small to be a diaphragm...."
        "It's a cervical cap," Twink said, licking her lips in concentration 
as she carefully applied a thin bead of clear fluid from the tube into the 
cup, coating it evenly. "My gynecologist said I wasn't built properly for a 
diaphragm to work well, and that a cap would be safer. Here, watch this." 
She reached down and spread her labia apart, exposing the red inner folds of 
her vagina, and deftly slipped the cap into her. "Oooh, it's always cold at 
first," she laughed, tucking it into place with two ladylike fingers. Wiping 
her hands on her towel, she said, "Now we have to wait a few minutes...."
        "No problem," the Bandit replied with an evil grin. He suddenly knelt 
down before her and buried his face in her groin, his tongue finding her 
clitoris almost instantly. Twink's eyes flew wide open, then as swiftly 
squeezed tightly shut, as she arched her back and began to grind her hips into 
his face. Her pussy was moist and dripping with fluids, and the Bandit slurped 
and sucked away merrily as he felt her start to come, and come, and come....
        He pulled away from her, licking his lips. "Want more?"
        "Uh, mmmm, don't stop, Bandit, please! I'm coming, lots of little 
ones, oh God, please don't stop!"
        "All righty." He returned to his task, his tongue flicking over her 
clit as it swelled and swelled and her moans grew louder and louder.
        "Twink?"
        "Mmmm--yeah?"
        "Have I waited long (slurp) enough?"
        "Hmmm? OH! Uh, yeah, I think so, climb on top of me, hurry!"
        He didn't need any further encouragement. He kissed his way up her 
belly and past her breasts, wiping his face on her skin as he went, and kissed 
her hard as he lowered himself between her legs. The taste of her juices on 
his lips seemed to excite her more than ever, and she frantically reached down 
and grasped him, pulling his length to the opening of her cunt.
        "Fuck me, oh, hurry, FUCK ME!"
        "Yes, ma'am." The Bandit slid into her easily, and she gasped as he 
set up a steady, pounding rhythm. She was wound up as taut as a bridge cable, 
and he'd been holding back for this moment, so it only took a minute or two of 
hard stroking before she gasped and cried out with another orgasm as he 
emptied himself into her with a long-drawn sigh of relief. He collapsed on top 
of her, exhausted, as her fumbling fingers found and pressed the light switch.
        "I'm glad to be back...."
        "Welcome home, love. Sleep well."

