Tween Magazine: Why I Don’t… (no sex, humor)

by this guy (this.guy20@yahoo.com)

Summary: Satire of the reasoning of tweenagers…




Big bold letters running across the top of the page read ‘WHY I DON’T…”

Below a single line of text “Tween readers say what they don’t do, and why”


WHY I DON’T pee I toilets: it is more convenient to pee in my leggings and it 
           makes them feel nice and warm and wet on my puss

WHY I DON’T buy condoms: that money is better spent on cigarettes and beer

WHY I DON’T drink beer: CrystalClear has more alcohol and costs less

WHY I DON’T let guys pull-out during sex: it makes a mess

WHY I DON’T smoke before or at school: teachers notice the smell

WHY I DON’T wear closed-toe shoes: the closed toe hides my toe rings and nail 
           art

WHY I DON’T wear a helmet: they look stupid

WHY I DON’T eat breakfast or lunch: eating too much makes people fat

WHY I DON’T take my birth control pills: I can make money selling them

WHY I DON’T use condoms: they’re for losers

WHY I DON’T wear a bra: I want guys to notice my nipples through my shirt

WHY I DON’T have a boyfriend: without one I get to have sex with lots of guys

WHY I DON’T smoke filtered cigarettes: the filters take the good stuff out of 
           the smoke

WHY I DON’T drink Whorebucks coffee-like drinks: they aren’t actually coffee

WHY I DON’T wear panties: only losers wear panties

WHY I DON’T throw up when I get drunk: it would be a waste of alcohol

WHY I DON’T go camping: I’m not sleeping in a tent