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 ï>¿Dana's Story bymraardvarkÂ(C)

   CHAPTER SIX

   Dana jerked awake at the sound of her name.  Only then did she realize
she'd slept.  She still clutched the sofa cushion.  She felt exhausted, her
eyes scratchy from insufficient sleep.  Her hair was mussed, and she felt
stiff from sleeping on the sofa, which wasn't as comfortable as she'd first
thought.

   She looked around.  Early morning sunlight filled the foyer.  The only
other person in the room was Zoe, who stood outside the pit, towering over
her from that position.  It was Zoe who'd called her name.  Dana turned
away, slumping onto the sofa again and closing her eyes, wishing she could
drift off to sleep again.  The last thing she wanted was a confrontation
with Zoe.  "Go away, Zoe.

   "Come back to the room, Dana," Zoe said.  "Please."

   Dana's shoulders rose as anxiety filled her, knotting her stomach. 
She really didn't want this confrontation right now.  She kept her eyes
closed though she knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep.  "Go away,
Zoe," she said again.

   "I am," Zoe said.  "You can have the room.  I won't be back until
-"later."

   Dana opened one eye.  She had to twist her neck to see Zoe above her. 
She was dressed to go out, wearing a hoodie and carrying her backpack. 
"Yeah?"

   "Yeah.  You don't have to stay out here."

   Dana shifted awkwardly onto her back so she could see Zoe more easily.
"Dan's gone?"

   Zoe nodded.  "He left right after you did."

   Dana hadn't expected that.  "He did?" She hadn't seen him, but he might
have gone out another door or she might just have missed him in the dark
-"and in her funk.

   Zoe nodded again.

   "Gonna see him again?" The question answered itself, really.  Of course
she was.

   Zoe shook her head, remaining silent.

   "No?"

   "No." Zoe's voice caught on the word.  Dana looked closer.  Zoe's eyes
were red-rimmed and her nose was red as well.  She'd been crying. Probably
'cause she didn't get fucked all night like she'd planned, Dana thought.

   The cruelty in that thought shocked Dana.  How could she think such a
thing?  What did it say about her that she could think something so
uncharitable about her friend?

   As if she could hear Dana's thoughts, Zoe's hand leaped up to cover her
mouth, just too late to stifle a sob.  She closed her eyes, but only
succeeded in squeezing out tears.  She turned away to walk toward the door.
Dana gaped, shocked and ashamed.  It took a moment to find her voice. 
"Zoe, wait!"

   Zoe didn't hear or ignored her.  She dropped the hand covering her
mouth, sniffed once loudly, and squared her shoulders.  She paused at the
door to wipe her eyes.

   Dana flung the cushion aside and scrambled to her feet.  She stood on
the sofa and jumped up to the floor.  She lunged and caught Zoe's shoulder
as she reached for the door.  Her touch surprised Zoe.  She flinched and
her head whipped around to stare at Dana.

   She looked miserable.  Her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, and tear
tracks were visible on her cheeks.  Her nose was red, and she sniffled
frequently.  She looked alarmed, as if she expected Dana to lash out at
her.

   Dana felt the desire to do it.  She wanted to yell at Zoe, and hurl
accusations at her.  But she couldn't.  Everything that had happened last
night was as much her fault as Zoe's.  As much as she wanted to blame Zoe
for it, she couldn't.

   She wanted to say that.  The words were on the tip of her tongue.  But
she couldn't.  It was too raw, too close to truths she didn't want to
acknowledge.  She settled for tugging gently at Zoe's wrist and inclining
her head toward the stairs.  "C'mon," she whispered.  "Let's go back."

   * * *

   Dana led Zoe back to their room.  Zoe was strangely compliant, going
where Dana led and doing what she was told without question.  Without
speaking at all.  It was unsettling.  Dana felt sorry for Zoe, for her
obvious pain, but angry too.  She found herself falling into the caretaker
role when she felt just as hurt.

   She settled Zoe on the edge of her bed after hastily straightening it
up. She boiled water in a small electric kettle her parents had given her
for a going-away present, then made tea.  All the while neither of them
spoke.  Zoe just sat, motionless save for her hands, which couldn't remain
still.  Dana leaned against her desk, too wired and anxious to sit.  When
the tea was ready, she poured a cup and handed it to Zoe, then poured one
for herself and sat down opposite her.

   They sipped carefully at the hot liquid, still without speaking.

   "Thank you." Zoe's voice was barely audible.  She stared at her teacup.

   "You're welcome," Dana said.

   "I'm sorry," Zoe said, still focused on the teacup.

   Dana nodded.  "Yeah," she said.  "Me too."

   Zoe looked up from her tea in surprise.  "You?"

   Dana nodded.  "We did this.  Both of us." She let the words hang there
between them, stifling the urge to say more.  To pin the blame on Zoe, and
absolve herself.  It would be too easy to rewrite events in her mind to
justify herself and demonize Zoe.

   "No," Zoe said, shaking her head slowly, looking more distraught.  "No,
it was me."

   "No," Dana snapped, her anger making the word sharper, louder than she'd
intended.  She closed her eyes and took a breath, fighting down the anger.
She opened them again to find Zoe watching her curiously.

   "No," Dana said again.  "It wasn't just you.  It was both of us.  I knew
-"" Her throat tightened up, choking off the words.  She forced them out.
"I knew you were gonna bring a guy home.  Probably bring a guy home.  I
knew you'd -"you'd have sex with him."

   She looked away, her face afire.  It was probably bright red.  Her
stomach was in knots, doing slow rolls.  Admitting to this, even when both
of them knew the truth, was damnably hard.  She forced herself to meet
Zoe's eyes.  "I knew you'd have sex with him and I wanted to watch."

   "Dana -""

   Dana shook her head, silencing Zoe.  She had to get this out.  "I knew,
and I wanted to watch.  If I hadn't been there watching, he never would
have caught me.  He wouldn't have been so angry and -"and so embarrassed."

   Now Zoe shook her head.  "No, that wasn't your fault.  It was me -"I
kept pushing.  I always push.  I do!"

   You do, Dana thought.  But she didn't say it.  It might be true, but
it's not like she didn't have her own sins to contemplate.  Plenty of them.
She had no business pointing fingers at anyone.

   * * *

   "He called me a whore," Zoe said.  She had settled back against the
lounging pillow she kept on her bed, the big one with arms that Dana always
called a husband.  ("Why do you call it that?" Zoe had asked early on. 
Dana had shrugged.  "It's just what I've always heard them called.") She
was cradling the nearly empty tea cup in both hands, staring down at it.

   "He didn't."

   Zoe looked up.  "He did." She shrugged it off.  "I didn't care about
that, much.  But he also called me a slut." Her eyes filled and she drew a
ragged breath.  "Am I, Dana?  Am I a slut?"

   Dana stared at Zoe, unable to formulate a response.  Her mind whirled
with possible responses -"and with arguments pro and con.  Was Zoe a slut?
Before she'd met Zoe and roomed with her for the last two months, she'd
have said yes.  Without a question.  Everything she'd been taught told her
that pre-marital sex was a sin, and casual sex with multiple partners was
even worse.  Proper young women remained chaste until their wedding night.
Only bad girls -"sluts -"slept around.

   If Zoe was a slut, then so was she.  Zoe wasn't doing anything Dana
wouldn't have liked to do.  She would have been having sex years ago if she
hadn't been so thoroughly cowed by her parents, by her church, by the whole
culture of her small town.  She'd long ago decided that the moral arguments
against pre-marital sex made no sense to her.  Had that been the only thing
holding her back, she'd have been doing it since she was sixteen.

   But it wasn't.  Fear of eternal damnation hadn't restrained her.  Fear
of being caught at it had.  Fear of being labeled as a "bad girl" or a
"slut" by her parents, her peers, her church, and her community had.  Fear
of pregnancy had.  Living in that small town had been like living in a
fishbowl, and she'd never thought she could have sex without any or all of
those awful consequences.

