the water. I sat Amanda down on one of them. Darcy climbed in and settled down at her feet, and I sat on a ledge a little above her. "I'm going to give you a nice, sensuous shampoo," I said. "You just close your eyes and enjoy. You're the Princess," I giggled softly. I was going to turn her into a queen!
..........I got the goose-necked shower nozzle and drenched her hair with warm water. Then I took some of my favorite baby shampoo from the little ledge in the tile wall beside the tub and got a generous handful and leisurely began working it into her beautiful blond hair, caressing and massaging her scalp with my fingers.
..........Darcy got a washcloth and some white ginger bath gel. She cleverly worked herself in between Amanda's legs, pressing her own underwater nakedness against Amanda's inner thighs. She reached up and began gently bathing and caressing Amanda's shoulders and neck with the wet, warm, soft, fragrant washcloth.
..........Amanda, her eyes closed, melted under our hands. Soapy, warm, shampoo water was running down her face. Darcy started dabbing the beautiful, wet face with the wash cloth, scrupulously removing makeup, cuddling closer and closer in between the open thighs, nuzzling her body against Amanda, her elbows and forearms gently grazing the woman's full breasts. I kept rinsing the lovely hair with the shower nozzle. I sprayed warm water on the tile wall behind Amanda and then used the force of my hands in her hair to ease her back so she was leaning against the wall. She melted into it, relaxing, and Darcy moved with her, leaning more of her body against her, pressing between the legs, forcing them open further until I could see Darcy's tummy undulating gently against Amanda's sex.
..........The tub was full. I turned off the spigots, and it grew suddenly quiet in the room. I kept adding shampoo and dousing Amanda's hair with clean warm water from the nozzle. Then I lowered my face, nuzzling into her hair, moving my hands down to caress her forehead, her temples, her ears, the nape of her neck.
..........Darcy skillfully and carefully cleaned her entire face, from her eyebrows to her chin, and then began focusing on removing red lipstick. As Amanda's luscious lips became unpolluted, Darcy began replacing the washcloth with her fingers, delicately expurgating the lips, tracing their contours, carefully opening them. I joined her in the project, fingering the outer contours of the lovely mouth.
..........Then Darcy arose and sweetly pressed her lips to Amanda's. The woman moaned softly under the abrupt kiss as Darcy squeezed her body against her, leaning into her. I saw their bare breasts blending softly together.
..........My lips were on Amanda's ears. I let her feel my tongue brush inside of them. "You are so sweet, so beautiful," I whispered. "I love you so much."
..........She swooned, a further loosening of her body.
..........I pressed my lips to her temple, then floated lower and nuzzled my lips against her closed eyelids. My cheek was now brushing against Darcy's face. Darcy withdrew from the sweet kiss, kissed me, and then dribbled more white ginger in her hands and ran them over Amanda's neck, over her shoulders, and then down over her breasts, which were the lowest part of her that was above the waterline. She began kneading the breasts with both hands filled with the slippery, fragrant lather. She slid her hands into Amanda's underarms, caressing, then back to the breasts.
..........Amanda's head was back against the wall, her eyes still closed, her lips slightly parted. I cradled her face in my hands and brushed my lips against hers, pressed into the succulent warmth, billowing my lips against the softness. Her mouth opened slightly, her breathing intensified, and I let my tongue tip graze her enticing lips. She moaned softly, the mouth opening further, and I pressed inside, extending my tongue, feeling her teeth, caressing her gum line, and then I cautiously nudged my tongue between her teeth and into her mouth.
..........Giving her my heart!
..........She moaned softly again when she felt my tongue against hers. Her tongue flowed sweetly toward me. I ran mine deeper into the wetness of her mouth, and she cautiously enveloped it and gently sucked it. I let it go soft, let her draw it all the way in. I licked softly at the roof of her mouth and the insides of her teeth. My tongue danced with hers, circumnavigated it, probed the tender, moist hollow beneath it. I worked my lips between hers, pressing them against her teeth, spreading them out over her teeth and gums so I could get my tongue further inside her mouth. At the same time my hands roamed over her face, her nose, her eyelids, her ears, her throat, through her wet hair.
..........I had no idea if this was helping her advance emotionally, but it was sure a lot more fun than talking to her in the therapy chair!
..........I just sort of melted into Amanda's mouth then, letting my tongue lie passively while she suckled it. I would leave it there for as long as she wanted! It was hers!
..........I trailed my hands down her body. Darcy had stopped bathing her breasts with her hands and was now intimately upon them with her mouth. I explored further down under the water with my hands. Darcy's and Amanda's tummies were pressed together. I went lower and found Amanda's thigh, spread wide to allow Darcy in between them. I pressed the inner flesh there, and then glided my fingers toward her sexual center.
..........She began sucking my tongue more avidly as my fingers found her sweet vulva. I delicately traced the vaginal lips. Even though she was under water, there were definite signs of discharge there! I ran my finger up through the slippery cleft of the lips, paid homage to her stiff little clitoris, then traced down again and smoothly entered her. She wailed sweetly -- a luscious vibration against my tongue -- as my finger slithered deep in her vagina, exploring the tender cave.
..........Inevitably, of course, I explored the lower wall, looking for signs of feces on the other side. It was there all right! Firm, thrilling, lop-sided morsels!
..........I truly doubted we would get that far tonight.
..........I imagined she had to pee pretty bad by then, too. It had been a long time since her cocktail at the restaurant and the tea downstairs, and she hadn't been to the bathroom. I found her little urethra and probed at it, my fantasies flowing like a river!
..........She gave no sign of tiring of my tongue. It was the longest kiss I could remember! She was thirsty for my heart! That gave me such tender feelings for her. Our lips had switched places. Hers were inside my mouth now, sliding down toward the root of my tongue so she could get more of it in her mouth. My own lips stretched out over her cheeks, pressed against the edge of her nose. Her irregular breath was concentrated against my skin.
..........I slid a second a second finger into her love nest, and then a third, opening her, finding just the right angle for my thumb to be useful at her clitoris, which felt like it was about to detonate! She began undulating her hips against my fingers, gyrating, swallowing them up, as she was my tongue. My little finger trailed down and tickled at her puckered little anal gate, and then she exploded. I cradled her head with my free hand, pressed my body against her, extended my lips even further upon her face, plunged my fingers as deep as they would go in her sweet, pulsating cunt, and then spread them out, pressing hard against her clitoris with my thumb, nudging into her anal ring with my little finger. Darcy's arms were around her, squeezing her, her face buried in her breasts.
..........Amanda Wilson went wild! I absorbed her cries of ecstasy in my mouth. Marvelous shudders passed through her body. She lost her seat, and we all ended up in the water, half floating. Our mouths disengaged, but my fingers didn't lose their purchase in her sex for an instant. Darcy and I cradled her as she rose through wave after wave of orgasm.
..........At length she descended, trembling, enveloped between Darcy and me in the warm-water embraces and loving kisses. I let my fingers fall silent inside her, giving just a light, inner caress now and then, to which she responded with a flutter in her loins.
.........."Oh, Baby, Sweet baby," I whispered to her. "You are so good, so beautiful, so wonderful. Thank you so much for honoring us so much with your beautiful body!"
..........She cooed softly.
..........Darcy navigated around to reach her face and kiss her mouth. I had ended up enfolding her from behind.
.........."I'm not done washing you yet," Darcy whispered after she had kissed her. "I want you to get up on the ledge over there."
..........She meant the special place in the open doors to the terrace.
..........I arose and got several towels and spread them there. Although a little chilly outside, it was toasty warm on the ledge because of my little heater on the terrace.
..........There was no opposition from Amanda as we positioned her on her back. I folded towels to make a soft little pillow for her head, which extending out amid the flowers. Her legs dangled down in the tub. Darcy spread them and moved between them and got the washcloth and some more white ginger and the shower nozzle. The tub water was getting a little cool, so I drained it. Darcy meticulously washed Amanda's tummy, her breasts again, her shoulders. She lifted an arm and carefully washed the inner side of it. She rinsed it with warm water from the nozzle, and then cuddled up on top of Amanda and buried her face in the soft underarm. I got beside her and went for the other one, laving and sucking the tender, sensitive skin, little stubbles of hair scraping my tongue.
..........It made Amanda throb and squirm. "Oh, God. Oh, God," she kept whispering over and over.
..........I love shaved underarms. I love unshaved ones, too. I don't discriminate in any direction. I seem to shave my own in cycles. I'll do it for awhile, then let the hair grow for awhile. I don't use deodorant. Amanda did, but we had washed it all away. She was becoming pure, cleansed of all her cosmetic sins!
..........I moved down and kissed and laved a large, soft, silken, breast as Darcy nestled between her legs and began washing her lower tummy and flanks. As I moved down to make love to her soft belly, Darcy got some shampoo and meticulously lathered Amanda's breathtaking pubic mound, working foam in with her fingertips. She rinsed it clean and then covered it with her mouth.
..........My tongue was making love to Amanda's navel, my face buried in the tenderness of her tummy. My hands crept beneath her back, pulling her trunk more tightly against my face. I was envisioning the soft labyrinth of her guts. My appetite for her insides was mounting in passionate waves. I wanted to eat and drink Amanda Wilson's body. I wanted a taste of what she had had for breakfast. I wanted her inside out. I wanted her gold.
..........And yet, I certainly didn't want to shock her. We were nicely opening lots of channels as it was, and I certainly didn't want to close any! This was one prim and proper lady!
..........Had been up to that time, at least.
..........Darcy raised up and adjusted the shower nozzle to a single, soft jet of water rather than a spray, adjusted the temperature at the spigot, and turned the stream directly on Amanda's vulva. I got down beside her to watch.
.........."Oh, my God Jesus!" Amanda wailed, squirming deliciously as Darcy steered the water jet here and there on the sumptuous flesh of Amanda's private domain. She kept readjusting the water temperature, getting it warmer, and she spread the labia with her fingers, gently douching the sweet cunt.
.........."Oh, Jesus Christ," Amanda cried.
..........The water went in, and the water came out.
.........."Does that feel good?" Darcy asked.
.........."Oh ... God," Amanda whimpered as Darcy squirted more water inside, then opened the lips with her fingers and aimed the jet directly on the pink little clitoris.
..........Amanda had another orgasm. While in its throes, Darcy put the nozzle aside and covered the vulva with her mouth.
..........Amanda soared, lurching up against and into Darcy's mouth.
..........When she finally descended, Darcy began showering the beautiful cunt with sweet little kisses.
..........Then, in an act of unbelievable boldness from my point of view, Darcy raised up on her knees, opened Amanda's legs wider, snuggled herself in between them so that her own sex was poised above Amanda's, and began urinating!
..........Amanda's eyes had been closed. Now she abruptly opened them and raised her head and looked down. I held my breath. She opened her mouth, aghast. "Oh, my God!" she wheezed, undulating her hips upward into the stream of pee that was dousing her privates. Darcy aimed the stream so that it danced all around the love nest.
.........."Oh, my dear God!" Amanda cried more emphatically, lying back down and covering her face with her hands. She hiked and spread her legs lewdly as the urine stream splattered against her vagina.
