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Living in Hell
by Y. Lee Coyote (yleecoyote@lycosmail.com)

***

This story is for Tommy who told me of some similar 
horrors he was forced to endure until he was well into 
college. (MF, Fdom/b, fb, nc, v, ped, huml, cast) 

***

Author's Note: The following story is fiction. It 
contains scenes of humiliation, spankings, parental 
abuse, castration and non-consensual activities in a 
fem-dom environment and gay sex. If such subjects are 
offensive, uninteresting or if you are a minor (i.e., 
child) please leave now. The story is presented as an 
attachment in the first of a series communications with 
an editor. 

***

COMMUNICATION #1

To:	 Ms. Sabrina Kenworth, Editor of Women's Press 
From:	 Jenny Kanine 
Subject: Tommy's Manuscript 


My Dear Sabrina, 

As we have discussed I have amalgamated parts of the 
journal of Thomas Cook, my dear step- son, into a 
coherent narrative. I was really surprised at how well 
he wrote and how he respected the superiority of his 
betters. As you would expect there was a lot of 
repetition over the almost five year period covered in 
the journal. I have, of course, eliminated all of that 
as well as cleaning up the spelling and grammar errors. 

It is a shame that he was taken from us on our trip in 
Tijuana. The authorities say that kidnapped boys like 
him are never found. The demand for white, blue-eyed, 
golden haired boys is so great that they disappear 
quickly. Yes, occasionally (years later) one is found 
wondering in some distant port where they are just prey 
to violent human monsters but so damaged that if they 
were animals they would be destroyed. The ones that 
eventually talk claim to miss their previous lives of 
horror. 

Occasionally, I have interjected some comments into the 
boy's narrative to explain things that he did not 
understand. He changed the title several times, but 
I've kept his last one. 

Most sororally yours, 

Jenny 

       LIVING IN HELL 
       Extracts from the Journal of Thomas Cook 
       Edited by Jenny Kanine 

** Age 8 ** Like Father, Like Son. 

I'm Boy to my family. In school my teachers call me Tom 
and my classmates, Tommy. Only my real mother, she is 
with the angels, called me Thomas. She died a long time 
ago when I was really a little boy. I don't remember 
very much about mommy Laverne but she was beautiful and 
we loved each other. After that dad got another mother 
for us. She is very strict and makes both dad and me do 
just what she says. If we don't do what she says right 
away she spanks us. Yes, she even spanks daddy. I saw 
it for the first time last week. I had gotten up to 
pee-pee in the middle of the night. Mommy was yelling 
at daddy just like she yells at me. "Sandy, since you 
act like a little boy, I going to spank you like a 
little boy. Now get over here." 

"Please, I won't do it again. Promise." said daddy. He 
sounded just like I do when mommy is yelling at me. 

I went to the top of the stairs and I could see mommy 
and daddy in the mirror. I lay on the floor so that 
they could not see me. Mommy reached for daddy's belt 
and opened it. Then she opened his pants and pulled 
them down. Then she pulled down his underpants. I could 
see daddy's pee- pee hanging from a lot of hair. I 
don't have any hair there. Daddy's pee-pee was so big 
that when mommy grabbed it, it stuck out on both sides 
of her hand. It was so long that mommy could have put 
both hands next to each other to hold it. My pee-pee is 
much smaller -- even smaller than my little finger. She 
pulled daddy over her lap and picked up her hairbrush. 

WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! 
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! 
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! 

Daddy was crying and promising just I do when she 
spanks me. I did not see his bottom but it was probably 
very red, just like my gets. "You stand in the corner 
and think about being a good boy, Sandy." Daddy got up 
and headed for the corner and I heard the TV come on. 
Then I went to the bathroom and back to bed. 

I never made it back to bed though. Mommy came upstairs 
to use the bathroom and saw me going back to bed. "I 
had to pee-pee, mother." I said, hoping that she would 
not yell at me for being out of bed past my bedtime. 

I was just getting back into bed, when mommy yelled for 
me. I ran back to the bathroom. She was pointing at the 
toilet. "You did not flush, again, naughty boy." I 
could see the yellow water. She took my hand and led me 
back to the bedroom and sat on my bed. I was pulled 
across her lap and she spanked me hard (as always) with 
her hand. In just a minute I was crying but she 
continued spanking. I was bawling when she stopped and 
put me back in bed. I cried for a very long time just 
like daddy. 

