("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._
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                 K R I S T E N' S    C O L L E C T I O N
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Remote Control
by Ufpe (ufpe@inorbit.com)

***

A generic remote control capable of transporting the 
user through time. (MF, sci-fi)

***

-= Little Shop of Shiva =-

Another long day at the shop had slipped away. I 
unlocked the apartment and threw my jacket on the 
recliner as I reached for the remote. After several 
attempts the afternoon news filled the screen, but the 
remote failed to respond after numerous attempts to 
change channels. Too many abrupt encounters with the 
hardwood floor had finally taken their toll. Without 
pausing to grab my customary after work brew, I went 
out the door committed to a quick trip to "Wally 
World" for a generic replacement. 

The cross town commute in rush hour traffic promised 
to raise my already frazzled stress levels, but a 
night without the convenience of a remote was even 
less appealing. As I started to unlock the car, I 
glanced over at the seldom visited strip mall across 
the street and spotted a small storefront with the 
words Ravi's Electronics hand painted on the window. 
Surely they would have a small selection of remotes. I 
relocked the door and walked over, dodging stressed 
motorists as they sped home to their own TVs. 

As I entered the small store, I was almost overwhelmed 
by the odor of incense and haunting sounds of sitar 
music. The walls were covered with tapestries, most of 
a dude sitting on an ornate cushion with a bunch of 
arms coming out of his torso and a third eye in his 
forehead. The proprietor sat behind a cluttered 
workbench working on an old VCR with bifocals thicker 
than Coke bottles. Against the back wall, several 
different remotes were hanging unceremoniously, so I 
grabbed the one with the least buttons and waved it at 
the old man.

"Nine fifty," he offered with an almost indecipherable 
accent.

I pulled out a ten and thanked him as I strolled out 
the door, eager for a breath of fresh air. After 
playing the real life version of "Frogger" to cross 
the highway, I was soon back in my apartment, pausing 
to grab a brew before dropping onto the over-aged and 
overstuffed couch and ripping the cursed thick plastic 
off of my new possession. The instructions were 
printed on material akin to rice paper and damn near 
required a microscope to read. 

After a few trial and error attempts at programming, 
the TV flashed on and I was soon enjoying the last 
half of an original episode of Star Trek. The remote 
had a row of three buttons along the bottom that I 
didn't see on the instructions, but the red middle 
button had a return arrow inscribed so I figured they 
were designed for the cable box and thought nothing 
more of them until later that night during a 
commercial for Domino's.

Comparing a Domino's pizza to a greased soaked 
cardboard crust is no great stretch of the 
imagination, so when the commercial began I 
inadvertently pushed the blue button on the bottom of 
the control (That was the same location as the channel 
change button on the old control). In a flash, I 
landed hard on my butt on a carpeted floor, the remote 
in one hand and my beer in the other. I was butt 
naked. The room was dimly lit by a candle, but it was 
a bedroom – definitely feminine with pink curtains and 
flowery patterns on most everything. There was dead 
silence for several moments, and I held my breath 
while getting my bearings.



-= Brothel Babe =-	

A deep moan came from atop the bed, and the mattress 
began to move sporadically. I ventured on my knees to 
peer over the edge and encountered a delicate hand 
rubbing the living piss out of a neatly trimmed pussy. 
My heart jumped into my throat as I watched the 
heightening sexual arousal of this delightful female 
form in the throes of self-pleasuring. Her large 
breasts had rolled to the sides of her heaving chest; 
rippling symmetrically as her one hand pinched one of 
the large erect nipples and her other continued to 
frantically rub the wet pink center of her womanhood. 

I got painfully hard instantly, savoring her sexual 
scent wafting through the room amidst her soft lustful 
whimpers. The hand stroking her vulva became a blur as 
she pulled her knees up and arched her back with the 
impending orgasm. With short shallow gasps she reached 
her climax, the bed shaking violently as her passion 
dripped onto the pink comforter.

My painful erection took control, and carefully 
setting the remote and brew on the nightstand, I 
gently climbed aboard. I positioned myself between her 
still trembling legs lining - up my manhood with her 
cum drenched hand, then quickly moved her hand aside 
and took the plunge. Already well lubricated, I slid 
in completely to the hilt as her eyes shot open in 
surprise. 

A few moments passed before her eyes dreamily closed 
and she rocked her hips gently to coincide with my 
thrusts. She didn't possess the tightest pussy I've 
ever invaded, but her soft mewling gasps, her wildly 
gyrating breasts, and the deep red flush that crept up 
her neck and down her chest suggested it would be one 
of the most enjoyable couplings to date. As her hips 
urged me on, my mouth became parched, and my back 
began to ache from an old work injury, but I continued 
to quicken my onslaught on the delicious puffy pussy. 

Her back slowly arched and her breaths came in short 
pants as my cock began swimming in the effluence her 
pussy generated. With a savage thrust of her hips her 
face grimaced in orgasmic ecstasy, clamping my cock 
tightly. She uttered a guttural groan as she threw her 
arms around me, riding her orgasmic waves as I felt my 
air being forced from my lungs. Stars began to dance 
on my vision when she finally released me and eased 
back down onto the mattress. 

With my manhood still in control, I gradual renewed my 
onslaught. She moaned, a long, drawn out sound that 
was tersely cut short with my second thrust. Our hips 
immediately resumed their rhythm as we steadily 
climbed towards release. My mouth locked around the 
nearest engorged nipple as her hand snaked between us 
and found the wildly swinging sac housing my sperm 
producing glands. 

With my sensory input on overload, I pumped her wildly 
until, with a final thrust that matched her desperate 
up thrust, I erupted three pent up months of seed into 
her pulsating cavern. Again she likened to squeeze the 
life from me as our bodies relished the total bliss of 
sexual unity. I collapsed onto her soft voluptuous 
frame as we both struggled to refill our lungs and 
calm our racing hearts. With my last reserves, I 
rolled us onto our sides, and kissed her full 
trembling lips. 

"Who are you?" she queried breathlessly as warning 
alarms jangled silently in my head. I'd seen too many 
movies to know the outcome to any given response could 
be catastrophic. Gently reaching over her, I grabbed 
my lukewarm brew and the control. I smiled as I pushed 
the red button – or at least I thought I'd pushed the 
red button...



