Dreamtime
(Mf Ff Mb inc caution)
(c) 2002, 2003 Anais Ninja anais_ninja@hotmail.com
http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/anais_ninja/index.html
In March 2002, I posted the first chapter of _Wanderings_, a novel
based on my childhood and early adolescence. This was followed by
_Exile_, an account of my year spent on the streets of Boston as a
runaway and teenaged prostitute. Now comes _Phoenix Rising_, which
details my reunion with my estranged father.
In all three of these stories, I have drawn heavily from journals I
kept when I was younger. It was my habit to write down my dreams each
morning, especially the more vivid ones, the dreams that seemed to hold
special significance or symbolism. It was part of my search for
meaning in a world that seemed meaningless at the time.
This story consists of excerpts from these three pieces, just the
dreams that I've included in _Wanderings_, _Exile_, and _Phoenix
Rising_. As surreal as my dreams might seem at times, the difference
between these and my waking life has been one of degree, not kind.
* * *
_Wanderings_, _Exile_, and _Phoenix Rising_ can be found here:
http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/anais_ninja/wander/index.html
http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/anais_ninja/exile/index.html
http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/anais_ninja/phoenix/index.html
* * *
From _Wanderings_:
I had a bizarre dream that night. I was back at Bradley and Helen's
house, laying spread-eagle on a padded table in the living room, my
arms and legs bound with silken sashes, surrounded by a crowd of
people. Brad was on top of me, his hard cock pumping in and out of my
pussy, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. When he erupted inside
me, everyone applauded. He pulled out of me and rotated the table so
that all could see the semen oozing out of my slit.
Then it was Del on top of me, fucking me, filling me with his seed,
another round of applause when he finished. Then Brad's father, his
big cock stretching my sex as he entered me, then Ramon, his fat cock
feeling even larger than usual. Rob followed, inhaling a line of coke
from between my breasts as he pounded my twat. Then the bartender.
Then one of the men I'd seen in the pool. I looked past him and saw a
line of men formed behind them, all of them waiting their turn,
waiting to fuck me, waiting to fill me with their seed.
"Where's Paco?" I cried out.
Then I realized that I didn't have my diaphragm in me, and I began to
worry that I'd get pregnant and I wouldn't know who the father was
with all these men spurting their cum inside me.
"Don't worry, dear," Julia said, stroking my hair as another man
climbed on top of me, his throbbing cock disappearing between my legs.
"We'll take care of it."
I didn't know what she meant by that, and I wanted to ask her, but
after the man came and climbed off me, Helen stepped forward and
lowered her face to my sex, drinking from the river of semen that
flowed from my pussy. Then she stepped aside and Julia took over, her
tongue scooping the sperm into her mouth, her hands on my breasts, her
eyes looking into mine.
And then I woke up and felt a tongue inside me and hands on my
breasts. I looked down into Julia's eyes, and she stopped licking me
and smiled.
* * *
I always had strange dreams, even before my mother was killed. That
night I dreamed that I was back in the hotel in Boston, the Ritz-
Carlton, laying naked in the big comfortable bed. I wasn't alone.
Julia was with me, as was my mother, and they were naked, too. They
were both holding me, cradling me in their arms, petting me and cooing
over me as if I were a newborn baby. Margaret, the little girl from
the sex shop was there, sitting in a chair facing the bed, dressed
only in her little white cotton panties with the cartoon character
print. She smiled at me as her fingers slipped beneath the waistband
of her panties.
And then Ramon was kneeling between my legs. I looked down and saw
two penises hanging between his legs, a pair of thick, hard cocks
pointing at my sex. He penetrated my sex with one, my bottom with the
other, and when he leaned over to kiss me, there was a third penis
where his tongue should have been, not a fat cock like the ones
between his legs, but a smooth little boycock like Paco's. I sucked
it as his hips began to move...
"Papi!" His name was on my lips as I bolted upright in bed, wide
awake. The sun was up and the birds were singing in the trees. My
heart was pounding as I glanced at the clock. It was just past six.
