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Snow Friday and the Seven Perverts
by Arty

Once upon a time, gentle reader, in a land far away and a
long time ago there lived a Wicked Queen. [Well actually she
wasn't really wicked, just misunderstood.] The Wicked Queen
Gina Marie [Look I said she wasn't really wicked - she wears
fluffy bunny slippers fer chrissakes - how wicked can
someone, who wears fluffy bunny slippers, be?] had a young
and fabulously attractive stepdaughter called Snow Friday.

Now all was fine while Snow Friday was a young girl. Each
day the Queen would sit in front of her dressing table
mirror and issue the following question,

"Mirror, mirror on my table,
Who is the sexiest in this fable?"

To which the invariable reply was,

"Without a doubt oh fairest queen,
Thou art the sexiest there's ever been!"

At which the Wicked Queen, would smile and rise from the
dressing table secure in the knowledge that she was the
sexiest Queen throughout Fairytaleland, and so things
remained until Snow Friday began to blossom as she reached
that stage of development known as young princesshood. This
is the stage that only fairytale princesses ever experience
and is characterised by a complete absence of spots,
pustules or any form of acne that is so much more common
amongst non-princesses.

And thus it was that one morning the Wicked Queen issued her
customary question, "Mirror, mirror on my table, who is the
sexiest in this fable?" and sat back to await the customary
affirmation of her sexiness,

"I'm tired of this."

"Excuse me, I didn't ask how you were feeling, I asked who
was the sexiest."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"What's this fixation that you have with being the sexiest."

"That's what Wicked Queens do."

"You don't look too wicked to me; how wicked can you be
wearing fluffy-bunny slippers?" [See I told ya!]

"Can we have less of the criticism of my style of footwear
and more of the judgement on who is the sexiest in Fairyland
please?"

"Are you sure you want to know who is the sexiest? I'm a
magic mirror; I can answer many questions, but all I ever
get asked is 'Who's the sexiest?' it gets very samey after
several hundred years I can tell you!"

"If I didn't want to know I wouldn't've asked."

"You ask every day, I think you have an inferiority complex;
have you thought of counselling?"

"Are you gonna answer the question or do I have to fetch my
hammer?"

"You aren't going to like the answer."

"Why aren't I going to like it?"

"I can tell you what the weather is going to be like
tomorrow."

"Answer the question."

"Cloudy to start with, then light summer showers at first,
giving way to sunny spells later…"

"Right that's it! Where's that hammer?"

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you but you really won't like it."

"Just tell me."

"Just remember I'm only the messenger, if you break me, it's
seventy seven years bad luck."

"I thought it was seven years."

"I'm a magic mirror, and not any old magic mirror at that.
Seventy seven is what I said and seventy seven is what
you'll get!"

"I don't believe you!"

"You can believe me or not, but you have to ask yourself,
'do you feel lucky?'"

"Answer me now."

"Just remember the bad luck."

The queen started to rummage around in the dressing table
drawer and withdrew, triumphantly, a small hammer. The
mirror surface seemed to shimmer.

"Without a doubt, oh my fair queen,
Snow Friday is the sexiest I've ever seen!"

"Now that, apart from being the worst piece of doggerel I've
ever heard, is complete crap! I'm the sexiest around here!"

"See I told you that you wouldn't like the answer. I've
never claimed to be a poet, but I know who's the sexiest in
the place and it ain't you! And don't even think of breaking
me, 'cause that'll bring you seven hundred and seventy seven
years of bad luck!"

"You said seventy seven just now."

"Maybe I lied. Anyway what's an extra seven between
friends?"

"If you were my friend you'd have lied to me about being the
sexiest, how would I know?"

"Errr... well…"

"You have been lying, haven't you?"

"Well it was only couple of years…"

The queen waved the hammer threateningly.

" … seven thousand seven hundred …"

"You just keep adding sevens don't you?"

"So would you, if you were a magic mirror and a disgruntled
customer was waving a hammer around."

