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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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Used
by Ed Rider (edrider73@gmail.com)
***
Lexi and I had been dating for more than a year, but
neither of us called it dating, but we soon found we
had nothing to talk about and nothing in common except
one thing. Almost at the same moment, we wondered if
we could stay friends because the sex was so good.
That's when we started joking about using each other.
Both of us loved to experiment, and that's how our
relationship played out. (MFF, reluc, role-paly, oral,
anal, voy)
***
Lexi was looking around again.
We were hot and heavy in her bed, twisted in her
latest crazy configuration. I could tell she was close
to her first orgasm of the night. And there she was,
bending her body and twisting her neck in various
directions like she was trying to find something she
lost.
I was lost in the moment with my eyes shut until I
felt her shifting and opened my eyes and saw her. It
was disconcerting, but not enough to slow down my
urgency. And then I felt the muscle contractions and
soft "yip" sounds -- like a little dog -- and her body
slamming against me, and I knew she was coming again.
That sent me over the edge, and I began pounding into
her hard, which I knew she loved because it kept her
orgasms going.
Time seemed to stop for a while as her pleasure and
mine reached a peak before we finally returned to
ground leve.
"Thanks," she said in voice that was out of breath.
"That was amazing."
"Thank you back," I said. "You didn't seem into it for
a while, but I guess we got there in the end."
"What do you mean?" she said.
"I saw you looking for something," I said. "It seemed
like you were distracted."
"I wasn't distracted at all," she said, sounding a
little peeved.
"I'm not upset," I said. "Don't get angry. It's just
that I've noticed you've been doing this lately, and
I've been wondering if this is a sign that you're
tired of using me. Maybe I'm all used up."
Lexi and I had been dating for more than a year, but
neither of us called it dating. At the very beginning,
we did go to a show or eat dinner, but we soon found
we had nothing to talk about and nothing in common
except one thing. Almost at the same moment, we
apologized for not being into each other but wondered
if we could stay friends because the sex was so good.
That's when we started joking about using each other.
Both of us had strong sex drives, and both of us loved
to experiment. And that's how our relationship played
out, usually around twice a week. After learning my
lesson once, I made sure to never schedule a workout
at the club on a day when we got together. When I was
with her, I used every muscle in my body and all my
lung power. When we were done, I was as limp as a wet
rag.
As far as I could tell, the other stuff she did was as
boring as what I did. We were both considered smart by
our friends -- she worked in web graphics, and I
worked in finance -- but you couldn't tell it by our
empty lives. At least mine was empty. Looking back, I
don't think I was a bad person, just selfish. I never
asked her what she was doing when she wasn't with me,
and she didn't ask me. I thought we both felt that any
real intimacy would adversely affect our lustful
pleasures.
We used each other to explore almost every variety of
sex for two people. Neither of us ever got interested
in adding another body. Also, we didn't get much into
things like pain and humiliation. Sometimes we knocked
on the door and took a step or two inside, because we
tended toward the hot and heavy rather than gentle and
dreamy. But when I made overtures toward anal sex a
few times, she declined firmly.
Recently, she had been experimenting with squeezing,
pulling and twisting my testicles, and spanking me
hard on my butt. It didn't bother me enough to affect
my arousal, but I didn't like it and told her so.
Rather than just agree to my wishes, she said I came
much harder when she did it. It sounded as though she
wanted to continue. That's the first time I mentioned
that if we were running out of things that we both
liked, maybe we had used each other up. It stopped her
a moment, and she asked me if I really thought so. I
told her it was just a joke, but I think she saw
through me.
When I brought it up again now, I could tell she had
thought about it. "After you mentioned it before, I
thought a lot about us," she said. "I don't have any
answers, but I can tell you for sure that what I was
doing today has nothing to do with that.
"I know you watch porn on the Web, and I don't care. I
don't usually watch it, but Raven sent me a link to a
video a few weeks ago because she knows we like exotic
positions. It was that pretzel thing we did last week
where we could barely get untangled. Anyway, after I
watched it, I wondered what else there might be out
there, and I looked at some other stuff.
"I didn't find anything we haven't already tried,
except for some things I know you wouldn't be into,
but just watching others doing it got me thinking
about watching us. I fantasized that there was a way I
could leave my body while we were having sex and walk
around us looking at everything we were doing in
extreme close-up, just like those porn videos.
"That's what I've been trying to do. It's impossible
to really watch us doing it, but when I get some
glimpses, it gets me even more excited. So I'm not
distracted. I'm more aroused than ever, if that's
possible."
"I apologize," I said. "Now I understand. So this is
something new for you, not an escape."
"Yes," she said. "I just wish that my fantasy could
come true. It's so frustrating. You know what I was
thinking? It wouldn't be the same, but what if we
could do a video of us making love. That wouldn't be
as good as my fantasy, but it's probably as close as
we could come.
"I don't see why we couldn't," I said. "We could set
up a camera and even some lights."
"I thought about that," she said. "That wouldn't be
any good. I've seen those videos on the Web, and the
couple has to think about staying in camera range and
zooming in and out. It takes all the excitement and
spontaneity out of what they are doing.
"No, the only way to do it would be to have someone
come and film us. The person could move around
everywhere to get the best shots, and we would just
focus on having crazy sex. But that doesn't work
either, because neither of us wants to share our
special times with anyone else. So it's a Catch-22,
unless you can think of something else."
"You're right," I said, "that would be a problem."
***
I didn't think about the video anymore, and things
went on about the same. She continued to look around
while we had sex, but it no longer bothered me. A few
months later, I noticed something else different. She
was no longer coming up with new things to do. As
usual, she always had things to suggest, but they were
all things we had done before. At first, I didn't say
anything, because I really enjoyed everything we did
together. But finally, I asked her about it one night.
"Are you complaining?" she said.
"No," I said. "I was just wondering."
"When was the last time you suggested something new?"
she said.
"I don't know," I said.
"I can't remember either," she said. "But it's been
months since you offered anything. I finally got tired
of carrying the ball."
"So we're doing our greatest hits now?" I said.
"Are you complaining?" she said again.
"No," I said again. "But I'll try to come up with
something so you don't have to do all the work."
"That's why I stopped doing it, when it seemed like
work," she said. "You don't need to work at it to
please me. I'm enjoying what we're doing."
"Me, too," I said.
I never did come up with anything new, but as far as I
could tell, we were both still having a good time.
About two months later, she was getting dressed to go
after an energetic evening, and she brought up the
video thing again.
"Have you solved the problem of who would film us?" I
asked.
"Maybe," she said. "I've thought about the two of us
and how another person in the room might affect us,
and I've decided it wouldn't be so bad if it was the
right person."
"What do you mean?" I said.
"I mean, it would need to be someone we were
comfortable with, someone we both know, someone who
wouldn't inhibit us, someone we could trust," she
said.
"That doesn't sound like anyone I know," I said.
"What about your friend, Jerry," she said.
"Do you know Jerry?" I said.
"I've met him a few times," she said. "I didn't know
he was your friend until a few weeks ago. But I know
he's head of communications at his company and he does
a lot of video shooting and editing. Do you trust
him?"
I wanted to ask her about how she knew Jerry, but we
never asked each other about what we did when we
weren't together. I thought about Jerry. He was not
just a friend. He was my oldest and closest friend.
We'd known each other since high school. We sort of
lost touch for a while when he went to college out of
town and I stayed here. But when he moved back, it was
like we never skipped a beat. And that's the way it's
been since. Sometimes I don't see him for months, and
sometimes we get together almost every week for a
while. I tell him everything about my life, and he
tells me everything about his. But I never told him
about Lexi, maybe because I thought of her as
belonging to a second life that had nothing to do with
my real life. It had been a while since I last talked
to Jerry, and I had been thinking of calling him but
hadn't gotten around to it.
"What are you thinking?" asked Lexi when I didn't
respond to her question.
"I was thinking about Jerry," I said. "I don't know
that I'd want him involved in this. Have you mentioned
it to him?"
