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 �>�Keilani's Long Vacation by ToddCheese

   "Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 1)

   Hello??  If anyone sees this, please, I need your help!  I'm currently
being held prisoner...  Well, not exactly prisoner, but against my will. 
That is, they won't let me leave because they don't believe I'm...  Um, let
me start at the beginning.  God I wish I'd kept my mouth shut back then. 
My name is Keilani and I live in Hawaii.  O'ahu to be exact.  The big
tourist island.  Sounds like paradise, right?  Yeah, unless your job is in
the tourist industry, which is basically like a third of the population. 
Me, I work -- er, worked -- in one of those outdoor cafe/bar places you see
all the time on TV, the phony luau places with so-called native dancing and
other entertainment, catering to stupid tourists.  Well the other night I
was serving tables and this one fat tourist had had a few too many and he
started being obnoxious.  You know, pretending he was trying to touch me,
tugging on my grass skirt, calling me his little coconut.  Okay, I admit,
maybe I'd been something of a mean tease all night, running a hand across
my smooth dark olive skin, giving him a good look at my slender legs, but
he was still being a pain in the ass.  Now, I'm a tiny little thing, not
quite 5 feet tall even, but we had a couple of bouncers and the policy was
for the servers to tell one of them if someone was bothering us like this,
and they'd take care of it.  But for some reason I just felt like being a
total bitch to this guy that night.  So when he pretended to reach for me
again I intentionally threw my drink on him.  He got all pissed off and
demanded another and a free dessert, and I told him his fat ass didn't need
it.  Then I just started calling him all sorts of vile names, just shouting
at him for no real reason other than I felt like it.  Unfortunately the
music and dance number on the stage finished and the audience applause died
down right as I was doing it, and all of a sudden it got really quiet
except for me belting out insults, so pretty much everybody heard it.  My
boss called me into his office not long after that.  "Keilani, we need to
talk." "About what?" Even though I knew perfectly well about what.  "About
the scene you caused tonight." "I couldn't help it, the guy was a fucking
prick." "And we have a policy to deal with that," he said.  "You should
have told one of the bouncers.  This guy asked to speak to me personally,
and he's an executive at one of the big cruise lines.  This could be very
bad publicity for my business, and you know how much the tourism industry
is already hurting.  I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go for this."
"You mean...  I'm fired?" "That's another way of putting it." At this point
I totally lost it again.  "Yeah, well fuck YOU, and fuck HIM!  I don't need
this shit-ass suck job!  I'll go find another that pays better by tomorrow
you cheap-shit fucknut bastard!" Okay, so maybe I just like being a bitch
sometimes.  He got angry at this point, whereas before he was just
disappointed in me.  I realized I'd definitely gone too far.  But shit,
what could he do worse than fire me?  I soon found out.  "Oh, by the way,"
he said as I turned to walk out of this crap job forever.  "I'll need your
work uniform before you leave tonight." "Um, okay but...  I didn't bring a
change of clothes." I'd been running late so I just threw on my uniform and
came like that.  "Can I drop it off later?" "No, the last two girls who
quit never brought theirs back, and they're expensive." I got a cold
feeling in the pit of my stomach.  "But...  I don't have anything else to
wear!" "Well you should have thought of that before you got so mouthy to
me." I stalked off at that point, giving him the finger as I went, and sat
in the changing room sulking and thinking about what I was going to do.  I
looked around but the other girls' lockers were, well, locked.  At this
point I guess I should describe the uniform: It was a fake grass skirt
deal, with a top and bottom piece that shows off a lot of midriff.  The
bottom part rides low on the hips but has a green elastic-waist garment
sewn into it, like the hotpants of a cheerleader's uniform, so we're always
adequately covered under there.  But there was no way to separate it from
the rest of the costume.  I hadn't worn a bathing suit or any underwear
under that!  So what else could I do?  Fuming, I stripped off the stupid
uniform and threw it to the floor.  Then, wrapping one arm across my chest
and flattening the other over my most private area, I made my way to the
door.  I figured I'd slip out the back, which was right by the changing
room, and no one would see me.  I had to uncover my chest to open the door
and pull it closed on the other side.  But when I was out, I gasped in
surprise: The boss was right there as I came out!  He must have been afraid
I'd try to sneak out still wearing the uniform.
I glared at him, but he didn't say a word, didn't even look at me that
much, just silently opened the door for me.  I was too angry and
embarrassed to say thanks, and just tried to keep my back side against the
wall as best as possible so he wouldn't see my bare behind.  I think it was
worse than him leering, the silence deepened my sense of shame at being
fired in this manner.  The door clanked shut behind me, and I was outside
without a stitch of clothing!  The night air was warm on my skin but it

still felt very uncomfortable to be naked.  I took a couple of deep breaths
and tried to stop the quivery feeling in my stomach as I thought about what
the hell I was going to do next.  My parents had the car, I'd gotten to
work on foot, now I had to walk back.  I decided the beach would be the
safest route.  It curves around near the street I live on, so it's a bit
longer than a straight path but it should be deserted that time of night, I
figured.  The hardest part was taking that first step away from the
building and being completely out in the open, with only two hands and
three body regions to keep hidden.  I took another deep breath and just ran
for it, hands over my front, down the darkened street, then crashed through
the brush and onto the sand.  Not wanting to remain in the middle of a
deserted beach, I crept into the water, knelt down so it was up to my neck,
keeping the rest of me hidden, and crawled/swam along close to the shore. I
was probably only about 10 minutes from the spot where I'd leave the safety
of the water...  when the searchlight came on.  "HEY YOU!" an amplified
female voice boomed out.  "There's no swimming after dark!" Instinctively I
dove under the water to avoid being seen, but you can only hold your breath
for so long.  When I came up again there was a police officer at the edge
of the beach, scanning the shore.  "Come out of there!" she ordered. 
"Um... I can't!" "Don't make me come out there and get you." She sounded
stern.  But I didn't move.  She sighed.  "Fine." And she waded into the
shallow water, which only came up to her knees in the spot where I was.  I
tried to scramble away but she grabbed my arm and proceeded to haul me onto
the shore.  "No!  Stop!  Don't!" I cried.  "I'm naked!!" At this she turned
and shined her flashlight over my unclothed form, sopping wet and covering
up.  "Well, so you are!" she exclaimed.  "What are you doing skinny-dipping
this time of night?" "It's a long story," I muttered miserably.  "What's
your name?" she asked.  I sighed.  "Keilani Akana." "Where are your
parents?" "Parents?" I repeated, a bit surprised by the question.  "Um,
they're on vacation." Which is true, my parents had left a couple of nights
ago on a month-long trip across the continental States.  I'd given them so
much crap about how they didn't need to have someone check on me and the
house, I'd take care of things, I'd be responsible.  And look at me now:
Stark naked on a public beach and about to be arrested, I was sure.  But,
it was even worse than that.  "And your parents just go off gallivanting
around, and leave you alone to run around naked?" I still didn't see where
she was going with this, but before I had a chance to answer, she asked,
"How old are you, little girl?" "Little girl?!" I asked in disbelief. 
"Officer, I just turned 21 a few months ago." "Yeah, and I'm Queen
Lili'uokalani," she shot back.  "Come on, let's get you out of here." She
took my arm again.  "I have a blanket in my car you can use to dry off." I
started to protest, but it was useless.  So I ended up in the back of a
police car, sand sticking to my legs, driven to the station.  When we got
there she took me inside, still wrapped in the blanket.  I got curious
stares from a number of other officers on duty as she led me into an
office, had me sit down, and lifted a phone receiver from the desk.  The
room was air-conditioned, and I shivered and pulled the blanket more
tightly around me.  The sand was everywhere.  "Yeah, hi Gail," she said
into the phone.  "Yeah, I'm sorry to drag you out here this late, but we
have a little girl here whose parents went out of town and left her alone."
I tried to cut in but she didn't pay any attention.  "Yeah, she needs a set
of clothes, too." Pause.  "About 12, I think." Pause.  She glanced over at
me.  "I dunno, four-nine, four-ten?" Pause.  "Probably around a hundred."
Pause.  "Uh-huh." Pause.  "Well, just bring what you have." Pause.  "Great,
thanks Gail, I owe you one." When she hung up the phone she turned to me
and said, "Okay, hon, just sit tight.  Someone from Social Services will be
here to pick you up shortly.  She'll bring you something to wear." "Whoa,
wait, WHAT?!  Social Services?!?  Look, officer, I tried to tell you
before. They made me turn in my--" "Now, young lady," she interrupted. 
"Please, just sit quietly.  Gail-- The social worker will take care of
everything.  It'll be okay, you'll see." I sighed and crossed my arms,
sulking.  I figured I'd just let her talk until this social worker got
here. Maybe I could talk some sense into them.  It was about 45 minutes,
sitting there the whole time.  When the social worker arrived, she and the
officer talked in private outside the door.  It made me feel like the child
she clearly thought I was.  I caught phrases like "pretending she's a
grown-up" and "acting like a big girl" that left me fuming.  Finally the
social worker entered, a tall, matronly woman with glasses, a long skirt,
and her hair up in a bun.  "Hello, Keilani dear," she introduced herself.
"I'm Ms Whitmur, and I'm here to help." "Listen," I began.  "I--" "Yes,
Officer Janene already told me you've had quite a night.  But we'll get you
taken care of.  So.  First things first.  Let's get you dressed." I had to
admit that sounded like a good start.  She put a sack of clothes on the
desk and proceeded to unwrap the blanket from around me.  Naturally, I
fought to keep covered.  "Hey!  Stop!  I'm NOT a little girl, I'm 21!"
"Yes, Keilani dear.  Officer Janene told me about your little story.  I
know you're trying to act big with your parents going off and leaving you,
but it's okay." And she proceeded to kneel and brush the sand off my legs
and feet.  I was stunned.  This could NOT be happening!  Christ, did this
woman honestly believe I looked and sounded that much like a 12-year-old?
Well, when she finally tugged the blanket off me and stood me up, I started
to see why.  Remember how short I said I was?  Well, I'm also quite... 
underdeveloped.  My behind is flat and my breasts are little more than
nubs. And, son of a BITCH, I thought, I'd just shaved my pubic hair the
previous night.  (Most girls here do it, since it's bikini season
year-round.) All together, this painted a pretty convincing picture of
prepubescence.  "Now now, Keilani dear, don't be embarrassed," she said as
I renewed my efforts to keep covered.  "I've seen lots of little girls
undressed before." She put the bag of clothes on the chair where I'd been
sitting and instructed me to put them on.  I dug into the bag...  and was
horrified by what I pulled out: She'd brought me a white blouse and pleated
skirt with black saddle shoes, a schoolgirl's uniform!  No bra, not even a
training bra, just an undershirt!  And the underwear!  They were pink with
lace trim and a floral print on them.  Big flowers, in pastel colors, with
smiley faces surrounded by petals!  They were the stupidest, most
embarrassing undies I had ever seen!  I mean, I'm 21, I wear thongs!  These
were too childish even for a 12-year-old!  I groaned audibly, but what the
hell choice did I have?  It's not like there was anything else available to
wear, and the skirt looked a bit short so I didn't want to go without
panties.  I turned away from Gail so I wouldn't have to look at her, and
slipped everything on, hating every second of it and how uncomfortable the
juvenile uniform felt on me.  The skirt was definitely an inch too short,
the panties were confining, and the saddle shoes pinched my toes.  But, all
right, I told myself, at least I wasn't naked anymore.  Next step, get this
woman to realize she WAS in fact dealing with an adult.  "Um, Gail?" I
began.  She clucked her tongue.  "Please call me Ms Whitmur, Keilani dear."
I sighed.  "Ms Whitmur, then.  Can I at least try to call my parents?  So
you can talk to them?  And then you'll realize you don't need to put me
through all this?" "Oh, you have a number for them?  Very well, Keilani
dear, but only because I want to have a word with them for being so
irresponsible.  I'm still taking you under my care until they get back."
Yeah, like fuck you are, I thought as I went over and dialed the phone.  I
figured as soon as they talked to her she'd find out I was actually telling
the truth, and I'd be out of this humiliating predicament.  So first I
tried their cell, but I got the standard "cellular customer is not
responding" messaage.  God, they probably had it turned off.  Why the hell
did they even bother taking it?  Then I tried directory assistance for the
hotel I knew they'd be staying at one night, but the desk guy told me
they'd checked out the previous morning, and I had no idea where else they
might be.  All this time, Gail stood behind me, brushing the tangles out of
my now-dry hair, humming annoyingly to herself as she did so.  I was about
to try calling work so at least my boss -- er, ex-boss -- could vouch for
me, but Gail stopped playing with my hair and took the receiver away from
me.  "Hey!" I said.  "Keilani dear, it's obvious you can't reach your
parents.  We'll try again tomorrow.  It's late.  Now, do you need to use
the potty before we go?" Use the--!  God, it's like she was treating me
like an even littler kid by the minute!  But I held back a reply because,
yeah, I did have to go.  I let her lead me down the hall to a one-person
bathroom.  Inside, I took one look in the mirror and almost pissed myself
right there: My long, perfectly straight back-length hair had been braided
in...  pigtails!  I looked ridiculous, like I was even younger, like 10!  I
realized this was just going to keep getting worse and looked for a way
out, but there were no windows in the bathroom.  I could only hope Gail
wouldn't be waiting outside for me and I could slip away.  Unfortunately,
she was there, and took me out to her car, holding onto my hand so I
couldn't run.  Christ, she buckled the damn seatbelt for me!  I was getting
desperate, and this was probably my last chance.  As we pulled out of the
lot, I asked her, "Can we stop by my house first?" "No, Keilani dear, it's
too late.  Maybe tomorrow." "Where are you taking me?" "St Sebastian's
Home," she answered.  "It's a special place, with other children just like
you, who've been--" "All right, LOOK," I said, determined to put a stop to
this NOW.  "I know you don't believe me, but if we go to the house I can
SHOW you I'm an adult.  I can prove it.  My driver's license, my student
ID...  Just PLEASE, this is all a huge mistake--" "No, Keilani dear." She
got very serious, all of a sudden.  "YOU are the one who is making a
mistake.  I am very tired, and I don't want to hear any more of this
foolishness." I'd had it.  When she pulled up to a stop sign I took the
opportunity to unhook my seatbelt as inconspicuously as possible.  When she
tapped the accelerator again, I decided it was now or never, and I opened
the door and dove out.  I landed hard, on one of my knees, but I ignored
the pain and got up and ran for it.  Or tried to.  The way the damn saddle
shoes were pinching my feet made it hard to run.  Between that and my short
legs, I got maybe a block and a half before Gail had stopped the car,
gotten out and caught up to me.  The kindly matron was gone, and she
grasped both my arms tightly and ordered me to come back with her.  At that
point, I hit my limit, HARD, and I totally lost it.  I hollered and kicked
and thrashed about, and even tried to bite her as she dragged me every step
of the way back to the car.  I screamed bloody murder.  I shouted, "You
BITCH!  You STUPID, FUCKING BITCH!!  Leave me the fuck ALONE!  I am NOT A
CHILD!!  I AM TWENTY-ONE FUCKING YEARS OLD, GOD DAMMIT!!!" Gail stopped,
and, holding me firmly by both arms, calmly turned me around so I faced
her, then knelt down to look directly into my eyes.  With perfect calm, she
stated, "No, Keilani dear, you are not.  You are twelve years old, and you
are acting like you are five.  And that is going to stop, right now." And
with that she leaned my struggling form over the hood of the car, stomach
down.  One of my knees was scraped and bleeding from the rough landing when
I'd jumped out.  Gail held my hands firmly behind my back, pressing down on
them to hold my body in place as well.  With her other hand, she flipped
the hem of my pleated skirt up and began to tug down those horrible
childish underpants.  I gasped in horror, knowing my bottom was being
exposed to any oncoming traffic, and my stomach tightened with fear of
knowing what was to follow.  Desperately I tried to reason with her: "No,
stop, don't do this!  I'm sorry!  We can talk about this!  Like adults! 
Please don't--" But my pleading fell on deaf ears as a sharp SMACK sent
pain flaring across my exposed bottom.  "This, is, how, I, deal, with, BAD,
little, girls, Keilani, dear!" she exclaimed, punctuating every word with a
fleshy, open-palmed SMACK to my backside.  "You, are, a, very, NAUGHTY,
little, girl, with, a, very, FILTHY, MOUTH!" The pain and degradation and
hopelessness of the situation completely overwhelmed me, and I just started
bawling uncontrollably, like an infant.  Tears poured down my cheeks, beet
red from the sheer humiliation of it all.  I had never felt so desperately
miserable in all my life.  I howled and kicked and let my mind fill with
images of all the horrible, vicious things I would do to this bitch.  Not
caring that I would probably never get the chance.  Not caring how
ridiculous I looked.  Not caring that there were cars driving past, cars
filled with people MY AGE laughing and pointing at the "bad little girl"
having her butt paddled in public.  I relinquished every shred of dignity I
had left.  At that moment, I WAS a "bad little girl", and I behaved exactly
like one.  It couldn't have gone on for longer than a minute, but those
agonizing 60 seconds felt like hours.  I wailed nonstop for another five
after she let up, and was finally reduced to pathetic sniffling, gasping
for air in short, queasy breaths.  This morning I'd had a job, freedom from
my parents for a whole month.  Now I had a little girl's underpants and a
little girl's sore paddled bottom.  Gail let me drain the rest of the hate
and fury out of my system, then pulled my panties back up and lowered my
skirt once more.  "Come on, Keilani dear," she said quietly.  "Let's get
back in the car." Completely broken, utterly submissive, I obeyed,
sniffing, my red swollen eyes turned toward the ground, their lashes still
brimming with tears.  It hurt to sit again but I did it without complaint,
refusing to look at Gail or give her the satisfaction of knowing how much
it stung.  We rode silently through the rest of the trip to St Sebastian's
Home for Orphans, Neglected Children, and Problem Girls.  So, that's my
story.  Or, as much of it as I can tell you right now.  Sister Bernadette
will be back soon and I can't let her find me using her computer.  Who's
Sister Bernadette, you ask?  I'll tell you another time.  Just please,
PLEASE, if you read this, help me get out of this nightmare life!



   "Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 2)

   Aloha?  Is anybody there?  It's me, Keilani Akana.  I'm typing this on
Sister Bernadette's computer while everybody else is asleep.  I'm not
supposed to be in her office, and if I get caught I'm sure I'll be in for
another round of punishment...  especially after what's already happened.
But let me back up a bit first, so you'll understand.  I've been trapped
here at Saint Sebastian's, in Kailua, on O'ahu, for about a week now.  Last
time I told you how I ended up here: Got fired by my prick of a boss.  Had
to leave my uniform and walk home nude.  Got picked up by a cop who thought
I was twelve and I couldn't convince her otherwise.  Got a spanking from
the social worker when I tried to run away.  The rest of that night is
something of a blur.  I remember sitting in the passenger seat as we drove
through the tall iron gates to Saint Sebastian's orphanage.  You can call
it any damn thing you want, but it's still an orphanage, plain and simple.
Its official name is Saint Sebastian's Home for Orphans, Neglected
Children, and Problem Girls.  At any rate that's where I found myself the
next morning.  I was startled awake by the jarring clang of a metal bell
waved by Sister Ulalia.  Over the days I learned that's the normal routine,
they wake the girls up at seven every morning.  The sleep had been
rejuvenating, and it took me a minute to remember where I was and why. 
Then the painful, humiliating memories of the previous night's events came
flooding back, and I realized it hadn't all been just a horrible dream.  At
that point I just wanted to crawl back under the covers and die, but Sister
would have none of that.  "Ho`âla!  Maka hiamoe!", she cried, hauling me
to my feet.  That's native Hawaiian for "Get up, sleepyhead." "Girls, this
is Keilani," she announced, presenting me to my new roommates.  "She's
going to be part of our `ohana for awhile." Yeah, not if I have anything to
say about it, I thought.  But then I realized I probably didn't.  My
parents, whom I live with, were away on a tour of the continental States
and I hadn't been able to reach them.  They were the ones who could
convince these people that this was all a horrible mix-up, that I actually
was 21 rather than 12.  I suppose I could have tried one of my college
friends, but at this point I really, really didn't want anyone else to see
me in this mortifying predicament.  It would be bad enough with Mom and
Dad. Sister Ulalia turned to me.  She was a squat, round woman with a kind
face centered about a slightly bulbous nose.  "Get your bed made up,
Keilani," she told me, "then we'll go take care of some things." I
desperately wanted to explain to her that I was fully grown, but was not
about to cause a scene in front of everyone.  There would be a chance
later, I told myself.  As we tidied up, I took the opportunity to examine
my new surroundings.  The bedroom I'd slept in housed maybe a dozen other
orphan girls-- A dozen orphan girls, PERIOD, God DAMMIT, I am NOT one of
them!  They all looked to be about twelve or thirteen, the same age Gail,
the social worker, had clearly told the Sisters I was (believing it
herself).  I later found out there were several dormitories throughout the
building, where the girls were assigned beds approximately by age.  I tried
to act like I belonged there as I straightened my sheets and tucked them
around the pillow, but I felt a lot of curious eyes on me the whole time.
Everyone was wondering about me, how they'd gone to bed the night before
and all of a sudden I was here this morning.  I tried to think of what I'd
say if anyone asked, but no one did.  I guess I still had that awkward
new-kid air about me, and none of them seemed sure how to approach me.  My
bed in order, I turned and peered out the window onto the grounds below. 
We were on the second floor.  The first thing I noticed were the
wrought-iron designs that crisscrossed in front of the glass panes.  You
could disguise them any way you wanted, their intent was clear.  Bars, to
keep the girls from opening the windows and climbing out after dark.  I
felt a twinge of despair again.  Beyond was a circular driveway before the
main entrance, and past that, a short expanse of grass and trees up to the
outer brick wall and metal gates.  As I stood gazing out, I gradually
became aware of snickering sounds from behind, unmistakably directed at me.
It was then I remembered I was still wearing Gail's too-short pleated skirt
and those wretched smiley-faced flower underpants!  I pulled the back of my
skirt down to try and hide them, and turned, glaring at the tittering
girls. One of them broke the ice with, "Nice britches y'got there,
Kay-lawny!" Her accent had a twangy drawl, and unlike most of the other
girls, she was halakea, fair-skinned.  A mainlander, not a native.  Her
name was Suzanne, I came to find out, and rumor had it that her family came
over on a cruise and dumped her here after something she did.  I don't know
whether it was true or not.  But don't go feeling sorry for her, she's a
mean, manipulative, EVIL little bitch and I hate her!  After our beds had
been made, Sister sent everyone else off to wash up and escorted me down to
the ground floor.  The halls were tiled and echoey, not the comforting
wooden floors like my old childhood school.  "Um, Sister?" I asked
politely. "I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I'm actually 21.  I got
brought here by mistake and--" She gave a little laugh.  "Oh yes, I've
heard about your little tale.  Ms Whitmur told all of us after she brought
you in.  You're the talk of the orphanarium." "Great," I muttered.  She
didn't believe me either.  "But don't worry, we'll get you looked at, then
we'll go see Sister Bernadette." Well...  that sounded faintly promising at
least.  But: "Wait, looked at?  What do you--" And before I could get the
question out she had led me into a small room with a padded table and some
medical equipment.  A doctor was there, a male doctor, snapping on a pair
of rubber gloves.  I groaned to myself.  But out loud, so Sister heard it.
"Now, Keilani, we have to make sure all our girls are healthy.  It won't
take long, and I'll be back for you shortly." With that, she was out, and I
was alone with him.  I've gotta tell you, I hate doctors!  I've seen too
many elderly relatives suffer and slowly die off around them, while being
poked and prodded and crammed full of medication the whole time.  Plus they
all give off this cold, professional demeanor that they must think puts you
at ease, but actually makes you feel worse, like you're some kind of lab
experiment to them.  He turned around, chart in hand.  "Good morning,
Keilani, how are you?" Without waiting for an answer, "I'm Doctor
Kanehailua.  I just need to ask a few questions, then we'll take a look at
you.  Don't be scared." There, that was the kind of behavior I was just
talking about.  He clicked a pen, poised over the clipboard.  "How old are
you?" Here we go, I thought.  But maybe, just maybe...  I mean, the guy was
a doctor after all.  So I tried.  "Twenty-one." Doctor Kanehailua raised
his eyes from the chart and looked at me with a disapproving expression. 
"I'm telling you the truth!" I insisted.  "Everybody thinks I'm a little
girl, but I'm not!  God, you're a doctor, and you can't TELL?!" Then I
remembered the name of this place, specifically the "Problem Girls" part,
and I understood my reputation had preceeded me.  "Sister Bernadette warned
me about you," he said.  "No more games, Keilani.  Now let's try again. 
Tell me how old you are." I sighed in disgust.  "All right, fine, I'm
twelve.  Happy?" It was weird.  Up until this point I'd screamed denial
every time someone had misidentified my age.  This was the first time I'd
ever actually gone along with it.  I felt a horrible sinking feeling, like
I'd crossed some line, and there was no going back, ever again.  The exam
marched on.  "Are you hurt anyplace?  Does your tummy feel okay?" Yes, he
actually said that, like I was a baby.  He checked my eyes, ears, peered at
my throat, took my blood pressure.  Then he said, "Okay, let's weigh you."
He indicated a scale in one corner, and I stepped onto it.  Then: "No,
without your clothes." So I had to strip, once again ending up naked in
front of a complete stranager.  There was nothing to do but stand there,
feeling a cold breeze from the air conditioning vent in the wall right
above, every inch of my olive skin exposed.  You've got to understand, this
guy seriously thought I was a child because I sort of looked like one.  I'm
very short, my body never really filled out much at all, and I shave my
pubic hair regularly.  I was wearing a schoolgirl uniform, my hair was
still in childish pigtails from when Gail had fixed it up, and of course
everybody else acted as though I were a juvenile.  It's amazing, even
frightening, how some people's treatment of you can influence everyone
else's.  Doctor Kanehailua recorded my weight, and stood me back against a
measuring strip on the wall to get my height.  I gasped as he put a cold
stethoscope against my chest to listen to my heart.  I kept both hands
folded over my front the whole time.  "All right, Keilani, let's take your
temperature." I opened my mouth, waiting for the thermometer.  "Oh, sorry,"
came more bad news.  "It's the other kind." "Oh gaawwwd..." So I ended up
on my knees, bent over on the exam table, as the doctor eased the glass
bulb of a rectal thermometer inside my `�'kole.  That's Hawaiian for... 
well, I'm sure you can guess.  "Take a deep breath, then let it out," he
instructed.  I did so, moaning slightly at the discomfort.  It was so
thoroughly humiliating, being in that awkward position, intensified by the
fact that this man genuinely believed I was a pediatric case!  The
indignity lasted almost a full two minutes.  I felt the redness in my
cheeks and tried to reassure myself it would all be over soon.  Kanehailua,
marking his notes, concurred.  "We're almost done," he told me.  "Now sit
down....  Lie back...  Good, now spread your legs apart." That was the end
of my modesty, I couldn't keep myself covered any longer.  The white paper
under my bare body crinkled noisily as I complied.  I felt an odd shiver as
his latex-gloved finger probed around the edges, then the sensitive area
just inside me.  My mind raced with thoughts, trying to cope, to take my
mind off what was happening.  What would he do if I just leapt off the
table and ran for the door?  Of course I was naked so even if I made it
outside it'd be last night all over again.  I should have done it when the
exam first started, right after Sister had left.  When I'd still been
dressed.  Shit.  "Have you had your first period yet?" he asked, snapping
off the gloves.  Had my first--!  "What!?" I blurted.  Then I got an idea.
It'd been a couple of days since I'd last shaved myself down there, and
there was a tiny bit of stubble starting to show.  I figured what the fuck,
at this point he'd already seen everything anyway.  (Well, except for the
fact that I was NOT standing on the threshold of puberty!) So, "Look!" and
I showed him.  "I have hair here, it's starting to grow back!  See?  This
proves I'm--" "Yes, that's called pubic hair," he explained, very
patiently. "Your body is going through a lot of changes right now, and it's
probably a little scary to you.  It happens to everyone.  But I promise
you, you'll be just fine." I sat up angrily.  The thin paper underneath me
had torn in some places, and was soaked with drops of my sweat in others.
"NO, you fucking quack!" I shouted, outraged.  "I'm trying to tell you,
I've already been THROUGH--!" The door burst open, and Sister Ulalia
appeared.  Obviously she'd been waiting outside for the doctor to finish
with me.  "What's going on in here?" she demanded.  "Hey!" I cried,
covering myself.  "Close the damn door!" She'd left it wide open behind
her, and a group of my roommates were passing right by!  I caught an
unmistakable guffaw from Suzanne, mingled with the others' giggles. 
"Keilani, are you misbehaving for the nice doctor?" Sister asked.  "Ms
Whitmur warned us about you." I wanted to SCREAM in frustration, to throw
myself on the floor and yell and kick and throw a tantrum, just like a real
little girl would.  But that would only make my case worse.  Plus I was
naked, so I'd look ridiculous.  Instead I clenched my fists my fists,
gritted my jaw, and muttered, "The nice doctor is a fucking moron." "You'd
better watch your mouth, young lady!" warned Sister Ulalia, raising a
finger.  "Are you finished, doctor?" she asked, and he nodded.  "My mouth!"
I exclaimed, inspiration striking.  "Check my mouth!  I have all my adult
teeth!  No, WAIT!" I pulled and struggled against Sister's larger, stronger
form as she hauled me out of the room.  Doctor Kanehailua was already
packing up his bag to go, and he only smiled and shook his head.  Sister
Ulalia kept a tight grip around my arm as she pulled me down the hall, and
I seethed with fury.  Jesus Christ, a fucking MEDICAL DOCTOR couldn't get
my age right within 9 years!  It felt like a terrible conspiracy against
me, every single person here seemed absolutely convinced I was a child.  I
prayed I'd never start believing it too.  No, I reassured myself, that was
pupule, insane!  I knew who I was!  I just had to make just one other
person realize it.  Hopefully that person would be Sister Bernadette, since
that's where we were headed next.  Her office was exactly what you'd
expect: Functional, simply furnished.  Crucifixes, framed prayers and
pictures of Jesus everywhere.  And, I noticed with some trepidation, a
nasty-looking switch beside her desk, clearly intended to function as a
deterrant, or if that failed, a punishment device.  "Good morning, Miss
Akana, how are you feeling?" "Well...  to be honest," I answered, still
breathing heavily from my struggles, "I've been a lot better." "Yes," she
said understandingly.  "I know you've had a rough time and you're probably
frightened of being in a new place, but I promise you we are here to help."
Sister Bernadette actually spoke to me as if we were on the same level,
none of the "Keilani dear" bullshit Gail had used on me.  I began to have
hopes that maybe I could get through to her, convince her that I was a
grown-up, stuck here by a comedy of errors in the system.  (Well, it would
be a comedy if it weren't so fucking degrading.) "Then please, help me." I
figured let's get right to the point.  "I didn't get a chance to talk last
night, but I really don't belong here." "You want to try your parents
again." "YES!" I gushed, gratefully.  Finally we were getting somewhere. 
She lifted the phone receiver.  "What's the number, dear?" I'd really
rather have dialled it myself, but Sister didn't offer me the option, and I
didn't want to blow my chances by "acting up".  I bit back the first words
that came to mind and gave her my parents' cell number.  I couldn't
remember the hotel's, and the list they left was back home.  I was on pins
and needles as it seemed to ring for ages.  Finally Sister Bernadette hung
up.  "I'm sorry, Keilani," she told me, "but there's no answer." I sighed.
"Okay, next question.  Can we go to my house to get a few of my things?"
That was my Plan B.  Get them to take me home, where I had my driver's
license, family photos with me in more adult getup, my class schedule for
the U of H fall sememster.  Then they'd have proof I was an adult.  But...
it wasn't going to happen right away.  "Yes, on Saturday," Sister
Bernadette said.  "We'll have to have someone drive you, and the Sisters
all have classes during the week." "Classes?" I asked.  "Saint Sebastian's
is more than a boarding house for girls like you." (Nice euphemism, I
thought to myself.) "It's also a school.  All of our Sisters teach here."
"And you can't spare anyone before Saturday?" I asked in the nicest, most
imploring tone I could muster.  "No, we have six grade levels to cover, as
well as cooking and cleaning.  It takes a lot of hard work to keep this
place running." I conceded.  "Fine.  Saturday, then.  But in the meantime
can you maybe get me some clothes that fit?  This uniform's too small." I
tugged down the back of my skirt for emphasis.  And because it had crept up
to let my undies peek out again.  "Oh, of course," she said, "Sister
Ulalia, will you see to that?" While she went to look, Sister Bernadette
sat typing something on her computer, ignoring me.  That's when I first got
the idea to use her office as a conduit to the outside world.  There was a
phone line going from the back of the PC to a jack in the wall, so I
figured she had Internet access.  I just had to find a time when no one
else would catch me there.  Sister Ulalia returned a few minutes later,
carrying a small stack of clothes...  but also looking crestfallen.  "I'm
sorry, Reverend Mother, but we don't have anything in her size.  I did the
best I could." "I feared as much," said the head nun.  "Charitable
contributions are down and we haven't been able to order any more." It
looked like I was doomed to having those embarrassing underpants on display
for my entire stay here.  My heart sank, and I thought of the donations
canister that always sat up by the cash register at the luau bar where I
used to work.  (God, was that just yesterday?) I even recalled, guiltily,
raiding its contents for cash I felt I deserved when some cheapskate haole
tourist didn't bother to leave me a tip.  And how here I was on the other
side, genuinely needing that money and not having it.  The "aloha spirit".
Doing good improves the whole world, while doing wrong makes it worse.  The
Hawaiian equivalent of karma, biting me in the ass.  God dammit.  "I'm
sorry, Miss Akana," and Sister Bernadette looked like she sincerely meant
that, "But you'll just have to make do until we can get over to your house,
in a day or two." I gave it one last try.  "All right.  Just please, LISTEN
to me.  I know what that social worker told you last night, but honestly, I
am an adult woman!  I have a job and everything!" (Okay, so technically I
didn't anymore, but still.) Sister Bernadette didn't say anything, but the
look she gave Ulalia suggested they'd both heard this sort of thing before.
"I can prove it," I insisted.  "Ask me something only an adult would know."
"Very well," Sister said, deciding to play along.  "If you have a job... 
How much did you pay in taxes last year?" "Oh, crap," I cursed under my
breath.  My parents have always taken care of that stuff for me.  In fact
they'd often chided me about not being more responsible for myself.  And
here was the proof, me in a schoolgirl's outfit in an orphanage three days
after they'd left me alone.  Congratulations, Mom and Dad.  You were right.
"I don't..." I trailed off, lamely.  Sister Bernadette folded her arms
triumphantly, but without cracking a smile.  "All right, fine," I said,
standing.  "You want proof?  Would a child know about SEX?" She kept her
eyes on me, unblinking.  "Not just regular sex, but..." And with that, I
launched the heavy artillery.  "When a girl swallows the guy's cock it's
called a 'deep throat'.  If she jerks it between her breasts they call it
'titty-fucking'.  If she lets him cum all over her face..." Sister
Bernadette's eyes widened with shock and anger.  Sister Ulalia looked like
she was about to faint.  "Dear Lord..." The Reverend Mother made the sign
of the cross over herself.  "Gail was right, you ARE a foul-mouthed little
girl, Keilani!" "NO, dammit!  I'm NOT a child, see, that's the proof!  What
child would know about that kind of stuff?!" She shook her head.  "Miss
Akana, it's obvious you're a very bright but also very troubled young lady.
I've seen cases like yours before, children whose parents fail to teach
them proper respect for sexuality." Then something occurred to her.  "Did
Suzanne and Makala put you up to this?  Those two...!" And, just like that,
I lost it, big-time.  "All right, enough is ENOUGH!  Just because someone
DRESSES me like a child and TREATS me like a child, that DOES NOT MAKE ME A
CHILD!  But you just BELIEVE IT, you aren't even LISTENING TO ME!!" I
raised both arms and bellowed at the top of my lungs, "How can you be so
GODDAMN STUPID?!  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!" Sister Bernadette's expression
grew even more grave, and I knew I'd made a serious mistake.  "Miss Akana,"
she stated sternly.  "There are three things I do not tolerate here at
Saint Sebastian's." She ticked them off on her fingers.  "The first is
lying.  The second is shouting.  The third is blasphemy." "I'm sorry, that
just slipped out!" I pleaded.  That seemed to placate her a little.  "Well.
Seeing as you're new here and this is your first offense, I will let you
off easily this time." I relaxed a little.  But then...  Her hand reached
for that switch.  "Whoa, wait!" I protested.  "I thought this was just a
warning!" "I did not say that," replied Sister.  "I said I would let you
off easily.  Believe me, Keilani, compared to the normal punishment for
taking the Lord's name in vain, this will be a mercy." She patted a
conspicuous open space on her desk.  "Now bend over." "Aiâ," I squeaked,
cringing.  Last night's memory flared up again, Gail's palm smacking my
bare behind over and over, and me howling uncontrollably.  Again I thought
about turning and running, but I knew Sister Ulalia would grab me before
I'd make it through the door.  And it would probably be worse for me if I
tried.  So I moved to the side of the desk and leaned over it, stomach
down. Sister Bernadette stood, lifted the hem of my skirt and pulled my
flower underwear down to just below the curve of my buttocks.  I swallowed
hard, trying to brace myself.  Raising the switch, Sister B swung it in one
swift CRACK across both cheeks, hard.  It hurt like fuck-all, but the shame
was worse.  The knowledge that I was far too old to have this happening to
me, but that I was powerless to do anything about it, hit harder and deeper
than Sister Bernadette's switch ever could.  I whimpered and bit my
quivering lip, willing myself not to unleash the tears.  My face was
burning hot.  She allowed a moment for the punishment to sink in, then told
me to stand up, which I did, pulling the infantile cotton panties back up
over my tender rear.  "That was your warning, Miss Akana." She held my
chin, forcing me to look her in the eye.  "There won't be another." "Okay,"
I said contritely.  I managed to get it out without bursting into sobs. 
Sister Ulalia handed me a tissue and I blew my nose, sniffling.  "Now go
wash up and join the other girls for breakfast," the Reverend Mother
instructed me.  "And think about how our Lord suffered and died for your
sins, only to have His name degraded by your vulgar little tongue." My
entire being burned with fury as I was taken back to the second floor to
wash up for breakfast.  She would NEVER have treated an adult like that! 
But because she thought I was so much younger, she could get away with it,
even feel justified in doing so!  I vowed that somehow, I would find a way
to get through to Sister Bernadette, to prove that I was who I said I was.
I would make them all SO SORRY for everything they'd done to me...!  Okay,
I've got to stop there for now.  There's so much more to tell from my first
day alone, but I've got to get some sleep tonight.  Writing all this is
exhausting, and I hate having to relive the whole nightmare all over again.
PLEASE, if you get this, send help!



