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 ï>¿The Swim Team Ch.  09 by Arkfisting

   Brenda's 18th party takes a wild turn, Barry adjusts.

   "You must be Austin," Kelly said as she sat on the bed and slid toward
the headboard.  "I've heard about you.  You're the cam-slut, right?"

   "Yes, mistress," Austin said blushing.

   "Ma'am."

   "Excuse me?"

   "Don't call me mistress.  You can call Diane that, but you call me
Ma'am. Got it?" I found myself staring at this woman, whom I've known for
twenty years, and wondering who the hell she was.  This was not the same
Kelly that hung out with me and Carrie all those years.  Not the same Kelly
that threw Linda and Brenda the Star Wars themed party for their fifth
birthday.  This Kelly was a boss, and a scary one at that.  She should have
been the one wearing leather, not Diane.

   "Yes, mi...I mean Ma'am."

   "Such an obedient little thing, isn't she?" Kelly smiled at me.  "She is
quite pretty.  And just look at that ass." She turned back to Austin. 
"Turn around.  Let me see it better." Austin spun slowly on her toes,
flexing her thighs, and arching her back to highlight the angle of her
cheeks.  "Damn, I wish mine looked like that."

   "You have a fantastic ass, Kelly," I said.

   "But it's not tight like this one.  Come here you pretty little thing."

   "Mistress calls me Pretty." Austin said with her head bowed.  She was
clearly submissive, but the smile on her face and the points poking through
her top told me she was enjoying herself.

   "Well, it fits.  Now let me see that ass." Austin climbed up on the bed
and presented her cheeks to Kelly while still wearing the boy shorts,
though now the crotch of the shorts was much darker than the rest.  Kelly
ran her hand over Austin's panties, pressing the gusset into the molten
core.  "Damn, you are primed, aren't you?"

   "Yes, Ma'am," Austin said between deep breaths.  "I get very wet."

   "She can squirt if she's stimulated the right way," I offered,
remembering the last time I was with her.

   "Oooo," Kelly said like a child being offered candy.  "I'd like to see
that.  Barry, why are you still wearing pants?  Get naked and bring that
cock over here."

   I was naked and in Kelly's mouth in seconds while she stroked Austin's
ass, dipping her fingers under the seam of her panties.  Kelly gave me a
few seconds of nice suction, followed by some loving licks before turning
her full attention to the girl kneeling beside her.  She slid her hands
over Austin's cheeks meeting at the small of her back, then back down,
hooking her fingers into the waistband of the panties and dragging them
down.  Austin's pussy was already peeking open, her lips and clitoral hood
protruding from her peach.

   "Nice," Kelly whispered.  "It's been so long since I've done this." With
that, she buried her face in the wet cleft before her like a starving
woman. Austin gasped at the sudden assault on her vulva.

   Austin keened as she enjoyed Kelly's ministrations.  "Please," she
gasped at me with a plea in her eyes, "please kiss me again."

   I was only happy to oblige her, and stretched out next to her, running
my fingers through her hair.  Her eyes held mine as my fingers traced her
jawline until I lifted her chin, bringing her lips to mine.  Her kiss was
warm pudding, and I couldn't get enough of the taste of her lips, nor she
mine.  She whimpered into my mouth when my fingers freed her breasts from
her top.  We kissed for an eternity, losing ourselves to the taste and the
touch, each breathing in the essence of the other.  Every few moments,
Austin would gasp or shudder when Kelly hit a particularly excitable spot.
I wanted to watch her, to see how she was reacting to the pleasure, but I
allowed the sensations to carry me away with closed eyes.  I rode waves of
pleasure, all emanating from a kiss from a beautiful girl.  After a few
more moments, a low groan rumbled from deep inside her, building in
intensity and frequency until she pulled back from me, arched her back and
cried out before collapsing her torso on the bed.

   "God!  That was intense," Austin said between breaths.

   Kelly rocked back; her self-satisfied smile shiny from Austin's release.
"You taste wonderful, young lady.  I definitely want to do that again."

   Austin looked at me through heavy-lidded eyes.  "Would you please fuck
me, now?  I've been wanting you since you left Saturday."

   I smiled as I rose to my knees.  "As you wish," I said as I moved to
kneel behind her.  The height of the bed and the length of her thighs
placed her pussy at the perfect position to line up with my cock.  An
artist couldn't have molded a more perfect form of art than the line of her
back sweeping in the swell of her hips and dipping into two perfect mounds
surrounding a bright pink paradise.  It took Herculean effort to draw a
breath after seeing such a beautiful sight.  "Hold yourself open for me."

   She reached between her thighs and split her lips with her fingers,
revealing her gaping hole bright red, shiny-slick, and primed for my cock.
I leaned in, rubbing my spongy head against her vulva, catching the
dripping fluid, and mixing it with my own precum.  After several passes
from her anus to her clit, I pressed forward to spear her lips and slide
further in.  Then I stopped.  "You know, on second thought, I'm not sure
you've earned this yet.  What do you think, Kelly?  Has she earned a good
fuck?"

   Austin whined and pushed her hips back against me, forcing another inch
of my shaft inside her.  I grabbed her hips to hold her off.  "Hey, hey,
hey, now.  No one said you could do that."

   Kelly appeared over my shoulder.  "I think she needs to be punished for
that, Barry.  I think she needs a spanking."

   Austin's eyes flew open wide, but her face flushed at the same time. 
There was no fear in her eyes, but rather unbridled passion.  I slid my
hand over the smooth globe of her ass.  "You mean I should spank this ass?"
I patted her cheek.  "This ass right here?"

   "Or maybe this cheek instead," Kelly patted Austin's other cheek making
the younger girl whimper again.

   "Please...." Austin breathed the word.

   I drew back and brought my open palm down on Austin's right cheek with a
pop.  Her flesh rippled under the blow, and I felt her cunt clench my shaft
as I repeated the process.  With each spank, Austin groaned louder, and her
ass glowed a brighter red.  Kelly moved around to my other side.

   "Let me," she said with a plea in her eye.  "Just one."

   I cocked my head and moved my hand away.  Kelly brought her hand down on
Austin's other cheek, a little harder than I had, and Austin cried out but
thrust her ass up again, as if asking for another.

   "She liked that, didn't she?" Kelly said as she reared back again. 
"Another?"

   "Please," Austin said as she exhaled.

   Kelly reared back further and dropped a loud slap that reverberated in
the room and made Austin cry out and drop her hips, pulling my cock out of
her pussy.  A white handprint whelped across Austin's red ass cheek.  "OW!"
Austin exclaimed.  "Banana!  Shit!  That hurt."

   "Banana?" Kelly rubbed her hand.

