Read my reply to Musashi in the "Learning to Drive" thread (in 1999, in for the story behind this non-story. This was a second draft (Slippery Key went through nine drafts), written in thirty minutes, and I apoligze for its questionable quality.

Ultima VII: The Other Painting (no sex)

by Christine Indigo, AKA Green Leafy Dragon (

DISCLAIMERS AND DISTRIBUTION RIGHTS: Ultima and all other characters
in this story belong to Origin Systems and Richard Garriott.  However,
this story belongs to me.  You may put this in any non-commercial
archive and/or post this to any free newsgroup/forum/BBS/whatever, as
long as my name, this disclaimer, and all other contents remain intact.

The Avatar and her companions walked around the corner, and came to
the end of the corridor.  There, hanging up on the stone wall in front
of them, was a large oil painting.  The painting was of a tall woman
standing in front of an oak and brandishing a sword. Her right foot
was resting on a rock and her red hair was brushed over her left
breast.  She was wearing black boots, a sword belt and scabbard slung
low over her hips, and a stern expression on her face.  Otherwise, she
was completly naked.  Iolo clapped his hands over Spark's eyes.

"Come on, Iolo," the Avatar said.  "He's seen that one already.  I
found a print of it underneath his bed when we searched his house
after the murder."  Spark blushed crimson and scooted into the nearest
dark corner.

"So, this is the 'other' painting that Woodroffe did of you."  Sentri
smiled, leaned over toward the wall, and examined the chest of the
figure in the painting.  "It looks like it was quite cold in the
studio when you posed for this."

"It was cold, indeed.  I would have frozen my nipples off if I had
worn the chainmail halter and loincloth that he had originally wanted
me to wear.  It took me an hour to convince him to let me pose in the
nude instead of...that."  She shivered at the memory.  "Nude, except
for the boots.  I insisted on the boots.  I could see myself running
around naked in the forest, but I couldn't see myself running around
in the forest without boots on.  There's too many things on the ground
in the forest that would cut my feet to shreds."

"Yes, we've seen, er, could see you running around in the forest
naked," said Shamino.  "The picture looks so much like you.  But why
didn't he paint in the diamond-shaped birthmark that's on your left
hip?  I always liked that."

"Or the freckles on your shoulders," added Dupre.

"Or the mole on your inner right thigh.  I always thought it was
cute," said Janna.

Ok, that's enough silliness for one day. :-)
Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo, Internet
Pornographer and proud member of the -=UDIC=-