* * *
From _Exile_:
I had been dreaming about Julia. We were making love in her garden,
sipping white wine as we kissed and caressed, a gentle summer breeze our
only garment. Her roses were in bloom, and the fragrance was like a
drug, the petals so soft, the buds so pliant.
* * *
That night I dreamed that I was in the cathedral, lying naked on the
red-carpeted altar. Father Ken stood over me in a purple and white
cassock, sprinkling some sort of liquid on me from a silver chalice, a
sticky white fluid that pooled on my belly. The boys from the shelter
were all there, dressed as altar boys in white robes trimmed with gold
fringe. Father Steve was there as well, holding a silver plate with a
pile of little round wafers on it. He knelt next to me and placed a
wafer between my labia, all the while murmuring something in Latin.
Then the boys, lined up in order of height, walked over to where I was
laying. Chris was the first in line, his rosy cheeks free of tears, his
unruly mop of blond hair neatly combed away from his cute face. He
knelt between my legs and bent down, pulling the wafer from my lips with
his teeth before standing up and taking a seat in the front row of pews.
Father Steve, still kneeling next to me, replaced the wafer with a fresh
one. The edges were rough and felt scratchy against my clit as he
slipped it into my pussy, leaving just enough exposed so that the next
boy could grab it with his teeth, just like Chris had done.
When all of the boys had partaken of their wafers, Father Ken loosened
his cassock. He was naked underneath, and his cock looked bigger than
ever. He knelt between my legs and entered me. Then Father Steve
slipped a cushion behind my neck, tilting my head back. I could see
that his cassock was open as well, revealing his stubby cock and
pendulous balls. I knew my part in this ritual, as if it had been
rehearsed many times, and I opened my mouth to accept his penis.
As the two priests began to fill me with their hard meat, the boys, now
naked, filed up from their pew and surrounded us, reaching for my body
with their hands, guiding my own hands to their eager young cocks. A
couple of the younger boys squirmed to the center of the circle and
began rubbing their stiff peckers on my thighs, humping me while Father
Ken and Father Steve took their pleasure in my mouth and pussy. The two
priests looked upon their young charges with smiles of approval.
Suddenly I was awake. It was still dark outside. Images from my dream
began to fray like an old sweater, but something lingered, something
real, the feeling of something rubbing me through the slippery satin of
the chemise. Chris, who was still asleep, had his legs wrapped around
my thigh. His jockey shorts had slipped down around his knees and he
was unconsciously humping my thigh with his little stiffy. I wondered
if he was having the same dream as mine. I gently rolled him on his
back.
* * *
That night I had the strangest dream. We were on Ramon's boat, Megan
and I, just the two of us, drifting in the middle of the ocean. It was
sunny, but the waves were enormous, towering over the fishing boat and
tossing it up and down. We were huddled in the forward cabin, where Del
and Paco slept, listening to the waves crest and splash against the
hull. The boat reeked of diesel fuel and rotting fish, but somehow I
wasn't sick, despite the heavy seas.
We were wet, our clothes were soaked, and I was helping Megan out of her
dress and underwear, drying her off with a towel that bore a Ritz-
Carlton monogram. Then it was my turn to undress. I was wearing my
long peasant skirt and the wet fabric clung to my legs. After I stepped
out of the wet clothes, I pulled off my panties and looked down: I had a
penis. It was small and smooth like Billy's boycock, devoid of hair. I
looked back up at Megan, who was lying on the cushioned bunk. She
spread her legs and looked up at me with an expression of anticipation,
a strange lust in her eyes.
Without a word between us, I lay on top of her and we began to kiss, not
the motherly kisses I'd given her before, but passionate kisses, intense
kisses, lovers' kisses. Megan looked down between her legs and then
back up at me and she nodded. I pressed my hips forward, feeling my
dream cock press into her folds, inside her, through her cherry. Megan
winced slightly as I tore through her hymen and then she smiled again
and started sucking her thumb. I began to thrust.
* * *
Megan was lying on Father Ken's desk, naked except for the frilly
ruffled panties that held her ankles together. Father Ken stood by her
head, Mr. O'Hare at her feet, both of them holding her down, restraining
her squirming body. I was sitting in one of the chairs, an unwilling
observer.
