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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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WARNING!
This text file contains sexually explicit
material. If you do not wish to read this
type of literature, or you are under age,
PLEASE DELETE THIS FILE NOW!!!!
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Romantic Letter
by Gucci Barbie (gucci.barbie@hotmail.com)
***
A beautiful blond recounts the romantic and sexually
charged nature with a stud from a past relationship.
(MF, rom)
***
Dear Mike,
This isn't going to be an easy letter for me, so please
don't take what I write lightly. I am not doing this
because I want you to feel sad, or angry, or confused.
Hopefully you will not feel any of those things. Just
take it for what it is, which is the only way I can
express these thoughts, to the only person who will
understand them.
I remember the night you told me you loved me for the
first time. We were in my room, and on the single-sized
dorm bed. The sun had almost set, most likely because
we had either been having sex or were just about to. We
were close together; I remember stroking your hair. You
told me you had something you wanted to tell me, but
were reluctant to. I had to spend a few minutes
convincing you that you could just go ahead and say it,
although I had a feeling I knew what it was. Your voice
was deep and quiet, but you spoke tentatively as well.
You said "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I
love you." At the time I wasn't surprised, as I have
heard those words before and they meant nothing, to the
person who spoke them or to me either. It wasn't until
months later that I started to believe you and
something inside of me started to give. I didn't love
you instantly, I had been hurt by people too many times
before. I had no reason to believe you were different.
What haunts me now are the moments. Moments that I
can't help but relive over and over and over now that
we're apart. I can push them aside, with the daily
tasks of everyday life. I can have my relationship, I
can see my family, I can do everything a normal person
does. I have goals for the future and enjoy my life.
But when I'm alone, late at night, even after a couple
glasses of wine, thoughts of you and of us circle
around my head like a vulture, ready to pick me
emotionally apart. When I close my eyes I can still
remember the scent of your skin fresh out of the
shower, what it was like to surrender myself to you
emotionally and tell you I loved you a hundred times
while you were making love to me.
I shiver now, just the thought of it. I don't have the
luxury of intimate sex the way I had it with you. I
have come the realization that I never will again,
which is perhaps part of the reason I look back on our
time together with such longing. I can't pinpoint when
it was, the day I gave myself to you. Not as much
physically, because you already had me there, but all
of me.
I can only assume it was sort of like a giant glacier,
cracking in half and sinking into the ocean. All of
those sayings, about surrendering yourself to someone,
was exactly what happened. It was like you cracked open
a piece of me, which made me shatter into a million
pieces and you reconstructed me, day by day.
Remember the first year we were together? We had a
bath, in that tiny washroom in your dorm room. You had
cleaned it before we went in, as I was terrified of
catching some sort of fungus from your roommates. We
had candles and steam. I remember there was so much
steam, the entire room was thick with it. As cramped as
it was, we stayed in the bath for almost three hours. I
can't recall what we did or really even talked about.
I just remember lazily talking about what our lives
would be like, down the road, once we were married. We
divided up the chore list, who would take out the
garbage and who would clean the floor. We were going to
buy a farm so I could have cows at home. I would write
novels for a living and take care of our children. You
were going to work in the city. That day seemed like it
never happened, it was so long ago, in some life that
seems so far removed from how I live now.
We definitely had sex and did a lot of fucking. We
would keep each other up all night, just sleeping for a
few hours in between to regain the energy to do it
again. Even into our third year, when things were bad,
the sex was still unbelievable most of the time. I was
a willing prisoner in your dorm bedroom. I would wander
over to your room in the early hours of a Saturday
morning after a Friday night of partying, only to re-
emerge on a Monday afternoon when it was time for
class.
I was too weak with sleep-loss and lust, you would go
down to the café and smuggle food out for me, bringing
it back to the room. The sex was amazing, back then you
never let me down. Always ready for more, always
wanting to please me, which made me crave to please
you.
I am fairly confident we were each created to fit each
other. You were the perfect size, swollen to
perfection; it was blissful when you entered me. It
hardly took anything at all for you to get me excited.
A few gentle kisses on the neck, a bite on the ear,
brushing your lips against mine...that was all it took,
my panties would be wet.
Sometimes in class I would daydream about you, thinking
about how much I wanted to fuck your brains out that
night. I would get all swollen and wet, teased by my
tight thong, causing sexual friction between my legs
while I tried to get through the rest of my day. I had
to leave class at least a few times and go directly to
your room for relief, or to get some sort of release in
the bathroom so I could manage to sit through the rest
of the lecture.
I remember you being as insatiable as I was, being able
to make me ready for you on a whim, kissing me deeply
and wrapping your muscular arms around me, pulling me
against you. You were the perfect kisser. You could
always sense my need for you, and would either tease me
with smaller, soft kisses or dirty, hot and heavy ones.
When it was time for you to come inside of me, it was
like a frenzy of deep, hard, wetness and tongues. You
were the perfect kisser. Did I mention that? One was
never enough, I always had to have more of you. Maybe
that is part of the reason I can't shake the memories
of us, because I will always want more of you.
You blew me out of the water with your
open-mindedness and creativeness. I thought I had all
the tricks in the book, but you definitely brought new
ideas into the bedroom.
There are so many memories I don't even want to say out
loud or put on paper. You brought me to the brink of
orgasm just by telling me a story once. We were in your
room, talking about fantasies. I asked you to tell me a
story. You told it to me in a deep whisper as I lay
next to you, on your bed in the dark. I was fairly
certain I was going to die of lust, it was like having
a sexual paralysis take over me. My entire body was
weak and on fire. My head was swimming and I had tears
at the corner of my eyes, my heart was pounding, but I
couldn't move, trapped in sexual limbo by you.
