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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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I Loved My Sister
by SinpleAna (sinpleana@aol.com)
***
A story about irresponsible parents, children left in
the dark and unknowingly committing incest. (MF-teens,
nc, inc, preg)
***
Author Note: To record such a story is to seem
insensitive to morals and maybe look as though I condone
such behavior. However, how I feel on the subject isn't
important, but rather I would like to give nothing more
than a story. This is a true story in which I came
across the evening that my friend and I sat out on a
roof with an open breeze and a can of ale. Any reader
must know that I am not a writer, so be gentle with my
errors.
***
Blues echoed in the background filling the rooms with a
calming effect. I wasn't comfortable with all the new
faces, but my girlfriend insisted I come over and help
take up liberated space in her new home. After a while
of enough bullshit, I found a peacefulness out on her
back porch. I could smell the sweetness of a bulky
orange tree full of over ripe fruit.
I walked over to the tree, crunching leaves beneath my
ever step, and chose a robust fragrant orange. As I
turned in the darkness I heard a voice. Andrew sat on
the roof over the porch. It startled me at first.
"What the hell are you doing up there?" My voice was
obviously shaking from the cool air.
"Nothing. Just trying to get away from everyone. I just
don't fit in here." There was a silence. I could hear
the crickets chirping and decided to calculate the
temperature by listening to how many chirps in one
minute then added 29 and came up with it being about 50
degrees. For a while we didn't say anything else to one
another. I stood and ate my orange slinging the peelings
over the fence.
"Well, I guess I will rejoin the lovely people she
invited over, perhaps I can amuse myself and watch TV or
something. Wanna come in?"
"Naaaa. The sky is clear enough to frame out the big
dipper. Why don't you grab a beer and come up on the
roof?"
"Ok, be right back." He sounded strange. Lost almost.
Now the thing about Andrew, was that he was the father
of my girlfriends baby. Some freak sexual thing two
years ago and she chose to have it. He was a lot older
than Mary. And Mary by no means loved him. Her excuse
for not being able to love him is that he has a small
dick. Such a lame excuse. Never the less Andrew
continued to carry a torch for her. He made time to take
the baby off her hands, and contributed to all aspects
of raising her.
He was there when she was born and was going be there
till the end, or so that's how he saw it. Mary used him
more than she intended and he knew it and somehow it
never bothered him. He was hitting almost 60 and Mary
had just turned 40. Old blues hippies I called them.
Andrew was a guitarist holding out to still make it in
the music world. Making money here and there at old
timers night clubs.
He was a dead look alike of Carlos Santana. Not an ugly
man but no gem either. Mary is a gorgeous, supple,
sensual dirty blonde. She was the kind of woman not only
men are attracted to but women approached her as well.
She had a spiritual aura that pulled you in and left who
you were behind. Her eyes were a light envious green.
She could catch you with a glance.
"So how do you expect a fat chick like me to climb on
the roof without falling and bouncing through a window?"
I laughed out words while climbing up the latter.
"Oh stop it and get up here!"
As I reached the top I suddenly was scared that he and I
would end up crashing to our death in Mary's backyard
crushing the orange tree to boot. But we didn't. We sat
in silence for a long while till he asked me a question.
One I wasn't ready for.
"So Ana, have you ever fallen in love? The kind of love
that tears your heart to a million pieces? "
"Nope. Can't say I have. I have loved only a couple
people in my life but it never worked out the way I
guess I needed it to, so I settle with good friends and
hope that someday, My prince will come along," I sang to
him as I answered.
"I loved once in my life," he said gazing out into the
sparkling darkness.
"Mary?"
"No. Someone else long ago. I loved her with all my
everything and she loved me the same."
"So what happened?" I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to
this, but it was entirely too late to go back now.
"She left me."
Silence.
We sat there in the deadest silence I have ever felt.
Just sat there. Then without warning he began to tell me
a tale I wasn't sure I wanted to hear. But I listened
without interrupting.