I had trouble sitting in school the next day. When I 
got home and undressed my bottom was still red and 
sensitive. Mommy says that clothes are very expensive 
and I'm not allowed to wear them in the house most of 
the time and only during the winter in the yard. Mommy 
says that little boys have nothing to hide and this way 
I'm always ready for a spanking. 

Mommy thinks that's important because I'm always 
getting into trouble. Spanking trouble. She does not 
like the bother of having to pull down my shorts. 

She does not even let me get dressed when people visit. 
It not so bad when it just grownups but the little 
girls always stare at me. Mommy says that I should not 
care and makes me stand still while they look and touch 
me. A lot of them like to watch me pee-pee. 

Daddy always tells me that I must listen to mommy just 
like he does. 

** Age 8 ** Wishes 

I was missing my real mommy a lot today. Daddy tried to 
make me feel better and read to me from my favorite 
book -- Peter Pan. Daddy does it very nicely but it's 
not like when my real mommy read it to me so long ago. 
I wish that mommy Laverne was still here and that I was 
Peter Pan. How nice it must be to sail and fight with 
pirates. 

** Age 9 ** Daddy Gets Fixed 

This year daddy been very sick and been going to the 
doctor a lot. The medicines that he's been taken made 
him tried and even made his hair fall out so that he is 
as smooth on top as my little bottom is. One day, daddy 
went to a different doctor. The one that mommy works 
for. I don't know what kind of doctor is but the cards 
say: "Urology". Mommy says that she is going to work 
with the doctor and fix daddy real good. Mommy also 
says a lot of men need to be fixed and if they were the 
world be a nicer, more peaceful place. 

Because mommy is so busy helping and caring for daddy, 
cousin Barbara came to stay for a few days. Mommy said 
that I must do what cousin Barbara tells me just like I 
must listen to her. Cousin Barbara is almost a grown up 
for she is thirteen; that's already a teenager. Mommy 
made me get across cousin Barbara's lap like I was 
going to get spanked. "See how nicely he fits on your 
lap, Barbara. If he gives any trouble at all, just 
spank him hard." 

"Yes, aunt Shirley, I surely will." and she slapped my 
bottom a few times. 

Cousin Barbara also gave me my bath. It was pretty much 
like mommy doing it but she rubbed harder. She was very 
rough when she washed my pee-pee. She even stuck her 
finger into my bottom hole to make sure that it was 
clean. 

I had to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag because 
she slept in my bed. 

After mommy fixed daddy, he was OK. He got his hair 
back and we played a lot. 

** Age 10 ** Like Father, Like Son; Reprise 

One day daddy and me went to play in the park. We were 
having so much fun playing ball that we forgot to go 
home on time. Mommy was very, very mad. She yelled at 
us both for a long time. She said that we were two 
naughty little boys and were going to be spanked. All 
daddy said was "Yes, ma'am." and I said "Yes, mommy". 
Then right there with aunt Shirley and cousins Barbara 
and Ruth Ann, both daddy and I got spanked. 

Usually by the time I'm in the house this long I've 
gotten undressed already but since mommy was yelling at 
me I could not do that. Aunt Shirley said that she 
would take care of the cooking so as mommy undressed 
daddy right there in front of everyone, Barbara and 
Ruth Ann undressed me. Mommy pulled daddy across her 
lap and using the big wooden spoon that she cooks with 
spanked daddy. Daddy's bottom turned red just like mine 
does and he was crying just like I do. 

When mommy led daddy to the corner, I got to see his 
pee-pee. There was less hair about it like the last 
time I saw it and it was smaller. Actually, I did not 
see daddy's pee-pee this time because mommy was using 
it to lead daddy and did not stick out like it did the 
first time I saw it. 

Cousin Barbara did not wait for mommy to spank me or to 
tell her do it. She just pulled me across her lap and 
held me in place. She just used her hand and spanked 
real hard. I was soon crying and my bottom was flaming 
hot. Ruth Ann thought that she should help. She picked 
up the flyswatter and started to use it on me. It 
really hurt a lot! It was as big as mommy's hand and 
wrapped around my cheeks even more. I really bawled. 
Barbara put me in the corner. 

When we had dinner, I was, as always, naked but so was 
daddy. Mommy said: "Naughty little boys who are spanked 
don't need any clothes." Aunt Shirley added that it was 
not proper for little boys to show their pubes to young 
ladies and that it was time for Barbara to learn how to 
shave a boy. Mommy said she was absolutely right. She 
told me to watch TV and took daddy to the bathroom. 

