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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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Ruined
by Ed Rider (edrider73@gmail.com)
***
A man's business investment tanks and a friend
suggests a way out of his financial difficulties. (MF,
bi, huml, exh, d/s, fisting)
***
"I guess bad news travels fast," said Travis.
"I'm calling because I'd like to help," said Delilah.
"That's nice of you," he said. "I don't think there's
anything you can do, but I promise I'll pay you back
your $5,000. It may take a while, but eventually I'll
return every cent that you and all my friends
invested."
"That's a great goal, Travis," she said. "I knew you
wouldn't let this get you down. After you lick your
wounds and wait for the economy to get better, your
next venture is going to be a huge success."
"There isn't going to be a next venture, Delilah," he
said.
"What do you mean?" she said.
"I'm going home," he said. "I'll live with my parents
for a while and look for work. Rent is cheap in the
mountains, and I'm sure I'll be able to move out of
their house after I find a job. But I'm not coming
back. This town has beaten me up, and I can't wait to
get it into my rearview mirror."
"What are you talking about?" she said. "You told me
how desperate you were to escape from your hometown.
You said you felt like you were choking to death
there. How can you go back?"
"I found out there were worse places," he said.
"Do I have anything to do with this?" she said.
"It's a lot more than that, Delilah," he said. "Don't
blame yourself. You didn't cause my financial
problems. You are more like a symbol."
"What does that mean?" she said.
"What happened with you was one of the things that
showed me I'm not cut out for this life," he said. "I
thought I couldn't take the narrow-minded people back
home. But that was before I met broad-minded,
sophisticated city people. Back home, I felt like a
hundred little knives were being stuck into me. But
here, people rip your guts and your heart right out of
your body."
"But you're not a Southern country hick," said
Delilah, "even though you sound like one. I know
people look down on you when they first meet you --
like I did. But once they get to know you, it's
different. Didn't you once tell me your friends here
are the greatest people you've ever known, and you
would do anything for them and were sure they would do
anything for you. Have you changed your mind?"
"No," said Travis. "You're right. My friends are
wonderful. They're all trying to keep me here. It's
not the friends that have worn me out. It's the people
who grind people like me into dust without even
knowing us. Listen, I'm not making excuses. I made all
the decisions that brought me where I am, and I'm the
one deciding to get away from all this."
"Is God telling you to do this?" she said.
"Of course not," he said. "If you think that, then you
still don't know anything about Christianity,
Delilah."
"Maybe you think God is punishing you," she said.
"That's just as stupid," he said. "I guess you haven't
changed much since I last saw you. It's hard to
believe it's been almost two years."
"I'm not really angry about your religion anymore,"
she said. "I've thought a lot about us since we split.
Now I realize that everyone, including me, has
irrational superstitions. I'm sorry about how it
ended, and I hope you believe me that I feel terrible
about what's happening to you."
"Thank you, Delilah," he said. "I forgave you a long
time ago, and I pray for you all the time because I
know that deep down, you are a good person. I hope
you'll forgive me some day, too, for some of the
unkind things I said to you."
"I knew you were going to say that," she said. "You
haven't changed at all. I could explain to you why you
didn't do anything wrong, but it doesn't matter now."
"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" he said.
"Forget it," she said. "Let's just say that I forgive
you for whatever you think you did to me."
"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "That means a lot to me."
"I wish you well, Travis," she said. "I'm more upset
about your going back home than about your bankruptcy.
I hope you'll think about this some more. If all your
friends think it's the wrong move, maybe you should
listen to them."
"I've thought about it a lot," he said, "but I don't
see any other way."
Five minutes after they hung up, the phone rang again.
"Hello," he said.
"It's Delilah," she said. "I've got to see you,
Travis, and I won't take no for an answer. I'm not
hanging up until we set up an appointment. You need to
bring a laptop and all your financials."
***
When they met the next night at the coffee house, she
said, "I'm sorry I was so pushy. I know I'm the last
person in the world you want to see, but after we hung
up yesterday, I realized that I called to help, and
then I didn't even try.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to look at all the
figures. There's got to be something I can find that
will keep you from ruining your life."
"You're welcome to look," he said. "I've had other
people analyzing this data, but none of them is a
partner in the biggest private equity firm in town. I
know if anyone can find something, you can, but I'm
afraid there's nothing to find."
She wasn't listening to him. The screens flashed in
front of her face as she drilled and crunched. Her
eyes darted around the monitor as she scrolled and
clicked. For 10 minutes, she didn't say a word, and
then she muttered something softly and looked up.
"I'm sorry," she said as she reached into her purse
and pulled something out of it. "I can't find anything
encouraging, but I expected that."
"What are you doing?" he said,
"I'm downloading everything onto this thumb drive and
taking it home with me," she said. "I know you've got
only seven days left, so I'll work on this at home and
call you."
"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "You really don't need to
do that."
She removed the drive from his laptop and stood up. "I
need to go," she said.
***
When she didn't call him for two days, he figured she
was too embarrassed to tell him that even her keen
mind couldn't find a way out of his mess. But on the
third day, she called.
"I went over the figures again and again," she said,
"and I couldn't find anything wrong with what you did.
I would have done things exactly the same way. You
just got unlucky with timing and that supplier that
went under. It's only $15,000, isn't it?"
"Yes," he said quietly. "Isn't that funny? If I can
get hold of $15,000 in the next four days, I can
complete the deal that keeps me going for at least a
year. And it looks like in a few months, there will be
a lot more coming in. But if I don't get the $15,000,
it all falls apart and I end up losing $20,000 and
going bankrupt."
"I'm sure you tried every possible way to get a loan,"
she said. "I tried also, but no deal. I wish I could
loan you the money myself, but I'm broke. It's just
temporary, but right now I don't have the collateral
to get you the cash. I feel really bad."
"Don't feel bad, Delilah," said Travis. "I'm touched
by what you did. I'll always remember you. Goodbye."
He heard her voice on the phone as he hung up. He was
worried that if the conversation continued, she might
start apologizing to him, and if she did, he might
break down, and that might make her feel worse. He
didn't want the last contact he'd ever have with her
to end that way.
***
The next night, she called him again, but her voice
was a lot different.
"You hung up on me yesterday," she said, and she
sounded like she was biting every word.
"I'm sorry, Delilah," he said. "When you told me you
felt really bad, you sounded like you were in pain. I
thought it would be better to end the conversation.
I'm glad you sound a lot different today."
"You didn't give me a chance to tell you why I felt
really bad," she said.
"OK, go ahead and tell me," he said politely.
"I feel really bad because I gave you $5,000, and I'll
never see it again," she said. Her voice had an edge
of anger.
"But I told you I'd pay you back," he said.
"Great!" she said. "By the time you pay me back, the
$5,000 will be worth half of that."
"I'll be paying you and everyone else interest on your
investment," he said.
"How much interest, Travis?" she said, "2 per cent, 5
per cent, 20 per cent? I saw all your figures, and you
know that if you can get through this crunch, there's
a good chance my investment could be worth $50,000 in
three years. That's what you're cheating me out of."
The tone of her voice was now as mean as her words, he
thought. She wasn't the same person who had asked his
forgiveness just a few days ago. He didn't say
anything.
"So you're not going to respond," she said. "You've
got nothing to say. You're just going to run away back
to your little shack in the mountains and become one
of those inbreeding cretins who go to church on Sunday
to ask their God to forgive their perversions. You
think that's going to be your deliverance?"
Her hateful words stung, but he didn't feel angry at
her, just helpless. "What can I do?" he said.
"You can get the $15,000," she said, "but you won't do
it because you're a hypocrite who's all holier than
thou and prays for people on Sunday, but doesn't mind
cheating them out of $50,000 on Monday."
"What are you talking about, Delilah?" he said. "Do
you want me to do something illegal? Or have you come
up with some way for me to save my skin by screwing
other people. I won't do it. You know me."
"Yes, I know you," she said. "You know how you can
make the $15,000, and it's not illegal, and it won't
hurt anyone except you. But you'll never do it because
you're so godly and so gutless that you'd rather hide
in the hollows and betray the friends who believed in
you and gave you their money."
"All right," he said, "Tell me how you think I can
make that much in three days. That's $5,000 a day."
"There are guys doing that, but you could make it in
one day," she said.
"Who are these guys?" he said.
"The ugly overweight men," she said
***
As they started dating, Delilah began introducing him
to her large circle of girlfriends. Just like her,
they made fun of how he talked and his beliefs.
Sometimes their humor was gentle, but they could also
get nasty and condescending. He overheard some of them
telling her she was crazy to encourage him because he
was from a different planet than she was and their
relationship couldn't go anywhere.
Almost all of them eventually came around, and once he
overheard a couple of them advising her to grab him
and make sure he didn't get away and wishing they
could find someone like him. The only one who never
warmed up to him was Grace.
She was a childhood friend of Delilah's, and they were
still as close as they were in the days of the
sleepovers that Grace loved to talk about. That was
before she came out as a freshman in college, and
sometimes Travis wondered what had happened when she
and Delilah slept together all through high school.
One time after they had been out with Grace and heard
another sleepover story, Delilah saw him gazing at her
nervously and told him that Grace made it sound like
there were a lot more sleepovers than there actually
were. She said that Grace may have been exploring her
sexuality with her, but she was too naive to realize
it, and she couldn't recall doing anything overtly
sexual with her.
Travis told her that he thought Grace was courting her
and hated him because he was a rival. Delilah said she
knew that, and she was doing her best to not be
together with both of them at the same time, but Grace
was still one of her oldest and dearest friends.
Delilah wasn't religious, but Travis didn't mind. He
told her once that even though he worried about her
soul, what was most important to him was how she lived
her life. The fact that she had made it to the top and
remained honest, ethical, moral and compassionate
showed him that she treated people as if they were
created in God's image, even if she didn't believe in
God and sometimes mocked Travis for being a believer.
He especially admired her for the way she talked about
her parents. She really looked up to them and was
always doing things for them. He only met them once,
and they didn't like him. They were nasty and
condescending. He was ready to try to change their
minds, but she was embarrassed, and after that, she
didn't talk about them to him anymore. He told her
once that the fact that she honored them meant a lot
more to him than what they thought of him.
Grace didn't hate only him. She hated all men, and
when the three of them were together, she took pains
to tell Delilah stories about men they both knew or
famous male celebrities who had been caught cheating
or having perverted sex. She also liked to bring up
news stories about child molesters, and if they were
priests or ministers, that made her day, because she
could combine her hatred of religion with her hatred
of men. She would talk to Delilah about all this while
staring at Travis. He saw that her goal was to
convince Delilah that all men were disgusting and that
Travis was, too, or at least he would be if given the
chance. Travis was sickened by her talk, but he never
responded to her. He just tried to avoid her.
Later, he blamed himself for not noticing when things
began to change and Delilah also began speaking
coarsely and disparagingly about men in general. A
couple of times, after she had said things out loud in
company, he told her that what she said made him
embarrassed for her because of the way people looked
at her. She told him he was imagining things. He told
her he noticed that some of her friends were keeping
away from her. She denied it and made excuses for why
she didn't see them. He asked her if she talked about
him that way when he wasn't around, and she swore she
never had and never would. He told her he believed
her.
They were with Grace at a noisy restaurant one night,
and the two of them were having a conversation that
was obviously amusing both of them on the other side
of the small round table. They were leaning over and
saying things to each other and then cracking up in
laughter. He couldn't hear them, and they apparently
wanted it that way, but there were occasional quiet
moments between songs on the speakers and
conversations at nearby tables, and he picked up a few
snatches of their conversation. He didn't understand
what he heard, but it sounded disgusting.
He was quiet in the car on the way home, but when they
were getting undressed for bed, he felt he had to
speak. "What were you and Grace talking about
tonight?" he said.
"Oh, you wouldn't be interested," said Delilah. "Just
forget about her. I'm in a really good mood, and I
want to get you in the same mood so let's hurry up and
get to bed."
But he wouldn't let her change the subject. He
mentioned some of the things he had overheard that
disturbed him and kept pressing her. Finally, she got
exasperated.
"You just won't let it go, will you?" she said. "All
right, I'll tell you, but you'll be sorry, because
you'll want to wash out your ears, and tomorrow you'll
have to pray extra hard to God, so he will forgive
you.
"We were talking about Grace's new job. She's still in
HR, but now she's with a company that runs websites.
It's really big and successful, and most of the money
comes from porn sites.
"Grace handles the legal releases for all the actors,
and most of them are part time. She meets them in
person because she has to witness their signatures.
Most of them are good looking women and men, but she
also noticed a lot of ugly overweight men, and she
asked her boss about them. That's how she found out
about the male humiliation websites. Because of her
job, she can go to any of the company's websites for
free and download videos, so she's sent me some of the
stuff from those sites.
"She said these men are making lots of money, but the
people working at the video studios told her they
would do it for nothing. The company just pays to
protect itself against sexual slavery lawsuits. It
makes huge profits from those sites, so what it pays
the men is just a drop in the bucket anyway.
"Grace went to the studios and watched the men doing
video shootings and live cams. The cams are where the
men perform requests for people who pay to watch them
in real time. What Grace likes is that the men aren't
really in charge. It's the beautiful women dressed in
sexy outfits who are humiliating them who run the show
and know how to do things to the men that connect with
the audience.
"A lot of these women are lesbians like Grace, but she
said a lot of them are like me. Most of them are doing
it for the money, but some of are just enjoy degrading
men. I mean, I don't enjoy that, and you know I would
never want to do that to you. What I mean is you
wouldn't think they are any different from the average
woman on the street until you see what they do in the
studio.
"She said that the ugly overweight men enjoy it even
more than the women. Can you believe these women do
things like whipping them until they bleed and kicking
them in the balls? Grace said that sometimes it takes
the men weeks to recover after performing, but they
always come back for more.
"All sorts of things are stuck into their anuses,
including the entire hands of these women. The first
time I saw a fisting, I thought it was fake computer
animation, but Grace told me that it's done with a lot
of lubrication and special techniques. Then she sent
me some videos with two hands in a guy's anus. And
then I got one with two hands inside a man and another
women sticking her hand in the middle of the two
hands, so there were three. I thought she couldn't top
that until she sent me some videos of women who pushed
their hands into the guy's anus until an entire arm,
up to the shoulder, was inside of him. I've even seen
one video with two arms all the way to the shoulder.
Are you OK?"
As she was describing the videos, Travis started
feeling nauseous. His stomach was in knots, and he
thought he might pass out, so he sat down on the bed
and put his head down. Delilah walked over to him and
smiled at him. Her face was sweaty, and her eyes were
gleaming.
"You look a little green, Travis," she said. "I was
going to tell you about some of the other things I
saw, but I guess I'll wait for another time. I think
this conversation has had an opposite effect on you
from me. I'm going to get you a glass of water and get
you settled down, and then I'm going to help you get
those images out of your mind."
When he felt a little better, he told her didn't feel
up to having sex that night, but she wouldn't be
denied. She used all the tricks that she knew that
would arouse him, and she finally succeeded. After
that, she told him to just lie on his back and she
would do all the work. He watched her as if he were
outside of his body. He wasn't responding to her at
all, but she was going crazy and having multiple
orgasms. I wonder if this feels anything like being
raped, he thought. He eventually did have an orgasm,
and when she felt him coming inside her, it set off a
few more of hers.
***
The next few days, he was uneasy as he waited for her
to bring up Grace and the ugly overweight men again,
but she didn't. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't
what she said that made him physically ill. It was
because he was afraid for her soul. He knew she would
laugh at him if he told her that, so he said nothing.
Later, that was one of the things that haunted him.
He didn't see Grace for a while, but though he tried
to avoid it, he overheard phone conversations between
Delilah and her. They were all about Grace's job now,
because her boss had noticed her interest in the ugly
overweight men and how beautiful and voluptuous Grace
was and asked her if she'd like to appear in a video
where a veteran woman was teaching a novice how to
humiliate men. Grace jumped at the chance, and she did
so well that she became a regular on three different
sites. They used wigs, makeup and costumes to make her
a different person on each site.
One day, Travis realized that he knew an awful lot
about what Grace was doing even though he and Delilah
never talked about her. The next time Grace called, he
walked out of the living room into the kitchen. He saw
Delilah walking with the cordless and stopping close
enough to the kitchen that he could hear her. When he
went into the bedroom, she moved just outside the
bedroom door. She wants me to hear, he realized, and
after she hung up, he accused her of pulling him into
Grace's sleazy career against his will.
"This is the first time you've complained," she said.
"I was beginning to think that Grace was right."
"What do you mean?" he said. He was surprised at how
angry he sounded.
"She told me that a lot of the ugly overweight men
remind her of you," she said. "Not the way they look,
although she said there are a few gay men she
humiliates who aren't bad looking. She has the feeling
that a lot of the men are religious hypocrites, even
though she never has conversations with them.
"I asked her why she would think that, and she said
it's because most of them disguise themselves with
makeup or wear a hood on their head or a mask during
the video shoots and live cams, and most of them wear
tight latex or leather outfits that cover up their
bodies except for their genitals. She said, they love
being mortified, but they don't want anyone to know
it, and they probably pretend they are normal with
their girlfriends or wives and go to church every
Sunday to pray that God will forgive them. Then after
a while, they come back for another session with her.
"She said you're probably like that, too, that you're
pretending to me that you're one thing, but if you had
the chance, you'd also love to wallow in filth. She
suggested I let you hear our conversations. I told her
how sick you got when I talked about the ugly
overweight men, but she said you were probably faking
it. I told her you'd ask me to go to another room or
you'd leave the apartment if you heard us, but you
didn't say anything until tonight. At least I was
right when I told her you wouldn't ask me for more
details."
"Don't you see what she's doing?" said Travis. "It's
the same thing as before. She wants you, and I'm
standing in her way, so she wants to destroy me in
your eyes."
"I know that," said Delilah.
"Then why are you going along with her agenda?" he
said.
"I'm not," she said. "She has her reasons for doing
what she does, and I'm her friend. I don't have the
right to judge her. You told me once that God is the
only one who has the right to judge people's morality.
Are you taking that back?"
"You like to twist things to suit your convenience,"
he said. "God lets you and I make the choices between
good and evil. I love you, and I'm just afraid you're
making the wrong choices."