   "It's my safe word," Austin said with tears in her eyes.  "When play
gets too rough, a safe word stops everything.  Damn, my ass hasn't hurt
like this since I was a little kid and my daddy spanked me for punishment.
There's a limit to how much feels good and how much is too much, you know."

   "I'm sorry," Kelly's face was a mask of concern.  While she held a
barely contained passion, she hadn't had recreational sex in several years,
and I doubt she had any more experience with dom/sub type things than I
did, and nowhere near as much experience as Austin or Diane.  "Are you
going to be okay?"

   "Yeah," Austin said still rubbing her ass.  "Just give me a sec.  It
kinda killed the mood."

   "I'm so sorry," Kelly said as she moved up beside Austin on the bed. 
"I've never spanked anyone for pleasure before."

   "The first one was nice, but that last one.  Wow.  I'd hate to be your
kid in trouble." Austin offered a weak smile.

   "Let me get you some ice or something," I said backing toward the door.
Kelly and Austin stayed on the bed, Austin on her tummy, her ass still
bearing the handprint in sharp relief on her otherwise flawless skin.

   As I grasped the doorknob, I heard a loud groan from down the hall.  It
sounded like Dennis was giving Diane a good fucking from the sounds she was
making.  But then, I heard a different moan.  Female, but different.  In
fact, it sounded like several different voices.  I pulled the door open and
took the ten steps past Brenda's door until I could see the couch in the
living room.  Nothing could have prepared me for what awaited me.

   *****

   Dennis was fucking alright.  It just wasn't Diane, who was busy eating
another pussy.  I blinked as I took in the surprising orgy happening under
my own roof.  A very naked Karen was in a sixty-nine with Diane, her meaty
pussy stretched as far as it could go between Diane's teeth, and her tongue
evidently deep inside the former coach.  Dennis was drilling into Bethany
while he sucked on Tina's tiny breasts and Tina rode Bethany's face.  Tommy
was naked and fucking another girl, whose face I recognized, but whose name
I didn't know.  There were two other swim team members engaged in the free
for all as well.  Naked or near naked bodies were sprawled out all over my
living room.  I was speechless, and just stood frozen in place as I
watched. What were they all doing here?

   After the morning I had with Kelly and Dennis, then with Diane and
Austin, then with Kelly and Austin, my cock refused to go limp, and stood
firm, despite my brain being shut down in shock.  I was transfixed,
watching as Tina noticed me standing there naked, with my cock jutting out
before me like a divining rod.  A smile spread across her face, and she
rose from Bethany's slimy lips and came to me like she was floating on air.
She was even shorter than Linda and standing flatfooted could probably give
me a blow job.

   Without one word, she dropped to her knees and inhaled my cock as if it
was the most normal thing in the world to do.  After Diane, Austin, and
Kelly, I doubt anyone could impress me with a blow job.  While she gave
enthusiastic head, and many of my friends say there is no such thing as a
bad blow job, hers lacked the skill of the other women.  She bobbed back
and forth over the head and about another inch or so, but no more.  Her
mouth was too small, and her teeth occasionally grazed the ridge.  She'd
never get me off like that, but a younger man would have loved it.

   Before I knew what was happening, she had somehow climbed up my standing
body and was lowering her pussy onto my erection as I cupped her tight ass
while her legs were wrapped around my hips.  I bottomed out inside her with
several inches of my dick still exposed to the air.  She was tiny inside
and out.

   "I always knew you had a nice dick, Mr.  B," she said as she began
sliding herself up and down.  "We all tried to get a feel of it the other
week in your pool." She tightened her grip on my shoulders and buried her
face in my neck as she rode me.  "You were so powerful throwing us around.
I almost came when you picked me up and tossed me."

   My hands moved of their own accord, lifting her, and lowering her on my
erection.  She clenched her pussy on the out stroke, as if reminding me to
dive back in.  My mind was lost in the moment.  No rational thoughts
tumbled through the fog of sensations I was experiencing, although I was
aware that I should be thinking about something.  There was something I was
not considering as Tina fucked me.  What was it?  That thought was
dispelled as I felt a tongue lapping at my balls.  I tried to look around
Tina to see who was kneeling before me, but all I could see was a set of
female hips.  Whomever it was bathed my ball sack in her warm saliva, and I
could feel her wet tongue tickle the base of my cock as Tina lifted on the
upstroke.

   "Oh, my God!" Tina gasped and shuddered in my hands as her pussy clamped
down on my cock, threatening to squeeze it out of her.  She clenched me
tighter as the waves of her orgasm washed over her and her pussy pulsed on
my shaft.  "Fuck!"

   I lifted her near limp figure off my erection to put her down when my
cock was completely enveloped in moist warmth, and I heard a satisfied
"mmmmmmm" as a ring of pressure traveled down my shaft.

   I looked down as my cock emerged from Karen's mouth, her blue irises
searching my face.  "Hi, Mr.  B," she said after releasing the head of my
dick with a pop and sliding her hand up and down my glistening rod.  "Tina
tastes really good on you."

   As I put Tina down, Karen slid her hands up my abdomen while she sucked
me back into her mouth.  I wasn't close to cumming, but after fucking Tina
standing up, my legs were tired, so I lay on the carpet.  Karen never lost
suction on me as she adjusted to the new position.  I was content to watch
her sandy brown hair fall around her face as she made love to me with her
mouth.  Her breasts barely jiggled as she worked my cock.  While bigger
than Tina's, her bust was nowhere as large as Bethany's, or Brenda's for
that matter, but they hung perfectly positioned on her athletic frame.

   "I haven't done this in a long time," she said.  She could have fooled
me.  Her technique was better than Tina's, but I still was not feeling that
stirring that signals a build up toward orgasm.  She didn't seem to mind,
however, as she rose up, swung her leg over my hips and began dragging her
pussy and grinding her clit along the length of my cock.  I couldn't take
my eyes off the full lips that enveloped me and coated me with her passion.
As she slid down the length, her lips flared out on either side like a
butterfly about to take flight.  The fold of flesh covering her clit rolled
back when she'd slide forward, revealing what looked like a small penis
head, angry red and shiny as it lay atop my larger one.  I had never seen
such a large clit in my life.

   Karen dry-humped me, if it can be called that, sliding herself back and
forth along my length coating me in her juices, her hands grasping at my
chest as her hips rocked.  Her hair flicked back and forth over my face, so
I brushed it back so I could watch her blue eyes as she worked herself
toward an orgasm.  I let my fingertips trace a line down from her face
along her neck and shoulder, dipping lower to the swell of her breast as
they moved in rhythm to her hips.  Nestled between her breasts, she wore a
red bejeweled heart on a simple gold chain, like the heart on the choker
that Austin wore, and matching the necklaces in the suitcase I found. 
Karen's nipples rose to meet my palms as I teased them by only brushing
them with the lightest of touches.

