("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._
                `6_ 6  )   `-.  (     ).`-.__.`)
                (_Y_.)'  ._   )  `._ `. ``-..-'
               _..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,'
              ((('   (((-(((''  ((((
            K R I S T E N' S    C O L L E C T I O N
 	   _________________________________________
                            WARNING!
	   This text file contains sexually explicit
	   material. If you do not wish to read this
	   type of literature, or you are under age,
	   PLEASE DELETE THIS FILE NOW!!!!
 	   _________________________________________




		   Scroll down to view text


















-------------------------------------------------------
This work is copyrighted to the author © 2015. Please
do not remove the author information nor make any 
changes to this story. All rights reserved. Thank you 
for your consideration.
-------------------------------------------------------

Saving Grace
by Golfir (golfirlathuli@gmail.com)

***

A Week in the Life of a sociopath. This story is in the 
nature of a "Romance" between a younger male and an 
older female. (MF, MILF, rom)

***

Author's Note: If you want something 'hot' from the 
outset this is probably not for you. This is essentially 
a 'romance'. 

The basis of this story is the notion that we can be 
redeemed through love. I was motivated to use a shorter 
form after reading the story 'Home is Where the Heart 
Is' by lovecraft68, which I'd recommend. My use of 
'Jamie' as the protagonist is a nod in that direction – 
although my Jamie isn't nearly so nice.

'Love; it is as a chain to a felon or as water to a 
seed. Some it binds, to remain only what they are. 
Others it frees, to become only what they are.'

***

My name's Jamie. Jamie Jensen. Not James, JJ or anything 
else... just Jamie. This is my story. 

I was born with a bit missing. No, not that you 
dumbasses! Empathy - the ability to really relate to 
others. That's supposed to make me a psychopath. You 
know, a Jonathon Lecter - Silence of the Lambs, Dexter 
kind of person.

Well it didn't. Not completely anyway. According to the 
literature, especially DSM – IV TR, the diagnostic bible 
of mental disorders, I have an antisocial personality 
disorder but not too bad. I'm a socialised psychopath. 
That's good, I suppose. I was always precocious – or so 
I was told, physically, mentally, socially but certainly 
not emotionally. I always felt different; that's the way 
it's seemed to me. People always puzzled me and seemed a 
bit like big, incomprehensible insects but I could play 
their games.

If you want to experience for a while what I've felt 
about other people all my life, you can do this. Get on 
a bus or a train, preferably with only a few people on 
it, on a warm afternoon. Relax and close your eyes for a 
while and let the movement lull you for ten minutes or 
more. Then slowly open your eyes and look at the people 
around you. Seem unreal, like aliens do they? Does the 
world seem remote somehow? Do you feel oddly calm, 
emotionless, like an automaton? Derealisation and 
depersonalisation – my constant companions.

And no, no history of trauma or abuse. No terrible soul 
scarring experiences. I am an only child from an upper-
middle class family with two normal parents, both of 
whom still seem to love each other and me. Pretty much I 
was a happy sociopath if there is such a thing. 

As background, I'm 188cm tall, (6 foot 2 in the old 
money) and relatively slim and fit without having to do 
a lot of exercise, thanks Dad. Women have told me that 
my best features are my dark brown, (sometimes black), 
eyes and my body. Oh - I so yearn to be appreciated for 
my fine mind and the sensibility of my soul!

I was twenty four years old doing my half-time final 
placement to register as a clinical psychologist. Yeah, 
I know - the irony. And yet, it really suited me. I 
couldn't understand humans at a natural, experiential 
level so I was doing it academically and clinically and 
it seemed to be working. I was good at it and it gave me 
a bit of camouflage. After all, psychologists are right 
up there with psychiatrists; regarded as a bit strange.

Here's the weird thing. My clinical supervisor, 
Madeleine, who operated a private service for abused and 
traumatised people, was just like me. We'd had long 
professional and not so professional discussions and 
gradually discovered this about each other. Originally 
we just went out for drinks after work which became 
dinners and even the odd dinner with my family where she 
impressed my parents mightily. Finally it became bed. 
Although she was twelve years older than me we'd become 
'lovers' – or whatever it should have been called since 
neither of us believed we could love.

Madeleine had taught and coached me in some things that 
weren't part of any academic curriculum. She had also 
arranged for me to seduce some of her friends for her 
own purposes – always with strict instructions for me 
about how, where, when and what but never 'why'. She 
always had her agenda and her own way of deciding who 
deserved what. She seemed to revel in manipulating and 
controlling those things known as people around her 
without them being aware of it. I suppose, to an extent, 
I was one of those things, although a willing one. A 
frequent comment from her was, "No punishments or 
rewards in life, only behaviour and consequences."

***

FRIDAY

We were having dinner at Madeleine's place, which I'd 
cooked of course since she refused to do anything so 
mundane, when she raised the topic over dessert. 

"I've got a friend you should meet. Maybe take her out 
to dinner. I've told her about you – a bit anyway. Her 
name's Grace. She's a librarian at the university. She's 
about my age."

"What, another real old bitch to seduce then? Owww!" I 
gasped as she punched me hard in the chest. "Why do you 
always hit me?"

"I don't 'always' hit you, only when you deserve it," 
was her retort.

I pursed my lips and furrowed my brow as I tried to 
think of an appropriate response. Eventually, "As a 
psychologist I thought you'd be intellectually evolved 
enough not to be violent."

She had her often smug look as she said, "Violence 
works. Study your history. People bang on a lot about 
achieving things through non-violent means but research 
clearly demonstrates that in recorded history, groups 
using violence achieved their goals more often."

I shook my head. "You awe me. You can rationalise 
anything. Anyway, a librarian needing my special charms 
– how clichιd. I suppose she wears horn-rimmed glasses, 
tweed, thick stockings, clunky shoes and always has her 
hair up?"

Madeleine snorted and indicated with an inclination of 
her head. "That's a photo of her there, from when we 
were at university."

I walked over to the sideboard and picked it up. I'd 
never really paid attention to it before. It was quite 
large with an obviously expensive, solid silver frame. 
The black and white photo it contained showed two women, 
a younger Madeleine looking at the camera with her 
trademark seductive smile and a slightly taller, slimmer 
young woman seeming to gaze off into the distance 
distractedly. She was dressed in pants and a blouse, 
unlike Maddie's more casual jeans and t-shirt and she 
had an altogether more 'formal' look. She was certainly 
not unattractive with a handsome, rather than beautiful 
face, high cheekbones, sharp features and an unsmiling 
mouth a trifle too wide for complete symmetry but 
suggesting a passionate bent. Her hair was cut 
relatively short in a bob which didn't really seem to 
suit her somehow. 

I could imagine her fifteen years older, especially as a 
librarian and my joking comment when I'd said 'tweed... 
clunky shoes... always has her hair up,' could well 
prove to be true now.

Madeleine came up behind me, took the photo and placed 
it carefully back on the sideboard. "Listen to me. 
You're not to get her enamoured of you and then split, 
okay? Grace is a good friend and I'd like her to feel a 
little more confident about herself, that's all. Just 
dinner and dancing somewhere – she was always a great 
dancer, I envied her that. And she's smart, genuinely 
smart, so no condescension, she'll detect it." Maddie 
stroked my cheek – very unusual. "Here's her work and 
mobile number," she said, looking very serious and 
handing me a slip of paper. "She's expecting your call. 
I think she'll impress you actually."

"Don't call me Ashley," I said, trying to lighten the 
mood. This wasn't how Madeleine usually gave me my 
'missions' and I wondered just how many ulterior motives 
she had. It made me apprehensive.