        The morning sun streamed into the room, bathing furniture and naked 
bodies alike in soft warmth. There was no trace of last night's storm, and the 
sky was friendly and blue over the Bandit and Twink as they lay intertwined in 
bed, whispering to one another in the glow that settles after a good night's 
sleep and a waking to gentle, teasing loveplay and mutual orgasm.
        "I missed you so...." There were tears in Twink's eyes.
        "I missed you, too," the Bandit smiled, hugging her tightly. "You're a 
big part of the reason why I came to visit. I wanted to see how you were, make 
sure you were doing okay. Am I being too protective of you?"
        "Yes," she said simply, "But I don't mind. It's a way of telling me 
you love me, and I'll never turn that aside." She smiled and shut her eyes as 
his fingers gently traced the outline of a broad, swollen nipple. "Mmmmm!"
        "Has your pussy been lonely without me?" He bent down to kiss the
nipple gently, rolling it across his tongue.
        "Not really," she sighed, holding his head to her breast.
        "No?" He mumbled around his mouthful. "I'm jealous. You can really 
last that long between bouts with the Paladin?"
        "Well, no," she said uncertainly. "That's not what I meant."
        He stopped. Slowly he pulled away and looked up at her. "You're seeing 
somebody else?" 
        "Only once or twice," she said softly. Her eyes were full of pain, a 
reflection of the pain she saw in his eyes. "They were just scattered 
incidents....at the time, they seemed the right thing to do....please don't 
hate me for it...."
        "Oh, Twink, I don't hate you!" The Bandit hugged her hard, her head 
cradled on his shoulder. He sighed. "Were you at least careful?"
        "Oh, yes! I always used my cap, and I trusted them not to have 
anything catching."
        "Anyone I know?"
        "Well...yes, actually." Something in her voice made him pull away and 
look her in the eye.
        "Like who?"
        "....Zero."
        The Bandit's eyes popped. "You slept with my BEST FRIEND?"
        She returned his accusing gaze coolly. "I slept with Zero," she said 
with as much dignity as she could manage with tears pouring down her face. "I 
can assure you that the fact that he was your best friend never entered into 
things. In fact, I didn't think about you very much at all during the whole 
incident."
        "I'm not surprised," the Bandit muttered. "So, what did you think of 
his, what the hell's he call it, 'Jimi'?"
        "It was incredible," she said softly, her eyes shining with the 
memory. "We went for hours and hours. Once the bleeding stopped, it was like 
nothing I'd ever felt before!"
        "Once the--" The Bandit frowned, remembering. "Oh. Your hymen."
        "Yup." She smiled, brushing his hair back from his eyes. "You and the 
Paladin only stretched it out. But he tore it wide open on the first push. I 
screamed bloody murder, he thought he'd killed me. But after the pain went 
away, he was--" She stopped. "Please don't hate HIM for it, Bandit. It was my 
idea. I was so lonely, and so was he...it just, well, it just happened."
        "Wait a minute! HE was lonely? With a hose monster like Diva sucking 
him dry every night? What the hell happened?"
        "Oh, my God, you didn't know!" Her hand flew to her mouth.
        "Know what?"
        "They broke up in September, just after she came back to school."
        "Whoa, hold it a second. ZERO and DIVA--"
        "Broke up." She nodded.
        "Lord God Almighty! I turn my back for ten seconds and the Universe 
starts unraveling!" The Bandit fell back on the pillows, one hand over his 
face. "How the hell did THAT happen?"
        "Well, she came back and found out he'd been sleeping with Mary 
Magdalene over the summer, and--" Twink stopped short as he looked aghast at 
her. "Oh. You didn't know about that, either."
        "No. I didn't." He fell back again, staring at the ceiling. What the 
hell happened, he wondered. My best friend's dinked every girl I ever loved in 
this school. Except Teenie, and she doesn't count. Why me?
        "Bandit? Are you okay? You look pale."
        "Uh, I'm fine. Let's just say it takes a little getting used to."
        She remained unconvinced. "I think I hit you with too much, too soon."
        "No, I'm all right. If he didn't hurt you, then I have no animosity 
toward him. He's still my best friend." Even if he HAS been sticking that 
mutant monstrosity into every pussy I love....Christ!
        He sighed and looked at her. "Anyone else?"
        "Well...." She looked uncertain. "Did I tell you about Mary 
Magdalene?"
        "Yeah, you just said--" He stopped, his mouth suddenly going dry. 
"Wait a minute," he croaked. "About Mary Magdalene and...who?"
        "Me," she said, her eyes downcast.
        A vision exploded in the Bandit's skull, full technicolor with Dolby 
stereo: Twink sinking back onto her back on this very bed, her smooth body 
open and inviting, her arms outstretched and a smile of pure ecstasy on her 
face as Mary Magdalene's breasts dangled over hers and she leaned down and--
        "Um, no," he said, shivering slightly. "You hadn't mentioned that."
        "We did it acouple of times," Twink said softly, "When the world was 
being tough on one or the other of us... After the time with Zero--"
        "WHAT?" The vision was back, but this time there was a new element: 
Mary Magdalene kneeling on Zero's hips and pumping up and down on his huge 
shaft, Twink sitting on his face with his huge nose probing her pussy, the two
women he loved more than anyone smiling at one another, leaning forward and 
kissing, oh, God, KISSING EACH OTHER--
        "How--how was it?" His voice was a terrified croak.
        Twink thought a moment, and then shrugged. "Crowded," she said.
        The Bandit's eyebrow raised. "Crowded?"
        "Yeah," she nodded. "Crowded."
        The Bandit began to laugh. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed until 
he was crying, and Twink was holding him against her breast and laughing and 
crying with him. "I love you," she said between sobs. "Nobody can open my 
heart, no matter what the rest of my body tells me. Nobody but you, and the 
man I'm marrying. Did I ever tell you why I wanted to stay a virgin?"
        "No," he whispered into her hair.
        "I had to," she whispered. "I had to keep something of myself back 
from you. I knew, I, I just knew th-that if I let you take me that way you'd 
take all of me, a-and I'd be lost forever....I LOVED you too m-MUCH...."
        "Aw, Twink!" Zero, Mary Magdalene, Diva were forgotten in moments.
"Never love someone that much! Never, NEVER love someone that much! It's bad, 
it hurts you, promise me you won't, promise me!"
        "I love you, Bandit...." She kissed him, tears running down his neck.
"I know we could never make it work, I know that, but I...."
        "Shhhhh....shhhhhhh...." He held her closely, rocking her against him.
        For a long time, the room was silent.

