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Sweet Dreams Are Made of These - 11
by Innuendo (keepsake411@yahoo.com)
***
The last eleven months of Jahn's life have been like a
dream, with a future that promises the same. Dreams
have little place in the waking world, however, and a
failure to recognize those realities can lead to
nightmares. A heart attack, swift and sudden,
following terrible news regarding his wives-to-be has
put him in the hospital, and his future in question.
(FFM, rom, fantasy)
***
Chapter: December: "Don't Dream, It's Over"
Losing someone you love is a devastating experience,
and even after decades of weathering life's travails,
the human body is a terribly fragile creation. Grief
is the embodiment of stress, emotional strain, and the
body reacts adversely. The immune system may be
compromised, a heart condition exacerbated. Couple
overwhelming grief with a physical weakness and
suddenly "dying of grief" doesn't seem like a cheesy
plot from a Hollywood release anymore. Perhaps it's
truly the side effects of grief and not the grief
itself that kill, but the root cause and end result
are the same.
Heartbreak was what had killed Jahn's father, no
matter what medical mumbo jumbo and 'real' diagnosis
the doctors gave. Both of his sons knew this; it stood
to reason for them because their mother had passed
away abruptly a month before. One day as healthy as
any man of advanced age, the next crippled by the loss
of his wife of forty years. Robert Halvers had
followed Renatta Halvers into the dark, because he
simply couldn't bear to be without her. Neither son
faulted him for it, as the man's devotion to their
mother had always been a cornerstone of family life.
Between bouts of unconsciousness, Jahn stared at the
blank tiles of the ceiling with far less than half-
interest. Thoughts of his father continued to hound
him, a surety that his old man's fate would be his
own. Did it matter? The lights had gone out. There was
nothing left but bleakness and waiting. A pall had
descended over his world and painted it black, that
which was left cast in shadows.
Faces swam and out of existence, talking to him in
conversations he didn't really remember. Roger, and
surprisingly, his wife. Mary Reed. His boss, a few
friends from work. Greg and Amy. Andrea. His...
fiancées... friends and co-workers, people he'd met
maybe once and barely knew. What were they doing here?
Every pair of eyes seemed to bore into him, full of
concern and understanding, silently assuring him that
they were there for him, that he could take as much
time as needed to get better and come back, safe and
whole
Safe and whole. He'd lost two-thirds of himself, and
the remainder was a heart attack victim in a hospital
bed. Safe. He'd paint the word in sarcasm if he could
muster anything more than dull apathy. Roger's visits
were the only real light, the one thing he felt like
staying awake for, though the cheery pep-talks he
offered didn't infuse him with strength. "Rest, bro.
All you need is time."
Jahn hadn't been able to help his response, his
bleakness spilling over into the room around him. "Why
bother? Dad had it right."
Shocked into silence by the suicidal overtones of his
brother's response, Roger only stared at him,
horrified. Strange, thought Jahn as his brother
stalked out of the room, I don't think I've ever seen
him cry before. Voices from the hallway told him that
his brother hadn't gone far, was talking with a woman
there. A nurse? No, Jahn recognized the voice – Mary
Reed. Angry about something, but didn't she have a
right to be? Both of her daughters, who she'd raised
to become lovely, talented young women, were dead in a
traffic wreck, of all things. Her grandchild, his
child. There were specifics, but the only words he
recalled were 'car' and 'accident'. The woman's voice
was rising. Incredulity? Rage? Something else?
(doesn't) (know) Words come to him like chunks through
a straw.
Mary moved into the room with dread purpose, his
brother close on her heels, but Jahn couldn't muster
the enthusiasm anymore, and simply stared at the
ceiling.
When she reached the bed, she leaned down, fists
burrowing into the mattress and hissed, "Jahn." She
was angry at him. That's right, he'd failed to protect
her girls. Maybe she'd cut his balls off now.
A light slap to the side of his face got his attention
and he turned his head to her reproachfully. Was that
really the best she could do? He deserved worse.