"Yes," she said. "At first, he was really against it.
But I think I've talked him into it. Why don't you ask
him?"
"I don't know," I said. I was wondering how she and
Jerry got into that kind of conversation and if they
were sleeping with each other. If they were, why would
he agree to something like this? All sorts of things
were running through my mind. When I was with Lexi, I
never thought about anything but sex. Now I was having
strange, unfamiliar feelings.
"Well, if you don't trust him enough, I'll try to
think of someone that I can totally trust," she said.
"I know one person for sure, but you don't like her."
"You mean Raven," I said. "Is she a video expert?"
"No," she said. "but I'm sure she could learn enough
to do this if you prefer her over your friend."
I thought about her gaunt roommate who affected a
strange voice, had stringy black hair, wore black
lipstick and purple stuff around her eyes and dressed
in what looked like black rags sewn together. I had
met her only a couple of times, but each time she had
made no effort to hide the fact that she thought I was
some kind of ignorant square whom she and her fellow
goths considered beneath contempt. The second time she
started on me, I let her know how I and normal people
laughed at the way she and her sick weirdo friends
dressed and talked. I must have hit a nerve, because
she broke down and started crying hysterically until
Lexi hugged her and talked to her and motioned for me
to get out of there. After that, Lexi made sure I
wasn't in the same room as Raven again.
"Raven gives me the willies," I said. "I don't think
I'd feel like having sex if she was in the room."
"OK," said Lexi. "Let's try to think of some other
people. I can tell you aren't as interested in this as
I am. For me, it's something that we'll always have,
and we can watch it whenever we want and remember the
great times we've had together. I've never asked you
for much, but I really want this."
"I understand," I said. "I'll think about it some
more." What I was thinking was that it sounded like we
were finished and she wanted the video as a souvenir.
Again, other strange thoughts came into my mind, but I
didn't want to deal with them. A couple of days later,
I called Jerry at work.
"Yes, I said I'd do it," he said, "but I told her that
I wasn't comfortable about it and that you would never
agree anyway."
"If you're not comfortable about it, why did you
agree?" I said.
"She's very persuasive," he said.
"Are you sleeping with her?" I said.
"No," he said. "I wanted to, but on our second date,
when we were telling each other out life histories, I
mentioned your name, and she freaked. She wouldn't
tell me why she was acting so weird, but the next time
we got together, she told me all about the two of
you."
"I don't know why she did that," I said, "because I'm
not really part of her life, and I wouldn't be upset
if you slept with her."
"She told me all about your special arrangement,"
Jerry said, "and she said that you wouldn't mind
whatever we did, but I told her that even though you
and I were friends, we didn't agree about a lot of
stuff, and I would never have sex with her while she
was with you. That got her upset, but I think she
understands now."
"So you're still seeing her?" I said.
"Yes, we get together occasionally," he said.
"But you don't sleep with her," I said. "I'm really
surprised, because I can't think of what else you
could do with her. She's as shallow and vacuous as I
am. There's nothing there but an amazing body."
"I'm surprised that you say that," he said. "I love to
talk to her. Her ideas are so interesting and so is
what she's doing with her life. She's likes a lot of
the same books I do -- and music and movies, too. But
what I like best is when we talk about things we don't
have in common. I've learned so much from her. She's
really a special person."
"I can't believe you're talking about Lexi," I said.
"I don't know how she's fooling you, but she's not
anything like you describe her."
"She can't fake the stuff we talk about," he said.
"It's pretty deep. I don't know if this explains
anything, but once when we talked about you, she said
that she used to be the same as you, but about six
months ago, something clicked for her. The way she put
it is that she started growing as a human being, but
you stayed the same. She says she tried a few times to
interest you in some of her new feelings, but you
never responded. She doesn't even think you heard
her."
"Well, I'm not going to lie to you and say I'm any
different," I said. "But I just can't believe she is
either. The only thing I've noticed is that maybe
she's getting tired of me."
"Did she tell you that?" he said.
"No," I said. "It's just certain things she says and
the way she says them. I could be wrong."
"How would you feel if it was true?" he said.
"I don't know," I said. "I really love being with her.
We always have a great time, and I always look forward
to the sex. I've never given any thought to ending our
relationship, but since she's been acting this way,
I've had some strange thoughts."
"You should talk to her about your thoughts," he said,
"and ask her what she's thinking."
"But we've never done that," I said. "It's sort of an
unwritten rule we have, because we both know it might
get in the way of what we like to do together."
"If things have changed, like you think they have,
then you should break that rule," he said. "Or you
might regret it later."
"You're probably right," I said. "Thanks for the
advice. I'm still having trouble thinking that the
Lexi I know and the one you describe are the same
person. This video thing sounds like my Lexi, not
yours."
"Maybe," he said.
After that we caught up on some things, and neither of
us mentioned the video again before we hung up.
***
Lexi didn't either, until I was about to leave her
home a week later. It was late. We had spent the
evening at her place, and I was dressed and walking
out of the bedroom when she said, "I heard you talked
to Jerry."
I turned around. "Yes," I said.
She seemed to be waiting for me to say something.
There were things I wanted to tell her about the
conversation with Jerry and things I wanted to ask
her. If I did, I knew that what we had together would
be over. Everything would be different. Maybe it would
be better, but I was also worried that it might be
worse. In the end, I was more afraid than optimistic.
I was a coward. I didn't say anything, but I was also
afraid to leave.
I heard her sigh. "He said you mentioned the video but
you never told him whether you were OK with him doing
it or not."
So that's what she was waiting for, I thought. Jerry
had me thinking all kinds of things about her, but
she's the same old Lexi. She wants her video. Well,
why not?
"OK," I said.
"What did you say?" she said.
"I said I'll do it," I said.
She didn't say anything, but she jumped up from the
bed and held onto me for dear life. She really wants
that video, I thought, as she gave me a long kiss. But
something bothered me when she let me loose, and I
left. I noticed my face was wet. She must have been
crying during our brief conversation. What was she
crying about?
***
Jerry phoned me the next day.
"You're really going through with this?" he said. "I
can't believe it."
"Yes," I said. "I don't know why, so don't ask me. Are
you going to be totally grossed out watching us?"
"I don't know," he said. "I was thinking about that.
I'm going to try to stay removed by concentrating on
all the technical stuff, lighting, angles, zooms and
all that. But I warned Lexi that I don't know how I'm
going to feel afterward. I might not want to see her
again. I'm immune to your disgusting sex life, but I
don't know how I'll feel about watching her with you.
She got really upset when I said that. I wonder what
she'll do. I guess it depends on how much she cares
what I think."
Maybe Lexi did have second thoughts, because I didn't
hear from her for a week and a half, and she didn't
return my calls. It was rare that we stayed away from
each other that long unless one of us was out of town
on business. Finally, she called, and the following
night, after another hot session, she told me to put a
date on my calendar. It was a Friday night a few weeks
away. She sounded a little nervous when she told me,
and I remembered what Jerry had said. She had decided
to take the risk, I thought.
A few nights later, we got together again. She looked
like she wanted to say something before we started,
and she had the same look afterward, but she never
mentioned the video or anything else. I did notice
that she seemed a little distant during the sex. She
was as energetic as always, and she came as often as
ever, but whenever her face came into view, I noticed
that it wasn't showing the pure lust that it usually
did. I figured the reason was she was nervous about
the video.
A few nights later, it was a repeat. She seemed about
to say something when I got there, and then she had
that different look again while we went at each other.
When I was putting on my shoes, she took a deep breath
and told me what was on her mind. It was so weird that
I didn't believe I was hearing right.
"Morgan, please sit down and don't say anything until
I finish," she said. "I've been thinking about the
video. You know what I told you the first time about
my fantasy. I wanted to watch us having sex, but that
was physically impossible. So I came up with the video
idea as the closest I could get to my fantasy.