        "Hi, gang!" 
        Eight heads turned sharply at the familiar greeting, long gone unheard
in the East Habitat Main Lounge. Eight pairs of eyes could only stare in shock
as the Bandit calmly sat down in a free chair and smiled around him. 
        "No, it's not a mirage," he chuckled. "How is everyone?"
        At that, the Lounge erupted into life. The Bandit found himself being 
bodily lifted up off the ground and crushed half to death by Conan.
        "BANDIT!"
        "I'm--whoof!--glad to see you too, big guy!"
        "When'd you get here?"
        "Last night. Put me down!"
        Bone and Thud shook hands with the Bandit, grinning widely. 
        "Yo, Bone! Hi, Thud. Made any decisions, yet?"
        "Actually, I may be ordained, AND become gay," Thud said pleasantly. 
"In this day and age, the two aren't always mutually exclusive."
        "What the heck," the Bandit said, shaking his head. "Hi, Diva. Can I 
hug you without getting kicked in the groin?"
        "Of course, Bandit! What a question!" She smiled and hugged him 
tightly, kissing him on the cheek. Suddenly he felt her tongue flick his 
earlobe gently, and heard a tiny whisper. "You and me, later."
        The Bandit wasn't as unprepared for this as he might've been. His face 
betrayed nothing as he let go of Diva and shook hands warmly with the Rainbow 
Wizard, and gave Flower a polite kiss on the cheek. "Good to see you again, 
Wiz. Still in remission, I hope?"
        "I had an incident over the summer," the Rainbow Wizard replied. "The 
doctors tried out some new medication, and it didn't sit well with me. But I'm
okay now." He smiled beatifically. "Life beyond Arcadia seems to have treated
you well, Bandit." 
        "I can't complain," the Bandit grinned. "How's it going, Lanky?"
        "Real well. Graduation bound, like everyone else!" Lanky's hair was 
now nearly to his waist, and he brushed it back from his face and smiled at 
the Bandit, who was shaking hands with Plaids.
        "Howdy, Plaid Thang! Still the master of playing with the organ?"
        Plaids blushed furiously amidst the ripple of laughter. "Actually, 
yes," he said quietly. "I've nailed a position as a church organist back home 
once I graduate. The pay isn't great, but it's a start...."
        "That's fantastic news!" He smiled around him at the friendly faces, 
his eyes bright. "Damn, it's good to be back!" He looked around. "Anyone know 
where Zero and the Sloth are?"
        He didn't miss the sudden frown on Diva's face. "They're in the 
Recital Hall over at the Music School," the Rainbow Wizard said with a 
smile. "They're scheduled to do a concert this afternoon and play the Clean 
Room tonight, and they've been having a terrible time getting set up. It seems
they've overstretched themselves in their attempts to outdo Starch and
myself." 
        The Bandit's eyes narrowed at the Wiz's too-superior tone. "Oh, 
really?" he drawled. "Well, I think I'll just mosey on over there and see 
what's what." He turned and headed for the door. "Later, gang."
        "Was that necessary?" Diva demanded angrily.
        "It seemed so at the time," the Rainbow Wizard said mildly.

        "Shit, shit, SHIT!" The Sloth stopped the tape recorder angrily, and 
began threading the tape back onto the reels from its tangled heap on the 
ground. "I can't learn to do this in three hours! We're sunk!"
        "No, you're not," came a strange voice from the other end of the room. 
The Sloth and Zero, both covered in patchcords and cable, looked up in 
surprise, and both smiled widely as the Bandit strolled down the aisle to the 
stage. He bounded up to meet them, gave Zero a hard hug, then followed suit 
with the Sloth. "I hear you guys need an extra pair of hands...."
        "What are you doing here, Bandit?" Zero asked curiously.
        "Later on, I'll be reminiscing with you two over a beer or three," the 
Bandit replied crisply. "But for now, I'm helping you out of a jam. What's up, 
and is there anything I can do to help?"
        "No," said the Sloth.
        "YES," Zero said firmly. He glared at the Sloth, and continued, "That 
taped-drum dingus you designed isn't working very well. Neither the Sloth nor 
I can get it to run as cleanly as you used to. We could use your touch."
        His eyes carefully on the Sloth, who was looking away from him and 
scowling, the Bandit said, "If the taped drums weren't working, why are you 
even attempting to use them? They were my idea. Why weren't you guys doing 
something more suited to just the two of you?"
        "We are," the Sloth said, not turning around. "But not now."
        Zero explained, "Remember that concert we gave at the Music School 
right before Commencement last year? Well, the new Chancellor heard about it 
soon after he was inaugurated, and expressed a lot of interest, since none of 
us are Music School students and we generated more press than anyone in the 
School last year. So he asked us to give a repeat performance of the set for 
him and some visiting bigshots, and anyone else who wanted to come." He waved 
his arms about him at the tangle of disorganized synthesizers, mixing gear, 
and tape machines. "And here we are."
        "Why didn't you call me?"
        "No time," Zero said. "Besides, the Sloth wanted us to try it
ourselves, to see if we could do it without you." He looked over at the Sloth,
who had folded his arms angrily and was still looking away from them. 
        "That's stupid!" The Bandit exploded. "You know how much acrobatics is 
involved in setting everything up! It's a miracle the three of us could pull 
it off--with two, it'll be impossible!"
        The Sloth whirled to face him. "I'm just pissed off that you think you 
can come waltzing in here and wave your magic wand and make everything all 
right again, just like that! We're doing all right for ourselves without you, 
Bandit! We've got a new band, we've got a new bassist, a new drummer, a new 
singer-- we didn't curl up and die after you left! And I RESENT like HELL the 
implication that we did, and that we're helpless without you!"
        "I NEVER IMPLIED THAT!" The Bandit was barely half the Sloth's size, 
but when he got angry there was no louder voice in Arcadia. "But this is a
trio for synthesis and stringed instruments! You can't do it with two people
any more than you can do a string quartet properly with no violin!" 
        More calmly, he continued, "You're not proving anything by accepting 
the Chancellor's request, other than that you were too proud to realize what a
mistake you were making. I didn't come back here to save your bacon, I came 
back here to visit my so-called FRIENDS!" He glared fiercely at the two of 
them. "I wouldn't have even known about it if the Rainbow Wizard hadn't 
gloated to me that you two IDIOTS were about to fall flat on your FACES!"
        "Bandit, we--"
        "SHUT UP!" The Bandit's eyes burned. "I helped compose this piece. I 
designed the setup for this piece. I played one third of the parts on this 
piece! And you have NO RIGHT to perform it without me, or without my knowledge 
and my permission! I've got half a mind to sit in the audience, right next to 
Starch and his gang of baby scarers, and laugh at you while you make fools of 
yourselves in front of the Chancellor!" His took a deep breath. "You've got a 
choice. Either work with me or don't. But if you don't, make damn sure you 
stand up and tell the audience that you're two people trying to do three 
people's work, or I'LL stand up and tell them MYSELF, because I don't want MY 
good name mangled because of YOUR stupid pride. And if you do, make damn sure 
you tell everyone that this is the last time you'll do this stuff, because the 
next time I won't be here."
        There was a long silence. Then the Sloth turned to the Bandit, and 
sighed. "All right, mea culpa," he said. "Maybe I DID have something to prove. 
To you, to Starch...to me. But I don't have to like getting bailed out like 
this!"
        "Who says you're getting bailed out?" The Bandit smiled softly. "I 
haven't rehearsed this piece in eight months. If we get it to work it'll be a 
miracle! But if you guys'll have me, we'll give it a go, all right?"
        "...All right," the Sloth nodded reluctantly.
        "All right," Zero said with his old smile.
        "Well, good! And next time, do your OWN stuff, okay? I'm looking 
forward to hearing your new band tonight in the Clean Room, and I don't want 
to hear nothing but rehashes of the old tunes we did with Livewire!"
        "Point taken," the Sloth said. "Now help me with this stupid tape."