..........Mmmm. The courageous Darcy! It was a good call on her part. She had pushed Amanda right over the edge. The woman was in new regions now, regions she had never visited in all of her international travels! She was discovering the frontiers of her own rapture.
..........I snuggled down and toyed with the lips of her labia while Darcy's pee bathed them. I pulled them open so she could feel the urine dash against the pink interior. She upended herself under the gentle, warm surge so that the stream would hit her more directly. Enter her. Fill her!
..........A nice, urine douche!
.........."Oh, shit!" she wailed.
..........Just be patient, Amanda, I thought, stifled a giggle. That's coming soon enough!
..........She had raised her hips so high that the urine cascaded back over her gorgeous pubic mound, running down over her belly to her breasts. I reached up and put my hands in it, spreading it around a little.
..........She was writhing, making Darcy lose her aim. Urine gushed from her vagina, and she came again.
..........Darcy's mouth was upon her sex again, lifting her.
..........Amanda screamed when Darcy's mouth covered her drenched cunt. She had suddenly found herself in seventh heaven. I buried my face in her tummy again, licking and sucking my way up the sweet wetness to her breasts.
.........."Christ, Jesus," she wailed.
..........We were waking my snobbish neighbors. "What on earth goes on in that house?" they probably wondered.
..........Maybe Darcy and I could sexually liberate the whole neighborhood. With a little help from Tony. I wondered briefly how the boys were doing.
..........Amanda began to settle down again, lowering her legs as I laved and suckled Darcy's pee from her breasts and belly and down over her ribs where it had trickled. She brought her hands gently to my head, sensitively stroking my hair as I licked.
..........That felt so nice. So sweet!
.........."My God my God my God," she whispered.
.........."Did you like that, Baby?" I asked, snuggling up against her to her face.
.........."Jesus Christ," she whispered in reply.
..........It's Tony's opinion that really good sex helps people get religion.
..........I agree with that.
.........."Mmmm," I purred. "Did that feel nice, Sweetheart?"
.........."Yes," she whispered.
..........I brushed my lips against hers. Just a brush. My lips were moist. She knew what had made them that way. It was Darcy's piss.
.........."Nnnnngggh," she breathed against my mouth.
..........The tip of her tongue emerged cautiously. It touched my upper lip.
.........."Mmm, hmmm," I murmured, rubbing my lips gently against it.
.......... Her breath shuddered as she explored my lips with her tongue.
..........I didn't let her explore too far. I withdrew and climbed up and straddled her, my sex poised over her belly. She looked at it as I fingered it sensuously.
.........."Would you like a little more of that, Sweetheart?" I whispered.
..........She nodded.
..........I relaxed my bladder. There was a lot of pee inside. I made it trickle out slowly, dribbling down on her tummy. She gasped, put her hands on her forehead, began writhing again. "Oh, oh, oh!" she cried out.
..........It was the tiny voice of a helpless child.
..........It was my guess that Jeremy was going to like the new Amanda when we had finished with her!
..........Darcy crawled up beside Amanda, spreading my urine over her body as it streamed on to her stomach. I inched up higher, showering the valley between her breasts, then aiming my golden stream at a nipple. Amanda continued to wail as Darcy cupped the breast in her hands and kneaded it while I peed on it. Darcy took it in her mouth as soon as I shifted to the other one, and Amanda squealed, and Darcy's dripping hands roamed up over her throat, grazed her chin, made a little circle with her finger just beneath Amanda's lower lip. The finger touched the lip tentatively. Amanda opened her mouth and Darcy put her wet fingers inside. Amanda sucked them. Darcy withdrew them and put them in my stream, and then put them back in Amanda's mouth!
..........We were progressing nicely. Amanda's moans came from deep inside her body as she clasped Darcy's wrist in her hands and pulled the fingers deeper into her mouth. I inched further up, slowing my stream to just a soft little tinkle. It was falling on Amanda's throat. I lowered myself. Darcy captured some of the trickle in her other hand and stroked Amanda's cheeks.
..........Amanda opened her eyes. They were glued to my urinating cunt, which was now only inches away. Darcy leisurely slithered her fingers from the cloying mouth, cradling underneath Amanda's head, and gently lifted it up toward the stream.
.........."It's okay," Darcy whispered. "It feels really good going in your mouth. You don't have to swallow it. But it just feels really nice."
..........Amanda accepted the invitation and covered my sex with her mouth.
..........The orgasm that instantly swept through me made it difficult to stay situated. The sensation of my piss trickling into Amanda Wilson's mouth made me delirious with ecstasy!
..........After all I had been through with this woman -- I should have pissed in her mouth much earlier!
..........Amanda let it overflow. As it ran down her cheeks, Darcy laved and sipped it. I could feel Amanda's tongue going into my vagina. She began sucking at the flesh around it. My orgasm continued in waves. I had to steady myself against the redwood door frame to keep my position and not collapse in total rapture!
..........She was letting some seep down her throat. I could tell. The animal moans she was making were as titillating as her suckling mouth and delving tongue. Her hands were on my back now, pulling me more tightly to her.
..........I was running dry, and my orgasm was finally ebbing. I undulated myself against her mouth as I gave her the last trickles. There wasn't much overflowing anymore at all.
.........."Oh, Baby," I whispered, caressing her beautiful face. "Oh, God, you are so precious, so sweet. You like me pee-pee, Honey?"
.........."Nnn, hmmm," she murmured as she finally released me, licking me gently all over between my legs. I reached behind me and spread my cheeks a little more and inched up just a bit, and her tongue ranged back and almost reached my anus.
..........Almost, but not quite.
.........."Darcy was down between her legs. "I want some," she was cooing, kissing the woman's sex.
..........I climbed over and nestled down on the ledge beside Amanda and stroked her lower tummy. "Darcy wants some of your pee-pee, Sweetheart," I whispered. "She wants to drink your beautiful, perfect body."
..........Amanda covered her face with her hands and made a plaintive, whining noise. It was almost a sob.
.........."It's okay, Sweetheart," I said soothingly, running my hands through her hair. "It's really okay. Your sweet gold, from inside your luscious, perfect body. You are so beautiful, inside and out. Everywhere. Every single part. We love you so much. You are an angel. Thank you for being our total, perfect princess, giving us so many of your charms. Your body is a gift for us. Sweet Baby."
..........She gave Darcy her urine.
..........Darcy went nuts, making such sexy, sweet, wet noises as she drank and bathed herself in Amanda's streaming fountain.
..........Amanda was coming along more quickly than I would ever had predicted! The trick would be tomorrow, when all the old guilt settled in.
..........But that was tomorrow. This was now. I joined Darcy at the luscious, sweet spring.
.........."Oh, fuck, oh, shit, oh, Christ," Amanda moaned as we swallowed her, inundated ourselves in her precious, visceral nectar.
..........There was lots of it! A sweet, abounding ocean! Both our mouths were on the delicious flowing cunt as the last trickles came out. Amanda had a cascade of little orgasms in the aftermath as Darcy's lips and tongue and mine paid homage to her ravishing femaleness.
..........I didn't know how Amanda felt about it, but I was certainly ready for the main course of visceral delight. My patience had departed!
..........I lifted her legs. Darcy helped raise and bend them back over her breasts. I don't know if she had any idea what was coming next or not. I nestled down on the floor of the bathtub and examined her magnificent, unprotected little anus. Protuberant, slate-colored, furrowed mouth, spiraling adorably inward. A darling, delicious, glowing little raspberry.
..........I kissed it. Then I quickly moistened my finger in my mouth and slid it into her rectum.
.........."Oh! Nooo, noooooooo, noooooooo!" she moaned.
..........Oh, yes, yes, yes! I answered silently, plumbing the depths of her taut bottom.
.........."This is the really fun part," Darcy said. She was up beside Amanda's head. She kissed her mouth to shut her up.
..........God, what a heavenly poop garden! Her tender shit was in soft little globules, buoyant in the humid grotto. My finger frolicked among the smooth spherules like a child playing with pebbles in a lush, springtime meadow.
.........."Oh, my God, Amanda, how beautiful!" I murmured, inching still deeper.
..........She moaned loudly. It was a muffled moan, because it was made inside Darcy's mouth.
..........I made large circles, opening up her rectal cave, loosening the sweet little sphincter.
.........."Amanda," Darcy was saying between kisses, "you can't stay a virgin forever. This is the best part, really. It's where your gold is. You want to feel like a real woman, deep in your guts, don't you? Linda's going to take you there. I promise."
..........Darcy sure had a lot of guts herself! I started to fear that we were pushing the lady a bit too far too fast.
.........."But it's so dirty," Amanda whined. "I have to go to the bathroom!"
..........Darcy shook her head adamantly. "No!" she said. "It's not dirty. It's the precious part. You got taught that its nasty, but it's not true. You have to just stop thinking about it and feel it. Let your body decide if it feels good to have Linda touch your sweet potty." She cradled Amanda's face with her hands and kissed her mouth again.
..........I was getting her loosened up pretty good. I could feel the tension in the rectal muscles begin to lessen.
.........."Nnnngh," Amanda moaned softly.
.........."Just go poop," Darcy whispered. "Let yourself open up like a flower. Those are luscious flowers inside your sweet, yummy bottom. Linda loves them because she loves you! Because you are such a beautiful, perfect woman deep inside."
.........."Unnnnngh," Amanda responded.
.........."Just let the blossom open up," Darcy whispered, kissing her lips again.
..........It was really hard saying no to Darcy. I felt the bowels begin to move, felt the indescribably delicious billowing, surging, distending from deep within. I let the marvelous sphincter poop my finger out, and then I covered the dilating, anal lips with my mouth.
..........Maybe we had rushed things. It was only Friday night. Amanda didn't have to go to work until Monday. We could have cajoled her into spending the whole weekend to lead her to this moment. We were just following our instincts and our passions. There wasn't any timetable involved. No blueprint. How long does it take for people to naturally get in deep touch with themselves, with their own childlike desires and dreams?
..........Only an instant, really.
..........Its the leading up to it that takes time, the cultivation of that which has been forgotten. Like preparing the soil in the Springtime.
..........Patience is the prerequisite for farming.
..........But Darcy and I weren't farmers; we were ravenous animals.
..........Amanda Wilson was on her own schedule. We were just the facilitators.
..........And yet I had a paranoid delusion flash across my mind that if we went too far too fast, she could run screaming from the house and sue my pants off for all sorts of breaches of the therapeutic relationship. Just because I was no longer licensed didn't mean I was absolved from liability for taking emotional advantage of former clients and turning them inside out. I could see the headline:
.........."FECES-EATING THERAPIST SUED BY DISTURBED INTERIOR DESIGNER!"
..........Then my fears fleeted, and I swooned as she squeezed the delicious little morsels from her rectum into my mouth.
..........She was whimpering the whole time.

Chapter 25

...........A week later, of course, all of my fretful apprehension about Amanda Wilson's inner timetable had been forgotten. That's the nice thing about fear and pain and apprehension. The conscious memory doesn't dwell on that. One recalls the smell of the campfire, for example, from a childhood outing, and forgets the mosquito bites! Memory favors the light, and not the darkness. That's one of the great blessing God has given us. We have these natural, internal, trauma controls.
