Author: Vinnie Tesla
Title: Four Condoms
Summary: Vinnie and Nadia remember their weekend together as they
clean up the evidence and remember their weekend together.
Keywords: MF oral anal humor rim safe

Four Condoms
By Vinnie Tesla

"Uh-huh," I said into the phone, "yeah."

"No, no. Of course not!" I said.

"Great. I'll see you then." I hung up.

"Who was that," Nadia wanted to know.

"Kiss me," I said, in lieu of an answer. Nadia smiled and 
sat across my lap, brought her hands to my face, and kissed 
me very thoroughly, her mouth soft and eager.

"Who was--" she began. I rolled her off me, knelt beside 
the sofa, an lifted one of her legs. Her bathrobe parted, 
exposing the matted hair and swollen lips of her sex. I 
bent down and kissed it, tasting Astroglide, excitement, 
and latex.

"Vinnie!" she protested, "I-- Oh-- Oh..." Her fingers slid 
into my hair and her hips shuddered as my tongue drummed 
against her clit.

I hopped back onto the sofa and wrapped my arms around her. 
After a moment, Nadia relaxed into my grasp, and we lay 
there quietly for a moment. 

"That was Mark," I said, "He'll be home in about an hour"

Nadia jerked upright. "What!" 

"Apparently he's bailing on the LARP 'cause of the 

She sprang to her feet and looked around. "Shit! We have a 
lot of cleaning to do."

"Do we?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do we really want to try to keep this from Mark?"

Nadia took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "Until I 
have some idea what 'this' is, you bet. And even if I 
wanted to tell him immediately, condom wrappers on the 
living room floor isn't a very nice way to do it. You know 
he's been kind of depressed since the breakup anyway."

I nodded. She was right. "Sure you don't want to move into 
my room today?" I asked teasingly. "This is a two-bedroom 

Nadia threw a pillow at me, hard enough to hurt a little. 
"I've seen the way you keep your room, Vinnie. You couldn't 
pay me to live there." She smiled brightly. "I could move 
some boxes in, though. They're all packed and ready!"

I looked around at the precarious stacks lining two of the 
room's walls. "So they are, so they are. So when are you 
gonna unpack, anyway? You moved out of Mark's room, what, 
two months ago?"

Nadia winced a little. "The dissertation's kept me a little 
busy if you haven't noticed. I was gonna try to get this 
stuff under control *this weekend*," she said mock-
accusingly, "but something kept coming up.

Now it was my turn to wince.  "Should I apologize?"

She sighed. "Also, I keep hoping we'll come up with a 
better idea than me sleeping in the front room. As a wise 
man once said, 'this is a two-bedroom apartment.'"

I sat down and hugged her.  "Thanks," she said softly, 
muffled against my chest. 

She stood up and straightened her bathrobe. "Help me strip 
the bed?"

In a moment, pillows and blankets were scattered on the 
floor and her sheets were in the laundry hamper.  Forty 
seconds and a barked shin later, the bed frame was folded 
into a sofa and pressed against the wall. 

Nadia stacked the dishes on the coffee table and headed for 
the kitchen with them. I looked around the room 
appraisingly. My clothes would have to be thrown into my 
room, Nadia's dish run had missed a couple coffee cups on 
the floor. And then there were the aforementioned condom 

"How many wrappers should there be?" I called in the 
direction of the kitchen, while peering into her wastepaper 

"I haven't liked any since Q-Tip quit Tribe Called Quest," 
she shouted back. "You can shoot 'em all as far as I care."

"A 'License to Ill' indeed. How many *condom* 
wrappers? How many jimmy hatboxes? How much wallet ballast?
Nadia reappeared in the living room, which now vaguely 
resembled a living room, albeit one crossed with a very 
small and crowded book warehouse.

"Well, there was this morning," she said.

"Oh yeah--breakfast in bed.  Very tasty, but it's a little 
disorienting waking up with your thighs around my head. I 
was like, "wherever I am, it's dark and fuzzy in here.'"

"You bum!" she said. "I'd been sucking your cock for five 
minutes without you stirring! That's why I had to get more 

"That wasn't a dream?"

"How do you think you ended up with a damp mint-flavored 
condom on?"

"Oh yeah. That's so sweet! Thank you."

"Too bad you slept through it."

"I enjoyed it anyway--it was a beautiful dream--couldn't 
you feel how hard you made me?"

"I don't know how much credit I get for that--when I woke 
up you were curled against my ass, already rigid. It felt 
so nice and hot--that's why I couldn't resist going down on 

"You'll notice I stayed hard afterwards too, though."

"Yeah, 'cause you're a perv. You just like having a chick 
mash her sticky cunt up against your face, Vinnie. And God 
bless your little heart for it, too."

"Oh She has. She did this morning when you straddled my 
hips and sank onto me."

