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                 K R I S T E N' S    C O L L E C T I O N
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Britney Speared
by Robski (address withheld)

***

Meeting a world famous celebrity is something that most 
of us will never experience. Having what can only be 
described as intimate relations with one is just a 
dream that most of us have had at some point. Whether 
it's Madonna or Maradona, we all have fantasised about 
giving a celebrity a good seeing to. However, for most 
of us it remains just that - a fantasy. Unless, like me 
- and my name's Steve, by the way - you are one of the 
fortunate few lucky enough to live out your fantasy. 
(MF, mast, oral, celeb-parody)

***

Joining the army wasn't always my main ambition as a 
child. Like most young boys, when I was a kid I always 
wanted to be a professional footballer, pop star or 
Hollywood actor. The only problems I encountered were 
the fact that I'm no good at football, can't sing to 
save my life and have about as much chance of becoming 
an actor as I have of getting pregnant - zilch! 

So eventually I decided on a career in the armed 
forces. Let's face it, travelling around the world, 
legally being able to carry a weapon (and fire it) and 
being paid for the privilege can't be bad, can it? 

Anyway, to cut a long story short (ooh, Jesus, 
flashback to the 80s and Spandau Ballet!) I joined up 
and chose to join the Royal Military Police regiment. 
My brother used to be in the RMP and had told me many 
great stories about his time with them, although before 
I joined I figured that they were just a figment of his 
imagination - how wrong I was! 

It all started on a fairly normal day. There I was, 
stood on the parade ground with my sergeant shouting 
obscenities into my ear hole and calling me a nancy-
boy! A great bloke, my sergeant! Anyway, as the day 
went on I got assigned to guard duty. Fucking great, I 
thought. I get to spend all day stood at the gate to 
our barracks in the fucking pouring rain! Just what I 
joined up for! 

And then, just when I thought my day couldn't get any 
worse, up popped my sergeant again. 

"I've got some good news for you, Lance Corporal," he 
said, handing me a piece of paper. "You're being 
reassigned." 

Great! Just when I was beginning to enjoy standing 
there in the freezing cold, getting completely soaked! 

"Oh right," I said, taking the piece of paper. 

"You're a lucky man," he said, with a somewhat envious 
look. "You're being transferred to the protection 
division." 

He then set about explaining what was happening. I was 
basically going to be playing babysitter to some up 
themselves celebrity. They'd apparently been receiving 
death threats and their agent was taking them 
seriously. Rather than hiring some minders of their 
own, they'd decided, under the circumstances, it would 
better to get some official help - and who better than 
the RMP? 

I immediately had visions of some over the hill actor 
or sports star, who'd planned the whole thing himself 
just to get a bit of publicity to kick-start his 
flagging career. As yet, no one had told me whom it was 
I'd be protecting. 

I got my gear together and was then briefed on 
professional etiquette whilst protecting a so-called 
'star'! I was still in the dark as to who it was. Soon 
enough I was being whisked away in a helicopter to a 
destination as yet unknown to me. 

We were soon setting down on what looked like a hotel; 
where I was told this particular celebrity was staying. 
It was only then I was told whom I was protecting. I 
couldn't believe it! No washed up actor or sports star. 
It was none other than Britney Spears! Now I know what 
you're thinking (yeah right, what a load of bull!) but 
I swear that every word is true - just as true as me 
being responsible for the invention of the light bulb! 
She was in England to promote her new single or 
something; to be honest I'd stopped listening. All I 
could think of was the fact that I was going to get to 
meet Britney Spears! 

After being introduced to her, I was told what was 
expected of me - to put it in its most basic wording, I 
was expected to die in the pursuit of protecting this 
goddess of the pop world. No problem, I thought. We all 
have to die sometime. It's amazing the effect a young, 
pretty, sexy, and not to mention successful female has 
on the male psyche! Again I missed most of what was 
said; I was too busy staring at Britney's...well, bits! 
Unfortunately, she caught me staring a little too 
intently at them! But to my surprise, all she did was 
blush and give me a little sexy smile. Maybe she was 
attracted to uniforms? I fucking well hoped so! 

Later that night I was surprised even further by the 
fact that I was going to have to stay in her hotel room 
with her. Now that's what I call close personal 
protection! I was a little gob smacked as you might 
expect. One minute there I was, stood at the entrance 
to an army barracks in the pouring rain with nothing to 
look forward to except a long hard day stood there like 
a lemon! And the next, I'm in Britney Spears hotel room 
- with no danger of being arrested for the privilege! 
The day was certainly turning for the better. 

