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From: "Dream Spinner" <authorsix@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} ST: "Jason's Journey - Part 7" (true, bi, teen)
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Date: Sat, 04 Mar 2006 06:10:03 -0500
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JASON'S JOURNEY

This is a story about the growing up and coming of age of a typical Ohio boy 
by the name of Jason as told to me through the exchange of a series of 
Email.  It is a true story detailing true events with only the names, 
including Jason's, having been changed to protect the travelers we meet 
along the way.  We pick up where we left off in Chapter 6 with Jason now 
seventeen and finishing off his Junior year and head over heels in love.  
The lyrics to "Friend To Me" are copyright of Garth Brooks.  Comments about 
the story can be sent to the author, J.O. Dickingson at 
authorsix@hotmail.com and those who wish to correspond directly with Jason 
may do so at journeyofjason@yahoo.com

CHAPTER SEVEN: OF LOVES AND LUSTS SECRET AND OTHERWISE

	While we were in high school Nicole and I wrote each other notes all the 
time.  We would compete to see who could write the most in one school day, 
which I wound up winning with having sixteen pages, front and back, for a 
total of thirty-two pages, in one nine-period day.  It took her about four 
hours to read it that evening.  If you haven't noticed, I do ramble a 
little, and that is what the notes were.  I would put in song lyrics, talk 
about what we were doing in class, what I planned to do that night, how much 
I hated school, everything and nothing at all.  When Garth Brooks put out 
his Sevens album, there was a song called "Friend to Me."  It seemed like it 
was written about us.  We were the best friends forever and it seemed that 
we would be forever more.

Well you and I
We're buddies
And we've been since we first met
Me and you
Well we've sure been through
Our share of laughter and regret.

Lord knows we've had our bad days
And more than once we've disagreed
But you've always been a friend to me.

You can be so stubborn
There's times I think you just like to fight
And I hope and pray
I live to see a day when you say I might be right.

And there's times I'd rather kill you
Than listen to your honesty
But you've always been a friend to me.

You've always been
Time and again
The one to take my hand
And show me it's okay to be
Just the way I am
With no apology.

Oh you've always been
And you will `til God knows when
Yes you've always been a friend to me.

	Nicole and I are also big on going on drives in the country in her red, 
two-door 1990 Cougar and this is when we have some of our heart to heart 
talks.  We talk about who we like, what we did in school, normal stuff like 
that.  It is at the end of one of these drives when I am in my junior year 
and she is in her first year of college that I tell her I am bi.  She is the 
first person I ever tell that to.  We are talking about band and the 
problems I am having only having two tenors at the time, myself and Kevin.  
We stop in front of my house and talk for a few more minutes and just as I 
am about to jump out of the car, I say something to the effect, "Why 
couldn't it have been Kevin that is gay instead of his brother Pete."  I 
open the door to jump out but get stuck in the seatbelt and she grabs me and 
we talk about it a bit and I tell her about my little crush on Kevin and how 
I'd like to, well, you get the idea..  She is shocked I can tell, but she is 
accepting and promises not to tell anyone unless I say it is okay.

