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Archive name: leggy.txt (MMF, wife, cheat)
Authors name: DrSpin (drspin@newsguy.com)
Story title : Leggy and Legless

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-= This work is copyrighted to the author © 2000. =-
Please do not remove the author information or make
any changes to this story. You may post freely to non-
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Leggy and Legless (MMF, cheat, revenge)
by DrSpin (drspin@newsguy.com)
5 December 1999

DrSpin's Standard Disclaimer:
I write and you read, if you care to. That's all there
is to it. I would be surprised to hear that any of my 
stories gave offence. If so, the offended reader should 
not have been here in the first place and only has 
himself/herself to blame. If this story is relocated 
anywhere but on this newsgroup, please leave my name
intact as the author and my email address.

Andy was dead drunk, and when he was like that somebody
eventually had to take him home. We left him lying
around for a while because it wasn't a pleasant task.
Andy was one of those guys who fell to bits suddenly
when he reached his limit. When he went he was gone.
The trouble with Andy was that he did it all too often
and his wife was pretty much sick and tired of it. Al's
bucks night had been great up till now, but it was over
and somebody had to take Andy home.  We drew straws.
Pete got the job and asked me to come with him. "You
know her better than I do," he pleaded. "She'll be
steaming."

I knocked on the door while Pete held Andy upright or 
thereabouts. Colleen was angry before she opened it. I 
could feel it through the wood panelling. She knew 
Andy would have used his key. If he could. Which he 
couldn't.

She was a tall girl. She stood in the frame of the 
doorway, lit by the lamp on the porch, and glared at 
us. I inclined my head in a gesture of apology. She 
glared some more, tightened the cord on her gown, 
turned and stomped away down the corridor. "You 
two can carry him upstairs and put him to bed," she 
said over her shoulder. "I'd be just as happy to leave 
him outside."

I'd done this once before. We carried and dragged him 
up the stairs and dumped him on the bed. The rest was 
up to him. We ventured down the stairs cautiously, 
shuffling like you do when you're ill at ease, and 
headed for the front door.  "Wait just a minute," she 
called out sharply. It was a command and we stopped.

"Come in here," she said. "I want to talk to you."

She might have been named Colleen but she didn't 
look it. Nothing dainty about Andy's Colleen. She was 
taller than Pete and nearly as tall as I was, with black
and bushy curly hair, big brown-black eyes, a long 
straight nose and a wide and full mouth. She was 
olive-skinned, straight-lined and the leggiest female 
you were likely to run across. Whatever Irish ancestry 
she might call on had been swamped by a strong line 
of middle-European Slavic inheritance. She was 
wearing a black-and-white Japanese-style kimono and 
her feet were bare.

"What the hell happened," she demanded. "He 
promised he'd be home early. You think I like staying 
up this late waiting for him to fall in the door?"

I shrugged. "He drank too much."

"Again."

"Again," I agreed.

"But he promised."

Pete took a step forward, trying to be helpful. "It was
a pretty big night," he said. "I guess he got carried
away with the excitement."

I winced. Pete was inexperienced. You didn't want to 
volunteer a lot of information. Just pay your dues, say 
you're sorry and get the hell out of it.

"Excitement?" Her interest picked up immediately.

"Well, yes," said Pete. "It was a buck's night, you 
know."

"Was it?" She tapped her fingers on the mantlepiece. 

"Was it indeed? He didn't tell me that."

There you go. Now everybody was just that bit more 
upset. Pete looked over at me but I kept my face 
straight.

"So," she said. "A buck's night. I guess you had a 
stripper?"

"Sure," said Pete, who couldn't seem to help himself. 

"You know how it is."

"Actually, I don't," she said, fixing her glare on him. 

"Suppose you tell me?"

Pete cleared his throat. "Oh well, you know, it was 
Al's big night so we all chipped in. All ten of us. I 
mean, that's what you do."

"You all chipped in." She pondered that. "What did she
cost?"

"$500," said Pete.

She laughed derisively. "You paid her $500? What did 
she do for that?"

Pete needed rescuing badly. "She took her clothes off,"
I said, as blandly as I could.

"And you paid her $500? Did you get your money's worth?
She'd need to be Miss Universe." She turned her eyes
back to Pete. She knew he was the blabbermouth.  "Is
that all she did?"

"Yes," I said. But at the same time, Pete was blabbing. 

"She fooled around a bit," he said.

"Who with?"

"With Al," I said quickly. Pete, finally starting to
learn something, nodded his head in agreement.

"Not with Andy?"

"Hey," I said. "Andy was way too drunk to fool around
with anybody."

She eyed me suspiciously. "That's probably true."

A silence developed. I looked towards the doorway. 
Surely it was time to go.

"You guys are something else," she said. "You've got 
wives. Or girlfriends. But you pay some tart $500 to 
take off her clothes. What's the matter with you?"