-= Jurassic Encounters =-

I landed with a thud on some spiked ferns in the 
middle of a tropical jungle. The air was thick and 
humid yet invigorating. Slowly, I assumed a sitting 
position and rearranged my butt to keep from getting 
poked. This remote was great – a key to free sex 
without any of the normal games and greenbacks at the 
mere push of a button! I could hear the cheerful 
babble of a nearby stream, and slowly rose to make my 
way towards it. What remained of my beer bottle lay 
shattered on a boulder, but I figured I could live 
without it. The stream was merely a meter wide, and I 
could see small spiny fish frolicking in the small 
eddies formed by the tumbling waters. 

Gently placing the remote on a decaying stump, I waded 
into the cool brisk water as the sounds of the forest 
soothed my senses. After a refreshing break, I 
stumbled onto a rich grassy slope and bathed in the 
sun while studying the remote more carefully. There 
were no manufacturer trademarks to be found, and the 
button I figured I had pressed was blue. On the other 
side of the red return button, there was a green 
button but I was somewhat hesitant to try that one. 
Instead, I would push the red button, and hopefully 
return home. 

Just as I made my decision, and ungodly earth shaking 
roar erupted behind me, and I scrambled to my feet 
immediately. Slowly turning towards the sound source, 
I came face to gut with God-funking-zilla! He was a 
prime functioning model of T-Rex, or something from 
the same family with lizard skin, drooling choms, and 
eyes that perceived me as an exotic appetizer. 

Fight or flight kicked in - no one truly understands 
the flight response until they're tearing through the 
forest in a zigzag pattern to avoid becoming a dino-
delicacy. My life was flashing before my eyes so fast 
I was getting vertigo. Just up ahead, some large 
boulders rested and beyond that, there was the rise 
onto a smoking volcano. I throttled up and headed to 
the hill, my lungs and feet on fire, as each monster 
footfall behind me created mini-quakes. 

Just as my strength began to wane, I spotted a small 
crevasse barely large enough to accommodate me. I dove 
through the thick foliage and into the darkness in a 
full nelson that would have silenced the critics at 
the Olympic Gymnastics competition. Another quick 
somersault and I bounced against the back wall of my 
new found refuge. There were three furry beasties 
staring at me with eyes as big as saucers. 

They were definitely females; two had what could best 
be described as small conical breasts, and the third 
had the deflated hangers of a bitch dog. The cleft 
between their legs was barely distinguishable unlike 
the lustful gaze in their eyes as they focused on my 
torso. I quickly fumbled with the buttons on the 
remote as they leaped on my body, their ruddy nails 
tearing at my soft skin. 

Suddenly an unearthly roar followed by a loud thunk 
and an inhuman scream echoed from the entrance of the 
cave. The four of us froze and turned to view the 
spitting image of Captain Caveman. 

This dude was ugly with an obvious lack of personal 
hygiene skills. How he took down a creature easily 
twenty times his size with the club he was brandishing 
was beyond me. Further, how he could ever hope to 
knock up one of his female counterparts with the cock 
the size of a sun dried earthworm placed serious doubt 
on my concept of evolution. 

Observations aside, it was quite apparent that 
competition was not his forte and he charged with eyes 
blazing while I cringed with the flight option now 
unavailable. He raised his club while in full stride, 
and I instantly realized his vulnerability. My fist 
shot strait towards his groin and he, like most men 
toppled into a quivering hairy mound of jelly. Crises 
averted.

Not so! One of the conical twins took me down with a 
quick chop to the back of my knees allowing the other 
to swiftly mount my torso and commence her frenzied 
rutting. Although her fur was fine, when driven with 
sixty kilos of sex starved flesh, it instantly became 
steel wool. Only occasionally did my genitals contact 
the soft wet cleft hidden within. Just as I was about 
to bid farewell to my most cherished extremity, the 
head of my cock lodged into her opening. We both 
voiced a collective gasp. 

Strong muscular contractions pulled me deeper into her 
depths creating a vacuum that rapidly coaxed me to 
fullness. She pushed down forcefully and I forced into 
the tightest, silkiest depths imaginable. With a 
second thrust, my glans was embedded in her cervix. 
The unmistakable grimace spoke of her agony even 
though my shaft was barely halfway engulfed. She 
paused as the hag with dangling tits chirped a string 
of single syllable commands and her vagina gradually 
accommodated my girth. 

With a look of resolve, she slowly raised her hips and 
began jumping up and down on my painfully engorged 
organ. Mercifully, she quickly sped up her strokes 
until, with a high pitched scream, her vagina 
convulsed so tightly, my cock was physically forced 
out.

Seizing the opportunity, the other cone breasted 
critter forcefully shoved her to the side and mounted 
me. Once again, my glans penetrated her cervix, but 
she withdrew quickly, and, despite the obvious 
discomfort, she began to ride me fervently. The 
nipples on her chest became engorged and peeked out 
through the fine hair as her arousal became apparent. 

Despite my discomfort, I too became aroused, and was 
soon matching her forceful thrusts with my own. She 
cooed with each thrust and threw her head back as her 
hands found their way to her tiny nipples and pinched 
them forcefully. Quickly reaching her climax, she 
trembled violently and chirped an endless stream of 
shrill, single syllable expletives. Learning from past 
experience, I grabbed her hips forcefully, and lost 
myself in the delightful muscle contractions that 
forcefully caressed my cock and coaxed my essence to 
spew forth into the tiny womb. Apparently it was too 
much for her and she collapsed senselessly onto my 
chest with a grunt.

I heard a groan and a few syllables coming from the 
direction of Captain Caveman and knew it was time for 
my hasty exit. Reaching over to grasp the control, I 
gently fingered the buttons until I was sure I had the 
red middle button and pressed it firmly... 

I was lying on my back, stark naked, draped over the 
couch and staring at the ceiling. The remote slipped 
from my hand and changed the channel on cable to a 
pizza commercial as it fell onto the cushion. I lay 
there for what seemed like hours – sore and numb. A 
quick glance at the wall clock revealed less than an 
hour had passed since I first pushed the blue button, 
but the bruised torso and bloodied cock confirmed that 
I had spent a small eternity in two separate alternate 
realities. 