..........As long as we keep the channels open and flowing, nothing has a chance to get stuck.
..........But sadly, we don't always keep the channels open. Sometimes we get stuck in the pain and fear and discomfort. We get stuck in a knothole. Amanda wanted to go there. It took a lot of love and attention for Darcy and me to pull her through the knothole. It was a long night!
..........And a longer weekend!
..........After Darcy and I had gotten the firm, scrumptious clumps of poop out through the knothole of Amanda's tight little asshole and had leisurely feasted on them, we showered her again, and each other, finishing a whole bottle of my precious white ginger. We shampooed some more, rinsed and conditioned, and then I sat Amanda on the toilet and blow-dried and pampered and brushed her beautiful hair while Darcy patted her dry all over with soft, fluffy bath towels.
..........Then we gently spirited her to the bed between nice, clean sheets. We hushed her concerns and whines about Jeremy and where he was, enfolding and cuddling her between us, caressing and kissing and petting her gently, giving her assurances that God was in His heaven and all was right with the world.
.........."I didn't know I was a Lesbian!" she whimpered.
.........."There, there, it's okay, Baby, you are a perfectly normal you!"
.........."I can't believe I actually went to the toilet in your bathtub!"
.........."It was heaven, Sweetheart. So yummy! Your body is like sweet honey!"
..........And so forth into the night.
..........The only way to finally shut her up was to make love to her again, which we did, generating three o'clock A.M. shrieks and howls for my neighbors from my bedroom window. More at four-thirty. Poor Amanda didn't finally fall asleep until the first rays of light outside my window.
..........Then she slept till noon.
..........We peeked in on her every few minutes that morning, and when she finally opened her eyes, we were there instantly with a breakfast tray of fresh squeezed juice and homemade bread and apple butter, fruit, cheese slices, and fresh ground coffee.
..........The fog had lifted early. Sunshine filled the room. We engulfed Amanda with loving affirmations as she nibbled and sipped. Amanda liked food a lot. Downstairs, Darcy had peed a little in Amanda's coffee, and had mixed a smidgen of her feces in the apple butter.
..........Hidden sacraments.
.........."Are you ready for the next phase?" I asked sweetly when Amanda finished the last crust of bread. I was brushing her hair.
..........She looked at me, alarmed that there were any more phases. "What?" She asked.
.........."You have to trust Linda," Darcy said. "Remember?"
.........."Oh," she said.
..........I giggled softly. "You're so wonderful, Amanda. A very brave soul. I think we'll do this next part down in the garden."
..........I had picked out a light, wispy, floral beach cover-up for her to wear. Darcy and I were wearing similar airy garments; we had been wearing them around the house all week because they were so easy to get in and out of.
.........."I should go to the bathroom first," Amanda said, as we passed through the living room to the kitchen.
.........."You 'should' on yourself too much," I giggled. "Just hold on for a few minutes, if you can."
..........We had set up a redwood chaise lounge with a fluffy pillow for her in the grassy bower beneath the arbor. "Lie down here on your back," I told her.
..........She lay down, and Darcy and I curled up on the grass beside her. "Comfy?" I asked, after she got settled.
.........."Yes," she said, looking at me with renewed apprehension. She was stiff as a board, but she was acquiescent. Good old "ever-eager-to-please" Amanda!
..........I took her hand and stroked her hair. "Amanda, do you remember when we did hypnotism those times in your therapy?"
.........."Yes," she said. "That was nice."
..........The truth was, it may have been "nice," but it hadn't done her a whit of good because her armor went so deep. I was going to try a little less conventional hypnotic tact today. "Well, we're going to do that again right now if that's okay with you. I'm going to promise you that you aren't going to do anything that you don't want to do, okay?"
..........She nodded.
.........."Now, you just close your eyes. We're going to go all the way back to when you were a sweet, innocent little girl. I just want you to relax, okay?"
.........."Okay."
..........I took my hands away from her and did a leisurely, guided, relaxation meditation, starting with her toes and going to her forehead. Then I took her down, deep below her consciousness, using all the tricks I knew. "You are walking along a beautiful path in the woods, Amanda, and it smells so sweet and fresh and the air is so clean, and everything looks so wonderful and alive, and you can feel leaves and pine needles crunch under your shoes, and you are so excited now to feel those wonderful feelings you felt as a little girl because you can remember how delightful that was.
.........."And now, you are becoming aware that there is someone skipping along beside you, and then you realize that it is you there with you, you as a sweet little girl. She's holding your hand tightly. She loves you so much, and misses you so much, and she is so happy and excited to be going on this walk with you!
.........."Now you are noticing some fog ahead on the sides of the trail. The fog is getting thicker, and its hard to make out the trees because there is so much fog. It's even starting to hide the trail right in front of you. But the two of you keep walking through it, holding hands, and now the fog is beginning to lift a bit. You can see sunshine up ahead. You are about to come out of the forest into the sunshine, and you realize as you do that you have become the little girl walking with you. It's just you! -- a sweet, darling little girl.
.........."You are out of the fog, out of the forest now, in bright sunshine, and your eyes are closed, and when I count to three, you will open your eyes. When you open your eyes, it is going to be the happiest day of your childhood, Amanda. You are going to feel all the wonderful feelings and all of the joy you felt that day."
..........Then I counted, "One, two, three."
..........A smile burst on Amanda's face. Her body wiggled in delight, and she put her hands together over her breasts. She looked like a little girl!
.........."Where are you, Amanda?" I asked gently.
.........."It's my surprise birthday!" she said.
.........."Mmm. How sweet."
..........We spent a few minutes at her birthday party. She described in detail all of her little friends, and her presents, and a clown who was there, and a magician who made pigeons come out of a scarf, and a new bicycle that her mother and father wheeled out.
..........She wept tears of joy. I was really touched! So was Darcy, who took my hand and squeezed it while we marveled at Amanda's transformation.
.........."I want you to tell me something, Amanda. When you go to the toilet, what is the word that you use to describe what comes out of your bottom?"
.........."Pookie," she said.
.........."Mmm. Pookie." I tried not to giggle. "Amanda, we are going to leave the party. You are going to close your eyes again, and I am going to count to three. Then you will open your eyes again, and you are going to find yourself in the first situation that you were ever in when you were really ashamed about going pookie. You are going to remember all of the events and all of the feelings. But you are just going to be an observer, so you will be shielded from the actual pain, all right?"
..........Her happiness quelled, and she grew quiet.
.........."One, two, three," I said.
..........She made a little frown and shook her head.
.........."Amanda, can you tell me about the situation you're in right now? Where are you? What's going on? How old are you?"
.........."I'm ... four years old. My ... my mother has to go somewhere. Some ... grownup party with other ladies. She is all dressed up. She is being mean to me. She doesn't want me to go with her but ... she has to because something happened and the baby sitter couldn't come. She is hurting me while she is getting me washed and dressed up in my little green dress because she is late. I hate the party because there are all just grownups there and there is nothing to do. She is upset with me because I am there. I have to pookie but I'm afraid to ask her to take me because she'll get mad at me. So finally I just ... go."
..........She was silent for a moment. A tear appeared at the corner of her eye.
.........."What's happening, Amanda?" I asked gently.
.........."She's dragging me into the bathroom and spanking me really hard." She began whimpering. "The ... way she looked at me was like ... she didn't love me anymore! She is being so mean!"
.........."Amanda," I whispered. "Can you hear my voice?"
.........."Yes."
.........."I want you to be your mother, now. I want you to be the mother inside who loves you, who got the clown and the magician and the bicycle for you. I want to hear your mother's loving voice. I want to hear her talk to her little girl."
.........."I love you, Amanda," she said. Her voice had changed so much that Darcy and I both got the chills. It was a very sweet voice. "You are my precious little girl."
.........."Amanda," I said. "I want you to go pee-pee and pookie right now, okay?" I reached down and untied the sash of the cover-up and drew it open. Her naked body looked so luscious and inviting in the broken sunlight that came down through the arbor. "I want you to do pee-pee and pookie in the nice, warm sunshine of Mommie's love, let your sweet, wonderful potty come out right now."
.........."Is it ... okay?" she whispered.
.........."Oh, it's perfectly okay, Sweetheart. Because it's your precious potty, and you are so precious! Open your legs a little and just let it come out, Honey. It's so sweet!"
..........I placed my hand on her lower tummy and caressed gently.
..........A glorious fountain of pale yellow urine began flowing from between Amanda's legs on the chaise lounge! It trickled at first, then gushed, spattering on the plastic lounge cover.
.........."Oh, God, Baby," I said, "that is so beautiful! Such a sweet golden treasure!"
..........I couldn't resist. I dipped my fingers into the warm geyser.
.........."This is your beautiful pee, Amanda. It doesn't belong to anybody else. It's your private, golden, special treasure. You can do it anywhere you want to, because its yours. There is nothing in this world to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. You are the mommy now, and you get to decide. Doesn't that feel good, Sweetheart?" I gently caressed the fountaining source with my fingers. It splashed up on her tummy and down her inner thighs.
.........."Yes," she smiled, wiggling and undulating against my touch. It was the little girl's voice again. "It feels really nice."
.........."So scrumptious," I said, licking a wet finger. "So delicate. So wonderful. Your heavenly, sweet, liquid, flowing body. Give me your hand so you can feel it come out, Sweetheart."
..........She gave me her hand, and I guided her fingers to the stream.
.........."How sweet!" I said. "Does that feel good, Baby?"
.........."Mmmm, hmm," she purred, caressing the flow with her fingers.
.........."Show Mommy how sweet it is," I said.
..........I wasn't sure what she would do in response to that, but I was so delighted when she brought a wet finger to her mouth and gently dabbled it on her lips, then slithered her tongue out to taste it.
.........."Mmmmm," I whispered.
..........Darcy was undulating softly while she watched. She reached down between Amanda's legs and put her finger in the stream and then looked at me and smiled and put the wet finger to my lips. I licked it and we giggled softly. Then Darcy gave the sash of my cover-up a little yank. It fell open, and she fondled my tummy and then slithered her hand down between my legs. I readjusted myself, opening my legs so she could fondle my sex, and then I began urinating in her hand. She made a little cooing sound and brought her other hand to my crotch, gathering urine in her hands. Then she pulled her own sash open and bathed her breasts and tummy with my pee.
..........I swooned, then got my attention back on Amanda. Her flow was now just a little dribble. "Can you pookie, Honey?" I asked.
.........."Mmm, hmmm," she murmured softly.
.........."You want to just raise your knees up and spread your legs apart a little and go pookie, Sweetheart?"
.........."Nnn, hnnn." She immediately assented. Darcy and I leaned down between her legs. We could see the shadowy anal cleft between her soft, white buttocks cheeks beneath her sparkling cunt.
..........Then a delicious, unrestrained gust of air fluttered from her bottom.
.........."Oh, oh!" she said.
.........."So adorable!" I answered.
..........A luscious brown mass slowly issued from the deep valley between the white, damp cheeks.
.........."Oh, Baby," I whispered. "Amanda, how beautiful! Does that feel good coming out, Baby?"
