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 ï>¿Funny now

   This happened almost 5 years ago and it took almost a year for me to
find humor in it.  Afterwards it began to arouse me when I thought about it
and thats when I intentionally began exposing myself.  For the last 4 years
I have went out of my way to have men see me naked.  Through open windows,
public parks, small motels and often dressing rooms in department stores.

   I was set up by a so called friend at a seashore, high school, reunion
party.  There were about 40 of us altogether and more than half were guys.
It was at a very large beach house that was someones parents property.  I
stayed at a motel only a few blocks away since it was a weekend event.  We
had a great time and on Sunday had to check out of the motel by 11 am.  My
friend pursuaded me to stay until evening so we went back to the beach
house for the day.  We went to the beach for awaile and about 5 pm decided
to go home.  I went into the cabana, which was equipped with a shower to
clean up and change out of my bathing suit.  I took a shower and got
dressed and within and hour drove back home.  I was actually amazed at the
time, how all the guys came out to say goodby to me and all hugged and
kissed me, thanking me for coming.  Most of them complimented me on how
good I looked and how pretty I was, some telling me I had a great body.

   The following weekend one of my girlfriends came to my apartment telling
me they had a tape of me in the shower.  I thought she was joking about it
at first but she told me her boyfriend had seen it.  She also told me that
while I was in the shower that day there were 8 or 10 guys in the family
room watching me on the tv set as it was being recorded.  I still couldn't
believe it but a few weeks later she pursuaded her boyfriend to get a copy
of it.  She brought it to my apartment admitting she had watched it and
right away told me not to.  I put it on and sat to watch it and was in
tears the first minute of it and histerical.  My girfriend got up and urned
it off and she tried to console me for several hours.  When she left I made
her leave it with me but for some reason never looked at it again until the
next day after work.

   I made up my mind to watch it and think I was crying most of the time.
I'm not sure where the lens could have been but it was focused in the
shower room that also had a toilet and sink.  It showed everything, from me
taking off my bathing suit and showering until I got dressed to go home. 
There were shelves on the towel rack and I suspect thats where the camera
lens was.  The tape went on for about 25 minutes and most of the time I was
totally naked.  The most humiliating portions of it were when I used the
toilet and at one time stood in front of the mirror touching and looking at
my breasts.  It was embarrassing just watching myself and I can't imagine
how those guys reacted to it when they even watch it as I was in there.  I
was so mortified by some of the things I did while they watched me I was
crying and shaking.  I didn't masturbate or anything like that but did
things I would only do in total privacy.  I touch my vagina a few times and
it was clear that they also watched me wipe myself after urinating.

   Many of my girlfriends knew of it but few have seen it.  I still don't
know how many guys saw it and am still not sure how many were present when
it was filmed.  I talked and sometimes hollared at some of the guys I knew
were there, but most of them denied seeing the tape or being in the room
when it was being done.  I was teased about it many times and a few guys I
don't know very well had made remarks about it.  I have no way of knowing
how many people have seen it.  I ended up watching it several times over a
few months and each time saw silly embarrassing things I did at the time. I
finally destroyed it and over many months didn't think about it as much. 
About a year went by and one night I was laying in bed thinking about it
and found myself getting aroused with the thought of being seen nude like
that by so many guys.  I masturbated with the thoughts and orgasmed a
couple times.

   My office moved to Proividence RI the following year and I moved out of
state.  I was no longer humiliated by it but turned on at the aspect that
there were so many that had seen me naked.  Thats when I started to expose
myself and started to realize how much it turned me on.  The first time I
actually let a man see me naked was at my new apartment.  There was a
workman in the driveway fixing the air conditioner for the aparmrnt next
door.  My bedroom window was open and I undressed knowing he was watching
me.  For almost an hour I stayed naked and at one time just jumped in the
shower to get wet, then back to my bedroom so he could see me dry myself.
It aroused me so much I began to masturbate and know he came closer to my
window.  Since then dozens of men have seen me naked.  I have a steady
boyfriend right now but never tell anyone what I have been doing for the
last 4 years.  I have told several people about the film that was taken of
me years ago and today it is humorous to me and I have shared a laugh with
some friends about it.  They do tell me how awful it must have been but so
far all have found it a funny story.  I do tell them I was humiliated by it
but have yet to admit that I have become an exibitionist.  I visit my mom
in Boston quite often and still see old friends.  Some of them still bring
it up at times but now we just laugh about it.  None of them know what it
has done to me.  What originally caused me so much humiliation has turned
into a compulsion to be seen naked.  I get wet just thinking about it
sometimes and wonder if that tape is still being watched by those guys or
how many have actually seen it.