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K R I S T E N' S C O L L E C T I O N
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FOUR JOHNS JOHNSON
by David Shaw (david@f-e-mail.com)
***
The one thing an airline pilot must never do is flip
his lid -- especially when he's got four of them to
worry about. And even if he keeps a steady hand on the
stick, will the stews keep their promises? (FFM, orgy,
work)
***
"Hi, lady. Come in and take the weight off. It's hot
outside today. Take a seat over here, by the bar and
you'll get a great view of the guys on the beach.
Better yet, I'll get a good look at you..."
"Hey, maybe I'm an old goat but I still know how to
compliment a good looking gal. What's your poison,
honey..?"
"Sure, this is Four Johns Johnson's bar. I am Four
Johns Johnson -- pleased to meet you..."
"No, no, lady, we only have the usual two johns in this
bar. Male and female, just like everywhere else..."
"No, it's nothing to do with the bar. It's my handle,
has been for years. Take a look at the photo on the
wall, right there. See that, a 767 coming into the ramp
at Gate Tango-2 at O'Hare, with the fire crew wetting
the plane down? That's a tradition when the pilot is
retiring. That was my last flight as a Senior Captain
with West and Western.
Twenty two years on a flight deck and that was the day
it ended. But see those four guys standing out in the
spray each holding up a toilet seat lid over his head
and laughing fit to bust? Yeah, even if I say it myself
I was a legend in the business. Everybody knew about
Four Johns Johnson, the man who pulled off the best
landing in airline history. Mind you, the company went
ape-shit over that photo, trying to keep the media from
finding out what the deal was with those toilet
seats..."
"You want to hear the story? Sorry, but it's not one
for mixed company, especially a nice lady like
yourself..."
"You're a lawyer? OK, maybe you're not so nice after
all then. But even so, this might shock you. Do you
promise not to sue me if I confess my sins?"
"Well, if you're sure you're game you'd better tell me
your name -- hey, I'm a poet!"
"OK, Gloria, I'll tell you what happened, and it was a
while ago now. But it was an even longer time ago when
I left the Air Force and first became a commercial
pilot. I'm talking prehistory here. Before
deregulation, before 9/11, God, almost before computers
on the flight deck.
In those wonderful days we had people called flight
engineers up front with us and we had these other
people called stewardesses out back to look after the
passengers. Not flight attendants or customer service
consultants or whatever the hell they're called
nowadays. We had stewardesses, and they had a service
life of about two years, by which time they were either
pregnant, or engaged, or both. They were all in their
early twenties, they were all drop dead gorgeous, they
were all marriage hungry and we used to call them menu
items. As in 'what's on your menu tonight? Mandy or the
new blonde?'"
"I can see you pulling a face at me, Gloria. You want
to put me on the stand and make me confess to being a
disgusting old maleist, right? Well, that was the way
the job was then. God, they were beautiful times. But
I'll tell you this, never, never walk away with the
idea that we pilots didn't respect those gals back
there in the cabin. We did then and we still do, even
if a lot of them are guys now.
"That doesn't matter, what does matter is that if the
shit ever hits the fan it's the cabin crew who have to
take control of hundreds of panic stricken passengers
and get them off the plane safely. Even if they never
have an emergency come up in their careers, boy, do the
stews get plenty of hassles from the passengers,
especially after deregulation let all the screwballs
loose on us. Rum and coke again?"
"OK, so take it from one who knows, I was absolutely
terrified about twelve times flying commercial jets and
ten of those times it because of passengers who should
have been doing cell time with Hannibal Lector. I'd
rather have been a garbage collector than deal with
airline passengers every day, especially when it comes
to being locked in the same cabin as the mad bastards.
And, apart from the passengers, the stews had all kinds
of other problems to deal with that you'd never think
of.
"Have you ever tried cooking eggs at 40,000 feet,
Gloria? If you do, you'll find they turn green. There's
a whole lot of strange things happen in that kind of
environment. Anyway, that was the way things were when
I was green myself, a green young co-pilot living way
up there in pilot's heaven. And then God blew his
whistle and told everybody to get out of the pool.
Suddenly it was paradise lost."
"Hey, is the girl on that board wearing a bikini or
not? Sure as hell isn't my eyesight going because I can
see every dimple where she isn't..."
"What went wrong? What happened? No disrespect, Gloria,
but lawyers happened, that's what. Come the 1970's and
suddenly the airlines were being taken to court by
girls who'd been put off because they were overage, or
married or whatever. And the stews started winning the
cases. Only they weren't stewardesses anymore, now they
were flight attendants.
"Before long we had married flight attendants with kids
for God's sake, working mothers on red eye flights
whose idea of fun was getting back home in time for an
hour in bed before cooking the family breakfast.