"But you love everybody, Travis," she said. "You told
me you are commanded to even love your enemy. So you
love Grace, too. I should be jealous."
He gave up, and later, he blamed himself for that,
too. "Let's give this a rest, Delilah," was all he
said.
"You're the one who brought it up, Travis," she said.
Despite their differing outlooks on life, the one
thing they had in common from the beginning of their
relationship was their appetite for sex. One time, she
joked about how his lust was as insatiable as hers and
wasn't that wrong because they weren't joined together
in God's eyes. When she saw how that wounded him, she
never brought it up again.
He told her once that he knew fornication was a sin,
but he didn't think when two unmarried people did it,
it was as bad as adultery. But he was doing it so
often with her that he wondered whether God might add
it up and decide it was worse than stealing or bearing
false witness. When he said he prayed for them both
every Sunday, she told him she didn't want him to pray
for her and to not tell her that again.
They both loved to enjoy each other's bodies and
delighted in trying out new ways to excite each other.
After one session when they were both glowing, Travis
wondered if that was all that was holding them
together. Maybe she thought of him as a pathetic
religious fanatic who would satisfy her until she
found someone who thought more like she did.
She did treat him with respect when it involved his
business dealings. She admired his creativity and
persistence, and she insisted on investing in his
business and was the one who approached friends of
hers and his to invest, too.
There were no more overheard phone conversations, but
something else began happening that bothered Travis
even more. It wasn't that she was trying out new
things in bed. She always did that, and he loved it.
It just seemed that all the things she was doing were
in one direction. He wanted to say something, but he
hesitated. She kept going in that direction, and
finally he asked her.
"No, I'm not trying to hurt you or humiliate you," she
said. "I thought you were enjoying what I was doing. I
noticed you never stopped me, and I also noticed that
your orgasms were huge. Why does that bother you?"
"I don't think any of those things bother me by
themselves, but the pattern is disturbing, and it
makes me suspicious," he said. "Your ideas come from
the videos Grace is sending you, don't they?
"You're right," she said. "Grace suggested I try out
variations of some of the things she does to the ugly
overweight men. She's now writing all the scripts for
her videos, and she told me she always puts in
something for you. I don't mean that I do what she
does, but she gives me ideas. I know what you like, so
I adjust them to give you nothing but pleasure. I
remove the really degrading parts and the parts that
are painful. She wants me to try those on you, too,
but I told her I will never do that to you."
"When you watch those videos, you don't really know
what's going on," he said. "They are edited to show
the fantasies of the people who pay for them. There's
no way to tell if the men she's hurting and degrading
are really enjoying what she's doing to them."
"Oh, they are," she said. "I know they are. I mean,
you can tell."
He looked at her. She was looking away and avoiding
his eye. He knew what that meant.
"Just a minute," he said.
"No," she said, starting to get up from the bed. "This
conversation is over."
He grabbed her arm to stop her. He didn't pull her
down, but he didn't let go. Finally, she sat down on
the edge of the bed and looked straight ahead. He
didn't let go of her arm, and she didn't try to pull
his hand away.
"What do you want?" she said, and he could hear the
fear in her voice.
"You already know what I'm going to ask, don't you?"
he said. "Have you been going to the studios with
Grace?"
"Y-yes," she said.
"So you've been there watching her," he said. "Is that
how you know what the men's reactions are?"
"Yes," she said. She was shivering now. Suddenly he no
longer felt angry at her. He felt like his body was
burning and being smothered at the same time. He
wondered if this was how it would feel at the end of
the world, and then he realized that for him, it now
was the end of the world.
"But that's not all, is it?" he said. His voice was
barely above a whisper now. He thought to himself that
he sounded like he was talking to her from the bottom
of a well.
"No," she said.
"Did she get you to perform in some of her videos?"
"Yes."
"Is that how you know about the men, because you were
doing those things to them, too?"
"Yes."
"Did you just do this one time?"
"No."
Her "no" felt like a punch in the stomach. He decided
he didn't want to know how many times. Maybe she was
now a regular, just like Grace.
"Aren't you afraid that your family or friends might
find out what you are doing?"
"I wear a wig and heavy makeup. I don't think even you
could tell it's me."
"Don't you feel bad about the horrible things you are
doing to those men?" he said.
Later, she told him that when he said that, she
realized it was over, and the pain of knowing that
made her lash out at him.
"Haven't I already told you that they love what I do
to them," she said, "just like you loved it when I did
the variations to you? Yes, I gave them what they
wanted, and it was exciting. I didn't hurt anyone who
didn't want to be hurt, and what I did to them wasn't
anything that didn't heal in a week or two. Mostly I
just humiliated them, and they loved every minute of
it.
"You have no right to look down at me. You've enjoyed
the things I learned. You are as selfish about your
pleasure as I am. The only difference is that you go
to church on Sunday and pretend you're sorry. I admit
I had fun doing those things to the ugly overweight
men. But it's not the same as the pleasure I get from
being with you and watching you enjoy the new things I
try for you. I love giving pleasure to you.
"Can't you admit who you really are?" she said. "Grace
is right. There are things inside you that you are
hiding from yourself. You use religion to bottle these
things up, but one day they are going to explode, and
it might destroy you. Grace thinks you should come
with us to the studio one time and watch me with the
ugly overweight men, and then you can talk to me
honestly about how you feel. She thinks you might
surprise me and surprise yourself."
Travis began crying. He wanted to tell her again what
Grace was doing. He wanted to ask her to never see
Grace again. He wanted to tell her she was talking
like this because the devil had invaded her body and
was using her tongue. He wanted to tell her that it
didn't matter if the men wanted her to mortify them,
because every time she did, she took another step down
the highway to hell. Later, he despised himself for
not saying what was in his mind.
"Your friends told you from the beginning that I was
too much of an ignorant hick for a girl like you," he
said. "Some of them even told me. Everyone but Grace
later took it back. I know you don't see them much
anymore, except for Grace, so I don't see them either.
But when I do, I'm going to tell them their first
impression was the right one, and you and I should
have listened to them.
"I thought we were good for each other, but it was a
stupid fantasy. When I first met you, you toyed with
me, but I saw that beyond your joking, you were kind
and warm and good to your parents. Now you've become
coarse and callous and cold. I'd like to blame it on
Grace, but she's always been in your life.
"I'm beginning to realize that I'm the one who failed
you. You see how I love to fornicate with you, and
then I'm ashamed and pray to be forgiven, and then I
keep on doing it. No wonder you think what you're
doing is not hurting anyone. Grace is right. I am
disgusting.
"I've never seen one of those videos you and Grace
make, but I imagine them in my mind now as I look at
you. I don't see the ugly overweight men. They are
just a blur. I see you and what you're doing to them.
You're degrading yourself a hundred times more than
you're degrading them, and that breaks my heart. I
have to go."
He got up from the bed and didn't turn around. As he
was dressing, he heard her sobbing behind him. When he
was walking out of the bedroom, she screamed, "No!" He
didn't turn around. There was nothing more to say.
***
When she mentioned the ugly overweight men on the
phone just now, all the emotions of the night he
walked out came flooding back over him. He didn't know
what to say. He heard her breathing. It sounded as
though she was taking deep breaths. Then came a really
deep one, and she said, "You didn't say anything,
Travis. Did you hear what I said?"
"Yes," he said.
"Do you understand me?" she said.
"No," he said.
"I'll spell it out for you," she said. "I talked to
Grace, and she talked to one of her producers and
showed her some photos of the three of us at the
beach. The producer couldn't believe how what great
shape you are in.
"The ugly overweight men have to work a full shift
that includes a few hours on the cams and a couple of
videos for $5,000. But I went with Grace and
negotiated for you and got them up to $10,000 for just
one video. I haven't been working there lately, but
some of my videos are still getting lots of clicks, so
I told them I'd be in the video, too, if they went up
to $15,000, and they went for it. They think the three
of us are splitting the money, but Grace agreed that I
could loan our share to you, and you could pay us back
when you had the money -- and without any interest."
Travis was starting to understand, but his mind was
reeling. He heard her take another deep breath. "Are
you there, Travis?" she said.
"Yes," he said. "I hear what you're saying, and it's
beginning to sink in. You know what's funny? I'm
remembering how you once told me you would never do to
me what you were doing to those ugly overweight men,
that I wasn't like them. Now it turns out that I'm no
different to you from those men after all."
He heard another sharp intake of breath on the phone,
and then she said, in a mocking voice, "That's right,
Travis. You walked out on me. You thought I was scum.
I don't think you're so special anymore. If you do
this, you will be the same as the ugly overweight men,
except you'll get a lot more money for your pain and
humiliation."
"I thought you told me those men wanted to be degraded
and hurt," he said.
"Yes, they love it," she said, "and Grace says you
will, too. And when you're done, you'll be able to
keep your business, and my projections are that in a
few years you'll be rich. I'll get my $50,000 and
probably a lot more, and all your friends who believed
in you will be rewarded. You'll be a big man in town,
not a loser living in some shack with an outhouse in
the back."
"You make it sound like you're doing me a favor," he
said.
"Don't misunderstand me, Travis," she said. "If I
hadn't looked at your books and seen the payoff you
were cheating me out of, I wouldn't care if God told
you to run like a coward. I even bet Grace $10 that
you wouldn't have the guts to do this. She said I'd
lose the bet because you'd pretend to me like you were
appalled by the idea, all the time hiding how excited
and aroused you are at being forced to do something
you want to do anyway. Are you feeling aroused right
now?"
He didn't tell her he was feeling nauseated by what
she was saying. It was his fault that he hadn't tried
to save her when he saw her falling. Now she had
become the woman he was listening to.
He wondered if she was telling him the truth about his
future prospects. He had believed her when she had
told him that she would've loaned him the money he
needed but had no cash to spare. But he knew she made
a lot of money. Was she lying? Was this really just a
scheme of hers and Grace's to get revenge on him?
He heard her breathing slow down and become steady. He
rehearsed the words he would tell her, explaining why
he couldn't do it. At first, he included God as one of
the reasons, but then he decided that if he brought
God down into this cesspool, he would fall even lower
than she had. Finally, he decided on a cop-out.
"I need some time to think," he said. "I can't give
you an answer now."
"You already have," she said. "I owe Grace $10. She
told me that if you asked for more time, that meant
you would do it. We have to reserve the studio today,
so you have a couple of hours to call me back, even
though you know you're going to do it."
She's right, he thought.
***
"Look at yourself in the mirror, Junior," said Grace
when she and Delilah had finished squeezing him into
his costume. He straightened up and turned to the
full-length mirror.
Facing him was a naked blue man with patches of pink.
He wasn't naked, but the thin blue Spandex was
stretched so tightly on him that it seemed to be
painted on. It covered his torso from his neck to his
feet, except where he was naked from the belly button
to the top of his thighs. The tight blue latex hood
covering his head had cutouts for his eyes, his
nostrils and his mouth. There were open patches in the
latex that exposed his cheeks.
Grace reached around and grabbed his package with her
left hand. "I think you're starting to get excited
already, Junior," she said as she manipulated his
flaccid penis and testicles. "But try to control
yourself so you don't come too fast. You'll be
punished if you do. Or is that what you want anyway?"
When he had signed the papers an hour ago, Delilah
told him that she and Grace would call him Junior as
they abused him verbally. They could only do what he
agreed to in the release. The list was on the second
page, and she was going to turn over the first page so
he could read it. He had the right to cross out some
of the items, but the signing was being filmed and the
producers were watching on monitors. If he crossed out
too many items, they producers could stop the signing
and re-negotiate or walk away from the whole deal.
"I don't want to know what you're going to do to me,"
he said. "Just show me where to sign."
"No, you have to read each item," said Delilah, "so
the camera over there can record you doing it, and
they can prove that you agreed to everything on the
list, except those things you cross out. A couple of
the men tried to sue the company, so now they don't
take any chances."
He turned to face the camera. "I swear to God that I
agree to whatever is written on Page 2," he said.
"That's not good enough," said Delilah. "You have to
read each item and then agree."
"Wait a minute," said Grace. She stood up and walked
away from the table motioning the producer to come
with her. They whispered for a couple of minutes and
then came back.
"The producer decided that Travis's statement was good
enough," Grace said. "He doesn't need to read the list
if he doesn't want to."
"Yes he does," insisted Delilah. "There may be some
things he can't handle, but he won't know until he
sees what they are."
"I've got an idea," said Grace, and she took a pen and
started writing. "I'm going to write something down on
the bottom of the first page. Travis, you will read
what I write and initial it. Then you will read it out
loud. Then I'll cover the list on the top of Page 2,
and you will sign at the bottom. If you don't want to
do that, you will have to read the list. OK, read
this, Travis."
He read it, and he froze. "Now, initial it," said
Grace, "or else you're going to have to read the list.
Or else we'll call this whole thing off."
He signed his initials.
"Now read it out loud," said Grace.
"I'm not reading the list on Page 2 because I think
the video will be more exciting if everything is a
surprise to me," he said, and then he looked down. He
felt horrible after he spoke, but he was scared that
if he read the list, he might back out. Delilah had
sent him a password and some links to the site they
were shooting for, and he had opened five different
links. But after a couple of minutes, he found that he
was physically sick as he watched the beautiful,
nearly naked women preparing to destroy the ugly
overweight men. He wondered if one of them was Delilah
in disguise. He turned off the videos, but he still
shuddered when he thought of them, even though he
hadn't watched them long enough to see the women do
anything.
"I still want him to read the list," said Delilah. Her
voice sounded strained.
"That's finished," said Grace. "Let it go, Delilah. I
told you he wants to do this. I just gave him
permission to admit it. See, he just signed the second
page. It's time to prepare him."
"OK," said Delilah, but Travis was familiar with the
tone in her voice. She was giving in, but she wasn't
happy. She really wanted me to read that list, he
thought. She must know it would have destroyed my mind
even before they start destroying my body. Does she
really hate me that much?
His body felt like it weighed 500 pounds when he stood
up, and he couldn't move. He saw Delilah standing and
staring at him. Her face was a blank mask. She's
trying to hide her exultation, he thought. She didn't
move. It was Grace who took his hand and slowly pulled
him to the studio like he was a child who knew he was
about to be punished.
The cameras were filming, and Grace was talking to
him, but his mind was full of Delilah.
"You aren't listening, Junior," she said. "I'll punish
you for that later, but now you need to come here and
lie down on this padded table. First I'm going to put
this ball gag in your mouth and make it tight. We
don't want you getting too loud right now. In a few
minutes, we'll take it off so we can hear your
responses.
"These leather sheaths I'm attaching to your feet are
like soft boots that go over your Spandex stockings.
I'm going to make them really tight so they don't slip
off.
"Can you see me, Junior? I hope you like my outfit. My
sister and I decided to wear matching outfits for you.
We actually have less on than you do, because we
wanted you to see our breasts and butts spilling out
of our costumes while we punish you. We want you to
think about how you disrespected my sister and accused
her of being sinful. She and I are showing you all the
goodies that you're never going to get again. Yes,
look at her hard, Junior."
Travis caught a glimpse of Delilah standing behind and
to the side of Grace. He shuddered as he looked at
her, because the expression on her face was pure
horror. She's looking at me like I'm about to kill
her, he thought, instead of the other way around. Or
maybe she was feeling some guilt and remorse. He said
a brief silent prayer for her.
"You're going to come today, Junior," said Grace, "but
it's not going to be fun like it used to be. You're
going to suffer when you come, and that will also
remind you of what you've lost by being such a jerk.
"My sister told me how mean you were when you found
out she had made a few female domination videos. She
wasn't cheating on you, so she couldn't understand way
you were acting so crazy.
"I told her why. It's because you've always wanted to
do this, Junior, but you've been pretending that
you're a religious man. You fooled my sister and
everyone else, but you didn't fool me. You may not
admit it to yourself, but I know what you really want,
and today she's going to see that I'm right."
As Grace talked, Travis felt his feet and ankles being
enclosed in something that slowly got tighter. He
wondered what kind of torture this was going to be.
Grace was making up a story for the video, he thought.
It was the same story that she had been telling
Delilah. He wondered how much Delilah believed her.
"There," said Grace. "You're all snug and tight so you
won't slip out and fall. Now I'm wrapping this strap
around your arms and pulling it tight to hold them
close to your body. Look over here, Junior. Do you see
this crank that I'm turning? That's why your legs are
going up in the air. It's connected to cables that are
attached to your boots. There we go. Now you're
hanging down like a slab of meat.
"Wait, Sister. Where are you going?"
"I'm going to prepare some of the things we'll need
later," she said. "I'll be right back. Don't stop."
"OK, but don't be long," said Grace. "You don't want
to miss this. This part is called preparation, Junior,
or prep for short. I'm turning another handle now to
lower you down, but don't worry, your head will be at
least a foot off the floor so you won't hit it while
you move around.
"Usually, the prep is done in the bathroom without any
cameras, but there are fetish websites where people
pay a lot of money to watch what we are doing now,
like the way you twisted when you felt my finger going
into your anus. Did you feel the lube that I pushed in
there? There goes some more. It's hard to stop me when
I'm behind you, and you are just a piece of hanging
meat.
"Now that you're greasy inside, it's easy to push this
in. Were you able to see that when you twisted around?
It's a long, thick syringe, and now it's all the way
in. You like things stuck in your ass, don't you,
Junior? Now I'm going to slowly push the plunger down
and fill your colon with liquid.
"Would someone please bring me the stall? Here it is.
Thanks. Do you see this thing I'm rolling up to you.
It's like a curved shower stall made out of Fiberglas
with only three sides. The fourth side is open, so the
camera can shoot you hanging upside down inside it.
There's a big pan at the bottom.
"Have you already guessed what's happening, Junior?
You are about to perform the first act. The syringe
was full of a powerful laxative, and I'm sure you're
already feeling what it's doing inside you. In a
minute, you're going to explode, and because you're
hanging upside down, you'll erupt like a volcano. The
spurts will start you twisting and swinging from the
cables, and that will make you shoot out all over the
walls of the stall. Everything that hits the walls
will bounce back onto you.
"Soon there will be a torrent running down your body
to your head and then dripping into the collecting pan
below you. By the time your anus has stopped spasming,
your body and head will be coated. It will fill your
nose and also your mouth, because I'm going to remove
your ball gag in a minute. You'll try to keep your
mouth shut, but when your nose is full, you'll have to
open it to breathe, and you won't be able to keep the
muddy river from running in there. You'll probably
throw up along the way, and that will mix with the
other stuff running down your face.