I heard him ask "Please don't, dear." but she told him 
to be quiet. A little latter, they came back and daddy 
did not have any hair by his pee-pee, on his chest or 
under his arms. He was very quiet. Barbara and Ruth Ann 
were both very happy and said that was a lot of fun. 

** Age 10 ** Tragedy and Changes 

The second most terrible thing happened today. Daddy 
and aunt Shirley were killed by hit and run driver 
while walking on the sidewalk downtown. Everyone cried 
a lot. There was not very much money because there was 
no insurance. Now mommy has look after Barbara, Ruth 
Ann and me. The house is very small. Barbara and Ruth 
Ann got what was my room and my bed was put into the 
big storage closet with the door removed. 

Mommy has to work very hard to support us and I was 
constantly in the charge of my cousins. They had full 
authority over me, even the flyswatter loving Ruth Ann 
who was a year younger, and were around all the time. 

They were there only a few days and Ruth Ann told me to 
do something but I refused because I was playing. Well 
she told mommy and I got a big spanking. Mommy was very 
annoyed that I did not do what she had told me to. She 
kept spanking even after I was bawling and then I had 
to stay in the corner for a long time. 

I had to apologize to Ruth Ann for not obeying her and 
then ask her to spank me. Ruth Ann was a big girl even 
then and bigger than me. She took me across her lap for 
the first time with mommy and Barbara watching. My 
little pee-pee was between her legs and she held it 
tight. With her left hand about my waist she started to 
spank my still red sore bottom. She hit hard -- not as 
hard as mommy -- but it hurt. She made me cry. A little 
girl younger than me and she made me cry. It was even 
worse than when mommy spanks me because mommy is a 
grownup. I even was bawling again. 

Ruth Ann held me until I stopped crying all the time 
telling that she would spank me harder and longer every 
time I misbehaved. Then she said that she would give me 
my bath and put me to bed. It was only five o'clock and 
we did not have supper yet. She led me to the bathtub 
and filled it with cold water and scrubbed me very hard 
with the rough washcloth. 

I begged her to be gentle but she told me to be quiet 
before the soap got into my eyes and mouth. I just 
suffered in silence as she punished me. After the bath 
she made me go pee-pee while she watched and said she 
would put me in a diaper if I didn't make. I'm going to 
try very hard to do what Ruth Ann says because she 
really punishes me. 

After school started there was a whole new set of 
embarrassments. Both Barbara and Ruth Ann would bring 
their friends and classmates to visit. They all 
inspected me and watched how my cousins spanked me. 
They always found reasons to spank me. Sometime they 
even had boys over. Barbara's boy friends did not 
really care about me generally provided that I stayed 
away from them. I don't know what happened but Barbara 
got upset with me when Chuck was here. She was going to 
spank me, but he said he would do it. 

He was a big guy like dad was so he could pick me up 
with just one hand. Once he had me over his lap he held 
me in place so that I could not move and spanked me 
very, very hard. I was bawling after just a few SPANKS. 
I'm going to hide when Barbara's boy friends are 
around. 

Ruth Ann's friends, both the boys as well as the girls, 
like watching and helping Ruth Ann making me do tricks 
like a dog. The boys said that my pee-pee was very 
small -- smaller than they had; even smaller than their 
little brothers'. Then after a few months there was a 
change -- it got worse. Ruth Ann made friends with some 
of my classmates and they also saw me naked and doing 
tricks. Everyone in the class was always laughing at 
me. Some of them said that I did not need clothes in 
class because everyone had seen me naked. 

** Age 10 ** Economics in the Fifth Grade. 

Mommy figured out two more ways to save money. First 
mommy got an electric hair clipper and started to give 
me a crew cut every week. She did not do it very well 
and not only was I laughed at for having a crew cut but 
a bad one at that. 

She also made me wear Ruth Ann's hand-me-downs. 
Fortunately not the dresses and skirts but it was 
almost as bad. Ruth Ann had some plain white dress 
shirts that looked like mine and mommy said that they 
had lots of wear left in them. They looked OK and I did 
not object to them. I found out in class that they were 
not the same. Girls' shirts button right over left 
while boys' shirts left over right and someone in the 
class knew that and saw the difference. I was laughed 
at for wearing a girls' shirt. The same thing happened 
with some of Ruth Ann's jeans. She had both boys' and 
girls' types. You can guess what happened with the 
girls types. 

