U. N. Known Writer

Bare Bum Naked

"Bet I can do this naked!"

That's what my mate Jake Mitchell has been saying about anything and everything since his Uncle moved in with him and his mum just before Christmas.

He says it about everything.

Anywhere.

No really he does.

Everything.

Anywhere.

He not just says it too.

He does it.

He actually does it.

He get's naked.

First time he said it me and Danny Carter just thought he was kidding, cos, like it was January and pigging freezing, so we just called Jake's bluff, but he went and all his clothes off, right there in the middle of Appleton Street. Right near the shops and everything.

Me and Danny just stood there with our mouths all wide open cos, as Jake's jacket, blazer, jumper, tie, shirt, t-shirt, trousers, shoes, socks, and finally his boxers got took off and shoved in his backpack. This, he then slung back over his shoulder, and carried on walking like it was nothing weird for him to be all bare-bum naked in the middle of Appleton Street.

Did I mention it was snowing?

Well not really snowing but doing that lumpy rain thing so you didn't really get wet, but it was freezing. I mean really fucking freezing. Ice on the path, cloudy breath, all that sort of thing and there was Jake Mitchell totally, bare bum naked walking about like it's the middle of summer and he's on some foreign nudy beach.

Course as it was just gone four in January it was pitch dark and there weren't much traffic about but Jake still had all his bits hanging out. Not that they were hanging out for long cos, like I said, it was fucking freezing and he was well shrivelled in seconds and his bum was dead pink, although as we found out later that didn't have nothing to do with the cold but quite a lot to do with his uncle.

We was already some way from school and there's no other kids live out our way, but all the same anyone could have seen him but Jake really didn't care. He was even whistling. Well trying too, cos like the music teacher says he "can't carry a tune in a bucket", but people could have heard him.

Truth is and Danny were more woried about Jake being spotted than Jake was. I think Danny was thinking that he'd get blammed for it, as that's what usually happens cos he's way bigger than both me and Jake having already got a deep voice and hairs around his bits, that make him go stinky when he does gym so he was telling Jake to put his uniform back on but Jake weren't listening, so Danny did the next best thing and got Jake to hurry it up.

Me? Well it was a surprise, I can tell you, cos Jake's never done nothing like that before. He's normally the quiet one, not keen on doing nothing that will get him in trouble. Unlike me and Danny, but like my Mum says, "That Jake's a good influence on you Jamie." Yeah, bet she would think that if she saw Jake streaking it down Appleton Street.

Anyway, there wasn't much traffic cos the roads ain't been gritted so what cars that do go past are going dead slow and the drivers have their noses on the windscreen watching where they're doing so they don't see Jake as Danny's keeping him well away from the road, all pushed up against the fench on the other side while I'm walking on the other side like some sort of human shield. All of which works fine while we're in Appleton Street which has dead wide pavements but ain't going to do nothing when we turn into the road where we all live, which has pavement only just wide enough for us to walk in a line. A straight line.

Jake goes in front, slipping past Danny before Danny can do anything about it, and then not letting Danny get back in front, by moving from side to side, which winds Danny up no end, but he can't do nothing about it so he just has to put up with it until we get to Jake's house.

Course, once Jake got home we thought he was going to put his clothes back on but he doesn't. He stays all bare bum naked, marches right up to the front door and rings the bell.

Me and Danny, well, we're just about to do a runner when the door opens and there's Jake's Uncle Taylor standing on the doorstep, looking at us – well at Jake – with a weird smile on his face.

"You did it then?" he laughed looking Jake up and down. Well mostly down cos like he's really tall and Jake's quite short even when he's got his clothes on.

"Yeah!" replied Jake all smiles, which I see when he turned round to tell his Uncle who we was.

"These are my mates, Jamie and Danny."

"Hello boys," he says to us. "Hope you've been looking after my naughty little nephew?"

"Yes Sir," I said, cos mum likes me to be polite to strangers, especially my friend's parents. Danny though, he's abit more blunt and decides to point out the obvious.

"Jake's naked!"

"Yeah!" the guy laughed, "I noticed that but then I've been seeing a lot more of him recently, since his mum went out of town."

"I like being naked," explained Jake, "but now I'm cold so I'm going inside. See you guys tomorrow."

And that was that. Uncle Taylor stood to one side to let Jake in and then closed the door, leaving me and Danny all confused and not a little bit jealouse that Jake got to do what he wanted and we had to do what our mum's told us.