"The cameras will capture everything, from the camera
above you that will focus on the geyser coming out of
your anus to the camera at floor level that will focus
on your face as it's getting coated.
"See this sprayer in my hand. Once you're done,
Delilah and I are going to wash you down. Where is
she? I can see you're almost ready. Anyway, we'll wash
you clean with hot water and soap. We'll even wash out
your nose and mouth. Then we'll roll away the stall
and spray some air freshener, and you won't smell or
taste a thing.
"We are going to give you a second enema to make sure
you're all clean, but I'll lower you first, and you'll
be able to go to the bathroom. We won't film the
second one because it won't be as dramatic. Oh my!
Your movements are really getting violent. You're
trying hard to hold it in, like I knew you would, so
when you finally have to let go, the explosion will be
a lot more powerful.
"OK, I'm taking off your gag now. I see you're already
holding your mouth tightly shut. And boom, there you
go! And there's another one, even bigger. It's like
fireworks going off high in the air and then falling
down. Whee!"
***
After he was washed down, his costume was removed, and
he was given the second enema. Then Delilah washed him
off in the shower stall, which was now bright and
clean and showed no traces of what had happened inside
it earlier. He felt exhausted and weak, and his mind
was trying to block out what he had just gone through.
He wanted to yell at Delilah and curse her and Grace.
He wanted to physically hurt them for what they had
done. At the same time, he wanted to sink into the
ground and become invisible. He no longer felt human.
He could barely move as Delilah guided him into a
chair next to a small table. "You're going to drink a
couple of glasses of this," said Grace. "It's a sports
drink with a lot of sugar in it. I know it doesn't
taste good, but your body needs the water and the
energy that it just lost. You're going to sip it
slowly and then rest here for about 15 minutes."
Grace and Delilah sat down next to him and observed
him. Delilah got up a few times and walked away. Her
expression had changed again, back to the poker face
that hid her emotions. When the rest period was over,
she was all business as she and Grace brought him back
to the padded table and squeezed him into another
spandex outfit. It was like the previous one, but this
one was pink, and his latex hood matched the color.
They pushed him down on the table again on his back,
but nothing was attached to his feet this time. He saw
one of the camerawomen -- they were all women -- move
in close on one side of the table as Grace and Delilah
moved to the other side. "Why don't you explain what
we're going to do now," said Grace to Delilah.
"I'm sorry, but I have to excuse myself to go to the
ladies room," Delilah said. "You can start, and I'll
be right back."
"That's what you said before," said Grace, "and then
you didn't get back until the washing. You missed
everything."
"I'm sorry," said Delilah in a flat voice. "I'll get
back as soon as I can."
Travis watched Delilah walk away. Grace waited until
she was out of sight before she leaned over and spoke
in a lower voice. "I'm sorry about Delilah," she said.
"I'm sure you prefer her degrading you, and I'll take
care of that. But as long as she's not here, there are
a couple of things we can do while we're waiting.
"Look at me, Travis. The lady on the closeup camera is
going to move right up to your face. It's covered with
pink, except for the area around your mouth, your
cheeks, your eyes and your nostrils, so it's hard for
you to show any expressions, but I think we can get
some anyway. That's why I'm not putting the gag in
your mouth. Right now, I want you to smile. Are you
listening to me, Travis?"
He heard her, but the last thing he felt like doing
was smiling. He just lay there looking at her.
"Ow!" he yelled as she slapped him hard on his right
cheek.
"I don't think you heard me," she said. "I told you to
smile." She slapped his left cheek just as hard. "I'm
going to keep on slapping you until you respond,
Travis. By the time Delilah comes back, your face will
be deeply bruised and bright red. Eventually, I'll
flay your skin so much that it will start splitting
and bleeding. The pain will last for weeks.
"So are you going to smile or not? That's good, but
not good enough. I want a broader smile, and I want a
happy smile. I want your eyes smiling, too. Try to
think of something funny if you can or maybe some
happy times you had with Delilah.
"I don't care what you do, but I want you to look
really happy. That's better. Now try harder and make
it a little more convincing for the camera. We're all
just doing a play here, and this part of the play is
where you're really happy. That's it.
"OK, now don't stop smiling, but while you're smiling,
I want you to nod your head up and down. I know it's
not easy to do while you're lying down. But just nod
slowly up and down while you're smiling. You're so
happy. You're nodding yes, yes, yes, to show how happy
you are. Now you're going to nod a little faster
because you're convincing me you're really happy. You
couldn't be happier.
"Now you're going to keep smiling and nodding and at
the same time, and I want to hear a little laugh. You
can do it, Travis. Don't say a word, but just give me
a light little chuckle. You are so happy, you're
tickled pink and you're just bubbling over with a
little laughter. OK, now make the laughter just a
little bit louder. No belly laugh. You're just
laughing because you're so happy that you can't help
it. That's good. Keep on doing that. The camerawoman
is getting everything.
"OK, you can stop laughing, but keep on smiling and
she's going to move back a little. I didn't tie your
arms down, so you can move them now. I want you to
move them to your sides and lift them up a little and
open them, so your palms are facing up. You're smiling
and your hands are showing how you're feeling. You are
so pleased that you can't believe it. You can't
believe how happy you are. That's it. That's what I'm
looking for. OK hold it like that for the camera.
Great. Now you can relax. I see that Delilah is
walking back here."
"I thought you were going to start on the CBT," she
said as she came up to the table.
"I gave him a preview of the slapping first," said
Grace softly and then raised her voice.
"Remember, I'm just your assistant, Sister. You're the
one who wanted to see what Junior was made of, so
you're going to take over now and tell me what I can
do to help."
"You're right, Sister," said Delilah. It sounded to
Travis like she sighed for a moment, but then her
voice became steely.
"It's time to get rough, Junior," she said. "When I
got just a little rough with you in bed, you really
enjoyed it, but when you found out that I got my ideas
from making femdom videos, all of a sudden, you were
telling me I was disgusting. What a hypocrite! Sister
says you're lying and you like it a lot rougher than I
thought. We'll soon find out if she's right.
"Sister, we're going to put some of this lube on our
hands. You start working his penis while I do his
testicles. Yes, that's it. Just stroke him softly at
first while I play with his balls. Wow! He sure jumped
to attention right away. Look at how big and hard he
got with our gentle touch. Now let's see if he stays
that way.
"I want you to grab his penis now with both hands.
Even though he's pretty thick, your hands are big. I
want you to close your fists as tight as you can and
squeeze him hard as you are pumping him. Did you hear
that? I don't think he likes what you're doing. You've
got him in a tight vise and you're almost pulling his
skin off as you go up and down that big thing. I
thought the pain might make it wilt a little, but it's
still pushing out and hard.
"This should change that. I'm starting to tighten my
hands around his balls. I'm doing it slowly, but he
feels it, because he's getting louder. Is this rough
enough for you, Junior? What did you say? I can't hear
you above the screaming.
"Look at that, Sister. You were right. I think his
penis is even more excited. I can see that you've
rubbed it so hard that there are already spots that
are raw. That must really hurt when you're going over
them, but he's still aroused. OK, let go of his penis,
and I'll stop squeezing.
"I want you to grab his penis at the base with your
left hand now, while I grab his ball sack with my left
hand and pull it away from his body and then bunch up
his balls in my hand like this. OK, now follow my
rhythm. I'm going to softly punch his balls with my
right hand, and I want you to softly slap his penis
with your right hand. Get in my rhythm. Now you've got
it. And his screams are in rhythm, too.
"Now watch, Sister. I'm going to slowly speed up, and
at the same time, I'm going to punch harder, and I
want you to do the same with your penis slaps. That's
it. Wow! Your body is totally out of control now,
Junior, and your head is jerking like crazy. But look,
your penis still likes it. Faster, Sister, faster,
faster. OK, stop.
"Junior, you're lying there like we squeezed the life
out of you, but you must be enjoying it, because look
at your big penis waving around like it can't wait to
come. Your sperm is dying to get out, Junior, and your
sperm never hurt me, so we'll let it go free. But
you're not going to enjoy it. Sister, start pumping
him again. Yes, squeeze as tight as you can so his
penis gets rubbed hard until it's red and sore. Now
stop and slap him hard a few times. Keep doing that,
and we'll see how long it takes for him to be ready to
spurt.
"Meanwhile, I'm going to grab his sack below his balls
and pull them slowly up into the air. See how his sack
stretches. It's so thin now you can almost see right
through it. If I pull it any further, it will probably
rip, and those balls will tumble out and Junior won't
be a man anymore. But I'll stop here, and punch his
big tight balls a few more times, like that. Ow? Is
that what you said, Junior. You don't seem to be as
loud as you were a second ago. You must really be
enjoying it now. OK, I'm letting go and there go your
balls, snapping back to your crotch.
"Now I'm going to take the balls and give them a turn,
like this. That felt good, so I'm going to keep
turning them, twisting them tighter and tighter. I'll
try to stop just before I twist them off. There,
that's far enough. Let's hold it like that and then
let them go. There they go, spinning around as they
untwist. That looked great.
"How's the penis doing, Sister? Wow, it's really red,
but I hear something. Do you hear how his breathing is
changing. I think he's getting close. Yes, slap him a
few more times, and I'll pull his balls up again and
punch them a few more times. There. He can still make
some noise.
"OK, I'm going to lay his balls gently on the bed and
run my right palm over them lightly, just caressing
them softly, around and around. I think that's getting
him closer, but don't stop squeezing his penis hard as
you pump him. He'll get there despite the pain. He's
panting faster and faster now. He makes a quick, sharp
sound just before he comes. Listen for it. Listen!
"There it is. He's about to come, but you were ready,
Sister. You grabbed the end of his penis with your
right hand and squeezed it so tight that nothing came
out. While you were doing that, I pushed my palm down
hard onto his balls and crushed them into the bed. Did
you hear him scream "No!" I think we really gave him
something special there.
"OK, let's hold it like this. Don't let loose of the
end of his penis, and I'll keep pushing down on his
balls. Wait until his breathing slows down and he
realizes he missed his chance to ejaculate. There.
He's really moaning now.
"His penis is full of semen that you trapped in there,
Sister. I want you to take your right hand and grab
his penis right where it meets his balls and squeeze
as tight as you can. Now slowly pull your hand down
his penis and don't let loose no matter how hard he
screams. Yes, yes. Look at that. You're squeezing the
come out of him like it's toothpaste. We set his come
free, even though he never released it. Can you
imagine how he feels? Look at his face. It's like the
face of a tortured animal. Squeeze down his penis one
more time to get every drop out.
"Good, you've collected it in your left hand. Just
hold it there while I prop him up on the bed. OK,
Junior, time to lick. Don't push it at him, Sister.
Let him come to you. He's going to lean forward and
lick up every drop from your hand. We'll just wait.
While we're waiting, I'm going to begin squeezing his
balls together very slowly. I'm squeezing tighter and
tighter and tighter and pulling them away from his
body at the same time. I think he's starting to feel
his sack stretching. Look, it's even thinner than
before. I wonder how long -- Oh, he's hungry all of a
sudden. Look at him go. Just like a dog. I'll let go
of his balls and pet him like a dog while he's licking
your hand clean. Good boy, Junior. Now you can rest."
Delilah and Grace walked away from the table. Travis
lay in a fetal position. His body didn't move, and he
felt dead, but he heard the soft sound of his
breathing. He also heard some faint sounds. It was the
two women talking, but they weren't close enough to
understand. It sounded as though they might be
arguing, but he couldn't tell for sure.
He tried to look at Delilah when they came back and
pulled him off the bed and helped sit down at in the
chair again, but he could barely raise his eyelids. He
saw her walk away as Grace poured him another glass of
energy drink. While he was sipping it, Grace laughed
and leaned over and spoke in a low voice. "Delilah
doesn't know that I crushed a bunch of blue pills and
mixed them into your drink," she said. "You're going
to be hard for a long time after we're done."
After he finished two glasses of the drink, he sat
with his head on the table. He felt like his brain had
stopped functioning. He had some basic instincts left,
but even when he tried to pray, he couldn't. He
decided to say something, but he had trouble putting
words together in his mind, and when he opened his
mouth, he found that his lips didn't work right. So he
didn't bother lifting his head.
The women let him rest and watched him. Then they
lifted him under each shoulder, but instead of lifting
him up, they slowly lowered him to the floor.
"I'm so excited about this part," said Grace. "My
sister says I can ride the pony first. You are going
to be the pony, Junior, and I get to ride you all
around the room. Did you notice that there are
kneepads under your Spandex stockings? That's so you
don't get hurt. So get up off the floor onto your
hands and knees.
"I'm going to ride you bareback, and I don't need a
bridle and reins because your hair is long enough. But
you have to get up now. If you're a wild stallion and
don't respond, I'll have to geld you to make you more
docile. No, I won't remove your oysters, but I will
punch them really hard until you get up. You've
already enjoyed that, so you know what it feels like.
"That's it, Junior. You're moving so slowly, but I'll
get you going faster. OK, still now, while I mount.
There. I'm comfortable now. Let's start at just a slow
walk to get you used to the weight. That's great. Now
I'll teach you how to respond to your rider.
"You felt that, didn't you? I could tell by the way
your head whipped around. You tried to yell, but you
don't have much voice anymore. When I slap you really
hard on the right cheek, that means I want you to move
to the right. And when I slap you on the left cheek --
that's it, you're moving to the left. See how easy.
"But we can't have you lowering your head like that
because I won't be able to reach your cheeks to direct
you. So I'm grabbing your hair and yanking it back.
That brought your head up fast. Keep it high like
that, and I won't have to pull your hair again.
"Now, let's go a little faster. Yes, when I lean back
and spank you hard on one of your butt cheeks, it
means to go faster. And that's all there is, Junior.
You learned fast, because you jumped when I spanked
your other cheek. There, a slap and you moved to the
right. Another slap on the right cheek. And another.
Yes I want you to keep turning in a circle like that
as I keep slapping you.
"Now let's try the other direction. Good. Turn with
every slap. You are looking good. Round and round. But
I don't want you to get dizzy, so let's go forward for
a while. You forgot that when I spank you, it means
you need to go faster. Yes, faster again. And again.
And again. Look how fast you're going now. But you
seem to be slowing down a little, so here's another
spank. You've got to try harder, Junior.
"OK. I'll let you go slower for now while we practice
going right and left. I want to keep turning in both
directions until your cheeks are bright red.
"That's good for now. Let's go in the direction you're
going but speed up as I spank you harder. I want your
butt cheeks to be the same color as your other cheeks.
You're responding, Junior, but not enough. My pony
needs to gallop. Sister, please hand me the switch.
Sister! Where are you? Would someone please get her.
"Here she comes. Please hand me the switch. Yes, I'm
sure. I'm waiting. Thanks. OK, think this will make
you move, Junior. Yes, I was right. That's it. Look
how fast you can go when you're motivated. Let's see
if you can go faster, And faster. And faster. You're
slowing down, Junior. I'm going to keep on bringing
that switch down until you speed up. I can hear it
singing as it flies through the air.
"What did you say, Sister? You think he's about to
collapse and pass out? OK, Junior, we don't want that.
You've got to be alert for the final part, so you can
slow down now. And now you can stop, and I'll get off.
Oh boy! Your ass is striped with blood. That's going
to hurt for a long time. But look underneath, Sister.
The pain was so exciting for him that his penis is
rock solid again.
"Do you want to go for a ride now, Sister? What? OK.
Let's give him another rest and some more energy
drink. I think you're right that if you ride him, he
might get too tired to respond to the last part. Help
me get him into the chair. OK, Junior, here's your
drink. Sister wants to talk to me, so we'll be right
back."
As he sipped his drink, Travis was looking down at the
table. He was too worn out to lift his head. He was in
a fog, but he became aware of voices getting louder.
This time he was sure. It was an argument, and even
though it was too far away for him to hear what they
were saying, it sounded like Grace and Delilah. He
strained his ears but all he could make out were a
couple of words that Grace repeated several times --
"No way!" -- and one that Delilah said a few times --
"debutantes."
***
At last the discussion was over, and they came back to
him and lifted him up and helped him walk over to the
padded table. He lay on his back with his eyes closed.
His mind could think of only pain and the absence of
pain. Life was good right now because he was only
dealing with the intense pain radiating from his
cheeks, his buttocks, his penis and his testicles. But
any second, life would become terrible because more
pain was coming.
As if reading his mind, Grace leaned over and spoke to
him. "I don't know how much you can comprehend right
now, Junior," she said. "I was hoping you'd be really
frightened by thinking about what's coming next, but
Sister told me she doesn't think you've ever heard of
this. I told one of the camera ladies to focus on your
face so she can capture your expressions as you
gradually realize what Sister's going to do to you. I
don't think you'll be able to handle this, and when
you've lost all control, you'll do some delightful and
surprising things for us.
"Do you feel that, Junior? Sister is rubbing some
grease into your crease. You're moving a little
because even the clumps of white slime touching your
red skin are painful. Now she's pushing the grease
into your crack as I pull your legs apart.
"Do you feel how she's gently stroking her finger
inside your crack, up and down? Do you feel it
touching your anus as it goes over it? Now she's
massaging your little puckered hole gently with her
finger. That should feel good. And now it's going in.
She knows you like that. She's slowly moving it around
in there to find the magic button, and there you go.
She found the prostrate, and she's massaging it, and
your big pole jumped up in the air like nothing ever
happened to it.
"I'm going to grab it in my right hand and your balls
in my left hand and start working them again. I put
some of that thick white grease on my hands, and I
won't be as rough as before -- at least not at first.
So I think you'll be ready to come pretty fast from my
strokes and from Delilah's anal massage.
"I hear your breathing speeding up, and there's that
quick sharp sound, so I have to stop pumping right now
and clamp down on your penis right at the base to stop
you from coming. I listened closely, so next time,
I'll stop a few seconds earlier and I won't need to
squeeze that hard. Did you notice that Sister stopped
stimulating you at the same time.
"Yes, I'm going to keep bringing you close, and then
I'll stop. You're going to feel a pain deep inside
your balls, a new kind of pain, and each time I stop,
it will get worse. Eventually, you'll want to come so
bad that I could get you to pray to the devil in
return for letting you come.