"Colleen, it's just a sort of tradition," I said. "It
means nothing."

"But I'm curious, Vince. I mean, how good was she? Was
she really good looking?"

"She was okay. As strippers go."

"Well," she said, considering me. "For example, did she
have better legs than me?"

"Hell no," I said honestly.

"Was she more attractive than me?"

"No way."

"Well, did she have a better body than me?"

"I wouldn't think so."

"You wouldn't think so. But you gave her $500. Would
you give me $500 to take off my clothes?"

"Come on, Colleen. Give me a break."

"No, seriously."

"The question would never come up."

"I'm bringing it up, Vince. Would you pay me $500 to 
strip?"

I shuffled uncomfortably. "You're not a stripper."

"But if I decided to turn my hand to it, would you pay 
me $500?"

I waved my hand in a gesture of peace and understand-
ing. "I guess so."

She leant towards me slightly. "Okay," she said. "I'll 
do it. Here and now. Give me $500."

I laughed. "We haven't got $500."

"How much have you got?"

I laughed again. "I've got 10 bucks."

She swung her attention to Pete. "How much have you 
got?"

Pete raised his eyebrows at me. "About $25, I guess."

"Not exactly a top offer," she said. "You give some 
tart $500 earlier tonight and I have to do the same job 
for $35. And, according to you, I look better than she 
did. What am I supposed to say to that?"

"You're supposed to turn it down," I said, looking for 
the exit line. "And we're supposed to go home."

"I'll tell you this," she said. "$35 is an insult and
I'm turning it down. I wouldn't want to lose my amateur 
status for $35, so I'll do it for nothing."

"Huh?" Pete's exclamation was loud but to the point.

"But you don't get anything fancy. No dancing or music
or striptease or the like. I'll just simply take off my
clothes. Right?"

I knew I had a pained expression on my face. "Now 
look, "I said. "Colleen, this is certainly not right at 
all."

She tugged loose the belt of the kimono and shrugged 
off the garment with a simple and smooth shimmy of 
her shoulders. "Oops," she said. "Looks like I was 
wearing very little underneath."

The kimono pooled at her feet. She was wearing only 
black pants. And she was pretty damn good, no 
problem. Great long legs. Full breasts. Fine skin.

"Well, guys," she said with a faint smile on her mouth. 

"Here's the truth of it.  I swore a sacred and solemn 
curse to Andy that the next time he came in hopeless-
ly late and hopelessly drunk I'd fuck the guy who 
brought him home." She sighed, "Obviously he didn't 
believe me. Now he's going to learn the hard way but 
two of you brought him home so I guess I'll have to 
fuck both of you." She turned her dark eyes on me. 
"You first."

Decision time. Do I turn and flee out the door? She 
was going to tell Andy, no doubt about it. She was 
planning a revenge fuck, pure and simple. He'd go off 
his face and come looking for us. On the other hand, 
she was top shelf. And I was bigger than Andy anyway.
But he could fight like a cornered cat. Maybe he'd
take it all out on my little mate. Poor Pete.

"If I must," I said.

Some events stand out like milestones in your life. 
This wasn't one of them. It would be fucking good for 
my ego to say I fucked her good and she was amazed 
by my good fucking performance. But I didn't even 
extract from her the smallest amount of affection, let 
alone gratification. All I can say is that I was there
and I did it. Sheesh, you'd have given a passing stray
dog a more polite acknowledgement than I got from 
Colleen.

I tend to get a bit mellow and aw-shucks sentimental 
after I've stuck a precious piece of me into a woman, 
even if she's boring holes through me with malevolent 
eyes. She didn't once crack a smile. She didn't raise 
an eyebrow. I'm not at all certain she even blinked. 
She was a real nice package but there weren't nothing 
inside the box.

Even a jaded and cynical hooker will say thanks, even 
if she's only talking about the money  And maybe a 
comment on the weather or something complimentary 
about your shoes. Something. Anything. All Colleen 
said was: "Tell the ugly short guy it's his turn."
I stood around outside the front door and waited for 
Pete. I didn't even get to have a second cigarette. 
"Right," he said, shutting the door behind him and 
looking anywhere but at me. "Let's get the hell out
of here."

To my surprise, Andy didn't come hunting for us with 
a shotgun. It was as if it hadn't happened. Pete made it 
clear he didn't want to talk about it and the incident 
would have faded away except I couldn't quite shake 
the image of Colleen's long-legged body from my 
memory bank. Three weeks or so passed until I saw 
Andy. I was cajoling an automatic teller to give me 
cash when he tapped me on the shoulder.

"I've been out of circulation," he said  "Colleen's been 
pissed off bigtime since Al's bucks party and I've had 
to mend a few bridges. She said you and Pete took me 
home that night and I want to say thanks, and you 
won't have to do it again."

"S'okay," I said. "It happens, even if it does happen 
more to you than most people."

