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   !    USUS. ,      _            S S               ӀAuthorsNote;_        ReaderBeware;_           	 S     _        Roughlanguage,M/FscenariowithanExtremeunenlightened,unculturedmalePOV._        Ԁ   	 G   Most,ifnotallerrors,intentional.   	 ;   DedicatedtoLennyBruceforthecourageofhisconvictionsonhypocrisy,   	 #   _        and_        Ԁtothedyingbreedof goodoldboyseverywhere.   	 

   ЀIfyouwantamindsetonthisfolks,youshouldlistentothesetunes.   	 
   YoureallIvegottonight.TheCars   	    LittleRock_        Reba_        ԀMcIntyre   	    WilliamsJr,Hank-GoodFriends,GoodWhiskeyandGoodLoving   	    Travis_        Tritt_        Ԁ-CountryClub   	    andmaybethelastsongmentionedinthislittletail.<<pun   	    Title:MapleLeafRag   	 g   Itwasaonebitchofaday,cold,drizzlyandfuckenmiserabletoworkin._           	 I#   Icy_        Ԁsnowpellets_        had_        kept_        _        Ԁpouringdownallmorning,coveringeveryJesusthinginafootofsnow.My   	 C$    forkliftoperatorandIhadbeenstrugglingjusttogetonefuckingtrailerloaded,whereusuallywehad   	 =% !   threedonebynoon.Trustme,neverloadpaintedsteelonanopentrailerinasnowstorm,youllbust   	 7&!"   yourballstrying.Wetsteelisasslipperyasanafteractionpussy.   	 1'"#   WehadtogetatleastthreetrailersloadedtodayandheadedforMontrealorworktheweekendand   	 %)u$%   thiswasChristmasweekendsonofuckingwaywewantedtodothat!   	 *o%&   SamtoldmethatthebosswaslookingformesoIheadeduptohisofficeinahurryfiguringIwas   	 ,c'(   gonnacatchpropershit.Insteadhetoldmetheplantwasshuttingdownearly.TheRCMPhadclosed   	 
-]()   Highway10andthatwasrightonourfrontdoor.Iaskedwhatabouttheshipmentandhesaidtoforget   	       itandgetoffhome,nothingwasgoingtoMontrealthisweekend.   	     Wellthatwascool!Ihadsometimetodosomelastminuteshoppingandgetmyasshomeontimefor   	    once.Butthatoldlineabout...theroadtohellbeingpavedwithgoodintentionsissuretrue,cause   	    Jerrycalledtomethattheguysweregonnagrababeeratthelocalwaterholeandafteraproper   	    _        shitload_        Ԁofamorning,onebeersoundedprettyfuckinggood..   	 	   Twoorthreehourslater,aftersixbeersanotherstillsoundedgood.Thesmallcrowdwasjustthreeof   	    usnow,the_        staylatercrew_        Ԁallforsomereasonrealgoodfriendsofmine.Wedbeenshootingtheshit,   	    tellingeachotherthesamelies_        jokesandcrapstories_        ,wedallheardadozentimes,butwhatsthat   	 z
	   poem...thesweetestofloves,thepurestofloves,betterthanloveforamother,isthefinestofloves   	 t	
   thegreatestofloves,ofonedeaddrunkforanother.Anyway,somethinglikethatwassurethecase.   	 n
   Onethingwewerewhisperingabout,prettycrudelytoo,wasthishotlittlenumberwithacoupleofkids   	 b
   sittingoverintherestaurantsection.Shit,shewastherewhenwecameinandwasstillthereanditwas   	 \
   nowthreeorsomething,soitwasntjustalunchstop.WepesteredLeo,theownerbutheshrugged   	 V   hisshouldershedidntknow_        nothin_        ,hellhedidntspeakenoughEnglish,toaskheranythingmuch,   	 P   anyway.Sowithsixbeersundermybeltandballsofsteel.IfiguredIdwanderoverandstrikeupa   	 J   conversation.   	 D   WhichIdid,onlytofindoutthatshewasjustapoorkidtryingtogethometoherhubbyinDetroitand   	 8   thecopshadshutdownthe401toLondon.Shewasstrandedandneededtofindahotelormotelfor   	 2   herandthekidsforthenight.Everyoneshehadaskedhadpointedheroffinadifferentdirectionand   	 ,|   shewasasconfusedashell.Ikindasobereduprealquick,this_        wasntno_        Ԁpickmaterialhere,thislady   	 &v   wasafoxbutshewaslike educatedandherclothesreadmoney,money,money,andImlike   	  p   wearingrippedbluejeansandadirtyshirt.   	 j   Anyway,Igaveuponanyplansofgettinglucky,hell,Ihadtogethomeanywayorbeinshit,asusual.   	 ^   Ilivedaboutfiftymilesuphighway10butknewenoughbackroadsthatI_        dget_        Ԁhomeokaysomehow.   	  X   SoIputonmygoodSamaritanhatandtold_        her_        Ԁtogethercarandfollowme.Theairportstripwasjust   	 !R   _        acouplea_        Ԁmileseastanditsloadedendtoendwithhotels.Itwasnoskinoffmyass,itwasntallthat   	 !L   faroutofmyway.   	 "F   Shewasworriedthough,shedhadacouple_        drinky_        Ԁ_        poo_        s,thatswhatshecalledem,_        drinky_        Ԁ_        poo_        s,I   	 $: !   aint_        makin_        Ԁthatup.Gripes!Anyway,ItoldherIdtakeitrealeasy,driverealslow.Toldertojust   	 %4!"   followmytruckandwhenshesawalineofhotelstopickone.Shegatheredupthekidsandwentout   	 &."#   andIhadtorunover,finishmybeerandputupwithsomeshitfrommybuddieswhofigured,Id   	 '(#$   somehowscored.Ididnttellemnodifferenteither,justdownedmybeer,smiledabigshiteatinggrin   	 ("$%   atemandwalkedout.   	 )%&   HercarwasabrandfuckennewPontiacConvertible,youknow,the_        Grandville_        Ԁmodel,oneathose   	 +'(   widetrack,betterhaveawidewallet,jobs.Money...Cripes!Imean,therewasprobablylike,two   	 ,
()   inallofCanada.TheyweremadeintheStatesandweresopopularthere,noneevergotcrossthe   	 -)*   borderforsalehere.   	       Anyway,IledheralongDerryanddownAirportRoad,arealpaincause,thatmeantIdhaveto   	    doublebackbutIgothertowhereallthehotelswere.Wedrovepastthreeofthemandshedidntpull   	    _        into_        Ԁanyofem,soIstoppedandaskedwhatwaswrong?Shesaidtheyallhadnovacancysignson   	    them,whichIhadntnoticedcausemydamwipersdontworkandIhadtokeeponehandoutthe   	 	   windowandpullitonceandawhiletoclearthesnowoff.   	 