   "Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 3)

   Aloha??  Are you still there?  Has anybody been trying to help me get
out of this godforsaken place?  Now where did I leave off last time...? 
I'd just had my first meeting with Sister Bernadette, which didn't go
nearly as well as I'd hoped, then Sister Ulalia walked me back to the
dormitory they'd stuck me in.  "Go wash up, Keilani," she told me, "and
I'll leave these on your bed." She'd brought along the armload of spare
clothes, though I already knew they weren't going to be a perfect fit. 
Saint Sebastian's had to make do with what they had.  Like me.  Only I
didn't have much LEFT.  I'd had damn near everything taken away from me in
the last 12 hours: My job, my freedom, even my adulthood!  Sister handed me
a towel, some soap, and a half-empty bottle of cheap shampoo, and sent me
into a small tiled room with changing benches and, further in, a group
shower area with faucets along both walls.  It was empty, as the other
girls had already washed up and gone down for breakfast.  Good, I thought.
Something had to go right sooner or later.  "Mahalo," I said, thanking
Sister, although I really didn't have much to be grateful for.  "And don't
try sneaking away," she added, crushing my feeble hopes before I even had
time to detail an escape plan.  "I'll be right down the hall." It wasn't an
accusing tone.  Of all the nuns I'd encountered here, Sister Ulalia seemed
to be the nicest.  But like all of them, she sincerely believed I was an
abandoned 12-year-old who belonged at Saint Sebastian's Home for Orphans,
Neglected Children, and Problem Girls.  And she'd witnessed my previous
behavior firsthand, in Sister Bernadette's office.  So I sat and undressed,
pulling off the saddle shoes, blouse and pleated skirt that damn social
worker Gail had dressed me in when she brought me here.  There was still a
bit of sand between my toes from the previous night on the beach.  A shower
would be refreshing.  I stared at the shampoo bottle a moment, debating
whether to even use it.  My hair felt really grungy, but I didn't want to
make it dull with this cheap crap, and there wasn't any conditioner. 
Cursing my bad luck for the hundredth time, I decided I'd go ahead and use
it.  But my long, shiny hair was going to end up with split ends, I was
sure.  I gasped as the first blast of spray hit me...  The water was COLD!
After the initial shock I realized the rest of the girls in my dormitory,
and the others throughout the building, had probably already used up all
the hot.  Jesus, I was on a fucking tropical island, and this place didn't
have enough warm water!  Under the icy shower I scrubbed myself morosely,
reflecting on all the degradation I'd suffered.  I'd been spanked two times
in two days, for being "naughty".  Which basically meant trying to tell
everyone else I was actually an adult, then getting pissed off when they
were too stupid to realize I was telling the truth.  I felt like I was
regressing, becoming MORE like a little girl by the minute, so I took the
opportunity to undo the childish pigtails.  They certainly weren't helping
my battle.  My battle.  Already I was accumulating scars.  Carefully I
washed my right knee, which was still sore from where I'd scraped it trying
to escape Gail.  Then I craned my neck around to inspect my backside.  The
sharp needles of spray stung where Sister Bernadette's switch had found its
mark mere minutes ago.  I thought I could see a red welt.  Closing my eyes,
I leaned my head back against the wall and sobbed in silence as the frigid
water fell down on me.  Having a good cry made me feel better.  I stayed in
there for 20 minutes, until Sister Ulalia wandered back in.  Her
interruption startled me, and I threw my hands over myself indignantly. 
"Oh!  I'm sorry, Keilani," she said, averting her eyes politely, "but we
really don't have much privacy around here." Yeah, no shit, I thought. 
Awkwardly I nudged the faucet off with my elbow, trying to stay covered. 
"I've laid out fresh clothes for you," she continued.  "They're labelled
with your name." (Christ, just like my parents did when I was in grade
school!) Sister continued, "Put your dirty ones in the basket at the foot
of your bed, and they'll get washed up." With some trepidation, I dried off
and went to inspect what I'd be wearing while I was here.  It was actually
marginally better than I'd dreaded.  There was a nightgown, a couple of
extra blouses, clean socks, a longer skirt, and -- thank AKUA!  -- some
plain cotton underpants.  Still a far cry from the skimpy thongs I was used
to, but at least I wouldn't have to wear those awful ones with the smiling
flowers anymore!  The downside, as Sister had said before, was that the
skirt wasn't a perfect fit.  It was about a size and a half too loose
around the waist, causing it to slip down my narrow hips and reveal my
underwear from above, instead of below like the shorter skirt.  I found if
I tucked it into the elastic waistband of my panties it would stay up
better.  I had to remember to ask Sister for a safety pin.  There was a
mirror in the bathroom, so I went and checked myself.  I still looked like
a juvenile in that schoolgirl outfit, but it was a slight improvement from
before.  Ordinarily I don't even eat breakfast, but after everything I'd
been through I was famished.  Saint Sebastian's had a small cafeteria, and
I got myself a tray with some fruit, milk, and a bowl of paluoa l�>l�>. 
That's a traditional Hawaiian breakfast paste made from flour and water,
and a few other things.  I'm not sure what, I never really learned how to
cook.  It tasted good, but its gooey texture only conjured up the popular
image of orphanages and gruel.  I sat at a table as far away from the rest
of the girls as possible, not wanting any attention.  But wouldn't you know
it, one of them decided she had to come over.  I recognized her from my
dorm.  She was mâku`e, dark-skinned like me, about my height (God I hate
being small), but her black hair was cut boyishly short, which looked
strange.  Most girls here grow it long, and quite a few of the guys do too.
"Aloha," she said quietly, sitting down across from me.  I returned the
greeting, but really wasn't in the mood to talk.  "I'm Oliana," she said,
after a moment of awkward silence.  "Keilani," I answered, without
enthusiasm.  "It's not so bad here," she tried to reassure me.  "You just
have to--" But we were interrupted by two other, taller girls, one native
and one white.  I recognized the latter, as she'd made a crack about those
stupid panties I'd been wearing earlier.  I had an unpleasant sensation, a
gut instinct that this girl was just plain bad news.  "Mornin',
O-lee-anna!" she drawled in a heavy Southern continental accent.  Then she
whacked her hard on the back in a pretend greeting, as Oliana lifted her
juice cup to drink, causing her to spill it all over her front.  "Aww,
golly," she added in mock apology.  "Guess Ah made a mess outta yer
clothes, didn' Ah?  'Least now they match yer hair!" And she laughed.  Her
friend, the other Hawaiian, leaned over wordlessly and took the muffin off
Oliana's tray, and started eating it.  Great, I thought, just great.  This
Oliana girl was clearly at the base of the social tiki at Saint
Sebastian's. She was a total pushover, just sitting there taking it.  And
there I was right next to her, on my first day here.  And the white girl
noticed.  "Well howdy, Kay-Lawny!" She extended a hand.  "Ah'm Su-zanne,
Su-zanne Calloway." And she really pronounced her name like that, you could
hear the space between the fucking syllables.  I shook the hand limply, but
didn't answer.  She already knew who I was, from when Sister Ulalia had
introduced me up in the dorm.  Suzanne pulled out a chair and sat in it
backwards.  "How old're ya, Kay-Lawny?" she asked.  I considered this. 
None of the adults here believed I was 21, so there was no reason to think
the girls would either.  And I'd probably make it harder on myself if I
kept insisting I was.  So...  "Twelve." Then, to make myself seem just a
little bigger I added, "Almost thirteen." God it was unsettling, how my
"new" age became easier to get out every time I said it.  I prayed this
wasn't a slippery slope, that this new identity wouldn't take over
completely.  "Well, Ah AM thirteen," Suzanne boasted, "an' a half!  An'
that makes me the oldest in our room.  So Ah reckon AH'M in charge of yew."
"Sister Bernadette would disagree," I muttered, stacking my now-empty
dishes on my tray.  I found myself intensely disliking this girl.  "Y'all
bin ta SEE Sister Bernadette, have ya?" Suzanne asked as I stood up to
leave.  Her expression was mischievously gleeful as she added, "Didja git
ya a li'l ol' whack on yer bee-hind?" And with that she caught the hem of
my skirt, reached under and playfully slapped my panty-clad ass. 
"Auw�(R)!" I yelled.  It was still sore.  I glared furiously at Suzanne,
who cackled with laughter.  "She done DID, huh?" Then, leaning closer to
whisper conspiratorially, "Letcha in on a li'l secret.  Ever'body
miss-bee-haves, so ever'body gits a whuppin' sooner 'r later.  Differ'nce
'tween yew 'n' me, Kay-Lawny?  Is Ah LAHK it!" "Not the only difference,
you hick." She chose to ignore my name-calling, for the moment.  "Oh, it
hurts like a sum-bitch, but Ah think it's mighty excitin' too!  An' what's
even better?  Is watchin' it happ'nin' ta somebody else!" I'm not
exaggerating.  I swear to God that's really how this girl talks.  She went
on: "Some-tahms?  Ah lahk ta git mah-self inta trouble, jus' so's Ah git me
a spankin' from Sister." She turned to the other Hawaiian girl next to her.
"Ain't that right, Makala?"
This other girl nodded, expressionless.  Almost as an afterthought,

Suzanne gestured and added, "This here's Makala.  She's thirteen too."
Makala hadn't spoken a word yet.  "Can she talk?" I asked Suzanne.  "Or is
she the brains and you're just the waha nui?" In my language that means,
roughly, "big mouth".  Immediately I regretted the taunt, feeling even more
like a child for using it.  Suzanne looked to her companion, not certain
what I'd just called her.  She saw Makala's eyebrows furrow in a small
frown, and understood she'd been insulted, again.  I realized I'd just made
at least one enemy, possibly two.  "Yew'd best mind yer manners, new girl,"
she warned, glaring.  "Cuz lahk it er not, yer stuck here with us." She let
those words sink in a moment, then stood up again.  "We'll be seein' yew
'round, Kay-Lawny." Makala followed her to another table.  Well, needless
to say, that spoiled my breakfast.  I dumped off my tray and stalked toward
the exit.  Oliana caught up with me in the hallway, and I tried to tell her
that I didn't need her help, I could take care of myself.  "If that were
true you wouldn't be here," she replied, not understanding my situation at
all.  "But don't worry, I'll show you around.  Just behave in front of the
Sisters.  And watch yourself around those two.  Believe me." Great, I
thought.  Just what I needed.  The loser girl being my friend.  Oliana
showed me the way to class...  Saint Sebastian's also doubles as a school,
the Sisters teach the orphans and the girls who get sent here after being
kicked out of the public educational system.  There were quite a few empty
seats among the rows of one-person desks, so I chose one away from the
teacher's.  I sat and looked all around at the room, and tried to forget
the unpleasant experience in the cafeteria.  But it wasn't long before
Suzanne entered, Makala in tow, and spotted me in the back.  "Y'all're in
mah seat," she said.  "I don't see your name on it," I answered.  "Let's us
git one thing straight, Kay-Lawny," said Suzanne, leaning on my desk with
both hands.  "Ah'm older'n yew, an' Ah'm bigger'n yew." That's two things
you stupid bitch, I thought.  And she was only half right.  Admittedly the
girl was tall for thirteen and a half, five-four at least.  And even
through her clothes I could tell the outline of her figure was already more
developed than I'd ever gotten.  But this spoiled little brat was NOT older
than me, I reminded myself.  She only thought she was.  Her mouth was still
running: "Yer lahf at Saint Sebastian's kin be nice 'n' quiet, er we kin
make it a fuckin' NAHT-MARE.  If'n yew cross me?  Ah'm gonna GIT yew. 
Mebbe while y'all're slumberin' at naht.  Er mebbe on the play-ground, when
the Sisters ain't lookin'."
Now I'm not a fighter, but Suzanne certainly looked like she could
handle herself if it ever came to that, plus she had Makala as backup.  Not
wanting to cause a scene (and end up with yet another spanking), I

wordlessly slid out of the desk and moved to the next one.  "That'n there's
Makala's," Suzanne added.  So I moved again, to one in the corner.  Suzanne
looked triumphant, knowing she could push me around and get away with it. I
cursed myself for not standing up to her, and hoped I'd get another chance
to redeem myself.  Onipa'a, as my people say.  Be steadfast.  Sort of like
"sticks and stones", only a lot more mature.  I needed more mature right
now.  Class started, and we all sat and listened to one of the Sisters
teach, and took notes.  There was none of the freedom of the college
classes I was used to.  You had to raise your hand and wait to be called on
before you could talk.  If you had to go to the bathroom during class, you
had to announce your intent in front of everyone, and get permission to get
up from your desk.  If you got called on, you had to go up to the board and
answer a question, with the whole class staring at you.  God, I'd just
gotten out of this crap a few short years ago, and now I was neck-deep in
it again.  Worse was the fact that I knew all the subject matter already,
having been through it the first time.  It was all review, easy review, and
I found myself consistently bored.  But you had to pay attention anyway
because Sister had a ruler that she'd rap sharply on your desktop if she
caught you dozing off.  And she did it a couple of times, with girls in the
front rows.  For the most part the Sisters were nice, caring people.  But
the fact that they had the power to punish me, to instantly bring my new
juvenile identity to the forefront, was intimidating and quite unsettling.
Still, the next few days passed without any major incidents, mainly because
I kept my mouth shut and did what was expected of me.  The thought of
punishment held me back...  God, was I caving in already?  The plan was to
just hold out, make it to the weekend, when Sister Bernadette had promised
someone would take me to my house.  That's when I'd finally be able to
prove to them that I was actually a grown woman.  For the most part I
gradually adjusted to the new routine, but I still missed my old life
terribly.  Surfing.  Hanging out with my friends from college -- Akela,
Naia...  and Kahoku.  Even my old job.  I would've given anything to have
that fatass in the luau bar tease me again.  I'd take him over Suzanne's
bullying any day.  God, Suzanne.  Although she didn't really do anything
those first few days, aside from throwing a few taunts and sneers, the smug
smirk on her face always suggested she was thinking of ways to get under my
skin.  Makala, for her part, seemed content to play backup thug, never
saying anything but going along with Suzanne's act.  I kept telling myself
that I was grown up, I was above such things.  But it still deepened the
sense that I was reliving junior high all over again, and I could never
completely ignore that little inner voice pounding in my mind, screaming
that I didn't belong here.  At last came Saturday morning, and Sister
Ulalia's wake-up bell.  This was the day Sister Bernadette had said someone
would take me to my house.  I'd dressed under my nightgown the night
before, so I was at her office door at 7:05, rapping eagerly.  She didn't
answer right away, so I kept at it.  "It's me, Keilani Akana," I called
out. "Can we PLEASE go to my house like you said?" The door opened and a
flustered Sister Bernadette appeared.  "Hu`omanawanui!" she chided,
"Patience, child!" She invited me in to sit, and I did, positioning my rear
as far away from her punishment switch as I could.  I fidgeted, on pins and
needles, as Sister busied herself with some paperwork for awhile before
finally informing me that Sister Ulalia would be taking me.  I was pleased
to hear this, as I'd come to like her best out of all the nuns at Saint
Sebastian's.  If I could sway her onto my side, there was a chance she
could help me convince the others.  "So...  Sister?" I asked as we drove
through quiet neighborhoods on the way to mine.  "You must at least sort of
believe me?  About being a grown-up?" Sister Ulalia dodged the subject by
changing it.  "You shouldn't bite your nails, Keilani." I stopped mid-bite
and thought, shit.  I hadn't even realized I'd been doing that.  It's a bad
habit I never outgrew, brought on by stress, now further adding to the
illusion of childhood.  As soon as Sister stopped the car I ran up the
wooden steps to my front door.  Thank AKUA the spare key was still hidden
under the potted palm.  I'd had days to plan out what I'd do once I got
back here.  First step, get proof that I was, in actuality, really, truly,
an adult.  Driver's license.  "I'll be right back," I said as I headed up
to my room.  My chest was pounding, I was so anxious to get Sister out of
here and pick up my normal life again.  License was in my purse, I knew. 
Purse was...  where?  Not on my bed...  Not under my bed...  Not hung over
the doorknob...  Closet?  No.  "Fuck!" I swore under my breath.  Where was
it?!  I tried to retrace my steps from a week ago.  Akela and I had gone
out partying, I'd driven.  We'd stayed out late, and I hadn't bothered to
get gas before I came home.  Mom and Dad were kinda pissed about that. 
Shit.  I must have left my purse in the car.  The car which my parents had
left in.  Which was now sitting at the airport.  In Honolulu.  Clear the
fuck on the other side of the island.  Son of a bitch.  Son of a goddamn,
motherfucking BITCH!!  Everything connecting me to my true age was in that
purse, everything!  My license, my U of H class schedule for the fall
semester...  I knew I had to have a birth certificate, but I had no idea
where it might be.  At that moment I realized that all I had to prove who I
was were my looks, which so far hadn't been very convincing, and a few
government-issued documents.  That is really, really scary.  It almost
killed me to go back downstairs.  I took each step at a honu's pace, trying
to think of a way to explain that I couldn't find my ID.  A way that
wouldn't look like my childish bluff had just been called.  This was not
going at all like I'd envisioned it.  Sister Ulalia was busying herself
looking at the family photos around the room.  "You have a message,
Keilani," she said, indicating a blinking light on the phone.  I literally
DOVE for it.  Had my parents tried to reach me while I'd been locked away
at the orphanage?  There were two messages:

   "Aloha, 'Lani, it's Akela!"

   "And Naia!"

   "And Naia.  Where've you BEEN?  Nobody's seen you anywhere!  We went by
the kalapu p�' and some of the girls said you got fired!"

   "Ask her about tomorrow!"

   "We're going to the dragon boat races tomorrow, you wanna come?"

   "Kahoku's gonna be there!!"

   "Naia says Kahoku's gonna be there.  You could finally ask him out! 
Okay, call one of us back, okay?  Aloha, 'Lani!"

   "Alohaaaaa!!" I almost busted out bawling right there, I missed being
with my friends so much.  But the next message was even worse:

   "Aloha, Keilani." (It was Mom.) "I guess everything's fine with you,
since you haven't called us.  But we've had a little change of vacation
plans.  There's just so much to see and do here, and it takes so much
longer to drive between places.  So we've decided to stay an extra month so
we can see everything we want.  Just wanted to let you know so you didn't
worry.  I know you won't mind, and I'm sure you can handle things, you're a
big girl now.  See you in August, Keilani.  Aloha wau iâ `oe." "Aiâ!" I
moaned, burying my face in my hands and whining. 
"`A`ole-`a`ole-`a`oleeeeee!" "Something wrong, dear?" Sister Ulalia was
standing right there, and she'd heard the entire message.  God, why did Mom
have to use that "big girl" line?!  "Don't you worry, sweetheart," she told
me, looking exasperated.  "As soon as your parents get back, Sister
Bernadette will set them straight.  I swear, they are the most negligent,
irresponsible..." "No!" I tried to explain, "That's not the problem!  The
problem is I really AM old enough to be here on my own, but no one at Saint
Sebastian's believes--" "Keilani, we've been through this before.  You
can't stay here alone." Sister thought for a minute.  "What about your
older sister?  Could you stay with her?" "Whoa, wait, WHAT?!" I protested.
"I'm an only child!" "Now don't lie, dear.  I heard the message her friends
left for her.  Lani, they said her name was.  And I saw her in some of your
pictures out here.  Is she away at college?" Inside, I was SCREAMING in
frustration.  My friends affectionately shorten my name like that, but
"Lani" by itself is a perfectly legitimate Hawaiian name.  And the pictures
she was talking about...  "No, that's ME!  I mean, yeah, these were when I
was little, but these other ones are me too!  Look at the faces, they're
freaking identical!" "Well of course you look alike, dear, you're sisters!"
And just like that, I suddenly had an older sibling.  I tried to think of
some way to use that to my advantage, but couldn't.  If I pretended to call
my "big sis", then Sister Ulalia would just stay with me and wait for her,
and end up catching me in yet another lie.  Calling Akela or Naia and
asking them to pretend would mean everybody I knew would soon learn about
this degrading situation.  Then I spotted the list of numbers my parents
had left, showing their itinerary, and I snatched it up.  I tried the place
they had marked with today's date, but with the changes to their travel
plans they hadn't arrived there yet.  So I left a message for when they
did, asking the guy to tell them I was in trouble, and I needed Mom and Dad
to come back home right away.  I didn't hold out much hope that they'd get
it, the way things were going.  It seemed to please Sister Ulalia, though.
I kept the list with me so I could keep trying numbers back in Sister
Bernadette's office.  Because, God dammit, it looked like I was going back
to Saint Seb's again.  The only remaining task was to get me some clothes
that were my size, as the orphanage didn't have any to spare.  Back
upstairs, I fumed silently as I pulled outfits out of my closet and dresser
and stuffed them into a pair of Duffle bags.  As I worked my mind started
formulating a plan.  I resolved that this nightmare was going end, right
HERE, right NOW.  "Um, Sister?  Can you get my toothbrush for me?  It's the
green one." I pointed down the hallway, to the bathroom.  "Of course,
dear." I stood and watched her go.  When she reached the end of the hall, I
closed and locked the bedroom door.  I tore open my window and hauled
myself down the wooden trellis outside, with one of the bags of clothes in
tow.  I dropped the last four feet to the ground and started running,
trying to think where I could go.  Then I spotted the wooden shed in our
yard, raised up on concrete blocks to keep the bottom from rotting during
the rainy season.  It would be a tight fit, but I'm small so I knew I could
do it.  She'd never think to look for me under there.  Just to make sure, I
opened the gate at the back of the fence, to make it look like I'd gone
through.  Then I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the bag of
clothes into the narrow space between the shed and the ground before
crawling under myself.  My schoolgirl uniform was getting dirt on it, but I
didn't care.  I had good clothes now, my clothes.  I figured while Sister
went looking for me, I'd slip away and make for the beach, where I could
hide in a changing stall until the coast was clear.  Then I could stay with
Akela or Naia until Mom and Dad got back home.  So I waited.  My heart was
a fucking jackhammer, and I tried not to breathe too loud.  I almost
squeaked with terror when a pair of black shoes and stockings appeared
outside the crawlspace, directly in front of me.  Sister had found me
almost immediately.  I guess she'd seen where I'd gone from the bathroom
window.  She knelt down and peered under the shed.  "Come out from there,
Keilani." "No!  You can't make me!" You can't--!  God, had I actually SAID
that?  How immature can you get?!  Sister sighed, stood, and went around to
the back, where she reached under and caught me by the ankles.  The
crawlspace was tiny and incredibly cramped, so I couldn't shift around to
get away from her.  My hands scrabbled in the dirt but there was nothing to
grab hold of to keep her from dragging me out.  I tried to kick but there
was no space to maneuver.  As I slid out I felt my skirt being pulled up,
then a sharp poke in my backside from a splinter of wood, which made me
yelp in pain.  As Sister stood me up, the oversized skirt, already loose,
slid down my legs and fell off, leaving only white cotton panties covering
my rear.  Sister knelt and picked it up with one hand while holding onto my
struggling form with her other arm.  She was stronger than she looked, and
I found I couldn't break away as she hauled me across the yard with my
underpants on full display.  "No!  Let me GO!  You don't understand!" I
wanted to scream, and cause a huge ruckus, but I didn't want any of the
neighbors to see me like this!  "Yes, I do understand, Keilani." I ceased
my thrashing and she let go of me.  "I understand how desperately you want
to be 'all grown up' and 'out on your own'.  But you should enjoy these
youthful years.  You'll never have them again." God, the irony of those
words was fucking PAINFUL.  "Where are we going?" I asked as she led me
back into the house, and upstairs.  "Keilani, you're filthy," she said. 
"We need to get you cleaned up." I looked down at myself and saw dirt and
grass stains all over the front of my blouse, my white cotton panties, and
my bare legs.  Sister steered me into the bathroom and turned on the
shower. Then, right there in my own fucking HOUSE, she began pulling my
soiled clothes off me, as though undressing a child who needed help!  "Hey,
I can do it myself!" I snapped, exasperated.  "I'm not a baby!" "No, of
course you're not.  I'm sorry." At least we agreed on one thing.  She let
me go, but made no move to leave the room.  "Um...  little privacy here?"
Sister Ulalia shook her head, slightly but firmly.  "Keilani, I'm no fool.
The minute I leave you're just going to lock me out and go for the window
again." "No I won't, I swear!" And I meant it.  (Though only because the
only clothes I had in the room were the dirty blouse and panties, and I
wasn't about to run off in those.) But she didn't believe me.  So what else
could I do but undress and take a shower with her standing right there? 
Granted, Sister averted her eyes politely, but she remained blocking the
doorway the whole time.  The fact that the situation was awkward for both
of us made it feel even worse.  Still, it felt nice to get a hot shower
after four days of ice-cold.  I tried hard to ignore her silhouette on the
other side of the plastic curtain.  When I got out and dried off, I began
to feel an urge in my bladder.  "Um, Sister?  I...  have to pee.  Do you
mind?" "Of course not, dear," and she turned her back to me, facing out
into the hall.  "I meant, can you leave?  The room?" "I'm sorry, Keilani,
but you can't be trusted." "But this isn't a trick!  I really do have to
go! And as soon as I'm done I'll open it again, I swear to God!" "Don't
swear to God," Sister scolded.  "It's disrespectful." Jesus Motherfucking
Christ, I thought.  But when you've gotta go...  So I sat, naked, on the
toilet, and tried to force out a piss with Sister Ulalia directly in front
of me.  It was SO humiliating I wanted to cry!  Before my parents had left
I'd assured them repeatedly that I could handle everything by myself.  Now
I couldn't even go to the fucking lua without someone right there beside
me! I didn't even have privacy in my own home anymore!  It felt like ages,
and I'm sure Sister suspected I was just stalling, but it finally trickled
out.  I closed my eyes and hung my head, my face burning.  After I'd
flushed and washed my hands, she led me down the hall -- still nude -- to
my bedroom where I'd left the second bag of clothes.  The first was still
under the shed, but I knew better than to try to talk Sister into going
back out there again.  Sister Ulalia dug through what I'd packed.  She let
me keep a couple of the traditional floral dresses, but frowned
disapprovingly at a number of the other outfits.  Especially the underwear,
black bras and matching thongs, a couple of pieces see-through.  "Oh, no
Keilani, this won't do at all.  Put your big sister's things away and let's
get some of your own." "I told you before!  I don't have a sister!  Look!"
I said, holding a tube top up against my chest.  "These fit!" Sister wasn't
buying it.  "Just because you're the same size doesn't mean you're the same
age." I covered myself again, even though she'd seen me naked for like ten
minutes already, as she led me back down the hall the other way.  Sister
Ulalia peeked first into my parents' bedroom, then the spare one we keep
for guests.  "Is this your room, Keilani?" she asked.  I was about to
restate that the other room really WAS mine, but saw it wouldn't get me
anywhere.  So I replied with a flat, "Yes." "It looks so mature for your
age, no toys or dolls.  You must feel very strongly about being
'grown-up'." Yeah, no fucking shit, I thought angrily.  "Well then," Sister
continued, "let's see what we can find for you to wear." My heart skipped a
beat as she began her search in the closet, which was empty aside from an
old cedar trunk.  A trunk containing all the old clothes my packrat Mom had
never gotten rid of.  My childhood clothes!  I groaned audibly as she
pulled out one embarrassing outfit after another, stuff from when I was ten
years younger!  Panties, pink with a pattern of rainbows and little red
hearts.  A pair of overalls with a duck on the front.  God, what the
fucking hell had I been thinking back then?!  "There is no way in hell I'm
wearing those!  I'm way too old for them." Sister stopped her rummaging and
smiled patiently.  "Yes, I see exactly what's happening here, Keilani. 
You're trying to fit into this adult role you've created for yourself, so
you've 'put away childish things'.  That's from the Bible.  But so is,
'Honor thy parents'.  And right now I am filling that role.  Now get
dressed, dear." "No!" I said petulantly.  I refused to go along with this
shit any further.  So I sat on the bed, crossed my arms, and pouted.  Just
like a five-year-old who wasn't getting her way.  "Then I'll just have to
take you back to Saint Sebastian's like that." She pointed at my bare
little body for emphasis.  And that got me into the kiddie clothes.  Sister
was able to use the threat of humiliating punishment to make me do exactly
as she wanted.  It was unbe-FUCKING-lieveable.  I felt powerless, like I
really was just a disobedient brat.  As we drove back to the orphanage,
Sister Ulalia tried to console me.  "I know how you feel, Keilani." I
sulked.  How could she possibly know how I felt?  "Growing up was hard for
me too," she said.  "I was the youngest of five in my `ohana." "I'm the
youngest of ONE!" I yelled at her.  "Keilani...  I know you're only acting
out because you're under a lot of stress right now, with your parents gone.
But please...  I am trying to help you." Then, "Sister Bernadette didn't
even want to let you come back here, did you know that?  She said you would
only put up another huge fuss about wanting to stay.  But I know deep-down
you're really a good girl.  So I stood up for you.  I told the Reverend
Mother you'd behave yourself." We were at a stoplight, and she turned and
looked directly at me.  "Please don't make me a liar, Keilani." Yeah,
that's it, Sister.  Lay the fucking guilt-trip on me.  "Everything will
work out, Keilani, you'll see.  Kâlele." Have faith.  She gave me what she
clearly thought was a comforting smile, but it wasn't.  I think I cried all
the way back to Saint Sebastian's.  I was utterly devastated.  I had
thoroughly convinced myself I'd be out of there and back to my normal life
at the end of the day.  It was all that had kept me going the last few
days. Now all that had just been snatched away from me.  I'd been hit
upside the head with the harsh realization that I was going to spend a very
long "vacation" at the orphanage.  I wondered how I'd cope now, and how
long I could hold out.  The one consolation was the phone list.  Yeah, it
was outdated, but I figured (hoped?) my parents would still be stopping at
all those places eventually.  Sooner or later they'd get my message, I just
had to keep trying.  Sunday was when things really started to suck.  Up
until then I'd been able to avoid taking a shower with the other girls by
using that time to make the daily phone call Sister Bernadette allowed me.
My excuse was that early morning Hawaii time would probably be the best
chance to catch my parents while they were on the Pacific coast.  Everyone
else would always be out of the kililau by the time I got back to the dorm.
But on Sunday morning, when I knocked on her office door, Sister told me
the phone call would have to wait because we all had to get ready for
church.  So I had no choice.  Still, I put it off as long as I could. 
While everyone else was in there, I went extra-slow making up my bed and
straightening the contents of my drawer.  Then I pretended to take a long
time in the bathroom and just sat in the stall, my only true refuge of
privacy left at Saint Sebastian's.  Once I heard the girls coming back out,
I took my towel and headed in.  "Better skedaddle, Kay-Lawny," Suzanne
teased as I walked past, "or Sister'll haul ya inta church lahk THAT, naked
as a jay-bird!" This brought laughter from the other girls.  I seriously
doubted it was true, but I wasn't about to take the chance.  In the shower
area I stripped and soaped up quickly, hanging my towel under one of the
unused faucets so no one could take it and leave me naked and dripping.  I
didn't trust that Suzanne one bit.  And with good reason, it turns out. 
After I'd dried off and was making my way back to my bed, she and Makala
were standing there waiting for me.  "Howscome yew ain't bin washin' up
with the rest of us, Kay-Lawny?" she asked, stepping uncomfortably close to
me.  "Yew think yer better'n ever'one else here?" She looked down at me
from a good six inches above, and I suddenly felt very small and
insignificant, standing in front of her in just a towel.  The truth is, I
really wasn't all that much more developed than any of the girls in my
dorm, but Suzanne in particular was starting to noticeably curve underneath
her top.  When she filled out completely she'd definitely be busty.  Hell,
I thought ruefully, compared to me she already WAS.  I chose not to answer
her question, and tried to push past them to get to my clothes.  I figured
I'd take them back to the bathroom area and dress in there.  Suzanne had
other ideas, though.  As I moved between them she added, "Er maybe yer just
embarrassed ta have ever'body see...  THIS!" And before I could react, the
little bitch grabbed the towel I had wrapped around myself, gave a hard
tug, and yanked it completely off my body!  I squealed as I found myself
naked in front of a room of preteen girls, all of whom burst into laughter
at my sudden exposure.  None of them chortled louder than Suzanne Calloway
herself.  "Well GOL-LY, if that don't beat all!" she jeered, seeing my flat
little ass, robin-egg breasts, and narrow hips.  "No wonder y'all bin
hidin' yerself from ever'body...  Yer SCRAWNY, Kay-Lawny!" Well since that
rhymed, of course it caught on instantly with the rest of the girls, and
"Scrawny Kay-Lawny" became my new nickname.  They even pronounced it that
way, using the same insufferable corn-pone accent as Suzanne.  Everywhere I
went, so long as none of the Sisters were in earshot, it was "Scrawny
Kay-Lawny this" and "Scrawny Kay-Lawny that".  Even the younger ones who
hadn't started to develop yet and didn't understand the joke, even they
joined in the ridicule.  I grabbed the pillow off my bed and held it over
my front, even though it was too late, everyone had already seen me.  Then
with one hand I took my clothes, and, clutching everything tightly with
both arms, I padded my way barefoot to the bathroom, keeping my exposed
backside turned away from Suzanne and Makala.  Suzanne howled with laughter
as my face smoldered.  From her bed, I saw Oliana watching, looking as if
she felt really sorry for me, but also relieved it wasn't happening to her.
As I dressed in the stall, I wondered if I should tell one of the Sisters
what Suzanne had done?  NO, I decided adamantly.  That's exactly how a
child would act, and I was NOT a child, dammit!  I was an adult, and I
could endure this...  no matter how mortifying it was.  There were giggles
as I rejoined the rest of the group, my face still flushed from the
embarrassment.  The Sisters led us across the orphanage grounds to a church
on the far end.  I overheard whispered comments about the towel incident
the entire way, and I SEETHED in silence.  Ordinarily I'd be BABYSITTING
these girls, and they'd be looking up to me as the cool adult with the
trendy clothes and driver's license.  Instead they were teasing and
laughing at me!  God, I'd thought I was past all this crap, but the insults
are just as hurtful as when you're a kid.  I've always been kind of
sensitive about my body, and this experience had brought all those feelings
to the forefront.  So, that's been my life for the past couple of weeks
now. I keep assuring myself it won't last forever, but it's so hard when
your every waking moment is consumed by this twisted alternate life.  I can
only pray my parents get my distress call soon.  They're the only ones I
can trust to get me out of here without ruining my real life in the
process. Well, and you, if there's anything you can do?  Please??  Will
write more when I get the chance.



   "Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 4)

