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This work is copyrighted to the author © 1991.  Please
don't remove the author information or make any changes
to this story.  All rights reserved. Thank you for your 
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First Love
by Anonymous Author (address withheld)
First published by TheEditor

***

A poignant coming of age story and love story wrapped 
into one. Well written and sexy story about teenage 
lovers and life in general. Because of the length of the 
story it has been split into two books. (mf-teens, 
youths, 1st, rom)

***

Book One: PREFACE

The cold air stung my lungs as I glanced over at Matt. 
It was so cold his breath was frosty in the air. He 
looked at me and quickly glanced away.

I was extremely drunk. I had just broken up with my 
long-term boyfriend earlier in the week, the boy who had 
taken my virginity. I had vowed to get completely 
smashed this weekend. Now here I was, being escorted 
home by a freshman 'cause my friends didn't want me 
walking home alone. I had been crying, so drunk at the 
party, I had insisted on going home NOW and so they 
grabbed Matt and told him to walk me home because 
everybody else was either too drunk to drive or busy 
getting on somebody.

My heart raced when our eyes had briefly met. I knew 
this boy had a crush on me, and it drove me wild. I had 
wanted to say, "Awwh" all year, whenever he had come up 
with a lame excuse to talk to me, to stand by me, 
whenever it seemed he had gathered the courage to utter 
a word to me. It made my stomach flutter when he 
stammered mid-sentence as he tried desperately to find 
something to say next.

I remember the time his buddies grabbed me at lunch, 
yelling, "Hey Matt, it's your girl! It's your girl!" 
What could I do but look away, pretending I didn't hear 
as he told them to shut up, red faced. I felt bad for 
him, the way his buddies teased him. From what I had 
seen he didn't stand up to them enough. Well, maybe he 
was rather immature, even for a freshman.

But right then I was so drunk, I nearly tripped over the 
curb as I stepped over it. I wanted to say something to 
him, but the silence was deafening. I started crying 
again, saying how I hated my ex-boyfriend and how my 
life sucked.

"Oh, come on," Matt said. "Maybe you're better off 
without him."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, you deserve better."

"Thanks. You're so nice Matt!" I exclaimed, fawning (my 
usual drunk line: "You're so nice!").

His blue eyes, framed by long lashes, studied my face as 
we walked in the moonlight. I knew he knew I was drunk. 
I wondered what he was thinking, if he had had some 
great plan all along to get me into bed that he never 
*quite* got a chance at, considering I had always had a 
boyfriend since he had known me. Maybe some plan that he 
was always altering here and there, while he never gave 
up. I wondered if he was thinking it was now his big 
chance.

I leaned on him suddenly, wrapping my arms around him 
while I sobbed into his shoulder, "Matt, you're so 
nice..."

He awkwardly put his arm around me, whispering, "Don't 
cry," to me as we tried to continue walking while I was 
nearly backward, my arms still around him as I clung to 
him desperately. I continued crying until we reached my 
house.

He stood awkwardly on my doorstep as I tried to unlock 
the door and undo the security system at the same time. 
I'm sure he didn't know what to do, if he should listen 
to his common sense that was telling him I would laugh 
at him hysterically and tell him to get lost if he asked 
to come in, or whether to go with his primal urges and 
stay around. I wondered if he could ignore the bulge I 
had felt in his pants as I had clung to him, my 
seventeen year-old body pressing against his. I wondered 
if I could ignore it.

The door swung open, into the pitch black house.

"Come in with me," I pleaded, grabbing his hands as my 
eyes tried to focus. "I'm scared -- it's all dark," my 
voice croaked.

"Okay," he whispered, staring at my hand as I grabbed 
his clumsily and pulled him in. The door closed behind 
us and we were emerged in darkness.

I pulled him toward my bedroom. I could hear his rapid 
breathing over the soft sounds of his tennis shoes on 
the hall carpet. Thank God, my parents were out of town 
that weekend.

"See if anybody's in there," I ordered, pushing him into 
my room as I hung back in the hallway, still crying.

"I'm sure there's nobody in..." he started to protest.

"Just do it," I whined.

He reached in and turned on my light. No one in there.

He glanced around my room, taking in everything 
instantly: from the box on my floor filled with picture 
frames and miscellaneous junk left over from my 
relationship with Ryan, to my stuffed animals on the 
shelf, and finally to my double bed with the soft 
pillows and down comforter. His eyes stopped dead at the 
bed, and he swallowed. I wondered if he'd fantasized 
about my bed before, me sleeping in it, himself being in 
it, maybe about making love to me under its covers.

I walked past him into the room and switched on the bed 
side lamp. I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. 
God, I was drunk.

I don't know how long I sat like that as Matt stared at 
me, but finally I heard his low voice stammer,

"Um, um, do you want me to leave?"

My eyes refused to focus as I looked at him standing in 
the doorway.

"Wait, c'mere," I said to him. He walked over to me 
slowly, swallowing. He sat on the bed next to me. He was 
so nervous. He rubbed his palms on his thighs -- was he 
sweating? He was such a quiet guy; I wondered what he 
was thinking.

"Are you gonna go back to Dana's?" (Dana was my best 
friend whose house the party at been at; Matt was 
friends with her little brother Mike, which was how he 
got to a senior party in the first place).

"I dunno," he said. "Mike was getting with some girl 
earlier and I'm not sure he wants me to still spend the 
night. I might just go home, it's not that far."

"But it's so cold!" I exclaimed, looking at him like he 
was the bravest guy in the world.

"Oh," he said shyly, smiling down at his hands, which 
were in his lap, conveniently hiding the bulge from me.

I stood up suddenly, and he immediately stood up too. I 
walked around to the end of my bed, where I paused, not 
remembering what I was looking for or where I had been 
going. He followed me and stood closely next to me as I 
began laughing drunkenly, incoherently exclaiming about 
how funny it was that I didn't know what I had been 
going to get.

He smiled at me, still studying my face with his huge 
blue eyes. I grabbed his jacket and laughed hysterically 
into his shoulder. I put my arms around him and snuggled 
close to him. It felt so good to be held. I could feel 
his heart pounding.

My arms still around him, I drew back and smiled at him. 
My smile faded, and his eyes grew panicky as I just 
looked at him. I rose up on my tip toes and kissed him 
gently on the mouth. He sucked in air rapidly; God, I 
thought the boy was going to hyperventilate. I didn't 
pull back though, and he began to kiss me back. I opened 
my mouth and slipped my tongue in to touch his. My arms 
wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders while we kept 
kissing. His hands slid down my back, bravely resting on 
my ass.

My insides were quivering. I wanted him, but should I? I 
pulled away again, and slid my hands down his hard chest 
as he stared at me.

"Matt," I whispered. "Have you ever made love before?"

He gulped again, and shook his head, not looking me in 
the eye, as he hung his head. Oh, I thought, he's 
embarrassed about his virginity! My heart swelled. I 
began kissing him again, his neck and his ear while he 
breathed out in a rush.

"Make love to me tonight," I pleaded in a whisper. 
"Matt, please make love to me."

"Yes," he whispered back. "Oh god, yes."

I kissed him again, then began slowly undressing him, 
unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off while I kissed 
the soft white skin of his chest. My tongue licked his 
hard nipple.

We lay on the bed and kissed. Eager, and probably not 
knowing exactly what he was supposed to do, he 
practically tried to enter me before we were even 
completely undressed.

"No, no," I said gently. "Not yet... Not that yet."

I gently pushed him off me, and got him on his back. 
First I kissed his mouth, and his ears, and his neck. I 
licked both his nipples, and lay my head down on his 
muscular chest as it heaved up and down rapidly. 
Kneeling next to him on the bed while I leaned over him, 
he stared up at me, touching my face softly, and I 
returned his stare. My fingers lightly ran over his 
ribs, and I kissed each one.

Slowly moving south, teasing, I stuck my tongue in his 
belly button and he groaned, knowing I'm sure the 
direction I was headed in and what I was after. I kissed 
the baby fine hairs below his navel. They ran in a 
streak down into his jeans. My lips traveled all over 
his stomach, and his hips. I finished unbuttoning his 
jeans, and he lifted up so I could pull them off. His 
hard cock, juices dripping out, stuck out of the hole of 
his wet underwear. Odd thought, I wondered if his mother 
folded her son's underwear. I wondered what she would 
think if she could see him now...

I crawled between his spread thighs. He was positively 
shaking, his hands fumbling about on the bed by his 
sides. He *is* inexperienced, I thought. I crawled back 
up, supporting myself above him, and kissed him again.

"It's okay," I whispered as I looked into his eyes. 
"Yeah?"

He nodded.

I touched his face lightly, and smiled at him in the dim 
light. I smoothed his hair back on his forehead while he 
swallowed. I kissed him again. He touched my hair too, 
and nodded again, reassuring me. I went back down.

His underwear off completely, I began teasing him as his 
breathing became even more coarse and rapid. I began 
licking his thighs, and then kissing his pubic hair as 
his cock rubbed in my long hair. He stared at me, his 
eyes glassy. I kept massaging his thighs and running my 
tongue through his pubic hair. He groaned. I knew I was 
driving him crazy. I looked up at him; our eyes locked.

"Please," he whispered hoarsely, begging me for more.

I continued kissing his thighs, then moved my head up 
and let my tongue slightly touch his warm balls. He 
gasped, his hips jerking up. I swallowed one of his 
balls while he moaned, "Oh my God..." I slid my tongue 
up the length of his long hard dick. I swirled it 
around, and slid it back down to his heavy balls. I 
gently took one into my mouth and sucked it a little. I 
played with his balls with my mouth, my lips around 
them, licking them in the sack. Then I tongued the 
underside of his dick's head, and he groaned. I licked 
it up and down. All the while he was whimpering like a 
baby.

I finally took the swollen head into my mouth and sucked 
it, hard. He cried out. I rubbed his shaft with my hands 
while his hands gripped my head, his fingers running 
through my hair. I took the whole thing into my mouth 
and began pumping, sucking his dick rapidly.

His hips began slowly rocking, bucking to meet my mouth 
instinctively. I glanced up at him without letting go of 
my prize. His head was thrown back on the pillow, his 
eyes closed and his mouth open. His hip thrusts became 
faster, sticking his cock into my throat and nearly 
gagging me while he gripped my head. My God, I thought, 
he's fucking my mouth. His whimpering became louder and 
he started to yell while I sucked faster, as fast as I 
could.

"OhmyGod, ohmyGod," he yelled, as his whole body 
stiffened. "Jen!" he gasped faintly as his sperm 
exploded into my mouth and down my throat. His hips were 
lifted off the bed completely as he tried desperately to 
get as deep as he could. He came so much I couldn't 
handle it all and it seeped out of the corners of my 
mouth.

"Yeah, baby, yeah!" he grunted. With one final 
"Unngghh!" he collapsed on the bed and tried to catch 
his breath. I looked up at him from between his sweaty 
thighs and saw his facial expression.

Oh God, I thought, he's in heaven.

I licked the rest of Matt's cum off of his dick. I 
wondered if he would leave now that he had cum. I hoped 
he wouldn't. He liked me, I knew that, but I didn't know 
how much. Or what it meant to him. Maybe he just thought 
I was pretty or something.

I crawled up to him and laid next to him. I put my head 
on his chest and hugged him while he stroked my hair. I 
kissed his pecs and rubbed his shoulders. I held him to 
me for awhile, then I lay on my back and looked up at 
the ceiling. I wondered what he would do.

He looked over at me first, then leaned over and kissed 
me. He began kissing my neck and fondling my breasts. He 
was too rough at first, squeezing my nipples and 
kneading my tits, pinching them, fascinated with the new 
toys I had presented him with. I gasped in pain and he 
looked pleased, probably thinking I was in pleasure. The 
darling boy was so eager to please. I pushed his hands 
away and he looked at me, questioningly.

"No, you're being too rough," I said. I looked down at 
myself. "Don't you think I have pretty breasts?"

"Yeah..." he said.

"Don't you want to kiss them?" I asked.

Matt looked down at my body. He started by gently 
tonguing my nipples and kissing my chest all over, then 
began sucking on them. His hand explored my cunt, and he 
inserted a couple of fingers in, exclaiming how wet I 
was. I gasped aloud and moaned when his tough fingers 
found my clitoris, and he quickly looked up in surprise.

"Do you like that?" he asked in delight.

"Oh Matt, yes," I moaned.

"Here?" he asked, curious, rubbing my clit.

"Yeah, right there oh God don't stop!"

Happy where he was, he continued sucking my breasts and 
finger fucking me while his thumb rolled over my clit. 
Spreading my legs apart, I gently pushed him lower. I 
lifted one knee up. He stared at me, maybe nervous about 
being inexperienced. But he set his mind up to go for 
it. His hard cock stuck out like a pole from his belly 
as he repositioned himself between my legs.

I gasped in pleasure as his wet mouth attached itself to 
my quivering cunt. His tongue slipped in to my vagina 
and explored my insides. Armed with his new information, 
he didn't neglect my clitoris, but instead worshipped it 
with his tongue and lips. I kept encouraging him with 
groans and yelps and words.

"Oh Matt, honey!" I groaned. "God, Matty, don't stop! 
Don't stop!" It's not like I was in any danger of his 
going anywhere; he was glued between my open thighs, 
happily eating his first pussy.

He kept sucking and sucking me and pretty soon the room 
began to spin. "Ohhh, I'm cumming I'm cumming!" I 
shrieked while every nerve in my body danced. I shook 
all over and grabbed his head and pushed it into me. He 
looked a little alarmed, but extremely pleased with 
himself, which drove me crazy.

My heart rate, pounding in my ears, slowed as my orgasm 
subsided. He continued eating me, making me horny again. 
Besides, I'm insatiable when I'm drunk.

I noticed he was absentmindedly stroking his virgin dick 
while his tongue plunged into my cunt. I motioned for 
him to move up. He scrambled up next to me and began 
kissing me. I spread my legs apart and whispered in his 
ear, "Matt, put it in me..."

He was on top of me in a flash, after all, from what I 
knew about guys, *this* is what he had been waiting for, 
for fifteen years. *This* is what he thought of 
constantly, what every other guy talked about 
constantly. Heaven awaited him between my spread thighs.

With one arm supporting him, the other gripped the head 
of his swollen cock which he aimed at my dripping box. 
He searched for the entrance, then eased in the head. He 
then shoved the entire length in while we both gasped in 
pleasure. He lay on top of me, and thrust his dick in 
deeper, banging against my cervix while I cried out in 
pain. My sweaty thighs gripping his hips, he pumped a 
few times more, but he was too excited. In his innocence 
and extreme excitement he pulled out completely and got 
off center.

"Oh God I'm cumming," he gasped into my ear.

"Cum, Matt, cum!" I whispered back, my head spinning.

His hands supporting him while I cradled his head on my 
shoulders. He frantically tried to get it back into me 
but failed and shot his hot cum all over my thighs. His 
voice wavered as he let out a cry, and completely 
withdrawn out of me, he desperately began humping my 
slippery thighs and pubic mound.

He collapsed onto me. I held him in my arms and began 
kissing him. He pulled away, and didn't look me in the 
eye as he whispered, "I'm sorry," and looked down 
between us at the mess. "I know, I came too soon," he 
said sadly, "I'm sorry..."

My stomach leapt to my throat as I thought of how 
sensitive he was being of me and my needs, how desperate 
to please me he was. The thought of him being upset by 
his perceived lack of a "good" performance made me want 
to cry. I grabbed his face and made him look at me.

"No, don't be sorry," I said. "It was wonderful; I loved 
it." It was the truth.

He gave me a shy smile and looked again at the sticky 
mess that we were encased in. He rolled off me and lay 
on his back staring at the ceiling, still smiling 
embarrassedly. I told him not to worry about it and 
grabbed some Kleenex and cleaned us off.

"See?" I said. "All gone!"

I snuggled up close to him underneath the covers. We 
kissed and rubbed each other and giggled. We lay on our 
sides facing each other, our hips pressing together.

His dick soon stiffened again, poking against me. He 
grinned at me, then rolled onto his back and pulled me 
on top of him. I spread my legs and guided it in. I lay 
on him at first, my breasts pinned against his chest, 
and fucked him hard. His body was so hard, unbelievable 
built for a freshman.

The I sat up and rode him while he lay back with a huge 
smile on his face, fondling my tits. I couldn't believe 
how much pleasure I was experiencing with this boy.

I crawled off of him and lay on my side with my back to 
his chest. I pulled his glistening dick between my legs. 
Our hands met down there as both of us together put his 
long dick into my cunt. He began thrusting into me 
rapidly from behind, grunting his approval. I led his 
hands to my clit which he played with, his dick in me 
all the way. He got me onto all fours and continued 
fucking me.

"Oh, doggy style, huh?" I laughed, at his initiative. 
"You like doggy style!"

"Hell yeah," he grunted at me. I banged him backwards, 
meeting each of his thrusts and drowning in pleasure. He 
massaged my ass, gripping my hips and then reaching down 
with one hand for my clit, his new best friend. I 
shrieked in pleasure from his fingers manipulating my 
clit like that. He was a quick learner, that's for 
certain. He leaned over me, his chest pressed into my 
back while his arms supported him next to mine. His 
large hands covered my small ones on the bed, while he 
kept thrusting his slippery dick into me. He breathed 
and groaned in my ear. I groaned back, and kept telling 
him how great he was.

I sat up suddenly, knocking him back into a sitting 
position on his knees. "Sit, sit," I told him.

I sat on him like that, my ass grinding into his groin 
while my thighs straddled his. He clasped me to him, and 
held my breasts with one hand while the other went 
between my legs. I fondled his balls between my thighs 
and he played with my clit. My head lolled backward on 
his shoulder as I moaned, and I twisted around and we 
kissed.

"I'm gonna cum again," he groaned.

"No," I ordered playfully. "You're not allowed! Matty, 
you're not *allowed* to come yet!"

"Awright, but I'm gonna if you don't hold still," he 
warned.

I stopped moving and held still. He didn't move a 
muscle, and in fact he was holding his breath. I'm 
almost started to laugh, but he was gripping my body so 
tightly I could barely breathe myself. He let his breath 
out, and said okay.

I returned to rocking him back and forth. It was too 
much for me, his fingers pressed into my clit and 
rubbing it around, plus his hard dick lodged into me, 
all made me cum again.

"Ohhh, Ohhh! Yes!" I breathed. "I'm cumming, Matt you're 
making me cum again you fucker! OooOOOOooh!"

"No, you're not allowed, not allowed to at all!" he 
joked.

My world went white, my body exploding in pleasure as I 
laughed. The combination of the two, laughing 
hysterically and cumming at the same time, was 
unbelievable. I ground my hips into him violently, 
trying to milk every ounce of pleasure out of it that I 
could. He groaned loudly as my vagina spasmed several 
times, clenching his dick tightly. I breathed hard, 
spent.

Exhausted, and teasing a little, I got off him and fell 
on my back on the bed, covering my eyes with my forearm 
and crossing my legs at the ankles.

"That was great Matty, really great..." I murmured, 
moving my arm a little so I could see him. Matt still 
sat on the end of the bed, his swollen dick pulsating up 
and down, still needing me desperately. The look on his 
face was partial panic, not knowing whether I was done 
with him or not, and partial amusement, knowing I was 
teasing him.

I removed my arm completely and, raising my knees up, 
smiled at him. "C'mere!" I said, holding my arms out to 
my boy. "C'mere..."

He was in me again quickly, this time with my raised 
legs over his shoulders. We kissed passionately, our wet 
mouths open and our tongues prying in and intertwining, 
while his hips bucked, his cock in me so deep. He thrust 
again and again.

Soon, his breathing became even more rapid and he cried 
out as he shot jets of his sperm into me. He groaned and 
kept thrusting faster and faster, gasping, then 
eventually slower, and slower, until finally he fell out 
and we just lay holding each other, spent.

He kissed me. "I love you," he whispered, his eyes 
shining.

I was much wiser than Matt, older and wiser and perhaps 
knew a lot more about love than him. But, at that 
moment, held tightly in his arms, I loved him too, 
desperately. I had to. "I love you too..." I told him.

Matt grinned at me and kissed me again.


-= Chapter 1 =-

Matt walked in through the front door of his house, 
relieved to find his parents gone. His little sisters 
sat in the living room watching cartoons, still in their 
pajamas. Tired, and happier than he could ever remember 
being, he went up to his bedroom and lay on his bed, 
still in the clothes he had worn yesterday to school.

Yesterday seemed so long ago. Laying on his stomach, he 
tried to remember last night. He tried to remember what 
it felt like, his dick in her, her mouth around it. His 
dick throbbed against the bed. He closed his eyes and 
smiled. He had made her cum. She had told him to come 
over tonight too. He wanted her so bad, not just to have 
sex with, but really wanted her. He needed her.

He thought about her constantly, had from the first 
moment he had laid eyes on her. She wasn't with Ryan 
anymore. She had told him she hated him. He had also 
seen it in her eyes last night when Ryan came over to 
the party, trying to convince her to come back to him. 
She threw his ring away. She flushed it down the toilet 
in front of everyone. Could this really be happening? 
Was she finally his? he wondered sleepily, still 
smiling.

He woke up that afternoon around three, sweaty around 
his collar, the sun pouring into his room. The phone -- 
the phone was ringing. Why wasn't anybody answering it? 
he thought in annoyance, then, What if it was Jen? He 
leapt out of his bed and went running into his parents' 
room. The machine in the kitchen had already gone on by 
the time he had picked it up. "Hold on a second," he 
said, waiting for the announcement to finish. He heard 
his friend Erik's voice.

The machine went off and he repeated, "Hello?"

"What's up?" said Erik.

"Nuthin'," answered Matt, disappointed that it wasn't 
her.

"What are you doin'?"

"Nuthin'!"

"Oh."

"What are you doing?" Matt asked.

"Oh -- nuthin'," he answered. "Just ate lunch."

"So, what did you do last night?" Matt asked, feeling 
superior. He knew Erik's night couldn't have topped his.

"Oh, nuthin' much. Was going to go to some party I heard 
about but my parents wouldn't let me go out y' know."

"Suck."

"Yeah. Cuffy and Rick -- you know Rick Jackson, from PE? 
Anyway, they came over and we watched some porno. It was 
theirs," he added.

Matt laughed, feeling extremely superior. He laughed 
again.

"Shut up dude," said Erik, annoyed. "Like you're so much 
better."

"Maybe I am," Matt replied, matter-of-factly. He felt a 
twinge of regret in his heart after he said that, for he 
knew he was going to tell, and he knew she might not 
like that. She hadn't said he *couldn't* tell anybody 
though.

"Oh yeah right," replied Erik haughtily. "You ain't 
never had a girl or nuthin."

Matt paused, for effect.

"Fuck you," said Erik, noting the pause and what it was 
supposed to insinuate.

"I got laid last night," said Matt.

"Fuckin' liar. You did not."

"I did too."

"You fuckin' liar! Who, then?"

"She's a senior."

"Oh you fuckin liar!" Erik repeated again. "What the 
hell kinda crack are you on?"

"I swear!" Matt laughed.

"What's her name then? I bet she's a hella dog."

"No way, she's fine as hell. You know Jen Halleran? The 
one with the long brown hair?"

"Oh, you're such a liar. The one you love. I *don't* 
think so Matt."

"Fine, don't believe me. I don't care."

"Sure. Where did you do it then?" Erik asked.

"Her house. Her *bed*." he answered.

"Man. Was that at that party last night?" Erik demanded, 
starting to believe Matt.

"Yeah. Well, after."

"My fuckin' parents. God, I'm gonna kill them!" snorted 
Erik, pissed.

"Yeah..." Matt laughed. "Well, it's not like you 
would've gotten any anyway."

"Fuck you. What the hell happened? I thought she had 
some boyfriend? Mike said they were hella serious."

"They broke up. He's a total dick you know."

"So what happened?" Erik demanded.

"She was really upset, you know, cause her ex-boyfriend 
came to the party and he was all trying to get back with 
her and stuff. But anyway, I walked her home and she 
hella wanted it."

"You fucker," said the jealous Erik.

"She liked pulled me inside and she's like, 'Matt, Matt, 
make love to me!'" he said, getting in to the story. 
"She's like, 'Oh Matt, I want your cock, I want your 
cock!'"

"Bullshit. Did she suck it?"

"Hell yeah she did. Oh my *God*..." he groaned, 
remembering.

"It was great?" asked Erik.

"Oh my God!" he repeated. "It was awesome. Then I fucked 
her twice."

"Twice? God I hate you. You're such a fucker. You're 
lying I know it," insisted Erik.

"I'm not! I'm dead serious. I'm goin' over there again 
tonight too. I guess I'll get me some more."

"Can I come?"

"You wish! Get your own."

"Man. Goddamn."

"Don't tell anyone or I'll kick your ass."

Erik just laughed.

"I mean it!" Matt said. "Or I'll make sure you never get 
any."

"Oh, like what? Now that you've gotten some you're the 
King of All Pussy? Fuck you."

"No, just don't? Come on, promise you'll keep it a 
secret."

"Awright. I promise," Erik gave in, not being especially 
sincere although Matt didn't pick up on that.

"Well, I gotta go. Gotta take a shower. *Really* gotta 
take a shower."

"You're dirty," sniffed Erik.

"Gladly, when it's dirty like this," laughed Matt.

"Oh, yeah well, later..."

"Later..."

Both hung up.

***

In the shower his dick stood up straight, hard as he 
stood under the spray of hot water. He closed his eyes 
and thought about tonight. He was sure she wanted him 
the way she had last night. She had been drunk though, a 
little voice in his head said. But this morning, this 
morning she wasn't drunk anymore.

He had woken up before her, his arms around her and her 
head resting on his naked chest. He had known it wasn't 
a dream then. He had wanted to stay, stay and hold her 
and make love to her again. But he was scared his mom 
was going to call Mike's and ask to speak with him, 
maybe even go over there to pick him up. If he wasn't 
there he'd have been dead. What if his mom found out 
where he was and showed up? That would have been a 
nightmare.

So, he left her to go home, and she'd protested, wanting 
to know where he was going. He'd thought she looked sad 
that he was leaving her. He felt a chill run through him 
at the thought. Then when he was hurriedly getting 
dressed she had told him she wanted him to come over 
again that night. He'd promised he would, his heart 
leaping for joy.

More than anything, he just wanted to be with her. He 
wanted to hold her in his arms and talk with her, about 
anything. He wished he was still with her, damn he 
wished he had a car. He could have stayed longer if he 
hadn't been scared about his mom showing up. He wished 
he had a license at that.

He looked down at his dick, still pulsating. He washed 
it, soaping it up. He thought about tonight, closing his 
eyes. He rubbed it up and down. Thoughts flew at him as 
his body racked with waves of pleasure: Save it for 
tonight, you don't need to do that anymore, then, you 
can't show up with a hardon...

Matt gripped the bar on the shower door as his sperm 
shot out onto the tile wall in front of him.

***

Matt's mom walked into the kitchen, turning on the light 
to see through the dusk. She called for someone to help 
her with the groceries. She heard the TV on. Her husband 
had a softball game. Her daughters scampered through the 
house, still at the age where chores were fun. She 
started putting away the groceries she had brought in 
already, pausing to check the answering machine. The 
light was blinking. She pressed play, and was surprised 
at how long it rewound while she put the vegetables 
away. She listened in amusement for a second. After 
awhile she turned pale.