***

Later that afternoon I was feeling a little nervous as I 
dialled the number, probably because Madeleine had acted 
differently about this woman. The call was answered 
immediately by a pleasant but professional sounding 
female voice, "Good morning, Art History Collection, 
Grace Duffield. How may I help you?"

I put on my most affable tone, "Hi Grace. It's Jamie. 
Madeleine gave me your number. I was hoping we could 
meet for coffee or better yet, a meal."

There was an extended pause. "Oh... yes... Madeleine 
said something about ... Jamie... yes..." Then another 
long interlude of silence. God! This was painful!

I continued undaunted, (well, truly a little daunted), 
"Is there somewhere you could suggest Grace?" (Seduction 
Rule 3 - let her choose the initial meeting place so 
she'll feel more comfortable).

Again, silence on the line for what seemed like ages. I 
struggled not to fill it and held myself back. "Well I 
went to a nice place for a staff thing with the women 
from work a while back – near the University. It's 
called the 'Dinner Club'. The food was good... and they 
have a dance floor."

"Okay, that sounds perfect Grace. I'll book if you like. 
Will seven tomorrow night be okay?"

"Mmmm... yes... that's fine," she said in a tone that 
indicated it wasn't really fine at all. 

"Shall I pick you up?"

"No. I'll stay back and walk from work. It's not far."

I used my most pleasant and enthusiastic voice. "Great! 
I'm looking forward to it, (you liar Jamie). The name'll 
be Jensen. See you about seven, Grace." 

We finished with me mouthing pleasantries and I hung up 
shaking my head. I hoped Madeleine would appreciate the 
effort I'd put in.

***

SATURDAY

I was a bit unsure if the young-looking, attractive 
woman being escorted to my table was Grace until she was 
very close. She looked a little bewildered as they 
arrived and started to say to the hostess, "No. I think 
there's some... "

 I stood and interrupted her before she said something 
that she'd feel embarrassed about later. "Grace? Hi, I'm 
Jamie." She looked like a doe caught in car headlights. 

The hostess left behind a Grace that seemed almost 
shocked, not just surprised and I think that's probably 
why she spoke truthfully if not all that tactfully, 
"Jamie? Hi... I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting... it's just 
that you're so much younger than I thought you'd be. 
Sorry, I didn't mean... " Well, couldn't save her from 
that one.

I thought I should try and rescue her though. "Well, I 
could say the same about you. The photograph Madeleine 
showed me of you two certainly didn't do you justice," I 
said and it was absolutely true. I know it's overused – 
'she took my breath away' but it was hard to believe 
this beautiful, feminine creature was the same woman in 
the photo, yet around fifteen years older. 

The planes of her face were softer; more appealing in 
some way and the black and white photo had failed to 
convey that her large eyes, green and shining, really 
were breathtaking. Her slightly tousled titian tresses 
tumbled over her shoulders attractively and her simple A 
– line dress of silver and blue, not too short or tight 
but elegant on her tall, not quite so slim frame, hinted 
at some voluptuous treasures within. I shook my head and 
took a deep breath to settle myself.

Grace's hesitant smile was sweet as I pulled out her 
chair. "Please, sit Grace. What would you like to 
drink?" She sat and I resumed my seat. God! It almost 
looked like she was trembling.

The waitress was approaching and Grace seemed at a loss, 
"Ummm..." she managed twice.

"Here, have a sip of this and see if you like it." 
(Seduction Rule 11 - establish a bond). It was a first 
foray, a suggestion of intimacy without being 
threatening - unless she was a germ freak. 

Grace almost dropped the glass. She was trembling! She 
bravely took a small sip, obviously prepared for 
something unpleasant. The smile she had after she 
swallowed it made me feel kind of funny. Odd.

"Oh, that tastes lovely and so is the colour. I'll have 
that, what is it?" 

The waitress had by that time appeared and I said, "Two 
Vanilla Galliano and tonics with a little lime juice 
thanks."

She sat with her eyes downcast and I felt that one 
sudden move from me and she'd bolt for the door. I 
thought I'd better do something before she came up with 
some reason to leave. I gently placed my hands on hers 
and thankfully, she didn't jerk them away as I softly 
said, "Grace, please relax. We're going to have dinner 
and that's it."

She exhaled a long breath. Obviously she was pretty 
stressed and probably ambivalent about our meeting. I 
continued, my voice as low and unthreatening as 
possible, "I'll drive you home, walk you to your door 
and if I'm lucky I'll get a kiss. Okay? No expectations, 
no pressure – tonight's what you want it to be."

She looked genuinely relieved. "Thank you. I wasn't sure 
what Madeleine had said about me. I'm sorry if you 
thought..."

"It's OK, Grace. Dinner and a dance if you can cope with 
my two left feet, alright? You don't have to do 
anything. We're both just here to have a nice evening 
and get to know each other."

Grace looked relieved and actually looked directly at me 
as she smiled, "Thank you. That would be nice." 

"Good, can we start again?"

She was able to laugh, even if it was a little shaky and 
her, "Yes, I'd like that," sounded a little more 
relaxed.

We made small talk – well I asked questions and she 
answered. Although getting her to talk felt a bit like 
pulling teeth. I asked her advice about the food and we 
settled on our entrees and mains, deciding to leave 
dessert for later. (Seduction Rule 17: Don't order 
anything that requires fingers to eat or is sloppy and 
definitely no salads – you'll always end up with 
something green in your teeth).

"Would you like some wine, Grace?" Hoping she'd say yes 
and maybe relax a little under its influence.

"Yes that would be nice. Would you pick? I haven't had 
wine for ages." (Thank the Gods).

"Of course Grace. Maybe a young New Zealand Sauvignon 
Blanc?"

She smiled and nodded. "That sounds lovely Jamie."

I made small talk amidst the silences until our first 
courses arrived.

After our entrees Grace nodded enthusiastically and 
smiled broadly when I asked her to dance and I couldn't 
help enquiring, "What's that big smile for?"

The smile didn't diminish as she said "I love to dance 
and it's been so long. Thank you Jamie."

As we walked toward the small wooden dance floor Grace 
suddenly looked stricken. "Oh God! I don't believe it. 
There's my boss with her cronies," she said with an 
inclination of her head, to a nearby table where three 
women sat.

"Grace? Grace is that you?" came loudly from a plump 
woman with makeup trowelled on and a very low-cut dress 
- 'mutton dressed up as lamb,' my mother would have 
said. Their table was covered with empty glasses rather 
than plates and they obviously hadn't come here for the 
food.

"Oh. Hi," Grace said without enthusiasm and introduced 
me seemingly reluctantly, "Dianne, Jennifer, Susan, this 
is Jamie."

"Hi!" I put on my bright and friendly mask. "I can see 
Grace only associates with other beautiful women," I 
said. Yeah, I was laying it on thick but what the hell; 
it didn't cost me anything to flatter her boss and 
workmates.

Dianne, the mutton dressed as lamb, was obviously 
holding court and took the lead in an interrogation. 
"So, is this your boyfriend then?" she demanded with a 
nasty smile.

"Uh, no, not my boyfriend," Grace said hesitantly. I 
looked at her. She seemed to have withdrawn into herself 
in front of this Alpha bitch, almost cringing.

With a triumphant look at the other women Dianne said, 
"I thought not. A relative then?"

Grace looked lost and my anger blossomed at the way she 
was being treated. Time to let the sociopath out, I 
thought. I laughed, "Oh no, not a relative." I put my 
arm around Grace, pulled her into me, which felt really 
good by the way, and with a wry grin said, "As my pretty 
girl knows, I'd give anything to be her boyfriend but 
sadly... she's just using me for sex. Oh well, I can 
hope."