"Listen to me. Jen and Fiona are _alive_."
Click.
All those friends and co-workers aren't here for
_you_, they're here for _them_.
Just stopping by for a friendly word and well-wishing,
that's all they were doing in your room. Realization
hit him like an enervating electrical current.
Light that he couldn't recall being on the ceiling
before seemed to burst with radiance, blinding him
with intensity as the shock of realization washed over
him like a hose full of cold water.
Alive? Alive. Alive. Alive-alive-alive-alive-alive...
Breath expelled itself from him in ragged measure, but
there was no pain like before. Only darkness.
***
"I want to see them," he insisted angrily to the
pretty, young nurse, who looked anxiously in turn at
the doctor. "Either give me a goddamn reason why not,
or get Mary Reed and explain it to her. Bullshit on my
heart, I'm only still here because I _thought_ they
were dead."
"You really need to res-" The nurse says, but the
doctor... Standish? Stanton? cuts her off. "I can
arrange that, but you need to talk to Mrs. Reed
first."
Mary was pushed a wheelchair into his room within
minutes of being called on, but she intercepted him
before he could get up. Not a difficult task – a week
of immobility seemed to have atrophied his legs and
there was a weakness in him.
Concern in her brown eyes, she touched her silver hair
in a gesture of nervousness. "Jahn, they _are_ alive,
but you need to understand that it's bad. The car was
totaled, and both girls were terribly hurt. They're...
stable... but they are comatose."
At the widening of his eyes, she gave him a curt wave
that was probably meant to forestall his fear. "The
doctors have every expectation that they'll recover
and that the comas will be temporary. Still... the
damage. Can you stand it? Your heart, I mean?"
With grim determination, he assured her that his heart
was not a problem... because Jen and Fiona were alive,
and that made all the difference.
Mary was right about the damage.
Fiona had been driving, and was on the side that was
first struck by the passing vehicle. Her left arm and
leg had been broken, and she'd nearly lost that eye as
well when the driver's side window had collapsed. She
wouldn't lose it, but it had been a close thing, and
she'd taken extensive damage from shards. These wounds
would heal, her beautiful brunette locks would grow
back despite the necessary shaving for stitches, but
she would never get the last two fingers on her left
hand back. His heart ached for her, and the loss of
that ring finger felt like an omen.
Jen... "The baby?" he asked, terribly afraid for the
blonde. Despite her initial fears, she'd begun to
enjoy the pregnancy, looking eagerly to the day their
child would be born. Jahn knew she'd make a wonderful
mother, and the loss could hurt her far more badly
than any physical injury.
"As far as the doctors can tell, alive and whole, but
an extended coma could change that."
That was... something. A chance. Those physical hurts
she'd suffered had been smaller in scale than Fiona's.
No permanent damage, though she'd taken similar breaks
on her right arm and leg from the roll of the car, and
retained a number of scars from the broken glass.
All of this could heal.
The two women had been given separate rooms at first,
but the hospital had honored Mary's request to give
them a shared room once their conditions had become
more stable. Their mother had taken up her own watch
between the girls when visiting hours allowed, and
with only a little reluctance, gave up her spot to
him. He needed this, and so did they, she felt.
As Jahn sat, he slipped one hand into Jen's, the other
into Fiona's, and thought about what the future held
for them now. He didn't know; nothing seemed quite as
certain as when the trio had sat down together on that
November day and told each other what they wanted to
do with the rest of their lives. Talking aloud anyway,
he spoke to his fiancées (so vulnerable, so helpless,
so hurt) (I couldn't do anything for them).
Talking about the future and how this didn't change
anything, that they'd still have each other and the
rest of their lives together. As much love-making as
Jen could possibly want, as many long walks and deep
conversations as Fiona desired, if only they'd wake,
and come back to him. He probably sounded like a
pervert, but didn't care.
