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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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Intimacy
by Pseudorandom (psuedorandom@fastmail.fm)
***
Two girls walk home after school, exploring the
possibility that something more will happen. (ff, rom,
mentioned inc and mg)
***
Author's Note: Originally posted in 2005 to
alt.sex.stories.moderated, reposting with four words
changed for reconning purposes because I've written a
sequel (also being submitted).
***
Tara was sixteen, two years older than Dana, so it made
sense that Tara'd had sex more than her. Still, Dana was
shocked when Tara admitted how many guys she'd slept
with.
"Twenty-nine?" Dana managed not to squeak out. "You're -
- sure?"
Tara's smile thinned. She shrugged and looked a little
away from Dana.
"I started keeping track after six. Otherwise I would
have lost count."
"How long have you...?"
"Since I was twelve."
Dana stopped on the sidewalk. A second later, Tara
noticed and stopped as well. Before she attracted more
attention, Dana walked on. When she was twelve, Dana had
barely started noticing that boys were good for more
than being icky. Or that girls could be more than just
friends. She decided to play it cool. "Get out. When?
Who?"
"Todd," Tara said quietly.
Wait -- what? Surely not. Dana lost all pretence of
cool. "Your brother?"
Tara shrugged. After a moment, she said, "I walked in on
him jerking off." Tara paused, then smiled and said, "So
we fucked." As if that had been completely normal.
As if incest was nothing. As if whose cock was inside
her meant nothing -- to her. Dana wondered if that was
how Tara had managed to sleep with so many boys. And
what that meant for the two of them.
They walked on together. After several seconds, Dana
blurted, "Do you still -- ?" before she stopped herself.
She hadn't meant to ask that. She wasn't sure she wanted
to know.
"Not since he left for college," Tara said.
Which had been, what -- two years ago? Tara'd had sex
with her brother for two years? Dana took a deep breath.
"Did anyone know?"
Tara shook her head. "Just his two friends. They were my
third and fourth."
Suddenly, Dana didn't want to know who'd been second. Or
anyone else. She wasn't sure she wanted to continue the
conversation. She'd started asking because Tara seemed
unusually open that afternoon, and Dana wanted to know
how many girls Tara had been with. And it was always
easier to talk about your boys, before you asked about
other girls.
"You're shocked," Tara said.
"I -- " Dana shook her head. "A little. I've never met
someone who ... you know."
Tara smiled grimly, her open mood gone. "And you don't
like it."
Dana stopped walking again. They were in the shade of an
ancient cottonwood tree, overhanging the sidewalk beside
the park. She thought for a moment, picking carefully
through her feelings -- revulsion, worry, attraction.
Then she looked at the older girl. As honestly as she
could, she said, "It'll take a little getting used to
the idea of -- of incest. But that you had sex with Todd
doesn't bother me any more than with any other boy. Or -
- or other girl."
Tara looked at her steadily. Finally, she said,
"Sometimes, I don't know what to make of you."
"How about a friend?" Dana said. Then she blushed --
that had to be, like, the second oldest line in history,
right after 'Let's just be friends.' She added, "That
didn't come out right."
"Right," Tara said with a smile, almost a smirk, "you
meant 'girlfriend'."
Dana blushed harder. She couldn't deny it. Nor could she
say anything.
When finally she looked at Tara, the girl jerked her
head back behind her, towards the trunk of the
cottonwood tree. "Come on," she said, and led her around
to a park bench on the other side, in the shade. Dana
stared at the bench. She'd walked past the park for
three years now, and never noticed it. They sat down
together, a few inches apart.
The delay gave Dana time to cool off, a little.
"How about you?" Tara asked. "How many boys?"
"Um," Dana said. It was only fair. And when she'd
started this, she'd fully intended to be honest. He
stomach still felt like it was trying to squirm out her
spine. "Two," she said. "A boy at school -- we went out
for a couple weeks. And a guy at camp."
"Camp," Tara said with a wicked smile.
"Um. Yeah." Dana wasn't proud of Chuck and Ami -- far
from it. Though compared to Todd, how bad were they,
really? She watched the soccer players at the other end
of the field. "There was a girl I was crushing on. As in
head over heels. And this boy, and she couldn't decide
between us. So she refused to."
After a couple moments, Tara said, "What happened?"
Quietly, not cruel.
Dana continued to watch the players. "We agreed only to
do it all together. I'd had sex with them twice when I
found out that A-- that she was screwing him alone in
secret."
"Ouch." Then after a moment, Tara said, "Bitch."
