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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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Archive name: bud.txt (MM, teens, gay/straight, 1st)
Authors name: Phil (an33797@anon.penet.fi)
Story title : A Night With Bud Bundy
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This work is copyrighted to the author © 2002. Please
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A NIGHT WITH BUD BUNDY (MM, teens, gay/straight, 1st)
A story by Phil (an33797@anon.penet.fi)
1994
***
NOTE: This story depicts homosexual acts, minor violence,
drug use, and blatant anti-family situations. This story
was written as a parody of the popular sitcom, and was
not meant to infringe or profit from any copyrighted
materials.
I was driving along on Interstate 90, on my way to pick
up Kelly Bundy. I had been scoping out Polk High for the
past week, and her name came up in a discussion of the
"easy" types. One day at lunch, I met her: a cheap
peroxide slut. Nice! We set up a date: Friday, 9PM.
At 8:56 I pulled into the driveway at the Bundy
residence. I went to the door, knocked, and a short,
good-looking young man opened the door.
I spoke to him. "Hello, I'm Douglas. I'm here to see
Kelly."
A strangely malicious smile came over his face. "Oh...
she's out entertaining her boyfriend."
I was overcome by shock. "Hey... I AM her boyfriend...
sort of. I was supposed to pick her up tonight."
"Is that so? Well, why don't you come in and wait for
awhile and see if she shows up?" He still had that
malicious smile.
"Are you that GNOME she was telling me about?" I asked. I
wasn't worried about any trouble from him; I easily had
six inches and sixty pounds on him.
"I'm Bud. Bud Bundy. And you, my friend, have been stood
up by the famous EZ-Stripper."
I took off my jacket. "Oh well... what are you watching?"
It looked like a Jeremy Jordan video.
He quickly snatched up the remote and turned it off,
looking almost embarrassed. "Oh, nothing. Hey listen. Do
you wanna go upstairs and go through my sister's bedroom?
I'd offer you some food, but Dad decided we should have
cable TV this month instead."
This will be interesting, I thought to myself. "OK, let's
dig up the dirt on her."
So we went upstairs, and we walked by a room that had a
large Erasure poster on the door. Bud said, "This is my
room. I've got some cool CDs... and that new one from
GWAR."
"Are you an Erasure fan?"
"Uh, yeah. It's kind of funny though, when he's singing
love songs to another guy." Bud opened his door, and we
walked in. Sitting in the middle of the floor was a bong.
As soon as he saw it, he rushed to hide it. I stopped
him.
"Don't worry. I've got several of my own."
"Really? Well, I've got some good weed, if you wanna
smoke a bowl."
"Well, Kelly is gonna be gone... I've got nothing better
to do... OK."
He pulled a Ziploc bag out from under the sheets and
blankets that lay crumpled at the foot of his bed. He
opened it, packed the bowl, removed a lighter from his
pocket, and took a hit. Then he offered it to me.
I glanced at the bong to figure out its mechanism, then I
took a hit of my own. I held it in until I thought my
lungs would explode, then I blew it out in a coughing
fit.
After a few more turns of this, we were both thoroughly
baked. Time crawled to a screeching rush. We just sat
there on the floor, looking at each other. Then a strange
progression of thoughts entered my head. I began to look
at Kelly's younger brother in a different way. He was
actually quite attractive, despite everything she had
told me.
I thought maybe it was just the weed, but my horniness
for Kelly was refocusing itself on Bud. I imagined us
together on an island, as I was ripping his shirt down
the middle and taking him right there on the beach. I had
never had sex with another male, but I had contemplated
it quite often--even more than I thought about women. Bud
and Kelly--they were both such beautiful children... I
had to see what their parents looked like.
There was a silence in the room (we had forgotten to put
on any music), and I was not conscious of it until it was
broken--by Bud.
"You know what we oughta do?"
I moved my eyes from his crotch to his face.
"There's this milk in the fridge. It's been there a long
time. We should go SNIFF it."
"Huh?" I didn't understand.
"C'mon, let's go." He took me downstairs to the kitchen.
He opened the door to the refrigerator. It was completely
empty except for a small opaque Tupperware container, and
a gallon jug of something that used to be milk.
Bud took the jug to the counter and removed the lid. I
could smell it from where I was standing. He sat down,
put his nose directly over the open hole, and inhaled.
Then he leaned forward in his chair like he was about to
vomit.
Suddenly he said, "Oh wow! The floor's MOVING! Dude, you
gotta try this!"
Just then, a knock came at the door. Bud got up and went
to answer it. There was a short lady with no breasts who
had her hair cut like a chicken's head.