On one level, he was aware just how pitiful, how
pathetic and melodramatic he must sound to the nurses
and others present, bargaining with higher powers for
the lives of his lovers, begging them to come back to
him, but on the other, he was simply apathetic to
outsiders. Jahn wasn't sure he believed in any god,
didn't know if recovery really meant a miracle, but he
would do anything, be anyone he needed do, be as good
a person as he needed to be, if only to ensure they
came back to him from whatever purgatory they were now
in. Religious dogma, hell. He'd be righteous.
Burdened with a heavy heart, but no longer the weight
of two worlds, he left with Mary the next day,
pronounced healthy by his doctor, given all the proper
counseling and discharged. Assurances were made that
he could visit any time he liked, within reason.
***
It was odd, but the first thing he noticed when he got
home was the darkened house across the street, no car
in the driveway. That was unusual, because the
occupant always seemed to be home, pottering in his
garage or working in his yard, a light always on to
signal that there was someone in. Perhaps the
recession was the cause, out of work.
A suspicion of something tugged at his mind all night,
and when he noticed that same emptiness across the
street while getting into the car the next day, he
stared over his shoulder at it for a moment then
turned to Mary.
"What was the name of the driver who ran Fiona and Jen
off the road?"
Mrs. Reed shrugged the question off dismissively. "It
was some worthless drunk who was killed when they went
over into the ditch. I never thought to ask. Didn't
seem important, with you three in the hospital." Quick
to intuit the source of his curiosity, she widened her
eyes in recognition. "You don't think..."
"I don't know, it's just a suspicion."
With trembling hands, Mary dialed the hospital,
waiting to be connected to his fiancées' doctor,
waiting even longer to be connected to someone who
could actually answer the question. As she listened,
her skin turned an unhealthy, blotchy shade of white.
With a mumbled 'thank you,' she hung up.
Turning to him, she said hoarsely. "Joseph Margrave."
Jahn's hands clenched on the steering wheel, and the
world shuddered around him slightly. It was a long
while before they drove anywhere.
***
Whatever problems his heart might have, a little
righteous outrage was the least of them, but Mary
wouldn't hear of him leaving without her once she
found out he was going to confront Donovan. Their ride
was one of deathly silence.
A cold, sterile line of phone booths waited for Jahn,
and he sat at one under the guard's direction,
impotent rage boiling over. Donovan strode in, bearing
that characteristic cold visage, but this time Jahn
simply did... not... care... Must have shown on his
face, because Donovan seemed taken aback by his
expression, and the huge man's confidence shook even
further when he saw Mary standing behind his
daughter's fiancée looking every bit a woman of
compassionless iron.
Demands for information spilled out of his mouth the
moment he picked up the handset. "The hell are you
doing here, and why's Mary with you? Where's Jenny?"
"Why'd you do it, Donovan?" Jahn asked, willing
himself to be as cold as Mary. "Did you decide she'd
just get over losing Fiona? Oops, a little accident to
ensure she had the _right_ future?"
Anger showed on the man's face, and he said, a touch
of hysteria in his words, "Where's my daughter, you
little prick?"
"Shut the fuck up. Was it because Jen was pregnant,
and you decided to make sure that wouldn't happen with
her sister?" Donovan flinched, as if slapped, and it
occurred to him that the only way Donovan might have
known her pregnancy is if one of his former watchers
had told him. It was on their 'to do' list, but
November had been such a busy month...
"Jenny's pregnant?" There was a touch of warmth for
his little girl in the words, but it was overshadowed
by the increasing fear on the man's huge face.
"It's up in the air," Jahn said, biting off his words
bitterly. "Your buddy Margrave ran her sister off the
road. Jen happened to be in the car."
Donovan's eyes went wide with horror, and he looked to
Mary for confirmation. No pity in her dark brown eyes,
she simply nodded curtly, cold and passionless. Jahn
had never seen a man breaking down, wouldn't have
counted his own heart attack as such, and knew as it
happened to the behemoth in front of him that he never
wanted to see it again. Like crumbling stone, the
anger and fear slid off the bullish man's face,
leaving behind a tableau of abject grief and what Jahn
was sure was self-hatred. The sobbing noise that came
through the phone, followed by a lost voice that
reminded him painfully of Jen.