"But I've been thinking. There are two parts to my
fantasy. One is doing all the wild things we've done
together -- like you said, our greatest hits -- and
the other part is watching us do it. That's different
from watching a video. The more I thought about it,
the more I realized that I'm more excited about
watching us than I am about doing it.
"Don't get insulted. I love doing it, but as we both
know, we've done it plenty. Watching us do it is more
exciting because I've never had an experience like
that and this will probably be my only chance. After
that, I can watch the video, but it won't be the same.
Do you understand?"
"No," I said. "I have no idea what you're talking
about. You can't be in two places at once, so how can
you watch us have sex as we're having sex."
"Yes," she said. "That's my fantasy, and I know I can
never have that. Having Jerry make the video is a
compromise. And what I'm talking about is another
compromise. I would be able to watch us live. I could
look wherever I wanted. I could walk around the bed,
get on it, get next to it, move back or stick my face
as close to every body part as I wanted to. I could
get splashed with the juices and hear every sigh and
moan crystal clear. I would see what our faces looked
as we came. I would get to see every movement at every
moment."
"I still don't understand," I said. "You can't be
having sex with me if you are watching."
"But an actress who's playing me could," she said.
At first, I was so stunned that I had nothing to say.
After some seconds of silence, she said, "I've figured
it all out and I've already talked to Raven. She
hasn't agreed yet, but I know she'll give in."
"No!" I yelled. At that point, I knew Lexi had gone
out of her mind. She knew it, too, and that's why she
had been scared to say anything. But in the end, she
couldn't let go of the fantasy, and it drove her mad.
I looked at her. She was smiling.
"I wish you wouldn't be so hesitant about telling me
how you feel," she said, and she laughed.
"So you've been pulling my leg," I said.
"No, I'm serious," she said. "But I expected that to
be your first reaction. Jerry was even louder."
"I hate Raven, and she hates me," I said. "You're
nothing like her. You're hot, and she's weird. You are
fun, and she's nasty. You don't look like each other.
Your body makes my mouth water. She's scrawny and
lumpy. Even if I agreed with your crazy idea, she
would be the last person in the world who could stand
in for you. You couldn't feed me enough Viagra to get
it up for her." Lexi's smile grew bigger as my voice
got louder.
"Everything you've just said convinces me she has to
be the one," she said. "You and she are going to be
wild together. You'll push each other over the edge,
like we do. You'll both be angry, so you'll be coming
from a different starting place, but you'll end up
doing amazing things together.
"And I know that once you get started, you'll forget
the hate anyway, because lust is going to take over.
You're so wrong about her. She's got a great body. She
just hides it under her goth armor. I'm going to make
her clean up for you, and you're not going to need any
Viagra. I know you're going to come at least twice,
and I bet you make her come as much as me. I know this
is going to be a night that none of us is ever going
to forget. You and Raven have got to do it."
"No I don't," I said. "I know Jerry thinks I was crazy
to agree to do it with you in front of him, but I'm
not this crazy. There is nothing you can say to make
me change my mind. I'm sorry to make your fantasy
crash and burn, but I just can't do it."
She was still smiling. "Tell me why not," she said,
and then she didn't wait for me to answer. "I don't
have time to teach Raven everything I do with you, so
I'm only going to practice the stuff that really
drives you wild. It will be the best of the best, and
since she's looking at it with fresh eyes, she'll
probably find some ways to make it even crazier. I've
never told her about what we do, but she's told me
some of the things she's done, and I've used them with
you. Most of them really got you going. You totally
don't know her. She's much more out there than I am."
"You don't have to convince me of that," I said. "I
was wondering where you picked up that spanking stuff
and attacking my balls. Now I know."
Lexi ignored me. "You've got to do it," she said.
"Both of you have got to do it. Just tell me you'll
think about it."
"I'll tell you right now that I won't think about it,"
I said. "The answer is no, no matter what she says." I
stood up. "I'm leaving now."
She was naked, but she followed me to the door and as
I was walking out, she said, "Just think about it."
I said "no" without turning around.
***
I didn't call her after that, but two days later she
called me. "Raven's on board," she said. "She doesn't
think you'll show up, but I got her to agree.
"How did you do that?" I said.
"I'll tell you later," she said, "because you won't be
happy about it."
"Well, tell Raven that I'm sorry I have to disappoint
her."
"We've already been practicing," Lexi said. "I'm you,
and I'm teaching her how to be me. We're not getting
naked or anything like that, but we get so excited
that we both come. You are going to be surprised by
what she can do."
"Maybe you and she can do it for Jerry," I said,
"because I won't be there."
"You don't want to miss this, Morgan," she said.
"I've got to go now," I said and hung up before she
could say another word.
Two days later, she called again. "I've thought of why
you have to do it," she said with a laugh.
"I'm all ears," I said.
"Think of the worst possible scenario first," she
said. "You and Raven just don't click. She can't get
you aroused, and after a while, everyone's
embarrassed, and we all go home. Is that so bad? In a
couple of weeks, it will be funny."
"Good job," I said. "You are so good, I think you
could talk a happy person into a depression."
"And the best case scenario is that you and Raven have
such good chemistry that the two of you are even
better together than we are. Both of you will go crazy
with each other and explode together like fireworks
making a beautiful show for me and you to watch later.
"It's probably going to be somewhere in between those
extremes," she said, "so there will be some fun and
some stuff that's not as much fun. You only have to do
it once, and you're doing it for me."
"What does Jerry say?" I said.
"Why don't you ask him?" she said.
"I can't talk to him about this," I said. "You tell
me."
"He said he can't understand why any man would agree
to do this," she said. "I told him you were different
from him. When it comes to women, you don't think
about anything but your pleasure. I told him that
doesn't make you a bad person, and that you give me a
lot of pleasure, so you aren't completely selfish. Was
I wrong?"
"No," I said, "but when you say it like that, it
depresses me."
"That's why I can't talk about things like this with
you like I do with Jerry," she said.
"That depresses me even more," I said.
"What do you mean?" she said.
"Nothing," I said. "Forget it. And forget this thing
with Raven, too."
"Listen," she said. "I'm calling in my favors, mister.
I've done a lot for you, and it's time to pay up,
buddy." She was speaking in a tough broad voice. Then
she laughed. "Seriously, I think you owe this to me."
She laughed again.
"Lady, you come 10 times to my once," I said. "You're
the one who owes me."
"OK," she said. "I'm ready to pay up. What do you
want?"
"Never mind," I said. "Just forget it, and forget your
crazy scheme."
"No," she said, "I'm not going to forget it. You've
got to do it."
There were more conversations every few days. It was
always her calling with another silly way to make me
see the light. She was never serious or dramatic. It
was always funny, as if she and I both knew there was
no serious way to talk about it. Each time after I
told her no and we hung up, I thought about one thing.
She was so funny, and I had never noticed that about
her.
I also started missing sex with her. When she called,
she only talked about watching me and Raven and never
mentioned getting together. I was in between
girlfriends, and it was getting frustrating. I should
have brought it up, but for some reason, it felt like
I was asking her to do something for me when I
wouldn't do something for her. It wasn't the same at
all, because we both liked to do what I wanted, but I
still didn't ask her about getting together.
On the Wednesday before the Friday, she called and
told me she wouldn't call me again. She said that
Raven would be at her place Friday night and ready for
me, and Jerry would be all set up to film everything,
and she was so excited about it she was almost jumping
out of her skin.
"Too bad I won't be there," I said. "I have other
plans."
"I thought of a way to get you to come," she said.
"I'm going to lie to you now. If you show up, you can
check out the scene and everyone who's there, and if
you decide that you really can't do it with Raven, I
might give in and do it with you because it would be a
shame to waste the night. I haven't had sex in almost
two weeks now, and I'm ravenous.
"Me, too," I said, waiting for her to invite me over.
She didn't take the cue.
"Just so you understand that when I say I might do it,
I'm probably lying," she said. "But if I am, maybe
you'll watch Jerry filming me and Raven. Or maybe I'll
watch Raven filming you and Jerry. You're such good
friends, he keeps telling me. Maybe you'd be even
better lovers." There was something strange in her
voice when she said this, but then she sounded happy
again.