I almost burst out laughing at the sudden, stunned 
silence, broken only, in my head anyway, by three jaws 
simultaneously hitting the floor; four if you counted 
Grace's.

"Nice to meet you, ladies," I said and couldn't resist 
adding in a voice that carried to the three crones as I 
pulled Grace toward the dance floor, "Come on beautiful, 
let's do some vertical dancing for a change." As we 
reached the floor and I gently placed my hand on her 
back and started to move in time with the music, Grace 
looked caught between shock and anger.

Staring at me intently she spluttered, "My God! How 
could you say that? What will they think? How can I go 
into work on Monday?"

I stopped dancing. I placed my hands on her shoulders 
and looked directly into her eyes which had a very 
attractive fire in them I hadn't seen before. "Do you 
really care what those harpies think Grace?" I said 
forcefully. "And as for work on Monday, just stand tall, 
with your head back and put on a secret smile – like you 
know something they don't." I lowered my voice a little 
and we resumed our dance. "Actually, I think you'll be 
surprised. They might show you a bit more respect, 
especially that prime bitch Dianne."

Suddenly she laughed. It was a full yet throaty sound 
and kind of sexy. "I can't believe you said that." 

I laughed a little too. "Sorry, I really couldn't help 
myself and you must admit, it did shut them up."

"I thought Dianne was going to pee her pants. You're 
wicked," she said smacking me lightly on the shoulder. 
Women just seem to want to hit me.

Dancing with Grace was a delight. She was as excellent a 
dancer as Maddie had said, so light in my arms and on 
her feet. We just seemed to fit and the occasional touch 
of her hip against me was very arousing. She smelt 
awfully good too – Guerlain, Mitsuko, if I wasn't 
mistaken and I wasn't. As part of my education Madeleine 
had exposed me to a lot of very nice smells. Whoa! Calm 
down boy, I said to myself. I started counting by forty-
threes so I wouldn't show my excited state too much. 
(Seduction Rule 19 – Do not rub an erection, full or 
partial up against a woman you've just met – unless 
you've paid for the privilege.)

After some time in my own little cosmos with Grace I 
heard a soft, "Mmmm," in my ear and Grace intoned, "We 
should probably go back to our table. It looks like our 
mains are there."

"Oh, Okay. I hadn't noticed," I said, a bit flustered. 
Normally it was something I would have been paying 
attention to and smoothly disengaged and led my partner 
to the table. I thought I heard a small giggle from 
Grace.

***

Grace seemed a little more relaxed as we ate our main 
courses and we almost had a conversation. I started 
with, "So, you went to uni with Madeleine?"

Grace gave me a condensed history of her time at uni and 
Madeleine's role in helping a sheltered, naive girl from 
a small town 'open up to the possibilities of life.' It 
was Madeleine who encouraged her to go on and do her 
Masters and although not saying so explicitly, she was 
also there when Grace had some 'personal problems.'

Finally she asked me about my taste in art and I had to 
admit, "I'm afraid my art appreciation ended with the 
Pre-Raphaelites, Grace."

Her eyes opened a little wider, "Truly? Then you're 
missing so much,"

"Well I'm not really a visual creature. What am I 
missing Grace?"

As she gave me a synopsis of the development of modern 
art she was voluble, passionate, articulate and once 
again, entrancing. She went on to describe her PhD in 
Art History topic and research. Although some of the 
language was a mystery to me, her excitement was 
infectious and I couldn't help but smile.

She finished by saying she had moved here only a couple 
of months ago as a Subject Librarian in the Visual Arts 
Department of the Uni Library so she could earn an 
income and do some more research for her PhD.

We danced again and I became a little more adventurous 
with my moves and Grace responded perfectly. Madeleine 
was right; she could really dance and seemed an 
altogether different person on the dance floor.

As the music ended I moved with Grace into a slight 
'dip' and held her there for a few seconds, staring into 
her eyes and making sure we were in direct line of sight 
to her boss's table. As we lifted, Grace shook her hair, 
looked at me slyly and said, "Liar."

"What?" I asked, all innocence, as we walked back to our 
table hand in hand.

"So much for 'two left feet,' you liar," she teased.

"Hey Grace, it's because of you, not me. You'd make 
anyone look good," I responded. For some reason I was 
pleased that she didn't feel the need to deny it.

***

As we had our dessert Grace actually took the initiative 
in the conversation. When reading the menu I'd explained 
to her what 'pot au feu' was and made reference to the 
Vietnamese 'pho,' one of my favourites which may have 
been related.

"So you can cook?" she asked, looking a little 
incredulous.

"Yes. Nothing too fancy. As a student, like most, I 
lived on fast food and alcohol so when I got my own 
place I took some cooking lessons, mainly Asian - good 
enough for me."

I could see Grace was trying hard to say something, then 
it finally came out, "Perhaps one day you could cook for 
me?" then she took a quick sip of her drink. Wow! It 
looked like it was so hard for her to say that. She 
really was timid but also obviously working mightily 
against it.

"That would be nice – perhaps breakfast. I'm really good 
at breakfasts, Grace," I said with a small smirk.

I could see her almost choke on her tokay and she 
visibly flushed, probably at the imagined circumstances 
in which we'd be having breakfast together.

I couldn't help but give a little snort at her reaction. 
"I'm sorry Grace. I'm only teasing. I can't help myself. 
You blush so prettily."

Although her face was downcast looking into her liqueur 
I could see a smile spreading. When she raised her eyes 
to me they had the same soft glow as the pearls at her 
throat and I felt a shiver go through me. Her mouth, 
generous and with that slight overbite, lips red and 
full of promise, captivated me. The rest came without 
conscious thought as I shook my head slightly. "You've 
got a beautiful smile too Grace. I think a man would do 
just about anything to see that smile." (Seduction Rule 
– Fuck the rules!). The strange thing was it wasn't a 
line; I meant every word and I think she knew it. 

Grace looked down again but her smile didn't falter. 
"Thank you," she almost whispered then raised her head 
and looked at me more directly and confidently. She 
didn't seem so timid or indecisive now. "I can't 
remember the last time I've had so many compliments. I 
think I like it."

I couldn't stop myself. "Well Grace, I'll tell you 
something that few men and even fewer women know, if you 
like?"

"Please," she said.

"Okay, but first a question. Who are the most beautiful 
women in the world?"

"Victoria's Secret lingerie models?" she said, with 
those amazing eyes looking amused.

I couldn't help but laugh. "That's what I'd expect most 
guys to say." I looked into those incredible orbs, lost 
for a moment and finally continued more slowly and 
seriously, "No, Grace. The most beautiful women in the 
world... are those who don't even know they are." There 
was no doubt for either of us that I meant her.

Grace held my eyes for a few long moments and bit her 
lip then shook her head slightly and breathed, "Phewww. 
I think I'll just go and freshen up. Won't be long."

What was going on here? Shit! I'd overdone it – I'd told 
the truth and probably scared her off. But I was 
enjoying myself and although I felt a powerful 
attraction to Grace I wasn't using my usual strategies 
to get a woman into bed. The words just came out by 
themselves. I was actually enjoying her company and 
felt, what? I don't know. A little relieved maybe that I 
didn't have to try and get her into bed and give a 
performance that would knock her socks off but nervous 
as hell at the same time. Take some deep breaths you 
idiot, you're never nervous around women.

I shook my head, hoping to clear it from this confusing 
whirl of thoughts and walked to the bar and quickly paid 
for our meal.

Grace returned and I held out my hand, "Ready to go?"

