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Fairy Story
by Robin (robin2003@clara.co.uk)

***

Susan was a wild one, and her excesses lead her to an 
alternative realm and a lot of trouble. Humour plays a 
part in this story. Come to think of it, so do a lot of 
other things. (F/beast, fant, humor)

***

Chapter One

In which Susan meets a centaur and begins her quest.


Susan is a twenty something woman. Up to now, her life 
has been spent in a learning environment followed by 
several years of self-abuse. Her qualifications were 
either too much or too little for serious employment, 
although, her efforts to establish a career hadn’t 
really been earnest. The lure of nightclubs, music and 
drugs had developed a nocturnal aspect to her waking 
hours. 

Her chosen life style also brought her many affairs, 
some with disastrous consequences and potentially 
dangerous situations. After a particularly heavy binge 
of drink and drugs and falling asleep in a park, Susan 
found herself waking up in a strange world where 
everything was almost right, but different all the 
same. Serves her right.

"You cannot say you were not warned." The cat seemed to 
smile at her as it prowled around her head, coming on 
silent pads into her eye line as a ginger and white 
ball of fur and then, just as noiselessly, passing from 
view, its presence only noticeable by the continuous 
purring. It came into view again and sat with its tail 
around its front paws regarding her with the same 
smile. "You cannot say I didn’t warn you and now look 
at you. All scrunched up like so much discarded paper. 
Well! Now your here and in big trouble I’d say."

"Nobody asked you". She spat grit and dust out of her 
mouth. "If I had wanted your opinion, I’d have asked 
for it, but I didn’t, so piss off and leave me alone". 
She rolled over to face away from her tormentor, but 
only succeeded to roll off of the pallet she had been 
on, to fall, bonelessly, on the hard packed dirt floor, 
driving the air from her lungs. "Aw shit!"

It is my observation, that you ain’t very good at this 
adventuring lark are you." It wasn’t a question so much 
as an entrée to an argument. Susan could hate the 
ginger peril without any problems at all. "If I’d known 
the prophecy was meaning some otherworldly fruitcake, I 
wouldn’t have volunteered."

"VOLUNTEERED," She screamed back at the cat, "YOU WERE 
GIVEN NO CHOICE, YOU LITTLE... YOU LITTLE... SCUMBAG!" 
Invectives failed to really emphasise her frustration 
at the torment that was supposed to be her guide in 
this.

Since her accidental portal into this realm of fantasy 
and myth, she had been tormented by the furry little 
shit. As a guide he sucked big time. It seemed that 
most of her tribulations all stemmed from some stupid 
error on the cat’s part. 

One thing was for sure, if she ever got out of this 
mess and ever made it back to her own civilised and 
rational time plane, she would never go tripping on 
anything stronger than Aspirin. As it was, she wasn’t 
entirely certain that this wasn’t a bad trip from the 
concoction of drugs she had swallowed at the nightclub. 
She had experienced acid trips where rats crawled from 
the wallpaper and stuff like that, but this fantasy 
realm was all together, a different bag and one she 
could well do without.

She grimaced at the various bruises and bumps as she 
picked herself up and spat out more of the dust. 
Sunlight steamed through the thin gaps of the bamboo 
poles that formed her prison. The light seemed to 
refract and bounce off of everything it touched, giving 
the hut an ethereal glow about it. Susan could have 
cared less, but it would have been difficult. Right 
now, all she wanted was a long soak in a hot tub with 
loads of bubbles and a glass of something long and 
cool. She wanted out of the bamboo prison and she 
wanted home. All of which seemed like a million miles 
away.

"I was only making an observation, that’s all." The cat 
tried to stop smiling, but the coloured bands on his 
face made it impossible.

"Why don’t you go outside and make some observations 
out there. See if there is a way out and find some 
water. Why don’t you do something useful for a change 
instead of making snide remarks?"

The cat winked out, leaving her alone in the tiny room 
to contemplate her mission. Somehow, and Susan still 
wasn’t sure about this, she had found herself in a, for 
want of a better description, adult fairy tale. Her 
only chance of returning to her own time and space was 
to find and steal the pearl of wisdom. The cat was 
right though, so far, she had not done very well in the 
‘adventuring lark’. 

Her first encounter after being given instructions in 
the ‘Ice Palace’ by the Green Queen, had been in the 
tunnels of Green Mountain. Some really seriously smelly 
Orc’s with terminal halitosis had found her wandering 
around and captured her. They had buggered her and 
violated her body; inserting fingers into her snatch 
and making her suck them off. It seemed she was doomed 
to life among the miscreants until some passing mage 
heard her cries and banished the little bastards to the 
four corners of the globe, never to return. 

Her joy was short lived. The mage, at about three and a 
half million years old with skin that had more wrinkles 
than an unmade bed, decided that her liked the look of 
her and had enslaved the poor girl as a receptacle for 
his lusty emissions. The cat had saved her, the one 
useful thing it had done by fooling the mage into 
believing that it was a greater wizard and frightening 
him off. 

Susan had by now, been fucked semi-stupid in all holes 
and was ready to call it a day. That was only the start 
of her adventure. It seemed she had been here in this 
God forsaken shit hole for a couple of months and not 
the ten hours it really was.

Heavy footfalls sounded just outside the door to her 
prison. She heard the rattle of the chain and lock that 
secured the bamboo door. A loud creak of the leather 
hinges heralded a brilliant burst of sunlight that 
illuminated the door opening. A silhouetted head poked 
around the style and a deep basso voice invited her to 
come out. 

Susan struggled to a sitting position and waited for a 
moment until her senses stopped reeling. Then she 
painfully waddled to the door. The sunlight temporarily 
blinded her as she emerged into the heat of the day. 
Gradually, her eyes adjusted to the onslaught of light, 
she began to wish they hadn’t.

Waiting for her was a blond Adonis. His head and face 
were framed in locks of curly hair that seemed bleached 
by the sun. Broad shoulders that were tanned to a 
bronze colour supported his beatific face that was also 
tanned to a deep colour. His massively muscled arms 
rippled with latent strength and downy blond hair 
covered his torso down to his belly button. 

All seemed okay until her gaze went passed his navel, 
from belly onwards, he was all horse, complete with 
four sturdy legs, a beautiful tail that swished at the 
flies plaguing his rump and a glossy chestnut coat that 
shone with health and vigour in the sun.

"Oh shit! That’s all I need, a fucking Centaur."

His golden locked head tilted to one side as he 
regarded her and a quizzical expression showed in his 
amber eyes.

"You talk strangely young one. Yes I am a Centaur, but 
how you make reference to the physical act of love and 
defecation in the same sentence is baffling to me. 
Please explain?"

Susan thought he was trying to make a joke. Her humour 
had left some time ago.

"You trying to be funny?" She crossed her arms in 
defiance and stood as erectly as her battered frame 
would allow.