Dana took a deep breath, and finally glanced at Tara.
She looked almost angry, or hurt, or maybe just
troubled. Dana met her eyes. "I got over it."
Tara's eyes were green now -- light green, shading to
brown. When one moment stretched into three, Dana almost
reached for Tara's hand -- but then Tara looked away and
said, "See, that's is why liking someone is dangerous."
Softly, as to herself -- as if she were talking about
herself, instead of Dana and Ami.
Dana wasn't sure what to say to that. "It can be." Where
had that line come from? Oh yes -- Aunt Kira, after
Janet, Dana's first girlfriend, had broken up with her.
"It IS dangerous," Tara said sharply.
Dana's parents weren't exactly poster children for happy
marriages.
Kira, on the other hand. "My aunt's been with her
partner for 20 years."
That caught Tara's attention -- she knew what 'partner'
meant.
"Happily?" she finally said.
"They moved to Massachusetts last year, and got married
two months ago." Dana smiled at the memory -- even aside
from the beautiful Quaker wedding in a historic Meeting
House, she'd met more lesbians in one place than she
ever had before.
Tara grunted. "And you're following in their footsteps?"
Dana shuddered involuntarily. "I hate slush."
"I -- " Tara shook her head as a laugh escaped her. "I
meant, are you a dyke?"
"I don't know," Dana said honestly. "I mean, I look at
more girls and think 'Oo!' than I do boys -- but I do
find some boys cute. And I liked sex with Brad. But I've
gone out with more girls." Where going out mostly meant
making out in private. But putting out counted as going
out.
Tara snorted silently, as if to say 'fair enough.'
Aloud, "And that would be how many?" Meaning how many
girls.
"Um -- six or seven. I'd have to-- " but Tara held up
her hand and said, "I don't need, yanno, the whole
list."
Dana couldn't help herself -- she took the hand in her
own. It was warm, but not sweaty -- soft. Her palm
tingled as they clasped, fingers wrapping around. Tara's
fingers were long and lean -- like a musician's hands.
"And you?" she finally asked.
Tara frowned. "You're the first girl I've ever kissed.
The first I've wanted to."
"But -- !" Dana cut herself off. Tara raised her
eyebrows. Dana picked her words carefully. "You're very
good." Meaning, the time they had sex. "I thought for
sure you'd had at least one or two experienced lovers."
More experienced than herself. But she didn't say that.
"Ah," Tara said obscurely. "Let's just say I've watched
enough porn to get an education."
Porn? At sixteen? Dana wondered if this story would
shock her as much as Todd. Or if she wanted to find out.
When she looked in Tara's eyes, she found she did. Yes,
she wanted to learn this girl, this tall, sharp-tongued
young woman who tasted of oranges and chocolate. She
wanted to learn everything she could, even the painful
parts. Especially the painful parts, if it would help.
Tara didn't deserve pain. Not that anyone did, but this
wasn't anyone -- this was her.
After a minute of looking into each other's eyes, Tara
said softly, "Let's go."
They stood together. Dana was prepared to drop Tara's
hand, if the she wanted. But Tara didn't let go. They
returned to the sidewalk, hand in hand. After a couple
steps, they shifted, interlacing fingers, Dana's hand
behind Tara's, so it was easier to walk with their
difference in heights.
Without speaking about it, they turned at the corner,
heading toward Tara's house. They walked the three
blocks side by side, not letting go. The light slanted
yellow through the oaks, like a golden layer of heat.
The last block, Dana's heart started pounding. Even if
nothing happened, even if they never talked to each
other again, she'd remember this walk -- remember that
there had been something between them, if only for these
minutes. Enough something that Tara was willing to hold
hands in public.
They stopped at Tara's front door, and Dana had to let
go to let Tara fumble for her keys. Dana searched her
face, looking for an answer to the question, what would
happen next. Tara's eyes were light brown now, and clear
like a mountain stream.
Tara turned the key in the lock. Quietly, little louder
than a whisper, Tara said, "No one will be home for an
hour."
Dana's heart seemed to skip a beat. Yes. Oh yes. Her
reply must have shown in her face -- she didn't even
have to nod. Tara opened the door and ushered her in.
They didn't touch as Tara led Dana upstairs to her room.
Not even when Tara closed the door and they dropped two
heavy backpacks on the floor. They looked at each other,
standing a few feet apart.
Dana want to reach out and kiss Tara. But somehow, she
knew she shouldn't. It was an odd feeling, one that
didn't make sense, but Dana obeyed it. It would be easy
to seduce Tara, in the mood they were in. She felt,
though, that Tara had to convince herself, or it would
fall apart.