"So let's start again. Do you notice that Sister has
two fingers inside you now, and she's also moving them
in and out of you. She just pushed a lot more white
grease inside your anus. Now it's her turn to talk. I
wanted to switch places for this one, but she
insisted, because she wants to tell you a few things,
but maybe she's too tired to talk. Is that right,
Sister? Should we switch places?"
"No! No!" said Delilah. "Stay where you are, Sister. I
was just thinking of how Junior is such a big,
handsome hunk of man, or at least he was. And now he's
nothing better than a farm animal, eager to be used by
us in whatever way we want. You always used to like it
when I put a finger or two in while we were making
love, didn't you, Junior?
"I never put three fingers in, because I wasn't sure
you'd like it, but now I'll find out. From the way you
squirmed, I don't think you enjoyed it. But maybe you
moved like that because it's getting you hot. I see
Sister has you almost ready to come. Let me stick some
more grease in there so I can move my three fingers in
and out a little faster. Do you feel that I'm matching
Sister now. We've got the same rhythm, and your body
is certainly moving all around like crazy. You don't
seem to be that tired all of a sudden.
"I'm going to slow down for a moment, so I can --
there, you really bounced up when I put that fourth
finger in. Your eyelids are still down, so you're
focusing on dealing with pain of your anus stretching
so wide and Sister withholding your orgasm. You didn't
even notice that I cupped my fingers together and put
my thumb in the middle, so now I've got five fingers
going in and out of you.
"Now, I'm going to slowly spread them and speed them
up until I match Sister again. Wow! You really reacted
when she stopped pumping you that time. You are just
dying to come, aren't you? Now, I'm going to slow down
again and do this.
"That did it, Sister. That got his attention. I was
watching his face, and his eyes suddenly opened wide.
He finally realized. Yes, Junior, I just put a huge
wad of grease into your wide-open anus, and now I'm
going to slowly push and keep on pushing. Oh, you can
still scream. That's what I was waiting for. And now
you're panting and sobbing, and your body is out of
control. Your mouth looks deformed. I think you've
turned into an imbecile.
"There, maybe that scream helped open you up, because
I just pushed my entire hand into you, all the way to
the wrist. Do you feel better now, Junior? I'll leave
it like that for a minute while Sister gets you
focused on coming again.
"Your penis looks larger than I've ever seen it. It
looks like it's straining, like it wants to break off
your body just to get some relief.
"OK, now I'm going to squeeze my hand together and
slowly pull it out of you, Junior. Now it's free, and
now it goes right back in. Yes, I'm going to push my
hand in and out of you just like that and slowly pick
up the speed until it matches Sister's. You are
thrashing around like a wild animal who's been
attacked by a predator. I guess the pain must be
incredible.
"Should we finish him off now, Sister? This will be
really dramatic for the video."
"No!" Grace said as she noticed he was about to come
and stopped pumping him again. "Don't forget what we
talked about. That will be even more dramatic. But if
your arm is tired, I'll be glad to switch with you."
"No!" said Delilah. "Stay there. I guess you're right.
We should really finish with something special.
Junior, not many men have experienced what you've
experienced today, but even fewer will ever feel what
you're going to feel now. You used to caress my arms
and tell me how slim and beautiful they were. Now
you'll have a chance to caress them again. But this
time, it won't be your hands around my arms, it will
be your colon.
"Can you feel that I'm starting to push into you a
little further. I'm going really slowly, so you can
really enjoy this. There. You can't see it, but my
forearm is in you almost to the elbow. Can you feel
that? Try not to move. That's it. Just pant like a dog
and you'll handle it.
"I'm past the elbow now and still moving up your body.
My bicep is giving you a little trouble, Junior, but
there it goes and now I'm all the way to my shoulder.
I can't go any further. You've taken all that I can
give.
"I want you to listen to me now, Junior. Sister, stop
for a second. Look at me, Junior. Before we finish, I
want you to know that, in my mind, you're exactly like
every man I worked with in the femdom videos. I don't
think of them as human. They're vermin to me, and you
may look a little different from them, but otherwise
you are exactly the same.
"In fact, you're worse. They don't pretend to be
anything other than pitiful excuses for men, but you
think you're better than they are, because after you
do what they do, you'll go to church and pray to be
forgiven.
"I don't want to ever see your hypocritical face
again. If you try to get within a hundred feet of me,
I'm going to get a restraining order, Junior. You've
shown me what you are made of, and it makes my skin
crawl. If I ever see you again, it will only be on
this video, as a disgusting pervert getting off on
being degraded.
"OK, Sister, now you can finish him off. I can feel
you around me like a long glove, Junior, and I think
when you come in a minute, that glove is going to get
really tight. You're not even an animal anymore,
Junior. You're just something I'm wearing. How does
that feel?
"I see you're getting frantic now. You're screaming
and sobbing and your body is moving like crazy because
it thinks Grace is going to stop again, but this time
she won't, and there you go. Look at you spraying all
over yourself as she moves your penis around. I didn't
think there was that much left inside you. Go, Junior,
go!"
As he spurted and groaned with relief, he heard loud
noises and wondered what they were. Then he realized
that the entire crew in the studio had burst into
cheers and wild applause. Was this part of the
humiliation?
Grace was yelling at Delilah over the racket, and
Travis heard her. "When he stops and you pull out,"
she said, "don't forget to make a fist just before you
pull free, so there's a really big gape for the
video." But Delilah must not have heard her because
she removed her arm slowly and made her hand as small
as possible before she pulled it out. It still hurt so
much that he passed out.
He wasn't unconscious for long. When he awoke the
bright lights had been turned off and the camerawomen
were gone. He was still lying on the bed feeling like
he could never get up. He heard Grace say, "Where are
you going now, Delilah? Aren't you going to help me
get him cleaned up and dressed?"
"I've got to do something, but I'll be right back,"
Delilah said. When she returned, Grace had his Spandex
outfit off. Delilah insisted on taking him to the
shower stall and washing him by herself. She had her
poker face on again, and she didn't say a word. She
also dressed him by herself and then led him to a
wheelchair. After he sat down, he saw her make an
effort to tighten her face before she spoke to him.
"You won't be in any shape to do anything for two or
three days, Travis, so I'm going to handle the money
transfers and make sure everything is done right, and
I'll watch over your business. That's in the agreement
that you signed but didn't read. I'll be checking with
your secretary every day until she tells me you are
back in action.
"I'm keeping my end of the bargain, but don't get any
ideas. I was being a little dramatic for the video,
but what I said was basically the truth. I never want
to see you again.
"I'm going to push your wheelchair out to your car and
lay you across the back seat and drive you home. I
checked to make sure you've got your wallet and
everything you wore when you came here. This box
contains a DVD of all the video that was shot today.
While Grace was taking off your outfit, I quickly
collected the recording drives from each camera and
burned the video files onto the disk for you.
"I know I can't do it, but I would like to force you
to watch every minute recorded by every camera so you
see exactly what you are and why you make me sick. I
know you. You will want to throw the disk away because
you'd rather lie to yourself. So I want you right now
to swear to God that you will watch it at least once -
- all the way through. I'm not going to take you to
your car until you do."
Grace was listening to Delilah, and she walked over to
them. "Give me the DVD, Delilah," she said, holding
out her hand. "He doesn't want it, and he doesn't need
it. If he wants to see the video some day, he can
watch it online. I'll send him the link. You can make
him swear to watch that."
"No," said Delilah. "It was in the agreement that he
gets a copy of everything we shot. I want him to see
every disgusting detail from every angle. That's why I
rushed to make the disk before I took him home."
"But he doesn't want it," said Grace. "Look at him.
You don't want this, do you, Travis?" she said.
Travis was too weak to respond. He didn't want to ever
look at that disk, and he tried to shake his head, but
he wasn't sure either woman noticed.
"I'm sorry, Grace," said Delilah. "I insist, and I'm
not going to back down this time."
"I think you're a little overemotional about this
whole thing, Delilah," said Grace. "Please come over
here and let's talk about this for a minute."
Travis looked up from his wheelchair and saw them go
to the other side of the room and have a brief
animated conversation. He didn't hear a word of it.
When they were done, they walked back to him.
"Delilah needs to cool down a little," said Grace, "so
she doesn't do anything foolish to you that could get
her in trouble. So I will be driving you home. You're
going to take the DVD because it says in the contract
that we have to give it to you, even though I know you
don't want it. Before we go, Delilah has a couple more
things to tell you."
"You didn't swear to watch the video yet, Travis,"
said Delilah, "and I'm not going to let Grace take you
home until you do. I know you are weak, but you need
to show me somehow, even if it's only with a head nod.
So listen. Travis, do you solemnly swear, so help you
God, that you will watch the DVD at least once? I'm
waiting."
All Travis wanted at this point was to get home as
soon as he could. He gathered his strength and nodded.
"You saw that, Delilah," said Grace. "He agreed."
"One more thing," said Delilah. Her voice was now
shrill and screechy, no longer controlled and steely.
"Travis, you have to swear that, no matter what, you
will never pray for me again."
"Delilah, that's crazy," said Grace. "Let me take
Travis home now. You are getting irrational."
"I don't care," she said, and she walked up to where
Travis was sitting and leaned over and put her face
right in front of his. "Travis, do you swear that you
will never pray for me," she said. She was almost
screaming her words. At first, Travis felt like
nodding again, but he stopped himself. As much as he
wanted this to be over, he made sure his head never
moved.
"Ow!" he screamed. Delilah had slapped his injured
cheek.
"You bastard, Travis!" she screamed. "Swear to me!"
Grace quickly moved between her and Travis and hugged
Delilah. Delilah collapsed in her arms, and Travis
heard her crying. Grace gently moved with Delilah
across the room and sat her down in a chair and spoke
softly to her. Then she came back to him.
With a lot of effort, Grace managed to get him home
and move him from his car to his bedroom, where she
laid him on his bed, took his clothes off and covered
him. He watched her without saying a word.
He had been holding onto the DVD case in the car, and
when she started undressing him, Grace took it from
him and put it on his dresser. He watched as she now
went to his dresser, took the case and opened it. She
took the DVD out and held it up in front of his face.
"I know you don't want to watch this," she said as she
broke it in two. "We fulfilled the contract and gave
it to you, but now it's not working, so you can't keep
your promise to Delilah through no fault of your own.
I'll throw it away for you.
"If you change your mind, you can watch it online in a
few weeks. I'll send you a link to it and a lifetime
password to get onto the site. I have a feeling it's
going to be a big hit. Thanks so much for making it
possible. Goodbye."
Travis didn't respond. He had fallen asleep soon after
she had waved the broken disk in front of him.
A few days later, he got a package in the mail with a
handwritten note from Delilah that said, "Hi, Travis.
While Grace took you home, I made another DVD for you.
I have a feeling that she didn't leave the disk with
you, and I don't want to get into an argument with her
about it. So I sent this just in case, and I also
threw in the contract that you left lying in the
studio."
He put the note back in the package and threw the
package in a drawer. I promised I'd watch it, he
thought, but I didn't say when.
***
Three weeks later, his secretary buzzed him on the
phone.
"There's a woman on the phone who wants to talk to you
about a video you made," she said. "Should I get rid
of her?"
A shudder went through Travis. "Put her through," he
said.
"Hi," said a pleasant voice he didn't recognize. "We
never met, but I watched your performance. I'm Grace's
boss, Felicia."
"Hi, Felicia," he said, forcing himself to speak
slowly and calmly.
"I'm calling because I wanted to apologize," she said.
"I was angry that Grace pushed me all the way to
$15,000 for just one video session, but when I saw how
good you were, I realized that you were worth that and
more. Everyone else there knew it, too. I'm sure you
heard us applauding you."
"Is that why you doubled my payment," said Travis. "I
wondered if it was a mistake and thought you might be
calling to get the money back?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," said
Felicia.
"Don't you know that you paid me $30,000 instead of
$15,000?" he said.
"What?" she said. "No, you're confused. I think it's
because of the last-minute addition. It's all spelled
out in your contract."
Travis didn't tell her that he still hadn't looked at
the contract. "Excuse me?" he said. "What do you mean
by last minute?"
"You know," she said. "At first you were just going to
do the femdom humiliation video, but Delilah and Grace
came to me a few days before and said you'd also be
willing to do a scat video for an extra $15,000. So we
did that one first. It went to one of our fetish
sites, and it's doing amazing business. That's a
separate clientele. Most of the femdom customers don't
want to see the enema stuff. I guess you haven't seen
your videos online yet. That scene isn't part of the
femdom video."
"I'm sorry, Felicia," he said. "Let me get this
straight. The part with me hanging in the shower stall
is on one site, and the torture is on another site?"
He thought that Delilah could no longer shock him, but
she had given him one more punch in the gut. She had
made him go through that hanging scene even though it
wasn't necessary. He still had nightmares and woke up
in a sweat smelling that awful smell. I guess there's
no limit to how much she hates me, he thought.
"Yes," Felicia said to his question. "That's right.
I'm surprised you haven't seen the femdom video yet.
When you do, you'll see Grace did an amazing job
putting it together. As good as I thought you were
while you were performing, I didn't really understand
the full extent of your talent until she brought it
out in her editing. The way you play the audience is
astounding. One second, it looks like you're out of
your mind in pain and humiliaton, and the next second,
it's obvious that you're enjoying every minute of it.
"That's another reason why I'm calling. I told Grace
that I would pay a lot more than last time if the
three of you worked together again. I could go up to
$20,000 and maybe a little more. Grace said she'd love
to work with you again. I've left a couple of messages
for Delilah, but I haven't heard back from her yet.
What do you say?"
For a moment, Travis was speechless. He felt sick. But
he took hold of himself and thought fast. Whatever
Felicia was talking about, he didn't want to ever
discuss it with her again. How could he make sure she
didn't call him back? He decided to humor her.
"Your offer is very flattering" he said, "but right
now, I'm too busy. I don't know if Grace told you that
I own a struggling business, and I need to totally
focus on it. I spend almost every waking moment
working on it."
"I understand completely," said Felicia. "I'm very
focused on my business, too. I know sometimes when
you're starting a business, you can get short of cash.
If you ever do, please call me. I shouldn't say this,
but I think you can negotiate even more money than
I've mentioned."
"Thank you," said Travis. "We did have a cash crunch,
but it looks like we now have all we need. If things
should change and I am interested in contacting you,
how can I reach you?"
Felicia gave him her number. "May I check in with you
occasionally?" she asked.
"I'm afraid that if you call, it will just interfere
with my schedule," he said, "and that will make it
less likely that I would ever work for you. It might
even send me to your competition."
"I understand," she said. "I won't bother you. Would
you at least promise me that you'll think about my
offer?"
Travis shuddered. He wished he could tell her he was
going to wipe her offer from his mind, but like the
other things he couldn't forget, he knew it would come
back to haunt him. "Sure," he said, "I promise to
think about your offer. Goodbye now."
***
His business grew slowly but steadily, and as he added
personnel and expanded, he plunged deeply into his
work and went all out six days a week. On Sunday, he
went to Sunday school, services and other church
activities, so that day was as busy as any other.
He prayed for Delilah and Grace each week, but
otherwise, he rarely thought of them until he saw
Delilah at the end of the aisle in a grocery store six
months later. He had come from a late meeting and
stopped nearby instead of going to the store near his
house. He was frozen for a moment as he watched her
and was reminded of the last time he saw her. Then,
without thinking, he walked toward her.
When she saw him, he could see she was startled. She
quickly wheeled her cart in the other direction and
was gone. He kept walking and looked for her. Finally,
he saw her walking out the door to the parking lot
without anything in her hands. She was walking fast
and looked behind her several times. He went back to
his shopping.
It was almost the same scene at a department store two
weeks later. He was coming up on an escalator and saw
her. It was the women's clothing floor, and he wasn't
planning to get off there, but he decided on the spur
of the moment to talk to her. This time, she didn't
see him until he was almost on top of her. She jumped
in fright and began quickly walking away. Travis
followed her to the down escalator and tried to catch
up. She began walking faster, and he did, too.
By the time she was in the parking lot, she was
running. He watched her run to her car, jump in it and
speed away. He stood there stunned, not because she
was avoiding him but because he had seen the look on
her face. He expected her to be annoyed or angry at
him for approaching her, or even disgusted. But the
look on her face was different. It was pure terror.
She was deathly afraid of him. She thinks I want to
hurt her, he thought. I wonder if she'll serve me with
a restraining order. But nothing happened in the next
few days.
Her face of abject horror began to haunt him. It began
showing up in his dreams, and sometimes when he prayed
for her on Sunday. He wanted to talk to her, just for
a minute, and tell her that everything was going to be
all right. He had thought it over and decided that she
had been right to force him to do something drastic
rather than give up on life, even though he was still
haunted by the utter depravity that he had been a part
of. He had forgiven her and didn't wish her any harm.
He wanted to suggest that she get counseling because
it seemed as though she hadn't moved on like he had.
He didn't want her fear of him affecting her life. And
he wanted to ask her to forgive him for praying for
her.
Finally, he decided he had to try to see her. If she
lashed out and did anything to him, such as file a
police report, it didn't matter. He was the cause of
her anguish, and he needed to help her out of it. But
he was frustrated, because he couldn't think of a way
to get her to stop running from him that didn't
involve something physical, something he would never
do.
He realized he needed help, but he didn't know whom to
turn to. Then he ran into one of her girlfriends at a
client's party.
He saw Abigail across the room with a male companion.
At first, he was hesitant to approach her, because he
was sure Delilah had shared one or both of his videos
with her friends. Abigail probably considered him a
disgusting perv. He finally worked up his courage by
telling himself he was doing this for Delilah, and he
had no dignity to lose anyway.
Surprisingly, Abigail greeted him warmly and
introduced him to her friend. "Would you mind talking
to me outside for just a couple of minutes?" he asked
her.
When they got to a quiet area of the garden, she said,
"This is about Delilah, isn't it?"
"Yes," he said. "So she told you."
"Well, I haven't talked to her in a long time," said
Abigail. "After you two broke up, she stopped seeing
all her friends, except for Grace. Grace said it was
all your fault, because you were a real bastard at the
end. What did you do to her?"
"Grace didn't tell you?" he said.