"No, I merely came to relieve you of your enforced 
imprisonment. I thought you might like some water and 
exercise. I also wanted to know what you, as a 
foreigner, were doing wandering around in my domain. 
However, if you are content to stay in the enclosure 
provide, I am more than happy to place you back in 
confinement. You choose." 

He couched a long wooden bow over his shoulder and 
offered an animal skin with a stopper where the head 
should have been. Susan didn’t want to think of what 
animal it was, but her thirst compelled her to take the 
skin and drink the water inside.

"So what are you doing in this land?" His voice 
softened a little and became even deeper, levelling at 
a susurration like waves on a shore. It had an oddly 
calming effect on Susan, who launched into her story, 
beginning at the beginning and eventually, after having 
to stop several times to explain what a nightclub and 
drugs were, she arrived at her current predicament.

"...but I don’t even know where to start looking." She 
concluded.

"So you are to find and steal the ‘Pearl of Wisdom’. 
Hmm…no small feat. It will be hard to reach your 
destination and harder still to steal the pearl." It 
was as if a light went off in his eyes. A blank 
expression overcame him and Susan thought he had gone 
to sleep while standing. She drank a little more of the 
sweet cool water and rubbed a little over her forehead, 
rearranging and smudging the dirt from being a general 
sheen of filth to streaks. Wishing for a shower, she 
coughed loudly to wake him up.

"I might be able to help you there, sort of point you 
in the right direction." He seemed to galvanise into 
wakefulness.

"A ride would be really helpful." 

"Well, that would be payment for my services of 
course."

"Sorry?" And then she caught on. "Oh for pity’s sake, 
is that all you men think about?"

"It may have escaped your notice, but I am most 
definitely not a man. I am a Centaur and as such, am 
the most intelligent of species here in Centauria." His 
chest puffed out and strained the leather strap of a 
quiver of arrows. She couldn’t fail to notice.

"Funny, the Orc’s had another name for the place 
entirely, and they also seemed to think that theirs is 
a superior intellect. Personally, I think the jury is 
out on that". She had managed to piss him off with that 
jibe; his eyes clouded with frowning eyebrows and 
pursed lips.

"I am Che, mightiest, and most deadly of the Centaurs. 
I lead the herd; I protect the young and do everything 
else here. This is my kingdom and you, you 
insignificant wretch, are trespassing." His chest 
expanded to even greater proportions, Susan thought the 
leather strap was going to snap. She took stock of her 
rags, all torn, dusty and dishevelled, but her pride 
bore her up.

"Not such an insignificant wretch that you suggest we 
jump in the hay though. Good enough for that aren’t I." 
She puffed out her own chest and felt one of the clasps 
on her bra give way. She ignored it and continued with 
her own tirade. "Now listen, all I want is to get out 
of this fucking nightmare. I want to get back home and 
have a bath and change my clothes. I want to be back in 
normal civilisation with my hands around the neck of an 
ice cold Bud. So are you going to help me or are you 
going to fuck me or what?"

"Both."

"What!!!"

"Both." He repeated.

"What both?" She was getting more than a little annoyed 
with the verbal chess playing.

"I am going to help you, I will carry you most of the 
way to the location of the Pearls of Wisdom, but first, 
I am going to fuck you. No objections are there." It 
wasn’t a question, more a statement of fact and left no 
room for manoeuvre. 

"So, if you would be so kind as to go back into your 
small enclosure, we can get the first part of the 
bargain over with early." He pointed in a manner that 
brooked no argument, towards the bamboo hut she had 
recently got out of.  

"Oh! By the way, what is your name? It is a vital point 
of the tryst and names carry a lot of power in this 
world."

"Susan". She answered flatly, resigned to getting 
rogered by the hulking brute just so she could get 
along with the quest. She had been fucked for less in 
the past, so it wasn’t really any big deal, although 
she had concerns about being able to accommodate a 
horse’s cock. Have to play it by ear, she thought to 
herself. 

He tilted his head again in that quizzical manner of 
his and asked.

"What does Susan mean?"

"Nothing, it is just a name." She had re-entered the 
hut now and was removing what clothes she had on.

"Well Che means mighty warrior, leader of the herd and 
all powerful one." His chest began to swell with pride 
again, but Her next retort completely deflated him.

"For a monosyllabic word, it carries a lot of meanings 
don’t it?" She sniffed derisively and shucked of her 
clothes into an untidy heap on the packed earth floor. 
Her nakedness caused her no embarrassment, she was 
rather proud of her upturned tits and trimmed curly 
blond pubes. Che was yet to see the tattoo of Pegasus 
on her shoulder, but it was one of the last things on 
her mind. 

"Let’s get down to it then, big boy". And then she 
started to giggle as she wriggled into position under 
his belly.

"What’s so funny?" He bent at the waist and managed to 
turn at the same time so that his face was only a few 
inches away. About the total length of his cock which 
was the source of Susan’s mirth.

"Oh nothing, just the thought of me sucking a mighty 
Centaur. Who’d have ever imagined it eh?" She wanted 
his help; deriding his horsehood wouldn’t be a wise 
move.

Gently, Susan gripped his small penis and guided it to 
her mouth. The equine smell became pungent and overrode 
his human counterpart aroma. She began to suck slowly, 
managing to get the whole of his length into her mouth 
with room to spare. Privately, she was relieved and 
gave head like a pro. Her ministration seemed to be 
doing the trick, pretty shortly, Che’s hind legs were 
stamping rhythmically and his haunches began to buck in 
powerful thrusts. She could manage all of the four 
inched, pencil thin cock without any problems at all.

"You had better stop." Che’s basso voice warned her. 
"Anymore of that and it will be all over."

"Aw! It’s okay Che", She mumbled around the side of his 
infantile dick. "Let’s do this and see what happens 
later when you have recovered."

"I really……OH! Fuck, too late." He snorted and thrust 
his haunches forward in a smooth and long arc. The 
movement gave Susan a bit of a surprise, but the next 
instant really screwed her. His four inches suddenly, 
and completely without warning, became a foot long and 
swelled to a girth that was bigger than her hand could 
encircle. 

Trouble was, she had him as deep as he would go at the 
time. The transformation from baby size to fucking huge 
took less that a blink in time. The sheer force threw 
her backwards onto her arse as gallons of cum shot all 
over her face, neck and shoulders, soaking her 
completely and matting her hair. 

Susan gagged and tried to spit out the first flood of 
semen that had crashed into the back of her throat and 
forced its way into her stomach. She couldn’t help 
herself or breath until she had regurgitated it all on 
to the floor.

"Fucking hell!" She managed at last. "That’s a fucking 
lethal weapon you’ve got there, you could do someone a 
real damage with that fucking missile.

Che had a beatific smile on his face and his eyes were 
closed in ecstasy.