Tara reached out and traced the line of Dana's jaw.
Dana's eyes half-closed as she leaned into the caress.
Her cheek tingled where the finger had touched her.
"I don't know why," Tara growled, "you think I know what
I'm doing."
Dana caught Tara's hand in hers before she could pull
away, cupped it against her cheek. Because she couldn't
think of what to say, she kissed the inside of her
wrist, lightly.
Tara growled on, "Just because I'm in high school
doesn't mean-- " but Dana stopped her with a finger on
her soft lips.
"I don't know either." She swallowed and pulled her
finger back to hover over Tara's mouth. "But I want to
find out."
Tara was trembling, Dana could feel it through her arm.
Dana stepped forward and reached out to hold her. Tara
caught her in her arms, but instead of just holding her,
bent down to kiss her instead. Their lips met with a
spark, or so it felt to Dana, one even stronger than
their first kiss, at Cal's party two weeks ago. Tara
kissed her hard, almost savagely, as if she was trying
to swallow her doubts in lust. Or swallow her fears.
Dana let herself be swept along. Kissing Tara was sweet.
She'd take anything she could get from her.
After several moments, or maybe minutes, Dana felt Tara
pushing, pulling -- and the edge of the bed against her
leg. She sank down on the mattress, still kissing Tara -
- stroking her as she did so. Dana's shirt pulled out of
her waistband, and Tara's fingers ran up the skin of her
back. It felt like Tara was trying to devour her. Like
Dana wanted to be devoured.
A shift, and fumbling fingers, and then Dana's shirt was
off. Dana worked at Tara's buttons while Tara reached
around and unhooked Dana's bra. Which took a few tries -
- Tara wasn't used to that angle. Which Dana should have
noticed before. But then the weight of her breasts was
free, and Tara cupped them in her hands.
Of a wonder, Tara liked Dana's breasts -- it was one (of
many) things that Dana liked about her. They were close
to the largest boobs in Dana's class, and got her more
attention from boys than she really wanted. But they
made her look mature enough to get Dana into high school
parties. The sort of parties where she'd met Tara.
Though it had almost backfired when the sophomore found
out she'd spent half an hour making out with an eighth
grader.
But despite that early misfire, Tara liked Dana's tits -
- "a good handful," she'd called them last week, the
first time they'd had real sex. And a good mouthful.
Like she was doing now. Dana's spine hummed, and her
breathing grew more ragged. When Tara nudged her back,
so she could more easily reach down, Dana fell back
slowly, lying down.
Tara went from one breast to the other, as Dana ran her
hands through her lover's short hair, holding her
against her. Each nipple seemed more sensitive than
ever, when Tara came back to it. Finally Dana couldn't
stand it any more, and pulled Tara up to her for another
kiss. There.
Tara pulled back and grinned at her. Dana pulled her
back down for another kiss -- on her lips, her cheek,
the hollow below the ear. And there, a nibble on her
ear, which had driven Tara wild last week.
It drove her wild again.
Dana smiled as she tugged on Tara's shirt, still half
on. She wanted it off. She wanted Tara. A flurry of
hands, hurrying over each other -- and clothes flying
onto the floor, scattering over each other. Dana had
less to come off, but Tara wasn't lying back -- and so
Dana got her naked first. Not that it was a race. It was
a glory -- skin on skin, holding each other close,
caressing and fondling each other while they kissed.
Rolling each other over. Loving each other.
Or maybe not love, not yet, but it was still more
glorious, more wild, than anything Dana had experienced
before.
When Tara finally shuddered in release, she held the
taller girl in her arms, holding her close. Not that she
seemed taller, in bed. What was the saying about
everyone being the same height lying down? Dana liked
being able to look at Tara's ever-changing hazel eyes
without straining. Not that she could at the moment --
Tina stared at the ceiling as she panted, recovering her
breath. Dana watched her face.
Finally, Dana said, "Penny for your thoughts?"
Tina turn to look at her, pulling a little away. "What?"
"Haven't you met that?"
Tina looked in her eyes for a moment. "Do you really
have pennies with you?"
"Uh. Probably. In my pack."
"Hmph!"
Dana laughed, and squeezed Tara closer. Giddily, she
kissed her lips, quickly, then nose, cheek, ear, jaw,
chin, and lips in rapid succession. She wanted to kiss
every part of her, know all her body. But that would
require letting go, instead of touching as much of her
as she could. Tara laughed, and kissed her back, slower,
more deliberately.