-= Chapter 2 =-

Matt walked over to her house in the dusk, smelling of 
his dad's cologne. He was so happy. He wondered if 
people looking at him could tell he wasn't a virgin.

He thought about that night. He could just imagine what 
would happen...

He would walk in and give her a kiss (damn why didn't he 
get her some flowers? He'd look for a nice one to steal 
on the rest of the way).

"Hi honey," she'd say.

"Hi sweetheart," he'd answer. Maybe they'd make dinner 
together? He was really hungry. He knew her parents were 
out of town a lot, Mike had told him. Mike knew a lot 
about her, since her best friend was his sister. She was 
a really good cook he'd heard.

Then maybe they'd do it. Maybe they'd go to a movie 
after, or before actually. He had $20 in his wallet. He 
felt embarrassed that she'd have to drive. But, it 
couldn't be helped.

He turned into her circular driveway. Right away, he 
knew something was amiss. Dana's black Honda Accord was 
there. He thought he could hear music.

Dammit, he thought. What's Dana doing here? Slowly, he 
walked up to her doorstep. Maybe she's about to leave. 
He wanted to be alone with her, without Dana. He rang 
the bell. It seemed so strange that he had been there 
less than 24 hours ago.

His heart leapt to his throat as the doorknob rattled, 
the door flying open. Dana stood there. She looked him 
up and down, he swore she did. They were best friends, 
of course she knew what they'd done. Girls told each 
other everything.

"Hi Matt," she said.

"Hi," he mumbled.

Dana opened her mouth to say something then closed it. 
She just looked at him.

"Is she here?" he asked finally.

"Uh, yeah. Come in," she said, stepping aside to let him 
in.

He followed Dana down the hall to her bedroom. Jen was 
making her bed he guessed, she had a pillow under her 
chin and was putting the pillowcase on.

Jen looked beautiful. Matt fought off the desire to jump 
on her right then. Her hair, freshly washed, shined in 
the light as it hung down her back. She wore a white t-
shirt and cutoff blue jeans, unraveling at the ends. Her 
legs were so tan. She looked over at him for a second, 
her eyes cool, no emotion, then turned away, facing the 
sliding glass door that revealed all their reflections.

"Hey, will you help me with this?" she asked, sounding a 
little annoyed, stretching the clean sheets across the 
bed. He realized the sheets must have been really dirty, 
but an unreasonable part of him was slightly insulted 
that she washed them, like she was washing him away 
maybe. He pushed those thoughts aside as he stared at 
her ass when she bent over, not quite believing that 
he'd touched it the night before.

He jumped and said, "Who, me?" It was pointless, his 
words just hung in the air; Dana had already started 
helping her make the bed.

Matt got that familiar sick feeling in his gut. He felt 
so isolated from them. Then he felt angry at himself. 
She didn't want him there, he could feel it. She hadn't 
even said hi to him. He desperately wanted to leave 
right then, wanted to run away and hide in his bed. But 
yet she hadn't done anything mean to him, just hadn't 
done what he thought she'd do. He hated her for an 
instant. Then he felt ashamed.

Dana was giving her a look from across the bed, he 
thought. He couldn't tell what it meant, except 
possibly, "Well? Aren't you going to acknowledge Matt?" 
He couldn't see Jen's eyes, her reaction, but he felt 
vibes (was he paranoid?) that were negative toward him, 
like she was rolling her eyes, laughing at him.

Matt still stood there, wanting to cry, hating his 
reflection in the glass. His hair was gelled. God, I 
must look like a dork, he thought, his vision blurring 
as he stared at his shoes.

Dana moved, and she left, giving him a slight smile as 
she walked out of the room. She even closed the door. It 
was just them.

She still stood with her back to him, no longer making 
the bed.

"Hi," he began. His voice sounded too high. He sounded 
like a frickin' girl he thought.

She scratched her head, then ran her fingers through her 
long hair. She turned around, and she smiled at him, a 
genuine, warm smile.

His heart leapt, it was okay! He walked toward her. He 
kissed her, on the cheek though, and hugged her. She 
didn't hug him back.

"Hi," he said again. He grinned at her. She sat down on 
the bed.

He heard Dana's car. They were alone. He sat next to 
her, and pulled her to him, so that her head rested on 
his shoulder.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Fine," she said.

"Not hungover are you?" he asked, teasing her.

"No, not much. Matt?"

His heart skipped a beat. "Yeah?" he asked.

"You and I need to talk..."

No!!! his mind screamed. He let go of her.

"It's about us, you know? What we... about last night," 
she explained.

"Yeah?" he asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"You know I was drunk," she started to say, "and I, 
well, I don't know."

He didn't say anything. His heart broke.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I should have been more 
responsible."

His head was ringing. Responsible? What was she talking 
about? Was she pregnant? No, she wouldn't know already. 
Besides, Mike had said she was on the pill. He'd even 
seen them.

"I just hope that you don't expect anything from this," 
she continued.

"Why not?" he demanded. Oops, he shouldn't have said 
that.

She was taken aback. "Well, it's just that Matt, you're 
just a baby, like, you, I didn't mean that, no I didn't 
mean you're a baby like that," she said quickly. "I mean 
that it just wouldn't work out," she stumbled.

His mind reeled as his eyes filled with tears.

"I don't think you're a baby," she repeated, knowing 
that remark had gone straight to his heart. "I think 
you're a great guy! "

"Then why don't you like me?" he asked, sadly. In all 
truth he didn't want to know, he wanted to run out of 
there as fast as he could and never face her again. But 
part of him was waiting for her to say that she *did* 
like him, that she loved him like she said last night.

"Oh Matt," she said. "I *do* like you -- just not like 
that." She touched his shoulder.

"Fucking bitch!" he screamed. Actually he didn't say it 
aloud, like he wanted to, but in his mind he screamed it 
just the same. He was such a goddamn fool. Stupid fool! 
he yelled at himself. *She hates me she doesn't love me 
she doesn't like me she DOESN'T love me...* It ran 
through his mind over and over *Fucking bitch stupid 
fool goddamn fucking bitch stupid fool...*

He stood up suddenly and walked out of her room, without 
saying anything. She jumped up and followed him, saying, 
"Matt, wait, comeback..."

She tried to grab his hands as he walked down the hall, 
trying to make him see, oh, why couldn't he *see*? He 
pushed her away, pushed her groping hands away as tears 
streamed down his face, tears he was determined that she 
wouldn't see.

"Leave me alone. I don't care," he mumbled, pushing her 
away from him once and for all. His forearm covered his 
eyes and wiped the tears away as he went out into the 
night. She stood on the doorstep, one bare foot on top 
of the other and began to cry as he left her. She ran 
back into the house, threw herself on her bed and cried.

Crying himself, Matt walked home in a daze.

***

Matt's mom had listened to the tape twice, then played 
it for her husband. They'd both listened awkwardly, not 
quite sure what to do or how to punish him, if they 
should at all. It was strange, listening to their son's 
voice, swearing and saying those things to his friend. 
He had no idea that the answering machine that had gone 
on had never stopped recording the message.

"Did she suck it?" asked the friend.

"Hell yeah she did! Oh my god!" Matt's voice groaned 
into the phone. "Then I fucked her twice."

They heard the door slam. Matt was back. He walked past 
the kitchen and ran upstairs without even looking at 
them.

His dad looked at his wife, then followed him up the 
stairs. He knocked on his door. No answer, then an 
annoyed and muffled, "What?"

He opened the door. Matt was laying on his bed facing 
the wall.

"Hi..." he began.

Matt didn't respond. His dad knew he was upset, knew 
something had gone wrong at the girl's house. He sat 
down on the corner of his bed, saying, "What's the 
matter?"

"Nothing."

His dad paused. "So, where'd you go?"

"Out."

"Matt, I know where you were."

Matt panicked. Had she called after him? Had she told 
his *parents?* How much did they know? He turned around.

His tearstained face startled his dad. He hadn't seen 
Matt cry in awhile.

"Matt, we know what happened last night."

"How? What happened?"

"I know that you had sex... Matt, I should've talked to 
you long ago."

"What? I did not," he lied. God, my life is getting 
worse every second, he thought angrily.

"You told Erik -- it got recorded on the machine." Matt 
turned away again. "I just want to say that your mother 
and I aren't mad at you. Just a little surprised, that's 
all."

Matt wanted to run away right then. My life sucks, it 
sucks so much shit, he thought, staring at the wall. He 
just wanted her, he still just wanted her. He 
desperately wanted his dad to disappear.

"Did you use protection?" his dad asked him.

"Dad."

"Well, it's important. I really should have talked to 
you before this. Did you?"

"Not exactly. She's on the pill so she won't get 
pregnant. You don't have to worry about that."

"You should have used a condom," he said. "Don't you 
know that? You could have gotten a disease."

"She doesn't have any diseases!" he said angrily. "She's 
not some slut, she's not like that."

"How do you know?"

"Just do. She's only done it with one other guy. Not 
that it's any of your business."

"Still," he said, feeling a trifle bad. "I didn't mean 
to imply that she was a tramp or anything, it's just 
that you have to be careful."

Matt said nothing, still facing away from his dad.

His dad coughed. "So, do you want to tell me about her?"

"No. She's just some girl, really dad."

"Your first time was supposed to be special."

It was special, Matt thought to himself bitterly. Screw 
you what the hell do you know?

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing!"

"Why are you crying? What just happened? I know you went 
over there again..."

"Nothing happened."

His dad paused, looking at the back of his son's head. 
"Do you like her a lot?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," Matt whispered, trying to fight back tears.

"Does she like you too?"

"No," he whispered after a moment, as he started to cry 
again.

"Oh Matt," he comforted, patting his back. "You'll get 
over her, really. I know that's no consolation right 
now, but you have to realize that... Also, although it's 
enjoyable of course," he said awkwardly. "Sex is much 
more enjoyable with someone you love; it's much better 
then."

I do love her! his mind screamed. I love her I love her 
I love her!

"So, um, just remember that. We can't stop you from 
having sex. It's not that we want to prevent you from 
having a good time, but we just don't want to see you 
get hurt. We love you so much you know. You're hurting 
right now and that hurts us. And of course, look out for 
yourself. You need to know about AIDS and stuff."

He still said nothing. His dad leaned over and hugged 
him.

In the hall, his dad felt like a royal fool. He 
remembered losing his virginity: awkward at first, but a 
memorable night at 17. He thanked the lord his dad never 
found out, it had spared him from hearing the 
humiliating talk he'd just had to give his only son. He 
felt angry with this girl, a senior, who'd hurt his son 
this way.


-= Chapter 3 =-

Matt dreaded Monday. He wanted to see her again, but was 
scared she would ridicule him in front of the whole 
school or tell him she hated him. What if Erik said 
something to her? He avoided his friends, Mike 
especially. He knew he'd be pressured for more details, 
and he regretted saying as much as he had already. His 
plan was to ignore her completely, make her think he 
didn't care. Nothing could be further from the truth.

As it turns out, he needn't have worried about facing 
her Monday; she didn't go. They were both on the track 
team after school. Would she go at all?

By the end of the day, he was praying she wouldn't. Erik 
had told all of their friends. Everyone knew. God, he 
hated himself for telling. Why the hell did he have to 
tell? Knowing his friends, they'd probably go up to her 
and ask her if it was true the first chance they got. 
She'd hate him then, definitely hate him if she didn't 
already.

First period Spanish on Tuesday this guy Chad came in 
and said to him, "Hey Matt -- I just saw your senior 
girlfriend. So you guys going out or what?"

Shit, she's here! he thought. "No," he said, 
exasperated.

"Why not?"

"Shut up..."

That's what it was like the rest of the day: people 
saying shit like that to him, people looking at him, 
talking about him. He felt like a celebrity in a sick 
way, most guys were jealous, he knew.

He saw her briefly at lunch time, from a distance, going 
into the parking lot with Dana and some guy Jake. Erik 
asked him about Saturday night, if he'd gotten any more 
and he had to admit he hadn't. He hadn't told anybody 
what happened though. She probably already knows I've 
told, he thought. He wished he could just fast forward 
his life six months, a year. It'll be over by then he 
knew, people will have forgotten this by then.

After school he was unbelievably nervous. He felt like 
he was going to throw up. She went to practice. She 
ignored him completely, not even a glance in his 
direction. She hates me, he thought, she fucking hates 
me.

He was sitting with a couple of his friends, Terry and 
Michael, on the grass at one point. Jen had to go talk 
to the coach about something. She had no choice but to 
walk by him. She's coming this way, he thought in a 
panic. Suddenly his hands had a mind of their own, 
pulling grass out by the handfuls. His heart raced. Of 
course his friends had pointed her out to him when she 
showed up. They'd said, "God, Matt, aren't you going to 
go talk to her?" Now he prayed they would keep their 
mouths shut.

Terry saw her coming their way first, and started poking 
Matt and laughing. She stared straight ahead and ignored 
them.

"Aren't you going to talk to Matt?" asked Michael 
loudly. She ignored him, she was already talking to the 
coach, but he knew she must have heard.

"Shut up!" he told him. "Leave her alone."

He glanced at her. She was still talking the coach. The 
coach nodded, then walked past the boys sitting on the 
grass.

Jen had to walk by them again. Matt wanted to run away 
as she started to, but he wasn't about to leave them 
alone with her.

"Gonna ignore us are you?" asked Michael acidly.

She finally looked at Michael, her eyes wide.

"So, I hear you suck dick."

Her eyes widened even more and she stopped walking. She 
swallowed, looking at Matt. She blinked a few times. He 
just stared at her, stunned.

She bit her lip, her eyes filled with tears. Matt wanted 
to die. "Shut up," he mumbled to him.

Terry was cracking up. "Hey, can I come over? You got a 
dope body," he said, looking her up and down. She 
ignored him, she kept staring at Matt, her eyes brimming 
with tears.

"Shut up!" was all Matt could manage. He looked down at 
his hands, God, why can't she stop staring at me like 
that? He looked up again, meeting her steady gaze. Her 
eyes suddenly turned hostile, no longer sad. Her chest 
heaved up and down. Matt was petrified she was going to 
scream, "I HATE YOU!" at the top of her lungs. Instead, 
she spun on her heels and walked away.

His friends were busy laughing.

"Fuck you!" he said to them angrily.

"Hey, we were only kidding man," said Terry.

"Fuck you!" Matt yelled. He got his bag from the bench 
and left, wanting to kill himself as he peddled 
furiously home. He thought how easy it would be to 
swerve into traffic. He almost did it too, he'd never 
hated himself so much.

***

For the next week they completely avoided each other. 
Matt still thought about her constantly of course. His 
parents, knowing he was upset, pretty much left him 
alone. Mike wasn't talking to him though. He ignored 
Matt in class. Shit, what did I do? he thought.

The following Monday, he said hi to her. It was a huge 
deal to Matt. Any "sighting" or actual confrontation 
with her was played out over and over in his mind. She 
was walking out of the girl's room during 4th period; 
Matt was going into the boy's room right next to it. She 
seemed startled when she saw him and just stared at him. 
He somehow found his voice and out came a "Hi." She 
looked down and mumbled hi back as she walked away.

The next day after track it happened.

Matt was unlocking his bike behind the school next to 
the field. It was pretty much deserted.

He saw them walking toward him out of the corner of his 
eye. He only recognized Ryan out of the three of them. 
Ryan went to a different school; there was no normal 
reason he would be here at 6 PM when everybody was gone. 
He turned around to face him -- them.

They all just looked at him.

"C'mere," said Ryan. "I think you and I have to talk." 
He grabbed Matt's shoulder roughly. Matt pushed him away 
out of instinct. Ryan pushed him back, hard. Matt was 
scared to death; Ryan was at least 6 ft tall, 18, and 
had two friends with him. Matt looked around, 
desperately searching for someone or any way out.

They dragged him behind the track where there was a dirt 
jogging trail. It was dark there practically.

"What? What d'ya want?" he demanded, scared.

"Little fucking punk!" spat Ryan as he pushed him, 
nearly knocking him over from the force. "I hear you 
took advantage of my girlfriend the other day."

"No, I didn't."

"Don't fucking lie to me asshole!" he said, pushing him 
again.

Matt panicked, looking around. He suddenly turned and 
sprinted away as fast as he could. He didn't get far 
before he was knocked to the ground. He felt a blow to 
the back of his neck and he felt dizzy.

He tried to get up but was pinned to the ground. He 
wrestled with Ryan, who was on top of him, maneuvering 
around onto his back. Ryan knelt over him, kneeing him 
in the groin. Matt's lower body exploded in pain and he 
groaned. Ryan hit him, hitting him in the mouth, then 
the nose.

"Fucking bastard! What the hell is the matter with you? 
Think I wouldn't find out?" He hit him again, harder. 
Matt yelped, and Ryan hit him again in the face.

"Mutherfucker! Jen doesn't love you -- she would never 
even like you faggot! She loves me so forget it! She's 
my girlfriend! Goddamn faggot punk!" he spat.

He hit him over and over, yelling at him and insulting 
him. Matt saw the hatred, pure evil hatred in Ryan's 
eyes as he knelt over him, saw it between blows. He 
stopped trying to kick him and get up and just took it, 
taking the blows one after another. His head ached, 
pinned to the dirt ground covered with leaves and 
sticks, as the tears rolled down his face. He wished the 
tears would stop, he wasn't crying really.

Ryan was crazy. He kept hitting him, harder it seemed 
with each blow. Matt squeezed his eyes shut, trying to 
black out. He had no clue how long he laid there as Ryan 
continued to beat him.

One of the other guys kicked him in the ribs, seething, 
"What kinda asshole takes advantage of a girl when she's 
drunk? You're fucking scum!" He kicked him again.

Ryan was still hitting him, shouting that she hated 
Matt. "She hates you little goddamn rapist pig! You're 
trash you're dead!" He hit him again in the face one 
final time, then crawled off him, staggering up. Ryan 
put his forearm over his eyes and sobbed.

Matt just lay there bleeding, with his eyes closed, 
praying they didn't have a gun. One of the guys dragged 
him to his feet, and he nearly fell down again. One held 
his shoulder to steady him, and Matt felt gratitude 
prematurely as the other guy punched him in the stomach. 
Matt doubled over but stayed on his feet thanks to the 
guy who held him up by his shoulder.

Ryan, still crying, looked over at them from where he 
stood, leaning against the fence. The guy punched him in 
the ribs a few more times. One of the guys had Matt's 
arm twisted behind his back.

"I'll break his fucking arm Ryan," he said as Matt let 
out a wail of pain. Ryan just shook his head, his eyes 
meeting Matt's. Ryan was the quarterback, the varsity 
one for his school, and Matt was the JV one for his. Was 
that why?

He listened to him, and released his hold on him. Matt 
felt much gratitude toward Ryan, even under the 
circumstances. He couldn't believe Ryan was still 
crying, that he'd cried at all.

Ryan just started walking away, not even waiting for his 
friends. One of the guys pushed Matt down again and 
kicked him in the groin, then the ribs again as he 
winced.

"You tell anyone about this faggot rapist and you're 
dead. I'll do more than break your arm asshole," one 
said to him.

They left him there in the dirt, barely conscious and 
crying, wishing they had killed him.


-= Chapter 4 =-

Matt finally made it home around 7 PM. His mother was 
frantic. All he wanted was to just take a bath and crawl 
into bed. As soon as she saw him, his face swollen and 
covered with blood and dirt, his shirt ripped and 
equally dirty, she just gasped and covered her mouth 
with her hand. She took him in her arms, crying, "What 
happened? Who did this to you?"

Matt refused to tell her, finally just refusing to 
answer her questions at all. He burst into tears though 
when his mom mentioned Jen's name.

His mother was furious. She knew that somehow that girl 
had caused this damage to her son. She threatened to 
call the police, but Matt freaked out at that. She 
wanted to talk to the girl. Matt wouldn't give her her 
phone number. She looked her up in the school directory, 
and upon finding her address she stormed over there, 
dragging a protesting and crying Matt with her. He 
couldn't face her, but he wasn't about to leave his mom 
alone with her.

Some girl (wasn't her name Melissa? Matt wondered) 
answered the door, staring at him. She said Jen was in 
the pool. Now? he wondered.

She led them out to the backyard. There were two more 
people there, plus there was a guy in the pool with her. 
He saw them coming and stared at them, while she was 
still underwater. Matt stared at her white silhouette as 
she raced underwater, diving for something apparently. 
The pool was lit. The guy called her name right as she 
came up, gasping for air and laughing as she threw a 
penny at the guy. He said something to her and she 
turned to look at them, both standing by the pool on the 
wet concrete.

Her smile faded as she stared at Matt. He couldn't meet 
her gaze. He was petrified besides, of what was going to 
come of this. Was Ryan really going to kill him? He 
hated him, that's for sure. She slowly came to the 
pool's edge, her eyes glued on Matt. She climbed out of 
the pool, her hip dragging along the concrete edge, 
sliding one side of her bikini bottom down.

Matt felt ashamed as he stared at her, at her body. It 
was so perfect. He flushed in the cool night air as his 
dick stiffened up a little. She just kept staring at 
him, walking toward him. She stood in front of him, and 
her hand went to her mouth the same way his mom's had. 
Her eyes filled with tears and her face crumpled up as 
she looked at him.

Matt's face was completely swollen. His eyes were nearly 
swelled shut, both a dark purple color. Dried blood 
trickled from his nose, his left eyebrow, one ear, his 
mouth, and one eye. The blood vessels in that eye had 
been damaged so much the white of the eye was a crimson 
color. His neck was bruised and the rest of him was 
covered with blood as well.

His head ached. His lips felt huge, swollen and clumsy.

His mother was taken aback by the girl's reaction to her 
son's appearance. She had thought that she had something 
to do with it but now realized she hadn't.

Matt just looked down, he couldn't meet her pitying look 
anymore. He stared at her breasts, remembering when he 
had kissed them and...

"Ryan did this to you?" she whispered, one wet hand 
reaching for Matt's shoulder. Matt said nothing, his 
mind spinning from her touch. She asked again, but 
wasn't really asking, "Did Ryan do this to you?"

Somehow, they all went inside. She got into a terry 
cloth robe. She kept crying and finally sobbed over and 
over about how it was all her fault.

"No, it's not," Matt insisted.

His mom got angry then. "Did you have him do this to my 
son? How could you do this?" she screamed.

That guy who had been in the pool with her (Matt didn't 
know him but had hated him instantly) got mad at his 
mom, defending her. "Don't accuse her of that! She 
didn't do anything."

"Well, it seems to me she did plenty!" his mom shot 
back.

"Oh yeah well, maybe if he'd kept his mouth shut Ryan 
never would've hear about it in the first place."

"Does that make it okay?" she demanded.

"No, but he still would've been a lot better off if 
hadn't gone bragging to everyone about what they did!" 
he pointed out.

Still dripping wet, Jen led Matt out of the kitchen and 
into her room. She didn't want to hear anymore of this, 
she just needed to be away from all of it. She felt so 
bad for him. It was her fault. His mom didn't even 
notice they'd left, not facing them.

"Well, how do you know she didn't tell the guy?" she 
asked.

"Oh, like she even talks to Ryan anymore!"

"I'm going to call the police. First of all, she 
completely took advantage of him and he's a minor. 
Doesn't she know there are laws against that?"

"Oh yeah well so's she. He's 15 right? And she's 17. 
Last I checked that makes *him* a rapist."

His mom didn't answer him. Instead, she noticed they 
were gone. "Where'd they go?" she demanded.

"Leave them alone. They need to talk." said Melissa.

***

She led him into her bathroom. He couldn't believe he 
was actually here with her. Was she still mad at him? 
Did she hate him? Ryan had said so. Maybe they had 
gotten back together...

Sitting him down on the toilet, she went to work on him. 
She cleaned his face with a warm face cloth, washing off 
the blood and dirt. He just stared at her, shaking from 
her touch. He couldn't think of anything to say at all, 
only winced when she started putting antiseptic on his 
cuts.

"It's gonna hurt a little," she said, dabbing his 
eyebrow with cotton as he winced in pain. She held his 
face in her hands, his eyes staring up at her. She felt 
an overwhelming desire to kiss him, then angered at 
herself for thinking it. All the while she fought back 
more tears as she looked at his miserable appearance.

She looked at him for a second, looked at his filthy t-
shirt. She disappeared for a second while he looked 
around at her bathroom. It was very neat. She returned 
with a white t-shirt, clean and folded. She handed it to 
him with a shy smile, saying,

"This is yours I think."

He recognized it as his white undershirt that he left at 
her house by accident that night. She was still looking 
at him. Was she pitying him? She must think I'm such a 
wimp, he thought. At least not as tough as Ryan. That 
was obvious enough.

He realized that she was waiting for him to put it on. 
He wasn't ashamed of his body, he worked out and was 
much more developed than most other freshman. He peeled 
off his sweaty shirt, wincing from the pain as he lifted 
his arms above his head. He was going to put the shirt 
on but she told him to wait, getting another rag soapy 
and wet.

Bare-chested in front of her, he tried to look as hard 
and cut as possible. She rung the washcloth out and 
approached him.

Both realized the awkwardness of the situation as she 
bathed his upper body. They tried to get the memory of 
when she had done so much more for him out of their 
minds, especially Matt, who felt a familiar tingle in 
his groin from her touch on his bare chest. She wouldn't 
look him in the eye. She cleaned off his elbow, which 
had been cut by some stick when he'd been pinned to the 
ground. She touched it up with antiseptic, her soft hand 
on his shoulder. What was she going to do? he wondered. 
Just clean him up? Was she gonna talk to him then?

She peered in at several discolorations on his chest. 
She reached for a particularly large one and applied a 
little pressure, and sure enough he flinched. She moved 
so she was no longer blocking the light and gasped. His 
entire upper body was covered with bruises that were 
just beginning to welt. She wondered if he had a few 
broken ribs -- it certainly looked possible.

"Oh, Matt," she whispered finally. "I'm so sorry..." She 
started to sob, wrapping her arms lightly around his 
shoulders so as not to hurt him. Ryan had beat him so 
severely. She rubbed his back for a second but stopped 
immediately. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." she cried 
into his shoulders, still sitting on the edge of the 
bathtub. "I'm such a bitch... I hate him... I fucking 
hate him... It's all my fault... I hate myself... I'm 
such a bitch... I'm sorry..."

Half of him tried to hate her, wanting to push her away 
and tell her she was right. But the other half was 
leaping for joy, his heart racing, that she was in his 
arms, the girl he dreamt about night after night. It 
wasn't a contest between those two halves.

"No, don't say that," he whispered into her ear. "Please 
don't say that. It's my fault, it's my fault. I was 
wrong, not you."

"Wrong?" she pulled away from him, her cheeks wet with 
tears. "What did you do? You didn't do anything. It was 
Ryan, not you."

He fought back tears, his heart nearly breaking with the 
guilt and self-loathing he had felt since earlier this 
evening when he'd first heard the words. Rapist.