"Just think of the possibilities, Morgan," she said.
"I know you're going to show up Friday night, even if
you don't want to do anything. You've got to be as
curious as I am about what might happen."
"I don't think so," I said. "I'm sorry to spoil the
party."
"You won't," she said. "Goodbye." And then she hung up
before I could say anything else.
I didn't sleep much that night. All kinds of thoughts
were keeping me awake, and the next day at work I was
exhausted. Whenever I was nodding off, the same kinds
of thoughts came back. When I got home, it was the
same, and I started to drowse while watching
television. I went to bed but couldn't fall asleep.
The last thing I remember was looking at the clock at
11 p.m. Then it was morning, and I woke up refreshed.
I didn't think about Lexi once during the day, and the
first time she came to mind was when found myself
pulling into a guest parking spot beneath her
building.
My body shook for a moment. I had no idea how I got
there. I didn't remember driving there from work. What
was happening to me?
I thought about what was going on three flights above
me. I imagined the three of them talking while they
were waiting for me. What were they saying? What would
they say an hour from now when they realized I wasn't
coming. Would they be upset, or would they laugh about
how crazy it all was. What if I showed up in a couple
of hours, and we all had some wine and laughed about
it together. Would they still be there? Would they
have all gone home? Would Lexi be angry and slam the
door in my face. Or would she jump me and wear me out
with wild sex? Did she even want me anymore? Did I
want her? Yes I did, but did I deserve her, or did
Jerry deserve her more?
As I was thinking all this and more, I looked down at
my feet, and then I looked up and saw Lexi's door. I
didn't remember getting out of the car and taking the
elevator. I knew I had to turn around and go back to
my car and drive home. But instead I knocked on the
door.
I heard a woman's voice scream, "Omigod, he came." I
couldn't tell if it was Lexi's voice or Raven's. Then
I heard some voices talking fast, but I couldn't make
out any words. Then the door opened, and I saw Lexi.
"Welcome, Morgan," she said. I stared at her. She
wasn't wearing much, but it was the hottest dress I'd
ever seen on her. It was shiny red, with red fringes
everywhere, and it was clinging to her like a spider
web, except where her beautiful breasts were almost
falling out of it. As she turned and took a step back
to let me enter, I saw that it only covered half her
butt, and after that it was only fringes that shook
and gave a glimpse of her dazzling round ass cheeks
trying to escape from her bikini panties.
"You know Raven and Jerry," she said, and I looked up
from her butt. Jerry was standing behind her on the
right looking bewildered. His mouth was hanging open,
and that made me realize mine was, too, so I closed
it. I looked around and saw Raven at the other end of
the room, next to Lexi's bedroom door. She slowly
walked toward me, and I saw she looked different, but
I didn't know why. She was wearing one of her dark
outfits with the rags hanging down.
As she came closer, she stopped about three feet from
me, and I realized why she looked different. She
didn't have any makeup on, and her hair was up in a
bun. Lexi must have told her what turned me off, was
the first thing I thought, but that thought didn't
last long, because two other thoughts replaced it and
never let it come back.
The first thought was the realization that she was
beautiful. Lexi was a knockout with her flowing dark
blond hair, but this Raven with nothing on her lips or
her face was stunning. She had the kind of face that
you saw in fashion magazines. With her hair in that
bun, she looked like a ballet dancer, the most
gorgeous ballet dancer I had ever seen. The only thing
that spoiled her looks was her expression. She had a
snarl on her face. Even her beauty couldn't hide the
contempt and anger she was feeling as she looked at
me.
The second thought started as she began slowly taking
off her clothes. When the rags dropped to the floor, I
saw she wasn't skinny and lumpy at all. She was tall,
very tall. She must have been my height or maybe a
couple of inches taller. But everything was in perfect
proportion, at least for my tastes. Beneath her dress,
she was wearing some kind of thin black one-piece
thing that was so tight, it looked like she had been
poured into it. It was moulded around some amazing
breasts and an equally amazing ass. I felt my mouth
drop again as she took my hand. She turned slightly to
the right and lifted my hand up to the back of her
neck and placed it on a zipper. Like a sleepwalker, I
slowly pulled the zipper down her back. It went so low
that before it stopped, that I saw the crack between
her cheeks. When I dropped my hand, she turned back to
face me again and began slowly shrugging out of her
cloth thing. I watched her and forgot about everything
except her stunning face and body. She didn't say a
word. Nobody said a word.
When she was naked, she took my hand again and slowly
pulled me toward the bedroom. Most of the next hour
was a blur. I noticed a few things, like the bright
lights that made it seem like we were having sex on
the beach. I noticed we were doing things that drove
me wild with lust, things that Lexi and I did, but
they felt new and different and more exciting. Maybe
it was because of her arms and legs. They were so
long, they felt like tentacles wrapped around me. She
pulled me to her so tightly that I had to work really
hard to move, and then she loosened her arms and legs
and let me pound away, only to slowly tighten them up
again and make me pant with my efforts.
The nasty look on her face was soon gone, replaced by
a lascivious expression that would have aroused a
statue. She was as totally absorbed in pleasure as
Lexi ever was, and soon the orgasms started. Hers were
different than Lexi's. There were soft moans and
little shakes of her entire body, as if each time she
came, she turned into a jiggling bowl of Jell-O.
I heard a voice as we were tearing at each other, but
it wasn't Raven's. It was Lexi's. She was the
director, and she was softly telling Raven what to do.
I could hear some of her instructions, because Lexi
was all over us. Whichever way I turned or rolled or
slid, she was there, inspecting our bodies up and
down, mostly where our genitals were connecting. I
think I saw her face more than Raven's. Jerry must
have been close to the action, too, but I never saw
him, and I didn't know how close he was until I
finally watched the video a long time later.
We moved from one position to another, and several
times I felt close to coming, but each time, Lexi said
something to Raven, and she lowered the intensity. I
remember thinking that Lexi could read me like a book
and knew exactly how I breathed and what kinds of
sounds I made when I was close to coming.
As we went through the greatest hits, I overdosed on
pleasure until I started becoming frustrated at not
being allowed to have an orgasm. And I also gradually
became exhausted as Raven's long arms and legs
squeezed the life out of me. I started thinking that I
might pass out before I could come.
I was on top of Raven, holding myself up while I
pounded into her when I ran out of gas and collapsed
on top of her. As I lay there with my head on her
wondrous breasts, I saw Lexi's face move next to
Raven's. She was whispering something into her ear.
Then Raven spoke for the first time. "You lasted
longer than I thought you would, Morgan," she said,
"and I'm almost ready to let you come. But you've got
a little more work to do first. You need to get up now
and put my legs on your shoulders."
I heard her, but I wanted to rest a little longer on
her wonderful chest. Then I screamed as she hit me
hard on the left butt with her right hand.
"Get up, Morgan," she said. "Do what I tell you." I
screamed again as she hit my right butt with her left
hand. I tried to lift myself up, but it was hard.
Smack! Down came her left hand, then the right hand
immediately after.
"I'm going to keep spanking you until you do what I
say," said Raven. I heard a giggle, and I turned to
see Lexi kneeling next to the bed, bent over my butt
and staring. She was enjoying Raven doing what I
wouldn't let her do.
I tried to get up, but it wasn't fast enough for
Raven. She began spanking me in a slow, nonstop
rhythm. Each time, it stung harder and I gradually
felt a horrible hot pain getting stronger, like
someone was aiming a blowtorch at my rear.
Finally, when I got on my knees, she stopped. I lifted
her legs up, but it was more like she was lifting them
herself and dropping them onto my shoulders.
"Now move closer to me and push against my legs," said
Raven. As I did, I looked at her. The lustful
expression was gone from her face, and the face of
hate and anger was back. Suddenly, I was afraid of
her. Pushing her legs back had lifted her butt off the
bed and into the air. I was still inside her. My butt
was burning and I felt the pain spreading from there
through my body, but I was still hard and anxious to
come.