        The audience let out a sigh of released breath as the last note of the 
song faded away into silence. There was a polite patter of applause that soon 
swelled into a strong ovation as the Chancellor stood up, followed by everyone 
else in the small Recital Hall. Twink's eyes were bright as the Bandit, 
sweating and shaky with exhaustion, set down the bass he'd been loaned for the 
day and stepped to the front of the stage to take his bows with the Sloth and 
Zero. He waved to Mary Magdalene, who was sitting in the back row and 
applauding furiously. "There will be no encore," he said into the microphone, 
"And this is the last time our trio will perform this piece. Thank you all for 
attending. Good afternoon." He bowed again, and left the stage with Zero and 
the Sloth behind him.
        Outside the stage door, in the deserted hallway of the Music Building, 
the Sloth opened a storage locker and hauled out his post-concert kit: three 
towels and three quarts of Gatorade, which Zero and the Bandit accepted 
gratefully. They were swigging it down and wiping their sweaty faces when the 
Chancellor came around the corner, all smiles.
        "A marvelous concert, gentlemen! I was most impressed, and so, I 
believe, were the Electronic Music faculty." He chuckled. "They left in quite 
a hurry. I daresay they're going to change the locks on the studio doors, to 
prevent other usurpers from teaching themselves electronic music after hours!"
        "I was an Electronic Music Student for a while, sir," the Sloth said, 
shaking the Chancellor's hand. "I kept working my tail off and getting C's on 
my projects. Finally, for my last project, I just gave up and handed in a bunch 
of spliced-together tape scraps I fished out of the garbage." He paused for 
effect. "I got an A."
        The Chancellor roared with laughter. "Typical academic mindset," he 
said with a smile. "We need more students like you to keep our professors in 
line." He turned to Zero, ignoring the rapidly-growing line of well-wishers 
behind him. "A marvelous job, young man. And you're not a guitar student?"
        "No, sir," Zero said. "Self-taught."
        "My." He shook his head. "I can not believe it. Well, keep it up; 
you're doing famously." Then he turned to the Bandit. "You, young man, are 
familiar from somewhere...."
        "We met at an alumni function this past fall," the Bandit replied 
easily. "You were out stumping for funds, and we chatted a bit. I graduated 
last year; the piece was first performed right before my Commencement."
        "Oh, now I remember you." The Chancellor frowned slightly. "You're the 
young man who told me I was doing for Arcadia what Reagan is doing for the 
United States." Zero's eyes widened at that. So did the Sloth's.
        The Bandit just smiled. "I'm flattered that you remember me."
        "Well," the Chancellor said with forced cheer, "Are you still of that 
opinion, now that you've seen my planes for the campus?"
        "Nice new entertainment complex you're building on the Western 
Habitat," the Bandit said mildly. "And the new Biophysics building on the 
North Campus is an exciting development, as is the remodeling of the Astronomy 
building and the new landscaping." His eyes narrowed. "But I have one 
question: with all this money you're sinking into pretty new architecture, 
what happened to the College's guarantee of financial support to all 
students regardless of need?"
        The Chancellor's smile froze on his face. "Good question," he said 
politely. "Can we make an appointment to chat while you're in town?"
        "I'll call your secretary," the Bandit said with a nod. 
        "I'm looking forward to it," the Chancellor said, shaking the Bandit's 
hand. "Wonderful work, all of you. Good day." He strode off, looking at his 
watch. 
        The Sloth looked at the Bandit. "Did you really say that?"
        "Yep." The Bandit grinned at him. "Having one's diploma gives one, 
shall we say, a certain sense of freedom."
        They spent the next few minutes shaking hands down the line of people, 
the Bandit getting an enthusiastic hug and kiss from Mary Magdalene toward the 
end. He noted her repetition of the hug and kiss with Zero, and her pointed 
avoidance of the Sloth, as he chatted with Twink. In-teresting, he thought.
        "Hey, Bandit!" The Bandit looked up as Starch came striding up to him, 
hand held out. "Nice to see you!"
        The Bandit didn't take the hand. "I saw you in the audience, Starch."
        "Yeah, well," Starch shrugged, withdrawing his ignored hand, "I wanted 
to see the repeat performance of your masterwork, since I was too busy getting 
set up for the big Commencement concert our band was playing last May. It sure 
was lucky you turned up, though; it came off ragged enough with THREE people 
up there." He chuckled. "I'd hate to have seen what would've happened with 
just two."
        The Bandit's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, I'll bet you would," he gritted. 
You stinking pusbucket, you haven't changed a bit.
        "Are you going to go give some much-needed support to the gang these 
two are fronting at the Clean Room tonight?"
        "No," the Bandit said evenly, "I'm not a student here any more. They 
don't need my help, if they're not playing my music." Behind him, the Sloth 
seemed to relax slightly.
        "Heh! YOU haven't HEARD them," Starch sneered. "I didn't think things 
could sink any lower after you got done with your audiences, Bandit, but THEY 
take the PRIZE!" He grinned. "Pitiful."
        "Pitiful is right," the Bandit said coldly. "You overbearing, 
snobbish, utterly contemptible shitpile! Why don't you do us all a favor and 
go die in a hole somewhere?"
        "Hey, back off, Bandit!" Starch took a menacing step forward. "I'M not 
then one who stole away somebody else's GIRLFRIEND as a JOKE!"
        The Bandit didn't even blink. "Hey, Starch," he said softly.
        "Hey, what?"
        "I'm not enrolled here any more."
        The Bandit's fist lashed out in a straight line from his hip to 
Starch's left eye, impacting with a meaty thunk. Starch staggered backwards, 
clutching at his face with a choked gasp.
        "Don't try hitting back," the Bandit said pleasantly. "Any student who 
commits assault will be expelled from the College, remember? Save it for after 
you graduate. Then I can beat the shit out of you with a clear conscience."
        He turned on his heel and walked away. After a moment, the others 
followed him, leaving Starch to sink down on a bench, alone.