Suddenly we went from being a bunch of playboy pilots
flying around glamorous trolley dollies to being
glorified chauffeurs for a bunch of slam-clickers."
"What's a slam-clicker? She's a beautiful looking woman
in her thirties with a wedding ring who brings the
coffee up to the flight deck, lays on all the smiles
and moves to the pilots, goes to the crew hotel with
you, says "Goodnight, guys, nice to fly with you,"
slams her door shut and the next thing you hear is the
door lock clicking. That's a slam-clicker."
"OK, so now comes the three day working trip when I get
famous -- or maybe infamous. I was forty two years old,
I'd arrived for duty at O'Hare on a January morning,
and Chicago was as cold as the proverbial witch's clit.
So I'm dreaming of how I'm going to retire in a year or
so and own a bar in the tropics and spend my time
talking to beautiful lawyers."
"You think I'm being smooth now? Wait until you hear
the story."
"Listen in, then, and I'll tell you. I walked into the
company flight center, signed my release, then pulled
down all my flight details off the computer. I was
going places, none of them I really wanted to,
finishing off for the day at Tucson. Well, that was
something, anyway. The last landing of the day is
always the hardest work but Tucson was an airport I
always liked. Never any snow, rarely any rain: the wind
can get tricky sometimes, but not often. Yeah, Tucson
was a gift compared to some pit of an airport like
Washington National, LA International or La Garbage at
New York.
"Then, as I was leaving the flight center, I took a
glance at the whiteboard on the wall which had odds and
ends of company information on it. One of the notations
was that Mr. Greenmont, the company chief security
officer was going to be in Tucson on the same day that
I'm flying down. Now that was kind of strange because
anytime you have a senior company guy on board, it's
noted in your flight details. I double checked the
sheet, but no mention of Greenmont's name. So if he was
scheduled for Tucson, how was he going to get there?
"Obviously, it had to be a West and Western flight, we
didn't pay other airlines to haul our own assholes
around, which, incidentally, was what this guy
Greenmont was by all accounts, a grade A asshole. And I
knew the only other flight W&W had going to Tucson that
day was a night shuttle which had gone out about 1 PM.
So either this guy was on my flight and I wasn't being
told about it, which was strange; or Greenmont had
slipped off to Tucson well be
fore the crock crowed. Which was even stranger. Airline
executives, even small times ones, don't usually travel
on rocket flights.
"So, I went to the plane and asked my Chief Flight
Attendant to find out if Greenmont was onboard. She
checked the passenger list, said he wasn't, I shrugged
my shoulders and got on with my job. After we'd got to
our flight level and I'd handed over to the co-pilot I
had time to run a few stray thoughts through my head.
But they weren't about William H. Greenmont, security
guy. What had my attention was the gal I'd spoken to
about him.
"The CFA that day was a lady called Yvonne Page. A real
wise old Senior Mama in the system, maybe a couple of
years younger than me, kids in college, but still a
hell of a figure, auburn hair and luscious. To me, she
was like some kind of Italian film star, the Sophia
Loren earth mother type but always immaculately dressed
and presenting herself like a fashion model. When she
wasn't running an airliner she worked as a part time
stockbroker and that woman absolutely oozed class. Out
of the top drawer as the British say -- just like you,
Gloria."
"It's a house rule. The more drinks you buy, the more I
flatter the customers. And if you buy me one as well
I'll really go over the top."
"Another one all round it is then. OK, so I was
wondering whether to make another pass at Yvonne in
Tucson, though it hardly seemed worthwhile bothering.
We'd flown together three or four times in the last two
months and every time I'd made an approach to her I'd
been waved off. Nothing rancorous or bad tempered, mind
you, just a stunning smile and a slam-click in the
face.
"So I was thinking about Yvonne and then another girl
comes into the cockpit with the coffee -- girl! I mean
I'm not saying her first flight was handing out spam
sandwiches on a DC3 but she was as much a Senior Mama
as Yvonne herself was. A nice looking one, too, a
blonde, with an ass to pant over. But two attendants of
that seniority on the same flight? It had to be some
kind of a roster fuck up. Still, I had to go back for a
leak anyway, so I thought I'd check to see if we've got
a couple of young trainees on board to balance things
up.
"So, I went to the john and I had a look at the other
attendants, and I'm thinking to myself that something
is seriously wacky around here because the other two
FA's both look like they've got more flight time than I
have. I've got a crew of females on my plane who
probably have enough experience between them to fly the
goddamn thing home themselves and field strip the
engines afterwards.