"Oh! That was good. If only our mares would do that for 
us."

I can see why they don’t. Jesssuzz man, you nearly 
killed me." Her stomach still was trying to convulse.

"I tried to warn you, but it was too late. What were 
you saying about later?"

"No fucking way man, with a tool like that, you could 
have knocked the Berlin Wall down all by yourself." Her 
anachronism was lost on him completely.

When he had settled down, he allowed her to sit on his 
back with her hands around his waist. Slowly at first, 
they went around the rest of the village and collected 
food and water for the trip. Che evinced many admiring 
stares from other Centaurs as he paraded his charge 
around. He also got more than one withering look and 
cold shoulder from the mares, jealousy was rife, but he 
seemed to be ignorant of the stares as he imperiously 
did the circuit.

He set off, leaving a silent herd of centaurs looking 
on.

Susan quickly became accustomed to the sway and 
movement of him, anticipating the rise of his withers 
and moving with him in unison. She also quickly 
discovered that she had left her panties in a heap were 
she had used them to wipe off some of his come. Her 
nether mouth soon started to get wet and swollen. Her 
clit felt like it would explode from the friction 
caused between their counterpoint movements. 

Oh! Fuck, she thought, I’m going to come all over his 
back in a minute. No sooner had she thought it, then a 
violent orgasm ripped through her and a torrent of girl 
juice slicked the stiff russet coloured hair on his 
back.

The next two hours were torture for her. Held in a 
state of high sexual exhilaration, she had orgasmed 
over and over. Her fluids dripped off his underbelly 
were his coat could not absorb anymore.

They at last stopped beside a lagoon of crystal clear 
water at the foot of a cascade. Susan gratefully 
dismounted and crumpled with nerveless legs all tangled 
up on the ground.

"I guess you enjoyed that." He remarked dryly as he 
sniffed at the wetness on his back. "I thought you were 
going to fall off for a while there, amazing strength 
in your legs Susan." He stepped into the clear water 
and began to wash her essences off of him.

Later, after he had shot a rabbit and was cooking it on 
a spit over a small fire. They talked. She told him all 
about her life before this little adventure and he told 
her about his rise to be lead stallion. As they related 
their stories, a bond of sorts blossomed and they 
became firm friends. Susan finished the rabbit while 
Che ate some oatcakes he had brought in a satchel.

Sated, Susan at last lay back and sighed her 
contentment. A canopy of stars illuminated the night 
sky. Che lay alongside her and soon fell into a deep 
sonorous sleep. Not long after, she cuddled up against 
his back and followed suit.
Just as she was drifting off, the ginger cat winked 
back into view.

"Happy now?" He purred. His smile still pasted on his 
face.

"Hmm, go away eh?" He winked out again and Susan knew 
no more until the next morning.


Chapter Two


In which Susan continues her quest and meets Cerberus 
and some goblins.

She woke up and stretched, feeling life and vigour 
course through her veins. It was already warm and the 
sky showed clear in an azure blue that darkened at the 
horizon. Che was nowhere to be seen, but the ground 
where he had lain was still warm. She could just 
faintly smell his equine odour. Susan sat up and 
surveyed her surroundings. The fall of water terminated 
in the clear lagoon. 

Strangely, it caused no ripples or disturbance to the 
crystal clear water. It did however, remind Susan that 
she needed to pee and get a wash. Dirt from yesterday 
was beginning to cake on her face, hands and feet. She 
was acutely aware of the smell of the woollen shift she 
had been wearing since this all started. The bra and 
panties had both stayed at Che’s village. The bra she 
could do without, but a clean pair of knickers would 
have been nice.

She got up, found a little hollow and relieved her 
bladder. The smell coming from her groin almost made 
her wretch. She dived into the lagoon fully clothed and 
scrubbed herself clean. The water felt warm and soft 
and so inviting. Susan trod water while she pealed 
herself out of the woollen shift, which she deftly 
threw unto a nearby bush to dry, while naked, she swam 
and gloried in the freedom of movement.

Che re-appeared, coming up from the path they had used 
the night before. He had been successful in his hunting 
and soon had a ptarmigan, stuffed with wild mushrooms, 
wild garlic and thyme cooking over a small fire. He 
watched her bathe and smiled as he waved and signalled 
that breakfast was ready.

The ptarmigan was delicious. Somewhere, he had found 
some roots and had roasted them in the embers. She 
finished the resplendent meal with some tiny wild 
strawberries that oozed juice and took her back to her 
childhood with the taste.

"I cannot thank you enough." Susan at last broke the 
shared silence. She glanced at him from under her brows 
to see what his reaction would be. "I feel so much 
cleaner now and stuffed to the gills with an excellent 
meal. Thank you."

He surprised her with a sob. He looked crest fallen and 
abject misery countenanced his face.

"What on earth is the matter?" She became a little 
alarmed.

"I have to leave you." He informed her with more sobs. 
"I can only take you to the edge of my Kingdom, from 
there you must travel alone and I am afraid I will 
never see you again." He broke down and cried, huge 
tears and racking sobs took him over.

Susan reached for him and laid his head on her bare 
chest. She stroked his mane of hair and cradled him to 
her bosom while he ran the gamut of his misery. 
Gradually, his cries subsided, but she continued to 
hold him, feeling the warmth of his breath as it wafted 
over her nipple. The familiar itch began in her loins 
and soon she was fondling him and then kissed him full 
on the lips. His mouth parted and they explored each 
other’s mouths.

Susan wriggled around and soon had him in her mouth. 
Che gasped and tried desperately, not to repeat 
yesterday’s debacle. She was prepared this time and 
knew what to expect. His cock stiffened and sprung to 
it’s full glory, but instead of taking him to his 
climax with her mouth, Susan quickly turned under him 
and, grasping the shuddering member, guided his 
mushroomed headed penis into her body. 

His thrust had her almost losing balance and shifted 
her across the ground from the force even though she 
had braced her feet. Then she was lifted bodily as he 
reared onto his hind legs and impaled on his throbbing 
organ until he screamed his climax and fully flooded 
her from within. 

Che’s arms encircled her and one of his hands found her 
clit. Gently, he rubbed and tweaked her pleasure nub 
while rocking her on his still hard cock. Susan could 
not last and her own shuddering climax smashed through 
her skull, leaving her bereft of senses.

Their combined juices flowed from her as he carefully 
returned to all four feet while still cradling her 
against his belly. Susan collapsed in a sated heap and 
rested for a few minutes then, waded back into the 
water to clean herself off. She spread her legs wide 
and with one hand, opened her inner lips and caressed 
her self. The delicious warmth or water cleansed her 
body as she floated in a dream like state while her 
nerve ends gradually returned to normal.