So, yeah, that was the first time, but it sure weren't the last. Not by a long way. Nearly every day after that Jake walked home with us naked. Not all the way, just that last bit down Appleton Street and then our road, to his front door. Didn't matter what the weather was doing. Rain, sleet, snow or even the few times it was doing none of those and was actually dry. Jake was bare-bum naked. Sometimes he had his bag on his back, other times he got me or Danny to not just carry it for him, but take it to our homes, and then give it back to him in the norming.

This meant he had to leave his house bare bum naked too, cos we had his school uniform and in the day light too. Not that he went very far like that, cos there were more people about in the morning than at night. Often he had to get dressed in our front gardens so he wouldn't be seen, but there was times he went out onto Appleton Street with his bits still on display. Just never passed the shops.

We went on for weeks like that, but that wasn't all that happened. There was the time Jake got naked in Old Mrs. Bird's class, right in the middle of double geography.

Now, geography has to be the most boringest of subjects cos who wants to know about hills, and mountains, and oceans and stuff when there's loads more interesting stuff going on in History and even English. Plus Old Mrs. Bird is like older than the planet and blinder than the blindest bat what's got no eyes. Really she can't see nothing. Not even when she's got her glasses on and her glasses are like the bottom of really thick bottles. That of course being the reason Jake got naked in her class.

I should have guess something was up when Jake wanted us to take the desks over in the back corner, about as far from the old bird as we could get and still be in the same room. He took the chair next to the wall, which left me on the outside. Danny don't do geography with us so it was just the two of us, sat there.

Anyway, Old Mrs. Bird does her usual thing of getting one of the other kids to do the register for her, cos she can't see no one passed the first row, and can't read the names anyhow. Then, once that was done, she starts in about how Earth is made of plates only I'm not really listening and neither is no one else, especially Jake as he's busy getting naked.

It was all I could do to keep my eyes open as I propped my head up on my hands, elbows on the desk until I feel something poking me in the side and turn round to see that Jake has done his thing, and that I can now see his thing.

He's sat there totally bare bum naked. Well not totally as he's still got his shoes and socks on, and he's not taken his trousers all the way off but left them around his ankles. Not his boxers mind you, as Jake don't wear boxers anymore. Doesn't wear anything under his trousers. Just goes commando all the time. Says it's more comfortable. Plus, it makes it easier for him to get bare bum naked.

"What you doing?" I hissed behind my hand cos everyone knows teachers can't hear you if you talk behind your hand.

"Bet I can do this naked." he said at which point Old Mrs. Bird decides she can hear us cos Jake didn't do the hand thing and tells us to shut up before I get the chance to ask Jake why's he's got a stiffy when we're in the middle of geography.

He did too.

A stiffy!

Sitting right there in school. It was all hard like a little twig and standing up between his legs, which he didn't even have together, but spread around the sides of his chair as if he wanted to make his bits all the more obvious to everyone. Not that anyone but me could see them. Not with the desk in the way. But I could see everything. His stiffy, and his little nuts inside his little nut sac that ain't even dropped yet like mine and Danny's have.

I did ask him after the lesson was done and he'd got his trousers back up and his shirt on, but only after we were out on the other side of the yard where no one would hear us. No one but Danny anyway, who nearly chucked up his lunch when I told him what Jake had done.

"You did WHAT?" he blurted, along with some bits of bread and jam which was well gross.

"Got naked in school," replied Jake his hands going to his trousers, "What to see?"

"NO!" Danny and some more sandwich shouted loud enough for some heads to turn in our direction, which is probably the only thing that stopped Jake dropping his trousers right there and then. Mind you he did get as far as unzipping, which is when I saw that he still had a stiffy. Or a new one. Maybe. So I asked him.

"It does that when I'm naked," he strugged, which sort of explained things.

A bit anyway.

At least until the next time it happened.

We went swimming. Me, Danny and Jake. Jake's Uncle took us. Said it was his treat when really it was our treat cos we never got to go swimming during the winter. Not normally, cos the water park don't open after Christmas until Easter, which is stupid cos it's inside and everything cos the pool Jake's Uncle took us too was outside.

It was part of some hotel, or country club or something, only I didn't see no sign up or nothing. Probably a club as weren't no girls or women there, which was just as well cos, you know, Jake went bare bum naked.

He didn't start out naked cos me, him and Danny got changed into our swim shorts in this little room beside the pool. Well me and Danny put normal trunks on, but Jake didn't. His were more like pants.

Little kid pants.

You know? Briefs.

Smaller then breifs really.

Tiny things they were.