"Well, you were drunk. And I shouldn't have told 
everybody. You were drunk you know what that makes me? A 
fucking rapist. You can have me arrested you know. I 
wouldn't blame you . I'm trash, scum," he muttered.

"Oh, Matt," she snapped. "That's ridiculous. Why would 
you think you're a rapist? Did I protest?" she asked 
pointedly.

"No," he admitted, nearly laughing from the way she 
asked him and the memory of her dragging him onto her 
bed.

"Don't give me that alcohol bullshit. I knew what I was 
doing -- you did not, I repeat, did *not* rape me."

He thought about it. She leaned forward to look him in 
the eyes. "Why would you think you raped me?" she asked 
him quietly, already having an idea.

He didn't say anything. He didn't want to get Ryan into 
any more trouble with her than he was already in, 
ironically. He knew Ryan still wanted her back. Unless 
he already had her back... He remembered their threats.

"Matt, tell me what happened. I need to know," she 
implored.

"Nah. It's not important and I don't really want to talk 
about it," he said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Well, it's important to me," she said. "I know it was 
Ryan -- who else was there too?"

"I don't know!"

"Where did it happen?"

"School," he muttered.

"What happened? Please tell me," she begged. "Matt, 
please, I really need to know."

Matt gave in. He sighed exasperatingly, "God, okay. He 
just said that I was a little punk and a rapist -- 
'cause you were drunk you know -- and that I was dead 
and stuff." He paused, not wanting to say, not wanting 
to even think about what else he'd said, about how she 
would never love -- nor like -- him. He pushed those 
thoughts out of his mind, they were too painful. Another 
painful thought came into his mind, but he couldn't make 
it leave.

"What else?" she demanded. "Tell me everything."

"You guys back together?" he asked quietly. Please say 
no please say no please say...

"NO!!!" she cried. "Of course not. I'm never getting 
back together with that fucking jerk. Fuck him."

"Oh" he said, relieved. "Well, anyway, he kept referring 
to you as his girlfriend. He said it at least twice, I 
think three times but I don't remember."

"Oh really?" she snapped, her eyes angry. "Well he's 
just wrong. He's fucking crazy. What a dick!" she said. 
"Oh my God! I can't believe this." She got up and began 
pacing. "I have told him a million times that we're 
through. A fucking million. Well isn't this just fine 
and dandy. I don't believe this shit."

She started rattling off all the times she'd told him to 
leave her alone and how he'd seemed to get it but maybe 
he was just some psycho. Matt wasn't really listening, 
he was guilty of looking at her body instead, still in 
the wet bikini covered by an unfastened robe. He 
wondered where his mom was. He stared at her breasts. 
Her nipples were hard under the wet material. He 
wondered if he could just take her now, right on the 
rug...

He sort of snapped out of it when she walked into her 
room and returned with a photo in one of those cardboard 
frames you get from the photographer. She sat back down 
on the bathtub and leaned over his thighs, holding out 
the photo so they could both see it.

It was a large group photo from a Homecoming or a prom. 
He recognized her, in Ryan's arms, clad in a tight black 
dress. Oh, Homecoming, he thought, as he saw the gold 
embossed letters on the bottom. This year's Homecoming 
at Ryan's school.

"Did he come with him? Did he hit you too?" she asked, 
pointing out one guy. Matt looked closely. He was pretty 
sure that was one of the guys. He didn't say anything, 
but looked at the other people. God she has a lot of 
friends, he thought. There was at least six couples 
there. He recognized the other guy.

"Did he? Don't be scared to tell," she soothed.

"I'm not scared," he said, annoyed. I'm not a wimp, he 
thought angrily. Of course, he didn't blame her for 
thinking so under the circumstances.

"Come on," she begged. "Tell me."

"Yeah," he admitted, pointing. She could get anything 
from him, he thought, he could never say no to her. "It 
was that guy and that guy."

"Shit. I knew it." She snapped the picture closed and 
got up and tossed it onto the bed. She stood in the 
doorway of the bathroom and looked at him.

"They're gonna pay for what they did to you I hope you 
know. Ryan is gonna pay, the fuckin' asshole," she said 
decidedly.

"No, don't worry about it. I mean, they're gonna kill me 
I swear," he said, trying to sound matter-of-fact and 
not quaking in his boots.

"No, they won't!" she insisted, walking over to him. He 
was eye-level with her breasts and they grabbed his 
attention. She kneeled on the rug between his knees. Oh 
my God, he thought for a second. Is she gonna do it? Is 
she gonna suck my dick? Suck it suck it his mind 
screamed.

He soon felt ashamed of his one track mind, of his dirty 
thoughts, when she handed him his shirt from off the 
floor and continued talking.

"I promise they won't hurt you. I bet you Matt, Ryan 
will be apologizing to you before too long, you'll see!" 
she smiled up at him.

"I wouldn't count on it," he said uneasily. He put his 
shirt on, trying to flex his muscles at the same time.

"You didn't deserve this at *all* Matt."

He just shrugged.

"You didn't! I'm telling you, you didn't! Say you didn't 
deserve it," she instructed, giving him a small smile.

"I didn't deserve it," he obeyed.

She smiled. "You know, maybe you should go to the 
hospital. You know, to get x-rayed. You could have a 
cracked rib or something."

"Nah, I'm okay," he declined, macho, staring down at the 
girl between his legs, her hands on his thighs, and 
hoping she wouldn't look down and see the effect she was 
having on him. He gratefully pulled his shirt down.

"Sure?" she asked. The concern showed on her face. His 
heart poured with love for her. His eyes locked with 
hers. Kiss kiss kiss, he thought.

"Well, I hope you're right," she said, interrupting his 
thoughts. She smiled at him, in a motherly sort of way, 
he thought. Fuck.

She stood up, and got a large bandaid out of a drawer to 
put over the cut on his elbow. There was a knock on her 
bedroom door when she started peeling off the little 
adhesives. She said loudly, "Come in..."

Oh God, he thought as he saw her, my mom. He'd had 
prayed she'd magically disappeared.

His mom walked in and looked at them, in the corner of 
the bathroom. Her son and his first lover, who was now 
bandaging him up. She was doing the job she, his mom, 
should have done, instead of dragging him out to get 
answers, she thought guiltily. Matt did look much 
better, she had to admit.

"Hello," his mom said, not in an unfriendly manner.

"Hi," she said in a small voice. Then in a more 
confident one to Matt, "You look 100% better."

"Thank you..." his mom said.

"No problem," she said, smiling down at Matt.

"Um, Matt, we should probably go now. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a second," he said, giving his mom 
a pointed look. Please leave please he begged silently. 
His mom took the hint and left.

She threw away the trash from the most recent bandaid 
and then looked at him, unsure whether he wanted to talk 
to her or whether he had to go to the bathroom. He 
stared at her for a second, then cleared his throat. He 
paused.

Finally, he opened his mouth and said, "Yeah, thanks." 
Not at all what he intended to say, but he just couldn't 
say it, no way could he tell her what he wanted to, what 
he was feeling inside. He desperately wanted to pull her 
to him and whisper in her ear, "I love you."

She smiled at him, that gorgeous, fantastic smile of 
hers that he wished he could see every day for the rest 
of his life. She (gently of course) pulled him up and 
gave him the best bear hug she could manage without 
hurting him. He rested his chin on the top of her head, 
his lips pursed, his eyes looking up at the ceiling 
while he fought back tears.

She pulled back, still smiling at him. She looked so 
beautiful, even with her hair pulled back in a wet pony 
tail and her eye makeup smudged.

"You know, you're gonna kill me if I say this..." she 
said, jokingly but yet serious. "But, well!"

"What? Say what?" That you want me to fuck the hell out 
of you now? he thought wistfully.

"Don't get mad. Don't think I'm lame but..." she 
continued. "You know, we can be friends. I want to be 
friends. I know every guy hates it: 'We can be 
friends!'" she said, imitating girls, in a high voice. 
She winced, pretending to prepare for him to get mad. 
She's so cute, he thought.

Matt groaned, joking too. "Not friends! Not the F-word!" 
he laughed.

Her face turned serious.

He smiled at her, the happiest he'd been since that 
night, but his fragile male ego still ached. Of course 
we hate the friend word, he thought, it means we're 
compromising. We're giving up what we really want. "That 
doesn't sound too bad," he said.

She smiled. "Good! I mean it, you know Matt, if you need 
someone to talk to or anything, you can always call me."

He smiled. "Okay," he said. "You can call me too." Once 
he said it he wished it back, now what if she doesn't 
call? he thought. Fuck, he thought, realistically, I 
doubt she'll call me.

But she just smiled. She gave him another hug, kissing 
him on the cheek. Remembering his soiled shirt, they 
left her room and went out, passing her living room 
where a few people were watching TV. God, he thought, on 
a weeknight? Her house is party-central. His mom wasn't 
in there, she was waiting in the car.

She said good-bye again, friendly. He punched her on the 
arm good naturedly, and she attempted to tousle his hair 
but he was too quick. She opened the door, and Matt 
left, with his own bye. She watched him climb into the 
car, then closed the door.

Could he be any cuter? she thought to herself. Then she 
got angry.


-= Chapter 5 =-

Matt sat in the front seat, silent. His mom spoke first, 
"So, honey, how are you feeling? You look much better."

"Fine."

"I should have made sure you were okay before we came 
here," she said.

"It doesn't matter now," he answered.

"Oh. Well..." she paused. "So, are you going to be 
seeing a lot of her?"

"No," said Matt, sullenly. God, why did his parents 
always have to be so nosy?

"Oh. I was just wondering," she said. "She seems very 
nice actually."

"Actually?"

"Well, I just mean that she's a nice girl."

"Yes, she is."

"Oh. I was talking to her friends. They were quite nice 
too."

"What did you talk about?"

"Well, well, we talked about her situation. With her ex-
boyfriend and what happened with him, and you..."

"Oh."

"She has a lovely house. Her parents travel a lot you 
know."

"Yeah, I know."

"It's too bad that she has to live by herself so much. I 
guess that's why she has so many friends over, to keep 
her company."

"I guess," he said, thinking, I'll keep you company!

"Her friend was saying that she was very close with her 
boyfriend's family. It's a shame when things like that 
happen you know."

"I guess."

They pulled into the driveway, Matt relieved the 
conversation was over and hoping his parents wouldn't 
bring her up anymore.

***

Jen pulled into Ryan's driveway, like she had so many 
times. She didn't allow herself to pause, but still kept 
running what she was going to say to him over and over 
in her mind as she jumped out of her car. She rang the 
doorbell, something she hadn't done in a long time.

Ryan looked at her through the window, but she purposely 
avoided looking at him. He opened the door, his eyes 
wide.

"Hi!" he said, brightly.

She stared at him. Then she hit him as hard as she 
could.

He reeled backwards, his hand to his mouth.

"You fucking prick!" she seethed.

"What?!?" he demanded.

"Oh, that was so fucking low. Three against one, real 
classy Harper."

"Oh, what, you're like his protector now or something?" 
he asked, admitting it.

"Oh, screw you. How could you do that? How could you do 
that to the kid?"

"Oh, he's a kid now, is he?" Ryan asked sarcastically, 
wiping blood from his chin.

"To you he is. What's the matter with you?" she screamed 
at him. "Why'd you do that?!?

"He deserved it."

"Oh fucking bullshit. Bullshit he did. You're the one 
that deserves to get the shit beat out of you. Oh, and 
let's get this straight, okay? You are not my boyfriend, 
and I am not your girlfriend! Can you say that?" she 
asked in a Mr. Rogers'-type voice.

"No. I won't admit that. You say that I broke up with 
you, but hell no! I told you I was sorry babe. I didn't 
mean it -- I've told you that a thousand times!" he 
whined.

"Oh yeah well too late for that. God, how could you *do* 
that?!? You're even more of an asshole that I thought," 
she told him, in tears. "And let's get something else 
straight, okay? You are not to lay -- and no one else 
you know either! -- are not to lay a goddamn fingernail 
on that boy. Do you hear me? I know you better than 
anyone else Ryan, and I can *hurt* you better than 
anyone else can, got it?" she threatened.

"You've already hurt me," he told her, fighting back 
tears.

She ignored the tears, keeping her heart cold. "Good. 
Not nearly as much as you've fucking hurt me I bet! God 
you're such a jerk," she told him, shaking her head. "I 
can't believe you would do such a thing! Actually, I 
can..." she added angrily, determined she wouldn't cry.

"You're not going out with him, are you?" he asked in 
horror.

"No! But what does that have to do with it? If I was, it 
wouldn't be any of your business right?" she asked.

He didn't answer.

"Right?" she snapped.

"Right," he said, rolling his eyes.

"You're such a jerk. And don't believe for a fucking 
second that he raped me. Nothing could be further from 
the truth, you know. Rape victims usually don't cum a 
couple times," she added.

He didn't say anything, just stared at the ground, her 
comment going straight to his heart like a dagger. He 
couldn't fight back tears anymore.

She noticed, and her heart raced. But she still hated 
him. "Good-bye!" she told him, disgusted.

He grabbed her arm. "No, come in. Let's talk. Please 
let's talk. Just give me that."

She got a glimpse of Will, Ry's little brother, walking 
in the kitchen towards them. Will looked at her, then 
his brother, who was wiping away tears, then back at 
her. Her heart ached, she loved Ryan's family like her 
own. Will was like her own little brother. But she 
hardened her heart, and shook his arm off. "No, it's too 
damn late."

She spun around and ran to her car, and he didn't follow 
her, thank God. He knew her, he knew when she was angry 
and when she was *angry*. She'd probably run him over 
with the car, the way she felt now.


-= Chapter 6 =-

They'd first started going out freshman year. She'd been 
together with this guy, Danny, since about the first 
week of school. She really liked Danny.

Danny was fairly inexperienced as far as dating went, 
but she didn't know that, you wouldn't from the way he 
acted. Plus, he was gorgeous. Essentially, he broke up 
with her. It wasn't that he didn't like her. Actually, 
he liked her a lot. The problem was, he didn't know what 
to do with her. Should he call her every night? Eat 
lunch with her every day? Trivial problems, but when 
you're a freshman, trivial problems are like 
catastrophes. He tried to act cool, and basically ended 
up ignoring her. Around October, she finally asked him. 
"Do you want to go out with me or not?"

The answer wasn't yes, in fact it wasn't even an answer 
yet that night when she met Ryan. She'd asked Danny's 
friend to give him the message Friday morning, but she'd 
neither heard nor seen Danny or the friend all day. 
Friday night she went out with her friends, Melissa and 
Dana, and these two sophomore guys. One of them had 
played soccer with Ryan. "Harper," they kept calling 
him.

Anyway, they went up to Ryan's house in the hills to see 
what he was up to. All of them sat around in his living 
room for awhile, playing Sega while waiting for someone 
to call Ryan back.

Ryan noticed her right away. He liked her looks right 
away anyway, but she didn't seem particularly friendly. 
She was very quiet and fairly unreceptive to any 
suggestions people made. She didn't want anything to 
drink, she wanted to keep her jacket on, she didn't want 
to play winner.

So Ryan instead focused his attentions on the Melissa 
girl, who had been flirting with him somewhat, but it 
soon became obvious that she had something going with 
one of the sophomores. The bitch (as he called her 
mentally during that first brief hour) actually sat in 
his kitchen and talked to his *dad* for awhile. When she 
was in there, one of the guys commented on her and what 
a bundle of laughs she was. Dana mentioned that she was 
upset because she was breaking up (maybe) with her 
boyfriend.

So Ryan thought about it for a few minutes, then noticed 
it quiet in the kitchen and went in. His dad had gone 
back to his bedroom, and she was now sitting alone 
quietly at his kitchen table, slowly tracing the 
placemat pattern with her fingertip.

He sat down across from her, and she looked up at him 
and gave a half-hearted smile, then looked back down at 
the table. She didn't want to him to think she was a 
bitch, so she looked back up at him and gave him a more 
genuine one. It was his house after all, and she'd just 
gotten through talking to his dad, who was a real 
sweetheart, so she ought to be nice to him.

"Having fun?" he asked, teasing her a bit.

"Oh, yeah, tons," she answered sarcastically.

He leaned forward. "So, you sad?" he asked.

She just shrugged her shoulders.

"What's your name again?" he asked. "I'm Ryan. I live 
here," he added.

"I know," she said. "I'm Jen."

That's right, he knew that. "So," he said. "You want to 
talk about it? Your friend said you were having problems 
with your boyfriend."

Good, he knows I have a boyfriend, she thought 
gratefully. "Well, kinda," she said.

"What's the matter? I don't know, maybe I can give you a 
guy's perspective, if you want."

"Well, aright."

"So, what's up?"

"Well, we've only been going out since the beginning of 
the year. He's just... I don't know. I mean, I really 
like him and stuff but he's just such a butt!"

Ryan laughed. The girl had attitude, he could see. 
"What's he do?"

"Well, he's sorta mean to me."

"What -- he doesn't hit you, does he?" asked Ryan, 
concerned.

"Oh, no! Nothing like that!"

"I was gonna say, I mean, if he's beatin' on you I'd 
probably have to kick his ass."

That made her uncomfortable, but she just continued 
talking to him anyway. "No, he just ignores me."

"He ignores you?"

"Yeah, I mean, he never calls me. I have to call him if 
I want to talk to him. And he doesn't hang out with me 
at school or anything. We've gone out to lunch a couple 
times but not lately. So, it's like we never talk, you 
know? I mean, we never even see each other. Not lately 
anyway. He says he likes me but I wish he'd just, I 
don't know," she shrugged.

"You're right, he sounds like a real butt," agreed Ryan.

"So, well, I asked his friend to give him the message 
that I wanted to know what was up, whether he still 
wanted to be with me or not. Anyway that was this 
morning and I haven't heard anything."

"Is he a freshman?"

"Yeah."

"You're a freshman, right?"

"Yeah."

"Um, I think that you should..." he began. He couldn't 
just say "Just dump him and go for me," she'd think he 
was a jerk. Plus he'd promised her advice. "Well, first 
of all you should wait and see what he says. If he calls 
you. Don't call him -- he should call you. If he says he 
wants to be together with you still, then tell him how 
you feel and find out what his problem is. And tell him 
that things need to change."

"That's what I was planning on doing."

"And of course, if he *doesn't* call you, like, by 
tomorrow night, unless he's out of town or something, 
which if he is you didn't mention..."

"He's not," smiled Jen.

"...or if he calls you and says 'I don't know, then you 
should get rid of him because he's a dork."

Jen shrugged. "I guess so."

The phone rang then and Ryan leapt up to get it. Ryan 
told the others the "lowdown" as soon as he got off. His 
friend was coming over to get him and they were going to 
someone else's house. The guys and Dana and Melissa 
wanted to go too so they all stood around in the kitchen 
waiting for him. When he finally showed up Melissa 
suggested Jen go with Ryan and his friend Josh because 
it was easier then them all squishing in the Bug again.

Ryan was pleased and insisted that she sit in the front 
seat. She was very quiet and not at *all* pleased about 
being in the car with these two guys she didn't know, 
plus going to the house of someone else she didn't know. 
All she just wanted to do was go home, and check to see 
if Danny had called, and if he hadn't then cry. Cry, 
which she felt like doing when Josh asked her if she had 
a boyfriend. She was scared he was going to hit on her, 
which she *hated*, because she didn't ever know how to 
act when that happened. But Josh just said "Oh" when she 
said she did and then turned up the music louder. Jen 
wanted to turn and smile at Ryan, because, after all, 
that is what they had been talking about, but she just 
didn't feel like being friendly tonight.

Ryan thought she was cute and girlfriend potential as 
opposed to just a lay, which of course he wouldn't mind. 
Ryan thought if he didn't get laid pretty soon he'd 
explode. Of course, he thought hastily, he would never 
rule anyone out as "just a lay." His life wasn't *that* 
good.

They didn't talk much more that night because she left 
pretty soon after they got to the house. He'd lost track 
of her after they got there because this blonde he'd 
never met was flirting with him fairly heavily. Later, 
after he didn't get anything like usual, he thought 
about the sad girl he'd met earlier with the big blue 
eyes and long brown hair.

He got Dana's number from Colin, and called her up to 
ask about Jen. Dana said that Danny had called her, but 
he was a "total butt" and acting indifferent to her so 
she said, "Then I guess we're not together anymore if 
that's the way you're acting," and he'd said, "I guess 
not."

It wasn't the clean break Ryan was hoping for, but he 
wasn't disappointed. He was a little though when Dana 
said she thought Jen would be mad if she gave her phone 
number to him. Before he could get insulted Dana 
explained that it wasn't him, but that it would probably 
take awhile before she would get over Danny, the way she 
was apparently. But Dana said she'd see what she could 
do as far as getting them together.


-= Chapter 7 =-

What happened is that Dana and Jared, the other 
sophomore, went to the movies and conveniently invited 
both Jen and Ryan. At first when Jen, who'd been moping 
over Danny for awhile, realized what was going on, she 
was a little annoyed, not that she didn't like the Ryan 
guy or anything. She just bristled at her best friend's 
attempt to set her up behind her back. After all, Dana 
knew how upset she was over Danny still. But she 
couldn't be rude and demand to go home. Plus, it wasn't 
Ryan's fault they had been set up. She set out to ignore 
him so he would get the picture that she wasn't 
interested.

But while Jared was all over Dana next to them, Ryan 
just let her watch the movie, and she was thankful. He 
didn't even try to hold her hand. He was so funny and 
she was laughing the whole time at all his little 
sarcastic comments about the movie, which was really 
stupid. They both hated licorice and Good N' Plenty 
candy. But Danny kept creeping into her mind, and she 
refused to acknowledge that she might like someone else 
or that she might be on a date. She wished she was at 
home.

But when the movie was over, an extremely minor incident 
in the car, which would blow Ryan away later when she 
mentioned it to him, made her really look at him and 
admit to herself that she liked him a lot.

While Jared was driving a van cut in front of them 
suddenly. Jared slammed on his brakes. Jen was in the 
back seat with Ryan, and wearing her seat belt, but Ryan 
instantly threw his arm in front of her to prevent her 
from going forward. There wasn't an accident or 
anything, but she was bowled over by his protective and 
thoughtful behavior. This tiny gesture opened her eyes 
to him.

She thought about that night, and how much fun she'd had 
with him. And how good it had felt when he'd just 
touched her, although briefly. She hoped he liked her 
too, and didn't think she was cold or uninterested.

When they stopped at her house to drop her off, the 
garage door was open and her dad was fixing something in 
it. Both of them had been wondering what was going to 
happen, if he would walk her to her door and maybe kiss 
her. It wasn't an official date, so he could have just 
stayed in the car and been safe. But since her dad was 
there they didn't get the chance. So instead Ryan yanked 
her hair playfully when she climbed out of the back 
seat, and she smiled at him as she said, "See ya later."

***

Ryan was encouraged enough to call her the next day, and 
the day after that. He asked her to his Homecoming and 
she said yes, Danny's memory fading by the day.

They went in a big group, first out to dinner, then to 
the dance where Jen and Ryan danced the whole night. 
Well, practically the whole night. The group they went 
with had rented a suite with several rooms (the dance 
was at a hotel), and eventually they went up there.

Ryan's mind was racing in the elevator, wondering if he 
was going to lose his virginity that night. He pictured 
them in a bedroom, making out passionately and ripping 
each other's clothes off as they fell onto the bed. He 
wondered what he was supposed to do now.

Jen was also wondering what would happen. He hadn't 
kissed her yet, and she really wanted him too. Half the 
couples on the dance floor had been making out during 
the slow songs. She really liked him, and was scared he 
didn't like her, at least, not as much as she liked him.

They sat down on the couch in the living room of the 
suite, looking around and saying hi to the few of other 
people there. MTV was on. Ryan loosened his necktie and 
removed it. It was so awkward. He wanted to fuck her 
right then, but was petrified of her punching him out if 
he suggested they go into one of the rooms. So they just 
made small talk on the couch.

One guy made eye contact with Ryan, and, nodding toward 
an empty bedroom, said, "It's empty if you want it."

Ryan glanced over at her, but she didn't look at him, 
not wanting to do what she was sure he wanted to. He'd 
probably had lots of girls before, all the time, she 
thought.

Ryan just shook his head at the guy, saying, "Maybe 
later."

She felt relieved, but at the same time scared that he 
didn't like her. He hadn't tried anything at all. She 
excused herself and went to the bathroom, where she 
stared at her image in the mirror.

She was 14 years old, but her body was decently behind. 
She hadn't yet gotten her period. She was 4'10" tall, 
easily a foot shorter than Ryan. Her dark brown hair was 
piled on top of her head, and her blue eyes made up 
impeccably. She thought her face was her best feature.

She didn't yet have any sort of body, her breasts were 
small, and ugly, she thought. Her chest looked okay in 
this dress, she'd reasoned at the store. She knew that 
if Ryan tried to feel her up he'd be disappointed in her 
lack of body. He probably weighed twice as much as her 
too. She was always thought of as "cute," because of her 
petite size. Never "fine." Feeling miserable, Jen 
returned to Ryan on the couch.

"Hi," he said to her. Her visit to the bathroom had sent 
his adolescent mind spinning: was she putting in a birth 
control device? Maybe she *wanted* him to hit on her. He 
wanted to have sex with her, but at the same time he'd 
rather just kiss her first. Besides, he reasoned, do I 
really want sex on a first date? He didn't know if she 
was a virgin, it's possible she wasn't. He'd prefer it 
if she was, he wasn't sure he'd know how to do it right 
anyway, but the odds were certainly greater of her 
letting him do her if she'd done it before. But he would 
be happy if she just liked him back.

"Hi," she answered.

"Did you have fun tonight?" he asked, thinking, please 
say yes, and mean it too.

She smiled at him. "Yes," she said. She had.

"Did I tell you, you look beautiful?" he asked.

"About ten times," she blushed.

"Good, just checking."

"I've gotten a lot of compliments on my corsage," she 
told him. "It's so pretty."

"Yeah? Thanks. I was hoping you'd like it," he grinned 
at her. "So, what are you doing next weekend?" He was 
stepping out onto a ledge here, he wasn't sure if she'd 
respond the way he hoped.

She paused. "Well, next Saturday is our Homecoming."

"Oh, are you going?"

"Well, that depends..." She wasn't trying to be coy.

"On what?"

"On whether or not you'd like to go with me," she said 
quickly, her heart pounding in her ears.

He smiled. "I'd love to go with you."

She smiled back, and they looked deep into each other's 
eyes. He leaned in a millimeter, saying quietly, his 
face covered with anticipation, "Can... can I kiss you?"

She nodded, still staring into his eyes.

He leaned forward and, eyes closed, she felt his lips 
brush up against hers. He lightly pushed against her 
lips, and she did the same. He pulled away slowly, with 
a quiet kissing sound. She studied his face. God he's 
gorgeous, she thought.

He leaned in again, and kissed her again. He didn't pull 
away this time but just leaned in to let his forehead 
touch hers, their eyes still closed. She felt his warm 
breath on her lips, and kissed him back, her hands 
finding his strong shoulders. She let her mouth open the 
slightest bit, and he did the same. The tip of his 
tongue barely touched hers, and his hands gently cupped 
her face. His body tingled, especially where her hands 
rested on his shoulders. He pushed his tongue a little 
further into her mouth, hoping she'd take it. It met her 
own, and, she did the same to him.