"No," said Abigail. "She told me that Delilah doesn't
want her to tell anyone, but that you were really
cruel to her."
"Grace was right," said Travis. "And that's why I'd
like your help. You know how you used to make fun of
me for being religious. I said some horrible things to
Delilah, and I've prayed a lot about what happened.
I've been very lucky that I've been able to move on,
and now I'm really doing well financially, and I'm
more at peace in my mind. I know Delilah has also been
doing well in her career, but I'm afraid I've caused
her a lot of psychic damage." He told Abigail about
the scene at the department store.
"Even though you and Delilah haven't talked lately,"
he said, "I know you used to be close. Would you help
me? I want to talk to her. Tell her how upset I am
that she's frightened of me. Tell her I want just five
minutes of her time to tell her a few things that I
think could help her. Tell her I'm not interested in
getting back together with her, just ending our
relationship in a better way. And tell her that I
don't mind if you are there when I talk to her. I'd
rather not have Grace there, because she's always
disliked me, but if she insists on Grace being there,
that's all right, too."
Abigail promised to call up Delilah and do her best to
see her, and a few days later, she called Travis at
his office. "I spoke to her on the phone for a few
minutes," she said. "You were right. When I brought
you up, she became hysterical and almost incoherent.
She mentioned something about a video. I don't think
she heard a word I said after that."
Travis was silent for a second. "It's much worse than
I thought, Abigail," he said. "I don't think you can
get her to listen on the phone. Call her back and
don't mention my name. Just get her to have lunch with
you, or maybe dinner. When you are face to face, maybe
you can get her to listen. Maybe she would even allow
me to join the two of you for a few minutes. I'm going
to give you my private cell phone number. If you can
get her to see me, call me no matter what time of day
or night, and I'll come right over to where you are."
"OK," said Abigail. "I'll try, because I'm worried
about her. She really sounded bad. I'll call you back
when I know more."
That was the last he heard from her until he called
her at home a week later. As soon as she heard his
voice, she hung up. He kept calling, and after 10
times, she said, "What do you want?"
"I want to know what happened," he said.
"Nothing that concerns you," she said. "Fuck off, and
don't ever talk to me again."
"I'm not going to do that, Abigail," he said. "I'm
going to keep calling until you talk to me. If you
change your phone number, I'll find out your new phone
number. I'm sorry, but I need to know what Delilah
told you."
"She didn't tell me anything, you pervert," said
Abigail. "I never called her."
"Why not?" he said.
"You're wasting my time and yours," she said. "You
know exactly why. But I don't want to ever see you or
hear from you again, so I'll tell you that I know
everything."
"But you said you didn't talk to her," he said.
"I talked to Grace," she said.
"Oh no!" he said.
"Oh yes," she said. "Almost right after I hung up with
you, Grace called and invited me to lunch the next
day. She told me everything, and then she gave me the
links to your two videos. The first one was sick and
disgusting. I didn't watch the second one for long
because I almost threw up after you began - I don't
even want to say it. You're lucky that most people
won't recognize you because of the hood and the weird
outfit. If Grace hadn't told me, I wouldn't have
known.
"I don't know what Grace told you," he said, "but
you've got to give me a chance to explain."
"No, I don't," she said. "No matter what you say, you
can't deny what I saw."
"Please, Abigail," he said. "Can I meet you for coffee
after work tomorrow -- or anytime you want. I can
straighten this all out."
"Don't you dare get anywhere near me again, you
psycho," she said. "I'll agree to talk to you now for
a few minutes as long as you promise never to make
contact with me again."
"OK, OK," he said. "But please tell me exactly what
Grace told you."
"Why do you want to hear what you already know?" she
said. "If that's all you want to say, we can hang up
right now."
"No, no," he said. "You're right, I know everything,
but you heard Delilah. I don't know why she's like
that. Maybe Grace said something that will explain it,
and then I won't try to get in touch with her. You
want that, don't you? So please try to remember
everything Grace told you and tell me slowly."
"Fine," said Abigail. "She told me how Delilah was
really distraught when you dumped her. She said you
freaked out about Delilah having a little fun at her
studio. She said Delilah never cheated on you or did
anything to hurt you, and couldn't understand your
overreaction. She became so depressed that she stopped
seeing her friends. She stopped going anywhere after
she came home from work. She just sat home every night
and brooded, except for a few times that Grace forced
her to go out and have dinner.
"Grace said that when Delilah found out you were in
financial trouble, she decided to call you. What you
told her made her frantic. She was sending every spare
cent she had to her parents, because her alcoholic
father lost his job and they had no savings. She tried
to take out a personal loan for $15,000 but got turned
down because she had no collateral. She contacted lots
of people, but nobody could get the cash together fast
enough.
"Then Grace found out from her boss that Delilah had
called the producer of one of their websites called
'Disgusting Debutantes.' They pay $10,000 to girls who
had never done porn before and were willing to do
everything, no matter how disgusting or painful, with
multiple men, including bums who were picked up off
the street. She was negotiating with the producer for
$15,000 to do that.
"Grace went to Delilah's house that night, and they
had a big fight. Delilah was determined to be a
'Disgusting Debutante.' She told Grace she had
destroyed your feelings for her, but she wasn't going
to stand by and watch you destroy your life. That's
when Grace came up with the idea of you doing a femdom
movie for her website.
"She told Delilah that your face would be disguised,
and since you weren't an ugly overweight man, she
might negotiate more money for you and get you the
$15,000 you needed. Delilah didn't want to hear about
you degrading yourself like that, but Grace told
Delilah that if you ever found out Delilah did a
`Disgusting Debutante' video to raise the money for
you, it might destroy you. You would feel responsible
for her being downloaded by hundreds of people around
the world every day. She told Delilah that even your
faith might fail you. It was the kind of thing that
could drive you insane and might even make you take
your own life.
"That's how she got Delilah to give up on her idea.
Then she used guilt to get her to agree to the femdom
video. She asked her if she was willing to sacrifice
even more than her body for you, and Delilah said
she'd do anything. She asked if she'd be willing to
make you hate her or at least lose all respect for her
in order to save your business and have a chance for a
happy life. She said it would mean that Delilah would
never have a chance to tell you how much she loved you
and wanted to get back together. You would probably
find another woman, but at least she would have the
satisfaction of knowing that she had made your
happiness possible.
"As Grace thought, this sent Delilah into hysterics,
but after she calmed down, she told Grace she would do
anything for you. For a while, she tried to think of
every possible reason why making the video with you
wouldn't work, but Grace had an answer for every
objection. Then Grace asked Delilah whether she
thought your faith would give you the strength to
overcome what would be done to you. When Delilah said
she was sure it would, Grace knew she had won her over
to the idea.
"Delilah agreed that in order for you to do it and
save your business, she had to make you think she was
furious that you were running away without thinking
about her and the others who invested in you. She had
to make you feel guilty and selfish. She pretended
that the video was her idea and tried to make you feel
like it was also a punishment for judging her and
dumping her.
"Grace said Delilah almost lost it at the end when she
wanted you to promise not to pray for her, but Grace
kept her from spoiling everything and got you out of
there.
"OK, Travis. I tried to think of everything that you
might not know, and that's it. The rest you know
about."
"But that doesn't explain why Delilah is so scared of
me now," he said. "Didn't Grace say anything about
that?"
"Come on, Travis," said Abigail. "You're just
stretching this out for no reason. You know why she's
like that. If you tried to come near me now, I'd be
angry and disgusted, but it's worse for Delilah,
because she still thinks she's in love with you.
"You're not making sense, Abigail," he said. "Just
tell me what Grace said, and maybe I'll figure it out
like you did."
"I think you're playing games with me, Travis," she
said. "Grace told me she had been telling Delilah for
a long time that you were a hypocrite because you
pretended to be religious but still lived with her.
When Delilah told her what you said when you found out
about Delilah and the ugly overweight men, Grace told
her that kind of overreaction often indicated that
someone is really attracted to that kind of sex but is
in deep denial.
"Delilah told Grace she was crazy, but Grace said she
got her to use some milder variations of what they
were doing in the femdom videos with you during sex,
and at first you really responded, but when you found
out where Delilah was picking up her ideas, you blew
up, and that led to you dumping her.
"Grace told Delilah she wasn't surprised when you
agreed to do the video to raise the money, and she
kept telling Delilah that they might be getting you to
do something that you wanted to anyway. Delilah kept
denying it, and during the filming, she was certain
that you were hating what they were doing to you and
kept trying to escape from the studio. She even tried
to get Grace to stop before it was over and let her do
the `Disgusting Debutante' video. Grace said she
worked harder on holding Delilah together during the
filming than she did on you.
"Grace said Delilah fought her hard on the last-minute
add-on, but she kept asking Delilah whether the extra
$15,000 could help you, and she kept telling her it
was painless and if you hated her after the video
shoot, you wouldn't hate her any worse -- and you'd
have $15,000 more.
"Afterword, Delilah would break down and tell Grace
what a horrible person she was. Each time she did,
Grace would ask her, what if you had really enjoyed
the whole thing and what would she say if you were to
ask her to make another femdom video with you? At
first, Delilah said that would never happen because
you hated what they had done to you and you would
always hate her for doing it.
"Eventually Delilah had to give in. She's finally
accepted the reality of your perversity. She claims
you weren't like that until she drove you over the
edge, and Grace can't stop her from beating herself up
about it, but she has to admit you're no longer the
person she knew."
"Wait!" yelled Travis. "Why does she have to admit
that?"
"You know why, Travis," said Abigail. "Eventually,
Grace found a way to make her watch the video. And
then Grace told her that her boss approached you about
making another one with the two of them, and you were
considering her offer. Grace said she screamed at her
and called her a liar, but when Grace's boss told
Delilah that you said you were flattered by her offer
and were thinking about it, she collapsed.
"I asked Grace why Delilah was frightened of you, and
Grace said it's because she still is not totally over
her denial. She's frightened that if she hears you
suggest doing another video, she would lose her mind."
"But Grace has twisted everything," said Travis. "I
was just trying to keep her boss from calling me
again. I never agreed to anything. Abigail, you have
to help me straighten this out."
"No, Travis," she said, "you're the one who's twisted.
Grace had you figured out from the start. You need to
wake up and admit what you really are, and if you
aren't happy with that, you need to get some help.
I've helped you as much as I'm going to, and I'm
warning you again, don't call me or communicate with
me in any way, and don't come anywhere near me.
Goodbye."
***
The conversation with Abigail sent Travis into
emotional hibernation. His employees and his friends
knew something was wrong. There was an emptiness in
his eyes. Except when he was in church, he never spent
time on anything except his business. The many hours
he put in paid off with massive success. He began
working on taking his company public.
Delilah was always with him, in the back of his mind,
tormenting him. He kept thinking of ways to get to
her, but he couldn't find one that would work.
Sometimes the ache in his heart was so strong that he
couldn't fall asleep. Those sitting next to him in
church often saw tears flowing when he pleaded
silently with God to show him a way to save her.
It seemed like years, but it was only a couple of
months after Abigail hung up on him that he picked up
the phone and heard her say, "Hello, Travis."
He nearly jumped out of his chair, and his body was
shaking as he answered, "Hi Abigail. How are you?"
"I'm fine," she said. "Do you have a couple of
minutes?"
"Of course, I do," he said. "Do you have some news for
me about Delilah?"
"No, Travis," she said. "I'm calling for another
reason, but I knew you'd ask that. I haven't changed
my mind about what I told you before. I don't want to
mislead you, so you have to understand that nothing is
different. I still feel the same way and I won't talk
to you about Delilah.
"I'm calling for a favor, and I'll understand if you
think I have a lot of nerve and hang up on me. If you
do this favor for me, I'll really appreciate it and
try to return the favor. But not if it has anything to
do with Delilah. Do you understand?"
He had no idea what she was talking about, but he said
yes anyway.
"Now that I told you nothing was different, I have to
take that back," said Abigail. "I never thought I'd
say this, but I think a little differently about you
than I did the last time we talked. The reason is my
friend Myra.
"She's a clinical psychologist who has a lot of
private patients and also does consulting for big
corporations, and she'd like to meet you. No, she's
not looking for another patient, and she doesn't want
to analyze you or use you for research. She'd just
like to get together for some friendly conversation.
"Myra has been one of my best friends for almost 20
years, and not only is she a fireball of energy, but
she's also the kindest, warmest and most uplifting
person I know. She's also loyal and sympathetic. Did I
say that she is really hot looking? She's got such a
great personality that people can't help loving her
once they get to know her."
"Can I stop you for a second, Abigail," said Travis.
"You sound like you're trying to set up a blind date.
You know I'm in love with Delilah. And you think I'm
disgusting. Did you tell Myra about me?"
"I'm going to ignore that you just brought up Delilah
after you agreed not to," said Abigail. "I should hang
up right now because of that. But I'm doing this for
Myra, not me. Yes, you're right. I am trying to fix
you up with her without totally weirding myself out.
"She knows all about you and she still wants to meet
you. We were talking one day about how we never really
know what dark secrets are hidden inside even close
friends who seem nice and normal. One of Myra's
specialties is abnormal psychology. I mentioned what
had happened to you, that you were religious and
mainstream, but that you had gone off the deep end
into sexual perversion. She told me that most likely
you hadn't really changed but that you had those
latent tendencies for many years inside you, waiting
for something to trigger them.
"She asked a lot of questions about you, and I ended
up giving her the links to your videos. I promise you
I've never told anyone else, and I know Myra will keep
the information confidential.
"Three days after we talked about you, Myra called me
up and we got together for dinner. The entire evening
was about you -- actually, about you and Myra. Myra
explained that she treats many patients who have what
she calls `uncommon sexual drives.' She said she
doesn't treat them to cure their sexual tendencies,
but they have similar relationship problems as
everyone else, and she's gotten a reputation for being
discreet and separating people's sexual preferences
from their problems.
"Then she told me that one reason she was good at this
was that she was one of those people. I told her I
didn't believe her, because I've met some of the men
she dates, but she told me that she dated other men I
didn't know about, and a lot of them were not good
looking and weighed too much. And she did things with
them like Delilah and Grace did with you on the video.
"She said that you and she weren't monsters, and you
weren't a hypocrite. She said that both of you were
born the way you were, and if your preferences were
unusual, what did it matter as long as you didn't hurt
anyone else -- at least not anyone who didn't want to
be hurt?
"She said that she had once hoped to find a wonderful
man, someone kind, gentle and giving who loved her for
who she was and for what they could be as a couple,
someone who liked mainstream sex, too, not just the
abnormal stuff. She had long ago given up that dream
and resigned herself to her double life and to never
getting married and having a family.
"She asked me a lot of questions about what I thought
about you before I saw the video, about your
reputation as a businessman and about what other
people said about you. She told me that when she saw
your video, she was surprised that she was reacting
like a teenager with a crush on a boy she didn't even
know. She felt strong chemistry - at least going one
way. And the other things I told her about you sounded
too good to be true.
"Then she asked me why couldn't the two of you meet
and maybe find happiness with each other? If what was
on your video satisfied you, and if it satisfied her
to give it to you, what right did I have to keep you
apart?
"My skin was crawling, and I got more and more
nauseous as she talked, but I let her finish, and then
I told her I had to leave. I rushed home and took a
shower, but it didn't wash away what she said. That
was a couple of days ago, and I'm still upset.
"This morning, I called her and said I would tell you
what she said and arrange for you to meet, if that's
what you want. She broke down on the phone. She told
me that I was the best and most understanding friend
she ever had. She said she had never told any of her
other friends about her double life, because she was
worried that they would be repulsed and turn away from
her, and she was scared to death to be so open with
me. She said no matter what happened with you, she
would be discreet and never do anything to make me
ashamed that I was her friend.
"I didn't have the heart to tell her that while she
was praising me, I was about to throw up. All I told
her was that whatever happened between the two of you,
I didn't want to hear about it, and I also didn't want
to see the two of you together. I said I didn't want
to see or talk to you at all after I give you her
number. She said she understood and would honor my
wishes.
"That's why I called. I still can't believe I'm doing
this. Do you want her number?"
"No, Abigail," he said. "I want to explain to you why
you've got me all wrong and how everything has been
twisted."
"Stop right there, Travis," she said. "I told you I
don't want to hear anything more about that subject.
All I want to know is do you want Myra's phone number
or not? She's a wonderful person, and maybe the two of
you could make each other happy in your special way."
"I'm sure she's wonderful, Abigail," he said, "but I'm
not who she thinks I am. You're the one I need to talk
to you. When you understand."
Abigail interrupted him. "I think I understand that
you won't call her," she said. "Is that right?"
"Yes, but..."
"Then I don't need to talk to you anymore. Goodbye."
***
When he came out of church on Sunday, Travis took a
walk through the children's Bible garden. He ran into
several couples from church who all stopped him and
asked him if there was something they could do to help
him. He realized it must be obvious that he was
troubled.
He kept going over Abigail's call in his mind. Why had
God given him hope, only to snatch it away? He could
never know God's mysterious ways, but there must have
been a reason Abigail called. He silently prayed for
understanding. And then he stopped walking and stood
still, shaking. Lightning had just struck and opened
his eyes.
He drove home quickly and called Abigail.
When she heard his voice, she said. "I told you I
don't want you to call me. Do I have to go to the
police?"
"Tell me a little more about Myra," he said. "You say
she's really nice and sympathetic. Do you think she
could relate to someone whose life has been ruined?"
He heard Abigail take a deep breath, and then the tone
of her voice changed. "Oh Travis," she said, "You are
going to love her. I'm so glad you changed your mind.
She almost went to pieces when I told her about our
conversation. She even accused me of wanting you for
myself to do things like on the video. Then she felt
terrible for saying that and couldn't stop
apologizing.
"Myra is the kindest, gentlest, sweetest and most
trusting and empathetic person I know. That's why I
had so much trouble believing that she had a dark
side. She won't mind listening to you talk about
Delilah, and she'll be sympathetic. I can't wait to
call her. She's going to be so happy."
"Before you call her, Abigail, I want you to
understand something, so you don't mislead her. All
I'm saying is that I would like to meet her and talk
to her, nothing else. Please don't encourage her to
think that I'm interested in anything else.
