A writer asks for a woman's opinion on his story. Once she opens her mouth, things get out of hand. Done entirely in dialogue after the first paragraph. MF, oral (implied) Copyright 2003. All rights reserved by the author (that's me, Mark Reed). Posted here with permission. Read at your own risk. If smut offends you, don't read this. If you're younger than 18, don't read this. Writing Exersize By Mark Reed ------ Author's Note: Keep reading. The first part is intentionally cheesy. This story is done entirely in dialogue after the first paragraph. ------ John saw Jan for the first time across the street. As soon as he got one look at her face he knew she wanted to fuck him. John was on his way to work, but fucking seemed the more important thing at the time. He immediately crossed the street and walked over to her. Jan dropped the shopping bags she was holding and gave him a lusy kiss. Not a word was exchanged in their rush to rip each other's clothes off and do the nasty deed. John tore Jan's blouse up, unhooked her bra with practiced ease, reached under her skirt to pull her panties down, unzipped his own pants to get his rock hard cock out, and positioned himself at her entrance. Jan was so hot from the mere thought of fucking this handsome stranger that she was dripping wet. John began pounding into her immediately and they both climaxed hard within minutes. John zipped up, Jan put her clothes on, and they both went back to their normal lives, knowing what an incredible experience they had just shared. ---- "So I need a woman's perspective. What do you think?" "Well... I'm trying to find a way to put this delicately." "Why? Be blunt. It's what you're best at." "If you insist, okay. Ah... well to be frank, this reads like a rejected script for a b-rate porno movie." "What? Why! I thought it was good! Sex in public, yanno? Everyone likes that." "But it's not realistic. You don't mention how they avoid the people on the street. They could have gotten arrested." "Hm. Okay, I'll add something about that. Maybe they'll do this at night when it's deserted." "You've got them as complete strangers here, too. Real people don't see each other across the street and rip each other's clothes off. There's not even any *dialogue* in it. Doesn't she get a thank you? And the closing line is unbelievably cheesy." "Of course they're strangers. That's what makes it fun. And I believe heavily in the method of communication through body signals." "Shouldn't you mention that in your story, then? Not that it would be much better. 'She was a complete stranger but John knew her body signals said Come And Fuck Me Right Here Right Now You Big Hunk You'." "Okay. I admit the leadup might need a little work..." "Not to mention the actual sex scene." "What's wrong with the sex part?" "Um... it's not arousing, at least for me. Not in the slightest. You have no foreplay. You have no emotional interchange. You have no *sex* except 'slam bam thank you ma'am' without the thank you part." "The sex arouses *me*." "That may be, and it's good that you're writing for yourself, but if you're going to show it to others you need some lead up. You need some actual content in the sex part, too. And an ending other than 'they both left without a word and were glad they took the time to fuck like rabbits' would be nice, too. This reads like a male jerkoff fantasy." "It *is* a male jerkoff fantasy." "Yes. That's the problem. You're trying to write erotic literature. Or at least a sex story. And the difference is large in my opinion. If you're going to write something people will want to read, you need to entertain them. You need some character in your... er... characters. Speaking as a woman, I'd like to know they're both capable of feeling something other than sudden lust." "I don't want to turn this into a freakin' soap opera. It's stupid." "Don't start sulking on me. You asked for my opinion, remember? You don't have to turn it into a soap opera. I said feeling, not drama. Big difference. Let's take the woman for example. No woman I've ever heard of would get soaking wet over the mere thought of screwing some guy across the street." "Well they kissed, too." "Not for long, and from what you wrote it wasn't that intense." "I said passionate." "You said lusty. Big difference. Actually, you forgot the t and misspelled it 'lusy.' People might think you meant lousy." "Ha, ha. Lust is passion. Lusty could mean hot and heavy." "Yeah, but you need more description. Besides, no woman can get that turned on from a short kiss. You need to keep this in the real world." "I AM keeping it in the real world. In my experience women get that turned on from kissing." "You're being ridiculous and you know it. It's not possible, nor likely." "Fine, I'll prove it." "What are you MM! Mph! Mmfff!!! MMMF.... MM.... mmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmm..." "There. Are you turned on?" "Huh?" "I said, are you turned on?" "What? Hey, how did I end up on the floor?" "Your knees gave out and I had to catch you. You're avoiding my point. Did I turn you on or not?" "Uh, yeah. Yes you did. I didn't know you could kiss like that." "You'd be surprised. Anyway, now you