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Archive name: cosbys.txt (MF, ped, inc, exh, TV parody)
Authors name: RadioDaze (dwprivateeye3@juno.com)
Story title : Cosby Show, The

--------------------------------------------------------
This work is copyrighted to the author © 2003.  Please
don't remove the author information or make any changes
to this story.  You may post freely to non-commercial
"free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites.
Thank you for your consideration.
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The Cosby Show (MF, ped, inc, exh, TV parody)
by RadioDaze (dwprivateeye3@juno.com)

***

An evening with the Huxtables as they attempt to teach 
their youngest daughter about the birds and bees through 
show-n-tell.

***

{The Birds and The Bees: the lost episode}

Clair and her husband, Dr. Huxtable, was arguing about 
their youngest daughter, Rudy's home sex education. Clair 
wanted her husband Cliff to join in like he had done with 
the other three girl children when their time had come.

Dr. Huxtable thought that the times had changed from the 
old show-n-tell method he had used on the older three 
girls. But it didn't take much persuading for Clair to 
convince her husband, Dr. Huxtable, that their youngest 
daughter, Rudy, would be more eager and willing to learn 
than the other children before her.

So on one free Saturday evening on the sofa when all the 
other children except Rudy are out and away from home, 
the lesson began.

Clair stood in back of the sofa while the precocious six-
year-old child and her father sat together in front. 
After the fairy tale story about the stork and the baby, 
Dr. Huxtable looked into the bright, lovely, brown eyes 
of his daughter and told her that he has something else 
special to show her. 

Rudy sat on the edge of the sofa clasping her small 
fingers together.  Standing behind them Clair began to 
smirk at the clumsy, mischievous, boyish grin of her 
husband.  They were both into their forties but 
Heathcliff Huxtable could behave like such a naughty boy 
at times.

Clair looked down at the neatly parted scalp down the 
middle of her daughter's shinny black hair, forming two 
thick plaits tied in red ribbons on either side of her 
small head.

"Cliff!" Clair exclaimed, slapping the shoulder of her 
husband in admonishment.

"What? I'm just going to show the child, Clair, what the 
stork uses to get the baby here, that's all. Do you 
mind?" Dr. Huxtable glanced back at his wife with a 
naughty smirk of his own. His words came slow, deliberate 
and explanatory. His whole demeanor was slow and 
deliberate. A man of patience, especially with children. 

"You see the stork comes-- and then the baby-- and the 
poop-- and the breast feeding -- and the sperm-- and the 
egg-- and then the college fund... anyway, this is what I 
wanted to show you."

"Alright, Cliff. But I don't want any part of it," Clair 
declares with a hint of playful pomposity to what her 
husband was about to do. She covered her eyes with her 
fingers, peaking through the cracks as Dr. Huxtable 
slowly, meticulously unzipped his zipper. "And it comes 
out like this," he carefully reached his hand inside his 
trousers and extracted himself.

Rudy's hands flew to her open mouth, her eyes large as 
saucers.

"Wow!" Rudy exclaimed.

"Didn't I tell you that I had one?" Dr. Huxtable says to 
the child with a wide mischievous grin across his face, 
shaking his head teasingly.

"Can I touch it?" Rudy quickly, excitedly chirps.

"No. No you can't touch it," Dr. Huxtable protest in fake 
abhorrence, frowning.

"You mind as well let her touch it, Cliff," Clair chimed 
in with an air of logic, being the Lawyer she was.

"No. No, Clair. She's just a child. She cannot touch it. 
She can't touch it because it's mine, see-- and unless I 
want her to touch it," Cliff pouted. 
"Anyhow, I thought you wanted no part of this," Dr. 
Huxtable looks at his wife over the shoulder, teasing.

"I mind as well help, Cliff, if she's going to learn 
anything from us two old birds," Clair teased.

"Well, can I?" Rudy chirps again impatiently.

"Well, child, yes you may," Dr. Huxtable answers his 
youngest daughter's request with a wide grin mocking his 
wife's idea. "Your mother thinks that it's alright-- and 
ask your mother, see-- and your mother she'll tell you 
that it's alright-- won't you, dear? So, go ahead and 
touch it-- and help yourself--"

Rudy's little fingers doesn't even touch their tips 
together as she wraps her small, childish hand around the 
thick shaft of her fathers throbbing meat. 

Clair leans down to get a closer look. Dr.  Huxtable and 
his wife's head lean together watching the eyes of their 
youngest daughter marvel at the feel of her father's 
prick.

"I think she likes it, Clair," Dr. Huxtable whispers into 
his wife's ear. 

"Can I suck it?" Rudy suddenly pops the next unexpected 
question, looking up into her parent's faces as if she 
had just discovered a lost kitten and wanted to keep it.

Dr. Huxtable and his wife looked at each other.

"You better handle this one, Cliff. You started it," 
Clair teasingly sassed her husband, rolling her eyes.

Dr. Huxtable clears his throat. "Well, uh."

"Go on, Cliff! Answer the child," Clair playfully nudges 
the back of her husband's head. Dr. Huxtable turns around 
in a grimace. He turns carefully back to the child whose 
small fingers are still wrapped around his shaft.

"Well, you see, honey, it's like this," his eyelids droop 
in embarrassment as a long explanation promises to 
develop. Suddenly his eyes brighten, and an evil grin 
spills across his face. "Sure, why not," he suddenly 
decides. "Your mother doesn't mind. Do you dear?" 