        The Clean Room was hopping, the Bandit noted as he made his way across 
the dance floor with his pitcher of beer. Twink and Mary Magdalene were 
waiting for him at a table near the stage, whispering to each other and 
giggling softly. They smiled up at him as he set down the pitcher and the 
three glasses. He was watching for telltale signs of fantasies coming true: a 
surreptitious hand on a thigh, perhaps. But there was none. No luck, he sighed 
to himself as he sat down and poured drinks for the ladies.
        "When does the band go on?" He had to shout to be heard over the music 
from the DJ booth.
        "In a few minutes," Mary Magdalene replied. "Thanks for escorting the 
two of us, Bandit." She smiled at Twink, who smiled back at her.
        "No problem," the Bandit said mildly, ignoring the sudden nervous 
twitch in his leg. "Just like old times, I guess."
        "Not really," Twink laughed. "You never would've had both of us at one 
time before this." Her offhand comment made Mary Magdalene gasp, then begin to 
laugh quietly into her clenched fist. 
        Twink looked at her curiously. "What'd I say this time?"
        "Never mind," the Bandit said. "It's not important." He waved to 
another table suddenly. "Hey, Conan!" 
        The big man came over to their table, holding a glass of beer. "How
are you all doing tonight?" he asked. 
        "Not bad," the Bandit grinned. The two ladies suddenly slid their 
chairs around the table to either side of him and began to run their fingers 
through his hair and nibble his ears. His eyebrows raised, but Conan just 
grinned.
        "Same old Bandit," he laughed.
        "Yeah, right," the Bandit said uncomfortably; under the table, hands 
were wandering far afield. "Very funny, ladies. Hey, where's Cricket?"
        Conan's beer glass cracked in his suddenly clenched fist. He looked 
down at it angrily, slammed it down on the table, and stalked off.
        "Bad question," one voice breathed.
        "They broke up last month," the other one continued.
        "Oh. My goof. Say, this is the weirdest pair of headphones I've ever
used," the Bandit said with a quirky smile. "Do you ladies mind?" 
        "Mmmmm, not at all," said one voice, nibbling an earlobe.
        "Me neither," said the other, followed by a wet tongue in his ear.
        This is getting serious far too quickly, the Bandit thought, feeling a 
pair of hands working slowly up the insides of his thighs. If there isn't a 
distraction soon, I'm going to be in real trouble....
        "What's the matter, baby?" One voice giggled.
        "You seem kind of hot and bothered," the other laughed.
        "Well," the Bandit stammered as one hand found the base of his bulge, 
"It is k-kind of hot in here, and you ladies are REALLY bothering me--"
        "Humph!" One earlobe was nipped sharply, making him yelp.
        "Oh, pooh," said the other whisper, receding.
        "M-maybe later," the Bandit gasped in relief as they pulled away.
Suddenly he stood up and began to clap and yell loudly. "ALL RIGHT!" 
        Twink and Mary Magdalene joined him, cheering, as the band came on to 
the stage and bowed. There was Zero, and the Sloth, and the new rhythm 
guitarist, and the new bassist and drummer...and Diva! She was smiling 
radiantly in a tight T-shirt knotted high under her breasts, and she gave the 
Bandit a special wave and wink as she stepped behind her electric piano. 
        "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...THE ZERO SLOTH PROJECT!"
        The crowd cut loose with a roar as the band kicked into gear, a 
high-energy dance tune that soon had the dance floor overflowing. Mary 
Magdalene yelled, "I've got the first dance with him, Twink! Your turn next!" 
And with that, she dragged the Bandit out of his seat and onto the dance 
floor. 
        The next half hour was a blur of lights, music and heaving bosoms for 
the Bandit. Neither Twink, Mary Magdalene, nor Diva was wearing a bra, and all 
three of them seemed to be making an effort to shake things at him. By the end 
of the first set, he'd danced three times each with Twink and Mary Magdalene, 
including a slow dance or two with his arms around a familiar pair of waists.
He was exhausted and sweating as the band took its break between sets.
        "Having fun?" Mary Magdalene leaned over to the Bandit as he shakily 
downed the last of his beer.
        "I'm pooped," he groaned, pouring another beer for himself.
        "You'd better not be," Twink said with a laugh. "You've got a long 
night ahead of you." Mary Magdalene smiled wickedly at that.
        The Bandit looked blearily from one to the other of them, and 
somewhere inside of him a huge, swollen balloon stuffed chock-full of utterly
fulfilled sex fantasies began to rise to the surface. It'll be ME tonight, he 
suddenly realized. ME with the two of them. ME with--
        No.
        There it was again. The cold voice, the voice that saw it all, the 
voice that saw the future. the balloon burst into wet pieces and was gone.
        The Bandit put down his beer. "I don't think so," he said coolly.
        Both smiles evaporated. "What do you mean?" Mary Magdalene asked.
        "When I told you this morning," Twink said, "You seemed--"