understand. It wouldn't be a problem for the female to be ready for him by the end of the kiss." "Will you help me up? Thanks. The kiss was nice. Actually that kiss was... damn. Have you been able to kiss like that all this time? Anyway, the kiss was good, but I'm not exactly ready to fuck anyone." "Well we didn't kiss for long. Besides, I was a gentleman. I kept my hands to myself." "Oh, what a line of crap. There isn't going to be room enough for the both of us and your ego in a few more minutes." "What? I'm not making any of this up. I can have a woman begging me to fuck her in under five minutes." "That's the most male chauvanist crock of.... prove it." "What?" "Prove it. You say you can get a woman to beg you to fuck her in under five minutes, prove it. Make me beg you to fuck me." "I've known you for seven years. We're friends. We're *good* friends. I don't think it's a good idea to risk all of that just to..." "You're full of shit. You're backpedalling." "Alright. Fine. When do my five minutes start?" "Now. If you can make MPH! MMMMmmmmmmmm..." "Mfffmmphmm?" "...mmmmmmmmmm...." *THUD* "Oh shit! You okay? I tried to catch you." "Huh?" "Your knees gave out again. I couldn't get a grip on you fast enough to catch you." "Huh?" "Never mind. Are you okay?" "Huh?" "Hey! Pay attention. See the hand? Back and forth, back and forth. Watch the hand. Good. Now follow the hand until you're looking at my face. Good. Now pay attention. Are you hurt?" "Um.... huh? Oh... No, no I'm fine. I think I'll just stay on the floor for a while. What time is it?" "3:42, why?" "You've got four minutes left." "You can't be serious! You can't even stand." "I don't need to stand to kiss you. You said you could make me beg you in under five minutes. Well, tick tock tick tock." "Fine. Is your bra clasp in the front or back?" "Back. What does that have to do with kissing?" "I didn't say I'd kiss you the whole five minutes. I said I could make you beg in five minutes. I'll need to use my hands." "Oh. Well I hope you're not in the habit of undressing your women while casually talking to them about their bras." "Normally I'd undress them while I kiss them. This is a standard clasp, right? Oh, there we go. Anyway, normally I'd still be kissing them, but every time I get that far, you collapse on me." "These pants are a pain. Let me help you with that. Not that there's any point in getting undressed. The only thing I'll be begging you for at this rate is a blanket." "Uh huh. You wouldn't say that if we were still kissing." "Then would you just shut the hell up and kiss mph. Mmmm...." ... "... mmmmmm. Wow. You have mmm... you have soft hands." "Thank you. You've got nipples large enough for that b rated porno movie I'm writing for." "You got rejected. Don't you pay any attention? Speaking of paying attention, get your hand off my knee and get back to work." "Yes ma'am." "Oh. Oh, my. You seem to oh wow. You seem ahhhh.... Nnngh. You seem to *gasp* ... You... uh.... oooohhhh." "Heh. You seem a bit distracted." "Oh god. I didn't know fingers could feel so good down there. Do you practice this?" "In a way. I play the guitar, remember? Strong fingers." "I need to date a guitar player. Oh, do that again. Oooohh. Ngh. What the NGH! Oh my NGH. *Gasp* Will you... oh." "I thought you'd like that. Figured it out while tuning one day." "What exactly are you ngh. What are you ngh. Ohhhh.... How are ngh. Doing. That. Oh my." "That would be telling. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a minute left and better things to do with my tongue than talk." "What? You're not going to... you.... are.... oh my GOD!" .... "Oh god. Wow. Um. Oh.... oh! Oh! .... Oh!" ... *Gasp* ... "Oh Christ! What the FUCK! OH JESUS! YES! Oh god please don't stop. Aaaarrwhlck. MPH! OH!" ... "Just a little OH! Please more! Don't stop baby please please please don't stop baby baby OH MORE PLEASE YES YES YESS YESSSSSSS! OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!" ... ... "God, you're beautiful when you come." ... "Back with me now, hon? You taste delicious." "Shut up and fuck me." "Heh. Told you I could make you beg in five minutes." "You were wrong." "Hm? You don't want me to... ah.. continue?" "I want you to fuck my brains out. But you're still wrong. First, it's been six minutes, not five. Second, I'm not begging. I'm simply telling you that if you don't get your damn clothes off and get down here in the next sixty seconds, I will castrate you." "Oh, I see. You're not begging. Ouch! Watch the hands with the boxers, dear. You're not begging, you're ordering. Well, what if I don't want to do anything until you beg me?" "You don't want to do that. Wow you're big." "I'm not the only one with nice hands, either. But back to business. I'm not doing a thing until you beg me." "Shut up and fuck me." "You're not very good at this begging stuff are yYYYEEE!" "Shut up and fuck me." "Ow! Hey, you're not playing fair. That hurts. OW!" "Shut up and fuck me." "Jesus! Okay let go. God, girl!" "Shut up and fuck me." "I need a bit of time to recover. You kind of killed my mood." "Shut up and kiss me." "You need to work on adding more phrases to mph. Mmmm. Mmmmmmmmmm...." ~fin~