   When you think about it, Hawaii really is pretty cut off from the rest
of the country.  We're 2400 miles out, reachable only by plane or ship, and
three hours ahead, set apart even by time.  This, I think, is what makes my
situation all the more hopeless.  Hawaii is no longer the tropical paradise
where I grew up.  It's become my island prison.  Right now Sister
Bernadette's computer, where I'm typing this, is my only link to the
outside world.  For weeks I've been trapped at Saint Sebastian's Home for
Orphans, Neglected Children, and Problem Girls.  I still have no idea who
Saint Sebastian is, but I hate the son of a bitch for his namesake
hellhole. Thanks to a series of horrible coincidences, they all think I'm
an abandoned child, and nothing I've done or said can convince them
otherwise.  Until last week I still entertained vague hopes my parents
would get home and bail me out of this mess, but so far they haven't.  Not
that I haven't tried to reach them.  For weeks now I've been calling, but
either they're keeping the cell phone off or they didn't take it with them
at all.  I remember -- God, it seems like a past life now -- how I'd
drilled into them about not needing anyone to check in on me, I'd be just
fine on my own, so they must have figured it was beneath me to ever call
them for help.  Grown-up, independent Keilani Akana.  Yeah, that was me. 
Now my life was back to a juvenile routine I once thought was long past me.
Get up, eat breakfast, go to class.  Lunch, then recess, then more class.
Dinner, homework, a little free time, shower, lights out at nine-thirty. 
Every day it got worse, slowly eroding my old identity away until I began
to feel like I truly WAS a child, rather than a 21-year-old college
student. I still knew, deep down, who I was.  I felt displaced, like this
was some kind of alternate universe, and I needed to get back to my own. 
Not that I hadn't tried.  I'd already gone over escape plan after escape
plan in my head, figuring out exactly when and why each one would fail. 
The doors were kept locked at night, and the walls around the orphanage
were too tall to climb.  Sister Bernadette had her eyes on me, too.  I'd
lost my temper a few times, and inadvertently established myself as one of
the "problem girls".  So I continued to make the daily calls, trying to
reach them at one of the places they might be staying at while they toured
the other 49 states.  I still have a list they left, of places they'd
booked reservations at, but now it looks as if they'd changed all their
plans after realizing how big the continental U.S.  was.  Right now I had
absolutely no clue what part of the country they might be in.  I even
called their house-- MY house too, I am GOING to get back to it someday,
dammit!  --and left a lengthy phone message trying to explain this whole
wretched situation.  So they'd realize what happened when they finally got
home, rather than just finding me gone without a trace.  All this was on my
mind as I sat disconsolately on the orphanage's high-fenced playground,
with Oliana.  Oliana.  She's about twelve, the same age they think I am. 
Something of a loser, but she's also about the only hoa`aloha I have here.
Her hair is laughably short compared to the other Hawaiian girls, myself
included.  She's really quiet, like this place has already beaten her into
submission.  And for some reason she hangs around me, I don't know why. 
But so we were just sitting there, not even talking, when Sister Ulalia --
the short, squat one -- came up to me.  I still liked her best out of all
the nuns at Saint Sebastian's, even though she didn't believe my story
either.  "You have a visitor, Keilani," Sister Ulalia told me.  I didn't
say a WORD to Oliana, I just scrambled up and followed Sister eagerly back
toward the building.  Had my parents gotten back at last?  Could this be
the escape I'd longed for??  My heart just absolutely LEAPT as I was led
inside and pointed down the hall to a small office.  I think it was Sister
Ulalia's.  I was practically running, glancing back at Sister keeping her
own leisurely pace, whereas I was ready to explode!  I almost burst into
tears when I saw it wasn't Mom or Dad.  It was Gail Whitmur, the social
worker who'd first brought me here after the police picked me up naked on
the beach.  Long, humiliating story.  "Hello Keilani, dear," she said to
me, seated prim and proper behind a desk.  I felt a growing sense of dread.
What the hell was she doing here?  "Aloha, Gail," a mumbled, without
enthusiasm, taking a seat.  She clicked her tongue disapprovingly.  "Please
call me Ms.  Whitmur, Keilani dear." Yeah, that's right, I remembered. 
Only grown-ups were permitted to call her by her first name, something I
currently wasn't.  I didn't acknowledge the correction, just sat in chair
with my eyes to the floor.  This woman had spanked my bare ass during our
previous encounter, and it's hard to look someone in the face after that. I
raised my eyes just enough to see her studying me through her matronly
glasses.  "So...  How do you like it here?" she asked me.  I turned and
looked at the door where I'd come in.  Nobody was there.  Sister had gone
back to her playground duty.  "Don't be afraid, dear.  This is strictly
between us, and you can tell me anything." Ah.  Now I understood,
apparently this was a follow-up check, since I'd been at Saint Seb's for
awhile.  Well of course the truthful answer to her question was that I
fucking hated this place.  But I also knew what happened to bad little
girls who said "fucking".  So instead I went with, "Fine, I guess." "Sister
Bernadette tells me you've adjusted, and that your behavior is much better
now." Yeah, no fucking shit, I thought.  Sister Bernadette had taken a
whack at my ass too, and she kept a mean switch in her office.  I'd learned
quickly that misbehaving meant a bare-bottomed punishment, so I'd tried not
to rock the boat.  Again I didn't answer Gail.  This didn't seem to bother
her though.  To her I was just a shy little girl, trembling on the brink of
puberty.  I'd long since given up trying to explain my real age to
everyone. When you're a kid (or they think you are) nobody listens to you
anyway.  And that's how it went, she'd ask me something and I'd answer, the
kid giving the adult as little information as possible.  How are you? 
Fine. What do you want to do today?  Whatever.  One-word responses were the
norm.  But still the parade of questions came.  Was I sleeping okay?  Was I
getting enough to eat?  Did the Sisters take good care of me?  Were the
other kids nice?  "Well..." I admitted, "there's this one girl, Suzanne
Calloway..." Suzanne was from Texas or Alabama or some damn place like
that. Her parents had dumped her off at Saint Sebastian's to keep her bad
behavior from spoiling their nice expensive cruise.  She seemed to take a
perverse pleasure in being my personal tormentor, nicknaming me "Scrawny
Kay-Lawny" (that's how she pronounced it) because I'm so small and
underdeveloped.  Like everyone else here, she thought I was twelve.  It was
ironic, I'd come to realize.  I used to make fun of a haole girl all the
time, years ago when I was in grade school...  the first time around.  I
can't even remember her name anymore.  Back then I was actually fairly tall
compared to my classmates, so I'd push her around and call her insulting
names because, even though she was third-generation born here, she wasn't
Hawaiian in the true sense of the word.  But then I just never hit a growth
spurt in my teens, and now here I was, a kid again, having Suzanne, a white
girl, pick on me all the time.  It was a vile brand of poetic justice.  The
other day in the cafeteria she tripped me into a faceful of my own food,
while the girls around us all laughed.  A couple weeks ago she'd de-toweled
me in the dorm, exposing all four feet, ten-and-a-half inches of me to
about a dozen of our roommates.  Suzanne knew her game well, and was smart
enough to do things only when the Sisters weren't looking her way.  I
didn't volunteer all this, of course.  Gail kept asking her probing
questions, making me relive every humiliating experience in excruciating
detail.  It was far worse the second time, dredging up memories of things I
was already trying to suppress.  If I didn't answer, she would lean forward
and prod me with, "Keilani, dear?" I finally gave in and talked about
Suzanne, realizing it was the only way I'd ever see an end to this shit. 
And then there was Makala, the Hawaiian girl who followed Suzanne around
like a trained dog.  She looked strong and mean, and all the other girls
were scared of her, especially Oliana.  Even when I said aloha and Suzanne
wasn't anywhere nearby, Makala would just glare menacingly at me, never
saying a word.  It was creepy.  Gail listened intently as I told her all
this, making some notes on a case file she'd brought with her.  I leaned
forward and tried to look, but she tilted it up toward herself to hide what
it said about me.  When she finished, she announced, "Well, Keilani dear,
you seem to be a well-adjusted, perfectly normal little girl." I decided to
risk a question.  "Um, Gai-- Ms Whitmur?  How long do I have to stay at
this place?  It feels like I'm suffocating in here." "Until we can locate
your parents, I'm afraid.  But," she added, seeing me slump in my chair,
"Sister Bernadette has already told me she's planning to take you all on a
fun outing this weekend.  It'll give you a little break from Saint
Sebastian's.  Okay?" "Okay." Just hearing that made me feel a little
better. "And," Gail continued, "I'll ask her to have a word with those two
girls." Now I was horrified.  "No!  Please don't!" I begged.  How could she
NOT know that was the worst thing she could possibly do?  Hadn't Gail ever
been a kid before?!  But she must have (once again) not listened to me,
because later that day I saw the two of them emerging together from Sister
Bernadette's office.  Makala rubbed her bottom, her face red with an angry
expression, but still fighting to keep her emotions bottled.  Suzanne, on
the other hand, despite the tear streaks down her face, looked absolutely
ecstatic.  Spotting me, she came over.  "That was GREAT, Scrawny!" she
gushed.  "Ah ain't never bin paddled with a switch be-fore.  Thanky kindly
fer squealin' on us.  Reckon Makala an' Ah owe yew one!" That's right,
Suzanne LIKED being disciplined that way.  It was fun for her, probably
triggering something in her dawning sexuality.  No doubt that was a major
factor in her parents' finally having to leave her here.  They couldn't
control her because she enjoyed her punishments too much.  "C'mon, Makala,"
she drawled, leading her friend away in the opposite direction.  "We'll git
'er back real soon." I got a small bit of satisfaction at seeing Makala's
suffering, but knew the payback would be hell.  It was hard to watch my
back all the time, it wears you down.  I could have tried to get them
first, but now that I knew about the weekend field trip I had to be on my
best behavior.  I wasn't going to give Sister an excuse to not let me go.
Or to give me another paddling.  The only thing Suzanne liked better than
being spanked herself was seeing it happen to other girls.  Her revenge
finally came Saturday morning, just before Sister Ulalia came in to wake
us. I stirred from sleep, not yet fully conscious but sensing that it was
nearly kakahiaka.  There was a vague urge in my bladder, and I knew I
should get up to pee soon, but maybe I could enjoy the cozy blankets a few
minutes longer.  A shadow passed near me, someone moving in front of the
window.  I cracked my eyes open to the blurred outline of a figure hovering
over me.  Suddenly my blanket was yanked off.  "Git 'er arms, Makala!" came
an excited whisper.  Shit!  I thought.  What was happening?!  I jolted
awake to find Suzanne at the foot of my bed.  Then I felt her weight
pressing down on my legs, which made me instinctively fight to escape.  I
moved to sit up, but Makala grabbed my wrists and held them.  I tried to
kick my legs but couldn't even budge them.  Suzanne weighed a good 20 or so
pounds more than me, and was built larger, and I told her so: "Get the fuck
OFF me you fat palaoa!" Makala climbed onto the bed and got behind my head,
pinning my arms down with her knees.  It hurt, and I was about to yell
that, when she took a corner of bedsheet and jammed it into my mouth like a
gag.  I hollered at the top of my lungs but it came out as only a muffled
moan.  I continued to struggle, but both of them were stronger than me. 
Turning my head to one side, I saw the other girls watching intently, eager
to see what would happen.  My friend Oliana looked truly sorry for me, but
simultaneously relieved it wasn't her.  Suzanne slid her fingers under the
hem of my pajama bottoms and underwear and pulled them both down to my
knees, exposing my pubic hair.  Normally I shave, but since I no longer had
access to a razor, it had grown back even thicker than before.  Those first
few days, it had itched like Christ.  "Gaw-LEE yew got a hairy pussy,
Kay-Lawny!" Suzanne laughed.  "An' lookit that scrawny li'l body, them
bones ain't got no meat on 'em!" And she poked my bare abdomen with her
index finger.  Well, that did it.  I am SO fucking ticklish, and her
unexpected touch made my entire body jerk spasmodically.  My friends Akela
and Naia used to do this to tease me, but it was just for fun and they
always knew when to stop.  Here, not knowing how far Suzanne might go, it
was absolute torture.  "Ahhh, so y'all're ticklish, are ya?" Suzanne asked,
with her usual penchant for stating the head-poundingly obvious.  Grinning
evilly, she ran her wiggling fingers down my ribs, sending me thrashing as
my skin exploded with awkward sensations.  "No!  Stop!  Uoki!" I cried, but
with the bedsheet in my mouth all that came out was: "MMMPH!  NNNNNG!" My
body shuddered from my rapid, gasping breaths.  Tears streamed down my face
as I laughed uncontrollably, hating every agonizing moment of it but
powerless to break out of their grip.  And then I felt it happening.  The
urge in my bladder was intensifying, and my control was slipping.  I saw
Makala's smirk upside-down above me, Suzanne's broad leering grimace, God
she looked fucking demonic.  "Please!" I begged her, "Please please stop I
have to go to the bathroom I can't hold it PLEASE!" But my words were lost,
buried under a torrent of unstoppable giggling and muffled by the makeshift
gag.  Finally, I just couldn't hold it any longer.  I felt the pressure in
my bladder ease up.  My face was redder than molten lava as the hot urine
poured out of me, down my inner thighs, saturating the sheets beneath me.
My uncontrollable laughter quickly turned to despair and heaving sobs. 
"Ewww!  She's pissin' 'er-self!" cried Suzanne, and immediately scrambled
off me to get away from the mess.  Makala let go of my arms, and they
flopped to the bed as I just laid there, bawling from the unbearable
humiliation of having everyone watch me peeing all over the place, God it
was awful!  Even now, it's horrible just typing about it!  A few girls were
giggling, but most were making groans of disgust and revulsion, and I knew
this is how all of them would think of me from now on.  They'd be
whispering and joking about it for weeks, and I was stuck here with it!  I
shuddered to think what new nicknames I could get from this.  Whatever it
was it would be a thousand times worse than being "Scrawny Kay-Lawny". 
Suzanne, clearly very pleased with herself, leaned over and whispered down
to me.  "'Member when Ah said Ah could make yer lahf a fuckin' naht-mare?"
Then, after a pause to let that sink in, "Don' yew EVER try'n cross me an'
Makala agin!" I couldn't say anything, I just pulled my pajamas back up to
hide my shame, though it was already far too late.  Then I turned onto my
side, away from the other beds, and lay there sobbing in a puddle of my own
piss.  At that moment the door opened, and I heard the sharp clang of a
bell.  It was Sister Ulalia.  "Ala, ho'ala, wiki--!" she began, but stopped
mid-ring, surprised to find everybody already up and about.  Suzanne wasted
no time.  "Sister Oo-la-lee-ah!" she exclaimed, loud enough so everybody in
our dorm and anyone outside in the hall could hear, "Kay-Lawny done wet 'er
bed!" Some of the other girls voiced their agreement.  I knew no one else
would breathe a word about Suzanne and Makala holding me down and tickling
me.  Everybody was too scared of having something similar happen to them. I
heard Sister's footsteps approach my bed, and I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Keilani?" she asked gently.  "Did you have a little accident?" My sobbing
and the fresh yellow stain on my sheets were answer enough.  She urged me
to my feet and led me to the shower area to wash up.  "Gawd, it SMELLS!"
blurted Suzanne, much louder than necessary.  "Hush, keiki!" Sister Ulalia
scolded, but that did little to stop the giggles.  "Don't cry, Keilani,
it's okay," she tried to reassure me, but there was no way it would ever be
okay.  I let Sister pull off my soaked pajamas and underwear, and stepped
under the water when she turned it on for me.  I wanted to thank her but
couldn't, and I didn't want to look her in the eye.  I just wanted to DIE,
right there.  I closed my eyes, leaned my head against the wall and bawled
nonstop for almost 10 minutes, until my sides hurt.  I HATED Suzanne
Calloway and Makala for what they'd done.  I hated Gail for turning them
in, and I hated the other girls for laughing along with them.  I hated
Saint Sebastian and his stupid orphanage and everyone involved with it,
even Sister Ulalia, but I felt horrible about that because she was being so
sensitive and caring toward a disgusting, bed-wetting little girl like me.
I don't think I would have come out, except it was the day Sister
Bernadette was taking us on our outing, and I decided I'd be damned to hell
before I'd miss out on that.  When Sister Ulalia finally did coax me out,
the other girls were already lined up and heading downstairs.  They were
all in swimsuits and sandals, and carrying towels.  Sister herself had on a
flowered mu'u mu'u dress, and I almost didn't recognize her, except she
still had the black and white nun's habit on her head.  It looked fucking
retarded, but I was too miserable to laugh.  "W-we're going to the beach?"
I sniffled.  God how I'd missed going to the beach.  "Yes, dear," said
Sister Ulalia.  "Now hurry up and get your suit on." I ran naked to my bed
-- noticing that the sodden sheets had already been stripped away -- and
found a swimsuit waiting.  Well, I guess you could call it that.  It was an
ugly green one-piece with white ruffles around the leg holes, clearly
intended for a young child.  There was a smiley yellow sun right on the ass
part.  Ugh.  Once again I was going to be the victim of Saint Sebastian's
charity bin.  Sister must have noticed my look of disgust.  "I'm sorry,
Keilani, but it's the only one in your size we have left." The other girls
had already taken the better suits.  Well, it was either wear it or don't
go, so I put the damn thing on.  It was tight and uncomfortable, made for a
child's figure, and it squeezed my abdominal area so it looked like I had a
chubby little girl's belly sticking out in front.  "I can't go out in
this!" I whined to Sister.  "It looks hideous!" "I'm sorry dear, but
sometimes we have to make do with what we have." "Can we stop by my house?
I have a better suit there." I thought of my black thong bikini, damn I
looked good in that.  "No, Keilani." Sister was firm.  "Not after last
time. Besides, it wouldn't be right in front of the other girls." I stamped
my foot petulantly.  "But that's not FAIR!" That's not--!  God, there I
went again, my own behavior making me look even more like a child.  "Are
you coming?" Sister asked.  "You don't have to if you don't want to." It
definitely sounded like an ultimatum.  And so, just like a spoiled kid, I
went along begrudgingly.  Outside the front entrance was a small bus with
the Saint Sebastian's logo on the side.  I climbed in after Sister Ulalia.
Suzanne and Makala were sitting together in the back, and they exchanged
giggles when they saw me.  Not wanting to deal with them again, I sat in
the front.  Oliana had saved me a spot.  "Don' let 'er pee on ya,
Oh-lee-anna!" shouted Suzanne, and my face burned.  Sister hauled her
short, squat body into the driver's seat.  I sat and fumed and had hateful
thoughts about horrible things happening to Suzanne and Makala the entire
ride to the beach.  Oliana tried to talk to me but I ignored her.  I wasn't
in the mood.  At Kailua Beach Park, Sister parked the bus.  The other girls
all scrambled off and ran, with lots of yelling and screaming excitement,
down to the shore.  I plodded along miserably through the sand behind them.
Suzanne's cruel prank had already ruined my day.  The beach was crowded,
mostly with tourists: Japanese, Americans, a few Samoans.  The kama`aina --
the native Hawaiians -- preferred the quieter, secluded beaches around the
rest of the island.  This made me feel a little better, being lost in the
crowd, plus it meant there was less chance of someone I knew seeing me
dressed in that ridiculous swimsuit.  "Can I get a surfboard?" I tugged at
Sister Ulalia's sleeve and pointed to a rental shack nearby.  God I'd
missed riding the waves.  Sister Ulalia looked to Sister Bernadette as the
authority.  "No, Keilani, it's too dangerous." "But I know how!  I've been
doing it since I was ten!" Which, I realized, was only a couple of years in
their eyes.  "Yes, but a lot of the other girls haven't.  If they see you
doing it they'll want to try too, and it's just too dangerous.  It wouldn't
be fair to them." I crossed my arms and pouted.  "When is something going
to be fair for ME?!" "Keilani, you are acting like a spoiled brat," Sister
Bernadette stated bluntly.  "Now are you going to go play, or would you
rather sit here with us all day?" I stomped off, kicking at small mounds of
sand, seething at the unfairness of it all.  When I reached the surf I
cooled down a little.  The warm saltwater felt good, washing over my bare
feet.  I looked around and saw the other girls playing and splashing, or
picking up seashells.  Oliana was building a sand castle and invited me to
join her, but it felt too childish.  So I waded out until the water was up
to my neck, and brooded in my dark thoughts, unable to fully enjoy myself.
After some time I picked up Suzanne's annoying Southern accent, carried on
the ocean air.  She and Makala were jumping in the waves, letting them lift
and carry them toward the shore.  At first I was afraid they might be
planning something, but Makala glanced in my general direction once and I
didn't think she was looking at me.  Evil gears started turning in my head,
and I decided I'd get Suzanne back for what she'd done to me earlier.  I
knew it was stooping to her level, and I knew subconsciously that it'd only
antagonize her more, but I didn't care.  She'd ruined my day, and now it
was payback time!  Suzanne was wearing a string bikini, the perfect kind to
snatch away and leave the victim naked in the ocean.  Akela and Naia and I
had done this to each other sometimes, just as a friendly prank.  But I
intended to thoroughly humiliate Suzanne.  I'd grab her suit and rip it
apart and everyone would see her naked.  I'd show that little bitch how it
felt.  When the next wave crested, I dove underwater and swam in their
direction.  Squinting in the sandy saltwater, I caught sight of her
floating bikini strings and went for them with both hands, just as a huge
wave crashed over us.  I felt myself get slammed into Suzanne, and the next
thing I knew I was on top of her in the shallows, and she was underwater,
squirming and thrashing desperately.  Some of the other girls had noticed
the commotion and were gathering on the shore, watching.  One of them, I
couldn't tell who, turned up the beach and called out, "Sister!  Keilani's
dunking Suzanne!" Hastily I climbed off and let her up.  Makala pushed me
out of the way and lifted her friend out of the water, coughing and
spluttering.  Sister Bernadette was hastily waddling toward us.  She looked
furious.  "Keilani Akana!" she snapped.  "What on earth do you think you're
doing?!" And what could I say?  I hadn't been trying to hold her under, but
if I said I was going to pull her suit off I'd just get in trouble for
that! Why hadn't I bothered to think this childish retaliation through?  I
mean, I'm an adult, I should have known better than that!  So I tried to
deflect everything with, "It was an accident!" Sister looked at Makala, who
shook her head firmly, no.  Suzanne continued to make a huge dramatic show
of choking and gasping.  "She's lyin'!  Kay-Lawny tried ta drown me! 
Makala seen 'er!  Tell 'em, Makala!" Makala nodded, siding with Suzanne,
and pointed accusingly at me.  But it wasn't true!  I hadn't intended for
that to happen, you've got to believe me!  Sister Bernadette clearly
didn't. She took me firmly by the arm and began hauling me up toward the
towel she had spread out next to Sister Ulalia's.  "You just lost your
swimming privileges," she told me, waving a finger right in my face. 
"Instead you can sit there for the rest of the day and think about what
you've done!" I sat on the towel, wet hair clinging to my back, sand stuck
to my calves and feet.  Sister Bernadette went off again, to tend to
Suzanne, but Sister Ulalia stayed behind to keep watch on me.  "Keilani,
I'm surprised at you!" she said.  "Suzanne doesn't know how to swim, did
you know that?  You could have killed her!" Jesus.  Living on an island all
my life, it never occurred to me that someone could grow up without
learning to swim.  I felt horrible.  Suzanne's prank may have been
incredibly mean, but it hadn't put anyone in real danger.  But just as I
thought that, down at the water's edge, I saw her turn and make a mocking
face at me.  She was fine.  That evil little bitch had faked the whole
drowning incident, just to get me in trouble!  I tried to tell Sister
Ulalia, "But, look!  She--" "Keilani," Sister cut me off, "lawa kêlâ!"
That's enough.  So now I was stuck in a "time out", being punished like a
naughty child, not allowed to do anything fun, while Suzanne and Makala got
off scot-free.  It was so unfair!  First they'd taken away my surfing, now
they wouldn't even let me swim.  My stupid suit covered so much of me I
couldn't even get a decent tan.  How could this day get ANY worse? 
*Sighhh*...  I shouldn't have asked.  "Excuse me..." came a voice in Sister
Bernadette's direction.  "Did you just say that girl's name was Keilani
Akana?" Then another: "That's our friend's name too!" My stomach absolutely
FROZE.  Standing right there, talking to Sister Bernadette, were Akela and
Naia.  My two best hoa`aloha from college.  Though their backs were turned
to me, I knew without a doubt it was them.  I recognized Naia's arms and
legs, with the different shapes and symbols tanned into them, and the `ehu,
the reddish tinge, in Akela's hair.  They each wore a friendship lei, the
flower necklaces we had made for each other last semester.  Before this
wretched summer began.  NO, I thought.  Please, NO. 
No-no-no-no-NOOOOOOOOOO...!  I hunched my shoulders and slowly turned away,
squeezing my eyes shut and praying they wouldn't look at me.  I couldn't
bear the idea of them seeing me like this.  Why oh why had they decided to
come to this beach, on this particular day?  It was like a curse. 
"�,iwaiwa, Keilani?!  Is that you??" It was unmistakably Akela's voice. 
"It IS her!" Naia exclaimed, coming over to me.  "E, howzit, 'Lani?"
Despite my current situation, I was so overcome with emotion that I stood
up, ran over to my friends and put an arm around around their necks in a
hug.  I'd missed them so much I almost burst into tears right there.  And
with that, both of them started in with an onslaught of questions.  Only
this was even worse than Gail's, because I didn't want them to know all the
mortifying details of the past month of my life.  "Where the hell have you
BEEN, aikâne?" "Why didn't you call us back?" "Is it true you got fired
from your job?" "And what are you doing wearing lole`au`au like THAT?"
asked Naia, indicating my childish swimwear.  All right.  I steeled myself.
It was going to be fucking humiliating, explaining all of this, but at
least it meant I'd finally get out of this nightmare and back to my normal
life.  Only...  "Keilani!  You sit down on that towel and stay put!" It was
Sister Bernadette, come to check on me.  "I'm sorry girls," she told Akela
and Naia, "but she's being punished." And she led me away, back to the
towel, as my friends watched in utter disbelief.  "Now you sit quietly,
Keilani, and no more trouble, or you'll be sorry." You'll be--!  My friends
were stunned.  As soon as Sister's back was turned, they started with the
questions again.  "Why is that nun talking to you like that?" Naia wanted
to know.  "And why are you actually obeying her?" Akela asked.  "�,iwaiwa!"
squeaked Naia, suddenly grabbing my shoulder and pointing.  "Over there! 
It's Kahoku!" And then, Jesus Christ, she fucking called out to him! 
"Aloha Kahoku!  Hey, get over here!  It's Keilani, we found her!" "Oh,
GOD..." I moaned, and curled up with my chin between my knees, arms up over
my face.  I haven't mentioned Kahoku yet?  Auê, I've barely had a chance
to think about him since I got stuck here.  Kahoku is this really
incredibly cute guy at U of H.  We met at a beach party one time, and I
think he liked me, but I was always too shy to say much to him.  I tried to
be a little tease, flirting wordlessly, at Akela's and Naia's urging.  They
were always pushing me to come on stronger, even though I said I wanted to
take things at my own pace.  Then I went and got myself fired and stuck at
Saint Sebastian's.  And now here he was, coming up the beach right toward
me.  Kahoku, in a blue Speedo, with his long dark hair and his bronze
eight-pack of ripped abs shining in the sun, God he looked SO good. 
"Kahoku!" exclaimed Naia.  "You'll never guess who this is, right here.  Go
on, guess!" "Who?  Her?" I heard him ask.  I risked a peek, hoping against
hope that he wouldn't recognize me, and that my friends would keep quiet.
But I already knew that was physically impossible for Naia.  And, oh my
God, he looked right at me, with a puzzled expression.  It didn't register.
"What?  Who's this?  Are you two babysitting today?" Then he smiled at me,
like someone would smile affectionately at a cute kid in public.  I felt
sick.  Yes!  I tried desperately to convey it to my friends, without
speaking.  Please say yes, please say you're babysitting, so he'll leave!
Pleeeeease!  Then he asked Akela, "You said Keilani's around?  Where is
she?" Naia couldn't keep her waha nui shut: "This IS Keilani!" she
squealed, and then both she and Akela burst into laughter.  Kahoku stared
at them as if he thought it might be some bizarre joke, but looking closer
it slowly it dawned on him that, despite the giggles, they were serious. 
The "little girl" in the smiley-ass green swimsuit was indeed me. 
"Keilani...?" he asked, seeming uncertain about how to talk to me.  "Why...
are you dressed like that?" And how the hell was I supposed to answer?  I
didn't even have time to think about it, because now my plight had caught
the attention of someone else, too.  Suzanne Calloway had recovered from
her ordeal and was stepping her way through the sand, right toward us. 
"Howdy, Kay-Lawny!" she greeted me, then looked at Kahoku.  "Who's yer
friend?" I stood up, whispered to Akela and Naia, "C'mon, let's get out of
here.  Hurry." Sister Bernadette's voice stopped me.  "Keilani!  Where are
you trying to sneak off to?" To one side, Suzanne was starting in, talking
to Kahoku.  I struggled to take in both conversations at once.  "So y'all
know Kay-Lawny?  You her paw 'er somethin'?" God the nightmare just kept
getting worse!  I turned and faced Sister.  This was ending, NOW.  "I'm
leaving," I stated.  "With my friends." I looked pleadingly at them.  Gimme
some backup, for Christsake.  "It's true," Akela said, somewhat lamely. 
"We...  are her friends." "Best friends," agreed Naia, but her playful tone
made it sound like she was in on some private joke.  Sister Bernadette
thought the same thing.  "Keilani, did you put these nice people up to
this?" "NO!" I cried.  "I mean, these really are my friends!  I told you
before, I'm 21, they'll all vouch for me!" Sister Bernadette looked from
Akela and Naia, tall and busty in their skimpy bikinis, to me,
four-foot-ten and titless in a kid's suit.  Then back to my friends with an
expression that said, "Yeah, right." "Ya know, yer mighty cute," I
overheard Suzanne saying to Kahoku.  She was just talking to him like it
was the easiest thing in the world.  "Yew gotta girl-friend?" Christ, she
was closer to his height than I was, too!  It was all crumbling, the horror
unfolding right in front of me, like a train wreck.  I had to get out of
here, I just had to!  Sister Bernadette's tone was stern.  "Keilani, you
stay right there, I mean it!" I felt my self-control beginning to slip away
again.  I stamped my foot adamantly in the sand.  "No!  These are my
friends and I'm going with them!" "Don't be ridiculous, dear.  How on earth
could these people be your friends?  Look at them, they're 10 years older
than you!" Then, to the two of them: "You really mustn't encourage her. 
She's a handful to deal with as it is." "Don't talk to me like I'm not even
here!" I whined.  I hate when people do that.  Then I saw Kahoku looking at
me with disapproval.  He'd just seen my little outburst.  Rather than make
an even bigger fool of myself, I plunked my ass back down on the towel and
silently prayed it would all be over soon.  That seemed to satisfy Sister
Bernadette, at least.  Kahoku came up and knelt beside me.  "Keilani... 
what the hell is going on here?" "She's gittin' punished!" volunteered
Suzanne.  Naia wasn't helping matters any.  "Is this a game, Keilani?" she
asked playfully.  "Did you dress up this way to surprise Kahoku?" Kahoku's
expression looked as if he'd eaten some bad poi.  "Why on earth would you
think I'd want to see you looking like this?" he demanded.  "I didn't,
I..." But it would take forever to explain, and I'd already fallen in his
eyes.  Kahoku glared at me.  "I don't know what you're pulling here,
Keilani, but this isn't the least bit funny." He shook his head.  "You need
to grow up." Then he stood, and started to walk away.  "I can't believe I
was actually thinking of asking you out." Yeah, he distinctly said "was".
Past tense.  "Kay-Lawny?!" Suzanne asked in disbelief.  "Whadya wanna date
her for?  Lookit 'er titties, she gots robin eggs!" Auê, I wanted to punch
her in the mouth so bad.  *Sigh*...  See, in the past I'd always worn
padding in my bras around Kahoku.  Before today, he thought my chest was a
whole two cup-sizes bigger than it actually was!  I know that's stupid, and
I was going to tell him eventually, but I wanted to get him interested in
me as a person first...  Is that so wrong?  But now this stupid swimsuit
was showing him what my body really looked like, undeveloped and flat as
the Hilana Pali plain.  Plus, it made me look like I still had baby fat. 
And Suzanne had just drawn Kahoku's full attention to it!  Instinctively I
crossed my arms over my tiny breasts.  "Be-sides," Suzanne added, "Ain't
she a li'l young fer yew?" "Of course not.  We go to U of H together."
Suzanne was speechless for a moment.  "Oh mah GAWD...  Scrawny Kay-Lawny's
in CAWLIDGE?!?" She cracked a delighted grin at her new discovery.  It was
absolutely hideous to look at.  "Scrawny Keilani?" asked Kahoku, repeating
Suzanne's demeaning nickname for me.  Then he laughed, the guy of my dreams
fucking LAUGHED at me!  I couldn't stand it!  I turned my face away and
down toward the ground to hide my painful blush.  "Careful, 'er she maht
piss all over ya!" Kahoku looked from me to Suzanne, and back, confused. 
"What does she mean by that?" "She wets th' bed, y'know." At that moment, I
prayed with all my strength for a sudden volcanic eruption to bury us all
under a river of molten lava.  Me first.  But of course that didn't happen.
And so, unable to bear being in this awful situation another second, I ran.
I bolted off Sister Bernadette's towel and was pounding full-speed across
the hot sand.  I heard her yell after me, "Keilani Akana!  You get back
here this INSTANT!" But I knew neither she nor Sister Ulalia would be able
to catch up to me.  As I ran I found myself fighting to keep from breaking
into sobs.  My life was RUINED!  Even if I did somehow escape the hell of
Saint Sebastian's, my old life, the life I'd always thought of as a refuge,
was now shot to shit.  Akela and Naia would tease me about this forever,
I'd NEVER live it down!  And Kahoku!  God, the way he'd looked at me, the
scorn and disgust in his face!  I knew any chance I may have had with him
was fucking GONE.  Every time he saw me from this moment forward, he would
see the immature, pot-bellied little 12-year-old who got punished and made
to sit on the beach.  This beautiful, gorgeous guy I adored would never
again be able to take me seriously as a romantic interest!  Right now
Suzanne was probably telling him all kinds of shameful things about me at
Saint Sebastian's, and there was nothing at all I could do about it!  I
didn't look back.  I just ran.  After the initial horror cleared a bit, I
realized I was instinctively running in a certain direction, back to my
house.  The one little piece of normal life I still had left.  I also
realized that was the first place Sister Bernadette would come looking for
me.  I had to be fast.  The key was still under the potted palm.  Inside, I
flipped the light switch but they didn't come on.  Who cares, no time.  I
made my way to the kitchen, looking for the blinking red light on the
answering machine.  My parents HAD to have called, maybe I could get back
to them before Sister got here.  Except...  The message light was dark.  I
tried the kitchen lights but they didn't work either.  I lifted the phone.
It was dead.  SHIT!  I realized, fresh despair washing over me.  The BILLS!
I had assured my parents, every time they'd asked, that I'd keep the bills
paid up while they were away.  In fact, on that first awful night when I
got fired and picked up by the police, I'd intended to mail them the very
next day!  That was over a month ago, and the phone and electric companies
had lost patience and cut off our service.  I collapsed onto the table,
pounding my fists in frustration and crying, "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!" How long
had it been off?  I had no way of knowing.  Even if my parents HAD tried to
call home and give me their new numbers, any message they may have left for
me was now lost.  And when they did finally get back, the message I
recorded for them would be gone too!  They would have no way of knowing
where I was, so there was no hope of them ever getting me out of Saint
Sebastian's!  Unless...!  I lunged at the counter drawer and took out paper
and a pen.  I'd leave them a written message.  I heard tires grinding in
the gravel driveway outside.  Fuck!  The door!  I hadn't locked it.  I
dashed back through the living room and reached it...  just as the two nuns
appeared on the other side.  I scrambled for the lock but Sister Bernadette
already had it open.  I made for the other room but she grabbed my wrist
tightly, making me drop the pen and paper.  "Keilani, you stop this RIGHT
NOW." I recognized that tone.  That was the "someone's going to get a
spanking" tone.  But I didn't care.  I grunted and pulled and tried to
break away from her grip.  Sister Ulalia came to her aid and lifted me up
by my legs.  On the way out I grabbed the door frame with my remaining free
hand and held on for dear life, forcing one of them, I don't remember
which, to pry my fingers loose one by one.  "NOOOOO!" I yelled.  "PUT ME
DOWN YOU FAT FUCKING PENGUIN!  I AM AN ADULT WOMAN!  I AM NOT A LITTLE
GIRL! I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT!!!" Yeah, I'm sure that
sounded real fucking convincing.  God damn it all.  Together the Sisters
physically hauled me down the front steps, across the driveway and up into
the bus, me kicking and thrashing the entire way.  The other girls were
standing on seats and leaning out open windows, craning for a glimpse of
what was happening.  Much to my chagrin, I noticed that Suzanne had taken a
front-row seat to my humiliation.  As soon as they let me go I bolted for
the emergency door at the back of the bus, but I couldn't get it open in
time.  Sister Bernadette caught me and pulled me away, dragging me all the
way back down the aisle, past every one of my schoolmates.  They watched
every moment of it, ducking back slightly as I passed to avoid my flailing
feet.  All of them saw what a rotten, spoiled little brat I was.  They were
half my age, and they were behaving better than me!  I was through talking.
I just wanted to cause as big a scene as possible, I didn't care how I
looked.  I pounded my feet on the floor and kicked the seats, and just
squealed as loud as I could.  "Keilani, STOP IT!" But I wouldn't stop it.
Not ever.  This was so unfair, and even though a tiny part of me knew I'd
brought a lot of it on myself, the rest of my mind was screaming to me over
and over, this was not fair, NOT FAIR, NOT FAIRRR!  So I continued my
tantrum, my face red and scrunched up in fury.  I knew Sister Bernadette
didn't like it one bit, and that's why I did it.  It was the only means of
resistance I had left.  Finally Sister got me to the front of the bus.  I
was exhausted from all the struggling and I didn't have the strength to
fight anymore as she knelt me over the driver's seat, my green-suited ass
sticking out into the aisle for everybody to see.  I knew what was coming
and I let out a long, sobbing whine as she held me there, her other hand
producing the switch...  Jesus, she fucking brought it with her!  The other
girls let out a collective gasp.  They knew what was coming too, some of
them had even experienced it before.  But I doubt any of them had ever seen
Sister Bernadette quite this pissed off.  I heard an eager snorting laugh
and knew instantly who had made it.  Unlike last time, she didn't expose my
bare bottom.  Since I was wearing a one-piece suit I would have been
totally naked.  Not that that was any consolation, the shame of everyone at
Saint Sebastian's witnessing my paddling was nearly unendurable.  The last
time this had been done to me, it was a straight punishment, in the privacy
of her office.  Sister had been calm and totally in control.  This time she
was angry, and AI�,, did I feel the difference!  The damp suit clung to my
ass, providing no cushioning of any kind against Sister's sharp
WHACK-WHACK-WHACK across the smiling yellow sun, Jesus FUCK did that hurt!
She did it about a dozen times, and I bellowed and screamed nonstop. 
Sister didn't say a word when she finished.  Instead she heaved a heavy,
exhausted sigh and then let me up, gently nudging me toward a seat.  There
weren't any in the front rows.  All the girls had gathered in close to
watch the spectacle.  So I had to walk to the back section of the bus, past
most of my classmates, my ass stinging.  At least I couldn't see their
faces through my tears.  Sister Ulalia walked behind me, guiding me.  My
throat hurt from all the yelling, but not nearly as much as my rear.  We
reached the second row from the back.  Oliana was already sitting there,
but Sister instructed her to move.  Very carefully, I eased my tender, sore
behind onto the seat.  I had bright red marks on the sides of my cheeks
where the suit didn't cover.  Sister Ulalia sat beside me, and I wiped my
eyes.  From across the row Oliana looked at me with the most sorrowful
expression I've ever seen, almost like solidarity, as if she knew firsthand
what I'd gone through.  Maybe she did, I don't know, we never talked about
it after, I didn't want to.  I happened to glance at Sister's watch.  It
was only a little after 11:00.  My misbehaving had cut everyone else's day
at the beach short.  Good, I thought bitterly.  That'll teach them to laugh
at me.  I leaned my head against the window, the tears blurring my vision
again.  The girls were dead silent as Sister Bernadette started the bus and
pulled away from my house.  Sitting up, facing forward, hands in laps, best
behavior.  No one said a word.  Well, almost.  I heard movement in the seat
behind me, then a whispered voice, low enough that Sister Ulalia wouldn't
hear it over the roar of the engine.  "Gawd DAMN...  That was great,
Scrawny!  Ah'm a-gonna be rubbin' mah-self allll th' way home!" I didn't
say anything, I just sat there, fighting to stem the flood of tears.  But
still Suzanne would not shut up: "Ah'd heard 'bout them stories yew told
th' Sisters?  But Ah never, ever woulda believed yew really was twenny-one.
'Til yer friends told me!" FUCK...  I'd forgotten Akela and Naia.  What had
they said to Suzanne after I ran away?  "Ah don' think they seen us leave,
they was still down on th' beach lookin' fer ya." With despair I realized I
hadn't done the one thing that could have saved me.  I hadn't told my
friends where I was being held!  They'd seen all the indignities I'd been
forced to endure, but they hadn't seen the orphanage's name on the side of
the bus.  They weren't coming to my rescue.  Neither were my parents. 
Nobody was.  "Don' worry, Kay-Lawny," drawled Suzanne, "Ah won' tell nobody
yer see-krit.  Wouldn' wan' 'em ta let ya go...  Ah'm havin' sooo much fun
with yew." It was a fucking outrage.  The Sisters didn't know (or believe)
my true age, but now Suzanne Calloway did!  And I was certain she'd use
this knowledge at every opportunity to make my life even more unbearable. I
wished with all my heart that I really WERE twelve.  At least then my being
here wouldn't be such a mockery of my normal existence.  As we rode back I
put my thumb in my mouth and sucked on it, snivelling pitifully.  I hadn't
done that since I was three, but it was a comforting sensation.  I didn't
care what anybody thought.  Not even Suzanne.  Christ, what an absolutely
horrendous day!  You'd think things couldn't possibly get any worse after
THAT, wouldn't you?  But one final indignity awaited me before I could
escape, however temporarily, to sleep.  When I came back from the showers,
Suzanne was already at my bedside, laughing.  "What," I demanded.  Though
after today I wasn't sure I wanted to know what.  "Looks lahk some-one got
a present fer th' li'l baby!" Suzanne exclaimed, pointing.  I approached my
bed.  Sitting right on top of the blanket was...  A diaper.  A fucking
DIAPER.  I stormed out of the dorm and down the stairs, bursting into
Sister Ulalia's office with the wretched thing in hand.  "Hey!" I demanded.
"What the fuck is this shit?!" "Keilani, you watch your language.  Or do I
need to wake up Sister Bernadette?" "I am NOT a BABY!!" I yelled, hurling
the diaper to the floor, breathing hard.  "No, of course you're not,"
Sister agreed.  "This sort of thing happens to lots of girls.  I know
you're under a lot of stress, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
Like FUCK it wasn't!  "And I'm NOT a bed-wetter!  Suzanne Calloway and that
Makala girl held me down and tickled me and wouldn't let me up!  And she
was faking drowning today too, just to get me in--!" "Now, Keilani," Sister
interrupted me, and she looked stern.  "I know you and Suzanne don't get
along, but I talked to some of the other girls in your dorm, and none of
them mentioned any of that happening.  Not even your friend Oliana.  I
understand it's hard for you being here, but you cannot ho'opunipuni all
the time." I knew what that word meant.  "I AM NOT A LIAR!!" I shrieked. 
But then I realized I'd already established myself as one.  All that
initial hollering about not being 12 years old, when it was obvious (to
them) that I was.  And now, in their minds, I had a track record of telling
fibs and making up stories.  Especially when all the other girls agreed
with Suzanne out of fear.  "It's just for when you go to bed," continued
Sister, shifting the subject back to the diaper.  "It's easier than
changing the sheets every morning, and none of the other girls have to
know." "But Suzanne knows!  You left the goddamn thing out on my bed where
everyone could see it!" "No, I didn't, Keilani.  I put it under your pillow
so you'd find it." Now I felt kinda bad.  I'd jumped to conclusions and
believed what I wanted, just like everyone else had done with me.  But
still...!  "I wanna talk to Gail again!" I demanded.  And OHHH did I have
plenty to say to that bitch now, and I was mad enough I wouldn't hold any
of it back.  I would tell her how I was REALLY being treated here, and God
dammit she would listen!  But...  "Gail isn't here anymore, dear.  The next
time she comes by I'll make sure you get to see her." God, the irony of it
all was absolutely sickening.  "And tomorrow I'll have a talk with Suzanne
about staying out of other people's things." "No, DON'T--!" But I gave up,
slumping my shoulders.  It was hopeless.  Sister leaned over and picked the
diaper up off the floor.  "Now come on, Keilani.  Be a good girl for me."
And what the fuck choice did I have?  It was either put it on myself or
she'd do it for me, which would have been even more degrading.  The thick,
bulky thing made my ass look big under the nightgown.  The saggy plastic
was hot and sticky, and I felt my hips and thighs sweltering inside.  God,
no wonder babies scream all the time.  I can't believe they make them wear
these awful things, it's inhuman!  If I ever have children-- Aww, who am I
kidding, I'm never gonna have any children.  What the hell guy would be
interested in me after this?!  Not Kahoku, that's for fucking sure.  The
diaper crinkled noisily as I slunk back to my dorm, under Sister's escort.
The lights were out, but I'm positive I heard snickers from the direction
of Suzanne's bed as I crawled into mine.  I must have sobbed myself to
sleep.  All that was last week, and not much has changed since.  Suzanne
still makes fun of me every day, but hasn't done anything really mean
again...  yet.  I still have to wear the damn diaper to bed every night,
Sister Ulalia checks.  Right now I'm just going one day at a time, but I
don't know how much more of this shit I can take.  It's even worse typing
it, reliving it, knowing you all know about it, but at least you can tell
someone my story and let them know where I am.  Like Akela and Naia.  Or my
parents, if they ever get back.  Please tell me you're trying.  You're the
only hope I have of ever getting out of h SHIT SOMEONES COMING



   "Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 5)