   She sat back and grabbed my hands in hers, mashing them into her chest.
"Pinch them," she said with a gasp.  "Pinch them hard."

   I followed her directions and grasped her nipples with both hands.  Her
quarter-sized areola stretched into cones as she leaned back, her nipples
trapped between my fingers.  I gave each nipple a twist for good measure,
making Karen gasp and whimper.

   "Yes!" She closed her eyes.  "Harder!" The rocking of her hips sped up
dramatically and her motion became more frenetic.  "Uhnnn," she moaned when
the head of my cock slipped into her molten canal on one of her
down-strokes, her motion forcing the full length into her.  Her eyes flew
open as though it was the last thing she planned on happening.  She
stiffened up and remained motionless, not pulling off of me, nor fucking
me. "Shit!  Oh, my God!"

   A shadow fell over us and I looked up to see the unmistakable bust of
Bethany looming over me.  Her auburn hair was pulled back in a ponytail and
her green eyes burned with a fire as she watched one of her lovers sit
astride me.  "Kiki?  Are you okay?"

   "He's inside me," she whispered.  "I didn't...it wasn't..."

   Bethany's eyes showed concern, but her mouth curled at the corners. 
"How does it feel?"

   Karen searched Bethany's eyes for something I couldn't fathom.  It was
like there was some unspoken communication going on between them.  After a
heartbeat, she relaxed.  "It feels...nice."

   "Then have fun with him," Bethany purred.  "Tina sure did."

   Apparently having secured Bethany's permission, Karen began fucking me
in earnest, rocking back and forth on my hard-on with gusto.  With that,
Bethany leaned down until she was inches from my face.  Something hit my
shoulder and I glanced down to see she also wore the red heart on a chain.
I had never been this close to her before, and her eyes grabbed me.  They
were hazel, with gold flecks in the irises and they held a warmth and
coldness in equal measure.  "Karen hasn't had a cock inside her since her
first time.  She didn't enjoy it, so she has avoided it.  Until now, that
is." She kissed me, sucking my lower lip into her mouth.  "Your dick must
be something special.  I can't wait until it's my turn.  You can warm me
up, though." With that, she knelt across my face and presented me her
pussy. "Eat me."

   Bethany's pussy was pretty.  Not meaty like Karen's, not thin like
Tina's, more average.  Small flanges of flesh lined either side of a small
clit with a thin hood.  Her juices were not copious, like Austin's, and not
fruity like Diane's, but not unpleasant, either.  And Karen's pussy was
tight, not as tight as Tina's, and very warm, but not as hot as Diane's. 
Or Kelly's.

   Then it occurred to me.  I had seen so many pussies in the past week
that I was comparing them.  There had to be something wrong with that. 
There were almost a dozen naked young women in my home all engaged in sex.
Most of them were still in high school, even if they were all over
eighteen.

   Eighteen.

   Brenda was eighteen.

   Brenda.  Where was Brenda?  This was her group.  Was she here somewhere?
Having sex?  In my house?  Suddenly any thought of cumming was driven from
my consciousness.  What was I doing?

   I grabbed Bethany by her ass and lifted her from my face, then as I was
about to move Karen, she came on my cock, her pussy clutching me and
pulsing as she gasped and cried out.

   "Wow," she breathed as she came down from her release.  "I never knew it
could feel like that.  I've been missing out."

   Ordinarily, I would revel in such praise, but all my mind could think
about was Brenda.  Where was she?  Was she here?  I rolled Karen off me and
dislodged myself from her arms and legs, which seemed to want to remain
wrapped around me.

   "Aww.  Don't go," Karen whined as she tried to grab my arms.  "I want to
go again.  Make me cum like that again."

   I looked at her, seeing the passion in her eyes, while at the same time
seeing her youth and inexperience.  At least, her inexperience where it
mattered.  "Maybe another time.  I have to...I need to...find someone."

   I stood up and looked around.  Several people were still fucking and
sucking, but some were lounging and caressing each other.  I didn't see
Brenda anywhere.  I felt relieved that she wasn't participating in the
orgy, at least.  I walked into the kitchen to find it empty, and the relief
increased.  Maybe she wasn't here.  Maybe she and Linda had no idea this
was going on, and were at school, like these students should have been.

   I passed the fridge and remembered I was supposed to be getting ice for
Austin, so I grabbed a cold pack and a towel to take back to my room.  When
I passed Brenda's door, I heard a loud moan that stopped my heart.  Her
door was ajar, as though someone had shoved it closed on the way in, but
not hard enough to catch the latch.  I looked into my room and Austin and
Kelly were laying there caressing each other and exchanging soft kisses, so
I looked back at my daughter's door.  Inside the room, I could hear
slapping sounds punctuated with gasps and groans, both male and female.

   I stepped up to the door and eased it open.  This was the room to which
I brought Brenda home from the hospital when she was a newborn.  Even
though we kept her bassinet in our room for the first couple of months, we
changed her in here, dressed her in here, and watched her play in here.

   Now, as I peered into the room, I saw my little girl playing an entirely
different game.

   Brenda was on her knees on her bed.  My stomach sank as I took in her
naked form, her beautiful full breasts swaying below her, the curve of her
back into her strong buttocks, her firm muscular thighs supporting her body
as her face, that face I've kissed so many times, the face I've dry tears,
bandaged cuts, and even washed clean, the face that has smiled at me in
wonder, gawked at me in pride, and scowled at me in anger, that face was
buried in the pubes of Ivory Johnson and she was busy feasting for all she
was worth.  Ivory's juices made Brenda's cheeks shine as she drank from
Ivory's honey pot.

   Brenda's ass rippled under the impacts of some guy's hips as he was
driving his cock into my little girl over and over.  He held her waist for
leverage as he fucked my daughter.  Her breasts swung in time with his
thrusts.  He reached forward and grabbed her by the hair and pulled her
face from Ivory, her mouth and chin dripping with juice, and she gasped in
pleasure as she rose and turned her face to kiss him.  Between her breasts,
a red heart dangled on a chain.

   A flash of light caught my eye and drew my gaze to her broad, brown
nipples.  My eyes bulged as I took in her areola, each of which had to be
almost three inches across capped with a prominent nipple pierced with a
silver barbell.  I couldn't pull my eyes away from her tits as he mauled
them all the while never missing a stroke.

   Brenda keened as her chest flushed.  Her nipples enlarged and the wet
smacking sounds of their coupling amplified.  "God!  Yes!  Right there. 
Harder!" She opened her eyes and fixed on Ivory, still splayed out in front
of her.  There was a hunger in her eye that I hadn't seen in six years.  A
hunger that can only be sated by raw passion, and it didn't matter from
whom that passion flowed.  Carrie had given me that look enough times, and
I swear I could see my wife in Brenda's face as she licked her lips and
trembled.  My little girl was cumming.  "Fuck!"

