Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 





   "Sir"

   .....by annie



   Part 1

   The Search

   Where do I start?  How can I even begin the story of a relationship that
had such a profound effect on me?  It is one that still affects me deeply.
It is one that changed me, scarred me, humiliated me, empowered me, and
finally set me free.

   It is the story of a relationship with a man I never met.  It is the
story of a man who never touched me but who still managed to leave deep
bruises on me, mentally and physically.  It is the story of a man who never
stirred my heart but had a firm grip on my mind and will.  It is a story of
self-realization.  It is the story of a Dom and sub.  It is His story...and
mine.

   I was searching.  I had come to recognize my nature.  I'd lived most of
my life trying to deny it...bury it...destroy it.  By spending much time on
the computer, I'd discovered all the names for it...for me.  The most
common name was very simple and accurate.  I am a `submissive'.

   I spent hour after hour on the computer....searching.  I started with
definitions of words I'd heard.  First, I looked up `sadist' -
psychological tendency or sexual practice characterized by a combination of
sadism and masochism.  So next, I looked up `masochist' - the tendency to
derive pleasure from one's own pain or humiliation.  Then I went to
`perverted' - sexually abnormal and unacceptable.  The last one was
`deviant' - diverging from normal standards, especially in social or sexual
behavior.  I felt I fit well into each definition....and it made me very
uncomfortable.  After many years of `normal' (conforming to a standard;
usual, typical, or expected) sexuality, it was disconcerting and
humiliating to begin to see what I'd tried so hard to deny.  I saw my
nature for what it is and was afraid and repulsed by it.

   I left the dictionary and went looking elsewhere.  I thought the most
obvious place to start would be porn sites.  What an unbelievable array!  I
waded and wondered through many of them.  I began to be able to distinguish
staged situations from real ones.  I began to notice which ones brought
physical as well as mental excitement.  I learned two very important
words....Dominant and submissive.

   I spent a lot of time at these sites.  I looked at pictures and read
stories.  I began to recognize common themes.  I was confused by most.  I
would not find what I was seeking in them.  I learned some of the ground
rules, jargon, and hierarchy involved.  Armed with this limited knowledge,
I went to another level.

   I began looking in chat-rooms.  I was fascinated by them.  But, the
thing that struck me like a bolt out of the blue was the fact that these
were all just ordinary people.  Sure, there was talk of scene activity. 
There were all the proper terms of address.  There were the wacky profiles
and exotic screen names.  There was also reality.  These people were
talking, too, about the daily routines of life in general.  There were
shopping trips, doctor visits, troubles with kids...real people.  These
were decent, hard-working folks.  I felt a great weight lift from me.  I
don't know what kind of monsters I had expected to find.  I had been wrong
in my perceptions and I was enormously relieved.

   I even began to engage in some of the conversations.  When it would be
discovered that I was a `newbie', I felt a sense of welcoming.  I was given
much in the way of advice and encouragement....and warning.  There were
predators out there...wolves in sheep's clothing.  I was told of the
rewards of the lifestyle and the pitfalls.  I was given much to consider.

   Fairly frequently, there would be an IM from a Dominant.  Some began
sternly, some gently.  I was honest with Them and told each I wasn't ready
for any kind of relationship yet.  I felt like I was playing with fire.  I
didn't care to get burned.

   I told Them all the same thing....until He sent me that first message.
It was no more than `hello, how are you this evening?' I replied simply
that I was `fine' and let my fingers rest on the keys.  I didn't
automatically type in my, by now standard, reply.  I waited for His next
words.  He asked questions.  He asked a lot of them but they were very
general in nature.  His manner was gentle and patient.  I answered each of
them.

   He asked how much experience I'd had.  I told Him that I had none.  Many
more questions followed.  He was instructing now as well as inquiring but
none of the instructions were of a physical nature.  He repeated many
things I'd already heard....safety, respect, caution.  I listened.  He told
me He enjoyed talking to me and, if He saw me online again, asked if I
would mind talking at greater length.  I thanked Him for His time and
indicated that I was open to more discussion.

   I sat back in my chair.  I had just communicated for the first time with
a Dom on a one-to-one basis.  It was not as I had expected it to be.  I
guess I thought there would be gruff demands and an immediate establishment
of His authority.  That was certainly not the way it had gone.  I had just
learned another valuable lesson.  I learned that I really knew nothing.  It
is one thing to know words and definitions.  Until the human factor is
thrown into the mix, they are only words.