I was only allowed to wear jeans when it was very cold. 
Mommy said that little boys wore shorts -- short 
shorts. It was good for little boys' legs to be 
uncovered she explained. She got the kind with an 
elastic waist and without a fly so I had to pull them 
down to pee-pee. 

I was very afraid that the guys would also find out 
about Ruth Ann's panties. Mommy said they fit just fine 
and that I did not need a fly but could pull them down 
when I had to pee-pee. It was a disaster the very first 
day. It was very cold and I was wearing girls' jeans. I 
had opened my belt and zipper and lifted my pee-pee 
over the lowered waist band of the panties when some of 
the other guys came into the toilet. They saw what I 
was doing and Paul started making nasty remarks. "The 
sissy boy can not find his little pee-pee to take it 
out through his fly." 

As they all laughed he reached over and snapped the 
waist band of the panties. "Hey, these baby blue things 
are panties; GIRLS' PANTIES." Then he yanked down my 
jeans and panties. Everyone laughed hysterically at me. 
Now they could see the label in the jeans showing that 
they were girls'. They called me a sissy for wearing 
girls' panties and jeans. I still had to pee but they 
did not let me. Instead they pushed me out the door and 
across the hall to the girls' toilet. Of course, my 
pee-pee was sticking out as the jeans and panties were 
both pulled down. 

There were some girls in there and they grabbed me so I 
was now under control of some girls instead of some 
boys. Before anything else could happen, Ruth Ann walks 
in. I heard Paul tell her "Your sister is in the boys' 
room and wants to pee." She's embarrassed that I'm in 
the wrong room and does not care that it not my fault. 

"You have to pee-pee?" she asked. 

"Yes, Ruth Ann." I answer. I get into trouble if I'm 
not respectful and polite to her. 

The end toilet is missing the stall walls. Ruth Ann 
leads me there by the ear and orders me to pee- pee 
with all the other girls watching. A couple of them 
want to aim and hold my pee-pee. It takes me quite a 
while. When I'm done she sits on the bench, pulls me 
over her lap and spanks me. There are at least a dozen 
girls there -- several from my class. She tell me that 
I better not be caught in the girls' room again. I run 
out crying. The boys are there making the 'shame, 
shame' sign with their fingers, yelling "crybaby" and 
laughing at me. 

Ruth Ann thanks Paul for his help. (What help??) "He 
such a naughty baby and needs watching all the time." 
Then she sighed and adds: "I have to spank him almost 
every day." 

"Glad to be able to help." With that he slaps my ass 
hard and orders: "Back to class, little girl or daddy 
will have to spanky-spanky." 

Soon everyone in fourth and fifth grades knows that my 
little sister spanked me without even a single word of 
protest from me. Nobody even wants to talk to me 
anymore. 

** Age 11 ** Water Sports 

It was a worse than usual day today -- we went to the 
lake. Both Barbara and Ruth Ann brought a girl friend 
along. Barbara's friend also brought Bill, her twelve 
year old brother. I though that I might have fun with 
him while the girls played with each other. Things did 
not get off to a good start. I did not have a bathing 
suit and had to play in my underwear. Worse was that it 
was hand- me-down of plain white cotton. From a 
distance it look sort of like the Speedos that Bill 
wore but when it got wet it became transparent and it 
was like I was naked. All the girls had two-piece 
suits, even Ruth Ann who is as flat as I am. 

Mommy had gone to lady's room and we were all talking 
on blanket waiting the hour after lunch before we were 
allowed to go back into the water. Bill asked why I was 
wearing girls' panties. Everyone laughed and I did not 
know what to say. Barbara said that I had nothing to 
hide so it did not matter what I wore. Everyone kept 
laughing. Then Bill said that he had lots to hide and 
his sister giggled. Everyone could see that there was a 
big bulge in his suit. "I even have a big bush." he 
boasted. Then he got up on his knees and pulled down 
the front of his suit to prove it. Not only did he have 
a big bush but a big pee-pee. No one laughed at him. 

Ruth Ann told me to show what I had. I begged not to 
but she said if I didn't, she would take the panties 
back right now leaving me naked for the rest of the 
day. So I got on my knees and pulled the front down and 
back very fast. "No, no; all the way!" said Barbara and 
she yanked then down completely so everyone could see 
that I did not have even a single hair by my little 
pee-pee. Then I was allowed to pull them back up. I 
looked like I had a sunburn all over. 