   Zoe had been raised without, or had managed to escape, all those
restraints.  She wanted sex (and lots of it) and wasn't embarrassed in the
least to say so, or to act on that desire.  If that made her a slut, then
yes.  But it only meant that they both were.

   "No," Dana said, realizing that she'd remained silent for too long. 
"You're not a slut.  Dan was wrong to say that, or to say -"the other
thing. It's not true."

   "Really?" Zoe's voice cracked and she looked on the verge of tears
again.

   "Really," Dana said.  "He was just pissed off, but that doesn't excuse
calling you names.  Especially when those names aren't true."

   Zoe wiped her eyes with the heel of her palm.  "Sometimes I wonder," she
said.

   "You do?" Dana had no idea that Zoe harbored any doubts about her
behavior.  She always seemed so self-assured.  She said as much to Zoe.

   Zoe's smile was low-wattage, but it was a smile all the same.  She
nodded.  "Sometimes.  Not often, but sometimes.  I try not to let all that
patriarchal bullshit get inside my head but it's hard, you know?"

   "Yeah, I know." In truth, the whole notion of the patriarchy and its
oppressive effects was new to her.  Not the sort of thing she'd heard much
about back home.  She'd been getting quite an education since starting
college, though it was probably not the education her parents were hoping
for.  "I've been steeping in it since I was born.  I never even thought
about it.  It's just how things were.  Good girls didn't.  Not until they
were married."

   "But you did," Zoe said, her tone making a question of it.

   Dana nodded.  "And I felt terribly guilty about it.  And it was about as
much fun as you might imagine.  Quick, furtive, and painful."

   "Painful?"

   Dana shrugged.  "A little.  Mostly it was just...uncomfortable. 
Unpleasant."

   Zoe smiled, a little brighter this time.  "Let me guess, your first
lover was just as inexperienced as you were."

   Dana nodded.  "Yeah.  Mike.  I was the first girl he slept with."

   "Where did it happen?"

   Dana couldn't believe she was sharing this with Dana.  With anyone,
really.  "The backseat of his dad's car.  After the senior prom." She shook
off the memory of it.  "I really hit all the cliches, huh?"

   Zoe chuckled.  "Yeah.  But they're cliches for a reason." She sipped her
tea.  "Was that the only time?"

   Dana felt her cheeks warm again.  "No," she whispered.  It was
frightening to voice these things out loud.  But exciting too.  "We did it
in his bed about a month later.  His family was out for the evening.  I was
scared to death they would come home early and catch us."

   "So it wasn't any better, I suspect," Zoe said.

   "No.  It made me wonder if it was overrated." Dana met Zoe's gaze. 
"Sex, you know?"

   Zoe grinned.  "I know.  It's not, you know.  You just had some bad
experiences."

   Now Dana had to look away, a blush heating her face.  "Yeah," she said.
Her throat tightened up, making it hard to speak.  "I know.  I've -"I've
seen it."

   "That doesn't mean I haven't had some disappointing experiences myself,"
Zoe said.

   That surprised Dana.  She met Zoe's gaze again.  "Really?"

   Zoe nodded.  "My first time wasn't much better than yours.  The
difference is, I didn't expect any different.  I just wanted to get that
first time over with."

   Dana didn't know what to say.  She'd never imagined Zoe being insecure
or anxious or disappointed about sex.  It made sense.  There had to be a
first time for everyone.  But somehow she'd imagined Zoe's first time as
some magical experience full of wonder and pleasure.  Everything her own
first experience had not been.

   Zoe must have seen her thoughts in her face.  "My second time was much
better," she said.  "Better than my first, better than yours.  He was an
older man of nearly eighteen.  He did a much better job than the first
guy."

   She didn't elaborate.  Dana still wasn't sure what to say.  She finished
her tea instead and got up.  "More?"

   Zoe stared at her own empty cup for a moment, then held it out. 
"Please. I don't think I'm going to sleep for a while yet."

   Dana busied herself making two fresh cups of tea.  She was aware of
Zoe's eyes on her, watching her.  She wondered what Zoe was thinking, but
knew Zoe would speak when she was ready.  She handed Zoe her tea and then
settled carefully on her own bed again.

   "Much as we've both enjoyed this," Zoe said, "I don't think you can keep
getting your vicarious jollies through me.  It's time you got your own
jollies."

   "I -"what do you mean?" Zoe didn't want Dana watching her any longer? 
Dana was surprised and alarmed to realize that she didn't want to stop. 
She liked spying on Zoe as she had sex.  She liked masturbating to
orgasm while she did.

   Zoe set her teacup aside carefully, then scooched to the edge of her
bed, where she could reach out and clasp Dana's hands around her own
teacup. "Don't panic," she said.  "I'm not saying we can't keep playing our
little game.  I like it too, remember." Her eyes twinkled.  "I like it a
lot, actually.  Knowing I'm being watched really turns me on."

   She gave Dana a knowing look.  "But you'd have a lot more fun
if you were having sex instead of just watching.  Don't you think?"

   Dana cast her gaze around the room, excited and scared and aroused and
unable to meet Zoe's gaze for a long moment.  Did she want to have sex
herself?  Hell, yes.  Could she?  Well, yes, clearly -"because she had
before.  Not good sex, but sex all the same.  But could she do it here,
at college, in a room she shared with Zoe, knowing that Zoe would know she
was having sex?  When Zoe would know she wanted sex?

   It felt scarily intimate, this sharing such feelings with someone
-"anyone -"else.  But it was also liberating.  She'd shared more with Zoe
in the last two months than she'd ever shared with her sisters, or her
parents.  Or her friends at home.  She'd spent eighteen years doing her
best to remain unknown, keeping her crushes, her desires, all but the most
innocuous of feelings, from everyone.

   And she was tired of it.  Tired of being so constrained by expectations.
The expectations of her parents and teachers and neighbors.  The
expectations of her family and friends.  They all expected her to be a
good, Christian girl.  Quiet, polite, obedient, modest.  Religious. 
Chaste. She'd hated it.  But she'd complied.  In the fishbowl in which
she'd lived, what choice had she had?  Good girl or bad.  Chaste and
obedient, or a disowned slut.  A fallen woman no decent man would ever
marry.

   But she'd escaped.  She was living away from home, amongst people who'd
never lived in that environment.  Sharing a room with a girl -"a friend
-"whose own life had been radically different, and who dared to think and
act as she wished.  Dana hadn't realized how much of that lifelong
indoctrination she'd carried with her.  Too much.

   "Yes," Dana whispered.  She wasn't sure Zoe heard her.  "Yes," she
repeated.  "I want to have sex myself instead of just watching."

   Zoe smiled slyly.  "Or maybe in addition," she said.  "And I might want
to watch you sometimes, too.  Would that be all right?"

   Dana felt her shocked, aroused and embarrassed response throughout her
body.  Trust Zoe to push her a little farther still.  "Yes," she said.  "I
think I'd like that too."



   CHAPTER SEVEN

   "I feel foolish," Dana said.  She also felt daring for admitting as
much. Sharing her feelings with Zoe -"with anyone, really -"was a new
behavior, and not yet a habit.  It was getting easier, but it was still
uncomfortable sometimes.

   "Don't," Zoe said.  "You look good."

   Dana looked in the mirror.  "Really?" She and Zoe were standing in front
of Zoe's open wardrobe, where a full length mirror hung facing them.  An
unrecognizable woman in make-up and wearing a scandalously thin dress
stared back at her.  And it wasn't just the dress.  The underwear she'd
bought with Zoe was even thinner and wispier than the dress.  She felt
practically naked.

   She watched Zoe look her up and down in the mirror.  "Yes, really.  You
look good.  You're just used to only ever seeing yourself in jeans and a
t-shirt.  You'll get over it."

   "I'm practically naked!"

   "Yeah, that's kind of the idea.  You've got a nice body.  It's time you
let the world see it," Zoe said.  She met Dana's eyes in the mirror. 
"You do want to get laid, don't you?"

   Dana wondered if the make-up on her face would conceal her blush. 
"Yes."

   "Then listen to Auntie Zoe.  You're cute even in jeans and a t-shirt,
but you're sexy when you take the time to get dressed up.  We're going to a
party.  You want to look good for Darren, right?"