She looked a little surprised as she said, "What about 
the bill?"

"That's sorted," I said, "Let's go."

"I thought I... that is, I..." then she shook her head 
and smiled at me and took my hand.

What was going on? What did she think? Then it struck me 
– she thought she'd be paying for dinner. What had 
Madeleine told her? First, that, 'so young' comment and 
now this. Did she think she was buying a man for the 
night – the whole night? No, that didn't make sense; she 
was too timorous for that. Well then she probably 
thought she was paying for dinner for herself and her 
'escort'. Madeleine was going to get a stern 
interrogation later.

We strolled hand in hand to my car and I must admit the 
night was beautiful. We both seemed content to just 
walk.

A Bach cantata was playing softly in the background as 
we drove. During my time with Madeleine she'd weaned me 
off grunge and old heavy metal and helped me appreciate 
some other styles, although I couldn't tolerate most 
opera.

Grace seemed much more relaxed, probably more than I 
was. I had this intense desire to lay my hand on her 
thigh and stroke the smooth sheen of her stockings and 
those beautiful legs, or just hold her hand again. Focus 
on the road and the conversation you idiot! She won't be 
too impressed if you smash into something.

Grace enquired, "So tell me Jamie, how do you know 
Madeleine?" with an inflection that didn't seem quite 
right somehow. Obviously Maddie hadn't told her too much 
about us and Grace's tone was questing in some way.

I thought I'd tell a half-truth – not really a lie, just 
an omission. "I'm finishing off my Clin Psych degree 
Grace. Madeleine's my supervisor for my last clinical 
placement and I'd like to think, a friend too."

I glanced sideways. Grace's face seemed to run through a 
gamut of emotions, settling finally on what looked like 
a self-satisfied smile. Obviously Madeleine hadn't told 
her about this.

"Oooh. That's really interesting. You look too..." Her 
voice trailed off and she blushed.

"It's alright Grace, I know. You look too young Jamie."

Grace giggled. "Oh well Jamie, I suppose I should admit, 
I only open my mouth to change feet."

I laughed then too. "Another of your endearing traits, 
Grace. Right up there with the blushing." Again, that 
earned me a smack, this time on the hand but it was a 
mild reproof and ended in a lingering touch which gave 
me shivers.

We discussed what we'd be doing for the rest of the 
weekend as Grace left her hand on mine and too soon we 
were pulling up at her place. I opened the door for her 
and we walked the few steps to the entry of her ground 
floor apartment holding hands.

As we turned toward each other, I said, probably with a 
'goofy' smile if it reflected the way I felt, "Thank you 
Grace. I had a great night."

"Me too. It's been ages since I've been out and even 
longer since I've danced." Then with a wry smile she 
added, "Even if they'll think I'm a scarlet woman at 
work."

I was feeling a little remorseful for that. "I'm sorry 
Grace, I..."

Grace put her fingers on my lips to silence me and 
added, "Just teasing. As you said, maybe they'll think a 
bit more of me now".

That touch, such a small but intimate gesture, put me in 
turmoil and I was lost for words for a minute. This 
wasn't me! What was going on? Finally I was able to 
continue, "Speaking of that, I wonder... Umm... would it 
be alright for me to ring you Monday night. You know, 
after work... just to see if everyth... " God, you 
idiot. You sound like a retard!

"Yes," said Grace, "That would be nice. Do you need my 
number."

"No, Madeleine gave me your work and mobile," I said, 
feeling relieved that she'd said 'Yes' for some reason. 
I saw Grace take a deep breath and I thought how bold 
she'd become in such a short time when she said, "Well, 
how about that kiss you mentioned?"

I felt a little tentative almost as though our roles had 
been reversed. Eventually our lips met and for me it was 
like magic. Much like when we were dancing, we just 
seemed to fit. Our lips touched then fled then retouched 
in some sweet, unconscious dance. I was whirled away to 
a place beyond time and thought. 

It was delightful and I didn't want it to end. When it 
did, I stroked the line of her jaw with the back of my 
hand. Her fingers encircled my wrist and pressed my palm 
against her cheek for some time, eyes closed, before 
releasing it and seeking my eyes again. Shit, she was so 
sweet but so hot – and so was I. I needed to step back 
and take a deep breath. I remembered Madeleine's 
injunction, fortunately or unfortunately, "Just dinner 
and dancing," and was able to spit out a, "Goodnight 
Grace" before I ravished her right there.

I backed away from her, unable to break our shared gaze 
and her soft, "Goodnight Jamie," was terminated by 
giggles as my back hit my car. Yes, it was official – I 
was a retard.

Driving back to Madeleine's which we'd agreed I'd do – 
probably to make sure I didn't stay the night with 
Grace, I tried to understand the chaos that seemed to be 
going on in my body. And my head.

I knew that if I'd said one word instead of 'Goodnight,' 
Grace would have invited me in and from there it would 
have been an easy conquest and probably pretty enjoyable 
but for some reason I felt good that I hadn't... 
confusing!

***

SATURDAY

Madeleine and I slept in late. As I wandered into the 
lounge with St. Saens echoing in the background, she was 
dressed in an old robe, towelling her hair when the 
phone rang.

"So what did you think? ... Really? ... I'm glad. And he 
said he'd ring Monday night. That's great Grace." 
 
Madeleine looked over at me and put her finger to her 
lips. "Listen, I'm drying my hair, I'll put you on 
speakerphone. Hold on a sec." She moved to turn down the 
music then sat at the table and touched the phone, 
"How's that?"

Grace related our "date" at some length then made 
reference to me paying and how she'd been "confused" by 
it. She said, "I wasn't sure what was going on... I 
thought I was supposed to pay because... you know... 
you'd arranged him for me... " her voice trailed off 
uncertainly.

"Grace! You thought he was an escort I'd set up? That's 
priceless. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Grace sounded both embarrassed and petulant. "Well you 
said he was experienced and a professional and he looked 
so young. I just thought..." 

Madeleine laughed loudly. "Good God, woman! I meant his 
job Grace – he's finishing his Clinical Psychology 
supervision with me."

"I know that now."

"He'd be good for you Grace and I know he likes you."

"How do you know?" Grace sounded enthralled. 

"Well, I've already spoken to him," Madeleine said - not 
a lie at least, although a lot of our conversation had 
taken place in bed which she didn't mention.

"What did he say? Come on!" Grace sounded like a little 
girl imploring her mother for a treat.

Maddie looked over at me and smiled. "Alright, calm 
down. I don't think I'm breaking a confidence." I could 
see her looking upwards, trying to recall exactly what 
I'd said earlier. She continued, "He said, and I quote, 
'Jeez Madeleine, what a stunner! Why isn't she with 
someone? Beautiful, intelligent and...' Hmmmm... I think 
I should end it there – the rest would be breaking a 
confidence." She turned toward me and stifled a giggle.

"Oh, Madeleine, you bitch. Come on, you can't leave me 
hanging like this."

Madeleine paused for a while, no doubt to increase 
Grace's tension, before she continued, "Well let's just 
say he was also physically enamoured of you, especially 
your eyes and your smile but also your other bits and 
expressed it in fairly basic terms."

"He said that? That he liked me, that he'd like to... 
you know, be with me like that? That he found me?"

Looking at me shrewdly, Maddie cut Grace's meanderings 
short, "Yes Grace, from the way he was talking I'm sure 
he'd love to fuck your brains out."

I stifled a laugh. Typical Madeleine, a wide-bladed 
digging implement was always 'a fucking shovel.'

"Oh God, what should I do Madeleine?" came mournfully 
from Grace.