They spent the better half of an hour in the corner of 
that couch, just kissing passionately. Her hands stayed 
on his shoulder, and his hands never went below hers.

He got to walk her to the door that night, his heart 
swelling with the adoration he already felt for her. He 
kissed her again on her doorstep, and she couldn't 
believe how lucky she was that this guy, who was so 
great, actually seemed to like her. She gave him a huge 
hug as he said he guessed he had to go.

They both went to sleep dreaming about the other, him of 
course, with a tired hand that had relieved the erection 
she'd given him.


-= Chapter 8 =-

Her Homecoming was similar to his, they'd gone out to 
dinner and then danced together the whole night. This 
time they were one of the couples on the floor who 
kissed like there was no tomorrow. That night there was 
no room waiting upstairs for them, the principal had 
seen to that. Both were secretly relieved, for different 
reasons.

He was convinced she wasn't a virgin, just because of 
how mature she acted and how good-looking she was. He 
had this nagging theory that had formed from his brief 
knowledge of her last boyfriend: She had slept with him 
right away, then he'd just ignored her, not wanting her 
around anymore. Ryan hoped that wasn't the case.

They talked to each other every night on the phone. He 
always made her laugh, he was so funny. But he could get 
serious too, and told her how he felt about his parents 
and his relationship with them, and what he wanted to do 
after high school. He was the most sensitive guy she'd 
ever known, certainly a contrast to her last boyfriend.

He wished they went to the same school, or at least 
lived close enough where he could bike over to see her. 
As it was it took fifteen minutes by car to her house 
from his. But whenever he went out with his friends she 
went too, and he longed for his license so he could take 
her out on his own, just the two of them, without having 
to wait for a ride.

His parents loved her, and she liked going over there 
and didn't seem to mind putting up with them. His 
parents were pretty cool about stuff, but he wasn't 
about to attempt to lock them out of his room with her 
in there.

A month into their relationship they'd only French-
kissed. They hadn't had many opportunities to do more.

One Friday night they were alone on a couch at a 
friend's house, the parents gone and Ryan's friend busy 
in his room with his own girl. While they were kissing, 
he slowly slid his hand up to her breast and cupped it.

Jen immediately pushed him away from her. Ryan was hurt 
and horrified, not knowing what to do, or how to react 
to her rejection of him.

She felt like a complete fool, she shouldn't have 
reacted that way. She was just so insecure about her 
body, and she'd panicked. She was scared he'd think she 
was a baby if he saw her. She felt like such a bitch. 
He'd turned away from her on the couch, hurt.

She touched his shoulder, "Ryan?"

He didn't answer.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean it, Ryan, I 
shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

He turned to face her, not looking her in the eyes. 
"What? Why'd you do that?" he asked her, the hurt 
evident in his voice.

"I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry..." she repeated. He 
turned away again, then looked back at her.

"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled. He couldn't think of anything 
else to say.

"No, it's my fault. Honest. I-I just, I don't know."

He didn't say anything, waiting for her to finish.

"I mean, I don't have a very good body you know," she 
mumbled, her eyes filling with tears. She'd hoped this 
moment wouldn't come. "I'm really flat. I don't want you 
to be disappointed."

He was astonished. He'd thought he was a jerk and she 
just didn't like him, but to hear this took him aback 
since he really couldn't care less.

"What?" he asked. "Jen, I think you have a beautiful 
body. Don't worry about it, honest."

"No I don't," she said, the tears spilling over.

"Yes you *do*. And I don't want you disagreeing with me 
either, got it? 'Cause then you're insulting something I 
like, you know? And I don't like that."

"I guess," she sniffled, not sounding at all convinced.

He got her some Kleenex and wiped her cheeks off. He 
held her in his arms and comforted her.

"I'm sort of inexperienced," she blurted out. "I guess 
you can tell that. I guess you're going to have to have 
some patience, you know? 'Cause I don't think- 'cause I 
guess I'd rather take things slow, like this. I can 
understand if you don't want that, but I'm sorry."

"You- you've never done it before?" he asked, relieved.

"No," she said. "I'm a virgin. Have you done it a lot?" 
she ventured.

He considered lying, but only briefly. "No. Actually, 
I'm- I'm one too," he stumbled.

"Really?" she asked, sounding amazed.

"Yeah! Why do you sound so surprised? What, did you 
think I'm some sort of major mack or something?" he 
asked.

"Well, I don't know. I just sort of assumed you have. I 
mean, you're so good-looking."

"Really? You think so?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot. But obviously, looks don't 
matter much, because you've never done it either."

"Oh, Ryan, you're so sweet..." she said, flattered.

He leaned in and kissed her. Kissing him back, she took 
his hand and placed it over one of her breasts.

He kept it there, enjoying the feel of her under his 
palm. He pulled her to him, his mind racing with 
emotions for her. Something occurred to him, and he 
pulled away from her.

"I just thought about it," he said.

"What?" she asked.

"I never asked you out," he said. He took her small hand 
in his large one. He studied her face. "Jen, will you be 
my girlfriend?" he asked.

Her face lit up. "Oh, yes," she said. "You know I will. 
I'd love to be."


-= Chapter 9 =-

Ryan had never felt about anyone the way he felt about 
Jen. His friends were always bugging him whether he'd 
"hit it" yet or not, but he wasn't about to pressure her 
into it. He loved being with her, she was so cute and 
funny and sensitive. They had this tremendous vibe 
together, he knew what she was feeling, whether she was 
nervous, or anxious, happy or scared. He felt this 
overwhelming desire to protect her at all costs. He knew 
he was falling in love with her.

One night they were alone in one of his friend's 
bedrooms, kissing. He was kissing her neck and her ear, 
which he'd discovered she adored. Her hands were on his 
chest, massaging it. He felt she was handling them 
awkwardly, like she didn't know what to do. Still 
kissing her, he gently took her hand and placed it 
lower, wondering what she'd do, but sensing she wouldn't 
get mad.

He was right; she rubbed him through his jeans, her hand 
feeling his stiffness for the first time. Ryan gasped in 
her ear from her touch, and she grasped him and he 
nearly came right then. He wanted to touch her down 
there too, make her gasp in pleasure as well. He didn't 
know how she'd react to that, so instead slid his hands 
up under her shirt, which she'd let him do before. His 
friend bursting in on them prevented them from going any 
further; she snatched her hand away and he did the same 
while his friend explained his parents were home.

That Christmas vacation he invited her up to his cabin 
for skiing with his family. His parents, especially his 
mom, adored her. His mom, Karen, had had three sons 
before she miscarried a girl. They hadn't been able to 
have any more children after that, though they tried.

Ryan's little brothers, Robby and Will, thought she was 
great too, and the five of them spent one winter night 
all playing hide-and-seek and other games in the cabin 
together. Ryan slept in the loft above his parents room 
with his little brothers, and Jen was placed in the room 
next to his parents. They'd be able to hear him if he 
tried to sneak into her room, he realized.

The night before they left they were kissing on her bed, 
the door open. She got up and went to the adjoining 
bathroom. She was in there for a minute before he heard 
her scream.

Ryan flew to the door, but it was locked.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "Jen, are you okay?"

There was no answer, and he asked again, knocking on the 
door.

"I'm okay," her muffled voice told him. "Ryan, can you 
get your mother please?"

"My mom? What do you want her for?"

"Ryan, please can you just get your mom?" she asked, 
crying.

He went after his mom, concerned, but feeling extremely 
left out. The door was unlocked and his mom went in. 
Ryan sat on the bedspread, wondering.

Jen sat on the toilet, crying.

"What's the matter, honey?" Karen asked.

She shook her head, then told her. "I-I got my period," 
she stumbled. "I've never gotten it before."

"Oh, honey!" Karen exclaimed, giving her a hug.

"I don't know what to do," she cried.

"Well, first of all, let me get you something," said 
Karen. "I'll be right back," she explained, leaving.

When his mom walked out, Ryan jumped up.

"What is it?" he demanded. "What's the matter?"

His mom just shook her head.

"Can I go in?" he asked.

"Better not," she answered.

His mom returned in a second with her travel case, and 
went back in the bathroom. Ryan sat back down on the 
bed, having an idea what was going on but perturbed at 
the same time.

Karen pulled a few objects out of the case, explaining 
them and how they were used. as well as the whole cycle.

Jen didn't understand the tampons. She wondered if they 
could go up and get lost, besides, she added, "I don't 
think I can use them yet."

"Well, sure, you can use them," said his mom. "I prefer 
them over the pads, they're not as messy and you can't 
feel them at all."

"Well, no, I mean, they might hurt me. I mean, I've 
never done it you know," she said embarassedly. Well, 
she thought, this is sort of a personal moment anyway.

"Oh," said his mom, flattered that Jen felt close enough 
with her to share that. "No, you can still use them, 
honey. They're not that big, they shouldn't hurt you 
although you may want to buy the teen size. But if you 
don't feel comfortable you might start out with the 
pads."

"Oh."

She took out an aspirin bottle. "Do you have any 
cramps?"

"No," she said.

"Well, you'll probably get them sometime. They're 
usually much worse the first two days or so. What you 
should do is take Advil, or Midol, ibuprofen usually 
works best. Take it every few hours as soon as you feel 
any pain."

"Does it hurt a lot?" she asked.

"Well, it does," said his mom. "Every woman is different 
so you may not be too bad, but for me, it's horrible 
unless I take the pills."

Jen looked sad.

"But it's a good thing," assured his mom. "When I first 
got mine, I was so thrilled. I told all my friends right 
away, and the ones that hadn't started theirs were 
jealous."

"Really?" asked Jen.

"Oh, yes," remembered Karen. "It was a big moment. I was 
twelve, I remember. I thought I was so grown-up!" she 
laughed.

"I'm fourteen," said Jen.

His mom smiled. "I know," she said. "But it's a great 
thing, really it is. It means you can now be a mother, 
your body is ready to carry a child."

Jen nodded, thinking.

"Of course," his mom added. "Your body may be ready, but 
that doesn't mean the rest of you is if you know what I 
mean..." she told her pointedly.

"Oh, I know!" Jen laughed. "Don't worry about that."

"That's good," smiled Karen.

Jen gave her a big hug, saying, "Thanks a lot, Mrs. 
Harper."

"Oh no, call me Karen," she said. "And you're welcome."

"Thanks, Karen."

"This was great," his mom said excitedly. "You know I 
don't have any daughters. I never thought I'd be having 
this conversation. If you ever have any other questions, 
and your mom's not around or something, you can always 
talk to me of course."

"Thanks."

"Well, I'd better leave you alone for awhile. This is 
your day, this is a big day for you. I'll see you 
later!"

"Thanks. 'Bye."

Karen walked out, and Ryan was still sitting on the bed.

"Well?" he asked. "Tell me."

"She can tell you herself, if she wants," said his mom, 
leaving.

Ryan waited on the bed. Finally he heard the toilet 
flush and the door opened slowly. She walked out slowly 
as well, her eyes red.

He got up and went to her, putting his arms around her 
to comfort her.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah," she said. "I'm okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

She shrugged and laid down on the bed, hugging the 
pillow. Ryan sat next to her, rubbing her back. He 
leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"You want to tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Oh, you don't want to hear about it," she said. "It's 
just girl stuff."

"Well, you're my girl so I'm interested. You- you don't 
want to tell me?"

"Oh, well if you want to know. I got my period."

"You've never gotten it before?" he asked.

"No, this is the first time. I guess I'm just a late 
bloomer."

"I'm sure you're fine. Does it hurt?" he asked, curious.

"No, but it might later. I didn't know anything, you're 
mom helped me a lot."

"That's good. So, you want to rest or something? Do you 
want me to leave?"

"No." She turned over and patted the bed next to her. He 
laid down next to her, and she rested her chin on his 
chest.

"Do you think I'm dirty?" she asked him.

"What? No, I don't think you're dirty you silly!" he 
exclaimed, surprised.

"Oh, well I didn't know. I mean, I just didn't know."

"Do you feel dirty?" he asked.

She thought about it. "Well, it's kinda gross. I guess 
you could say I feel icky."

"Yeah, but like, now you can have babies. You're a big 
girl now," he said.

"Yeah, I guess. I guess we're gonna have to be careful 
from now on..." she teased.

"Oh, yeah!" he laughed, wishing that were the case.

"Your mom's so great," said Jen.

"Well, of course," Ryan said. "She's related to me after 
all."

Jen tickled him and he tickled her back until they were 
both laughing hysterically.


-= Chapter 10 =-

Jen was even more innocent than Ryan had thought, but it 
just made her more endearing to him. He was getting 
frustrated, but he didn't let on. He didn't want to risk 
upsetting her or losing her if he pressured her.

But she was becoming more courageous, and he knew she 
liked their make-out sessions. She always felt him ever 
since that night, and one night when they were alone in 
his bedroom, his parents gone, she reached into his 
pants. He groaned from the touch of her hand on his 
swollen dick, and she rubbed it up and down. Kissing 
him, she unzipped his pants and pulled it out. They both 
looked down at it, it was hard and pulsating, lying flat 
against his stomach. A little precum dribbled down the 
sides, and she looked surprised.

"You already did it?" she asked him shyly.

"Oh, no," he said. "That just happens before, you know. 
Most guys have it," he added, making sure she knew he 
was normal.

She reached back down for it, picking up a drop of his 
precum off and rubbing it between her fingertips, to his 
surprise. Then she spread the rest of it around the head 
and moved the skin up and down sensually. She began 
kissing him again, still with a grip on his exposed 
cock. She licked his ears and kissed his neck. She 
released it for a moment to slide her hands up his shirt 
while he did the same to her. He pulled his shirt off 
and she pressed herself against his naked chest, kissing 
his Adam's apple.

His hands journeyed around her hips, reaching behind to 
hold her ass. She kept rubbing and rubbing, jacking his 
cock while she kissed his chest, her mouth finding his 
sensitive nipples and her tongue flicking against them. 
Pretty soon he groaned loudly and she kissed his mouth, 
then pulled away, excited.

She rubbed faster and faster, and with a stronger grip 
and he gasped. His eyes rolled back while she watched, 
and in a choked voice he whispered he was going to cum. 
Fascinated, she watched as he arched his back and his 
body stiffened. He groaned again. His eyes closed, she 
kept jacking his throbbing cock, and grayish-white cream 
came spurting out of the tip, onto his bare chest. She 
hadn't known it would come out in spurts like that, but 
instead had envisioned a steady stream.

Ryan began to breathe deeper and her hand slowed. A 
final gob of cum oozed out onto her hand. She reached up 
and touched one of the drops on his chest, then an idea 
occurred to her and she massaged all of it into his 
skin. He leaned in and kissed her, grateful, and a 
little surprised at her boldness. She'd surprised him, 
she wasn't predictable, he was finding out.

"What does it feel like?" she asked. Her lower body felt 
like it was melting; the sight of Ryan having an orgasm 
made her more turned on than she could ever remember 
being.

"You've never cum before?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "At least, I don't think so."

He laughed. "Believe me, you'd remember it if you had," 
he told her. "It's unbelievable. It's like, the whole 
world explodes and you just feel incredible."

"Have your other girlfriends made you cum before?" she 
asked boldly.

"Well," he began uncomfortably. "They don't matter."

"Well, I just want to know," she said. "What about 
Courtney?" she asked, referring to his last girlfriend 
that he'd told her about, at her request of course.

"Jen! I told you, they don't matter!" he said, a bit 
exasperatingly.

"I know," she said. "But I'm just curious. I mean, I 
want to know about you," she explained.

"Oh, I see."

"I mean, have you cum a lot?"

He laughed at her naivete. "Gallons," he said.

She looked a bit hurt, and he quickly tried to explain 
without embarrassing himself too much.

"Well, I haven't done it that much with girls. I do it 
myself," he explained, not looking her in the eye.

She looked relieved, but at the same time a look he'd 
never seen before came across her face.

"You mean, you masturbate?" she asked.

"All guys masturbate," he stated matter-of-factly. "If 
one ever tells you he doesn't do it, then he's lying to 
you babe."

"Wow! How do you do it?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"Ohhhhhhh!" he whined. "I do *not* want to talk about 
this. Can we please talk about something else?"

"But I want to talk about it," she said, rolling onto 
her stomach and gazing at him.

"Why?" he asked stubbornly.

"Because it turns me on," she told him with a straight 
face.

"Really?" he asked. "Well, in that case," he joked.

"No, really. I swear. Where does it feel good?" she 
asked, gripping his limp penis in her hand.

"Well," said Ryan. "Let me show you."

He placed his hand over hers, moving her index finger to 
just below the head. He placed her thumb over the head, 
and slowly began moving her two fingers up and down. His 
dick slowly lengthened, and he began breathing heavily 
again.

"Do you want me to play with your balls?" she asked.

"Sure, you can play with my balls!"

She reached down and gingerly touched the soft sack 
hanging between his legs. She took a hold of it, and 
rubbed the hard balls she felt in it.

"Be gentle," he warned. "They're very sensitive you 
know."

"I like them," she said seriously.

Ryan laughed. "Yeah, babe, I like them too. That's why I 
said be gentle!"

She laughed too. She rubbed the dent between them. Her 
other hand kept massaging his dick the way he showed 
her. He groaned a little bit.

Ryan watched her, while she rubbed his dick up and down. 
He looked down, then back at her.

"Do you- do you think I have a nice dick?" he asked, 
shyly.

She looked up in surprise. "Yeah! It's cool."

He laughed. "I mean, do you think it's kinda... big 
maybe?"

Now she laughed, then nodded seriously. "It is. It's 
very big. It's very thick, too. And long. Have you ever 
measured it?" she asked, still rubbing.

"No," he blushed.

"Liar!" she exclaimed. "You have too! I know it. I know 
you have. How big was it?"

He shrugged modestly, breathing hard.

"You started this! You tell me or I'll get a ruler and 
measure it myself!"

He grinned. "It was like, *almost* seven inches long."

"Wow," she said, her eyes growing wide again.

He grinned at her again, sitting up and kissing her 
deeply.

Then he leaned over and got some Vaseline out of his 
night stand drawer and handed it to her.

"Use this," he blushed again. "Otherwise it starts to 
hurt."

She smiled, and applied the jelly to his hardon. Slicked 
up, she rubbed him faster and faster.

"Oh god," he moaned. "Oh baby, that feels good. Yeah, 
keep going right there -- ohhhhh!"

Jen loved this, she loved giving Ryan pleasure. He 
seemed to be in another world.

"Yeah, hold my nuts when I cum," he groaned. She held 
the hot sack in her other hand, feeling it pulsating in 
her grip. Ryan thrust his hips up at her and cried out 
that he was cumming. His balls jerked and he shot more 
sperm onto himself.

He opened his eyes finally. She rubbed the cum into his 
chest again and he grunted. He pulled her on top of him 
and they kissed. He wanted to say he loved her, because 
he did, but he was scared. What if she asked how many 
other people he'd said that too? Or what if she thought 
he was only saying it to her so she'd sleep with him? So 
he just held her to him. He whispered in her ear 
instead, "I want you to cum now..."

She shook her head shyly, saying it was okay.

"No, really!" he said earnestly. "It's not fair. Let me, 
let me kiss you down there," he suggested softly.

"Oh, no!" she exclaimed. "No! You don't have to."

"But I want to," he insisted.

"No. I mean, I don't know about that."

"Please?" he asked.

"No, Ryan! Okay?" she said, a little testily.

"Okay!" he said, a bit hurt. "I just wanted to make you 
feel good too, that's all."

"I know," she said gratefully. "And I love you for it... 
But I just, I don't know. Maybe you wouldn't like it. 
And I don't feel ready."

"Okay," he said, his mind spinning that she'd said she 
loved him. She didn't exactly say she loves me loves me, 
he thought, but still. "But I'll never know whether or 
not I like it unless I try it first of all. But if you 
don't feel ready, then that's okay with me sweetheart."

"Oh, Ryan..." she said, kissing him again. "You're so 
sweet."

Headlights shined through the curtains; his parents were 
home. He zipped up and put his shirt back on, she 
arranged her own. They ran out and sat on the couch, 
flipping on the TV while the garage door opened. They 
giggled at what was on: C-Span. He quickly changed it to 
MTV.

His parents greeted them, and his dad offered to drive 
her home. Ryan came with them, and tickled her in the 
back seat of his dad's Mercedes on the way. Ryan 
escorted her to her door and he even kissed her in front 
of his dad, they didn't care who saw anymore.

"Call you tomorrow?" he said.

She nodded, kissing him again. He forced himself to 
leave her, desperately wishing he could take her to bed 
and stay with her.

He waited for her to go inside and then regretfully 
climbed into the front seat.

"Now I don't feel like a limo driver," joked his dad, as 
he pulled out of her driveway. Ryan laughed.

"So, did you guys have fun?" his dad asked.

"Yeah."

"What did you do?" he asked.

She jerked me off twice and I felt her up, thought Ryan 
sarcastically. "Oh nothing," he said.

"We really like Jen, your mom and I do," said his dad. 
"I hope you guys go out for a long time."

"Yeah, so do I," said Ryan.

"I think Will has a little crush on her," laughed his 
dad.

"Why?" he asked, curious.

"Oh, he always asks if she's gonna come over. Haven't 
you noticed that?"

"Oh yeah, he does, I didn't think about it!"

"And he says we should get her to baby-sit him instead 
of Mrs. Conway."

"Well, too bad for Will," he laughed. "He'd better keep 
his hands off my woman if he knows what's good for him!"

"You like her a lot, don't you?" his dad asked.

"Yeah, I do," said Ryan seriously.

"Do you love her, you think?" he asked.

He paused. "I think I do," he said slowly. "I haven't 
told her that yet though."

"That's good. I mean, if you only think you do. Wait 
until you're sure."

"Yeah."

"Remember Ryan," said his dad seriously, looking at him 
for a second before returning his eyes to the street. 
"Women are a gift. You aren't owed one simply because 
you're a man, you have to earn her, you know? But not 
like she's a possession, not like that of course. I mean 
if you don't give her your all, she's gonna be gone. You 
have to be there for her, and work your ass off for her, 
and treat her like a queen. Make sure she's happy. Don't 
think of her just as a sex object, something to jerk off 
into."

"Oh, I know. I don't," said Ryan, a little taken aback 
by his dad's frankness.

"When you meet the right girl," he said. "She'll be the 
best thing in your life. Remember that. But if you blow 
it, you're gonna be lucky if she gives you another 
chance. The luckiest bastard on the planet if she comes 
back to you after you've hurt her. Remember that, Ryan."

They both sat in silence, thinking about his words for 
the rest of the ride. Ryan thought about how much he 
loved Jen, and how much he wanted her. Every day he 
loved her more. If she ever left him he wouldn't know 
what to do.


-= Chapter 11 =-

Jen became much more adventurous that spring. She had 
grown about three inches since the summer, and gained 
weight in all the right places as well. Part of her 
desperately wanted to make love with Ryan, and she held 
herself back every time they got together. He commented 
on her body all the time, how great it was, how horny it 
made him. She hadn't told him her desires yet. She 
wasn't sure yet anyway, and she knew he'd probably shove 
it in her before she could say another word.

Plus, she had this nagging feeling that he didn't love 
her as much as she loved him. He'd never told her he 
loved her anyway. Well, except once when they were in 
his kitchen. He'd spun around quickly for something and 
knocked his mother's glass measuring cup off the 
counter. Reacting quickly, Jen jumped forward and caught 
it before it hit the floor. He'd said, "Oh my God, I 
love you!" like ten times in a row. Both Dana and Jen 
agreed that didn't count as a true "I love you."

Jen knew she loved him, but she was petrified of him 
saying nothing after she told him so, or of him saying, 
"I don't know if I love you."

But she didn't want him to say it if he didn't mean it, 
or immediately jump into bed with him as soon as he did. 
She knew he'd probably think she was easy if she did 
that. Hell, she would be easy, she thought. His friends 
sometimes were jerks to her, saying, "Have you slept 
with Ryan yet? Why not? Don't you like him? Are you a 
prude or something?" He was never there when they said 
it, and she didn't want to mention it to him for fear 
he'd say, "Well, aren't you?"

She thought he sometimes had a longing look in his eyes 
when he looked at her. She hoped she wasn't frustrating 
him. Whenever they screwed around now he practically 
always came, so she knew he didn't have "blue balls" or 
whatever. He kept wanting to finger her or eat her out, 
but she was scared she would smell or he would be 
grossed out. She'd let him rub her between her legs over 
her clothes; God, it felt good.

Ryan was getting frustrated sexually, mainly because he 
felt everyone else was doing it. He knew Jen wanted to 
take things slow, but his friends were on him all the 
time, saying shit like, "Maybe she's gettin' it from 
some other guy," and "Maybe she's a dyke," or the worst, 
"Maybe she just doesn't like you." He didn't know why 
his sex life (or lack of it) was of so much concern to 
them. When he'd mentioned this point to them, they'd 
been defensive, saying they only wanted to help.

She was getting so beautiful, which she always was of 
course. Her chest was getting huge, and he'd graduated 
from being able to touch them to being able to kiss 
them. Sex ruled his every waking thought. When was she 
going to let him, how good would he be, what would it 
feel like, how often would they do it? Sometimes in 
class he would just think about her body and how much he 
wanted to do her. His friend Josh's girlfriend had let 
him eat her out. He'd said it was like heaven. Ryan 
wanted to do that too. He wanted to go down on her but 
she wouldn't let him. He thought it was strange how she 
wasn't into getting pleasured. She said giving him 
pleasure gave her pleasure, but he was still annoyed.

But other than that, their relationship was great. He'd 
gotten his driving permit, and getting practice was 
always an excuse to see Jen. They had such great times 
together. They went and saw movies all the time, and 
went out to eat with their friends. He saw other guys 
looking at her, and it made him angry, but proud at the 
same time.

He had fantasies about her all the time, the usual 
fantasies, and some where something bad was happening to 
her (he always felt a bit guilty), but then he saves 
her. Her house was on fire, she was being mugged, or 
raped (he always managed to get to her before she was 
actually raped) but he was the hero. Of course he never 
told her these things; she'd probably think he was a 
creep. He was petrified too that she'd dump him for 
someone else.

In the winter she went to all of his soccer games that 
she could, then in baseball season she was always there, 
in the bleachers, next to his friends or his family.

One Saturday after she'd gone to his baseball game, she 
came over and ate dinner at his house, then they watched 
a movie with his family. "It's good, clean fun," he kept 
saying in an adult voice, to make her laugh. Around 
midnight, his dad said he had better drive her home. 
Ryan of course volunteered to drive.

Waiting for his dad to come out, they climbed in the 
car. She sat in the passenger seat at his urging, him 
saying that when he got his license it'd be like this, 
and that he'd take her out, just the two of them. He 
pretended to drive, steering, moving the stick shift, 
and making motor sounds.