   "I guess."

   Zoe gave her a sharp look.  Dana closed her eyes, frustrated by her own
reticence.  "Yes," she corrected herself.  Be honest.  "I want to look good
for Darren."

   It was supposed to be a double date.  Zoe would be dating Bobby and Dana
would be dating his roommate Darren.  So far, nothing to get too alarmed
about.  But after the party, Zoe would be going back to Bobby's room with
him, and Darren...might possibly come back to Dana's room.  If she liked
him.  And if he wanted.  And if she didn't chicken out at the last minute.

   "And you do," Zoe said.  "Let's go knock his socks off."

   * * *

   Dana clutched a plastic cup of beer in one hand, trying not to spill it
on herself or anyone else.  That wasn't easy.  The party was crowded.  Far
too many people crammed into too small a space.  There was barely room
enough to move.  The house, a student rental she'd been told, was jammed
with enough people to give the Fire Marshall a conniption if he'd known.

   The room was dark too.  Some things didn't change between high school
and college, apparently.  And the desire to stumble around in the dark
while partying was apparently one of those things.  She didn't understand,
and never had.  Supposedly Zoe and Bobby were here somewhere, but she'd
lost track of them almost immediately.

   Darren turned out to be a nice looking guy.  A little taller than Dana,
but solid.  His dark hair was cut fairly short.  His eyes were brown.  He
had a nice smile, too.  He wore jeans and a long-sleeved pullover shirt. 
When they first met, Dana wondered briefly what he would look like out of
his clothes.  That she even entertained the question shocked her initially,
but she reminded herself that that was why Zoe and Bobby had set them up.

   Now Darren shouted something.  The party was loud too.  They stood
practically nose to nose and she still couldn't make out half of what he
said.  Something about classes he was taking, she thought.  She smiled and
pretended she could hear him over the blare of dance music and all the
other party-goers shouting to make themselves heard.

   This, she thought. This is why I don't go out to parties.  All the
excitement and terror she'd experienced anticipating her date had long
since drained away.  Now she was just overheated by the press of bodies,
overstimulated by the blaring music and roar of conversations, and bored by
it all.  She didn't even drink for God's sake!  Not that she had any
objections to drinking -"she had just never developed a taste for beer. 
She was only holding one because it was the only way to stop everyone
around her trying to press one on her.

   Darren touched her wrist.  Dana realized she'd zoned out.  Not very
polite of her.  She scraped up a weak smile and a nod in response to
Darren's words.  He chuckled, the sound lost in the noise that enveloped
them.  He leaned in so he could speak into her ear.

   "You're hating this, aren't you?"

   Her first instinct was to deny it.  To put on a brave face and endure
for the sake of being sociable and polite.  It was how she'd been raised.
One of the many rules she'd absorbed over the years.  One of the rules she
was determined to shed.

   She nodded.  "Yes!" she yelled into Darren's ear.  She clamped down on
the immediate and powerful urge to soften her words, to temporize, justify,
explain.

   "You wanna get out of here?  Go somewhere else?"

   Dana felt the anxiety crystallize in her belly like a lump of ice.  Oh
god.  He was going to want to go back to her room and fuck, wasn't he?  She
wasn't ready for that.  All her fantasies about having sex with him had
curdled over the last half hour.  She didn't feel remotely sexy or horny.
The last thing she wanted now was to be so intimate with Darren -"or with
anyone.  Or to have to beg off, to try to placate him.  To hope he didn't
get angry.

   Darren shouted, "Wanna go to Jimmy Wong's?"

   Dana nodded, greatly relieved.  The icy lump in her belly shrank.  He
was suggesting they go to one of the delis that surrounded the campus. 
She'd been there.  It was public, it was well lit, and it was quiet.  They
could sit and talk, probably eat something.  He wasn't expecting sex.

   Not yet, anyhow.  But she could worry about that later.  She nodded. 
"Yes!"

   Darren straightened, plucked the nearly full cup of beer from her hand
and handed it off to someone in the crowd.  He grinned at her, took her
hand, and turned to break trail toward the exit, drawing her along in his
wake.  Dana eagerly followed close, looking forward to her escape.

   Popping through a knot of party-goers at the door into the cool night
air was a relief.  The noise level here was still high, but more tolerable.
Darren led her down the walk to the street, where it was possible to speak
to one another without shouting.  He turned abruptly, and Dana bumped into
him.

   He smiled at her.  "Is this better?"

   Her first instinctive reaction was to edge back, putting a little space
between them.  She did, but only a little.  He was a few inches taller than
Dana -"who wasn't? -"but not especially muscular.  Definitely male, but not
aggressively so.  She smiled at him.  "Yeah, it is.  Thanks."

   "Not much point in staying at a party if you aren't enjoying it." He
turned to stand at her side, one hand on her shoulder.  "Shall we?"

   Dana nodded.  "Yeah."

   They walked across the campus in silence.  After the auditory assault of
the party, Dana was content to enjoy the silence.  But why was Darren so
quiet?  Was he regretting agreeing to the date?  Did he wish he could
leave? Was he just being polite in hopes of having sex with her later?  Did
he want to have sex with her?  Maybe he was disappointed in her?

   "That party was really loud, wasn't it?"

   Dana looked up at him.  "Yeah, it was."

   "This is better."

   Dana nodded.

   Darren pulled her a little closer as they walked.  She took that as a
positive sign.  They continued walking.  They passed a number of other
students, individuals, couples and even a group or two.  She put her arm
around his waist, feeling daring for doing so, and silly for feeling that
way.

   Jimmy Wong's Kosher Deli was a small clapboard and brick building just
across the street from several campus dormitories.  It was one of a number
of delis, pizzerias and convenience stores within easy walking distance of
the student body.  Dana and Darren ordered sandwiches and drinks, then
found a table.

   "You and Dana double date much?" Darren asked.

   Dana shook her head.  "This is the first time.  My first date, period."

   "Really?  Nobody's asked you out?  I find that hard to believe."

   Dana looked down at her food, trying to hide her smile.  It was blatant
flattery, but she liked it all the same.  She felt attractive, sexy even.
Not at all the way she usually felt.  She wondered if he'd feel the same
way if she were dressed normally.  "Believe it," she said, meeting his
eyes. She smiled.  "Besides, technically you didn't ask me out either.  Zoe
and Bobby arranged this date."

   Darren matched her smile.  "You've got me there.  But that's only
because I'd never met you before.  I would definitely have asked you out if
I had."

   More flattery.  If he continued it would quickly lose its charm.

   He didn't.  The conversation turned to getting-to-know-you subjects. 
Classes.  Families.  Home towns.  Darren was from out-of-state, from New
York City.  His description of growing up there fascinated her.  Her own
experience of the fishbowl that was her home town didn't so much fascinate
him as shock him.

   By the time the conversation ran down, they'd long since finished their
meal.  Darren excused himself to the restroom.  Dana glanced up from her
phone as Darren returned.  Dana cleared the table, then resumed her seat.
She checked her phone for messages, then composed a text to Zoe.

   "Ready to go?" Darren asked, returning.  He laid a few dollars on the
table for a tip.

   "Yup." Dana hit Send and then tucked her phone back into her purse. 
"Just letting Zoe know we left the party.  Should have done that earlier."

   Darren grinned.  "It's been a while.  Hope she wasn't waiting on you."

   Dana laughed.  "I doubt that." She's probably already in bed with
Bobby.

   "Yeah," Darren said.  "Me too." His expression told Dana that he was as
aware of Zoe and Bobby's relationship as she was.

   Dana felt her smile slip.  Zoe and Bobby were no doubt having sex right
now.

   * * *

   The night air outside Jimmy Wong's was cooler still.  Dana shivered. 
Her dress wasn't much protection.  Darren stepped up behind her to wrap his
arms around her.  "Cold?"

   Dana nodded.  "Yes." The warmth of his arms and torso were pleasant.

   "Let's get you home, then," Darren said. And into bed, went the
unspoken addendum.  Or maybe she was reading too much into it.