        "I seemed what?" Somewhere, anger began. "Hurt? Left out? Jealous? 
Yes! All three. But just because the Human Oil Derrick managed to swing it, 
doesn't mean I want it too as a consolation prize!"
        "CONSOLATION PRIZE?" Mary Magdalene's eyes went wide. "YOU-- YOU--"
She gesticulated wildly, at a loss for words.
        "Yes," the Bandit said softly. "Me. Me. The Bandit. The man who threw 
over the woman who gave him the best love he'd ever failed to earn, for you. 
The man who fucked you silly for three months straight and then got tossed out 
on his ear. The man whom you wrote a letter to that said you would never, ever 
have a sexual relationship with him again." His voice never wavered. "I don't
care what ecstasies I'm giving up, MaryMag. I'm holding you to that promise.
You and I are quits, for good, and there is nothing that can restore what we
had. And Twink, I'm really kind of upset at you for not thinking things
through more carefully. Sure, it would've been a nice gesture. Hell, it
would've been more than nice! But the three of us have all hurt each other so
badly in the past...could one night of passion heal all of that?" 
        He shook his head wearily. "Let it go. Zero had his fun, and you did, 
too. I don't belong here any more, maybe I shouldn't have come...."
        "No, don't say that!" Twink took one of his hands, her eyes pleading.
        "You're right, Bandit." Mary Magdalene took his other hand gently. "It 
wasn't a very well considered idea. It would've been nice at first, but...."
She sighed. "I guess I got carried away. It was so exciting the first time!"
Her eyes glazed over at the memory. The Bandit rolled his eyes to the heavens. 
Another member of the Jimi Fan Club, he sighed.
        "Yeah, I can imagine," he said ruefully. "Listen, if you two want to 
stay together tonight, I can make other plans...."
        Mary Magdalene looked at Twink worriedly. Twink said firmly, "No you 
won't, Bandit. You're staying with me tonight. And if it takes both MaryMag 
and me tying you to the bed, you are not getting NEAR Diva!"
        "Diva?" He blinked. Was I that obvious? Was she?
        "Yes, Diva," Mary Magdalene said sternly. "Ever since Zero left her, 
she's been a total wildcat. She's fucked anything that moved on the whole 
campus at least once!"
        "Oh, come on," the Bandit said uncertainly. "You must be exaggerating 
a little bit, right?"
        "She slept with Conan the night she and Zero broke up," Twink said.
        "And with Lanky the next day, and Plaids the day after that, and we 
THINK she even gave Thud a swing at hetero," Mary Magdalene added.
        "That friend of yours on the Rugby team--"
        "She did a trio thing with the Wiz and Flower--"
        "And supposedly she was more into Flower than the Wiz--"
        "Bone, and Starch, and Cricket isn't saying but she sure SMILES--"
        "And don't forget the Sloth."
        "I'm trying to forget the Sloth," Mary Magdalene gritted dangerously.
The Bandit raised an eyebrow at her; she turned away from him.
        "She's been hanging out in the gym, picking up guys," Twink said. "And 
that's not the worst of it. D'you remember Mimosa?"
        "Yeah, sure. Nice quiet kid," the Bandit said. "Diva got HER?"
        "Worse!" Mary Magdalene had turned around again, her ire against Diva
overcoming whatever she'd felt about the Sloth. "Mimosa has a brother, a kid
from junior high school, barely into his teens. He came up here to visit his
sister for a weekend, and Diva talked him into her room." 
        "Holy shit," the Bandit breathed. 
        "He sure left the campus smiling," Twink sighed.
        "Did Mimosa ever find out?"
        "Yes, and she raised hell, too," Mary Magdalene sighed. "But Diva 
calmed her down and asked her to come up to her room so they could talk it 
over quietly, and, well, now Mimosa doesn't complain too loudly."
        "Jesus. Busy girl!"
        "You bet," Twink said. "so you're staying with me tonight. Right?"
        "Right," the Bandit agreed. He gave both of the hands holding his a 
squeeze, and both ladies smiled back at him. "And...thanks for the offer."
        "Forget it," Mary Magdalene smiled.
        "I plan to," he replied with a wink. Both Mary Magdalene and Twink 
laughed at that, and the conversation settled onto a less dangerous tack until 
the band came out again for the second set.
        A few songs into the set, Zero took the microphone and said, "I'd like 
to invite an old mate of mine up here to sing lead on our next couple of 
songs. Please welcome, back from the grave...THE BANDIT!"
        The Bandit, who'd just finished a dance with Twink, looked at him in 
horror. Twink pushed him bodily over to the stage and Zero handed him the mic.
        "Are you insane?" The Bandit hissed. "I'm EXHAUSTED!"
        "Why?" Zero smiled. "They're not an exhausting pair."
        "So I've heard," the Bandit snapped. "Did you at least give Twink a 
good time?"
        "She asked me what planet I was from," Zero shrugged. He turned to the 
band, and yelled, "ONE TWO THREE FOUR--"
        The musicians kicked into a screaming run of choppy chords, and the 
Bandit had approximately two seconds to recognize the song, smile widely, 
recall the lyrics, and leap into the audience, straight at Twink.