   A few days went by and I was in a by-now familiar chat-room.  I still
didn't talk much.  I was content to listen and learn as much as I could. 
The IM came up on the screen.  He was back.  He wished me a good evening
and asked how I was.

   I was nervous.  I hadn't really expected Him to find me again.  I sat up
straight and paid attention.  All the warnings I'd heard put me on alert.
Yet, I wanted to know more of this.  I wanted some of this to become real
to me.  I guess it was then that I decided to see where this would lead.

   W/we talked for an hour or so.  It was much the same as last
time....small talk.  I believe He knew I was nervous and was letting me
come to Him.  I worked up the courage to ask a question.  I didn't know how
to address Him, so I asked.

   "Sir" was His one-word reply.  And from that time to this, that is how I
refer to Him.











   Part 2



   The Start



   W/we had many long conversations before He began asking me to do
anything physical.  He had insinuated Himself into my mind and life.  He
did it slowly.  I never suspected the difficult things He would ask of me
and then come to demand of me.  I never suspected that I would do those
things willingly.

   He wanted to see what I looked like.  I had given Him an accurate
description of myself but now He insisted on seeing for Himself.  I had a
video camera and knew how to use it.  He directed me to another screen name
of His and guided me as I made the connection.  I kept my finger over the
lens of the camera for a long time.  He didn't just want to see my face, He
wanted to see every inch of me.......naked.  I felt shame and
embarrassment. It's now or never, I thought.  This is part of the whole. 
If I was ever to have anything to do with this lifestyle, this would be the
way I would often be seen.  I took my finger off the lens.

   There was no response from Him for what seemed a very long time.  It was
probably no more than a minute or two.  I looked at myself on the computer
screen.  In order to make sure I had the cam in the right place, I had to
have my image where I could see it.  I dropped my eyes and hung my head.  I
could still the little IM box though.

   "Lift your head so I can see your face," He typed.  I hesitated.  "Let
me see My pet."

   It was the first time He had referred to me as belonging to Him.  My
surprise at seeing the words cause me to look up.  I saw myself again and
realized that He was really looking at me.  I saw the color rise in my
cheeks.

   "You're a lovely little thing.  Stand so I can see all of you...right
now."

   It was the first time He had showed any sign of impatience.  I didn't
realize it right away but something inside me wanted very badly to please
Him...so I stood.  Again, I felt time come to a stop before more words came
across the screen.

   "Yes, pet, quite lovely.  Now, sit back down and talk to Me.  Good girl.
This has been your first test and you did well.  However, you need to learn
to obey quickly.  You need to learn to trust Me.  If you belong to me, I
expect your total acceptance of my will.  Otherwise, W/we can go no
farther. It is up to you to decide.  Be waiting here for me tomorrow
evening with your answer.  If your answer is to serve me, be as you are
now. If it is not to, do not even answer my IM.  Good night."

   He signed off.  I sat looking at the screen, at myself, for a long time.
Something in His tone was different.  He had made Himself very clear.  I
had a choice to make.  I picked up my robe and slipped into it.  I turned
off the computer and went to bed.  It was a long time before I fell asleep
and I hadn't been able to come to a decision.

   I woke the next morning with the memory of His words in my mind before I
ever opened my eyes.  I had a busy day ahead of me but I knew where my
focus would be.  It would be on Him and the decision I had been required to
make.  I got up and started the day.  I had no way of knowing then the
impact of the impending choice I would make..

   I thought about it all through the day.  I wished I had someone to share
my feelings with.  But, even if I had a confidante, the decision still
rested firmly on me.  I'm not sure when I actually decided but, by the time
I made my way home after work, I knew what my answer would be.

   I had only talked to Him late in the evening.  So I passed the hours
until then with mindless chores and a book that I couldn't concentrate on.
I rehashed all the reasons I should or should not go through with this.  I
thought long about all the warnings and advice I'd been given.  I told
myself that, since He wasn't physically present, I'd be in no real danger.
That made sense to me.  I couldn't see that He already had a firm grip on
my mind.  I didn't realize how He'd already made Himself a presence in my
thoughts.  I was naive in that respect.  I'd made the mistake of thinking
it would all be physical.  I could not begin to appreciate the mental
aspects.

   I sat down again in front of the computer and turned it on.  I set up
the camera...making sure it was positioned correctly.  I looked into my own
eyes and told myself to be calm.  I reminded myself that this is what I was
looking for, this is what I wanted.  I covered the camera with a tissue.