Barely covered his bum and bits, but tell you what, he looked great in them. Didn't have much of a bulge mind. Danny had more and he was wearing normal trunks. But then he's got more. Got hair too. Loads of it. More than he had before Christmas. Looks a bit scruffy done there if you ask me, not that he did. Obviously.

Anyway, when we were done and decent, we came right out of the little room and the pool had steam coming off it, so we all jumped right in cos that's like the best way to get in, when you can't dive, which you can't cos that pool weren't deep enough.

It was dead warm in the water so I swam about holding my breath for dead long until I swam into legs that turned out to be Jake's.

"Hold this, Jamie!" he said to me and gave me something which turned out to be his swim briefs. Only I didn't recognise that straight off. Not until I saw his bare bum swimming across to where his Uncle had just got in.

Next thing I know Jake is pointing at me, and Taylor glances over at what I'm holding, then down at Jake's naked parts, and I think he's about to kick right off – Taylor that is – what with Jake being all bare bummed in public. Only he doesn't. It's Jake that kicks off, but only cos his Uncle has grabbed him around the waist, flicked him over his shoulder, whacking his bum dead hard, on the way and then tossed him half way across the pool where he landed with such a big splash that the life guard at the water park would have kiched off big style. Only there was no one to say nothing cos we was the only ones in the pool.

It was great having the pool to ourselves. Meant we could do al the things we ain't allowed to do normally. Like race each other up and down, or even across the pool. Plus we could get out and jump back in whenever we wanted to. We even got to bomb each other, which gets you thrown out of the water park, quick sharp.

We weren't totally on our own though, cos the hotel or country club or whatever it was, had these great glass sliding doors that they could open in the summer for people to use the pool. They were shut of course, cos it was winter and they wanted to keep the heat in like my mum is always complaining about when I leave doors open at home. They had all their lights on, which Mum would never let me do, so we could see them even though we was outside and it was going dark already, but they couldn't see us and just kept on doing the sort of stuff that old guys do when they get to be thirty or whatever and we just kept on doing what we was doing even when Jake started teasing them.

"Hey look at me!" he shouts no longer in the pool but standing right outside the windows, jumping up and down to see if they'd notice. Which they don't. Not even when he started doing this really stupid dance, which looked even stupider cos he was doing it bare bum naked and was all steamy from water.

"They'll see you," Danny hissed.

"They won't," teased Jake, going right up to the window, turning around and then rubbing his bum on the glass. Only for a second though before he jumped away again.

"Fuck! That's cold!" he gasped, clutching his bum which his Uncle had something to say about. Not the swear word but his bum.

"I'll warm that up for you if you want?"

He was out of the pool in seconds. Like he was launched or something. Moments later he was over at the window with Jake, had one foot up on one of the outside chairs with Jake bent over his leg and was slapping his bum while they both laughed.

"Warm my bum!" squealled Jake, looking right at us but not doing nothing to stop what was happening.

Me and Danny did nothing neither. I wasn't about to get out of the water when I had a stiffy in my trunks and from the way Danny was rubbing himself against the side of the pool, I guess he had one too.

The spanking went on for what seemed like hours but can't have been cos we were only at the pool for ninety minutes cos we had to get back for our tea, but by the time it was over Jake's bum sure weren't cold no more. We know cos his Uncle had me and Danny test it to make sure it was warm.

It wasn't.

It was hot.

Actually hot.

Yet Jake wasn't even crying or nothing. He was all smiles, teasing his Uncle for not spanking him some more which Taylor said he'd be only too happy to do when they got home and he put Jake back on his feet.

It was then that we got to see that Jake had a stiffy too, which had to be from being spanked, which must have meant it he liked it.

Didn't it?

One thing for sure. I liked watching it, cos I had still had my stiffy when I was checking his bare bum out. Danny too. Only Danny's was more obvious especially when we got changed back into our clothes, which he was real embarressed about until he saw I had one too. Then he just smiled and probably ended up wanking himself to sleep, like I did while thinking about Jake getting his bum smacked by his Uncle at their house. No doubt while he was bare bum naked, which apparently he was all the time at home.

Little did we know that Jake would soon be bare bum naked at my house, too.

Before that though. There was Jake sitting all bare bum naked between me and Danny at the cinema and Danny dropping an ice cube from his Pepsi into his lap.

"Eeeek!" squealled Jake jumping up and then sitting down dead quick when all the people sitting in front of us turned round and did the "Shush!" thing.