There were more tears at their parting. Che had brought 
her to the foot of a mountain range. Forest had closed 
in around them, leaving little more than a game trail 
to follow. At last, they burst into a clearing. Grass 
covered the small mound that was surrounded by the 
ancient trees that stood like sentinels in quiet guard. 
Nothing stirred and the usual susurration of birds and 
insects had ceased.

"This is as far as I can go Susan. I must leave you 
here and you must continue through the mountain pass 
that is just above us." Huge crocodile tears coursed 
down both cheeks and his sobs shook his muscular 
shoulders. Had he been any other male, she would have 
told him to stop being a wimp, but with Che, she could 
feel and sense the depth of feeling and sympathised 
with it.

"What is the mountain like?" She wanted him to think 
about anything else and stop crying.

"It is never the same for any traveller. For some, it 
is a pleasant hop over the hills and tors, but for 
others, it is an arduous journey, filled with danger 
and pitfalls. I hope yours isn’t the latter." He was 
beginning to calm down a little.

"Well, goodbye then. Take care going back and I am sure 
we will see each other again. Thanks for the lift and 
everything." She turned to go, trying to make it as 
easy as possible, but Che threw his arms around her and 
kept kissing her face and hair. She struggled to free 
herself, then kissed his cheeks and stepped beyond the 
boundary of his domain. From Che’s point of view, she 
had just winked out, but Susan could see through the 
void between them. She watched Che, shrug his shoulders 
and instantly compose himself. It was the ultimate show 
of ‘out of mind’.

She turned and faced the seemingly impossible climb and 
noticed that the woollen shift had now become a cotton 
shirt with a leather jerkin and woollen breaches. She 
also had a stout pair of boots on her feet. Susan had 
given up trying to work out the mysteries of this land 
some time ago.

A small knife was tucked into a belt that cinched the 
ensemble together and a machete poked her in the small 
of her back where it was carried in a sheath slung from 
a leather thong around her shoulder. The machete soon 
proved its worth in clearing the dense vegetation from 
her path. In no time, she had begun the climb and had 
passed beyond the tree line, climbing over heavy basalt 
rocks that strew over the lower reaches of the 
mountain.

Susan climbed in silence. The air grew cooler and more 
rarefied, but sweat made the new clothes stick to her 
and the thong chafed her shoulder. She reached a small 
outcrop with a flat surface and awarded her self a rest 
period. The sun, although clear and bright, provided 
just enough warmth to be comfortable. Susan started to 
doze with her back to the cliff face.

Some loose scree rattled down and landed on the ledge 
she was resting on. It confirmed her feeling she had 
been having, that she was being watched. Who ever was 
keeping tabs on her was now above her. She slowly and 
with nonchalance, picked up a handful of rocks about 
hen’s egg sized. Seeming not to be doing anything, she 
weighed them in her hands before launching them high 
over her head and slightly backwards before ducking 
under the overhang of the cliff above her. She was 
rewarded with a curse and an "OW". Then a body fell 
flat on the ledge at her feet.

He was colourless; in so much as he had no colour other 
than grey and shades of it. His face was grey with long 
pointed ears that had a grey hat pinned under them. His 
long beard was also grey and was tucked into a grey 
belt and divided a grey pair of rough trousers from a 
grey tunic. Altogether, he was about three feet in 
length and was obviously winded from the fall.

"Oh great! Just what I need, fucking dopey from the 
seven dwarves." She poked him with the toe of her boot 
and immediately wished she hadn’t. He grasped her 
breaches and hauled himself upright in one fluid motion 
that was too fast to really register. His head came up 
to her waist and his eyes peered at her from two 
suspicious looking slitted eyes.

Suddenly, he began to wave his arms about and screamed 
at her in unintelligible words. The more Susan didn’t 
do anything through her lack of understanding, the more 
agitated he became. It went on until Susan held up her 
hands, palm outwards to shut him up, but he must have 
thought she was going to push him off the ledge, 
because he cupped his hands and issued a high trilling 
sound. 

Nothing happened for a second, then, twenty figures, 
identical to the first, melted out of the rock face and 
surrounded her. They all carried wicked looking spears 
with wickedly sharp looking points, all aimed at her 
midriff.

By gestures with the spears, they indicated that she 
should turn around. Susan complied and faced the wall. 
One of them pushed a rock that seemed to be just lying 
there and a large section of the rock face slid away to 
reveal a dark passageway beyond it. A jab with a spear 
in her buttocks got her moving forward. She had to bend 
at an alarming angle to avoid banging her head. Here we 
go again, she thought.

After what felt like several hours, but was in fact 
only a few minutes, they entered a large torch lit 
cavern. Hundreds of the little grey men were sitting in 
tiered benches cut in the rock all facing her as she 
was pushed onto a low dais at the foot of the 
amphitheatre.

She stood and looked at them, noticing how they all 
looked the same, with no identifying marks or variation 
in their clothing. Idly, she wondered if they were 
clones or something.

Then, as if given a jolt of electricity, they all rose 
and as one, started with the unintelligible chattering. 
Susan guessed that the noises were questions by the 
cadence of their speech, but could not make out a 
single word.

"CAT, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?" Susan screamed at the 
top of her lungs. Two things happened, both equally 
startling. Silence, profound and complete hit her like 
a slap with a wet fish. The last noise, apart from her 
echoed voice, was the click of hundreds of teeth as 
mouths snapped shut.

The other thing was the sudden and dramatic appearance 
of the Cat in purple smoke, right in the middle of 
them. Ignoring the frantic efforts to get out of the 
way, the cat nonchalantly sauntered down to the dais 
that she was still standing on and brushed it’s self 
against her legs.

"Trouble Darling?"

"Well duh". She was not impressed with her guide. 
"What’s with these guys?" Susan resisted the urge to 
stamp her foot in the classic spoilt princess routine.

"Seems to me, we have a bit of a situation here." His 
calm and condescending tone was really grating her 
nerves.

"No shit Sherlock." She would have continued, but a 
small voice piped up.

"Err…excuse me... erm. We thought you were the mythical 
snow man and we was trying to trap you so that we could 
get some water in here… you know, from you melting, 
silly really and we didn’t know you spoke goblinesque." 
The diminutive figure trembled at the foot of the dais. 
He was in standard uniform, grey.

It was obvious to Susan that she was not playing with 
the brightest bunch of candles in the candelabra here.

I’m Human, got that? Human." Her exasperation 
threatened to overflow. "How can you think I am the 
sodding Abominable Snowman? I mean would he be all 
white?"

"Dunno." The little grey goblin looked up at her and 
blinked.

"What do you mean you don’t know? Haven’t you ever seen 
a human before?"

"Er, no."

"WHAT? WELL DO I look like a fucking snow man?" Susan’s 
anger was simmering nicely and she was starting to get 
wound up. It didn’t help that the cat had jumped up on 
the shoulder of the goblin and was watching her with 
that supercilious grin on its face. 