   Or not.  That was the whole point of this exercise, wasn't it?  To get
her laid?  Dana frowned, annoyed with herself.  She'd wanted this.  She'd
agreed to it.  She'd spent several days -"and nights -"fantasizing about
it. Why was she so goddamned skittish now?

   Because, she answered herself, it's real now.  She'd gone to the party
with Darren.  She'd spent some time with him at the deli, talking and
laughing and even flirting.  Now the only thing left was to return to her
room and take him to bed.

   Dana debated with herself the whole walk back to her room.  Was she
going to go through with this?  Kiss him goodnight at her door?  She
couldn't decide what she wanted to do.  Which would she regret most?

   Darren pulled open the front door for her.  She led him to the stairway
and then down the hall to her room.  Fortune smiled on her: they didn't run
into anyone in the hallway, so nobody gave her a knowing look for bringing
a guy back to her room.  They reached her door.

   "Well, here you are," Darren said, his voice carefully neutral.

   Dana met his gaze.  She realized he looked as uncertain as she felt. 
And why not?  If she didn't know what she wanted, how could he possibly
hope to know?  Whatever he was hoping would happen, he clearly wasn't going
to push her, or assume a sure thing.  If she said goodnight to him here,
she felt certain he'd accept it and leave.  He wouldn't make a scene, or
try to push her into something she wasn't ready for.

   Tension she hadn't realized she'd been carrying melted away -"and with
it much of the uncertainty she'd struggled with.  This was her choice, and
always had been.  She could do what she liked, and what she liked was the
idea of sex with Darren.  Dana smiled and put her hands on his shoulder,
rising onto her toes to kiss him.  He kissed her back, his hands finding
her hips, then sliding around to pull her into his arms as the kiss went
on.

   He was warm, and solid and kissed well.  Dana relaxed into him, opening
her mouth to his questing tongue, meeting his explorations with her own. 
His arms drew her closer still, one hand slipping down to cup her buttock.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning closer, aware of how her
breasts pressed against his body, and of the hard lump against her belly.

   The kiss ended with Dana practically wrapped around him, her breathing
deep and a little unsteady, mingled excitement and anxiety singing through
her body.  She kissed his cheek before speaking softly into his ear. 
"Wanna come inside?"

   His lips brushed her neck beneath her ear, provoking a shiver.  "Very
much."

   Dana released her hold on him, turning in his arms to face her door. 
She fumbled the key out of her tiny purse with difficulty, and unlocked the
door with unsteady hands. I'm not nervous, she told herself, I'm
excited. Either way, her hands trembled and she felt overheated at the same
time that her hands felt cold.

   She stepped into the room with Darren right behind her, seized by a
sudden fear that she might intrude on Zoe and Bobby.  She'd left her desk
lamp on to provide some illumination without the harsh overhead lights.  It
revealed an empty room.  She and Darren shuffled around until she could
shut the door -"and lock it.

   A locked door between her and the world helped.  Nobody would be barging
into the room while she was -"if she decided to....  Dana shook her head,
refusing to let her doubts take hold again.  She wanted this.

   "Dana?"

   "I'm fine," she said.  She turned in place, still very close to Darren,
until she faced him again.  His mouth was very close and very inviting. 
She kissed him with all the enthusiasm and determination she could muster.

   His arms enveloped her again, and she melted into him, exploring his
mouth with her tongue the way he'd done to her.  She swayed slightly, eyes
closed, focused on the excitement of kissing him, expressing her desire so
clearly in the way she clung to him.  The feel of his arms around her, his
hands caressing her back and buttocks through the thin dress made her
shiver.

   She pulled away enough to speak, lifting her eyes to meet his gaze. 
"Wanna go to bed?" she asked, half expecting her breath to smoke she felt
so overheated with arousal.

   Darren's eager expression wasn't matched by his cautious tone.  "You're
sure?"

   Dana nodded.

   His grin was joyous.  "Yes, please!"

   Dana's legs trembled as they walked the few steps to her bed.  She felt
the butterflies in her stomach fluttering their wings again.  She realized
she had no clear idea what to do now.  Did she undress herself?  Undress
him?  Did they undress one another?

   Darren sat down on the bed.  He patted the surface beside him.  "Let's
sit here."

   Dana sat, only realizing she'd left some space between them after it was
done.  It wasn't even a conscious decision.  Before she could say something
-"but what? -"Darren moved closer, putting his arm around her.  Then he
kissed her again.  A long, gentle, thorough kiss that helped silence her
inner voice.

   She kissed him back, relieved to have that voice silenced.  She laid one
hand against his chest, enjoying the feel of his body against her hand
under his shirt.  She focused on the feel of his mouth on hers, on the
gentle way he nipped at her lip, then strung kisses along her cheek to her
neck.  His mouth on her sent repeated chills down her spine.  His lips and
teeth brushing and nibbling on her earlobe made her quiver all over.

   Darren's free hand came to rest on her bare knee.  Dana drew a startled
breath, stifled the flinch response, and arched her neck, offering it to
him.  Darren nipped at her earlobe again.  When she quivered, he whispered,
"I love it when you do that," his breath tickling her ear and provoking
another shiver of excitement.

   She turned her head, finding his mouth with hers, silently demanding
more kisses.  He was happy to oblige.  The hand on her knees slid higher,
under her skirt, to stroke her thigh.  His touch was firm, not tentative.
She liked that.  She liked the feel of his hand on her bare leg, and liked
that he was confident of her interest.

   A brief memory of Mike's fumbling, hesitant touch after the prom
surfaced, threatening her equilibrium.  She broke the kiss and took
Darren's earlobe between her teeth for an instant, before teasing it with
her tongue.  His full-body shiver surprised her into a giggle, and she
thought no more about Mike.

   She cupped the back of his head in one hand and pulled him down with her
as she lay back on the bed without letting go his ear.  He moaned softly,
the sound of his pleasure cutting through her to leave her more aroused,
and wanting more.  She reached down to pluck his hand from her thigh and
place it on her breast.  He responded by cupping it, his thumb circling her
nipple through her dress and bra.  She gasped, his earlobe escaping her
teeth.

   They continued trading kisses, nips and nibbles.  Darren drew the
shoulder strap of her sundress down, revealing the lacy beige bra and
stroking her erect nipple through the sheer fabric.  She tugged at the hem
of his polo shirt until she'd pulled it free of his jeans, exploring the
smooth warm contours of his waist.

   At some point, Dana pulled away long enough to reach for and turn out
her bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness.  Emboldened by the dark,
she groped for and found the hem of Darren's shirt, and tugged at it.  He
cooperated in pulling it off, then pulled her into his arms as they lay on
their sides.  His bare skin was warm and soft over firm flesh, thrilling to
touch.  The excitement of having him half naked in her bed was absurdly
intoxicating.

   She felt his hand slide up her arm to cup her cheek an instant before
his mouth found hers again.  As he kissed her, she felt him unzip her dress
an inch at a time.  When it sagged open, he ran his hand up her bare back
to the strap of her bra.  He pinched it between his hands and she felt the
band separate.

   His lips brushed hers when he said, "Let me undress you."

   Her voice was barely loud enough for her to hear it.  "Okay."

   Getting out of her clothes wasn't the effortlessly sexy act Dana might
have imagined.  It was a little awkward, in fact, involving stray elbows
and disarranged hair and muttered apologies and anxious giggles.  But she
was trembling with excitement when she stretched out again, lying next to
him.  Skin to skin. Naked.

   He was naked too.  He'd somehow shed his own clothes while undressing
her in the dark.  Naked and excited.  Lying on their sides once more,
facing one another, bodies pressed together there was no way for her to
miss it.  It felt huge.  Monstrous.  So enormous that Dana knew her
imagination was running away with her.  It couldn't be as big as all that.

   One way to find out.

   The thought bubbled up out of nowhere.  It shocked her.  And being
shocked annoyed her.  She reached down to take him -"to take his cock -"in
her hand.  It was hot and hard and she could hardly believe she'd done it.
Darren made a pleased sound deep in his throat.