"Oh, hello, Mrs. D'Arcy," said Bud.
"Don't 'Oh-Hello-Mrs-D'Arcy' ME, you PINWORM!" she said.
"Normally, I can tolerate the smell coming from this
house, but tonight it's even worse than usual... Your
father must be here somewhere!"
"No, he's out with Mom. You must smell that!" Bud pointed
to the milk carton.
"Oh, that's HORRIBLE! Close it up, NOW, before I call the
police!" Then she stormed out, slamming the door behind
her.
"God, what a BITCH!" I said.
"Aaah, I don't care. It's easy money for me. Dad promised
to give me five bucks every time Marcy or Jefferson comes
over and I tell them he's gone."
"Is he here?" I asked.
"No... but what difference does it make?" He closed up
the milk and put it back in the refrigerator. "Man,
that's some STRONG SHIT!!!"
I went over and sat on the couch. I picked up the remote
and turned on the TV. There was a commercial advertising
Buzz Clips on MTV. I looked back at Bud, and noticed he
was sitting at the table, looking at me... but no... it
was more like staring.
"What're you looking at?" I asked.
He waited a long time. "Dude... I'm getting like, really
weird thoughts."
"Yeah. Mixing pot and milk curds does that to you." I
walked over to the kitchen table.
Bud fixed his gaze on me. "I think I've seen you
somewhere."
"You look kind of familiar, too. It's like I've seen you
on a TV show or something like that. You look like...
umm... " I snapped my fingers. "David Faustino. That's
who."
"A gay guy once told me that I looked like David
Faustino. He said I was cute."
Suddenly I was brought back into focus. "What did you
do?"
"I did this..." and he grabbed my testicles. I was caught
off guard. I felt discomfort, but not exactly pain.
"Hey, you FAGGOT!" I pulled back.
He stood up. "Yeah, so what're you gonna do about it!?!
You want a piece of me?
C'mon!"
"Well maybe I DO want a piece of you!" I pushed him back
and pinned his body up against the wall. I looked down at
him, straight into his eyes. The expression on his face
was not fear, but rather... anticipation. A sense of
knowing. A thought passed between the two of us that all
of this was just a game, but that there was something
else underneath.
Was it desire?
We both had it. Each of us knew that the other had it. I
backed away from the wall a bit, and he moved back with
me. I felt his arms reach around my back and embrace me.
That same smile came back to his face. I leaned down to
kiss him, and all I knew was that I was holding the most
beautiful boy in the world and he wanted me desperately.
We walked upstairs together, back to his room. After we
went inside, he shut the door. I stood there, looking at
the mixology chart poster on the back of his door. I
turned to him just in time to see him pulling his shirt
over his head, exposing first his treasure trail, then
his navel, then his flat stomach, then the bottom of his
ribcage. Further up the shirt went, and Bud's nipples
came into view, and his hairy pits. He then discarded the
shirt on the floor.
He reached back behind his neck to undo the gold chain,
giving me another view of his underarms. When he did
this, his whole chest seemed to spread out for me. His
nipples, small and dark, had become quite hard. When he
put his arms down, his broad shoulders flexed wide, and
his collarbone stood out above his chest.
Meanwhile, I was standing there in awe. I wanted him
badly, all of him. Kelly had become a distant memory.
Now, Bud was my master, free to do whatever he wished
with me. He was watching my erection through my jeans,
and I could see that he had developed one of his own. He
walked over to where I was standing.
"Is this your first time with a MAN?" he asked, putting a
very smug emphasis on the word "man". Of course, I had no
objection to the use of the word "man". For the second
time, he was close enough that I could catch his scent.
He smelled like a man: the smell of sweat, cigarettes,
and weed.
His hand went up to the top button of my shirt,
unfastening it. The only thing between our bodies was the
rest of my shirt, and he took that away one step at a
time. As each button came undone, he ran his fingers
through the hair on my chest, lower and lower each time.
When he had unfastened the last button, he stuck both
hands inside my shirt and caressed my stomach with his
thumbs.
It was mesmerizing, intoxicating in itself. My identity
was slipping away, and I had lost my sense of reality. I
was jarred back when he spoke again.
"I asked you a question! Is this your first time with a
MAN?"
"Oh! um... yes, actually." I breathed harder as he pulled
the shirt free from my jeans. He pushed it past my
shoulders, and it slid down my arms and dropped off onto
the floor. We locked our arms around each other again,
and my hands found their way down his back into his
jeans, each one stopping on one of his cheeks.
