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Archive name: oddlove.txt (MF/pre-teen, ped)
Authors name: Lor Oldmann (jamwad@hotmail.com)
Story title : Odd Love Affairs

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Odd Love Affairs (MF/pre-teen, ped)
by Lor Oldmann (jamwad@hotmail.com)

***

Another heightened biographical contribution designed to 
illustrate the postulation that crazy mixed-up sexuality 
is not a particularly modern phenomenon, or something of 
the sort.

***

It was not so much a love triangle as an emotional 
quadrille; it was, however, one of the oddest love 
relationships in history. Dante (or Durante) Alighieri 
was nine when he first cast his seedy little eyes on 
Beatrice Portinari who was just about to become ten. It 
was love at first sight, for, by all accounts she was an 
exceedingly beautiful child, but doomed from the start. 
She was engaged in a secret compact to be married to an 
already married effeminate homosexual, as soon as his 
enfeebled wife died.

According to urban legend, Simon de' Bardi had a friend 
stand in for him on his wedding night when he finally 
married Beatrice ten years later. Beatrice died three 
years after her marriage, allegedly of a broken heart 
for longing after Dante, but almost certainly from 
boredom. Dante had been promised in marriage, firstly, 
to a fair maiden who died in infancy, then, when he was 
eleven or twelve, to the rather plumpish, near idiotic 
Gemma Donati, daughter of the powerful family of Guelf.

There is no doubt that Dante was a crazy mixed-up kid. 
You only have to read some of the descriptive pieces of 
Divina Commedia to see the effects. Apart from the off-
putting marriage arrangements, and his hopeless love for 
Beatrice, his mother died when he was seven. His father 
quickly remarried and ordered the son to spend some time 
with his 'uncle' Brunetto Latini so that he (the father) 
could have some quality time with his new bride.

"I'll be buggered if I go to stay with the old faggot," 
was Dante's immediate response. And sure enough, he was! 
In The Divine Comedy the 'uncle' appears in the seventh 
circle of hell reserved for those who have a taste for 
sodomy. Latini, for his part, thought he had hit rock 
bottom with Dante, a little bum who was way behind the 
times. The stepmother couldn't stand the little brat 
either. So he really was buggered up.

When Dante was fifteen, his father died. He had his 
marriage to look forward to, a lifetime in the company 
of the ugliest, craziest bitch in Florence. His 
stepmother wanted nothing to do with him, and he had to 
fight for every cent of his inheritance. So the visits 
to Uncle Brunetto took on a kind of permanence. The 
experience he gained in Latini's bed held him in good 
stead for when he shacked up with the homosexual poet 
Guido Cavalcanti.

The one and only thing that kept Dante sane was his 
childhood love for Beatrice. Her image was indelibly 
printed into his imagination and was with him right up 
to the moment of his death. He had seen her first, very 
briefly, in a narrow street in Florence. Their eyes met 
and in that split second Dante knew that he could never 
find satisfaction in another female.

A few days later, their paths crossed and they exchanged 
smiles and the conviction of true love was confirmed. 
There could and would be no other person for him. But 
even at that early age, there seeded in his mind the 
certain knowledge that it was a love unattainable, which 
was fine as far as he was concerned, for that was the 
truest kind of love in the thirteenth century: amour 
courteous or courtly love.

It is suggested that while he was making love to his 
ugly wife he tried to concentrate on the image of 
Beatrice. He tried the same trick while he was being 
sodomised by Uncle Brunetto and in the arms of 
Cavalcanti, but it seemed not to have worked in any of 
these cases, for true love had nothing to do with that 
kind of gross sexual activity. It is almost certain that 
he found more satisfaction in masturbating. After all, 
it was a release readily at hand. 

His wife may have been ugly, but she still produced 
seven children for him - any port in a storm! The six 
sons were as crazy as the father and the daughter was as 
ugly as the mother. The daughter, who was called 
(surprise, surprise) Beatrice, became a nun and it is 
reported that every time she entered or left the convent 
the gargoyles at the gateway grimaced; one cynic 
declared her to be so ugly that even the mother superior 
didn't fancy her. 

There is no doubt that Dante followed the day-to-day 
reports about his true love; he wrote sonnets about her 
- absolutely no mention in any of his poetry of the ugly 
bitch was living with. He could tell what Beatrice ate 
at dinner, when she was constipated, when her monthlies 
were due, and when she died, he did not take himself off 
to a monastery exactly, but he became all religious and 
crossed himself twice daily and read De Consolatione 
Philosophiae of Boethius and Aquinas's Summa Theologiae 
and, worse still, he started to write complicated 
sentimental poems to her memory. At the end he lost the 
place altogether and put Beatrice on the summit of the 
seventh heaven to replace the Virgin Mary in his poetry.

A friend once asked him, "Given the chance, would you 
have screwed the little cow?"

Dante took exception to the question, but he gave it a 
lot of thought, then replied, "I very much doubt it, for 
that would have destroyed the quality of love between 
us. And who need friends anyway?" And he challenged the 
other man to a duel for daring to insult his ideal. And 
killed him!

