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From: Joanna <J@nicholsn.demon.co.uk>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.tg,alt.sex.trans,alt.sex.stories
Subject: TG: Trapped
Date: Fri, 25 Aug 1995 20:24:09 GMT
Organization: A Crazy Man's Utopia
Lines: 320
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Xref: agate alt.sex.stories.tg:161 alt.sex.stories:94658
TRAPPED
-------
Uploaded to Pink Triangle by Marc Beaumont
On the surface Keith was just an ordinary sort of man, he had lots
of friends and was a popular person, but within himself he was sad and
lonely. He was married for a few years but that had been a mistake and
soon fell apart, causing both Keith and his wife great unhappiness,
and he had just drifted in and out of relationships after that, unable
to find the right girl and settle down.
His life had never been easy, he had fallen in with a bad crowd at
school and had wasted the years there, coming out with just one 'O'
level and had to struggle to pursue his chosen career. He was an
engineer by trade but had few formal qualifications - enthusiasm and
natural ability being his gifts. These had helped him rise to the
position of a senior engineer which was where he was happiest, using
his abilities to the full without causing him stress or worry.
However, Keith's lot was not a happy one. He lived alone, sharing
his most private thoughts with no-one. There was no-one there for him
to talk to, no-one he could open his heart to and discuss the things
that were on his mind and even if there had been, he found it
difficult to express those deepest and most personal feelings.
Keith had a problem. A problem that occupied his mind almost all
the time and was slowly but surely tearing him apart. At times he
thought he was going crazy - there was just no solution to his problem
that he could think of, no answer to his questions, no way that he
could find inner happiness.
Keith was neither male nor female, nor both, nor neither. He had a
male body, a masculine voice, face and manner, yet inside he felt
female. He was what a lot of people would call a transvestite, he had
two complete wardrobes of clothes and would change into the female
clothes as soon as he got home from work, yet that was not all there
was to it. Sure, he felt much more comfortable and at ease when he was
wearing a dress and stockings but even that was not enough. He would
make himself as feminine as possible and wore make-up and jewellery
but it didn't make him a woman.
He had thought about it all so many times. Sex change operations
were fairly commonplace these days - there was even a programme on
television about it that he had watched - but even that wasn't enough
for Keith. He was a perfectionist and just couldn't live with an
imperfect female body, a mockery of the real thing, silicone boobs and
surgically produced genitals, a woman in shape but still not a woman.
And even if he went through with it, he had mans hands, a masculine
face and a deep voice that even with training and the effects of the
hormone tablets, would still be gruff and nothing like the feminine
trill he so envied.
No, a sex change was not the answer to his problem. There seemed
to be no answer. He longed to be able to walk around as a girl, simple
things like window shopping, browsing through the racks of pretty
clothes in the department stores and just be accepted as a girl but he
knew he'd be "read" in an instant - there was just no way he could
carry it off. As a result he was confined to dressing up in women's
clothes in the privacy of his own room and dreaming of what it would
be like to be female. He just felt so awful about it all.
His "guilty" secret made him self-conscious; he kept his legs and
armpits shaved which meant he couldn't indulge in any sports or
anything which exposed any of his body and of course whenever he got
in the least bit intimate with a new girlfriend they thought he was
some sort of pervert and ran a mile. But there was nothing perverted
about it, all he wanted to do was dress in the clothes of the opposite
sex - nothing obscene, nothing that hurt anyone else, he wasn't a
monster or a rapist, just a poor, confused and very unhappy victim of
nature.
He knew he wasn't alone in this and had seen letters in the
problem pages of newspapers and magazines from others who seemed to
have a similar problem so he made a note of the organisations that
were recommended as being able to help and contacted them. He joined
up, hoping that the possibility of making contact with others would
help him but he found that unless you were prepared to go out as a
woman and meet fellow transvestites you could not even become a full
member and use the contact facilities. The comfort of knowing there
were thousands of others did little to help him and he let his
membership lapse.
So there he was, confused, alone and wretched. No-one to talk to
about it, no help, no solace, no light at the end of the tunnel. Just
the prospect of living out his life as he was now. Even being Gay must
be better than this, he thought during his moments of despair, at
least society tolerates them and lets them be what they want to be. I
wonder how my boss and colleagues would react if I walked into work
with a skirt and blouse on, he would wonder. No need to ask really, it
wouldn't affect his work, he would still be the same person, yet he
would almost certainly be sacked or sent home on the spot and would be
the subject of ridicule and torment forever after.