Our mouths had covered each other, making an airtight
seal through which our tongues passed. As I squeezed on
his ass, I heard him give a muffled whimper. I answered
with a whimper of my own, then I slid my hands around to
the front of his jeans, where I began to unbutton them.
His hardon was even more visible in his briefs. I rubbed
my left index finger, ever so slightly, up and down on
his penis through his underwear. A drop of precum made a
spot. He unzipped my jeans, reached through the fly of my
boxers, and fondled my penis directly. It jerked
convulsively, and my whole body shivered.
Then he sat down on the bed, and began taking off his
shoes and socks. I did the same, only I was standing up.
I was still very stoned, so it was all the more
difficult. Once, I nearly fell. Then, after I had pulled
my last leg out of my boxers, I did fall, headlong into
Bud.
I grabbed his underwear at the hips, and pulled down. His
circumcised cock was about seven inches, only slightly
shorter than my own... but his was wider. It stood out
from a mass of dark pubes, with another drop of precum
resting on the slit at the top. I pulled his underwear
past his ankles, then threw them off to the floor, so
that all of our clothes had joined the disorder on the
floor.
His naked body lay underneath mine, and he held his legs
together while I straddled him. I watched his chest and
stomach heaving up and down in time with my own rapid
breathing. He squeezed his nipples and twisted them hard,
turning them a bright red. He had a few hairs circling
each nipple, and an almost-unnoticeable layer of hair in
the middle of his chest. Further down, a sprouting of
hair rose from the hole of his navel and led to the base
of his penis.
"Fuck me," he whispered. Then a little louder: "Fuck me.
Fuck me HARD!" He squeezed his thighs together, and
pointed to them. "I want it THERE." I eased down on top
of him, moved my penis to the space between his thighs,
and THRUST. I thrust again, and again.
Then I felt a dull pain in my side. He punched me again
and said, "Faster, you goddamn FAGGOT!" I drew one fist
back, and buried it in his stomach. He gasped, and I
began humping him faster. Then he pushed me over on my
back and kneeled at my feet.
He crawled towards my crotch like a predator. With his
mouth no more than two inches from my cock, he bared his
teeth and breathed on it. He took the head, twirling his
tongue around it, then he engulfed the entire shaft. He
reached behind me, grabbing my ass cheeks and spreading
them apart. As I felt a pair of moist fingers enter my
asshole, I dug my hands into his dark-brown hair and
started slamming his head down on me with a furious
rhythm, pushing his nose into my pubic hair.
I could feel my climax coming on. With my moans of
ecstasy building in intensity, I shot my load down his
throat. He stopped fingering my ass and pulled his hands
away, signaling me to stop, but I never relaxed my grip
on his head, even though I could hear him gagging and he
was waving his hands wildly in the air.
Finally, I let him get up, and I could feel his lower
teeth scraping along the underside of my penis, trying to
extract the very last drop. He looked back up, and then
leaned forward on me. He kissed me, giving me back a
mouthful of my own semen. Then he rested his head on my
chest to regain his breath. I spit my jizz onto his
shoulders and back, and rubbed it in.
We turned over, so I was on top now. I kissed him again,
and my mouth migrated across his freshly-shaven chin and
down his neck. I moved on to his left tit, nibbling off
the hairs one by one. I made a trail of saliva from his
left nipple to his right, and then nibbled off the hairs
there.
I then moved down, and began tongue-fucking his belly
button. This seemed to cause him extreme pleasure, as he
arched his back, grit his teeth, and started beating his
fist against the mattress. He pushed his cock forward,
trying to force it into the space between my neck and my
shoulder. Then I took it in my mouth.
I had never tasted a penis before. His was sweet, and
there was really no way to describe how it felt except
that it just felt ALIVE. I couldn't take it in all the
way like he had done to mine, and I felt guilty. I pulled
it back, and repeatedly scraped the back of the head
against my teeth. With both hands, he gripped the sides
of the mattress and started giving out yelps of pleasure.
"Suck that fat cock, you son-of-a-bitch!" he yelled
between breaths. His knee came up and caught me in the
chest. A few moments later, he said, "Wait a minute. I've
got a better idea for you." He moved me over, then got
up. He motioned to the headrest and said, "Grab it."
I got on my knees and took hold of the headrest, leaving
my ass up in the air. I couldn't bring myself to watch
what happened next. I shut my eyes tight and buried my
face in the pillow. I felt his hands on my ass cheeks,
and then something being rubbed around inside that I knew
could only be Vaseline. A couple of fingers slid around
and into my crack. They thrust in and pulled out several
times. "How do you like that?" he asked.