   Kapu.  That's another word in the Hawaiian language.  Loosely
translated, it means "forbidden", but like aloha there's a deeper meaning.
When something is kapu, it's not that it's morally wrong, or unethical, or
socially unacceptable.  It's simply not done, ever.  Because it's the sort
of thing that brings karma down on your ass, HARD, often instantly.  It's
kind of hard for non-natives to understand, so let me give you an example.
Taking black sand or lava rocks off a Hawaiian island, that's kapu.  It's
not against the law, the bag checkers at the airport will let you by with
them.  But Pele, our resident volcano goddess, is notorious for punishing
people who take away pieces her island.  Every post office in Hawaii has a
pile of native rocks outside that people have sent back, believing them to
be the cause of all their problems.  Sure, it sounds like a quaint local
legend to you at first, but then you get back on the mainland with your
rocks, and things start to happen, slowly but surely.  Your pets die off
unexpectedly.  You lose all your money and then your job.  Your
relationships fall apart.  People you care about end up in accidents or
with terminal diseases.  And you start to wonder what on earth could have
made your world so completely turn to shit.  That's what I'm wondering
right now.  If all this is my curse for doing something kapu.  I was
sitting at Sister Bernadette's computer.  Again.  Telling all of you the
latest horror story about being a 21-year-old college student trapped at
Saint Sebastian's orphanage...  when I heard the doorknob turn.  SHIT, I
thought.  With a jolt of panic, I clicked send and dove under the desk as
fast as I could.  Someone entered, I heard footsteps.  It was totally dark
except for the glow from the computer screen.  Maybe they wouldn't know I
was there.  I thought I'd been typing quietly, certainly not loud enough to
hear through the closed door, and I'd kept the lights off.  Could someone
have noticed me??  Technically I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing this. I
got phone priviliges during the day to try and get in touch with my
parents, who were on vacation somewhere and didn't even know I'd gotten
myself stuck here.  But sneaking in and using Sister's computer at night, I
knew she wouldn't approve if she caught me.  It'd mean another swatting
with that switch she kept beside her desk.  I'd had a lot of those lately.
Who else could be wandering around this time of night, I wondered.  The
other girls were all sound asleep in bed.  Sister Ulalia had her own office
further down the hall, but it had been dark when I passed.  I heard the
door close but didn't dare peek out.  Wait a few minutes, Keilani, I told
myself.  I stayed hunched over, as motionless as I could, and tried not to
even breathe.  And then I heard a voice, and instantly knew my already
pathetic little life was about to start sucking a whole lot worse. 
"What're y'all doin' down there, Kay-Lawny?" They say Hawaiian is a culture
of love, that hatred was imported from the rest of the world.  For me it
came courtesy of Suzanne Calloway, an annoying Southern girl whose parents
dumped her off at the orphanage so they could enjoy their tropical vacation
without her.  I could understand why.  Unlike the misguided Sisters, who
honestly believed I was an abandoned 12-year-old and were trying their best
to help me, Suzanne was just plain mean.  She loved nothing more than to
ridicule and debase me in front of the other girls, and she knew just how
to get under my skin.  Even worse, she'd recently discovered I was actually
21!  My friends Akela and Naia let it slip during that disastrous beach
outing the Sisters took us all on.  Of course Suzanne would never tell them
the truth.  If they knew they'd let me go, and keeping me here as a sort of
pet she could torment was too much fun for her.  Sometimes I think all the
time I've spent here at the orphanage might have been at least halfway
bearable, if it wasn't for Suzanne.  I didn't say anything to her, I just
stayed crouched where I was.  "Hel-looo-ooo?" Suzanne cooed in a singsongy
drawl, bending down to peer under Sister's desk.  "Ah kin SEEEE yewwww!"
"Get OUT of here," I muttered, crawling out, feeling foolish.  "Ah ain't
goin' no-where.  Not 'til yew tell me whatcher doin'." "Fine, then I am!"
And I pushed past her and made for the door on the other side of Sister's
desk.  "Yew walk outta here now, an' Ah'll tell Sister B." She crossed her
arms and gave me a look that told me she meant it.  I spun around, furious.
"You do, you little hayseed trailer-park BITCH," I hissed through clenched
teeth, "and you'll get busted too!  For being out of bed after lights-out!"
Suzanne put on her best fake innocent look and began acting out her
anticipated conversation with the Mother Superior.  "Honest, Sister
Bernadette!  Ah had ta go ta th' bath-rewm, an' all th' ones upstairs were
occ-u-pado.  So Ah came down here an' saw 'th laht on in yer office...  An'
ye'll never guess who was in there!" She came back to the present, smirking
at me triumphantly.  "An' then it'll be yer word agins' mahn, Kay-Lawny. 
An' un-lahk yew, Ah ain't no LIAR." DAMN it!  It killed me to admit it, but
she had me there.  My track record with the Sisters was abysmal.  How many
times had I shouted at the top of my lungs?  "I'm NOT a little girl, I'm
21!!" All it had gotten me was a series of bare-bottomed spankings and a
reputation as a troubled preteen who made up stories to get attention.  My
mind raced, trying to come up with something, anything, that I could hold
over her head.  But Suzanne saw the look of fear in my eyes and knew she'd
already won.  Satisfied that I wouldn't run out on her, she turned her
attention to why I was here in the first place.  "Hmmm, mebbe we oughtta
see what yew've bin up to on this here Inner-net." Yes, she fucking said
"Inner-net"!  And before I could stop her, she sat down at the computer and
typed something into the open web browser.  I watched in horror as pictures
of very well-endowed naked men, some of them doing things to OTHER naked
men, began popping up on the screen.  "Gaw-LEE you bin naughty!" Suzanne
exclaimed.  "Lookin' at nekkid pitchers when Sister ain't watchin'!" "Keep
your voice down!" I whispered urgently.  Suzanne spun around in the chair
to face me.  "If'n Ah'm gonna keep quiet," she said, "then yew OWE me,
Kay-Lawny.  Lahk a favor, an' Ah kin cawl it in any tahm ah want.  If'n Ah
say dew somethin'?  Ah 'spect yew ta dew it, no ifs, ands, 'er buts."
Palakumele: blackmail.  It was now perfectly clear that this was to be the
latest stage in Suzanne's game of humiliating me.
I should have ended it right then and there.  I should've yelled and
woken Sister up and confessed to sneaking into her office at night to make
calls and use the computer.  I would have gotten in trouble for it, but at
least I'd have spared myself the indignities that followed.  Fucking 20/20

hindsight.  "All right, FINE," I hastily agreed, not having the faintest
notion of what I was getting myself into.  I still thought maybe if I could
hold out just a few more days, my parents would get home and rescue me from
this hell.  Not that they'd even know where I was.  I still hadn't been
able to reach them.  "Aw-raht then," replied Suzanne, clearly pleased with
the way this was going.  "First order 'a biz-niss...  Gitcher clothes off!"
"What?!" I demanded, wide-eyed, momentarily forgetting the need for
silence. "Yew done heard me." Arguing with her was useless.  And so,
cringing, my face flaring hot in the near darkness, I began pulling the
flowered muumuu I wore as a nightgown up over my head.  Suzanne chortled
when she saw what was underneath.  "HAW-HAW-HAW!  Nice dahper, Kay-Lawny!"
She was referring to the big, bulky diaper I'd recently been forced into
wearing at night, after a degrading bedwetting incident Suzanne and her
friend Makala had staged at my expense.  Now she was waiting for me to take
that off too, so I tugged the crinkly plastic down my legs and stepped out
of it.  Underneath the hot saggy folds, my hips, thighs and ass were all
covered with a sheen of sweat.  It would have been a relief to get it off
me, except for the fact that I was now completely naked in front of Suzanne
Calloway.  Suzanne tilted the monitor so its light bathed my nude form a
little better.  "Gaw-LEE, yer a scrawny li'l thang!" she said, looking up
and down my four-foot-ten body.  "Lookit them robin eggs!" She reached out
and tweaked one of my nipples, and I instinctively slapped her hand away.
"Don't touch me!" I snapped, moving my other arm to protect my tiny
breasts. I wasn't wearing a bra, my chest was too flat.  "Still cain't
believe yew really ARE twenny-one!  Ah'm gonna have so much fun with this!"
"Why don't you just go back to Pigfuck, Arkansas?" I demanded bitterly. 
"Or wherever the shit you're from." If this remark bothered Suzanne she did
a great job of not showing it.  Instead she gave me a sickeningly sweet
smile and replied, "'Least Ah've got me a place ta go back to.  Mah
parents're comin' ta git me outta here, soon as their vay-kay-shun's over
'n' done.  What've YEW got, Kay-Lawny?" Then, with an absolutely evil grin,
"Heh.  Mebbe Ah oughtta ask mah parents ta adopt yew, an' take yew home
with us.  Then yew an' Ah'd be together ALLLL th' tahm, an' we'd be fam'ly!
Oh-haw-na, yer people cawl it, ain't that raht?" Dear...  sweet...  GOD! 
The thought of being a hânai in Suzanne Calloway's family was too
horrifying to comprehend.  "'s gittin' late," she decided.  "We'd best be
headin' back." Akua praised, was I ever relieved to hear that.  I reached
for my clothes on the chair, but Suzanne gripped my wrist tightly.  "Ah
didn' say git dressed." And so I ended up walking back to the dorm without
a stitch of clothing on.  In the office doorway I hesitated, peering up and
down the corridor, checking for any sign of movement.  I was sure the
thundering in my chest would wake someone.  Then I felt a sudden, sharp
SWAT on my ass, and I stifled a yelp.  "Giddyap!" ordered Suzanne.  I
stepped out onto the cold hallway floor, my mind screaming.  What the fuck
was I doing?!  What if one of the Sisters caught me here?!  Granted, I'd
been in this kind of situation before.  I'd been outside naked on the beach
that night I got fired.  I'd had my bare ass paddled in public.  But even
then I'd never felt so thoroughly exposed and vulnerable as I did now.  The
hall felt cavernous with no one else around.  Panic throbbed in my stomach
with every step I took, hands over my front, Suzanne following with my
clothes.  It was even worse than before, because back then my manager at
the luau bar and that social worker Gail had forced me into those
situations.  This time I'd made the decision for myself.  I'd actively
chosen my current state of nudity over letting Suzanne blab to Sister
Bernadette about my late-night phone calls.  Suzanne, God damn her, kept a
good ten feet behind me on the opposite side of the hallway, leaving me
with absolutely no cover.  I tried not to look at her, but a couple of
times she'd make some sort of noise, like striking the wall with her hand,
just so I'd spin around in a fright.  Christ she was enjoying herself.  I
knew beyond a doubt that she would milk this for every drop it was worth.
It was her thing, she got turned on by seeing me paddled and humiliated.  I
also knew I had limits on how far Suzanne could push me before I snapped,
and I hoped against hope that she wouldn't cross them.  Back in our room, I
couldn't sleep.  My imagination kept conjuring up increasingly degrading
things Suzanne might make me do.  I tossed and turned for hours.  At some
point I must have drifted off from pure exhaustion, I don't know.  Suzanne
wasted absolutely no time.  When Sister Ulalia's wake-up bell rang the next
morning, I got up and headed into the bathroom like I always did, so I
wouldn't have to shower with the other girls.  When I opened the door to my
favorite stall, I found Suzanne waiting there, along with her friend
Makala. Makala was an islander like me, and about Suzanne's age, bigger
than me and mean-looking, like a silent stone tiki.  In all my weeks at
Saint Sebastian's I'd never heard a word come out of her.  I wasn't sure if
she even could talk, or what her deal was, to be honest.  And I was too
intimidated to ask.  "Howdy, Kay-Lawny!" came Suzanne's cheerful greeting
as I opened the stall.  Immediately I turned to make a hasty exit but
Makala grabbed me and pulled me inside.  That's how it worked with those
two.  Suzanne was the brains, Makala was the muscle.  The stall was cramped
with the three of us, small though I was.  I saw Suzanne had a small pair
of surgical scissors and became very frightened.  What was she going to do
to me??  "If'n we're gonna keep yew here as a twelve-year-old," Suzanne
explained, "we gotta do somethin' 'bout that hair." My hand went
instinctively to my head, the long black locks that dropped like a sheer
waterfall down the entire length of my back.  My friend Oliana, another
girl at the orphanage, has really short hair and everybody always makes fun
of her about it.  Surely Suzanne didn't mean for me to...!  "Not THAT
hair!" Suzanne said impatiently, "THAT hair." And she pointed at my crotch.
"Ah seen it last naht, yer gittin' awful bushy down there." It was true. 
Normally I'd shave and wax, but of course the Sisters wouldn't let a little
"child" like me near a razor.  So the thick pubic curls had grown back
full-force.  Before I could stop her, Makala had lifted my nightgown,
grabbed the sides of my diaper, and pulled it down.  "Gawd yer puny!"
exclaimed Suzanne.  "Ain't she puny, Makala?" Makala nodded agreement, and
Suzanne continued.  "Cain't have th' Sisters seein' that hairy pussy an'
figgerin' out yew really are a grown-up!" She moved to one side, and Makala
hauled me to the toilet and made me sit.  Suzanne squeezed around her to
block the stall door.  There was no way I could get out.  She handed me the
scissors.  So I had to trim my pubic hair with both of them watching every
moment, God was it dehumanizing.  I had to cut as close to skin as possible
with those tiny scissors.  It took forever, and I knew Suzanne was enjoying
it immensely.  I just kept my head down, hiding my glowing red face so I
wouldn't have to see their exchanged smirks, and prayed for divine
intervention.  It was answered, as I heard someone come waddling in, then
Sister Ulalia's voice.  "What's going on in here?" Then, "Keilani?... 
Suzanne?...  Makala?  Why aren't you girls getting cleaned up?" Suzanne
already had an answer prepared.  "Sorry, Sister Ooh-la-lee-ah," she
drawled. "But...  Kay-Lawny here had 'erself another li'l accident las'
naht!" WHAT??  My mind screamed.  That was an outright LIE, and Suzanne
knew it!  She continued, "Me an' Makala was tryin' ta help her git cleaned
up, so th' others wouldn' hafta know." That manipulative little bitch!  She
was using my previous bedwetting "accident", which she and Makala CAUSED,
against me!  "Shut up!" I yelled, near tears from the unbearable
humiliation.  "It's NOT true!" "Now Keilani, be nice," I heard Sister scold
gently.  "Suzanne is just trying to help.  No one else will find out."
Then, "Hurry up, you don't want to miss breakfast." And I heard her waddle
back out.  Suzanne had scored a brownie point with Sister Ulalia, and I was
left looking like an ungrateful little brat.  A bedwetting ungrateful
little brat!  And I knew that, regardless of Sister Ulalia's useless
reassurances, Suzanne would blab about this to everyone else the first
chance she got.  At least I was done.  My privates were left with a thin,
soft patch of hair, perfect for a developing adolescent.  I knew Suzanne
had seen this too, so I stood and pulled my diaper up and my nightgown down
with what tiny shred of dignity I could still muster.  Suzanne looked at
me, her eyes suddenly icy.  "That was too close, Kay-Lawny.  Our deal was,
yew go along with whatever Ah say.  If'n Ah say yew pissed yerself, then
YEW say yew pissed yerself.  Unnerstand?" "Fine," I muttered.  Anything to
get her to let me the hell out of here.  I went to push past her, but
Suzanne didn't move.  "Ah don' think yew dew.  Ah think Ah need ta remahnd
yew of the consequences fer not goin' along with what Ah say." And she dug
into her pocket and produced...  my list.  My phone list.  The numbers of
places my parents might be.  It was my only lifeline to the outside world,
and now Suzanne Calloway had it!  How had she...?  "Picked it up las' naht,
when yew was busy bein' nekkid," she commented, answering my question. 
FUCK, I must have left it by the computer and she'd spotted it!  "Give that
back!" I demanded, grabbing for it with both hands.  "'s mahn now," Suzanne
crowed, "'til yew do ever'thang Ah want." Suzanne popped the lock and
exited the stall as Makala gripped my arms and pushed me backward, landing
me with a splash in the toilet.  Immediately my cotton nightgown began
soaking up the ice-cold water in the bowl, leaving me with a huge wet spot
on my ass.  It was dripping water all over the floor, so I had to wring it
out with my bare hands, God it was disgusting.  Suzanne and Makala left me
to shower in peace.  I had the whole changing room to myself since the
other girls were done by this time.  When I came out wrapped in my towel my
two tormentors reappeared.  Instinctively I clutched the tower tighter to
myself, in case Suzanne was going to pull it off like she'd done once
before.  Not this time, though.  She simply gestured back toward the dorm
we all shared and informed me, "Gotcher clothes all laid out, Kay-Lawny."
As I approached my bed, my initial outrage at Suzanne going through my
stuff quickly gave way to despair at what she'd chosen for me to wear that
day.  In addition to the normal white blouse, socks and saddle shoes that
had become my uniform, she'd selected a black pleated skirt which I
recognized as the one that was far too big around my miniscule waist,
and... THOSE.  Those godawful childish underpants with the big smiley-face
flowers and matching pink elastic-lace trim.  Gail, the prim and proper
social worker, had brought them the night she'd picked me up, and I'd been
stuck with them ever since.  I hated them and felt so ridiculous wearing
them, but Suzanne was calling the shots, so I pulled them on, along with
the oversized skirt, then began searching around for the safety pin I
always used to hold it up.  I couldn't find it anywhere.  I was still
looking when Suzanne came back to check on me.  "Whatcha lookin' fer,
Kay-Lawny?" In a fake innocent tone that told me she knew damn well what I
was "lookin' fer".  When I didn't give her the satisfaction of a response,
she held up her hand and showed me the big curved pin, and said, "Wouldn'
be this, now would it?" I stood up and made a grab for it...  and my skirt
promptly dropped down to my ankles.  "Haw-haw-haw!" Suzanne chortled with
laughter as I quickly pulled it back up, blushing furiously.  It was clear
I wasn't going to get the pin back.  This was part of Suzanne's plan, to
make my skirt fall down all day, to let all the other girls see my
embarrassing underwear.  I thought of asking one of the Sisters for
another, but quickly realized Suzanne would be with me all day and wouldn't
let me have the chance.  God, I felt so helpless in the face of inescapable
embarrassment.  If I were back at home all I'd have to do is walk into the
bathroom and get a replacement pin from the drawer, but here I had to rely
on the other adults for the tiniest little thing...  Just like a child.  As
I walked downstairs I tried to fix the skirt so it wouldn't fall, even
tucking the top hem into the waistband of those horrible panties, but it
was no use, it just wouldn't stay put.  I was going to have to hold it up
with one hand all day to keep it from slipping.  God DAMN you, Suzanne
Calloway, I kept thinking.  Breakfast in the cafeteria was awful, I had to
balance my tray with one hand while holding onto my skirt with the other,
but I somehow managed to get to a table.  I would have lost it again when I
stood back up, except Suzanne's impish smirk tipped me off.  I made it to
my seat in the back row of our classroom and figured I was safe for at
least awhile.  Until I remembered what today was.  Today was the end of our
algebra section, and the day Sister Bernadette had told us that everyone
would have to demonstrate how to solve an equation.  On the chalkboard.  In
front of the entire class.  Suzanne, that evil little bitch, had PLANNED it
like this, I realized.  She'd known about my sneaking around after hours,
probably for weeks, and had chosen this particular day and these particular
clothes to maximize my humiliation.  God, how was I going to get out of
this?  Could I pretend to be sick?  No, that wouldn't work, I knew
immediately.  I'm a horrible actress and an even worse liar.  Christ,
nobody believed me when I DID tell the truth, about my real age!  And
besides, if I dodged what Suzanne had planned for me, she could always
decide to rat me out to Sister.  So I stayed in my seat and steeled myself,
vowing to avoid the embarrassment and thus ruin Suzanne's fun.  It was all
I had.  Sister Bernadette arrived and took her place, and class began.  A
few of the other girls went up and worked their math problems, and did
fine. We were supposed to work on them at our desks too, but I sat in my
seat and stewed, hunched over so maybe Sister wouldn't call on me.  At one
point Makala got picked and silently did her problem for the class.  Then a
bit later Suzanne, and I got another evil smirk on her way back to her
seat, knowing the remaining students were dwindling, that it was only a
matter of time.  Time, I thought, might be my savior.  Maybe if this went
on long enough, classtime would be over and I wouldn't-- I almost jumped
out of my seat when Sister called out, "Keilani Akana." I sat bolt upright,
guiltily.  Next to me, Suzanne supressed a snicker.  Sister indicated the
board.  "Please do the next problem." Oh God, here it comes, I thought,
clutching my skirt tightly as I made my way to the front of the room,
trying desperately to keep my wardrobe predicament inconspicuous.  I got
all the way to the blackboard before Sister asked me, "Keilani?  Don't you
think you might need your book for this?" Scattered giggling followed but
was swiftly silenced by Sister Bernadette's stern glare sweeping around the
room.  Except for Suzanne, she didn't care if she got in trouble.  Hell,
she liked getting punished.  So I had to walk all the way back to my desk,
looking like a complete wa'awa'a.  The desks were those flip-top kind you
put your stuff inside, which meant using two hands, one to open it and one
to take out the book.  I was painfully aware of what would happen if I let
go of my skirt, so I sat back down in my seat before opening it, well aware
that everyone in the class was looking directly at me.  At least I
remembered to hold on when I stood up again.  And so, with one hand
grasping my skirt and the other with my book, I made my way back to the
front of the class, and realized...  "Um...  which problem was it again?" I
asked timidly.  Sister looked at me with disapproval, the naughty student
who hadn't been paying attention.  She didn't seem to notice my skirt
problems as I looked down and shifted my hands, checking to make sure my
panties weren't showing.  Most likely she just assumed I was a nervous,
fidgety little girl who couldn't keep still.  "Problem number seven,
Keilani." Seven.  Fucking lucky number seven.  I had to lean forward
against the chalk rail to hold my skirt in place as I flipped through the
book trying to find what page we were on.  Sister pushed me along with
directions like "Chapter five...  Page 47..." She was clearly growing
impatient with me.  I glanced up once or twice and caught Suzanne's growing
amusement at my predicament.  God this was awful!  I thought I could put
those bad memories of junior high behind me forever, yet here I was stuck
going through it all over again!  I finally found the right problem, and
turned my attention to how I was going to get it copied onto the board. 
Using the chalk would take one hand, and holding the book the other, which
would leave my skirt vulnerable.  I decided the best way would be to try to
balance the book open on the chalk tray, that way I'd have a spare hand for
the skirt.  I stood with my front pressed up against the metal rail too,
for extra insurance.  I knew I looked ridiculous, but it was better than
standing there with my skirt around my ankles.  Okay, I could get through
this.  I knew the material.  Hell, I'd been through this crap ten years
ago, and again in my first week of college review.  I studied the simple
equation I was supposed to solve, and...  My mind...  fucking...  went...
blank!  It must have been the stress brought on by my current crisis, but
at that moment I could not remember a damn thing about math.  It was like
it was in a fucking foreign language!  "Today please, Keilani," Sister
chided.  Shit!  Okay, I thought, start by copying the problem out of the
book.  I wrote it out slowly, trying to use the time to think.  Two... 
X... plus...  five...  equals-- Suddenly the book slipped from its perch
and threatened to topple onto the floor.  Instinctively, before I could
tell myself otherwise, I reached out to grab it with both hands...  ...and
my skirt slipped off my tiny hips and fell straight down, exposing my
panty-clad ass to the entire classroom!  Laughter erupted all around me,
the tittering of twenty or so girls half my age.  One voice in particular
rang out over the others.  "HAW-HAW-HAW!  Didja see that, Makala! 
Kay-Lawny done lost 'er skirt!  Lookit them perty li'l bloomers she's
wearin'!  HAW-HAW-HAW-HAW-HAW!!" Sister Bernadette made her best effort at
restoring order.  She called out for silence, took out her ruler and rapped
it loudly on the desk, but to no avail.  Finally she threw up her hands in
exasperation, seeing there was no way she was going to quiet the girls
down. Instead she turned her attention to me, and simply shook her head
with a mixture of sympathy, strained patience, and -- please let it have
been my imagination -- thinly concealed amusement.  "Oh, Keilani..." Her
voice had a definite tone of, "What on earth are we going to do with you?"
Sister dug around in the drawer of her desk and produced the safety pin I'd
so desperately wanted.  If only I could have asked her before, I could have
saved myself from this indignity.  Sister took hold of my skirt and
fastened it in place for me.  As if I were a little baby, incapable of
doing such a thing myself.  By this time the din had more or less died down
on its own, though Suzanne's loud obnoxious cackling lingered well after
the other girls had ceased.  After all that, I still had to finish the
stupid math problem.  My mind was still a blank, so Sister had to pretty
much walk me through the whole thing.  Everyone but me had been able to do
it on their own.  My face smoldered, tears threatening to spill from my
lashes as I made my way back to my seat, between rows of amused eyes,
knowing everyone in the class had seen and laughed at me in my stupid
flower underwear.  Then I saw the gears turning in Suzanne's head and I
realized the nightmare STILL wasn't over.  As the lesson continued I
noticed her chewing on something, but careful not to let Sister see.  A few
minutes later a whisper came my way.  "Psst!  Kay-Lawny!" Her words were
mashed by whatever was in her mouth.  I glared at her out of the corner of
my eye, refusing to speak.  It didn't matter, Suzanne took the initiative,
whispering, "Tell 'er it was yew." "What was me?" I stupidly asked.  And
with that, Suzanne spat the soggy gob of wet paper into her hand and
whipped it toward the front of the classroom.  It struck Sister Bernadette
squarely in the back of the head with a wet smack.  She whirled around,
furiously.  Everyone gasped.  "WHO THREW THAT?!" she demanded, her flaming
gaze sweeping over every student in the class.  I sat perfectly still,
trying not to make myself look guilty, but Suzanne kept glancing over at me
with an expression that said, "Tell 'er." And Sister noticed.  On Suzanne's
other side, Makala silently pointed at me in agreement with Suzanne.  She
approached my desk.  "Keilani?" she asked, in a tone that told me she
expected an answer immediately.  "Do you know who threw it?" I held off as
long as possible.  I'd been on the business end of Sister's paddling switch
before, and wasn't at all eager to experience it again.  Especially not
now, with everyone in the class watching.  ESPECIALLY not after what I'd
already been put through today!  Finally, when I couldn't put it off any
longer, I nodded my head, keeping my face turned down, struggling not to
start crying in front of everybody.  Sister leaned towards me, and pressed
harder.  "Did YOU throw it, Keilani?" Once again I had a chance to save
myself, and once again I chose not to take it.  Suzanne and Makala made it
two against one, and I knew I'd get even worse if Sister thought I was
lying to her.  There was nothing else for me to do.  So, biting my lip, I
nodded, wordlessly.  Sister stood back upright, satisfied.  "Please come up
front, Keilani." I obeyed, wringing my hands as I followed Sister back. 
God she's an indimidating woman.  I knew what was going to happen to me,
and I tried to mentally put myself somewhere else.  She bent me over her
desk, my backside pointed at the other girls, then leaned close and
whispered to me.  "I know you had a bad time at the board, Keilani.  But
you can't take things like that out on other people.  If you had studied
like you were supposed to, you would know the material." Her words barely
registered.  My face was scrunched up, trying to block the tears that I
knew were coming.  "Let this be a lesson to the rest of you," she told the
class.  And then, right there with every pair of eyes on me, Sister
Bernadette unhooked the safety pin and pulled down my skirt, followed by my
flowery panties, exposing my bare rear end to everyone!  "Shouldn' she be
wearin' a dahper?" "SUZANNE CALLOWAY, YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!" This time
there was no laughter.  Through tear-blurred vision, I saw Sister produce
the switch from under her desk.  From the corner of my eye I saw her step
behind me.  I heard a swish through the air as Sister raised her arm.  I
heard the tense, collective gasp from the other girls.  I heard the WHACK
as the switch found its mark across my little exposed bottom.  It took
about a half-second after impact for the pain to fully register.  When it
did, it absolutely ERUPTED, a streak of searing fire burning across both
cheeks, making me gasp sharply.  I'd tried to brace myself but I was
completely unprepared for the intensity of it.  Sister was unrelenting,
immediately lifting the switch for a second strike.  I lost it, I fucking
lost it.  I let go of any remaining inhibitions and just howled, squirming
about as Sister rained thrash after thrash upon my poor little ass. 
Sobbing, I sucked in a shaky breath and let it out again in a loud bawl
until I thought my lungs would rupture.  Sister held me firmly in place as
I wriggled and kicked, arms flailing, tears spilling onto her desk.  I'm
sure I heard fucking Suzanne say something, but I couldn't make it out over
my own screams and the blood pounding in my head.  It took awhile before I
even realized Sister had stopped.  She lifted my head so I was looking
directly into her eyes.  I could barely see her through the tears. 
"Keilani." Very quietly, perfectly calm.  "Don't ever disrupt my class like
that again." Sniffling, a stream of snot running down from my nose, I
nodded my head and whimpered out a compliance.  Sister nodded too,
satisfied.  "Now go stand over there." She pointed to the corner, at the
far end of the blackboard.  I bent over and reached for my clothes, not
even caring how much I was showing anymore.  "Keilani." I stopped, looked
up to show I was listening, but not directly at her face.  "I didn't say
pull your skirt up." Silently I obeyed, shuffling into the corner with my
skirt and panties still down around my ankles, my red-marked bare ass
facing the entire class.  "All eyes on me!" ordered Sister Bernadette.  I
had to stand there in silence for the rest of the lesson.  My hands, my
entire body was shaking.  Every instinct I had was screaming at me to run
from the room, but I knew I was in for another round if I did.  I scrunched
my face up and put every ounce of strength into suppressing my sobs.  Time
slowed as my sore little ass throbbed with pain.  It had to have been close
to the end of classtime, but it felt like I stood there for hours.  After
class I waited for what I thought was a good five minutes before I even
moved.  Finally I forced myself to turn around, and found the room
deserted. Breathing a final, deep breath of relief, which quickly dissolved
into a long and pitiful wail, I bent over and pulled the bottom half of my
outfit back on.  Even the soft cotton fabric of my little-girl panties
stung my ass.  Eyes red and puffy, nose running, I made my way toward the
door, wanting only to get away from any reminder of the horrible
experience. But it was no use.  My tormentors had waited for me just
outside the classroom.  I caught the tail end of Suzanne's one-sided
conversation with Makala.  "--was braht red, lahk one o' them zoo monkeys
with the red bee-hinds!" Then she noticed Makala pointing and turned to me,
beaming with pride.  "Gawd-DAMN, ya done yerself good, Kay-Lawny!" And she
gave me a comradely slap on the ass, causing me to yelp in pain once more.
"Ah'm a-gonna be fingerin' mah-self ever' naht fer a WEEK thinkin' 'bout
that!" There were a thousand hateful things I wanted to scream at Suzanne,
but I didn't say anything lest the tears start spilling again.  My ass was
sore for two whole days after that.  For the next week I was a fucking
nervous wreck.  My stomach was in constant knots.  I could barely sleep, I
couldn't eat.  I think I even lost weight, making me even scrawnier and
more pathetic than before.  I kept waiting helplessly for the next round of
humiliation from Suzanne -- that cruel, EVIL little bitch!  -- but she
seemed to be biding her time, content for the moment to watch me suffer. 
Suzanne was very careful about keeping my secret, and never told any of the
other girls my real age, except maybe Makala, and she never talked. 
Occasionally I'd pass the two of them together in the hall, and upon seeing
me they'd exchange devious smirks, as if they knew something was coming.  I
could only imagine what they'd been plotting all this time.  After lunch
one day (which I didn't even touch), Sister Ulalia caught up with me in the
hall and instructed me to come with her, but wouldn't say where we were
going.  I followed her to Sister Bernadette's office, where the Mother
Superior was at her desk, finishing her own lunch.  I tasted bile rising in
my throat as I saw that Suzanne Calloway was there too.  "So, Keilani,"
Sister B said after swallowing a bite.  "Suzanne says you have something
you wanted to tell us." Ohhhh GOD, she'd told!  She'd tattled about me
using Sister's office at night, and now Sister was waiting for me to
confess to it, just like she'd done with the spitwad in class.  ...Or was
she?  Could this all be a trick by Suzanne, to see if I'd turn myself in?
NO, kokami, I decided, Suzanne's manipulation was over!  She couldn't make
me admit to anything, she'd have to accuse me herself.  So I played dumb,
forcing her hand.  That was fine for Suzanne, she knew where she was going
with this.  Turning to the Sisters, she proudly stated, "Kay-Lawny an' Ah'd
lahk ta announce that we're friends." What the motherFUCK...?  I wondered.
What the hell was that little bitch up to now??  "Ah've noticed Kay-Lawny's
havin' a tough tahm here, an' Ah'm gonna help 'er out.  Mebbe we kin git
through this together." She nudged me with her arm.  "Ain't that raht,
Kay-Lawny?" All this time my jaw hung agape in disbelief.  Suzanne was a
problem girl herself, that's why her parents had left her here!  She'd been
causing trouble at Saint Sebastian's well before I ever arrived.  She
couldn't honestly expect the Sisters to swallow this load of kukae kohola?!
(That means "whale shit", by the way.) Both Sisters were looking at me
expectantly, waiting for me to confirm Suzanne's statement.  I glanced over
at Suzanne, saw that icy look in her eyes that told me I'd damn well better
go along with her.  I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud, so I just
nodded pathetically.  I had no idea what sort of future repercussions this
might have.  Sealing the deal, Suzanne put her arms around my tiny frame
and gave me a big hug.  God it was fucking revolting.  After the Sisters
awarded Suzanne yet another suck-up point (even telling ME I could "learn a
lot from her"), they shooed us out into the hall and I headed for the
nearest bathroom.  I didn't have to go, I just wanted some alone time to
absorb this latest assault on my dignity.  When I'd first gotten here,
Suzanne was the troublemaker.  How had things gotten so completely turned
around?  But of course Suzanne followed, standing in the stall doorway,
preventing me from closing it.  "Well now," the little white trash drawled,
"Bein' we're friends 'n' all, Ah reckon Ah don' need ta keep this no more."
She bent over and reached into her sock, producing a folded piece of paper.
Unfolding it, she showed me my precious phone list.  I reached out my hand,
feeling a glimmer of hope.  Was her cruel torture finally over?  Had she
had enough entertainment at my expense?  Was she going to give it back to
me now?  But instead Suzanne held it up in front of me, with both her hands
at the top, and then slowly and deliberately pulled one hand down, ripping
the page in half.  "NO!!" I burst out, pleading.  "Stop!  Don't!  Give it
back!!" Holding the pages over hear head, out of my reach, Suzanne put the
two pieces on top of each other and tore them in half again.  And again. 
And once more.  I jumped, trying desperately to grab them, while Suzanne
calmly made her way to the nearest toilet and dropped the scraps into the
bowl.  I felt sick as she pushed the handle, flushing them away.  AI�,!  It
was over.  It was all over.  I was NEVER getting out of Saint Sebastian's.
My parents had no way to contact me, and now I had no way to contact THEM!
I strained my mind to recall any of the numbers I'd dialed over and over so
many times, even just one, but they were gone, completely fucking GONE.  It
was hopeless.  Suzanne had taken everything from me.  There was nothing
left to lose.  Which meant...!  "You fucking CUNT!" I felt my hand twisting
into a fist, jaw clenching, as I took a deep breath...  Suzanne stopped me
before I could do anything.  "Whoa now, hold yer horses, Kay-Lawny!  Y-Yew
don't wanna git in trouble fer fahtin' now, do ya?  Not after yew just said
we's friends not two minutes ago...!" But she'd held up her hands
defensively and I saw the fear in her eyes, she was afraid she'd gone too
far.  And Makala wasn't around to protect her.  I relaxed my fist.  Suzanne
was right, I wasn't going to do anything.  Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking
coward.  Defeated, I slumped back against the stall.  "Mom...  Dad..." I
whined, to myself.  God I missed them so much.  Reassured that I wasn't
going to attack her, Suzanne fell back into her usual mode.  "Oh, mah
parents're gonna LOOOVE yew, Kay-Lawny." She paused a moment, pretending to
think.  "Y'know, Ah got their CELL PHONE NUMBER, mebbe Ah'll cawl 'em
t'naht an' tell 'em allll about yew." "Your mother and father," I muttered
viciously.  "Are they by any chance brother and sister too?" For once
Suzanne didn't have a snappy comeback.  Instead she glowered at me.  "It's
high tahm you learnt some respect, Kay-Lawny.  Don't yew be insultin' mah
fam'ly!  Don' fergit, Ah kin still tell Sister what yew bin doin' at naht."
Oh yeah.  On top of everything there was still THAT.  Jesus Fucking H. 
Christ on a motherfucking CRUTCH.  As if she heard me thinking that,
Suzanne continued.  "Yew best watch yer mouth, Kay-Lawny.  Cuz from this
day on...  Ah OWN yew!  An' if'n Ah got anythin' ta say 'bout it, yer gonna
be here fer a lawng, LAWNG tahm!" The only good thing that grew out of all
this shit was that, once we were "friends", Suzanne more or less left me
alone for awhile.  Obviously she couldn't allow herself to get caught
teasing me by the Sisters, who seemed to have bought into her born-again
bullshit.  Plus I think she realized she'd pushed me absolutely as far as
she could before I pushed back, and that she'd better give me a break.  Not
that this opened any new doors for me.  I was still stuck in this awful
place.  I couldn't even go back to using Sister's phone at night, not
without my list.  And I couldn't shake the feeling that she had something
deeper, even more devious, planned.  I did have one confidant.  Oliana, the
short-haired outcast girl who hung around with me sometimes, and who was
another frequent victim of Suzanne Calloway.  She at least was nice to me,
never laughed along with the other girls, and in fact always seemed to feel
really sorry for me.  She'd also noticed the change in me over the last few
weeks, as a result of Suzanne's persecution.  I'd been thinking, God knows
I'd had the time, and I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to be
able to trust another human being in this place.  So one day when the two
of us were alone on one edge of the playground, I confided in Oliana, told
her everything.  About how Suzanne was blackmailing me.  About how she made
me do all those degrading things or she'd rat me out.  The only thing I
didn't tell her was that I was actually twenty-one.  I couldn't prove it,
and I didn't want her to think I was making up stories.  I needed at least
one person on my side.  Unfortunately, while Oliana sat and listened and
seemed to understand, she wasn't in a position to do anything to actually
help me.  And the Sisters, I'd tried and failed with them more times than I
could remember.  I'd lost the ability to call my parents for help.  Only
Suzanne could have done something, and she was never going to let me go if
she could help it.  And so finally, after weeks of pondering the futility
of my situation, I became so desperate I did the one thing I originally
swore I'd NEVER do.  I called Akela and Naia.  My two best friends from
college shared a small flat in Kāne'ohe, and were spending the summer
together.  When they first moved in they'd asked me to join them and split
the rent three ways, but back then I'd been too afraid of living away from
home.  God, that sounds so stupid now, after all I've been through.  I
settled into Sister Bernadette's chair for what felt like the hundredth
time, and probably was.  Thank Akua I still remembered their number.  The
phone rang twice, and I got their answering machine: "Aloha, it's Akela!"
"And Naia!!" Her bubbly voice, hollering in the background.  "And Naia,"
Akela reaffirmed.  "We're not here right now, but..." I was getting one
last chance to back out before my penultimate humiliation.  But I fucking
didn't take it.  I left them a message anyway.  "Akela...  Naia...  it's
Keilani." I felt strangely uncomfortable talking to them after the beach
incident.  Like now that they'd seen my unwilling masquerade as a Saint
Seb's orphan, I'd become somehow younger than them, in their eyes.  I mean,
Akela really was six months older than me and Naia was four, but...  you
know what I mean.  "Keilani Akana," I added, in case they'd forgotten who I
was.  "Look, I--...  I just can't take this shit anymore, I really need
your h--" "E, howzit, 'Lani?" Akela's voice, she'd picked up.  "Hey Naia,
it's 'Lani!" "'LANI?!" came Naia's muffled, astonished voice.  "What's
going on, where ARE you?!" Akela, sounding relieved to hear from me, but
also a bit put out.  "What the hell HAPPENED to you, 'Lani?!  We thought
the tide washed you away!" Naia, clearer now, as if standing next to Akela.
And before I could get a word in, the stream of questions began: "So okay,
you owe us an explanation!" "What was the DEAL with you on the beach that
last time?" "What have you been doing all summer?" "With that stupid green
suit?" "We stopped by your house like fifty times but no one's ever there!"
"You still hot for Kahoku?" "Are you ready for college?  What classes you
taking?" That one hit me like a tsunami.  Jesus, had that much time already
passed?  Had I really been here almost the entire summer?!  "I...  I
haven't signed up yet." "You haven't??" Naia was shocked.  "Well what you
waiting for?  Classes start next week, you better '�-w�<<w�<<, aikâne!"
Move, girl.  "Hold on, lemme get our schedules," said Akela, "maybe there's
still openings..." "We signed up for the same things, just like last year!"
chirped Naia perkily.  My heart sank even deeper into despair.  Every
agonizing minute I was imprisoned here, I was missing the signup for the
fall semester at U of H!  If I didn't get out of this place soon, I
wouldn't be going to college at all!  My friends would all move on to more
advanced classes and I'd be left behind.  I'd miss out on all the
parties... I wouldn't graduate!  And what would Mom and Dad say about that?
I couldn't take another lecture about how irresponsible I was, on top of
everything else!  And, just like that, instantly, I became DESPERATE to get
out of Saint Sebastian's NOW.  Akela and Naia were still talking over each
other on the other end.  "Okay, shutup shutup SHUT UP!" I demanded, almost
forgetting to hold down the volume myself, lest Sister hear.  "Look, I'm at
this place, it's..." I took a deep breath.  Here it came.  "It's an
orphanage." Immediately they started up again.  "An ORPHANAGE?" "Are you
volunteering there, or what?" "'Lani, this a joke?" "What orphanage,
where?" Finally I just stopped talking altogether.  When Akela and Naia get
like this, I know complete silence is the only thing that can get their
attention back.  It worked.  The other end got quiet, eager to hear what I
had to say.  FINALLY, someone was listening to me.  "I'm at this
orphanage," I reiterated, "and I need you to come here -- WRITE THIS DOWN
-- It's called Saint Sebastian's." I gave them the address.  "I need you to
come here and talk to Sister Bernadette, she's the Mother Superior here,
she runs this place.  Are you writing this down?" "Yeah, yeah, we gotcha
'Lani," came Akela's voice.  I thought I could hear the reassuring scratch
of pen on pad.  I closed my eyes to think, to try and cover all the bases.
I knew I'd only get one shot at this.  "Now look, Akela, Naia, this is VERY
important.  They...  they think I'm a kid and they won't let me out. 
I've--" "A KID?!" asked Naia in disbelief.  "How could they possibly think
THAT?" Akela's voice immediately following.  The same goddamn question I'd
been asking the whole summer.  "Look," I pressed on, trying to keep control
of the conversation.  "The point is they won't believe you without proof.
So.  I need you to go get my driver's license, it's in my purse, in my
parents' car at the airport.  You know which car it is?" Tripping over each
others' words, they assured me they did.  "And bring some of my clothes
too, go to my house.  Anything, I don't care what.  Key's under the potted
palm, you know where?" At that moment I noticed a movement out of the
corner of my eye and, turning, saw a shadow through the glass pane in
Sister's door.  I had a "perty good reckonin'" of who it might be.  I had
no idea how long she'd been listening there, but decided I'd better wrap
this up before she could interfere.  "Clothes, and my license.  Bring them
tomorrow.  Talk to Sister Bernadette.  Saint Sebastian's, are you SURE
you've got all this?" "Yeah, yeah 'Lani," Akela assured me.  "But what have
you been doing all--" "Look, I SWEAR I will explain everything later and I
will owe you SO MUCH and just PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME!  Mahalo nui NUI loa!"
I gushed, thanking them profusely.  I hung up without listening to their
reply, praying they'd get everything right.  Akela's a little spacey at
times and Naia's a complete lōlō.  Hell, I was the most mature of the
three of us...  emphasis on WAS.  Suzanne wasn't in the hall when I left
Sister's office.  She must have skipped out when I'd twigged on her
eavesdropping.  I wondered if she was still awake and watching me when I
climbed into bed.  I knew I'd have to be extremely careful tomorrow.  The
waiting the next day was sheer agony.  I woke up at five and laid awake in
bed until Sister Ulalia's morning bell.  I figured it would take Akela and
Naia awhile to drive to Honolulu, find my parents' car and get back. 
Breakfast and my morning classes seemed to drag on eternally.  The hardest
part was constantly trying not to look over at Suzanne to see if she was
doing the same to me.  I absolutely did NOT want her fucking this up for
me. That had to be her plan.  My stomach was so knotted I didn't feel like
eating.  I skipped lunch and went straight outside, and stared through the
bars of the tall metal fence surrounding the playground.  It wouldn't be
long now and I could be OUT of here.  My freedom was so achingly close. 
"Psssst!  'Lani!  Hey 'Lani, is that you?" "Aiâ, it IS her!" squeaked
Naia, as I spun around.  My two friends were right there, peering through
the fence at me, in my little schoolgirl outfit.  Akela with the red streak
in her hair, and Naia with all the different tan-lined symbols down her
arms and legs.  God it was good to see them again, but still...  "What are
you DOING here?!" I hissed.  "Go inside!" I pointed them towards the
entrance, then looked nervously over my shoulder.  Some of the other girls
had finished lunch and were starting to come out for recess.  "We were.  No
one's at the front desk," explained Akela.  *Sigh*, of course not, I
realized.  Between the lunchroom and the playground, all the nuns were
minding the girls.  Why, oh WHY did they have to come right at this
particular time?  Naia tried to hide a laugh but didn't succeed.  "'Lani,
why are you wearing THAT?" "I TOLD you!  They think I'm a little girl so
they're dressing me like one." I felt like an idiot standing there in a
long-sleeved blouse, pleated skirt and saddle shoes with knee socks, in
front of my friends and their more risqu�" midriff tops and tight jeans. 
Instinctively I tugged my skirt down a bit in back so my childish panties
wouldn't show.  Today I was stuck with the old pair Sister Ulalia brought
back from my house that time we went there, the pink ones with little
hearts at the end of rainbows.  They were my only clean pair.  "Heehee, she
looks so cute!" giggled Naia.  "Just like my kaikaina," Akela agreed.  Good
God, she was comparing me to her kid sister, who was like eight!  As I
turned my gaze downward in embarrassment, I couldn't help but notice both
of my friends now had their belly-buttons pierced.  That was something we'd
all planned to go and get done together, but because I'd been stuck here
the whole summer I'd missed out!  And then I happened to look past them,
and my heart...  fucking...  STOPPED.  Waiting across the street, leaning
against Akela's car, was Kahoku.  The cute guy from college, who I had the
hugest crush on!  Standing right there in a sleeveless shirt and cutoff
shorts that showed off his muscular arms and legs.  Christ, what did they
bring HIM along for?!  He was staring at me with a mixture of amused
disbelief and disgust.  Like he was looking at a circus freak.  Akela
noticed, and looked guilty.  "Oh...  We ran into him on the way.  And Naia
kinda...  let it slip that we were going to see you.  And he wanted to
come." "I think that means he still likes you, 'Lani!" giggled Naia, as if
that was supposed to make me feel any less humiliated.  "Who still lahks
Kay-Lawny?" came a sudden hateful voice from right behind me.  Suzanne was
there, along with Makala, and she looked absolutely delighted.  "Go AWAY!"
I demanded.  She was going to ruin everything!  "Yew cain't tell me what ta
do." Then she saw Kahoku and waved, "Howdy, Kay-Lawny's boy-friend!" "E, I
remember you," Kahoku said, coming over to us.  "The beach that time." God,
he was talking to HER!  But not to ME!  "'Ae, when Keilani was wearing that
awful green baby lole`au`au," Akela added.  Shit, they'd all remembered
every excruciating detail!  I'd been trying so hard to forget!  "Hey what
was that you called her..." said Naia, "Scrawny Keilani?" Oh GOD, they
remembered THAT too!  I turned my head down to hide the rising blush in my
face.  "HAW-HAW-HAW!  Scrawny Kay-Lawny!" Suzanne chimed in.  "That's her
aw-raht!" The other girls, sensing something was about to happen, were
starting to watch us from a distance.  This was not going at all like I had
planned.  "She does look pretty thin," agreed Akela.  "Is she getting
enough to eat?" She was talking about me like I wasn't even there!  Like
Suzanne was the older of us, and I was just a stupid baby!  "Come on," I
told her, desperate to get this train wreck back on track, "go find Sister
and talk to her." Suzanne picked up on this immediately.  Turning, in a
loud voice, she proclaimed to the rest of the playground, "Hey!  Sister! 
Kay-Lawny here's got somethin' ta say to ya!" Oh HELL...  If one of the
Sisters came over here Suzanne would provoke me until I misbehaved again!
"Come ON!" I urged my friends.  "Go back to the front office and wait!" Of
course in my current outfit it was hard to take me seriously.  I looked
like an impatient little brat, demanding that the adults do what I said
right now.  Naia stifled her giggles enough to ask Suzanne, "So are you
staying here with Keilani?" "Tha's raht," she announced proudly.  "An'
we're best friends, lahk two peas inna pod.  Ain't that raht, Scrawny?"
Christ...  I just wanted to curl up and fucking DIE...  Makala nudged
Suzanne on the shoulder and pointed across the playground.  Sister Ulalia
had noticed the commotion and was waddling over to investigate.  Suzanne
slapped her knee.  "Aw-RAHT!  This is gonna be fun!" She pulled me close,
and whispered, "When she gits here?  Yew tell 'er she's a fat, stupid
toad-faced cunt." "What?!" No way.  No fucking way, this was NOT happening!
"Ah know yew got it in ya, yew done called me that th' other day." She was
right, I had.  In the bathroom when she torn up my phone list, I'd lost my
temper and called her a cunt.  And now it was coming back to haunt me. 
Sister Ulalia was approaching.  Aiâ, how was I going to get out of this
mess?  The answer, of course: I wasn't.  "Tell 'er," ordered Suzanne, "else
Ah'm blabbin' yer see-krit!" Naia's eyes lit up.  "Oooh!" she squeaked. 
"What's Keilani's secret?" Suzanne got the biggest grin.  "Ohhhh,
Kay-Lawny's bin a bad, BAD li'l girl!  Sneakin' 'round at naht, breakin'
inta Sister's office..." "Is that true?" Naia asked me.  "No!" I answered
defensively.  "I mean, yes, but it was just to call my Mom and Dad!  And
you guys!" Throughout all of this, Kahoku stood silently, glowering,
debating whether I was still worth talking to after the last time.  It
didn't look like the deliberations were going in my favor.  Right about
then, Sister Ulalia reached us.  She noticed my college friends on the
other side of the fence and, looking from one to the other, asked, "What's
going on over here?" Akela and Naia exchanged looks that said, "Well?  What
do we tell her?" They leaned in toward each other and whispered, trying to
decide.  Anxiously, with pleading eyes, I mouthed the words, "Tell her I'm
twenty-one!" "Don'cha got anythin' yer s'pose ta say ta Sister?" Suzanne
prodded me.  Sister looked to me for an explanation.  "Keilani?  Who are
these girls?" Both of them started talking at the same time.  "We're
Keilani's friends from school." "We all go to U of H together." "Yeah,
she's actually our age." "But she's here by mistake." "So could you please,
you know, let her go with us?" "Nuh-uh!" Suzanne joined in.  "They're them
cawlidge kids she was talkin' to on the beach that tahm.  Tell 'er,
Kay-Lawny!" She looked more insistant now.  "Au�"!  Here!  Look!  We
brought her driver's license!" Akela took it out of her purse.  "Yew had
'em make ya a fake I.D.?!" Suzanne, in pretend shock.  "No, it's real!" I
protested as Sister snatched the card from Akela's hand.  "Ah heard 'er
talkin' 'bout it, Sister!  She said they done made it for 'er, so she could
git outta here!" FUCK!  Suzanne was going to sabotage my only means of
escape if I didn't give in to her demands!  Sister Ulalia frowned at my
license briefly...  before tucking it away inside her habit.  She'd
apparently chosen to believe that stupid hick's version of events.  Seeing
she was on a roll, Suzanne just kept going.  "She cawled them two here,
Sister," pointing at Akela and Naia.  "Know how Ah know that?" But Sister's
attention was focused squarely on me.  "Keilani, I think we need to have a
little talk." That's right, a "little" talk for a "little girl".  I wasn't
about to take this quietly.  "A'ohe!" I hollered.  "A'OHE!!  Give it back!
It's MMMMIIIINNNEEEE!!!!" I clawed at the folds of Sister's robes, trying
to get the license back.  She grabbed my wrists and pushed me away, warning
me, "Keilani...  Uoki." Stop it.  Kahoku's voice.  "Akela.  You told me she
would be different from last time." I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
I realized how stupid my pureile behavior was making me look.  Akela and
Naia decided to try and salvage this.  "Okay, okay, we're not really
Keilani's friends!" "It's true, Sister.  We're, um, her sisters." Akela,
looking to Naia for confirmation.  "Yyyeah...  her sisters," Naia nodded
stupidly, trying to do her part to solidify Akela's story.  It might have
worked too, if only it hadn't been Sister Ulalia.  She was the one who'd
actually been inside my house before.  She took me there the one time to
let me get some of my stuff, and she'd seen the pictures of my family.  So
she was the ONE fucking person at Saint Seb's who knew for a fact these
neither of these two girls was my sister.  She fixed Akela and Naia with a
highly dubious look.  "Nuh-uh!" Suzanne of course chose the most
inopportune moment to pipe up.  "Kay-Lawny's tryin' ta git these two ta
help 'er git outta Saint Sebastian's.  She said ta fib, an' per-tend ta be
her relations, so she could git outta here!  Ah heard 'er!" "Keilani?  Is
this true?" Sister looked suspicious.  After all, I was a troublemaker with
a history of trying to get away from them.  Oh, and as she asked that she
kneeled down to my height, like she was addressing a child.  And what the
hell could I do?  Suzanne had completely wrecked my chances.  I'd run out
of plausible stories.  There was nothing left to say.  "I think you girls
had better leave," Sister Ulalia warned them, "before I call the police."
Their eyes widened, they looked intimidated by her threat.  Glancing
nervously at each other, they turned away toward the car.  Oh GOD, I
thought.  This was my absolute, final, VERY LAST CHANCE, and it was
slipping away!  "Hey Sister, y'know what else Kay-Lawny's bin up tew?"
"What's that?" Sister looked very interested to know.  "No," I begged
Suzanne, "please don't...!" "Yew done had yer chance.  Now 's mah turn ta
tell," she replied triumphantly.  "Kay-Lawny's bin--" I am so ashamed of
what I did next.  But you've got to understand, I was at the very end of my
rope.  I'd just lost Akela and Naia's help, and I'd probably lose my phone
priviliges too, if Suzanne told Sister everything I'd been doing after
dark. Which meant I'd never be able to call them again and maybe scrape a
second chance.  There was only one option left, and that was to do exactly
what Suzanne Calloway wanted.  All of this shot through my mind in an
instant, and before I could react differently, I turned to Sister Ulalia,
and I shouted as loud as I could: "LEAVE US ALONE YOU FAT, STUPID CUNT!!!"
And just like that, the entire playground went dead silent.  A split-second
later I heard Suzanne whisper, "She fergot toad-faced, Makala." Sister
Ulalia stopped in her tracks and just stared at me.  There was genuine hurt
in her eyes and I felt absolutely terrible.  I was furious with myself for
being so mean, and with Suzanne for making me do it.  My friends heard it
too, of course.  It was amazing how fast the tide turned against me.  Akela
stared at me, bewildered.  "Keilani...  Why would you say such an awful
thing?!" Naia looked equally shocked.  "Does she always act this way?"
Kahoku, clearly growing weary of this.  He said it to my friends, like I
wasn't even there.  Sister managed to compose herself, and made the Sign of
the Cross.  "Well," she said quietly, shaking her head.  "I have never in
my life heard that kind of talk from the mouth of a twelve-year-old." At
those words, the last, final ounce of my self-control drained away. 
"That's because I AM NOT TWELVE!!  LIKE I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION, BILLION
TIMES!!" In my tantrum I jumped up and down, stomping hard with both feet
as I screamed out each word, "I!!  AM!!!  AN!!!  ADULT!!!!" I practically
screeched that last one.  There was laughter behind me.  Red-faced, panting
heavily, I turned to see Akela...  holding her camera phone at arm's
length, pointed in my direction.  She and Naia were snickering as they
recorded my infantile outburst.  Some friends they were turning out to be!
God, I'd never be able to show my face at U of H again, not once those
pictures started circulating!  That's assuming I ever DID get out of here,
which was looking more unlikely by the second.  The tears started welling
up in my eyes as Sister said, "Keilani...  come here." I hung my head in
shame as Sister took my wrist and pulled me over.  And then she did what
any adult would do with a child who had just spoken the way I had.  As if
genuflecting, she knelt down on one knee, and leaned me over her other one.
I struggled but she held me there.  Sister Ulalia's stronger than she
looks. This brought about a new round of laughter from my friends, and I
heard Naia exclaim, "Auê noho`i ê!  Look at her undies!" "Cute rainbows,
'Lani!" Akela teased.  Then those went down, and my little olive-skinned
ass was revealed in all its glory.  "A-ha-haaaa-naaaa!" my friends chanted,
"'Lani's gonna get it!" Suzanne joined in, naturally.  After that came a
SWAT.  Followed by more.  My mind struggled to take in this new affront to
my dignity: My best friends AND my worst enemy had ringside seats as my
naked, jiggling ass was spanked in front of an entire playground full of
preteen girls!  This time I didn't scream out.  I even stopped struggling.
I just laid there across her knee with my naked ass sticking up in the air,
and whined and cried bitterly, my face a scorching shade of red.  The
punishment itself wasn't painful...  hell, she didn't even hit that hard. I
think what made this time so awful is that Sister Ulalia had never spanked
me before.  She was the nice one, the one who'd always sympathized and
tried to understand me.  And now I'd gone and yelled the most horrible
insult at her, so I'd earned exactly what I was getting.  That hurt worse
than even the humiliation of knowing my friends were watching it all,
wide-eyed and slack-jawed, along with the guy I really liked.  Then I
suddenly realized, with a sickening horror, that my LIPS were exposed!  You
know...  BACK THERE!!  I was flashing my private, most intimate parts right
at Kahoku!  Jesus, we'd never even been on a date yet, hell, we'd barely
even talked before!  And now he was seeing EVERYTHING!!  "'Aikola,
Keilani!" taunted Akela.  "Serves you right!" Through it all, Suzanne
Calloway stood off to one side, clutching her sides and positively
bellowing with laughter, like this was the funniest thing she'd ever seen.
And to her, it probably was.  Finally, after what felt like ages, Sister
let up.  "Now go sit down, Keilani," she pointed.  "You've got a time-out."
Jesus MotherFUCK, a "time out"?!  Could there BE anything more completely
babyish?  I wrenched myself away from her, pulled my underwear back up,
stomped over and plunked down against the fence and pouted, refusing to
look at anyone.  Sister Ulalia addressed my (former) friends.  "You three,
leave.  And don't come back here." Then, after giving me one final look of
complete and utter disappointment, she went back to her normal playground
duties.  "See ya, Scrawny Kay-Lawny!" called Naia, in a mocking imitation
of Suzanne's Southern accent.  Mocking ME, of course.  Before following
them, Kahoku, who through all of this had said about as much as Makala,
leaned down close to me and muttered, "Keilani...  you're pathetic." It
felt like my heart had been stomped on.  The guy of my dreams now hated me.
My best friends were now making fun of me.  And I was never, EVER getting
out of here!  I hated EVERYONE!  Stupid Sister Ulalia, my stupid friends,
stupid Saint Sebastian and his stupid orphanage, stupid Sister Bernadette,
stupid Gail the stupid social worker, the stupid boss who fired me from my
stupid job, my stupid parents on their stupid trip, stupid EVERYTHING!!! 
But most of all stupid fucking Suzanne Calloway.  I'd had it.  I had
FUCKING HAD IT!!  I stood up, breathing hard again.  The hatred in my chest
burned so hot it physically HURT.  My clenched fists were rumbling like a
volcano on the verge of eruption.  I was apoplectic with rage.  Akela and
Naia were getting into their car, but had to stop to see what I was going
to do next.  Suzanne was so preoccupied with her own guffaws that she
didn't notice me making a beeline right for her.  Makala gasped and pointed
as she saw how quickly I was bearing down.  "Whoa now Kay-Lawny, take it
easy, Ah was just--!" "You fucking haole BITCH--!!" And I hauled back and I
POPPED her one, right in the mouth.  HARD.  A lot harder than I ever
thought I could, but I was so mad I didn't care.  I wanted to hurt her, and
I did.  And it felt really, REALLY great.  For about three seconds.  And
then, the horrifying reality of what I'd done started to sink in.  In that
moment I'd actually become a bratty little child.  Not because of everyone
else's beliefs about how old I was, but through my own actions.  I'd just
punched a kid, someone eight years my junior.  Suzanne may have been mean,
but she had never, ever, done anything outright violent to me.  The worst
part of it is, everybody else still thought I WAS a spoiled brat acting
out. Only I knew the full extent of my crime.  Oh, and Akela and Naia.  And
Kahoku.  Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I took it all in with helpless
clarity.  My hand hurt like fuck-all.  And my stomach.  Suzanne reacted
immediately, in a way that made me feel even worse.  She didn't fight back.
She didn't sic Makala on me.  Instead she sank to her knees, she covered
her face, and she BAWLED.  It was NOT fake, just to get me in trouble. 
Those tears were real.  I was there, I saw it.  Her lip was split and
bleeding, and I could see a big bruise already starting to form where my
fist had impacted.  It was the most awful thing I'd ever witnessed, and I'd
caused it.  Beyond the fence I heard a gasp of, "Oh my GOD!" Makala put
herself between me and Suzanne until the Sisters got there.  "KEILANI!! 
What the HELL are you doing?!" I'd never heard Sister Bernadette talk like
that before.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm SORRY!" I wailed.  I meant it,
too. I would have given anything if only I could take that swing back.  My
hands were shaking, I was practically hyperventilating.  It took every
ounce of will to keep from crying myself, but I felt I no longer had the
right.  Sister Ulalia went straight to Suzanne.  "Let me see, dear," she
whispered, trying to pull the injured girl's hand away from her bruised
jaw. Turning to me, "Keilani...  Hitting other people is kapu!" Kapu. 
Suzanne recovered enough to point an accusing finger at me.  "Kay-Lawny's
bin breakin' ALL yer rules, Sister!" she cried, loud enough for everyone on
the playground to hear.  "She's bin sneakin inta yer office at naht, an'
usin' yer phone, an' lookin' at dirty pitchers, AH SEEN 'ER!" She sniffed,
wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and glared at me with an
expression of absolute rancor.  "Kay-Lawny Akawna...  AH HATE YEW!!" "Hush,
keiki," soothed Sister Ulalia, wrapping an arm around the sobbing girl and
leading her away.  Sister Bernadette wasn't nearly so gentle with me.  She
GRABBED the back of my blouse and physically dragged me across the
playground toward the side entrance.  "Keilani Akana, you are
INCORRIGIBLE!" The last thing I saw as I was hauled away was Akela, Naia,
and Kahoku, on the other side of the fence, all staring at me with utter
contempt.  I knew they weren't even going to TRY coming back to help me get
out, not after what they'd seen me do.  I felt completely hollow inside. 
"Sin is a stain on your soul, Keilani," Sister lectured as she pulled me
along through the halls.  "God can see it." She took me past her office.  I
didn't dare ask where we were going.  "I want you to see it.  I want you to
remember, every time you look in the mirror, what you did to your friend."
Yeah, that's right.  On top of it all, the Sisters now believed Suzanne and
I were "friends".  We had come to the small room where I'd had my medical
exam the morning after I'd first been brought here.  Sister released me and
motioned me over to the padded table.  "Fine," I said very quietly, bending
over it, "Let's get this over with." I knew this time I deserved it. 
"Don't you DARE tell me how to punish you!" hissed Sister Bernadette in the
most dangerous whisper I've ever heard.  She was livid.  I swallowed hard.
If I wasn't getting another spanking, what was going to happen to me? 
Sister began rummaging in a drawer for something, while reciting my new
punishment.  "You are confined to the orphanage until further notice.  No
outings, no recess, in bed by 7:30.  You will do the Stations of the Cross
TWICE every day.  You will write a thousand-word essay on why what you did
to Suzanne was wrong, and why you are sorry, and when it is finished you
will read it aloud in front of the entire class." "Okay," I answered
meekly. I deserved every bit of it and worse.  But NOTHING could have
prepared me for the "and worse".  Sister slammed the drawer shut, in her
hands a small pair of scissors.  She turned me around, facing away, and
took hold of my long, black hair.  Now you've got to understand, the
Hawaiian cultural tradition is to let your hair grow as long as possible.
Some women even let it reach the ground and wear it up, continuing to let
it go untrimmed.  Being a native here, I'd basically been growing mine out
since I was five.  A few snips from Sister Bernadette's scissors was all it
took to undo that, it was GONE.  Feeling queasy, I reached my hand back,
almost afraid to touch it.  I felt bare skin on the back of my neck.  Yes,
I still had hair, but it was now short, ending abruptly at the base of my
head.  I could feel the cold breath from the air conditioner against it.  I
forced myself to look at my reflection in the wall mirror, and let out a
shuddering gasp...  I look like a fucking BOY!  I look like...  Oliana. 
Oh, God, I just had the most horrible thought.  What if this is WHY
Oliana's hair is so short?  What if Suzanne abused HER to the breaking
point before I came here, until she lashed out and got this same
punishment? Maybe that's why Oliana never talks about it, because she's too
beaten down...?  Oh, God...  I can't ask her, even if I wanted to. 
Oliana's scared of me now.  A lot of the other girls avoid me...  I think
I'd rather be made fun of than shunned entirely.  After this incident,
Sister decided I should be isolated from the rest of the girls, so she led
me down a corridor I'd never been through before.  We passed rooms with
crucifixes above simple beds, and I deduced these were the Sisters'
sleeping quarters.  Finally she opened a door and told me this was where
I'd be staying until my parents came for me.  Near their own rooms, where
they could keep a closer eye on me.  Sister didn't sound at all apologetic
when she stated, "It's the only other bed we have." Only...  it wasn't a
bed.  It was a fucking PLAYPEN!  My new room was the nursery, where the
Sisters kept any orphaned babies they took in, only there weren't any at
the moment.  There were, however, big and colorful toys, and a mobile with
different colored fish hanging from the ceiling.  And my playpen.  The
cushion at the bottom had an absolutely babyish pattern of blue and pink
teddy-bears, and the bars on the sides were just tall enough that, with my
small stature, I'd have difficulty climbing in and out without help.  I
stared at it for several seconds, thinking, "You CAN'T be serious...?!"
Sister noticed my reaction.  "Keilani, if you are going to act like a big
baby, then you are going to be treated like one." And that was that.  I was
sent to bed without any dinner that night, God I was so hungry!  Sister
Bernadette lifted me up over the playpen's railings and set me down inside.
I found if I lie diagonally in the crib I can stretch out and still fit. 
It was still far too early to go to sleep, so all I could do was lie awake,
cover myself with a yellow blanky, suck my thumb, cry, and think about what
a bad little girl I am.  Yeah, they're still making me wear the fucking
diapers, too.  I'm not calling Akela and Naia again.  I can't face them,
not after this.  I'm sure they both hate me.  Sister Bernadette keeps her
office locked now.  But I've found another computer.  And I'll probably
still keep writing about all the shit that's been done to me.  It's
cathartic, the only solace I can get.  So...  why haven't you done anything
yet?  You know where I am, why the hell aren't YOU helping me?  You're...
you're getting off on this, aren't you?  You never intended to get me out
of here, did you?  You just enjoy reading about my ongoing humiliations! 
Oh, GOD...



