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! USUS. , _ S S ӀAuthorsNote;_ ReaderBeware;_ S _ Roughlanguage,M/FscenariowithanExtremeunenlightened,unculturedmalePOV._ Ԁ G Most,ifnotallerrors,intentional. ; DedicatedtoLennyBruceforthecourageofhisconvictionsonhypocrisy, # _ and_ Ԁtothedyingbreedof goodoldboyseverywhere.
ЀIfyouwantamindsetonthisfolks,youshouldlistentothesetunes.
YoureallIvegottonight.TheCars LittleRock_ Reba_ ԀMcIntyre WilliamsJr,Hank-GoodFriends,GoodWhiskeyandGoodLoving Travis_ Tritt_ Ԁ-CountryClub andmaybethelastsongmentionedinthislittletail.<<pun Title:MapleLeafRag g Itwasaonebitchofaday,cold,drizzlyandfuckenmiserabletoworkin._ I# Icy_ Ԁsnowpellets_ had_ kept_ _ Ԁpouringdownallmorning,coveringeveryJesusthinginafootofsnow.My C$ forkliftoperatorandIhadbeenstrugglingjusttogetonefuckingtrailerloaded,whereusuallywehad =% ! threedonebynoon.Trustme,neverloadpaintedsteelonanopentrailerinasnowstorm,youllbust 7&!" yourballstrying.Wetsteelisasslipperyasanafteractionpussy. 1'"# WehadtogetatleastthreetrailersloadedtodayandheadedforMontrealorworktheweekendand %)u$% thiswasChristmasweekendsonofuckingwaywewantedtodothat! *o%& SamtoldmethatthebosswaslookingformesoIheadeduptohisofficeinahurryfiguringIwas ,c'( gonnacatchpropershit.Insteadhetoldmetheplantwasshuttingdownearly.TheRCMPhadclosed
-]() Highway10andthatwasrightonourfrontdoor.Iaskedwhatabouttheshipmentandhesaidtoforget itandgetoffhome,nothingwasgoingtoMontrealthisweekend. Wellthatwascool!Ihadsometimetodosomelastminuteshoppingandgetmyasshomeontimefor once.Butthatoldlineabout...theroadtohellbeingpavedwithgoodintentionsissuretrue,cause Jerrycalledtomethattheguysweregonnagrababeeratthelocalwaterholeandafteraproper _ shitload_ Ԁofamorning,onebeersoundedprettyfuckinggood.. Twoorthreehourslater,aftersixbeersanotherstillsoundedgood.Thesmallcrowdwasjustthreeof usnow,the_ staylatercrew_ Ԁallforsomereasonrealgoodfriendsofmine.Wedbeenshootingtheshit, tellingeachotherthesamelies_ jokesandcrapstories_ ,wedallheardadozentimes,butwhatsthat z
poem...thesweetestofloves,thepurestofloves,betterthanloveforamother,isthefinestofloves t
thegreatestofloves,ofonedeaddrunkforanother.Anyway,somethinglikethatwassurethecase. n
Onethingwewerewhisperingabout,prettycrudelytoo,wasthishotlittlenumberwithacoupleofkids b
sittingoverintherestaurantsection.Shit,shewastherewhenwecameinandwasstillthereanditwas \
nowthreeorsomething,soitwasntjustalunchstop.WepesteredLeo,theownerbutheshrugged V hisshouldershedidntknow_ nothin_ ,hellhedidntspeakenoughEnglish,toaskheranythingmuch, P anyway.Sowithsixbeersundermybeltandballsofsteel.IfiguredIdwanderoverandstrikeupa J conversation. D WhichIdid,onlytofindoutthatshewasjustapoorkidtryingtogethometoherhubbyinDetroitand 8 thecopshadshutdownthe401toLondon.Shewasstrandedandneededtofindahotelormotelfor 2 herandthekidsforthenight.Everyoneshehadaskedhadpointedheroffinadifferentdirectionand ,| shewasasconfusedashell.Ikindasobereduprealquick,this_ wasntno_ Ԁpickmaterialhere,thislady &v wasafoxbutshewaslike educatedandherclothesreadmoney,money,money,andImlike