"I was a little raw, but I was dying to feel you inside me 
again, and you still weren't moving much."

"Well, I'm not really a morning person."

"Not from the waist up, anyway.

 "Hey, I woke up eventually."

"I'll say. If it wasn't for your moans, I'd have thought 
you were falling asleep again. Then you suddenly pulled me 
down and wrapped your arm around me, practically squeezed 
the air out of my lungs. Then you bent your knees and 
started slamming your cock into me. God, that was intense. 

"You were pretty loud."

"I got louder."

"You sure did.  When I was squeezing your ass, you were 
yelling, but then when I pressed my fingers against your 
perineum, you were shrieking into my ear."


"No, no!  It was hot!  By then I was pounding at you as 
hard as I could. I don't think I was being too quiet myself 

"Then when your other hand grabbed my shoulder and jammed 
me down onto you, that took me over the top."

" I could feel you shudder and twitch on top of me. It 
wasn't long after that that I came myself. "

At some point, we'd ended up on the couch again, nuzzling 
at each other as we spoke. One of her hands was holding my 
swollen prick, the skin cool against mine.  My hands were 
inside her bathrobe, stroking the undersides of her 

"Do we have time for this?" Nadia suddenly asked.

"I don't think so," I admitted, reluctantly withdrawing my 
hands. I picked up the coffee cups and carried them into 
the kitchen. Nadia followed me. "That's one," she said 
brandishing a ripped foil packet. She took an empty milk 
carton out of the trash, put the wrapper inside, and threw 
the carton back in. 

"Then there was last night," I said, putting the cups in 
the washing machine.

"You mean the...anal?" she asked, still a little 
uncomfortable with saying it."

"No, late last night. After we'd slept a couple hours.

"That was real?" 

I laughed. "Yup, that one too."

"What happened? I can barely remember."

"Well, by the time I was conscious, we were already rolling 
together and you were grinding your pussy against my leg, 
moaning in my ear. "

"I kind of remember that," Nadia admitted. "I didn't really 
know who I was or who you were or anything.  I just knew 
there was this yummy, wiry, turned-on male body rubbing 
against me. "

"Right around the time I woke up, you got my hand up to 
your face, and you sucked two of my fingers into your 

"Oh," she nodded, "you liked that. I remember."

"It went right to my brain. I almost felt like I could come 
just from that."

"Your 'brain,' huh? Then we had sex, right?"

" wasn't easy finding the condoms and lube in the 
dark, but it felt like it was against the rules to turn on 
the light somehow."

"Afraid if you saw my wings I'd have to go back and live 
with the gods?"

"Or something.  There's not much to say about the actual 
fucking--neither of us had functional forebrains at that 
point. I got between your legs, pulled the blankets up over 
my shoulders, and started pounding away."

"in the dark, under the covers, missionary position. How 

"I guess so. Except for your murmuring "Fuck yeah. Fuck 
yeah" in my ear the whole time." 

"I didn't."

"You did."

"How vulgar! Well, that's two." As I loaded the dishwasher, 
she disappeared, and returned with another wrapper, which 
followed its companion into the milk carton,

"I think we both remember the time before that," I said.

"That's for sure... Vinnie, have you done that with a lot 
of girls?"

"Less than I wanted, more than I deserved," I said, turning 
the dishwasher on.

"Were you planning it that way?"

"Starting when?"

" the shower." 

"No, not really. I mean, I like anal sex. A lot. But I like 
women's asses in general. Everything I did was an end in 

"You smooth jerk! You *were* planning it!"

"I wasn't! When I was washing your back and my finger 
brushed your asshole, this sort of shudder went through 
your body. And that's why I asked if it was okay."

"I didn't know what to say. It's not something I'd ever 
really talked about to someone else before."

"When you sort of stammered, I wanted to help you feel more 

"By licking it?"

"Well...yeah. A lot of women ...a lot of *people* 
associate anal play with pain and roughness, and I 
just...are you mad?"

"No, I'm just sort of coming to terms with it again. It 
wasn't really something I was expecting."

"But you liked it, right?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, you saw how I reacted."

"Sort of--once I managed to stop sneezing from all the 
water I got up my nose, you'd disappeared. I was afraid I'd 
driven you off or something."

"Didn't my hauling you out of the shower after me give you 
a clue?"

"Iguess--I still wasn't sure what was going on."

"What about when I dashed to the bed, and sprawled on my 

"That impish grin you gave me over your shoulder when you 
said, 'More!' and spread your ass with your hands almost 
made me come in my pants."

"You weren't wearing pants, nitwit."

"Why, you're right! I must be thinking of someone else." 
She lunged at me to try to tickle me, but I dashed back 
into the living room. She followed at a walk.

"When you ordered me out of  bathroom, did I comply fast 

"Are you kidding? You sprang like a bunny rabbit."