"To be totally honest with you, we wouldn’t know the 
difference between you and a snowman. We haven’t ever 
seen either before meeting you that is." He shuffled 
his feet and studied the ground trying to hide his 
embarrassment he felt for him self and his brothers. It 
worked, because Susan’s anger dissipated into nothing.

"I’m trying to find the pearl of wisdom. A nice centaur 
brought me so far, but couldn’t leave his realm or 
something and then you fell out of the sky." She 
neglected to remind him of her stone throwing.

"Let me see". He said, but meant think. He rested his 
chin in an out sized fist and looked seriously like he 
was deep in thought. His ruminations were punctuated 
with little noises like hmm and ahh. 

This didn’t change for several minutes until he 
shrugged his shoulders, which looked quite comical 
because he had no neck to speak of. "Can’t really help 
with that one, sorry." At least he looked it. Then he 
turned his heels and shouted in the gibberish at the 
massed throng in the tiered seating. Heads shook and a 
general hubbub rose from the ranks.

Then, from somewhere near the back of the throng, one 
of the little grey men stood and grumped and spoke in 
the gibberish that still made no sense to Susan. Her 
interpreter told her that the little grey man, who had 
spoken, knew a way through the mountain that would lead 
her to a short cut to the cavern of the seat of 
knowledge. It appeared that that is where the Pearl of 
Wisdom was situated.

"The way is difficult and has many dangers. There are 
monsters and demons in the labyrinth of tunnels through 
the mountain. But your big, so you can fight ‘em off 
can’t you?"

So it was that Susan trekked through the mountain. 
Using tunnels and paths that led to caverns often 
illuminated with greenish phosphorous mould that gave 
off enough luminescence to light the way. Underground 
lakes shone a smooth as black mirrors while stalactites 
and stalagmites rose or fell like silent statues 
guarding who knew what.

It was just as they were leaving just such a cavern 
that Susan and he guides encountered Cerberus. His 
three-headed torso sprung from behind a rock formation 
and in the blink of an eye, was slavering a few inches 
from her face. His hot fetid breath made her want to 
gag. 

In the same split second, Susan was aware that, apart 
from the noisome beast in front of her, she was 
completely alone. As if the rocks had absorbed her 
guides and companions alike. They had vanished as 
though never there.

"Fucking typical. You can trust a man to fuck off just 
when he is needed." She commented to herself aloud. "I 
suppose I have to deal with you now do I?"

The three heads of the mythical, but very evident dog, 
all cocked to one side as if deaf in one ear. The sight 
struck Susan, as funny and she couldn’t stifle a laugh. 
This evinced a roar from the three throats in 
harmonious counterpoint, which only served to tickle 
her even more. Cerberus sat is if pole axed, his 
obvious confusion paramount in triplicate and a whine 
issued in trio.

"You’re supposed to quake at my fearsome sight and then 
quail at the sound of my canine voice. You are supposed 
to be trembling and pleading for your life and the 
lives of your friends, who, I might add, have done the 
Russian answer to war, as in, done the offskiev."

"Oh!" Was all Susan could manage while trying to get 
her breath back, then, "Sorry."

"Well why aren’t you running screaming? Why are you not 
defecating in your underwear? Why are you still 
standing as if you don’t have a care in the world?" 

"It’s a bit late to shit my pants mate". She informed 
the confused trio of heads that were still cocked to 
one side. I lost a pair to a Centaur and the ones I 
have on now are so thick I probably wouldn’t notice the 
extra packing. Besides, they itch like fuck, I think 
it’s the fur. As for not having a care in the world, 
you should try wearing these knickers. I can’t wait to 
get them off and you ain’t going to eat me are you?"

"Guess not, but I have to look the part. Living with 
these two bozos is no fun, but I ain’t ready to eat 
people yet. Oi! Who you calling a bozo, bozo? Better 
not be talking about me you fuck up."

The three heads started arguing, which quickly 
descended into a scrap, each doing its best to bite the 
other two. Fairly shortly, all of the necks got tangled 
into a heaving mess of teeth and spittle. Susan 
observed the melee and took the opportunity to rest for 
a while, sitting on a rock. It had to stop though and 
it was her ice-cold voice that cut through the ruckus 
like a knife through jelly.

"When you have finished fucking about, can we get on 
with this? My writer is getting cramp and wants to make 
a cup of coffee."

The three heads tried to cock to one side, but only 
succeeded in banging heads together. 

"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

When Susan stopped laughing and had helped to untangle 
their heads, she explained the mission she was on and 
had got a promise of a guide through the mountains many 
passages and myriad corridors.
"There is one thing though, we, uh..."

The three heads whispered together, just below Susan’s 
hearing range.

"Go on then, you ask her." The left hand head turned to 
Susan. "Um…we were wondering if... well... um?"

"You want sex with me right? You want payment for your 
services and the currency in this screwed up shit for 
brains world, is Sex yes?"

"Um, well actually, nice as that might be, we could 
really do with a scratch between the ears, we don’t get 
scratched there and the fleas think it’s home from 
home. Sure the fuckers have built condo’s there.

"Ha! Ha! Ignore my presumption. It’s just been a wacky 
weekend already and I was kinda expecting you to demand 
that I give you oral sex and fuck your brains out. I 
mean, it’s not like I haven’t screwed some strange 
stuff and you would be nothing out of the ordinary in 
this wonderland of treats. I mean, it’s not like I 
haven’t screwed some weird fucker that the writer 
didn’t even see fit to describe too much and then I 
screwed a Centaur that the writer really got into, 
think the sicko has a thing about bestiality, which 
means this tale might go anywhere and you are an 
animal, right?"

"Alright already! Sheesh! Does she ever shut up?"

"Listen, we are just as much a victim of the foibles of 
the writer okay. We haven’t had any sex for years and 
years. What’s worse is that he has just had the idea of 
giving us, not only three heads, although that was some 
other shit for brains guy’s idea way back, but he has 
just decided to give us two cocks. Now if that isn’t 
perverse, I don’t know what is.

((Authors note. I lost control of these characters some 
time back. Anything they say is to be disregarded as 
spurious nonsense.))

"But since you mention it, sex with you might grease 
the way, so to speak."

It’s a strange thing, but when sex is in the air, all 
manner of weird things happen, one of those was the 
sudden re-emergence of the little grey men, voyeurs all 
to a man.

"You lot can fuck off for a start! If you think I am 
getting jiggy in front of you lot, you got another 
think coming, kapeche?"

Nonplussed, the crowd of little grey men coalesced into 
a mob and collectively increased the pressure on her to 
give the performance of a lifetime.

"Ahh, what the hell, lets get it done then and perhaps 
we can get on with the quest eh?