   Dana stroked him, very gently.  Darren groaned in pleasure.  She
marveled at the feel of soft skin sliding over hard flesh, and she smiled
to herself.  He wasn't nearly as big as her imagination had suggested. 
Large enough, yes.  But not a monster.

   She continued caressing him, wondering if she were doing it right.  She
guessed yes, based on the way Darren's hips moved gently and the sounds of
pleasure he made.  When she tentatively caressed the head of his cock, he
gasped and then groaned louder.  "Oh wow, that's so good," he said.

   Dana propped herself on one elbow.  Her eyes had adapted to the dark,
which wasn't really so dark after all.  The LED alarm clocks, the power
lights on chargers, on the laptops open on the two desks, all provided
light enough to see dimly.  She could see what she was doing now, even if
she didn't know what she was doing.

   But she'd always been a quick learner.  She experimented with her grip,
with the speed of her strokes, and the length.  She listened to and watched
Darren's reactions, and felt them in the way he moved under her hand.  Once
or twice he hissed softly and she saw him make an abortive move to grab her
hand.  "Not so tightly," he said once, and "That's a little rough."

   She modified her approach and there was no more of that.  Only the soft
animal noises of pleasure that turned her on.  It excited her to learn
this, to realize she could make him feel so good, that she was in control.
And she was.  He liked this a lot, that not so much, and this made
him quiver all over and make sexy little noises.

   When he took her hand, stilling it, she glanced at him, wondering why.
Wondering if she were doing something wrong.  His smile eased her fears. 
"My turn," he said.

   He rose on one elbow, mirroring her posture.  He gave her a kiss.  "Why
don't you lie down?" he said.

   When she complied, he lowered his head to kiss her again, a long, soft
kiss that ended too soon.  He followed it up with a kiss to the cheek, then
a string of kisses along her jaw and down her neck that tickled slightly
and made her skin tighten with anticipation.  He cupped one breast in his
hand a moment before his lips closed around her nipple.

   Dana sighed with pleasure.  The flick of his tongue across her nipple
made the breath catch in her throat.  She arched her back, wanting more. 
Darren obliged her, sucking, licking, occasionally nipping at her nipple as
he caressed her breasts with both hands.  He shifted his attention to her
other nipple for a time, then alternated between them briefly.

   He kissed his way down her belly, pausing for a moment to make her
giggle ticklishly when he explored her navel with his tongue.  Then he
resumed his advance.  Dana wriggled with excitement and nervousness.  She
remembered seeing Zoe's lovers going down on her, and how much Zoe had
enjoyed it.  The thought of Darren kissing her so intimately was intensely
arousing, and she wanted very badly to feel his mouth on her.

   He planted a kiss in the soft curls of her pubic hair, pausing to draw
an audible breath.  Dana felt a momentary stab of doubt.  She was wet and
her labia swollen, more physically excited than she could ever remember
being.  Could he smell her?  Did he like how she smelled?  What if -"no. 
She cut the thoughts off.  Damned if she was going to let her doubts
interfere now.

   She spread her legs, eager for his mouth on her pussy, the act itself
making her feel wanton, even slutty.  Good girls didn't.  Or so she'd been
told endlessly.  Well, she was a good girl and she damn well did.  Or was
damn well going to.

   He kissed her again, squarely on her pussy.  Delicately.  It was a
pleasurable sensation, but not earth-shaking.  The awareness of lying naked
in bed with a guy, her legs spread for him, as he kissed her pussy
-"that was almost more than she could bear.  She felt light-headed and
shaky, excited almost beyond endurance by the situation.

   Darren's lips parted to allow his tongue to caress her.  He stroked her
with it, licked and lapped and explored her pussy.  He was very careful at
first, almost too careful, too hesitant.  She appreciated that he cared
about her comfort.  But she wanted, she needed, more.  She tried to speak
up, tried to say as much.

   Her voice failed her, choked off by all those years of programming,
unable even now to speak candidly.  It was infuriating, or could have been,
if she were willing to let it break the mood.  But she was too close to
getting what she wanted now.

   She used her hands instead.  She placed her hands on Darren's head and
pulled him close, guiding him.

   He took the hint.  His attentions became more confident, more insistent.
The delightful sensations grew stronger.  Her hold on him relaxed, then
fell away entirely, as she lost herself in the pleasure.  It made no
difference now.  Darren needed no more guidance.

   Dana lay with her eyes closed, the better to focus on the delicious
sensations Darren was providing her.  She lay sprawled on the bed, body
limp save for the hard points of her nipples and the lovely tension being
generated by Darren's talented mouth.

   He caressed her pussy lips with his lips and tongue, sliding between
them to lap at her juices, or send a jolt of pleasure through her when he
stroked her clit.  She sensed him moving around, but the slippery friction
of his lips and tongue never slackened.  She groaned aloud, unable to keep
silent but also wanting him to hear, to know how much she enjoyed what he
was doing to her.





   It got even better when he began to use his fingers too.

   The tension between her legs intensified, stoked by the pleasure of
first one, then two fingers, gently but insistently stroking deeper and
deeper inside her.  All the while his lips and tongue glided around and
over and across her clit, ratcheting the delicious tension higher and
higher.  It spread to her belly, quickened her breathing, and tightened her
skin all over.  Her nipples felt so hard and so sensitive that she thought
a single touch would send her over the edge.

   She panted with desire, the tension reaching unbearable heights,
pressing her hands into the mattress, arching her back and spreading her
legs, wanting more.  Desperate for more.  She heard someone begging and
realized it was her own voice softly chanting, "don't stop, don't stop,
please don't stop -""

   He didn't.  His lips and tongue and fingers drove her beyond endurance.
For one dizzying instant of clarity she sensed her orgasm looming over her
like a tsunami, an unstoppable force of nature, awe-inspiring and
terrifying all at once.  The instant passed, and all thought vanished,
blotted out by the pulsing waves of ecstasy.

   The waves of pleasure peaked and receded, leaving her limp and panting,
aware of lying in the dark with Darren kneeling by the bed, his arms
resting on her thighs.  He alternated kisses to her her inner thighs, close
enough for his chin to brush her pubic hair when he turned his head.  Dana
shivered at the sensation, too sensitive for more but enjoying the
stimulation.

   She touched his head.  He looked up.  Words failed her again.  She
gestured for him to come closer.  He grinned and scrambled up to stretch
out beside her, slipping an arm beneath her head.  She felt his hard cock
against her thigh, feeling hot enough to burn her flesh.

   He held her gaze for a moment, a contented smile on his face, before
kissing her.

   His lips were wet, and he tasted of...well, of her.  In fact, his cheeks
and chin were wet, too.  Not too surprising, really.  He'd gotten her very
excited.  For a moment, she wondered how he felt about that.  Wondered if
he was disliked it, disliked the smell and the taste and the evidence of
her...unladylike reactions. Slutty, you mean her inner Good Girl
corrected her.

   Shut up, Dana replied. Just shut up.  She kissed Darren as
enthusiastically as she could manage, defying the voice.  She breathed in
the scent -"her scent -"and found that she liked it.  She wrapped her arms
around him, and hooked one leg over his hip, clinging to him, trying to
show him with her behavior if not her words, just how much she'd liked what
he'd done.

   They smooched for a long time.  Long, lingering kisses that sometimes
involved tongues and sometimes didn't.  Darren toyed with her breasts,
teasing her nipples into hard points that sent jolts of pleasure through
her body to her pussy.  He ran a large, warm hand across her belly, her
thighs, and occasionally through the damp tangle of her pubic hair.

   She stroked his body everywhere she could reach.  She liked the lines of
his jaw, the curve of muscle over his shoulder, his arms and chest.  She
spent a lot of time exploring the shape of his hip and buttocks and the
small of his back.  She built up a detailed mental map by touch, enjoying
the opportunity to explore a guy's body so thoroughly.