"I understand, Travis," said Abigail. "This is a big
step for you, and you need to take things slow. Myra
will be excited, but she'll understand. You can't rush
these things. What am I saying? I'm sorry, but I can't
help it, Travis. I'm starting to feel nauseous again.
I need to hang up. But here's her number."
He waited an hour to call Myra, and he could tell she
was anticipating his call. Her voice was high-pitched
and a little chirpy, but it had a soothing quality,
too. She sounded like she was trying to stay calm, and
after some brief small talk, she asked him whether he
was free at all the next day.
"Monday is very busy," he said, "but I can get away
for an hour for lunch if you're available then. Did
Abigail tell you that I'm only interested in meeting
to talk?"
"Yes," said Myra quickly. "I totally understand. Let's
just meet tomorrow and get to know each other a
little."
Her office was not far from his, so he drove there,
and got a corner table in the Denny's on the ground
floor. He looked at each woman walking in the door and
was surprised when a small woman came from behind him
and stood blocking his view. "Are you Travis?" she
said, and when he nodded, she sat down.
She was wearing a conservative business suit, but
otherwise she was totally different from what he
expected. He envisioned a tall athletic woman who had
a powerful, intimidating presence. She had a cute face
with a turned-up nose, and everything about her,
including her high voice, made her seem like a perky,
wholesome waitress at a country diner.
After they ordered and exchanged a few pleasantries,
he said, "Myra, you seem like a really nice girl, and
I'm about to ask you to do something that's not fair
to you. Abigail told me you were very sympathetic and
understanding, and I'd like to take advantage of that.
Do I have your permission?"
"Do you want to tell me about you and your girlfriend,
Travis?" she said. "Abigail mentioned that you wanted
to unburden yourself but she couldn't handle it. I
could probably see you in my office and help you
professionally, but that's not why I'm here.
"Yes, please tell me, Travis, but I'm going to try to
listen as a friend, not a therapist. You can be honest
with me, and I'll give you my honest reactions. Is
that what you want?"
"Yes," he said. "I don't know why I didn't call you
right away. I can see that everything Abigail told me
about you is true. I don't know why I didn't trust
God."
"What do you mean?" she said.
"I'll tell you another time," he said, "because we
don't have much time, and I want to tell you exactly
what happened, the whole truth." He spoke slowly at
first, but as she nodded, he began to speed up because
he wanted to tell her everything before they had to
leave. As he spoke, he had a vision. In front of his
eyes, she was transformed. He wanted to say something
about the vision, but he knew he didn't have time for
distractions if he was going to finish in time.
Finally, he finished and ran out of breath at the same
time.
After he stopped, she was silent for a moment and then
took a deep breath. "That's the most amazing story
I've ever heard," she said. "I've heard stories from
many men I've been with, and a lot of them have been
fantasies. I actually like the fantasies more, because
when they tell me the truth, it's usually sad and
sordid. I can see that you have a tremendous love for
Delilah and have been deeply hurt by what's happened."
"Yes, yes!" Travis said. "I knew you would understand.
I have to find a way to get to Delilah and tell her
the truth. Will you help me?"
Myra sat looking at him. She was smiling at him. He
could tell she understood him and was empathetic. It
wasn't a mocking smile. It was a smile of warmth.
"I hope you're not insulted when I tell you that I
knew your story was leading up to that," she said.
"And I totally believe you're telling me the truth."
"So you'll help me," he said.
"We've been sitting here not more than half an hour,"
she said. "And I know you've got to go in a few
minutes. But I already realize I have special feelings
toward you. You seem to be a wonderful man and
different from any man I've ever known. I think
there's a chance we could have something special
together once you get to know me.
"But the truth is that it's always just a small
chance. There are so many things that stand in the
way. The biggest one for us is that I'm going to be
just as honest with you as you were with me just now.
"You are vulnerable, Travis. As much as you know about
business, that's how little you know about abnormal
sex. I know enough about it that I might be able to
play on your obsession with Delilah and lead you on
and manipulate you into giving me what I want. I'm not
religious at all, so I don't believe I'll be punished
if I do that. It's a temptation, because I know what a
special person you are, and I may never meet someone
like you again.
"But if it does work out for us, I don't want it to be
that way. It might make me happier than I am now, but
it will also make me deeply unhappy, because I'll
always wonder if my greediness prevented us from
having a deeper relationship based on total trust. So
everything I'm telling you now is from my heart.
"Yes, I promise you that I'll help you, but it may not
be by doing what you want me to do. I can't ignore my
education, experience and intuition, and all of them
are telling me there's something wrong with your
story. No, you're not lying to me. You believe every
word of what you said. And I can't yet put my finger
on what makes me feel that something is off.
"You see, Travis, in all the stories I've heard from
many man, both patients and friends, I've found that
even though the facts sometimes seem to be clear,
they've often invested their stories with personal
issues that make them blind to what the stories are
really saying. I'm not telling you that's what you've
done. I'm just telling you it's a possibility.
"It's unfair to leave you hanging like this, Travis,
but I can't do anything for you yet. I need to think
about your story and maybe do some research to try to
find out why I can't accept it the same way you do.
I'd like to see you again as soon as possible and talk
about other things, but I realize this has to be
cleared up first because it's like a dark cloud
hanging over our relationship.
"I'm sorry. There is no relationship at the moment,
only the possibility of one. I'm sure you're not
interested in seeing me again except to deal with
this. When I'm ready, I'll call you. Then you can tell
me what you want me to do, and I can tell you whether
I'll do it. If I don't, I'll tell you exactly why, and
I'll also tell you what I think you should do
instead."
As Myra spoke, the eager excitement Travis had felt
evaporated. By the time she stopped, he was almost as
depressed as when Abigail had turned him down. He
couldn't understand how Myra could interpret what he
told her any other way than the way he did. It was so
obvious. But he was afraid if he told her that, she
would be insulted, and then this chance would slip
through his fingers, too. God doesn't want to make it
easy for me, he thought. If I want Delilah back, I
have to be steadfast and ready to climb all the
mountains in my way.
"If that's the way you feel, Myra," he said. "Since
we're being honest, I'll tell you that I'm deeply
disappointed. As I was telling you my story before, I
had this vision. You were turning into a glowing angel
right in front of me, radiating beams of love. I felt
I could put my total trust in you.
"I know you probably laugh at things like that, and I
don't mind. I'm sure once you've thought it over and
done your research and whatever, you'll understand
that I love Delilah and she loves me and we are meant
to be together forever. And maybe you'll even think of
a better way to get to her than I have."
"I'm not laughing at you," said Myra, and he saw her
wipe away a tear. "That was the most beautiful thing
any man has ever said to me. I feel like taking off my
clothes right here and letting you have your way with
me on the table. But you didn't say it for that
reason, and that touches me even more. Yes, you are a
special man. Travis. And I'm not going to betray the
trust you put in me."
When they got up to go, she grabbed him around the
neck and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Some of
the tears on her face rubbed off on him.
***
She called him two days later and invited him to come
to her house that night. He thought for a second and
decided that was not a good idea. "I'm really tired,
and I was planning to come home and fall into bed," he
said, "but I want to hear what you have to say. Would
it be OK to just meet at Denny's again?"
She sounded disappointed when she said, "Sure."
She was at the table in the corner when he walked in,
and she got up and gave him a little kiss on the
cheek. He noticed she barely came up to his chin, and
also that she wasn't wearing a business suit but a
scoop-neck top and tight pants. Her outfit wasn't loud
and slutty, but it definitely showed him that she had
a hot body.
When she sat down, she had that warm, understanding
smile on her face, and he tried not to read too much
into it, but he couldn't help hoping.
"Last time, you talked and I listened and didn't
interrupt you," she said. "When you finished, I
responded. I'd like to do that in reverse this time.
When I'm done, we can discuss anything you want to for
as long as you want. If Denny's closes, we can always
finish at my house. Is that OK with you?"
"Absolutely," he said.
"I want to talk about myself a little first," she
said. "I didn't grow up in a religious home, but my
parents were moral and ethical, and I think I learned
the same things you did, but they believed religion
was superstition and it enslaved humans.
"I developed into what I look like today by my
sophomore year in high school, and I was very popular
with boys. They were buzzing around me like flies, and
being young and impressionable, I thought a lot of
myself and not much of them.
"Sometimes, just for fun, I toyed with them and
tormented them emotionally, and then I discovered sex.
I know now that I have an unusually strong sex drive
for a woman, but back then all I knew was that I
couldn't get enough of it. I tried everything, and my
boyfriends were nothing but encouraging.
"They were never abusive, so I can't blame them. All I
can say is that while I was trying out everything, I
also teased and tormented them a little. This time it
wasn't mental but physical. I noticed that they didn't
like some of the things I did to them, but they put up
with them to get their reward. I pushed them further
and further, to the point where I sometimes became
both verbally and physically abusive. I degraded them
and hurt them -- not badly, but sometimes they were in
pain.
"Some of them stopped calling me up, but I didn't
care, because there were others who continued to put
up with me so that I would have sex with them. I'm
sure now that none of them enjoyed being abused.
"As I got older, I toned down the abuse, but I found
one boy in college who was totally smitten by me. He
became my booty call. When I didn't have another date,
I knew I could always call him up and abuse him
horribly, and he'd endure it because he adored me. But
he didn't enjoy it either. I might have made the
mistake of marrying him, but thank goodness, he found
another girl in our senior year, and though he
wavered, I knew he belonged with her and pushed him
away.
"I learned about female domination and bondage and
other abnormalities while I was getting my psychology
degree. I think I chose psychology because I wanted to
find out what was wrong with me. I found out nothing
was wrong. I was just in one of the sexual minorities,
and I quickly got over feeling guilty about it.
"I've had many relationships with men who were normal,
and I liked most of them, but I couldn't be honest
with them. I carefully felt each of them out, and when
I found out how they responded, I knew better than to
get deeply involved. Some of them were serious about
me, and one even asked me to marry him, but I knew
that marrying him wouldn't make either of us happy.
"So I continued to lead a double life. I found out how
to make contact with masochists through certain
publications, and then the Internet came along and
made it even easier. Most of the men in my secret life
are unhappy losers, but some of them are successful in
their professions and even their personal lives. They
often loved their wives deeply.
"I took from all of them, but I also tried to give
more than I took. Some of them said I made their lives
complete, and many of them told me the only thing that
they ever looked forward to was getting together to be
humiliated and abused by me.
"When Abigail told me about you, I was just curious at
first. But then I saw the videos. And then I met you.
I'm being brutally honest. I've fallen for you. I know
you're not putting on a show for me, but you make me
want to believe the fairytale about there being one
perfect person for everyone in the world.
"Now comes the hard part, Travis. I know what you are
thinking. You think that because of my interest in
you, I refuse to accept the fact that you love Delilah
and that you're not the type of man who wants to be
painfully humiliated by me. You're probably angry at
me because you think I won't help you. But I promised
you the truth, and I won't break my promise, even if
it makes you hate me. The thought of that is almost
unbearable, but I have to face it.
"I'm going to tell you in my own way, Travis. You may
think I'm stretching this out, but I have a reason for
doing it this way, and I'll be glad to explain it to
you later.
"I need to tell you more about myself first. I'm not
like the women on the Internet, especially the ones
who are doing it because it's easy money. If you watch
them, they often look bored.
"My life is not a job for me. I am passionately
involved in everything I do, whether it's my
profession or my private life. I am always trying to
take both of them to the next level.
"I don't use a lot of equipment in my home, but I do
have a few classic whips and some newer ones that work
even better. Do you know that even though I'm not into
pain, I test every one of them extensively on myself
before I use it. I've thrown a lot of them away. I
want to know their effect, because I want the man to
have an exquisite experience. I am always looking for
something that will give him excruciating pain that he
will always remember but that doesn't cause injuries
that take a long time to heal.
"Look at my hands, Travis. Do you see my fingernails?
I pay a lot to have them look beautiful, despite the
fact that they are short and rounded. I'm not into
scratching body parts. I know things to do with my
fingers and hands that are much more painful than
scratching but less dangerous. And they are much more
mentally devastating.
"Yes, there are many things I won't do. For instance,
even though I forced myself to watch your scat video,
enemas are a turn-off for me. In fact, I almost threw
up. But I'm not looking down on you, Travis. If things
work out for us, I would understand that you might
occasionally need to be degraded that way, and I
wouldn't consider it cheating.
"I would hope that you wouldn't need to go out of the
home for any other reason, Travis, because I think I
can do it all for you. When I put my hands into your
anus -- yes, they are small enough that I know I can
put both arms into you up to my shoulders -- I will
make you feel amazing things that you could never
imagine. I'm not bragging. I'm just repeating what
many men have told me.
"I've even created my own lubricant. I mix it
according to the recipe I've developed. It's firm like
petroleum jelly, but it melts quickly with body heat
when it's applied. It makes everything look shiny and
sparkling, almost glittering."
Myra stopped speaking suddenly, and Travis looked up
at her. She looked at him silently for a while as if
thinking about whether she should say what she was
about to say, and then she spoke.
"Travis, do you mind if I ask you a question?" she
said.
"No," he said.
"I don't mean for you to take this in any way except
as me asking for information. I'm not angry at you,
and I'm not trying to hurt you in any way with this
question. Do you think it's insulting when two people
are talking and one of them is looking down at the
table instead of looking the other person in the eye?"
"Yes, and I'm sorry for insulting you, Myra," he said.
"It's just hard for me to hear what you're saying."
"I realize that, Travis," she said, but I gave you my
full attention the other day when you were telling me
your story, and I'd really appreciate your full
attention now. Are you ready for me to go on?"
"Yes," he said, "and I'll keep my head up."
"Travis," she said, "you won't believe the variety of
uncomfortable and painful ways I can extract your
semen from you without anything touching your penis,
or the ways I can feed it to you, not just from my
vagina, anus or mouth. Even something as simple as
spanking is special because I've worked so long on it.
I don't use any paddles, just my little hands, but I
know how to arrange the angles, intensities, rhythms
and finger spreads to turn your buttocks into mashed
watermelon.
"I've designed some special furniture and equipment
for restraint, but I never use weights or clothespins
or similar accessories. I can put my fingers together
around parts of your body in ways that make
clothespins seem like baby toys, and I know ways to
pull and stretch things between your legs so that
you'll feel like they're nearly being ripped off your
body, without ever attaching a weight.
"I've learned a tremendous amount about pain and
humiliation by talking to the men who I've been with,
and now I know how to design and customize what I do.
New men are always eager to go right to my bedroom
studio, but I force them to sit down with me for
coffee and conversation first. For me, it's like
interviewing a patient. In a short time, I get all the
information I need to make our session memorable.
"Some men need to go to work the next morning, so I do
things with them that are tremendously painful but
don't feel any worse than a mild hangover the next
day. Other men tell me things that indicate they want
long, lingering pain that lasts for days or even
weeks.
"They often suggest ways to degrade them, but I
usually ignore their ideas, because I know the deepest
humiliations are always those they keep secret. I know
how to extract those secrets without them realizing
it, and then surprise them with things they never
realized they wanted. Sometimes they cry and scream
and beg me to stop, but I laugh at their desperation,
because I know that a day or two later, they'll be
calling their heartless bitch on the phone and telling
me that I gave them the most wonderful experience of
their lives and wanting to schedule another date as
soon as possible.
"Every part of our time together is precious to me.
When I talk to you during the prelude, you see the
softer side of me as I tenderly and gently draw you
out and learn what to do to you. Then I become the
evil monster that destroys you. And when we're
finished, I become your nurse, with soothing lotions,
soothing words and soothing caresses. You'll be
relaxing and sipping one of the special healing drinks
that I've created. Your body will be glowing, from the
pain, and from the things I do to comfort you. And
your mind will be will be at peace to shudder and
recall the pleasure of your devastating humiliation.
"Do you know that none of my alternative sex men has
ever broken up with me? After a while, I move on,
usually when I realize that there's no chance the two
of us can be happy in any other way than having sex.
Some of them I occasionally call again, and I've never
been turned down. I could choose from over a hundred
numbers I have and call someone right now, and chances
are that man would be waiting at my front door when I
get home. Some of them are even out of town, and
they'd drop everything to get here as fast as they
could.
"If you wanted, I think most of them would be willing
to write you and tell you about me from their
perspective. They are all in love with me and want me
to be happy, and they know that I love them in a
special way, too, and I would never do anything to
harm them. I have videos of me with all of them to
watch when I'm in the mood, and they know those videos
will never be used for anything except my pleasure. As
I told you, some of them are important men with a lot
to lose.
"That's the end of my commercial for myself. Thank you
for being patient and making me happy by listening. I
wish I could stop here, and we could both go to my
home and have an amazing time, but first I have to
tell you some things that aren't so positive.
"When you told me your story last time, you were very
convincing, but as I told you, it somehow didn't feel
right. I couldn't understand why I felt that way at
first, and I even wondered if the reason was that I
just didn't want it to be true.
"I decided to take another look at your femdom video,
and that's where I found my answer -- within a few
minutes. I had watched it at least a dozen times
before, but only for pleasure, and most of the time, I
was thinking of what Abigail had told me about you.
This time I kept in mind what you had told me and
focused only on how you were responding to what was
being done to you.
"I almost laughed that I had doubted my instincts,
because it was that obvious that you were enjoying
every minute of the video, so obvious that it doesn't
take a professional background to understand. Anyone
can plainly see it.
"That explains why Abigail doesn't want to listen to
you. What could you say to her? You say it all in the
video. And Delilah may be doomed to love you, but even
she can't deny the evidence in front of her eyes.
"I know without asking that you've never watched the
video. Isn't that right Travis? Maybe you never will.
I've learned that from some of my patients. I always
keep a professional distance, because if I didn't, I
couldn't help them. But there's no worse feeling than
knowing that I could help them put an end to their
suffering but I never will, because they won't face
the truth about themselves and will probably live in
denial the rest of their miserable lives.
"I promised you I would help you, Travis, and I think
I can, but confronting Delilah can only bring more
pain to her and to you. You need to confront yourself
and accept yourself. I want to help you move forward
to a place where you have a chance for happiness. And
since I'm telling you the whole truth, yes, I hope I
might be part of your happiness.
"You are so in tune with life and reality, except in
this area, that I don't think it will take long. Maybe
all it will take is watching the video for you to
finally accept who you are and find some peace. I
don't know that for sure, but I'm 100 per cent certain
that no matter what you do, nothing will change for
you until you watch the video.