   And, God help me, my cock lurched.

   Ivory had replaced Brenda's tongue with three of her own fingers from
each hand and was busy trying to stuff as many of them into her pussy as
she could, determined to cum again at the same time as Brenda.

   The guy grunted and slowed his stroke, reaching down to grab his cock
before pulling back.  Brenda spun around and knelt before him to jack his
dick and drink his cum, her ass high in the air atop her reddened thighs,
and I caught sight of the purple jeweled butt plug nestled between her ass
cheeks.  Her pussy was engorged, shiny, and gaping open revealing the
bright red flesh within.  Her still throbbing clit bore a small silver hoop
through its hood.

   She drank his cum like a woman possessed, as though it were the sweetest
nectar, the most potent drug, or the last drop of water in the desert.

   "Damn, girl," the guy said.  He was young, probably not much older than
she was, and probably on the swim team, too.  "You sure know how to make a
guy feel good."

   "Not just guys," Ivory said grinning while she casually stroked the
landing strip of hair on her pussy.  "So, Brenda, not that I'm complaining
or anything.  But why have you never hosted a party here before?"

   "Hey," Brenda said, "It's my birthday.  I'm finally eighteen.  I get to
do what I want," she said with a satisfied smile on her face.  "At least
until my dad gets home." She slid to the edge of the bed and turned toward
the door, where I stood.  Her eyes widened when she saw me, and the color
drained from her face.

   "D-Daddy?  What are you doing here?"

   My brain couldn't formulate words.  I was still trying and failing to
process what I had just seen.  It didn't help that she was standing naked
before me, a smear of cum still clinging to her lip, while I stood naked
before her, my dick still at half-mast and covered with the cum of her
teammates.  The only thing I could say was what I always said to that
question.  "I live here."

   *****

   Carrie's funeral almost killed me.  A cool breeze brought a shiver on
that late summer day, even though the sun shone high in the sky, the wind
blew in gentle wafts that rustled the leaves on the trees, and flowers were
still in bloom.  All that didn't matter.  My heart was a cold, wet,
miserable place.  I wouldn't have known the difference if the weather had
mirrored my mood.

   We stood on a hill under a maple tree.  This was her parent's family
plot.  We each had purchased plots side-by-side, thinking we would spend
eternity together like we had spent our lives together.  Now, she was the
first one in the ground.  Her parents were standing next to me dabbing
their eyes.  Their plots were one row up, the ground still undisturbed.

   Brenda stood in front of me, my hands on her shoulders.  At twelve, she
had not yet had her final growth spurt, nor developed her womanly
attributes, and was still my little girl dressed in a simple black dress.
The Mitchell's stood on my other side.  No one said a word as the Minister
recited his message and committed her to the ground.  I wasn't listening. I
had a void in my soul that nothing could fill.  I was certain that the rest
of my life was going to be a meaningless string of joyless days.  It took
every fiber of my being not to turn into a blubbering idiot.  But I
couldn't let myself do that.  Brenda needed me.  I would be there for her.

   As people filed out of the cemetery, I knelt before Brenda and hugged
her.  Tears pooled in her eyes, but she kept her lips stiff and refused to
sob.  "Brenda, honey, it's okay to be sad." She just flicked her eyes up at
mine, then back to the ground into which her mother's casket had just been
lowered.  "Sweetie, did you hear me?"

   She nodded.

   "You know I'll always be here for you, right?"

   "Mom said that, too." She didn't say it with any sarcasm nor malice. 
She just stated a fact, punctuated with a sniffle.  One simple fact that
underscored the powerlessness I felt in a large wide sharpie stroke.

   After the funeral, I went back to work.  Brenda went back to school in
the fall.  She spent a lot of time at the Mitchell's while I worked until
school started.  I had to go through the records for the insurance, and the
bank accounts, and the court filings.  The death certificate had to go to
too many places, the insurance needed too many repetitive forms, and I
received too many phone calls from people wanting money.  I was barely
holding it together.  I would see her picture and a rage would engulf me. I
would see her makeup in the bathroom and desolation would swallow me.  I
enter the closet to get dressed and see her clothes hanging there as they
always had, and despair would consume me.

   It took every ounce of strength to make myself get out of bed and
function, and it exhausted me.  After I woke up with a throbbing head and
clutching an empty bottle I knew something had to give.  I gathered all the
records, papers, documents, and such and put it in boxes.  I didn't even
look at them before stuffing them in the boxes and shoving the boxes into
the spare room.  I couldn't bear to look at them.

   I followed that with Carrie's clothes.  Then her knickknacks.  Then most
of the pictures.  Anything that reminded me of her.  I simply stuffed them
into that room.  The room that was supposed to be our second child's
bedroom.  The child that now would never be born.

   Kelly and Dennis came over a lot, and I was not hospitable, despite
their repeated attempts.  I rejected their offers of help.  I turned down
invitations to go out.  I refused offers of vacations.  I was an ass. 
Being around them reminded me of all the times with Carrie.

   I did a good job of walling myself off from the world.  I never opened
the spare room door again.

   *****

   "Get dressed and get them out of here, please." I didn't wait for Brenda
to respond.  I turned and walked into my room where Kelly and Austin were
still on the bed.  They noticed my mood and separated.

   "Barry," Kelly said, "What's wrong?"

   I tossed the ice pack and towel on the bed.  "This is for your butt," I
said to Austin, but I didn't look at her.  "But I think I'd like everyone
to leave now."

   "What happened?"

   I grabbed my shorts and a muscle shirt and dressed quickly, not
bothering with underwear.  "Just go, please."

   Kelly was not satisfied.  "Barry?  What happened..." she stopped talking
when the sound of people from the living room grew loud.  "What's all
that?"

   A fire flared behind my eyes, and a snarl curled my lips.  I turned and
strode down the hall prepared to grab people by the short hairs and toss
them into the yard, dressed or not.  I couldn't articulate the source of my
anger, but it surged.  Kelly followed behind me while Austin wriggled into
her boy shorts.

   Several people were already on their way out the open front door. 
Brenda stood there in a swimsuit cover up, her face full of apology as her
teammates filed past her in various stages of dress.  Several muttered
"Happy Birthday" on their way out.

   I looked into the living room and Diane was fastening her skirt.  Dennis
sat on the couch in his pants and unbuttoned shirt running his hands
through his hair.  He seemed to go out of his way to avoid looking at
Brenda in her cover up, especially since, with the door open and the light
shining through, her full figure was on display through the sheer fabric.
Austin stood in the entry to the hall trying her best to look small.  Her
straight arms crossed in front of her, her face down.  She looked like a
child waiting for her parents to begin yelling.  I had no idea where Kelly
went.