It was a closely guarded secret for Keith, his ex-wife had known
and left him for it, he thought his mother probably knew but had never
mentioned it, but other than that he had told nobody. He lived with
this secret daily, worrying in case he had an accident or was ill and
had to go to hospital where they would discover his bare legs, careful
in toilet cubicles and changing rooms in case they showed, and facing
the knowing glances of the shop assistants when he bought items of
female clothing that were obviously his size. It affected his life in
every way imaginable, yet he couldn't talk to anyone about it.
If it had been just the clothes he could probably have handled it
but he felt female as well. He found it easy to talk to women and
usually got on well with them but without thinking he would sometimes
start talking about women's clothes and fashion and they, seeing him
as a man, would become suspicious of him and clam up.
He had contemplated suicide on several occasions but was not the
sort of person who would do that, he was strong willed and determined
to find a solution, yet it made him so miserable that often there
seemed no other way out of it.
The years rolled by and he was learning to cope little by little
when he picked up the paper one day and read an article about the
advances in transplantation surgery and how they could even perform
brain transplants these days. His mind switched into overdrive. Could
this be the answer? had the solution to his problem arrived at last?
He made a note of the leading doctor's name and the following morning
he made an appointment to see him.
The trip up to London passed uneventfully, he found his way to the
doctor's office and was finally ushered in. This was his big moment,
his one and only chance of sorting his life out. His heart was beating
so hard he thought it was trying to escape from his chest but there
was no going back now. With a deep breath he told the doctor his
story, explained his misery and despair and finally said to him that
he would volunteer to be a guinea-pig for the operations, would sign
any disclaimers and take any risks, if he could have his brain
transplanted into the body of a woman.
The doctor remained calm throughout Keith's explanation, listened
to him without interruption and his only reaction was when Keith
uttered that final sentence. His bushy eyebrows raised slightly and he
nodded sagely while Keith sank back in the chair, physically and
emotionally drained, knowing he had given it his best shot and feeling
sure the doctor would think he was a mad-man and throw him out.
The doctor ordered some coffee for them both over his intercom
then sat back in his large chair with his eyes closed. The coffee was
delivered and poured by an efficient secretary wearing a pretty floral
dress that Keith admired, and only when she had left the room again
did the doctor open his eyes and sit forward.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked, and Keith confirmed that he
could see no other way of resolving his problem and that, yes, he was
positive that he would go through with it if he could. The doctor then
proceeded to tell him that in actual fact the surgery was far more
advanced that they admitted to the papers and had been already been
performed with 100% success on human beings. He explained that there
was still a lot of research to be done before it would be made public
and that one thing they hadn't thought of, let alone tried, was
putting a male brain into a female body and vice-versa.
He told Keith that he would be in touch and suggested that he
approach his doctor as if he wanted to have a sex change as he would
need therapy and psychiatric help to be able to handle life as a
woman. He also said that if Keith could find a female who wanted to
become a man and was prepared to undergo the operation, he would
consider it very seriously.
Keith left the office as if he was floating on air. Could it be
that he would actually be able to become a woman? Not a re-built man
but the genuine article? It was impossible to believe. He had gone in
there with a half-baked idea and within half an hour it was on the
verge of becoming reality.
Arriving home he made an appointment to see his doctor that
evening but found it even more difficult talking to him about it as he
had been Keith's doctor since he was a child. He felt so elated that
he managed it and, after repeating what he had said earlier, the G.P.
agreed that he would arrange for him to see a psychiatrist and get the
procedure under way.
There followed a delay of several weeks and Keith came down to
earth again, doubts creeping in as to whether it would be possible and
what if he couldn't find a woman who was equally sure. He began to get
depressed and almost didn't bother to go to the psychiatrist but when
the day arrived he decided there was nothing to loose now and went
along. He convinced the psychiatrist as well and his therapy began, he
was told he must live as a woman for a period of six months which
Keith knew was unnecessary, and was put in touch with a support group
of fellow transexuals.
Their next meeting happened to be that week and happened to be at
a country house so Keith packed his female clothes and make-up into a
bag, drove out to a quiet spot and made himself look as good as he
could before going along. He knew he wasn't convincing but it didn't
matter, all he wanted was to find a like minded female and persuade
her to go along with his plan.
