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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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WARNING!
This text file contains sexually explicit
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Gomer Pyle - MIA
by CarterUSMC (carterusmc@aol.com)
***
Did you ever wonder what Gomer Pyle USMC was doing
hanging out on that Marine Corps base all those years
back in the sixties when the young men of his
generation were fighting and dying in Vietnam? Did you
ever wonder what would have happened if he had been
sent to Vietnam? Maybe something like this. (MF,
military, preg, parody)
***
Not for the first time in his life, and probably not
for the last, Sergeant Vincent Carter USMC cursed the
day he had ever met Gomer Pyle. Torrents of rain poured
over his helmet and poncho as he squatted hiding just
off the main trail in the dense jungle foliage. His M-
16 rifle was soaked now and therefore only slightly
worse than useless. The VC that had ambushed his squad
were probably still looking for him. He hadn't heard
any firing for some time and had no idea what had
happened to his men.
Pyle was the whole reason he was here, the reason he
was in 'Nam and the reason he was alone and cut-off on
this god forsaken water buffalo path. Back in the
states Carter had had it easy (leaving aside the almost
daily irritations of being Gomer Pyle's NCO), a cushy
job, a girl friend, and no combat duty.
Easy street had ended the day that Pyle, assigned to
wash and wax the General's brand new Cadillac Seville
delivered the car to the Base commander's office. He
delivered it all right. He drove it right through the
front door and onto his desk. Pyle claimed his foot had
"slipped" on the accelerator. He even offered to pay
for the car out of his Marine Corps pay...for the next
twenty years.
The base commander hit the roof. The very next morning
both Pyle and Carter had orders for Vietnam. By evening
they were on a plane winging its way across the
Pacific. Upon arrival they were immediately dispatched
to a combat unit, with Carter replacing a platoon
sergeant who was completing his tour of duty.
From the moment that Vince assumed command of that
combat platoon he began plotting the final solution
that would rid him once and for all of the Gomer Pyle
problem. He figured he had to before Pyle got him
killed and maybe the whole platoon as well.
So whenever they were out on recon or patrol, Vince
assigned Pyle the most dangerous position: point man.
But it was all to no avail. Pyle seemed to lead a
charmed life. Bullets that were meant for him flew
right on past or hit other men behind him. Carter
figured it was because Pyle tended to skip down the
trail with those obnoxious little erratic movements
that had so infuriated the Sergeant on the drill field
but also made Pyle hard to track in a rifle sight. Not
only did Pyle skip over trip wires and tiger pits, he
spotted them for the rest of the platoon.
Vince's plan was backfiring. Not only was Pyle
surviving, he was becoming popular and respected with
the rest of the platoon as someone they could count on
to keep them alive during their tour of duty. Pyle was
an albatross around Vince's neck that he just couldn't
shake off.
So whenever they were at base camp with the rest of the
battalion, Carter started assigning Pyle to night guard
duty, again on an almost regular basis. Pyle bore it
all with that irritating, good-natured country bumpkin
enthusiasm of his which only made Pyle more popular.
Finally, one morning Pyle turned up missing when he was
due to be relieved by the day watch.
Secretly, Carter was elated. The VC must have slit
Pyle's throat and drug the body off, or taken him
prisoner. It didn't matter. It didn't even matter why,
Pyle was gone, out of his hair.
But then that greenhorn Lieutenant Gresham had summoned
Carter to his tent and given the Sergeant a through
dressing down, as if Pyle turning up missing was
somehow Vince's fault! Gresham kept insisting that Pyle
was a good marine and a model soldier, that the whole
platoon knew that Carter singled Pyle out for hazardous
duty out of some kind of personal vendetta, that Pyle's
loss would have a devastating effect on the morale of
the platoon that had come to depend on him and that it
was Carter's duty to take a squad and go out and
retrieve the man.
Carter was devastated. He tried to explain to the
Lieutenant that it was bad tactics, in fact a mistake,
to risk a whole squad to retrieve one man who was
probably dead anyhow. Carter pointed out that he knew
this from experience as a veteran in Korea.
But Gresham wouldn't hear of it. He ordered Carter to
take a squad of ten men and start the search for Pyle
that very morning and not to return till he found him.
If he didn't bring Pyle back, Gresham promised to court
martial Carter for "dereliction of duty".