        "You burn me up, I'm a cigarette--
        You hold my hand and I begin to sweat 
        You make me nervous
        Oh, ooh, I'm nervous!
        This must be real bad karma for this to be my dharma
        with You - woo - wooo...."

        The crowd cheered as he skanked across the dance floor, mic cable 
tripping people behind him, and sprawled into Mary Magdalene's lap.

        "You burn me up, I'm a cigarette--
        Life with you is a losing bet
        You drive me crazy
        Oh, ooh, I'm going crazy!
        Your therapeutic antics, well, they only make me frantic
        with You - woo - wooo...."

        He ran back to the stage and began dancing in front of the Sloth.

        "Strategic interaction irreducible fraction 
        Terminal inaction from a bitter hostile faction
        I'm getting anxious
        I'm Franctious
        Transactional diseases are the only thing that pleases
        We -- HEE HEE!"

        One quick spin and he was sprawled out across the top of Diva's piano, 
lolling back in a parody of a torch singer's slouch.

        "You burn me up, I'm a cigarette--
        Demanding my attention which you're not gonna get
        I'll leave you cut down
        Tonight is SHUT down!
        Musical elation is my only consolation 
        From You - woo - WHOA!"

        Diva had grown angrier and angrier as she listened to him mangle the 
last verse into a message especially for her, one she didn't like at all. With 
and angry shove, she heaved the Bandit off the piano and onto the floor in a 
heap, where he lay while finishing the song. The crowd, thinking it was all 
part of the act, howled with laughter as the song ended, and cried for more.
        The Bandit got up and bowed, then leaned back to Diva.
        "You and me, never," he whispered.
        "Your loss, needledick," she replied, smiling sweetly.
        The Bandit bowed again, smiling, and screamed, "ONE MORE!"