   They all looked at me as though waiting for a volcano to erupt.

   "I'm sorry," I said, though I didn't feel it.  "I need to sort this out
with Brenda right now.  Please give me the space and time to do that."

   "Barry," Dennis stood up and began to button his shirt, "don't blame
Brenda..."

   "Dennis, stop.  I'm not blaming anyone for anything.  I was here, too.
But I need to talk to my daughter about this, and I'd rather do it just the
two of us." I walked toward Austin and put my hand on her shoulder.  "I'll
talk to you later." I turned back to the room.  "I'll talk to you all
later."

   I walked past Austin into my room, where I turned and waited for Brenda
to follow me.  She slunk into the room and stood next to my chair as I
closed the door.  I didn't know if anyone was leaving or not, but I
couldn't be bothered to think about that now.

   I gestured for her to take the seat while I sat on the mussed bed.  I
could still smell Kelly and Austin in the room, but that was preferable to
smelling Brenda's sex in her room, or the residue of all those naked people
having sex in the living room.

   "First of all, Happy Birthday, sweetie."

   She blinked hard clearly not expecting that.  "Uhm...thanks?"

   "No, I mean it.  This is your birthday.  Your eighteenth birthday.  This
is a milestone that should be commemorated.  It means something."

   "Does it?" She eyed me warily, not entirely believing me.  "Does it
really?"

   "You're talking about our argument last night?"

   She nodded.

   "You snuck out before I calmed down enough to apologize for some of the
things I said." I waited for her sarcastic comeback, but she just lowered
her eyes.  "I was trying to talk to you about," I gestured to the hallway,
"this very kind of thing, and you bit my head off.  I reacted poorly."

   "But..." she struggled with her words, as if not knowing the best way to
express herself.  "I...I mean, how am I supposed to...."

   "How are you supposed to talk to your dad about sex?"

   Her head dipped in the barest of nods.  "I know it isn't easy, Brenda.
Believe me when I say this is difficult for me, too.  I never talked with
my folks about sex, other than the simple birds and bees talk when I was a
kid.  I got the feeling my dad assumed I was getting laid and was proud of
it.  He never asked me about girls or anything, though.  I figure my ma
thought I was a virgin until the day she passed away.

   "I was too embarrassed to bring it up to my dad.  I had to figure things
out as I went.  It didn't help that I was a shy nerd." I laughed and she
smiled.  "You don't suffer from that malady."

   "Actually, I am a nerd," she said.

   "Well, then, nerd must mean something different from when I grew up. 
Back in my day, nobody wanted to see a nerd naked."

   "Well," Brenda wrestled with her words, "Uhm, in case you didn't notice,
all my friends wanted to see you naked." She blushed as a grin spread
across her face.  "And now they have."

   "That's certainly true." I felt my face flush.  In the moment, I never
contemplated that all these hot girls actually wanted me.  But evidently
they did.  "Now, at the risk of sounding too parental, why aren't the lot
of you in school?"

   Brenda's smile dropped and she looked at the ceiling behind me. 
"Uhm..."

   I waited for what seemed like an hour as she looked around the room. 
"Well?"

   "The team wanted to celebrate my birthday, and, uh, well..."

   "Hold it before you hurt yourself thinking up an excuse.  I know about
the 'club,'" I pointed at her heart pendant, "and I know it has a lot to do
with sex."

   Her hand jerked to her pendant still resting on the swell of her
breasts, her cleavage showcased by her cover up.  I couldn't help noticing
the sheer fabric highlighting the shape of the barbells in her nipples. 
"Well, I, uh..." Her eyes finally found mine again.  "Are you sure you want
to hear this?"

   "Brenda, I want to understand you.  I thought we had honest
communication between us.  But now I see there is a whole side of you that
I don't know and that scares me." She looked like she was waiting for me to
continue.  "Obviously, you're not a virgin.  And obviously you're not a,
how did Speedo boy put it, a Dyke?  So, just tell me what all this means.
And start at the beginning."

   My daughter sighed.  "Will you hate me?"

   "I could never hate you, sweetheart.  Never in a million years."

   And she told me.  She gave me the details of how Tony Scarpetti took her
virginity in the back of his Forerunner her sophomore year.  She told me
about how she met Austin her freshman year on the Swim Team, and how Austin
showed her the more risquÃ(C) techniques of sapphic love, including
multiple partners.  She told me about the swinger lifestyle, which is what
the jeweled hearts represent.

   "Austin told me that any swinger wears them to events to show that they
are in the lifestyle to other members who might want to play."

   "Hers is different, though," I said.  "She wears hers on a collar."

   "She's a sub.  The collar represents ownership or control.  She wears it
when she's with Coach West."

   I felt my eyebrows pop.  That filled in another puzzle piece.  "So,
Diane is a Dom, and Austin is her pet."

   "Right.  So, you do know something about it."

   I chuckled.  "I'm not completely clueless about sex in the new
millennium, dear.  Besides, people have been playing like this for
centuries.  But evidently, Diane is not all Dom.  Kelly had her
submissive."

   "Linda's mom?" Austin blinked and couldn't have looked any more
surprised if I had said she had three breasts.  "She's a Dom?  Wait.  How
would you know that?  When did that happen?"

   "Well, she was in my room this morning.  With Austin and me.  When the
party started.  I don't know if she goes for the label, but she sure put
Diane in her place for her affair with Dennis."

   "Coach West was fucking Linda's dad?" That blackness came back to her
eye for a moment.  "That bitch!"

   "Brenda!" I admonished.

   "I'm sorry, but I can't believe she did that.  Is that why she was here
this morning?"

   "Well, from what I know of Dennis, it wasn't as though she sought him
out.  But that's another talk.  Let's talk about why all your friends came
into our home when they should be in school."

   "After the meet, we were all planning on partying to celebrate the first
win, but then, you know, things got weird.  Between us, I mean.  And with
Linda."

   "I remember."

   "So, this morning before first period, Ivory said we should have the
party today, since it was my birthday and all.  And I was still a little
mad at you.  And...well, I said okay."

   It took a lot of effort to keep my face neutral.  I was seriously
disappointed that she broke one of the few rules I have in the house, but I
didn't want to shut her down when she was finally opening up to me.

   "She spread the word to the others on the team, and well, here we are."

   "I see." I got up off the bed and walked to the window, glancing out to
the pool.  Watching the sunlight glinting off the water took me back to
simpler times.  Like a month ago.  Before all this started and Brenda
showed me she was a woman, in every sense of the word.  My emotions welled
up like a river after a flood threatening to burst the dam.

   "You have grown up.  You're not my little girl anymore," my voice
trembled.  "I can't protect you.  I haven't protected you like I should. 
I'm such a failure."