"I collected another cup of coffee and went up to the
flight deck again to do some real thinking. In all my
time with the company I've never seen a bunch of
attendants with this much seniority serving on one
crew. If it was just an odd coincidence, OK, but what
if it wasn't a coincidence? I tell you, Gloria, it
suddenly occurred to me that it was a set up and I was
the set upee.
"I mean, sure, I made quite a few passes at the lasses,
but at least I had enough sense to stick to women of my
own age. So maybe the company was putting a big pile of
temptation in my path and Greenmont was lurking down
there in Arizona ready to pounce on my ass with sexual
harassment charges as soon as I opened my big mouth to
one of those ladies -- or maybe, knowing me, to all of
them.
"Yeah, that was the way I figured it, until I had
second thoughts. There was no reason why the company
would want to get rid of me. Not that I knew of anyway.
But the flight attendants, now that a horse of a
different color -- a shitty color. You see, Gloria,
back then it was like today in one way -- the airline,
all airlines, were desperate to save money. One of the
big problems W and W had was with the unions, and
they'd got a deal going that whenever a union worker
left he or she was replaced with a non-union one.
"So we had two pay scales, an 'A' class one for the
long term employees and a much lower 'B' class one for
new starters. I thought about that for a while and
about the fact that I only knew that Greenmont was in
Tucson because of that note on the white board somebody
had probably forgotten to wipe off. Then I thought
about how I was carrying a bunch of FA's who probably
had more years of service between them than any other
four attendants on the airline. And right then I began
to smell a dirty big rat. Like how come somebody had
rostered all these high time 'A' gals on one flight?
And like why Greenmont was sneaking down to Tucson
before sun up?
"I told the co-pilot I was going back again. He looked
pissed because he had to keep an oxygen mask over his
face all the time he was the only pilot on the flight
deck, but to hell with him. I didn't want him hearing
this conversation and I sure didn't want the cockpit
voice recorder taping it either, so I went back to find
Yvonne and took her into the galley. She was looking at
me about the same way as you are now, Gloria, like
maybe I was planning to play grab-ass with her. But no,
I was there to be the same perfect gentleman I always
am.
"Yvonne," I said to her. "Maybe you'd be doing yourself
a big favor if you didn't work for peanuts on this trip
-- especially down South' What I was talking about was
how it was considered one of the small perks of the
attendant's job to take home odds and ends of stuff
that was left over from the flight supplies. Three
ounce bottles of liquor, packets of peanuts, individual
cartons of long life milk, those kinds of things.
Nobody had ever made an issue of it until then, it was
only nickel and dimes stuff but, technically, it was
stealing. Catching an employee walking off the job with
any company property could be cause for instant
dismissal if the bosses wanted to be tough guys --
especially if they wanted to be tough guys trimming
down on the payroll.
"Yvonne's eyes widened and I knew she'd joined up all
the dots a lot quicker than I had. She knew exactly
what I was talking about. In fact she was ahead of me.
'Why Tucson?' she asked. 'Why not O'Hare?' I understood
what she saying, because the girls didn't use of that
kind of stuff in their hotels, they took it back home
with them in their bags and the company could have
busted them back in Chicago when they were signing off
their rosters. But then I had another thought.
"'Yvonne,' I said, 'Your union offices are in Chicago,
so are your union lawyers. Way down where the buffalo
roam you're on your own. That's if you should happen to
need some urgent help for any reason.'
"Yvonne kind of cocked her head on one side and asked
me if I knew anything for sure. And, me, I put on my
Sergeant Schultz accent: 'Lady, I know nothing...
nothing.' Then I went back to doing what I was being
paid to do, flying the airplane...
"Another round, Gloria?
"Sure, I'm trying to get you drunk... There's this
great beach I can take you to where all the ladies go
topless -- and, brother have you got the wherewithal to
go without a top."
"Tucson? What happened at Tucson? Well, I'm not often
wrong but I was right again. That son of a bitch
Greenmont was waiting there, right in the airport
terminal with a couple of security guys, a deputy
sheriff and a company lawyer. They pounced on the
girls' luggage like they expected the bags to be full
of dope or gold bars or something. And, boy, did those
guys get an earful from Yvonne and the others when they
didn't even find a company issue tissue. Kay asked the
company lawyer for his card and told him her lawyers
would be in touch, then she turned around and demanded
the names and addresses and phone numbers of the deputy
and the security guards.
"They didn't want to tell her but I told Greenmont that
either she got the goon squad's details or I'd declare
the plane unsafe to fly. Which meant that by the time
it had been checked out the relieving crew would have
missed their slot into Atlanta. And then there'd be
headaches up and down the company chain of command as
they rescheduled connections across half the country.