   "Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 6)

   Ask any non-Hawaiian about the island of Moloka'i, and I guarantee
you'll hear two words: "Leper colony." Never mind that most people don't
even know the name of the place -- Kalaupapa -- or the fact that it's
technically no longer even there, save for a few survivors who are too
physically scarred to comfortably rejoin normal society.  So they choose to
remain there in a life of quiet, forgotten exile.  Even though they really
don't have any other alternatives.  That's how I'm feeling.  Exiled. 
Physically scarred.  Incapable of resuming normal life.  My once long,
beautiful dark hair has been shorn down to a boyish length, as part of my
punishment for punching Suzanne Calloway in the face.  I ache inside
whenever I miss feeling it on my pillow next to me, and the way it draped
around my shoulders and blew in the warm tropical breeze out on the
playground, all that was now gone.  I still wake up every morning, and it
takes a brief moment of shock before I remember it isn't there anymore, and
why.  The other girls are somewhat frightened of me now, including my
former friend Oliana, and rightfully so.  They've started shunning me and
will stop playing if it even looks like I'm going up to them, and they
avoid answering back if I say anything to them.  And not just because of
what I did to Suzanne.  The other day I did something else to make them all
hate me.  I'll get to that.  To be honest I don't even know why I'm still
telling you all this.  It's obvious you're turned on and you just want to
jack yourselves off while you imagine all the humiliating things I've
suffered.  Bunch of fucking perverts.  But I've got to talk to someone, and
you're the only ones who listen.  Anyway, since the fighting incident I'd
been pretty much isolated from the rest of the girls at the orphanage. 
While Sister Ulalia clanged her morning bell to wake the girls on the upper
floor dormitories, Sister Bernadette would come to my room, turn on the
lights and lift the shades while I lay in my padded playpen covered by my
blanky...  Long story, I'd acted like a baby so now they were treating me
like one.  Plus it was the only spare bed they had for me.  The Sisters
were clearly growing tired of my presence at Saint Sebastian's, and I could
tell they were praying for my parents to finally come back.  As another
part of my punishment, twice every day before I'm allowed to have breakfast
or dinner, I have to do the Stations of the Cross.  In case you don't know
what that is, Sister Ulalia explained it to me.  It's the story of the
crucifixion of Jesus, broken into fourteen parts and posted around the
walls.  I have to go through each one in order and read about the Station
and say some prayer.  Jesus picks up the cross, Jesus falls down, Jesus
falls down again.  All it ever does is remind me of my own suffering.  This
is in the orphanage chapel where the Sisters go to pray.  It's always
semi-dark, with candles shining on stained-glass windows, and there was
always a Sister keeping vigil there, watching me to make sure I did it
properly.  They all took turns, and I knew some of them were irritable at
being late to meals because of it.  They were forcing me to read the Bible
a lot too, and I'm not even a Christian.  Most recently they had me on the
Book of Job, rhymes with "robe".  It's about this guy, and God basically
kills his whole family and takes away everything he has, then inflicts him
with some terrible disease, all to see if the guy would still worship him.
It's the most horrible story you could ever imagine, and Sister Ulalia sat
with me in my room and made me read every word of it aloud.  The other
horrible thing I had to read out loud was my punishment essay.  You know,
the one saying I was sorry for hitting Suzanne.  Just imagine, trying to
stretch that out into a thousand fucking words, and they wouldn't even let
me mention any of the awful things that little cunt bitch had done to ME!
In addition to the Stations and Bible I got assigned "writing time" every
day, and the Sisters checked that I was actually doing it, sometimes making
suggestions, slowly coercing the long-winded apology out of me.  Once it
had their final approval, I had to stand in front of the entire classroom
full of girls, with Sisters Ulalia and Bernadette watching, and read the
whole thing, all six pages of it.  I was in tears by the end, barely able
to get the words out, and Suzanne sat there the whole time with a simpering
smirk on her smug fucking haole face.  She still had a purplish discolored
mark on her lower lip where my fist had nailed her.  Suzanne herself isn't
saying much to me these days.  She doesn't torment me outright or call me
"Scrawny Kay-Lawny" anymore, probably because she's still about half scared
I'll go off on her again.  Suzanne is a coward at heart.  But she's gotten
a lot more passive-aggressive, and still manages to get in a dig every now
and then.  Like the other day at lunch, one of the Sisters brought her
something and she read it aloud to her best friend.  "Looky here, Makala...
Ah got me a post-card from MAH PARENTS," and she said the last two words
much louder and aimed squarely at the table where I sat alone.  "Yep, they
reckon they'll be over 'n' done with their VAY-KAY-SHUN perty soon, 'n'
after that Ah'm gonna git ta GO HOME." I, on the other hand, didn't appear
to be going anywhere.  The Sisters had a planned park outing for one day
soon, once the rain let up, but Sister Bernadette specifically told me I
wouldn't be joining them, I'd misbehaved and caused too much trouble the
last time.  This despite the fact that their own religion preaches
forgiveness!  Bunch of fucking hypocrites.  That's probably why I did what
I did about a week later.  That day the priest came by Saint Sebastian's to
hear the Sisters' confessions, and he was still there when I went to the
chapel for Stations.  I didn't know his name, but I'd seen him before.  He
came by about once a month, and the Sisters would make me "confess my sins"
too, sit and tell this guy every little thing I'd done wrong.  I pretty
much just made stuff up, saying what I thought he expected to hear,
figuring the Sisters had already told him what "sins" they felt I should be
confessing.  When I was done with that, the current Sister on "Keilani
watch" went into the confessional after instructing me to sit there and
wait for her.  I was bored sick with the chapel, and looking around, I
noticed that one of the windows was tilted open a bit.  It was a warm,
rainless day and the chapel doesn't have adequate air conditioning, so they
must have opened it to let some of the tropical breeze in.  I went to the
window, taking a rare glimpse at the outside world, and I saw it: The
priest's car was in the circular driveway, and beyond it, the main gate was
still open!  I could scarcely breathe.  Did I dare try to escape the
orphanage?  I knew I'd be punished, probably another spanking with Sister
Bernadette's switch, if I tried and got caught, but I also knew I'd likely
never get another opportunity like this.  The Sisters rarely left me alone
anymore.  So I went for it.  Out the chapel, down the hallway, to the main
entrance.  The front desk was unoccupied, it was just after noon and
everybody was at lunch.  When I saw this I BOLTED, slamming the front door
open and hurtling down the steps and driveway as fast as my short, skinny
little legs could carry me.  The blood was pounding so loud in my head I
couldn't tell if anyone had noticed and yelled after me, but I didn't dare
turn to look back.  I didn't even care that I was wearing the too-short
pleated skirt that flashed my embarrassing, childish underpants to the
world.  I just fucking RAN, full speed, and didn't stop for six whole
blocks.  With my lungs screaming I collapsed onto a sidewalk bench,
clutching my chest.  Christ, I was out of shape.  Losing my recess
privileges meant I didn't have any chance to exercise.  Akela and Naia and
I used to go jogging together sometimes, but that was months ago and we
never pushed ourselves this hard.  The sweat was pouring down my face. 
Slowly I calmed down, got my breath back and saw that no one had followed
me.  But it was only a matter of time before they discovered I was gone. 
They'd probably already noticed I was missing from the chapel, I mean how
long can it take a fucking nun to do a confession?  I figured they'd
probably search the orphanage grounds for me first, then see the open gate
and guess that I'd fled through it.  That bought me some time, but not
much. I had a chance to reclaim my life here.  The first thing I had to do
was get rid of these childish schoolgirl clothes.  Back to my house.  I
knew that was the first place they'd come looking for me, so I had to be
fast.  I forced myself to run at full speed again, trying to ignore the
burning agony in my chest.  Every street I went down, I was afraid the
white Saint Sebastian's bus would appear, but it didn't.  I staggered into
my driveway and practically broke out sobbing with relief.  I knew my I.D.
wasn't in the house, but my adult clothes were.  That would be a start. 
Front door was locked.  Key was...  ...NOT under the potted palm!  Kokami!
I swore aloud.  Where had it gone?!  Then I remembered.  Akela and Naia
took it when they stopped here to get some of my clothes before trying to
spring me from Saint Seb's.  I cringed anew at the awful memories from that
day.  I forced myself to think, there had to be another way.  None of the
neighbors had clothes hanging outside that I could borrow.  And I didn't
want to spend too much time looking, the Sisters might show up at any
minute.  I thought about breaking a window, but was afraid someone would
see or hear, and call the police.  The last thing I wanted was to get
dragged off to the police station...  again.  Then I remembered the bag of
clothes I'd packed the day Sister Ulalia brought me here.  I'd left it
under the shed when she'd dragged me out after I tried to make an escape. I
went around to the backyard and bent under to pull it out (in the process
flashing my panties, if anyone had been watching).  It was still there,
but...  Kanapapiki!  The bag must have gotten ripped open by a loose nail
when I'd shoved it under there.  All the recent rain had made the ground
damp, and the exposed fabric had soaked it up, leaving everything soggy and
unwearable.  Fucking perfect.  What now?!  It would take too long for them
to air-dry, and I didn't have any money for the laundromat.  I'd have to
get inside the house if I wanted dry clothes.  My two so-called "friends"
were at U of H, clear on the other side of the island.  But their place was
in Kailua, I could go there and wait outside for them, then get my key
back. I'd be safe there, the Sisters didn't know where Akela and Naia
lived. But at the end of our driveway I stopped, noticing the
coconut-shaped mailbox on its wooden post.  It was jammed full to
overflowing, since I hadn't been around to collect the mail.  Flipping
through a handful, my blood ran cold as envelopes with scary red lettering
jumped out at me: "Past Due." "Final Notice." "Delinquent Account."
"Collection Agency Notified." The electricity and phone bills hadn't been
paid in months.  Same with the mortgage and car payments.  Jesus
Motherfucking Christ, we could lose the house!  My parents could come back
from vacation with no place to live, all because of me!  Toward the bottom
of the stack was a postcard, in Mom's handwriting: "Aloha, Keilani!  Our
trip has been great, the rest of America is so big!  We have hundreds of
pictures to show you from San Francisco, Hollywood, and the Grand Canyon.
Your father hit the jackpot in Las Vegas, so we're extending our trip a
couple of months.  We figured you'd appreciate having the house to
yourself. Keep trying to call, but for some reason our phone hasn't been
working here.  We miss you, but we know you're a big girl now and can take
care of yourself.  Good luck in school.  (Hope you remembered to enroll!)
Give our love to Akela and Naia.  Enjoy your long vacation away from us. 
Aloha au ia 'oe.  A hui hou kakou." Signed, "Makuahine and Makuakane".  Mom
and Dad.  I knew the real reason their phone wasn't working -- because I
hadn't paid the bills!  That was why I hadn't been able to contact them all
this time!  It took everything I had to fight back bawling right there. 
God what a fucking nightmare this had become!  Crying was for babies,
though.  I forced myself to calm down, reminded myself that I was an adult.
I could still fix this.  I knew there was money in my parents' bank
account, I just had to get it to the right people.  But to do that I
absolutely HAD to get my old life back!  Akela and Naia wouldn't be done
with classes until later and I couldn't wait that long.  The only other
thing closeby was...  my old job.  The crappy touristy luau bar where I'd
worked before this whole mess began.  They had the traditional Hawaiian
hula outfits there, or one of the other girls might loan me something more
adult to wear.  It was a long shot, but it was all I could think of.  I
gathered up the most urgent-looking bills and tucked them into the front of
my blouse, then turned and followed the street that led to the ocean, my
saddle shoes sinking into the warm sand.  It was a pain to walk, but the
beach was the only place where the Sisters couldn't spot me while driving
by.  I closed my eyes briefly and took it all in, feeling the ocean breeze
and light spray on my skin, smelling the salt sea air that still carried a
tinge of the recent rain, hearing the gentle shush of the surf.  I'd missed
it so much during all those lonely mehameha nights locked away in Saint
Sebastian's, but now I couldn't enjoy it, I had too much weighing on my
mind.  This stretch of sand, I realized, was the same area where I'd first
been picked up by Officer Janene, that policewoman who found me naked after
I'd been fired and forced to give up my work uniform.  That asshole manager
at the bar had put me in that situation, and the one I was in now, and I
had more than a few fucking choice words to say to him!  A couple of
tourist boys in swim trunks approached me, they were about my age.  *Sigh*,
no, not my REAL age, dammit, the age I LOOKED.  One stayed a short distance
away while the other came right up to me, his eyes gleaming with suppressed
mirth.  "Hi," he said, but I didn't answer.  He followed me along the beach
for a bit, asking stupid questions.  What's my name, did I live here, they
were on vacation here, did I want to play with them.  I continued to ignore
him, keeping my gaze fixed firmly ahead, up the shoreline.  Then suddenly
he just blurted out, "Your undies have flowers!" before scurrying back to
his friend.  It was loud enough that everyone nearby had to have heard it.
The two of them collapsed onto the sand and rolled around, giggling.  "I
said it to her!" he managed to gasp to his friend through the laughter. 
"Now you owe me a shaved ice!" Damn kids.  I've never liked kids much. 
Undoubtedly those two believed I was their age, and were just teasing a
girl the way little boys do.  They were right though, the breeze blowing
off the surf would lift the skirt's hem and flash everyone behind or to the
side of me.  I was so focused on getting to my destination I'd forgotten
about it, but this incident made me fully aware.  Irritated, I tugged the
back of my skirt down with one hand, holding it as best I could to hide my
stupid underwear, my face flushing.  Every time I heard laughter from the
other beachgoers I assumed it was directed at me, the silly little girl in
a school uniform, her skirt too short, marching with determined intent up
the beach.  By the time I got to the luau my feet hurt, and my shoes and
socks were filled with sand.  The bar wasn't open yet, it was still too
early.  I knocked anyway, and a tall, darkly tanned girl opened the door.
She looked surprised to see me there, but bent forward a bit, hands on her
knees, so she could talk eye-to-eye.  With the "child".  "Aloha, kaipo?"
Sweetheart, she called me.  "Can I help you with something?" "Um, yeah..."
I'd sort of planned on confronting the boss directly.  I hadn't expected
anyone else to be here.  "Is Mr Keawe, the manager, in yet?  I need to talk
to him.  See, I used to work here--" The tall girl got an amused look on
her face as she answered, "YOU used to work here?  Come on, you're like
ten?" Shit.  Why hadn't I come up with a better-sounding story?  God I
wanted a drink, but I knew they'd never serve me in a million years. 
Seeing my expression, she softened a bit.  "Just a minute, I'll get him."
She turned and called into the back.  "Hey, boss-man?  I think your kid's
here to see you?" Then to me, "Gotta wait out here, no one under 21's
allowed inside." Of course.  She went back in, and I sat and fidgeted on
the wooden steps until I heard the door open again.  Dreading this
conversation, I turned to face my ex-boss.  "What do you want, kid?  I'm
busy." I stood up.  "Mr Keawe...  Don't you recognize me?  It's me,
Keilani. Keilani Akana.  I used to work here, remember?  You...  um, fired
me..." This wasn't off to a good start.  He studied my face, and I saw the
light come on.  "Oh yeah, I remember you, how could I forget.  What do you
want?" He seemed to notice my schoolgirl clothes for the first time.  "And
why are you dressed like that?" This from the asshole who sent me home
fucking NAKED.  I sighed.  "It's a really long story.  Look, can I just
borrow one of the uniforms to wear, just for a little while?  After last
time I think you owe me." "I owe you?" His eyes narrowed a bit.  "Have you
forgotten how you acted that night you quit?" "Quit?!  I didn't fucking
quit, you fucking FIRED me!  Not to mention throwing me out with nothing to
wear!" "That was your choice, as I recall.  When you couldn't stop giving
me lip." This was getting me absolutely nowhere.  It just about killed me
to do it, but I swallowed my pride.  There wasn't much left of it anyway.
"Look, okay, I totally understand why you fired me, but I was really
hoping...  Is there any chance I could have my job back?  I'll start today,
right now.  Please, ke 'olu'olu, it would mean so much to me if you would
just--" He cut me off.  "Keilani.  I fired you for a reason.  Remember that
guy you yelled at and dumped the drink on?  Well, he complained to his
cruise agency, and they pulled this place off the route because of what you
did.  You cost me a lot of business, Akana." I noticed the other girls were
peering out through the windows, wanting to find out what was happening. 
And some of them didn't look happy at all to see me back.  "Well...  then
let me make it up to you!" I was getting desperate, I HAD to get my old
life back!  "I'll work for free, as long as it takes.  I'll clean up
fucking tourist puke, ANYTHING!" But he just shook his head.  "You're too
late.  Even if I wanted you back, I've already hired someone else.  Now get
out of here." "Can I at least come in and use the phone?" I thought I might
be able to reach Akela on her cell.  "No, you've gotta be twenty-one." "I
AM!  I used to work here for fucksake!" "Well you look ten, dressed like
that.  And I don't want somebody coming by and seeing you in here, and
complaining to the liquor board.  You've already caused me enough trouble."
The girls started turning away from the window.  I heard some of them
mutter agreement: "Yeah, you tell it to her, boss-man!" "Little bitch got
what she deserved!" And I distinctly heard one say, "God, what did she do
to her hair?" NOW what the hell was I supposed to do?  I couldn't go home,
and there was no easy way for me to get to the other side of the island. 
Even if I walked to the airport and got my parents' car, I couldn't drive.
Any cop who saw me behind the wheel would instantly pull me over.  Sister
Ulalia had taken my license when Akela and Naia brought it, probably
thinking it was a fake.  Hell, I had no idea what time my friends even got
out of class!  I could end up waiting at their place for hours while they
went out partying or whatever they did after classes these days.  They had
no idea I needed to see them now!  Feeling totally overwhelmed by the
hopelessness of my situation, I buried my head between my knees and started
to cry.  God I was so pathetic, a helpless little girl who couldn't survive
in the big, scary world without her mommy and daddy!  My pitiful sobbing
must have carried inside, because after a few minutes the tall girl who
initially greeted me opened the door and came out and knelt beside me. 
"Hey, don't cry, sweetheart." And she gave me one of the cloths they use to
wipe the bar so I could dry my eyes.  "What's the matter?" In between
choked sobs, I explained the basics of the situation: I was all alone, the
only people who could help me were at U of H, and I had no way to get
there. "Well I have classes there too, how about I give you a ride?  I'm
Halia, by the way?" She offered her hand.  I shook it, then wiped my nose
and sniffled.  She pulled me up and led me over to her car.  And opened the
fucking BACK door.  "I can ride up front!" I complained.  "Look, I admit I
don't know much about kids?  But I do know if you're under a certain age,
you have to ride in back?" I noticed she had the annoying habit of saying
almost everything like it was a question.  "But I'm twen-- Twelve!" There
was no point in trying to convince her of my real age.  "I'd just rather be
safe, okay?  I think there are laws or something?" Fine, if it meant
getting out of here and over to Akela and Naia faster.  I climbed into the
and buckled my seatbelt, and pouted.  Who the hell was this Halia girl? 
I'd recognized all my former co-workers at the bar, but I'd never seen her
before.  Then it suddenly dawned on me, Halia was my replacement!  Mr Keawe
must have hired her after kicking me out!  My face flushed anew as I
recalled the memory of that night.  "So...  how long have you been working
there?" I dared myself to ask.  She answered, "Uh...  A few months now, I
think?" Dreading the answer, I pressed harder.  "And, um, how did you get
this job?  I mean, did one of your friends recommend you, or what?" "What,
you wanna work here when you're older?" I sighed.  "Yeah, something like
that.  So how did you?" "Oh," she said, and I saw her roll her eyes in the
rearview mirror.  "Well, Mr Keawe knows my uncle?  And he told him he was
looking for someone to replace this one girl?  She was like really rude to
this rich tourist malihini?  And he complains and she ends up getting
fired?" I winced as she went on.  "The other girls said she didn't bring a
change of clothes that day?  And boss-man wants his uniform back?  So he
sends her home NAKED!  Can you believe that?" She laughed.  "I don't know
if it's true though?" That was more than enough.  Silently, I faced the
window and tried to watch the island scenery for the rest of the ride, but
ended up turning my situation over and over in my mind, thinking of what
would happen if I didn't get everything fixed today, and growing more and
more anxious.  Finally, after an intolerably long ride, we pulled into the
U of H parking lot.  "You sure you'll be okay?" Halia asked me, genuine
concern in her voice.  "YES!" I snapped at her.  I couldn't help it, I
resented her for taking my job and laughing at my misfortune, even though
she didn't know she'd done any of that.  She gave me a wounded look,
wondering what brought that little outburst.  "Well, I guess...  malama
pono, then?" Take care.  She gathered her bookbag and headed off without
another word to me.  I felt kind of bad, but I had more important things to
worry about.  I couldn't believe how long it had been since I'd last set
foot on the University of Hawaii campus.  Back then I'd felt so grown-up,
taking college classes and easing into my adult life.  Now I was
agonizingly aware of eyes turning in my direction as I strode purposely
across the campus.  The coos of college girls, "Awww!  Look at that little
girl!  Hi, cutie-pie!" I overheard one pair whisper that my underwear was
showing.  And a few guys pointed me out to their buddies for some reason,
and one of them called out to me across the quad, asking whether I was an
adult.  I couldn't figure out why.  One girl approached me to ask, "Are you
lost, ku'uipo?" But I swept past without acknowledging her.  I knew where I
was going, the registrar's office.  I'd had five semesters here, I knew
where it was, and I wound my way through the velvet-rope dividers forming a
path up to an office area with a window.  I had to stand on tiptoe to get
my chin above the high counter.  "Kala mai ia'u...", I said to get someone
to notice me.  "Excuse me?" "Can I help you, sweetie?" It was an older lady
with graying hair.  "Yes, I'm trying to find...  my friends, what class
they have now.  It's very important." I gave them Akela and Naia's info. 
After working on her computer a bit, she produced a printout.  Then took
forever to explain in excruciating detail where the classroom was, talking
slowly so I'd understand it.  Finally she sent me on my way with a fond
smile.  It occurred to me that normally these people wouldn't just give out
students' class schedules like this, for safety reasons.  But because I
looked so harmlessly, even helplessly young, they'd made an exception.  For
once the age regression had worked to my advantage.  It was about fucking
time something went right.  Peering through a small window in the door, I
saw Akela and Naia seated together at the back of the classroom.  My two
friends and I had agreed to take as many classes together as possible, even
after we figured out our majors.  Apparently they were still able to sign
up for at least this one together.  Akela's dyed red hair was easy to spot,
and Naia's symbol-tanned skin next to it.  They stood out in what appeared
to be an older crowd, mid-20s and even a few older couples, with a number
of women who were obviously pregnant.  Probably around eighty people total,
in a small auditorium with several rows of seats in a half-circle facing a
chalkboard and projector at the front.  There was no sign of Kahoku, the
indescribably hot guy I had a crush on.  At least he wouldn't see me in
this getup again!  I took a deep nervous breath, and knocked.  The whole
class looked up, and a male professor's voice cut off mid-sentence.  A
moment later the door opened and he stood there, a tall, slightly balding
man, about 50, with glasses and a beard, dressed sharply in a sportcoat and
tie.  "Yes?  May I help you, little miss?" I didn't much care for that
moniker but I let it slide.  "Yes, I need to speak with my friends, Akela
Kamahine and Naia I'aukea, please." I stood up my straightest and spoke in
my most adult voice, in an effort to counteract the schoolgirl uniform. 
"It'll just take a moment." "I'm afraid we're in the middle of a lecture
right now." He looked displeased.  "Please," I begged, "It's an emergency!"
He sighed, mildly annoyed, but turned, leaving me framed in the doorway, to
call Akela and Naia down.  The other students' amused eyes peered directly
at me.  Again, a couple of guys in the top row pointed in my direction and
and whispered to each other.  Self-consciously, I tugged the hem of my
skirt down, fully aware of how I looked.  I prayed there was no one else in
the class who would recognize me.  Akela and Naia got up from their seats
and came down to the door, with open-mouthed expressions.  They looked
stunned, but not entirely pleased, to see me.  "'Lani?!  What are you doing
here?" "And dressed like THAT!" "Take it outside, please," chided the
professor.  "You cut your HAIR!" Naia gasped as he closed the door behind
us.  She reached out as if to touch it where it once was.  "No, I DIDN'T!"
I batted her hand away and stamped my little foot angrily.  "Sister
Bernadette did!  After you two ruined EVERYTHING!  'Ilio wahine!!" *Sigh*,
I hadn't really planned to lay into them like that.  If only Naia hadn't
immediately made the hair comment!  "What do you mean, ruined everything?"
Akela demanded, overlooking my Hawaiian insult.  "We were just doing what
you asked us to, 'Lani!" "You did NOT!" I insisted.  "You got me in trouble
with Sister, and you made fun of me and took pictures, and you fucking
brought Kahoku along to see the WHOLE THING!!" I struggled to fight back
angry tears.  "And Suzanne Calloway was SO MEAN to me and you just WENT
ALONG WITH IT!!" Abruptly the door opened again, before my friends could
reply.  It was the professor, and he did not look happy.  "Either go
somewhere else and talk quietly, or come back to class," he said,
addressing my friends but not me.  "You're a distraction." Akela turned to
go back inside.  "Just wait out here.  We'll talk after class, 'Lani."
"NOOOO, don't leave meeee!" I cried.  A pair of students passing by
whispered, "Aww, poor baby!" The professor rolled his eyes, but acquiesced.
"Very well, but please keep her quiet," he said to Akela.  "This is a place
of learning." I followed my two "friends" up to their seats, in the second
row from the back.  The classroom was full so Akela pointed to a spot on
the floor.  "Now just sit quietly, 'Lani," she told me, "and behave
yourself.  We'll talk after class is done." That's right, my friends, MY
age, were lecturing ME on not causing trouble.  I mean, sure, I was
technically the youngest between them, but only by a couple of months.  And
I was definitely the most mature!  Or...  at least, I used to be.  I fumed
silently at the indignity of the whole situation.  The professor continued
his lecture, occasionally gesturing at the projector screen with a long
wooden pointer.  The topic was on different child-rearing methods, and I
quickly realized this was an introductory parenting class, hence all the
couples and expectant mothers.  Akela and Naia must have taken it as one of
their electives...  or were they thinking about having kids already?  Did
they have guys in their lives now?  And if so, were things getting that
serious?  Hell, I didn't know!  I'd been cut off from them for months!  I
tried to focus on the lesson but couldn't.  Time seemed to drag on
endlessly.  All I could think about was the mountain of overdue bills and
what would happen to my family if we lost the house, what my parents would
say.  God, they'd never trust me with anything ever again!  I couldn't sit
still, and I started to fidget and squirm.  I HAD to get out of here and
actually DO something to clean up the huge mess I'd inadvertently made. 
Maybe if I went to the bank and pleaded with them they'd let me have some
money out of my parents' account.  Anything was better than sitting here
listening to this guy yack.  Except I still needed someone to take me
there. "Akela..." I whispered.  She didn't respond.  I got to my feet and
leaned over as close to her as I could.  "Akelaaaa!" More insistently this
time.  "I need to talk to you nowwww!" "SHH!" whispered the girl in the
aisle seat, who was trying to concentrate.  "Yeah, shut up you little
brat," muttered a guy in the row behind me.  Some parent he'd be, I
thought. Akela turned, irritated by my interruption, a finger to her lips.
Kulikuli, she admonished, quietly shushing me.  Naia waved at me and
whispered, "Hiiii, 'Lani!" as if I were a baby.  "So," came the professor's
voice right next to me, making me jump.  "Your name is Lani, is it?" I
looked up at him, glaring down with disapproval.  I didn't want to tell my
full name in case anyone else here knew me, so I just nodded.  "Well, Lani,
I'm Professor Kalakona.  And this is my class, and right now you are
disrupting it." "I'm sorry," I whispered quietly.  "I'll be good, I
promise." Professor Kalakona shook his head.  "I wish I could believe
that," he said, "but you've already been warned multiple times." And with
that he took me firmly by the wrist and led me down the steps.  At first I
thought he was just going to send me back outside to wait, but instead he
pulled me to the desk at the front of the classroom, in front of everyone.
"Now then.  Seeing that our current subject is the appropriate discipline
of a misbehaving child...  I believe it will be helpful to present a
real-life demonstration." My stomach lurched in horror.  He couldn't
mean...!  Professor Kalakona sat on the edge of the desk and lifted my
struggling form over his knee.  I wriggled about, trying to get away, but
he pulled both of my arms behind my back.  Just one of his hands was big
enough to wrap around both my wrists, holding them in place, which left him
with one free...  "Nooo!" I whined in protest.  "You can't DO this!" "Oh, I
assure you, I can teach however I please, little miss." he retorted.  "I
have tenure." As the class chuckled at this remark, the Professor brought
his hand swiftly down on my rear with a SWAT.  Then another, and another. I
felt the impact of his meaty palm through the fabric, and I was fully aware
my too-short skirt was giving the entire class an unobstructed view of my
flowery little-girl underpants!  "Observe how I am merely establishing
dominance," Professor Kalakona said.  Oh, God, he was instructing the class
as he spanked me!  "The important thing is to remain in control when you
punish your child.  Never let it escalate into a shouting match.  Notice
how I remain calm, whereas she is not." Holy HELL was he ever right about
that.  My little legs were kicking madly as I wailed up a storm, my face
fiery red.  His hand struck my panty-clad rear again.  "Never too hard. 
It's more to put her in her place than to hurt her." It was more than hard
enough for ME!  Or maybe it just the humiliation of being treated like this
in front of a group of people I should have been going to college with!  As
I squeezed my eyes shut and the tears and sobs flowed, I prayed no one else
who went to this school would recognize me.  I have no idea how long it
went on, probably only a half-dozen swats, but it felt like an eternity. 
Finally I quieted down, and Professor Kalakona lifted me off his lap,
tilted his head to look into my averted face, and asked simply, "Are we
done?" I stammered out a piteous compliance.  "And we're done," he
announced to the class.  "The child is once again obedient, and will
remember this experience before misbehaving again." He was right.  I was
ready to sit down and be a good little girl for the rest of the lesson, but
then I sensed someone else had come to the front of the class.  Two
someones.  "It's okay, Professor, we'll take her." In my post-tantrum
state, Akela's voice barely registered.  "THANK you," he said, with
deliberately exaggerated relief.  Akela and Naia led me, sniffling, toward
the classroom door, my head turned downward.  "I've told you a million,
billion times!" a mocking male voice suddenly called out from the back of
the room.  "I AM AN ADULT!!" I'm pretty sure it was the same dickhead who
called me a little brat before.  And with that the whole class erupted into
laughter, and just then I knew, I fucking KNEW, why so many people had been
pointing at me and whispering as I'd made my way across the campus.  On
that awful day on the playground, when Akela and Naia came by, those were
the exact words I'd screamed at Sister Ulalia.  Which Akela had recorded on
her cell phone!  And had evidently circulated around the entire U of H
campus!  My face burned from the degradation, bright red and tear-streaked.
I forced myself not to look back, dreading the sea of camera phones that
were almost certainly pointed in my direction at this very moment.  I
overheard the asshole chortling to his friends.  "I knew it was her, I
totally knew it!" "'Lani, what the hell's the matter with you?" Akela asked
me as we stepped back out onto the sun-dappled quad.  "Why can't you just
behave?" "BEHAVE?!?" My rage overcame my shame enough for me to lash out at
her again.  "For your information, 'ILIO WAHINE, I have been treated like a
fucking CHILD for the past FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!!" (I was calling her a
bitch, in case you wondered.) Akela refused to shout back.  God, she was
acting so much more mature than I was.  She'd definitely learned something
from that class.  "Well maybe the reason everyone's treating you like a
child is because you act like one!" "I am an ADULT!!" a guy passing by
called out.  All his friends found it hysterical, and they fucking stopped
to watch!  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw more people going for their
phones.  Ignoring them, I stuck with Akela.  "When?!" I demanded.  "When
did I ever act that way?" I knew it was a ridiculous question but after
everything that had gone wrong today I was feeling so confrontational, I
just wanted to argue with her.  "Oh, I don't know..." Her voice carried a
sarcastic tone.  "Maybe right now?  Maybe that time at the beach?  Or what
about on the kahua pa'ani?  You PUNCHED that poor haole girl, 'Lani!  We
SAW you!" Okay, she definitely had me there.  But STILL!  "All right LISTEN
TO ME!" I yelled (eliciting a chorus of "Ooooh!" from the gaping
onlookers). "Every fucking time I've ACTED like a child, it's because
everyone fucking TREATS me like one!  They just talk down to me and baby me
until I can't fucking TAKE it anymore!  Don't you fucking start it too!!"
Through all this, Naia stood with both hands over her mouth, eyes wide.  I
couldn't tell if it was tense apprehension at the drama unfolding in front
of her, or if she was trying to hold back laughter.  It's hard to tell with
Naia sometimes, she's such a lolo.  I hoped it wasn't laughter, there was
plenty of that from the crowd that was slowly gathering around us.  Akela
decided to do the grown-up thing and defuse the situation.  "Come on,
'Lani, let's just get in the car." She took me by the shoulders and steered
me through the crowd, away from the public spectacle I'd created.  A few
stragglers followed us into the parking lot, camera phones still pointed at
me.  God, my college life was OVER!  Before this I could have still slipped
back into my previous life, no one would have ever had to know about Saint
Sebastian's and "Scrawny Kay-Lawny" and the stupid smiling flowers.  But
thanks to all these videos, I knew I'd never be able to bring myself to
show my face around the U of H campus ever again!  I'm sure by now you've
probably seen them on YouTube.  I'd become a living, breathing, walking
JOKE!  Naia opened the rear passenger door for me.  "Little girls have to
sit in the back," she teased.  I glared at her, but climbed in.  What the
hell else could I do?  I had no other way back to the far side of the
island.  I crossed my arms in the back seat and pouted in barely controlled
frustration.  Now if you're thinking Naia was just being mean to me for no
reason, I should explain that we used to rib each other like this all the
time.  Hell, I used to get in plenty of jabs right back at her.  But after
everything I'd been through, up to and including that day, there just
wasn't anything funny about it anymore.  Why the hell couldn't they realize
that?!  Akela turned the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot.  "So
where do you want to go, 'Lani?" she asked me.  Good, now we were getting
somewhere.  "The bank," I told her.  Once I got some money, they could take
me around to pay the outstanding bills in cash.  Then I had another
thought. "Except first can we go back to your place?  I need to borrow a
change of clothes." "Aww, but you look so cuuuuute!" "Naia, I swear to
GOD..." I was getting so sick of this!  "Okay, but I think our clothes are
a bit too bi--..." Seeing my experssion, Akela cut herself off, then
finished with, "We'll find something that'll fit you." "The stuff from her
house should still be there." It was the first thing I'd heard out of Naia
all day that didn't make me want to scream.  "Good," I said.  Then
remembered.  "Oh, and after I get changed we need to find Kahoku, I've got
to talk to him and explain all this." My two friends exchanged
uncomfortable glances in the front seats.  "Um...  Keilani?" said Akela,
treading carefully.  "I'm...  not so sure that's such a good idea..." "Why
not?!" I demanded.  She turned around in her seat, studying me to see if I
could handle it.  "Well, the truth is, Kahoku is...  seeing someone else."
"WHAT?!" I couldn't believe this.  "WHO?!" Akela hesitated, wincing. 
"Well...  you're probably gonna hate me for this, but...  Kahoku asked me
about you one day, it was after the whole thing at that orphanage...  and
we got to talking, I mean really talking, and..." Unable to contain her
excitement, Naia finished.  "Akela and Kahoku are going out!" "You STOLE my
BOYFRIEND?!" I shrieked.  Akela suddenly got defensive.  "Okay, first off?
He was NEVER your boyfriend.  You talked to him maybe three times.  And
second?  You were never AROUND!  He assumed you weren't interested, but
then he saw you with those nuns, and it was so weird, and he wanted to know
you were okay, so he asked me.  And...  we just sort of hit it off." A
tinge of guilt crept into her voice.  "Please don't be too mad, okay?"
"Stop the car!" I demanded, pounding on the back of her seat.  "Stop the
fucking car NNNNOOOOWWWWW!!" "Careful, 'Lani," Naia teased, "or you'll get
another spanking!" I fucking came THIS-CLOSE to punching her.  I think it
was only the fallout from last time, from Suzanne Calloway, that stayed my
hand.  Akela complied, and I climbed out.  "'Lani, WAIT!" she called after
me.  "We're sorry, okay?  We just...  we don't know how to handle you
anymore, yeah?  You been acting so weird lately!  C'mon, get back in, okay?
We can talk about this like adults." "Yeah, I was just funnin', 'Lani,"
added Naia, for once looking genuinely serious.  "Please don't go!" But by
this point I didn't want anything to do with either of them.  I slammed the
car door and stomped up the sidewalk, passing a pair of middle-aged women
who chose that moment to open their mouths.  "*Tsk* Look at them, letting
her wander around on her own like that!" "I know!  She's a child, shouldn't
she be in school?" "And look, her underwear is showing!  I swear, the way
little girls dress these days..." "HEY!" I snapped at them.  "It's RUDE to
talk about people like that!  And for your information, I am TWENTY-ONE!"
And once again I was reminded of my current state of dress, and the impact
it had on my perceived age.  I'd made no progress at all.  I stomped by
them, down a short alley between buildings.  It was narrow enough that
Akela and Naia couldn't follow in the car.  They made no effort to get out
and come after me, they must have seen that trying to drag me back would
only result in another kicking and screaming fit.  It wasn't until later
that I realized I'd blown my chance to get my house key back from them, but
I was so angry that I didn't think about it at the time.  On the next
street over, I passed a small hale ku'ai, a clothing boutique.  And, aiâ,
AI�,...  I am SO ashamed of what I did next!  You have to believe me, I
would NEVER have imagined myself capable of this, but I was so desperate, I
just HAD to get back to my normal life any way I could!  And it all came
down to needing something to wear!  The sales clerk looked at me a bit
strangely when I went inside, and asked if she could help.  "I'm just
looking, thanks," I managed to get out.  I silently hoped none of the raw
emotion over Akela and Naia was still visibly lingering.  I browsed around
the store a little, putting together an outfit in my size.  I passed on the
traditional, age-anonymous Hawaiian garb, opting instead for a button-down
top and a matching jacket and slacks set that would give me a practical,
distinctly adult look.  Added a pair of heels that would enhance the
effect. A bra, an actual bra, albeit an A-cup.  Pantyhose, form-fitting and
semi-sheer.  And finally my own naughty little secret, a pair of the lacy,
black thong panties I'd been denied for so long at Saint Sebastian's.  In
the fitting room, I stripped bare and discarded my old uniform in a
crumpled heap in one corner.  Hopefully that was the last I'd ever see of
it again.  I took my time, luxuriating in the simple pleasure of putting on
big-people clothes, admiring my new grown-up self in the mirror.  Even my
newly shortened hair didn't detract too much.  At least it wasn't in
pigtails anymore, I tried to reassure myself.  The initial euphoria didn't
last long.  I quickly found myself having trouble balancing wearing the
heels, just from being out of practice for so long.  And the thong I'd
wanted so badly now felt...  uncomfortable, the way it was stuck between my
cheeks.  The whole thing dampened my spirits.  Surely I hadn't reverted
that far!  Was I really ready to become a big girl again?  Could I really
go through with this?  A sudden knock on the fitting room door startled me,
and I stumbled about clumsily in the heels.  "Do you need some help in
there, miss?" "Miss," she'd called me.  Not "little miss" or "little girl"
or "Keilani dear".  Just "miss".  Already I was making progress.  "Maika'i
no au, I'm fine," I answered back.  "Be out in a minute." In the end I
settled on just the pantyhose.  With them I didn't really need underwear.
Just as grown-up as the thong, and infinitely better than those awful
smiling flowers.  I vowed I'd take good care of these.  My schoolgirl
saddle shoes, I ditched altogether.  My feet were sore from being crammed
into them all day.  I decided I could walk around in socks until I found
something better.  I didn't want to go out and browse for a different pair
of shoes, the clerk was probably already getting suspicious.  I opened the
door a crack and peeked out, canvassing the store.  There weren't any
security cameras that I could see, and only the one saleswoman.  I thought
I might be able to get away with it.  Now you've GOT to believe me, I had
every intention of paying for the outfit!  But I had no money, and I knew I
wouldn't be able to get any out of the bank looking like a preteen.  Now
that I was dressed properly, they'd take me seriously.  And once I had
cash, I could mail it to the store with an anonymous note explaining my
situation.  *Sigh*, fucking best-laid plans...  The sales lady was helping
someone else.  It was now or never.  My whole little body was trembling.  I
took a deep, unsteady breath in an effort to calm myself...  and I BOLTED
from that fitting room, between the racks of mu'u mu'us and straight out
the door!  And I plowed SMACK, face-first into a uniformed police officer.
"Well, well, well," she said, grabbing the collar of my newly pilfered top
so I couldn't escape.  "Where do you think YOU'RE off to?" Inwardly, I
wailed in despair.  Because we'd met before.  It was the same officer who'd
caught me naked on the beach the night I got fired!  Janene, I remembered.
And she did not look happy.  "Shoplifting's a serious offense, young lady,"
she told me.  "Now are you gonna come quietly or do I have to use the
cuffs?" CUFFS?!  'Ai kae, this was really serious!  I'd never been in this
much trouble before in my life!  My thoughts immediately went to what my
parents were going to say, and I fought back another bawling outburst. 
"Yeah, we've been looking for you all day," Officer Janene explained as she
drove the police cruiser, with me in the back.  "They reported you missing
a little after noon.  That lady in the shop saw you acting suspicious, and
she called us.  Lucky me, I get the call to respond." Then: "What's your
name, kid?" I winced at that, and what I had to tell her next.  My voice
quavered.  "Keilani.  K-Keilani...  Akana." There was a thoughtful pause
from her.  "Now where have I heard that name before?" I silently begged
that she wouldn't remember me.  "Ah, that's right!  You're the little
nudist I picked up skinny-dipping on the beach a few months back!  Tried to
pass yourself off as an adult." She chuckled.  "Looks like you're still
trying.  Even got yourself a haircut, I see.  Aiâ, you just can't seem to
stay out of trouble, can you?  Fortunately we have a place for problem
girls like you..." I know what you're thinking.  But it wasn't back to
Saint Sebastian's, at least not yet.  It was worse.  No, I didn't end up in
jail.  Since Officer Janene believed I was a minor, I was taken instead to
the juvenile detention center adjacent to the Kailua Police Station.  Yeah.
She brought me to fucking JUVIE!  I sat at the admissions desk while she
filled out some paperwork, feeling more shame and disgrace than any of my
little-girl punishments had ever evoked.  What was going to happen to me
now?  How long were they going to keep me here?  Then I had an even more
horrifying thought: Officer Janene brought me here simply because, to her,
I was a "youthful offender".  If she somehow discovered my true age, I'd be
tried as an adult and go to adult jail for sure!  I'd end up carrying a
criminal record for the rest of my life!  And I realized, from this point
forward, I now HAD to maintain this identity, to go along with being 12
years old!  No more "I'm really 21," not EVER!  "You wanna call your
parents?" Officer Janene looked up from her paperwork and asked me.  Yes,
GOD YES, I wanted that more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life.  But
I couldn't.  I no longer had any idea where to reach them.  So I just shook
my head miserably.  "All right, I'll do it for you," she said.  "What's
their number?" I couldn't even get the words out.  "Lemme guess, they're
still 'on vacation', like before?" I gave a pitiful nod.  Officer Janene
shrugged.  "All right," she said, clearly not believing me.  "We'll figure
out what to do with you." She picked up a phone on the desk and dialed it.
"Yeah, Gail, it's Janene, I got another live one for you.  Pretty sure
she's the kolohe from Saint Seb's." Oh God, "Gail".  I was being handed off
to Ms Whitmur from Social Services again!  "Yeah, Keilani Akana, that's
her." Pause.  "Yeah, I know it's late." Pause.  "Yeah, we can hold her for
tonight, and you can pick her up in the morning." Even though I wasn't
privy to the call, I could sense the social worker's irritation on the
other end.  "No, she didn't try to pass herself off as an adult this time.
Although I did catch her in the middle of playing dress-up." Pause.  "I'll
tell you later." Pause.  "Yeah, I know that's like three I owe you. 
'Night, Gail." She hung up, and turned to me.  "All right, hands against
the wall and spread your legs." "W-what?!" I could scarcely breathe.  "It's
just a pat-down," she assured me.  "Keeps everyone safe." I obeyed, though
my knees were so wobbly I could hardly stand.  She felt carefully through
my clothes, under my arms and down my sides, looking for weapons or drugs,
I guessed.  My ticklishness made me fidget and squirm at her touch.  I was
so scared and shaking, and I must have lost control because the next thing
I knew, I felt a stream of something hot and wet on the inside of my
thighs, running down my legs, soaking the front and back of the stolen
outfit I was still wearing.  Officer Janene pulled her hands away and gave
a little sigh of annoyance and disgust.  "Do we need to get you a diaper?"
'AI KAE, the humiliation was indescribable!  Through my scrunched-up,
tear-streaked face, I could only shake my head.  I wanted to die right then
and there, rather than endure another second of this!  "Well, let's get you
cleaned up at least." She led me away from the admissions desk and to a
small shower room.  I knew I was a big girl, and could have and should have
done it myself, but I let Officer Janene unbutton and remove the shirt I'd
shoplifted, sniffling the entire time.  She paused briefly to examine the
small stack of bills I'd salvaged from the mailbox, then tucked them into a
back pocket.  I didn't dare demand them back.  She peeled down my sodden
slacks and pantyhose.  I felt so disgusting and ashamed.  She nudged my
naked little body under the showerhead.  "All right, wash up and I'll get
you something to wear to bed." Bed, meaning I was going to be spending the
night locked up here.  I heard a lock click as she shut the door.  It
wasn't necessary, as I had nothing to wear and absolutely nowhere left to
run off to anymore.  I leaned my head against the tiled wall and let the
streams of water mingle with my tears.  Janene returned shortly with a
towel and dried me off.  I didn't resist or tell her I could do it myself.
What was the point?  I was a helpless little baby who couldn't do anything
on her own.  And of course, now I was a little thief, too.  A juvenile
delinquent.  She helped me into a pair of plain white cotton underpants, a
long white T-shirt that actually covered them, and a clean pair of socks. I
was brought to a "room" -- it didn't have any bars and they didn't call it
a "cell", but it did lock from the outside.  It had a sink and toilet, a
small bed, and nothing else.  Officer Janene told me there was a common
room where the other juvenile offenders could watch TV, play games, or just
sit and talk with each other.  But I was too drained from the events of the
day, and too afraid of running into another Suzanne Calloway among them, so
I just stayed in my room by myself.  There I spent the most sleepless night
of my life, going over and over in my mind what a failure I was as an
adult, that maybe I deserved to be treated like I was twelve.  The next
morning I was still lying on the bed, awake, when the door unlocked and I
heard another familiar but dreaded voice.  "Good mooorning, Keilani dear."
I felt vaguely ill as Gail Whitmur stepped up beside the bed and looked
down at me with stern eyes behind her librarian glasses.  "Let's get you
dressed and back home," she said, getting straight to the point.  I didn't
for a moment associate "home" with going back my parents' house.  Gail
pulled me up into a sitting position and lifted the nightgown over my head.
Then she began dressing me in a sickeningly familiar outfit: A sleeveless
undershirt, white blouse, black saddle shoes, and a pleated skirt that was
both too large and too short.  My old orphanage uniform, rescued from the
store where I'd dumped it.  It seemed I would never be rid of the damn
thing!  Officer Janene had clearly confiscated my stolen adult clothes, and
I'd never see them again.  I didn't resist, or make any effort to dress
myself.  I just let Gail do it all for me.  She was silent the entire trip
back to Saint Sebastian's, but through the rearview mirror she kept a close
eye on me in the the back seat.  She said nothing about the change to my
hair, evidently being familiar with that particular punishment of Sister
Bernadette's.  We passed through the gates, which one of the nuns shut and
locked immediately behind us, I noted.  Ms.  Whitmur undid my seatbelt and
lifted me out of the car with both arms.  Then she bent down on her knees,
and gripped hold of my chin with one hand, holding my face so we were
eye-to-eye.  "Keilani, dear," she said sternly.  "You to listen to me and
listen well.  The way you act, the things you do, they have serious
consequences.  Right now you're heading down a path, and I've seen it
happen to lots of little girls your age.  If you don't wise up, and learn
how to behave, very soon...  Then by the time you finally DO turn
twenty-one, you're going to find yourself with a very screwed-up, very
unhappy life." Yeah, thanks so much for the fucking heads-up, Ms Bitchmur.
Gail spoke briefly with Sister Bernadette, and I overheard the words "court
date" mixed in.  It ended with the consensus that Gail would call later and
they'd discuss exactly what to do with me, then she got back in her car. 
Shoulders slumped, I turned to go back inside, but Sister's voice stopped
me.  "Keilani." "W-what?" I murmured, almost a whisper.  "You KNOW what." I
dared myself to look up at her.  She held the business end of her switch in
one hand and was tapping it in her other.  I let out a long, high-pitched
mewling whine.  "Up against the wall." I did as I was told, hands against
the brick façade, my little ass pointed at the front gates I was sure I'd
never pass through again.  Sister flipped up my skirt and pulled down my
panties as she'd done so many times before.  The switch ripped across my
exposed cheeks with a WHACK that echoed around the orphanage ground.  I
bellowed in pain at the top of my lungs.  "The Seventh Commandment,
Keilani. Recite it for me." "W-what?" I could barely force the query out.
WHACK!  Another agonizing flare across my rear, and another anguished yelp
from me.  "The Seventh Commandment." "Th-thou shalt not..." I struggled
furiously to recollect.  "S-steal!" as I suddenly realized where Sister was
going with this.  WHACK!  My little knees buckled.  I prayed I wouldn't
piss myself again.  "That's right.  Stealing goes against pono, against the
aloha spirit." WHACK!  "It breeds distrust.  It shames you and it shames
your family." WHACK!  "How do you think your parents are going to feel when
they find out?" That very thought had been gnawing at me relentlessly, ever
since Officer Janene picked me up.  Sister Bernadette gave the switch one
last WHACK for good measure, and I collapsed to my knees and curled up in a
fetal position, feeling utterly drained.  My throat was sore and hoarse
from screaming.  I stayed like that until the Mother Superior lifted me up
and directed me toward the doors.  Rubbing my sore behind, I trudged
dejectedly inside...  and was immediately confronted by Suzanne Calloway.
I'd braced myself for some crowing remark about my failed escape and
recapture, but she wasn't smirking.  She didn't show any amusement about my
latest spanking.  Instead she looked pissed.  "Yew think yer awful clever
runnin' off lahk that, don'cha, Kay-Lawny?" she sneered, albeit from
slightly behind her bigger, stronger friend Makala.  "Sisters was all set
ta take us out th' other day, but then they hadta go lookin' fer YEW.  Ah
ain't had hardly NO tahm outsidea this here orph'nage since Ah got here,
an' yew done ruined it fer ev'r'body!  Ah'm gonna GIT yew fer this,
Kay-Lawny." Terrific.  Just fucking terrific.  As if the repercussions of
my shoplifting and the mountains of unpaid bills weren't enough for me to
constantly be worrying about.  The truly nauseating thing was, Suzanne was
right!  The huge mess I'd landed in, it was all because I didn't think
things through.  If only I'd waited until everyone else had left on their
field trip, that would have been the perfect time to make my escape!  There
would have been fewer Sisters around, no Suzanne to rat me out to them, and
probably more time before they discovered I was gone.  All the other girls
would have gotten their day out without me wrecking it.  Instead I'd
impulsively rushed off and done what I wanted right then, without thinking
of anyone else.  Exactly like a KID, I know...  You don't have to fucking
say it.  Sister Ulalia took me back to my isolated room, put me back in
diapers and feety pajamas, and lifted me into my crib.  I buried my face in
my pillow and bawled until I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.  And that's
how I ended up feeling like a Moloka'i leper.  Exiled.  None of the other
girls want anything to do with me anymore.  They all look at me with the
same contempt that was once exclusive to Suzanne Calloway.  Even my former
friend Oliana gives me the stink eye.  Physically scarred.  I can still
feel the sting of the raw red welts across my tender little ass cheeks. 
Incapable of resuming normal life.  I don't need to explain that one, do I?
It's completely hopeless.  The only thing that's ever going to get me out
of here is my parents coming home.  Someone reading this has got to work at
a hotel, a casino, or another tourist spot, SOMETHING!  Please, I'm fucking
begging you, if you come across 'Enakai and Mai'li Akana, tell them what's
happening to me!