The Wicked Queen slumped in her seat in despair, if she
wasn't the sexiest how could she remain Queen? [Look I told
you she wasn't really wicked - she just has some self-esteem
issues.] She wailed at the mirror.

"What am I going to do now?"

"I'm a magic mirror not a bloody agony aunt! First you want
to smash me to smithereens, and now you want me to solve all
your problems. Sheeesh!"

The mirror subsided into a wounded silence and refused the
Queen's entreaties for advice or solace, though occasionally
it would deign to reply.

"I refer the Queen to the answer that I gave earlier."

After a fruitless half hour of this the Wicked Queen left
her dressing room and sat by the window staring out at the
forested hills in the distance and then the glimmer of an
idea came to her. Further cogitation followed and a plan was
formed; finally she reached a decision and rang the bell to
summon her Trusty Manservant.

Very quickly the Trusty Manservant arrived.

"Oh there you are Scipio! Do me a great service will you and
get rid of Snow Friday? Any time within the next couple of
hours will be fine." Subtle, the Wicked Queen was not.

"Shouldn't you be using a few more circumlocutions, My
Queen?"

"We could… but this way you get more time to spend with that
lusty serving wench that you been making time with - Ali
isn't it? And I get more time to daydream about what I will
do when, once more, I'm the sexiest around!" The queen
examined her slippers, admiring the cute bunny ears and the
little white bob-tale on the heel. [See I told you she was
wearing bunny-slippers! Perhaps you'll believe me next time?
Yes I have already gloated, but always take an opportunity
to gloat, that's what I always say.]

"As you say My Queen. Do you have a preferred method of
'disposal'?"

"Perhaps you'd like to take her to the Old Forest and see
what develops from there?"

"Your wish is my command, My Queen." And so saying the
Trusty Manservant backed out of the room, bowing as he did
so. It didn't do to annoy her when she was in this sort of
mood. Since the King had left on one of his periodic
crusades she had been unpredictable at best. Mulling over
these thoughts the Trusty Manservant made his way to Snow
Friday's apartments in the other wing of the palace. [Why do
buildings have wings? Do they fly? Can you eat them? No!
Ergo they're not wings they're… Oh all right I'll stop
rambling. Anyway he's about to disturb Friday and put his
nefarious plan into action] The Trusty Manservant paused at
the door to Snow Friday's apartment and raised his hand to
knock on the door. The faint but distinct sounds of someone
in the throes of passion made him pause - a few minutes
either way wouldn't hurt - so the Trusty Manservant waited
until all was quiet. Then he knocked.

"C… Come!" Was it his imagination, but did he detect the
sounds of girlish giggling at the obvious pun? The Trusty
Manservant opened the door to discover Friday and her
companion hastily rearranging their clothing.

"Oh, it's you Nick. You might have said, then we wouldn't
have had to rush to get dressed."

"Sorry, Princess Friday. I waited until I thought you had
finished, and then I knocked."

Snow Friday and her companion blushed prettily as they
realised the sounds that he must have heard. The Trusty
Manservant finally remembered her name, 'Cat'. It had been
bothering him for a few seconds when it didn't leap
immediately to mind.

"Well come on then, out with it."

"You stepmother is having a rant. The mirror has told her
that she isn't the sexiest any more."

"Oh is that all! I thought it was something important!"

"Unfortunately the mirror has named you as the sexiest."

"I always knew that mirror had taste. What does it matter?"

"She's told me to get rid of you."

"Oh! Couldn't the mirror have lied to her for a few more
years? It's been doing it for long enough anyway."

"It's been complaining about losing its integrity."

"It's a magic mirror for goodness' sake who expects
integrity from a mirror!" Friday was incredulous.

"It says that it's got to be true to itself."

"Just what this tale needs a mirror with delusions of
existential angst."

"Be that as it may, I'm supposed to take you to the Old
Forest and get rid of you!"

"Oh well I've always fancied a trip to the mountains."

She dragged Cat into the dressing room and with much
giggling and squeals Snow Friday changed into some clothes
more appropriate for a trip to the mountains.