	Spring break the band goes on a trip to Florida, a major event for all of 
us and especially for those of us like myself who have additional 
responsibilities.  I am a tenor sax player and in charge of the entire low 
brass section, which includes baritones and marching (valved) trombones.  
There are thirteen people I am in charge of section wise, and twenty if you 
count the people I am in charge of because people in my section are squad 
leaders.  I am supposed to know where every person I am in charge of is at 
every moment of every show we ever do, and I wouldn't have had it any other 
way.
	There are all kinds of great things planned, performing in the Magic Lights 
parade at Disneyland, time to take in the rides and events of the Magic 
Kingdom of course, going to Wet and Wild and Soak City, a trip to Planet 
Hollywood, the beach, and all sorts of other fun stuff and I am really 
looking forward to the trip.  I am not, however, looking forward to the 
group I have been assigned to share a room with: George, Christine's ex, 
Ron, a real doof who goes to the same church as my neighbor, and Kenny, who 
is, well, just Kenny.  George is a year older than I, and Ron and Kenny two 
years younger.  By this time George and Kay have found out that Christine 
and I had been seeing each other before we'd broken up with them and things 
are still a little weird for George and me.  Ron plays baritone so I am 
stuck with him in my section.  There have been times I have gotten so mad at 
him because he got lost while we are practicing that I yelled so hard my 
vision blurred and I just saw flashes of colors.  Intense would be an 
understatement.  Everyone in the band knows that Kenny is gay, hell everyone 
in the school knows he is gay.  He has just never admitted to it.  He is 
weird and fruity and very odd, not gay odd, just very, very strange.
	Early in my junior year I'd struck up a friendship with a girl in my 
section, Beth, and we've been talking to each other through most of the 
year.  She is a really nice person, very cute, with long, dirty blond hair 
and an athletic body.  She is a runner, track and cross country.  Although 
we are really close, Beth knows about Tara and me and that I love her and 
that nothing is going to happen between us.  I didn't realize when we first 
met that Beth is Nicole's cousin.  They have the same last name and 
everything, but I was just very dense and never put two and two together. 
One day I was talking to Nicole and mentioned there was this really hot 
chick in my section named Beth.  Nicole let me continue without stopping me, 
knowing all the time I was talking about her cousin.  Boy, was my face red 
when she told me!
	Anyway Beth and I decide to sit together on the way to Florida, which means 
over eighteen hours, right next to each other with very little space between 
us.  Tara finds out about it and she starts on it like she does with 
Jessica, ribbing me about how much I liked her and how hard it is going to 
be sitting side by side for eighteen hours, just teasing as she trusts me 
fully.  What she does not know is that I found out where Beth lives and 
drive past her house every time I bring Tara to my house.
	We leave for Florida very early in the morning, something before six a.m..  
For me 8:30 is the usual time to get up, which gives me twenty minutes until 
I have to be at school, plenty of time as we only live four blocks away, but 
I'm usually late every day.  We take our seats and she sits on the aisle and 
listens to her CD player and I sit at the window and listen to mine.  She 
loves Green Day and I am in my country kick at that point.  We stop a few 
times during the trip for food, gas, restroom, and the like and drive 
through the night.  Anyone who has been on an overnight bus trip knows it is 
next to impossible to fall asleep.  We try and Beth keeps fidgeting and 
moving around and cannot get comfortable.  I tell her to hold on a minute, 
move so I'm leaning against the window, and tell her to lean into me.  I put 
my arm around her shoulder and onto her side and we sleep like that for a 
few hours.  Actually I don't get much sleep.  I am rather excited about her 
laying on me.  I might love Tara, but I am a healthy, red-blooded American 
teenage boy!  I am surprised nobody says anything about it.  Usually that 
would have been on the grapevine before she got her eyes closed.  When she 
wakes up, her legs are sore and cramping.  I tell her to put her legs on my 
lap and I rub them where she is sore.
	Arriving at our hotel the next morning, we are assigned our rooms and I 
begrudgingly trudge off with my new roomies for the next four nights to drop 
off our luggage.  George as I said is the oldest and is about 5'7", 150 
pounds, with a stocky build, blond-brown hair, and glasses.  He is a 
percussion player, and not the brightest bulb in the box, a characteristic 
I've found most percussion players have in common.  He is the kind of guy 
you would expect to have dead bodies buried in his backyard.  People always 
said he would be able to kill someone and get away with it, but then that 
doesn't mean much.  They always said that about me too.  Ron is a pudgy, 
short kid, 5'6", 150 pounds or so, with brown hair.  He kind of looks like a 
mouse, but not the cute mousiness I normally go for.  His family is loaded, 
but so cheap it isn't even funny.  Ron as I said is a real doof and is made 
fun of by everybody, even the teachers.  Kenny is about 5'8" and thin, about 
135lbs, and has brown hair.  He also has the "gay" look about him, very 
feminine in looks and manners, with thin lips, a huge lisp, and that look in 
his eyes that screams out "hey, I'm gay!"  Anyone just looking at him can 
tell.  Myself, I'm 5'10" and a hundred and twenty-five pounds and just know 
that I like to mess around with guys and girls.  To me it is experimenting 
and just plain having fun and I haven't yet put a label on myself.  Well, 
actually I have.  I tell everyone I'm try-sexual.  I'll try anything once.  
My hair is almost half way down my back and has been turning darker brown 
all through high school.  I wear it in a tail unless Tara and I are fooling 
around, wrestling or screwing, either or.  Tara loves it when I have my hair 
down.
	The room has two beds in the main area and a fold out couch in the entry 
area.  We decide if we take turns sleeping on the floor, each of us would 
have a bed for three days and have to sleep on the floor for just one day.  
God forbid two guys would sleep in the same bed together!  Having a bad back 
and knowing later in the week we had parades and shows,  I choose the floor 
the first night so I would get a bed before the performances.  After a 
practice and dinner we are given some time to ourselves at the hotel and I 
just want to watch TV in the room and try to get some sleep so I flop down 
on one of the beds and the others take off.  It is probably around six when 
I turn the tube on and started flipping.  I am alone in the room and just 
about to go into the bathroom to jack off when Kenny comes back to the room. 
  He sits on the other bed and we talk for a bit and watch TV.
	Of course we talk about how cool the trip is going to be and how exciting 
it is going to be playing in the Magic Lights Parade, and how the room is 
pretty cool though it's going to be a bit crowded with the four of us 
together, and awkward, not really knowing each other that well and each 
other's habits.  Somehow in the course of our conversation the topic of 
masturbation comes up.  I tell him it has been a few days for me what with 
the bus ride and all and that I had been about to go into the bathroom to do 
it when he'd arrived.  He says that he hasn't done it in a while either and 
that he had been thinking about going to the bathroom to do it too. Well, we 
have one of those guy pauses for a moment, and he sort of suggests with a 
shrug and like it's not a big thing that we could do it together.  Well, I 
readily agree, always eager to see someone else doing it.
	We undo our pants and pull them open, exposing our underwear.  On the count 
of three, we pull our dicks out.  We are both hard and just start going at 
it.  He slides his hand up and down the shaft without really gripping it.  
It is the first time I see somebody do it that way.  I always have a tight 
grip on mine and move the skin up and down.  Kenny keeps looking over at my 
dick and I watch him too.  Most guys I've jerked off with have small dicks 
but his dick is the same size as mine which is pretty cool.  I love watching 
other guys doing it, and being watched, and with the addition of the risk of 
being caught, I find the whole thing very hot.  I shoot first and catch my 
cum on the back of my hand.  He shoots a few seconds later and catches his 
stuff the same way.  We both get up and waddle to the bathroom with our 
dicks sticking out of our underwear and our pants falling down our legs.  We 
wipe off our dicks and tuck them away, clean up our hands with toilet paper, 
pull our pants up and go back to the beds.  Less than ten minutes later Ron 
comes back to the room and Kenny and I act as if nothing happened.  For 
myself it is exhilarating knowing that we had just gotten off and could have 
been caught together.  Looking back, it was kind of foolish because that 
would have spread through the band faster than a joint at an Iron Butterfly 
concert.
	Kenny and I don't discuss what happened until later that night.  We are 
getting ready for bed with Ron and George getting the beds, me on the floor 
and Kenny on the folding couch.  Kenny comes over into our area so he can 
talk with us, so we are both on the floor. We get onto the topic of sex, as 
normal teenage boys do, and once again the topic of masturbation comes up.  
I ask if they have ever jacked off in front of someone.  Ron says no right 
away.  Kenny hesitates for a second and then says no also.  George says he's 
never jacked off period.  For most other guys that sort of statement would 
have been greeted with a round of disbelief and ribbing, but George is such 
a jerk we all believe it possible.  I tell them that I have and tell about 
doing it with one of my cousins, just making some shit up.  I say that I 
jack off quite a bit and am feeling horny, not having been able to do it 
since we got there, but none of them take me up on my hint despite it being 
so obvious, not even Kenny who had to know I was trying to get Ron to lower 
his inhibitions and try it.  It does lead to a frank discussion about sex 
and relationships among the three of us, George soon rolling over with his 
back to us and going to sleep.  By then it is midnight but none of the rest 
of us are tired, being too wound up about the trip.
	Willing to try anything to get to see another guy's dick and my hints not 
working, I mention that I can suck myself off.  Neither believe I can and 
dare me to do it.  I act like it is a strange and novel idea and that it 
would be weird exposing myself to them.  They urge me on and I play them 
along a bit so I don't look so eager and finally agree.  Ron turns the 
bedside light on and I pull my sweats down and sitting there on the floor I 
lean over and go down on myself.  At home I usually throw my legs over my 
head, but there is no way I am going to do that and expose my asshole to 
them.  I lick and suck a few times and then stop and say, "See, I told you." 
  To my disappointment nothing further happens and I figure to push it would 
be too obvious.  Finally it is after three in the morning and we start 
winding down.  We've shut the light off again so as not to disturb George 
and I say something about having a wank and going to sleep, and reach down 
and begin to yank on my stiff, aching dick.  Kenny and Ron say that's a good 
idea and so the three of us lay there and get one off.  After over three 
hours of talking sex, it does not take long for us to get off.  As usual I 
shoot my load on the back of my hand and suck it up.  It is too dark for me 
to tell just what Ron and Kenny do, but there being no tissue in the bedroom 
and neither of them getting up to go to the bathroom, I just assume they do 
the same.  I am disappointed I never got to see Ron's dick but I figure I 
still have three more nights.  Ron drops off to sleep and Kenny and I talk 
for about another half an hour.  He falls asleep there on the floor with me 
and never does make it back to the fold out cot.  I wake up with such a 
stiff neck in the morning it isn't even funny.  I am pretty much shot for 
the rest of the day.
	That night George takes the couch bed in the entry way, Kenny is on the 
floor between the two beds again, this being his night to forego a bed in 
our macho refusal to have two guys in one bed, and Ron and I are on the 
beds.  George is a real wimp and once again is asleep by midnight.  I have 
always been a creature of the late night myself and have been staying up 
past midnight since at least sixth grade.  Once again our conversation turns 
to sex and Kenny tells us that he is in fact gay and Ron and I both 
sarcastically say "No."  We laugh a bit and continue talking.  I tell them 
that I am bi and Ron says he is too.  It is the first time I've ever 
admitted that to another guy though I don't recognize the significance of 
the moment at the time.  Ron is a real dork and I'm not sure I can believe 
he is telling the truth.  Actually, I can't even imagine him jerking off he 
is such a dork.
	We start talking about people in the band that we would like to fuck.  I 
mention Kevin, a hot boy in my section that I've had the hots for ever since 
I met him in my Sophomore year.  Kevin is a real cutie with high cheekbones, 
big, beautiful eyes, sort of bowl cut hair, nice curves, and a gorgeous ass 
with a slight bubble to it.  I've had countless fantasies about sinking my 
various body parts into that ass.  I start telling them some of the stuff 
that I have done in the past with friends and family, always respecting the 
other person's privacy and not giving enough information for them to know 
whom I'm talking about.  We talk for a bit longer and Ron drops off to 
sleep.  Kenny and I decide to jerk off together, both admitting to being 
horny after our conversation, and then drop off to sleep also, somewhat 
earlier than the previous night.
	The next morning we get ready to go with the band.  George has headed off 
to be with his girlfriend at the breakfast bar as usual, Ron is in the 
bathroom, and Kenny and I are in getting dressed by the beds.  He asks me if 
I would give him a blow job and I say sure, just not there right now.  He 
wants to me to take a shower with him which I also turn down.  I do not need 
that piece of news floating around the band!  I tell him to get with me when 
we are at home.  He agrees and we go on our way.
	Things were going very well between Beth and me throughout the trip and I'm 
really starting to like her despite my feelings for Tara.  During practice 
that day Ron is doing his normal goofing off and everyone in the section is 
yelling at him, including Beth.  When we are finished practice, I tell 
everyone that I would handle Ron and I didn't need them sticking their noses 
in what is my responsibility.  Well, Beth gets pissed at that and doesn't 
talk to me for the rest of the trip, and actually doesn't talk to me again 
until band starts up the next season.
	Disneyland is awesome of course, and for a roller coaster fanatic like me, 
I could ride the Matterhorn, Runaway Train and Space Mountain all day.  
While we are at Disneyland I slip into one of the public washrooms and have 
a quick wank, and for a few minutes it really is the happiest place on 
earth.  Kenny, Ron and I jack off together again that night.  If it had just 
been Kenny and I in the room we'd have left the lights on, but George is 
there asleep in the bed beside us and would have freaked had he caught us.  
Besides, Ron is with us.  Actually, Ron says he is doing it, but he never 
shows anything.  Looking back at it now, I doubt if he was really doing it.  
I am sure Kenny was.  He is a lot like me.  I am a very sexual and sexually 
open person and I will get off every chance I get.  Again when I come I 
shoot into my hand and lick it off.  I ask Ron and Kenny if they'd done it 
all the way afterwards and they both say yes.  I tell them that I usually 
shoot in my hand and lick it up and Ron claims that he shot in his hand and 
licked it too which only adds to my suspicions.
	The last day we go to a water park called Soak City.  Well, the sight of 
dozens of guys in their tight, revealing Speedos and wet swim suits and the 
opportunity to see guys in the bathroom pushing their suits down to take a 
leak or changing in the changing room is like taking a kid to the candy 
store.  I get to see some fucking hot guys between the ages of twelve and 
sixteen stark naked.  One hot blond kid about fifteen with scruffy hair like 
Taylor Hanson wears now has the biggest dick I've ever seen in person, four 
and a half inches soft I'm sure.  I would have loved to have seen him hard 
and to have been the person responsible for him being hard.  Despite how 
busy the change room is, I slip into one of the stalls and have a quick jack 
off.  I cannot help it.  I know now it was foolish, the change room having 
the most people of any public place I've ever jerked off in, and me having 
greatest chance of being caught, but my nuts were in charge that afternoon, 
not my brain.
	That night, our last night in the hotel room, Ron says that he was just 
joking and that he isn't bi.  Kenny and I are rather pissed over it and we 
sort of shun him that last night.  I suspect he'd just said he was bi 
because I had, or perhaps because he figured that made it more acceptable 
jacking off together.  Who knows?  He might not have been joking at all but 
the guilt of the church made him say that he was.  Damn church screws up so 
many minds.  My parents had decided to take a vacation at the same time as 
our trip so I could stay an extra day in Florida, so while the rest of the 
band boards the bus the next morning I join them and travel back home with 
them the next day.  We get home and I don't hear anything from Kenny so I 
figure he just forgot about getting together, or that he is busy with one of 
his friends.