"I don't know. Do you want him to fuck your brains out?"

There was silence on the line for a while, then, "Yes," 
Grace finally said in a small voice.

"Yes what?" demanded Madeleine.

"I can't say that." I could hear the shock in Grace's 
voice.

"Okay, no problem, can't help you then," Maddie 
responded smugly.

I could almost hear Grace's mental struggles in the 
quiet that followed. Suddenly she blurted out, "Yes! 
Yes, I want him to fuck my brains out. There I've said 
it."

Madeleine had a self-satisfied smile as she said, 
"Wasn't so hard was it?"

"It's not just that Madeleine. He seemed so young when I 
first saw him but I've never met anyone like him. He 
makes me feel like, like... I don't know, he just makes 
me feel. Does that make any sense?"

"More than you know girl. Anyway don't be too eager. I'm 
sure he'll ring Monday night like you said and ask you 
out again." I nodded my head enthusiastically.

"But what if he doesn't?" was Grace's plaintive 
response.

"Grace, trust me on this, he will. So anyway, pretty 
hunky isn't he? Did he give you a 'wide on' and did the 
'honey pot' get a stir when you got home?"

You could hear the mock outrage in Grace's voice. 
"Madeleine! You're disgusting! That's it, I'm hanging 
up." This was followed by a girlish giggle then, "Yes... 
and yes... twice," before the phone went dead.

Madeleine laughed, then looked at me suddenly serious. 
"Listen to me and I mean this. If I could really love 
anyone I'd love Grace. We've helped each other through 
bad times and I thought it would be good for her to have 
a bit of excitement in her life. She's so constricted 
but she has so much to give. I don't want her hurt 
anymore, promise me!"

I temporised, trying not to answer and reveal my real 
fears. "Hold on Maddie, I thought you said I was just 
supposed to have dinner and a dance – make her feel a 
bit more confident. Now it sounds like you're trying to 
get us in the sack together. What's going on?" I 
demanded, "And why is she like this? What happened?"

The questions seemed to distract Madeleine, fortunately. 
"She's only ever had two men in her life and neither of 
them... they were both bastards and neither of them 
treated her well. If Grace wants to tell you that's fine 
but I'm not saying anything more." She paused and looked 
down at the floor seeming to go somewhere else. After a 
time she continued, "Grace only moved back here a couple 
of months ago. The Grace you see isn't the same Grace I 
knew when we were at uni together. 

"I'd like the old Grace back and I thought you'd be good 
for her. You've got a way of making a woman feel like 
she's the centre of the universe, due to my tutelage of 
course." Her head lifted and her eyes locked with mine. 
"Grace needs that. Maybe she needs some physical love as 
well and I know you're good at that. But if you hurt her 
I swear, I'll cut your fucking balls off and stuff them 
down your throat. Promise me!"

I tried to placate her and at the same time give voice 
to my discomfort and explain it to myself. "Look Maddie, 
I'm not sure how to say this. She's shaken me up. I 
know, I know, hard to believe with the super psychopath 
but... I don't know. I'm nervous around her, yet I want 
to be around her. A couple of times I was tongue-tied, 
at a loss. Other times I said stuff without even 
thinking about it –true stuff. I'm never like that with 
a woman. It was so hard for me to walk away from her 
last night but it felt so right after that sweet kiss."

Madeleine's face softened. More quietly she responded, 
"Do you think I don't know? You've spoken of almost 
nothing but Grace since you got here. If I was a normal 
woman I'd be jealous. I think maybe my super-psycho's a 
little smitten, no? Well, like I said, don't hurt her."

My brain was still racing as I fought to understand my 
disquiet and put it into words. "Maddie, you're one of 
the few people I respect, maybe the only one. If I was 
different, if you were different, maybe... anyway 
Maddie, I'm not sure I can keep that promise. I don't 
know why but I think someone's going to get hurt here. 
Strangely, I hope it's me. But that's not possible is 
it? Shit! This isn't coming out right."

Madeleine moved toward me then sat on my lap and put her 
arms around me. She clasped my chin and stared intently 
into my eyes. "Just shut up. Stop over-thinking things. 
You're as bad as Grace. Just promise me you'll do your 
best not to hurt her, that's all I'm asking. I know 
there's a risk, maybe for both of you but I think it's 
worth it, don't you?"

She was right. What the hell! I'd never felt like this 
before but something about it felt right and good. I 
nodded and said, "I promise Maddie." The kiss she gave 
me was almost tender and I held her and gently rocked 
her as she put her head on my shoulder. Softly I said, 
"Thank you Maddie. You're a pretty special woman."

"Yeah, well it's taken you long enough to tell me that 
and actually mean it," she said archly.

"I've got so many things to thank you for... Ow!" She'd 
punched me on the shoulder.

"Shut up!" she hissed. "You're not doing your rep as a 
psychopath any good and I hate wimps. Come on, let's 
fuck!" She paused and then with a mocking smile said, 
"I'll even let you call me Grace." 

I laughed as I lifted out of the chair and carried her 
to the bedroom. "Oooooo. Low blow woman! You're going to 
pay for that one." We were both back to our normal 
selves... weren't we?

***

MONDAY

"And... I don't know if I can say this but the little 
smile I put on, like you suggested, had its effect," 
said Grace.

"What happened?" I asked, cradling the phone with my 
shoulder as I lay back on my lounge.

"Jennifer showed up at my door with Susan and announced 
it was break time. Then Susan made me coffee – made ME 
coffee - I thought the world had gone mad. They pumped 
me about you but I deflected most of it."

"Wise," I said, "adds to the mystery and allure."

"I thought so. Then... I don't know if I can say it."

"Come on Grace, don't tease."

"Okay. Well," I could hear Grace take in a deep breath 
before she continued in a rush, "Jennifer said, 'Well 
Grace, you're a dark horse aren't you. I didn't know you 
had it in you.' And Susan added, she added... 'From the 
look of that smile I think she's had it in her lots of 
times.' Oh God, I can't believe I got that out."

I laughed heartily. "That's priceless Grace. I hate to 
say I told you so but... "

"But that's not the best bit though." She seemed eager 
to go on.

"Tell me."

"Well... I still can't believe it... Dianne came in and 
asked me to do something – she ASKED me! Can you imagine 
that? She was hesitant, almost apologetic and I thought, 
'Yes that's it. The world has gone mad.' Can you imagine 
Jamie?"

I couldn't help but chuckle a little. "I'm glad for you 
Grace. A small acknowledgement of what you truly 
deserve. The way you deserve to be treated."

"You really believe that don't you Jamie," she said 
quietly.

"Yes Grace." Oh God. I was doing it again, telling the 
truth without even thinking. Why was I like this with 
her? Why was I so nervous? This was ridiculous. I give 
great phone. To fill the void I started talking. "So... 
Grace... I was wondering if... that is..."

"Yes."

"I mean, I'm not trying to be pushy, just if you're 
free..."

"Yes!"

"I thought maybe..."

"God Jamie! Can't you take 'Yes' for an answer? I'd love 
to go out with you again."

"Oh. Okay. Great. I'm free Wednesday and Thursday this 
week if that's any good... unless you'd like to wait... 
you know..."

Thankfully Grace saved me from any more inanities, 
"Wednesday would be fine for me. I'm off then."

"What would you like to do Grace?"

"No, no fair. I picked the restaurant. Your turn."

"Well Grace, I've been thinking about what you said and 
I wondered... if you'd maybe give me a personally guided 
tour of the Museum of Modern Art? Educate me."

"Really? You mean it?" Grace sounded like an excited 
little girl. It made me smile. "I'd love to. There are 
some really fine examples of modernist and post-
modernist works." 