Finally, the discomfort of my position forced me 
unsteadily to my feet. I slowly staggered to the 
fridge and pulled out a fresh brew. It went down 
smooth, as did I - slowly sinking to the cold tile as 
the room began spinning.

Sometime during the night, I apparently found my way 
to the couch, and woke early at the first hint of dawn 
with a hangover that set new personal standards. There 
was time to spare before I was due back in the shop so 
I staggered back into the kitchen and got some coffee 
started, my hanging balls sending jolts of agony with 
every step I took. The rejuvenating hot water from the 
shower slowly eased the discomfort, and soon I was on 
the road with a steaming cup of joe and an old pair of 
boxers cradling my "package."

Once on line, I called the cable folks and ordered a 
new remote to be dropped off at the apartment office 
that day. Running a quick inventory, I ordered the 
least pricey components and made a list for the boss 
to consider. Time passed quickly until about an hour 
before quitting time. I was barely able to hang on, 
the last of my energy fading rapidly as I picked up 
the remote from the rental office and staggered into 
my apartment. I threw a Swanson's into the micro and 
grabbed a brew, but never finished either as 
exhaustion overwhelmed me. I spent another night 
sleeping on the couch.

A cloudy Friday morning arrived, with barely enough 
time for me to get prepped and head back to the shop. 
Workload was light, and I had plenty of opportunities 
to ponder my erotic experiences with the remote. On 
the way home I stopped at the electronics store, but 
the windows were all painted over with a hand painted 
"CLOZED" sign on the door. The mystery thickens. 

Back at my apartment, I thoroughly studied the remote, 
even opening the back cover and digging through the 
garbage for the mutilated package it came in– but 
there was nothing to identify the manufacturer. 
Frustrated, I popped a brew and turned on the tube. 
There were nothing but more reruns and boring, 
sensationalistic news reports. Normally about this 
time, I'd get decked out and head for the local 
"watering hole," but tonight I didn't feel any 
pressing need. Probably wouldn't be missed anyways. I 
changed channels, propped my feet on the coffee table, 
and enjoyed my brew. An hour and beer later, as the 
oppressive blanket of boredom encroached; I got up, 
took a pee and grabbed the remote. Closing my eyes, I 
pressed the green button and...



-= Return of the Ananuki =-

I slowly opened my eyes. I was standing on a patch of 
grass surrounded by a multitude of small white igloo 
shaped structures. Beyond the small community, on a 
small knoll, rose a tall white structure with a series 
of tall spires that reached high into sky. Occasional 
bolts of static discharge sizzled from the tallest 
spire. People strolled past in off-white gender-less 
leotards that covered all their bodies except for 
their unremarkable faces. One stood directly in front 
of me, staring at my crotch. I quickly used my hands 
to cover up.

"Greetings," it murmured in a demure feminine voice

"Hi," I returned meekly, my embarrassment evident.

"Is it functional, she queried while staring at my 
package my hands supported.

"Uh, Last time I checked it was."

"Can I see it? Curiosity and perhaps a little 
excitement were evident in her voice.

"Uh, well," I stammered, "If I can see yours in a 
place more private."

"That's acceptable," she quickly replied. There was a 
device like an oversized wristwatch on her arm that 
she pushed a couple of buttons and I was instantly 
encased with a full body leotard like everyone else 
was wearing. Yet no one else sported a genital "bulge" 
or camel toe; they all appeared sexless. She gently 
grasped my hand and led me into one of the nearby 
"igloos" with a sliding front door one would expect to 
find on one of Gene Roddenberry's star-ships. 

Once inside, she pressed a button on her wrist and we 
were completely naked. I immediately noticed her 
breasts were barely nubs, and her hairless vulva was 
little more than a tiny opening. She immediately fell 
on her knees and her hands began their inexperienced 
exploration of my genitals. Soon I got hard, and she 
backed away in awe, amazed by the throbbing organ. 
With a grunt, she plunged her mouth on my erect pole, 
and bit down hard.

"What the hell," I gasped as I pushed her away and my 
cock rapidly deflated.

"Is it not edible," she asked, thoroughly confused.

"Uh, not literally..." I replied as I studied the red 
bite mark that encircled my cock. Oral sex had somehow 
turned a grizzly corner – small wonder everyone was 
sexless! 

"I knew not- the Anuk provide our off spring."

"The Anuk, offspring?"

"Our celestial brothers, the Anuk – know you not of 
the Anuk?"

"Look, I just got here, sweetheart," I replied 
defiantly gently rubbing my cock. 

"Our celestial brothers descended from heaven and 
provide all we could ever need," she retorted 
defiantly. 

"They're concept of sexual gratification and taste in 
attire is definitely lacking," I mumbled 
sarcastically. 

The Anuk revealed sex is reason for all problems. They 
changed our DNA, we changed; we live happy now." 

"Is that why you bit my dick," I gestured to my groin.

"I curious – heard digesting men make pleasure."

"Someone's seriously misinformed, my dear. Sex is 
normally gentle and pleasurable."

"So is eating," she retorted.

I smiled as I fingered the green button on the remote 
that had somehow remained in my hand throughout the 
entire encounter. Now wasn't the time to enter into a 
fruitless demonstration of what is and what ain't and 
what should be with a naοve cannibal. I pushed the 
green button...



-= Child of the Ananuki =-

I was in a lush, fertile valley with beautiful 
mountain peaks surrounding it. The air was fresh and 
clean and it felt pleasantly warm. A doe quietly 
munched on a tall clump of grass a few meters from 
where I stood. I could hear a beautiful feminine voice 
singing from within the tall pines where songbirds 
sang a myriad of whimsical tunes. The doe slowly 
strolled to me and rubbed its muzzle on my arm and I 
slowly stroked the short hair along its shoulder. 

It nuzzled me gently and slowly strolled on down the 
path. I quietly headed up the path towards the sweet 
voice that became louder with each step. I rounded a 
growth of dew coated ferns and there she was, kneeling 
next to a small tranquil pool of water, her long 
sensual fingers tracing small patterns on the water's 
surface. A small fish nipped at her forefinger and she 
gently caressed its scaly body as it nudged her hand 
gently.

