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 ï>¿The secret part of my life

   Why people become exibitionists is a mystery to me even though I am one
myself.  I have no explanation as to the reason it so excites me to be seen
nude, but has become more compulsive over the years.  For years it was a
fantacy without the courage to actually expose myself.  I was brave enough
to wear revealing clothes and bikini's but never did around my parents or
family members.  The first time a male saw me naked I was staying overnight
at my girlfriends house.  She was downstairs and I didn't know her brother
was home.  I had just got out of the shower and was in my girfriends room
just drying off and going through my overnight bag.  I don't know how long
he was there but as I glanced up could see him peeking in at me.  He
quickly went back to his room but I knew he did see me naked.  I know it
should have embarrassed me, but it didn't.  He was two years older than me
and I was thrilled that he saw me that way.  Even though it was completely
unintentional it was so exciting to me that I began planning ways to do it
more often.  That first time I think he was the one who opened the door
enough to see in but from then on I never shut it completely.  I only
stayed there once a month or less but always hoped her brother was home
from college and was dissapointed when he wasn't.  Over the first year I
began letting him see me naked but it only happened 6 or 7 times.  One time
my girfriend caught her brother peeking in but I was able to get back into
the bathroom before she realized he saw me naked.  Then I began doing the
same to my brothers friends which was more difficult since my parents were
home most of the time.  I know 3 or 4 of them saw me naked quite a few
times but I never seemed to be satisfied with how often I could do it.  I
felt guilty and had remorse at times but the urge to expose myself
continued.

   That was almost twenty years ago and the compulsion is still present and
I have litterly exposed myself to hundreds of males since then.  Not all
saw me completly naked but I many times exposed my breasts to them or wore
skirts with no panties on.  I can't wear short skirts to work but still
hardly ever wear panties.  I was married for five years but never had
children.  I do date occassionally and presently have a boyfriend, but my
main sexual interest is to expose myself and masturbate.  Its not that I
don't like having sex but more of a fetish for being seen half or fully
naked.  I never expose myself in work but go out of my way most other
times.

   At least once a month I go away by myself to the beach telling my
present boyfriend its a business trip.  I have stayed at many different
motels always insisting on a first floor room.  The drapes are never
completly closed and aside from wearing the skimpiest of bikinis at the
beach or poolside, I am many times successful of being seen naked through
the window.  There are three motels I am especially fond of mainly because
the bathroom is visable from the window when I leave the door open.  Once I
am in the room for the night I am always naked and sleep that way.  There
have been three occassions so far where a few women have complained but I
always apoligized claiming I didn't know the drape was open slightly.  One
older woman came over to me at the pool one day telling me both her husband
and brother saw me naked in my room.  I did my best to tell her it was
embarrassing to me and did say how sorry I was.

   That night however I noticed the two of them walking past my room often
and again they saw me naked.  The next day she said nothing to me so I can
only assume her husband didn't tell her that time.

   Some weekends are dissapointing when I get no spectators, no matter how
open I leave the drapes.  Most of the time one or more have seen me in the
room naked and its hard to explain the rush I get from it.  It even excites
me when I sit at the pool knowing one or more of the males have seen me
nude the night before.  When I get into bed the drape is always still open,
just enough for someone to look in.  I just lay naked, usually with only
one lamp lighted, but enough light to see my body.  I'll lay there for
hours just waiting for a guy to look in at me.  Many of them think they are
very coy about it and just walk back and forth looking in with a can of
beer in their hand or smoking a cigarette.  Once they see I am naked they
spend more time at my window and thats when I really give them a show.  I
usually wait to do this until after midnight when all is quiet.  If one of
them sees me on a Friday night I am almost always guaranteed he will be
back Saturday night, and hopfully bring a friend.  Over all the years I
have been doing this only once did the office ever call my room with a
complaint and just tell me to shut my drapes all the way.  I seldom go to
sleep before 2 or 3 am and wonder if any look in while I truely am
sleeping. I never leave the air conditioning where the room gets to cold
and very seldom have any cover over me.

   At home I have been seen naked, but not as often as I would like.  Two
neighbors have seen me that way, one many times and the other maybe ten or
more times over the last six years I've been living here, but few others.
There have been a few deliverymen and workman, but overall it is seldom.  I
go about the house naked somedays hoping to have an oppurtunity but its
rare when I do.  Of all the men in my neighborhood, Curtis is the one who
has seen me naked the most times.  His and my house are next to each other
so when I know he is tinkering with his car I leave my bedroom window open
on the bottom.  He's an older man and I have become quite friendly with he
and his wife over the years.  Sometimes he lingers in the driveway at night
and when he does I always show off for him.  It even excites me sometimes
when I talk to him and his wife knowing how often he has seen me naked
without ever saying a word to her or me about it.  My boyfriend complains
sometimes when I go away on weekends to often but I have him convinced it
is for a seminar or other business functions.  It is my getaway and my
greatest way of exposing myself.  Anyone who isn't an exibitionist couldn't
possibly understand the feelings it brings to be observed completely naked
by a stranger or even someone I know.  Its arousing when I know they can
see me but also afterwards when I see them again or talk to them.  I don't
do it to often but have masturbated knowing I was being watched, I even did
a few times knowing Curtis was watching me.  I have no guilt or remorse
about it anymore and haven't in a very long time.  I have accepted what I
am and although not proud of it am happy with myself.  I don't dare tell
anyone that I do these things but don't hesitate to expose myself whenever
I can.

   None of my friends or relatives know I'm an exibitionist and certainly
no one I work with.  Its a secret life I keep all to myself and never admit
what I have become for so many years.  As long as my body is fit I have no
intentions of stopping.  I assume someday, when I am older, it won't appeal
to me to expose myself but until then Ill continue doing what I am.  The
stimulation it gives me is to strong to resist.