	Tara has a softball game the weekend of the big Christian Rock festival 
this year, just like last year.  Her parents have a dream that she is going 
to get a softball scholarship and go to a good college so despite all our 
arguing this year they refuse to let her go and so I go by myself.  It is 
really tough.  I purposefully avoid Kay, who has gone to every concert I 
have and whom I suspect is enjoying my misery.
	I have a really cool shirt with colors shooting everywhere and a crystal 
ball type thing in the middle.  I wear that with my sunglasses and hair down 
with a floppy little black hat, almost like a fisherman hat.  I am walking 
around by myself and go into the souvenir tent to look around.  I am getting 
very nervous because I don't like close situations like that and it is so 
crowded.  A girl comes up to me and says she likes my shirt.  I say thanks 
and take off.  I stop outside and she catches up with me and starts talking 
to me.  We get really close in just a few minutes and hang out with each 
other the rest of the night and decide to meet the next day.  It turns out 
she lives in Ohio, but it is about four hours from me.  She is a sweet girl, 
half Cherokee, and she is really starting to think we are going to get 
together.  We do kiss and the people in my group can't believe I am doing 
that.  Considering everything that happens between the two of us, I am
surprised that I would be able to be swayed so easily.  We talk for several 
months after that and talk about getting together some time, but never do.  
That is the only time I ever come close to cheating on Tara.  Tara never did 
find out about our friendship, at least not to my knowledge.