The only problem I now had was what exactly do you say 
to a world famous pop star? She would have no doubt 
heard all the corny chat up lines in the book, as well 
as a couple that aren't even in the book probably! It 
was like a dream. I was sat just feet away from Britney 
Spears. She looked even better in the flesh than she 
did on the TV. Again my eyes immediately focused on her 
breasts. And a bloody nice pair they were too! Implants 
or not, I couldn't have cared less, the fact is they 
were just as good as I'd imagined all those times late 
at night when I used to... well, that's another story 
entirely! 

Suddenly the silence was broken. 

"You've got a habit of doing that," she said, scaring 
me half to death. 

"What?" I asked as innocently as I could, although the 
answer was obvious. 

"Oh, you know!" 

She again looked at me with a little sexy smile. I 
could feel myself beginning to blush and looked away. 
"Err, sorry about that." 

"Don't worry about it. As seen as though you're here to 
protect me, I guess you're entitled to some perks of 
the job!" she giggled and winked at me. 

Now to me this was beginning to become a little too 
surreal. Things like that just don't happen to me. But 
sure enough, there I was sat in a hotel room with 
Britney Spears - alone! And, it may just have been my 
imagination, but it seemed like she was chatting me up! 

Her easygoing manner made me feel a lot more at ease. I 
managed to calm down slightly and for the next half an 
hour or so we chatted away like old friends. Not about 
anything specific, we just chatted; from the weather 
(how corny can you get?!) to our private lives. We were 
getting along like life long buddies! Eventually she 
decided to take a shower. 

"Want some company?" I jokingly asked. 

She didn't reply. She just looked at me and gave me 
that sexy little smile, and seemed to blush slightly. 
Oops, maybe I over stepped the mark? She didn't 
complain, however. 

"I'll be back soon. Why don't you order us some supper 
from room service?" she said, before going into the 
bathroom and shutting the door. 

I'll do just that, I thought. Along with a bottle of 
wine...or two! Not that I was going to try and get her 
drunk, you understand! Goodness me, no! That would be 
entirely against my professional ethics. I was there to 
protect the poor girl from nutters and psychos... you 
know, people like me! No, there was absolutely no way 
that I was going to try and get the most famous pop 
star in the world today drunk just so I could have my 
wicked way with her. Although... 

I picked up the telephone and called down to reception. 
Just then I heard a blood-curdling scream from within 
the bathroom, followed by cries for help. Oh fuck, I 
thought, some nutter's managed to get in and has 
attacked her. I leapt to my feet and drew my sidearm 
before rushing to the bathroom. I tried the door - it 
was locked. Of course it'd be locked, you fucking 
dickhead, I thought. One of the sexiest women on the 
planet was in there! And the last thing she'd want was 
me walking in on her whilst she was taking a shit! 

Suddenly there was another piercing scream, followed by 
the cry for help, only this time it sounded even more 
pitiful than the first occasion. I couldn't waste any 
more time. I took a step back and lunged forcefully at 
the door. It gave way easily and I came crashing down 
on top of it as it hit the floor. I quickly got to my 
feet, raised my weapon (not that, you dirty minded 
bastard! My sidearm!) and scanned the room... nothing! 
Just Britney stood against the far wall staring in 
horror at the bathtub. I walked over to the bath and 
looked in... would you believe it - a spider! Britney 
Spears had just taken ten years off my life because of 
a little spider... well, actually to be fair, it was 
quite a large one... the spider! 

It was only then that I noticed what I couldn't believe 
I missed in the first place. She was completely naked. 
Britney, the princess of pop, was stood only feet away 
from me completely starkers... not a stitch on... 
nude... in the buff... oh you get the picture! Well, 
what could I do? What the hell do you think I did? I 
took in as much of the sight as possible! She really 
was gorgeous. Not just in the face, but her whole body. 

She was probably as close to perfect as you could ever 
find. Her whole body was tanned, from head to toe. Her 
large breasts looked amazing. They didn't sag an inch. 
They just hung there, firm and bulging (three cheers 
for silicone!). And what a pussy! I wouldn't have 
believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but 
she really was a natural blonde - take my word for it! 

Her tight little patch of pubes were shaved in a V, as 
if trying to say, "This way to the promised land!" 
There wasn't an ounce of fat on her. I just wish that 
I'd had a camera on me - I could have made a fortune 
selling the pics to newspapers and magazines! 