Damn near had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't 
inside of some fairy tale. When she turned and noticed 
me huddled behind a bush, she sensually rose on legs 
that never seemed to end and shyly strolled over to 
me. I rose to her and after placing the remote on a 
nearby boulder, took her tiny hands in my own. 

She was beyond beautiful, long silky blond hair that 
flowed to the small of her back, large wanton sky blue 
eyes that reflected everything a man could ever 
desire, long sensuous limbs that begged to be 
caressed, full firm breasts capped with delightful 
brown nipples, and a cute little bush below her well-
toned abs that begged to be touched. Strangely, she 
had no navel. She led me to a grass covered clearing 
by a babbling brook and gracefully lay down pulling me 
on to her. 

Her full lips were sweeter than a fine wine that 
quickly parted as my lips melted with hers. My hands 
gently roamed down her delicate features and long 
sinewy neck as her breathing quickened and tiny goose 
bumps formed on the arms that tenderly embraced me. I 
spent a lifetime in her sensual lip lock, silently 
thanking the Creator for my now painfully throbbing 
equipment. The moment we broke from our kiss, I gently 
moved down the flawless skin of her neck to the firm 
full melons that crowned her heaving chest. 

My lips explored their graceful full contours and the 
sensitive erect nipples gently, savoring their pure 
natural flavor. Her smooth legs slowly wrapped around 
my torso and she arched her back in pure sexual 
abandon. Slowly my lips descended down her trembling 
torso to her tight nether lips. Her hands entwined in 
my hair as my tongue explored the delicious fluids 
abundant there. It took a little time to pry apart the 
tight outer lips with my tongue, but once penetrated 
it was drawn to the tiny nub throbbing with 
anticipation. Two swipes of my tongue and her hips 
violently bucked in an intensely brief orgasmic 
release. 

The contented sigh was delightful, but the surprised 
squeal as I kicked my tongue back in gear was what I 
wanted to hear. Circling the inflamed bud with my 
tongue, her respiration went off the charts, hips into 
"wild mustang" mode, and her hands assaulted my scalp 
in a precursor to male pattern baldness. Rapidly 
climbing to a higher peak of orgasmic ecstasy, I eased 
my finger through the inflamed folds into the slippery 
entrance of her vagina, confirming my earlier 
suspicions that she was a virgin. She shrieked and 
pumped her hips frantically, her tight grip on my now 
rapidly thinning hair the only bulwark to being thrown 
free. 

Her beautiful return to stasis was my opportunity to 
reposition myself and prepare for her first ever 
intimate invasion. After several attempts to penetrate 
the flushed folds, she grasped the rock hard invader 
and positioned it herself at her entrance before 
wrapping her arms and legs around me in eager 
anticipation. Slowly, savoring the tight slick folds, 
I forced my way in, pausing as my glans pressed firmly 
against her hymen. 

Those large blue eyes still half closed with orgasmic 
relief shot open, and her embrace tightened as gentle 
vaginal strokes caressed my glans. I felt her relax 
slightly before I lunged deeper into her depths; my 
cock eventually stopping at her cervical entrance. 
Again her eyes shot wide open and a brief squeak 
escaped her lips as she passed into womanhood. Gently 
I kissed her as her body adapted. We held the kiss as 
her torso slowly came to life. 

Taking this is a signal to resume; I slowly withdrew a 
little and eased back in until her cervix was gently 
kissed by my glans. Gradually increasing rhythm, I 
soon was back to normal ramming speed as her eyes 
dreamily reopened and she caressed my back lovingly. 
As I reached my optimal pace, her hips matched mine 
eagerly and within just a few delicious thrusts, she 
crossed over her orgasmic plane, thrusting her hips 
high in the air. Her vaginal contractions were so 
tight the literally forced me out of her. Those 
beautiful blue eyes shot wide open and her hands dove 
between us, hastily replacing my frustrated pussy plug 
into the drenched silky depths. 

I was in hyper drive by now, and barely noticed the 
interruption, as I continued my thrusts into the 
unbelievable tight orifice with wild abandon. Close to 
the edge, I closed my eyes and let nature take its 
course, thrusting violently as her hips rose to meet 
my mine. She hugged me tightly. 

With a few rabbit thrusts, the boiling surge raced up 
my urethra only to find the escape passage blocked. 
The beautiful blond goddess beneath me was in the 
throes of her own explosive orgasm, her vaginal 
muscles squeezing so tightly that, combined with the 
force of my attempted ejaculation, I feared the 
retrograde ejaculation would blow my balls off. 

Fortunately, her muscles momentarily relaxed, and my 
essence burst against her cervix, increasing her 
orgasmic contractions exponentially. I clung on for 
dear life, as I literally rode her through her 
explosive climax, my cock experiencing the most 
fulfilling massage of its life. We fought for our 
collective breath albeit her tight embrace restricted 
my full recovery until her arms fell to her side and I 
was able to roll off her onto my back, gasping. 

After a brief respite, she rolled her sweat covered 
quivering body next to mine, and threw her arm over my 
chest as her energy waned and she drifted off to a 
profound sleep. I lay there exhausted, marveling at 
the first and only virgin I would probably ever 
plunder lying next to me. 

Once assured she was fully asleep, I gently eased out 
from under her arm, and staggered over to retrieve the 
remote. I would love to expand on my latest conquest 
with the beautiful sleeping form by the brook, but 
hunger was becoming an issue. Gathering what was left 
of my wits and driven by curiosity, I set out on the 
rustic trail in this beautiful new world. 

As I wound my way through the beautiful forest in the 
warm midday heat, I encountered various forms of 
wildlife undisturbed by my unannounced appearance. 
They showed no fear, and probably had never seen a 
human predator before. Fairy tales can be real! 

After a good hour of wandering through wonderland, I 
came to a large clearing with a huge, perfectly formed 
tree standing in the middle. I stopped short and 
stared – this was getting surreal! A muffled noise 
behind me broke the mystery moment and I turned to see 
the blond goddess standing behind me with teary eyes. 
I smiled and she vaulted the few meters separating us 
to hug me forcefully. I locked lips with her and she 
likened to suck out my soul, breaking the kiss only 
when the last of our reserve air was depleted. I 
rubbed her tummy in the universal sign for hunger and 
she nodded curtly, and then dashed for the tree. 