I don't even recall at what point in the story you had
me, but I was almost in tears, needing you to fuck me.
You did….oh god, you did. Having you inside me was
like…I had one purpose in life, and your cock filling
me was it. My only reason to exist was to pleasure you,
and to have you inside me, to violate every part of me.
I would refuse to shower after a night of sex. I wanted
to scent of you to linger, to mark me as yours. The
feeling of your cum, deep inside of me, trickling out
to wet my panties during the day, to keep my pussy
moist with your cum, was heaven.
The only thing worse than the memories of being in love
with you and having sex with you are the memories of us
making love. When I think about it, it makes me hurt.
You are the only man who will ever be able to touch
that spot inside me. It is somewhere deep in me, in the
lower part of my abdomen. I know that's approximately
the area it is in, because when I think of you it
aches. It's not physically accessible, but making love
with you would make it…glow. That feeling would travel
from my spot, to my heart, and I'm fairly sure it
prevented me from being able to think clearly.
Even now, I can feel it glowing, just thinking of us.
Feeling your cheek against mine, kissing my ear,
telling me you love me, slowly and rhythmically
thrusting inside of me…the loss of this feeling
cripples me as a person. I would feel heavy, like in a
daze. Unable to speak, I could only repeat how much I
loved you, like saying it enough would make it big
enough and real enough that people could see it from a
distance. My tongue feels heavy, and it's wet. That is
what love tastes like. Saying your name, telling you I
love you, it like some sort of sweet, wonderful candy
in my mouth.
Oh Mike. My love, my love. I'm glowing just thinking of
it, of the times I could say it to you all I wanted. I
still tried to push you away. Years of unhappiness had
conditioned me to do it. When you were inside me,
touching me, hearing you use endearments and tell me
you loved me, I wanted to have you. I didn't want to
just have you physically, or emotionally. I wanted that
glow to spread all over my body, for you to be filled
by it too. It was a state of ecstasy, of spiritual
bliss. We would become one, glowing piece, always
together, bonded.
It was then I realized I wanted to carry your children.
It was that glowing feeling that made me realize it. I
could accept our physical limitations, provided I could
have you inside of me in a way no other man could. The
thought of being impregnated by you gave making love a
whole new kind of sexual excitement and need. I would
spread my legs a little wider, thrust up to you a
little more urgently, open myself to you in a way I
could not with anybody else. Just the thought of you
ejaculating your sperm into my womb, conceiving the
first of our children, would put me over the edge.
When you were away on ski trips or we were apart in
third year, I would fantasize again and again that
moment, you burying yourself deep inside me, wanting
the same thing as me. It was so primal, such an obscure
thing for me. Even the thought of childbirth was
appealing, the thought of bringing our baby safely into
the world, for our family to become solidified, our
lives forever intertwined. That need to be pregnant by
you was overwhelming. I don't know if I have ever
wanted anything in the way I wanted that.
Even still, those feelings scare me, the glowing within
me that makes my entire body fuzzy and weak. The fact I
can't control feelings that powerful, over something as
important as creating a life with you, is terrible for
me. The reality that I live my life, day in, day out,
building a new life with somebody else who loves me
unconditionally, maybe more than you did, it ruins me
when I'm alone.
I will eventually marry, have children. I am sure I
would love them as much as I would have loved ours.
However there is no glow. What an empty feeling, to
prepare for such a big event as a first child, without
you. To create life, to get old, to watch the children
become adults with families of their own, to live and
watch people you love die, in which I will have to
prepare for my own death. Without you.
I guess it's easy to cry over something that never
happened. After all, it's just in my imagination. Life
takes so many hard turns, it becomes easy to forget
while in a fantasy about the realities of it all, the
fighting about money, the arguments, the petty things
that eventually dissolve many marriages. Pretending
like we would be exempt from that is silly. But you...
Mike...
I have told you this before. We were in third year, a
tough time for me because we were on and off. I was in
a lot of pain, not entirely your fault. I was forced to
tell you my feelings, because I was terrified I would
never get another chance. We were lying in your bed,
this time in your shared house, not a dorm room. We had
lackluster sex, you were obviously distracted, and
emotionally distant.
I had so many things I wanted to tell you, but instead
I simply said that I would always love you, no matter
what. I told you I understood why you were drifting
away (my fault), but that I would wait for you, wait
for you forever. You didn't have much of a response,
but I remember it was to the effect of I shouldn't, or
that you didn't believe it.
We have been apart for over five years. Not a lifetime,
that's for sure. It's nice to be able to touch base in
a while, and I apologize for every lapse in judgment I
have made during that time. When I think of you, I wish
you were happy and content, living the life you wanted,
with a beautiful, intelligent and loving woman that you
could have the family with that you always wanted. I
know you downplay your emotions now, as most of us do.
In a way, I guess that is smart. I also want you to
know that I'm happy, and despite his occasionally
questionable actions, I have a devoted and loving
partner. I look forward to my life with him.
That being said, my memories of our time together are
my one regret. I regret ever hurting you, I regret not
telling you everything I felt before it was far too
late, I regret leaving Seattle when I did because even
another year of having part of you would have been
better than the rest of my life without you.
Just know that you are always in my thoughts. You are
always a part of me, and while you did not believe me
at the time, I will always love you in a way I can't
love anybody else. While I have so many regrets, I
could never regret loving you because a love like that
was the greatest and most special gift that I could
ever have. My life was changed forever because of you,
and even when I die it will be you and our love that
will stand out in my mind.
I can't say anything else. My heart can't bear it.
Sarah
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than
a trusted partner. 4-million people around the world
contract HIV every year. You only have one body per
lifetime, so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Directory 60