    -�Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 7)

   Okay, before I proceed any further with my latest fall from adulthood, I
feel like I should explain another concept from the Hawaiian language. 
Last time I told you how Sister Bernadette lectured me about pono, and how
my actions on the day I ran away from the orphanage were "against pono".
Pono means, roughly, doing the right thing.  And there is always a right
thing.  Pono is the correct answer to every ethical question, regardless of
any individual or religious interpretation.  It is what you know to be
right, even if it's not what you want, or what you think is best, or what
you know you can get away with.  Pono is absolute, there is no grey area.
But it's different from the Sisters' Christian concept of righteousness, as
that often translates to self-righteousness, or doing "what God wants us to
do".  Pono is also not the inverse of kapu, in the way that "good" and
"evil" are opposites. I'll use myself as an example.  When I took that
outfit from the clothing boutique, that was not pono.  It doesn't matter
that I desperately needed it to get people to take me seriously as an
adult. It doesn't matter that I had every intention of paying for it later.
No matter how you try to twist or rationalize or make excuses for something
that's not pono, no matter how much you bury it in the back of your mind,
deep down, you know what is truly, universally "right".  And that's what
you do, and you're at peace with your life because of it. We native
Hawaiians have it easy.  All our parents, including mine, taught us the
meaning of pono as we grew up.  That's their kuleana, their responsibility.
So it's an inexorable part of who we are.  Or, in my case, how I should be.
But needless to say, I was far from being at peace with my life. I had more
than enough to stress about: My upcoming court hearing for stealing from
the store.  The mountains of overdue, unpaid bills.  The question of
whether my parents would get home before it was too late.  And on top of it
all, Suzanne Calloway, the bane of my existence here at Saint Sebastian's,
had vowed to "git" me.  God only knew what that might entail. As usual with
Suzanne, I didn't have to wait very long to find out.  It was the night
before my court date.  I was lying in the nursery playpen that had become
my bed, isolated in a room in the Sisters' private cloister.  The orphanage
was quiet.  The Sisters had a nightly prayer gathering after the girls were
put to bed. The door was locked, and there were the wrought-iron designs
that served as bars on the windows.  Even if I managed to open one, it was
a second-floor drop, and I knew I wouldn't find the main gate unsecured. 
The Sisters wouldn't make that mistake again. I heard a key in the lock,
and assumed it was one of them checking in on me.  They'd been doing that a
lot since my recent escape attempt.  So I rolled over onto my side and
pretended to be asleep. "A-LOW-haw, Scrawny!" came Suzanne's hateful,
grating Southern voice.  Why couldn't she just leave me alone?  "Don'chew
jus' look a-DOR-able in yer li'l feety pajamas?" Ah yes, I didn't tell you
about those last time, did I?  They were a donation that turned up in the
annual clothing drive, and of course they were just my size.  They were an
awful shade of pink, with bright yellow pads on the soles of the feet, an
embarrassing button-up flap over the ass, and a stubborn zipper in the back
that meant I couldn't easily get into and out of them without help.  I'd
fought a valiant struggle the first time Sister Bernadette brought them in
to put on me, twisting my little body every way, trying to keep Sister's
hands away from me as she forced first one foot, then the other, into the
thick cloth legs.  She grabbed me as I tried to crawl away, forced my arms
in, then finally, zipped up the back before lifting me over the rail and
into the padded playpen. Over time I'd grown more compliant, since I always
got them taken off again in the morning, swapped for my regular Saint
Sebastian's uniform of plain white blouse and a skirt that was either too
loose or too short.  Being isolated from the other girls, I never thought
anyone but the Sisters would ever see me wearing them.  Of course Suzanne
had a knack for ensnaring me in my most vulnerable and humiliating state.
Instinctively I sat up and scrambled back into the far corner of the pen,
as far away from her as I could get, like a trapped animal.  The bars were
just high enough that I couldn't easily climb out on my own in my confining
nightwear. "Get the fuck OUT of here!" I yelled at her, hoping one of the
Sisters would hear and come to my rescue. "Awww, lookit th' cute li'l baby,
Makala!" Suzanne cooed, and for the first time I noticed that she'd brought
her silent partner in crime along.  "Does th' li'l baby need a dahper
change?  Ah reckon Ah better check!" Suzanne easily reached over the bars,
hooked her arms under mine, and began lifting me out.  She was strong, but
then, I'm also really small and light. "Git 'er legs, Makala!" she
instructed, and Makala took hold of my thrashing lower half by the ankles.
They dropped me unceremoniously stomach-down on the nursery floor.
"HELLLLP!" I hollered at the top of my lungs.  "SISTER BERNADETTE!!" "Oh,
di'n't Ah tell yew?" Suzanne asked, with badly-feigned surprise.  "Ah AM
Sister Bernadette!" And she rummaged under her nightgown and produced... 
The Mother Superior's punishment switch, pilfered from her office!  My face
went white. Makala tugged on Suzanne's nightgown a bit, and pointed at
herself questioningly. "Yew?  Yew kin be Sister Ooh-LA-lee-ah!  Now go 'n'
wake ever'body up, they ain't gonna wanna miss this!" Makala hesitated,
looked at me, then back to Suzanne, indicating a bit of concern over what I
might do. "Aww, don' worry, she ain't gonna hit nobody agin.  She does
that, an' Sister'll shave 'er BALD!  Ain't that raht, Kay-Lawny?"
Reassured, Makala ran off to fetch like an eager puppy, leaving me alone
with Suzanne. "Ah bin thinkin' a lot about that tahm yew done hit me,
Kay-Lawny," she drawled as she held me down.  The bruise on her face had
healed, and she was smarter now, paying attention, kneeling on my legs and
holding my forearms down so I couldn't take a swing at her again even if I
wanted to.  "An' yew know what th' Bah-ble says?  It says, if some-body
strahks yew, yew oughtta turn th' other cheek." With the switch in her
hand, Suzanne undid the zipper on the back of my jammies, and I was
powerless to stop her.  She peeled it down, exposing my bare olive flesh,
and I realized that the only thing worse than having Sister Bernadette
squeeze me into childish pajamas was having Suzanne Calloway pull me out of
them. "Now Ah know yew ain't GOT much cheek ta turn," she continued,
forcing my arms out of their sleeves one at a time.  "But that don' matter
none.  Cuz it also says, if sum'un takes yer coat, yew offer 'em yer cloak
as well!" And to drive that point home, she began tugging the jammies off
my legs.  I held onto them as best I could, but Suzanne eventually pried my
fingers away and was able to finish undressing me. Makala returned at this
point, followed by a bunch of girls from their dormitory.  Some of them
were rubbing their eyes, looking sleepy and somewhat annoyed, others looked
nervous about being in this area which was part of the Sisters' private
quarters.  But all of them burst into smiles and laughter and pointing when
they saw me at Suzanne's mercy, naked except for the big, baggy diaper
around my midsection and waist. All of them except Oliana, once the closest
thing I had to a friend, who did her best to look away out of respect for
me.  We hadn't spoken much since my blow-up on the playground, but I
strongly suspected Suzanne had put her through similar torment before I'd
ever arrived here. "Kay-Lawny's got 'erself a big day t'morrow," Suzanne
explained to her audience.  "So Ah figgered we oughta git 'er up braht 'n'
early!" She leaned down and whispered icily in my ear.  "Yew 'member when
yew done run off 'n' th' Sisters hadta spend th' whole day lookin' fer yew,
an' Ah missed goin' on mah field trip?" she asked.  "Well, Ah reckon since
yew done ruined MAH big day, Ah'm gonna ruin YERS!" No matter how I turned
my neck, I could only catch a glimpse at the corner of my eye, but I knew
she was brandishing the switch.  As the other girls gathered around
eagerly, Makala held my arms down as Suzanne slid the diaper off my bottom.
"Well now, Ah do believe it's all better since 'er last whuppin'!" She ran
a hand over my bare olive skin as I fought back tears.  "Would ya look at
that, Makala.  Smooth as a li'l baby's butt!" And she raised her arm.
Instinctively, I winced. *tap* I let out a pained little whimper before it
hit me that Suzanne actually...  hadn't hit me.  She'd just given me a tiny
little play swat with the switch, not even enough to hurt.  Just enough to
remind me of my place here.  Somehow, this didn't make it any better.  She
still had me naked and pinned down, with everyone else watching.  I felt
the tears threatening to escape. The other girls, clearly not expecting
this either, broke into surprised laughter.  A few groaned in
disappointment, clearly wanting to see me punished.  I could see Oliana
furrow her brow.  Later it dawned on me that she knew Suzanne wasn't done
yet. She bent down to whisper to me again.  "Ah done warned yew not ta
cross me, Kay-Lawny.  Yew know Ah kin do ennythang Ah want ta yew,
don'cha?" I nodded, afraid to say anything lest I start bawling and be
unable to stop.  "Ah could beat yer nekkid li'l ass 'til it fuckin' BLEEDS,
an' you cain't do nuthin' about it." The tears were coming now, I couldn't
help it.  "But y'know why Ah ain't gonna do that?" I just squeezed my eyes
shut and shook my head no.  "'S cuz Ah'm BETTER'n yew, Kay-Lawny." I knew
Suzanne wasn't being racist here, claiming she was superior to me because I
was native Hawaiian and she was halakea.  She was making the point that she
had complete power over me, and she could have been as brutal as I was that
day on the playground when I punched her in the face.  Instead she'd chosen
to show me that not only was she in control of me, she was in control of
herself.  She wasn't going to let her anger at me push her into brash,
impulsive action.  She was going to be more of an adult than I was. Okay,
maybe "more of an adult" is a stretch, considering what she did next. 
More...  calculating, that's a better word.  Suzanne had always been
calculating. Makala let go of one of my wrists, tugged on Suzanne's sleeve,
and indicated the clock on the wall. "Yeah, yer prob'ly raht, Sisters'll be
done b'fore too long.  Wouldn' want 'em ta miss out on th' show!" She
climbed off my legs, and instructed, "Git 'er arms, Makala!" Makala took
hold of them and together they carried me, back legs flailing, out of the
Sisters' quarters with the rest of the girls now wide awake and eagerly in
tow.  She kept a firm hand gripped tightly over my jaw so I couldn't scream
for help, while taking care not to give me any opportunity to bite her. 
Down the stairs and through the main hall we went, past the classrooms, to
the chapel at the far end of the orphanage.  My stomach iced up in horror
as I realized what Suzanne had planned. "Yew got 'er?" Suzanne asked
Makala, who nodded determinedly.  "Don' let 'er git away, now." With
Makala's arms wrapped tightly around my entire upper body, I was unable to
prevent Suzanne from yanking the diaper completely off my legs.  The velcro
straps holding it in place made an intense ripping noise as they were
pulled apart. "Ah see yer finally gettin' some pubes, Kay-Lawny!  'Bout
tahm, Ah reckon!" Yes, my adult pubic hair, which Suzanne herself had made
me cut off to keep me looking young, was growing back. Absolutely no one
tried to stand up for me.  Most of them were a little scared that siding
with me would mean sharing my fate, plus I'd ruined that trip for every one
of them, and none of them were happy about it.  Suzanne was just the only
one willing to accept the consequences of retaliating so brazenly. As soon
as the diaper was off, Suzanne and Makala pushed open the doors to the
chapel with their bodies and flung mine inside!  I landed in the aisle
between the rows of pews, just as the Sisters turned around and saw me
sprawled out naked and sobbing from the degradation, my "new" pubes on full
display. Sadly, this was not all just a horrific dream.  How did I keep
losing to a 13-year-old?!  Of course Suzanne got in terrible trouble with
the Sisters for all of this, but she didn't give a damn whether her actions
were pono.  She enjoyed the ass-paddling punishment she got just like
always, and took care to minimize Makala's role in the prank. Needless to
say, that incident completely shattered any confidence I may have had about
my court appearance, but there was nothing I could do except face it
anyway. Gail Whitmur arrived at around eight the next morning, and she,
along with Sisters Bernadette and Ulalia, drove me to the Kāne`ohe
Courthouse for my shoplifting trial. The courtroom was small but the hushed
atmosphere still managed to make it seem cavernous and oppresive, and a
feeling of guilt began to settle on me before the proceedings even started.
Well, I mean, I WAS guilty, but still. "Now Keilani," instructed Sister
Bernadette, "Be sure to speak up, answer every question honestly, and
please, in the name of all that is Holy...  BEHAVE yourself." She didn't
need to tell me that.  I was fucking petrified.  It was completely
different than all the adult trials I'd seen on TV shows.  The courtroom
seats were mostly vacant, and there wasn't a jury, just the judge. 
"Magistrate Kuulei Kaleleiki," the nameplate on her bench said.  She didn't
look friendly. The clerk who was working at the store I'd stolen from was
there, along with Officer Janene, who'd arrested me.  There was also a man
and another lady I didn't recognize, who I later found out were the
prosecuting attorney and the store owner. Sister Ulalia put a hand on my
nervous shoulder and whispered not to be scared, that everything would turn
out okay.  I wasn't at all convinced that I wasn't going straight back to
juvie and staying there until they decided I was 18.  My court-appointed
public defender consulted with Gail and the Sisters, but not with me.
Finally Judge Kaleleiki called the hearing to order.  The prosecutor
presented his case, the store clerk testified her version of events, that a
little girl had come into the shop alone and browsed, and had taken a long
time in the fitting room, so she'd gotten suspicious.  When she saw Officer
Janene passing by she stopped her and asked her to wait right outside, just
in case.  It was a good thing she did, because the little girl had changed
into some expensive clothes and tried to run out of the store with them. 
Did she recognize the little girl?  Yes, it was me, and she pointed me out.
It was all on the store's video surveillance.  There wasn't really any
defense to present. The judge asked me to come up and sit in the big chair
next to her bench.  She asked me a lot of hard questions: Why did I try to
take the clothes from the store?  I answered because I liked them but
couldn't afford them.  It was the truth, if not the whole truth. Did I know
shoplifting was against pono?  Yes, I did. Did I know that the value of the
items I took made it a "Class C Felony" under Hawaii law?  I felt sick.  I
hadn't even looked at the price tags. Would I ever do something like this
again?  No, never.  I meant it, and I hoped like hell she believed me. How
old was I?  I swallowed, hard, knowing full well that I was lying in a
court of law...  and said 12, almost 13. Did I know what would be happening
to me right now if I were an adult?  I just nodded and said I'd be in jail.
I could only pray they would never discover my actual age now.  The
repercussions were too frightful to imagine. Finally she sent me back to my
seat.  I didn't cry, but I sure wanted to. Ultimately, Judge Kaleleiki's
ruling was that there was "probable cause that she has committed a
delinquent act", her exact words.  Then she asked the lawyers whether they
thought I should be sent to juvenile detention or simply taken back to the
orphanage.  My stomach twisted up in a tight knot.  This was it. The court
defender pointed out that no actual loss had been incurred by the store,
that I'd appeared apologetic and contrite.  The prosecuting attorney
agreed, but stressed that I was a runaway risk, and needed to be closely
monitored, and he wasn't convinced the Sisters could handle that on top of
all their other duties.  Sister Bernadette stated firmly that they were
"keeping a better watch on her since the incident, and are in the process
of arranging foster care." "Whoa, wait, WHAT?!" I blurted out without
thinking.  "Foster care?!?" A few people smirked at this, and Sister B gave
me a harsh glare, but the judge ignored the outburst, and with a tap of her
gavel announced that my sentence was a fine of three times the value of the
articles taken, plus 40 hours of community service.  Sister Bernadette
breathed an audible sigh of relief, and I felt awful for having put
everyone through all this.  But also tremendously relieved myself. In the
end, it was decided that I could simply perform my community service...  at
the orphanage.  Of course this tickled Suzanne to no end, seeing as how she
was free to continue tormenting me.  It was also a convenient excuse for
the Sisters to continue keeping me separated from the other girls. So every
day from then on, I did a few hours of chores under Sister Ulalia's watch
(because I still couldn't be trusted alone), while the other girls got to
go outside and play.  In addition to my mandated 40 hours there was also
the hefty fine, and since I didn't have it and the orphanage couldn't
really afford it, I had to work to make that up as well. Most of it was
simple menial tasks such as washing dishes or cleaning.  Suzanne didn't
interfere with my work, aside from creating little messes that I'd have to
clean up, or deliberately leaving something gross on her lunchroom tray. 
And of course she never missed an opportunity to make a comment when she
thought Sister Ulalia wouldn't overhear.  "Howdy, jail-bird!" she'd
whisper, or she'd call me "kanaka hana kalaima", which means criminal.  I
knew it was a term she'd gotten one of the other native girls to teach her,
and most of the time she mangled the pronunciation with that putrid accent
of hers. She definitely didn't try anything massively humiliating like the
chapel thing.  Still, the way she smirked deviously whenever she caught a
glimpse of me told me Suzanne still had something even bigger planned, and
I couldn't shake that intuition. I broke into a cold sweat whenever I
thought about Sister Bernadette's "foster care" comment, but I didn't have
to wait too long to find out what it meant.  One day Gail showed up again
and I was brought into the Mother Superior's office. "Keilani..." Sister
Bernadette began once Gail and I were seated.  She got right to the point.
"You've been staying here with us since June, and I think it's become
obvious to everyone that this is not working out." For once, the two of us
agreed on something. "You don't want to be here, and we don't..." Sister
hesitated, as if she were about to say one thing but decided better of it.
"Your presence here is just too disruptive to the other girls, and to the
staff.  So we've decided that, until a more permanent solution can be
reached, you will be placed under the care of Ms Whitmur.  I believe you
two already know each other?" Gail put a hand on my knee and gave me a
smile that was just a liiitle too enthusiastic.  "Oh, I know you're
probably nervous, Keilani dear, but I just know we're going to have a lot
of fun together!" Her head bobbed in an eager little nod.  I felt ill.  And
what was this "more permanent solution" Sister mentioned? "What about Akela
and Naia?" I asked, "Can't I stay with them?" Our last aloha was on about
the worst terms possible, but they'd at least tried to make up with me. 
They had to be better than Gail. "Those two troublemakers?  Out of the
question.  Fake driver's licenses and teaching you to tell lies, they're a
terrible influence.  Ms Whitmur has already volunteered, and she has put a
lot of effort into making her home ready for you." "I could stay with... 
my sister!" I was desperate, grasping for anything that might work, even
the older sibling Sister Ulalia thought I had after seeing the pictures of
both young me and adult me back at the house.  But of course that wouldn't
work, they would obviously want to meet her, and the only person on the
island who looked exactly like an older me was...  me, in grown-up attire.
"If only we could locate her." Sister Bernadette shook her head.  "But
she's proven as elusive as your parents." "W-what about my parents?" I
asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.  "When they get back, how will
they find me?" "Your parents are clearly unfit to raise you, Keilani," said
Sister Bernadette coldly.  "No one here or at Social Services has been able
to contact them.  When, or rather IF, they can be located, we intend to
work with the State of Hawaii to press charges of child neglect." "Ch--...
Child neglect?!" I could barely utter the words, and they quickly crumbled
to tears.  Was there any way left for my parents to straighten all of this
out?  And even if they did, it would mean I'd be unmasked as a 21-year-old
felon!  Either way, someone's life was going to be irredeemably ruined.
Gail tried uselessly to console me.  "Shhh...  Keilani dear, don't cry. 
It'll be okay." Only it wouldn't!  "None of this is your fault." Only it
WAS, ALL of it!  Gail shot Sister Bernadette a glance that said, "Really?
Did you have to be so harsh?" Sister looked slightly abashed, and made the
Sign of the Cross over herself, silently asking God's forgiveness.  Clearly
having me around was taking a strain on her, and she couldn't get me out of
there soon enough. The two went through some paperwork, obviously knowing
what they were doing, and just like that I was legally under the temporary
custody of one Gail Alice Whitmur.  The two of us followed Sister
Bernadette into my playpen room, where they packed everything I currently
owned into a suitcase Gail had brought along.  And what I owned wasn't
much: A couple of blouse-and-skirt uniforms I'd been wearing here, my
too-small beach outfit, the stupid feety pajamas, and of course those
unbearable smiley-faced flower underpants.  When Gail had recovered my
discarded child's uniform from the store where I'd dumped it, she'd
salvaged them as well. The other girls were gathering to see me go,
whispering among themselves.  Evidently word of this had reached them
before I'd been made aware of it.  Suzanne's spying, no doubt.  Finally, I
was walking out the front door of Saint Sebastian's, although it wasn't
like I'd always hoped it would be.  I still wasn't going home.  I still
wasn't getting my adult life back.  Gail held my hand as she led me to her
car. "Careful, Mizz Whitmur, Kay-Lawny ain't bin potty-trained!  She still
wets th' bed!" My face instantly went red.  God DAMN Suzanne Calloway! 
Gail turned and looked questioningly at Sister Bernadette, who nodded,
actually confirming her lie!  Even if I'd tried to explain that NO, I
DIDN'T wet the bed, Suzanne and Makala held me down and tickled me until I
lost control, still no one would have believed it.  It was so unfair! I
wasn't convinced that going from Saint Sebastian's to Gail's wasn't a
completely lateral move, but what could I do?  Gail was surely expecting
I'd try to run off right away, but the ironic truth was, even though I was
finally away from the orphanage, I'd pretty much run out of places I could
go.  I no longer had the spare key to my parents' house, I'd already tried
and failed to get my old job back, and Akela and Naia's place was in
Kāne`ohe, the next town over, definitely too far to make it without
getting caught.  Besides, I wasn't about to beg them for help again, not
after last time.  So I was pretty much on my own. As you've probably
guessed, Gail is a piss-poor substitute for my real parents.  The woman has
never been married, probably hasn't even dated that much.  Hell, I've dated
more than her and I'm only twe...nty-one, shit, I almost typed "twelve"
there!  I can't believe how thoroughly it's been drilled into me at this
point. Gail did let me sit up front, but it was probably because she could
keep a closer eye on me than if I'd been seated in the back.  "Well,
Keilani dear," she said, breaking the ice as she steered the car out of the
orphanage's driveway.  "I'll bet you're probably tired of that old uniform.
How about we go shopping?" She seemed thrilled at the prospect of buying
clothes for her new "daughter". Do you know how long it had been since the
last time I'd gone shopping?  Even though I knew I wouldn't be getting any
adult outfits like the one I'd stolen, it would be great to wear something,
anything, different.  I relaxed a bit as we rode down a highway lined with
neat rows of longnecked palm trees, and took in the view of O'ahu's lush,
green mountains.  God I'd missed them.  The tall stone walls around Saint
Sebastian's meant I'd never been able to see them very well. I was so
engrossed in the scenery that I didn't pay any attention to where Gail was
driving.  But the brief excitement at the prospect of new clothes was
crushed as soon as I realized where she was taking me.  It wasn't to any of
the trendy places, or even the island-themed boutiques where Akela and Naia
and I used to shop.  No, Gail pulled into the parking lot of...  fucking
Wal-Mart!  Most native Hawaiians HATE Wal-Mart, because it so perfectly
symbolizes the way big business interests have tromped in and taken over a
large part of our beloved islands. Gail stopped the car, unlocked her door
but not mine, and came around to the passenger side.  She opened the back
seat and took something out which I couldn't see what it was, then finally
unlocked my door.  Yeah, definitely on full alert for me trying to run. As
she unbuckled my seat belt, I saw that the thing she held had a lot of
straps and latches.  I was appalled as I realized what it was.  But, just
on the off chance it wasn't, I asked Gail anyway. "Oh, I picked this up
just for you, Keilani dear.  It's a safety harness." AI�,�,�,!  I moaned to
myself.  It WAS exactly what I thought it was.  One of those fucking child
leashes you see overprotective parents use on little kids, kids much
younger than me! "Why do I have to wear a LEASH?!" I complained.  "I'm not
a damn dog!" Gail made an annoyed "tsk" sound.  "Language, Keilani dear!  I
wouldn't want to have to punish you on our first outing together." She
slipped on her end of the leash, which went over her shoulders like some
sort of bizarre bra, and fastened in the front.  Mine was similar in
design, but smaller, fastened in the back, and had the tether that
connected the two together.  Its other end clicked into Gail's harness, so
she was the only one who could detach them. "See, Keilani dear?  We'll both
be wearing one, it's not just you." Yeah, I thought bitterly, and no one's
going to have any doubts about which one of us is in charge here.  Gail
tightened the straps on mine.  It was only long enough to let me wander a
few feet away from her.  "We can pretend we're going backpacking together!"
Ugh, I thought.  Wal-Mart was about the worst place on the island to go
backpacking, and this woman was one of my last choices for an `awe`awe
partner.  "Um, Gail?" I asked. "Call me Ms Whitmur," she instructed, then
added, "Or mommy, if you'd like?" looking a bit hopeful. There was no way
in hell I was calling her that.  I chose to disappoint her by going with
"Ms Whitmur", and asked, "Can I at least pick out my own clothes?" "Of
course, Keilani dear.  As long as they're appropriate for your age." We
went straight to the "Iki Kaikamahine" (or "Little Miss") section and began
rummaging through the racks of apparel. Now, I don't think I ever dressed
outright slutty when I was 21.  But I did like to tease and show off a
little leg and midriff, especially since it diverted attention away from my
lack of curves.  And to that effect I did have a couple of outfits I'm not
sure my parents really approved of.  But then, they're pretty conservative,
as was Gail.  She turned out to be rather opinionated about what girls "my
age" should wear.  Not surprising, considering the woman wears an
ankle-length skirt and has her hair up in a tight bun every time I've seen
her. She hummed annoyingly as she moved from one rack to another with me in
tow, flipping through outfits, occasionally pulling something out to have a
better look.  Despite her earlier promise, and my protests, I ended up with
a couple of hideous little frilly dresses she thought were cute.  She'd
hold them up under my chin and examine them from a couple of different
angles, inspecting them for...  I don't know what.  Then she'd have me turn
around and do the same thing from the back.  It was like she was playing
dress-up, and I was the doll.  The harness kept me within arm's reach of
her, and left both of her hands free. Thankfully I also got a pair of jeans
(not too low-cut), some shorts (not too short), and some more traditional
Hawaiian floral dresses.  I asked about makeup, but Gail said absolutely
not, not until I was older. All of this took much longer than it had to,
because people Gail seemed to know kept coming up to her when they saw us
together. "Awww, she's so CUTE!  Is she yours?" "Yes, she's my new hânai."
My foster child.  Gail seemed to revel in the new attention she was getting
because of me.  "Keilani dear, say hello to Mrs
Someone-Or-Other-I-Didn't-Give-A-Shit-About." "Oooh, I just want to pinch
her little cheeks!" And Gail fucking LET them!  It made me so mad, and
there was nothing I could do about it!  They patted my head, cooed over me
every time I came out of the changing room in a different outfit...  one
lady even gave me a little pat on the behind!  And I couldn't even protest
that I wasn't a child anymore. Of course, everyone had to comment on my
leash as well.  "Now that's a handy thing, it keeps her from wandering off
and getting lost, do they sell those here?" No one criticized Gail for
using the thing, or seemed to think it might be demeaning to me.  I was
astounded at the time, but I suppose it wasn't that unusual of a sight in
Wal-Mart, considering what I've heard about people who shop there.  I know
I'd never have set foot in the place if Gail hadn't quite literally dragged
me in. She did have to unstrap it so I could try on the clothes, because
she wanted to make sure they all fit properly.  Which meant getting a
changing room and shedding the clothes I came in with, then presenting my
new outfit to all the ladies so they could "Ooh!" and "Aah!" and comment on
how adorable I looked.  Gail went in with me, so I wouldn't be tempted to
lock myself in and cause a big scene.  More than once her friends got so
eager to see me that they nudged open the fitting room door and caught me
half-dressed, with the stupid pink rainbow heart panties on full display! I
was mortified at seeing these strange women peeking at me, what the hell
was wrong with them?!  What if one of the other passing shoppers turned and
saw me?! When Gail's fan club finally went away, she put the harness back
around me, and I asked if we could get me some better underwear.  I knew
thongs were out, but I'd settle for anything plain and not outright
childish.  The adult women's stuff was on the opposite side of the aisle
from the girls', so we could each browse a different side with the leash
between us.  I took advantage of that and casually scanned the adult
section for something my size that Gail would approve of. "How about
these?" I asked.  It was a package with several pairs of women's briefs,
basic black, nothing fancy but also nothing disgustingly youthful. But Gail
said, "No, dear, those are for grown-ups, put them back." "But they're my
size!  I wear an adult small!" Gail pulled a package off one of the shelves
on the girls' side.  "Oh, look at these, Keilani dear!  Aren't they
darling?" I willed myself to look at what she'd found...  and was
horrified. It was a five-pack of "days of the week" panties in pastel
colors -- pink, blue, orange, yellow and green.  In my size, of course. 
They were just about the stupidest, most infantile undergarments of all
time.  Neck-and-neck with the smiley flowers, but even Wal-Mart didn't seem
to carry that kind.  It made me wonder just where the fuck Gail had gotten
them. "I'm not wearing those!" "Keilani dear, you said you wanted new
underwear." "Yeah but not THOSE, they're retarded!" After the little
fashion show I'd been forced into, I was starting to get aggravated. Gail
suddenly got serious and knelt down, looking me directly in the eyes. 
"Keilani dear.  I understand this is all a big change for you.  I am trying
very hard to make this shopping trip fun for both of us, but if you won't
be a good girl..." She didn't have to finish, she knew that I knew what
would happen if I misbehaved.  So I squashed down the impulse to act up. 
Gail added the weekday panties into the cart next to my other outfits, as I
silently glowered. But the indignity didn't stop with shopping for girlish
underwear with Gail.  She had to get groceries, too, which meant more
dragging me around the store, and I was getting impatient and fidgety. "Are
you tired, Keilani dear?  Do you want to ride in the cart?" Ride in the...!
What, did she think I was fucking SIX?! "NO!" I blurted out petulantly, and
immediately wished I hadn't.  That was so childish.  I may have had to act
12 years old now, but that didn't mean I had to go overboard with it. "Then
behave yourself and follow me, we're almost done." How could I do anything
except follow her, with that stupid leash?  As we passed down each aisle,
people gave us curious or amused or fawning looks, which Gail pretended not
to notice, or maybe she actually didn't, but I certainly did.  She might as
well have held my hand and pulled me along, that would have been marginally
better. And then things got infinitely, indescribably worse.  Because in
the grocery section we rounded a corner, and who do you think was standing
right there? Kahoku. My fucking ex-crush!  What the hell was he doing
here?! He always seemed to be turning up in places I'd never expect to see
him.  Kailua Beach Park, at Saint Sebastian's with Akela and Naia, and now
here at Wal-Mart!  I wanted to hide, but of course being tethered to Gail
meant I couldn't escape anywhere.  I ducked back as far as I could so that
he wouldn't see me, and mercifully he didn't.  He turned the corner and
went around to the next aisle. But then a realization hit me.  Kahoku was
currently dating Akela.  (It hurt to remind myself, but it was true.) And
with Gail adopting me, Akela and Naia would soon lose track of where I was.
As much as I hated to admit it, I needed someone's help to get me out of
this, and they were probably my best shot.  So when Gail's attention was
focused on a shelf near the end of the aisle, I went around to the edge of
the next one, as far as I could go. "Kahoku!" I whispered.  He didn't hear
me, so I tried again a little louder.  "Kahokuuu!" That time he heard, and
started a bit, apparently surprised and a little chagrined that someone he
knew had caught him shopping at Wal-Mart.  He turned and saw me and paused,
trying to place me.  "Aloha, keiki...  Have we met?" Christ, he didn't even
recognize me anymore!  I'm sure I looked like a shy little girl to him,
since it was hard for me to look at him face to face.  When Sister Ulalia
had spanked me on the playground he'd seen me exposed from behind,
revealing everything I had to show.  I prayed he wouldn't remember, but how
could he forget something like that?  The leash held me back from getting
any closer to him.  I bit my lip, but pressed on.  "Kahoku, it's me... 
Keilani Akana." Even with the name, it took a second or two for him to
register me.  "Keilani...?" He took a few steps toward me, his expression
going from curious to somewhat annoyed.  Our last two meetings had left him
significantly less than impressed with me.  I knew I didn't have much time,
Gail would be moving on soon, and taking me with her. I tried to think of
something to say.  "Um...  How's Akela?" Aiâ, that was awkward.  Because
Akela had started dating Kahoku, even though she knew I had this huge crush
on him.  And still sort of do, I guess.  But now that I had to pretend to
be 12, he was far too old for me. "Keilani, your hair..." Remember, he
hadn't seen it since Sister Bernadette's hack job.  His eyes showed
concern, and his hand moved toward my shoulder where it used to hang.  Then
he hesitated, as if he were worried how inappropriate it might look to any
bystanders, for him to be touching a girl "my age" like that. "Yes, I
know." I was getting so goddamn fucking tired of hearing about my hair. 
Look, I know I owe you an explanation, but for now can you just tell
Akela--" Then Kahoku noticed the leash, and had to follow it around the
aisle to where it met up with Gail's.  She was still occupied with a shelf
full of something, I didn't know what.  Reading the sides of the packages,
trying to choose a brand. "Who...  is she?" Kahoku asked. I tried anxiously
to keep him on topic.  "Akela.  Tell her I'm staying with this woman, her
name is Gail Whitmur, have you got that?" "Keilani," Kahoku asked, and had
to stop and think how best to phrase the question.  "Look, just be honest
with me, is this..." He gestured at me, decked out in the childish clothes,
the lopped hair, the harness, the whole package, and looked almost
embarrassed to be asking.  "Is this your new...  lifestyle now?  Is all of
this some sort of sub/dom thing?" "No!" I gasped, my face blushing. 
"Hasn't Akela explained to you?  They think I'm--" "Keilani dear, you
shouldn't talk to strangers." Shit, now we had Gail's attention! "No! 
Kahoku's not a stranger, Gail!  Um, Ms Whitmur!  Um, he and I are, uh, used
to be..." "My friends used to babysit her," Kahoku explained.  "We're
acquainted." I was about to get upset at the notion of me being babysat,
but then I realized, or at least hoped, that Kahoku was just going along
with my present situation.  I mean, if he'd started insisting I was 21,
things could have gotten really bad for me, given my recently acquired
criminal background.  In any case, his response came off natural and
believable, much more so than Akela and Naia's constant stumbling over each
other's words.  He even managed to hide his disgust at my current
appearance.  From Gail, although it was still pretty apparent to me. "Oh.
Well it's nice to meet you, I'm Gail Whitmur." She held out her hand, and
he shook it.  I noticed she put on a coy little smile, too.  Was she
fucking flirting with him?! "Kahoku Pelekai." Then: "So.  You're...  not
Keilani's mother." It was a statement intended to tactfully ask the big
question.  What the hell was the deal with me? "Oh, it's such a long story.
But the short version is, the poor thing's parents..." Gail quickly
corrected herself from giving out too much private information.  "They
haven't been available, so I'm taking care of her for now.  And believe me,
she's quite a handful!" She gave a little giggle -- Yes, stuffy matronly
Gail Whitmur actually fucking giggled!  God, was there anyone Kahoku
couldn't hit it off with?  Suzanne Calloway, Akela...  fucking Gail!  Why
was I the only one who had trouble talking to him? "Why does Keilani... 
need someone to take care of her?" Noooo!  I thought bitterly.  I'd finally
had a chance to explain things to Kahoku myself, and Gail was ruining it! I
couldn't tell him I'd been mistaken for a child with Gail standing right
there, and if I let Gail tell her version of everything it would just make
him more confused and upset with me! "Well, since you've met her you know
how she gets sometimes.  Keilani dear, please settle down." I was busy
tugging on the leash, urgently whispering "Let's gooo!" Trying to get away
from Kahoku before this got any more awkward than it already was. But Gail
continued unabated.  "You know how girls are at her age.  She needs
constant attention, she needs discipline, she needs--" "Diapers?" Kahoku
indicated the package in Gail's hands.  Horrified, I realized that's what
she had been browsing for this whole time! "Why the hell are you buying
THOSE?!" I demanded.  Now Kahoku would think I was a bed-wetter, too! Gail,
sensing an outburst was imminent, attempted to defuse the situation. 
"Shhh, it's okay, Keilani dear.  We'll talk about this in the car." For
once she was trying to spare me some public embarrassment, but I would have
none of it. "I don't need DIAPERS!" I cried out, which was stupid because
now everyone in earshot immediately turned their attention to us. "These
aren't diapers," Gail tried to reason with me.  "They're Nite-Nite Pants."
Like there was any fucking difference! "I'm NOT a BABY!" As my frustration
grew, my voice was becoming increasingly shrill. "No one said you were."
Gail held up the package to show me.  "See, they're just like regular
undies, only they're just for when you go to bed.  That way if you have a
little accident, it won't leave a mess." "I DON'T WET THE BED!!" "I'm not
saying you will, Keilani dear, but it's just in case.  If you ever do, you
can just take them off and put them in the dirty laundry, and no one ever
has to know." But Gail would know, when she went to wash them!  And she'd
probably tell Sister Bernadette, and then Suzanne Calloway would find out
and tease me about it every chance she got! At the thought of Suzanne, the
hot hatred erupted full-blast in my chest.  I was furious with her and
Makala for making me wet myself in the first place!  I was furious with
Gail for not believing me and buying me those stupid things and making me
wear them!  I was furious with Kahoku and Akela for going out with each
other!  I was furious with all the stupid Wal-Mart people stopping and
turning to look at me!  NOTHING was going my way at all, and I had had
ENOUGH! So I shouted, "NO!  I DID NOT WET THE BED!  SUZANNE CALLOWAY DID IT
TO ME!!" And I threw myself down, sitting at the end of the aisle, pouting
and fuming at the complete unfairness of it all. "Come along, Keilani
dear." Gail's tone said we were going, whether I liked it or not. "NO!" I
yelled again.  Not until she put those stupid "Nite-Nite Pants" back on the
shelf and said she was sorry for embarrassing me in front of everybody! But
it wasn't a discussion.  Gail took hold of the harness strap between us and
attempted to lift me off the floor.  But I just sat there and crossed my
arms and scowled, staring at Gail defiantly. She knelt down and whispered.
"Keilani, dear.  I am going to count to three." She gave me a second to
reconsider my actions, then began.  "One..." Kahoku made a disgusted sound.
"You know what, Keilani?  I have Akela now, I don't even care anymore.  You
have yourself a nice life." I was sure that any chance I might have had
with him, if there ever had been one, was now completely and irrevocably
over. "Wait!" I cried.  Mai hele!  Don't go!  But it was too late.  He
turned and pushed past the crowd, clearly ashamed to even admit he knew me,
and left to finish his shopping. But the rest of the gawking customers
weren't, and they watched with satisfied amusement as Gail continued her
countdown.  "Two..." "NO!" I repeated, louder.  "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NOOO, NNNOOOOOO!!" And before I even realized it, I was lying on the
floor on my back, kicking and flailing my arms and hollering at the top of
my lungs.  I didn't even hear Gail say "three".  She might not have even
bothered. So, yeah.  I pretty much tried to prove I wasn't a baby by... 
throwing a huge public tantrum.  Go, me. Gail gripped my wrist and turned
me over, on my stomach.  Then, right there with everyone in the store