I quickly followed and grabbed her arm as she reached 
up to pluck one of the abundant apple-shaped fruits on 
display. I'd read a story about a similar scenario 
once and peaked my senses in case a snake was coiled 
nearby. Although she obviously didn't understand, she 
respected my wishes and darted back up to the trail 
head where smaller trees were adorned with similar 
fruit. She eagerly plucked several of them and ran 
back to me excitedly. I hugged her in appreciation, 
and sank my teeth into the sweetest fruit I ever 
tasted.

Grasping her free hand, we followed along the edge of 
the forest until we found where the trail resumed and 
plunged into the welcoming shade. The trail wound 
through grassy meadows, endless forests and past small 
streams with the clearest and tastiest water I have 
ever quenched my thirst with. As time passed, I 
nicknamed the place Eden and was really becoming 
attached to the thought of spending a lifetime here 
when my companion suddenly stopped short and bowed her 
head. 

I tugged at her hand but she wouldn't budge. Fingering 
the remote in case a hasty retreat were required I 
moved ahead slowly at the urging of my curiosity. The 
trail opened into a wide valley sprinkled with the 
remnants of many small dome-like structures. In the 
center was a grassy knoll were the unmistakable 
remnants of a tall steeple lying broken on the ground.

I knew this place from before – it was the land of the 
dick biters, and I reasoned my shy little virgin had 
somehow escaped with her plumbing intact. A probable 
byproduct of the Anuk, she was a genetically modified 
hybrid baby maker. The community had been virtually 
reduced to rubble – maybe from a group of diskless 
rebels, or maybe even an extraterrestrial foe with 
shock and awe elements sufficient to amaze the Defense 
department. 

Warning bells clanged in my head and I turned to head 
back into the forest. My little virgin was history, 
and I quickly decided to follow suit. On reflection, 
it's amazing how contagious panic can be. I pushed the 
green button firmly.



-= Wrath of Sol =-

I landed hard on a sand dune with the winds whipping 
like a hurricane spawning sand tornadoes and 
restricting visibility to near zero. It was like an 
oven and the sun, what I could see of it, was easily 
ten times larger than I remembered. The remote tumbled 
from my hand, and I immediately tried to retrieve it 
albeit the winds and blowing sand were like digging a 
hole in the ocean. 

With the sun burning my back into bacon, I dug 
desperately and was finally able to grab the device 
and pull it free just as a tall figure in a flowing 
white hooded robe stood in front of me, partially 
blocking the wind that was sucking my life away. It 
extended a dark skinned hand, and I eagerly grasped it 
while tightening my grasp on the control. 

Wordlessly, we trudged through the hot torturous 
sandstorm, my feet burning with every step until we 
reached a small cream colored structure partially 
buried in the blowing sand. The walls were smooth and 
tapered, and the entry was close to the sloping roof. 

After a short climb up a rustic wood ladder, I fell 
through the small opening and into a mountain of soft 
white pillows. My rescuer soon followed with a thud. 

We both lie still for several minutes before she 
slowly rose and shed her wrap revealing beautiful dark 
ebony skin thinly disguised by a white fishnet gown 
that left nothing to the imagination. Her weather 
hardened face was in sharp contrast to the rest of her 
delicate feminine body. Youth and virility glowed from 
her.

"Got liquid," she queried abruptly.

I shook my head no while still appraising her well 
defined muscle tone. 

"Let me have your cum," she demanded shamelessly.

"Give me yours, then," I responded curtly.

"Dried up years ago, Honey; got some dried fruit in 
the other room though."

I reclined into a more comfortable position and she 
crawled over to me on all fours like a jungle cat with 
cornered prey. In a flash her head was buried in my 
crotch, sucking like a Hoover on steroids. She gently 
fumbled with my gonads before a finger slowly invaded 
my ass hole. I mumbled a quick protest which she 
ignored and thrust her finger in deeper, exploring the 
dark depths until it settled on my prostrate. 

I had always assumed the asshole was made for gays or 
proctologists, yet her gentle invasion was somewhat 
pleasurable. She must have been an expert because 
within moments I could feel my essence flowing through 
my urethra and into my host's dry mouth. She gulped it 
all down noisily. It happened so fast, I never got 
fully hard nor experienced orgasm.

"Thanks, I needed that," she whispered with a smirk 
that made my blood run cold. I had just been milked 
and used; literally raped and dehumanized. Yet, I 
could understand in this oppressive heat the need to 
extract anything that could provide refreshment. 
Desperate times, desperate measures. I quickly pressed 
the green button...



-= Beyond Infinity =-

I was free floating in darkness. The dim light of 
distant stars barely illuminated a few rocks seconds 
before the sped past but there were no other 
sensations – no sounds or smells – nothing. I figured 
earth's expiration date had passed, and this was all 
that remained. It was a comfort to know we hadn't 
destroyed ourselves after all, and maybe there were a 
few humans out beyond my vision clinging desperately 
to life on a brave new world. After carefully studying 
the remote, I pressed the red button...

The security of my cool dark living room enveloped me. 
It was just as I left it, the TV busily blabbing to no 
one and a pile of clothes next to the sofa. I rose 
unsteadily, and after a quick physical assessment 
confirming I was intact, I headed to the kitchen for a 
brew. Walking to the window, I opened the tattered 
curtain a cunt hair, and was reassured by the traffic 
whizzing past in front of the apartment. Taking a deep 
swig, I plopped on the couch and threw my feet up. 
There was far too much information to wrap my head 
around so I took a deep breath and drifted off and 
slowly drifted off into a troubled sleep.

My dreams of a myriad of distorted landscapes and 
beautiful women faded abruptly as the phone rang. It 
was still dark, and I had to fumble for the receiver 
even though it was just a few feet away. 

"Get the coffee ready, I'm on my way." The line went 
dead.

It took me a moment to realize it was Rick, my fishing 
buddy that had jointly purchased a 16-foot Bayliner 
with me last year. We both loved fishing the multitude 
of fresh water lakes located nearby, and the purchase 
of the vessel had been a lifelong dream for both of 
us. He kept the boat at his place as the apartments 
had no inside storage available, and his new off-road 
pick-up was just perfect to get us into the rustic 
boat launches. 