"Get to work," she said. She was almost spitting out
her orders.
I began to move in and out of her. "Ow!" I screamed.
She had slapped both butt cheeks again. Her long arms
easily reached around me.
"Harder!" she said.
I began to move faster, and she began to grunt. It
wasn't long before she spanked me again and said
"Harder!" I tried to go faster. She kept prodding me
this way until I was pounding her into the mattress,
and she was bouncing back up at me. Sometimes we
collided into each other so hard that my bones
rattled, but she kept hitting my ass if I slowed down.
She wasn't saying anything now, just making strange
sounds. Then I heard Lexi's voice. It was louder, as
if she was trying to get Raven's attention.
"He's just about there," she said. "He's going to come
soon."
She repeated this, and then Raven said, "Slow down!"
I was glad to slow down, because I was exhausted, even
though I felt that if I kept up the pace, I could
finally come.
"Slower!" said Raven. She wasn't hitting me now, just
telling me over and over to slow down. Finally, I
stopped.
"Push my legs back more," she said. It took all my
effort, but I pushed and raised her butt higher in the
air.
"Put it in my ass slowly," she said.
"What?" I said. I didn't think I heard right. Did she
really want it in her ass? Lexi had never let me do
her there.
"You heard me!" she hissed and hit my butt cheeks hard
with both hands. I quickly pulled out of her vagina
and started pushing at her anus.
"Easy! Slow!" she said, and I could tell she wasn't
enjoying this. How did Lexi get her to do it?
I slowly pushed into her anus. Once I passed the
pucker, I slid in smoothly. I could tell she had
plenty of lube in there. When I got all the way in, I
stopped. She was panting and whimpering. I waited for
more instructions. Finally, they came.
"OK, get to work," she said. "But slowly."
I began moving slowly almost all the way out and then
all the way in. She was squirming and whimpering. I
felt her hands grab my butt cheeks and pull them
apart. Just being touched there made me scream in
pain. She let them go as I continued moving, and then
she pulled them apart again and made me scream once
more.
The sounds of her whimpering and panting in pain and
my screams mixed together in a crazy rhythm. Despite
the lube, she was very tight, and her anal muscles
were spasming around my penis. I think she was out of
control, but it felt amazing, and I started getting
excited again, even though I cried out in pain each
time her hands pulled apart my butt cheeks.
"Here come your five," she said. "Are you ready?"
"What?" I said, but Raven didn't answer.
"I'm ready," said Lexi.
"Now get to work really hard and don't stop no matter
what I do," said Raven. I saw her mouth twisted in
pain.
"Are you sure?" I said.
She let go of my butt cheeks and spanked me hard.
"Damn it! Do what I say!" she hissed. I pulled out of
her fast and slammed into her anus.
"One!" she screamed. "Don't stop!"
She kept calling the numbers each time I pounded into
her, and she kept pulling at my butt cheeks. I was
getting close to coming. Just before she yelled five,
I felt something. It was one of her fingers, and she
was pushing it deep inside me as I rammed into her
anus. Lexi must have told her how that affected me. I
came hard and kept on spurting deep inside her. Then I
collapsed onto her. I waited for her to start hitting
again, but she just lay there panting. She was also
crying, and I felt her moist face as I put my head on
the pillow next to her head.
I stayed hard for a long time, but finally I felt
myself wilting. Raven felt it, too.
"Pull it out slowly," she said, and as I did, I felt
her arms and legs going around me and squeezing me
tight. Then she rolled me over until she was on top of
me. She sat on my belly and looked down at me. I could
tell she was upset. I felt like telling her it wasn't
my fault that I ripped her ass apart. She had asked me
to do it. But I was too weak to say anything. I was
just trying to catch my breath.
She lifted off of me and turned around until she was
sitting on my chest and facing my feet. I heard Lexi
talking to her and felt Raven moving on top of me.
Then Lexi was lifting my head up and putting a cushion
under it. When I looked up, I saw Raven's butt above
me, and she was spreading her legs and lowering
herself down.
"No!" I screamed, but it wasn't a scream. It was
barely a whisper. For the first time, I thought I
heard Jerry's voice, but I didn't hear what he was
saying. Lexi said something to him, and he didn't say
anything else.
"Lick my ass!" It was Raven, and her voice sounded
like she was in a lot of pain.
Her anus was almost touching my mouth, and I saw some
of my come on it. I gagged and tried to move my head
away, but her butt was pressing against me, and I
could barely move.
"Lick my ass, or I'm going to really hurt your butt,"
she said, and to show me what she meant, she pulled
one of my legs back and let me have it with the palm
of her hand. It seemed harder than before, and the
pain ricocheted inside me until every fiber of my body
was in agony.
"Lick my ass!" she said again. I began licking and
choking and gagging. As I licked up and down across
her anus, she began pushing it out and opening it.
"Stick your tongue in," she said. "Deeper! Deeper! Now
suck everything out!"
I almost threw up several times, but I kept going. I
tried to spit out the semen, but I swallowed a lot of
it. When there wasn't much left, she told me to open
my mouth wide and put it around her anus. Then she
pushed again and again until she began farting more
come into my mouth. It seemed like she would never
stop. When she finally did, she got up, and I just lay
there. I turned my head to one side and didn't see
anything, but when I turned it to the other side, I
saw Lexi sitting in a chair staring at me. Her face
was bright red, and she was breathing heavily. I
watched her as she slowly caught her breath and calmed
down, and then she spoke. She was bubbling with
delight.
"That was awesome, Morgan," she said. "I came at the
same time you came, and I came three times more while
you were eating your come from Raven's asshole. I know
we've never done that, but I thought that it would be
something special to remember.
"You've probably guessed by now that we're never going
to have sex again. I didn't think you were right when
you said we might have used each other up, but once I
realized you really felt that way, I really wanted
this badly. It's a farewell present for me. I want to
give you one, too, but so far I haven't come up with
anything because I've given you everything you've ever
wanted -- well, except for anal, I guess. But now that
I've seen how your big thing destroyed Raven's ass, I
know that I was smart to never let you try. Even
though you weren't in there long, she's still hurting
badly.
"I would be happy to stop right now, but we can't.
Remember when you asked me how I got Raven to agree.
It was hard, especially because you disgust her even
more than she disgusts you. And she was as scared of
anal as I was. But I promised her that after she had
sex with you for me, I'd let her do a couple of things
just for her, and Jerry would make a video for her to
keep. Jerry doesn't know anything about this, because
he would have warned you. But I think he'll cooperate,
because he knows that I haven't slept with you or
anyone else for a couple of weeks, and after today,
I'm all his if he still wants me. I've been watching
him out of the corner of my eye, and he's as hard as a
rock. I told him that I would do all your favorites
with him, and then we'd think of some new favorites.
I'm so excited because we already have something
special between us without the sex, and now we're
going to go to a level that you and I could never go
to.
"So this next part isn't really for me, Morgan. I'm
not even sure I want to see it. But it's for Raven, so
we'll do it, and then we'll be done, and we'll have
used each other all up, so we can go on with our
lives. OK, Raven."
Raven came back to the bed and put her face up to
mine. I noticed her eyes were still moist, and her
mouth was still twisted as she tried to handle her
pain, even while she was sneering at me. "I don't
think you'll fight me," she said in a whisper, "but if
you want to, I can handle it. No matter what you do,
I'm going to humiliate and hurt you, but if you
cooperate, it will be over faster. You don't have to
do anything. I'll do all the work this time."
I saw her put her hands into a jar of thick white
cream. Then her left hand grabbed my testicles and
began manipulating them. The cream was greasy lube,
and her hand felt good, even though I was too
exhausted to get aroused. Then I felt a finger between
my butt cheeks again, and it was going in deep. She
pulled it out, and I saw her stick her right hand into
the lube again and scoop up a bunch more. Back it went
between my cheeks, and this time I felt two fingers
pushing the lube deep into me. It didn't feel as good
as one finger did.