"Oh, no watch out for that cat!" he said, teasing her. 
She loved animals with a passion. "Phew, missed it." He 
continued with the acceleration sounds. "Oh, no! It's a 
bunch of nuns! Oops! Ran over the nuns! Hope they didn't 
make a dent..." She was laughing hysterically. "Oh no! 
It's a cop! The pig's trying to pull me over. Let's see 
if I can lose him... Let's see, I'm only going 125 miles 
an hour. I'll turn right and go into this alley... Oops, 
I think I squished a bum. Get out of the way you stupid 
street vendors! God, you'd think they own the 
sidewalk..." he said, rolling his eyes exaggeratingly. 
He made screeching sounds, saying, "Good, I lost the 
copper. Now we're home baby..."

He looked over at her, and she smiled at him. He grinned 
at her.

"Ryan, you crack me up!" she told him.

His face turned serious, and he reached for her. Pulling 
her to him in the dark car, he kissed her gently. He 
looked her in the eyes, his heart racing.

"Jen?"

"Yeah Ry?" she asked.

"I love you."

She stared at him for a second, then her eyes filled 
with tears. "Oh Ry! I love you too. So much. I thought 
you'd never say it..."

He held her to him, his heart bursting. "I love you. 
I've always loved you, baby."

His dad came out of the house then, and they smiled at 
each other. They kissed quickly, and she got out and got 
into the back seat.

His eyes kept meeting hers in the rear view mirror while 
he was driving, and she smiled at him, trying to keep 
the tears of joy from falling.

He walked her to her door and they kissed. She held his 
hand and asked him if he'd come in and tuck her in 
goodnight. He looked over at his dad, raising five 
fingers up to symbolize "Five minutes?" His dad nodded 
and they went inside.

The house was dark except for a few lights her parents 
had left on for her. They went in her room. He wished he 
could stay, he told her that. She kissed him, then took 
out a large t-shirt to wear to bed. She got undressed in 
front of him, with the lights on, for the first time. He 
sat on her bed and stared at her, his dick throbbing in 
his pants while he looked her over. She was still short 
and light, but God, was she getting built. She pulled 
her hair out of the ponytail, and it fell over her 
shoulders, cascading over her back and breasts. He shook 
his head at her, saying, "You're killing me."

She only smiled and stood between his knees, leaning 
over to take him in her arms. She kissed him. He looked 
over at the clock, he'd been in there almost five 
minutes. She smiled at him again, then pulled on the t-
shirt and climbed over him and into bed. He had to rip 
himself from her arms after he whispered how much he 
loved her. She kissed him again, whispering back that 
she loved him too.

"Goodnight, my love," he said softly.

"Goodnight, Ry,"

He covered her up with her warm comforter. He loved her 
so much he thought he was going to explode. It wasn't 
about sex. He didn't care if she wouldn't have sex with 
him for another ten years. I could have sex with any 
whore off the street, he thought. He needed Jen, he 
loved Jen.

He turned off her light and softly closed the door, then 
let himself out quietly.

Lying in bed, Jen hugged the teddy bear he'd given her 
for their three-month anniversary. She was too excited 
to sleep, she didn't fall to sleep for a few hours. She 
thought about how much she loved Ryan, and how she 
wanted him to take her virginity, and how she wanted to 
marry him and be with him forever.


-= Chapter 12 =-

When the weather began to thaw Ryan began working at his 
dad's construction company, something he'd done since 
puberty. It was hard work, but it worked his body out 
well enough he supposed. He worked on the weekends, 
which meant he had less time to spend with Jen and his 
friends, but he was making a lot of money. He vowed to 
save it so he could get a car as soon as he got his 
license. He turned sixteen in November, and he 
calculated how many hours he would have to work till 
then to get a car. Plus, he wanted to get something 
really nice for Jen on their anniversary.

In May Jen got a letter from Danny, the guy she'd broken 
up with when she'd first met Ryan. He'd moved away to 
Washington state about two months before. She hadn't 
really spoken to him since they'd broken up.

The letter first off said how sorry he was that he'd 
treated her so badly, and how he realized now what a 
good thing he'd given up. It continued, "I know you've 
got a good thing going with that guy Ryan. (At least you 
did last I heard -- are you still going out?) But I've 
never stopped loving you, which may sound strange 
considering the shitty way I treated you. I want you to 
realize that it wasn't because of anything you did, but 
because I was scared that if I was too strong you'd get 
sick of me and break up with me. You were my first real 
girlfriend and I guess I didn't know how to act. There's 
no "girlfriend manual" (that's suppose to be a joke ha 
ha). Of course I blew it. You're probably wondering why 
I'm even writing you, but I kinda hoped we can be 
friends still. If you don't want to be than you don't 
have to write me back. It sucks here by the way.

Love,
Danny Muir
Ps Your boyfriend is a lucky guy"

Jen was blown away. She'd tried to forget Danny, he'd 
hurt her a lot. But she didn't hate him. She planned on 
writing him back.

She wasn't going to say anything to Ryan, but one night 
when they were on the phone she did anyway. He was 
watching TV and not really talking to her. She tried to 
get his attention.

"Hey, guess who I got a letter from the other day," she 
said mysteriously.

"Ed MacMahon," Ryan said sarcastically. "You've won a 
million dollars. Wanna share the wealth?"

"No," she said triumphantly. "Remember Danny Muir?"

That got his attention. "Danny Muir?" he asked. "That 
guy you broke up with to go out with me?"

"Well, Ryan," she said. "Uh, I didn't break up with him 
so I could go out with you. We'd broken up before I met 
you. Or we did like right after. Don't you remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess," he said sullenly.

She didn't like his tone. They'd never fought before and 
it upset her.

"Well?" he demanded.

"Well what?"

"What did old Danny boy want?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing..." she answered, playing with her 
fingernails and wondering why he was being like this.

"Well, obviously he wanted something if he wrote you. 
What did he say?"

"How about if I read you the letter?" she asked 
sarcastically.

"Yeah, read it to me."

"Fine!"

She got the letter out and started to read it. After she 
read where it said, "I know you have a good thing going 
with that guy Ryan," Ryan interrupted, saying, "That's 
right."

She ignored him and continued, skipping the part where 
he asked if they were still together. She considered 
skipping the next line as well, but didn't. "'But I've 
never stopped loving you, which...'"

Ryan interrupted her again in a disgusted tone, saying, 
"Yeah, sure. He never loved *you.*"

"Excuse me?" she demanded, hurt.

"What? He didn't love you. I love you. I mean, you guys 
were only going out for like -- not even a month, 
right?"

"So?" She didn't know why she said that, she understood 
his point, but was still hurt by his attitude.

"What do you mean 'so?'? Danny was a mistake for you," 
he said decidedly.

"Fuck you!" she snapped. "Where the fuck do you get off 
analyzing every relationship I've had? You've never even 
met Danny! I would not say he was a mistake," she said, 
trying to hurt him.

He made a disgusted sound. "Oh, yeah right. So, what, 
why's he even writing you? He obviously wants something 
from you."

"Yeah, you didn't even let me finish reading the letter. 
You were too busy spazzing out. Maybe he wants to be 
friends with me. You know, there's no law that says we 
can't be friends."

"Uh, excuse me? Maybe there's my law."

"Oh, my God I can't believe this! Why the hell are you 
being like this?"

"Like WHAT?"

"I can't believe this. Fuck you Ryan. Fuck you." She 
slammed the phone down, then took it off the hook so she 
could explain to herself that he was probably trying to 
call her back.

Ryan heard the click and slammed his own receiver down. 
He was so pissed. He was pissed off at himself, mainly, 
he never meant to tell Jen what to do. Or who she could 
be friends with. But the idea of another guy telling Jen 
that he loved her forced something inside him to snap.

"Dammit," he muttered to himself, punching his pillow. 
He'd been nearly asleep when she'd called. He was so 
exhausted anyway, he'd worked hard that weekend and was 
up late last night doing his homework. I'm working hard 
for her, he thought. She's probably not even grateful. 
He felt a twinge of pain in his heart, knowing she would 
be grateful if she knew he was working for her.

He dialed her number; it was busy. Big surprise, he 
thought to himself, she's probably calling everyone we 
know and telling them what happened so they can hate me. 
He dialed Josh's number.

"Hullo?" said Josh.

"'Sup?"

"Nothin'."

"Dude, my girlfriend just went ballistic on me," 
complained Ryan.

"What happened?"

"Fuck. She got some letter from her ex-boyfriend who's 
all, 'I still love you... '" he said in a high whiny 
voice. "And she's like, 'Oh, me and him can be 
friends!'" he said, imitating Jen in a gung-ho sort of 
voice.

"Not," agreed Josh.

"No shit, huh?" he said, disgusted. "And I told her that 
and she like spazzed and hung up on me."

"This happen just now?"

"Yeah."

"Shit. You should just dump her dude. I mean, she's a 
hella prude anyway."

Ryan paused. "She's not a prude," he said defensively. 
"She's just a virgin -- that's different."

"Yeah, and you're one too because of it. Dude, I swear, 
you don't need this shit. I mean, you can stay together 
with this chick -- and don't get me wrong, I like Jen, I 
do -- but it's like, you can't let her run everything, 
you know what I mean?"

"I suppose," he said, thinking it over.

"Any other girl would gladly have you."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Dude, hella skirts are always coming up to 
me, 'Does your friend Ryan have a girlfriend? He's 
cuuuuuuuuuute!'" he said in a girlish voice. "I mean, 
think about it!"

"Yeah, but dude, I mean, I really like this girl," he 
said.

Josh paused. "Well, I guess. If that's the way you want 
it or whatever. I mean, I think you shouldn't call her 
back and kiss her ass though. If you're gonna have a 
serious girlfriend, you need to keep your nuts intact."

"Yeah, I'm not gonna call her."

"Dude, I gotta go. Alicia's on the other line."

"Fine. Later."

"Bye."

Ryan laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes 
welled up with tears, and he squeezed his eyes shut 
tight so one rolled out down his face and onto his 
pillow. Fuck Jen, he said several times. I'm not going 
to call her back, he promised himself. He stared at his 
phone, picturing Jen dialing his number right this 
minute.

"I'm sorry we fought Ry," she would whine. "I'm sorry I 
was such a bitch..."

Ryan thought of all the things he could say. Then he 
thought of all the things he could have said 
differently. He should have calmly asked her how she 
felt about the letter. He rolled his eyes, thinking he 
sounded like one of those new-aged psychoanalysts: 
"Let's all get in touch with our feelings!"

He tossed and turned in bed, wishing he could go back in 
time a few hours. He heard his parents go to bed, heard 
the dishwasher's quiet hum. He wondered if she was still 
his girlfriend. She'd said "Fuck you" to him. Did she 
mean it like, "'fuck you' fuck-you", or like, "fuck 
*you*! we're through! fuck-you?"

Ryan laid in bed for several hours. He squeezed out a 
few more tears, as many as he could to feel more sorry 
for himself. His clock read 1: 36 am. Jen was probably 
asleep by now. He wished he was asleep. He could call 
her and hope she answered before her parents, but they'd 
probably be woken up and pissed off at him. He pictured 
her dad pummeling him for calling so late. That brought 
a smile to his face anyway.

His wild imagination kicked in, and he imagined her 
stealing her parent's credit card tomorrow morning, 
cutting school and flying up to see Danny wherever he 
lived, Washington or Oregon or something. He saw her, 
seductively removing her clothes and spreading her legs 
for Danny, moaning that she wanted him. Danny would be 
on her in a flash. He probably has a huge dick too, 
thought Ryan. He imagined Jen telling her girlfriends 
all about its length and girth.

She's not a prude, he thought defensively. Man, he 
thought angrily, I have to apologize. It's my damn 
fault. I bet she'll never forgive me. She probably 
thinks I'm some possessive psycho who would have started 
beating her anyway. "The first sign was when he started 
telling me who my friends could be!" he pictured Jen 
crying, while on Oprah or Sally Jessey Raphael or some 
shit.

Fuck, he thought, getting up. He didn't have a dime or 
he could call a cab. He considered stealing money from 
his mom's purse, but upon investigation it was nowhere 
to be found, it must be in her bedroom. He could steal 
the car. He could drive perfectly. But there's no way 
his parents wouldn't wake up though, and plus, he'd be 
grounded forever and then he'd never get his license. He 
looked around the dark kitchen, and turned on the light 
over the table. He got out a pad of paper and a pen.

"Dear Jen," he wrote. "I'm sorry. I'm a jerk. Please 
forgive me? I love you. -Ryan".

He rewrote it a couple of times, so the writing was neat 
and not scribbled. He added in, "I was totally wrong. 
Please give me another chance," in place of "I'm a 
jerk," and "Please forgive me." It sounded more serious. 
He folded it up neatly and wrote "Jen" on the outside.

He got his warm jacket and jeans on, and put his 
baseball hat on. He took his bike out of the side garage 
door, wheeling it out and opening the gate. It didn't 
creak, his dad kept it too well oiled for that. It was 
so dark he could barely see. There were no street lights 
in his neighborhood, and the streets were narrow and 
curvy. It was freezing out.

He pedaled down the mountain, scared every time he saw 
headlights. It could be a cop thinking he was up to no 
good, who would gladly escort him home. He biked down 
the main street of his town, a small, wealthy 
residential community in the hills. Everything was 
closed up tight, even the gas station was closed.

Part of the way was pure highway, 55 mph and everything. 
He tried to stay to the side of the rode. He pedaled 
furiously, his lungs burning from the cold air. He felt 
relieved when he got to the main street near Jen's town. 
The bright lights and all the cars shocked him, but he 
knew where he was and he was almost there.

He cut through the elementary school next to Jen's 
street. It seemed like an eternity since he'd left his 
home, but finally he was here.

He left his bike in front, sure no one would wander by 
her culdesac and steal it at this hour, and not in her 
wealthy neighborhood. He climbed the wall in front of 
her house, praying it wasn't rigged for security. He 
went up her driveway to the gate on the side of the 
house, it would lead him to the glass sliding door to 
her room. He'd joked before about that door, about she 
could let him in at night without her parents knowing.

He looked at the gate. He was pretty sure it was rigged. 
If he set it off and her parents called the police, he'd 
look like a huge fucking fool. If her dad didn't shoot 
him first that is. He'd planned on taping the note to 
her door so she saw it first thing. He had a little side 
fantasy that she'd see him taping it up and she'd invite 
him in and they'd make up.

Shit, he thought. That's not going to happen. He looked 
again at the gate. He went around to her front door and 
placed the piece of paper on the doormat. He stared at 
it, hoping her dad wouldn't step on it and drag it 
around all over the city before he eventually noticed it 
and threw it away.

Ryan hopped up over the wall, and picked up his bike. 
Climbing on it, he looked again at her house, and 
imagined her sleeping peacefully just yards away from 
him. He tried to send her a mental message. "I love you, 
Jen," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. He took a 
deep breath and rode home.

***

Jen had talked to Dana until about midnight. Dana had 
advised her to wait and see, telling her how she was 
sure Ryan loved her and didn't mean his behavior. She 
said he was just jealous. Jen had cried, so upset, and 
sure that Ryan had changed or that maybe he wasn't the 
guy she thought he was. She said she was glad she hadn't 
slept with him yet. She was convinced they were over. 
Dana agreed on the former, but still said Jen should 
take him back. That is, if he comes back, Jen had 
pointed out.

Jen was surprised at the note on her carpet the next 
morning. Her dad had stuck a post-it on it, saying it 
was on the doorstep when he had gone to work at 6:15 am. 
She read it, and held it to her breast. Should she call 
him now? He'd probably be up. Nah, she thought. I'll 
call him tonight so we can talk. Plus, she thought with 
an evil grin, better let him sweat it.

That night she called him, nervously. What if he'd 
changed his mind? He might have thought about it, and 
decided he didn't want her forgiveness after all.

"Hello?" said a small voice.

"Will?" she asked.

"Jen?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Hold on, I'll get Ryan." She heard the phone being put 
down, then the sound of Will's footsteps on the kitchen 
floor. She heard him yell for Ryan, then, "It's your 
giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirlfrieeeeeeeeeeeend!" She 
laughed. Will was only seven, and an absolute miniature 
Ryan.

She heard another phone fumbling, and Ryan's low voice 
saying, "Hang it up Will!"

He didn't say anything, but his breathing told her he 
was there. Finally, he said, "Hello?"

"Hi."

He paused, then said, "Just a second." He covered up the 
receiver, but she still heard him shout, "Will! Hang it 
up!" followed by a click and the connection becoming 
clearer.

"Hi," said Ryan. "Did you get my note?" he asked 
nervously.

"Yeah, I got it."

"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm such a jerk. You 
forgive me?"

"Oh, Ryan. Of course I do. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't 
have hung up on you."

"No, I deserved it. I have no business telling you who 
your friends can be. You can be friends with him all you 
want. I love you so much though, maybe I love you too 
much for your own good in some ways. I don't know, I'm 
so lucky to have you, I mean it."

"Ryan, I'm lucky to have you. You've always been a great 
boyfriend."

"But I can be better."

"I don't see how, Ry."

"I can never treat you again the way I treated you last 
night, like I owned you or something. I promise you I 
never will. If I ever do you can kick me out of your 
life."

"God, Ry, I'd die without you."

"But you better keep me on my toes though."

She laughed. "Aright, I'll keep you on your toes. But 
Ryan, don't be afraid to tell me something, how you're 
feeling, just 'cause you think I'll get mad or we'll 
fight. We need to talk about things. It- it seems like 
we haven't talked lately. Don't you think so too?"

He paused. "Well, yeah, I guess. It's just that I never 
see you. I think we don't see each other as much now, 
since I've been working and am too tired to go out and 
stuff."

"You work too hard. Work less. Your classes are hard 
enough,"

"Well, you know I'm saving up for a car," he said. "Man, 
when I get my license we'll go out all the time."

"Ryan, I bet your parents will buy you a car. Did they 
say they wouldn't?"

"No, but I guess I'll appreciate it more if I earn the 
money myself," he said, not telling her what else he was 
planning on spending the money on.

"God, you're such a hard worker. You're just like your 
dad, you know. He works so hard to give you guys 
everything."

"Yeah, but I think, you know, that my mom wishes he were 
around more."

"Gee, who does that sound like?" she said.

"Huh?" he said.

"Ryan!"

"What, who... me?" he asked.

"Yes, you silly. I worry about you. Just don't get 
burned out."

"I won't. Don't worry, babe."

"Hey, Ry?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you bring that note over?" she asked, curious.

"Oh, I think it was like 3 or so. Maybe 4."

"You got a ride that late?" she asked incredulously.

"No."

"How'd you get here then?"

"I rode my bike."

Jen gasped. "Ryan! You rode your bike over here! God, 
that's like ten miles away! And at night!"

"Well, I wanted you to know I was sorry! I didn't want 
you to go to school hating me still. I couldn't call 
you. Your parents would have killed me!"

"Oh, honey..." she mused. "I can't believe you rode your 
bike! You must have been freezing. Weren't you cold?"

"Well, at first. But I rode as fast as I could and got 
warmed up."

"Oh... I didn't hate you you know!" she exclaimed, what 
he'd said just now hitting her.

"Well, I didn't know. I mean, you said, "Fuck you" and 
hung up on me," he pointed out, sounding hurt at the 
memory.

"Oh! I feel so bad. If something had happened to you I'd 
never have forgiven myself."

"Don't worry about it."

"No, I mean, you could have gotten hit by a car. Or 
kidnapped!"

He laughed. "I'm a big boy, I can handle myself!"

"You must be exhausted. What time did you get home? Did 
you get any sleep last night?"

"No I think I got home at like six or so. It was almost 
light out. But it was worth it."

"You know, you could have just called me this morning."

He paused. "Would you have talked to me?"

"Probably not!" she laughed.

"See! It's okay. I got my exercise for the week."

"Oh, and up the mountain too!" she whined. "Poor baby."

"Oh!" he whined back, teasing.

"You must be so tired."

"Yeah. You know when you stay up all night though, after 
awhile it's okay. It feels like a dream..."

She sighed. "I wish you could come over."

"Yeah, I'll get my bike out."

"Ryan, don't you ever dare ride your bike over here 
again from your house. Take a cab. I'll keep money aside 
just for that."

"No, I'll keep money. I wish I could come over now."

"Well, you're not allowed to."

He sounded hurt. "Why not?"

"Because, Mr. Harper, you're going to take a nice hot 
bath and get your butt some sleep tonight!"

"Yeah, okay, that sounds good. How's your butt by the 
way?"

"It's just fine!" she laughed.

"Can I come over and see your butt this weekend?"

"Well, my parents are going to be home. But other than 
that you may."

"Can I see something else?"

"Ryan!" she laughed, surprised. "Well, I'll think about 
whether or not you can *see* it."

He groaned. "Aright. You know, it's like the car. No 
offense, really. I appreciate something more when I've 
earned it, huh?"

"Yeah, you will," she agreed, pleased that he saw her 
side of it for once.

"I love you babe," he said softly.

"I love you, too, love. Now go get some sleep!" she 
insisted.

"'Kay. I'll call you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye."


-= Chapter 13 =-

"Oh Ryan. Oh, that feels so good. Oh, wow!" she 
breathed. He moaned in her ear, her hand gripping his 
cock.

They were naked together in the guest house of his 
friend Josh's. Josh was in the main house, probably 
fucking Alicia, Ryan had said. It was late at night, his 
parents out of town for the weekend at some wedding.

He was nearly laying on top of her in the bed, his 
fingers exploring her tight cunt. Now he was 
fingerfucking her, which didn't really do that much for 
her, she'd realized. He seemed to really get off on it 
though. It didn't feel as good as when he massaged her 
clitoris anyway, which he'd been doing a minute ago. She 
gripped him, rubbing his taut skin up and down, while 
her tongue played with his.

He came soon, thrashing in the bed and moaning her name. 
He let out a wail, and she felt his hot sperm splatter 
onto her abdomen and chest.

"I wanna fuck you Jen!" he groaned. "Oh, yeah, fuck me, 
God." He buried his head on her shoulder, breathing 
rapidly.

"God," he breathed. "That felt so good."

She was a little annoyed at what he'd said a second ago, 
but she supposed he couldn't help it.

"You didn't cum, did you?" he asked once he'd caught his 
breath, the isappointment evident in his voice.

"No," she answered. "Really, don't worry." He was always 
wanting to know if she'd cum ever since he'd started 
fingering her. She couldn't help but moan, and he was 
thrilled. She could have had him kept trying, of course, 
but she was scared that she still wouldn't cum, and then 
they would both feel horrible.

"Well! When you cum, you'll know why I always wanted you 
to. But it felt good?" he asked, wistfully.

"Yes, dearie. It felt great. Don't worry. Girls are 
different than guys, if we don't cum it's not the end of 
the world. We're just built that way."

"I know that..."

She snuggled up to him, under the covers.

"I'm gonna miss you when you're gone," he said sadly.

"I'll only be gone three and a half weeks!" she said. 
"Then we'll have the rest of the summer together. I'll 
write you every day. You won't even know I'm gone."

"Can't you stay home?"

"No, I can't. No offense, but I'm looking forward to 
going away. I went to this camp for five years! Now I 
get to be a counselor. It's gonna be fun. I promise I'll 
write you," she repeated, rubbing his chest.

"You promise you won't meet any hot guy counselors?"

"Well, I'll *try* not to," she teased.

He kissed her, tickling her and then pinning her arms to 
the mattress while he lay on top of her and she giggled. 
He kissed her again.

"Let's do it tonight," he whispered, looking into her 
eyes in the moonlight that poured in, the summer night 
hot outside.

She shook her head, smiling at him sadly.

"Please?" he begged. "Can't I have a going away 
present?"

"No, Ry. I said no."

"Aright," he gave in. He didn't want to fight with her 
tonight. He wouldn't be seeing her for nearly a month, 
and plus, he didn't want to give her any reason to spend 
any time in any "hot guy counselor's" arms.

"I'm gonna be so bored without you."

"No you won't. I'll be home soon."

"I'll be working hard while you're gone," he said, 
trying to impress her. "I'm working full time on that 
house on Woodcrest Court now that school's out."

"You always work hard."

"Someday, I'll build you the biggest house you'd ever 
want."

"As long as it's big enough for me, you, and our thirty-
five cats it'll be fine with me sweetheart."

Ryan laughed. He blew raspberries on her breasts and she 
shrieked in laughter. They rolled around, in bed, and 
she lay on him, her breasts pressed against his chest. 
They kissed, and whispered that they loved each other.

***

She couldn't write him everyday, but sent him several 
postcards a week, plus three long letters. He worked 
hard, getting up at sunrise with his dad and moving and 
lifting pipes and beams around all day. His back burned 
and blistered, but then tanned like he'd hoped it would. 
He was stiff and tired every day, and dreaded the 
hateful sound of his alarm when it went off in the dark 
every morning. But he'd feel so guilty if he quit now. 
The other guys would probably laugh that he was a 
spoiled brat if he didn't show up. "Daddy's boy."

The night she came home he called her as soon as she 
walked through the door. Her mom drove her over 
immediately, and she spent most of the night making out 
with him on the couch while his little brothers watched 
TV. Robby and Will groaned and made gagging sounds, but 
didn't leave, and in fact stared at them half of the 
time, fascinated. His parents just laughed, relieved 
that they weren't locked in his room anyway. His parents 
had always been very affectionate in front of their 
children, so it wasn't especially shocking.

Later that week he'd promised her they go out. Dana and 
her boyfriend, Jared, picked her up, and they went to 
the party where Ryan had planned on meeting her after 
work. Jen started to drink, and got pretty drunk waiting 
for him. She'd drank before, and he had too, so it 
wasn't like he would have been mad at her or something. 
Around eight-thirty he still hadn't shown up, and she 
called him, wondering where he was. His mom answered, 
telling her that he was asleep.

"He's asleep?" she asked, shocked.

"Yeah, I just went in there and he's out. Do you need 
for me to wake him up for you?"

"Yeah, wake him up."

A minute or two later a sleepy sounding Ryan answered 
the phone.

"Ryan! What are you doing? You said you meet me here 
like, awhile ago!"

"Oh. Sorry. I guess I fell asleep. What time's it?" he 
mumbled.

"It's almost nine," she said crossly. "What the hell?" 
she demanded.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I can't make it. I'm really 
tired."

"Well, why didn't you call me?"

"Dude, I said I just fell asleep! I didn't plan on 
ditching you or anything. Besides, I don't have the 
phone number where you are."

"Whatever," she said, disappointed and not bothering to 
hide it.

"What? Hey, babe, I didn't do it on purpose you know. 
I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"Aright."

"Mad?"

"No, not mad," she sighed.

"I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay. 'Bye." she said, hanging up the phone, not even 
giving him the chance to say "I love you," which he was 
about to.

She had a few more beers, then got into a rubber band 
fight with this guy she'd never met before. She was 
running around and tripping on the carpet, laughing so 
hard she had to catch her breath. He kept threatening to 
throw her in the pool good-naturedly.

She saw him about half an hour later, they ended up on 
the couch together, watching TV. His name was Brett and 
he was going to be a senior. Brett couldn't believe Jen 
was only a sophomore, she could pass for a senior any 
day, he said. He asked if she had a boyfriend.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you know what?" she 
asked in a silly manner.

"What?" he asked back.

"He forgot to come tonight!"

"He did?"