        The Clean Room was shut down, and the band was stowing its gear. Twink 
and Mary Magdalene had adjourned to the ladies' room, and the Bandit was in
the Burger Bar having one last beer before closing. He finished his burger 
with a gulp, and wiped his mouth happily. I'd forgotten how good a 
fresh-grilled burger with double mayo can be, he sighed. Now, all I--
        "Bandit?"
        The Bandit whirled around. After a moment, he smiled carefully.
        "Hi, Teenie."
        "Can I sit down?" Her voice was timid, almost fearful.
        "Sure." He motioned to the chair across the small table from him. 
"It's nice to see you again. How have you been?"
        "Okay," Teenie said with a little smile. "I went to the Far East on a 
concert tour this summer."
        "Marvelous! I hope you had a good time." He watched her carefully.
        "It was. We visited--"
        "Why'd you leave me?"
        The question stopped her like a blow to the face. She looked at him in 
real fear, biting her lip.
        He leaned forward, his voice a whisper. "I have a right to know. You 
walked out of my life two years ago with no explanation. I let you go because 
I loved you too much to keep you. But now whatever I'd felt was gone, and I'm 
just curious. Why?"
        Teenie took a deep breath. "Because," she said, "You didn't ever 
really love me at all."
        "I didn't?" The Bandit's eyes widened. "That's news to me...."
        "Oh, give it up, Bandit!" Teenie actually put a little anger into her 
voice. "You can lie to me, but you can't lie to yourself!"
        "I'm not lying." His voice was firm. "If I didn't love you, why did I 
ask you out?"
        "Because you wanted someone to have sex with," Teenie said flatly.
        "What?" The Bandit drew his hands across his brow. "Teenie, are you 
crazy? Do you really believe that?"
        "Why shouldn't I?" Teenie glared at him challengingly.
        "Because there's a helluva lot of evidence to the contrary. If all I'd 
wanted was a sex object, why not Twink, huh? She was on my case from day one. 
I could've had her in bed in no time flat! Why waste time chasing you? Tell 
me!"
        Teenie looked uncomfortable. "M-Maybe you didn't think she was very 
pretty," she said softly.
        The Bandit let out his breath in a disparaging huff. "Compared to you? 
Get out of here! She's built like a brick shithouse! I was interested in you 
because you were musically inclined, and sensitive, and funny, and caring, and 
a wonderful person over all! If you didn't want a sexual relationship with me, 
all you had to do is say so! This is the 1980s, Teenie. If a woman says 'Yes', 
unless there's good evidence to the contrary, she means 'Yes'! You said 'No' 
for a long time and I left you alone until you changed your mind of your own 
accord. I didn't threaten you, I didn't play mind games with you. The 
relationship went at its own speed, and I hate to tell you this, kid, but it 
was YOU at the controls, not me!"
        "That's not TRUE!" Teenie cried. "You WANTED me, I KNEW that!"
        "Yes, I did," he said quietly. "But that put no obligation on you. 
Twink, for all the fun people made of her, was smart enough to lay down the 
ground rules before we did anything at all. I will not accept full 
responsibility for the fact that you expected me to read your mind!" He looked 
at her grimly. "Are you telling me that every time we made love, you were 
coerced into it? I was raping you and you hated it? Are you telling me that?"
        "No, of course not!" Teenie shook her head. Slowly, as if doing 
something very difficult, she reached out and took his hand. He clutched it 
tightly, and smiled at her. It was the first time they'd touched in years.
         She looked into his eyes as she spoke. "It was so hard to go to
confessional after we made love, Bandit. It, it felt miraculous, like God had
meant Man and Woman to feel together! I felt like I wasn't committing a sin!"
She shook her head. "But after a few months, I started wondering if there was
anything else to our relationship besides sex...." 
        "Are you kidding?" The Bandit slapped his forehead. "You helped me 
record some of my first electronic pieces! You sang backup for the band a 
couple of times! We shared books, we went to concerts together, we stayed up 
talking to all hours-- what was all of that, chopped liver?"
        "NO!" Teenie shook her head violently. "It wasn't, it wasn't! But I
thought-- I thought you only did it to keep me around!" 
        "Why the hell would you think that?" the Bandit wondered aloud. "Who 
the hell could put a crazy idea like that in your head, make both of us suffer 
the way we did? Did you really come up with this theory on your own?"
        Teenie looked down at the table for a long moment, her brow furrowed. 
"Of course I did," she said uncertainly. "I worked it out my, myself...."
She looked up at him in sudden shock. "Once the suggestion was there!"
        "Who made this-- suggestion?" The Bandit already knew the answer, but 
he had to hear it from Teenie's lips.
        "The Rainbow Wizard," she whispered, a tear forming in her eye.
        "Thought so." The Bandit sighed loudly. "Well, what's done is done," 
he said, getting up from the table. "We both learned a lot from the whole 
affair, I guess. I hear you've got a new boyfriend."
        She looked up at him, smiling shakily. "Yes. He's very sweet."
        "I'm happy for you," the Bandit said, meaning it with all of his 
battered, scabby heart. "Take care, Teenie." He turned to leave.
        "Bandit?"
        He turned back to face her. "Uh-huh?"
        "I'm not sorry things went the way they did," she said quietly. "But I 
am sorry you went this long without knowing the truth."
        He smiled briefly. "So am I." The bar doors swung behind him.

        The morning sun was bright over the roof of the East Habitat as the 
Bandit tossed his luggage into the back seat of his car. Twink and Mary 
Magdalene were there to see him off; the others had said goodbye at breakfast, 
and had headed off for their Monday classes. 
        "Well, this is it," the Bandit sighed. He gave Mary Magdalene a quick, 
hard hug, then held her at arms' length and shook her sharply. "Keep your 
promise to me," he said sternly. "And to yourself. You can't grow in Arcadia. 
Get the hell out. Soon! Okay?"
        Mary Magdalene nodded. "I'll try, Bandit. Sometime this year. Really."
The Bandit looked skeptically at her, then suddenly gasped as he remembered 
something. "Here," he said, "I almost forgot." He dug into his pocket and 
pulled out something small and shiny on a ratty old thread. It jingled gently 
as he placed it in Mary Magdalene's hands, and she accepted it silently, tears 
welling up in her eyes.
        "Thanks," she said softly. "You were right; I did want it back."
        "No problem," the Bandit smiled, though now he was looking at Twink.
He gazed into her tear-filled eyes for a long moment, then pulled her into his
arms and hugged her long and hard. 
        "Be good, kid," he whispered into her ear.
        "I will if you will," she whispered back.
        He let her go with a last, gentle kiss, and got into the car. He 
rolled down the window and said, "Take care, both of you." Then the window 
went back up and the car, crunching over the fresh snow, spun out and headed 
for the main highway.
        Glancing into the rear-view mirror, the Bandit saw Twink bury her face 
in her hands, saw Mary Magdalene gently take her in her arms and hold her. 
Then he turned his attention back to the road, and a single tear ran down his 
cheek as he turned the corner and the East Habitat was lost to sight.
        Damn sun in my eyes, he thought, wiping a hand across his face. He 
floored the accelerator as he hit the On-ramp, and the car was gone in a blur, 
leaving Arcadia for the long trip home.