I sprang into action, threw on the coffee, grabbed my 
tackle from behind the BBQ in the storage shed on the 
patio, and grabbed my parka and gloves. Just as I 
finished pouring the coffee into the thermos, I heard 
him drive up and raced out the door, almost forgetting 
my keys. The warm cab, and tunes from the 60's coming 
from the radio warmed the soul all the way up to the 
lake. 

I've known Rick since the early days of secondary 
school; always positive and quick to laugh, we could 
talk about damn near anything without causing offense 
to one another. He'd hitched up with a beauty brunette 
with strong Latina heritage shortly after we bought 
the boat, and he truly loved both her and the sweet 
little daughter left over from her first marriage 
disaster. 

As the sky began to glow with a new dawn, we slipped 
the boat into the smooth-as-glass-waters of the lake 
and carefully guided her through the dead heads to a 
small semi-hidden cove that had been quite fruitful 
the last time we fished it several months back. It was 
cool and invigorating; flies buzzing across the smooth 
surface, and birds announcing the sunrise in melodic 
song. 

Just as the sun crested, Rick got the first hit with 
his new lure, and within seconds, my tried and true 
bundle of salmon eggs scored the second. It was hot 
and heavy until we limited out less than a half hour 
later and we set course back to the landing. With a 
nice chest full of fair sized trout, we were soon on 
the road home laughing and yapping like a pair of 
school girls in heat; the memories of the proceeding 
evening long since committed to memory. 

When we arrived at his place, we off loaded our bounty 
amidst the excited squeals of his daughter and the 
approving nod of her Mom. We cleaned up the boat and 
then the fish, and sat back to watch Mom and daughter 
working in almost perfect harmony to batter fry and 
serve up a delicious meal. The rest of the fish were 
immediately frozen with the exception of a few held 
out for me to take home. At some point in the meal, 
Rick mentioned a duplex down on the river he would 
like to purchase but he lacked the funds for a down 
payment, and his wife was somewhat hesitant with 
renting the other half to make ends meet. I wanted to 
see it.

After the dishes were cleaned up, we locked up and 
headed several miles out of town to a small winding 
access road and the duplex in question. It was remote, 
but much larger than I thought it would be, sat on 
five untamed acres with all the amenities including 
cable! Great for kids, perfect for fishermen; I was 
sold. It would drain my financial reserves but offered 
a greater form of security. 

A frantic week was to follow, but by the following 
Saturday, we were moving the bulk of our worldly 
possessions and closing out the last of our in-town 
obligations. Within a month, we were fully settled in, 
raised a 3-car carport with the boat parked in the 
middle stall, and caught a fistful of bass whenever 
time allowed. The remote control, that had lay 
comfortably in my bottom desk drawer in a plastic bag 
with the batteries removed, was scarcely more than a 
distant memory. 

One particularly cold evening, several months later, I 
was watching a rerun and sipping a brew when my 
thoughts drifted back to the remote control. My life 
was better than it had ever been; with a promotion on 
the horizon, at a great place to live, I felt I had it 
all (except for a woman as Rick kept insisting). Yet 
my gonads were dangerously overloaded, and the 
opportunity to explore new perspectives and new pussy 
could not be denied. Reinserting the batteries, I 
strolled to the middle of the room, set my lukewarm 
brew on the coffee table, and pressed the blue button.



-= Of Queens and Princesses =-

I was standing in a great hall with a polished marble 
floor and alabaster statues of women with different 
robes lining the stark white walls that tapered up to 
a brightly painted wooden ceiling. In front, a raised 
marble platform with three ornate wooden chairs and a 
wrought iron chandelier dangled above. Candles 
flickered from a myriad of wrought iron candelabras 
scattered around the hall and behind the chairs. 

"Kneel, knave!"

The authoritative voice behind me left little room for 
discussion. I dropped to my knees and tucked my hands 
to cover my groin. I didn't dare to look up although 
my curiosity pressed me to do so. An infinity passed 
with my knees protesting violently until a clear voice 
reverberated through the chamber.

"Why hast thou desecrated these holy chambers?"

Hmm, old English, I could deal with that. "I knew not 
of their holiness," I retorted and immediately a 
burning sensation swept across my back followed by the 
crack of a whip. "Owww," I blurted out.

"Silence... escort him to the dungeon and disembowel 
him."

"Whoa," I exclaimed abandoning my old English dialect. 
I raised my head and stared at my judges. They sat in 
the three chairs clad in bright white full length 
gowns with beautiful gold crowns and long flowing 
hair; one blond, one brunette and the third with fiery 
red. Another burning stripe burned across my back just 
below the first. The pain almost made me pass out. 
Apparently looking at royalty was frowned upon. I rose 
to my feet quickly and stomped over to the offending 
guard and snatched the whip from her hand.

"Stop that!" I was not into S & M, and I think she got 
the message as I grabbed the offending weapon and 
threatened to return the favor. Behind, I could hear 
another guard draw a weapon and I whipped around 
(literally) with my arm fully extended and connected 
with her sword arm, sending the weapon sliding 
blissfully across the floor. Both guards were bent 
over cradling there wounded arms, there leather bras 
hanging ungracefully from their heaving chests.

"Dost thou not knowest respect for the Royal Order..."

"C'mon man; I stood before you naked, defenseless and 
humble, and you return the favor with unwarranted 
bullying." I was storming towards the platform now, 
emboldened and angry, as the redhead beat a hasty 
retreat out the backdoor. The two other two royalty 
stood stunned; frozen in fear. "Haven't you ever heard 
about dignity and respect?" I reached the brunette, 
and threw a lip lock on her as her eyes shot open and 
her body tensed. Thirty seconds later, her eyes were 
drifting closed and she relaxed; her arms encircling 
my back with a gentle embrace.

"My queen," the blond queried, her voice shaking 
noticeably, "This barbarian doth partake in indecent 
liberties... but she hastily waved off by the woman in 
my arms. I slowly broke the delicious kiss and nuzzled 
her neck. She gasped and I could feel her noble legs 
giving way, so I tightened my grip and eased her down 
onto the cold marble floor getting a brief glimpse of 
her furry bush. She was naked beneath her gown – 
feminist's gone commando! I slid my hand up the hem of 
her gown just as the front entrance boomed open 
forcibly and the fiery redhead with a group of well-
armed female warriors thundered towards us. I hate 
interruptions.