"Yeah! He fell asleep!" she exclaimed, bursting into 
laughter. She leaned on Brett's shoulder, drunk.

"Well! That's not a very nice boyfriend. Maybe you 
should dump him."

Jen just kept laughing. This guy across the room from 
her was making funny faces at her.

Brett said something she didn't understand, in some 
other language she was sure.

"Huh? What's that mean?" she asked him.

"It means 'I love you' in Spanish."

"You know what?" she asked him.

"What?"

"I can say 'I love you' in ten different languages!"

"Really? Do it then!" he said.

She paused, batting her eyelashes at him. "'I love you 
in ten different languages'!" she laughed.

He laughed too, then said, "Uh oh! You tricked me! That 
wasn't very nice."

"Oh, well too bad for you!" she laughed, getting up to 
go find Dana.

She found her in the bedroom, laying on the bed with 
Jared and looking at some CD's. Some other people were 
there too, Jen didn't notice who.

She laid on the bed next to Dana, finding it hard to get 
up once her head hit the pillow. She was part of the 
conversation for awhile, and had a brief recollection of 
that guy Brett coming in the room sometime and talking 
too, but soon she drifted out of it.

She jerked out of sleep. It was dark now -- what time 
was it? Had Dana left her? What had woken her up?

She saw the red numbers of a digital clock -- it was 12: 
55. One small lamp was on, but the ceiling light was 
turned off. She realized all of this in about two 
seconds, and looked over and jumped. Brett was laying 
next to her, his face only inches from hers.

She moved back a little bit. "What?" she asked 
incoherently. Then she realized why she had woken up -- 
his hand was up her shirt, feeling her breasts.

She tried to push him away, not understanding what was 
going on and really only half conscious. But his mouth 
covered hers, and she felt his wet tongue plunge into 
her mouth.

"Uhhhhhhh!" she cried, trying to push him away again 
unsuccessfully.

"Oh, Jen," he whispered, his erection pressed into her 
thigh.

"Go away!" she said, not understanding at all what was 
going on. She rolled onto her stomach and hid her head 
under the pillow, nearly passing out again.

She felt his hand under her skirt, between her legs, and 
kicked wildly in response to his fingers poking into 
her, over her underwear. She rolled onto her back again 
and sat up.

"I don't like you," she pouted, trying to get up.

"Well, I like you," he said, preventing her from doing 
so.

"Why don't you leave me alone?" she whined, near tears. 
"I have a boyfriend!"

"Yeah, well he's not here, remember? And while you were 
asleep he called and told me to tell you that he doesn't 
love you anymore," Brett joked, pulling her back down 
and rolling on top of her.

She burst into tears, trying to hit him but he blocked 
her punches. She tried to kick him but he was too 
strong, and she was too drunk. She squirmed under his 
weight, and she felt his big hardon poking against her. 
He rubbed his body on hers, shivering in pleasure from 
the sensations. He lifted up a bit so he could pull her 
skirt up.

Right then Jen realized exactly what was happening. She 
opened her mouth to scream and his hand was right there, 
clamped over her mouth and absorbing the sound. This is 
like a dream, she though wildly. Where's Ryan?

He took his hand away and a small yelp came out. He 
grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard.

"Shut up Jen!" he said in a fierce whisper. "What's the 
matter with you?" he demanded. His eyes frightened her, 
she wondered if he was going to kill her. Only one other 
thought kept running over and over in her mind while he 
inserted a finger up into her, hurting her. He took his 
dick out, actually, he made her take it out. He yanked 
her underwear down to her knees and repositioned 
himself. He wrapped her hand around his dick, saying 
softly, and proudly, "Don't you think it's big?"

Before she could answer, a knock came on the door. Some 
guy's voice asked, "Who's in there?"

Jen shrieked with all her might. The door was locked, 
she heard it being tried, and someone pounded on the 
door. Jen screamed, "Help me! Please!" while she sobbed.

He shook her again, hissing, "Shut up!"

She took advantage of the sudden interruption. Her hand 
around his dick, she reached down and squeezed his 
testicles as hard as she could. She didn't care if they 
exploded like tomatoes. He screamed in agony, and she 
pushed him off her and struggled to run to the door, 
difficult with her underwear pulled down.

"Bitch!" Brett groaned at her.

Right then the door flew open, she saw Dana's face, and 
some guy stood there with a Swiss Army knife, used to 
unlock the door. A bunch of other people stood staring.

Sobbing, she pulled her underwear back up and saw Brett 
putting his dick away out of the corner of her eyes. She 
pushed her way out of the crowd, trying not to trip. 
Where was the bathroom? she thought hazily. She'd been 
there at least ten times tonight.

She found it, Dana trailing after her. She slammed the 
door shut, and leaned behind her against it, fumbling 
with the lock while she stared at the toilet. God, her 
head hurt. She fell forward and threw up.


-= Chapter 14 =-

Ryan went to work the next day with a vague remembrance 
of Jen calling him, annoyed that he'd stood her up.

He'd promised her he'd make it up to her, so it wasn't 
the end of the world, he reasoned with himself to get it 
out of his mind.

The sun was bright overhead in the morning sky as Ryan 
went to work. Break time he talked with this guy Chris, 
who was a senior at another school. He'd started working 
for Ryan's dad last summer, and had sort of become 
friends with him although they didn't hang out after 
work.

Chris told him about some party he went to the night 
before, mentioning that he may have to go to court.

"Why?" asked Ryan. Chris was full of shit.

"Oh, some chick got raped! I may be a witness!"

"Oh, yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah. We beat the hell out of the guy too."

"Good!"

"Yeah, it was out in the Oaks."

"Oh yeah? I think I heard of that party! My friends 
went."

"Well, there's hella parties around there," said Chris 
nonchalantly, as though Ryan wouldn't be cool enough to 
know of a party that Chris attended.

"Oh yeah, so what happened? Did the cops come?"

"I don't know, I left pretty soon after."

"Oh. That sucks," he said, hoping to wrap up the 
conversation.

He called Jen as soon as he got off work. He wasn't too 
tired and wanted to go out maybe.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hi, what's up?" he said.

She paused. "Oh, hi Ryan. Nothing much," she answered 
sweetly.

"I'm sorry about last night..." he began.

"What about it?"

"Don't you remember? I fell asleep and stood you up. 
Don't tell me you forgot -- I thought you were pissed! 
Spent all day worrying about whether or not you'd talk 
to me tonight."

"I always talk to you Ryan," she said in a wounded tone.

"I know you do -- I'm only kidding." Shit, he thought, 
she's still pissed at me.

She didn't say anything. He changed the subject.

"So, how was that party last night?" he asked.

"Fine."

"Did you get drunk?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said in an annoyed tone.

"God, just asking. Hey, did some girl get raped at the 
party?"

She paused. "What?"

"I heard from this guy Chris at work that some girl got 
raped at a party in the Oaks last night. Was that at the 
one you went to?"

"No."

"Oh. So, nothing exciting happened?" he asked, trying to 
make conversation.

"No, nothing *exciting* happened. Anyway, I left early, 
like, right after I talked to you."

"Oh. Bored huh?"

"Yeah, Ryan, I was just so bored without my boy," she 
laughed.

"Of course you were," he said, relieved that her mood 
seemed to be improving.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"I gotta go."

"Oh, why?"

"Because dinner's ready," she lied.

"Will you call me after dinner?"

"Yeah, maybe. Probably."

"Aright. I love you..."

"I love you too," she said quickly, and hung up.

She called him back later, wanting to tell him what had 
happened but at the same time wanting to forget about 
it. She knew it would be hard to do that if he knew. Not 
that many people at the party knew him, and she'd made 
Dana promise not to tell, so she figured he wouldn't 
find out. She supposed he'd get mad if he did, but would 
he get mad at her too for being so irresponsible? He'd 
want to know every detail probably. What if he felt 
weird that another guy had touched her? She'd just as 
soon forget about it. It wasn't like the jerk actually 
raped her. They'd both been drunk. She tried to forget 
about it.

Ryan wanted her to come over that night to hang out. Her 
mom offered to drive so she said she guessed she'd see 
him in awhile.

After they'd hung up Josh called him.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," said Ryan.

"So, you pissed?"

"Pissed about what?" he asked.

"You know."

"No, I don't. What am I supposed to be pissed about?"

"Dude, you didn't hear? She didn't tell you?" Josh 
sounded surprised.

"What?!?" Ryan was getting annoyed.

"About what happened last night at the party. Why didn't 
you go, anyway?"

"Dude, if you don't tell me what the fuck happened I'm 
gonna kick your ass. Are you talking about Jen?"

"Yeah. Have you talked to her yet today?"

"Yeah! I just got off the phone with her. She's coming 
over."

"Oh..."

"Are you fucking with me? What happened?"

"Oh, man! Some guy like completely attacked her!"

"What? He hit her?" Ryan yelled.

"No... He liked, raped her. Or he tried to. I heard from 
Jared that she got away before he actually did it. But 
then I heard from this other guy that he did rape her."

Ryan was silent.

"Ryan?" asked Josh, gently.

"I'm gonna kill him," he said quietly. "I swear to God, 
I'm gonna fucking kill him!" he screamed.

"Dude, Jared said they beat the fuck out of him. His 
name's like Brett something."

"I can't believe this. Why the fuck didn't she tell me?" 
he demanded.

"I don't know. Maybe she thought you'd get mad."

"Oh, bullshit. What the hell?" he demanded. "What 
happened? Is she okay?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there."

Ryan paused, thinking. "Dude, I gotta go."

"Aright. God, I thought you knew..."

"Well, later."

"Later."

Ryan, trying to fight back tears, called Jen, his hands 
shaking. She'd already left. He sat on the edge of his 
bed, his head in his hands. What had happened? She must 
be going crazy inside, she must be hurting. She *had* 
sounded weird, he recalled. He'd thought it was just 
because she was mad at him. Maybe she was mad at him 
because he wasn't there. Did they take her to the 
hospital? He still didn't know whether or not she'd 
actually been raped. He called Dana.

"Hello?"

"Dana? It's Ryan."

"Oh, hi Ryan," she said. He didn't usually call her, and 
if he did, it was always concerning Jen. She had a 
feeling he'd found out about what happened.

"Dana, you need to tell me what happened."

She didn't say anything. She'd promised Jen she wouldn't 
tell. She racked her brain to think of a good lie.

"Dana! Tell me!" he said, sounding as if he'd been 
crying, or still was maybe.

Her heart melted, she'd thought Jen should have told 
him, and had told her so.

"Is she okay?" he demanded. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"Oh. Yeah, she's okay. She was pretty upset at first, 
she locked herself in the bathroom for like half an 
hour."

Shit, he thought. "Did you call the police -- wait, did 
he actually rape her or not?"

"Oh, no!" she said. "He was about to, but she got him in 
the nuts finally and got out of the room."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. What 
happened?"

"Oh, well. She passed out in this bedroom and he went in 
and locked the door. She woke up when he was trying to."

"Did he hurt her?"

"Oh, not really. He grabbed her arms and pinned her down 
and stuff but he didn't hit her or anything. She was 
lucky she got out, though. He was fully ready to rape 
her. He had like, well, when the door got opened she was 
pulling up her underwear -- she was wearing her jean 
skirt -- and he was pulling his pants up. She was 
totally crying."

"Why the fuck did you leave her there alone?" he 
demanded angrily.

"Well, we thought she'd be okay! I mean, you don't fully 
expect someone to rape her just because she's passed 
out."

"Dana, why didn't she tell me?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know. And I'm not telling you this, okay? You 
didn't hear it from me. She made me promise I wouldn't 
tell you."

"Why?" he demanded. "Why the hell didn't she want me to 
know?"

"I don't know, maybe she thought you'd be mad or think 
she deserved it or something"

"Why the fuck would I be mad? Do I sound mad at her?"

"I don't know. I guess not."

"I can't believe this. Why did I have to fall asleep? I 
wasn't there for her when she needed me. Maybe she's mad 
at me because I wasn't there?"

"Oh, I don't think so."

Now that he knew she was okay, he began to get angry. 
"She lied to me," he said.

"How?"

"Well, I asked her if anything happened and she said no. 
She told me that she left at like nine. She didn't, did 
she?" he asked rhetorically.

"No... We left at like three or so."

"Fuck. I can't believe she lied to me about this." Lying 
was a cardinal sin at his house.

Dana said nothing, trying to think of anything else she 
could say.

He saw headlights, then heard Will yelling that she was 
here.

"Dana? I gotta go. She's here."

"Oh, she's coming over? I didn't tell you anything!" she 
reminded.

"I know, don't worry. Dana?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome I guess. Bye."

"Bye."

He heard the front door open, and his mom telling Jen 
that he was in his room. He heard her knock.

He told her to come in. She walked in, smiling at him. 
She sat on the bed next to him.

She's acting like nothing's wrong, he thought. Why are 
you acting like nothing's wrong? What the hell is the 
matter with you? he thought angrily. Why'd you fucking 
lie to me?

He was completely staring at her. Oh, my God, she 
thought, he must know. He looks so pissed!

"What?" she said defensively.

"Why'd you lie to me?" he asked sullenly.

"What? I didn't lie to you!"

"Don't lie!" he said angrily.

"Ryan!"

"You didn't fucking tell me. Why couldn't you fucking 
tell me? You told me nothing happened!"

"Ryan! Stop yelling at me," she said, trying not to cry. 
"I didn't lie to you... " she said pathetically.

"Oh come off it."

"Fine," she said tearfully, standing up. "Fine."

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"I'm leaving," she said, bursting into tears.

Ryan jumped up and blocked the door.

"No! You can't just run away," he said, preventing her 
from opening the door.

He was bigger than her; frustrated, she turned her back 
on him, sobbing. "No, you're just yelling at me. We 
can't talk if all you're gonna do is yell. I wanna go 
home!" she cried, her face in her hands. She leaned her 
head against his wall. "Let me leave!" she wailed.

"No, come on," he said. He wrapped his arms around her, 
pulling her to him. She wouldn't turn around, and tried 
to push his arms off her.

"I'm not mad at you. I didn't mean to yell. Please can 
we talk? We need to." He held her in his arms, resting 
his chin on her head. "I love you," he whispered.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

He turned her around, and held her face in his hands 
while she wouldn't look at him.

"No, it's not your fault. It's his fault."

"No, I-I'm sorry I lied. I never meant to. I was just 
scared."

He made her look at him. "Why were you scared?"

"I don't know," she whined. "I just didn't want to talk 
about it. I didn't want you to know about it."

"Why?"

"Because then you'd make me talk about it!" she wailed.

"Well, it hurts me that you couldn't tell me," he told 
her. "It hurts me that you lied."

She buried her head on his shoulder, "I didn't mean 
to..."

"I know," he said, even though he really didn't. She sat 
down on his bed, still crying.

He laid down on his bed, burying his head in his pillow, 
still angry at her. He'd always told her he'd be there 
for her. Obviously she didn't think so. There must be 
something wrong with us if she couldn't tell me, he 
thought. He wanted to say that, but couldn't. Instead he 
wished she'd leave, really. He still loved her, but 
right then he wished she'd leave. She didn't want to 
talk about it anyway. What could he do?

She laid down next to him. He looked at her. She looked 
so pathetic, and not very attractive with her eyes puffy 
and raccoon-like from crying. He couldn't tell her to 
leave though. He looked away.

They just laid on the bed for several minutes, neither 
saying anything.

"It- it was just so gross. It was like a dream," she 
finally whispered, staring at the ceiling.

He felt guilty right away that he had wished she'd left. 
It must be hard for Jen to talk about it, he reasoned. 
He held her again, telling her it was okay.

She pointed out his shirt, dirty from her makeup. "I'm 
sorry," she said. He shook his head at her, telling her 
not to worry about it.

"I'm gonna kill him you know," he told her.

"No! Ryan, no. I don't want you to get hurt!"

"Don't worry."

"No, please. They already beat him up. I think he's 
sorry."

"Yeah, I'm sure he's sorry that he didn't get to finish. 
Man, Jen! I can't believe somebody would do that to 
you!"

"Well, he was drunk. He probably didn't know what he was 
doing."

That got Ryan mad again. "Whad'ya mean 'he was drunk'? 
Who cares?!?" he demanded.

"I don't know," she said defensively. "I mean, I was 
just saying ..."

"Well, that's no excuse. I don't care if he was drunk. 
What he did still counts. Don't ever excuse someone's 
behavior just because they were drunk, not when it's 
something bad like this."

She started crying again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell," he said, feeling 
bad.

She shook her head. "No, I mean... I- I kept thinking 
one thing when it was happening. It was the worst part 
of it, of what almost happened."

"What?"

"I..." she cried. "I kept thinking that you wouldn't be 
the one who took my virginity. I wouldn't have been able 
to give it to you!" she sobbed.

His heart broke. "Oh, Jen," he whispered. "I wouldn't 
have cared about that. I love you. Don't ever forget 
that, will ya?"

She just cried.


-= Chapter 15 =-

"The Brett Incident," as it was eventually titled, 
caused them to become even closer. He became a little 
more protective of her, and guarded her closely whenever 
they were together. Deep down he felt guilty about the 
whole thing, especially about his anger at her and for 
not being there in the first place.

He was the greatest, and Jen knew she was going to sleep 
with him soon, although she wasn't yet sure if she 
really wanted to actually do it for herself. It was 
getting hard to resist him though.

The only reason she hadn't let him was a fear somewhere 
that their relationship was going to change after they 
did it. They were so great together, nobody ever 
challenged that. Of course, she knew it would change, 
but would it change for the worse? What if he decided he 
didn't want her anymore? It had happened to her friend 
Melissa. She'd been with her boyfriend for eight months 
before she'd slept with him. He'd broken up with her 
soon after. Said she was trying to control him, he had, 
which was of course ridiculous. Jen didn't want anything 
to change; she was happy with their relationship the way 
it was she supposed.

But God, he got this look in his eyes sometimes. He'd 
stopped begging her, though, with words, and replaced 
them with the look.

In September she went to see the gynecologist. She'd 
been having problems with her period. It was lasting 
nearly a week sometimes. Once she got it two weeks after 
the last one ended. She'd called Ryan's mom, because her 
own mom was out of town at a medical seminar. Karen made 
an appointment for her with her doctor. She didn't tell 
her what the doctor said though, nor that she took his 
advice. She didn't want Ryan's mom to know she was on 
the pill.

The weekend after she first started taking it, she went 
to Alicia's house Saturday night.

Josh, Alicia, Scott, Corey, Ryan, and Jen all ended up 
in her parents' room, who were gone. Scott put in a 
porno movie, and they all watched, fascinated. Jen had 
seen them before; her sixth grade boyfriend had stolen 
them from his step-father and showed them to her all the 
time.

Everybody made comments about the action. It was just 
scene after scene of explicit sex, no bothering with a 
plot or anything. The guys made comments about "how 
loose that shit is" and "Boy, he's gettin' up that!" The 
girls screamed and covered their eyes when two girls 
went after each other, while the guys whooped and 
drooled.

During one scene, Alicia commented on how her and Josh 
should try the gymnastic position being used. Jen 
noticed Ryan looking at Alicia when she said that, 
looking at her longer than everyone else's glances. She 
felt a twinge of jealousy. Maybe he's thinking he should 
go for her; she'd fuck him. But she knew Ryan would 
never go after his friend's girl, even if he wasn't with 
Jen. She tried to push the jealousy out of her mind, but 
the thought of him thinking it still hurt..

She was sitting on his lap in an easy chair, his hard-on 
pressed into her thigh. She looked up at him, and he 
smiled at her briefly, then returned his gaze to the 
screen, his breathing rapid. She looked back at the 
movie, this time some girl was sucking one guy's dick 
while being fucked by another doggy style. The girl was 
screaming loudly, and moaning while she pumped her mouth 
around his dick. He gasped and groaned, while the other 
guy grunted, stuffing his huge dick into her red cunt.

The movie turned her on, of course, but she noted that 
the close-ups of the fucking were gross. The guys 
disagreed, except Ryan, who just stared. There was a 
close-up of the face of the guy who was being fellated; 
it was contorted in pleasure. The woman in the movie 
screamed, and concentrated on being fucked for a minute 
while she removed her mouth from the dick.

"Oh, come on!" said Corey. "Suck his dick again!" He 
laughed, looking at Jen. "Jen needs to learn how!"

She gasped and laughed, insulted, telling him to fuck 
off. Shit, she thought. Ryan said nothing, and she 
avoided looking at him.

The woman kept moaning, and screaming. Josh laughed, 
saying, "Why, Alicia, she sounds like you!"

"Yeah!" laughed Alicia, who started moaning and crying 
out as if in pleasure.

Ryan said suddenly, "Hey! Get up a sec," to Jen, and he 
leapt up and went out the sliding door into the 
backyard. As he unlocked the door and disappeared behind 
the curtains, Scott chided,

"Hey, Ryan! Try not to cum on his mom's rose bush!" 
Everyone laughed.

Jen was horrified, embarrassed. Why'd he leave? He isn't 
getting off for real, is he? she wondered.

Corey looked over at Jen. "God Jen, why don't you treat 
Ryan right?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why are you so mean to him?"

"I'm not mean to him," she said, although at that moment 
she felt anything was possible.

"Why won't you sleep with him?" asked Josh, sounding 
extremely concerned.

"I don't know," she replied. She felt like the biggest 
uptight bitch on the planet, and like a big baby next to 
Alicia.

"Well, maybe you oughtta think about it," he said 
sarcastically.

"Why do you care?"

"He's my best friend."

"Yeah?"

"Dude, you don't understand, do you?" asked Scott in a 
disgusted tone.

God, everybody's ganging up on me! she thought. "What?"

"He's a guy!" he said, slowly, as though she was 
retarded.

She didn't answer.

"He needs it!"

"Leave her alone!" interrupted Alicia. "If she doesn't 
want to do it that's her problem."

"Yeah, but it's Ryan's too, as long as he goes out with 
her!" argued her boyfriend.

"Well, so what. Leave her alone. You're being dicks."

Corey leaned back, pulling the curtain aside and peering 
outside.

"What's he doing?" asked Jen.

"He's whacking off. There he goes... POW! All over the 
grass!" he joked. "Just kidding," he told her. "Girl, 
he's sitting on the bench with his head in his hands. 
Please, sleep with him! It's killing me to see him like 
this."

Jen contemplated getting up and hiding in the bathroom, 
but instead went outside.

He was right, Ryan sat on a white iron bench, his face 
in his hands. God, he must hate me, she thought 
tearfully. I am a prude, a frigid bitch.

She sat down next to him, putting her arm around his 
shoulder.

"Ryan?" she whispered.

He looked up, and smiled at her. His eyes were glassy, 
but he didn't look mad. Sad? she wondered. But he didn't 
look like he'd been crying.

"Ryan, what's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing..."

She tried not to cry. "Are you mad at me?"

"No!" he said. "Not at all."

"What are you doing out here?"

"Oh," he said, looking embarrassed. "I had to leave, I'm 
sorry. That movie, the beautiful girl on my lap... I had 
to get outta there before I shot in my pants."

"Ry..." she sighed.

"What?"

"Are you pissed at me?"

"No! I told you, I'm not. Really!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive. Why do you think I'm pissed?"

"Because I'm such a prude."

"Jen, come on. I don't think you're a prude. We do a 
lot, don't we?" he asked, not sounding convinced. She 
knew he was just contradicting her to make her feel 
better.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "But I don't 
want to do it with you because your friends want me to, 
because your friends want you to get laid. I want to do 
it because I want to do it. I mean, I know that sounds 
really lame and cliche and like an after-school special 
or something, but it's true, okay?"

"Okay! Jen, I said I don't think you're a prude."

She looked away.

"But, why *don't you* want to do it with me?" he asked 
slowly.

She looked back at him, annoyed. "Because I don't, 
okay?" She didn't tell him her fears, like that he would 
leave her, or only want her for sex.

He looked away, and stared straight ahead. He loved her, 
he loved her more than anything, but he hated her 
rejecting him. He did everything for her, he thought. 
She must not love me enough.

He felt angry when he thought about Josh and Alicia. His 
friend treated his own girlfriend like shit; he ripped 
on her all the time to his friends. He even said he 
didn't give a damn about her. And Alicia still did 
anything for him. It wasn't fair. Ryan was jealous, and 
hurt, and angry about the whole thing, not to mention 
horny, especially right then.

He looked over at her. She looked so beautiful, her 
perfect profile illuminated by the moonlight and outside 
lamp. He leaned back and put his arm around her.

"Ry? I wasn't going to tell you this but..." she began, 
sighing.

"Tell me what?"

"I wasn't going to tell you yet, but I started taking 
the pill."

His eyes grew big. "Really?" he asked delightedly.

She nodded.

"You- you want to do it?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, not now! I mean, I just started taking it. You 
have to wait like a month, or two months even, before 
you're really safe."

He made a face. "Two months?"

"Well, that's why I wasn't going to tell you. But, I 
never said I wanted to do it yet."

He got mad. "Well, then, why'd you go on the pill? 
You're totally teasing me!"

"No, I'm not. Really, I'm not. The gynecologist put me 
on it because my periods were whacked."

"Oh." He still sounded mad.

"Ry, I just started getting my period, okay! I mean, you 
know, not many girls have sex the same year they start 
their period. If you told anyone that someone did, they 
would tell you that someone was a slut. You know, if 
you're so interested in fucking and that's it, why don't 
you just break up with me? Why didn't you break up with 
me a long time ago?" she demanded, crossing her arms. 
"Then you can find someone who will screw your brains 
out all the time, and then you'd be happy."

"No, Jen! It's not like that." He sighed. "I don't want 
to break up with you. I understand your point of view, I 
guess. You're right about the period thing. It just bugs 
me that you don't want me, that's all."

"Ryan! Of course I want you!"

"Yeah, but not like I want you..."

He can't drop it, can he? she thought. I hate fighting 
with him.

"Just tell me when you're ready, okay? Put it in writing 
if you want," sighed Ryan.

"Fine." She sighed too. "I will, I promise. When I want 
to do it, I promise you, you will be the first to know!"

They went back in the house. Thank God, everyone left 
them alone.


-= Chapter 16 =-

One rainy Saturday, Jen hung out at Ryan's house. He'd 
gotten his license the Thursday before, and picked her 
up himself. He felt so free all of a sudden.

One of his mom's friends was over, and had brought her 
newborn with her. Karen was cooing and dying over the 
little boy. Jen gasped and did the same as soon as she 
walked in and saw the baby. She got to hold him, and was 
in heaven.

Ryan teased them, imitating them. "But it is a cute 
baby, though," he added.

"Why don't you hold him?" suggested the baby's mom.

"Oh, no! I might drop him!" he protested.

"Ryan, you don't even fumble the football. You're not 
going to drop the baby!" insisted Jen.

"Well, okay..."

He gingerly took the small bundle, which smelled like 
formula, in his arms. He stared down at it in awe. He 
smiled down at the sleeping baby. Sitting on the couch, 
he gently touched the tiny hands, feeling its satiny 
skin.

"It's so small..." he breathed.