.........."Yes," she sighed. It crackled softly as it squished from her rectum and pressed down against the green lounge cushion.
.........."That's your beautiful, wonderful, special poop, Amanda," I said when she was finished. "It doesn't belong to anybody else. It's your own, private treasure. You can do it anywhere you want, because it belongs to you. Its not your Mommie's or anybody else's. There is nothing in this world to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Doesn't that feel good, Sweetheart?"
.........."Yes," she whispered.
..........Darcy quickly trailed her finger over it and then sucked her finger.
.........."You want to show Mommy how sweet it it?"
.........."Okay."
..........She reached down and put her fingers in it, pulling a tiny lump from it. Then she brought the morsel to her mouth and kissed it.
.........."So sweet!" I giggled.
..........Then she rested the hand on her stomach. She looked so relaxed and serene!
.........."Amanda," I said. "Can you hear my voice?"
.........."Yes," she said.
.........."In just a minute now, I'm going to count to twenty, and you are slowly going to wake up. When you wake up, you will remember everything, and you will feel that a great burden has been lifted. You will have forgiven your mommy, and accepted her love, and will realize that she was just a human being, like you, and when you wake up you will have such sweet, tender feelings for the little girl who you were, and you will want to get to know her better now that you are grown up, and will want to let her come out to play lots of times and have fun. Any feelings of guilt or embarrassment about your body will be gone. You will feel so relaxed and refreshed and happy about everything you experienced just now. Okay?"
.........."Okay."
..........While I counted to twenty, Darcy gently scooped the grunt from the lounge cushion. She sat back on the grass and cradled it in her hands and pressed it against her stomach.
..........Amanda's eyes fluttered open. She took a deep breath.
.........."You did so good," I said, gently caressing her forehead. "You were perfect. You are perfect!"
..........She looked over at me and took my hand. Then she smiled. She was truly beautiful. "Wow," she whispered.
.........."I know," I said. "I don't think there are any words in moments like these, Amanda."
.........."Mmm." She closed her eyes, basking. She made no effort to cover herself. Her body was gorgeous, shimmering in the arbor-broken rays of dancing sunlight. I could see the pulsing of her heart against the naked skin. There was a sheath of perspiration beneath her gorgeous, full breasts. I touched it, trailed my finger through it, then put my finger in my mouth. She opened her eyes and looked at me.
..........I sucked off the tip of my finger and smiled. "Your body tastes so good," I whispered.
.........."I went to the bathroom." She said.
..........I nodded. "It was really beautiful."
.........."Where is it?"
.........."Next to my tummy," Darcy smiled, pressing it against her flesh. "Its so soft and warm. I love it. Is it okay if I feel it next to me?"
..........Amanda nodded. Then her eyes grew passionate. "You watched me go potty," she said, blushing coyly like a small child.
.........."Yes," I whispered, licking my lower lip.
..........She sat up in the lounge. "You watched me, so can I watch you?" She looked at Darcy.
..........Darcy giggled and nodded and slithered out of her cover-up and rolled over naked on her stomach with Amanda's feces pressed beneath her. Both her hands were under her on her tummy, and she was undulating against the grass. I could tell she was squishing the poop underneath her, rubbing it on herself.
..........She spread her legs wide.
..........Amanda sat up on the edge of the chaise, staring at Darcy's naked, open rump. I moved over a little so I could get a good view, and took my cover-up off and tossed it aside. I leaned back against the chaise lounge and draped my arm over Amanda's thighs and began fondling her legs.
..........Darcy's adorable little anus puckered out as she pushed out a sweet, long, low, whispering fart, and then it opened around the end of a gorgeous, brown shaft. I squeezed Amanda's knee gently and felt down the damp inside of her thigh as we watched Darcy's beautiful emanation ascend gloriously from between her shimmering white cheeks. It made soft, moist little rustling sounds.
..........Then urine began sprinkling from beneath it into the grass. My heart fluttered. My fingers reached Amanda's wet sex. She opened her legs for me, and I fondled her as Darcy expelled the last of her exquisite, long grunt. It plopped gently in the grass. Golden urine still streamed from between her exquisite labia.
..........I slid my finger deep in Amanda's vagina. She moaned and undulated against me.
..........As Darcy's pee slowed to trickles, I withdrew my finger and looked up at Amanda and put the finger in my mouth and smiled, then scooted toward Darcy.
..........Darcy rolled over on her back. Amanda's poop was all over her lower tummy. Darcy picked up her own grunt and pressed it to her belly, mixing it with Amanda's, and I lay down on top of her, sliding my hand between us to feel her feces, undulating my tummy against hers. Then I spread my legs and raised my hips so Amanda could get a nice, clear view of my private parts, and then I began urinating. It dribbled down on Darcy's tummy. I defecated slowly. Darcy reached around and felt it come out. When it had squished all the way out, I clamped my cheeks together, holding it there.
..........Amanda was on the grass beside us on her side, stroking my back, then stroking lower, cautiously exploring down toward my rump. Darcy offered her a finger. The finger had poop on it. Amanda closed her eyes and leaned forward and touched the finger with her lips.
.........."Ooooo," Darcy cooed, teasingly grazing the lips with her finger.
..........I felt Amanda's hand in the crack of my behind. She pressed her body against us and then I knew her fingers had found the fecal mound between my cheeks. She moaned ethereally. She was toying with it, stroking it!
..........Then she took Darcy's finger in her mouth, sucked it, released it.
.........."Nnnn," I moaned. moving my body against her, pushing her over on her back. She kept her hand tight against the load between my cheeks as I gently rolled on top of her. I rubbed my stomach against hers so she could feel the feces that was on it. Darcy cuddled in beside us and brought her hand up beside Amanda's face. She had a brown gob between her thumb and forefinger. She brushed it against Amanda's lips, and Amanda took it in her mouth. I cooed and pressed my lips to Amanda's, ran my tongue in her mouth, feeling the fecal lump, playing with it with my tongue. While I kissed and sucked at her mouth, trying to take the little treasure from her, Darcy started rubbing soft shit on Amanda's cheek and neck.
..........Amanda's hand was intently manipulating the warm mass between my buttocks cheeks, pressing it against me, squeezing her fingers into it, moaning against my mouth. Then her tongue pushed the little fecal morsel into my mouth. I swallowed it, swooning, and Darcy's hand was there offering more. We broke the kiss, and I took some more poop in my mouth from the palm of Darcy's hand and again pressed my mouth to Amanda's. She opened her mouth eagerly against mine, and I slid the chunk on to her tongue.
..........As she held it in her mouth, pondering what to do with it, I lifted my head and slowly began inching myself up her body. I raised up and ended up with my bottom resting against her chest, just above her breasts. She had kept her hand firmly on the feces between my cheeks the whole time. She rested her head back in the grass, her eyes closed, and then began rubbing my poop on her breasts. Darcy scooted in behind me. I looked back at her. She was spreading poop on Amanda's tummy, and then she got between Amanda's legs, opened them, and bent down and began kissing the woman's sex as her hands leisurely rubbed excrement all over Amanda's tummy and hips and flanks and in her pubic hair.
..........I put my fingers in Amanda's mouth to see if the fecal morsel was still in there. It was. I could tell that she hadn't swallowed at all, because it was floating in saliva. I broke it apart with my fingers in her mouth and rubbed it on her tongue and over the roof of her mouth and all around inside her teeth. She let her mouth go slack.
..........I couldn't help myself at that point. I wanted to sit on her face. I inched up further and raised my bottom. It was poised over her mouth. She stared up at it, her eyes filled with apprehension.
.........."You want that, Amanda?" I asked, beginning to lower my bottom over her face.
.........."I ... uhhh ..."
.........."Want to feel your face rubbing in there against my pookie?"
.........."I ... yes," she whimpered.
.........."Rubbing against my shit?"
.........."Yes."
.........."Say 'please.'"
.........."Please!"
..........I gently lowered myself down, engulfing her.
..........She emitted a guttural groan as my feces-laden rump cleft squashed against her face. I let her have my full weight, shifting my bottom back and forth against her. I was covering both her mouth and her nose, and I tried to readjust a little so she could breathe. I felt her lips and tongue advance through my feces and finally find my enshrouded anal hole. Her tongue speared it, her lips surrounded it, and I pressed down as hard as I could. I was pretty sure I had some more in my bottom. I did! I could feel it flux out into her mouth in soft surges. Amanda didn't eat it. It overflowed her mouth, squishing between us.
..........Darcy had come around to watch. She was on the ground cradling Amanda's head, caressing her hair, kissing her forehead.
..........I raised myself up and resettled my bottom against Amanda's bosom, and Darcy enfolded the woman's face in her hands and passionately pressed her lips and tongue into the feces-covered mouth.
..........Undulating my vulva against the soft fullness of one of Amanda's breasts, I reached my zenith. An intense orgasm tore through me and I cried out.
..........There was just something especially carnal about coming in touch with Amanda Richardson on that entire level.
..........It felt really naughty.
..........Probably because she was such a snob!

 

Chapter 26

..........Amanda stayed with Darcy and me through Sunday night. There was still no sign of Tony and Jeremy.
..........She was sexually insatiable, a sea of desire. We had opened her up like a flower, awakened a passion that had lain dormant with her all of her life.
..........I wish I could say that Amanda was totally healed by our emotional and sexual overtures that weekend, but her defenses went very deep. There are no magical cures for anything, and her guilt and shame and stress recurred in cycles, quieted finally only by her lust. But it was a good start, and when she left that Sunday night, she was a different person than the one I had known during our long and excruciating psychotherapy.
..........She also took long naps that weekend in between lovemaking sessions. Sleep is so healing. A time of integrating of new things.
..........Diane's return home was a week away. I had been anxious about it, because of Darcy, and the newness of our relationship together. What I had told Darcy was true, that Diane and I knew each other well enough, and were flexible enough, to adjust our reunion in a variety of directions out of sensitivity to Darcy.
..........But my anxiety about that was waning, given Darcy's amazing openness to Tony, and now to Amanda. She seemed to be completely without jealousy.
..........Still, selfishly, I thought that the return of the luscious Diane might be easier and more fulfilling for me -- and probably for Diane as well -- if we could figure out a way to balance things a bit. It was for that reason that I suggested that Darcy try to locate Karen in Los Angeles and invite her down for a visit the same weekend.
..........The idea was well received, and Darcy found the phone number she had gotten from Mr. Clarendon. She called that weekend during one of Amanda's weekend naps.
..........Karen seemed pleased to hear from her, and said that she was having a difficult time getting any auditions in Los Angeles either for modeling or acting, except for sexual modeling. She was finishing the spring quarter at the University of Southern California Extension in acting. She was ready for a break, and accepted the invitation to come down for a visit, especially after Darcy sang such high praises of me and my house on the phone. Karen said she would drive down Friday night.
..........Perfect! A little time to become acquainted before Diane's plane arrived at noon Saturday!
..........Jeanette called late Sunday night after Amanda had gone. She wanted to know where Tony Casselman was, since he had missed their weekly breakfast and hadn't called her. I caught her up on all the events since his Friday visit. She laughed and laughed. "So, therapy still happens outside of the box?" She giggled.