So Carter had rounded up 10 "volunteers" and headed for
the bush in the most likely direction. There were no
signs of a struggle but there were tracks of what were
probably Pyle's Marine issue boots. Late in the
afternoon some three miles from base camp as a
torrential downpour set in they were ambushed by the
VC. The squad scattered to the foliage and Carter was
pinned down. Eventually he managed to crawl to what
passed for good cover, a hollowed out fallen tree
trunk.
It was here that he now sat waiting, waiting for some
sign of the rest of his squad.
As the rain suddenly ended, the late afternoon sun cast
long shadows through the jungle canopy. The incessant
chorus of millions of rain drops dripping from
thousands of leaves and the sound of thousands of frogs
masked the noise of any movement nearby for Carter. So
he was not entirely surprised when he felt the dull
stab of the barrel of an AK-47 at his back and the sing
song command of a VC soldier telling him to put his
hands up. Carter did as he was told, letting the
useless M-16 fall to the ground.
There were four of them. One picked up Carter's rifle
while another knocked the helmet off of Vince's head. A
kick in the butt and a sharp command told Carter to
stand up, put his hands on his head and get moving. The
black pajama clad VC were only a little shorter than
Carter but moved swiftly and silently through the dense
undergrowth.
After 10 minutes or so they stopped by a tree stump.
One of them grabbed Vince's hands and tied them behind
his back with a piece of rope while another one rapped
a series of rapid then slow, Morse code like sounds on
the tree stump. Carter wondered what the hell this was.
Communication with the wood spirits? What was going on?
Then a rapping reply echoed hollowly from the stump.
The VC by the stump rapped his own reply and a moment
later the "tree stump" was swinging up in the air on a
trap door hinge.
A VC tunnel network! That's where they were going to
take him, inside one of those god-forsaken VC tunnels.
A foot in his butt pushed Carter toward the hole in the
ground. Hands reached out of the tunnel and grabbed his
feet while a VC behind him grabbed his chest and he was
lowered into the blackness. Carter sensed that he was
being carried/pushed down a long winding series of
corridors.
Occasionally he would catch a glimpse of light on the
curve of a wall down some intersection. But it took
only a few seconds for him to realize that he was
totally disoriented in the maze. Finally they
unceremoniously dumped him against a wall in what he
assumed was some kind of holding hole for prisoners.
His captors didn't hang around, but left him tied up,
sitting against the wall as they scurried off down
another tunnel.
They didn't seem to have left a guard. Maybe they
figured they didn't have to. Or maybe there was an
officer in the next "room" (wherever that was) waiting
to question him. Funny, aside from distant faint echoes
of voices, it was still as death in here. Vince sat
alone in the darkness, waiting for what seemed like an
eternity.
He realized that in the silent blackness he was rapidly
beginning to loose any sense of the passage of time.
Mind torture, that's what this was. Those inscrutable
little VC bastards were just going to leave him here to
contemplate his navel for a week and then probably
shine a big bright light in his eyes and he'd spill his
guts about whatever they wanted to know just out of
gratitude for human contact...
A blinding beam of light flashed out of the darkness
and into Carter's face.
"Surprise, surprise, surprise!"
Vince's heart sank. He had heard those words a thousand
times before. And they could only have been uttered by
one human on the planet. It was Pyle. He was alive.
"Pyle you idiot! Shut up, they'll hear you." Carter
hissed, full of anxious exasperation that quickly
softened. "Oh never mind, just turn off that light and
untie these ropes. We gotta get outta here, now. I
gotta admit though Pyle, I've never been so glad to see
you in my life. How did you find me?"
Gomer turned his flashlight to dim and gave Vince a big
smile.
"I'm really glad to see you too Sergeant Carter," he
said in that good naturedly Southern twang of his. "But
I didn't find you, you found me."
"I found you??!! You mean you just escaped? Come on
untie these ropes." Pyle never ceased to amaze Vince.
"I really and truly wish I could Sergeant Carter but I
can't."
"Pyle, Why not?!" Vince whispered hoarsely. He could
feel the veins on the side of his neck starting to pop.
"There's somebody that I want you to meet Sergeant
Carter."
A slender slight figure of a girl with long black hair
crawled up to the light of Pyle's flashlight.
"This here is Xuang. She's 18 years old. She's my
fiancé. Xuang means ‘springtime'."