	Another thing that happens that month that affects my life is seeing the 
Hanson video for MMMBop.  It is an innocent, cute video with the boys just 
being themselves, running around and having fun.  I go out immediately and 
buy the single since that is all that is out at the time.  I tell Tara about 
them and that it is a fun song and what not, and that from what I 
understand, it is a brother and two sisters that formed the band.  I mention 
to Tara that the keyboard player is cute and she jumps right on that like 
she did with Jessica and with Beth.  Actually, the video reminds me of 
Jessica with how the girls were rather tomboyish running around and skating. 
  Well, then the Hansons appear on the Rosie O'Donnell show and I find out 
they are all guys!  I act all shocked and upset to the people I'd told I 
thought they were cute girls, but it doesn't bother me, being bi and only 
Ron and Kenny knowing at the time.  It is a funny story now that I have told 
some friends though it isn't at the time.  It has helped me several times 
because when I get the hots for a guy I can say that I thought it was a girl 
and that I have a history of not being able to tell.
	In May we go to Tara's Prom and have a great time.  After the dance we all 
go to her friend's house for a sleep over.  Tara and I get into a little 
argument and don't talk the rest of the night until around seven in the 
morning.  She says I am always making fun of her and putting her down, which 
I do, but just in fun.  We are always knocking on each other in front of 
friends, just a little ribbing, nothing ever too bad, and we both give as 
much as we take.  I don't realize it hurts her as much as it did.  Besides, 
she is always ragging on me about Jessica and Beth and I am getting a little 
annoyed by the frequent mentions of them, especially Jessica.  That really 
doesn't lead directly to our break up but the constant talk about Jess does 
keep her in my mind and like I said, I am starting to believe that yes, I am 
in love with her to a certain point.  It is our first real argument and from 
that point things suddenly and quickly fall apart.
	I have a parade to march in with the band for Memorial day and then a 
concert at the street festival and Tara is going to come meet me and watch 
the show.  Between the parade and concert, I am talking with Alisa and she 
mentions that she had talked with Jessica's sister and that Jessica's sister 
is afraid that Jess is gay because she doesn't have a boyfriend and has no 
interest.  Alisa says that she and Jess's sister had talked about hooking me 
up with Jess and that the sister would talk with Jessica about me and see 
what happens.
	Shortly afterwards, Tara and I go to her grandma's house for a cookout and 
then come back to my house for another with my family.  I had gotten a 
speeding ticket the week before and Mom had taken my license from me, so I 
have to have Mom drive me out to Tara's.  We have to stop at the store on 
the way and as soon as we go in I feel something weird.  I can almost sense 
Jessica is there.  I keep looking for her but can't find her so I figure I 
am going crazy.  We get to the checkout and I look up and she is at the end 
of the aisle.  I start feeling that we have a connection and are meant to be 
together.  This starts a very bad time for me of obsession and depression.  
I have two shirts that describe it exactly, "Some call it Stalking, I call 
it Love," and "No restraining order can stop my love."
	We get to Tara's grandmother's and we are at her cookout and things are 
going okay but I keep thinking of Jess.  When it is time for us to go back 
to my house, Tara drives us in and it is a rather long and quiet ride.  I 
have a lot to think about and am a little short with her the rest of the 
day.  My head is still spinning from knowing Jessica was there in the store 
and I'd somehow sensed it, and on top of that I've been getting sicker and 
sicker all month and don't know what is going on which does not help, and 
then with the conversation with Alisa, my patience is thin and  my mind is 
somewhere else at that point.  The wheels start turning and I start looking 
at Tara as something in my way to get Jessica.  I treat her very badly that 
day, almost the whole day, and when we go to my house, I almost ignore her 
completely.  Tara leaves about eight and when she calls to say she had made 
it home, she says that it isn't fair the way I am treating her and she 
doesn't need to put up with my shit and that she doesn't deserve it.  Well 
considering my thoughts about her blocking my way to Jessica that fits right 
in with my desires so I tell her no she doesn't have to, and if she doesn't 
like it she can hang up.  We leave it at that and decide to meet the next 
day after school.
	So we get together at my house the next day after school and I break up 
with her.  I start to tell her that we are just growing apart and that we 
should go out and see other people and all that bull shit.  Mom comes in and 
sees what is going on and sticks her nose in and that starts a big fight 
with us.  WW3 would be a walk in the park after this.  Tara starts crying 
really hard and I feel bad, but things are already in motion.  We take a 
walk and talk a bit with her trying to convince me not to leave her.  I 
won't listen to her and tell her we are done.  My parents and her parents 
get together that night and talk while Tara and I stand outside her house, 
her crying and me trying to comfort her.  We kiss one last time and she is 
out of my life.  It all happens so suddenly it comes as a bit of a shock to 
me actually.  One day we are madly in love and the next we are at each 
other's throat.  I can't help but think how the same thing happened between 
James and me.  And I can't help thinking that in both cases I'd gotten into 
some hot and heavy sex before the breakup and have to wonder if that has 
anything to do with it.  About three weeks later she comes over to my house 
much to my surprise, but I quickly find out why.  She stays a while and then 
rushes off, making a big point of telling me she'd met someone.  So much for 
everlasting love.