Later in the afternoon, the girls did not want to swim 
any more but Bill and I stayed in the water. He threw 
me around like daddy did when I was little. When he 
accidentally pulled off my panties, he just helped me 
put them back on. I decided then that Bill is really 
nice. 

At the end of the day, mommy went to the rented locker 
to change out of her bathing suit and when she came 
back, the girls went. While mommy was packing up, she 
called Bill and me out of water. As the girls came back 
mommy said to hurry and change. Then Barbara handed 
mommy some money and said that she returned the key and 
got the deposit back. Bill was almost finished drying 
himself off by then and Barbara apologized to him for 
returning the key. 

Bill just laughed and pulled down his wet suit and 
continued to dry himself. "No problem, Barbara. I'll 
just give all you girls a thrill; a big thrill." He was 
laughing as he put on his shorts. 

I was still dripping wet, in my wet panties, with the 
towel in my hand. Mommy took the towel and started to 
dry me. I objected and said that I could do it myself. 
She said: "If you could, boy, you would be dressed like 
Bill is already; one more word and I'll spank you." She 
just pulled off my wet panties and continued to dry me. 
The girls and even Bill giggled at me. 

I said, "Please, mommy..." 

"I warned you, boy." She sat down on the ice chest and 
pulled me over her lap and spanked me hard. I was soon 
crying. I'm sure everyone on the beach was watching. 

Then she put my wet panties and the wet towel into the 
wet-stuff-bag. My shorts were missing. I was left naked 
with tears on my face and a hot, red behind. Ruth Ann 
and her friend each took one of my hands and led me. As 
we walked back to the car we passed zillions of people 
on the beach, at the food stand, by the restaurant and 
in the parking lot. They all could see my tears, my 
little pee-pee and just spanked red hot behind. Barbara 
and her friend did not want to be seen with me so they 
went ahead. Mommy and Bill walked behind but not very 
close. 

At the car, Bill grabbed the sun tan lotion and spread 
a batch on my hot bottom saying that it would be 
soothing. He even tickled my asshole. When we were 
getting into the car he said I should sit on his lap so 
that I did not stain the seat with the oily stuff. That 
surely would save me a spanking. Ruth Ann and her 
friend sat in front with mommy and I was on Bill's lap 
between Barbara and his sister. Bill told them that I 
had a cute red butt and that it was making him hard and 
he wanted to fuck me. 

Barbara leaned over and whispered that he could and to 
come around while mommy was at work. I could feel his 
pee-pee through his thin shorts as Bill moved me around 
on his lap and it was very hard. The same big muscles 
that let Bill throw me around let him keep me just 
where he wanted me. He shifted me a couple of times and 
also managed to get his fly open because I was feeling 
his cock pressing up between my legs. It was like 
sitting on an iron pipe of the monkey bars it was so 
hard. He had also gotten my legs on the outside of his 
so that he could keep them apart. 

As the car bounced down the dirt road he kept moving me 
around and I felt the end of his cock at my hole. Then 
it started to go in. With every bounce it went deeper 
and soon it was all in me since he could not pull me 
any closer. 

Mommy asked us where we wanted to go for dinner. The 
vote was three-three so Ruth Ann suggested that only 
those with pants could vote. I started to protest but 
Bill slipped his hand over my mouth and said that was a 
great idea. It was probably good that he did that 
because I probably would have been spanked for talking 
up. Since Ruth Ann and Bill were for Big Mac and I was 
for the Whopper, I was sure that I would be having a 
Big Mac. 

Mommy was just about to say that when Bill said that 
when there is an invalid vote, the whole vote needs to 
be redone. Mommy called the roll again and Bill changed 
his vote to BK. "Us guys have to stick together." he 
whispered into my ear. That was really funny because 
his cock was up my butt and how much closer together 
sticking together can there be. 

I thought mommy would go for the drive-thru but she 
parked meaning that we should go inside. This time I 
did protest but mommy said it was my own fault for 
losing my shorts. Bill pulled off his long t-shirt and 
put it on me. It was really not long enough but it 
covered most of me although my pee-pee and much of my 
red bottom showed. Bill told me to act like I was eight 
and he was my big protective brother. 