Carter smiled indulgently nodding politely toward the
girl. She had that heart stopping, knee melting,
delicate and fragile beauty of young Vietnamese women.
"I'm very pleased I'm sure to make your acquaintance
Miss and I wish you and Gomer here... Wait a minute,
Pyle. Did you say your fiancé?!"
"Yes, Sergeant. Xuang is the reason I left the base.
You see she would come out and talk to me at night
while I was standing guard and all, keeping me company
and what with me speaking a little Vietnamese and Xuang
speaking a little English we got to know each other
real well over the past few weeks. We started holding
hands and all and well...one thing led to another
and.." Gomer embarrassedly paused, blushing slightly.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, she invited me to
her village and I met her daddy and her mamma and her
aunts and uncles and all her little sisters and
brothers and cousins and now she's going to be the
future Mrs. Pyle!" Gomer beamed from ear to ear,
grabbing Xuang's little body around the shoulders and
pressing her closely to his side.
Not for the first time since he'd known Pyle, Vince's
jaw dropped about a foot.
Summoning a hidden reserve of extra superhuman strength
reserved exclusively for Marine Corps ex-Drill
Instructors, Vince recovered his composure so he could
speak.
"Look Pyle, if you untie these ropes and we get out of
here right now and I do mean right now, I won't say a
thing about your desertion. We can just say that the VC
captured you back at the base and took you prisoner
there rather than at Xuang's village..."
"Oh I'm not a prisoner Sergeant."
"You're not?" Vince said, as the right side of his lip
turned slowly upward baring his teeth in an expression
of overwhelming incredulity that always seemed to
precede Pyle dropping the boom on him.
"No Sergeant, you are. You see Xuang's father is what
you call the ‘political officer' of the village and.."
"PYLE!" the scream of Vince's voice echoed and reechoed
down the long black tunnels of the complex. Pyle and
Xuang jumped back at least a couple of feet in
startlement.
"Please, Sergeant Carter, please don't yell." Gomer
said.
"Pyle! Pyle! Are you crazy Pyle? She's a VC! She's the
enemy! You can't have a VC for a girl friend!."
"She's not my girl friend, Sgt. Carter, she's my
fiancé."
"Girlfriend, fiancé, its all the same, Pyle. You're
consorting with the enemy."
"Well now, that's not really fair Sergeant Carter",
Gomer replied. Vince sensed that Gomer was warming up
for another one of those very personable, rustic, folk-
wisdom, pain-in-the-ass, lectures of his. "If there's
one thing I've found out, its that people are people no
matter where you go. Why everyone just wants to be
treated the same as you and I would Sergeant Carter,
that's the Golden Rule .... ‘do unto others as you
would have them do unto you'..."
"Forget the Golden Rule Pyle! This is war! People are
not people, they're the enemy..."
Vince caught himself. He could see by the look of
perplexed amazement on Pyle's face that none of this
was getting through.
"What I mean is", Carter continued, forcing himself
with Herculean effort to be calm, "is that in war some
people are not people. They're the enemy...like her."
Vince nodded his head towards Xuang.
Gomer just sadly shook his head.
"I wish I could make you understand Sgt. Carter, I
really and truly do. You see Xuang's father is a farmer
just like the folks back home around Mayberry. Only
difference is is that back home they grow mostly corn
and sorghum and here they mainly grow rice."
Vince tried another angle. "Are you really sure you've
thought this thing all the way through Pyle? What about
a mixed marriage? What happens to any kids you have?"
"Well, you're right there Sergeant, seeing as how I'm a
Baptist and she's a Buddhist. But I've always believed
that religion should never stand in the way of two
people finding happiness who are really and truly in
love with one another."
Vince rolled his eyes. This was hopeless. It was
obvious that Pyle had been brainwashed by the VC, what
especially with him probably having sex for the first
time and all.
"Look Pyle, none of that matters. What really matters
is this. You've got to untie me and let me go so I can
go back and warn base camp that there's a whole VC
tunnel complex not five klics away..."
"Oh I couldn't do that Sergeant. What would happen to
Xuang's village and her mamma and all her little
sisters and brothers and cousins if the Captain found
out about this here tunnel under the village?" Gomer
paused. "I can tell you right now, Sergeant. Terrible,
terrible things would happen and that just wouldn't be
right. Especially if they found out about the medical
supplies from the base and all."
"Medical supplies? You gave the VC our medical
supplies?"