A few seconds later, three fingers were pushing
another big gob into me, and they definitely didn't
feel good. After she pushed the lube in, Raven started
moving the three fingers in and out, and she spread
them apart a little as she picked up the speed. My
body seemed to move on its own and begin squirming. It
was trying to get away from the fingers and shake them
lose, but the fingers kept following my body as it
moved around the bed. I felt like I was in Lexi's
fantasy, because I was watching what Raven was doing
to me, but I was also feeling humiliated and in pain
at the same time. Then the fingers were out of me, and
I stopped moving.
"Omigod," I heard Lexi say. I looked at her. Her eyes
were wide, and her face was as red as her dress. She
was kneeling on the carpet next to the bed and staring
at Raven. I followed her eyes and saw a huge ball of
white move out of the jar and toward my butt. Then I
felt fingers at my anus. They were pushed together,
and they started going into me with the wad of lube. I
was feeling like I was going to split open. Raven had
four fingers pushing in as far as they would go before
they stopped. And then they slowly pulled all the way
out, and a second later, they were pushing back in.
"Oh, Jerry, I can't believe what I'm seeing," said
Lexi's voice. "Put the camera on the tripod. He's not
moving anymore. No, you don't have to look. But come
over here. I'm burning up. She's got all five fingers
tight together now, and they're going in. I don't
think he even knows it. His head is moving like his
neck is made of rubber. His eyes are popping out of
his head.
"Get behind me, Jerry, please. I need you right now.
No, forget about what I said before. This is
different. I promised you I wouldn't let him touch me
anymore. It's been almost two weeks. It's over. We
don't have to wait. Pull my dress up, and pull my
panties down. Come on, Jerry. Don't look at him.
Quick. Pull your pants down. Now slowly put it into
me. I'm so wet. Do you feel it? That's perfect. It's
sliding in and I'm feeling every inch of it for the
first time. I don't even have to see it. It's
beautiful.
"She's pushing, and you're pushing. I'm feeling
something amazing, and so is he, but not the same kind
of amazing. He's lost all control of his body. He's
thrashing around like a fish. He can't stop flipping
in all directions. She's slowly pulling out of him,
and now she's going right back in. He's got almost no
voice, but I hear him screaming. Why am I so excited?
Go a little faster, Jerry. Did you feel that? I just
came. But I know I'm going to come again. Not too
fast, Jerry. I don't want you to come yet.
"Here. I just had the strangest idea. It's sick, but I
want you to push this lube into my ass. Just one
finger and then two. Here's some more. Keep pushing it
in. There, I think that's enough. Now just push one of
your fingers in and out of my ass while you go in and
out of my vagina. Don't speed up yet. I think we're in
the same rhythm as Raven is with her hand. She told me
she could get her whole arm up inside of Morgan, but I
wouldn't let her. Maybe I will. The thought of seeing
that just made me come again. OK, Jerry, I'm sorry.
No, I won't let her. She said it wouldn't hurt him too
much, but I know he's your best friend. She's pulling
her hand out of him now. Keep going, just a little
faster. Yes, like that.
"Omigod. She made her hand into a fist inside him, and
she's trying to pull the fist out of his asshole. It's
too small. She'll never do it. What did you say,
Raven? You promise you won't tear him. Did you hear,
Jerry? She says if she goes slowly enough, it won't
cause any real damage. But I can tell it's incredibly
painful. He's crying and shaking and looks like he's
going out of his mind.
"Oh wow! It just came out. It popped out, like those
lottery balls pop out. And when it came out, there was
this huge hole. His asshole is huge. It looks like
it's never going to close again. Oh thank god. I see
it's getting smaller. Very slowly. It looks like it
will recover. There it is, just a little rosebud
again. If I hadn't seen it, I would never have
believed it could get that large.
"Now she's starting to whack him off. You can go
faster, Jerry. Yes, I've already come a bunch, but I
know there's more, and I want you to come inside me
when I'm ready. She's playing with his balls, but he's
still limp. Now she's leaning over. She sucked him
into her mouth. She's giving him a blowjob. I can't
believe it. He's crying and in tremendous pain, and
he's trying to get away from her, but she's getting
him hard again. Faster, Jerry. And tell me when you're
ready to come.
"He's really aroused now. Even though his eyes are
crazy and his face is twisted, his body is pushing
into her mouth. Oh! She pulled her mouth off of him,
and he screamed. But now she's using her hand, and
he's pushing into it. And she's pulling at his balls.
She's really attacking them, much more than I ever
did. She's pulling them hard and letting them snap
back, and she's twisting them around and slapping them
hard from side to side. But he's still trying to hump
her hand.
"Oh, this is what she was telling me about. He's
almost there, but she's going to ruin his orgasm. He's
desperate to come, and it's just a matter of seconds
now, but she let go of his penis, and I can hear him
begging her to put it back. But she's got both hands
around his balls now, and there, she's squeezing them
as hard and fast as she can. And the come is shooting
out of him. He's screaming, and his eyes are bugged
out of his head. There's another hard squeeze and more
come flying everywhere. And another squeeze. He's
screaming in pain from her hands busting his balls,
but he's coming anyway. She squeezed really hard, and
there was still some come shooting out. I can't
believe what I'm seeing.
"I hear you, Jerry. You're ready to come, too. OK,
quick. Pull it out and stick it in my ass. Yes, I know
it will hurt, but I've got lube there, and you should
be coming soon. Ow, ow, ow! That really hurts. No,
keep pushing hard. There, I felt that. You didn't even
get all the way in before you started spurting. Keep
pushing as you are coming until you're all the way in
and then stop.
"I wanted to feel what anal was like one time, and I
sure did. It was only a few seconds, but it seemed
like forever. It's not for me. Never again. There,
just stay like that. You're still hard. Can you feel
me squeezing you?
"Raven, please get off the bed now and take the camera
and get behind Morgan's head and try to aim it at me.
I can feel Jerry getting soft now. Pull out really
slowly, Jerry. I'm going to put my head down and lift
up my ass, because I don't want you to spill one drop
of all that come you put in my ass. That's it. Now
move away. No, don't say anything.
"Are you ready, Raven. OK, keep the camera on me. I'm
coming over and getting into the same position you
were before. Push that cushion under Morgan's head
again and tell me which way to move until my asshole
is right at his mouth. I wish I could watch me do
this, but I'll have to watch your video later. Is he
still conscious? Yes he is. I felt him try to move his
head away. I'm locking it between my thighs. There we
are. Now I'm going to lower my butt onto him, but I'm
not going to threaten him like you did, Raven.
"Do you hear me, Morgan? This won't hurt you. I'll
wait until you're ready. I'll just sit here on top of
your mouth until you begin licking. I know your nose
is in the hair in my crack. I can feel it tickling.
You can still breathe through your nose, so you'll be
OK. I just have to give you my ass full of come before
we're done. You've earned it, Morgan. It's my final
goodbye to you.
"So take your time. When we're finished, you can go
home. It could take a few minutes, or we can stay as
long as you want. It can be a long goodbye or a short
goodbye, depending on when you start licking. Oh!
That's wonderful. Thank you, Morgan. It feels even
more incredible than I imagined. Oh my! Oh my! Keep
licking like just like that. You don't have to stick
your tongue inside. I'll let you know when you should
open your mouth wide. It won't be long. I feel a big
fart coming soon, and I'm holding back to make it more
powerful. I want to shoot everything Jerry deposited
in there right into your mouth."
***
Raven drove me home in silence and helped me inside.
She undressed me slowly and covered me in bed before
she spoke.
"I know you're hurting more than me," she said. "I was
really surprised. I told Lexi you would never show. I
know it doesn't matter to you, but after I wrecked
your balls, I started feeling bad about what I did to
you. I'm sorry, and I don't even know why.