Still it looked like a fun game so I had a go too, only I timed mine much better, getting Jake to sound like a little girl right when the little girl in the movie was squealling too especially as I got my ice to bounce right off the top of his stiffy and land in the middle of his nuts.

That was real funny. Me and Danny laughing so hard that the women with the torch came down and shined it right in our faces. She didn't see Jake though cos he'd slid down to the floor, where he tried to put ice in my trainers, only he couldn't without getting himself spotted.

As revenge I did it again, once torch lady was gone.

Then Danny did and it again and it weren't long before Jake was sitting in a puddle of melted ice, just like he'd wet himself. Him squirming about on the seat didn't help neither. Course, cos he didn't have no clothes on, when we left the cinema no one could tell what we'd been up to.

Well, the next person to sit on Jake's seat would have, but like we weren't going to wait around for that, was we.

That wasn't the only time he got wet neither.

There was the times we played Bulldog Rugby over in the park, but that was more mucky than wet and it wasn't just him neither, but all three of us.

It weren't raining that day, but it had been for days before.

Raining loads.

Everything was dead wet.

There was puddles all over the shop. Not just on the paths neither, but all over the grass too. What grass hadn't turned to mud already, especially on the pitches which are all the way over the back near the train lines.

Course we can't play proper rugby with us three but we'd worked out this way to do it more like a weird came of Britsh Bulldog with two of us on one side of the pitch and the third in the middle who tries to stop the others from getting to the other side with the ball. If the guy in the middle gets the ball then the one who lost it gets to go in the middle and so on.

Danny always goes in the middle to start with cos he's bigger than me and Jake and his legs are longer so he's dead quick but me and Jake can do all these sudden turns that Danny can't, plus being the same size it's easier for us to pass the ball about getting Danny all confused.

Anyway, no sooner had we started than Jake goes "Bet I can do this naked!" and then he was. Only he kept his trainers cos like there's dog poo all over the park.

Funny thing was, with Jake being all bare bum naked, made him dead hard to tackle cos there weren't no clothes you could grab onto, and he got all dead slippery really fast.

In the end, it was me and Danny that were ending up in the middle cos we couldn't get hold of Jake. Not until we teamed up and made him into a Jake sandwich when we both tackled him from each side. Then he went down quick smart. I can tell you.

We were all splattered with mud after that, cos even though he was down, Jake kept on wriggling away from me and Danny so we had to keep pouncing on him and trying to hold him down which weren't easy even when we were both sitting on him.

Now wearing wet and muddy gear is fine when you're playing a game but once you stop it gets to be no fun real quick, as the clothes get all sticky and cold and horrid which I guess is why Jake didn't bother putting his back on, as even though he weren't wearing them they still ended up all mucky some how.

That did mean we couldn't go the short cut home as there was people all over the main bit of the park. People with dogs, people with little kids. People with old people. All of them. So we had to go around the outside bits where Jake could hide behind trees if anyone got too close, which made him look like he was in one of them old Benny Hill telly shows, as he darted from tree to tree and me and Danny tried to pretend that nothing were happening.

Still we made it back to Jake's house only his Uncle Taylor weren't about to let none of us into the house when we was all dripping mud everywhere so instead he got the garden hose out and gave us all a washing down with water that was loads colder than anything that had been in the park.

Me and Danny put up with it cos our mums would have freaked if we'd gone home in that state, but there weren't no need for Uncle Taylor to give our clothes a once over in the tumble dryer after, but he did it anyway, while we sat watching telly in our undies wrapped in big fluffy towels. Jake, of course, stayed bare bum naked. He didn't even use a towel. Well he did to dry himself, then he just dropped it and sat himself between me and Danny with his stiffy all standing up just like it had been at the cinema. Mind you it's like that pretty much all the time Jake's bare bum naked. It was even when he was at mine and Danny's homes.

Even when Danny's sister slapped his bum.

We were having a sleepover, about a week after we'd gone swimming with Jake's Uncle. Only we didn't call it a sleepover cos we were twelve and too old for sleepovers. Thing was, we didn't know what we did call it, as it was just like a sleepover, so we didn't call it nothing.

Danny and Jake were both there with their sleeping bags all laid out on the floor of my bedroom, but we weren't using them yet, as we were too busy watching TV and mucking around while eating all the stuff mum had got for us. Loads of it there was. Crisps, cakes, biscuits all that sort of stuff we normally didn't get to eat, plus loads of soda, which did mean loads of trips to the toilet, but it was all worth it even if I was already feeling a bit stuffed by the time mum went to bed.

I should have guessed what would happen next.