   All the while she was acutely aware of his cock, lying against her
thigh, or poking her sometimes as they moved.  She knew he wanted to fuck
her, though he seemed endlessly patient.  More patient than she had any
right to expect, really.  And besides, she wanted him to fuck her too.  The
thought brought mingled excitement and nerves, but the balance had shifted.
It excited her to imagine feeling him inside her, feeling him come inside
her -"and to imagine, to hope, that she'd come too.

   She never had with Mike.  But Mike, she knew now, had not been a good
lover.  He'd been as inexperienced, nervous and anxious as she'd been.  It
wasn't his fault, but his fumbling efforts had left her unmoved.  Watching
Zoe and her lovers had shown Dana what good sex could be.  She wanted that.

   She kissed him again, wrapping both arms around his neck, pulling him
with her as she rolled onto her back.  He lay on top of her now, his hard
cock trapped between them, his hips cradled between her spread legs.  She
rocked her hips, evoking a groan from him.  She lifted her head, kissing
him more urgently, wordlessly signaling her desire.

   Darren broke the kiss.  He pushed himself up onto his hands, taking his
weight off her, then reached out with one hand to snag a condom packet from
the bedside table.  He pushed himself upright to kneel between her legs. 
Dana watched him tear open the packet and put the condom on.  He was really
going to do it. She was really going to do it.

   The knowledge that she was about to have sex was almost more than she
could bear.  It left her feeling light-headed, as if she might pass out. 
She felt incredibly grown-up, and at the same time silly for feeling that
way.  This was only new to her.  People had been having sex for forever;
there were people having sex all over the campus tonight.

   This wasn't even her first time.  Just the first time she'd really
wanted it, the first time she expected to really enjoy it.  She wanted it
very badly.

   Darren lowered himself onto his elbows, his body poised above hers.  The
weight of his belly on hers, the insistent hardness of his cock pressed
into her flesh mere inches from her pussy, thrilled her.  She spread her
legs wider, opening herself to him, offering herself.  She wanted
desperately for him to fuck her.  Why wasn't he fucking her yet?

   Face to face, almost nose to nose, he paused to study her expression in
the dark, his own face sober.  She knew he was watching for some sign, some
indication that she was sure she wanted this.  She felt an instant of
exasperation.  How could he not know she wanted this so badly?  That she
was as hot for it as he was?

   Wasn't it obvious?  Wasn't it?

   Well, if not, she'd make it obvious.

   Dana reached down between their bodies, between her legs and grabbed his
cock with one hand.  It was hard and hot and the rubbery sheath felt slick
against her palm.  Darren drew in a noisy breath, from surprise or arousal
or some other emotion when she grabbed him.  She couldn't tell and she
didn't care.

   She tilted her hips to present her open pussy, dragged the head of his
erect cock through her pubic hair, over her clit -"drawing her own noisy
breath of excitement at the slippery friction -"before seating it firmly
between the open, sopping lips of her pussy.  The slippery friction here
wasn't so intense, but it was still powerfully exciting.  And surely he
couldn't mistake her intent now!

   He didn't.  He drove forward, not quickly but firmly.  His cock, which
felt immense, slid deeper, parting her flesh, opening her up as he impaled
her.  She drew her hand out of the way, wanting nothing between them.  She
wanted nothing to prevent him getting deeper.  She wanted all of him.  She
felt him going deeper and deeper, filling her up in way Mike never had.

   It felt glorious.  She'd never felt herself stretched open like this,
never felt anyone penetrate her so deeply.  Possibly too deeply.  But just
as she began to worry that it was too much for her, she felt his pubis
touch hers.  She'd taken it all.  He was buried to the hilt inside her.  He
felt immense, hot and hard, and it was close -"it was so close! -"to too
much.  She lay utterly still, feeling that the slightest movement would tip
her over the edge into discomfort.

   Darren remained still as well, save for drawing a deep breath and then
releasing it in a long sigh.  "That feels so good," he whispered, before he
brushed his lips against hers in the lightest of kisses.

   He shifted his weight.  Dana whimpered, afraid for an instant that he
was going to try to go deeper -"and then in displeasure when he eased
backward, withdrawing.  Pulling away, dragging his hard cock out slowly,
despite the slippery friction her pussy, sent a burst of pleasure through
her body like a shower of sparks.

   Dana heard herself make a wordless sound of pleasure, that ended on a
note of disappointment.  He'd pulled almost all the way out.  Moments ago
she'd feared that having him buried inside her was too much, and now she
missed the sensation.  She tightened her grip on his buttocks -"when had
she grabbed him that way?  She tightened her hold, prepared to pull him
closer if she had to.

   She didn't have to.  He pushed forward, driving his cock inside her
again.  He thrust harder this time, not so slowly.  She felt less
resistance this time.  She didn't feel quite so tight, or he didn't feel
quite so big.  But the pleasure was more intense.

   Darren withdrew again.  The slippery friction sent a sudden shiver
through her body.  She felt the muscles of his ass flex and he was driving
himself inside her again.  Dana's fingers tightened on his ass.  She liked
feeling it move beneath her fingers, liked how it moved his cock inside
her, back and forth.  It felt good either way.

   He began to move more rapidly now, and oh god it felt good.  Dana
maintained her hold on his ass at first, but it was soon clear that he
didn't need any guidance from her.  She let her hands slide up his back,
admiring the hard muscles she felt there, and the way they too flexed as he
supported his body above hers, as he thrust his hips, driving his cock
inside her over and over.

   Fucking her.

   He was fucking her.  And she was letting him.  No, better than that. 
She wanted him to fuck her.  She wanted to fuck him, and she was.

   The enormity of it all took her breath away.  That she could even admit
that to herself felt huge.  She felt as if she'd become someone else.  And
maybe she had.  The girl who had moved into this room weeks ago could never
have imagined doing what she was doing.  She could never have imagined that
she'd have a good-looking guy like this in her bed, kissing her well,
fucking her so good.

   So good.  So...fucking...good.  Oh god -"

   Dana quivered and her arms tightened around Darren's torso, pulling him
down on top of her.  Pleasure roared through her body like fire, consuming
everything.  She trembled and gasped and clung to Darren with desperate
strength.

   The firestorm burned itself out, leaving her weak and gasping for
breath. The weight of Darren's body, easily ignored a moment ago, became
uncomfortable.  She relaxed her hold on him so he could take his weight on
his elbows again, allowing her to breath.  His hips remained cradled
between her spread thighs.

   Dana could feel him, still hard and still inside her.  He thrust forward
gently.  The jolt of pleasure that rolled through her body was almost more
than she could bear.  She was still coming down from her orgasm.  Still
very sensitive.  And, she realized, still horny.  She thought she could
come again.  If Darren kept fucking her, she could come again.

   She wanted that.  Until this moment, she'd never really thought of it as
a possibility.  But now it was, and she wanted it.  She wanted it badly.

   Dana rocked her hips, silently urging Darren to continue.

   He took the hint.

   He was eager, and probably as excited as Dana was.  The careful, gentle
thrusting of before was a thing of the past.  He crouched above her, his
weight on his elbows, face to face with her, panting as he fucked her
faster and harder.  Dana held his gaze, wanting him to see her expression
as the pleasurable tension she felt ratcheted higher and higher.

   His expression grew wilder, his panting breaths grew louder.  Seeing him
grow more excited only added to Dana's excitement, which seemed to turn him
on even more.  Her arousal spiraled up to an unbearable pitch and she cried
out as it overwhelmed her once more.  She convulsed, unable to control her
body as the pleasure burned through her flesh once more.

   She was distantly aware of Darren rigid and shuddering above her, of the
wordless moans of pleasure he made.  Her own pleasure peaked and faded,
leaving her gasping for breath, heart racing.  Darren's body lost its
rigidity and he sagged above her, only his elbows keeping him from crushing
her beneath his weight.  He gasped for air as well.  Sweat beaded his
forehead.

   He met her gaze and gave her a weary, satisfied grin.  "That was fun."

   She found herself matching his grin with her own.  "Yes, it was."

   He said nothing more, just stared at her.  His eyes danced as he studied
her face.  She wondered what he was seeing.  She wondered if she should say
something else.  But what?