No sooner does the words leave his lips does the eager, 
bright eyed child chomps down on the full, dark, bulbous 
head of her father's arching manhood.

"After all it's only cock. Isn't it, dear?" Cliff turns 
to his wife with a naughty grin playing through pursed 
lips, wagging his head in self-confidence.

"Cliff, you'll choke her," Clair half protest. But Dr.  
Huxtable barely hears his wife's protest as he become 
aware of the annoying baby teeth gnawing at the sides of 
his schlung instead of the warm moist pleasure he had 
expected from such small lips and tongue.

"No! No, Honey. You're biting it," Dr. Huxtable protest 
in a whimper, lifting the child's smooth, round forehead 
from his shaft. "You're suppose to suck it, not bite it," 
he tries to explain to the overly eager child. "Tell her, 
Clair," he glances back at his wife. 

Clair is having trouble of her own trying to keep her 
composure from laughing so hard. "Clair!" Dr. Huxtable 
admonishes his wife.

Clair regains some composure. "Well, Cliff, she won't 
know how to do it if you don't teach her, Cliff," Clair 
teases her husband.

"Well, that's what I'm trying to do, Clair," Dr. Huxtable 
answers his wife smugly.

"Now, now, look, Honey," with soulful eyes Dr.  Huxtable 
turns to his youngest daughter. "You're suppose to suck, 
not bite," he pleads for her to understand. "See, that's 
why they call it sucking, you see? You, you get it in 
your mouth like this, see. And, and you let it sit there. 
Just, just sit there like a thumb, you see?" He wiggles 
the child's small finger that she's been frequent to suck 
when bored.

"I ain't never had no thumb that size when I was a 
child," Clair teasingly sasses her husband behind his 
back.  Dr. Huxtable quickly glances back with eyes of 
playful warning.

"Well, look at it, Cliff; you can choke a horse with that 
thing," Clair winces.

"I can, can I?" Dr. Huxtable wags his head with an 
egotistical grin. "No, but the point is that-- no, you 
don't bite it, Honey," Dr. Huxtable suddenly turns more 
serious. "You let your lips do the holding and then you 
just draw air and release. Draw air and release," his 
mouth mimics the sucking action in exaggerated mime.

Clair is doing all she could now to keep from exploding 
with laughter at the silly antics of her doctor husband.

"Got it?" Dr. Huxtable continues with the child.

"I think so," Rudy answers her bewildering dad.

"Alright, I think she's got it, Clair. Yeah, Jack! Now 
lets try this again. This time remember--" Dr. Huxtable's 
mouth does the sucking mime movements again to remind the 
child how it's done.

"What's that?" the child suddenly exclaims, pointing down 
between Dr. Huxtable's zipper.

"What's what?" Dr. Huxtable answers looking more annoyed 
with the child's diversion than concerned that 
something's wrong.

"That!," Rudy points to the same spot.

Dr. Huxtable grins with relief. "Oh, that. That's dear 
old dad's nut," he answers the child.

"No, beneath that," Rudy persist.

Dr. Huxtable looks again. "Oh, that! That's dear old 
dad's other nut."

"There's two of em?" Rudy asks, surprise.

"Well-- well, yeah," Dr Huxtable begins to blush.  "What 
did you expect?" He says half annoyed. "They're just 
sitting on top of one another because of how I'm 
sitting," he raises himself up a bit to straiten himself 
out. The whole time Clair loses all composure in 
laughter.

"But why?" the precocious child becomes inquisitive. Dr.  
Huxtable looks at his wife to discover how the moment has 
gotten away from them, from what they intended. Clair 
tightens her lips in a grin and shakes her head resolved 
of no solutions.

"Why what, dear?" Dr. Huxtable asks the child, puzzled.

"Why do you have two of them?" the child clarify her 
question.

"Oh, that. Well, Well, you see honey, God gave us men two 
balls because he thought that that would be a good idea, 
you see. In case one wore out, you know. And it's a good 
thing he did, you see, because your mother... well your 
mother bust my balls every night, and your dear old dad 
hardly knows what it feels like to be a man with balls 
the way God intended, you see."

The child glances up at her mother. "But, but don't blame 
your mother, because-- because your mother-- well after 
you was born your mother couldn't have any more children, 
and-- well she just wants to make sure that..."

Just then the doorknob to the front door jiggles. Clair 
slaps her husband's shoulder to warn him that someone's 
coming.

Just in time Dr. Huxtable puts himself away before 
Vanessa, the second youngest daughter, walks through the 
door. The three of them compose them self in calm, stiff 
postures, a dead give away that something's wrong. 

Vanessa stands there grinning in suspicion. "What's up?" 
she asks, testing them.

"Oh, nothing, sweat heart," Clair smiles, fondling an 
earring.

"We didn't learn nothing about the birds and the bees," 
Rudy pipes up.

Dr. Huxtable nudges Rudy with an elbow. "Ha, ha," he says 
with a phony laugh. "What she meant was that--"

"Save it, Dad!" Vanessa says. She heads towards the 
stairs with her book bag slung across her left shoulder.  
She stops halfway up the stairs and says, "Watch it, 
Rudy. Dad has a big one."

END

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This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life.

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