"My mother as beautiful as she was, was a bit of a lover
of all men. She liked to party. She would spend a lot of
time in the bars when her husband was working on the
road. She had a long affair with an Indian dude. He was
a Cherokee Indian. Big man, or so I was told. I was told
she never loved him but he had money and loved my mother
and fancied taking her out on the town.
Back then a loose woman was bad news, and often exiled
from locals. She dressed different than women did back
then too. I have pictures of her in tight pants with the
top button undone always, and a short white linen shirt.
Her hair was a soft deep black, long past her hips. She
had dark eyes, almost black that I am sure caught men's
eyes. Even the pictures catch my eyes every time. And
you know I learned later she hated shoes and bras. And
you know, my mother had very ample breasts to say the
least."
"You talk as though you never knew her personally
Andrew."
"I didn't. She muted my very soul the day she gave me
away. She got pregnant from that Indian guy, and didn't
want me. She couldn't raise a half breed in a small
town. When I was about 6 days old she turned me over to
my grandmother. The man that should of been my father,
the man she was married to, didn't want me either."
As his story went on I listened to every harsh detail of
his life. His grandmother tried to do right by him, or
so he thought in some twisted way, but his grandfather
couldn't get over the fact that he had Indian in him
which didn't make much sense since they were immigrants
from Mexico.
"Can you record all this Ana?" He stopped mid sentence
to ask me this.
"I really am not much of a writer," I told him.
"Just write what I tell you."
"Sure Andrew," regretting agreeing to this.
"So I never knew my mother. When I was about 2 she got
pregnant again by another man. Not her husband. Again he
said get rid of it. Back then abortions were hard to
come by. So she carried the baby to full term and once
again handed the bundle in pink to my grandmother. I was
never told she was my sister. We didn't even know we
were related till we were older. I learned at an early
age not to ask questions, they always answered with a
lit cigarette, or a back hand to my face."
"What was her name?" asking only when a pause occurred.
"Tina."
As the party below continued we sat under the stars on
the frail roof, and I listened. He continued with horror
stories of abuse both towards Tina and himself. They
shared a common bond. They were both throw away kids
with no stable space.
"As we grew older we did everything together. We went to
school together, played together, ate our jelly
sandwiches together, and cried together, and still it
never occurred to us that we were brother and sister.
There were so many kids in and out of the house always.
My family was full of secrets. Years later I learned my
mother was a product of my grandfather's daughter and
himself. But my grandmother never said a word, and she
knew."
I suddenly was so lost. A family of horrible secrets.
Incest and sexual abuse. Torture and insanity. I wrapped
my coat tighter around me trying to get warmer. I didn't
want to hear this at all. Andrew had been my friend for
years, and all along I thought he had it together. He
seemed so wise, so in tuned with life and nature, and
all along he was more broken than I ever was.
"Tina and I slept together all those childhood years.
When I came to be about 17, I realized things about me
were changing. I had slept with her for years. She was
becoming a woman. No one ever said, don't sleep together
anymore, you two are getting too old for this. And since
school wasn't the thing for me I never went past the 6th
grade and chose to work the fields, so I didn't learn
about sex and all that. I remember... Ana, this isn't
too much for you is it? I mean, I just want this written
down and don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't
trust anyone else."
"I can handle it Andrew. I can handle it." I was
saddened for him. Seriously saddened. I was also
aroused, knowing what was coming.
"I remember one night getting in bed. I had erections
all the time but never one in bed with her, or one that
I was aware of. She was asleep. Silently I slipped my
hands under the covers and pulled my sex out slowly. It
was wet just on the tip. I felt the pulsating deep
within. I began stroking it like so many times before in
the deep corn fields in the bright sunlight. Pulling at
it and moving closer towards her. She moaned for me to
move over. But I didn't, I keep stroking it.
"Then I whispered for her to wakeup. She didn't. I
whispered again. She turned over slowly. I remember
asking her to touch it. She just lay there. No
expression. Saying nothing. I pulled the covers off and
kneeling in front of her, to her side, pulling and
stroking my cock.