Anyway, after I'd stopped perving at her I did the 
gentlemanly thing and disposed of the offending 
creature. I then handed Britney a towel and apologised 
for so obviously enjoying the view! Thankfully she 
didn't make an issue out of it and I then left the 
room, picking the door up and jamming it into the 
entrance as I left. 

I then noticed that the other RMP officer who'd been 
standing guard outside the room had finally responded 
to the cries for help. A bit fucking late, I thought. 
If it had been some gun-wielding maniac we could have 
both been dead by now while this sad excuse for an RMP 
officer was tugging off in the hallway! Anyway, I kept 
my gob shut and explained to him what had happened. He 
then left the room - in fits of hysterics! 

It was about half an hour later when she finally 
emerged from the bathroom. She was wearing only a towel 
wrapped around her still wet body. She sat down next to 
me and had a quizzical look on her face. After a moment 
or two she turned to me. 

"I'm sorry about that, Steve. It's just I've got a 
really bad phobia of spiders...I hate the little 
bastards!" 

"It's no problem," I said. "That's what I'm here for." 

"Still, it's a little embarrassing," she looked down at 
the floor, a look of humiliation covering her face. 

"Honestly, it's not a problem. You've got nothing to be 
ashamed about. We're all scared of something," I 
assured her, trying my best to make her feel better. 

I bit the bullet and put an arm around her shoulder. 
Her head flopped sideways onto my chest and she put an 
arm around my waist and hugged me tightly. We just sat 
there for the next ten minutes or so in silence, 
holding each other. I figured that the main reason she 
was so upset had nothing to do with the spider - it was 
more than likely, in fact positively, the death threats 
that she'd been receiving. Let's face it, if someone 
starts sending you messages that they're going to kill 
you, you do start to... well, shit yourself! 

Now what happened next, I promise you I hadn't planned. 
I would never dream of taking advantage of a 
frightened, defenceless young lady. But sometimes 
circumstances dictate! 

The fact was that her towel had come loose slightly, 
and being a lot taller than her, I could see straight 
down her cleavage. At this point I was beginning to 
believe that I might just be a little too obsessed with 
her breasts than was healthy for me. But what the hell! 
This was Britney Spears and I was going to get as much 
of a perv session in as I could! 

Just then something strange happened. My being seemed 
to be taken over by someone far more confident than 
myself. I found myself lowering my head and kissing her 
gently. To my amazement she didn't resist. I then 
kissed her more forcefully and again she didn't resist. 
In fact this time she kissed me back with relish, her 
mouth opening slightly and before I knew what was 
happening we were in the middle of a full-blown snog 
session. 

We kissed passionately for a few minutes; every now and 
then I'd divert attention to her neck, which brought 
quiet moans of approval from her lips. By this time I 
had what can only be described as an iron hard cock! I 
decided to see just how far she was willing to let this 
go. I slipped a hand under her towel and searched out 
her breasts. I could feel her nipples harden as my hand 
brushed against them, again bringing moans of delight 
from her. I began squeezing and fondling each breast in 
turn, convinced that at any moment she'd break the 
embrace and say that it was all a mistake. She didn't. 

I now knew that I could take this to its inevitable 
conclusion. I stopped kissing her and stood up. My hard 
cock had formed a tent in the front of my trousers and 
she reached out and stroked it through the fabric. I 
leant forward and removed the towel still covering her 
body - she didn't try to stop me, in fact as I did that 
she unzipped my flies and pulled out my cock and began 
stroking it slowly. 

I looked down at her naked body, tanned and still 
glistening with water. Just then I had an attack of 
conscience. "Are you sure about this?" I asked, hoping 
for a positive response. 

"Yes," she whispered and then spread her legs slightly. 
"I want you to taste me." 

You don't have to ask me twice! 

I knelt down between her spread legs and could smell 
the aroma of arousal. Her pussy was visibly wet and I 
reached out and began rubbing her mound with my hand. 
She threw her head back and bucked her hips. I took the 
hint and lowered my head. I drew my tongue up her 
swollen love-lips and she moaned approvingly. She was 
so aroused that her clitoris was clearly visible, 
poking out like a little rosebud. Slipping two fingers 
into her wet entrance I began to finger fuck her whilst 
licking and sucking on her swollen little clit. She was 
moaning and writhing above me, her hands on the back of 
my head gently grinding me into her wet pussy. 