..........I could have taken that as an "I told you so," but that's not the way the comment was intended. She was simply affirming me, affirming life. "What a lucky couple," she said of Amanda and Jeremy. "Tell Tony to call me when he surfaces."
.........."Why don't you come and join us for Diane's homecoming this weekend?" I asked. "We have sort of a party developing. You can meet Darcy."
.........."Sounds delightful," she said. "I'll see if I can clear my calendar and call you back."
..........She called back the next day that she would fly in late Saturday night.
..........Darcy and I made love frequently during the week, but our relationship expanded from erotic planes to the more commonplace ones. We spent a lot of time shopping, for example, and we cooked together, sharing recipes and giggling. I opened an account for her with my on-line broker, and we began a little tutorial on investing. We moved most of the hundred thousand dollars she had in her savings account to places where there would be a nice yield. We had long talks about scarcity and abundance. I did some hypnotherapy with her about money. She got in touch with a traumatic childhood memory of her father spanking and chastising her for playing with a dime and putting it in her mouth. The lesson she learned from that was that money is dirty. It is always amazing to me the extent to which our culture's obsessions with cleanliness can destroy the capacity of our children to fully live their lives!
..........On Wednesday, she shocked me by buying some small gifts for her parents, and then delivering them that evening. I waited for her in a coffee shop down the street from her old apartment over the butcher shop. It was part of her private journey of healing. I was so impressed by how far she had come in such a short time. Her resilience was remarkable! She was with them for nearly two hours. When she came to join me at the coffee shop, I could tell she had been crying. She had ended up getting hugs and well-wishes from them both.
..........Of course she hadn't gone into a lot of detail about her relationship with her new roommate!
..........We spent Friday cleaning the house and fixing nice trays of goodies for our guests to eat. I have two extra bedrooms on the second floor. We fixed them up and dusted and filled them with flowers. One was for Karen, and the other for Diane. I had bought a hide-a-bed for my old office, and fixed up that room for Jeanette.
..........But as for that, who knew who would end up sleeping where?
..........Darcy was filled with giggles about that. She was open for anything.
..........So was I!
..........I was having some very deep and specific longings for Diane's sweet body as Saturday approached. It had been so long since I had seen her! I was also very eager to meet Karen, of course. She was sort of an unknown. Darcy had not extended the invitation as a sexual overture, just as a visit. The question was, had Karen been just acting that day at the audition? "If she was only acting," Darcy said, "she'll be in the movies for sure by now!"
..........Well, we would find out!
..........Karen got lost trying to find my house and telephoned from a pay phone at eight o'clock Friday night. I always screen my phone calls. Darcy picked up, then handed me the phone to give her more directions. She had a very enchanting voice. I told her how much I was looking forward to meeting her.
..........When she drove up, Darcy and I were watching for her out of the window of my little office reception area. We were on our knees on the sofa bed, which I had put next to the window. We were both naked underneath pretty summer dresses, and had been playing with each other. When Karen pulled up in front and we went out to greet, we were both wet between the legs.
..........She was driving an ancient Toyota. There was a pretty red flower painted on the front fender, which endeared her to me right away! She was even more beautiful than I had pictured her from Darcy's descriptions. She was definitely, as Darcy had said, pretty enough to be an actor!
..........Darcy gave her a casual hug and grabbed her suitcase. I held out my hands to her and she took them. "It's so nice to meet you, Karen," I smiled. "Welcome to our home. I'm so glad you could come!"
.......... "I've been thinking about you so much since that time we met," Darcy told her on the way in to the house. "I couldn't believe you didn't get hired for that job. You did so much better than me in the audition."
.........."But you were so great!" Karen said. "You deserved getting it. I'm anxious to hear what it was like."
..........While Darcy showed her up to her room, I set some snacks out on the kitchen table and made tea.
.........."God, what a fabulous house!" Karen said as they joined me in the kitchen.
.........."Thank you," I smiled.
.........."Wait till you see her garden!" Darcy said, sitting at the table next to Karen. "Linda bought the house for the garden."
..........I sat down across the table from them and poured tea. Karen seemed to grow more lovely the longer I looked at her. Her beauty was deep and warm and enchanting. Her eyes were exquisite, a radiant green, brimming over with a strong, gentle and glowing spirit. She wore a sleeveless, summery, pullover blouse, a short, matching pantskirt, and pretty sandals. Her lovely brown hair was down and straight. It graced her bare shoulders. She had a nice tan. I tried not to stare at her as she broke off a piece of muffin and put it in her mouth.
.........."Mmmmmm!" she said with her mouth full.
.........."Everyone loves Linda's fresh muffins," Darcy said. "Its a secret recipe."
..........Karen looked at me and smiled, nodding.
..........I said, "Darcy tells me that getting good jobs has been a little frustrating for you."
.........."A little," she replied, dabbing her mouth delicately with her napkin. Her lips were gorgeous! I couldn't help imagining spit bubbles coming out of them, and my tongue roaming between them. I started to feel renewed moisture between my legs. "There's me and about twenty million other girls competing for the small casting parts, it seems. And lots more than that for the decent modeling ones."
.........."But you're still taking classes?" Darcy asked. She was staring at Karen's mouth, too.
.........."Yeah. The quarter just ended. I took a full load. I just finished some pretty intensive dancing classes, too. The further I get into it, the more I realize there is, and the less I realize I know."
.........."Sounds like life," I said. I was really impressed that she wasn't counting on her beauty alone to get into acting.
..........Karen nodded and laughed a beautiful, melodic laugh. "Good acting looks so simple when it's done well," she said. "You never realize how much discipline and hard work goes in to achieve that simplicity." She put a juicy piece of honeydew melon in her mouth. I watched her slender throat move as she swallowed it. I surrendered to fantasy, following in my mind's eye the course of the honeydew down her throat, into her tummy, down through her alimentary canal, its energy being transformed, moving in waves through her colon, drifting into her rectum. I imagined her naked bottom, spread wide open. I imagined the delicate mouth of her anus distending, imagined what the honeydew melon would taste like when her luscious body was finished with it ...
.........."Mm," said Darcy. "Isn't it just that you imagine yourself really doing the role thing your doing?"
..........Karen laughed. "Well, it's a little more complicated than just 'imagining' it." She stood up. "Okay," she said, "suppose that I'm a mother, and the script is that some big heavy object has fallen on my little child. A big cabinet, say, in an earthquake or something. Say the house is on fire, too, just to add a little drama. I'm terrified. I'm motivated by fierce love, a mother's drive to save her child. I have to lift this thing, this cabinet." She reached down and took hold of an imaginary object about two feet off the floor. "On a stage set, this would be a fake cabinet, so it would be really light balsa wood or something. But I have to imagine the feel of it as being incredibly heavy."
..........She was amazing as she began to strain and tried to lift the imaginary object. The veins stood out on her neck, her face got red, and all of her arm and leg muscles quivered. Very slowly, she began lifting the object, an inch at a time, her arms and legs trembling furiously. I could tell that she kept her beautiful body in remarkable shape.
..........Then she stood up and relaxed. "See?" she said "It isn't just remembering in your mind what lifting something heavy is like. You have to imagine that with every fiber of your being!"
..........Darcy and I both applauded. She had completely convinced us that there was a heavy cabinet on the floor! "That was incredible!" I said. "You are a true artist."
.........."Thank you," she laughed, sitting down. "Me and about a hundred million other girls!"
.........."They couldn't be better than that," Darcy said. I could see that she was a little chagrined. I knew why, too. I was feeling some of that myself. We had both been sort of hoping that Karen wasn't totally acting during the audition she had had with Darcy. For all we knew, she didn't like making love with girls at all.
.........."I'm really envious," Darcy continued, "that you found something you really want to do. I can tell you're really serious about it."
.........."I am," Karen said, taking another bite of muffin and honey.
.........."That's a wonderful thing," I said, "to feel such a strong calling."
.........."Calling," Darcy repeated contemplatively.
.........."The word 'vocation' comes from a Latin word that means 'to call,'" I said, "and the art of choosing a vocation is to listen to the call from inside ourselves about what is right for us. Ones work should be a natural extension of who one is, and not a chore."
.........."I don't hear any voices calling," Darcy said sadly.
.........."You will," Karen smiled.
.........."Darcy loves the world of ideas," I said. "We've been reading aloud to each other a lot the past week. Everything from short stories and essays to art history and psychology and politics."
.........."We sent away for some college catalogues," Darcy said. "It's a little late to apply to most places, but I'll probably go to City College." I felt Darcy's bare foot against my calf under the table. Karen took another bite of muffin with honey. I watched her pretty cheeks move daintily as she chewed while Darcy tickled the inside of my knee with her toes.
.........."So, how did you guys meet?" Karen asked, popping a fresh strawberry in her mouth.
.........."I came to her for counseling," Darcy said.
.........."She was my last client. I was just closing my practice."
.........."I got in in the nick of time," Darcy giggled.
.........."And we just ... fit together," I said, blushing.
.........."Mmm," Karen said. "That's really nice. So, tell me what it was like," she said, turning to Darcy. "I'm dying to hear about it."
.........."The video project?"
.........."Mmm hmmm."
.........."Well, it was pretty amazing," Darcy answered.
..........She began describing the island in the Bahamas and the project. She started with the more exterior aspects -- how the money was paid, what the cabanas looked like, the wonderful buffet meals that were served -- and then she began to describe some of the things that the girls were asked to do. Her descriptions became more and more detailed, and her voice became softer, more melodic, more sensual. Her eyes moved fluidly from Karen's eyes to her mouth and back again. Karen was hanging on every word, asking occasional questions, glancing at me with a slight blush when Darcy described the more intimate things. She was sort of checking to see if this was information I already knew about.
..........I could tell she was getting aroused. I could sense the subtle shifting of her energy, her almost imperceptible wriggling on the chair.
..........I was dripping, myself. Darcy's foot had wandered up to my inner thigh, her toes caressing me there. I was letting out tiny dribbles of pee. I had my left hand under the table and was smearing urine on my crotch and bare legs. I rubbed some down the inside of my thighs, and Darcy found the wetness with her foot and pressed her toes against it.
..........I descended down in my chair so I could stretch my leg under the table and rest my heel on the edge of Darcy's chair, between her legs. She had her skirt pulled up. I tickled her inner thighs with my toes. The skin was wet. She was peeing, too!
..........Karen couldn't see what we were doing under there, of course, but I knew she was picking up on the sexual energy between us. I was sensuously and idly nibbling at a muffin with some honey on it. I was actually pretending that it was a treat from Karen's rectum. I wiped crumbs from my lips with my fingers. The fingers had pee on them. Not very ladylike, to be sure! I was pretending it was Karen's pee.
.........."Mmm," Karen kept saying as Darcy gave a vivid description of the garden scene with the two girls. I kept picturing the scene with the two of them. As Darcy finished her recital, she stretched her leg out and pressed her toes against my wet cunt. I caught my breath.
.........."It sounds like you ... sort of got to ... enjoying it," Karen said, putting a juicy piece of watermelon in her mouth.