"Right," he agreed. "But I've used up all my chances 
and I have to keep myself nice with Colleen for a 
while."

"She sure was not happy," I said.

"You bet. I realised how bad she was next day when she
told me she screwed you and Pete to teach me a lesson."

I laughed hysterically, like it was the funniest joke
I'd heard that month. It was lucky Andy was none too 
bright, because a lot of guys might have separated the 
laughter from the hysteria and become suspicious.

"Yeah," he said, laughing himself. "I didn't fall for 
that one. I mean, Colleen has always hated your guts. 
And Pete...well, no woman in her right mind would 
screw Pete."

"Yeah, right," I said. Whew.

"But it showed me how angry she really was," Andy 
said. "So I thought I ought to take note. For a while 
anyway."

So we'd got away with it. This was fine because I 
wished no harm on good old Andy and because Pete was
a nervously married man. No problem for me in that
direction, because I was notoriously in and out of 
relationships like a slippery fish, which was pro-
bably why Colleen regarded me less than warmly. Some 
women could be like that.

Unfortunately it was not the end of the matter. A few 
weeks later I was attending the opening of stage two 
of a casino development where Andy was some sort of 
deputy security boss. I had a drink in my hand and I 
was talking to a bunch of guys and, horrors, up came 
Andy and Colleen.

"Lookee here," said Colleen, pointing at me and then 
at Pete, who was also there. "Andy, here are the two 
guys I fucked the last time you were drunk and out of 
it."

But I had her measure. "Yeah right," I said, rolling my 
eyes. "I wish."

Andy laughed and slapped me on the shoulder. I laughed.
The other guys laughed.  We all laughed. 

Except Colleen. And except Pete, who looked like 
he'd had a sudden attack of dysentery. "Not me 
either," he said, trying desperately to extend the joke 
to include him.

"That's right," said Colleen. "You couldn't get it up." 

We all laughed again.

Except Colleen and Pete.

"Hey Vince," said Andy. "Seeing you know Colleen 
so well, look after her for me for a bit, will you? I 
have to be on duty for a little while."

"Sure," I said, although I wasn't by a long shot.

"I want to talk to you," she said to me as soon as Andy 
was out of earshot. She glanced around at the other 
guys and motioned with her head. "In private. Over 
there." I followed her to a neglected corner and she 
turned and looked at me directly. "I just want to offer 
you some sort of apology," she said.

I couldn't read her face. Was she serious? "For what?" 
I asked.

"That other night. I wasn't exactly very nice to you."

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, you didn't pour me a 
cold beer in a tall frosted glass, but I'm not 
complaining."

"You know what I mean," she said crossly.

I shrugged. "I know you were angry with Andy, if 
that's what you mean."

"But I didn't have to take it out on you." She smiled at 
me but I could see she was putting some effort into it. 

"You only did what I asked you to do."

"Colleen, what's going on? You don't have to do this. 
You don't even like me."

"Maybe I like you better than I like him," she said. 
She meant her husband, of course.

"He didn't believe you?"

"You know he didn't."

"Look, Colleen, he told me he'd fucked up and he was 
going to try harder. Maybe you got your point across 
anyway."

"We'll see. Anyway I figured I owe you."

"Owe me what?"

"Another turn in the barrel."

Hey what? Did she mean what I thought she meant?

"Right now would be good," she said. "I know just the 
right place." I knew it made no sense. I tried to put it 
together but she grabbed me by the arm.  "Quick," she 
said. "In here." She pushed open a door not five paces 
away. It didn't look like a door that should open but
it did. She pulled me after her into a brightly-lit 
stairwell. "It's the fire escape," she said. "It's not 
properly finished yet."

Dry lumps of concert and lengths of metal pipe were 
scattered about. The official opening had arrived 
slightly too early for this part of the building. Colleen 
put her back to the wall, hiked up her dress and pulled 
down her pants to her knees. "This time," she said, "I 
guarantee a more friendly response."

Logic and reason disintegrated. Doing it against a
wall may not be the easiest way to do it but it sure
is one of the most blindingly erotic. I moved straight
in, fumbling with my trousers as she wound her arms 
around my neck and kissed me hard and hot. She was 
tall and I had to bend my knees but I got straight on
up there. True to her word, it was a very different 
Colleen. She wriggled urgently against me, threw her 
head back and gave it her best shot.

We rutted like animals in the stairwell. Savage sex. 
White hot mischief. A truly memorable fuck.. And in 
the afterglow, with me still buried in her, she said, 
with her head on my shoulder: "Well, that ought to do 
it."

"Do what?" I was panting still.

She gestured lazily at the ceiling and I looked up. I 
saw the security camera, its red eye winking. Oh shit.

"Guess who's in charge of the security cameras," she 
said.

Oh shit.

"He goes through all the tapes every morning," she said.

ENDS

(drspin@newsguy.com)

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