   "Daddy, no!" Brenda ran over to me wrapping her arms around my waist
from behind.  I could feel her tears on my back as she pressed herself to
me.  "You haven't failed me at all.  You've always been there for me when I
needed you."

   "But you couldn't trust me with all this..." I turned around and she
melted into my arms.

   "I thought you'd hate me if you knew.  That you would think me a freak
or something."

   I felt a surge in my eye and a pull on my heart.  "I could never hate
you.  You're my daughter.  I love you more than anything.  You're the last
thing I have of your mother.  God!" I blinked my tears back.  "You are so
much like her.  You have her eyes.  Her beauty.  Her spirit.  When I look
at you, I can see her."

   Brenda sniffled and then laughed.  "Except my boobs," she said trying to
lighten the mood.  "In pictures, Mom's are smaller."

   "Well, you got those from my mom.  You're welcome." We laughed together
as we held each other.  My mother passed before I met Carrie, so neither
she nor Brenda had ever seen how well-endowed she had been.

   We returned to sitting on the bed where she filled me in on her sexual
journey for the next several minutes, and I had to force myself to not get
an erection.  Several hours of naked hotties, and blow jobs, and sex and I
had not cum left me with a bit of a buildup of pressure.  I had to keep my
legs crossed while sitting next to her on the bed to hide any telltale
bulge that might pop up.  She was telling me explicit details while wearing
nothing but a slinky, sheer cover over her naked body, which only made her
more tantalizing.  I would never make a move on her.  But any human male
would have to react to such a gorgeous woman talking about her sex life.

   "So, I have a question." I interrupted at a lull in her story.  " Are
you bisexual, or what?"

   She couldn't have rolled her eyes anymore if they were able to leave her
skull and fly through the air around her head.  "No, Daddy.  I'm not gay or
lesbian or whatever label they put on it these days.  If I had to wear a
label, I guess it would be pansexual.  I just love the feeling of getting
and giving pleasure to someone I care about.  The anatomy doesn't matter.
The person does."

   My brain didn't want to process what I was hearing.  I'd never
experienced such a carefree attitude about sex.  Well, not that I was aware
of, since evidently Carry had such an attitude before I met her.  Brenda
was so nonchalant.  Sex was just fun.  It was just pleasure.  It seemed to
hold no more special significance.  It might as well have been a handshake.
Granted, a very pleasurable handshake, but still.  My parents would never
have accepted such a cavalier attitude from me about it.  I, however,
couldn't fault Brenda for her attitude, could I?  Hadn't I been avoiding
relationships myself all this time?  How could I expect Brenda to do any
different?  Of course, I never considered sex with another guy.  Brenda not
only considers it, she acts on it.  "But do you have a preference?"

   "Well," she said making a show of touching her chin and tilting her
head, "each has its own unique qualities that I like, but if I had to pick
one, I like playing with women, but I guess I'm still more romantically
drawn to men."

   "Well, there it is then." I drummed my finger on my knee not knowing how
to respond to that revelation.  At least it meant that someday she might
find a nice boy to marry and start a family, so my parents wouldn't roll
over in their graves, and I would be able to have grandchildren that had
some of Carrie in them.  Thinking about kids reminded me of another
question.  " And those toys in the suitcase in your room.  Are they yours?"

   "Yes.  Well, not just mine.  We kind of share them."

   "Who's we?"

   "Bethany, Karen, Linda, and me."

   My eyebrow felt like it was trying to curl over the top of my head. 
Linda?  Sweet innocent Linda?  "Linda too?"

   Brenda almost laughed.  "She's not as innocent as she plays being, Dad.
We've been playing together since we were fourteen.  But she only plays
with herself, or me.  She likes watching, though."

   "Really?"

   Brenda nodded.  "I guess you two have that in common."

   Now it was my turn to look confused.

   "Oh, Dad, I know about the security camera.  I saw the video on your
computer.  Along with an impressive porn stash."

   "Oh, you went snooping on my machine?  What about my privacy?"

   She looked chagrined.  "Busted.  Okay.  I shouldn't have, but I couldn't
surf porn on my machine in case you look there.  I figured you would never
notice if I looked at your stash.  I found it there."

   "So that's why you covered the camera the last sleepover."

   She nodded.  After several moments of silence, she drew a long breath.
"So, what now?  Where do we go from here?"

   *****

   We hadn't finished our talk when I heard a commotion from the living
room.  I glanced at the door, then back to Brenda who shrugged.  I was
about to go see what was going on when my door burst open, and a fiery
young woman exploded into my room.

   "What the hell?" Linda looked at Brenda and blinked when she saw
Brenda's state of dress.  Then she looked at me in nothing but a pair of
shorts and a workout shirt and blinked again.  "What's going on in here?  I
come back to see my mom and dad sitting together on the sofa, and Coach
West and Austin all talking together like they're best buds.  And you're
both in here half naked?" She turned toward Brenda before either of us
could answer.  "And why weren't you in school?  I was going to ride home
with you, but I had to take the bus again."

   "Linda," Brenda began, but she was interrupted when Kelly came into the
room.  Kelly had cleaned up and dressed and gave no sign of the activities
of the morning.

   "Honey, Brenda and her father are in the middle of an important
discussion.  We need to give them some privacy.  Now come on, we can talk
in the living room."

   "Oh, no.  I'm not going to be left out this time.  If something is
happening, I want to know about it before it happens.  No more trying to
let me down easy after the fact."

   "Linda Mitchell," Kelly raised her voice to Mom level.  "You get
yourself into that living room right now.  We will discuss it there."

   "Discuss what?  Who's fucking who?  You don't think I know what went on
here?  I can fucking smell it." Linda leveled a hard look at me that made
me want to shrivel up and die.  I don't think I ever felt so small.  "I
guess that's the only real question...and maybe it doesn't really matter,
does it?" She whirled on her heal and marched out of my room.

   Kelly looked her apology back at me before she turned and followed her.

   "Brenda, we can finish this later.  Go calm her down.  You're probably
the only one who can right now."

   "Somehow, I doubt that," Brenda said under her breath.  "Let me put
something else on, first."

   I dropped into my chair and blew out a long breath as I ran my hand
through my hair.  I had no idea what to do next.  Nothing in my life ever
prepared me for a situation like this one.  In one day, my life had been
turned upside down.  Everything I thought I understood about life, both
mine and my daughter's, was set sideways.

   A shadow fell across me, and I looked up at Dennis, still wearing
nothing but pants with his shirt unbuttoned, and no socks or shoes.  "Hell
of a day, eh bud?"

   "Understatement of a lifetime," I said as he took a seat on the bed.

   We sat in silence together for a moment before he sighed.  "I need to
know something, though."