So Greenmont crumpled up and told his bad ass gang to
do what Yvonne wanted....
"No, you're right, Gloria, it didn't do me a lot of
good with W and W. I often wish I'd thought to wipe
that note about Greenmont off the whiteboard before I
left the flight center, but I didn't. Still, I guess
all that happened was that I retired a couple of years
earlier than I might otherwise have done. And even that
was worth it to see the look on Greenmont's face when
he hauled out a pair of scarlet crotchless panties from
Yvonne's suitcase.
"He went almost as red as the panties and Yvonne --
well, she looked at me and, sad to say, I must have had
the same sort of expression on my face as Greenmont had
on his. He was hoping to catch her red handed but not
as much as I was dreaming of catching her red
knickered.
"Of course I wondered who the lucky guy was she was
carrying the hot pants around for and I cordially hoped
the bastard would get a sudden attack of terminal prick
droop, but that was the excitement over. Greenmont was
left looking for a rock to crawl under and I was
entertaining the hope that one of those fortunate four
females would do the decent thing by her captain and
let him fu -- er, enjoy her favors. What the hell, I'd
saved their jobs, was that too much to ask? Don't
worry, Gloria, you needn't give me a legal opinion, it
was a rhetorical question.
"How about a rum cocktail this time? You need lots of
vitamins down here where the nights are always hot and
steamy. And maybe you'd better take a grip on the bar
there, girl, you must be getting drunk, you keep going
out of focus on me.
"What thanks did I get in Tucson? Nothing, zero, zilch,
that was what I got. You know, Gloria, I had an English
grandmother who used to say that kind words never
buttered any parsnips. Yeah, well, I heard a lot of
kind words that night but nobody offered to butter my
parsnip, that was for sure. Slam-click to the power of
four, that was the bottom line.
"Anyway, next day, we doing the second day in the three
day schedule. Hops and stops all over the south west
and I'm on the last leg of the day into Southern
California. I've taken the bird up to cruising
altitude, I've told the passengers where the plane is
going, just in case Superman is on board and he wants
to get out and fly someplace else, I've turned on the
dead dog switch and I'm waiting for my coffee.
"And then that goddamned blonde with the big ass
arrives and asks me to come back to the galley for a
moment. She's smiling and I'm a seriously pissed pilot.
It's not enough I save these bitches' jobs without even
one of them stepping up to the plate afterwards to play
ball, now they even want me to fetch my own coffee. I
figure it's about time I let them know who's Captain on
this plane. But when I get to the fo'ard galley all
four of the attendants are in there, something I
couldn't understand.
"Until Yvonne tells me that they've had a talk together
about what happened in Tucson and they want to give me
a sporting chance at a big reward. What was going to
happen was that the girls were going to put up the four
toilet seats in the plane before we landed and if I
could land the 727 down without knocking any of the
lids down, then all four of the stews would give me a
blow job at the hotel that night.
"Gloria, I was holding a cup of coffee in my hand when
Yvonne came out with this and I damned near spilled it
all over me. Well, I did get a couple of drops on my
shirt and suddenly I've got these four woman with paper
towels all around me and stroking me and blowing in my
ear and I'm looking over their heads and the passengers
on a row on either side are watching all this, wide
eyed, and every last one of them is a nun.
"Honest to God nuns, if you'll pardon the phrase, with
those head coverings and long black dresses and they're
watching their pilot getting sexed up by the entire
cabin crew and for the first time in my life I'm
pushing women away from me.
"What the hell are you laughing at, Gloria? Well, OK, I
guess maybe it was kind of funny when I think back on
it. But I knew I had to get out of there and get my
mind on the job. And then I yelped like a puppy that's
getting a nose full of its own crap as a toilet lesson.
"'You bitches', I said, 'You bitches! This is Craystown
we're talking about here!'
"I was as mad as hell because I'd suddenly realized
what a con job this all was. See, Gloria, Craystown is
a horrible airport. The normal approach can't be used
there because it's blocked off by a range of mountains.
The only way you can get in is to slide down the hills
like you're traveling on cables like a ski lift, and
while that's happening you're skimming over and past
hotels close enough to look into the top rooms. And
then, when you get to the runway, you can't land where
you'd normally land.
"You have to pull the nose of the plane up, keep flying
down the centerline, drop the wheels behind what they
call a 'displaced threshold', then slam into reverse
thrust, lift your spoilers and put the wheel brakes
hard on. Ask any commercial pilot the worst place in
the country to try and make a featherweight landing and
every one of them would nominate Craystown. And, of
course, Yvonne and her crew knew that as well as I did.
Indian givers!