Susan’s clothes hit the floor in an untidy heap around 
her ankles. Her breasts, free from the confines of the 
fur lined bra, bounced a little before settling into 
their customary position, with her nipples pointing 
slightly upward. Freedom from the furry knickers was 
something of a relief; her semi-shaved bush hardly hid 
her mound. 

Stepping out of the circle of clothing, she approached 
Cerberus and stroked each neck in turn and scratched 
behind each set of ears. Her hands caressed and 
stroked, working their way over shoulders and flanks, 
kneading and smoothing. Cerberus was like a dog with 
two tails, except he had three heads and two cocks, but 
only one tail.

She knelt on the bare rock floor and gently coaxed one 
and then the other cock from their respective sheaths. 
She noted that he had two sets of balls and wondered to 
her self; just how much semen this would produce. 
Fairly shortly, she had two cocks twitching and 
dripping precum in her palms. 

Her ministrations of rubbing the thick bright red cocks 
was getting results, Cerberus’s haunches were beginning 
to buck and his sides heaved with panted and shortened 
breathing. Without preamble, she lowered her head and 
took one of the monster cocks into her mouth. Sucking 
on the throbbing cock while still rubbing the other. 
Her fist kept knocking against her cheek and the sounds 
of wetness echoed in her ear.

Cerberus was endowed with two large cocks and both of 
them were urging towards climax. The one in her mouth 
was close to spurting its load into her throat and the 
other was about to spray her face with its creamy 
emissions. Susan stopped sucking and rubbing and 
twisted around under his belly, offering her sex to his 
urgently throbbing dicks.

Carefully, she reached between her kneeling legs and 
guided one of his cocks to her already wet and 
glistening hole and was rewarded as it slipped into her 
body. It was only as she settled into a comfortable 
position, that she realised the other cock had entered 
her anal passage and was slowly, but surely, working 
its way deeper into her. A feral need was awakened in 
her; she thrust back onto the cocks and impaled 
herself. 

In a feat she would never have thought possible, she 
managed to alternate the thrusts of the cocks by 
arching her back up and then down. It seemed as if she 
had two independent centres of sensation clambering for 
release. As her body became more used to the invasion 
and her muscles relaxed, more of Cerberus forced its 
way into her until both knots pushed against her 
openings. 

In her desperation to accept his seed, she thrust 
backwards and was rewarded as his knot entered her 
cunt, passing her inner lips and finding its way to 
nestle deep inside her. Then the other knot pushed past 
her sphincter and rammed into her ass. The pain was 
almost unbearable until his thrust began to work their 
magic on her nerve endings. She reached back between 
her legs and found her clit. She punished it between 
forefinger and thumb, twisting and pinching until she 
shuddered an orgasm. 

Cerberus howled in triplicate and shot two loads of red 
hot cum into her, flooding both canals in a frenzy of 
carnal lust and a basic instinctive need to lock and 
compete the act of procreation. Her stomach swelled 
with the copious amounts of dog cum and they locked as 
if they would never separate again.

The group of little grey men clapped and jigged from 
foot to foot, their enjoyment of the spectacle evident 
in their excitement and dancing. Susan only now, became 
aware of them and the state she must have looked like, 
but it didn’t matter. Her body adjusted and allowed 
Cerberus to slip out of her canals with a loud plopping 
and sucking noise. The movement created new waves of 
pleasure in diminishing crests.

Then it was over. Cerberus had had his fill of her. 
Susan was fucked beyond her wildest dreams and the 
little grey men all had their cocks out, wanking like 
fury. A collective Ahh went up and hundreds of tiny 
spurts coalesced into the ever-growing puddle of cum 
collecting in a hollow in the floor.

Later, after they had all rested and eaten food 
provided from the rucksacks carried by the little rock 
goblins. They set off through the mountain, in secret 
passages that would never be seen by human again.


Chapter three


Susan continues her Quest and meets a dragon and goes 
home.

Their trek through the mountain took the best part of 
the day. Progress might have been quicker, but Cerberus 
insisted on stopping every so often and lifting a leg 
against outcrops of rock as if marking the way back 
with his scent. 

Progress might have also been quicker if they didn’t 
have a lengthy stop to give Susan another good seeing 
to. Cerberus, still quite satisfied from their 
previous, was content to lick her pussy until she 
creamed her self and made a mess of his middle snout. 

It would have gone on to full sex, but the three heads 
couldn’t decide between them, quite how to do it. Susan 
thought she might be spared the ignominy of having the 
two dog dicks empty inside her and was pleased at the 
reprise. The little grey men had other ideas though. 
Seeing that her clothing had once again hit the floor, 
they took the opportunity to have their own way with 
her.

Susan was spread eagled on her back with her womanly 
charms open to investigation. Her rapid and disabling 
orgasm was just beginning to subside when she suddenly 
felt something invade her sopping wet fuck hole. 
Surprised and thinking Cerberus had changed his mind; 
she lifted her head to find one of the little guys with 
his fist and arm firmly shoved up her twat.

"What the fu..."

Her mouth was clamped shut by a small hand, while other 
little grey hands grabbed her swinging tits.

"...uummph?" She finished.

It was relentless, something like twenty of the little 
fellas had accompanied Cerberus and her, and all of 
them were going to take a turn at her. Their little 
cocks couldn’t do much for her, but the fisting did, 
especially when they started to double team her with 
one fist in the ass and another in her cunt. 

Pretty soon, she was rushing towards a violent come and 
was tipped over the edge when another of the small 
goblins started to slap her clit with the flat of his 
grey hand having given up rubbing it. T

he little smacks devastated her and she was sure that, 
at least one of the little guys drowned in her juices. 
She almost drowned in their collective come they 
insisted should be swallowed. The guys might have been 
small, but they could come for their world and twenty 
or so of them made quite an amount of man essence.

When they had all sated them selves in her throat, 
Susan re-dressed and wordlessly pointed the direction 
she was going to go in and started to walk. She didn’t 
trust her vocal cords to be able to articulate anything 
more than a grunt or moan. Her legs weren’t in much 
better shape, quivering as they did from the prolonged 
high of her last orgasm. Somehow, she managed to make 
headway.

What seemed like hours past and with each step, Susan’s 
temper bloomed until. After the umpteenth time of 
Cerberus pissing against the wall, Susan’s patience 
gave out and she rounded on the huge animal.

"Can’t you ever stop the fucking pissing every few 
steps?" She put her fists on her hips in the classic 
you’re in for a fight matey, pose. "We could be miles 
further on if you didn’t keep stopping to slash all 
over the place."

"Two things come to mind, actually, three. First, this 
is my domain and I do as I please."

"Two." The second head took over. "It makes no 
difference to the journey. Time and space are all 
relative here."

"And three." The third head chimed in. "Fuck you." 

"And forth, if you weren’t such a horny bitch and kept 
stopping to fuck our brains out, we might have got 
there last week."