As he walked into the room he felt foolish - this was the very
first time he had dressed as a woman in public - but his mind was on
surveying the other people. They were mostly women, that is men who
were going to become women, but there were about four "men", one of
which was about as unconvincing as he felt. She was quite attractive
in her own way, disguised heavily by her masculine look but
nevertheless feminine, and Keith decided that she was the one.
He approached her and introduced himself, using all the charm he
could muster but remembering that he was supposed to be the woman and
she the man. He explained that it was his first time and he'd
appreciate being "looked after", which was obviously the right thing
to say because she took him under her wing and they became friends in
no time at all.
At the end of the meeting he asked her if he could see her
socially and invited her to his flat for dinner the following weekend.
She agreed and he went home to plan his tactics. It was all working
out perfectly so far, he couldn't believe that after all the problems
and worries it was finally going to end happily.
The weekend came and she arrived for dinner, wearing a good
quality suit and immaculately shining shoes, while Keith wore his
favourite evening dress, one he had bought earlier in the year and had
spent many evenings wishing he could wear out to a dinner-dance and be
the belle of the ball.
The meal went well and they found that, aside from the obvious,
they had lots in common, and by the end of the night they were firm
friends. Keith was still worried about going out with his women's
clothes on so he invited her there again and was delighted when she
accepted.
The friendship blossomed and in a few weeks they were almost
unseperable. Keith's feelings about her were in a turmoil, he quite
fancied her as a female yet she was only interested in becoming a man
and didn't give any indication of any feelings other than deep
friendship and camaraderie so he made sure not to show any sign of it
to her. Time was slipping away though and the London doctor had told
him to find a partner soon so he sat down with her and told her of his
plan. He just didn't know how she'd react at all. It was the perfect
solution to both their problems yet it was also risky and extreme.
She was shocked by it, of that there was no doubt, but she only
had to think about it for a few moments before she nodded her head and
agreed that it was the only way they could both fulfil their true
destinies. They discussed it at length and it turned out that she had
felt exactly the same misgivings about having the operation and drugs.
Within the hour they had the matter settled all bar one point.
They suddenly realised that they had only seen the other in the
clothes of the gender they wanted to be so Keith lent her a dress and
he went off to change into his male clothes. When they set eyes on
each-other there was almost a look of love passing between them. They
both realised that they would be happy in the body of the other - a
feeling that overrode any emotional bond between them at that time,
despite the fact that it amounted to them finding each-other very
attractive.
They sat down and discussed the practical side of the arrangement
and came to the conclusion that if they lived together they could live
as their real, or physical, selves then, after the change-over,
nothing would have altered to the outside world and they could teach
each-other to behave exactly as that sex would.
They paid a visit to London and Keith introduced her to the
doctor, they both signed indemnities against anything going wrong and
the doctor witnessed a contract between them to say that they both
agreed with what was to happen. There was no need for delay now and
they booked into a hotel for the night while the doctor arranged for
the operation to take place.
The details of the operation are unnecessary here but suffice to
say it worked perfectly and the following day they had exchanged
bodies and were on the road to recovery.
The problems were many, from basic bodily functions to smaller
details such as applying make-up properly or remembering to shave in
the mornings, and Keith (now Michelle) was horrified when her first
period started. It was going to take a long time to get used to this.
They lived together for a year, helping each-other with all the
finer points of being that sex. Michelle grew her hair long and bought
lots of pretty and feminine clothes and underwear while Keith grew a
moustache and some fine suits and became very handsome and debonaire.
They both changed completely; Michelle, who had always been a
tomboy and dressed in jeans and T-shirts, became a beautiful and
sophisticated woman while Keith, always scruffy and wearing ill-
fitting clothes, became almost a playboy. They found themselves
falling in love with each-other over that period of time and began to
forget the background and unhappiness that had caused them to meet.
They were both completely content in their new bodies and adapted
to their new identities in time such that they were accepted
everywhere without question. They started their own business and
became very successful and were amazed when Michelle became pregnant
and bore their first son.
Their happiness was complete and the past forgotten totally. They
secretly funded the London doctor's research into making brain
transplants a practical reality, but alas he died not long after and
theirs was the one and only operation of its type ever performed.
Not exactly a true story, but a very vivid
dream and who knows, maybe one day....
__________________________________________________________________
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This file was downloaded from Pink Triangle - THE British gay BBS!
[+44] (0)81-963 0093 24-hour access V21/22/23/22bis 8N1 MNP5
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--
Before you judge me take a look at you: Can't you find something better to do
Point the finger, slow to understand: Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand
Joanna N.