As is often the case with dreams, I wanted to scream but I couldn't, I
wanted to run away, but I couldn't, I wanted to close my eyes, but my
eyelids were made of glass and I couldn't look away. I sat there,
paralyzed, as Mr. O'Hare took his thick club of a cock and pressed it
against Megan's puffy lips, pushing, pushing, pushing his way inside.
As Megan began to bleed, dark red fluid gushing from her slit, she
looked at me, her eyes pleading for me to do something, anything. She
opened her mouth to say something but Father Ken stuffed it full of
cock. Her cheek bulged and she twisted her head back and forth, trying
to dislodge the invading member. Then Mr. O'Hare pulled his bloody cock
out of her ruined cunny and he and Father Ken flipped her over on her
tummy. O'Hare pressed his cock against her tush, trying to shove his
enormous member into her tight little bottom.
That's when Megan screamed.
That's when I woke up.
* * *
From _Phoenix Rising_
We were flying in my dream, in the bomber from "Dr. Strangelove". Robby
was at a radar console, calling out the range of incoming missiles. I
was on the floor of the cockpit, holding on for dear life as the plane
jinked and banked between mountains, dodging missiles that looked like
rocket-propelled telephone poles. Major Kong was at the controls, and
he turned his head and barked an order to me, incomprehensible words, a
jargon I couldn't understand. Somehow, I knew what I had to do.
I was in the bomb bay of the airplane, kicking at the clamshell doors,
climbing on top of the nuclear weapon and reaching for a severed wire,
brilliant blue sparks flying past my head. I could smell the acrid
stench of burning hair from where the sparks landed on my shoulders,
barely able to reach the two parts of the wire and twist the ends
together.
And then I was falling, falling, falling, my legs clamped around the
bomb, dropping towards the tundra below. I clung to the weapon, and
suddenly the cold white-painted metal became skin, bumps and veins and
follicles, warm and soft and hard at the same time. I opened my mouth
to scream...
* * *
It was a strange dream, precisely because it wasn't strange at all. Its
logic wasn't inconsistent with the waking world. My surroundings were
unfamiliar, but only until I remembered where I was, Dana's bedroom,
Phoenix, night.
My father stood over our beds. His pants were down, his cock was out,
and he was stroking himself, a look of lust and hunger in his eyes. The
sheet that had covered my body had been pulled down, and my chemise was
bunched up around my waist. I looked over at Dana's bed: she was
asleep, but her nightie had been lifted over her slim hips and her legs
were spread.
"Daddy?" I whispered. Even stranger. In some of my dreams I wasn't
able to speak, unable to scream if I had to.
"Shhhh...," he said. "It's just a dream."
"It's not a dream," I said. "My dreams are weirder than this."
"Shhhh...," he repeated. "Go to sleep." I was groggy, and I started to
close my eyes, but I heard him gasp and hold something white over the
tip of his penis. He wiped himself off with it and dropped it on the
floor before leaving. I wanted to get up, to see what that white object
was, but I was too tired. I closed my eyes and the dream faded into
nothingness.
* * *
I dreamed about Daddy. He was giving me a bath, just like he used to
do, except I wasn't three years old anymore. Just as in my memory from
a dozen years earlier, he was naked and wrapping my fingers around his
erection. This time, however, I knew what to do.
And then we were on a bed, in a room that resembled the one at the Ritz
in which Julia and I had stayed, that first time she'd taken me to
Boston. I was laying on my back, my father stretched out on top of me.
I looked down and saw that I was wearing a wedding gown, puffy sleeves,
a low cut bodice, voluminous skirts of organza and crinoline bunched up
around my waist. My pretty white lace panties were pulled aside and my
father's hard cock was pressing against my sex. He grunted as he
entered me, and I felt a sharp stabbing pain as he tore through my
hymen.
There was blood, so much blood, flowing out of me, staining my lovely
white dress, the bed, his penis. My vision faded to crimson, wine, then
black.