"It feels good. Do it some more." Then I felt something
settle at the very edge of my asshole, which was then
followed by a SHARP pain. I screamed, but the pillow
muffled it. The pain came again, piercing deeper. I was
still quite stoned, but even that wasn't enough to block
out this new pain. I felt as if I would explode from
within.
Whenever I screamed, Bud screamed too, almost in mockery
of me. He laughed at my pain, and groaned over his own
physical pleasure. He grabbed my sides and pushed me out
and back in rhythm, pushing himself deeper each time. I
felt his arms come around underneath mine and he squeezed
my nipples. As he continued to lunge into me, I noticed
something else: I was about to climax again.
Every muscle in my body went stiff, and just after I felt
my rectum become warm and wet, I had a sickeningly
intense orgasm of my own, making a puddle on the bed
while Bud continued to pump me full of his own cum. When
he drew out, my insides suddenly felt very empty. We both
collapsed in physical and psychological exhaustion, me on
my stomach, and Bud lying on his stomach on top of me.
The only sound in the room was our labored breathing.
I had more or less passed out. I was stirred back to
consciousness when Bud passed me a lit cigarette. He
already had one of his own. We lay on the bed with our
legs intertwined.
"So, how was it?" he asked.
I paused, took a drag, then exhaled. "Bud, I have never
felt this way in my whole life. We should go off to
Hawaii and get married."
It was then that I noticed a strange odor in the air. A
repugnant aroma that was even stronger than the cigarette
smoke.
"What's that SMELL--"
The door burst open. A fat balding man and a tall
ghastly-looking redheaded woman walked in. When the man
saw us, his eyes flew open. He said, "What the HELL are
you doing?"
Bud said, "Dad! Listen... nothing happened! I SWEAR!"
His father said, "No, I'm not talking about that... I
can't handle that yet.
I'm talking about you SMOKING!"
The woman sashayed over to the bed. "Your father's right.
It's a filthy habit."
Bud looked at her scornfully. "YOU do it!"
His mother looked puzzled for a moment. "Oh, but that's
different. *I* have INSURANCE. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
His father spoke again. "Get out of my house."
"Yes sir," I replied.
"I'm talking to my SON!" he said. "Now I'm gonna give you
girls five minutes to put your clothes on. Then you and
Tinkerbell here can go find somewhere else to spend the
night. And I suggest you go get a Volvo so you can move
all your stuff out of here over the weekend!"
"Now Al," said his mother, "don't you think you're being
a little severe? He may be a homosexual, but he IS our
son. Al, why don't we get him a *Pink* *Cadillac* to move
his things? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Al smiled. "And then... then we can get him a tape of
LIBERACE... so he can play it all the way to SAN
FRANCISCO! Oh, ho-ho-ho!" They walked out, laughing.
"And when we go to visit him, he can do my HAIR..." Their
voices faded down the hall.
I couldn't believe we had been caught. I didn't know how
old Bud was, but somehow I got the idea that Mr. Bundy
could have had me arrested. But instead, he was throwing
his own son out of the house... because of ME! Perhaps
the situation could yet be salvaged!
I kissed Bud, then I got up and started dressing. I
passed him his own clothes, and when we were ready, we
went downstairs.
I looked to the doorway and saw Kelly standing there, her
arms around the man she had spent the evening with. She
said, "Oh, you're so much better than that idiot Douglas
would've been..."
Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw me. "Oh, HI,
Douglas! So nice of
you to come by! Would you like to meet--"
"Forget it, Kel. He's with me." Bud pulled my face down
to his and our tongues wrestled for half a minute. As we
passed them walking out the door, he turned to her and
said, "Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed-
crabs bite!"
A minute or two later, Al joined us in the driveway. He
faced his son and said, "Bud, I want you to understand.
I'm not throwing you out of my house because you're gay.
The simple fact is: I can't stand you, and I can't
support you. I was going to do this anyway!
"But son, I want you to know how PROUD I am of you!
You've broken the Bundy curse! Since you're obviously
never gonna be with a woman, you'll be happy for the rest
of your life! Now here's 500 bucks... I stole it back
from your mother. Since I'm going to write you off for
the rest of my life, it's the least I can do. So why
don't you take your boyfriend and go see `Cats'?"
Bud took the money and gave him a shit-eating grin. "Gee
Dad, THANKS!"
"Oh, one last thing, son." Al reached into the inside
pocket of Bud's jacket and pulled out his bag of weed. He
looked at the bag, looked at Bud, snatched the bag
towards himself, and said, "GIMME THAT!"
The End
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than
a trusted partner. You only have one body per lifetime,
so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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