"That's all I have to say to you, Travis, but as I
promised, I'll stay here and talk to you as long as
you want. I don't think that will accomplish much. I
think would make a lot more sense for you to come home
with me now and watch the video."
Travis was looking at her because he promised he
would, but he didn't see her. His mind was in tumult
as she finished, and for a minute, he didn't respond.
He saw her waiting patiently with that wonderful
smile. But now the smile terrified him. He shook his
head a few times.
"No," he said at last. "No, Myra. You've got it wrong
about me. I know who I am. And I'm not going to your
house to accept myself as anyone else. I know you mean
well, but since you're not helping me, I'll have to
keep looking for the right way to get to Delilah. God
is testing me, but I know he will show me the way."
"Did God tell you not to watch the video?" said Myra.
"No, you know he didn't," said Travis.
"I was afraid you wouldn't come home with me and let
me help you," she said as she handed him a piece of
paper, "so I wrote down the link to the femdom video.
Next to it, I wrote my password for the website. You
can go home and watch it. I don't believe in God, but
I know that if he existed, and he loved you, he would
want you to watch the video so your life wouldn't be
ruined."
When Travis got home, he felt totally drained. He went
to bed, but his sleep was restless. He woke up at 5
a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again. He went to his
desk and looked at the piece of paper Myra had given
him. He stared at it a long time, and then he typed
the address into his computer, and when he was asked
for a password, he typed Myra's.
About five minutes into the video, he began crying,
but he kept watching in horror until the end. Then he
pounded his desk and screamed. They were right. The
video showed he was the pervert they thought he was.
He called his office and left a voice mail message for
his secretary that he wouldn't be in.
He suddenly felt so tired that he could barely lift
his feet as he walked back to the bedroom. As he fell
asleep, for a moment, he thought about praying to God
to ask that he never wake up.
It was like the sleep of the dead, because when he
finally woke, it was late afternoon. He got up and had
something to eat, but he didn't get dressed. He wanted
to go back to bed, but he didn't, because he knew that
he wouldn't fall asleep. Questions kept coming into
his mind, one after the other. The answer to each of
them showed why the video was wrong, but none of them
could wipe away what he had seen.
He tried to remember exactly what happened in the
studio, but he couldn't because he had blocked it out.
An idea came into his mind that if he could remember,
he might be able prove the video was wrong. He
wondered if he was just fooling himself so he could
keep on denying the truth.
He went over and over what he did remember. His head
ached from concentrating. Gradually, a few moments
came back to him, and he used them to try again to re-
create in his mind everything from the beginning to
the end. He remembered the end more clearly and
bitterly, the fight about the video between Grace and
Delilah, Grace taking him home, Grace breaking the DVD
and him blacking out. As he went over that for the
umpteenth time, he wondered why Grace made such a fuss
about the disk and had broken his copy.
Then he remembered that Delilah had sent him another
copy of the video with the contract a few days later.
He had thrown it into a drawer and never touched it.
She had told him she wanted to force him to see it,
but he had thought that was because she had despised
him. Maybe it was just part of her acting like that.
But maybe Delilah had recorded a message on the DVD
that she wanted him to see.
It was a crazy thought, but he was grasping at straws.
He would never see Delilah again, but if she said
something on the video about loving him, maybe it
would help him deal with the depression that was
engulfing him. He stopped thinking of anything else
except finding that DVD. It didn't take him long to
discover the padded envelope pushed in the back of a
drawer.
He inserted the DVD into his computer and began
watching. At first, he was disappointed, because there
was no message from Delilah, at least not at the
beginning. Then he was confused, until he realized
that he wasn't watching the finished production on the
Internet but the raw footage, and that each camera had
recorded the action during the same period of time but
from different positions.
He kept on watching, silently, and then he came to a
part that made him scream and jump up from the
computer and run from room to room screaming until he
was out of breath. Then he fell to his knees. "And
then he went back to the computer and watched the rest
of the videos as tears streamed down his face.
***
When he called Myra the next day, he told her that he
had finally watched the femdom video and now he
understood what she was talking about. He wondered if
she would be willing to come over that night to
discuss it.
"Why don't you come over to my place," she said. "I'm
so happy for you, Travis. I insist. I'm going to cook
dinner, and I'll show you some things that I know
you'll find interesting."
"Do you have a DVD player?" he asked.
"Yes," she said. "I bring home my laptop, and I also
have one for my large flat-screen television. Why do
you ask?"
"I'd like to show you some videos that I think you'll
find interesting," he said.
"That sounds great," she said. "And maybe after that,
I can show you some of the videos I've made."
While dinner was finishing, she gave him a tour of the
house. She spent most of the time showing him her home
video studio, a large empty room with a spongy rubber
floor and some strange furniture in addition to a
large bed. There were things attached to the walls and
hanging from the ceiling, and she explained with
delight what each item was for. She proudly told him
that she had three professional cameras mounted on
rolling tripods and wired to operate in synch to
capture all the action without her having to do
anything. She turned on her professional studio
lights, and the room was so bright he had to squint.
"Maybe I can give you a demonstration of how this
works later if you like," she said with a giggle.
Dinner was delicious, and she said she was so happy to
see him enjoying it, because his gusto meant that he
was probably no longer depressed. When he said he was
happier tonight than he had been in a long time, she
jumped up and kissed him on the lips. He felt her
trying to insert her tongue, but he drew away.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I need to slow down and try
not to make you uncomfortable. I have to keep
reminding myself that despite what you did on the
video, this is really all new to you."
"Thanks," said Travis. "You really are an angel."
After dinner, she looked at him and said, "What would
you like to do now, Travis?"
He reminded her about the video, and she said, "Yes,
of course. You'd like to show me some videos. And then
I'll show you mine. Maybe they will put us in the mood
to make a video of our own."
He didn't reply, but when he started his video, he saw
her looking at him. She was smiling, but not the smile
of warmth and comfort that he had seen up to now. Her
smile was lascivious and seductive. He turned to look
at the screen, and out of the corner of his eye, he
saw her head turn that way, too.
When the video began, he turned from the screen and
focused on her expression as she watched. She seemed
confused at first until she realized it was the raw
footage of the same video she had seen online. She was
fascinated.
Then came the part that had made him scream and jump
up at home. She screamed and jumped up, too. He paused
the video, and he heard her crying. The sound was
heartrending, like a mother whose child was dying in
her arms. After a while, she calmed down.
"Do you want to see the rest of it?" he said.
"Yes," she said and then blew her nose. "I may as well
see it all." He saw her shoulders shaking now and then
as she wept while she watched the footage from every
camera, almost two and a half hours in all. When it
was over, she rushed to the bathroom.
He waited nearly 15 minutes until she came out. Her
wonderful smile was back on her face, and she was
calm. But he saw her eyes were red.
"I want you to know how sorry I am for what I put you
through," she said. "I have no excuse, because I know
all about video editing. I took a lot of classes, and
I use all the latest hardware and software. I know all
the tricks of moving segments around to heighten
excitement and drama.
"Grace is good, but I should have spotted the
continuity lapses at once, even in the degraded
version on the Internet. The soundtrack also is a good
indicator when insertions are used out of order. Using
music to cover that up is a dead giveaway.
"As soon as I saw the raw video of Grace putting you
through those smiles and nods and laughter and
gestures, I understood how she had spliced them in to
tell the story that she wanted to tell.
"The studio had such good microphones that I could
hear everything in the raw videos, even your screaming
through the ball gag. When she told you about how she
had doctored your drink, I felt so stupid. That's the
oldest trick in the book to make a man look like he's
aroused when he's not excited. I never use it, but all
the porn producers do.
"While I was cleaning up in the bathroom, I was
thinking. I know I need to process this to understand
why I made such a horrible mistake. I don't want to
admit it, Travis, but I think the fantasy of you and
me blinded me to anything that might get in the way of
it. I think I was doing the same thing I accused you
of doing, and I feel so ashamed."
She looked down at the floor in dejection. Travis
didn't say anything. He was waiting. But after a
minute, he got impatient.
"Are you going to help me, Myra?" he said.
"What?" she said, looking up into his eyes. He saw her
cheeks were wet with tears again.
"Are you going to help me?" he said.
"Help you?" she repeated. "Oh yes, I thought I was
helping you, but I was only deceiving myself."
"I mean, are you going to help me now -- with
Delilah?" he said.
"Oh, Travis," she said. "I'm so selfish. I was
thinking about how I had planned a wonderful evening
for the two of us and how I would make a wonderful
video of it for you. And now you're going to leave,
and I'll never see you again, and my dream is over. I
didn't think about you for a moment.
"I'll help you, Travis, of course, in any way I can.
But I don't know Delilah, so right now I have no idea
of what we can do. It seems almost impossible that
there's a way to get you together with her again, but
we'll try."
"My idea is pretty simple," he said. "I'm sure you'll
think of a better one, but I was thinking that if you
could get Abigail to sit down with me and let me
explain everything until she understood, she might
talk to Delilah for me."
"I don't know if that will work," said Myra, "because
she's seen the online video, and Grace did a wonderful
job of making everyone who sees it think you were
enjoying yourself."
"What I showed you is a copy I made for you of my
DVD," said Travis. "It's for you to keep if you want.
I thought you might enjoy watching it again, so it's
my present to you. Do you think you can get her to
watch it?"
"Thank you so much, Travis," she said. "You are so
thoughtful. I will treasure it and think of what a
wonderful man you are when I watch it. I don't know if
I can force Abigail to sit through it, but I have an
idea. Maybe there's a way."
She looked at the video and then at him. She closed
her eyes and took a few deep breaths and then opened
them again and gazed at him. He waited for her to say
something, because it looked like she wanted to speak
but was hesitating.
"Whatever you want to say, you can say it, Myra," he
said. "Remember, we aren't hiding anything from each
other."
She took another breath and then looked down, averting
his eyes, as she spoke. "I was wondering, Travis, if I
did this for you, would you be willing to --." She
stopped in mid-sentence.
He didn't say anything, but he got up slowly. For a
moment, he stood looking at her. She was still looking
at the floor. When he was driving to her house that
night, he had a feeling that it might come down to
this. He had agonized over his feelings of fear and
repulsion and prayed for help in deciding what to do.
In the end, he decided that Delilah's soul was
important enough to him that he would do anything to
get Myra to help him. Now he was calm as he began
walking toward the bedroom.
Myra looked up and saw him. She got up and took a
couple of steps to follow him, and then she stopped
and began shaking. "No," she said softly. When she saw
that Travis hadn't heard her, she screamed "No!" so
loud that he jumped.
"No," she said a third time. "I can't do this to you.
Everything in me says yes, except something quiet that
I can barely hear. It's telling me that you won't be
ruined if we do this, but I will ruin myself as a
human being, and I'll never find happiness, because
I'll never be able to think of myself again as a
person who deserves happiness.
"When I was telling you what I would like to do to
you, I made you look at me, because I was looking for
any slight indication that would show me there's a
part of you that responded to what I was talking
about. But all I saw was revulsion. I thought it was
because you were still in denial.
"But after I saw the video, my fantasy about us is
finished. It's just hard to let go of it. You love
Delilah so much that you're willing to let me do what
I want to you. I don't think I will ever find someone
who loves me that much, but you've given me a sliver
of hope, Travis. I want a man like you. I mean, I want
a man who's like you, except different in one area. I
think I've been looking for love in all the wrong
places, but you've given me a new idea.
"Travis, I'm going to make Abigail understand about
you, and I'll convince her to help you. I promise you
that. I have my doubts about whether that will get you
anyplace, but I want more than anything for you and
Delilah to be together.
"You are an angel, Myra," he said. "No matter what
happens, you will always be my angel, and I will
always love you." He walked to her and saw she was
crying again, and he put his arms around her. Her arms
wrapped around him, and she clutched him to her so
tightly that she squeezed the air out of him. They
stood like that for a long time.
***
A week later, Abigail called him.
"I almost lost it when I saw you lying there again in
that outfit," she said, "but Myra only showed me the
part where Grace was making you smile and nod and make
those gestures. Then she thankfully turned off the DVD
and explained what was going on and took me to her
office and downloaded your Internet video. After a
couple of minutes, I saw what Grace had done, and I
told her to turn it off. I almost threw up again.
"I'm really sorry about this, and I want to make it up
to you. Just tell me what you want me to do."
They decided the best thing was for her to just get
Delilah to open up about her feelings toward him and
then talk about the best way to get through to her.
Abigail promised she would make Delilah meet with her.
It took a couple of weeks, but one afternoon, he got a
call from Abigail. "I just came from lunch with
Delilah, and I have no time to talk," she said, "but
I'll call you tonight. You won't believe what I found
out."
He didn't wait for her call. As soon as he walked
through his door, he went right to the phone.
"I don't have encouraging news, Travis," said Abigail.
"When I mentioned your name, she got deathly pale, and
I thought she was going to faint. After she recovered,
she asked me never to say your name again and not to
ask her why.
"I couldn't think of any reply to that, and I was
worried that if I ignored her request, she would get
up and leave, so I dropped it. I haven't thought of a
way to get past this yet, but I'll work on it.
"What I wanted to tell you is that Delilah shocked me.
Her whole personality has changed. Her ideas are
weird. In fact, they remind me of some of your ideas.
"I almost fell off my chair when she told me she's
been going to church every Sunday for the last couple
of months. I told her I didn't believe her, and she
told me she didn't care what I or Grace thought. She
said going to church was giving her solace, and she
felt more at peace there than anywhere else. She told
me she's been going to your church, and she really
likes it."
"Why haven't I seen her if she's there every week?"
said Travis.
"I wondered about that. She told me she arrives a few
minutes late and sits at the very back, and each week,
she gets up and leaves just before the final
benediction and gets to her car and drives off before
anyone else comes out. She said she's going to look
for another church because as much as she likes yours,
she's worried about running into you if she gets more
involved."
"It's hard for me to believe," said Travis.
"Yes," said Abigail. "It's totally not Delilah, but
why would she say that? That's all I have to report to
you for now, but I'm going to stay in touch with her.
There's got to be a way to get her to talk to you.
Just be patient."
Travis thought about what Abigail had said for a
couple of days, and then decided he was not going to
be patient. The first time the minister asked the
congregation to rise the next Sunday, he turned
around, but he didn't see anything. When the minister
told everyone to be seated, he scanned the rows at the
back and saw her sitting down. She wasn't looking in
his direction, so he didn't think she saw him spot
her.
He waited until the minister began the benediction and
then got up and walked up the aisle quickly. He saw
that the place where she had been sitting was already
empty. People turned their heads as he burst through
the doors. She had just gotten to the bottom of the
stairs when he walked out and was walking briskly
toward the parking lot. She heard the sound of the
church doors opening and turned around and saw him.
She began walking faster, and he began running. She
started running, too, but he caught up to her and
grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him.
"No!" she screamed. "Travis, no!" She yanked her arm
free and put her hands over her ears.
He looked around. No one else had left the church yet.
Thank you, God, he said to himself. He pulled her to
him and kissed her. She took her hands away from her
ears to push him away. She didn't scream, but in a
determined voice, she said, "No, Travis! I will never
do that again. Let me go!"
"Shut up, Delilah!" he said. "I'll let you go in a
minute. But first, I need to know if you are going to
believe Grace or what I tell you now.
"I don't want to do that again. I want to marry you,
and once you are mine in the eyes of God, I want to
make love to you all day long with no more guilt.
Whatever you choose to do while we make love, I'll
accept it, because I now realize you told me the
truth. Even though your ideas came from those horrible
things you and Grace did to those men, what you did
with me was not the same thing and you never tried to
hurt or humiliate me.
"You tried to make me believe that you were only
interested in your investment, but now I know the
truth. And I know about `Disgusting Debutantes' and
how you were ready to sacrifice your body to save me
from ruin.
"I'm telling you again that I never wanted to do that
video, and I never want to do another one, no matter
what Grace tells you, and I can show you how she got
you to you believe her lie. All I want to do is go to
church with you, make love with you and have children
with you and raise them in a house filled with love.
"So you can believe Grace or you can believe me. Now
I'm going to let you go and turn around and walk away,
and I promise you I'll never bother you again."
He walked slowly for about 10 steps with his shoulders
back and his head high, but then his body slowly began
collapsing into itself from the torment in his brain.
It was really over now, he thought. After 15 steps, he
heard a loud scream behind him. She was in pain, too,
he thought, but it didn't give him any satisfaction.
Then she screamed again, but this time there were
words. "Travis," she screamed. "Come back! Please come
back, please!" Her last word died on the air, and he
turned around in time to see her crumple to the
ground. As he ran up to her, he saw her lying on the
sidewalk sobbing and shaking.
***
When she told him she would never forgive Grace, he
didn't argue with her. It wasn't until a year after
they had been married that she told him on the way to
church that she was going to pray for Grace for the
first time that day, and how did he feel about her
forgiving Grace and seeing her again?
"I think your faith is so strong now that there's no
way Grace can harm you," he said. "Some day, she might
want to change her life, and if you keep in contact,
you might be able to help her."
Long before that, maybe a month after they had
reconciled, he did a double take one Sunday as they
were leaving services and he saw Myra talking to
another church member. She was in one of the rear
pews, almost the same location that Delilah had been
sitting in. He walked out and asked Delilah to walk
ahead a little and then wait for him, because he
needed to talk to someone.
When Myra came through the door, he stepped forward,
and she saw him. She smiled her wonderful smile and
embraced him as powerfully as she had the night he had
been at her house and kissed him hard on the cheek.
Then she noticed Delilah staring at her and him and
released him quickly.
"What are you doing here?" he said.
"It's because of you," she said. "I thought about you
a lot after the last time we saw each other. I kept
coming back to the kind of man you were. I've known
men who said they were religious before, but they were
just trying to get themselves aroused by committing
terrible sins. It never worked, because they didn't
really believe in their religion's rules. You were the
first real Christian I ever met.
"So I decided that I needed to open my mind and check
into other kinds of men than those I've been involved
with. I've met some really nice men here already, and
some nice women, too. I've been thinking about
becoming a member of your church. Do you mind?"
"Not at all," said Travis. "I don't know if you'll
find the man you want here, but I hope you find grace
and peace of mind."