"Okay I'm all set, if we don't leave soon the old* windbag
will get suspicious." [*Look don't blame me, it's not my
fault that everyone over the age of twenty is 'old' to
Fairytale Princesses!]

Snow Friday and the Trusty Manservant made their way, up
hill and down dale, through field and vale over bridge and …
[All right, already! You get the picture. Anyhow this is the
part where Bambi gets his!] Eventually they reach a clearing
in the Old Forest many leagues from the Castle of the Wicked
Queen. The Trusty Manservant turns to Snow Friday.

"I think this is far enough."

"Far enough for what?"

"Far enough to make the Queen think that I've done away with
you. Unless of course you want me actually to do it?" [Oh
don't you just love it when someone avoids a split
infinitive!]

Snow Friday looks coquettishly at the Trusty Manservant.
Batting her eyelids as she speaks in a fake southern accent,
"Surely you wouldn't really do away with little ol' me?"

"It's tempting, if you're going to continue to behave in
this ridiculous manner." The Trusty Manservant considers
things for a moment. "I'm going to need proof of your
demise."

"A deer's heart is the usual token."

"No, that's too obvious. {Phew! Bambi is safe, but what does
the Trusty Manservant have in mind?] I think you'll have to
give me your clothes."

"You cannot be serious!" Said Friday in an unconscious
imitation of a certain tennis player of our acquaintance.

"Would you rather I did it for real?"

"What's wrong with a deer?"

"Like I said, too obvious and for another thing I really
enjoyed 'Bambi' when I was a young boy. Now stop wasting
time and strip!"

Seeing the adamant expression on the Trusty Manservant's
face Snow Friday reluctantly removed her clothes. All too
soon, from her point of view, she was naked. The Trusty
Manservant picked up her clothes and pushed them into his
rucksack.

"I'll slash them a little before I hand them over."

The Trusty Manservant wished her good luck in the rest of
her life and loped off back the way they had come. Snow
Friday looked down at her nakedness and then around her at
the forest. The day was still warm and a gentle breeze
caressed her. Ahead of her she could see a path lit by
dappled sunlight and she began to walk.

"This is another fine mess you've got me into."

["I don't know, it has its good points; two of them,
actually, from where I'm standing."]

"That's another thing, why has it got colder all of a
sudden?"

["That's just your overactive imagination dear, and the fact
that you're not wearing any clothes."]

"You just had to remind me, didn't you?"

["I'm hardly likely to forget am I? One of the 'perks' of
this job is to view gorgeous girls wearing little or no
clothing. I think the mirror had it just about right."]

While this pleasant conversation continued, Snow Friday was
walking cautiously down a well-trodden path. With little
warning the path opened out into a delightful forest glade.
The sun shone warmly into the clearing and brightly coloured
butterflies fluttered by in profusion as they settled again
after being startled by the sudden appearance of a naked
Snow Friday.

"Do you have to keep mentioning it?"

["What? Oh the fact that you're naked, nude, unclothed,
starkers, wearing only your birthday suit, dressed as
Eve..."]

"I'm sure everyone has got the idea!"

["At least the sun is very warm, who says I'm not kind to my
characters?"]

"You're all heart, you know that? Who got me into this state
in the first place?"

[The author maintains a dignified silence and gets on with
the task in hand, namely moving the story forward, pausing
now and then to admire the gentle curvature of Snow Friday's
bottom, that reminded him of nothing so much as a peach...]

Snow Friday walked boldly up to the front door of the
cottage. Since she was a very well-mannered Princess, she
knocked on the door and waited to see if anyone would answer
it. After a few minutes of fruitless waiting, Snow Friday
pushed the door open and entered the cottage. Like all such
Fairyland cottages, it was much bigger on the inside than it
appeared to be. The kitchen, though, was a mess and the
dining room looked like a horde of ravening beasts had
stopped to eat here. Snow Friday noted the seven chairs.
Continuing her exploration, she was relieved to see that the
other rooms were reasonably tidy. A twisting staircase led
Friday upwards to the bedrooms. On each side of a longish
corridor were a series of doors; above each door was a
nameplate, as she walked she read the names to herself.