p wearingrippedbluejeansandadirtyshirt. j Anyway,Igaveuponanyplansofgettinglucky,hell,Ihadtogethomeanywayorbeinshit,asusual. ^ Ilivedaboutfiftymilesuphighway10butknewenoughbackroadsthatI_ dget_ Ԁhomeokaysomehow. X SoIputonmygoodSamaritanhatandtold_ her_ Ԁtogethercarandfollowme.Theairportstripwasjust !R _ acouplea_ Ԁmileseastanditsloadedendtoendwithhotels.Itwasnoskinoffmyass,itwasntallthat !L faroutofmyway. "F Shewasworriedthough,shedhadacouple_ drinky_ Ԁ_ poo_ s,thatswhatshecalledem,_ drinky_ Ԁ_ poo_ s,I $: ! aint_ makin_ Ԁthatup.Gripes!Anyway,ItoldherIdtakeitrealeasy,driverealslow.Toldertojust %4!" followmytruckandwhenshesawalineofhotelstopickone.Shegatheredupthekidsandwentout &."# andIhadtorunover,finishmybeerandputupwithsomeshitfrommybuddieswhofigured,Id '(#$ somehowscored.Ididnttellemnodifferenteither,justdownedmybeer,smiledabigshiteatinggrin ("$% atemandwalkedout. )%& HercarwasabrandfuckennewPontiacConvertible,youknow,the_ Grandville_ Ԁmodel,oneathose +'( widetrack,betterhaveawidewallet,jobs.Money...Cripes!Imean,therewasprobablylike,two ,
() inallofCanada.TheyweremadeintheStatesandweresopopularthere,noneevergotcrossthe -)* borderforsalehere. Anyway,IledheralongDerryanddownAirportRoad,arealpaincause,thatmeantIdhaveto doublebackbutIgothertowhereallthehotelswere.Wedrovepastthreeofthemandshedidntpull _ into_ Ԁanyofem,soIstoppedandaskedwhatwaswrong?Shesaidtheyallhadnovacancysignson them,whichIhadntnoticedcausemydamwipersdontworkandIhadtokeeponehandoutthe windowandpullitonceandawhiletoclearthesnowoff.
Itoldhertogooninoneandaskanyway.Shedidandcameoutsayingthattheclerkhadphoned aroundandtheonlyonewithroomsopenwastheConstellationandIquietlycursedcausethatwas z
anothertwomilesdownintoToronto,thewrong_ friggin_ Ԁwayforme.But,inforapennyinforapound, t
Itoldhertofollowmeandledherdownandintothe_ Conny_ sparkinglot. n
Shethankedme,evenofferedmesomemoney,shitman,likeIwasafterhermoneyeh!I_ blewhera b
kiss_ Ԁandheadedoffhome,butonlygotonefuckingmilewhenthishugecopinthemiddleofthestreet \
wavedmedownandtoldmetheAirportRoadwasclosed.ThenhesaidthatIdbeendrinking,and V howthehellheknewthat,shitknows?Hetoldmetogetmyassofftheroad,likenoworIdbe P spendingthe_ friggin_ Ԁnightinjail. J WellittookmeliketwosecondstodecidetoheadbacktotheConstellationinstead,Ihadmoney > enough,Ihopedsoanyway. 8 Iwaskindasurprised,theladywasstillinthelobbywiththekids.Thehotelwasfullbuttheywere ,| gonnagetheraroominabit.Turnsout,therewasaconventionbunchthatcouldntgetoutofToronto &v andanotherconventioncrewthathadcomeinsoyeah,they_ wererealbusy_ .WhenIaskedforaroom, p theclerktoldme sorrybutthentheladysaidthathedjusthavetofindaroomfor herbrother.Well j Imtellingyouthatclerklookedatmeandbackather,_ deadpan_ Ԁlike,butherdefiantstarerightback, d madehimkeephismouthshuttight.Hefoundmearoom,_ alright_ .Notonthesamefloorbuthonestly ^ thebeerwaswearingonme,bythenallIwantedtodowassleep. X SoIsaidthanksandbyeandwentuptomyroom,phonedhometoldthemsomekindastory,tooka !L showerandhitthesack. "F Iwokeupataroundten,hungryasabearandwandereddowntofindsomefood.Noluckthere,the $: ! kitchenwasclosed,soIdriftedintothebarforsomepeanutsandabeer,causeIwasalittlethirsty.It %4!" wasoneofthoseBarry_ Manilow_ Ԁplaces,allcoveredinplushredcrapandfilledwithsuits.Youknow, &."