Before she could say anything else, he shook her hand
and hurried to join Delilah.
"What was that all about?" Delilah asked.
"While we were apart, I dated her a few times," he
said. "She's really an angel in disguise. We never did
anything. Most of the time we talked about you."
"Tell me more," said Delilah.
"She's a very unusual woman," he said. "She's a
psychologist who knows a lot about abnormal sex, and
she does a lot of the same things as Grace, except not
for money. And if it wasn't for her --."
"You can stop now, Travis," she said. He saw that she
had become pale. "I don't want to hear any more. It
makes me think about what happened and how I nearly
lost you. I told you, I still wake up sometimes in the
middle of the night shaking with fear until I see you
lying beside me."
The two women met, and they talked politely to each
other during church activities, but Myra sensed that
Delilah was nervous around her, so she tried to keep
her distance. Delilah didn't bring her up again except
one time, when she told him a friend of hers said that
nearly all the eligible bachelors at the church were
buzzing around her, and she had dated several of them.
"I'm so happy to hear that," he said. "She is an
angel."
"You know, the devil was an angel," said Delilah.
***
"Why isn't Delilah here?" said Myra when she came up
to him after Wednesday night Bible class. "Is
everything going OK?"
"Yes, she's doing really well," said Travis. "She left
today for a retreat, and she won't get back until
Sunday night, but it's the last trip she's taking.
When one of the partners told her the company doctor
said it was safe to for her to fly for another month,
she told him she wasn't taking any chances and offered
to sell out. The partner backed off right away."
"Do you know what it is yet?" said Myra.
"Yes, it's a boy," said Travis.
"I'm so happy for the two of you," said Myra.
"Thank you, Angel," he said and smiled. "I hope
Peter's not sick."
"No, he's fine," said Myra. "He got Barbara to sub for
him tonight because he's traveling on business. He's
going to be gone another week, and I really miss him."
"I am so pleased you like Peter," said Travis. "He is
such a terrific guy." He saw that Myra was gazing at
him with a quizzical expression, as if she was trying
to make up her mind about something. Then her smile
came back.
"Yes," she said, "Peter is really special. Listen,
Travis, I have to run now. I'm going out for coffee
with a few of the ladies in our class. But I want to
talk to you after church on Sunday."
"I don't know, Myra," he said. "Do you think that's a
good idea?"
"Oh, don't worry," she said. "We're not going
anywhere. Peter and I like to sit and talk on a bench
under a shady tree in the children's Bible garden, so
that's where we'll go. I'm sure people will see us
there, but I don't care. Some of my friends have been
making fun of me for coming to this church, but I
think something is rubbing off from Sunday school,
Peter's Bible study class and the minister's sermons,
because I've almost stopped caring what people think
about me. Do you have anything to do after church?"
"No," he said hesitantly.
"Then please think about it," she said. "It would
really mean a lot to me. I've got to run now. Bye."
***
She walked briskly to the children's Bible garden, and
he was a half-step behind her. He wished he was like
her and didn't care what people thought. He wanted to
hunch over and hide, but he walked straight and tall
in case anyone was watching.
When they sat down, he looked at her. She moved close
to him, but she saw the panic in his eyes and quickly
moved back. He saw she was holding herself back for a
while, still trying to decide, and then she spoke.
"Travis, I'm sorry to do this to you," she said, "but
this may be the last time we'll ever talk in private.
I know it's selfish of me to make you uncomfortable,
but when I realized that both Peter and Delilah
wouldn't be here today, I had to do it. I'm totally
frustrated, because I'm the happiest woman in the
world, but I can't tell anybody.
"On Wednesday night, I realized you were the one
person in the world who would understand, so I'm going
to torture you with my joy and then pray really hard
for you to forgive me. It's your fault anyway, because
if I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have joined this
church. I was so overcome by how welcoming everyone
was, and then I was flattered by the attention from
the bachelors. I really liked each one that I dated,
and that encouraged me to keep seeking both spiritual
and emotional satisfaction. I didn't want to waste
anyone's time, so as soon as I got to know what made
them tick -- and you know I can find that out really
fast -- I moved on quickly. It gave me a bit of a
reputation, but I knew I was doing the right thing for
them and me.
"I know you and Delilah were surprised when I started
coming to Peter's class, but I decided that it was big
enough that I could participate and still stay far
enough away to not spoil it for you. I hope I've
succeeded.
"It was the pastor who suggested I come on Wednesday
nights. I was always asking him complicated questions
about faith and morality, and he said that Peter was a
wonderful teacher and exemplified a virtuous man more
than anyone he knew. He felt sure that Peter would
patiently lead me to the answers I was seeking.
"I know sometimes you and the others were embarrassed
by my questions when I first joined the class, but
Peter never made me feel I didn't belong there. He was
surprised at how I devoured the books he suggested for
me, and it wasn't long before I was confident enough
to jump into the discussions and challenge people when
I felt they were wrong.
"Of course, like all the other single girls in the
class, I couldn't help noticing his athletic physique
and how handsome he was. When we girls got together
and talked about him, it wasn't about his views of
`Hebrews' or `Acts.' I found out most of them were in
the class just to look at him. A few of them had dated
him and said they were frustrated because while they
were willing to set aside some of their moral
principles because of their desire for him, he was the
most devout man they had ever met and never deviated
from the path as far as they could tell.
"I don't know if you remember a few months ago when I
brought up something really complex and seemingly
contradictory in the Old Testament, and he said that
it would take the whole class to explain it. After
class, I was talking to him and I still don't know
why, but I told him that I'd be willing to cook dinner
for him if he'd be willing to waste an evening
explaining the passages I had brought up earlier. The
minute I said it, I was embarrassed. He's the most
respected lay teacher at our church, and everyone is
intimidated by his knowledge and wisdom. Like many of
our flock, I put him on a pedestal. And here I was,
someone he probably considered woefully ignorant about
Christianity, presuming to ask him to dinner.
"But he accepted my invitation graciously without a
second thought. As I found out later, he does things
like that all the time. People are surprised at how
accessible he is to anyone who's honestly trying to
learn.
"Of course, I didn't give him the tour, like I did
you. I went all out to make a great meal, and we
talked about all kinds of things over dinner, starting
with my question and going on to many other religious
subjects. My mind was reeling with all the things I
was learning.
"While I was making coffee, he wandered into the
living room, and when I came in with the coffee, I was
embarrassed to see him standing in front of a display
case in the corner of the room.
"He asked me about it, and I tried to dismiss it as an
eccentricity by telling him that for a while I had
gotten into collecting different kinds of whips and
lashes. I thought he would ask me how did I ever get
interested in that, but he didn't. He picked up one of
the whips and said it looked like a cat 'o nine tails
that medieval Christians used for flagellating
themselves.
"I told him that's exactly what it was and asked him
how he knew so much about it. He told me that he had
studied that era extensively and often thought about
what devout Christians had done to themselves to keep
from falling into sin. He said he had even
intellectually entertained the idea of self-
flagellation sometimes when he was tempted or when he
lost a battle with the devil, but he had never seen a
real cat, only drawings or photos."
"You can imagine that I was almost boiling over when I
heard his words. In the space of a few seconds, I had
stopped thinking of him as a philosopher on a pedestal
and began feeling a sexual attraction. But I
restrained myself and pretended that I was also
interested in whips on a theoretical level. I
explained the different items in my collection and
what they were used for. He seemed interested, but I
couldn't tell if he was just being polite. Before we
moved to the coffee table, he picked up the cat again
and turned it around in his hands a few times before
replacing it. We went back to talking about religion,
and he went home.
"To make a long story short, I thought a lot about him
that night, and some of my thinking resulted in
wonderful orgasms. After the next class, I concocted a
reason to ask him for dinner again, and he accepted.
This time I served some wine and appetizers in the
living room before dinner. As I was bringing things to
the coffee table, I saw him go over and take the cat
and begin turning it over in his hands again.
"I walked over to him and said, 'You know, medieval
Christians didn't just flagellate themselves with
this. Some of them would ask others to whip them,
because it was more thorough and efficient.'"
"'I know,' he said.
"'Are you curious about how that would feel,' I said.
"He looked at me and didn't say anything, but he
didn't put the cat back.
"'If you want, I could give you a few strokes just to
satisfy your curiosity,' I said. `And then we could
have a nice glass of wine and dinner.'
"He still didn't say anything.
"'To get a true idea of how the medievals felt, you'd
have to take off your shirt,' I said. `You're probably
feeling that would embarrass me, but I have seen and
heard everything in my practice, so I wouldn't feel
uncomfortable.'
"He still didn't say anything, and he looked at the
cat as he felt it. He had his back to me the whole
time so far, but now he turned around and handed me
the cat. Then he turned to face away from me, and from
his head looking down and the position of his hands, I
could see he was unbuttoning his shirt.
"He pulled his arms out of his shirt and let it drop
below his waist, and then he pulled off his undershirt
and put it on the display case, all without saying a
word. Then he surprised me by stepping back from the
case and leaning down and grasping it while he spread
his legs. His bare back was nearly horizontal.
"I moved closer to him and tried to control my
emotions and speak calmly. `I'm going to give you
five, Peter, because otherwise you won't really get
the idea of what it was like for the medieval
Christians. If you don't want me to do that, just tell
me.' He didn't say anything.
"I was so worked up that I brought down the cat much
harder than I intended on my first stroke. He screamed
loudly and nearly fell to the floor. But he didn't
tell me to stop, and after a minute he got into his
previous position again. Since he had accepted my
heavy stroke with no complaint, I was just as vigorous
on the next three, and on the last one, I put
everything I had into it. That one brought an agonized
shriek and made him stagger as he let go of the case
with one hand.
"I waited to see what he would do. He stood holding
onto the case for support for a couple of minutes and
then he straightened up. I saw the bright red lines
across his back as he walked slowly to the bathroom,
and I had an orgasm.
"I went to the living room and sat down to wait. It
wasn't more than five minutes before he joined me. His
face looked like he had washed it, and his shirt was
tucked in. He looked just like he had looked when he
had walked in the door. As if nothing had just
happened, we had some wine and appetizers and then a
great dinner, and the conversation was at such an
intellectual level that my mind was hurting again by
the time we were done.
"When he was leaving, I decided to be bold. I asked
him if he was doing anything the following Saturday
night, and he said no. I invited him to dinner again.
He didn't answer right way, but after gazing at me a
few minutes, he said, 'Yes,' kissed me on the cheek
and walked quickly to his car.
"I saw him look directly at me for no reason several
times at the Wednesday lesson, but I didn't go up to
talk to him after class. He called me Friday to
confirm that he was still invited for dinner Saturday.
"I decided to go for broke that night. Usually, I get
to know a man through talking to him before deciding
what to do to him. For some reason, I wanted this to
be different. I wanted to go with my feelings and not
use my training. I thought about how my feelings had
betrayed me with you, but I went ahead anyway.
"As soon as he walked in the door, I took him by the
hand and led him to the display. I picked up the cat
in my right hand and stood facing him. His head was
down, facing the floor. I gently put my left hand
under his chin and lifted his head up until he was
looking into my eyes.
"'You got some idea of how this worked last week,' I
said, 'And tonight I'm willing to show you what they
actually endured. That means 25 to 30 strokes, and I
won't tell you exactly how many, and I won't count
them for you.'
"His chin was still in my hand, and our eyes were
locked as I spoke, but I could feel him take a deep
breath. I waited for him to speak, but he didn't say
anything, so I took a deep breath of my own and
plunged over the cliff.
"'If you want me to do that for you tonight,' I said,
'you're going to have to take your clothes off here in
the living room while you're looking at me. Then
you'll have to go into the bedroom and get into the
position I tell you to get into.'
"His head snapped up out of my hand, and his eyes grew
wide. For a few seconds, I thought I had blown it. But
then I saw him thinking about what I said and no
longer reacting. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew
that when a man has to think about something like I
had just said to him, he's already decided.
"When he was naked, I got him on his hands and knees
on my bed, and he didn't say anything as I moved him
around to get the best lighting. Then I adjusted the
cameras. This time, I whipped only his buttocks. As I
thought, when I stopped after about 10 strokes, I
noticed he was fully aroused even though he was still
screaming. I put some lube on my hands and reached for
his penis with my left hand. He moved quickly away
from me on the bed, but I grabbed his testicles with
my right hand and squeezed them hard.
"He collapsed onto the bed and began moaning and
crying. I continued to squeeze for almost 20 seconds
and then let go. I let him lie on the bed and sob for
a couple of minutes and then I reached under him and
grasped his testicles again. I slowly pulled them back
between his legs and lifted them up. Gradually his
body followed as I pulled him back up by his
testicles.
"When he was on his hands and knees again, I stopped
pulling and began to gently move them in my hand. When
my left hand reached for his penis again, he didn't
move. It was no longer aroused, but I stroked the
shriveled penis until he began to get hard again, and
then I began to pump him. He started to respond more
and got fully aroused. He began to thrust forward into
my hand, but he stopped when I let go of his testicles
and picked up the cat and resumed whipping him.
"He began to scream again, but he didn't grow softer
as I pumped him while I was whipping him. I wanted him
to come while I was flagellating him, but his body
didn't know what to do, and once I got to 30, I knew I
had to stop or his buttocks wouldn't recover for
weeks. I was still pumping him, and he was still hard,
but he was holding back. I found out later that it was
because he was totally ashamed of what he was doing.
He doesn't have that problem anymore.
"I hesitated and then thought, why not? So while I was
pumping him hard with my left hand, I stuck my right
hand in the lube and then plunged my right index
finger as hard and deep into his anus as I could. That
did it. He almost roared as he began spurting onto the
bed. I continued to pump him until he was soft, and
then got up and went to the bathroom to wash off my
hands and try to compose myself for what might happen
next.
"I wasn't gone long, but when I opened the bathroom
door, I didn't see him. I rushed through the living
room in time to see my front door close. When I opened
it, he was already pulling his car door open, and he
was gone in a flash.
"For some reason, I was calm. I thought about what had
happened, and I couldn't find anything that didn't
feel right. Then the phone rang. It was Peter. `I'm
sorry I rushed out like that,' he said, `but I had to
think, and I had to be by myself or I knew I wouldn't
be able to.'
"'You're missing a good dinner,' I said, 'I want to
apologize if I came on too strong.'
"'I don't know if you did,' he told me, 'but my mind
is totally confused about what just happened and about
you. I think I may need professional help because I'm
scared by some of the things I'm thinking. Maybe you
can recommend someone.'
"I told him that before I did that I wanted to talk to
him. He was hesitant, so I told him that what I meant
by talking this time had nothing to do with what had
happened that evening. In fact, I said it would be
better if I came over to his place, and there would be
no dinner or whips, only conversation. He finally
agreed, and our first coffee date took place a week
later.
"I saw that it was time to let go of the exciting
romance of discovery and spontaneity and do what I do
best. The next three times we met were actually
interview sessions, although he didn't realize it at
the time. I found out everything I needed to know
about him, and I started slowly lifting the veil and
letting him see my life.
"I was shocked to find out that his sex drive is as
strong as mine. Do you know why he's so muscular? It's
because he found that exercising is one way to get his
mind off sex. He takes one or two cold showers every
day. Sometimes he watches porn, but he told me he
would rather die than have sexual relations outside of
marriage.
"He's much more devout than you are and horribly self-
critical, especially about sex. He wants desperately
to be kind of man everybody thinks he is, but he feels
he's living a lie because of things like having
lustful thoughts about the bachelorettes who parade
themselves in front of him.
"He's so deep that I'm still finding out things about
him, and everything I find out makes me love him more.
He's letting me do to him all the things that were
done to you in that femdom video and many more. My
imagination is running wild, and he's responding to
everything I think up.
"One night, I surprised him by doing my tribute to
this Korean Internet porn star who viciously punches a
man's balls over and over just as he's coming, sending
his semen flying like the juice of a lemon that's been
hit with a sledgehammer. I was worried because he
fainted from the pain, and I had trouble getting him
home. The next day all he said was to please never do
anything like that again, but I noticed that's become
his favorite video to watch.
"We are together nearly every second that he or I
aren't at work or at church. We are even working out
together. I can't get enough of him, but when I
suggested the other day that he might be getting tired
of spending all his time with me and that we should
cool it a little, he got angry with me for the first
time.
"He proposed to me, and he was in tears when I
accepted. We had an amazing session after that. You
know what he said when we were both lying there
exhausted and he was in terrible pain before I
gathered the strength to get up and attend to him? He
said that as far as he was concerned, I was a virgin
because I became a new woman when I was born again. He
said he looked forward to having intercourse with me
for the first time on our wedding night and was
imagining me taking off my pure white gown in front of
him.
"He told me he wants more than just a femdom
relationship, and I said I did, too. He said he wants
to make passionate love without any pain or
humiliation, and I told him I'm dying to do that, too.
But you know what, I'm not impatient. I'm purifying
myself for that moment on our wedding night, so it
will be holy. I already know it's also going to be
hot. He's going to be my virgin, and I'm going to be
his, at least in my soul.
"We have a long way to go. I still have to treat him
like a patient sometimes, because he's suppressed his
nature so long that it's not easy to move forward. He
still prays constantly for me and him and is sometimes
overcome with guilt about what we do together and how
much he craves it. I pray for him to heal and accept
what he is and be whole, and I think he's starting to
understand that what we do is not harmful to anyone
else or to our souls and that when he stops wasting
time and energy on guilt, he'll have more to give God
and his creatures.
"Meanwhile, I'm having a wonderful time with the most
amazing man I've ever known. You are in second place
now, but I still love you, Travis, and I always will.
You have given me a gift so wonderful, it must come
from heaven. God used you as the messenger. Yes,
Travis, I know I helped you a little, but you are the
real thing. You are the angel who saved me.
"That's no good, Travis. Enough people have seen me
talking your ears off here that Delilah and Peter are
going to be receiving some reports. And if the
tattletales see us crying together like this, the
tongues are really going to wag. I can take care of
Peter, but if I hear Delilah is upset about the
gossip, I'm going to go right up to her, and you're
not going to stop me. She needs someone to tell her
how grateful she ought to be that she married an
angel."
END
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This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life in
any way, shape or form. Anyone tempted to act out any
of the scenarios in this story should seriously
consider seeking professional help.
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Kristen's collection - Directory 78