	Tara is not my only break up the end of grade eleven.  I'd been going to 
the Methodist Church since the middle of grade nine, but I never was into 
the religious bit and the only reasons that I kept going were Tara and some 
of the fun things I got to do.  Every Sunday I woke up early, got all 
dressed up in a shirt and TIE, and sat and prayed and blah, blah, blah.  I 
went to Sunday School and signed some stupid contract about abstaining until 
I was married.  Guess that should have been a sign as to my seriousness 
right there, LOL!  I did have the normal guilt feeling of that age about 
masturbation, and that is the only time I was really concerned or let the 
bisexuality thing bother me.  I hate religion.  I always tell people I am a 
recovering Catholic because when I was younger I would go with my 
grandparents occasionally.
	Religion is the number one gateway to psychosis known to man.  It poisons 
the mind and corrupts the soul.  Somehow I am supposed to believe that there 
is an invisible Man who lives in the sky with a special list of things I can 
and can't do.  If I follow this list, I am allowed to come and live with Him 
in the clouds and play my harp, but if I don't listen to this list, He will 
send me to a place of eternal hell, fire and damnation, yet He LOVES me.  
The only way to control free-minded people is to make them think what they 
are doing is wrong by using fear. The Bible was written by men who feared 
losing control of the population, so you put fear in them and can control 
them.  And this is the STORY BOOK that religion is based on.  Not for me.  I 
don't need somebody to tell me how to be a good person.  Okay, I'll step 
down from my soap box.  I just have some real issues with religion and they 
stem from my time at that church.  They haven't heard the last from me 
though.  Muah-ha-ha-ha.
	Anyway, I stop going that summer.  Actually, I think in the Methodist 
church they have some contest going to recruit people to churches and for 
every fifteen people you get a toaster oven or something.  Tara hooks up 
with another guy that summer, some guy from the park, and the two really 
seem to hit it off.  I wonder if she got her toaster.