.........."It's funny," said Darcy, her eyes on Karen's mouth, "but it's a lot more enjoyable looking back on it than it was at the time. That's because Linda has helped me so much to get in touch with things ... get in touch with, you know, my body and ... stuff. She is really amazing." She looked across the table at me and smiled as she softly pressed her big toe against my stiff clitoris.
.........."Mmm," Karen said with a blush. "Sounds like you two have been ... processing all this a bit!"
..........Darcy giggled and blushed. "A bit," she said. "Like, wall-to-wall!"
..........Karen blushed.
.........."Karen," I said gently, "I love hearing Darcy describe these things because it turns me on, and we have been working through lots of things and having a lot of fun, but I want you to know that we didn't invite you here with any ulterior motives, in case you were thinking that. Neither of us are into having expectations at all. As Darcy told you, an old girlfriend of mine will be here tomorrow, and another old friend is coming tomorrow night, and there will no doubt be some lovemaking going on. But you are our guest, and I want to make sure that you know that we aren't trying to impose anything on you, okay?"
..........She smiled. "Thank you for saying that. I'm not feeling any pressure. It's nice to be here. I'm glad you invited me." She leaned back in her chair, nibbled a bite of muffin, and sipped some tea.
..........There was a brief, awkward silence. Then Darcy said, "Karen, is it okay if I ask you something sort of personal?"
.........."Sure," she smiled.
.........."When we were auditioning, I couldn't tell if you were just ... acting or not. I mean totally acting. You just seemed so ... natural ... and I guess I've been wondering about that. Especially after watching you lift that cabinet just now!"
..........Karen smiled. "Darcy, being with you that way in that hotel was one of the sexiest things I've ever done in my life." Her voice became sensual and soft. "I was so glad to hear from you when you called because I've thought about you, really a lot!" She paused. "I guess I was a little reluctant to come down here because I sensed that you and Linda were ... " She looked over at me.
.........."We are," I smiled.
.........."But there is this thing," Darcy said, "when two people really love themselves, the more they can give and receive love with others, too."
.........."Wow," Karen whispered. "That's pretty nice."
.........."And," said Darcy, "of all those things I did with all of those beautiful girls on that island? ... the sweetest and most ... delightful ... was with you in that hotel. No one had ever ... touched me like that before, ever."
..........Karen looked at Darcy. "Did you like it when I ... kissed you?"
.........."Yes," Darcy murmured, her eyes on Karen's lips.
..........Then Karen leaned forward and kissed Darcy's mouth!
..........That was such an instant turn on for me! I put my hands under my skirt on my wet, naked sex and started fingering myself as I watched the beautiful lips of those two girls undulate so sweetly together. Karen's pink, full tongue slid out and caressed Darcy's lips. Darcy kissed at the burgeoning organ while Karen's hand disappeared underneath the table. "Mmmm," she smiled, withdrawing from the kiss. "No panties. You're awfully wet."
..........Darcy blushed and trembled slightly from what was apparently a pretty audacious caress under her dress.
.........."Have you been sitting here peeing yourself while we've been talking?"
.........."Nnngh," Darcy moaned, squirming in response to the hidden probing that was going on beneath the table.
.........."I can still remember what your sweet pee-pee tasted like," Karen murmured against Darcy's lips. "I can remember my mouth against your ... wetness."
.........."Hhhggng!" Darcy moaned, her lower body writhing some more. Karen was doing some pretty serious exploring under there!
.........."Uh, why don't I clear the table," I suggested, standing up. "Maybe Darcy will be ... more comfortable sitting on it. She has been up there before."
..........It was true. Darcy and I had played on the kitchen table a lot!
.........."That's a good idea," Karen said, standing up and straightening her pantskirt.
..........I was quickly moving things to the drain board, my heart all aflutter. "That way you can see what you're doing a little better," I said.
..........I was the one who wanted to see what she was doing a little better!
..........Darcy was on her feet, trembling a little. Karen drew her chair back out of the way, and Darcy pulled her dress up and boosted herself up on the edge of the table. She lay back, resting on her elbows.
..........I came around beside Karen to watch as she opened Darcy's legs wide apart, abruptly exposing her heavenly, glistening wet cunt.
.......... "Oh, Baby," Karen crooned as she leaned down and kissed the smooth, creamy flesh of Darcy's inner thighs. Then her fingers gently traced the contours of Darcy's dripping sex. "I've thought so many times about this luscious little pussy." She said.
..........She leaned forward and pressed her lips into the moist center.
..........Darcy moaned and writhed and raised her legs and bent them back over her chest. Karen withdrew for a moment, her eyes glued to the wonderfully lewd display. I could see Darcy's twinkling little poop hole beneath the lower edge of her vagina. That flawless little cleft was so electrifying for me that every time I saw it it was almost like seeing it for the first time.
..........Karen pressed her lips into the sensual suffusion of Darcy's love nest and lusciously licked it, kissed it sweetly again. I saw her tongue disappear inside as she covered the precious fissure with her mouth.
..........Darcy moaned again, and Karen grasped her by the hips and slid her toward her to the very edge of the table, crushing her mouth more resolutely into the sweet sex. She ran her hands up beneath Darcy's dress and fondled her breasts as she foraged passionately between her legs. Darcy wasn't wearing a bra. I knew because I had been fondling her breasts in the office when we were waiting for Karen.
..........Then Karen became less ardent in her oral lovemaking, withdrawing her tongue from inside Darcy and gently opening the labia with her fingers and offering delicate, sweet little kisses to the pink interior. "Do you have to pee-pee some more?' she asked softly.
.........."Mnn hnn," Darcy acceded. Her body seemed to soften.
.........."Sweet Baby," Karen purred, easing down from the chair to the floor on her knees, her mouth poised rapaciously at the vaginal gateway.
..........An ethereal dribble of golden urine trickled from between Darcy's beautiful vaginal lips and ran in a little rivulet down over her twinkling anus. It dripped down on Karen's bare legs, which were folded beneath her on the floor. It was only a brief trickle. Darcy stopped the flow right away.
..........Karen cooed, and then grazed the wetness with her full tongue. As I watched, captivated, I eased down on my knees beside her. I reached down and felt the wet that had dripped on Karen's legs, caressing her smooth, cool flesh. She spread her knees further apart so I could stroke her inner thighs. I moved my other hand back under her blouse and stroked the bare skin of her back, as my other hand ventured down between her legs.
..........Then I slid my fingers under the brief hem of the pantskirt, and then under the crotch band of her panties, finding the moist, soft, naked, electrifying warmth of her sex. She purred like a kitten and undulated gently against my touch. As I intimately fingered her and stroked her naked back under her blouse, Darcy gave forth another dribble of saffron urine. Its sweet fragrance wafted through me. Some drops of it fell on my forearm before Karen covered the luscious little fountain with her mouth.
..........Karen's pantskirt zipper was on the side. I opened it. Then, with the fingers of my other hand still investigating her vaginal cove, I slid my other hand down the back of her loosened pantskirt, beneath her panties, down into the velvety, thrilling ravine of her rump.
..........Her body billowed against my hands, and she moaned when my fingers reached the concentrated warmth of her anus. I snuggled a finger into its stretchy splendor. I leaned over and nuzzled her sweet-smelling hair, her silky cheek, her sexy ear. I kissed her throat and pressed my tongue against her skin.
..........Intimately feeling Karen was like going to heaven! Her gorgeous, exterior body and muscles were so tight and so firm, and yet her inner aspects were soft as gossamer.
..........I wanted to break my vegetarian regimen again and eat her alive!

Chapter 27

..........I was turning into flaming, liquid desire as I knelt beside Karen, feeling her warm, intimate parts under her panties, watching her lips glued to Darcy's issuing sex.
..........Darcy's fragrant, yellow urine overflowed Karen's mouth, dribbling down her cheeks and chin, down her front, splashing on my wrist. I pressed my lips against the damp, gorgeous flesh of Karen's throat, feeling it pulse as she swallowed some of Darcy's pee. At the same moment, one of my fingers slid deep inside her vagina, and another one slithered through her sphincter into her yielding, rear passageway.
..........She gave a delicious whimper and undulated softly as she withdrew her mouth from Darcy's sex. Urine splashed to the floor before Darcy stopped the flow. Then Karen slid a finger deep in Darcy's vagina, eliciting a writhing moan from her, and then she turned her face to mine.
..........I kissed her wet lips, and suddenly realized she still had some of Darcy's pee in her mouth! My heart trembled as she gently let some dribble between my lips. It wasn't an entire mouthful. Just a little swallow. I let some leak down my throat, and pressed my lips firmly to her mouth and gave the rest of it back to her. She made a little cooing sound as she swished and swirled it in her mouth, then spewed it back to me! -- except there seemed to be more of it now. I swallowed it as her body oscillated around my fingers front and back, seeming to draw them both deeper inside her.
..........Darcy peed some more, getting us both wet, and Karen returned her mouth to the fountaining pussy. At the same time, she grunted, and the walls of her rectum surged gently around my finger.
..........I felt little clusters of soft feces inside!
..........I swooned, kissed her cheek, and pressed my lips against her ear as I fingered the luscious clumps. "Oh, God, Karen," I whispered in her ear as I probed the tender, feathery treasures.
..........I added a second finger to the vaginal investigation. Her silken walls distended graciously around my fingers. I could feel the uneven aggregation of fecal lumps in her rectum through the anterior wall as I toyed with them with the finger of my other hand.
.........."You feel so good inside," I whispered.
..........Her mouth left Darcy's urinating sex again and found my lips. She gave me another drink of Darcy's pee, cradling my face with her wet hands.
.........."Can you feel my poop?" she whispered against my lips as Darcy's urine slid down my throat.
.........."Yes," I breathed, my finger delving into the velvety soft lumps of excrement.
.........."You like my feeling my poop?" she whispered.
.........."Yes," I murmured.
..........She kissed my mouth. "Feeling my shit?"
.........."Yes!"
.........."You want to taste it?"
..........I nodded, and she slid her tongue in my mouth. I sucked it deeply, and then she withdrew. "You want my shit in your mouth?" She traced my lips with her finger.
.........."Jesus, Karen, yes," I swooned.
.........."Take your fingers out," she said, shifting her weight.
..........I did, and she raised herself up and pulled her pantskirt and panties down and off. When she was naked below, she lowered herself again, her knees spread lewdly on the kitchen floor so I could have unfettered access to her down below. My delighted, probing fingers teased at her anal hole. The sphincter surged and distended against my fingers. I cupped my hand beneath her anus and felt a warm nugget ooze into my palm!
..........I brought the treasure to my face. It was smooth, oval, a rich, choclatey brown. She watched as I pressed my lips to the succulent warmth, then traced it with my tongue. Then she suddenly took my hand and lifted it to her lips and sucked the smooth fecal lump into her mouth. Then she put her hands in my hair and pressed her lips to mine. I opened my mouth, and she slid the feces inside with her tongue.
..........I let its flavor infuse my cells, and then bit it apart and swallowed it.
.........."Mmmm," she cooed. "Sweet. You like that, Baby?"
.........."God, Yes," I breathed.
.........."Swallowing my poop?"