# businesstypes,_ wimpcity_ .IhadonmyleatherjacketcoveringmynottoocoolshirtandIwasalittle '(#$ hungover,hungryandinarealuglymood.SoIdidntreallygiveashit,whattheythoughtofme ("$% anyway. )%& Iwassippingmybeer,mindingmyownbusinesswhensomeonetuggedmyarmandwas_ her_ .Shed +'( paintedonapairofslacksandwaswearingatanktopthatdidnothingtoholdherglorioustitsinplace, ,
() nobra,thatsforsureandshewasdrunkasaskunk.Shedputthekidstobedandcouldntwatch -)* TVcauseofthemintheroom,couldntsleepeithersohadwandereddowntothebar. Wetalkedawhile,aboutgodknowswhatandthensheaskedmetodanceandthenwentintoa_ snitty_ poutwhenIsaidno.Hell,IwasntgonnagetupinfrontofthiscrowdwearingwhatIhadonanditwas too_ friggin_ Ԁhottodancewithmyjacketon.Wasntmykindamusicanyway,IlltakeGeorgeJones overTomJones,_ anytime._ Ԁ SoshewanderedoffandIspentthenextfewhoursnursingbeersandwatchingthesuitshitoner.She washavingfun,dancedallnight,_ musta_ Ԁbeeninthearmsofadozenorsoguys.Shedrewtheminlike fliestohoneyandeverytimeshedwalkbymeshedcurlhernoseuplikeId_ fucked_ Ԁherbestfriendor z
something.Itellyou,shewassomeprettyladybutwhataspoiledlittlebitchshewas,whenshedidnt t
getherway. n
Igotkindatiredafterawhile,gotupandwalkedout.Funnythingisshewatchedmegothough,I b
meanshereallywatchedme,weird? \
Iwenttomyroom,stillfeltkindadirty,sotookanothershowerandlaidowntosleep.ThatistillI P startedgoingthough,theTVchannelsandcameacrossafuckflick.Wellnow,Idneverseemone_ a J those_ ԀbeforesoIstartedwatchingem,Imean,whowouldnt?IfiguredoutthatIcouldgetaboutfive D minutesononebeforeitaskedformoneyandwasonmythirdorfourthmovieandyouwannaknow > thetruthIthinksecondorthirdcomewhenthe_ friggin_ Ԁphonerang.Shitman,youeverhavethathappen 8 whenyouvegotyourdickinyourhandandarejustaboutthere.Fuck,itscaredthelivingshit_ outta_ 2 me. ,| Itwas_ her_ ! p ̀Shetoldme,shehadabottleofKentucyBourbonanddidntwanttodrinkalone,couldshecome d up? ^ Couldshecome_ up_ ! !R CouldJesuswalkon_ water_ ! "F Yourefuckingright,shecouldcomeup,likeNOW! $: ! Sorealcool,Isaidsureandsheseemedtobeatmydoorinasec.Idslippedonmyjeansatleastbut &."# nothingelse.I_ aint_ ԀtheprettiestthingonearthbutImprettytallwithabarrelchestandfiguredId '(#$ advertisesome. ("$% Shewasntshy,wecrackedopenthebottleandfoundsomecupsinthebathroom,itwasfinebooze *&' butafterastomachloadofbeer,itmademyheadspin.Shedrankitlikewater,satonthebed,ranher +'( fingernailsacrossmychestandaskedmewhyIdidntdancewithher.Imumbledsomethingbutshe ,
() wasntinterested.WhileIwastalking,shesaidshewashotandpulledhertopoffoverherhead.While -)* Iwasdigestingthat,shesaid,thatshedhadtwokidsanddidnthaveonestretchmark,thenslidher slacksoffandshowedme.Gripes,mymouthwashangingopenlikeafishoutofwater.Shewas gorgeous,noshewasperfect,absolutelyfuckingperfect,theprettiestdambodyonawomenIveever laideyeson. Starknaked,drunk,hornyandstandingtwofeetaway.Ohyeah!CometoPapa!Ijumpedherinan instant.