   "I don't know what I could know that would possibly help you, since I
have been so clueless for the past six years.  Hell, the past twenty."

   Dennis sat on the corner of my mattress and wrung his hands together. 
"Are you in love with Kelly?"

   "What?" I sat up and blinked.  "No!  Whatever gave you that idea?"

   "Well, she told me she spent the night here last night."

   "She did.  I slept on the couch.  Linda was here, too.  In Brenda's
room."

   Dennis didn't look convinced.  "But, the thing is, Bare, Kelly has been
a cold fish for more than six years.  Since right before Carrie died.  And
after one night in your house, suddenly she's an insatiable slut like she
was in college.  I don't know how you did it, but I need to know what
happened."

   "Dennis, I wish I could take credit for the transformation, but I can't.
She came over here last night in that outfit with that haircut.  I had
nothing to do with it.  Hell, I was as surprised as you are.  I haven't
seen Kelly any more than I've seen you in the past six years.  And I'm not
in love with you either." I tried a jovial smile which he returned.

   "Then what...?"

   "Ask her."

   "What?"

   "I said, ask Kelly.  She'll tell you.  I have a feeling she won't be
sitting on her feelings anymore."

   "Ask me what?" Kelly returned to the room.

   I looked a question at her, and she shrugged.  "Brenda's talking to her
right now.  I got the feeling they didn't want to discuss it around
parents. Now, ask me what?"

   "Why the change?" Dennis looked up, his eyes wide and hopeful.

   "You mean why did I fuck the socks off of both of you?" Kelly grinned.

   "And Diane..."

   "Well, that slut had it coming," Kelly huffed.  She told Dennis about
her talk with the youth minister and how it opened her eyes to her
misunderstanding of her beliefs.  In the end, they sat together on the bed
with their arms around each other.  I half expected them to start fucking
again, but then Kelly turned to me.

   "So, what's your excuse?"

   "Excuse me?"

   "You fucked half of the girls that were here this morning.  I heard
about your performance."

   "I fu...I was...Tina and Karen both seduced me, yes.  That's not half."

   "No.  You fucked Austin too.  And you were going to fuck Bethany if you
hadn't stopped.  Why did you stop?"

   I didn't want to discuss this.  I had no real answer as to why I did
what I did.  I'd had those girls in my house countless times over the years
and never once gave serious thought to having sex with them.  Oh, sure, I
fantasized about it, but I'd never had done it.  Would I?  "I remembered
Brenda."

   "And the thought that she might be involved bothered you?  No, don't
deny it.  We all saw it when you brought the festivities to a crashing
halt."

   "What was I supposed to do?  She's my baby.  Are you telling me that if
Linda were here, it wouldn't bother you seeing her fucking all those kids?"

   "We're not talking about me, Barry." Kelly was winding up again.  She
had a point she wanted to make, and she was by God going to make it. 
"We're talking about you.  And your attitude toward sex."

   "What attitude?  I'm no prude."

   "No, you're not.  You never were.  But you do have some antiquated,
parochial ideas about it.  You seem to think that recreational sex is fine
for guys, and girls you don't know.  But for Brenda, it has to mean
something.  There has to be a commitment before things get physical."

   "You don't know what you're talking about."

   "Don't I?  What did you tell Brenda this weekend?"

   Shit.  Brenda must have told her about our fight at some point.  Or
Linda did.  "That's different.  I'm her father."

   "So?  She's a young woman, Barry.  Or hadn't you noticed."

   Oh, I noticed, all right.

   "And she had needs, and desires, just like any other woman.  Like me. 
Like Carrie did."

   I raised my hand to stop her, but she barreled on.

   "No, don't think that talking about Carrie is off limits.  She's the
reason we're in this mess.  At least partially.  You haven't fully healed
yet, Barry.  You're still holding on."

   "No, you're wrong.  I've moved on.  I've dated."

   "You've fucked, Barry.  You've scratched an itch.  You haven't move on
one inch.  You want to know how I know?" She got up off the bed and went to
the door.

   "Now, wait a minute..."

   "You see this door?" She was standing at the door between Brenda's and
my rooms.  The spare room.  The room that was supposed to be our second
child's room.

   "Kelly, don't..."

   She opened the door, which screamed on its hinges as it opened.

   "Kelly, stop." I tried to get up, but I couldn't move.  The light
filtered out into the hallway from inside the room.  The color of the light
was muted, like a dress left in an attic for decades.  Rays of light
highlighted the dust particles that drifted out of the room into the
hallway.

   "You want to tell me about all that?" Kelly gestured her arm at the
room. I didn't need to get up to see what she was pointing at.  I knew full
well what was in there.  I put it there six years ago.  That was the last
time I opened that door.  "Barry, tell me.  What is all this?"

   "Daddy?" Brenda crept up beside Kelly, with Linda right behind her. 
They both stared wide-eyed at the open door.

   Kelly cast a glance at the girls before she stepped into the room.

   "Kelly, wait," I hopped up and followed her as far as the doorway.  She
was standing next to a stack of boxes covered in a thick layer of dust. 
Behind the stack was a pile of clothes still on hangers draped over a bed
that had never been slept in.  Other boxes were placed haphazardly around
the room.  A crib sat disassembled in one corner.  The walls were decorated
with posters and art from children's books.  Many of them had hung in
Brenda's room before she got too old for them.  Carrie moved them into this
room when she and Brenda redecorated.  That was about a month or two before
Carrie got sick.  We never finished this room.

   "This is what I'm talking about, Barry.  Carrie is still here.  Her
casket might as well be resting right here in this house along with all
this other stuff." She stepped up to me, her nose inches from my chest, and
looked up into my eyes.  "You need to let her go.  You need to let all this
go.  It's nothing but stuff now.  She wouldn't want you wallowing in her
old junk.  I mean look at this."

   She walked back to the top box and looked in.  "Oh, my!" She reached in,
disturbed a puff of dust, and retrieved a dingy handbag.  Carrie's purse.
The purse she took to the hospital.  She opened it and pulled out Carrie's
wallet and check book.  "Hmph," she chuckled.  "There still money in here.
And what's this?" She reached into another pocket and pulled out an
envelope.  "Oh!" She blinked and dropped the purse as she stared in shock
at the envelope in her hand.  "Oh, God." She looked up at me with wide
eyes. "You didn't read this?"

   "What?  What is it?"

   "Carrie wrote this for you.  She wrote one for me and Brenda, too.  This
one's still sealed.  Why didn't you read it?"

   "I didn't know about it." I closed the distance in two steps and reached
to take the envelope from her, but stopped short, my hand hovering like it
was a hot poker about to burn me.  I saw my name printed on the envelope.
It was in Carrie's writing.  I recognized it.  I hadn't seen her writing in
six years, but I recognized it.  My heart thumped in my chest and my
fingers trembled.