We arranged to meet mid-morning at the museum. I hung up 
feeling elated.

***

TUESDAY

I seemed to be thinking about Grace constantly and 
wishing it was Wednesday. I felt like a little kid the 
night before Christmas – it seemed to take forever.

***

WEDNESDAY

Grace led me through the gallery. We went from the 
impressionists to the minimalists with detours through 
the surrealists and pop art in their historical order. 
Grace expounded on each artist and their contribution, 
explaining the works. She was brilliant; voluble, 
entertaining and animated, describing and peppering each 
period and artist with revealing anecdotes. She was a 
different person when she was talking about something 
that obviously ignited her passion.

I couldn't help asking, "Have you ever thought of doing 
this with groups Grace? You're so good at it. Or 
lecturing?"

She looked a little "hunted" again as she said, "No. No 
lecturing."

"You'd be great at it I think," I said with enthusiasm.

"No, I couldn't talk in front of people. That's not me."

I couldn't help pointing out, "You have with me Grace."

"That's different!"

"Why?"

"Because it's just you."

"Thanks Grace," I said putting on a pout.

She responded with vehemence. "No! That's not what I 
meant. I mean, I feel comfortable with you and I... I 
like you. You make me feel that I can be myself... safe 
and..." 

"It's OK Grace."

Grace looked quite intense as she said, "No, no it's not 
Jamie. I had reservations, strong reservations about 
meeting you. Anyone. It was only because of Madeleine 
hounding me that I went out with you."

Grace's eyes became unfocussed and she looked pensive, 
almost sad as she continued, "I haven't had any sort of 
relationship for a long time and I was alright with it. 
Well, I thought I was but... things have changed. I'm 
sorry Jamie, you probably think I'm strange. The weird 
old librarian. I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this... I 
know there can't be anything... this can't go 
anywhere... I mean our ages..."

I took both her hands in mine, led her to a reproduction 
baroque settee, sat us down and tried to make a start. 
It was hard for me to say what I felt. It was hard for 
me to know what I felt.

"Grace. I need to say this and it's not easy."

I saw Grace's face tighten as she closed her eyes and 
bit the inside of her lip. Did she think I was going to 
'break up' with her; limit or define our relationship? 

"Grace, it might not show but I'm scared. Things between 
us seemed to have happened so fast but I don't want that 
to stop... it scares me but exhilarates me at the same 
time." I shook my head and stated a simple truth, 
"You're wonderful." Grace opened her eyes and a 
tentative smile started to form. "I know this might 
sound extreme and I don't want to scare you off, okay, 
but I haven't felt like this about anyone, ever. This is 
all new for me. Forgive me Grace, I'm not usually so... 
I don't know." And I didn't.

Grace's smile broadened and her face took on a certain 
'softness,' a vulnerability, before she said, "I don't 
want it to stop either. It is scary but I'm willing 
to... take the risk... see what happens, if you are."

I just nodded then we briefly kissed. "Perhaps we should 
go somewhere, eat – I feel a little woozy. Don't know 
why," I said.

"Yes, I feel a bit the same. We've probably both got low 
blood sugar." We shared an amused look.

"I thought we could go down by the river. I packed a 
picnic basket with some stuff I cooked... "

She laughed. "You've cooked for me! Oh Jamie, that's 
lovely."

"And it's not even breakfast." 

The day was beautiful. Things looked brighter, crisper, 
more real somehow.

We walked hand in hand to the car. I didn't feel the 
need to say anything. I would have been happy to just 
keep walking forever. We found a quiet spot near the 
river and I put down the blanket. Grace was all 'Oooo's' 
and 'Ahhh's' as I opened the cooler bag and brought out 
the Vietnamese cold rolls, bun cha and braised bitter 
melon stuffed with pork I'd made and opened the 
sparkling burgundy. 

We fed each other titbits, kissing briefly between 
bites. 

"Jamie, can I ask you something?" she seemed tentative.

"Of course, Grace. Anything – truly."

"Doesn't my age put you off? I must be ten, fifteen 
years older than you."

"No. You're nothing like I thought you'd be. I couldn't 
believe it when I first saw you at the restaurant. You 
looked so young... and so beautiful... my pretty girl."

She laid her head against my shoulder and took my hands. 
"I love it when you call me your pretty girl. I feel 
like I am. The other night when you said it for the 
first time in front of Dianne and the others... I... I 
don't know. Something inside me seemed to... turnover 
and wake up. I think that's when things started to 
change for me."

We lay back and I cradled Grace's head on my shoulder. 
We were quiet for what seemed a long time but I could 
feel that Grace wanted to say something more.

"It's OK Grace. Say whatever you need to. If you're 
having second thoughts we can talk..."

She rolled over on top of me and looked deeply into my 
eyes. She smiled. For some reason I felt relieved. Then 
she laughed. "No. Nothing like that. I have to catch the 
train to Armidale at six tonight and see my supervisor 
tomorrow. About my PhD research. I thought perhaps we 
could meet for dinner tomorrow evening after I get 
back."

I started to respond but she continued, "Then I want you 
to come back to my place. I think it's time. Maybe I'll 
get breakfast?"

I couldn't help but laugh.

***

THURSDAY

I spent the day trying, (and failing), to concentrate on 
writing up casenotes and doing a bit of research. I'd 
start off okay then find that I'd been thinking about 
Grace and tonight and fifteen or twenty minutes had 
passed. I'd get annoyed at myself for being this 'stuck' 
about a woman and tell myself to concentrate but it was 
like my brain didn't seem to be my own. Pretty soon 
thoughts of Grace would fill my head and I'd feel both 
excited and nervous.

It was a relief when five-thirty came around and I could 
leave the University library and head toward the Dinner 
Club, 'our restaurant'. We'd agreed to meet at six and 
I'd left my car in the uni carpark so we could walk back 
together after our meal and no doubt some dancing.

It was a beautiful afternoon and I was imagining how 
sweet it would be to finally be with Grace completely.

I was brought out of my reverie by someone yelling, 
"Hey, Jamie. You stuck up or something?"

I looked behind me to where a heavily pregnant young 
woman was carefully negotiating the stairs from the 
University Hospital.

"I called out to you three times," she said, "You going 
deaf or what?"

"Sorry, I was miles away," I responded, gave her cheek a 
kiss and said, "Anyway, you're looking sexy as always." 

"Ha! Ha! You're a riot. I feel like a whale about to 
give birth to a watermelon." I took her arm and we 
walked a few paces to a cast iron bench under a plane 
tree where she sat with an "Ooofff..."

"So blossom, when's he or she due?" I asked, gently 
patting her belly.

"He, was due about two months ago from the feel of it. 
Actually in about a week. It looks like Dave will get 
back this Sunday."

"That's great news. We'll have to get together soon," I 
said.

A car beeped, did a u-turn and pulled up near us. 
"Aaaah! Great, that's Chloe. She's giving me a lift 
home."

As I went to kiss her goodbye I felt a hard rap on my 
shoulder and as I turned, what felt like a hammer-blow 
to my cheek brought tears to my eyes and sent me off 
balance and down to the pavement. By the time I'd got 
myself up off of the ground I could see Grace, short 
black dress flying and hair streaming behind her as she 
ran toward the hospital taxi rank.

I yelled but she didn't turn, just flung open the door 
of the front cab and seconds later she was gone.

After briefly and no doubt inadequately apologising to a 
non-plussed Carmen, I ran to my car and drove to 
Grace's. I knocked repeatedly on the door and windows 
with no response. I stood there at a loss for a while. 
All I could do was wait in my car and hope she'd show up 
at some stage. Then it struck me – Madeleine's. She'd go 
there.