"I watched her eyes as they darted across the room
avoiding mine. I jerked off hard that night ejaculating
on her face and in our bed.
"She never said a word and never talked about it
afterwards.
"I wanted her. I was innocent and pure then.
"Several months later I went to bed early so I could
masturbate in privacy. I lay back against the old framed
head board in darkness, pulling my sex out and stroking.
Tina walked in on me.
"She just stood there and watched me. Stood at the end
of the bed. No smile, no expression. After a while of
these episodes on many occasions, I had to talk to her
about how I felt. We had grown apart a little since she
went to school and I didn't. She never brought friends
home and no one ever called for her. I always wondered
how she kept her home life so separate from her life
outside. I never had anyone so it was easy for me."
"Did you two ever make love Andrew?" I had to know, I am
not sure why, I just had to know. I find my brothers not
sexually attractive in the slightest just because I know
they are my brothers, and felt a little sickened by this
story and a little turned on.
"Yes. We did. Five months before my 18th birthday I
decided I was legally able to leave on my own and had
saved enough money to get out of this hell hole, I took
her."
"What do you mean 'you took her'?" I was nervous. "And
by the way, does Mary know all this about you?"
"She only knows bits and pieces. I raped her. She came
home late one night, and I waited in our bed. She
undressed put her nightgown on and crawled in bed next
to me. I was aroused instantaneously. I turned over and
pulled her night gown up. For what seemed like a long
time I studied her body. She was so perfect.
"She struggled only a little bit as I tore her nightgown
off, but never screamed. I remember smelling her. Like
an animal I pulled her panties to the side and gorged
her with my sex. I had to take her that way. I knew in
my heart she was my sister, but suppressed it in every
way. I moved violently against her frail frame. I wanted
her to taste the riches of both our cum, but she
refused.
"Some of it is a blur, but I remember turning her over
and entering her from behind. I watched her tiny
knuckles turn white as she grabbed the steel frame.
Sounds harsh, but taking her that way made me feel like
she was mine. I bit hard into her left shoulder as I
came. I drew blood.
"The next day she didn't say a word. Never asked why. It
wasn't till years later I learned my grandfather was
raping her for years. She was just expecting that
someday, I too would take her. She just thought it would
be sooner than it was.
"I left that summer. Rented a small apartment in
Stockton out close to the river. I played guitar in the
evenings and worked my days away. I missed her terribly.
But she came to me one night in the fall that year. She
and I saw each other every day. We made passionate love
in every way you could think of. She began talking to me
again like when were children. We shared our love for
art and poetry. This went on for about 3 years.
"Finally when I was 21 and her 19, she moved in with me.
We never had to marry because our last name was that of
my grandfathers. We suspected we were related in some
way, maybe cousins. I always knew, in some weird way I
knew. We looked nothing alike, as her father was white
and mine Indian. We were never told who our mother or
mothers were, so we suspected we were distant cousins.
"We had left the past and the hurt behind, we never
looked back, never visited the grand folks, and didn't
want to. They didn't know we were living together till
the grandfather died, when I was 35. We had virtually no
contact with any of them at all. But my Aunt showed up
on our door step one day to let us know of his passing,
and realized Tina and I were living together, and had a
child together."
"You have another child Andrew?" I was almost sick in
some odd way.
"Yes, she lives in LA. But she has no idea who I am. Her
mother has told her I am dead, I don't blame her. I have
pictures of her, since she was little and recent ones
Tina has sent to me."
"So what did the Aunt tell you?" This was like a novel,
a bad novel I thought to myself.
"She was appalled. I explained that we were told we
weren't related as kids, and we fell in love, what's the
problem. Tina walked in just then and my Aunt began
telling her she was a whore no good for nothing kind of
thing. I calmed everyone down, and we began to talk. I
found out that we had the same mother, different
fathers.