"I sprang like a panther, not a goddamn *bunny 

"Anyway, in about twelve miliseconds, your tongue was 
running along my, you know, my ass crease. And it 
felt...I'd expect it to feel kinky and raunchy, but it just 
felt sweet and melty, and so intimate. How'd you know about 
the vibrator?"

"Um...Mark mentioned it, actually."

"Huh. I'll have to get more info about the context of 
*that* at some point. When you told me to get it out, 
I was a little nervous--I'd never used it in front of 
someone before. The fact that you couldn't see my face made 
it easier somehow."

"The vibrations felt kind of weird. My tongue felt 
Novocained afterwards.

"Poor baby."

"Hey, I'm not complaining!  Feeling your sphincter pulse 
when you came was so thrilling."

"And when I came, and when I came..."

"When I slid my index finger inside your ass, I thought my 
heart would stop, it was so exciting.

"When you put that Astroglide on my ass, I though my heart 
would stop, it was so *cold*!"


"When you put your finger inside, that felt nasty."

"Nasty good?"

"Oh, yeah. Couldn't you tell?"

"You mean when you almost squeezed my finger off?"

"That, and what I said afterwards."

"I wasn't sure at first what you meant by 'I want it.'"

"Well, I clarified: 'You can use your cock. Go real slow.'"

"Was I slow enough?"

"Putting on  condom, you were like lightning. I've never 
seen you move so fast. After that you were very 
considerate. Getting the angle just right with the pillows 
and the vibrator was tricky, but you were patient.  I was 
nervous, of course. Your cock suddenly looked a lot bigger 
than I remembered, but I was too turned-on to back out yet. 
I appreciated what you said."

"That we could stop if it got uncomfortable? Doesn't that 
go without saying?"

"But it's good to know that you're cool with that. It made 
me feel safer. When the head of your cock went in, it was 
definitely kind of dicey for a moment.  It felt really 
uncomfortable, but it also felt really hot.  For a long 
time we both held totally still, trembling a little. I 
could feel the pulse in your cock."

"Nadia, you're really turning me on again."

"Eventually, I started moving my hips a little against the 
vibe, and you started working your prick into me, 
millimeter by millimeter." She was opening my bathrobe now, 
and nuzzling her face against my chest as she spoke.

"When your hips were finally pressed up against my ass, I 
had this feeling of *accomplishment*. Then you started 
taking those long slow strokes, in and out of my, my ass. I 
could feel you groaning, Vinnie. Your skin getting hot and 
slick as you worked inside of me. Then when you moaned and 
your whole body tensed and slumped on top of me. I felt 
like I'd conquered you, somehow.

"You had!" I said. "You had. I was *yours*."

"And now?"

"Now you've got me all horny again."

"Too bad we're cleaning up." Nadia leapt up and started 
pushing the coffee table into place. "And that leaves one," 
she said.

I smiled. "I remember when were lying there on your bed, 
just dazed, the first time was so intense."

Nadia laughed. "It was weird getting in the shower with 
you, after all those months where I'd stand around waiting 
for you to finish, hoping there'd be enough water left for 
me to take one." She giggled. "Mark used to call it the 
"hour of shower.'"

Before I could interject indignantly, she continued: "It 
felt really good, though, having your naked body against me 
in there, so familiar and so new all at once."

"I know what you mean," I said. "Undressing you was this 
strange heady feeling, like those dreams where you find a 
new room of a house you've lived in for years."

"You were supposed to spend yesterday helping me clear some 
space in here."

" I really meant to help," I protested.

"You helped a lot with some things. Others not so much so.  
You were already making trouble before we started kissing 

"Trouble?" I sputtered. "I was *shelving*!"

"You moved my entire classical poetry shelf from one end of 
the room to the other, just so you could use that stupid 

"I didn't want to put Descartes before the Horace."

"I remember it, thanks. You don't have to say it again."

"Maybe I was hoping you would pounce again."

"I would have won that tickle fight yesterday, if you 
hadn't cheated!"

"What are you talking about? How did I cheat?"

"You kissed me me right out of the blue!"

"I thought you kissed me." I said

"Why would I do that? I had no idea you were even 
interested. I was one of the four women on earth you'd 
never made a pass at."

"You were in a relationship, Nadia."

"You always let that stop you?"


"Sorry, that was mean." 

"You want to go use the shower? I'll get my clothes out of 

"Wait, wait, Vinnie, I don't know who started kissing, but 
I'm very glad it started. I don't know what the hell we're 
going to do from here, but this was incredible, and I 
wouldn't trade it for anything."

We stood in the doorway and kissed. Then we fell onto the 
sofa once more, and rolled together there. I pushed Nadia's 
bathrobe off her shoulders to bare her soft little breasts, 
and she untied it and threw it on ground beside us before 
wrapping her arms around me once more and kissing me 

That's when the door opened.