I rang, praying that Madeleine would answer. After at 
least a dozen rings while I held my breath it was picked 
up. I started to say Madeleine's name and was cut off by 
yelling that almost blew out my eardrum. 

"You prick! You selfish prick! Do you know what you've 
done to her? Her first boyfriend was an abusive, 
philandering arsehole. Her husband almost destroyed her. 
Not wanting children he said, then leaving her for one 
of his students - his pregnant student! So you've got a 
pregnant girlfriend you... "

I interjected quickly, "Oh shit... Madeleine you've got 
to listen to me. Just let me say one word please, Then 
I'll shut up."

She was almost screaming. "There's nothing you could 
ever say that..."

"Carmen!" I yelled down the phone, "Carmen!"

Madeleine started to yell again then went quiet. I could 
almost hear her brain working.

After what seemed an eternity, "Oh, shit... the Carmen I 
met at your parent's place – your cousin Carmen? Blonde 
and tall and eyebrow-pierced Carmen?"

"Yes! Exactly! You remember Dave? He was going on 
deployment in Afghanistan. She's hoping he'll get back 
before the birth. She was in town for a scan. She's 
almost due..."

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" There was a long pause. "OK, listen. 
I'll talk to her. It may take a while. She's not in any 
state to listen at the moment. Go home. I'll text you 
when I take Grace back to her apartment and I'll meet 
you there.

***

Waiting for Madeleine's text was exquisite torture. 
Finally around 9pm it came.

I drove up, parked behind Madeleine's car on which she 
was leaning and joined her.

"I've explained it to her in my own inimitable way. 
She's calmed down now. Feeling desolate and guilty for 
doubting you and for hitting you. But she'll be okay... 
just go to her."

I was silent for a while thinking about how things were 
so simple before I met Madeleine. And Grace.

Madeleine interjected into the silence, "You're angry."

I exploded. "I don't know what I feel! Since you set me 
up with Grace it's like I'm going crazy sometimes. And 
you! You're like some inscrutable Greek goddess 
dispensing her idea of justice – all I see are 
punishments and rewards Madeleine, not behaviour and 
consequences. Can you blame me Maddie? Me, some tool for 
your purposes. A willing one before, I admit. But 
this... with Grace. Am I not supposed to feel a bit 
resentful, a bit used?"

Madeleine didn't answer for some time, seeming to mull 
my statements over. "That's what you think? Punishments 
and rewards. Really Jamie? Cast your mind back to the 
'punishments and rewards'. Maybe you don't know 
everything. Maybe I shouldn't have kept some things from 
you."

She continued after a long pause. "Giving you 
instructions on what I wanted done with my so-called 
'friends'. Sharon. Cyclically emotionally abused, 
feeling worthless and starting to covertly self-harm. 
Now... now feeling like she's loveable. Worthy of love, 
and in a relationship with someone who actually cares 
about her. Because all she really needed was for someone 
to treat her as desirable and worthwhile – which you 
did. And remember Lindy? Useless and hopeless, her own 
words to me. Confident enough to go back to study so she 
can start her own business now." 

There was silence for a while before she continued 
almost sadly. "Do you want me to go on? My real friends; 
Grace. Grace... and you."

She regarded me coolly. "Yes, feeling things can hurt. 
Like most guys though, you're not getting upset, you're 
getting angry. And you're lashing out at whoever's 
available – displacement, just like a normal person."

I couldn't respond. I was stunned. I hadn't even 
considered this. Madeleine whom I'd thought a sociopath 
just like me – intent only on doing good, on healing 
people? Were all my preconceptions, my beliefs awry?

Before I could clarify my thoughts she continued. "You 
can think I'm a manipulative bitch and even that I have 
delusions of omnipotence if you like." She kissed me 
gently on the cheek then left me in turmoil with her 
last questions, posed quietly before she walked away. 
"Just ask yourself this though Jamie. How damaged were 
you? And are you the same person you were before you met 
Grace, or are you different now?"

My brain was whirling but I had to put my thoughts 
aside. I had to see Grace. Now! 

***

Grace threw open the door seemingly before my descending 
knuckles touched it. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her 
makeup smeared where tears had coursed through it – she 
was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Before she 
could speak I gathered her face in my hands. "Oh Grace. 
My Grace. I thought I'd lost you." I kissed her eyelids, 
then her brow, then her perfect lips.

Our kisses gradually became more intense, more carnal. 
Grace amazed me. God, she had a sexy tongue and she 
really knew how to kiss. It went on and on. I backed her 
up against the wall where she had a little wooden 
footstool. We were really kissing deeply, both stroking 
each other all over. I slowly undid her blouse and she 
surprised me again when she started stroking my hardness 
through my pants. 

I pulled her blouse off her shoulders and put her arms 
behind her back. I'm sure she thought I was going to 
undo the buttons at her cuffs, if she was thinking 
anything, and take it right off. I pulled it down her 
arms then took the ends and tied them around her wrists. 
She pulled her head back a bit, seemed to come back from 
wherever she was and said "What are you doing?"

I must admit I may have smiled a bit leeringly but my 
voice would have been gentle when I said, "Whatever I 
want."

Her eyes went wide and she gave out a small "Ohhh... " 
but she didn't tell me to stop.

I went to my knees in front of her undid the button then 
the zip on her little black skirt and watched it slide 
down and pool at her feet. I pulled the g-string down 
her legs. She had pretty incredible legs, (especially in 
sheer black stockings and two inch heels), then pulled 
it off of her left leg and started twisting it around to 
make into a sort of short rope.

 I slid it back up her right leg until it was behind her 
knee and said, "Lift honey. Spread those beautiful legs 
for me." She moaned as I looped the twisted "g" over the 
doorknob and placed her right foot on that little 
footstool. I stood back and looked at her. So good; arms 
tied behind her, thrusting her chest forward, right leg 
at an angle, the wonderful swoop of her belly to her 
sex, which looked swollen and red. Her breasts hung so 
beautifully with this gorgeous curve at the bottom - so 
ripe. Her nipples were large, hard and erect. I grabbed 
her chin and her eyes opened and she stared into mine.

"I am going to make you feel so good Grace, you'll never 
want me to stop and you'll never want me to let you go." 
I kissed her gently and ran the tip of my tongue around 
the corner of her mouth and began moving my eyelashes up 
and down, touching her cheeks like butterfly wings. 

She moaned and tried to press her forward, murmuring 
"Please, please..." I slid down her body blowing air 
gently between my pursed lips at one nipple then the 
other. 

She moaned some more and I said, "You beautiful thing. I 
bet you could come without me even touching you." I went 
lower and puffed air against her swollen, almost purple 
labia. She pushed herself forward toward my mouth her 
moans rising in intensity. I saw her engorged clit and 
started blowing rhythmically on it. 

Her moans rose again, louder and faster and I must admit 
she shocked me when she started pleading, "Oh please, 
please, chew my clit. Let me cum!"

I just kept blowing. I thought of stopping completely 
and wondered how much she'd beg to be allowed her 
release but I took pity on her and kept up the blowing. 
She began shaking her head from side to side and 
droplets of sweat were being flung from her hair. 

As I kept it up her cries got louder and louder. I 
paused briefly and looked at her – so beautiful, before 
I said, "Cum for me Grace. Cum for me, my pretty girl," 
and resumed her torture. After a few more minutes of 
this she suddenly went silent and started shaking, her 
whole body twitching like someone having a seizure. Her 
head jerked back hitting gently against the wall again 
and again as she quivered, not making any other sound. 

