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      If you are under 18 years of age, stop reading immediately!
           Do not read this story if you are easily shocked!

   Shield your eyes from this wretched abomination! Such hideous
   perversion! Shocking indecency! Craven corrupt carnal
   concupiscence! Rancid rapaciousness! Salacious slavering
   savagery! Lewd leering lascivious lechery, wrenchingly wanton
   vulgarity, dripping from the depths of deviant desire! Tragically
   twisted, tormented and tangled turgidity! It makes me weep to
   even think about it!

   Turn back, O faint of heart! Read on only if you dare dredge the
   darkest dregs of insane imaginings! The ravenous rantings of mad
   lust and lunacy!

                            Girl Scout Cookies

                          by Vivian Darkbloom

   In my favorite chair, I sat studying the lyrical lines of Hamlet
   when, what should I hear? but the delightful dingdong of the
   doorbell! Revealed on the threshold was little Jenny Sue, our
   neighborhood girl scout. "I'm selling cookies in order to learn
   valuable business skills, build self-esteem, and become a better
   citizen!" she piped cheerily.

   "My, what an industrious young lady," I remarked. "I'll take a
   box of thin mints." I handed her a twenty dollar bill, and she
   returned the correct change, along with a box of cookies.

   "Thank you very much for supporting girl scouting," she said with
   a curtsy.

   "Toodle-do," I replied, gently closing the door and returning to
   my reading.
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