And then I woke up.
* * *
"Sweet dreams," he'd said, my father's words echoing in my mind. Sweet
indeed, though my dreams were as bizarre as always. I was in the dining
room of this house, lying naked on the table, atop a delicate lace
tablecloth. Someone was holding my wrists and ankles, not a tight grip,
a gentle one, just enough to keep me open for someone. I looked around,
left and right, up and down, trying to see who was restraining me.
And there was Julia, and Helen, and Mia. And my mother. Each one had a
wrist or an ankle, all of them beaming down at me, smiling as if this
was a special occasion, a special day. There were candles lit on the
side board, and a cake, and tall flutes of champagne. Then I saw my
father.
He was wearing a long red silk robe, edged in black, tied with a black
sash, some strange embroidered crest on the breast in gold thread, a
dragon or snake. He opened the robe and stood between my open legs. I
looked down and saw his cock begin to rise.
My father's penis was huge, enormous, like the idealized members in a
Japanese woodcut, as thick as his thigh and bulging with veins and folds
of skin, the head flaring to an almost sharp edge. I wondered how I
would be able to take him, and I began to panic. He was too big; he'd
tear me in half with his hardness. He pressed his massive organ against
my cleft, and I tried to cry out, to tell him to stop, but I couldn't
utter a sound.
"Don't worry, baby," my mother cooed, tenderly caressing my cheek. "It
won't hurt. Trust me."
My father began to enter me, and I tried to cry "Mommy...", but the pain
I expected to feel was absent, replaced by an intense wave of pleasure
as his giant cock began to fill me. I looked down and saw my tummy
begin to bulge, swelling up as my father plunged his member into my
cleft. As he started to pull back, I saw that the swelling in my belly
wasn't going down. Instead, it began to fill, taking on the shape of an
egg.
I'm going to have a baby, I thought. This is the reason for my special
day. My Daddy's going to put a baby in me. That's why everyone is
here, to watch, to help.
"You look beautiful, darling," Julia said, stroking my arm as she held
my wrist. I wanted to thank her, to tell her how much I loved her, but
I still couldn't speak. Then I wondered how I could be pregnant in the
first place. My father hadn't put his seed into me yet. Could it be
someone else's? Perhaps Ramon, or Bradley, Mr. Sheffield, Mr.
Antonelli, or even Father Ken. I looked around for them, but there was
just the six of us here, six seats at the table, six glasses of
champagne, six plates of angel food cake.
And then my father came, a tremendous gusher, filling me, his hot fluid
oozing out of me. Mia let go of my ankle and collected the semen that
dripped from my pussy in a stainless steel bowl. I could hear each
individual drip go "ping...ping...ping..." against the metal. My father
pulled out of me and then a steady stream of cum began to pour out of my
sex. Mia collected it all in the bowl and then held it in front of me.
I felt my mother and Julia let go of my arms and help me sit up on the
table. I took the bowl from Mia and sipped. It was thin, watery, like
the fluid that had spurted from Schultzie's cock when he was humping
Dana. I sipped some more, swallowing the bitter liquid, and then I
handed the bowl back to Mia. She took a sip and was handing it to Helen
when I woke up.
* * *
If it had been all a dream, then I was having a dream inside a dream
now. I was in the clubhouse locker room again, wearing just the ruffled
tennis panties that Mia had lent me. There was the sound of running
water coming from the shower, and steam drifted out of there, wafting
over the rows of lockers. I stepped into the tiled room, seeing a
couple of figures in the fog, one standing, one on his knees. I quietly
approached, trying to make out their faces.
It was Jean-Paul, standing under the rushing water while David knelt at
his feet, sucking the tennis pro's glistening cock. I watched, unable
to speak at first, but somehow I found my voice, unlike most of my
dreams where I was rendered mute.
"No, you mustn't," I cried out. "David, no!" He looked at me and
smiled, Jean-Paul's hard meat stuffed in his mouth, making his cheek
bulge.
"He is mine, Anne," Jean-Paul said.