	I get a Playstation which has a demo of Spyro the Dragon.  I love that game 
so I go out and buy the full version.  Eric and I play it a lot along with 
some of my wrestling games.  I always sit on the couch under a blanket with 
Eric in front of me on the floor playing the game.  I usually rub myself 
while he plays and of course being under the blanket he never notices.  One 
time we are wrestling on the couch and I roll his legs up over his head and 
notice he isn't wearing underwear under his shorts.  I pull his shorts to 
the side with my foot, making it seem like an accident, and get to see his 
five-year-old hiney hole.  Another time we are sitting on the floor together 
and we are wrestling around and I ask him if he knows what a wedgie is.  He 
of course doesn't and I tell him he is too young for me to explain it and he 
will find out later.  I know that will get him and he starts bugging me 
about it.  I tell him that I will show him and he gets all excited.  I grab 
his pants in the back and pull quite hard.  I was laughing so hard after 
that and he was rather pissed.

	Breaking up with Tara gives me plenty of time to obsess over Jessica.  That 
summer I drive past her house every chance I have, I look at her picture in 
the year book for hours while listening to REO Speedwagon's "Keep on Loving 
You," "Can't Fight This Feeling," and "In My Dreams."  Those three songs 
really mean a lot to me and "In My Dreams" is really what I would have 
considered being our song had we ever gotten together.  I write Jess's 
sister a letter.  I am really into writing letters.  We talk also and I find 
out that Alisa mentioned me but nothing much was said.  The bitch had made 
up the whole thing about Jess's sister thinking of hooking Jess and me up.  
That totally pisses me off.  It seems like Alisa is at the core of my 
breakups ever since I broke it off with her.  The information does not stop 
me from obsessing about Jessica however, which is basically all I do all 
summer.

	Summer band starts up again at the start of August.  Kenny is still in my 
section which immediately brings back memories of our trip to Florida, but I 
get the worst group of people I have ever worked with.  It is like in Mr. 
Holland's Opus as he was trying to teach the football player rhythm on the 
drum.  These people have no sense of time and no idea what a straight line 
is.  We are a very high energy swing band with high knee lifts, military 
type turns, and a very loud sound.  During our pre-game, we had 140 people 
lined up in an end zone coming down the field in rows of 10.  How hard is it 
to hit with your right foot on step four and eight?  Anyway, practice goes 
on and my people are not getting any better.  I am so fed up and I just 
don't care anymore and give up.  I had done it for four years and this is my 
last year, so who gives a shit?

	The whole ordeal with Jessica really grows into an obsession my senior 
year.  Having broken up with Tara the previous May, I am free to roam.  It 
gets to the point where I know everything about her.  I know her full name, 
birthday, Social Security Number, school ID number, locker combination, and 
complete school schedule.  I know where she is in the school at every minute 
of the day.  I have a very light schedule my senior year so I am able to 
wander the halls during the day.  This is before all the school violence so 
we are allowed to just wander without hall passes.  I keep a log of what she 
wore every day, a list of the school sports she is involved in and how she 
places.  I know the VIN number on her car by memory.  I always make sure to 
walk to class in the direction that I know she would be coming from.  As she 
lives right around the corner from me, I am able to keep even better tabs on 
her.  It is a really interesting time in my life.  I never do get caught 
with any of my "stalking."  That should not be a surprise.  Alisa was a very 
good teacher.

	Finally one Tuesday after school as we are getting ready to watch the tape 
of our last week's performance, Kenny comes up to me and after a bit of 
small talk, he asks, "you remember what happened in the hotel room in 
Florida?"
	My dick gives a little twitch as he asks, and I respond, "yeah, I remember 
everything about the trip."
	"You remember what you promised me?"
	"I do."
	"You still willing to go through with it?"
	"Of course.  When will work for you?"
	"How about today, if that's okay for you?"
	"Sure.  Follow me home.  The rents won't be there."
	"I probably wouldn't return the favor."
	I don't care.  We walk the four blocks to my house, go up to my bedroom, 
and I tell him to go ahead and pull his pants down.  He does and sits on my 
bed with his dick sticking straight up waiting for his first blow job.  I 
stroke him a few times, play with his balls, and notice a bit of slickness 
on his dick.  I am not sure if it is some lube left from the last time he 
jacked off, or if it is sweat from the day.  I take him in my mouth and 
swirl my tongue around a few times and start licking up and down.  His dick 
is the same size as mine as I said earlier, and I love it.  His is the first 
dick that I can actually try, and succeed at, deep throating.  I have very 
good control of my gag reflex.  I suck him for about 10 minutes and start 
getting a cramp so I stop.
	"So that is the basics of a blow job," I say as I stand up.
	"Thanks," he replies, his voice a bit husky, and he starts pulling his 
pants up.
	"You going to leave?"
	"Yeah."
	"You going to go home and jack off?"
	"Yeah."
	"You can stick around and do it here if you want.  I'll drive you to band 
practice."  We always have practice Tuesday nights at the stadium for 
practice on a real field.
	So I drop my pants to my ankles like Kenny and sit down beside him and we 
stroke ourselves off right next to each other, occasionally touching arms we 
are so close.  We blow on our other hand and then lick it off.  After we are 
done, he leans in to give me a kiss but I pull away and tell him that it is 
nothing personal but I just don't kiss guys.  I'm glad he'd come over 
though.