"Tickly, Wimpy, Ropey, Licky, Hanky, Spanky, and Wanky."

At the end of the corridor was another door; above the door
was another nameplate that read 'Our Guest'. What gave
Friday a pause for thought was the fact that it had
originally read 'Our Victim' but the word 'Victim' had been
crudely scribbled out and the word 'Guest' substituted.
Shrugging her shoulders, there wasn't anything she could do
about it now anyway, Snow Friday made her way back to the
Kitchen and began to tidy up. [Tidying up is the universal
currency when you are a naked maiden in distress.]

"Is there anyway I could persuade you to forget my state of
undress?"

["I'm sure I could think of something…"]

Much more quickly than one would have thought, Snow Friday
finished tidying the Kitchen and the Dining room. [This is
Fairyland after all!] Tired from her exertions Friday lay
down on one of the settees in the Sitting room and fell into
a deep sleep.

Snow Friday yawned and stretched; just as she was reaching
maximum extension, she realised that she was surrounded by
silent people.

"Nice tits." Said one.

"I'm a pussy man myself." Said another.

Eschewing the obvious reaction of screaming and attempting
to cover the aforementioned body parts, Friday finished her
stretch and then sat up.

"I'm Snow Friday, I'm sorry to barge in on you like this,
but as you can see I've been having a little bit of bad luck
lately. I did tidy up for you, as a sort of 'thank you'."

Not being versed in the etiquette of appearing naked before
seven, count 'em seven leering strangers she thought she had
done pretty well in the circumstances.

"May I ask who you are?"

After a quick exchange of glances one of the group of seven
stepped forward.

"I'm Licky. These these three are Hanky, Spanky and Wanky.
That lot over there are Tickly, Ropey and last and
definitely least Wimpy. Collectively the Seven Perverts."

As the names were spoken Friday noticed that they were each
wearing overalls that had their name embroidered into the
right breast pocket.

"Those are unusual names."

"They're more like nicknames, you'll see why if you stay."

"I was wondering about that. I've seen your 'guest' room..."

"Since you're here and you're not wearing any clothes, I
presume that you're in some sort of trouble?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

"You want to tell us about it?"

Snow Friday sighed. It's one thing to be a beautiful
princess and live a fairytale life; it's quite another when
the darker side of the fairytale starts to show. It occurred
to her that the real villain of this piece was the magic
mirror, she let her imagination run riot as she considered
ways to exact her revenge. The sound of a throat being
cleared interrupted her pleasant reverie and she put the
thought of a timer-controlled pendulum swinging ever closer
to a pleading magic mirror to one side.

"Sorry, I was just having a pleasant daydream. My problems
started when my stepmother's magic mirror finally decided to
tell her that I as the sexiest woman in Fairyland. She
thinks that if she eliminates me then she will again be the
sexiest and her position as Queen will be safe."

"Does this mirror talk in rhyme by any chance?"

"Sometimes."

"Does it tend to exaggerate how many years of bad luck you
will receive if you break it?"

"Definitely. How did you know that?"

"Oh we know this mirror of old. You know the problem with
talking mirrors?"

"No."

"People get so hung up on that the fact that they can talk,
they think that they are some sort of oracle."

"You mean I'm not the sexiest woman in Fairyland?" Snow
Friday wasn't sure how she felt about that.

"I'm sure there's someone who thinks so." All of the seven
perverts leered at her, doing their best to prove the
validity of the foregoing statement! "Just like there's
someone who thinks your stepmother is the sexiest..."

"So all I have to do is to find some way of convincing the
mirror and then it can tell my stepmother and then I'll be
safe?"

"Seems a mite too complicated a plan to me. Why not stay
here until you think of a better one?"

"I presume you have some sort of 'rent' in mind."

"You could say that. We don't often have a willing 'guest',
how about you let each of us show you how we got our
nicknames - one person per night until you want to leave?"