"No, David," I said, rushing to his side, pulling him back from the
man's groin. I took Jean-Paul in my mouth instead, licking and sucking
his long veiny shaft, but he began to wilt.
Then we were in the locker room, David lying on one of the benches, his
legs spread, his hard cock bobbing above his crotch. Jean-Paul was
behind me, pulling down the tennis panties. I looked down and saw that
I had a penis, thick like my father's and fully erect. I squatted over
the bench and pressed it against David's ass, entering him as he reached
up for my breasts.
"Now you are complete," Jean-Paul whispered in my ear. I could feel the
tip of his cock pushing against my bottom, filling me as I slid into my
stepbrother's tight hole. He began to thrust, each stroke pushing me
deeper inside of David, as if Jean-Paul was using me, my body, my cock,
to fuck my stepbrother. I could feel my pleasure rising, but it was
different, not the gradual approach I was used to, but a quick
sensation, not as intense but pleasant all the same. And then I was
coming inside David's bottom, feeling my semen flow through my cock, the
strangest sensation of all.
And then I woke up.
* * *
It was rare for me to recall my dreams after smoking pot the night
before, but this one I did remember, vividly. Maybe it was the cocaine,
maybe it was everything that had happened that day.
I was with Krystle, and we were in a big, brightly lit room, like a
gymnasium, a high ceiling above us, dozens of bright lights beaming down
on us. I was lying on top of her, face up, and she had her hands on my
breasts, her thighs between mine, holding me open the way she'd done
during that afternoon tryst with my father, at the model home at
Corazon. She was inside me, too, in my bottom, and it felt hard, like a
strap-on, except I could feel her throbbing with every beat of her
heart.
And then my field of vision expanded, the way it sometimes does when
you're just waking up, just becoming aware of the world beyond your soft
pillow and warm blankets. I could see the rest of the room, clear
plastic sheets covering the whole floor, all the way to the white-
painted cinder block walls.
We were surrounded by men, naked men, strange men, faces I'd never seen
before, at least a hundred of them. Krystle released one of my breasts
and reached down between my legs, spreading my lips, rolling my clit
between her fingers, exposing me to all of these men. As if on cue,
they began to urinate, aiming their steaming streams of piss at my slit,
wetting me, making me moan and writhe on top of Krystle's soft breasts.
When one man was done, another would take his place, and the urine began
to pool around us, collecting in the folds of the plastic tarpaulins.
Then the piss became a thick white fluid, more like heavy cream than
semen, great streams of liquid that clung to our skin, covering us.
Krystle kept manipulating my button with her fingers, and I felt
ashamed, that I didn't want these strange men to see me in the throes of
an orgasm, but I couldn't help myself. She cooed in my ear, telling me
to let myself go, and I did, feeling a tremendous climax take hold of my
senses. The white fluid began to rise, a flood of milky liquid that
rose past the men's ankles, and I began to worry that we might drown.
* * *
I was riding a horse through the rust-colored wasteland, a stallion, a
mottled palomino. No reins, no saddle, nothing between me and the
horse's scratchy hide but a fringed red loincloth cut from some animal's
tanned and dyed skin. The movement of my mount's muscles reminded me of
something sexual, but I couldn't quite place what it was. As in most of
my dreams, that feeling of uncertainty would stick to the back of my
mind like a burr. I held on to the horse's neck as we galloped between
boulders and brush, the hills a blur as we moved swiftly through the
desert, the warm wind caressing my bare breasts.
We arrived at a place I'd never seen before, yet it seemed familiar all
the same, a rock-strewn box canyon with steep sides. The horse slowed
to a walk as we picked our way around the rubble, and then he stopped of
his own accord, at a place where the canyon walls were dotted with caves
and grottos. As he ducked his head to chew on some weedy grasses that
grew on the canyon floor, I dismounted, patting his flanks, feeling the
warmth that radiated from under his skin.