When that ended, Dana said, "So, how about that penny?"
"Why," Tara asked, "would you want to know what I'm
thinking?"
"To be close to you," Dana said promptly. "So how about
it?"
"That was it," Tara responded. "Where's my penny?"
Dana blinked. Oh -- Tara's thought at that moment had
been wondering why Dana wanted to know. She smiled. "In
my pack. I'll get it later."
"Pay up, Partlow," Tara said with mock severity. At
least, Dana thought it was mock.
"What, now? I'd rather do this," and she moved her hand
down, to cup Tara's mound again -- but as she did so,
brushed Tara's hip.
Tara squealed, ticklish there. She rolled them over,
holding Dana down with her weight. "Oh you would, would
you?"
"No -- wait -- I -- !"
But Dana's protests were too late -- Tara started
ticking her. So Dana had to retaliate. Which was fun and
squeally and squirmy. Nicely squirmy. Dana wasn't sure
who first stopped the tickles with a kiss, but it
worked. Soon they were rubbing each other's bodies for
other reasons than tickling.
This time, it was Tara who made sure Dana came, more
than once.
After her last, Dana pulled Tara up the bed to her, and
held her -- or made Tara hold her, all but curled up
into her lover.
Lover. Lovely word. She looked at the nipple in front of
her -- just a little out of reach of her mouth without
moving. So she mouthed the word instead.
"Well," Tara said, "if you're not going to give me that
penny, I'll just have to give it back."
Dana considered that a moment, before saying, "Huh?"
"Penny for YOUR thoughts," Tara said.
Oh. Duh. "Just that, I like the sound of 'lover' --
warm. Soft."
After a moment, Tara shifted, to frown at Dana's face.
"That has got to be the hokiest. Line. Ever."
Dana giggled. "No, that would be the one I did earlier,
about being friends."
To her surprise, this only made Tara more annoyed. "Why
do you do that?"
Dana shook her head. "What?"
"Every time I try to push you away, you go and say
something like that -- just you, no faking it. How can
you live like that? Unprotected."
Dana almost answered immediately, but made herself think
the question through. "Because I don't want to be pushed
away. I want more moments like -- what we just had." The
moments of what it was like to be lovers and not just
having sex.
With a growl, Tara let go and sat up, swinging her legs
over the edge of the bed. She bent over and started
sorting through their scattered clothing.
Dana wasn't sure what to say, what to do. She lay on her
side, watching.
Was being close so hard?
If you were used to not caring whose prick was inside
you, maybe it was.
"Mom will be home soon," Tara said, dropping some of
Dana's clothes on the bed in front of Dana.
Dana reached out and stroked the curve of Tara's back,
tracing the bumps of her spine, ending up on her hip.
Tara caught her hand there, held it. After a moment, she
squeezed it, glancing back and down at Dana, biting her
lower lip.
Dana squeezed back, as much as she could. Apology
accepted.
They dressed without touching, except for Tara fastening
Dana's bra so she didn't have to rotate it around her
back. Tara didn't put one on.
"I don't need it like you do," she said.
Dana grimaced. Would that she had breasts so small.
"Hey," Tara said. "I like your boobs."
Which made Dana feel better than she expected. But she
hefted them in her hands, and said, "Yeah, but the sore
shoulders are a bitch, sometimes."
Which made Tara blink. Her eyes were pale now,
indeterminate. "Are they that big?"
"When I bounce too much in P.E. I need a REALLY good
sports bra."
Tara winced in sympathy.
When they finished dressing, Dana hesitated, then
stepped up to Tara and kissed her -- slowly, tenderly,
hands on her cheeks. Not erotic. Intimate.
When they broke, Tara looked at Dana uncertainly. Even
her breathing seemed uncertain. But before Dana could
say anything, a door slammed downstairs.
"Tara!" a woman called. "I'm home!"
Tara rolled her eyes. "Coming!" she shouted back. She
glanced at Dana's pack, and Dana got it as Tara opened
the bedroom door.
Dana followed her downstairs, lugging the pack. At the
bottom, Tara sharply gestured her to put the pack down.
Dana did so uncertainly, and Tara caught her left hand
and pulled her down a hall into the kitchen. Her mother
was looking through a pantry cabinet.
"Tara, have you seen -- !" her mother called as she
turned, then stopped when she saw Dana. "Oh!"
"Mom," Tara said, still holding on to Dana's hand, "this
is my girlfriend, Dana. Dana, Mom."