I stood with my erection pointing straight up and put 
my hands on my hips. My brunette goddess quickly rose 
and gathering the last of her dignity, pointed to the 
door from whence they came. There were no words, just 
silent acknowledgement, and the warriors grudgingly 
left closing the door large wooden doors quietly 
behind the last warrior. The redhead princess 
repositioned the crown she had been carrying in her 
hand on those fiery red cascading curls and silently 
waited for words that never came. 

My brunette goddess slid to her knees, then onto her 
back and raised her gown and spread her legs. A course 
in personal hygiene would be most appropriate, but in 
the interest foreign relations, I gently eased into 
her musky depths. She wasn't a virgin, but she 
probably never knew a man either, as her face reacted 
dramatically to my rock hard flesh rather than 
device(s) she was accustomed. 

The blond princess moved closer, and I grasped her 
soft pale hands, placing one on the fully breast of 
the brunette and the other on the little nub peeking 
through the bush between those long succulent legs. 
The blond knew what to do, messaging the small nipples 
and slick clitoral nub with well-practiced expertise. 
Perhaps it was the new sensations of a real man, or 
perhaps it was the erotic support of our blond 
companion, but soon the brunette arched her back and 
squealed, releasing a long spray of her orgasmic 
essence on my torso. 

Easing out of the bushy brunette rain forest, I was 
eased onto my back by the blond and mounted with the 
gentle guidance of her hands. She was tighter and 
cleaner, and provided a most excellent ride; her head 
thrown back and a rosy blush spreading over her upper 
torso.

I gestured to the fiery red head, who shyly shed her 
gown, and with my guidance, straddled my head. I 
pulled her down to my mouth and devoured the ripe rosy 
crevasse with a passion fueled appetite. It would 
become one my shortest encounters ever. As I was just 
settling into a marvelous cock massage of the blond 
while savoring the abundant juices flowing from the 
fiery redhead bush, they both climaxed explosively and 
literally simultaneously. Between gasping for air and 
protecting my gonads from being rammed into the marble 
floor, I was being bathed in enough orgasmic ejaculate 
to float a battleship. 

As they gyrated in their orgasmic nirvanas, I saw the 
brunette compose herself and slowly rise to observe 
her two frenzied companions. I waved to her with my 
free arm, and as she strolled over sensuously, I 
guided my hand to her muff in search of the little bud 
that still quivered. My fingers began probing her fur 
covered vulva gently. Once two fingers slid into her 
vagina, and my thumb circled the root of her throbbing 
clit, her hips bucked forward violently and she shook 
like a leaf in an autumn wind. 

Feminist girls are easy! Their frigid public composure 
was an effectively disguise for the truly hot tamales 
they were in private. I laughed to myself silently 
when I considered the duality the hid, and the 
frustration they must have felt. It would be 
interesting to see if they returned to their sterile 
sex lives, or accept their male counterparts as a more 
satisfying way to live and lead. I slowly rose from 
the bundle of trembling bodies and quickly searched 
for the remote. It rested securely next to a 
candelabrum, and I retrieved it quickly and after 
biding them a silent farewell, fingered the green 
button. 



-= The Victorian Virgin =-

The lively chords of a harpsichord echoed across the 
richly decorated conservatory of what must be a huge 
mansion. I arrived just behind the young beauty 
bundled in a truckload of puffy undergarments encased 
in a frilly pastel blue lace dress as she caressed the 
keys lovingly. The music twinkled and danced across 
the walls like a firefly in the forest, and although I 
leaned more towards classic rock from the 60s, I could 
learn to love this stuff pretty easily. 

All too soon, she completed the composition, and 
thumbed through several more scores before finally 
settling on one she liked. Pausing to slurp some tea, 
I approached her and asked: "Where did you learn to 
play so beautifully?"

Visibly shaken, she gingerly replaced her finely 
painted cup and slowly slid around on the bench. The 
cup and saucer tumbled from her fingers and her 
exposed skin turn such a brilliant vermillion red that 
could have frozen traffic in New York during rush 
hour. 

"My Lord, your clothes..."

"I left them upstairs," I replied assuming the 
bedrooms were located there.

"Only a scoundrel would be seen without attire."

"Or a lover," I countered with a hint of upcoming 
attractions."

"I know thee not, my Lord, and even if so, a lady 
would not permit such a vulgar display!"

"You say that now, but you haven't tasted the 
forbidden fruit, have you?"

Her eyes slowly traveled up and down my body slowly, 
pausing on my gaze and finally resting on my groin. A 
slight flush reappeared.

No, my Lord," she murmured as her gaze lowered.

"Would you like too?'

Her eyes shot open and a look of defiance filled her 
fine facial features. "I'm saving myself for he whom I 
would spend my life with."

"Life is short, my dear. High ideals are an invitation 
for disappointment." 

"I suppose, but..."

I cupped her face gently in my hands and planted a 
gentle kiss on her forehead, convinced her resolve was 
crumbling. She rose unsteadily, and pried the shoes 
off her tiny feet.

"Time is short, the duchess will return within the 
hour, and if she were to find us together..."

"She won't," I said softly as I fumbled with the 
strings binding her bodice. She reached up, gently 
brushed my hand aside, and disrobed faster than I 
could ever have imagined. He clothes lay in a huge 
pile on the bench, and her petite assets on glorious 
display. This was going to be fun! I cupped her face 
delicately, and let her experience my full repertoire 
of kisses; pausing when her breaths became gasps. 

As my tongue explored the tiny buds of her breasts, 
she trembled violently and rubbed the peach fuzz 
surrounding her pussy forcefully on my leg. To our 
mutual surprise, she squealed, and reached her first 
orgasm. It wasn't earth shaking, but it was an 
appropriate precursor to what was to come.

I resumed my oral administration on the young sweet 
delicacy, slowly descending past her mammary bumps and 
small rounded belly to the delicious peach fuzz slit 
already oozing her feminine invitation for 
penetration. I lifted her slight frame and lowered her 
gently onto my rock hard organ, finally striking home 
after several attempts. Her arms clamped me tightly 
and her mouth bit gently on my shoulder until I gently 
released her and she slid down the full length of my 
cock, her arms and legs locked painfully around me. 