watching, she flipped up my skirt and slipped my pink rainbow underwear
down until it was bunched just below the curve of my bare little ass.
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" I shrieked one last time, and struggled even harder
to get away.  I twisted my wrist from her grasp and managed to crawl to my
feet.  I took off running...  and promptly hit the limit of the leash.  In
my fury I'd forgotten about that.  I tried to slip my arms out of it so I
could pull it down and off my body, but I couldn't get the straps over my
shoulders, it was fastened too tight.  So I tried to pull it off the other
way, over my head, using one hand at a time to slide the center straps up
my torso, first the front side, then the back, slowly inching it up.  I had
to switch between the two so I could hold my blouse down with the other
hand, so I wouldn't pull it off along with the harness. But at the same
time, Gail was tugging on her end of the leash, pulling me back.  And as
soon as she got within reach she tried to latch onto my arm again but ended
up catching the back of my blouse.  She pulled on it forcefully, just as I
was yanking the front down to cover my flashing midriff.  For an instant I
felt the fabric strain...  and then suddenly all of the buttons popped
loose from top to bottom!  Because I was so flat-chested, the Sisters had
never even given me a training bra to wear, so underneath the blouse I was
topless! The other shoppers gasped, and some broke into laughter, as my
tiny bare tits were revealed to the whole store!  Including Kahoku!  I
caught a glimpse of him at the edge of the crowd, passing by again on his
way to the checkout, and he turned momentarily to take one more repulsed
look at the unfolding train wreck.  It was horrible!  I mean, Suzanne
Calloway had pretty much told him how small my breasts were, so he already
knew I'd been padding my bras and swimsuits, but now he was actually seeing
my little exposed nubs!  And since he'd seen me exposed from behind before,
he now basically knew exactly what my naked little body looked like! Gail,
however, was behind me and thus unable to see what had happened to my
blouse.  I tried to hold the two sides together and keep my bare chest
hidden, but the harness was twisted out of place, like some kind of bizarre
bondage gear.  My blouse was pinned beneath it, making it hard for me to
stay covered.  Oh, and of course I'd had my little pink pattern undies
still bunched below my ass, peeking out from under the skirt.  In the
struggle they lost their grip and slid all the way down my legs to my
ankles. Gail pulled me back over her knees and began paddling my bare
little bottom into submission. SMACK!  SMACK!  SMACK! "OWWWWW!" I screeched
as Gail's palm repeatedly found its painful mark.  Her face was flushed
with quiet, contained anger.  Adult anger, not at all like mine. SMACK! 
SMACK!  SMACK! "NNOOOO!!  STOP IT PU HULA WA HINIII!!" You crazy white
bitch, though I wasn't sure if Gail's Hawaiian was good enough to know
this. It did seem to make her even angrier, though, and her hand began
falling across my cheeks with increased intensity. SMACK!  SMACK!  SMACK!
Not one person came to my defense.  Just like the other girls with Suzanne.
Either those people all agreed with what Gail was doing, or they didn't
want to get themselves directly involved.  In between the horror of what
was happening and my own fury, my ears caught the muttered comments of some
of the onlookers. "God, no wonder that kid needs a leash." "Little spoiled
brat." "Yeah, give her what she deserves." "See, THAT's what too many
parents today are afraid to do!" "You know better than to act like that
little girl, don't you?" one mother asked her children.  Yes, there were
other kids, probably younger than me and definitely better behaved,
watching the degrading drama unfold. Exactly like she'd done before, Gail
lectured me as she was spanking me, each stern word accompanied by a sharp
swat.  "Keilani, dear, this, nonsense, is, going, to, STOP, RIGHT, NOW! 
You, are, living, with, ME, now, and, you, will, learn, to, BEHAVE!" My
poor little behind was burning.  And Gail was the adult, so she could do
this to me for as long as she wanted, and all I could do was lie there and
take it, and bawl helplessly. Finally, she decided I'd been punished
enough. She slid my underwear back up and lifted the skirt back over it.  I
whimpered as the fabric rubbed painfully against my poor, sore, freshly
paddled cheeks.  She turned me around to face her and readjusted my blouse
and the harness straps as best she could to cover me.  A couple of the
buttons had popped completely loose and had rolled off somewhere, so the
fabric hung loose in places. "Keilani dear." She held out a hand.  "Let's
go." I didn't dare disobey.  I took her hand and slowly crawled to my feet,
and, head turned down to avoid the gaze of the spectators, followed Gail to
the checkout registers at the front of the store, sniffling the entire way.
"I am an ADULT!" came a mocking male voice from behind us. "Like I've told
you a million, BILLION times!" chimed in someone else, probably his buddy,
and they both laughed.  It was quickly followed by sounds of amused
recognition from several other people who'd suddenly gotten the reference.
They'd clearly seen the video Akela had taken of me throwing a similar
tantrum at Saint Sebastians, which had gone viral when she'd shown it
around U of H.  Now I was a fucking Internet meme! It felt like forever
before we got checked out and Gail put the groceries in the car.  I was
sure people were staring at me the whole time.  She didn't even bother
removing the harness, just unhooked mine from her own and guided me into
the passenger seat.  I winced.  It hurt to sit, but I forced myself to
remain still. Before she started the ignition, Gail turned to me.  Or at
least I'm assuming she did.  I stared down at my lap, unable to bring
myself to look back at her. "Keilani dear.  You need to understand, you
didn't just make yourself look bad back there.  I'm your kahu hānai now,
your foster parent.  You made ME look bad." I didn't want to hear any of
it. I turned my tear-streaked face to stare out the window, and did my best
to tune her out. "Are you always like this?  Did you act this way when your
parents were around?" THAT stopped me cold in my tracks.  The wave of guilt
returned to crush me for being such a bad daughter and getting mom and dad
into so much trouble.  We drove in silence (apart from my sniffling and
choked sobs) to Gail's apartment.  I held her hand and morosely climbed the
cement steps to the third floor. Clearly Gail's job with Social Services
was her entire life.  She didn't even have a TV.  What would have been the
living area was an office with a desk, where she worked sometimes.  A small
kitchen, full bathroom, and two other rooms off the main hallway.  On
shelves in other rooms were rows upon rows of porcelain cat figurines.  I
didn't see any real cats anywhere.  Maybe the apartment management wouldn't
let her keep any.  And I felt a little bad for Gail, living all by herself,
though I had to remind myself, who the hell could stand to live with her?
In any case, she was no longer alone now that she had me. One of the rooms
was a spare bedroom she had all set up just for me.  It was nauseatingly
girly, with pink curtains and bedsheets (I really hate pink), stuffed
animals and dolls, and a closet about to be filled with the girlish clothes
she had bought for me today.  I already knew I couldn't wear any of Gail's
clothes to appear more grown-up.  They were all too big, not to mention
designed to look good on someone much older than me.  Just how the hell old
was Gail, anyway?  In her forties, I thought, but I wasn't sure. 
Apparently I was no better at deducing Gail's actual age that she was at
determining mine. She made me a simple dinner, better than the orphanage
food but nothing special, not that I deserved anything special.  She did
get the good pineapple juice, and even after the way I'd behaved, she let
me have three glasses.  Gail loosened up a bit, let her expereince of
punishing me pass.  Of course I could never forget.  And then: "Come on,
Keilani dear, let's get you ready for bed." It was barely seven-thirty, but
I didn't complain.  I was exhausted from the day's humiliations and I just
wanted to be by myself.  But first, Gail decided I needed a bath, and of
course being a brand-new parent she just had to help me take one. As the
tap slowly filled the big porcelain tub, Gail knelt down and began helping
her little girl remove her clothes.  One by one she undid the buttons on my
blouse, pulled one arm from its sleeve, then the other, and unfastened the
safety pin that held my otherwise too large skirt in place so it could drop
around my shoes.  I stood before Gail, one hand across my miniscule breasts
and the other splayed across the front of my pink rainbow panties, hiding
as much of my exposure as possible. Noticing, Gail smiled fondly.  "Oh,
Keilani dear, there's no need to feel embarrassed.  Haven't we already done
this before?" And we had, back on that first night when I'd come into the
police station completely naked, and Gail had dressed me.  Only this time
the scene was playing in reverse, and that didn't make it any less
embarrassing.  But I didn't protest.  She'd only make me go through with it
anyway, and it would be more demeaning if I put up a fight and lost.  But I
still tried to keep myself covered. I lifted each foot so Gail could take
the skirt, then again so she could undo my shoes and pull the socks off my
little feet.  All that remained was the underwear, and as Gail reached for
it I slid it down myself, using both hands.  It was going to happen anyway,
but if I did it myself I at least retained a tiny bit of control over the
situation. "Ahh!" squeaked Gail as she got her latest look at naked me.  "I
see someone is becoming a young lady!" She was referring of course to my
"new" pubic hair, which I didn't have the first time she saw me nude
because I'd just shaved it.  Involuntarily, my hands went back over my
front and an intense blush crept across my face. "Oh, it's perfectly
natural, Keilani dear, it's all a part of growing up.  Why, pretty soon
your little chest will fill out and you'll be a full-grown woman." She
couldn't possibly have known how sensitive I am about my tiny breasts,
especially since I knew for a fact they weren't ever going to get any
bigger. The tub was about three-quarters full with warm, steaming water and
bubble bath, so Gail turned off the tap and I gingerly stepped in and
lowered myself to a sitting position.  It still stung a bit, but the water
felt good, relaxing after such a long and tiring day, and much more
comfortable than the orphanage showers which always seemed to run cold by
the time the other girls were done and I finally got to them.  I piled up
the bubbles around me in an effort to keep my nudity hidden. Gail knelt
down at the side of the tub, dipped a washcloth in the water, and started
scrubbing my back.  "Wait, what the hell are you--?" I splashed a bit as I
tried to scoot away.  I didn't want Gail giving me a bath! "Oh, it's all
right, Keilani dear.  We're `ohana now, and this is what `ohana do."
Somehow I think Gail had been living by herself a little too long to know
what families did.  My parents sure as hell never bathed me!  I mean, sure,
maybe when I was really little, like two, but they knew I was old enough to
do it myself well before I turned twelve!  I realized she was still the
eager new mom, just sharing a motherly moment with her new keiki, but
still! Didn't Gail KNOW this wasn't the least bit appropriate? But what
could I do about it?  I'd already been punished for one outburst today, I
sure as hell didn't want to get sent to bed with a renewed spanking.  So I
just scooted myself around in the tub so I wouldn't have to look directly
at her.  Gail scooped up some water with her hands and poured it over my
head, then uncapped a shampoo bottle and began working up a lather with her
fingers. "So, Keilani dear," she asked me.  "What exactly did you do to
earn a haircut from Sister Bernadette?" Yes, Gail was apparently well aware
of that particular punishment.  And she might have already known the answer
too, and was just seeing if I'd tell her the truth.  So I just said I hit
Suzanne Calloway on the playground, without giving any more details about
the circumstances.  There was nothing I could add that would have helped my
case anyway. "You know, I feel kind of sorry for Suzanne," Gail remarked,
in a faux-offhand manner that suggested she'd thought out this conversation
well in advance.  "Did you know her parents went off on vacation without
her, just like yours?" No, I thought, NOT just like mine!  My parents had
left me in charge.  Stupid thing to do, I now realized, considering what
I'd gotten myself into without them.  But Suzanne's had brought her along
with them to O'ahu, then dumped her off at Saint Sebastian's after she'd
apparently done something to warrant it.  I had no idea what, Suzanne had
never bragged about that (which was unusual for her), and being naked in a
bathtub at Gail's didn't seem at all like the appropriate time to inquire.
"I think you blame Suzanne for a lot of your problems, Keilani dear.  Don't
you think maybe you need to stop doing that?" But it WAS her fault, I
thought to myself.  She was the one who'd made me feel so angry and so
helpless that I felt I had no other alternative.  She was the reason I'd
wet myself that first time, and the reason everyone's talk about it would
never go away, and the reason I'd had to throw a fit over Gail buying me
"Nite-Nite Pants" earlier today!  It WAS Suzanne's fault!  Why couldn't
anyone except me see that? "You and Suzanne have a lot in common," she
continued.  "You're both without your parents.  You both seem to get into
an awful lot of mischief.  Sometimes it really surprises me that you aren't
friends.  I bet you could get along better with her, if you tried." She was
trying to go somewhere with this, but I didn't know where.  I could tell by
the way she peered over my bare shoulder, looking at my face, trying to
gauge my reaction.  Which was probably a pouty-looking little scowl,
because I was furious she was defending my worst enemy.  I sulked in
silence as Gail washed and rinsed my hair, drained the water from the tub,
and dried me off.  My hair was still short enough that she couldn't really
put it into pigtails again, but that was small consolation.  Then it was
time to get me into my "Nite-Nite Pants". *sigh* I admit they were better
than the diapers, just barely, but I still felt completely juvenile having
them on.  Gail was right, they looked just like little girl's underwear,
with lace around the elastic and rows of little ruffles on the ass.  The
only difference was they had an absorbent pad concealed between the legs,
in case I happened to piss in them.  Which I knew I wouldn't, but maybe if
I just tolerated wearing them for a few days Gail would realize I was
telling the truth about not wetting the bed, and I could wear normal
underwear to sleep again.  Okay, maybe "normal" isn't the right word to
describe panties with the fucking days of the week printed on them, but...
you know what I mean. Over them went the pink feety pajamas, brought from
Saint Sebastian's.  Gail zipped them up for me, fastened the buttons on the
seat flap, and gave me a little motherly pat on the behind.  I climbed into
bed, in the room Gail had set up for me, and she tucked me in for the
night. Now, after all the energy I spent arguing how I was a big girl and I
had my bodily functions under control, what do you think happened the very
next goddamn morning? Guess.  Go ahead and motherfucking GUESS. I must have
slept later than normal, in the absence of Sister Ulalia's 7AM wake-up
bell. The urge in my bladder is what first made me stir.  It was all that
pineapple juice I'd had the night before.  I had no idea what time it was.
lThe room was still completely dark and I awoke groggy and unable to recall
the layout of Gail's apartment from the night before.  I stepped carefully
around the unfamiliar setting at first, trying to find a light switch, but
I couldn't, and as the urgency in my bladder intensified, my efforts became
increasingly desperate.  I stumbled about in the darkness, knocking things
over and bumping into my bed, disoriented and unable to locate a way out of
the room.  I found a door but it turned out to be a closet!  It was getting
critical, but finally I found the knob on my bedroom door and tore it open,
making a frenzied dash to the toilet. Only...  I didn't make it in time.
The sound of my sobbing woke Gail up, and she came out in an ugly floral
nightgown, with her hair down and without her librarian glasses.  Seeing me
sitting in the middle of the hall, sobbing, she quickly understood what had
happened. "Oh, Keilani dear...  It's okay." She hugged me reassuringly, but
I didn't feel very reassured.  "And you see?  The Nite-Nite Pants worked.
There's no mess to clean up." Yes, of course, Gail was right and I was a
clueless child who didn't know anything.  There was not a hint of a wet
spot to be seen anywhere on my feety pajamas.  Gail led me to the bathroom,
unzipped them, pulled them down along with my sodden Nite-Nite Pants.  I
just let her, without complaint.  She was clearly the only grown-up here.
She ran a bit of water in the tub and gave me a cloth to wash up with while
she got my outfit for the day.  "There we go!  All better, Keilani dear."
She held my hand as I stepped out of the tub, so I wouldn't slip, and she
wrapped a towel around me and helped me dry off.  "Now that wasn't so bad
at all, was it?" Yes it was, it was awful!  I could only imagine what she
thought of me, a 12-year-old who still couldn't control her bodily
functions. "What would you like to wear today?" She asked me.  "One of your
pretty new dresses?" I didn't care, it was the first time in ages I hadn't
worn the stupid orphanage uniform.  Gail playfully asked if I knew what day
today was, and when I just shook my head no, she held up my new yellow
pastel panties with the word "Friday" across the ass.  Apparently she just
couldn't wait to put them on me. That was the only time I ever wet myself
at Gail's, but it was enough to ensure I got a clean pair of Nite-Nite
Pants every bedtime.  And yes, Gail fucking checked them every morning
after I got dressed.  It became part of my daily routine with her.  Get me
up.  Make me breakfast.  Drop me off at Saint Sebastian's where I'd work on
my debt to society until she got off work in the evening.  Take me home. 
Dinner, bath and bedtime.  On some days, she worked from home, so I got to
stay there with her, but there was never anything interesting to do.  All
the while, thoughts of the unpaid bills and my absent parents gnawed at the
back of my mind. When I wasn't at Saint Sebastian's, I was always with
Gail, so I never had any time alone where I could have run away, even if I
had a place to run to.  I was sure this was why the Sisters had chosen to
pair me with her.  I swear, she's the most boring person alive.  She works
every single day, even on weekends in her home office.  If there was
shopping, she did it before picking me up from the orphanage, clearly not
wanting to risk another public meltdown.  And we never went backpacking for
real or even went to the beach.  How can you fucking LIVE here and NOT go
to the beach?! Then again, I'd been there exactly twice in the almost five
months since I came to Saint Sebastian's.  Three times if you count the
night I lost my job. Most of my community service at the orphanage had me
scrubbing the kitchen, or doing dishes, or folding laundry.  Things that
would keep me away from the other girls, so I wouldn't cause any more
trouble.  The only really eventful day was about a week after Gail first
took me home.  I was in the kitchen, cleaning trays.  Sister Ulalia was on
lunchroom duty, so I was alone back there, which was unusual, and meant
someone could sneak in to see me. For once, it wasn't Suzanne, but Oliana,
the other victim of Sister Bernadette's hair-cutting punishment, and the
least popular girl at Saint Sebastian's before I got there. Aloha, I said
cautiously, not sure why she'd chosen to approach me again.  We'd barely
spoken since the playground incident. There was a sense of urgency in
Oliana, as if she knew she didn't have much time.  In a voice that sounded
like a serious warning, she said, "You have to get out of here, Keilani!"
"What, now?  I can't, Sister says I have to finish this." "No, out of Saint
Sebastian's!" "Believe me, I've wanted to since the night they brought me
in.  But it's impossible, I've fucking tried everything." "Well you need to
think of something else!  She's coming after you again!" I didn't need to
ask who "she" was. "Suzanne," Oliana confirmed.  "I overheard her and
Makala talking...  Well, Suzanne talking.  Her parents are coming back next
week, and she's planning something, I don't know what, but it definitely
involves you." So my intuition was right.  Suzanne's stay at Saint
Sebastian's was finally over, and she'd decided to "git" me one last time
before she left.  And if I knew Suzanne, she'd want it to be bigger than
anything she'd orchestrated previously, which was already considerable. "Ah
KNEW it!" Oliana freaked as the kitchen door burst open and Suzanne and
Makala stood right there. "Ah fuckin' KNEW it!" Suzanne snapped her fingers
at Makala, pointed at Oliana.  Makala understood, and grabbed her.  "What'd
yew say ta her?" Suzanne demanded, getting up in the smaller girl's face.
"Yew better not be ruinin' mah fun, O-lee-anna!" "I didn't," Oliana
stammered.  "I didn't say anything!" Suzanne studied Oliana's face, trying
to determine if she was telling the truth, then looked at me momentarily,
gauging my own reaction for any sign that I knew what she was up to. 
Apparently my bewildered expression convinced her that I didn't. "Yew wait
out-sahd," she said, poking Oliana in the chest.  "An' don' try runnin' off
nowhere, cuz we'll FAHND yew!" Oliana meekly obeyed, and Suzanne turned her
attention to me, a wolf's grin on her fucking haole face.  "So, Kay-Lawny.
Ah heard yew gotcherself quite a whuppin' from Mizz Whitmur th' other day!"
Jesus, how the fuck did she know that?  Probably from eavesdropping on
Sister and Gail discussing me, which I was sure they did.  But I didn't
want to give her any more ammo against me, so I just stayed silent.
Suzanne, of course, did not.  "Shore wish Ah coulda bin there ta see it! 
Is yer skinny li'l ass still red?" Before I could stop her, she took hold
of my dress and lifted it, then quickly busted out in a loud guffaw. 
"HAW-HAW-HAAAAWW!  Hey Makala, didja know what day it is t'day?  It's
WENZ-day!" She chortled again, tugging a handful of my underwear out so
Makala could see the lettering on it too. "Pa`a ka waha," I muttered,
blushing furiously.  "Shut up." I slapped her hand away and smoothed my
dress back down over the embarrassing orange "Wednesday" panties. "Yer
actin' awful high 'n' mighty in yer new out-fit, Kay-Lawny.  What, yew
think yer better'n us now?  Yew think just cuz Mizz Whitmur took yew outta
here, now yew git ta be lordin' it over all th' other girls?  Mebbe Ah need
ta remahnd yew o' somethin', Kay-Lawny.  Yew maht have ever'body else here
thinkin' yer twelve.  But me?  Ah still know the TRUTH." That's right, she
did, and she'd kept it from the Sisters, just waiting for the right time to
use it against me.  Suzanne put on her fake thoughtful expression.  "Ah
wonder if there's enny way Ah could prove to 'em all that yer really
twenny-one?" she mused.  "Then yew'd go ta REAL jail fer what yew done did.
Stealin', an' Ah could prob'ly git a 'sault 'n' battery charge added on,
too!  Whadya think, Makala?" Oh GOD, she wouldn't!  Yes she fucking
WOULD... but COULD she?  I mean, I had been completely unsuccessful at
proving my real age.  I tried to think, was there any way Suzanne might
pull it off?  Inwardly I lamented, if only I'd gotten along better with her
like Gail had suggested, she might have helped me before, back when I could
still reveal myself as 21 with no life-damaging consequences. "Yew think
about THAT while yer livin' th' comfy lahf at Mizz Whitmur's.  Cuz Ah ain't
done with yew yet, not by a lawng shot!" She motioned to Makala that our
conversation was over.  "Be seein' yew 'round, Kay-Lawny." Makala stared
silently at me for a few seconds before following her out.  A moment later,
I heard Suzanne's grating drawl from behind the kitchen doors.  "HAAWW! 
Looky here, Makala!  O-lee-anna don't KNOW what day t'day is!" The whole
incident unnerved me for days afterward.  This HAD to be it, Suzanne's
grand finale, her ultimate humiliation of me before she went home.  To
expose me as an adult masquerading in a child's world, in front of
everyone. To make sure I could never go back to my old life, to permanently
ruin it.  Oliana was right, I had to get away and fix things before Suzanne
could go through with it.  But I still had no means of escape. My only
opportunity, if you can call it that, arrived on its own that Friday night.
Gail brought me home as usual, but instead of starting dinner she hustled
me into the bath early and got out my pajamas and Nite-Nite Pants while I
was still in the tub.  "Now Keilani dear, I have to go meet with some
people tonight, so I want you to be a good girl while I'm out." "What
people?  Who?" I wanted to know. "Just the Sisters and some other people,
it doesn't concern you." God this was too fucking perfect to be true.  Gail
was actually leaving me unsupervised?  "So, I'm just staying here?" "Yes,
and I expect you to be on your best behavior for your babysitters.  Oh,
that's probably them now." The doorbell outside Gail's apartment had just
rung.  I scrambled into my PJs and followed Gail as she answered the door,
where I was stunned to see-- "`E, howzit, 'Lani!" "Hiiiii, 'Lani!!" Fucking
Akela and Naia were there!  How the hell had they found me?  It had to have
been from Kahoku.  He must have told them about his conversation with Gail,
after seeing me with her at Wal-Mart.  Then they'd gotten in touch with her
and offered to babysit for me.  Why?  I wondered.  Probably to try and talk
to me, and maybe make up for our last meeting, but I still wasn't sure I
wanted anything to do with them.  I couldn't help but wonder what else
Kahoku had told them about. Naia stifled a giggle fit upon seeing me in the
ridiculous pink jammies.  "Awww, she's so cute!" I immediately put on a
sour expression. "Thank you so much for coming on such short notice," said
Gail.  "I'm sorry, we just got back and I didn't have time to throw dinner
together." "Oh, no problem, we'll just order something." Naia went to the
phone to take care of that right away.  "Wouldn't want Scrawny Keilani to
go hungry!" she teased. "Naia!" Akela chided.  "We're supposed to be the
adults here." Gail didn't react to the "Scrawny Keilani" nickname, but I
knew she'd heard it.  "Are you sure you'll be all right?" she asked.  "She
can be a real handful sometimes." "Oh, don't worry about us, Gail." Yeah,
Akela was old enough to call her Gail.  "We know 'Lani from way back, we'll
take good care of her." "Well I can't thank you enough.  It shouldn't take
more than a couple of hours." Then, to me, "Now you be a good little girl,
Keilani dear, and do what the babysitters tell you." Babysitters!  As if I
really were ten years younger than them!  Of course at this point, in their
eyes I probably was, considering all the public tantrums and spankings
they'd seen me get.  These stupid feety pajamas sure weren't helping,
either. As soon as she was out the door, I turned to my two former friends.
"Thank Akua you came!  Now get me the fuck out of here!" But they made no
motion to leave.  "We can't, 'Lani," Akela explained patiently.  "She's
paying us to watch you, and keep you out of trouble." Christ, they were
treating this like a regular babysitting gig, like I actually was a kid who
needed someone with them! "But I'm NOT FUCKING TWELVE!" I cried.  They knew
this.  They were the only ones who could get me back into my old life.
"Look, I don't know everything that's been going on with you, but it's
obvious you need some help straightening it out.  And we're gonna help you,
but we gotta do it right, yeah?  If we take you away it'll just cause more
problems." Naia hung up the phone and jumped into the conversation.  "Yeah,
c'mon, just be good for us, 'Lani, just for tonight." No, didn't they
understand, there wasn't TIME!  Suzanne Calloway was planning something big
to go down in less than a week, which meant I had to get started NOW.  "But
I HAVE to get away from here!  I have to get back to my normal life!" Akela
shook her head.  "I'm afraid it isn't that simple anymore, 'Lani." "Yes it
IS!" I stamped my foot petulantly.  "You've got my house key.  Take me
home, I'll get my stuff and then--" "'Lani..." Naia looked more grave than
I'd ever seen her before.  "'Lani, we went by your house a few days ago
and...  there was a foreclosure sign up in the yard.  The bank changed the
locks, we couldn't even get in!" "You've really made a mōkāk�<< of your
life, 'Lani." The disappointment in Akela's voice was crushing. I was
speechless.  This was un-fucking-believable.  After months of trying to get
back home, I now literally had no home to go back to!  And, I thought as my
stomach knotted up, my parents didn't either!  What the hell were they
going to do when they finally returned from their trip?! "Is that why you
moved in with Gail?" asked Naia.  "Because you needed a place to stay?"
"But why are you letting her treat you like you're eight?" "Did you have to
pretend, so you could stay at that orphanage?" "You know we would have let
you crash with us, 'Lani.  All you had to do was ask." She was absolutely
right of course, but back when that was still an option I'd decided against
it.  At the time I would have done everything possible to avoid having them
see me like this.  It seemed ridiculous now, considering how far I'd fallen
since then. The food arrived shortly after, and my new babysitters answered
the door. "`E, howzit, 'Lia!" "Hiiiii, 'Lia!!" "Hey...  you two?  So, what,
you moved out of your other place?" Clearly it was someone who knew Akela
and Naia. "No, we're just babysitting tonight," said Naia.  "Well c'mon
in!" They moved out of the way, and I got a good look at her, and could not
fucking believe it.  It was that tall girl with the dark tan, from the luau
bar, the one who'd taken my job!  Halia, her name was. "Hey, it's YOU!" she
said, recognizing me from the time I'd gone there and failed to get my job
back.  She knelt down a bit to be closer to my eye level.  "Hi, cutie!" I
whirled to glare at Akela and Naia.  "How the hell do you know HER?" I
demanded. "It's okay, 'Lani, calm down," Akela said.  "We know 'Lia from U
of H.  We met, we've been hanging out." "So...  you REPLACED me??" And with
the same girl that took over my old job no less!  She was the third person
in their group now, and I was out!  They'd even christened her with a
friendly little nickname, just like they'd originally done with me. 
"'Lia", short for Halia. "What's she talking about?" asked Halia.  "I
relaced her?" Then she remembered why she was here in the first place. 
"So, that's one order of opihi, twomahimahi, side of poi and a side of
grilled pineapple?" "Wait, you ordered from the place that FIRED me?!" This
kept getting fucking worse by the minute! "Fired you?" said Halia,
confused. "Wait, so it's true, you did get fired, 'Lani?" Naia asked. 
Apparently they had heard the rumors just like all my former co-workers.
Halia was clearly recalling the last time I'd been at the bar, and the
first time she'd seen me.  "Sweetheart, the only reason the boss-man
wouldn't let you work there is because you're way too little--" OHH, was
that ever the wrong thing for her to say.  Seeing my expression, Akela
stepped up in an effort to ward off a scene.  "Hey look, 'Lia, I'm sorry
about all this, we didn't know you were working at the same place as... 
Here, here's what we owe you, plus tip, and we'll talk later, yeah?" Halia
seemed to understand.  "Yeah, she's probably just hungry, you know how kids
get?  Well, you two are stuck with he, I gotta get back to work." Naia
waved.  "Later, 'Lia!" Akela shut the door, but I didn't move, I just stood
there fuming. "Come on, 'Lani, Hōo`olu, noho pono" said Naia.  Please
behave.  She held up the paper bag with the food.  "Look, we got your
favorite, it'll be just like old times!" NO, it WOULDN'T be like old times,
not as long as they kept forcing me out of their circle and treating me
like I really was ten years younger than them!  I saw the last remnants of
my old life crumbling before my eyes. "Keilani, act your age," Akela
scolded impatiently. Only I COULDN'T!  Because if I went back to being my
real age I'd get arrested and charged as an adult!  But how could I explain
this to them?  I didn't want them to know about the whole shoplifting
incident. Naia called from the kitchen where she'd taken the food.  "Come
on, 'Lani, come eat something, you'll feel better." But I WOULDN'T feel
better, not until I got this whole terrible mess straightened out!  And the
people I thought were my friends kept refusing to help me! "Fine." Akela
realized this was getting nowhere.  "Naia and I are pōloli, we're gonna
eat." She took my shoulders and steered me to a chair by Gail's desk.  "You
sit there, and when you decide you wanna stop acting like a baby, you can
come eat too." God, could there BE a more childish punishment?  Clearly
Akela had no interest in making up for how she'd treated me last time! 
Plus she'd pretty much stolen Kahoku from me, she and Naia had taken that
humiliating video of me and showed it to the whole world, and now they
wouldn't even let me TRY being an adult again! "God, Kahoku was right," I
overheard Akela say to Naia, but in a lower voice so maybe I wouldn't hear.
"She really has gotten worse." "What are we gonna do with her?" Naia
wondered.  "It's like she's a completely different person now." Akela
sighed heavily.  "At this point I think the only thing that's gonna fix her
is her parents coming back." "Do you think they ever will?  I mean they've
been gone like forever." "I don't know.  But she obviously needs them, she
can't handle living on her own." They were talking about me as if I weren't
right there in the next room!  Just like parents discussing their problem
child!  It made me so fucking mad! And then, as I was sitting there in
"time-out" like Akela told me (because what the fuck choice did I have?), I
saw them.  On the end table just inside the door. Akela's keys.  She'd left
them there when she came in.  I recognized my now useless spare house key
among them. And I made a snap decision and I fucking grabbed them, and was
out the door while Akela and Naia were still unwrapping the food. I flew
down one flight of stairs, then the second and the third, the pads of my
feety pajamas scraping the concrete steps all the way.  A few weeks ago I'd
have been mortified to even set foot outside wearing them, where someone I
knew might see me.  Was it desperation to escape, or had I fallen into the
role of a little girl so completely that the childish outfit didn't bother
me as much as it should have? I was already trying to think of my next
move. Should I drive to Akela and Naia's place in Kāne`ohe?  With her
keys, I could get in and borrow an outfit.  Or should I head straight to my
old house and see if any of my stuff was still there?  The spare key
wouldn't work, but maybe I could find another way inside.  Hell, I'd smash
in a fucking window if I had to! Now, where was Akela's car?  I hit the
button on her keychain and heard a sharp electronic chirp, and saw a set of
headlights flash briefly.  There it was. "Keilani!" I heard Akela's angry
voice from Gail's apartment.  "Keilani you come back here right now! 
KEILANI, GOD DAMN IT!!" She was calling me by my complete name.  Not the
affectionate "'Lani", which she reserved for her fellow adult friend.  No,
I was Keilani, the spoiled, misbehaving little brat. I reached the car and
unlocked the driver's side.  I had to scoot the seat all the way forward so
I could reach the pedals.  Akela's car was a stick, something I'd never
really been good at handling.  I put it in what I thought was reverse but
turned out to be neutral.  The engine revved loudly as I stomped the gas
but I didn't go anywhere.  I struggled with the shift some more, then
peeled backwards out of the parking space, slamming on the brakes just
before I hit Akela, who'd finally caught up to me.  I jammed it into first,
eased up on the clutch, stomped the gas, and off I went. And promptly
thumped HARD into the stone sign at the edge of the apartment complex.  I
hadn't driven in months.  Was I really so out of practice? The airbag burst
out all around me, scaring the everloving crap out of me and half trapping
me in the seat.  My stomach was swarming with terrified butterflies.  I'm
sure I screamed just like a terrified little girl. As I was trying to get
the car backed up again, the door flew open (I realized too late that I'd
forgotten to lock it) and a furious Akela grabbed me and dragged me out.
"LOOK at this!" she shrieked, hauling me around to the front of the
vehicle. "Look what you did to my CAR!" There was an ugly dent in the front
bumper where it had impacted the sign, and the driver's side headlight was
smashed out.  "Kokami, kanapapiki..." she swore, surveying the damage, then
shouted, "What the hell is WRONG with you?!" At some point during all of
this Naia had reappeared.  Her hands were clasped over her mouth, face
wide-eyed and aghast.  Neither of us had ever seen Akela get so mad before.
"I'm sorry!" I whined, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it but I had
to get away from Suzanne and you wouldn't listen and I promise I'll pay for
it and--" "HOW?!" Akela demanded fiercely.  "How the hell are you gonna pay
for this, Keilani?!  You got no JOB...  You got no HOUSE...  You drop out
of SCHOOL...  You act like a damn KEIKI!  Maybe you ARE one!" Akela firmly
took hold of my arms and forced me to lie over the hood of the car, just
like Gail had done on the night she'd first picked me up from the police
station.  She practically tore the seat flap on my pajamas open, and tugged
down the Nite-Nite pants as best she could.  I knew what was coming next,
and I squealed and thrashed and twisted my little body, trying my good
goddamnedest to break free of my friend-turned-babysitter's grasp. Akela
fought to hold on to me.  "Get her legs, Naia!" And at those words,
something snapped inside me.  I instantly flashed back to Saint
Sebastian's, in my feety pajamas, in my playpen room, the night before my
trial, when Suzanne Calloway had burst in. "Git 'er legs, Makala!" And here
I was reliving that exact same moment, only now my orphanage tormentors had
been replaced by my two former best friends. And I screeched,
"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!  FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, I HATE YOOOUUUUU!!  HONI
KO`U `ELEMU!  FUCKING `ILIO WAHINE!  KOHE PIIILAUUUU!!" The reddish tinge
in Akela's hair enhanced the fury of her expression as she lifted her hand
and began raining down a hail of swats on my poor little bottom.  She hit
HARD, hard enough to leave me gasping, able to take in just enough breath
every few slaps to let out a bellow.  The tears were flowing freely,
running down my burning face and dripping onto the car's dented hood. Akela
paused, wincing, waving her hand back and forth to shake off the pain.  And
if she hurt her own hand that much you can imagine what my little ass
cheeks felt like! "Akela?" Naia interrupted timidly.  "Not so hard." I
thought she was coming to my defense, but then she added, "Remember what
Professor Kalakona said?  You're supposed to put her in her place, not hurt
her." God, now they were fucking practicing what they'd learned in
parenting class on me!  And it was from that same day when I'd been the
unwitting demonstration subject! Realizing how angry she was, Akela closed
her eyes, took a deep composing breath, and stepped away, letting the
calmer "parent" take over.  Akela spanking me was bad enough, but Naia?! 
Of the three of us she'd always been the least mature, at least until now.
Her swats were little more than forceful taps, but that made them even
worse.  Because they reminded me of how Suzanne had done it.  Telling me
she was more adult than me.  Better than me. Everybody was better than me.
Here I was, dressed in babyish feety pajamas, bent over as my two former
best friends gave me a bare-bottomed spanking in public! As Naia was
wrapping hers up, swirling red and blue lights hailed the appearance of a
patrol car pulling into the apartment complex.  That's what Naia had been
doing while Akela was chasing after me, I realized.  She'd called the
fucking cops! And guess which particular fucking cop she got? That's right,
fucking Officer Janene.  The same one who'd found me naked on the beach and
caught me shoplifting from the store.  She quickly took statements from
Akela and Naia to find out what had happened, whose car it was, who had
been driving.  She didn't seem very surprised at all to learn it had been
me. "Oh, we're well acquainted with this one," she told them.  "Running
away, violating curfew, indecent exposure, shoplifting..." "Shoplifting?"
whispered Naia in sad disbelief.  "Oh, Keilani..." Then Officer Janene
asked Akela if she wanted to press charges.  She said no.  Then asked if
she had to decide right now.  God she looked pissed.  Officer Janene said
she could take a day or two to think about it. As soon as we were back
inside, Akela sent me to bed.  I hadn't even gotten to eat any of the nice
Hawaiian meal they'd ordered.  The fabric stung my reddened ass painfully
as I lay sobbing in bed, thinking about what a bad little girl I'd been. 
Of course they still told Gail the whole story when she got back, which
meant I got read the riot act again the next morning, as soon as I got up.
Akela had made it clear that she was NOT babysitting for me again.  Gail
was at her wit's end. "Stealing a car?!  HONESTLY, Keilani dear, I just
don't know what to DO with you anymore!  Maybe Sister Bernadette and I were
mistaken, maybe we should have just had you sent to the juvenile center. 
It certainly seems like you belong there!" There wasn't a fucking thing I
could say.  The fury I'd felt the previous night had subsided, leaving only
shame and disappointment in myself.  There was absolutely no excuse for the
way I'd acted. "Didn't your parents ever teach you about pono?" Gail
demanded. Of course they had, and of course I knew that no matter how badly
I felt I'd needed it, trying to take Akela's car was not pono.  And I
realize now that every bad thing that has happened to me was because I'd
done something that was not pono.  Getting fired and ending up in the
orphanage because I'd been a bitch to that customer.  Having my hair
forcibly cut because I'd punched Suzanne Calloway.  Getting arrested
because I'd tried to steal adult clothing from a store.  Being spanked by
Gail, Sister Bernadette, Sister Ulalia, my best friends, EVERYONE it
seemed, because I just could not fucking learn to behave. It was all on ME.
I was NEVER a grown-up, I'd ALWAYS been a child, regardless of what my
actual birthdate said.  And a rotten, selfish, ungrateful one at that.  I'd
never even said mahalo to Gail for all the nice things she'd done for me.
Taking me out of Saint Seb's, buying me food and clothes, giving me a place
to live.  I was a horrible child, and I didn't deserve all the things I'd
had.  Maybe I deserved to have them all taken away from me, one by one. So
I'm sure all of you are gleefully wondering, how the hell could my life get
any worse? Well, for starters...  I'm not typing this on Sister
Bernadette's computer anymore. Or Gail's.