"Ish she d-dead? T-tell me she ain't!"
He could have left the man hanging like that, left him
to dwell on his panic and fear, wondering whether his
beloved little girl was alive or dead. Jen might never
forgive him for that, though, and he wasn't sure he
could forgive himself either. There were some lines...
still, he had to know.
"I'll tell you, but you have to talk to me first.
Why'd you do it?"
A flicker of something like anger shone briefly in
Donovan's bright blue eyes, but it was gone in a
flash, overwhelmed by whatever demons lurked in his
head. "Y-yer wrong. I didn' have nothing-"
"Don't give me that," Jahn spat out, righteous rage
renewed. "I did what you said, got a paper. You went
to prison for your friends, right? They were watching
the girls for _you_, and wouldn't have done anything
without your say-so. Fuck, Margrave has even been
watching them since they were children."
"Ish... Thass Joe M-margrave. Not Bill. S'in
Destinashun Pure-ty, 'n famly, but he's not one'a us."
Time seemed to stop in Jahn's head for a moment, and
he recalled something Fiona had once said about
Margrave.
He used to run off kids that gave Jen a hard time. Not
Fiona, just Jen. Donovan's daughter was the only one
Joseph Margrave had been watching out for, because he
didn't really _owe_ Donovan anything like an extended
understanding of the idea that hurting Jen's half-
sister might hurt her as badly in an emotional way as
any physical damage. A favor for family, the friend of
a family member who happened to be in the same Purity
group. Was that the reason for his perpetually sour
disposition? The little half-breed girl across the
street? What had set him off? Second hand news of a
polygamous wedding with a white man's girl and that
little mixed blood number? Fucking outrageous, right?
Or maybe it was none of the above. Maybe he'd just
seen Fiona driving past, hadn't noticed Jen with her,
and in an alcohol-induced fit of anger, tried to run
her off the road. Jahn had no idea. Margrave was dead,
and had taken his secrets to the grave. Margrave-
grave, he thought disjointedly.
Jahn had made a mistake, a critical one. Other than
Jake Edwards, Donovan's 'neighborhood watch' buddies
weren't the real problem. It was Destination Purity.
There was overlap, close friends who were members of
both, but then... family and friends changed the
parameters. Where did one end, and the other begin?
Was it a snake chewing its own tail, a danger to
anyone that wandered near its coils?
Staring numbly at the surface of the table in front of
him, Donovan didn't look up when Jahn spoke. "It never
ends, until you put a stop to it. Jen's alive, the
doctors say she'll probably be fine, but this...
organization, may cost our baby's life." The bullish
man looked up, tears glistening on his face. "There's
too much going on here. I don't understand how your
people work, what drives them. I don't know which, if
any, might try to kill Fiona again if they get through
this intact. You have to make this right," Jahn told
him.
"I ... don't know if I c-can."
"Those men owe you their lives. Their families owe you
for their freedom. You fucking well can tell them that
Destination Purity, whatever you think it stands for,
nearly killed the only thing you had left. Whatever
they stand for, they need to rein in the hate, before
someone else who doesn't deserve it gets killed. End
it here."
Jahn set down the phone and walked away. Too caught up
in his own anger and anxiety, he didn't catch the
speech between Donovan and the man's diminutive ex-
wife, but whatever she said, it was not an even
exchange. The man's posture stiffened, his features
shifting from a grief-stricken mess to stark fear.
Whatever she'd said, it was enough.
***
The week passed in a haze, daily visits to the
hospital, time spent but not wasted in the only
company that mattered. Mary had convinced him to start
working again, and he found some comfort in that.
Crunching data helped relieve the crushing sense of
loneliness and worry that came when he wasn't with his
fiancées, his two best friends, the women who would
someday be the mothers of his children.