"Another drink? Yeah sure. As long as you don't forget
which hotel you're staying at. Be a hell of a shame if
you had to stay here overnight, hey? My wife? Which
one... doesn't matter, they've all moved on now anyway.
There's just me and the bar and my yacht and the Cessna
out at the airport. Want to come flying some time? You
haven't seen coral reefs until you've seen them from
the air.
"Anyway, let me tell you the crazy part of this story.
I swear it's true though. First off, I went back for a
leak halfway through the trip and all these nuns were
grinning and smiling at me. There must have been a
dozen of them, a dozen flying nuns and as I went into
the john one of them called out. 'Mind you leave the
seat up, Captain'. The another one called out: 'Don't
worry, we're all praying for a smooth landing'. And she
looked about twenty and had a face like an angel
underneath that wimple or dimple or whatever the hell
they call it.
"Christ, yes, one of the attendants must have let onto
them about the reason for the scene in the galley and
they were loving the deal. Me, I'd never been so
embarrassed in my life... I mean, what other pilot has
ever found himself getting razzed by a bunch of raunchy
nuns when he goes for a piss?
"Here, grab hold of my hand, Gloria, before you fall
off that seat from laughing. Yeah, maybe it sounds
funny but at the time I was trying to figure out what
would happen if this story got as far as the Vatican.
Maybe I'd be the first pilot ever to be grounded by the
Pope. It looked like even God was against me. Until the
tower at Craystown gave me the local weather.
"Would you believe it, a forty knot headwind right down
he middle of the runway. For the first time ever,
Gloria, I really believed in the power of prayer. A
gale of wind right down my throat would cut my ground
speed way and hell back. That meant I could use full
flap and if I was as good as I knew I was I could land
that bird at just over a hundred knots as softly a
piece of belly button lint dropping onto a jelly. Forty
knots headwind, God love us all. You could fly into
that airport for years and never have that kind of
weather working for you.
"Did I make a good landing? With that kind of wind, and
all those flying nuns back there praying for me and the
thought of being orally stimulated by Ms. Yvonne Page
and her fellow workers? Gloria, it was the best landing
of my career. There's never been a smoother landing at
Craystown since the Navy stopped flying airships back
there in 1948. Lady, you've smacked that silk blouse of
yours harder with an iron than I hit the runway that
day. Even I wasn't sure exactly when we went from
flying to rolling. Then I was pickling on the brakes as
gently as an invitation to stroke Dolly Parton's tits
and even with the door closed I could hear those nuns
back there cheering me... What's that, Gloria?
"No, I don't know what the rest of the passengers
thought. I do know my co-pilot was baffled by it all
and pissed again because I'd taken the landing myself
instead of letting him do it. Anyway there was no
arguing about who was handling the 727 on the ground.
Co-pilots get to fly some of the time but only the
captain is allowed to touch that little old steering
wheel connected to the nose wheel. Especially with
those toilet seats still up and with somebody having to
keep them that way until we'd stopped.
"I turned off that runway about as carefully as if I'd
got a rattlesnake asleep in my lap. I crawled along the
taxiways cursing every lousy contractor who'd ever left
a concrete ripple in any of them, and I could hear
Yvonne and another attendant in the front jump seats
giggling at each other, even with the cockpit door
closed. Oh yeah, and the guy in the ramp tower was
telling me to get the lead out. So screw him as well.
Then I saw our ramp agent up ahead of us, waving his
flashlight to bring us alongside the concourse.
"I crept towards him about as slowly as a 727 has ever
traveled anywhere, anytime, and the agent was waving
his arms like a referee giving a touch down signal and
I knew he was wondering if this plane is ever going to
get parked up. Well, screw him too. When I finally
parked the 727 alongside the concourse I would have
made a snail eating a cabbage leaf look like a hit and
run driver. I'd aged about a year in one landing, I'd
sweated off pounds in stress but I thought there was a
good chance those toilet seats might still be up.
"So, I went back and those goddamn nuns were still
there and grinning at me -- I thought I was going to
have to call in a security squad to drag them off the
plane. Whatever, not one of them moved an inch as that
bitch Yvonne opened the john doors and showed me the
seats, smiling all over her face. I nearly fainted --
each one, all four of them, had been secured up with
strips of scotch tape.
"'We were going to do it for you anyway,' she said to
me, "We never thought you could make a soft landing
here and we just wanted to make you sweat for it a
little. But as soon as I bought the tape dispenser out
of the galley some of the good sisters grabbed it.
They've been scuttling in and out of the toilet spaces
taping the seats up right up until we began the
descent... can you believe that?"