   His name showed up on the screen.  Quickly, I removed my clothes.  I
didn't want to make Him wait and perhaps think my answer was no.  I waited.
He didn't contact me for quite a while so the little sound of His message
as it appeared before me made me jump.

   "Hello pet, how are you this evening?"

   "Very well, Sir, thank You," I said as I removed the tissue and saw
myself appear beside the text box.

   "I see you have made your decision.  You have pleased me with it.  I
want you to relax now.  Stand." I did.  "Turn around, bend forward from
your waist, hold that position while you count to ten slowly, and turn back
to face me."

   He wasn't really asking much but I was very embarrassed.  I took a very
deep breath and began doing as He'd asked.  I knew what He was looking at
and, even though He was not in the room, I could feel His eyes crawl over
me as He inspected me.  I turned back to face the screen.

   "Good.  Relax, pet.  I want you to explore your body.  Put a hand on
each breast and squeeze your nipples.  Keep increasing the pressure until I
tell you to stop."

   My hand were trembling as I did what I'd been told.  I looked at my
hands as I did and wondered for the first of very many times what I thought
I was doing.  I continued to pinch my nipples harder.  It was becoming real
pain now.  I looked back to the screen hoping He'd given the order to stop.
He hadn't.  It was hurting now...a lot.  Still, there were no words from
Him.  I heard myself groan as the intensity of it grew.  Finally, He told
me I could release them.  I breathed more than a little sigh of relief.  It
had not even occurred to me to stop without His permission.

   "Do you have a wooden spoon in your kitchen?" I told Him I did.  "Go get
one." I came back with it as quickly as I could.  "Sit.  Now, strike a
nipple with it.  Hard.  I will know by your face if you are being easy on
yourself."

   I did as I was told and felt the searing pain as the wood struck.  I
gasped at the impact.  I closed my eyes as it subsided.  I should have kept
my eyes on the screen.  He'd told me to continue, to strike the other one,
and then to alternate blows to a count of ten on each.

   "You're not paying attention, pet.  Do it now?"

   I gathered as much courage as I could find and began.  The pain
increased with each one and it got harder and harder to force myself to hit
again.  I finished and my chest felt like it was on fire.  I was given no
chance to rest.

   "Stand.  Spread your feet far apart and use the spoon on your cunt. 
Now."

   I pushed the chair back as I rose.  I spread my legs.  There was little
thought involved in this now.  There was only knowledge that there would be
more pain.  I struck myself over and over until I finished the ten.  I felt
my eyes water as the sting increased.  But, I felt something else that got
my attention.  I felt aroused.  By the time I reached the tenth blow, my
cunt was wet.  I looked back at the screen.

   "Good, pet, very good.  You've earned a reward for yourself.  Make
yourself cum.  It doesn't matter how yet.  Do whatever feels good to you.
Now."

   I reached my fingers between my legs.  I was still aware enough of Him
watching me that I felt more than a little shame but my body was calling
for its satisfaction.  I listened to it.  My fingers found my clit and I
worked it until I came.  My legs were trembling as I looked back,
breathless, at the screen.

   "You see, it's not all about pain.  There will be much pleasure for you
as long as you continue to please me as you have tonight.  Go to bed now
and rest.  Be here tomorrow night."

   And He was gone.  I eased into the chair and closed my eyes.  What had I
just done?  I wasn't sure.  But I knew what I felt even though I didn't
really know why.  I chased away the questions that flooded my mind and
focused on the physical.  It had hurt...a lot.  But it excited me more than
it hurt me.  And, in the end, it had been worth it.  I had cum very hard.
And, above all, it had felt right.  Something had hit home with me.  I knew
I wanted more.  I finally went to bed wondering what would be next.

   One of my first thoughts as I woke the next day was of the night before.
It looked much differently to me in the cold , stark light of day. 
Something in me was changed.  Something had been set loose....free.  But
the freedom was costing me.  It had also set free the demon of conscience.
I felt guilt.  I felt shame.  I felt dirty.  I had begun to grapple with
all the rules I'd grown up with.  The first battle in a very long war with
myself had begun.  It was the battle for self-acceptance.  I went to fix
some coffee and try to clear my thoughts.

   Another long day waited for me.  I was impatient for the time to
pass...for night to come...for Him.  I was distracted all day.  I couldn't
get Him out of my mind.  I didn't want to.  I enjoyed thinking about Him
and what I'd done and how I'd felt and how I'd cum and on and on and on.

   The evening finally arrived.  I took a long shower and paid a little
more attention to my hair.  I put on only the robe and sat again in front
of the computer.  It wasn't long before He contacted me.