   "Come on, Barry," Kelly said offering me the envelope.  "Take it."

   I touched the paper like it was a sacred scroll unearthed after
countless centuries and one that would disintegrate with the wind.  My
fingers traced the letters of my name as a tear welled in my eye.  I turned
it over and peeled it open.  Several pages of lined stationary were folded
up inside, each with Carrie's scrolling writing.  I opened them and, with a
deep breath, I read.

   *****

   Barry, my love.

   I hope I'm wrong when I write this, but if you're reading it, then I'm
not.  I know the doctor said I would get over this, but somehow, I don't
think so.  I looked it up on the Internet and it's not good.  Chances are
you know this by now.  I'm sorry I let you down.  I'm sorry I let Brenda
down.

   Barry, I'm going to die.  I know it.  I can feel it.  But I also know
that if I die, I die knowing that I have loved the only man in the world I
could have, and that he loved me.  You are everything to me, my love.  The
day begins and ends with you.  You have never given me any reason to doubt
your love for me, nor to question my future with you.  If I had known
twelve years ago that I would die today, I would do everything again just
to spend all the time I have left with you.  You have given me the happiest
moments of my life.  You have given me the greatest child on the planet. 
You have given me purpose.  My only regret is that stupid year when I
questioned if I was worthy of you.

   Barry, honey, I know you love me, and nothing will ever change that, but
when I'm gone, don't close your heart to love.  Brenda will need you and a
girl needs a father who is open to love.  Don't hide yourself away.  Don't
isolate yourself or throw yourself into your work.  Meet someone.  Love
someone.  Show our daughter how a man is supposed to love a woman, what a
loving couple are to each other.  Find someone and love her like you love
me.  Do it for Brenda.  Do it for me.

   Brenda is going to need you especially now in the coming years as she
turns into a woman.  Barry, I never told you much about how I was in high
school, but I made some mistakes that I don't want Brenda to make, and
since I won't be there to help her, it falls to you.  I have a diary that I
kept from those years.  It's in my hope chest in the closet.  Read it. 
Learn from my mistakes and keep Brenda from repeating them.  Kelly knows
what I mean.  The two of you should be able to manage without me.

   If you ever need help, know that Kelly and Dennis will always be there
for you.  They have been family to me for most of my life, and they love
you like a brother.

   I will love you forever, babe.  I will be waiting for you in heaven with
open arms.

   Your loving wife

   Carrie

   *****

   I was on my knees on the floor, the letter crumpled in my hand as my
shoulders trembled with silent sobs.  Tears stung my eyes and dripped off
my nose as I stared at the note.  Kelly and Dennis stood on either side of
me, and the girls were kneeling beside me.  No one said anything as I
digested what I read.  Brenda rubbed her hands in small circles on my
shoulders, while Linda stroked back and forth on my lower back.  I leaned
into my daughter's arms and she held me.

   "We'll give you a minute," Kelly said as she pulled Dennis' arm.

   "No," I said and sniffled.  "I'm good.  Uhm," I looked around the room.
"Geez, I haven't been in here in a while."

   "I know, Daddy," Brenda said.

   "I guess we could have used this room for company.  Hell, Linda could
have stayed in here last week."

   "It's okay, Daddy.  We didn't mind.  We probably would have stayed in my
room together anyway."

   "Yeah," Linda said.

   "Still.  We need to fix this.  This," I waved my arm at the clothes and
boxes, "all this needs to go.  It's time." I stood up and shook six years
of weight from my shoulders.  "Right." I looked at the letter in my hand.
"Right."

   "Right, Dad!" Brenda stood up and grabbed a box.  Kelly and Dennis
looked at each other and shrugged before grabbing other boxes.

   In a few hours, the room was empty.  Most of Carrie's clothes had been
bagged for donation.  Kelly took some outfits, Brenda took others, not as
many, since Brenda was bigger in almost every aspect than her mother:
taller, bustier, and curvier.  Much of Carrie's jewelry was divvied up
between the three of them; Kelly squealed when she found some of Carrie's
older things that she remembered from high school, though I kept Carrie's
wedding rings.  I planned on giving them to Brenda when and if she ever
married.

   As we carted the last box to the garbage, a thought hit me.  "Carrie
mentioned a diary in her letter, but I didn't see one in any of these
boxes. Did anyone find one?"

   The Mitchells all shrugged, but Brenda shifted around on her feet, her
hands behind her back as she kept her eyes on the floor.  "Uhm...well..."

   "Brenda?"

   "I...I...uhm...I found it.  A while ago."

   "A while ago?  How long ago?"

   "Well, like, uhm, last year."

   "You've been in this room?"

   "I...I..." she looked panicked, like she thought I was angry with her.
"I was missing her.  It was on my birthday, and she died right before my
birthday and I couldn't stop thinking about her and how much I needed her
and missed her and...and...and..." She started to tear up as her words
tripped over themselves.

   "Shhh, sweetie," I held her and rested my chin on the crown of her head.
"It's okay.  I'm not mad.  I just never thought you came in here."

   "Only once in a while.  I found her diary," she choked back a sob, "and
reading it was like talking to her."

   I nodded silently.  I was envious that she had that, but also, grateful,
if it eased her pain.  "Well, I'm glad you got to have that time with your
mom."

   "She, uh, wrote me a letter, too."

   "She did?"

   "Yeah, it was in the same box as her diary.  She told me to take care of
you.  That you would need me more than ever.  And she was right."

   "She always was."

   "She also told me not to tell you she said that."

   I chuckled.  "That sounds like Carrie."

   After several moments of holding my daughter, I remembered there were
others in the room.  "Sorry, guys."

   "Hey," Dennis said, "don't worry about it.  You guys needed that. 
Listen, we've pretty much finished with this stuff," he gestured to the now
mostly empty room, "so I think we'll all make ourselves scarce and give you
guys some quality time." He moved his arms to herd Kelly and Linda toward
the door.

   Before I could object, Brenda beat me to it.

   "Don't you dare.  This is a day of celebration.  You two are back
together, I was top ranked at the swim meet, and last but not least, it's
my birthday, so I get to say what we do.  And I say Pizza!"

   There she goes again, giving orders.  Brenda raised her eyebrow at me
challenging me to refuse her.  I couldn't.  Dennis and Kelly nodded as
well. I caught Linda's eye as she smiled at me.

   "That sounds good to me," I said.  Linda clapped her hands and bounced
on her toes.  She looked so happy.  So full of life.  Her energy was
contagious.  Making her happy felt good.  Part of me wanted to spend a
lifetime making her happy.  She bounced into me under my left arm as Brenda
held me under my right.  This was the beginning of a new day and who could
say what tomorrow would bring?