There was the smell of a cooking fire coming from somewhere nearby. I
sniffed at the air and followed it, my stomach rumbling as if I hadn't
eaten in days. Then I spotted the smoke, wafting from one of the caves,
a black hole about thirty feet up from the canyon floor. There was no
path up there, just a rocky outcropping below the cave mouth. I began
to climb up the rocks, trying to find a foothold in the crumbling stone,
sharp edges scratching my hands and feet. I felt a wetness between my
toes, my own blood, but I kept climbing until I reached the cave.
He sat behind the fire, just beyond the reach of the shadows. His eyes
were closed until he heard me approach, and then he looked up at me,
holding his arm out and motioning for me to sit down on a woolen blanket
across from him. We sat there, only the crackling of the fire breaking
the silence. He had the high cheekbones of a Native-American, but his
wrinkled skin and long hair were a delicate shade of white, almost
translucent. I thought he might be a ghost, but his eyes were as red as
the glowing embers. An albino.
"Katsinme na'am hoomay aw hikwsut pu'aq," he said in a low, droning
voice. "Katsinme homna'angwu." He reached into a pouch tied to his
belt and poured a fistful of yellow cornmeal into the fire.
"Pay katsinam piw yep itawuy taawiy aq hikwsuntiwisa."
As he uttered a language I'd never heard before, two figures emerged
from the shadows, two women, their skin the color of the hills, dressed
in dark blue woolen cloaks. They flanked the pale man, squatting next to
him as he spoke.
"Pangso hak ahoy nimangwu," he said. "I'hakiy qatungwu'ata."
I felt this must be some sort of ritual, sacred words, and I bowed my
head in reverence, seeing for the first time that my blonde hair was now
black, thick, with bangs cut low on my forehead.
"Niqa apiynipa hik'wsi aniwtiqaa."
One of the women stood up and came over to me, handing me an ear of
corn, perfect, unblemished. She returned to the fire, stirring
something in the pot that was suspended over the flames.
"Pam hapi sutsep qatungwu." The old man threw another handful of
cornmeal into the fire. It crackled, sending a cloud of smoke and
orange sparks up to the roof of the cave.
Now the other woman stood up, tying a string of turquoise beads and
animal teeth around my neck. I looked up at her and saw that she had
the sharp features of a man. She smiled, revealing some missing teeth,
reaching out to gently caress my cheek. Then she returned to the pale
man's side, sitting cross-legged on a folded blanket. There was silence
again.
"You bring the rain," he said. I heard drops begin to fall outside the
cave, the sound of distant thunder.
"Yes, Makya," I replied. I knew his name, and I didn't know how I knew.
I just did.
"I show you this, so you will know," Makya said, reaching into another
pouch tied around his waist, sprinkling a copper-colored powder into the
fire. There was another gout of sparks, green and blue this time, and I
saw a room in my mind's eye, a bed, a carpeted floor, the body of a
young man. I couldn't see his face, but there was something familiar
about him, a memory of someone I'd known, though I couldn't remember
exactly who it was.
"Who?" I pleaded. "Who is he?"
"He weighs on your heart," Makya said.
"Tell me who," I cried. "When? Where?"
"There is no when," he said. "There is only now." The woman who had
handed me the ear of corn got up and stirred the cooking pot again, and
then she ladled some of the contents into a gourd and handed it to me,
along with a spoon carved from old silvery wood. Despite all the
questions I'd had, the answers I needed, I was ravenously hungry, and I
began to wolf down the food. It was a savory stew of beans, chunks of
squash, kernels of corn, and some gamy, stringy meat. I used my fingers
to scoop the last morsels from the gourd and looked up again, intending
to ask for more. But there was no one there. They'd disappeared,
leaving me alone with the fire.
And then I was riding again, clinging to the horse's wet hide, the rain
falling in big drops that turned the sandy floor of the canyon into a
muddy quagmire. There was a flash of lightning and a second later a
booming peal of thunder, and then I heard it, a wall of water, a flash
flood pouring through the box canyon, coming closer, gaining ground on
us. I spurred the horse on with my heels, urging him to gallop faster,
to outrun the deluge behind us.
* * *
(c) 2002, 2003 Anais Ninja anais_ninja@hotmail.com
http://www.asstr.org/files/Authors/anais_ninja/index.html