Dana hid her surprise -- they hadn't said anything
about, like, going out -- or even steady. But she wasn't
about to start a fight in front of her girlfriend's
parent.
Her mother didn't try to hide it. "Girl ... friend." Not
said as a question, but still one.
Dana nodded. Tara looked defiantly at her mother.
After a moment, Tara's mother stepped forward and held
out her hand to Dana. "Pleased to meet you, Dana. I'm
Bev Rezinski." A different last name from Tara -- Dana
wondered how it was spelled. She was a tall woman,
taller than Tara, and nearly as slender. The difference
between thin and skinny, the mother and daughter.
Dana shook with her free hand. "Dana Partlow," she said
carefully.
"Are you -- " Ms Rezinski began, but Tara broke in with,
"She goes to Bryant."
Dana glanced at Tara -- what was up with her? It was
like she was trying to emphasize their difference in
ages. "Eighth grade," she said to Ms Rezinski,
preemptively.
"I see," the woman said slowly. When Tara seemed about
to say something, Dana squeezed her hand to stop her. It
seemed to work -- or at least, Tara shut her mouth.
To Dana, Ms Rezinski said, "Do your parents know about
this?"
Dana had to laugh. "Um -- we've been going out for,
what, an hour? I haven't seen them yet." Then a second
thought of what she might be saying. She added, "And
yes, I'm out to them."
"Well, Tara wasn't out to us," Ms Rezinski said dryly.
"Nonetheless --"
"I'm not out," Tara said, all but sullenly. "I'm just
going steady with a girl. And you can't stop me."
"That's enough, young woman," her mother said sharply.
Tara drew herself up, and a little back, dropping Dana's
hand. "You can't," she said defiantly.
Dana turned to look at her through narrowed eyes. Was
she trying to push her mother into forbidding them from
seeing each other? Then it hit her -- she was. Tara
hadn't provoked Dana into pulling away, and now was
looking for another excuse to not get close.
"Now wait a minute," Ms Rezinski said.
"Tara," Dana said, not loudly but clearly. Mother and
daughter looked at her. "I don't care whether you are
out. I just want to go out -- for now. If something more
happens, it happens." Neither of them spoke, so she
added, "So stop panicking."
Tara blew out a breath through close lips. "You're
something else, you know?"
"Who's talking about panicking?" Ms Rezinski said,
baffled.
Were all adults dense about these things? Tara's mom was
almost as bad as her own dad. "Tara's trying to provoke
you."
Ms Rezinski opened her mouth, then closed it, looking
from Tara to Dana. Then she blew out her breath just
like her daughter and brushed her hair back. "You'd
think I'd learn."
Which got her a disgusted sound from Tara. Dana gave her
what she hoped was a quelling look.
Without paying attention to Tara, Ms Rezinski asked,
"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Said in the polite
way that suggested No was the preferred answer.
Not that Dana could stay. "Um, thanks, but I have to be
home -- " she found the kitchen clock, and gulped, " --
in ten minutes. I gotta run."
As Dana turned to go, Ms Rezinski said, "Nonsense --
I'll drop you off." To make sure she really was gone?
Well, whatever. If it got her home before her mother's
deadline, Dana would take it.
Tara followed them down the hall. "I'll come with."
"No," her mother informed her, "you're starting dinner,
so it'll be ready on time."
"Mom," Tara said, this time half a whine.
"No arguments," her mother said, getting her keys out of
her purse as Dana hoisted her pack on her shoulders.
Dana looked up at her girlfriend (girlfriend! -- she
wanted to squee at the word) and said, "'Sokay Tara --
she won't eat me."
"No, that's for me to do," Tara growled.
Her mother cleared her throat, and Dana blushed. Tara
bent down and kissed her -- just a peck, but deliberate
-- in front of her mother. Then with a defiant look, she
went back to the kitchen.
Dana looked up at Ms Rezinski, daring her to say
anything against them.
With a sigh, the woman opened the door and ushered Dana
out. "This will be an interesting dinner," she said.
After they got in the car, Tara's mom stopped and looked
at Dana. "I hope you know what you're doing."
Well, no, she didn't. Going steady with a girl who can't
stand being too close? Who claimed she wasn't gay? But
Dana answered, "We'll work it out." Then, "People always
do." With enough listening to the Light.
After a moment, Ms Rezinski said, "I suppose they do."
And then started the engine.
-END-
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life in
any way, shape or form. Anyone tempted to act out any
of the scenarios in this story should seriously consider
seeking professional help.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kristen's collection - Directory 80