Copyright © 1997  Master Wade.  ALL Rights Reserved.

This story may not be reproduced in any form for profit without
the written permission of the author.  This story may be freely
distributed with this notice attached.  The author may be contacted
through mrdouble@ix.netcom.com.







MRWADE.238                                     By Master Wade


                            Carmen

                          Chapter Two


     Carmen had been sincere in submitting to Dan that 
evening in his home, but her success in making it real was 
anything but consistent.  For his part, Dan was patient, and 
yet was concerned by the roller-coaster nature of Carmen's 
submission.  One day she would be incredibly submissive and 
show every evidence of genuine submission to him. The next 
day she would be totally disobedient and disrespectful, 
behaving as if his rules for her didn't even exist.

     Dan was no stranger to the struggles of a submissive, 
and he made every effort to guide Carmen and to encourage 
her. When her disobedience was flagrant, and he knew that 
other forms of discipline and correction would do no good, 
Dan punished Carmen...or at least tried to. Often were the 
times when she would pull away from him and run into the 
bathroom, locking the door behind her.  Dan would wait for 
her to come out, and when she finally did, he would punish 
her, but even his punishment made no difference in her 
attitude or could bring her out of these moods she got in.

     "Carmen, submission is not something that a Master 
forces from you," he said to her one night. "It has to be 
something you want and need. If it isn't, then I'm just 
spinning my wheels. I can't be a Master to someone who won't 
surrender to me."
     "Yeah, right," she said, stubbornly, "and it's all my 
fault. You don't have any responsibility to make me FEEL 
submissive, do you?  You want me to be a nice little girl who 
always does what you say, don't you? Well, it's not going to 
be that easy with me."
     "I give you rules which should make you feel submissive, 
if you'd follow them. And when you don't, I discipline you, 
which should make you feel submissive. And when you don't 
respond to my discipline, I punish you, which should make you 
feel submissive. I KNOW that you need to feel submissive, 
Carmen. I KNOW that you want to feel yourself yield to me, to 
feel me drawing you to your knees in front of me. But you're 
trying to be a third baseman without playing baseball. You 
want to FEEL things that you can't feel unless you allow 
yourself to do the things that bring those feelings to you."
     "I can't submit unless I feel submissive. I'm sorry, 
that's just the way it is."
     "Then begin by being committed to your own submissive 
nature. Are you a submissive?  Then be one. Be one enough to 
embrace the relationship you're in. Be one enough to accept 
the rules your Master gives you. Be one enough to obey at 
least enough that you DO feel submissive. Then you can submit 
the rest of the way."
     "But you don't dominate me. You just gripe and complain. 
Maybe if you would BE dominant, you'd see submission from 
me."
     "Giving you rules and standing firmly by them and 
expecting you to obey them isn't being dominant? Caring 
whether you obey them or not isn't being dominant? Being 
committed enough to you and your submission to continue to 
demand that you submit to me even when you reject every 
effort that I make to discipline and punish you isn't being 
dominant?"
     "Care? I'm supposed to believe you care whether I submit 
or not?  Your rules say that I am supposed to bring you my 
journal at the end of every week, and that it is supposed to 
show that I have made daily journal entries.  When is the 
last time you ask for the journal? How am I supposed to 
believe that you really care whether I do that or not if you 
don't ask to see it?"
     "That is one of your rules, yes. And there are many 
others. One is that you are to call me Master when you speak 
to me. When have you done that?  Have you called me Master 
today?  Did you call me Master yesterday?"
     "No, I didn't call you Master yesterday, and you failed 
miserably at trying to punish me for it too, didn't you?"
     "You make it sound like you're proud of that. As if the 
only reason you're in this relationship at all is to 
challenge me and hope that I will fail in trying to dominate 
you."
     "You're not serious about being a Master. I need someone 
who is."
     "If I'm not serious about being a Master, Carmen, then 
what am I serious about?  There are basic things that I MUST 
do if I am going to be "A Master". I can't choose to do them 
some of the time and not do them other times, simply because 
I may not feel dominant that day. Ask yourself...do I do 
them? Do you see some consistency in me?  Do I claim to be a 
Master one day and appear to have no interest in it the next? 
And how do you fare in that same kind of evaluation?  Are you 
serious about being a submissive?  Do you do the basic things 
that you MUST do if you're going to be "A submissive"? Do you 
do them every day, whether you feel submissive or not? Is 
there any consistency in you?"
     "I'm very tired. I think I will go home and get some 
rest. I can't get anywhere with you."