He took my hand and led the way inside. I was 
embarrassed and some little kids stared and there were 
a lot of whispered comments but not as terrible as I 
feared. Bill really had been thinking ahead because by 
going first we got through the cashier first so we 
could pick the table. He got me the window seat and 
then sat by me so that while we were eating I was 
covered by the table and protected from my cousins. 
When we left he put his arm about my shoulder and held 
me close. I felt good being protected like that. 

I'm sure that Ruth Ann was very mad at him because she 
would have liked me to be totally naked and laughed at. 
As we left I heard some dad tell his older son: "See 
how a big brother is protective and caring. That's the 
way you should be." 

Back in the car, I just got on Bill lap and let him 
hold me. It really felt nice. 

Ed note: As we walked back to the car Bill and I 
talked. I told him that I'll have to watch him near my 
nieces. He was quite the mature young gentleman. "Have 
no fear Mrs. Kanine. Ruth Ann is not ready yet and I'll 
ask your permission first. Barbara won't look at anyone 
who is not at least a teen. But doesn't Thomas have a 
beautiful red sexy butt that is ready for it." I had to 
agree with that but did not expect that he would do it 
particularly in the car. 

** Age 11 ** Cherry Pickin.' 

The next day Bill and his sister came over and I learnt 
what fucking was. Bill told the girls that they could 
watch him take my cherry. I was already naked when they 
got there and then Bill stripped. He did not mind being 
naked and the girls all admired his body. His pee-pee 
was hard and sticking up from a big nest of hair. 

Bill said that he wanted a blow job first. I did not 
know what that was and he said that was to suck his 
cock. He pushed me to my knees and shoved his cock in 
my face and said to suck and lick it and that he did 
not want to feel any teeth. I was a little scared that 
he would hit me because he was talking so tough. 
Yesterday, I could feel how strong he was when he held 
me on his lap in the car, so I did the best I could. 
After a while he grabbed me by the ears and pulled me 
back and forth. Then he gave a yell and he filled my 
mouth with something but it was not pee. He boasted 
that he cummed in my mouth and I swallowed it. 

Then he made me kneel on the floor with my face down 
and my bottom up like my cousins do when they want to 
whip me. He put some petroleum jelly on my hole and 
played with it for a while shoving his fingers into me. 
It was sort of like when my cousins bathe me but he 
used several fingers. The girls were counting as they 
watched. Then he held me by the waist and pushed his 
hard cock into me. It did not hurt after his fingers 
had opened my hole. 

Then he thrust in and out. It felt good as he pushed 
around inside of me. My pee-pee got hard. Then he gave 
another yell and said he shot a big load into my boy-
cunt. The girls applauded and congratulated him on 
taking my cherry. I still don't understand since I did 
not give him anything but he gave me something. It was 
more fun than when he had done it in the car. 

He went into the bathroom and washed his cock. When he 
came back he offered to fuck the girls but they all 
refused. He got dressed. Then the girls made me go 
potty and I saw that some strange stuff came out. Then 
they gave me a bath so that I would not make a mess 
with the grease still on me. Bill watched then did it 
with a very big smile on his face. He even pee-peed 
while they bathed me not caring that they watched. 

He then told them not to tell or let any other guy do 
that to me because I was his. He said "I'll beat up 
anyone else who does it and deny that I had. Also, that 
Ruth Ann is just jealous that I fucked Barbara and 
since she's too young and flat-chested." 

I hope he does it again like he said. 

Ed note: Later entries indicate that he did at least 
once a week for the next year. 

** Age 11 ** First the Lab, Then the Lecture. 

It was a few weeks after Bill took my cheery that I 
started to learn about sex in school. I'm really 
puzzled by a couple of things. First, when will I get 
to puberty and get hair and my penis grow big, like 
Bill's and daddy's was before mommy fixed him? Second, 
am I homosexual? I like it when he fucks me and I feel 
good when I think about him. I don't think about girls 
but is that because I have not gotten to puberty or 
because I'm gay? 

Barbara has been telling me that she wants to 'fix' me 
like mommy fixed daddy for a couple of years. I never 
thought that I was broken so why should she want to fix 
me. In sex education they talked about what 'fixing' 
dogs and cats was about. It sounds real horrid that 
they cut off their balls. But the teacher explained 
that this make the animal more gentle and prevents 
unwanted puppies and kittens. It better than having to 
kill those little cute things. The teacher also said 
that they don't do that to people unless the testicles 
are diseased like with cancer. 