..........I shuddered a weak yes.
..........Karen returned her attention to Darcy, who had leaned back up on her elbows to watch.
..........I reentered both of Karen's tunnels again with my fingers as I watched her lovely face press into to Darcy's sex, lavishly licking and sucking it. Then she hoisted Darcy's legs higher and lowered her mouth to that beautiful, sweet anus. She widened the little inlet with her thumbs, pressed her nose against it, inhaling deeply, and then the tip of her tongue disappeared inside.
..........Darcy moaned her pleasure, moans that Karen echoed as my rotating fingers delved sensitively into both of her accessible and breathtaking caverns. Her moist, interior, feminine flesh distended out again around my probings. Those luscious tunnels were both so welcoming! I had three fingers deep in her vagina, now, and was working a second finger into her rectum. I could feel more fecal treasures nestled deep inside.
..........While I watched her open Darcy's anal ring with her tongue, my fingers worked all the way inside Karen's bottom, and I leisurely explored the profuse nougats that floated in her soft rectum. She was opening the channel up for me, pushing down, and I buried my face in her lovely hair as I fingered the smooth, luscious treasures from this ravishing girl's bowels.
..........As she rotated her hips gently in response to my affections, she withdrew her mouth from Darcy's pouting sphincter, kissed the ringlet sweetly, and then moistened her index finger in her mouth. She teased at the sphincter briefly, making little circles around the rim, and then the finger disappeared deep inside.
..........Darcy sighed and put her hands on her rear cheeks and drew herself further open, and Karen's finger sank deeper. "Oh, my God," Karen whispered as her finger slithered all the way up inside Darcy's rectum. "Oh, Sweet Baby!"
..........I knew that Darcy had a beautiful grunt in her bottom. I had felt it in the office while we were looking out the window waiting for Karen. It was long, about the size of a banana, and lumpy and firm.
.........."Can you feel her grunts?" I whispered in Karen's ear.
.........."Mmm hmm," she cooed.
..........I had to poop, too. We had both been sort of saving ourselves for Karen.
..........Just in case.
..........And it appeared that Karen had been saving herself, too! Behind the luscious globules I had been playing with was a large, solid mound! It had slipped down from deep inside her as I had been stretching and probing.
.........."I think maybe we should all go upstairs," I whispered, "where we can be a little more comfortable."
.........."Okay," she whispered as she slowly dislodge her finger from Darcy's bottom. It had fecal smudges on it. She licked it, and then took it in her mouth and sucked it.
..........Karen and I were both soaked from Darcy's pee. So was the floor beneath us! I withdrew my fingers from Karen and got unsteadily to my feet. Darcy had slid from the table. There was feces on my fingers, too, and Darcy took my hand and sucked the fingers into her mouth. Karen cooed as she watched.
..........I stayed behind, turning out lights and locking up, and by the time I got upstairs, they were both in my bathroom naked, in an ardent embrace, kissing one another.
..........I can't say I didn't have a tiny twinge of jealousy. This felt a little different than it had with Tony or Amanda. Darcy had previously been involved with Karen, albeit briefly, and I felt somewhat the outsider. I could tell that Karen's longing for her was very special, and very deep. I quickly stepped out of my dress and tentatively moved into their embrace, enfolding the two of them. Darcy quickly and graciously moved her arm to include me. She turned from her kiss with Karen and pressed her lips to mine and slid her tongue into my mouth. I caressed both of their backs down to both juicy bottoms, cradling them, fingering the two warm canyons, pressing at the two delicious anuses at once!
..........I was surely in heaven now!
..........I kissed Karen then. Her mouth was electrifying! Her beautiful, full lips enveloped my own, her soft, flowing tongue pressed against my teeth, her hand cradled my head from behind, pulling me more tightly to her mouth, stroking my hair and fondling the sensitive flesh at the nape of my neck.
..........I entered both divine anuses, stretching them open, trying to get each finger far enough inside to feel the treasures within. At the same time, I drew Karen's soft and tender tongue deep in my mouth. Darcy's lips were pressing at the outside edge of our kiss. I felt her tongue. And then there were two tongues in my mouth! I swooned, enfolding them both.
..........As our three tongues danced together, I touched Karen's feces with my fingertip. And then Darcy's!
..........Opening mouths connecting at either end of the joyful life chain!
..........A double helix of continuity and love.
..........At length, we disassembled ourselves and moved into the hot tub. Darcy opened the doors and turned the outside heater on, and I got towels. We didn't bother with water.
..........And I was the one who got to lie on my back with my head in the flowers.
..........Karen was on top of me, her nakedness pressing against mine. She looked into my eyes and grazed my lower lip with her finger. "You have a beautiful mouth," she said.
.........."Thank you," I whispered. I ran my tongue over my lips. She brushed the dampness with her fingertip. "Wet." she whispered, and lowered her face. Her lips brushed mine. I felt her breath on my cheeks. "You like it wet, don't you, Baby?"
..........I nodded, my own breath catching in my throat. I was drifting in the infinite pool of her eyes.
..........Darcy had spread my legs. I felt her finger slide into my rectum. "Mmm," she said. "Linda has some more fresh muffins in the oven, Karen. I can feel them."
.........."Those are really good muffins you make," Karen giggled, her eyes on my mouth. She wet her finger on her tongue and traced my lips. I was coming unraveled inside. God, she was beautiful! I captured the tip of her wet finger between my lips and sucked it.
.........."Mmm, you like that?" she smiled.
..........I nodded.
..........She put her finger in her mouth, getting it wetter this time, and then touched my lips with it. I nuzzled against it, and then drew it in my mouth and sucked it. It wormed around inside, caressing my tongue.
..........Darcy had two fingers deep in full my bottom now, excavating.
..........My insides were liquid fire!
.........."You like nice, wet, girlfriend kisses, don't you Baby?" Karen asked.
..........I moaned my acquiescence.
.........."I can always tell," she whispered, smiling.
..........She spread my lips with her fingers, and I felt her moist tongue slide beneath them, then retreat. She pursed her lips, brushing them against my teeth, and then I felt wetness seep against my tongue. She made a soft moaning sound deep in her throat as I swallowed the lush nectar from her mouth, and then another, larger trickle of her saliva glided over my tongue.
..........Karen undulated her hips against me. Then she moaned again. Darcy was doing something between her legs. "You like drinking from my mouth?" she asked.
.........."Nnnnn hnnn," I murmured, and she roughly squooshed my lips together from the corners and trickled spittle between them.
.........."You like piss, too, don't you?"
.........."Yes." I was swooning as her saliva glided gently down my throat.
.........."I have to piss really bad from all that tea," she said. "You want me to piss in your mouth?"
..........She didn't give me a chance to answer. She pressed her lips into my mouth and drooled some more.
..........Then she was moving up my body, and the next moment, I was staring up into her beautiful sex. It was ravishing, delicate, perfectly formed. The flushed, moist lips sparkled like jewels. She lowered herself, and those exquisite lips descended toward my mouth, and then a tiny trickle of urine issued lusciously from between them. My breath caught in my throat, and my loins tingled as her warm, saffron pee dribbled on my lips. I opened my mouth, and she lowered herself upon me. I engulfed her liquid cunt. Her urine squirted against my tongue, filled my mouth, and I let it glide down my throat.
.........."You like my piss, girlfriend?" Karen asked, stroking my hair and caressing my temples.
.........."Mmmgh," I murmured, swallowing her intermittent flow.
.........."Drinking my pee-pee?"
..........I gurgled my confirmation as her golden nectar surged warmly into my mouth and down my throat. The flavor was exhilarating. Ambrosial nirvana!
.........."I like going to the toilet in your mouth," she said with a teasing giggle. "Pissing down your scrumptious throat. You like that, don't you Honey?"
..........Her flow started coming so fast that I couldn't swallow it all. It overflowed, bathing my puffed-out cheeks. She ran her fingers through the overflow and then fondled my nostrils. I pressed my tongue into the rubbery softness of her distended urethra. The flow finally ended with a few final, tasty sprinkles.
..........At the same time I grunted, pressing down around Darcy's fingers, and felt myself begin to defecate.
.........."Can you feel any grunts?" Karen asked her as she shifted and knelt down over my face.
.........."Mmm hmm," Darcy mumbled, worming her fingers deeper into my rectum.
..........Karen leaned over me, her lips caressing mine. "Is Darcy playing with your grunts?" she whispered.
.........."Nnn hnn," I whispered.
.........."Mmm," she breathed as she nibbled at my lower lip. "Wish there was some of your yummy grunt here," she whispered as she pressed two fingers into my mouth and nudged at my tongue, and then she leaned over me and drooled some more spittle in my mouth.
.........."If you want to see the muffins come out of the oven," Darcy said, "You better hurry."
..........Karen moved down into the tub beside Darcy. They pressed my legs up and back over my breasts. Darcy's fingers slid out of my bottom, and then mouths and tongues were there. I grunted hard and squeezed down and felt my anal portal stretch open around an enormous, craggy bundle.
.........."How delicious!" Karen cooed.
.........."I know," said Darcy. "Isn't it incredible?"
..........They were incredible! I was in paradise!
..........It was an awfully long grunt, as well as being really fat. It just kept coming and coming. I love the feeling of that anyway, a big, firm bowel movement that stretches my sphincter to the utmost. And to have that sensation accompanied by the caresses and lavings and kisses of two beautiful angels, poised at the gateway, was utter bliss!
..........At last the end of it squished out. It fell in someone's hand.
..........Both of the girls crawled up and nestled down on either side of me. Karen's face was flushed. Her eyes were languid pools of desire. She put her hand on my face. It was filled with feces. Her fingers slid in between my lips. I sucked them, tasting my excrement. "God you're sweet," she groaned, and she pooched my lips together with her fingers and bent over and gave my pooped lips a passionate kiss. Her lips were wet, and they slid inside of mine, over my gums. She ran her wet tongue between my teeth and laved the insides of my mouth. Then she withdrew and covered my mouth with her hand, which held a large mound of my poop! She squashed it against my lips, forcing a large quantity of it inside my mouth. More of it oozed into my nostrils. I was suffocating. She giggled and took her hand away so I could get a breath, and then ran her fingers into my mouth, palpating the mass of feces inside.
.........."Swallow, Baby." she whispered. "I want to see you eat your shit."
..........I did, chewing carefully around her fingers. When I had mostly finished the clump she had given me, she pressed her lips to mine and spewed out long drizzles of her saliva into my mouth. Then she fed me some more of my feces.
.........."You like eating your grunts, Baby?" she cooed.
.........."Mmmghph," I moaned as I broke apart the bitter chunks with my tongue and swallowed them.
.........."Sweet little poop face," she smiled as she smeared excrement on my face and then licked it off. Darcy, meantime, was spreading feces on my neck and breasts and tummy.
.........."Wanna eat some of my poop?" Karen asked when mine was gone.
..........I nodded. My passion was far beyond words.