So much then for thirteenth century amour courtois. Move 
on a few centuries and we come across an equally odd, 
but distinctly dissimilar love affair involving a 
beautiful woman and a nut.

In 1823 an artist was commissioned to paint a portrait. 
They fell instantly in love and had a torrid affair. 
Nothing odd in that - it happens all the time. The 
artist, Edwin Landseer, was 21 while the subject, 
Duchess Georgina of Bedford, was twice his age. So? He 
really had only painted animals before this. So? She was 
the wife of the third richest man in England and had 
borne him nine darling children. And her husband not 
only knew about the love affair, but positively 
encouraged it and shielded the pair from the worst of 
the scandal it caused. And the affair lasted until 
Georgina died aged 72! Oh! Beat that Hollywood!

Georgina was one of the many daughters of the Duke of 
Gordon. She was born and brought up in a fairy-tale 
castle that went back in time beyond the days of 
Shakespeare's MacBeth in the north of Scotland. Even as 
young girls, she and her sisters were volatile sex 
kittens who experimented with emotions and lived life to 
the full with few inhibitions and less parental control. 
When she married, she insisted, it would be for love. It 
was convenient that she fell in love with one of the 
richest men around. And the nine children of the 
marriage gives some indication of its intensity. There 
is not a single recorded occasion when Georgina had a 
headache.

A good case could be made for the argument that the old 
Duke of Bedford had been worn out by her demands. There 
is every indication that he looked around for someone 
else to do the dirties with his wife. Artists had the 
reputation, and Edwin Landseer, young, virile and 
inexperienced, and stupid, was available. To claim that 
the Duke was guiltless in bringing the pair together 
would leave a lot of obvious questions unanswered.

The plain fact was that she was a randy bitch, her 
husband was past it, and Landseer was there for the 
taking. We hear a lot in modern times about 
sexploitation involving women; in Georgian England right 
up to and well into Victorian times the use of candy-
boys for bored society ladies was common and blatant 
and, in fact, along with strong drink, became the focus 
of attack by the moral reformers on the second half of 
the nineteenth century. Poverty, child prostitution, 
industrial exploitation, prevailing epidemics of 
cholera, influenza, pneumonia and tuberculosis, bad 
housing, street crime, all these were of secondary 
importance and would have to take their place in the 
queue. 

Edwin Landseer, at the best of times, was not the full 
bucket of sand in the brain department. As a child in 
London he would run screaming "Rape!" if approached by a 
girl in the street, and at home he used to hide from 
female visitors behind chairs. He refused sweets from 
strangers because he was convinced that they were 
poisoned.

He slept fully clothed for fear that, were he to die in 
the night, he would appear naked before God. He suffered 
from a constricted bladder and irritable bowels, because 
he refused to perform the demands of nature in any but 
his the privy in his own home. And he washed every part 
of his body except his pudenda, because these parts were 
naughty.

There is no doubt that the kid was in the genius class 
for art; he exhibited his work in the Royal Academy when 
he was thirteen at a time when that famous institution 
was dominated by antiquated old farts who turned up 
their noses at masterpieces by Dyce, Raeburn and 
Nasmyth. Nevertheless, the first signs of mental 
instability were to be seen even in his animal pictures; 
he not only included human characteristics, he actually 
believed that the beasts could and did communicate with 
him through their emotions and their mannerisms. He was 
closer to animals than people.

Until he met Georgina. She opened up a new world to him. 
In other words, she opened up for him. And how! They 
went at it right there under the nose of the old Duke, 
she took him away for dirty weekends and flouted him in 
public. She rented Doune Castle for a season and screwed 
the last drop of sex and sensuality out of their time 
together there. She became pregnant again by Landseer. 
The Duke of Bedford accepted the fact and the result as 
his own flesh and blood. Menopause came upon her soon 
after the birth of the Lady Rachel, but if anything her 
sex drive increased.

When the Duke of Bedford died in 1839, Landseer asked 
Georgina to marry him. She laughed, and demanded, "Why 
do you want to go and do a silly thing like that? It is 
so tiresome being laid by a husband; a lover is no much 
more exciting! And anyway, if we were married I would 
have to split the shekels left by the old boy. Not that 
I married him for his money." She provided an allowance 
for the artist and continued to fuck him senseless 
almost until the day she also passed to the great 
beyond.

Landseer lived for another twenty years. It took that 
long to recover his breath. But his mental condition 
deteriorated to the point where he was a slobbering, 
gibbering lunatic. He was quite incredibly handsome even 
as a fruitcake, and passing rich on the endowment 
Georgina left him. He was invited to ask for the hand of 
sweet young debutantes at various times, but he always 
retained just enough sanity to refuse. He never married. 
Georgina was his model and, like Dante, he sustained 
himself through the remainder of his life with the image 
of her female perfection deeply planted in his mind.

END

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This story was written as an adult fantasy. The author
does not condone the described behavior in real life in
anyway shape or form. 

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