"I could hardly believe a word of it, Gloria. I could
have slam dunked that goddamned 727 onto the tarmac and
the bloody toilet seats would still have stayed up. And
then this chief nun, or whatever, the eldest one
anyway, she gets the others moving out like she's a
Marine Gunnery Sergeant giving orders and as she leaves
she turns around and smiles at me and says: "Captain, I
never really knew what they meant by flying the
friendly skies until today. Thank you for a very
interesting trip.
"Sure, what's the question, honey?
"What's a dead dog switch? It's the switch that turns
on the heaters in the cargo compartment. It costs a lot
of money to run them but if you need to -- well, it's
real bad news if some passenger comes to collect fido
or pussy and all you've got for them is a furry
popsicle. Public relationswise, you'd be better off
crashing the plane and burning the passengers than
freezing a hold full of pets to death.
"Which brings us to the question of switches in
general. See, I turn this switch here and those metal
shutters at the windows roll down. This switch here,
that turns on some subdued lighting and gets the
romantic music whispering right along. And this switch
here, that locks the door and illuminates the 'bar
closed' sign -- now we can't be disturbed."
"Why? Well, I figure I've got already got all the
customers I need in here already -- any more would be a
crowd.
"The police? Sure, you can call the cops, except
they'll be on their siesta time right now. And I hear
they've already used up their government gas allowance
for this month and it's a long way to walk out here
from the town. So why not leave then in peace and let
me ply you with free booze in return for some cheap
thrills?
"I mean, come on, counselor, a gal with a body like
yours must have dreamed at some time or another of
doing a striptease in a tropical bar in front a
appreciative audience -- and, I give you my word, I'd
certainly appreciate it. After all, who lets a few
pieces of material get in the way of a great
friendship?
"OK, so think about it. Here, have another drink while
you're deciding. And no, the name is Four Johns
Johnson, not four flusher Johnson. I mean, this is a
fair deal, right? I entertain you with a story, you
entertain me with anything that naturally comes to
hand. Like Yvonne and the other girls did. "
"Sure, I'd be happy to tell you, but if only I could be
encouraged by that top button coming undone... even
from here I can some serious cleavage... Yes, honey,
that button right there, now, isn't that cooler, no,
hotter? You'd better keep going then...
"Yeah, they came to my hotel room almost as soon as
they could after we'd checked in. I'd had a shower, put
on a robe and I was looking at the TV without any idea
of what I was actually seeing while I was trying to
work out how serious Yvonne and the girls had been.
Maybe it was all a big joke after all.
"Then there was a knock on the door and there they
were, walking into my room, all four of them. 'I
thought you might prefer it if we were still had our
uniforms on,' Yvonne said. 'Is that all right? And did
you want us all together, or did you want to make
different times like a dentist? Shall I pour out some
drinks, captain, while you're thinking about it?'
"So imagine me standing there and watching these girls
making themselves drinks and they've got their company
uniforms on with the pleated skirts and stiff white
shirts and dark stockings and they're smiling at me and
I'm feeling like I've just stepped out into the
passenger cabin with nothing but a short robe on and
the plane is still full of nuns. Incidentally, Gloria,
the view with that top button undone is great... how
about that next one as well... and I'll just turn on
the overhead fan so the breeze can go all the way down
there... Where was I?... Oh sure..."
"Then Yvonne started introducing the others to me. The
blonde was Anne, and she had a turned up nose and real
bright blue eyes and all that short fair hair teased
out in different directions, and she was real cute.
Then there was Caddie and she was a short plump little
homebody with glasses -- a real PTA type. I couldn't
believe she was a volunteer to go down on some strange
guy. She seemed more likely to want to knit me a
sweater.
"Funny thing was though, somebody had given my John
Thomas a friendly squeeze in that crush in the galley
and Caddie had been the closest to him at the time. But
it was hard to tell which of them had made the low
pass... And then last and certainly not least was Jill.
Jill was black, she wearing pearl earstuds and a pearl
necklace, she was laughing a lot and she had a pair of
tits underneath her jacket -- well, how the hell she
got her life jacket on over them for the ditching
drills at the training pool, I don't know. Maybe the
safety instructor just figured she could float forever
with what nature had already given her...
"My God, Gloria that's a push up bra you've got there
and it has to be a D, it has to be. Lady, it's been a
long time since I've seen a pair of cups so overflowing
with the milk of human kindness -- well, OK, as near to
human as a lawyer can be. Say, is that a front hook I
see before me? You wouldn't care to lean forward just a
little here, would you? Just to see if I've still got
the knack of undoing those things.
"Did I have any better lines at the hotel? To be
honest, honey, it wasn't my greatest moment as a lover.