I asked mommy why she had to fix daddy and she said he 
had testicular cancer. Since chemotherapy did not work, 
she explained, they had to do it the other way. Daddy 
was doing very well and would be alive today if not for 
that terrible accident. The only thing was that he 
couldn't have any more children but he had you (meaning 
me) and was very happy. 

** Age 12 ** Wishes that Don't Come True 

I asked mom about why I have not reached puberty like 
all the other guys in my class. In the shower after 
gym, I saw that everyone but me has pubic hair. Mom 
felt my penis and testicles and said that they felt OK 
but took me to the doctor she works for some tests. A 
few days later she said the doctor had ordered that I 
get a special injection every two weeks to make me 
grow. She gave me the first injection right there. 
Barbara and even Ruth Ann wanted to help and she let 
them wipe me with the alcohol pads to prevent infection 
and to hold me so I would not get hurt moving because 
it was a painful injection deep in the muscle. 

I'm so glad that I asked. 

** Age 12 ** Wishes that Do Come True 

It has been almost year of the bi-weekly injections to 
make me grow up. 

Not only did I not start puberty, but I have not even 
grown in height. I'm the smallest kid in school and 
everyone picks one me. It certainly does not help that 
I have to wear Ruth Ann's hand-me-downs particularly in 
gym. One of the favorite jokes is that I wear panties 
rather briefs with a fly because my pee-pee is so small 
that it wouldn't stick out far enough to pee without 
getting my pants wet. 

I asked mom about it again. She examined me and said my 
balls were just about to drop and it was time for a 
special injection which she would do on Friday. Mommy 
had asked Bill to be there to help. It was necessary 
that my bottom be filled and she thought that I would 
like Bill to do that rather than use a dildo. After 
dinner she got the stuff and had me sit on Bill's lap. 
Yes, that was fun because his big hard cock was up my 
butt. 

Barbara and Ruth Ann held my legs far apart and Bill 
had me in a bear hug. Then mom did the injections -- 
one into each ball. It hardly hurt at all and mom said 
she was proud of her little boy for being so good. All 
four of them gave my balls a gentle squeeze and said 
that I was their little boy. The girls added that they 
wished I would be forever. Bill said he was looking 
forward to my prick becoming a real cock so that he 
could play with it. 

Barbara was especially nice and glad that she could 
help mom fixing me. They all laughed. I laughed too 
because I though she was just kidding me. Mom broke the 
needle and gathered everything up while Bill put me on 
the floor and fucked me until he came. When I took the 
stuff to the garbage I saw that she had injected me 
with something called Neutersol (see 
http://www.eunuch.org/Alpha/B/newea_03013Boy_Neut.htm). 
I have no idea what that is. 

Mother checked me every day for a week to make sure 
that my balls were OK. They were not swollen nor tender 
which was good. But they got very small and soon I 
could hardly feel them. I asked mom about this. She 
said: "I fixed you so that you would be my little boy -
- forever. Little boys have little balls and little 
pee-pees and yours will always be tiny-tiny. You'll 
never have to shave or worry about cancer like your 
daddy had. Your voice will stay sweet like it is and 
your body nice and smooth. You wished that you were 
Peter Pan so many times. Well, my little boy, your wish 
will happen for, just like Peter Pan, you'll never grow 
up." 

I cried a lot for a few days. Mommy got me some new 
clothes that she said was just right for a little boy. 
My new shorts have a real zipper fly and a belt. My new 
briefs have superman on them. 

** Age 12 ** Tragedy Once Again 

Mommy said that we would go to Mexico for a few days 
and have fun on the beaches. I'm looking forward to 
that trip next month. 

Ed note: Unfortunately Tommy's journal end here. While 
we were driving south we stopped in Tijuana for the 
night and he was kidnapped. The authorities said there 
was no hope. Now after seven years we never expect to 
even find his bones. May he be with his dear mother, 
Laverne, in that other world? 


COMMUNICATION #2. 

To:	 Ms. Sabrina Kenworth, Editor of Women's Press 
From:	 Molly Shamus, Hush Hush Investigators, Inc. 
Subject: Tommy Cook 

**** CONFIDENTIAL REPORT **** 
Not to be used other than as per contract. 


We have investigated what might have happened to Tommy 
Cook starting in Tijuana some seven years ago. The only 
positive identification possible is the subject's right 
thumb print to compare with the print left by his inky 
finger on his journal. 

There were three possibilities. 

1 -- It was just a random, local crime. In this case 
there would not be anything to find particularly at 
this late date. It is most likely that the subject was 
mistreated by the kidnapper or operator of a pedo-
brothel and is now deceased and the body disposed of. 