Thunderous knocking sounded on the door of the Reed
house that night, and when Jahn looked through the
window, he knew the mess wasn't quite over. Several
cars had rolled up, and rather than continuing on
past, they had stopped here, a small crowd of maybe a
dozen people assembling outside his door. Thank you
for being here, Mary, he thought. Having a witness
might give them pause. There was nothing to do, but
open the door. Mary rose up behind him, but only stood
in silence, troubled recognition in her eyes.
"Jahn Halvers?" A wiry little man with a heavy
moustache and cap was the first to speak, and he
couldn't help but be reminded of Mario, sans potbelly.
Steeling his resolve, Jahn nodded, eyeing the crowd.
Mostly men were in the group, and surprisingly a few
women. There was a strange sense of recognition for a
few of the faces, as if he'd regularly seen them in
passing and immediately forgotten them. "That's me. Am
I looking at Donovan's ... Watch buddies, or
Destination Purity?"
"Some of both," said Mario, who promptly destroyed the
gamer mystique by introducing himself as Walter
Declan, and offering a hand. Jahn wanted nothing less
than to shake hands with the man, but took it anyway.
"You all here to give me some of what Greg got? Should
I make arrangements with the hospital?"
A burly fellow behind Declan spoke up angrily, "He
fucking had it coming, putting his hands on my boy."
No point in antagonizing the man with all his friends
around, but Jahn gave him a withering stare anyway,
and to his surprise, some of the men and women around
him did as well. Friends and family came first, but
they knew about Amy, thought he should have raised his
boy better than that. Randall Edwards shut up, face
flushing.
"That's not what we're about, kid. It never was." A
tall man, somewhat heavy-set, to Declan's right,
spoke. He looked familiar, and Jahn would bet that he
was William Margrave. "My brother knew better than
that, knew we aren't the goddamn KKK. We look out for
our friends, but we don't go burning crosses and
intimidating folks, and we sure as _hell_ don't go
killing or even hurting little girls. That's the old
ways, wrong ways. Certain other ... incidents
notwithstanding. Drinking and the stupidity of youth
is a bad mix."
"Hate's just fine, though, right?" Jahn said, voice
thick with sarcasm. "Filled him up with plenty of
that, until it spilled right over. Consequences be
damned. What happens next? Who goes off half-cocked
and tries to kill us when I marry the Reeds?"
There was a little angry muttering from one of the
women about that, but Declan, another skinny guy
behind him, and William Margrave were clearly running
the show, most of the men nodding agreement when they
spoke. Margrave had been the only one mentioned by
name, but he'd bet the other two were involved in the
murder. Did they actually regret what they'd done? Had
it really just been some stupid, drunken incident
triggered by uninhibited, uncontrolled bigotry?
"Like I said, that's not how we operate. We find ways
to work within the law now. My brother was wrong, and
he paid for it with his life. Donovan paid for
everybody. We have no quarrel with you, or his
daughter, or the girl's half-sister. We came here to
tell you that, so that you know it ends here.
Donovan's Watch is done, and Destination Purity is
too, until we straighten out our priorities. What you
see is who we are. We're not your enemies. I've done
things I'm not proud of, but you have my oath for
whatever it's worth to you, that it ends here. They're
here to say it too."
Edwards spoke. "Randall Edwards. You got my word for
me an' my boy Jake." Scuttling back into place, he
looked abashed as the same woman who had muttered
about Jahn marrying Jen and Fiona shot Edwards a black
look. At least wife-beaters rated lower in her books
than polygamists did, he thought.
"I'm Elise Decker: Polygamy's wrong and I'll see you
in court if you try and sneak anything past the legal
system." She said, voice imposing judgment, dripping
condemnation. "But it's your life. Right now, I got no
fight with you."
The skinny guy, last of Donovan's posse, was Jason
Anthony. He too made the statement, then nervously
stepped back.
Marcus Decker. Christopher Sanders. Julia Declan.
Victor Jameson. Dale Farland. Rodney Orley. Frank
Bertram. Louis Cross. Louis Gregory. All made that odd
little prepared speech with varying degrees of
sincerity, and though he didn't trust their values for
a minute, it seemed like they were sincere about it.