Really I should have.

But when I got back from brushing my teeth in the bathroom there was Danny sitting on the floor wearing the sweat pants and long sleeved t-shirt most kids our age wore to bed. And there was Jake wearing nothing but a big smile.

"I can do this naked!" he said before I could ask, not that I was going to.

Guess I'd just got used to him stripping off whenever he could by then.

Me and Danny just looked at each other and didn't say nothing cos like I was only pleased Jake had managed to keep his clothes on until mum had gone to bed. I just hoped he'd get his clothes back on before mum did her morning check. He didn't of course, and that lead to mum asking questions. Oddly not about why Jake's bare bum was sticking out of his sleepeing bag – thankfully he didn't sleep on his back – but why it was as red as it was.

The answer to that was simple.

Me and Danny had spanked him before he went to bed.

Yeah, we had.

Couldn't do it hard cos it's dead noisy spanking a boy's bare bum, so instead we did it for ages, taking turns with Jake telling us who was doing it the best, or worst, and which bits of his bum we hadn't spanked.

Course I didn't say none of that to mum. Instead I just said that Jake must have been naughty and got his bum spanked.

Mum didn't say nothing else about it, other than to tell me not to say "Bum" when I could have easily have said "Arse" instead. Still Mum's don't give you credit for stuff like that. Just the stuff that you do wrong. Still Danny's got it worse as he don't just have a mum to tell him what to do but a big sister too and Michelle can be a real bitch. Even Danny says so, and he should know. Not that me and Jake don't know. Jake certainly found out when he did his "Bet I can do that naked" thing at the Carter house.

It was another sleepover that wasn't a sleepover, only it was on a school night. I was there cos mum was out with Danny's mum, Michelle was meant to be looking after us, which she does by leaving us alone. Not sure why Jake was there, if he just turned up. Not even sure if Michelle knew he was there although she soon found out when she saw him.

All of him.

Until then it was the same sort of thing that we'd done at my house, only without the telly part as we had to do homework first, which Jake… well you know what Jake did, and that he did it bare bum naked.

That was all up in Danny's room so it weren't so bad, but then once we was done homework we was meant to go down to the kitchen and get snacks Mrs. Carter had laid out for us which we were to take back to Danny's room so we didn't annoy Michelle only Jake thought it would be a great idea if he went, and he went naked.

Guess he didn't think Michelle would be down there, or he thought that if she was then she'd just scream at him, or run and hide or something.

Only Michelle's not the running sort.

Not at all.

Michelle does sports.

All of them.

Or most of them anyway.

She ain't scared of boys her own age so some tweleve year old shrimp like Jake ain't going to phase her one bit. Me and Danny could have told Jake that, only he never asked. He just went downstairs on his own. The first we knew about it was when we heard the slapping.

It sounded just like it had with his Uncle at the pool, only the spanks weren't that of a man's handing on Jake's bare bum, but a teenage girl's hairbrush, so it was more of a Splat sound than a Spank. The results were the same though. Jake's bum was the brighest bright red, and he was crying a little, but his stiffy… his stiffy was still a stiffy and Michelle didn't like that one bit.

"Dirty little pervert!" she called him when she dragged him back to Danny's room by the ear.

His actual ear.

She told Danny that his friends weren't welcome in their house no more which weren't fair as I hadn't done nothing and yet she threaten me with the same thing she'd done to Jake and probably would have too had Danny not stood up to her.

It was the first time I'd ever seen Danny do that, but I weren't as surprised as Michelle who not only had to cope with her little brother yelling back at her, but that he was every bit as big as she was, and even pushed her out of his room telling her she couldn't say nothing to their mum or Danny would rat her out for all the shit she'd done. He even said it like that, shit and all, and Danny don't never swear in his house.

Everywhere else, yes. But not in his house.

Funny thing is that I think that was the only real time that we got in bother with Jake being bare bum naked. Most people either don't mind or don't notice.

His Uncle, me and Danny certainly don't.

Fact is it was was rather nice seeing him run around all bare with his little stiffy sticking out. Mind you, me and Danny only did it the once, and that was Jake's place and only cos Jake double dared us to.

It felt really weird being naked. I mean I've been naked before, at my house, in changing rooms and stuff like that, but not in the living room watching TV or sitting at the kitchen table. That's just weird. Not as weird as running around naked cos all your bits flap all over the place and it's really off putting, especially when you've got a stiffy, which we did, cos like Jake says, that's just what happens when you're bare bum naked even if it is winter.

The End