"Please say you'll stay for a bit; it gets a bit lonely out
here as the only woman." The name on the overalls read
'Hanky'. Not seeing that she had much choice Snow Friday
voiced her agreement to the terms of the 'rent'.

"I suppose there's no chance of something to wear is there?"

"We like seeing you naked." Friday couldn't see who the
speaker was, but it didn't matter, as everyone else in the
room seemed to agree. So Friday resigned herself to at least
a week without clothes.

-oOo-

Meanwhile, dear reader, back at the palace the Wicked Queen
(who isn't so wicked really - just insecure) was having
second and third thoughts. She had taken Snow Friday's
clothes, artfully ripped though they were, as just a sham.
Her Trusty Manservant had assured her that Snow Friday had
been 'dealt with' and she had been glad that a young deer
hadn't been killed, just to prove it to her. [See, she likes
Bambi too!] For the first time in almost a week she made her
way to the dressing room where the mirror lurked.

"Okay, you know the drill by now."

"Which drill? The one where you threaten me, or the one
where we talk as reasonable individuals?"

"Just tell me what I need to know."

"Actually I could show you."

"Show me what?"

"Show you the answer to the question that you're going to
ask me, which, by the way, is getting to be more than a
little tedious."

"So show me."

"Show you what?"

"I think I'm suffering from deja ecoute, I'm sure we've had
this exchange already."

"You have to ask me."

Sighing dramatically the Wicked Queen intoned her usual
question.

"Mirror, mirror on my table. Who is the sexiest in this
fable?"

The surface of the mirror wavered and then steadied down to
show an exterior view of the cottage. Now the viewpoint
changed and in Hitchcockian fashion zoomed down and towards
the door. Above the door was a newly painted sign. 'Seven
Perverts' House'. The Wicked Queen cringed as the zoom
continued through the door and then up the stairs, finally
arriving at the open doorway to the 'Guest' room at the end
of the corridor. Through the doorway Snow Friday could be
seen writhing erotically on the bed. Presumably her arms and
legs were tied to the four corners, but the view afforded by
the open door did not let the viewer see for certain. An
unseen person was wielding a feather, the tip of which,
danced lightly over Snow Friday's stomach and her shaven
pubic mound. There was no sound but as the feather dipped
between her legs the quality of her writhing changed; what
was before merely erotic, became sex incarnate. The Wicked
Queen watched, mesmerised, as Snow Friday suffered an
apparently endless orgasm. All too soon the view faded and
was replaced by her own reflection, somewhat flushed.

"I think that answers your question, don't you?"

"So tell me where the cottage is."

"In the forest about halfway up the second mountain from the
right."

"That's like 'second star to the right and straight on 'til
morning' isn't it?"

"Almost, I'm so glad my literary allusions aren't wasted on
you."

"Do I have to wave the hammer at you again."

"One of these days I can see we're going to have a chat
about anger management and delayed gratification."

"Just tell me where the cottage is!"

"Halfway up a mountain called Ben Walton*" [*Yeah I know
it's a silly name! But this tale is twice as long, already,
as I planned it to be - the damn mirror is taking over and I
bet there aren't any Roger Whittaker fans reading this and
so I've wasted a perfectly good allusion to a song title as
well!]

"Thank you."

The Wicked Queen made her way down to her dungeon and
dragging out her largest cauldron began to mutter terrible
incantations…

[Deleted Scene]

Laughing manically the Wicked Queen held aloft a small
orange-like citrus fruit. [Altogether now: "A Kumquat".
Come-quat geddit… I don't know why I bother sometimes!] Then
without further ado she opened a hitherto unnoticed [by me
anyway] door and hurried down the tunnel that appeared
behind it. Since it was a magic tunnel, and a magic door for
that matter, the Wicked Queen found herself in a cave not
far from the clearing in which the Seven Perverts' House
nestled. The Wicked Queen walked briskly to the front door
and knocked. After a while the door was opened and an
erotically dishevelled face appeared from around the edge of
the door.

"Oh it's you, I suppose you'd better come in."