    -�Keilani's Long Vacation" (Part 8)

   Chapter 8 opens with Keilani reflecting, "She wrote a song.  And me?  I
just threw another tantrum." But she doesn't elaborate yet on what this
means.

   Suzanne Calloway is having a party at the orphanage, celebrating her
14th birthday.  (Keilani, meanwhile, is still "12".) Suzanne has been
acting giddier than usual lately, and Keilani soon finds out why: Her
parents -- Burt and Alexis Louise aka "Lexi-Lou" Calloway -- have finally
come to take her home.  When Keilani sees Suzanne's father, she flashes
back to that night where she first lost her job (and her uniform).  He is
the asshole tourist who got her fired!  There's a flashback to that night,
sort of bringing the series full-circle.  Also it turns out Suzanne has
been scheming to get her family to adopt Keilani as her younger sister. 
The Sisters go along with it because "I think we need to accept the fact
that your parents aren't coming back," and also Keilani has been causing so
much trouble for them that they really just want her gone.

   Of course this is Keilani's worst nightmare, so she flees into Sister
Bernadette's office where she calls the only number she still knows - Akela
and Naia.  Naia answers and Keilani begs her to do something, anything, to
save her from the fate of becoming part of Suzanne's family, but Akela cuts
in and doesn't believe her, and she's still pissed about her car being
crashed in Chapter 7 so she hangs up on Keilani's pleading.  Sister
Bernadette gets the door unlocked, and Keilani is dragged kicking and
screaming from the office.  Naturally she gets one last spanking before
leaving with the Calloways.  Makala, Suzanne's taciturn disciple, looks
devastated that Suzanne chose Keilani over her.

   As she loses her island, the last piece of her old identity, Keilani
compares her situation to the deposition of Queen Liliuokalani, the last
reigning ruler of Hawaii before the United States annexed it in the 1950s.
How, while she was imprisoned, the Queen composed the famous "Aloha Oe"
song.  "She wrote a song, and I threw a tantrum."

   At this point my notes are just a series of various scenes that I hadn't
stitched together in any particular order yet:

   Keilani's miserable cruise ride "home."

   Seeing Suzanne's place and learning they aren't rich, her father is just
a bullshitter and scam artist who conned his way into a better Hawaii trip
than they could ever honestly afford.  Suzanne's mother never really wanted
Suzanne to begin with and wants Keilani around even less.  Insight into why
Suzanne acts the way she does.

   Suzanne dressing Keilani in boys' clothes (recall her forcibly cut hair
at the end of Chapter 5) before introducing her to her circle of friends,
convincing them that "Kay-Lawny" is a boy's name and that Keilani is her
adopted brother.  Another angle on the "altered identity" theme of the
series.  Suzanne and friends going to their "swimmin' hole" which Keilani
finds cold and slimy and disgusting compared to her beloved ocean.  All of
them stripping to underwear to go swimming in it, but Keilani is too
embarrassed because now on top of everything else she has to pretend to be
a boy or look like a fool in front of all of Suzanne's friends.  Under
Suzanne's relentless teasing Keilani mocks her, "At least I can swim!"
(Suzanne's inability to swim is revealed in Chapter 4.) Suzanne responds by
stripping Keilani in front of her all friends and playing "keep-away with
Kay-Lawny's clothes!" They all laugh at Keilani and congratulate Suzanne
for "gittin' us good" with her trick.

   Suzanne deliberately urinating in Keilani's bed to make her parents
think she (Keilani) is a bed-wetter.  Keilani shouts about how vile Suzanne
is, and Suzanne shoots back a retort but ends it with, "Ain't that raht,
Maka--..." She cuts herself off mid-sentence, suddenly realizing her silent
partner in crime is no longer around, and for the briefest instant looks
crestfallen at realizing she could have Makala here with her instead of
Keilani.  But quickly recovers, telling Keilani she'll write to Makala and,
"tell 'er ever'thang's bin goin' on with us.  She kin read real good,
y'know, even though she don't talk none."

   LOTS of punishments for Keilani.  Getting caned at the woodpile for
"pertendin' ta be a boy," for "wettin' th' bed," and finally having her
mouth washed out with soap for shouting swears at the Calloways.  Chapter 8
ends with Keilani suffering a punishment and realizing this is her life
from now on.

   But there's an epilogue.

   At some point Keilani's parents do finally get home.  In fact it's not
long after she herself left the island.  It takes them a while to sort out
everything that's happened, but once they do things move quickly.  Keilani
is found and brought back home.  There are news reports about it.  The
failures in the system that refused to acknowledge her as an adult are
brought to light.  Under pressure, Saint Sebastian's closes, but all the
girls get adopted.  Makala goes to live with Suzanne.  Oliana is adopted as
Keilani's sister.  All of this is told to us secondhand by Keilani.  Her
parents shield her from most of it.  She's been changed, even damaged, from
this experience and no one knows exactly what to do with her.  She can't
just resume her old life as if nothing happened.  In the end, it's decided
to let her continue to live out the next few years as a child until she
feels ready to become an adult again.

   Keilani's last message to us reveals that, in order to escape all the
media attention, it was arranged to have her and her family relocated to
Ni'ihau, the only private Hawaiian island not open to visitors.  This is a
callback to the very end of Chapter 7, when Keilani writes, "I'm not typing
this on Sister Bernadette's computer anymore.  Or Gail's." It turns out
that Keilani wrote Chapter 7 and 8 *after* all of this came to a close,
from her new home on Ni'ihau.  She reflects on the beauty of her new but
still familiar home, and on her second chance at life, then says her mom is
calling her and she has to come in for the night.  Akela and Naia will be
there soon.  They're babysitting.
   THE END