She was sure the three heads were laughing and got 
really angry, but held it in for the moment.

"You want to learn to count, you stupid fuckwit." She 
commented. "What do you mean, time and space are all 
relative? Do you mean that we aren’t really moving? 
Just sort of making the actions?"

"That’s about the strength of it. We are moving, but 
nothing is really moving at all, just the scenery. 
Still, won’t be long now, my nose tells me the end is 
quite close."

"Thank fuck for that." She shrugged her shoulders 
angrily and started forward. Only a few minutes later, 
the quality of light noticeably began to change. 
Instead of the phosphorous green half-light, shadows 
started to become more defined and the air seemed 
cooler.

Then, suddenly, they were on a ledge overlooking a 
green and verdant valley. Sunlight streamed from the 
western end from a cloudless sky. Afternoon was clearly 
well entered into and the coolness of evening caused 
her to goose pimple.

"Well here you are then." Cerberus stayed in the shadow 
of the opening as if the light would burn him. The 
little grey men were almost invisible, shuffling around 
in the neck of the cave mouth. "This is where we stop 
and leave you to continue your travels. You will soon 
come to a path that leads up to the top. Follow it 
until your guide finds you. Goodbye and um…thanks for 
the screw, it was nice." He turned to re-enter the 
cave.

"Nice! Fucking hell, what did you expect? No, don’t 
tell me. Well go on then, fuck of back to you lonely 
life talking to your self." She also turned to leave 
and nearly walked straight over the precipice, but 
managed to stop and tried to make it look as if she had 
done it purposely, not wanting the animal to see she 
was utterly devastated by the parting if truth be told.

"I meant it was something special, but no matter. Take 
care Susan and good luck in your quest." He stepped 
back and winked out of sight.

"I fucking hate this place." She muttered to herself 
and then, to add to her general feeling of misery, the 
cat suddenly appeared at her feet in a small cloud of 
green smoke. "Nice special effects." She remarked 
dryly.

"Thought I would cheer you up with some colour after 
all that grey." He managed to form a scowl, not easy 
when a smile is painted on your face.

"What did that three headed idiot mean about time and 
space being relative? Susan felt the need to ask, 
because if she weren’t actually moving, just the 
scenery, then a quick fast forward would be nice.

The cat’s face split into a huge grin as he said.

"You’ve heard the phrase, two heads are better than 
one? Yes? Well three heads are one too many and only 
screw up the stew." His answer couldn’t have been more 
obtuse if he sat and thought about it for a whole 
week." The cat paused to clean a paw.

"Anyway, as your guide, I suggest you step back from 
the edge and start walking up that path. Just a 
suggestion mind." He winked out, leaving Susan alone 
again.

Utterly forlorn, she looked in the direction indicated 
by the cat before his disappearing act. To her 
amazement, a yellow-bricked road led away and upwards 
until it was obscured by the curve of the mountain.

"Oh great!" She said to herself. "And I am supposed to 
be Dorothy I guess?" The question was rhetorical and 
directed at the space recently vacated by the cat.

"If the cap fits, you won’t need a condom and 
pessories." It was just as well the cat had winked out, 
because she would have kicked him to death.

Susan stepped onto the ochre coloured roadway and 
noticed that she now had red sparkling shoes on her 
feet and a gingham dress. All that was missing was the 
tin man, Cowardly lion, Toto and the scarecrow. She 
shrugged again, something that was becoming habitual, 
and started to walk.

Idly, she wondered what would happen if she actually 
stopped walking, would the scenery still move? Or would 
the cat wink into view again to hurry her along. She 
stopped and a split second later, the scenery stopped 
as well.

The cat’s voice cut into her thoughts, sounding like it 
was on her shoulder.

"You’re getting too good at this, best play along 
though, because the power that is, will get the needle 
and you just might be stuck for good and all."

"Last thing I need is to be stuck with you, you little 
prick." Susan spat the last words out as if they 
dripped in venom.

"As a matter of fact, you have been stuck with me. Who 
do you think Cerberus was really?" He let the moment 
sink in, and then continued. "I ain’t just a cat you 
know, in fact, I can be anyone or anything I choose, 
like say, centaur maybe or an Orc. Neat eh?"

"You dirty little fucker. So you have been screwing 
with me all this time?" Susan’s incredulity rose by 
several notches.

"Can you blame me? You are a very sexy woman and 
getting jiggy with you is the most natural thing in 
this whole realm. Anyway, you still have a quest to 
finish and I guess, one or two more tight situations 
before you get out of here."

"What? Like you want to screw me in other guises before 
I eventually get free of this nightmare? You perverted 
little fucker, I ought to cut your balls off and feed 
them to your throat."

The cat stayed out of vision while he laughed.

"Oh! Fuck you." Susan’s patience ran out and she 
stomped off up the path.

Pretty soon, her stomping brought her to another cave 
mouth. An evil smell was emanating from the dark depths 
and a faint smell, like bitumen was carried on a foetid 
breeze coming from inside. Susan felt rather than 
heard, a deep resonant rumble that came from no human 
throat. She steeled herself and stepped into the gloom.

A wall of heat hit her, almost knocking the breath from 
her lungs. Somehow, she managed to place one foot in 
front of the other and advance down a sloping tunnel 
towards the source of the heat and stench.

The sight, when she eventually arrived at a huge 
subterranean amphitheatre, was overwhelming. The 
horseshoe shaped cavern, had a high domed ceiling that 
had to be all of thirty feet high. In the centre of the 
arena was a huge pile of jewels surrounded by 
brilliantly glowing braziers of dark metal. She could 
see rubies, emeralds, diamonds and gold glinting all 
over the pile. Sat on top of it was a giant green 
dragon, complete with the scales and barbels under its 
jaw, just like the Chinese mythical Wyrme.

Glittering composite eyes regarded Susan with no 
apparent interest. Small curlicues of grey smoke wisped 
from enormous nostrils that topped a wickedly curled 
mouth full of teeth that resembled scimitars and looked 
just as sharp and dangerous. 

Susan was unsure what to do. She had a feeling that if 
she made any sudden movement, she might end up as a 
light snack or fried on the spot. She froze to the spot 
and hoped that the dragon would ignore her. She was 
unlucky.

AT LAST! YOU HAVE ARRIVED; I WAS GIVING UP ON YOU.

The monster hadn’t spoken, it words appeared in Susan’s 
minds eye like front-page headlines.

"I was um... unavoidably delayed." Susan answered 
lamely and felt very small in doing it.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TO DO?

"Um, I think so. 

HOW DO YOU INTEND TO STEAL THE PEARL?

"I haven’t thought that far ahead. Besides, I don’t 
know where it is yet. I guessed I would make something 
up when I found it."