"Your balls aren't really destroyed. I've done that
before, except with guys who got off on it. Their
balls recovered, and so did their assholes. You'll be
fine in a couple of weeks. I guess I better go now. I
really am feeling strange, because I feel like I want
you to forgive me, but I know you never will, and I'll
never even see you again. Goodbye, Morgan."
I heard her, but I didn't look at her. My head was on
the pillow, and I just stared at the ceiling as she
closed the door. I kept on staring until I fell
asleep.
The pain was agonizing every time I made a move on
Saturday and Sunday, but I decided to go to work
anyway on Monday. Halfway through the day, I realized
that was a mistake. But Tuesday was better. I didn't
talk to anyone I didn't have to. Everyone could see
they better not ask me any questions about my pain.
The night after the video session, my phone rang. I
didn't answer. When I checked my voice mail later, I
heard Jerry's voice, and I deleted the message without
listening to it. Jerry kept calling on Sunday and the
rest of the week, even at the office. As soon as I
heard his voice, I hung up.
I didn't think at all about what had happened on
Friday night. I found a way to wipe that from my mind.
The one thing that kept coming back to me was
something that Jerry had said about Lexi. She had told
him that something had clicked for her, and she
started growing, while I stayed the same. I kept
thinking about that, even after the pain went away.
I met a hot new woman, and she was wild in bed. Not as
wild as Lexi, but I started thinking she might be
interested in the same kind of arrangement. But after
three exhausting dates with her, I didn't call her
again. For a while, I didn't date, and when I started
again, I realized that something had happened. I was
different. I wasn't looking for a Lexi replacement
anymore. I started getting more involved with the
women I saw - and other people, too. Maybe it had
finally clicked for me, I thought, and for a moment, I
wished that it had clicked earlier, when I was still
with Lexi. After that, I actually forgot about her for
a long time -- until one night when I was in a
restaurant and saw a woman looking at me.
It was after work, and I was with a few friends. I saw
her out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned my
head, she was facing the bar. I thought maybe I was
mistaken, but I kept looking at her anyway because she
was stunning, at least from the back. She was with two
other women at the bar, and I could see their faces.
They were good looking and had hot bodies. She was
different. She looked like she didn't belong at a bar
in a chain restaurant.
There was an elegance to her. Her beautiful shiny,
flowing hair fell flawlessly over her bare shoulders
and as she moved her head, it seemed to flow like a
river. I was hypnotized by it. Her dress emphasized
her curves, but it was elegant, not slutty. Her butt
was on the stool, so I couldn't be sure, but it looked
great. Everything about her told me she was out of my
class.
Then I saw her get up from her stool. I had been right
about her butt. I saw a flash of cleavage as she
turned. She had an amazing chest, too.
Curiosity got the better of me. I wondered if she was
one of those women who looked good from the back but
had a plain face. I got up and walked over to where
the women were picking up their purses and paying
their bill. I would just walk around them and glance
at her quickly as I went back to my table. I wasn't
going to be stupid and say anything, because she could
probably cut my balls off with one look of contempt.
As I approached her, she turned her head, and I gasped
and staggered. It was Raven, and she was devastatingly
beautiful. She saw me, too. I started walking faster,
almost running. I heard her voice behind me. "Wait!"
she yelled, but I barely heard her, because I walked
quickly right out the door and down the street. I
walked around for 15 minutes before walking slowly
back to the restaurant looking in every direction like
a hunted animal.
My friends were getting ready to leave, and they asked
what happened to me. Apparently none of them saw her.
I told them I just needed some air all of a sudden.
They looked at me questioningly. Everyone paid his
bill, and I went home. I felt myself shaking as I
drove my car, and I had trouble falling asleep.
When I came home the next day, there was a message
from Raven on my voice mail. "I want to talk to you,
Morgan," she said. "I've wanted to do that for a long
time, but I've been scared to call you. When I saw you
last night, it finally gave me the guts to make this
call. I know you don't owe me anything, and I could
tell from last night that you don't want to see me.
but I promise it won't be more than a few minutes.
Please call me." She left a number.
For the next week, my mind was full of Lexi, Jerry and
Raven. Everything I had suppressed came down on me
like a huge wave. A couple of weeks after that
horrible Friday night, I had found a DVD in my mail
box. It was unmarked, but I knew what was on it. I
threw it in a drawer and never watched it, but now
every minute of that night ran through my mind again
as if I were watching the DVD. I couldn't remember the
pain much, but the degradation and mortification was
as fresh and devastating as if it had happened
yesterday. Sometimes I found himself breaking down and
crying.
Slowly, I pulled out of my depression. Certain
thoughts still came to mind at odd times, but they
didn't bother me as much as after I heard Raven's
message. One day as I was listening to my voice mail,
and her voice came on again. It was the same message.
I had never erased it. I listened to it all the way
through and then sat looking at the phone for 10
minutes before I picked it up.
We met at the Denny's near my office. I got there 15
minutes early, and as she walked in, I looked at her
and then looked around to confirm what I felt. Yes,
every man in the room had his eyes on her, and most of
them had their chins on the table. She was too
beautiful to be real, and she had an air about her
that was both scary and awesome at the same time. She
smiled at me when she sat down. There was no hint of
her trademark scowl. Maybe she's an actress, I
thought, and she's learned how to fake anything,
because she's coming across all warm and fuzzy, and I
know that's not the real Raven.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," I said.
"I can tell you're nervous," she said. "I'm trying to
cover it up, but I'm sure I'm more nervous than you
are. Thank you for agreeing to see me. You look great,
by the way. But then you always looked great. I was so
jealous of Lexi. That's why I was nasty to you. I
couldn't admit to myself that I really liked you,
because you weren't one of us."
"What do you mean?" I said. "Oh, you mean --"
"Yes, goths," she said. "It all seems so silly now,
but I guess it was something I had to go through. I'm
not going to bore you with my life story, but it
wasn't a happy one when I met you. I needed the goth
thing to help me out of my nightmares. You know, after
that night, I didn't need it anymore.
"Anyway, I was saying that I was really jealous of
Lexi, and even though I only saw you a couple of
times, I think I had a crush on you. Maybe because I
couldn't love you, I decided to hate you. That doesn't
excuse what I did, but maybe it helps explain it a
little.
"I've done a lot of things in my life that I've
regretted, but the worst of all was what I did to you.
To this day, I still think about it every day. I have
the video on my desk next to my computer. I've never
watched it. I just look at it, and I feel ashamed.
It's like a reminder to me of how low I can sink if I
don't watch out.
"So one reason I wanted to see you was to ask you to
forgive me. I know I have no right to ask, because
I've never made it up to you. I thought a lot about
what I could do for you, but there really is nothing
that can compensate for something like that. If you
can think of something, I'll find a way to do it, not
matter what it costs.
"Now I'm going to really freak you out, Morgan,
because the other reason I wanted to see you was to
thank you. Like I said, after that night, I didn't
need the goth lifestyle anymore. But that's not why
I'm thankful. That night sent some kind of lightning
bolt into my soul, and it changed me. I didn't realize
it right away, because it was a slow process. But I'm
a totally different person now than I was then. Well,
maybe not totally different, because there are a few
things that stayed with me.
"Do you know that I have so many friends now that I
feel like I'm living in a field of beautiful flowers?
They all think I'm kind and generous and thoughtful
and loyal and that I would never hurt a fly. Are you
laughing? Yes, I've really fooled them, but I can't
fool you. You know the real me that's down inside, the
disgusting, hateful woman who wouldn't think twice
about ruining your life. That's why I keep that disk
on my desk. It tells me to never let my guard down,
because I don't ever want my friends to know who I
really am."
"You didn't ruin my life," I said. I wanted to look at
her face, but I was looking at my hands. "I'm happier
now than I've ever been. I've got a lot of friends,
too, real friends. I've changed a lot since you knew
me. I wouldn't judge you today like I judged you then.
I think I've grown, and I think you probably have,
too. You look beautiful, and it sounds like you're a
beautiful person, too. Throw that disk away and don't
look at it again."