If you'd said I was a bit frightened of those gals it
wouldn't have been a total lie. It was Yvonne who got
things started. She told me to go into the bedroom and
lie down -- without the robe. So I did and I was lying
there stark naked as the four women come in and stood
around me. Then Jill, the black lady, she began undoing
the buttons down the front of her shirt and then the
others all started doing the same thing as well, even
homebody Caddie.
"No, that's it, not another word unless you lean
forward and let me try my luck on that hook... come on,
honey -- have a holiday to remember. Come on, come to
daddy... got it, first try. Oh God, they're so
beautiful... here we go with a tip for the bar staff...
one here... and one here... hmmmm... Gloria, how about
pouring yourself another drink, seeing as I have my
hands full right now... The story... ? Sure, sure.
"So, there was my entire cabin crew, undoing the tops
of their skirts and taking off those crisp white
shirts, and I'm looking down the barrels of four bras.
Jill had one with big white cups, a real heavy duty
job, which I guessed she needed, and the blonde had a
lemon colored C outfit with plenty of cleavage showing.
"Yvonne was showing off a real sexy push up number, a
red one and I suddenly wondered if she had on those red
panties I'd seen at Tucson and that was enough to start
getting me stiff. Caddie started giggling first, I
remember that. She was just wearing an ordinary every
day white bra but she was as plump up front as she was
everywhere else and they had to be CC... I said
something like: You gals really are grateful to me,
then?' And they grinned at me and Yvonne said I'd find
out how grateful they were for still having their
jobs...
"Hey, Gloria, if you were to stand up on the bar rail,
I could plant a little kiss right on these two hot
nipples of yours... that's it, higher, higher -- good
enough... hold it there and brrr... hey, what a
taste...
"Yeah, well, Yvonne picked up her purse and opened it.
She said their name tags were inside and I was to take
them out and that was going to be the pecking order --
yeah, that was what she said. The first girl I drew,
that was the first one to start with me and every time
I clicked my fingers, that meant changeover time. I
could have anything I wanted, but a fuck was an
optional extra. I only got one of those if the lady
agreed to it. But that was the challenge, to see if I
could get any of them so turned on they'd fuck with me
with all the others watching the action.
"So, I put my hand in the purse and got out a name tag
and it was Jill's that came out first, then Caddie's,
then Yvonne's and then Anne's. And I'm like still
trying to believe this was happening and then Jill
hitched up her skirt and knelt down on the end of the
bed and snapped her bra straps. 'With or without?' she
asked me and I said "Without' like my throat was full
of concrete, and Yvonne got in back of Jill and undid
her bra and Jill slid it off and... God!
"You know, what, Gloria, I've always had this urge,
whenever I've seen a girl in one of flight uniforms, to
rub my fingers around the backs of their knees, just
below the hem of the skirt. And the strange thing was,
even with that fantastic pair of titties right there, I
wanted to do that to Jill. So I had her kneel down
across her chest with her back to me and I rubbed her
behind her knees while she gave me a gentle hand job.
Then I reached up and grabbed her boobs and they were
so big I felt I had a pair of bolsters in my hands.
Maybe they were too big, not like yours here.
"Put you down, honey? Sure -- just unfasten the top of
your shorts and push them down below the top of the
bar. I want to see if you're a natural blonde. Of
course I'll let you sit down again afterwards, as long
as you're naked down to your knees... OK, take as long
as you like to make up your mind and I'll just give you
a little bite here... yeah... and another one here...
just while I tell the story.
"So, then I clicked my fingers because I still didn't
think that Caddie would even let me touch her and I
wanted to find out what would happen. And the next
thing I knew she was lying on the bed on her stomach
with her hand around my shaft and licking up and down
it. What was more, she was fluttering her eyelids at me
through those glasses like a houri in a harem and I
suddenly realized that if there's one girl in this
crowd who seems willing to have her pussy pounded in
front of one and all, it's little homemaker Caddie...
so I told her to stand up and get her panties off
because I'm going to sixty nine her next time.
"Then I had Anne sit on my chest and facing me as she
took her bra off while I massaged the backs of her
knees. I managed to get my hands up underneath her
tight skirt as far as that swell ass while she was
holding her nipples out for me to suck. And there was
Yvonne standing there watching all this and I'm
thinking it's taken about five minutes and I haven't
even touched her yet and already the scene is as wild
as some kind of a Roman orgy... it was true, it was
totally true, these woman had me marked down as
somebody they all owed a real big favor to...
"Hey, if I stand to the side here, Gloria, you can
watch yourself in the bar mirror as you pull down your
shorts. Yeah, that's it, shorts first and then your
panties afterwards. Pretend you're being auditioned as
a stripper... yeah, that's right, you're going to be a
stripper and now you're pushing the waistband of those
shorts all the way down your legs... that's pretty
good. You've never been a stripper... or maybe a
playboy bunny, or something like that...? Yeah, you've
got the talent to be a cockteaser. Like Yvonne...