2 -- It was a crime by a dealer. This is unlikely but a 
distinct possibility. The result would be the same as 
either #1 or #3. 

3 -- The boy was sold to a dealer in boys. Tracing the 
subject was conceivably possible. 

Our agents were able to uncover the major agent for 
such a dealer in that area and time, who since he has 
since retired and as the time for prosecution has 
passed was willing (for a fee) to discuss the matter. 
The subject was indeed sold by a woman using the name 
June Kleaver to this agent. The incident was memorable 
not just because of the fine condition and risky 
modifications that had been made to the subject but for 
his attitude. 

The subject had been chemically castrated just before 
puberty so that there was no trace. The subject had 
also been treated with an anti- growth chemical for a 
year so that he was not going to grow even another 
millimeter. He was healthy, unmarked, with good teeth, 
fair of skin, blue eyes, blond hair, docile and 
intelligent. In short, the subject was an extremely 
valuable property; worth far more than the woman 
realized. He was quickly re-sold to a middle east 
dealer. 

The subject was unusual during the time the agent had 
him. Here is his first person report. 

++++ 

He never was any trouble and totally accepted his fate. 
He was in the room watching when I paid the woman. The 
woman told him to go with me and to be a good boy. He 
just said: "Yes, mommy." His very first question when I 
took him away was: "Did she get a good price for me?" 

He laughed when I told him no. He said that he expected 
that he was going to be sold after his stepmother fixed 
him as she had fixed his father. He asked about where 
he was going and hoped that it would be nicer than with 
his step-mom and step-sisters (cousins). He looked 
forward to the sea voyage and asked if he would be able 
to steer the ship. He was the only boy I had ever had 
who wanted a new name (which he would have gotten 
anyway) -- Peter Pan since he would never grow up. 

His only regret was that he did not have the picture of 
him with his real parents which was in his journal 
hidden in the attic back home. I got him a blank book 
for which he was very thankful. I read his first entry. 

++++

They were always mean and cruel to me. They treated me 
worse than a bad dog. In addition she stopped my 
growing, then she fixed me and yesterday she sold me. 
I'm going to start a new life. 

I've been reborn. I've picked a new name -- PETER PAN! 
I'm going to be a boy forever. 

++++ 

Within the great expanses of the hot sands, he changed 
hands a couple of times to become the became the 
property of an oil rich sheik with a large harem and 
lot of children. He is the living boy-toy of the 
children. He is very shy, even fearful, of the girls 
but still totally obedient. He likes to play the 
"naughty boy" in their games and be spanked. The boys 
find him an easy mark for their rough and tumble games 
for he is easily beaten by even nine year olds. He is 
also used sexually by the boys and really seems to 
enjoy it. 

The subject is not for sale as the sheik is very happy 
that he is such a good toy for his children. For this 
reason he is treated very well proven by the fact that 
he lives with the children sharing their food, housing 
and games with the same medical care and schooling. 

++++ 


If we can be of any further assistance, please don't 
hesitate to call on our firm. 

COMMUNICATION #3 

To:	 Ms. Sabrina Kenworth, Editor of Women's Press 
From:    Jenny Kanine 
Subject: Tommy's Manuscript 


My Dear Sabrina, 

Certainly you may have the original manuscript. I've 
sent it to you by express post. 

Jenny 

COMMUNICATION #4

To:	 Ms. Molly Shamus, Hush Hush Investigators 
From:	 Sabrina Kenworth, Editor of Women's Press 
Subject: Peter Pan 


Here is the photograph that Peter wishes for. It was, 
just as he said, hidden in his first journal. He is 
welcome to that also, but it is full of horrors and 
demons. 

Enclosure 


COMMUNICATION #5

Dear Ms. Sabrina Kenworth, 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me 
the photograph. It the one and only thing that I 
treasure from my previous life. 

I've put it into my journal of these much happier 
times. 

Thank you for adding joy to my heart. 

Peter Pan 

The End 

The author would appreciate your comments -- pro and 
con, including constructive criticism, and suggestions. 
E-mail: YLeeCoyote@Lycosmail.com 

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The author does not condone child abuse, this story is
meant as an erotic fantasy not real life. Anyone acting
out such scenarios in "real life" can look forward to
many unproductive years getting it up the butt by a 
fellow convict in their local prison.
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Kristen's collection - Directory 64