	I get my first introduction to the Internet in November.  Mom gets us a 
Webtv system and we all think we are big shit.  It is not long before I get 
into the habit of waiting for the rents to go to bed and then start surfing. 
  I quickly discover the wonderful world of news groups, and that you can 
find absolutely anything you want to on a news group if you know how to 
look.  If you had a fetish for fat Chinese girls with fu man choo's hanging 
upside down from a window sucking a dead horse with roses in its mouth, you 
could probably find a news group devoted to that.  I wind up with a pretty 
good collection of pics that I print out and keep in my closet for later 
use.  The bad thing about Webtv is that it has no hard drive, thus no 
memory.  You can bookmark pages, but that is it.  I quickly learn the ins 
and outs of the news group mazes, which with Webtv are free, and happily 
explore the new fascinating world of porn.  I read stories and different 
articles about sexual preferences and realize that there are a lot of guys 
like me and that being bi is ok. That is really when I first think about my 
sexual orientation seriously and accept the fact that I am bi and that what 
I've been doing is more than just exploring and having fun.

	Of course I still use my lottery list of names of people whose assorted 
body parts I've seen or with whom I've done stuff to come up with jack off 
fantasies.  I have a dream where I am in a pit with about thirty of my other 
friends, male and female, and we are forced to pair off and have sex.  I 
chart this out and list thirty people and then pair them up and jerk 
thinking about the dream and the people I randomly paired up.

	December I finally send Jess a letter that tells her how I feel about her 
and asks her to call me.  She does and we talk for about five minutes.  She 
says she remembers playing some sports with us but not too much.  She 
doesn't really know me and basically isn't willing to even try to get to 
know me.  That sends me into a real depression and I stop eating.  Even 
knowing that she isn't interested in the slightest, it takes a long time for 
my obsession to fade.
	It is probably the best thing to happen to me though because January we 
find out about me having Crohn's Disease, an inflammatory bowel disorder, 
the reason I'd been feeling so weak and sick the end of my junior year.  I 
spend the rest of the month discovering the wonderful world of 
colonoscopies.  Talk about a pain in the ass!  Then I spend all of February 
making up work and trying to stay on top of my studies.  I have my nose 
shoved so far up my Physics teacher's ass I can tell what she is having for 
lunch before she eats it.  I go on Prednisone and shoot up to over 150 
pounds, the most I have ever weighed.  I'd been writing by snail mail and 
then when we got the net, off and on by Email to the girl I'd met at the 
April Christian Rock festival, the part Cherokee, and when I tell her about 
being diagnosed with Crohn's she is really upset and worried.  My last Email 
I write is in March to tell her I won't be going to Ichthus that year 
because of my health and school requirements.  I never responded to her last 
email so she probably thinks I died or something.
	That March I find out the guy Tara had met up with in the park had treated 
her like shit right from the start and had ended up getting her knocked up 
and had then dropped her.  It had been a typical rebound.  I'd figured that 
right from the start, the day she'd surprisingly dropped in and then had to 
rush off after telling me she'd met someone.  I am shocked, but I know I 
shouldn't be after what we had done.  I'm still in my little obsession phase 
over Jess but I still care about Tara and I feel bad for her.  At first when 
I heard the jerk had left her, I had hoped we could get back together but 
I'm not too thrilled with kids, babies at least, so that does kind of play 
on my decision not to try seeing her.