She didn't answer. I kept looking at my hands waiting
for her to say something. Finally, I looked up at her.
Her mascara was running down her cheeks, and her tears
were falling on the table like a waterfall. She looked
like a mess, and she still looked beautiful. She wiped
her eyes with her fists and that made even more of a
mess. She jumped up from the table and ran to the
ladies room.
When she came back, her eyes were still moist, but she
was smiling that warm smile again. She sat down and
looked at me for a while. "I'll never forget what you
said tonight, Morgan," she said. "It's much more than
I ever expected. I still can't forget what I did to
you, but you've made me so happy tonight that I know
I'll be able to bear it a lot better. I can't thank
you enough. I won't bother you again. I promise. Now
I've taken enough of your time. Just stay right there.
I'm going to pay for our coffees and leave."
I didn't say anything as she got up and took her
purse. She took a step away and then she came back.
"This is so stupid, Morgan, but I have to ask you,"
she said. "I promise you I'll never send you anything,
but would you mind if I friended you?"
"No problem," I said. I wanted to say something else,
but I didn't know what it was, so I just sat there
looking at my hands.
"Thanks," she said and left. As soon as I didn't hear
her heels clicking, I lifted my head and looked at
her. I watched her as she paid the waitress and walked
out the door. She turned her head back for a second
and saw me and smiled. I tried to smile back, but I
don't know if she saw.
Things moved fast after that. Two days later I got a
call from Jerry, and I agreed to meet him. It was at
the same table at Denny's. We hadn't seen each other
since that night. He didn't look a lot different.
"The reason I tried to call you before was not to say
I was sorry," I said. "It took me more than a month to
understand how sorry I really was. It was after I
broke up with Lexi. I just wanted to explain to you
about Lexi and me. She convinced me you didn't care
about losing her, and she told me she wasn't having
sex with you anymore, and I would be the only one
she'd ever have sex with again, and it would be a
hundred times better than with you. She had me snowed,
and I was ready to do anything for her, even though I
knew I wasn't doing the right thing for you.
"So I was there filming you and Raven and getting all
hot and hard thinking about Lexi and me doing some of
the same stuff. We were leaving town for a resort the
next day, and she told me we wouldn't be spending much
time outside the bedroom. When Raven started spanking
you, I said something to Lexi, but she said that you
and she had done that before.
"When Raven forced you to eat your come out of her
ass, I was almost as nauseated as you were. I told
Lexi I'd had enough, but she kept telling me this was
good for you and for us, because you would never want
to see her again, and the break with you would be
total. I didn't realize at the time that you would
never want to see me again either.
"I can't explain what came over me when Raven started
humiliating you. It was like Lexi had hypnotized me,
or at least hypnotized my penis. I just did what she
said. I looked at myself doing her and tried not to
listen to the other horrible sounds in the room. I
never really saw what Raven was doing to you, but I
knew it was ghastly. When I saw Lexi climb onto you
and force your face into her ass, I lost it and ran to
the bathroom and threw up.
"That's what I wanted to tell you when you wouldn't
take my calls. Now I don't even know why I wanted to
tell you that. I have no excuses. The whole thing was
disgusting, even at the beginning, when you were
enjoying it."
"I was enjoying it?" I said. "I don't remember that."
"I do," Jerry said. "For the first hour, you and Raven
were totally into each other, and both of you were
glowing. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn
that the two of you had been lovers for a long time.
She had a lot of orgasms, and she wanted you to come,
too, but she had promised Lexi she'd prevent you from
coming until you did it in her ass."
"You don't know that," I said.
"Raven told me," he said.
"So you still see Raven?" I said.
"Not anymore," he said. "I saw her a few times after I
broke up with Lexi. We never slept together. All we
ever did was talk about what we did to you. She was a
lot more shaken up about it than I was. She called me
yesterday and told me about her meeting with you.
That's why I decided to call you again."
"What happened to you and Lexi?" I said.
"That was your fault," he said. "I was really in love
with her until that Friday night. The next day we went
to the resort, and we screwed like rabbits. We did
that for the next month, and it was amazing. Sometimes
she would tell me how much you liked something or how
I did something in a slightly different way than you
did. You always seemed be there with us, no matter
what we were doing.
"We stopped talking like we used to. She stopped being
funny. It was like our normal lives were on hold. All
the things I loved about her were gone. Don't get me
wrong. The sex was amazing. But the rest was missing,
and I think we both realized it at the same time.
"She's the one who had the guts to finally bring it
up. I'm ashamed to say that I might have gone on with
her like you did. But thank goodness, she made me
realize what was happening.
"She said that she couldn't stop remembering what she
had done to you. She was watching the video and
getting excited and then feeling horrible about being
so turned on. And while we were having sex, she was
thinking about you all the time, even when she was
coming. Do you know she loved you?"
"What?" I said.
"She said she tried to tell you a few times, but you
weren't ready to listen. She had a feeling that you
weren't capable of loving anyone, but she was hoping
that someday you'd grow up, and you'd be ready to
listen, and then she'd find out if you loved her, too.
But when you started talking about being washed up --
I think she said used up -- she realized that she
wasn't going to be around when you woke up, so she
gave up on you. But you can't turn off feelings like a
faucet.
"You know that sexy outfit she wore that night? She
told me later that it was for you, not me. She thought
you weren't going to go for Raven, and she was ready
to do the video with you. She told me that deep inside
she hoped you would reject Raven and pick her. That's
why she wore it.
"What we did to you really messed us up. We both
admitted we were scared to have a normal relationship
because that would mean dealing honestly with what we
had done. So we decided to split as friends."
"Have you ever seen her again," I asked.
"No," he said, "but I think about her all the time.
And then I think about you. There are so many great
things that Lexi and I have in common, but there's one
bad thing we have in common that overshadows all of
them."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"No," he said. "I'm sorry, really sorry, and all I can
tell you is that I'm paying for what I did every time
I think of her and what a wonderful thing I ruined. I
hope that gives you some satisfaction."
"No, it doesn't, Jerry," I said. "I'm really a
different person now. I had suppressed what happened
until I saw Raven. Then it all came back, but that was
good, because I was ready to deal with it. It belongs
to a different part of my life now. You and I have had
had hundreds of good times together and one really bad
time. I know you're a great guy, and I forgive you for
everything, just like I forgive Raven. Hell, I even
forgive Lexi."
"You do?" I said. "Are you just saying that, or do you
really mean it?"
"I mean it," I said. "I'm not proud of the person I
was, but none of us are the same anymore. Raven is
amazing. I'm sure Lexi is too, and I forgive her and
wish a wonderful life for her."
I heard a noise, and I looked up and saw Jerry
shaking. He had his handkerchief in front of his face.
Before we left, we arranged to get together the
following week.
When I got home, I looked at Facebook. I stayed on one
page for a long time, and then I decided to write a
few words.
***
It turned out that one of the things Raven carried
over from her old life was her crush on me. We're
married and have two kids, but whenever we meet
someone new, they still think I'm married to a model.
I love to kid her about this, because it gets her red
in the face and lights up her smile every time I do
it. I love her smile, and I love her soul. I love
everything about her, including, of course, her body.
Jerry called Lexi the next day and told her what I had
said. She didn't believe him, so she came with Jerry
when I met him the next week. When I repeated it for
her, she fell apart, and everyone in Denny's watched
her melt into a wet puddle on the table. After she
pulled herself together, she couldn't stop hugging me,
and then she couldn't stop hugging Jerry.
They have two kids also, and the four of us get
together often, with the kids and without. Sometimes
our other friends notice that there's something
different in the room when we're all together.
"It's like you're all so natural and so tight
together," one of them said. "You can say anything,
and the others always know what you mean, even if no
one else understands. It's like you've all been to
hell and back together, and there's nothing that can
ever get between any of you now."
"You're very observant," I told him.
END
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than
a trusted partner. 4-million people around the world
contract HIV every year. You only have one body per
lifetime, so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Directory 78