     With great sadness, Dan walked Carmen to her car. 
Something was missing. Something was wrong. Carmen was 
holding back something from him, and he had no way of knowing 
what it was.

     Over the next few weeks, Carmen and Dan continued to 
struggle.  He seriously evaluated himself and his efforts, 
and even questioned his own dominant nature. Maybe she was 
right...maybe he wasn't being dominant with her. Maybe he did 
whine rather than control. Maybe he was too weak with her. 
Maybe they were just wrong for each other.  But he still felt 
there was something he didn't know about that was coming 
between them.

     Dan and Carmen began drifting apart emotionally. It was 
a painful thing for Dan to see happening. He had come to love 
Carmen with all his heart, and he wanted her in his life. He 
still believed in her submissive nature, and he loved all the 
other parts of her as well.  She was incredibly exciting to 
him sexually, and as they had shared the stories Carmen had 
been sent in the mail, he discovered that they both responded 
to the same sexual fantasies, in spite of the fact that many 
of them were what might be considered on the fringe of 
normalcy. But now she was distant, and he felt helpless and 
very much alone.

     Complicating the entire relationship was the matter of 
trust. Carmen, who still claimed to love Dan and to want 
things to work between them, seemed to become less and less 
trustworthy and dependable. She would say she would call him, 
and not call. She would say she would be home, but would not 
be home until hours after she had promised to be there. She 
said she would come to see him, and did not, or was hours 
late getting there.

     Dan had never faced anything quite like it before. 
Certainly he had seen it from women who were not really 
submissive in the first place. And, yes, he had seen it from 
women who were just players and only in it for the sex. And 
yes, he had seen it from women who didn't love him, and who 
were just trying out dominant men until they found one that 
"fit".  Was Carmen one of these women?  Was her whole 
approach to him and her whole intent with him one big lie? 
Dan couldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it.

     During their entire relationship, Dan had been to 
Carmen's home only once.  He felt that it was her place to 
come to him, and there was also the matter of her son, and 
Dan's wish to avoid involving him until they were at a more 
comfortable place with each other. He'd seen children fall in 
love with him before when he had been dating their Mothers, 
and it was painful to see that and know that there would be 
no permanency in that relationship.

     Nor was it Dan's style to show up un-invited at anyone's 
home, and Carmen had always preferred to visit him, rather 
than having him come to her.  That was fine with Dan, and 
even during the days of confusion, when he would get her 
answering machine over and over again, even though she 
claimed to be at home, Dan never considered making the half-
hour drive to her home to talk with her. At least not until 
July 4th.

     Dan had made plans for he and Carmen to attend a music 
festival being held at a park in a neighboring city. Carmen 
had expressed an interest in it as well, and they had looked 
forward to it for weeks.  Even as late as the night before 
the festival, Carmen had sounded excited about it and had 
promised to be at his house the next morning at 9:00 ready to 
go.

     On the morning of July 4th, nine o'clock came and Carmen 
was not there.  Dan called her at 9:30, and there was no 
answer.  He called her at 10:00 and there was no answer.  
After calling at 10:30 and still not getting an answer, he 
became concerned, and drove over to her house.

     Approaching the door, Dan heard angry voices inside the 
house. One of them was Carmen's, and the other voice that of 
a man. He began to ring the doorbell, but stopped. He could 
hear what they were saying to each other.

     "It was a mistake to let you come back," Carmen was 
saying. "I knew better, but I wanted what was best for 
Gerald. But you're just like you were before. Nothing has 
changed. This isn't going to work."
     "How can it work? How can it work if you won't be my 
wife? Do you think I came back just for Gerald? Do you think 
that my love for you is such that I can just put it on hold 
and never want to hold you, or kiss you? EVERY night you 
reject me. Every day there are phone calls that you have no 
explanation for. Every weekend you go somewhere and don't 
want to hear any questions from me when you get home."
     "Get away from the door. I told you that I promised 
Maria I would be there at 9:00.  I'm two hours late! Let me 
out of here!"

     Dan had heard enough. He walked back to his car and 
drove back home, his cheeks wet with tears.

Continued in Chapter three....







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