   Darren interrupted her train of thought by kissing her abruptly, a
fierce, aggressive kiss that surprised her, then excited her.  He crushed
his lips to hers, and his tongue explored her mouth.  She could hear and
feel the deep, warm breaths on her cheek before he broke the kiss to gasp
for air.  "God, you're sexy," he said when he had recovered his breath.

   Sexy?  Her?  "Really?"

   "Damn right," Darren said.  He kissed her again, a gentler touch of his
lips.  "You're gorgeous and sexy and I'm very glad I'm in your bed."

   "I'm glad, too," Dana said, but even as she spoke, she felt uneasy. 
What now?  She'd accomplished her goal.  She'd had sex with Darren.  And
he'd had sex with her.  What did he want to do now?  Would he want to
leave?  Did she want him to?

   Darren rolled onto his side, still pressed up against her, but no longer
looming above her.  He propped his head on one hand, his gaze roaming over
her face.  "What are you thinking?"

   The question took Dana by surprise.  She blinked.  "Isn't that my line?"

   "Why?" Darren asked.  He held her gaze.  "Because you're a woman?"

   Dana opened her mouth to reply, then hesitated, appalled.  He was right.
She was buying into some serious sexism.  "Yeah," she admitted, shamefaced.

   Darren shrugged it off.  "So, what are you thinking?"

   Dana met his gaze, uncertain how to respond.  No, not uncertain of her
response.  Uncertain whether she wanted to tell him.  Or whether she could.
She feared her voice would betray her, as it so often did by falling silent
when she needed it.  She looked away, unable to face him while she wrestled
with her fears.

   "Hold that thought," Darren said.  He turned away to rise to his feet by
the bed, his back to her.

   Dana felt her heartbeat thud abruptly in her breast.  Was he leaving? 
Was he mad at her, or disappointed?  "What?  Where are you going?" Had she
fucked up somehow?

   Darren turned, surprise in his face.  "Just...going to clean up a bit,"
he said.  He held the condom he'd been wearing between two fingers.  "Be
right back." He walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

   Dana sagged into the mattress, covering her face with one hand.  Jeez.
Over-react much?  She felt really stupid again, and self-centered too.  He
probably didn't know or care about her inner debates.  It was just a casual
question, a conversation starter.  Not the third degree.  Not everyone
overthought over moment of their existence.

   He was probably just happy he'd gotten laid.

   No.  That was unfair.  Yes, he was probably happy he'd gotten laid.  She
hoped so.  But she was happy she'd gotten laid too.  That was the whole
point of this exercise, after all.

   Dana lowered her hand.  The bathroom door was still closed.  She heard
the fan running, and the water.  She had a minute or two to think.  She
felt slightly chilled now without Darren's body next to hers as the
perspiration on her skin evaporated.  She twitched the sheet up to cover
herself.  She felt herself grinning broadly and the thought burst up into
consciousness again: I had sex!

   Would he want to fuck her again?  She hoped so, because she knew she
wanted to fuck him again.  It had been more exciting and more pleasurable
than she'd hoped it would be.  Not as long-lasting or athletic as Zoe's
escapades, but she didn't have Zoe's experience.  Did Darren?  She had no
idea how much experience he had.  More than she, clearly, but that was
probably true of almost everyone.

   The bathroom door opened and Darren emerged.  He walked over to stand by
her bed, looking down at her.  He smiled broadly.  "Hey."

   Dana matched his smile.  "Hey."

   "Mind if I join you?"

   Dana threw the sheet aside.  Exposing her nudity to him that way felt
naughty and exciting, never mind that he'd seen her naked already.  "Please
do."

   Darren perched on the edge of the narrow bed, then stretched out on his
side so they lay belly to belly.  He kissed her, a brief pressure of the
lips at first, then longer and deeper kisses.  One hand caressed her hip.
The other cupped the back of her head, supporting it as he kissed her
repeatedly.

   She returned his kisses, exploring his mouth with her tongue.  She
caressed him too, letting her hands wander.  He had such strong shoulders
and arms, and she liked the feel of hard muscle beneath smooth skin.  His
chest was broad, not quite hairless, and his nipple hardened under her
fingertips.  The sound of surprised pleasure he made as they kissed aroused
her.

   "Like that?" she asked, her lips brushing his as she spoke.

   He nodded, pulling her into another fierce open-mouthed kiss.  His hand
moved from her hip to cup her breast and stroke a thumb across her nipple,
sending the same thrill through her body that she'd given him.  Why had she
never realized his nipples could be as sensitive as hers? Lack of
experience, she decided.  This was no time for self-criticism.

   She broke their kiss and shifted position to lick at his nipple instead.
His response was immediately evident in the sigh of pleasure he made -"and
the way his hard cock poked at her belly.  She wrapped her lips around his
nipple and flicked her tongue across it.

   He hissed as if burned.  He must really like that.  She did the same to
his other nipple -"and he rolled onto his back to give her complete access.
Yeah, he liked it.  Dana giggled, giddy with excitement and triumph, unable
to continue sucking his nipples until she mastered herself and could purse
her lips again.

   She alternated sucking and licking his nipples, all the while caressing
his body with her free hand.  Darren lay passively accepting her attentions
now, content to let her do as she wished.  She felt powerful and sexy.  His
belly quivered beneath her touch.  His thighs spread when she reached
lower, brushing and then grasping his hard cock.  It felt so hot and hard
and yet somehow delicate.  Darren groaned and lifted his hips as she
stroked him.

   Dana had done that before.  She knew better now how to excite him with
her hand.  Stroking his cock at the same time she teased at his nipples
aroused him even more thoroughly.  She was certain she could make him come
this way.  But she wasn't ready for that yet.

   She wondered what it would feel like in her mouth.

   Time to find out.

   Dana gave Darren's nipples a last kiss, then wriggled down the length of
the bed until her knees hung over the edge.  She supported herself on one
elbow, her breasts pressed against his thigh, one hand clutching his cock.
It looked enormous in her hand, though she knew now that it wasn't as big
as she'd once feared.  It was just the right size to please her.

   And she intended to please him.

   She licked the underside of the head.  The effect on Darren was
electrifying.  He twitched all over.  Dana grinned, then took the head into
her mouth.  He tasted...like Darren.

   "Oh god," Darren muttered.  "That's so nice."

   Dana took more of his length into her mouth, then backed off.  Then
tried again, going a little deeper, working her tongue against his cock as
she pulled away.  That producing another groan of pleasure.  She looked up
at Darren, who lay with his eyes closed, a blissful expression on his face.
She grinned, then resumed her explorations.

   Several minutes taught her quite a lot.  Just like giving him a
handjob, this really got a reaction from him, that not so much.  She
took only a bit of his length into her mouth, accepting that she wasn't
going to be able to take it all, not without a lot of practice.  Darren
didn't seem to mind at all; he sighed and groaned and occasionally
quivered.



   She didn't miss the tension gathering in his thighs.  Or the way he
shifted his hips now and then.  He was really enjoying what she was doing.
She wondered if she could make him come this way.  Did she want him to? 
She wasn't sure how she'd feel about him coming in her mouth.  What if she
didn't like it?  But what if she did?

   She paused for a moment, remembering seeing Zoe giving Bobby a blowjob,
and seeing her swallow the result.  She'd seemed to like it.  Dana shrugged
mentally and resumed sucking Darren's cock, caressing him with her tongue
as she did.  There was only one way to find out.

   She stroked the length she couldn't swallow as she did.  Darren groaned
loudly and shifted beneath her, rocking his hips gently.  She took the hint
and sucked and stroked him in time with his hip motions.  His breathing
grew louder and more ragged, and she could feel the trembling in his thighs
and abdomen now, almost twitching.

   "Oh god, Dana," he muttered.  "I'm gonna come."

   She felt her own excitement peak at that, thrilled by the feeling of
power she was exercising over him.  She carefully maintained her rhythm,
steeling herself for the inevitable result.  Darren's whole body convulsed
and he made a strangled noise of pleasure as he came in her mouth.  His
cock throbbed, spurting a vast volume of semen with every pulse.