"Well no Sergeant, I just told Xuang where she and her
friends could find them. What with her little brother
having malaria and all..."
"Pyle," Vince moaned. "What could possibly happen now
that's any worse than this?" Carter hung his head
between his knees. Gomer placed his hand on Vince's
shoulder in a gesture of compassion.
"Don't worry Sergeant, Xuang says you won't be here for
long. In another three days they're gonna take you up
to the DMZ and then on to Hanoi. You won't have to
fight anymore Sergeant Carter. There might even be a
prisoner exchange. Till then you can stay right here
snug as a bug in a rug with Xuang and me in this here
tunnel." Gomer gently squeezed Xuang's hand. "We call
it our ‘tunnel of love'".
"Great Pyle, just fucking great. I'm gonna be eating
rats and rice in some POW camp while you and your
fiancé are visiting Uncle Ho's amusement park taking
the boat ride through his Viet Cong ‘tunnel of love'.
Just fucking great."
***
Over the next three days Carter found that he was able
to sleep, even when hogtied. It was just that the
sounds of Pyle and his VC girl friend making out in
practically the same room were very distracting. Carter
was sure Pyle had been a virgin till he met this girl.
Women seemed to like Pyle, they felt safe around him.
What was the phrase? Oh yeah, they loved him like a
brother. Sure, they'd go out with him, they might even
hold hands and smooch with him, but Carter was sure
that none of the broads Pyle had dated back in the
states ever "went all the way" with him. Back then,
Carter had sometimes wondered if Pyle wasn't really
queer and just went out with women sometimes as a
front.
Now, like a starving man stumbling out of the desert
into a full buffet, Pyle was gorging himself with sex
every night. Pyle and his "fiancé" seemed to go at it
non-stop. It wouldn't have been so bad except for the
fact that Carter had only been laid once since he got
here, during a rare visit to a Saigon whorehouse, then
it was back in the bush for three months.
Carter was really horny and now here was Pyle and his
VC girlfriend going at it like a couple of bunnies day
and night. And all Carter could do was listen, loose
sleep and try to get off on the frustration. It was
real torture. Over and over again, every night he had
to listen to things like: "Go-mer, Go-mer, Ooooohhhh!
Ooooohhhhh! Go-mer! (pant, pant, pant, pant)
OOOoooohhhh!"
What was really distracting for Carter though was
Pyle's strange and disquieting proclivity to suddenly
and with out warning shout. "SHAZAAM!" at the top of
his lungs whenever he attained orgasm. Idly, Carter
wondered what Pyle's new girlfriend thought of that or
what she thought it meant.
***
On the fourth day though Carter suddenly had other
problems to worry about. After a breakfast of steamy
hot rice, the guard that was to escort Carter to the
DMZ finally showed up. He was the biggest Vietnamese
Carter had ever seen. At least as tall as Gomer and
twice as wide. He gave Carter a funny sort of smile.
"Sergeant, Xuang says this here is Le Duc. He's gonna
be your guard to the DMZ. She says everyone in the
village likes Le Duc cause he's so silly. He makes
everyone laugh cause he's always pretending like he's a
little girl. She says that she can tell that Le Duc
really likes you and that you two are gonna get along
just swell."
"PYLE!" Vince screamed for the last time as the massive
VC picked Carter up and hoisted him over his shoulder
like a burlap bag full of rice. "PYLE! ---GET --- ME---
OUT---OF---HERE!" Vince shouted as Le Duc ascended the
ladder to the entrance of the tunnel.
"Bye, bye Sergeant Carter. You all come back and visit
us when the war's over!" Gomer called out.
Gomer and Xuang just stood at the bottom of the tunnel
entrance, bathed in sunlight, holding each other and
waving a fond farewell to Sergeant Vincent Carter USMC.
Epilogue:
Sergeant Vincent Carter USMC was released from Hanoi
when the war ended in 1973 with the Paris Peace
Accords. He claimed never to have found Gomer Pyle and
affirmed that Pyle was indeed "Missing in Action". But
as late as 1980 there were rumors of tall, gangly Amer-
Asian children in central Vietnam who would
unexpectedly leap from bushes and shout "Surprise,
Surprise Surprise!" at terrified and unwary travelers.
END
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Please keep this story, and all erotic stories out of
the hands of children. They should be outside playing
in the sunshine, not thinking about adult situations.
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