"I also found out we had like 6 other brothers that my
mother kept. We then found out about our mother being a
product of incest. We all cried that day. Things were
never the same between Tina and I. We had purchased a
house in Bakersfield by then, and I had my own business
landscaping. She was a nurse in a ICU department in a
big hospital. And we had this beautiful little girl. It
was a fairy tale in its own. Two cars, money in the
bank. I loved her more than life itself. She was my soul
mate. I could have lived the rest of my life with that
secret. But it fucked Tina up in the harshest way.
"Our little girl too was the product of incest and Tina
felt she needed to get away from me. Raise her under a
different name and move further south where we had no
family to invade their life. So, what do you think of
love now? What do you think of who I am?"
I paused and swallowed. I could hear Mary's laugh. I
could hear the blues whaling away. I could feel the
frost covering Mary's lawn like a blanket of harshness.
It fit the feeling.
"Well Andrew, I don't know what I feel, I don't think it
matters as it is your life not mine. I have passed the
boundaries of incest as a child, but broke the pattern
with my own kids, so much I have only had two partners
my whole life. Sex is scary for me. I have learned
since, that it can be enjoyable, as love can be too, but
I have never loved my siblings in this way. But I
understand you didn't find out till later."
I sighed a heavy sigh and lit another cigarette one of
twenty I smoked that night up there in the chaffing
coldness. He sighed to almost regretting he ever told me
any of this. I sensed it. I reminded him that I would
never tell anyone. He smiled. His whole life had been a
struggle to get through it all. And all those beautiful
songs he wrote, all the heart wrenching lyrics had been
for her, Tina.
"I still love her Ana. We knew in our hearts we were
brother and sister. I think we knew since she arrived
that summer day. I knew the day I took her in that
garage bedroom of ours. My grandmother knew, but she let
it all happen. I guess that era in the 50's, people just
didn't disclose dirty laundry. My Aunts and uncles were
all moved out by the time I arrived, they left at early
ages to get away from the abuse. Why my mother ever gave
me to them knowing who they were is beyond me, and to
give a girl is worse. I hate her you know? And still she
is alive."
"Where is she now?"
"She lives in an old folks home in Merced. You know the
man that should have been my father, he just died. I
went to see him shortly before he died. He said he was
sorry for everything that happened to me, he could of
stopped all of it. He also said he loved me. That
angered me, since he never knew me."
"You know this is one harsh story. And still there are
details that I am not aware of huh?"
"Yeah. But I just wanted you to know about my first
love. You asked me once about my first love and if you
remember I told you it was a long story. I believe it
was shortly before you were gonna meet some guy in San
Francisco. Right?"
"Oh yeah. I remember."
Again we sat in a silence. There was a breeze now and
the coldness was lifted. People were laughing and
carrying on in the distance. We opened our ale at the
same time and guzzled them down. Quietly. We must of sat
there for about an hour, till he broke the silence and
told he had to go it was time, he was getting too old
for late nights in the cold like this.
"Thanks for listening. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, but I worry about Morgan." Morgan is Mary's and
Andrew's baby.
"Never worry about her. She will know this stuff when it
is time, when she is older."
"I mean about you sexually abusing her, I mean, not that
you have but it crossed my mind a few times."
"Never worry about that Ana, that will never happen. I
have no desire for anyone sexually and furthermore,
never for my daughter, seriously. I was totally open
with you, if I thought I had a problem in that area, I
wouldn't have told you. And Mary knows most of this, but
without details. Look I really gotta go... call me this
week, and I will set you up that tower, and thanks.
Email me this... ok?"
"Yes Andrew, will do."
I sat there for some time. Looking for the stars that
were being covered by thick clouds. I wondered why
people have no heart. About little kids that have to
live through nightmares like these only to be set up for
pain the rest of their life.
I climbed down from the roof that night and slipped out
the side gate and went home. I couldn't get home quick
enough. I watched my kids sleep for a few minutes and
tucked them in, thank god they will never know this kind
of life, thank god they will be normal. And I realized
how important my job was to keep them safe from people
that could hurt them, and they will never know, I said
to myself, and they will never know.
1998- For Him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kristen's collection - Directory 68