IT’S RIGHT THERE. The dragon pointed with its smoking 
snout towards a pedestal on the opposite side of the 
cavern to Susan.

"I guess you won’t just let me take it will you?" Susan 
knew the answer before she asked the question, but 
decided it was worth a shot.

NO, I WILL NOT GIVE IT TO YOU. YOU MUST STEAL IT.

"How the hell am I supposed to steal something, when 
you know that I am here and my intentions before I 
start?"

YOU COULD TRY COERCION OR USE SOME SUBTLE ART. YOU 
MIGHT TRY TRICKERY OR A CLEVER PLAN TO GET ME TO LEAVE 
MY NEST, OR YOU COULD TRY AND DISTRACT ME.

"Would sex work?"

NO.

"Would any of those work?"

NO.

"Fat lot of good that advice was then. Hang on. Are you 
really the cat? Because if you are, I am getting tired 
of this game now and really would like to go home."

"She isn’t me." The cat winked into existence on a 
ledge, just out of her reach.

HELLO FELINUS.

"Hi Draco, how’s it going?"

OKAY I GUESS. THE LITTLE ONES SHOULD BE HATCHING IN A 
FEW DECADES NOW, SO THAT WILL BE NICE. MAKE A CHANGE TO 
HAVE SOME COMPANY HERE.

"How long’s it been, hundred and fifty years?"

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

"Sorry to bust up the reunion, but I want to go home 
and could use a suggestion or something here." Susan 
raised her voice to overcome the echoed reverberations 
of the dragon’s voice.

I SEE YOU ARE STILL MESSING AROUND WITH ALTERNATIVE 
UNIVERSES. WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS PEARL THAT ATTRACTS 
YOU SO MUCH?

"Hello. Is anyone listening to me?" Susan’s voice went 
up an octave.

SHUT UP!

"Shut up!" 

The stereophonic order hit her like a hammer and 
knocked her onto her arse. The gingham dress flew up 
over her head, revealing that she had no underwear on. 
She unravelled herself and smoothed the voluminous 
fabric down. Stunned, Susan sat there and listened, as 
the two re-acquainted them selves like long lost 
friends. 

The conversation went on and on, it occurred to Susan 
that she had been forgotten. Slowly, so she didn’t 
remind them of her presence, Susan got up and sidled 
around the pile of jewels and gold. After several 
minutes, she reached the pedestal and in a moment of 
pure genius, replaced the pearl with a white stone.

She edged her way back to the entrance and was about to 
start back up the sloping tunnel, when she was pole 
axed.

OH! THAT WAS SLICK; NOW STAY QUITE STILL.

Susan was compelled to stop. Her senses reeled from the 
mental onslaught.

WELL, YOU MANAGED TO STEAL THE PEARL, BUT DO YOU REALLY 
KNOW WHY YOU HAVE? HAS IT BEEN EXPLAINED TO YOU WHAT 
THE PEARL MEANS? YOU MAY ANSWER.

"N-no, it hasn’t, just that it is my release from this 
world." Susan’s mind tried to shrink and hide somewhere 
near her feet.

IS THAT WHAT THE LITTLE WEASEL TOLD YOU? DIDN’T YOU 
KNOW, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SAY HOME THREE TIMES AND 
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN TRANSPORTED STRAIGHT BACK TO 
WHEREVER YOU CAME FROM?

"Obviously not." Susan’s sarcasm was returning. "Do you 
honestly think I would have stayed one second more than 
I had to if I had known?" She was livid and began 
looking for the cat; she had a few choice words for the 
tricky feline.

"So what is this pearl then?" She felt she should find 
out what she had been dragged into.

WELL, IF FELINUS MANAGES TO EVER GET IT OUT OF HERE, HE 
WILL RULE THE WORLD. ALL WORLDS, IT IS THE PEARL OF 
ULTIMATE WISDOM. WITH IT, HE WILL KNOW EVERYTHING, PAST 
PRESENT AND FUTURE; CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THE LITTLE 
FUCKER WOULD DO ARMED WITH THAT KIND OF KNOWLEDGE?

"Where is he? I want a word with him." Susan’s voice 
took on a dangerous quietitude. Anyone who knew her 
would stay right out of her way.

"Right behind you ducks, and you had better hand over 
the pearl."

Susan spun on her heel and was amazed to see her old 
Math Tutor standing nonchalantly just a few feet away.

"Hand it over." The figure was right, but the voice was 
definitely wrong. "Comes from your memories Honey. 
You’re like an open book. Always seeking love and 
recognition. Never quite cutting it. By the way, you’re 
a passable screw and suck very well. Did you learn that 
in college too?" The Cheshire style grin spread across 
his face, mimicking the cat for a second.

"So, you used me to get this eh?" She proffered the 
pearl, cupped in her palms. "All so you could be the 
lord of all? Well catch!" She hefted the precious jewel 
into the air and waited for it to reach the top of its 
parabolic flight before stepping forward and planting a 
full-bloodied kick to his nuts.

Her foot met with satisfying resistance and she almost 
laughed at the comic way his eyes crossed, just before 
he grasped his balls and sunk to the floor, groaning.

"If you had bothered to read further into my memory, 
you would have found that I owed him that and, for all 
the fucking around, have this too." She swung her foot 
again and connected with his jaw. The lights went out 
in his eyes and he slumped bonelessly in a heap.

The pearl reached the stone floor and shattered into 
dust, which surprised Susan a little.

IT WAS A FALSE PEARL. THE REAL ONE IS UNDER MY EGGS. I 
COULDN’T RUN THE RISK OF HIM MANAGING TO GET IT. IS HE 
ALRIGHT BY THE WAY?

"Who cares?" Susan didn’t look at her tormentor again, 
instead she approached the huge dragon and prepared to 
say goodbye.

TAKE THIS BY WAY OF THANKS. GOODBYE SUSAN AND BE HAPPY.

Susan took what was offered without looking at it and 
bade the dragon goodbye. It was the only creature that 
hadn’t wanted to screw her.

"Home. Home. Home." All went very black.

She didn’t awake so much as just become conscious of a 
crowd of people surrounding her. The park bench had cut 
lines into her back where she had lain on it and her 
head was throbbing.

The crowd, seeing she was alive and stirring, gave out 
a collective sigh, whether in disappointment that she 
was alive, or because she was alive, Susan didn’t know.

"What?" She yelled as loudly as her head would allow. 
"Fuck off you lot, go on, fuck off." She groaned from 
the effort of raising and yelling.

The crowd, seeing that the spectacle was over, did as 
she advised and dissipated in different directions, 
leaving one guy by himself. Eventually, she married 
him; having seen an iridescent green glint in his eye 
reminded her of something that she couldn’t quite 
remember.

She also found in her palm, an emerald the size of a 
hens egg. 

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This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life.

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Kristen's collection - Directory 29