Her teeth broke skin and she squealed into my shoulder 
at the same moment she became a woman. The 
indescribably tight pussy, despite the increased 
lubrication of virgin blood, was impossible to 
maneuver within. Her face and torso were again a 
bright red, and her large green eyes were clenched 
tight, but the telltale shadow of a smile revealed her 
true feelings. 

Ever so slowly, with minute spasms, her tight pussy 
and facial contortions relaxed releasing my penectomy 
anxiety. With short gentle jabs that terminated with 
our two pubic bones lightly kissing each other, I 
resumed my onslaught. She resumed her quick panting 
breaths, terminated with staccato high pitched moans. 
My hips let me know that my back wouldn't last much 
longer without regrets in the morning, but the tightly 
squeezed little brain on the head of my cock kept the 
drive alive. 

Those swollen baby breasts were getting a chaffing, 
but their owner appeared not to notice, driven by the 
new found sensations radiating through her torso. 
Several deep rewarding thrusts later, her pussy 
plunged into hyper cock clench mode and her entire 
body trembled violently with her first full man made 
orgasm. I hung on as long as I could, but the 
stimulation was beyond bearable as my organ 
transformed into a bazooka with a multi-loader. I let 
go, seeing stars and pumping a life time worth of seed 
into the tiny cervix. 

We gasped and grunted together, trying to retain some 
semblance of dignity, as our bodies coped with 
neurological overload.

The delightful little virgin collapsed in my arms, and 
I fell back against the wall. She would forever reside 
among my top ten of conquests. I heard horse hooves, 
and knew my time was rapid drawing to a close. 
Carefully easing her limp form onto the deep red 
curtains of the settee, I retrieved my remote; and 
with a long last look at the lovely creature in repose 
with my seed dribbling from her tight violated vaginal 
lips, I pressed the red button and returned, sore but 
not shaken, to the comfort of my living room. 



-= Sharing is Caring =-

I grabbed the remains of my brew and dropped heavily 
onto my sofa. As the fizz from my first long draught 
subsided, I pondered the remote that had provided a 
multitude of sexual fantasies far beyond my ability to 
ever imagine. Where did this remote come from; was it 
built on inspiration from a sexually oppressed 
scientist, was it randomly distributed by demented 
aliens, was it the product of an overworked Chinese 
dude who inadvertently cross wired a critical 
connection, or, more importantly, why was I seeking 
answers I really don't want to know. Actually, I was 
more concerned about a potential expiration date.

About then, there was a brief knock from the side 
entrance Rick and I had hastily installed several 
weeks ago to connect the two units without a need to 
go outside. Rick swaggered in, but stopped dead in his 
tracks when he saw me lying sprawled across the couch 
with my clothes in a disheveled heap a few feet away.

"So, if your choice in apparel is an invitation, I'm 
already married."

I chuckled. . . "You really think I'm that desperate," 
I returned as I drained the last of my brew. I got up 
and grabbed a couple of fresh ones, handing him one as 
he dropped into the La-Z-Boy, before returning to the 
couch. I mulled disclosure for a few seconds, and 
throwing caution to the wind, I decided to let my best 
friend in on my secret. He was staring at me with 
curiosity written all over his face, anyways.

"Back in the old days when I lived in the apartment," 
I began; "I came home one night and my remote stopped 
working, so I went across the street to a small 
electronics store and bought a generic universal 
remote."

"OK," he offered indifferently, "You have my 
attention."

I handed him the remote and continued. "You see those 
three buttons on the bottom? The blue one takes you 
somewhere in the past, the green one into the future, 
and the red one, with the return icon scribed on it 
brings you back to when and where you were when you 
pushed one of the other two buttons."

"OK... We really got to get you a woman, dude."

"Go ahead and try it, Rick. Just be sure to hang on to 
it 'cause you ain't coming back until you push the red 
button. Go on, it won't kill you!"

He looked at the control, and absently ran his fingers 
over the buttons. "Look dude, there's no such..."

There was a blinding bolt of light accompanied by a 
sizzle and his beer dropped to the floor. I was able 
to salvage most of it, and his clothes absorbed the 
small amount he'd lost. I got up and slowly put my 
pants on just as there was another sizzle and Rick 
returned to his sitting position, naked and wild eyed. 
I handed him the remains of his still cold brew and 
sat back down after prying the remote from his hands. 

Several long minutes passed until he muttered: "Damn."

"Now you know why I'm not apt to change my personal 
life."

"Yeah," he said in a barely audible whisper. "Thanks."

"Where did you go," I asked, my curiosity peaked.

Rick let out a long sigh; "It was a cathouse – late 
1800s, I'd guess, with petticoats and eagle clawed 
tubs, and nickelodeon music and the strongest booze 
ever conceived by man. The women were... hot – no, 
insatiable!" He paused and put on his serious face. 
"What if I knocked her up?"

"And what if I fucked my granny and she had a boy 
instead of my Mom? Let me go check on the flux 
capacitor..." I took another lingering sip of my brew.

Rick was silent for a moment and snickered, then 
nodded to himself with relief etched across his face. 
"You know, I came over to get a break from the old 
lady; she's on the rag again."

"Give her the remote," I suggested.

Rick pondered the idea for a moment and shook his head 
no; "Don't want to pay for someone else's kid."

"Then let's go fishin'." 

"I'll get the bait, you grab the beer," he countered.

As we walked down the embankment towards the lazily 
flowing river, Rick seemed pensive, yet relieved. We 
loaded our hooks in silence, and cast upriver to let 
the bait flow with the current. Finally, he spoke up:

"They told me cowboys were lousy lovers."

"You think riding a saddle for twelve to fourteen 
hours a day is good for the gonads? Geez Rick, they're 
probably hanging out his navel. Truth be told – if we 
DNA tested 90-percent of the pioneer offspring west of 
the Mississippi we'd find they were fathered by 
traveling salesmen!" 

"Or naked men with remotes," he suggested with a 
chuckle.

We watched our lines drift slowly past, lost in our 
thoughts and secure in our bond that would surely 
endure the endless mysteries of time. 

END

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than
a trusted partner. 4-million people around the world 
contract HIV every year. You only have one body per 
lifetime, so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Directory 76