"What do you mean it's me?"

"You might not look much like my stepmother, but how likely
am I to meet anyone else in this neck of the woods?"

So saying Snow Friday turned and walked back into the house.

"My, what a red bottom you have dear."

"Yeah, it was Spanky's turn last night."

"I saw you being attacked with a feather the day before."

"Tickly." Said Friday shortly. She was glad the Wicked Queen
had arrived as she had experienced all seven of the
'perversions' and she wasn't completely sure that she could
survive another round of them. Never have so many orgasms
been induced by so few!

"So tell me about them."

"Lets see; first there was Wanky, he was into mutual
masturbation." Amongst other things thought Friday.
Admittedly she had felt strange about 'doing it' in front of
a stranger, but she could hardly deny that the extra frisson
had added something to the experience.

"Then there was Hanky, she liked the feel of silk." And who
was she to argue, mused Friday, there was definitely
something about the feel of a fingernail gently scratching
her clitoris through a layer of silk!

"After that was Licky; with a name like that I think you can
guess he was into oral sex." Friday grinned; boy was he
ever! "I may have passed out because I don't remember much
after the first ten orgasms or so."

The Wicked Queen squirmed in her seat. Friday smiled
wickedly at her. "Are you sitting comfortably, Stepmother
dear? Then I'll continue." At this point Friday lay back in
her chair and gently stroked herself, she sighed
contentedly.

"Where was I? Number four was Ropey. I never knew that
bondage could be so entertaining. Of course it took a few
hours or so for some of the marks to disappear, but that was
all right as I was exhausted from all the teasing. Have you
ever been kept from coming for hours on end?"

The Wicked Queen shook her head.

"No? You should get dad to try it sometime. When I was
eventually allowed to come I screamed the house down! I
think they heard me on the next mountain."

Friday opened her legs wider and started to circle her
clitoris gently, her other hand stroked her nipples,
occasionally squeezing one or other of them a bit harder and
causing herself a sudden intake of breath.

"Number five was a bit different, that was Wimpy. He was
into romantic sex as well as a bit of female domination." It
had made a welcome change from the previous four nights and
it had been pleasant for Snow Friday to 'wear the trousers'
if only figuratively.

"Then there was Tickly. Of course I was tied up for him
too." Friday sniggered, "I think bondage may be something of
a fetish for the author of this particular fairytale!"

["You may think that, I couldn't possibly comment."]

"And finally there was Spanky. He is definitely someone that
dad should have a discussion with Stepmommy dearest." Friday
didn't know how he managed it but Spanky had managed to make
her come just by spanking her alone, she wasn't sure how she
felt about that, apart from sore that is. Meanwhile her
questing fingers had finished the job she had set them and
now she gazed at her Stepmother from under heavily lidded
eyes.

"So now you're here what are you going to do?"

"Firstly she is going to strip and then I'm going to give
her the spanking of her life and then we're all going to
live happily ever after!"

"Daddy! You're back."

The Dragon* King looked at his young wife and daughter.
[*It's a family title OK?]

"I can see there are a few things that have to be worked
out."

The Wicked Queen ran to her husband, jumped into his arms
and burst into tears. "I've missed you terribly why didn't
you call, I thought you didn't care any more!"

[See I told she wasn't really wicked.]

The King hugged her. "I did try, but the mirror was always
engaged."

"I'm going to have words with that mirror. Mostly ones that
involve the words smash and tinkle."

Snow Friday and the Misunderstood Queen hugged and cried
while the King looked benignly on. While he surreptitiously
removed his belt, it wouldn't do for a King to go back on
his word would it. A spanking had been decreed and a
spanking there would be. But it would be very long or very
hard, unlike the comforting that would take place
afterwards!

And there Gentle Reader we will leave the tale of Snow
Friday and the Seven Perverts. Mainly because I'm several
days late and it's three times longer than I envisaged! I'll
leave you with a little puzzle. Who are the seven perverts?

-Fin-

-- 
http://www.asstr.org/~arty