Finally her head drooped forward and she started to 
slump. I caught her with difficulty, unlooped the g-
string from the doorknob and carried her to her bed 
where I lay down next to her and gently stroked and 
kissed her face and neck.

 She was crying so quietly, like a little child and I 
felt something I hadn't felt before and had trouble 
putting a name to. Then I realised. I felt so much 
tenderness toward her it actually hurt. It was a sweet 
kind of pain though with no locus. I undid the blouse 
holding her wrists together then the buttons on the 
cuffs and took it off. I gathered her in my arms and 
rocked her as softly as I could; calling her "my 
beautiful" and "my gorgeous thing" and telling her it 
was alright. 

Eventually her tears stopped and she opened her eyes and 
looked at me. I swear I saw something in them I'd never 
seen before in my life, this wondering look that was 
part pleasure but mostly surprise and something else - 
love?

Hesitantly she started to speak, "I never... I've 
never... I didn't know..." then shook her head and went 
quiet again. I kept on gently stroking her face and 
after a minute she tried again. "Oh God, Jamie... I've 
never felt anything like that before... I've had plenty 
of orgasms but never anything like that. I feel like the 
most desirable woman in the world. How did you know? How 
could you know to do that?"

Her fingers touched my cheek gently, slid behind my neck 
and pulled me to her, giving me a brief, perfect kiss 
then she softly breathed, "Make love to me Jamie."

It was like there was a sudden incandescent explosion in 
my head. My Eureka! moment. Those five simple words. Not 
screw me, shag me, fuck me or a dozen other euphemisms 
but, "Make love to me Jamie." 

My breath hitched in my throat. I couldn't breathe, I 
couldn't think. There was pounding in my chest and my 
head. This incredible creature wanted me to make love to 
her and now I knew I could. I wanted to so much. All I 
could do was nod.

Eventually I stood and undressed, constantly looking at 
my beautiful Grace. Finally naked, I saw her regard me 
openly, running her eyes up and down my body before she 
smiled and stretched out her open arms toward me.

As I joined her, looking down at her, her words echoed 
my only thought as she said, "I want you so much." I 
gently pushed into her warm, tight wetness. "Oh! Oh! Oh 
yes," she moaned as she arched her back and pushed 
herself further onto me. 

I think I moaned, I don't know. I was discontinuous with 
the world. There was only Grace and our need. I don't 
know how long we moved with each other, Grace's soft 
sounds counterpointed by mine. Shivers and jerks of 
electric bliss seemed to be going through both our 
bodies and I'm sure my smile matched Grace's own. Then 
slowly her expression changed to one that was almost 
fierce. She grabbed my hair and with surprising strength 
rolled us over until she was sitting astride me.

She moved up and down on me, occasionally grinding or 
flicking her hips. I lay back. The pleasure I felt was 
indescribable. I was spellbound watching this wild 
woman, an elemental in female guise, make love to me. 
Tears started to flow freely down the sides of my face, 
dampening the pillow and all I could do was hoarsely 
whisper her name, again and again. I was lost, floating, 
outside time and space.

Her voice brought me back as she leaned down toward me 
still moving exquisitely, gazed deep into my eyes and 
between gasps said, "Cum for me Jamie. Cum for your 
pretty girl." I groaned as she threw her head back and 
jerked again and again. I was out of control. I felt 
like I was emptying my soul into her. Eventually she 
collapsed onto me and my arms went about her. The 
aftershocks of our love-making gradually calmed. She 
kissed me gently. Then, as she moved her head back, she 
took my bottom lip between her teeth and nipped quickly 
drawing blood. She had a triumphal look as she said, 
"You're mine now."

All I could do was nod wearily.

Her smile was like a sunrise. "Good boy. I'll treat you 
right." She stood, a little shakily and extended her 
hand. "Come with me. I'm going to clean us up with a 
quick shower and then we're going to sleep. We've had a 
long, fraught day."

I was still breathing like I'd run a marathon as I 
replied, "Jeez Grace... I don't think I can move."

She put on a stern face and said unsmilingly, "Well if 
you don't, I'll just have to keep fucking your brains 
out until you do as you're told." 

I couldn't help but laugh at my demure, almost straight-
laced Grace, now so bold and swearing like a trooper. 
"Okay, Okay, I'm moving. God! I've unleashed a monster."

Our brief shower was punctuated by the gentle play of 
caresses and tickles and afterwards, as promised, we 
went naked to her bed. I lay my head against the hollow 
of her neck and didn't dare say a word. I was feeling so 
many things I'd never felt before. I realised that what 
I most felt was an incredible affection for, and 
gratitude to this special woman. I gently placed my hand 
on her right hip and moved my legs slowly so the whole 
length of her was against me.

She took my right hand, placed it on her left breast, 
snuggled in a little more against me, and with a soft, 
"Mmmmmmm..." drifted straight off to sleep.

I lay there and took a deep breath through my nose, 
smelling her hair - the freshness and sweetness of her, 
feeling the warmth of her body against me. I don't know 
if there's a heaven but I thought this had to be damn 
close. I was incredibly wasted, physically and mentally, 
and yes, emotionally. I didn't want to sleep though - I 
wanted to spend the rest of my life just like this; 
pressed against this incredible female, melded with her 
and holding her like this forever. At some point I 
slept.

***

FRIDAY

I woke sprawled on my back, a woman wrapped around me 
with her head on my chest. God, she was gorgeous! I 
moved some of her hair away from her face and pushed it 
behind her left ear. She woke and looked at me blearily. 
"Good morning beautiful," I said, smiling at her.

She leaned forward and gave me a sweet kiss. "You need 
to see an optometrist. I'm sure I look a fright."

I had a little laugh, "Your hair is all over the place 
and you look like a little girl who's gotten into her 
mother's makeup. You are absolutely adorable Grace."

She smiled knowingly. "So you're still mine then I take 
it?"

I trapped her hands between mine and we gazed into each 
other's eyes. I needed her to know what she'd done to 
me. Most of all I needed to know what was going to come 
next. 

Yes, dammit! After last night, I, the self-contained and 
self-assured sociopath needed to hear her say she loved 
me and wanted to be with me. I tried to make a start. 
"Grace, I need you to know something..."

She placed her fingers gently on my lips - I loved it 
when she did that. "No. I need to say something first. 
Everything you need me to know is in your eyes. You love 
me and it's knocked you. I had a heart to heart with 
Madeleine when I thought... when I thought I couldn't be 
with you. You didn't think you could love at all, and 
never would. But you do Jamie." She gently stroked my 
cheek as she continued, "You've done so much for me in 
such a short time. I'm a different person because of 
you, better, braver, stronger."

"I know now that I deserve to be loved and treasured, 
because of you. And you; I know that you can love, 
deeply and truly – I felt it last night and I see it in 
your eyes now. Love me Jamie... I love you." And 
suddenly everything was alright.

***

So that's my story – a week in my life. From toying with 
women to one woman's toy, from atheist to acolyte, 
sociopath to slave. Then again, being a slave to love 
isn't so bad with the right mistress.

Grace is more beautiful than ever and although she'd 
deny it, Madeleine's excited at becoming a godmother. 
She punched me again, hard, when I said she'd soon be 
known as 'Aunty Maddie.'

Gotta go; my pretty girl's calling me to prayers. I 
worship at her shrine now. If I'm blessed, I'll spend 
the rest of my life gazing at that face and roaming in 
her mind and with her body – my saving Grace.

END

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with 
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't 
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than a 
trusted partner. 4-million people around the world 
contract HIV every year. You only have one body per 
lifetime, so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Directory 84