Jen watched as he leaned over and softly kissed the 
baby's cheek. She nearly burst into tears from the 
breathtaking sight. Her maternal instincts, which were 
already going in mock speed from the baby's presence, 
went crazy watching this. He's gonna be such a good 
daddy, she thought. He looked up at her staring at him, 
with that same look on her face she had when she had 
held the baby.

He smiled at her. "I betcha I was this cute."

She laughed. "You still are."

He grinned at her, then gave the baby back to its mom, 
who was about to leave, when his brother came in the 
room.

"Hey Robby," he said, getting up. "Did you take my 
GameGear?"

"Yeah, I borrowed it."

"Well, give it back," he said in an annoyed tone.

"I can't. I left it at school."

"You took it to school?" Ryan demanded angrily. "What if 
it got stolen, you dumbass?"

"Well, it didn't."

"What's the matter with you? I didn't say you could take 
it you little brat!"

"Fuck you," he said.

"Robby!" yelled his mother.

Ryan took off after his brother, who fled with a wail of 
terror, chasing him into the rec room where he soon 
began pounding him, as all older brothers do. Jen ran 
after them. Robby burst into tears. Only ten, he was no 
match for his brother.

"Mom!" he cried.

Ryan pinned him to the couch, pulling his ears and 
kneeling him in the legs.

"Ahhhhh!" Robby screamed.

"Ryan! Leave him alone!" commanded Jen, who was quite 
amused, but felt sorry for Robby.

"Asshole! Get off me!" sobbed Robby, desperately 
flailing underneath him. Ryan flicked his cheek, and he 
screamed again for his mom.

Karen came in, yelling. She wasn't in the best mood 
anyway, babies always did that to her. "Get off your 
brother!" she snapped. "Or you can't have the car 
tonight!"

"What the hell?" Ryan demanded, climbing off Robby with 
one final smack. "He started it! He took my video game 
without asking. Didn't you hear what your son said to 
me?" he asked angrily.

"Well, it's not your job to punish him, now is it?"

"Oh, like you were gonna do it! He's such a brat."

"Ryan, just never mind," she snapped exasperatingly.

"Come on, Ryan," said Jen, pulling him away before he 
got into a big fight with his mom. "Come on, it's okay," 
she said, dragging him down the hall.

He complained about the unfair treatment. He threw his 
books off his bed and laid down, saying, "I'd better get 
the car tonight or I'm gonna be pissed!"

Jen locked the door behind her, then climbed on the bed 
next to him, rubbing his shoulders and saying, "You 
already are pissed!" She changed the subject. "You liked 
holding the baby? You looked so cute."

He smiled, remembering, his temper cooling. "Yeah it was 
just so small! I was scared I was going to drop it. It 
was so cute!" he said, using the same tone Jen and his 
mom had when fawning over the baby.

Jen threw her arms around him and squeezed him. "You're 
gonna be such a good daddy, Ryan," she whispered, gazing 
into his eyes, her own shining.

"Of course," he bragged. He looked mad again. "Man, if 
Robby were my son, God!" he said, making a face.

"Calm down," she said, kneeling between his legs.

He made another face. "I know, it just really pisses me 
off. God, I'm so pissed!"

She laid down and kissed his stomach. She kissed him 
between his legs, over his clothes, while he stared at 
her. Giving him a naughty look, she undid his jeans and 
pulled his soft dick out.

She kissed the tip gently, saying again softly, "Calm 
down..."

He stared down at her, surprised, as she took him in her 
mouth. He gasped at the sensation, the incredible 
warmth. He pushed his pants down further to give her 
better access, and melted back into the bed as she 
pleasured his most sensitive area with her mouth.

She licked all around the red head, her tongue swirling 
around his ridge. She ran her tongue down to his balls 
slowly. She poked them with her tongue and he groaned, 
"Ohhh..." She licked them, pushing them around in the 
sack, her nose rubbing against the underside of his 
cock.

His dick completely hard now, she had to scoot up to 
reach the head, which she sucked in her mouth. She tried 
to remember everything she had ever seen in a porno. But 
she went on instinct too, enjoying his taste in her 
mouth.

He gasped again, as her soft wet tongue rubbed the ridge 
on the head. He said her name, not actually believing it 
was actually happening. God, he couldn't believe how 
good it felt. He wished it would never end. He lay back, 
gripping the comforter in his hands, his breathing 
rapid.

Her lips slid down its length, and the entire sensitive 
underside was raked by her tongue. He reached for her 
face, touching her cheeks with his numb hands. His face 
screwed up in pleasure, he groaned over and over. She 
began moving her mouth up and down around it, trying to 
get to the base as well without gagging. He lay his head 
back on his pillow, his eyes closed, gasping.

She rubbed his shaft, concentrating her mouth on the 
pink head. She flicked her tongue against it, licking 
the slit and dragging his precum out onto her tongue. 
She slipped the head into her mouth, and sucked with all 
her might. He cried out. She took in more, sucking 
still, trying to stimulate him with her tongue at the 
same time. He groaned his pleasure.

Her hands gripped the base, her mouth still sucking, and 
massaged his balls as they crept up towards his body. 
Whimpering, he rolled his head back and forth against 
his pillow. He gripped her head as the pressure built 
and built, and the warmth spread throughout out his 
lower body. He gasped that he was going to cum. Swallow, 
oh baby please swallow, he thought frantically.

She considered jerking her mouth away, and finishing him 
off by hand. But she didn't really want to do that. She 
wanted him to cum in her mouth more than anything, she'd 
always wanted to taste it. Her mouth kept going, sucking 
his cock up and down, faster and faster.

Throwing his head back, he gasped again as he climaxed, 
his body convulsing as his mind swam. His dick had never 
been so sensitive, it throbbed in her mouth. He shot 
into her what seemed like a gallon of cum, it seemed to 
go on forever. He groaned her name, his hips thrusting 
slightly towards her head.

She attempted to swallow every drop of his sweet liquid, 
it was sticky and thick, but she managed to get it all 
down her throat. She sucked gently some more, then 
wrapped her hungry mouth around his aching sack, kissing 
and licking his balls. She sighed, in pleasure.

Opening his eyes, he stared down at her and pushed her 
hair out of her eyes. He watched as she cleaned his 
twitching, oozing cock with her tongue. "Oh, Jen... 
Wow..." he whispered, his voice cracking.

She looked up at him, giving him another smile. "Was 
that good?" she asked, crawling up to lay next to him.

He rolled his eyes back, saying, "Oh my God... Where'd 
you learn to do that?" he asked in awe, hugging her 
tightly.

"Movies," she shrugged.

He laughed. "God, I love you."

"And I love you." She reached down for his softening 
cock. "And I love him too!" she said in a high voice.

"Well, I'll have to ask him, but I'm pretty sure he sort 
of worships you!" Ryan laughed.

"You're very sweet," she told him, kissing his ear. 
"Literally!"

"Really?" he asked.

"Oh yeah," she said, kissing him so he could taste 
himself. He didn't protest.


-= Chapter 17 =-

As an early Christmas present, he got a new car from his 
parents, a blue Ford Bronco. He was completely shocked, 
and Jen teased him. Her own parents were completely 
clueless, she thought disgustedly, as Ryan started 
driving down now to see her late at night, and she 
sneaked him in through her side door.

As soon as he walked into her room that first late 
night, she pulled him onto her bed. They kissed, and she 
rubbed him through his clothes. Laying on his back, she 
climbed onto him, kissing his neck and rubbing against 
him. He pulled her shirt off, licking her nipples and 
her ears. No words were spoken, it was all automatic. 
She sucked him until he came, while he bit his lip so as 
not to scream. Still horny, he rolled onto her and 
continued sucking her breasts, which had "exploded" as 
he had said, since she started taking the pill. He slid 
down her naked body, dragging the blankets with him as 
he started kissing her stomach, rubbing her between her 
legs while she moaned softly.

He looked up at her, whispering, "Do you want me too?"

She nodded, and he responded by burying his face between 
her thighs. She gasped as his virgin tongue went to work 
on her, licking up her juices and sucking her tender 
inner lips. Writhing in pleasure, she started groaning 
so much he had to shush her, to remind her her parents 
were down the hall.

Ryan thought he had never eaten something so delicious 
in all his life, and his mind spun from her reactions to 
it. She arched her back, grinding her sopping cunt into 
his mouth. He nearly came when she did that.

She couldn't believe the sensations. She wished it would 
never end. He started sucking her clitoris. This 
pressure began building, this huge pressure, and she 
thought she was going to burst. Her clit became 
extremely sensitive, and hurt as he sucked it directly.

Oh fuck, she thought, suddenly scooting up against her 
headboard, away from him.

"What?" he whispered.

"Stop," she whispered back.

"Why?" he asked, not believing his ears. He was sure she 
hadn't cum yet.

"Because!" she said. She was relieved, once again sure 
she had control of her bladder. She'd been petrified she 
was going to urinate. That would have been horrible.

"You didn't cum!"

"Shit! I thought I was gonna piss," she whispered, 
shaking her head.

"No! You were gonna cum!" He was pretty sure anyway. 
What if she had pissed though? Yuk!

The incredible pressure was gone. Her heart still 
pounded, but she felt relieved. She lay back down on her 
side, pulling the blankets up to fight the draft. He 
came up with them, pulling her to him and kissing her.

"Stay here tonight," she whispered. "I'll set my alarm 
so you can get up early."

"Okay. Let me keep doing it," he suggested, annoyed 
slightly.

"No... Really."

He didn't argue, but led her hands to his hard-on, which 
rubbed against her. She gripped him, and rubbed him a 
few times. That was all he needed; he shot cum all over 
both of them.

They laid in the dark, holding each other.

"I liked doing it," he said, though that was obvious. 
"Remember you said I might not like it? Well, I do!" he 
whispered in her ear.

"That's good," she smiled. "I like you doing it too!"

***

Later that week they were in the hot tub, in his 
backyard. His family had all gone shopping. It was 
almost evening, and starting to get chilly. But they 
were hot of course, making out and fondling each other 
in the hot water. They hadn't bothered with swim suits.

He was between her thighs, her legs clasped around his 
hips. His cock touched her clit, making her gasp. It 
drooped lower, where it belonged. She didn't protest it 
being there. She kissed him wildly still, her hands 
running through his wet hair.

He pushed it forward, and the tip pressed into her. She 
didn't notice; it felt nice, no pain at all. He thrust 
deeper. It didn't go in, because she screamed from the 
pain of her hymen stretching, pushing him away from her.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"What? I thought you wanted it."

She rolled her eyes disgustedly at him, getting out of 
the hot tub and wrapping the towel around her. 
Shivering, she snatched up her clothes and hurried into 
the house. Ryan trailed after her, dripping water all 
over the floor.

"What? God, Jen! Don't be so pissed."

Drying off in his room, she wouldn't talk to him. 
Finally, he took her clothes away and put them behind 
him, out of her reach.

"Give me my clothes!" she demanded.

"No. Don't be mad!" he ordered back.

"You give me my fucking clothes this minute!" she 
seethed.

"What's the matter?!? Come on, I'm really sorry. I 
thought you knew I was gonna do it," he said honestly.

She stared at him, wrapped in the towel. "You think, 
after all this time, that I would want to do it -- lose 
my virginity -- in the *hot tub*?" she demanded. "You 
must not know me that well, do you?"

"I don't know. The hot tub's kinda nice."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Give me my clothes now."

"No."

"Fine. I'll call my parents, and tell them to pick me up 
and bring me clothes because you stole mine and won't 
give them back."

He looked at her. She looked at him. They both started 
to laugh at the idea.

But she was still mad; she scowled at him.

"Am I a jerk?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Whoopee."

"The hot tub isn't nice?"

"Not especially."

He gave her her clothes back.

She sighed, taking them. "Ryan, I said that when I 
wanted to do it, I'd *tell* you so! And Ryan, I want it 
to be a special night. Not 'hurry up because your 
parents will be home soon' type-thing. I thought you 
grasped that concept by now."

"Oh. I- I guess I just got carried away." He walked over 
to his desk, taking out a small package. He held it out 
to her.

"What's that?" she asked, fastening her bra.

"It's for you."

She took it, opening it. It was a pair of gold earrings, 
expensive ones.

She stared at him. "What are these for?"

"They're for you!"

"Thank you," she said automatically. "What are they for, 
though?"

He sighed. "They're not *for* anything. I just thought 
you might like them, that's all. They match the necklace 
I gave you for our anniversary..."

"Oh, Ryan. They're beautiful, thank you. They're for 
Christmas?" she asked suspiciously.

"No! They're not *for* anything I said!" he repeated, 
toweling off and pulling some jeans on. "If they were 
for Christmas you would get them for Christmas. I just 
thought you might like them, okay?" he asked, sounding 
hurt.

"Okay. I *do* like them, I do."

"Good."

She felt guilty. She loved him so much. Why did she 
always have to fuck up? She wanted him more than 
anything. She was just now realizing how much.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Me too. Bad Ryan," he said, slapping his hand. He gave 
her a shy smile. She kissed him.

"I wish I didn't have to go away for Christmas," she 
said, sitting on his lap.

"Then don't. Stay here. You can stay with us, and come 
to the cabin again this year."

"I wish I could, but there's no way my parents would let 
me. My Grandma would freak, too."

"When are you getting back?" he asked.

"The day after New Years."

"Oh. We're coming back then too, I think."

"Oh."

"My parents are going away the weekend after New Years," 
he ventured. "They're going on a four-day cruise. But 
don't say anything, though. My mom doesn't know yet. 
It's her Christmas present."

"Oh, sure no problem. Your dad's so romantic..."

"Of course he is. That's where I get it from," he 
teased.

She smiled. "Are you staying here?" she asked.

"Well," he rolled his eyes, "I said I'd stay at Josh's 
but I probably won't. Will and Robby are staying at 
Robby's friend's house. The friend stayed here one 
weekend, remember? That little blond kid? Anyway, they 
don't know yet so don't bring it up with them either. 
They can't keep secrets."

"Sure," she said. "Can I come over?" she asked.

"Of course. You can always come over," he answered.

She wrapped her arms around him. "Oh, Ryan. Let's do it 
then. Let's make love," she breathed into his ear.

His mouth dropped. "Yeah? You mean it? Oh, Jen, are you 
sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," she laughed. She nodded, smiling, 
"I've been ready forever."

"Me too!" He kissed her. "God, I love you you know!"

"Me too. I love you too..."

He grinned at her. "I'll make you dinner, and I'll show 
you how romantic I can be. We'll have the house to 
ourselves. Baby, it'll be beautiful, I promise."

***

"Hello?"

"Hi, what's up?"

"Ryan! You're back! Did you just get back?"

"Yeah, like half an hour ago... What's up?"

"Nothing. We got back last night. How was the skiing?"

"Great. I missed you you know."

"I missed you too Ry..."

"I can't wait to see you."

"Me neither."

"I thought about you the whole time," he said.

"Me, too. Was your mom surprised with the trip?"

"Yeah. Only a few more days," he said excitedly. "Are 
you excited too? Or is it just me?"

"Oh, no. I'm excited too."

"Are you scared?"

"Yeah..."

"How come?"

"I hope it doesn't hurt a lot."

"I promise you, I'll be very gentle."

"I know you will... Are you scared?"

"Nah."

"Maybe just nervous a little?" she asked.

"Maybe just a little," he laughed.

"Me too. But I'm glad."

"Yeah! Me too."

"When are they leaving?"

"I don't know. Probably during the day sometime. I don't 
want to make them suspicious by asking."

"Yeah, that's true."

"I'm wearing your watch," he told her.

"It's your watch now!"

"Oh yeah, and it's great. You did like the jacket?" he 
asked.

"Yes, I love it Ryan! It's so warm, too. I can't believe 
you remembered it! I said I liked it, like, in October."

"I bought it right away."

"You did?"

"Yeah! You almost found it too, one time."

"I did? Where was it?"

"It was in my closet. Remember, like last month I think, 
you were looking at all my clothes and stuff. It was 
still in the over-thingy from the store. I was like, 
'Uh, let's leave'."

"Oh yeah! I remember that. You were like, 'Why are you 
going through my closet?' I thought you were mad at me!" 
she laughed.

"Nah."

"Well, thank you. It kept me very warm when you weren't 
there to do it yourself."

He laughed. "You won't need it this weekend my love."

"Okay! Should I dress up?"

"Yeah, dress up."

"Aright. Are you taking me somewhere?"

"Yeah -- to heaven."

"Oh, Ryan!" she blushed.

"I guess I am nervous."

"Me too."


-= Chapter 18 =-

Friday finally came. Ryan couldn't believe how long the 
day dragged on. Jen wasn't coming over until eight. His 
parents left at ten AM. Will and Robby left at noon.

He went to the store, buying what he supposed he needed 
for dinner. He'd never cooked a whole meal by himself, 
although he was a decent cook. He spent the rest of the 
day in the kitchen. It kept his mind off of that night.

Melissa was going to drive Jen over. Ryan had offered to 
pick her up but she refused. The clock dragged on. Jen 
spent an hour in the tub.

Fortunately, her parents were out, so they didn't ask 
why she was all dressed up to spend the night at 
Melissa's. She tried to dress nice, but not too fancy. 
She wore a cream colored slip-like dress, with white 
stockings and heels. She piled her hair up into a French 
twist, and wore the gold earrings and necklace he had 
given her. She knew Ryan would freak over her. He never 
failed to tell her she looked beautiful.

Melissa ohed and ahed, giving her various advice during 
the ride and demanding details as soon as they could be 
given. She leaned over and hugged her friend before she 
got out of the car. She knew Jen was lucky, she knew 
Ryan would be there for her.

The door opened, and he stood there. His hazel eyes, 
which looked brown in some lights, shone absolutely 
green. His face broke out in a huge smile, and he looked 
her over.

"Wow..." he admired.

"Wow yourself."

He reached for her, kissing her gently. "Come in ma 
cherie!" he cooed.

She came into the dim house, dropping her bag and 
removing her new jacket.

"You didn't eat dinner did you?" he asked.

"No, of course not."

"Good. I've cooked you a feast!"

She followed him, and he spun around suddenly in the 
kitchen, taking her into his arms. "I love you," he 
whispered, kissing her.

"I love you too," she whispered, nearly crying in joy. 
He was so perfect.

"Hungry?" he asked, grinning at her.

"Yeah."

Taking her hand, he brought her to the dining room, 
which looked out of a bay window. The view was 
spectacular, you could see for miles around. He'd 
removed several leaves from the table so it was round, 
and small. Candles lit it.

She was totally impressed, and told him so. He'd gone 
all out. He was a good cook too. She tried to eat as 
much as she could, without stuffing herself. She nearly 
cried when he brought out chocolate mousse for dessert.

"You're too much," she said.

"Only the best for you Jen," he told her.

He'd feared beforehand that they'd have difficulty 
making conversation during dinner, but thankfully that 
wasn't the case. He was still scared deep inside that 
she'd change her mind. He wanted this night to be 
perfect for her. They both were a little quiet 
sometimes, their minds on something else. He caught her 
eye several times, and gave her reassuring smiles.

She ate slowly, making sure she wasn't full. It was 
almost nine o'clock. She started fidgeting in her seat. 
He noticed.

He smiled at her. "Come here," he said gently.

She came over, and sat on his lap. He pulled her to him, 
kissing her. She kissed him back. God, she was ready.

She stood up, taking both of his hands and pulling him 
to his feet. She pulled him towards his room. In the 
kitchen he suddenly picked her up, and she shrieked and 
laughed.

"Wait, wait!" she insisted. "My bag. I have to get 
ready!" she giggled. She took her bag into the hall 
bathroom, and he went into his own, brushing his teeth 
hurriedly. He went around his room, lighting the candles 
he had placed beforehand.

He pulled back the covers, trying to make them look 
casual. Should he undress now? he thought. He undid his 
shirt slowly, trying to breathe deeply. He'd lied when 
he said he wasn't scared. What if he hurt her? What if 
he came right away? He realized his nervousness. God, 
what if I can't get it up? He moved one candle.

Ryan looked up. She stood there in his dark doorway like 
an angel, he thought, in a white silk teddy. Her hair 
was loose, hanging down around her shoulders softly. She 
was so beautiful. Looking at her, dressed in white, he 
realized what a gift her love was. She was giving him 
her virginity. She'd never be able to give it to anyone 
else.

He stared at her, choked up a bit, then shook his head, 
saying, "My lord..."

She blushed, and he held his arms out to her. She came 
to him slowly. He kissed her deeply, his hands on her 
shoulders.

Like they'd done so many times before, she undressed him 
slowly. They knew each other's bodies like their own 
practically. He rubbed her shoulders, and kissed her 
neck, and ears. She licked his nipples.

Sitting on the side of the bed, he kicked his shoes off, 
pulling her on top of him while he laid back. Her hair 
fell around his head. He held her to him tightly, as if 
to never let her go, just kissing her for a long while.

She knew she wanted to do it, she'd never been so sure 
of anything in her life. Everything had been so perfect 
so far, and inside the tiny part of her that was scared 
of the pain was drowned out by the rest of her, knowing 
it was right. He slid the straps of her teddy down, 
rubbing her back and her shoulders. She undid his fly, 
pulling his pants down past his hips. She held his face 
in her hands, then ran her fingers through his silky 
brown hair, kissing him still.

Finally she rolled onto her back, so she was lengthwise 
on the bed. She slid under the covers, and he followed 
her. She massaged his naked body, her hands running up 
and down the length of his spine. Finally her hands 
grasped his dick, and his mouth went for her breasts. He 
licked her nipples, while her arm cradled his head. He'd 
promised her before, that when they eventually had sex, 
they would still do "the other stuff" she, and he, liked 
so much. He tried to remember that promise now.

Her hand still gripped him, rubbing his precum around 
the tip while he gasped. His fear of impotence was not 
justified; he was as hard as a rock. His own hands 
traveled under the silk between her legs. Her leg 
wrapped around his hip as he fingered her.

It was barely light from the few candles he had set up. 
But she could see his face, which reassured her all the 
time that it was right, and that he loved her.

She held him tightly, her arms around his muscular back. 
Her mind was swimming, both of them were breathing hard.

She ducked her head, taking him in her mouth while he 
gasped. She sucked him up and down, and he shivered, 
nearly cumming right then. He pulled her up to him, 
kissing her hard. He couldn't cum yet, she'd understand, 
he was sure, but it would ruin their momentum. He slid 
her teddy down off her hips, so she was as naked as him.

He made love to her with his mouth, and his hands, 
exploring every nook of her body. He kissed her fingers, 
her palms, and her wrists. He kissed the length of her 
arm. He bent over, kissing her stomach, then crawling 
down between her legs. His mouth ran over her thighs, 
and all down her legs.

Finally, he licked her clit while she moaned. His tongue 
played with her various folds, then licked around her 
clit some more.

Her hand touched his face, and his eyes met hers. She 
reached down, pulling him up to her. He kissed her, 
thinking, Now? Now?

She pulled him on top of her, raising her knees up 
around his hips. He kissed her, looking her deeply in 
the eye. He kissed her again softly, then looked down at 
the task before him.

He found her hole with his finger, then placed the tip 
of his cock at the entrance. He'd been there before, but 
that time she'd pushed him away.

His mind swimming, he supported himself above her on one 
arm, and he pushed gently. It went in a millimeter, and 
he still gripped it or else it might have slid down.

He looked up at her, she was breathing rapidly, looking 
down at what was going on. She looked at him, and 
nodded.

He pushed it in further, her tight, unrelenting skin 
gripping his cock. God, it was tight. It was going in, 
the wet skin of her cunt being pulled in along with it. 
He kept pushing in, and it was resisting. It's not gonna 
go in, he thought desperately. All the while his mind 
was screaming at him to thrust, thrust...

He did so suddenly, pushing up hard . She jerked under 
him as her hymen tore and he pressed deeper into her. 
She let out a small cry, her knees sliding down. He 
gasped as his cock slid up into her. It's in, it's in, 
his brain told him frantically. It gripped him, her 
virgin cunt tight around him.

Her eyes opened, and she bit her lip as she tried not to 
cry from the pain. Pain, pain, that's all she could 
think.

Supporting himself on his elbows, he looked into her 
tear-filled eyes.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. She shook her head. "Do you- do 
you want me to take it out?" he whispered.

She shook her head again, pulling her to him. The fiery 
pain consumed her, and her whole body felt weak. But 
soon it began to leave, and she felt sore as he began to 
thrust. This tingle began to grow, and all of a sudden 
she didn't want him to take it out anymore, didn't want 
him to remove the thing that had hurt her. She closed 
her eyes, and just tried to concentrate on the feeling. 
Her knees went back up, and she slid down a bit.

Resting his head on her shoulder, he pulled it out an 
inch, then back in again. He gasped at the sensation, 
he'd never felt something so intense. He fought back his 
orgasm. He tried to get a rhythm going, and he didn't 
have to try too hard as his instincts soon took over.

Her breathing quickened underneath him, telling him the 
pain was lessening and her enjoyment heightening. It was 
so wet, this fantastic tight canal he was moving in and 
out of. The pressure mounted, like a coil being 
stretched out. He slowed down a few times, even stopping 
altogether to prevent himself from cumming. He went in 
and out, up and up into her.

She held his head on her shoulder, feeling his heart 
beating rapidly. He groaned and gasped. The pressure was 
growing again. He moved faster, and the pressure grew. 
He kept going, now he didn't care about anything but the 
feeling. He groaned his pleasure, gasping that he was 
going to cum.

He let out a yell as his world exploded, as he had 
described to her, and he shook and groaned. He gripped 
her shoulders, and held her tightly to him while he 
pumped and pumped. He shot his liquid high into her, and 
she squealed at the sensation. He came and came, there 
seemed to be no end to it. It gushed out like a geyser, 
and he kept moving faster and faster, expelling every 
last drop from him. He groaned again, the sensation so 
sweet, as he kept thrusting.

He gasped in her ear as his orgasm finally dwindled 
down. He breathed heavily on her shoulder.

She rubbed his back, his cock still buried in her. He 
kissed her deeply, then gave her a weak smile.

"I love you," he whispered, his eyes glassy.

She nodded, kissing him. "I love you too."

"It didn't hurt too badly?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head again, and smiled. "Only for a 
second, and not too badly."

He smiled, so happy.

"Then it felt *good*!" she told him.

He laughed, and held her tight. He slid out of her, 
rolling onto his side, still holding her to him. "You 
liked it?"

"Yes, it felt fantastic."

"I love you."

"I love *you*."

"Are you glad we did it?" he asked.

She smiled, her eyes shining. "Oh yes. I'm so happy."

He looked into her eyes. "I am glad we waited," he told 
her softly. "I bet it wouldn't have been this sweet if 
we did it right away. I know it wouldn't have been."

She nodded. "Yeah, me too."

"Are you sore?" he asked. "Does it still hurt?"

"Why, wanna do it again?" she laughed.

"Not yet!" he laughed. "Wait a minute and I sure do."

"Aright."

"Let me see," he suggested, moving down and pulling back 
the blankets so he could get a good look. She spread her 
legs for him, again.

"Oh, it's bloody!" he cried out. He guessed he knew it'd 
be, though.

"So are you," she pointed out.

He gasped as he looked down. For a second he thought he 
was bleeding.

"Damn," he said. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

She smiled again, saying, "No. It wasn't your fault."