..........She turned around on the ledge and straddled me, squatting over my face. I stared enraptured up into the open crevice of her delectable bottom. Her anal sphincter pooched out at me, and I kissed it, formed my lips to it, felt it open. Those soft, golden pebbles I had felt in her bottom -- and had gotten a little taste of when we were downstairs -- cascaded now into my mouth. I barely had time to chew and swallow them before a massive column of her excrement oozed into my mouth, filling it. When she had finished and raised up, Darcy, on her hands and knees, pressed her mouth to mine. I passed some of Karen's soft feces to her, and we ate together.
..........Then Karen was behind Darcy.
.........."Do yours in my mouth," I heard Karen whisper.
.........."Nnngh," Darcy grunted. I could hear the muffled sound of her defecating.
..........And then Karen was on top of me again, her lips were on mine, and she was feeding me Darcy's feces!
.........."I want you to pee," she whispered to me as I chewed.
..........The moment I began urinating, Karen's mouth was glued between my legs, and then she was on top of me again with her mouth pressed to mine, spewing urine into my mouth.
.........."A little something to wash it down," she smiled, as she trailed her fingers through my flowing urine.
..........At last we showered, and then took turns making love to one another on my massage table in the bedroom. We didn't fall asleep in my bed until nearly dawn.
..........It was a delicious orgy indeed!
..........A far more involved orgy lay ahead, of course, with the arrival of Diane and Jeanette -- and, on Saturday afternoon, with the surprise arrival of Amanda, who had come to find out if we had heard from Jeremy.
..........I had picked up Diane at the airport alone for some private time, leaving Karen and Darcy making love by the pool. Diane's plane was a half hour late. I peed my panties a little, sitting in the waiting area. I was wearing a skirt with a busy floral pattern so the urine spots wouldn't show in back.
..........She looked like an angel coming up the ramp! Her smile radiated everywhere when she saw me. She was wearing a Penn State T-shirt and beige shorts. Beige doesn't hide pee very well.
..........She dropped her carry-on shoulder bag and threw her arms around me in a passionate embrace. We kissed, raising lots of heterosexual eyebrows, I'm sure! It was very titillating having her tongue in my mouth while standing in the airport! Our loins connected as though they had missed each other as much as our hearts had.
..........While we were waiting for her luggage, we slipped into the ladies room, found an empty stall, and locked ourselves in. She pulled my shorts and panties down and had me stand on the toilet seat while she lustfully engulfed my sex with her mouth. I responded to her deep, sensual, voracious moans by emptying my bladder in her mouth. Then she turned me around and passionately kissed and laved and tongued my anus. I had had my morning bowel movement in the garden, with Darcy and Karen attending, but I had deliberately saved a few fecal nuggets for Diane!
..........She had saved lots for me I found out when we changed places, and after I drank her, I consumed some of those savory fruits.
..........After we got home and I had introduced her, we took some quiet time alone upstairs, dissolving into one another.
..........Amanda had arrived by then, and Darcy was introducing Karen to her charms in the adjoining bedroom. We could hear occasional wails and moans.
..........Diane and I returned to the airport to greet Jeanette, and when we got back, we all took a swim in the ocean, and then, in my garden, we all indulged in the buffet that Darcy and I had prepared. Jeanette lectured everyone on the nature of things. Everyone was soon aching from laughter.
..........The feast gradually and sensuously expanded from the food to one another's bodies. The ocean of our feminine energy progressively became blended into a single, passionate sea. At one point, Karen decided it would be nice if I were tied down to the lawn table, so that's what she did, using clothesline. She actually became a little abusive, given that I was the hostess! Jeanette thought it was cute as I lay bound on my table, inundated with lips, tongues, fingers, thumbs, and a variety of fruits and vegetables from the buffet table that I had so lovingly prepared!
..........Darcy became utterly obsessed with Diane's bottom! She was in agreement with me that it was likely the most beautiful and delicious one in the universe. After it had been thoroughly emptied of its contents -- all of which eventually got eaten by someone -- Darcy got my little butt syringe. She wanted to hear Diane's exquisite anus, in her words, "talk to her." Diane, lying on her back, stretched her legs at right angles and raised them. She began rhythmically to draw her anus tightly in and then very gradually distend it all the way out, and Darcy got a chair and intermittently squeezed a bulb of air into the slowly oscillating ringlet, filling Diane's empty rectum with air on the inward flux, then removing the syringe in time for the outward pulsing, which was always accompanied by delicious, gentle, fluttering farts which we took turns receiving in our mouths and letting ruffle against our fingertips.
..........At one point, we had Diane pee in a tumbler -- one of her own tricks -- and then I filled the syringe and squeezed pee into her rectum on the inward pulsing. Again, we took turns receiving the urine in our mouths from the outward billowing sphincter. I especially enjoyed moving to her face, squooshing her lips together, and spewing her pee into her mouth for her to drink.
..........It was an exquisite orgy indeed! All of the physical boundaries between and among us merged as Saturday night turned to Sunday morning.
..........Darcy and my curiosity about where people would end up sleeping became pretty inconsequential, because no one slept at all.
..........Probably including my neighbors!
..........Late Sunday afternoon, in the aftermath of that long and exquisite soiree, I found myself sitting alone at my kitchen table, sipping tea. That was when the front doorbell rang.
..........Tony and Jeremy had finally returned.
..........I was actually a little morose at that moment. The house had become quiet in the tranquil aftermath of passion. Karen and Jeanette were on the sofa in the living room discussing things that the performing and visual arts had in common. Love seemed to be radiating between them.
..........Diane and Darcy were in the den that used to be my office. When I last looked in at the door, Diane had been describing the special charm of Philadelphia, and her life at Penn State.
..........Love seemed to be radiating between them, too!
..........And I had been worried about Darcy being jealous!
..........It seemed that Karen and Jeanette, Diane and Darcy, might be soul mates.
..........But, then, what did I know about such things?
..........Amanda was sitting alone on the patio, staring out into the garden. The first thing Jeremy did when he arrived was to hurry to join her. They melted in an embrace.
..........I wondered what stories she would tell him of her liberation. Perhaps there was no more need for stories between them.
..........After all, when the stories are all told, love becomes possible.
..........It's not about words.
.........."How are you?" Tony asked me.
.........."I'm good," I said. That was true. I was a little numb, a bit morose, but good. "Jeanette came down," I said. "She's in the den with Karen."
.........."Who's Karen?" he asked.
.........."A friend of Darcy's. I think they may be in love."
.........."Jeanette and Karen?"
..........I nodded.
.........."Mmm," he smiled. "Nice. And you?"
..........I just stared at him. I guess he was asking with whom I was in love. I had no idea, really. There had been so much love in my house the past days and weeks. There was so much love in me, in the world!
..........It was all a little blurry.
..........So, I just smiled, and that was okay with him.
..........Then the two of us took a walk on my beach. It was a very long walk. We watched the summer sun go down. The tide was low -- one of my favorite earth smells.
..........Tony told me about his masculine journey, which is to say, the story of the journey to his own manhood. We agreed about how strikingly bizarre it is that we live in a culture where being who one is requires a journey!
..........But perhaps that's as it was meant to be.
..........He said that, as an architect, he would like to someday design a utopian community in which people simply are who they are from the beginning. In that ideal community, who one is would be good enough to be embraced, by self and by family and contemporaries. No one would ever have a thought of being anything other than who they are, just as a walnut tree never makes an attempt to become a pine or eucalyptus.
..........He said that that notion was easy for him to grasp as an architect since he had a sort on elemental feel for the intrinsic nature of things. When you see a church along the road, he said, you never mistake it for a library or a bank unless the architect really fucked it up badly. It has integrity, he said, which means, among other things, that there is intrinsic congruity between its form and its function.
..........People in general lack this congruity, Tony said, because who they really are is kept a secret.
..........Even from themselves.
..........He told me on the beach that day that he had grown up in a little Susquehanna river town in Pennsylvania. It was not a community where people simply were who they were from the beginning. No one in that town was "good enough" just as they were. For little boys growing up there, for example, like Tony, there was this mysterious sort of "mold" that had been designed and implanted. That mold defined not only what little boys were supposed to be like, but what the men were like that they were supposed to be turning into. That mold extended to dress, manner, speech, philosophy, feelings, belief, character, and sexuality. It was an all-pervasive mold. The schools subscribed to it, as well as all the families, and the churches, and the groups and clubs that people joined. Everyone agreed on that mold. That consensus amazed Tony, since it was never even discussed! It was unspoken. A secret mold.
..........But it was certainly real. One was not who one was; instead, one was what the mold said one should be.
..........Tony believed that sexuality is that domain where we are the most vulnerable and sensitive and therefore the most susceptible to exterior molds. It was essentially a sexual journey, Tony said, that brought him, miles and years later, to his own individual masculinity. There were many lovers along the way, from one-night stands to marriages, but his great revelation was ultimately that no one else defined or created his masculinity. He discovered that himself, he said, inside himself.
..........That seems such a simple truth, he said, but it was a terribly elusive one for him. He entered into many relationships with women, for example, in order to establish his masculinity. That was what the mold in his little home town told him to do. That produced disappointment after disappointment because, once ensconced in those relationships, it was still just him, Tony Casselman.
..........He said that it was through his relationships with men that he made his ultimate inward journey to claim his manhood. And the relationship that finally resulted in his sexual integrity, which was the foundation of his masculinity, was, of course, the one with himself.
..........It was that journey that he had shared with Jeremy.
..........He had turned Jeremy inside out!
..........Tony's journey had ended in that moment with me on my beach in San Diego. And my journey to my own complete femininity had been in my relationships with women, and mostly in my relationship with myself. My journey had also led there, to that beach with Tony.
..........I had never felt so fully connected to someone as I was with Tony that night.
..........And we weren't even touching as we walked along the sand! We were walking, for the most part, several feet apart. We weren't about to interrupt that special intimacy with physical touch!
..........What the future would bring -- which is to say, the future so far -- was a sharing of our journeys -- Tony's and mine -- with other couples, alone and together. We would pick out couples in restaurants and in parks. You can always tell them by the veil of sadness that surrounds them. They are partially but not fully together. There is a void between them.
..........Tony and I helped them fill that void with themselves.
..........We were facilitators of love, facilitators in love.
..........We were unlicensed sexual therapists!
..........The time since that walk on the beach has been the happiest of my life. Our days are filled with love and laughter. I still write in my new den, where I wrote this book you are reading. I've started a new one on sexual trauma. My upstairs bedroom has been transformed into an architect's studio for the times when Tony takes on an occasional client. They are always residential clients. He is finished, he says, with commercial clients, because his desire is for the personal things. "We need to come home to the personal things," he says.
..........I'm ghost writing a book for him entitled "Intimate Architecture." Writing is not among Tony's many gifts.
..........Karen lives with Jeanette in San Francisco, and Tony and I fly up sometimes to watch her perform in a little theater group there.
..........Diane and Darcy fly out to visit on long weekends. Darcy is a student now at Penn State. She wants to major in interior design!
..........Amanda inspired her.
..........Amanda and Jeremy are married at last. I have heard through the grapevine that she is pregnant. We don't see them.
..........Nor do we see much of the other couples with whom we have worked and played. These have not been long term relationships.
..........And our own relationship? Is that long-term?
..........Who is to say? It fills the present.
..........And, for me, the infinite present is all there ever really is.