	For spring break my senior year, I and my suitcase of pills (I'm taking 
fifteen pills a day at that point) go on a trip with the choir to New York 
City.  Wonderful town, wonderful trip, wonderful group of people.  I am 
hoping Jessica will be going since she is in the choir, but she doesn't.  I 
am in the pit band of the show choir and so is Kevin, the cute kid from my 
section, and his best friend, Shawn, who is also from my section.  We are 
all going to be in the same room with Ray, a Junior in the show choir.  I am 
so excited that I am going to be sharing a room with Kevin that I jack off 
thinking about it every day leading up to the trip.  I am very disappointed 
when he changes rooms at the last minute, but at least I am still going to 
be with Shawn and Ray.
	Ray is the poster child for Ritalin.  I think he was dropped on his head a 
few times or something.  He is just fucking weird.  Short black hair, brown 
eyes, 5'8", 150 pounds and very well built, he is a lifeguard at the park.  
The boy has so much energy it makes you tired just sitting with him.  Then 
he will calm down and just sit for ten minutes pointing his fingers like 
guns at his feet.  Suddenly he goes "bang" really loud like he shot his foot 
and snaps out of his trance and is back to himself.  There are also times he 
will point his "guns" at somebody and again, "bang!"  I mean this kid is 
messed up.  He is a good guy though, very trustworthy.
	He has no concern when it comes to nudity.  He and I have roomed together 
before and I really don't remember a time when I didn't see either his ass 
or dick coming out of or going into the bathroom.  We even shared a bed on 
one of the trips, we both being secure enough to not let it bother us.  I 
woke up around three a.m. with him pressed against my back and grinding into 
me.  That time he was asleep and had me shoved clear to the edge of the bed. 
  I'd rather enjoyed it and quite honestly I am hoping we might have a 
repeat performance on this trip, but not in his sleep.
	Shawn is another cutie, just not to the extent of Kevin.  He has dark brown 
hair and brown eyes and is about 5'10" and 140 pounds.  He has a darker 
complexion, and I think is of Austrian ancestry.  Kevin and Shawn had gotten 
into a bit of a fight over a girl a short time ago and I had gotten to hear 
all the details of how much bigger (down there) Shawn is than Kevin.  I 
would have offered my services to compare the two, but unfortunately it 
never came to that.  I had gotten to see Shawn's dick once in the boy's room 
while I was roaming the halls this year.  I didn't see much because I didn't 
want it to be obvious, but what I saw was nice and I'm hoping for a better 
view on this trip.
	As it turns out nothing too exciting happens in New York City.  I do get to 
see Shawn's ass when he moons the city out of our window the first night.  
Very cute ass.  One night, the phone rings and I answer it.  I am sitting on 
the one bed and Shawn and Ray are on the other bed.  The phone is for Shawn 
so I lean over Ray to hand it to him.  I look down and there is his dick 
sticking up through the fly in his boxers.  I stare for a minute, absorbing 
every detail, and then tell him he better put it away, hoping of course for 
just the opposite.  I don't know how you can have your dick hanging out and 
not know it.  I know where mine is and what it is doing at every minute of 
the day.
	Now had it been Kevin I'd probably have offered to tuck it away for him.  
Kevin is a little taller than I am, about 5'10", 140 pounds, and so cute it 
would melt you.  His eyes are what always get to me.  He just has to flash 
his big blue eyes at me, say "hey Spency," the nickname he came up for me, 
and I will roll over and do anything he asks.  It kind of makes me feel good 
when he calls me that, kind of like I am accepted into his little group.  
How the others never figure out that I want him I have no idea, unless they 
are just being nice or using my infatuation with him to their advantage.  
That boy could get me to do anything and the boy knew it.  Unfortunately his 
brother is the gay one and he is very straight.
	His brother Pete is a real bastard.  He was in the grade ahead of me 
through school, same as Alisa and Kay.  They are all friends, not great 
friends but they talk.  He had been in my section my freshmen year, as I 
mentioned earlier, but moved to tuba the next year, thank God.  Pete is 
another closet case that doesn't keep the door closed very tightly.  
Everybody knew he was gay but he just wouldn't admit it while he was going 
to school.  Finally when he graduated last June he came out and told Kevin 
and the rest of his family.  Kevin is really freaked about having a gay 
brother and I really don't blame him.  If I had a brother that looked like 
Kevin, I would have been all over him.  After Pete came out Kevin still 
joked about him and made fun of him around the guys, but when he and I 
talked alone he told me he's accepted it and is fine with Pete being gay.  
Like I said, everyone opens up to me when alone.
	Shawn really surprises me on this trip.  While Ray sleeps, we talk about 
the usual stuff, school and relationships, how much fun we are having in New 
York, and what we will be doing the rest of the week.  He and I have some 
real heart to heart talks and discuss some deep things besides, like what we 
are planning on doing after we graduate (he has two more years to go after I 
graduate), the problems we had in our section the previous year, and things 
like that.  It is a great time and I really enjoy talking with him.  We 
watch South Park, the one with the mad genetic scientist making all of the 
animals with four asses.  We laugh so hard at some of the stupid things 
going on.  I am very close to telling him that I am bi and have a huge crush 
on Kevin but back out at the last minute.  There are only the two beds in 
the room and I offer to let him share mine if he wants to, but he turns me 
down and takes the floor.  I am just being nice, no other intentions.  He 
and I still have a very good relationship.  We can be serious or just have 
fun and laugh.  That is the way I have always been with friends.  When we 
get together just the two of us, they really open up to me and confide in 
me.

	In June we are at our vet's and I spot this Fox Terrier.  She had been 
abused in her last home and the clinic had to take her.  The poor thing is 
underweight and has a ring around her neck where her previous owners had her 
leash on too tight.  Well we adopt her on the spot, sort of an early 
graduation present.  The Humane Society named her Cookie and have had her 
for so long, she is used to the name.  I keep the name but change it to 
Kookie just to give it a twist and something personal.  It confuses them at 
the vet because they always look for a C in the computer and I always have 
to tell them it is with a K.  She is very frightened and timid and won't eat 
so I begin to feed her anything that she'll accept, cookies, snack cakes, 
mac and cheese, fast food, anything at all to get her strength back.
	I graduate around seventy-fifth out of more than two hundred, not great but 
not horrible.  In that I am planning on taking saxophone lessons at the 
University of Akron and my saxophone being a piece of shit, I go to Indiana 
and get a brand new, Yamaha Custom series Alto Saxophone.  This costs us 
thirty-five hundred dollars and is like the Rolls Royce of Yamaha 
saxophones.  Tara graduates from her school too, but her big college plans 
are shot what with her pregnancy.

	One of my most daring public jerk offs is the beginning of that summer 
before my nineteenth birthday.  Alisa is going to attend summer school at 
Akron and having taken the orientation classes and tours in that I was 
enrolled at Akron for the fall, I know where everything is and where to 
park.  So, I go up with her and her family to help her move in.  It's been 
around five years since we broke up and we've gotten over it.  While we are 
there we decide to go for a swim in a small lake, a pond actually, in a 
state park campground in NE Ohio, and I just decide to do it in the pond.  
So I go off to the side and go for it.  It doesn't take long to finish off.  
I get out a short time later and go to the showers with Alisa's younger 
brother Jimmy who is about four years younger and whom I have a slight thing 
for that summer for a while, more as a conquest than anything else.  I watch 
him from around the shower curtain and shoot another load.  He has blond 
hair which he keeps very short and is five foot seven, 140 pounds, solidly 
built, and tough as nails.  I never do get around to doing anything with 
him.
	That summer I begin my saxophone lessons at the University of Akron and I 
concentrate on keeping my health up and on my music.  I go up on Thursday 
for my lesson and spend the day before and after my lesson with Alisa in the 
student center making fun of people and exploring the campus.  It is good 
because I plan on attending the university the upcoming year and so I get to 
learn the campus before I get there. Before I know it summer is over and I'm 
off to Akron and a new life.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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