Names he was unlikely to remember, people he would
probably never see again.
How pointless, he thought. I guess their god-sworn
oath means something to them, but do they think it's
going to make me believe them? What kind of fucked up
gesture of goodwill is this?
Margrave spoke again, seeming to read his thoughts.
"Might not mean much to you, but it means something to
us... and that display was about us." Incredulity must
have shown on Jahn's face because he continued,
pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket "This, on
the other hand, is about you." He handed the paper to
Jahn, a card stapled to it.
Frowning, he examined it. Seemed to be some kind of
document, the copy of a title. To a home? What the
hell? The card had Margrave's number and address on
it.
"Way I see it, those hospital bills are gonna be a
right bastard even when you and your ladies are
working again. My brother can't make that right, but
his estate can. No contest, I'm all the family he had
left to will it to, and when everything clears, it's
yours to do what you like with. If there's any costs
beyond that, we'll do what we can to help, all of us."
Stunned, Jahn could only stare at them as most of the
group nodded agreement with Margrave's statement.
"I... thank you."
"You don't owe us any thanks for this; my brother owes
you for what he did, and he's paying it. We owe
Donovan, and we're paying down that debt as well."
Margrave shifted uncomfortably for a moment, and
Declan nodded to him, signaling that they were ready
to leave.
As the crowd dispersed, filing into their vehicles and
returning to whatever lives they lead elsewhere. The
hatred remains, though, doesn't it? Jahn mused,
considering the paper as the group left. Will
reexamining your priorities really fix anything? Who
pays the price for your kids?
***
Sitting between the sisters, he talked to them,
painting his words with every bit of optimism he could
give, because they needed whatever light he could give
them, just as they had done for him. We sustain each
other, he understood. He told them about the strange
offer that Donovan's people had made, and about the
spring wedding, how they would walk with their mother
down the aisle to find their places at his side. They
would make their vows to him, and he to them, sealing
them together in a spiritual union more powerful than
anything a government could offer.
"The honeymoons..." he reflected, a smile on his face.
"You loved that jacket, Jen, and Roger told me where I
can get a replica. We'll watch that movie again
together, and I might be clumsy at it, but I'll be the
sexy pilot for you, you know it. I'll sing to you, all
those great love songs, and we'll make love under the
palm trees. Your body all over mine, mine within
yours. I told you I'd love you as often as you needed
me to, so remember it. Just say the word. Our child is
going to come into a world where he knows his parents
love each other, and love him."
"Don't ever think for a second that I've forgotten
you, Fiona. We'll have our time together, you know we
will. A candlelit dinner had in a quiet place where
the dishes, glasses and wine sparkle. Maybe we'll
visit a hospital after, and you can show me how to
sing Threshold; because there's something special in
that, something spiritual. When we're done, I'll take
you out under the stars, and we'll take in the night
together, and then I'll simply take you, show you just
how beautiful you are to me."
"We'll have to do something together as a trio,
because it's the three of us in it for the long haul,
you know. Did you know that your sister likes to dance
too, Jen? I can't imagine anything better than
rhythmic dancing under colored lights with both of my
wives." Closing his eyes, he hummed another old tune,
one he always seemed to mix up with the first.
// sweet dreams are taking over, sweet dreams of
dancing through the night, I wanna get into motion, a
better devotion//
"Hers. _Her_ parents," a voice rasping with disuse
corrected him, interrupting the soothing thoughts..
"...holding you to that, Jahn..." came another
strained voice, less than a hearbeat after the first
had spoken..
When his own lids flared open, he found two pairs of
eyes staring back at him, one pair a sparkling blue,
the other lustrous brown. The lips below them curved
in gentle smiles, all the more lovely for the
understanding that their owners had come back from
their dreams to find him.
Awake.
~ End ~
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than
a trusted partner. 4-million people around the world
contract HIV every year. You only have one body per
lifetime, so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Directory 72