"No, she didn't tease me that time. I got her to take
off her skirt and she was wearing those crotchless
cami-knickers and I suggested she kneel down by my
side. That way I could hold her hair with one hand and
make sure she swallowed everything she could while I
got my fingers into her cunt. And Anne, cute little
blonde Anne, she produced a huge vibrator out of her
purse and began running it around Yvonne's nipples and
then along her pussy when I took my hand away.
"There was nose-in-the-air stockbroker Yvonne writhing
around with her pink ass cheeks high up in the air
instead of her nose and going down on me like a tigress
killing a deer... then Caddie put a rubber on me and
rolled it down with her mouth, her and Jill taking turn
and turn about with Yvonne. If God wants me to spend
eternity like that it'll be the next best thing to
flying.
"OK, Gloria, now those cute little white panties. All
the way down until you can see your cunt hairs in the
mirror... no need to be shy, all I have to do is to
squeeze just a little bit harder and you'll want to do
it... good girl. Just think, of all the bars in all the
world you're going to get fucked in mine."
"Which of the stews did I fuck first? I haven't said
yet that I fucked any of them. But I did. I had them
all kneel down in a row on the bed while I went up and
down the line snapping my fingers. Every time I snapped
them the next girl on the list had to get her ass way
up while I tongued her, gave her the length of the
vibrator, and then followed through with a few strokes
of my cock to keep her steamed up. God, it was hard
work but it was fun. I couldn't resist having Jill
first though, not when I'd finally got myself
comfortably fitted in behind her.
"I'd managed to get her positioned in front of a mirror
so I could see those huge black tits wobbling more and
more the harder I fucked her, and I got completely
fascinated with watching them, seeing if there was any
way I could get them swinging in counter rotating
circles. I couldn't though, so I got the other girls to
grab hold of them and try it but they kept giggling and
fooling around. Anne wouldn't do it though, and I was
kind of surprised because I'd marked her down as the
hottest one of the bunch despite appearances. But then
she broke the rules by kneeling down behind me and
licking my balls even though I was still busy with
Jill. Still, she was the next on the list anyway.
"Hey, you're a cheat, Gloria. Some of your hair is dyed
and I don't think it's this patch down her. Let's see
if any comes off on my fingers... no, I think this is
the natural stuff. Talking of cheating, where's your
partner... yeah? And how long have you been on the
island on your own? Only one day? Then I hope you'll
recommend us to your travel agent as an exciting and
romantic destination... that's right, put your hands on
my shoulders as I have a mouthful of tit here... and
here.
"Standing on tiptoe on the bar rail is uncomfortable?
No problem, lean forward, all the way. That's right,
with those lovely tits hanging down on my side of the
bar. Jees, Gloria, do you look good in that position --
you've really been called to the bar now. So, if I just
unzip my pants and get close to you like this, you can
open your mouth and make an opening address, right...
Yeah, right.
"And don't forget, the door switch is here at my hand.
If I move it the doors will open and I suppose one or
two of the usual guys will come wandering in. If they
find you like this, ass up and briefs down, there might
be a queue forming to take advantage of your services,
pro bono and certainly pro bone. That's the way,
Gloria, you're trying very well. Just keep sucking and
pretend it's a ripe mango. Old, maybe, but still ripe.
"You know how I motivated myself after I'd finished
with Jill? I got a heavy steel ruler out of my flight
bag and gave it to her, then I had the other girls lean
over the back of a couch while Jill gave them some
slaps on their rumps with the ruler. Then I'd go down
the line and give each of them a suck of my cock while
Jill partnered me on the other side of the couch with
the vibrator. Hell, I never expected the batteries to
last as long as they did... it would have made a great
TV ad for Duracell... God, Gloria, that's great. Now
open your mouth wider and move it faster.
"In case you're wondering, yes, I screwed all four of
them. Yvonne was great but Caddie made the most noise
and I'd have to say that Anne had the tightest cunt. As
for Jill, I've never seen a rack that swung quite as
free and wide... The girls made me book off sick at
0200 that morning. They said I wouldn't be in a fit
state to fly come dawn and they were surely right about
that... good luck, ladies, and thanks for the
memories.... ahh... God, Gloria, this is it... I'm
coming, coming... happy landings, kid!"
THE END
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's okay to *READ* stories about unprotected sex with
others outside a monogamous relationship. But it isn't
okay to *HAVE* unprotected sex with people other than
a trusted partner. You only have one body per lifetime,
so take good care of it!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kristen's collection - Directory 33