I continued to stimulate her with my mouth and fingers 
as her breath quickened and moans became more audible. 
I sensed she was close to cumming and so quickened the 
pace of my fingers and tongue. She suddenly began 
bucking her hips wildly and I knew she was on the 
verge. 

"Oh yes! Mmm, I'm cumming... don't stop! Ohhh!" 

I did as instructed and continued my stimulation. She 
was trying hard to stifle her moans of pleasure (she 
didn't want to attract the attention of the other RMP 
officer who was standing guard outside the room) but it 
was all in vain. Suddenly her body shuddered and she 
let out a loud succession of moans and inaudible 
sentences. I could feel her pussy spasming around the 
fingers I had buried deep inside her, and her whole 
body seemed to be in convulsions of sheer ecstasy. 

When her orgasm had subsided, I removed my clothes. My 
cock was still rock hard and aching for some attention. 
Britney stared at my hard member approvingly. Now I'm 
not going to lie, I'm by no means the biggest bloke in 
the world but I'm not small either. She seemed more 
than pleased with the 7 inches of hard throbbing flesh 
stood to attention in front of her. 

She sat up and shuffled across until she was sat right 
on the edge of the sofa. She then wrapped her hand 
around my length and eased back the foreskin, revealing 
my purple, throbbing helmet. She began by flicking her 
tongue over the engorged end, to which I let out moans 
of delight whilst trying to force my prick between her 
lips. 

She continued to tease the head of my cock with her 
tongue as she wanked my shaft and fondled my balls. It 
didn't take long before I felt the onset of my orgasm 
building within me - after all, this wasn't any 
ordinary girl playing with my cock, it was Britney 
Spears! 

"Britney, stop!" I cried. "You're gonna make me cum!" 

She looked up at me. "That's the whole point, isn't 
it?" 

"Well, yeah! But..." she had a point! After all, I'm 
sure I'd have no problem getting a second erection, 
especially with Britney working her magic on my cock! 
"Good point! Carry on!" 

That she did. She began taking the head of my cock 
between her lips and sucking and licking eagerly whilst 
still quickly wanking me off. A few seconds later I 
couldn't hold back any longer. "Oh fuck! I'm cumming!" 

She took the first 3 or 4 inches of my cock into her 
mouth and held it there as she continued to pump my 
meat with her hand. I felt the first jet of cum shoot 
from my twitching cock. Britney didn't even flinch. She 
simply held my cock between her lips and continued to 
milk my balls. After each jet of cum that shot from me 
she moaned approvingly as she swallowed every last drop 
of my sticky jism. 

Even when my cock had stopped shooting my spunk, she 
continued to lick and suck it, seemingly relishing in 
the thought that she'd made me cum. I could feel my 
cock beginning to deflate between her lips and she 
finally relinquished her hold on me. 

She looked straight up into my eyes and smiled. A 
little of my semen began seeping from her lips and she 
quickly sucked it back in and swallowed, a look of pure 
satisfaction covering her face. 

"You enjoyed that, didn't you?" she asked knowingly. 

I was speechless. I simply nodded my approval. I knew 
one thing for sure, though. Contrary to press reports, 
she was certainly no virgin! 

She still had her hand wrapped around my semi-erect 
cock and was still wanking me off slowly. A last 
dribble of cum escaped from my prick and she quickly 
lowered her head again and licked the head of my cock 
clean. 

I then sat down next to her on the sofa and for the 
next ten minutes or so we just sat there, fondling each 
other and kissing. Eventually I felt myself harden 
again. A look of excited anticipation played across 
Britney's face as she stroked my hardening cock to a 
full-blown erection. 

"Ready for some more, are we?" she asked, gripping my 
cock firmly and beginning to wank me off again. 

Well, what could I do? There was no way I was going to 
refuse! 

We spent the rest of the night fucking, sucking and 
licking each other like a pair of sex-crazed maniacs... 
and it was great! 

I never saw her again after that; at the end of her 
tour she left for home and I went back to my base. But 
I'll never forget those few hours of sheer ecstasy in 
the arms of a pop queen. 

***

A few months later, Christina Aguilera came to Britain 
for a tour. Well, I couldn't pass up a chance like 
that! I again set my usual plan in motion and began to 
send anonymous threats. Just days later I got the news 
that I was going to be put back on to protection duty. 
I really do love my job...!  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than
a trusted partner. 4-million people around the world 
contract HIV every year. You only have one body per 
lifetime, so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Celebrity Parody Archive