He still felt guilty, like maybe he could have been more 
gentle. But he just smiled back.

"Here," he said, getting some Kleenex and dabbing at 
her. He cleaned her up, then, looking at her wounded 
body part, suggested, "Let me kiss it and make it 
better..."

"Please." she whispered. He only kissed her sore hole a 
few times, then went back up to her clit, which he 
licked all around. He pressed his tongue into its sides, 
rubbing it around. His tongue licked, and licked, and 
massaged her sensitive nub. She gasped.

He took it in his mouth and gently sucked it, his lips 
pressed into her silky red skin. He pulled it out 
gently, still sucking. She shrieked in pleasure. He did 
it again, and again. She moaned.

I'm gonna cum, she thought wildly, I think I'm going to. 
Her whole body felt delicious, like her cells were 
actually happy. The pressure built again, that same 
pressure. He kept licking and sucking while she gasped, 
"Oh yes!"

The pressure built, and she lifted her hips up towards 
his mouth. She rocked back and forth, and it felt like a 
damn being burst. All of sudden she didn't care about 
anything else, didn't care if she pissed in the bed, all 
she cared about was the pleasure.

She cried out, "Oh my God!" over and over. She arched 
her back, shoving herself towards him, shaking all over. 
Her mind swam, no clear thoughts except for, "Oh my 
*God*!" while her body seemed to lift up and float.

She collapsed back onto the bed, her first orgasm 
subsiding. He kept licking her, and her body so 
sensitive, it began to hurt. She pulled him up towards 
her, and wrapped her arms around his head. He gasped in 
her ear, his own heart pounding, "You did it? You came?"

She could only say one thing. "Oh my God!" she groaned, 
breathing as though she'd just run a marathon.

"I'll take that as a yes!" he smiled. "I'll take that 
anytime," he added.

"Wow!"

"Nice, huh?" he whispered.

She snuggled up to him, her mind cleared now. He held 
her to him in the dark for awhile.

"This was so wonderful," she whispered finally. "It's 
the best night ever. God, I love you!"

He grinned at her, smoothing her hair out of her face. 
"I love you too. More than anything baby."

"This was so wonderful Ryan" she repeated tearfully.

"It's *almost* the best night," he corrected, his heart 
pounding. "It's not perfect yet."

"Why?" she asked.

He reached over to his night stand, and took something 
out, hiding it under the covers.

"What? What is it?" she giggled, expecting some sex toy.

Biting his lip, he handed it to her. She took it out 
into the dim light. It was a velvet box. She opened it. 
She gasped, and stared.

"Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

"Oh my God, Ryan! It's *gorgeous*! Oh my god!"

"I was hoping you'd like it."

"Oh, Ryan! This is too expensive. I can't take this, 
really."

"No, no! Take it, it belongs to you."

"No, no!" she insisted, so overcome by the expense. "I 
can't take it," she said decidedly.

"Don't you- don't you want it?" he asked, a bit sadly.

"Of course! It's just that, I mean, it's so *expensive*! 
What if I lose it?"

"Then never take it off."

She just stared at it.

He reached over and took it, taking her hand in his own. 
He took it out of the box, sliding it over her finger, 
the diamond sparkling in the candlelight.

"With th-this ring, Jen," he stumbled. "I promise you, 
that I love you. And that I will love you forever. And I 
will *always* be here for you. Always. I *promise*. And 
that- that, I will make you my bride one day. I mean, I 
don't know about how soon," he added quickly. "Probably 
not for many years, after college probably, but I will. 
I promise you."

She stared at his hand over hers, tears in her eyes.

"So," he continued softly. "If you don't want to wear 
it, or you don't want it, not yet maybe? I'll 
understand."

Her sob broke through. "Oh, Ryan!" she cried. "I want 
it, I want it! I love you so much! Thank you! How could 
you think I wouldn't want it? You give me so much," she 
cried into his shoulder.

"You give me a lot too..." he whispered. "You gave me a 
lot tonight, you did. It was a lot. It would cost more 
than this ring ever did, but you can't buy it, not like 
it was tonight."

She sobbed into his shoulder. "I love you," she 
whispered.

"I love you too, more!" he said back. "See, look," he 
remembered. "It says it on the ring, I forgot to show 
you."

She slid the ring off, gripping it tightly with her 
fingers as though to never let it go. He turned on the 
bedside lamp so she could see. She squinted, reading the 
delicate engraving. "My beautiful darling," it read, "I 
love you now and forever -Ryan."

"Ohhhhhh!" she whimpered, crying. "I love you too!" She 
slid it back onto her finger.

"Good," he whispered, hugging her close. "Don't ever 
leave me, okay?"

"I won't!" she gulped. "I promise."

"Then, tonight *was* the best night."

-= Chapter 19 =-

Her fears of him leaving her once they did it were all 
unfounded, instead they became even closer. Their 
lovemaking only added to their relationship; nothing was 
taken away. Both would have died if the other broke up 
with them.

A month or so after they first did it, he was going to 
take her out to eat and to the theater Saturday night. 
She called him around five to see how he was doing; he'd 
been busy that afternoon and they hadn't talked yet. 
He'd said he'd come over at six or so.

His mom answered the phone.

"Hi Karen, what's up? Is Ryan there?" Jen asked.

His mom paused. "No."

"Oh. Well, this is Jen."

"I know," she said curtly.

What's the matter, she thought? "Oh, well anyway we're 
going out tonight and I just wanted to call him to see 
what's up."

"Oh really?" asked his mom sarcastically. "Where are you 
going?"

"Um, to dinner? And to a movie?" asked Jen, her heart 
racing. His mom was still speaking in that tone.

"Are your parents going to be there?"

"My parents? You mean are they coming with us?" she 
responded, surprised. Jen knew something was up. Was 
Karen mad at her? What had she done?

"No. I mean, will they be at your house or will they be 
gone?"

"Um, I *think* they'll be home," she said slowly. Uh oh.

"Good. I don't want Ryan going to your house anymore, 
especially when your parents aren't home. Do you 
understand?" she demanded.

Jen gulped, her heart beating in her ears. What could 
she say? "I guess," she said.

Karen took her surprised tone as being sarcastic. "Good. 
And another thing, I don't want you coming over here 
anymore either. Maybe if JR or myself is here. 
*Especially* if Will and Robby are here and Ryan is 
supposed to be watching them. Got it?"

She tried to keep from crying. She played with her 
shoelace, still holding the phone to her ear. She 
couldn't bring herself to ask why. "Yes," she whispered.

"That's good. You know, Ryan may think he's a grown man 
but he's not. His parents still make the rules. I hope 
you can understand that," she said coldly.

"Yeah, I do."

"Good. Good-bye Jen."

"Good-bye," she stumbled.

His mom hung up.

Jen laid back on the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut and 
the tears began to fall. Why was his mom being like 
this? Why did she hate her? I betcha she knows we've 
slept together, she thought. Fuck! Now she hates me, she 
thought, crying into her pillow. She's not going to let 
Ryan see me anymore. She panicked at the idea.

Still crying, she got into the shower. He might still 
come over, she reasoned. She had to talk to him. What 
would he do? Would his mom convince him that she was a 
slut? No, he'd never think that about her. She got angry 
as she stood in the hot water. Stupid bitch, she 
thought. What's her problem? I can't believe this crap.

When she got out of the shower there was a message from 
Ryan on her machine. She hadn't heard the phone ring in 
the shower. He was still coming over, and he hadn't 
sounded like anything was wrong. His mom must not have 
said anything, she thought.

How did she know? She got even angrier. Ryan must have 
told her. Big mouth. Or he told his dad, and of course 
JR told her. She wondered if JR thought she was a slut 
too.

She tried not to think about it as she got ready. She 
couldn't cry anymore, not after she put her makeup on. 
She turned the radio on. She had thought she knew what 
she was going to wear, a simple black dress that Karen 
had once complimented her on. She changed her mind, 
resenting his mom and the stupid dress. Instead she 
chose a dark blue dress, with black nylons and heels. 
She hoped she looked pretty.

She leaned over the sink, applying the finishing touches 
to her makeup. She heard the front door open, and heard 
Ryan say hi to her parents, then come bounding down the 
hall, calling her name. He never had to ring the bell 
anymore. Jen stayed in the bathroom while he pushed open 
her bedroom door and came into the bathroom.

He smiled at her in the mirror. He took his hand from 
behind his back, and held out flowers. She widened her 
eyes, putting on yet more eyeliner. He came up behind 
her, wrapping his arms around her.

"You look beautiful," he whispered. "And you smell nice 
too!"

She looked down as she put the lid back on the pencil.

"I brought you flowers," he offered, holding them out 
again.

"I know. I saw," she said quietly, not looking at him.

"Awright, what's the matter?" he asked.

She didn't answer him, but instead walked back into her 
bedroom, picking up the wet towel off the floor. He 
followed her.

"What? Are you mad at me?" he asked. Dammit, he thought. 
I didn't do anything!

"Not exactly," she answered.

"Well then, what exactly? I know you're upset. What did 
I do?" he demanded.

She sighed, sitting down on the bed. She knew she was 
going to cry. He kneeled on the floor before her, taking 
her hands.

"What?!? What's the matter? Oh Jen, are you pregnant?" 
he whispered.

She shook her head furiously, leaning over her lap as 
she started to cry.

He held her head. "Baby, what's the matter?" he 
whispered. Oh shit, he thought. She's breaking up with 
me.

She said something he couldn't understand. She was 
crying too hard. He prompted her, raising her face up so 
she looked at him.

"I can't hear you if you bury your face in your arms," 
he told her. "Come on, can't you tell me?"

"You mom hates me!" she repeated, sobbing and wiping the 
tears away from under her eyes, so as not to smudge her 
mascara.

"What?!?" he exclaimed. "My mom doesn't *hate* you! Why 
do you say that?"

She nodded tearfully. "Yes she does!" she insisted. 
"They hate me. She thinks I'm a slut."

He sat on the bed next to her. "She doesn't! What 
happened?" he asked slowly.

She began, telling him the story of the phone call, 
ending with, "Ry! She knows we did it! Now she hates 
me!"

Ryan was furious at his mother. How dare she treat Jen 
that way?!

"Ryan, did you tell her we did it? Did you tell your 
dad?" she demanded.

He paused, then nodded.

"Ryan!' she screamed, sobbing again. "Why did you have 
to tell him? That was really stupid. Why?!?"

"He asked if we'd done it! I didn't think he'd tell my 
mom! He wasn't mad at *all*, Jen. He told me about his 
first time and we had 'a little moment' you could say."

She was still mad. "Well look where your 'little moment' 
got us," she snapped.

"Jen, he asked me straight up whether we'd done it yet. 
I wasn't going to lie. He doesn't mind, really he 
doesn't. He loves you Jen, they both do. We didn't do 
anything wrong, got it? I don't know what my mom's 
problem is," he said angrily. "She had no right to treat 
you like that, okay? I'm not a little baby. You can come 
over *anytime* you like Jen, okay? It doesn't matter 
what she thinks."

She shook her head. "It's her house, Ry. If she doesn't 
want me there then I can't come over. They *are* your 
parents, Ryan."

"Yeah, but *I* want you there, okay? *I* will be 
disobeying her, not you! And I bet you my dad will be on 
our side. We're going to get this settled once and for 
all, okay?"

She didn't say anything.

"My mom probably just has PMS," he said, trying to 
lighten the mood. He didn't want to scream and yell in 
front of her, it always upset her when he did, and plus, 
she was upset enough already. "Jen, I gotta go. I'm 
gonna go home and find out what the fuck my mom's 
problem is, okay? I'll come back though, I promise. You 
stay here."

She nodded.

He hugged her. "Jen, *you* are the most important thing 
in my life, got it?"

She smiled.

***

Ryan drove home as fast as he could. He couldn't 
remember the last time he'd been so angry. He made it 
home in ten minutes, pulling into the driveway and 
slamming on his brakes. He ran into the house, slamming 
the front door behind him. He ran into the living room, 
where his parents sat watching TV.

"How *dare* you say that to Jen!" he yelled at his 
mother.

His dad looked up quickly. Ryan stood there, staring at 
his mom like he was about to kill her.

"Ryan! Don't speak to your mother that way!" he ordered.

He ignored his father. His mom just looked back at him. 
"Well?" he demanded. "What the *hell's* your problem?"

His father jumped up. "Would you mind telling me what is 
this all about?" he said angrily.

"Your wife told my girlfriend, that she is not allowed 
to come over here anymore, and that I am not allowed to 
go over to her house anymore. She was completely rude to 
her. I'd like to know where you get off saying that 
shit!"

His mom slammed the magazine down. "Don't you speak to 
me like that!" she snapped, jumping up. "You may think 
you're an adult, but you live in my house, and you will 
*not* speak to me like that! Ever!"

Ryan threw his hands up in the air. "Oh yes! I am just a 
little baby who doesn't know anything! I have to consult 
my mommy before I do anything!" he yelled sarcastically. 
"Well wake up! I have a life and I will do what I 
please!"

JR grabbed his arm but he pushed him off. "What's the 
matter with you? You promised me you wouldn't tell!" he 
yelled in his dad's face.

"What the hell is this all about?"

"*Your* wife thinks my girlfriend is a slut, now, 
because you couldn't keep your damn mouth shut. I 
confided in you, and you had to run off and tell her, 
because, for, whatever reason you did it!"

"I never said she was a slut!" yelled his mom.

"Well, practically! That's how you made her feel 
anyway!" he yelled back.

JR looked at his wife, then his son, who both were 
fuming with the same fiery temper. "I don't know what 
all happened here," he began, "but I'm sure we can all 
sit down and talk about this like adults, okay?"

"I just want an apology for Jen, okay?" said Ryan. 
"Nobody speaks to my girlfriend like that. Nobody!" he 
yelled at his mother.

"Aright, aright!" snapped his dad, grabbing Ryan and 
forcing him to sit down.

"You need *rules*, Ryan!" shouted his mother. "You are 
not an adult. I will not sit by and let you have sex and 
whatever else you're doing! You are *too* young!"

"Oh yeah?!? How old was dad?" he asked pointedly.

"Let's get this straight," said his father calmly. "You 
told Jen that she was no longer allowed to come over 
here anymore? That was really out of line. We didn't 
discuss that at all, Karen."

"I didn't say that, I only said that she could only come 
over when we're here."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Same damn thing," he said.

"Especially when the boys are here. They're very 
impressionable and I don't want them thinking sex is 
okay for them!"

"Give me a break! They're little kids! And what, do you 
think we're going to do it when they're in the room or 
something? You guys have sex! Will they think it's okay 
for them because you do it too?"

"Well, we're married. You and Jen are not. And you're 
still too young!"

"Oh, yeah. I suppose you waited until your wedding 
night."

Karen blushed. "You are too young!" she repeated, still 
shouting.

His dad yelled at her, "I told you that in confidence 
too! I didn't think you were going to yell at Jen! I 
can't believe this. You owe her an apology Karen. You 
were *way* out of line!"

She burst into tears. Ryan groaned; he hated it when his 
mom cried. Sure enough, his dad retreated, saying he was 
sure she meant well and that they did need to discuss 
some ground rules.

"This is bullshit!" shouted Ryan. "We are in love. We 
are! I don't give a flying fuck what you have to say 
about it either! What's the matter with you? If it comes 
down to you or Jen, I'm sorry, but you are not going to 
win."

"What is that supposed to mean?" sobbed his mom. "You'd 
turn your back on your family?"

"Will you force me to? Are you gonna make me? I will if 
you force it. You'll chase me away. Why don't you wake 
up and realize I am not a little boy anymore!"

"Well when you live in my house you will do what I say!" 
shot back Karen.

"Well then maybe I won't live in your house!"

"Oh yeah? Where are you going to live?"

"I don't care, I'll drop out of school and get an 
apartment if I have to. I'll get a full time job so I 
can live. You're not gonna run my life!"

"Do her parents know you had sex?" demanded his mom. "Do 
they? I'm willing to bet they don't. I'm sure they'd 
feel the same way I do."

"Man, I'm outta here," Ryan snapped, walking to the door 
angrily.

"Where are you going?" demanded his father. "You're 
running away like a child!"

"No, I'm walking away like an adult!" he shouted back.

"Goddammit Ryan!" shouted his dad, as his son stomped 
out of the living room.

Will and Robby stood crouched in the kitchen, 
eavesdropping. "Where are you going Ryan?" asked Robby, 
wide-eyed, while Will whispered tearfully, "Is Jen not 
gonna come over anymore?"

"She is if I say she is!" he yelled, slamming the front 
door as he left.

***

He drove around for awhile, just simmering in his anger. 
He thought about his options. He was fully prepared to 
do what he'd said. His parents weren't going to run his 
life. What if they took his car? he thought. Shit, I 
don't care. He could stay with Jen for at least tonight. 
He could leave then sneak back in if her parents were 
still up.

Finally he went back to her house. She was eating dinner 
with her parents when he walked in. She just looked at 
him, and he stared back down at her as her mom insisted 
he eat with them. He was starving, it was almost nine 
o'clock.

"I thought you guys were going to go out on a date 
tonight," said her dad as he sat down and got served up.

No longer dressed up, she looked at Ryan. "We had a 
change in plans," she told her parents.

"Well, that's okay. You're always welcome for dinner 
Ryan," smiled her mom.

He thanked her, taking a sip of his milk. Jen played 
with her food.

"So what are you two going to do tonight?" asked her mom 
cheerfully.

"I don't know," said Jen. "Probably just hang out. We'll 
see."

"Aright," said her mom. "That's good. You have enough?" 
she asked Ryan.

"Oh, yeah. Plenty! You're such a great cook," he 
complimented.

"Well, thank you!"

He finished his meal hurriedly. Finally he thanked her 
parents for the food again, and slid back his chair. She 
excused them and he followed her down the hall.

She closed the door, but of course didn't lock it (her 
parent's rule).

"What happened?" she asked. "Did you get in a huge 
fight?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it was pretty ugly."

"It was because she knows we did it?"

"Yeah."

Jen looked upset. "What happened?"

"Man! My mom's such a bitch. She just kept saying, 
'You're too young! This is my house, my rules,'" he 
mimicked.

Jen sighed. "So I can't come over anymore."

"Well, it was sort of ugly," he continued. "God, my 
dad's such a wimp!" he said angrily. "He was all on our 
side, he even told my mom she was way out of line! Then 
she started to cry and he flaked."

"Oh, Ryan..." He didn't say anything, just held her to 
him on the bed. "So what happened?"

"Well, basically I told them to fuck off."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! And I sort of told my mom that I wasn't going to 
abide by her stupid rules."

"What did she say?"

"She said that if I lived there I would have to."

"Yeah? And what did you say?"

"I said that maybe I wouldn't live there anymore."

"Ryan! You have to live there. That's your home!" she 
exclaimed.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to live with them telling me 
what to do like this and treating us this way."

"Yeah, but what would you do? Where could you live? I'd 
say you could live with me, but I think my parents 
*sort* of wouldn't go for that!"

"I'll get an apartment! I can get another job. I can 
drop out for now, and work full time until I get on my 
feet."

"Ryan! Don't be ridiculous. You're *not* going to drop 
out of school. I won't let you. I'd break up with you 
before I'd do that!"

"Why? Come on Jen, I'm not going to live with that 
stupid bitch."

"Ryan! Don't talk about your mother that way!" she 
snapped.

"What the hell?!?" he demanded, sitting up. "Whose side 
are you on, anyway?"

"Ryan, I'm on your side. But please don't be a jerk, 
okay?"

"Fine!" he snapped back. He sighed, laying back down on 
the bed.

She held him to her again, his head resting on her 
stomach while she stroked his hair. "It'll be okay," she 
whispered hopefully. "I bet it will. I think your mom 
just overreacted. Maybe she's in shock or something. You 
*are* her first born you know."

He sighed. "I know."

"See? It'll be okay, I promise you. You're overreacting 
too; you won't need to move away. Give her some time to 
calm down. And you to calm down too. You guys both have 
a bad temper!"

"Yeah, I know."

They lay on the bed for awhile, just thinking. She was 
so comforting to him, he could never stay angry very 
long when he was with her. She always soothed him, and 
knew the right thing to say to him.

She was still stroking his hair when the phone rang. It 
rang again. She made no motion to get it, then sighed. 
He sat up, saying,"If it's them I'm not here."

She reached over for it. "Hello?"

"Hello Jen, this is JR, Ryan's father. Is he over 
there?"

She paused, giving Ryan a pointed look. He shook his 
hand frantically. "Hold on a second," she said, covering 
up the receiver. "It's your dad!" she whispered 
fiercely.

"I'm not here!" he whispered back.

"Yes, you *are*! Ry, I'm not going to lie to them. I 
don't want to give them another reason to hate me."

He sighed. "Fine. *Tell* him I'm here then."

Jen got back on the phone. "Yes, he's here."

"May I speak with him please?"

"Hold on." She gave the phone to him.

"What?" he demanded rudely into the phone. Jen pinched 
him. "Hello?" he sighed.

"Ryan, you need to come home. We need to discuss some 
things with you. We discussed it and your mother has 
some things she needs to say to you."

"Well, I don't have anything to say to her."

"Ryan, please come home," said his dad seriously.

"I'll think about it," he said defiantly.

"Well good. Come home tonight. Come on, swallow your 
pride for once. You need to do that in life sometimes."

"I know," he said, sighing. "Yeah, I'll be over there 
pretty soon."

"Good. Can I speak with Jen a second?"

"Yeah, I guess," he said, handing the phone over to her. 
"He wants to talk to you."

"Me?" she asked. She took the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi Jen. I heard what you said and I want you to know we 
*don't* hate you. Ryan's mother was just a bit upset, 
and she overreacted. You got the brunt of it I'm afraid. 
Ryan's going to come home and we're all going to talk. 
I'm sure you can still come over all you like, if I have 
anything to say about it anyway."

She smiled. "Thanks. Thanks a lot. It's okay, really."

"That's good. Well, tell Ryan I'll see him soon."

"Sure. Bye."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone.

"What'd he say?"

"Oh, that your mom just overreacted and stuff and that 
he was sure I can still come over. Your dad is really 
cool, don't be a dick to him."

"I'm not. I'm gonna go home tonight."

"Yeah, he said so.

"I'll wait awhile I think."

She nodded.

He felt much better, although he was still angry, and 
apprehensive about going home. He lay back down again, 
staring up at the ceiling.

She tried not to cry, still feeling very emotional about 
the whole thing. Finally he stood up. He looked at her, 
and leaned over and hugged her.

"Thanks," he said, squeezing her nose affectionately. 
"You always make me feel better you know."

"I love you," she said, the tears spilling over.

"I love you too. Don't cry baby. I gotta go now. I'll be 
back soon."

She nodded. He kissed her, then left.

***

She woke up from the knock on her window. It was Ryan. 
She got up and let him into the dark room. He hugged 
her.

"What happened?" she whispered.

"It's cool now. My mom said she's sorry."

"Yeah?" she asked, relieved, climbing back into bed.

He followed her under the blankets, still in his 
clothes. He tossed his baseball hat onto the desk, 
kicking off his shoes and pushing them off the bed. 
"Yeah. She's going to apologize to you too. She *does* 
like you Jen. They both love you. She was just mad at 
me."

Jen sighed. He kissed her, hugging her tight. "And they 
don't think you're a slut. They never did. They know 
we're in love."

"Well what did they say about me coming over?" she 
whispered.

"Oh not much except you can. All you want. I can have 
anyone over as long as they don't trash the house you 
know. And you're not likely to do that!"

She giggled. "Darn. I'm gonna be scared to come over 
though," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because! It's so awkward."

"Yeah, I know. But don't worry; things will be back to 
normal soon."

She nodded.

"But she still said she thought we were too young to 
have sex. But that if I did it with anyone she was glad 
it was you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Oh, and the thing with my brothers is still 
there. She doesn't want us doing it when they're there. 
Or at least when they're awake or I'm supposed to be 
watching them."

"That's fine. I can understand that."

"Yeah me too."

"What did your dad say?"

"He said that he was sorry and blah blah. And that we 
need to be careful and all the dad stuff."

"We are. They're not going to tell my parents are they?" 
she whispered. She'd been petrified of that. Her parents 
would probably freak worse than his did.

"Ah, I doubt it. I don't think they would do that."

"Good. I hope they don't," she sighed. "Oh, I'm so glad 
we can still see each other!"

"Yeah. Don't worry. No one could ever prevent me from 
seeing you or keep us apart, got it?"

"Yeah, I know. I love you."

"I love you too." He held her to him. "Are you tired?" 
he whispered.

"Yeah..." she answered.

"Oh."

"But let's do it anyway," she whispered, kissing him.

In the dark, under the covers, she undressed him while 
he kissed her. He lay on top of her, and she pulled her 
T-shirt off, breathing heavily. He went down, his mouth 
between her legs while she gasped. He licked and kissed 
her and she moaned softly. She was no longer sore, and 
longed to feel him in her once again. They'd done it 
many times since that first night, sneaking away and 
making love whenever they'd had the chance.

Now he sucked her clitoris, and she came soon, arching 
her back and opening her mouth as though to scream, but 
no sound came out. She lay back down, trying to catch 
her breath.

He climbed back up, laying on top of her and entering 
her quickly as she brought her knees up to his hips. He 
breathed a sigh of relief as he slid up into her. Being 
in her was like heaven; he'd never felt anything so 
great, or cum as hard as when he was up in her. He 
thrust a few times, but it was too intense; he came soon 
after he entered her. He groaned and stiffened while she 
held her to him.

He was fairly disappointed in his lack of stamina so far 
with sex. The first time they did it for the night it 
was always over like that, and he felt ashamed at how 
quickly he came. But she reassured him that it was fine.

Luckily, he rarely needed a lot of time before he could 
do it again, and again. After the first thrill was over, 
he could keep himself going over and over all night. 
Maybe it was because he was only sixteen, but they 
enjoyed his prowess; already they'd spent many nights 
going at it till the early hours of the morning.

He pulled her on top of him, and she took him in her 
again, while she gasped in pleasure. It was incredible. 
She'd learned how to keep her balance and ride him, 
which he loved. There was nothing better than laying 
back and letting her take charge of her pleasure, 
watching her rocking above him while her breasts hung in 
his face.

She grunted and gasped and swore at him in his ear. He'd 
laughed at her when she first starting doing that; he'd 
never heard her swear so much as when she was cumming. 
Now it turned him on, when she groaned for him to fuck 
her it made him wild.

She still ground herself into him above him, her sweaty 
chest pinned to his. They kissed and kissed and he 
thrust back into her while he lay there. She buried her 
head in the pillow and screamed. God, we're lucky her 
parents are sound sleepers, he thought. Cumming, she 
whimpered while her muscles contracted over and over, 
squeezing his dick rhythmically. He came himself at the 
same time, ejaculating high up into her, and they held 
each other and muffled their cries of pleasure. She kept 
moving on him until they were both exhausted, and 
finally she just collapsed back on him, breathing hard.

"That was *good*," he whispered, gasping.

"Oh yeah," she breathed.

"I love you so much," he whispered in her ear.

"I love you too."

To be continued in book 2...

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This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life.

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Kristen's collection - Directory 69