Youknow,IvehadafewwomeninmydayandsureknowmywayaroundafemalebodybutIve neverranintoonethatnice,herskinwasallgoldentan,notablemishoneranywhereandshetasted z
_ soo_ Ԁsweet.Hertitswerehardrocks,herassperkyandfirm,perfectsoftstraightlegswiththe_ cutest t
little_ Ԁfeetandthetiniesttoes.Everything_ elnatural_ Ԁman,notabitofhairorplasticoneranywhere. n
Ilicked,munchedandsuckedeveryJesusinchofthatgirl.Wentaroundherworldatleasttwicethen b
settledmyoldtongueintoherpussyandlickedhertoa_ couplea_ Ԁquick,littlecomes.Myhairtoldme \
that,shit,shepulledenoughofitout.Shemotionedmeuponher,toldmeshewantedtobe_ fucked_ Ԁ, V _ fucked_ Ԁreallyhardandyouknow...Icouldnt. P Iwasnthard,gofigureeh!Imean,Ive_ fucked_ ԀwomensouglythatIdidntwannabeseennearemin D themorning,_ Nooo_ Ԁproblem.ButallofthemtreatedmeniceandItreatedthemrealniceback.
S F Xe X X X >
S # Xe X XF XeA # Nooneevertreatedmelikeshitthenwantedmeonlyfor_ fucken_ . Y Wellshetried,Igottasaythat,shereallytried,she_ musta_ Ԁsuckedonmeforagoodfiveminutesbut M noway.MyOldBuddywasntinterested.Herbodywasperfect,herskillsinbedasgoodasanyIve G hadbutitwasntgonnahappen. A Iofferedtogodownonheragain.Hell;Ilikethework!Butshesaidshecouldgetallofthatshe 5 wantedathome,shewantedtobe_ fucked_ .Boy!Wassheeverpissed!LikeIsaid,onenastylittle / bitchwhenshedidntgetherway.Ipityherhusband,inmorewaysthanone,Iguess. ) y Shehadherclothesbackonandwasoutthatdoorinthirtyseconds.Sheleftthebottle,whichwas "m okaybyme.Ireallyneededanotherdrinkbythen,anyway. #g _ Funniestthing_ Ԁis,aftersheleft,lyingonthebed,smellingherperfumeandsippingherbooze.Iwas %[ ! watchinganotherpornflickandgotmyselftheworldsbiggesthardon.Filledtwowhole_ kleenex_ s, &U!" gettingridofit. &O"# Nextmorningwhilepayingmybill,Inoticedasetofearringsinthesouvenirdisplay,theywerelittle (C$% redCanadianMapleLeafs.Smiling,Iboughtthemandhademsentuptoherroom. )=%& Ifigured,_ like_ ,itwasChristmaseh!Ihadtogivehersomething! +1'( I_ woulda_ Ԁlovedtobetherewhenshesawthem,butIaintnofool. -%)* ЇFeelingsmugashell,Iclimbedinmyoldtruckandbeatitforhome. ListeningtoMerlHaggardssinging,IthinkIllstayhereanddrink,ontheeighttrack. SafeWord _ Copyrite_ Ԁ2003
Anyresemblancetoanypersonslivingordead. Ispure_ coincidence._ ԀItdidnthappen. z
Itsallmadeup,anabsolutefantasy. t
MaybesomeofitIheardfromafriend. n
Icantremembernow.Butitwasntme. h Iwasntthere.HonestandReally. b
Anyway. \
ThatsmystoryandIm_ stickin_ Ԁtoit! V ̀