   It was more than she'd expected, abruptly filling her mouth with a warm,
slightly salty liquid.  She swallowed some of it, not sure yet if she liked
it or not.  A little leaked from the corners of her mouth as she continued
bobbing her head.  She swallowed again, and then once more before he was
done.

   Darren touched her head.  "That's enough -"please," he said quietly. 
"I'm very sensitive after I come."

   Dana let his cock escape her lips.  Some of his semen spilled down her
chin.  She wiped it away with a finger.  She still wasn't sure how she felt
about swallowing it.  It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.  Still,
she liked the effect it had on him when she swallowed.

   "Oh my god," Darren said, his breathing heavy.  "That was...incredible.
C'mere, you." He urged Dana to stretch out alongside him; as soon as she
did, he kissed her thoroughly, a deep, tongue kiss.  It surprised her, but
she kissed him back.

   "I'm glad you liked it," she said, her voice a little thick.  The
intensity of her feelings, of the pride she took in giving him such
pleasure, tightened her throat.

   "'Liked it' doesn't begin to describe it," Darren said.  He kissed her
again before settling down beside her.  He gazed at her face for a long
moment.  "I'm glad we did this," he said.

   Dana felt her face warm.  "Me too," she said.

   They lay in companionable silence.  Dana's mind threatened to run away
with her as usual, spinning off into endless questions and worries and
fantasies -"good and bad -"about what she'd just done with Darren, and what
it might mean.  She did her best to just enjoy the moment.  She kissed
him every time she sensed her thoughts spinning up.

   She kissed him frequently.  He seemed to like it.  Better, he didn't
seem to need to fill the silence with chatter.  She remembered that from
their date at the deli.  He talked, and asked questions, and listened.  But
he didn't fear occasional silences.  That was more her style, and she
continued kissing him every time the nagging voice in her head opened its
mouth.

   They dragged the top sheet back up over them after a time.  Then the
blanket.  Dana began to feel sleepy.  So did Darren, to judge by his
kisses.

   "Did you want me to stay?" Darren asked quietly.  "Or would you rather I
leave?"

   Dana's arm was draped over his torso.  She tightened her hold on him. 
"Stay," she said.  Two bodies made for very close quarters on her narrow
twin mattress, but she liked the feel of his body against hers, his arm
holding her close.

   "Good," Darren said.

   They both squirmed a little, getting comfortable before settling down.
They exchanged a few more kisses, and a few more words.  Dana didn't
remember afterward what they said to one another.  She remembered waking to
find herself spooned by Darren.  His hand stroked her bare hip.  She turned
her head to find him smiling at her.  "Didn't mean to wake you," he
whispered.

   "Liar," she said, grinning.  She reached back to wrap her hand around
his hard cock, which was pressed firmly against her backside.  A sense
memory of him moving inside her, of the pleasure she'd experienced, made
her next breath shaky with wanting.  She twisted to lie on her back, never
releasing her hold on him.

   Darren kissed and caressed her, arousing her until it was she who
reached out to grab a condom package from the bedside table.  Somehow her
fumbling efforts to tear it open, then to remove the condom and roll it
onto his cock didn't ruin the mood.  Frustration gave way to anticipation
as he moved into position, then to pleasure when he entered her.

   "Oh, god." The slippery friction of him sliding inside her was
delightful.  Impaled on his cock, Dana pulled him down on top of her,
excited by the feel of his body against hers, the wantonness of clasping
him to her bare breasts and cradling him between her thighs.  He kissed her
thoroughly, otherwise unmoving, before he began to fuck her.

   This wasn't the frantic, rapid coupling of earlier.  Darren fucked her
slowly, his whole body rocking against her, his mouth never far from her
own.  The lazy rhythm was nonetheless having an effect on her, driving her
desire higher, quickening her breath and ratcheting up the delicious
tension in her belly and thighs.

   Darren kissed her again.  "You are so hot," he whispered, nipping at her
ear.

   Dana couldn't have spoken if she'd wanted to.  She'd never thought of
herself as hot, as sexy.  The thought that Darren found her hot still
felt alien to her, and never mind that he was in her bed.  That he was
fucking her.  Again.  She clutched him more tightly, her sigh of pleasure
also a sob, so strong were the feelings his words produced in her.

   Her reaction fed his.  He began thrusting more firmly, breathing more
deeply.  Dana rocked her hips, wanting more, wanting hard, wanting faster.
She groped for his ass with one hand, urging him onward.  Her other hand
slid through his hair to pull him into another long kiss.  Darren
responded, giving her exactly what she wanted, fucking her harder, fucking
her faster.  She held the kiss as long as she could, urgently exploring his
mouth with her tongue, breath hissing through her nostrils, as she rode the
long climb to orgasm.

   It roared through her like fire, consuming her.  She broke the kiss to
cry out, her body shuddering, curling around the ecstasy that filled her.
When it receded, she was left panting and trembling, filled with a glorious
lassitude.  It was almost a shock to realize that Darren was still fucking
her.

   He was close.  Very close.  He was panting heavily and thrusting hard,
driving himself into her with urgent desire.  Her orgasm had drained her of
desire, but she was excited to feel his desire in the way he fucked her. 
Every thrust sent a jolt through her body.  The slap of flesh against flesh
filled the room the way he filled her.

   She enjoyed it very much.  The feel of him moving inside her, his weight
on her belly, his arms holding her.  It was an entirely different sort of
pleasure than the frantic, growing need to come that she'd experienced. 
The intimacy of it, and the knowledge that he was taking such pleasure in
her body was a turn on all on its own -"as was the look in his eyes.

   His eyes were dark but they gleamed in the dark like his smile.  He'd
watched her lose control, watched the pleasure turn her into a mindless
animal, unable to think, intent only on the sensations he provoked in her.

   Dana smiled back, unembarrassed.  No, not unembarrassed -"proud.  Proud
to be able to lose herself like that in front of him, proud of herself for
pursuing this night of sex instead of chickening out.  She watched him
intently, wanting to experience his loss of control as he came, eager to
see what effect she could have on him.

   It was everything she could have hoped.  His eyes glazed, open but no
longer seeing her, for an instant before he closed them.  He groaned
loudly, his rhythm lost as he hammered her into the mattress with frantic,
irregular thrust of his hip before going rigid, body arched above her.  She
could feel him coming inside her, his cock pulsing repeatedly.

   Dana rocked her hips to add to the stimulation.  Darren whimpered,
gulped for air, his quivering body drawn tight as a bow.  Then it was over.
He sagged, collapsing on top of her, breathing hard.  It would become
uncomfortable shortly but for the moment she reveled in the weight of his
body on hers, in knowing that she'd reduced him to this.

   She stroked him all over, admiring the width of his shoulders and the
curve of his lower back.  She kissed his neck and the corner of his jaw. 
"That was a nice encore," she whispered.  "I enjoyed it."

   He chuckled, sounding exhausted.  "Me too."

   Sleep beckoned again.  Darren made another trip to the bathroom.  When
he returned, Dana took her turn.  She didn't turn on the light.  Washing
her hands in the dark after flushing the toilet, she watched her dark
reflection in the mirror.  She seemed familiar, but also a stranger. 
Tonight she'd done something she'd never done before.

   Not the sex.  She'd had sex before.  Choosing sex -"consciously,
deliberately, setting out to have sex with a young man simply because she
wanted to.  Not the fumbling, lackluster effort -"as much from a sense of
obligation as from any real desire -"that she'd shared with Michael back
home.

   She'd had sex with -"she'd fucked -"Darren because she wanted to, and
because she wanted to experience the kind of pleasure she'd seen Zoe
experience.  She grinned at her reflection.  No doubt Zoe would still be at
it.  But Dana didn't have her experience, and she already knew she'd be a
little sore tomorrow.  But god -"it was worth it!

   She dried her hands and returned to the bed to find Darren asleep
already.  She nudged him.  "Shove over, you," she said.  He obediently
rolled over, away from her, though she doubted he'd actually awakened.  She
lay down beside him, dragged the bedclothes up to cover them, and snuggled
up behind him, already drifting off.