   Itoldhertogooninoneandaskanyway.Shedidandcameoutsayingthattheclerkhadphoned   	    aroundandtheonlyonewithroomsopenwastheConstellationandIquietlycursedcausethatwas   	 z
	   anothertwomilesdownintoToronto,thewrong_        friggin_        Ԁwayforme.But,inforapennyinforapound,   	 t	
   Itoldhertofollowmeandledherdownandintothe_        Conny_        sparkinglot.   	 n
   Shethankedme,evenofferedmesomemoney,shitman,likeIwasafterhermoneyeh!I_        blewhera   	 b
   kiss_        Ԁandheadedoffhome,butonlygotonefuckingmilewhenthishugecopinthemiddleofthestreet   	 \
   wavedmedownandtoldmetheAirportRoadwasclosed.ThenhesaidthatIdbeendrinking,and   	 V   howthehellheknewthat,shitknows?Hetoldmetogetmyassofftheroad,likenoworIdbe   	 P   spendingthe_        friggin_        Ԁnightinjail.   	 J   WellittookmeliketwosecondstodecidetoheadbacktotheConstellationinstead,Ihadmoney   	 >   enough,Ihopedsoanyway.   	 8   Iwaskindasurprised,theladywasstillinthelobbywiththekids.Thehotelwasfullbuttheywere   	 ,|   gonnagetheraroominabit.Turnsout,therewasaconventionbunchthatcouldntgetoutofToronto   	 &v   andanotherconventioncrewthathadcomeinsoyeah,they_        wererealbusy_        .WhenIaskedforaroom,   	  p   theclerktoldme sorrybutthentheladysaidthathedjusthavetofindaroomfor herbrother.Well   	 j   Imtellingyouthatclerklookedatmeandbackather,_        deadpan_        Ԁlike,butherdefiantstarerightback,   	 d   madehimkeephismouthshuttight.Hefoundmearoom,_        alright_        .Notonthesamefloorbuthonestly   	 ^   thebeerwaswearingonme,bythenallIwantedtodowassleep.   	  X   SoIsaidthanksandbyeandwentuptomyroom,phonedhometoldthemsomekindastory,tooka   	 !L   showerandhitthesack.   	 "F   Iwokeupataroundten,hungryasabearandwandereddowntofindsomefood.Noluckthere,the   	 $: !   kitchenwasclosed,soIdriftedintothebarforsomepeanutsandabeer,causeIwasalittlethirsty.It   	 %4!"   wasoneofthoseBarry_        Manilow_        Ԁplaces,allcoveredinplushredcrapandfilledwithsuits.Youknow,   	 &."#   businesstypes,_        wimpcity_        .IhadonmyleatherjacketcoveringmynottoocoolshirtandIwasalittle   	 '(#$   hungover,hungryandinarealuglymood.SoIdidntreallygiveashit,whattheythoughtofme   	 ("$%   anyway.   	 )%&   Iwassippingmybeer,mindingmyownbusinesswhensomeonetuggedmyarmandwas_        her_        .Shed   	 +'(   paintedonapairofslacksandwaswearingatanktopthatdidnothingtoholdherglorioustitsinplace,   	 ,
()   nobra,thatsforsureandshewasdrunkasaskunk.Shedputthekidstobedandcouldntwatch   	 -)*   TVcauseofthemintheroom,couldntsleepeithersohadwandereddowntothebar.   	       Wetalkedawhile,aboutgodknowswhatandthensheaskedmetodanceandthenwentintoa_        snitty_           	    poutwhenIsaidno.Hell,IwasntgonnagetupinfrontofthiscrowdwearingwhatIhadonanditwas   	    too_        friggin_        Ԁhottodancewithmyjacketon.Wasntmykindamusicanyway,IlltakeGeorgeJones   	    overTomJones,_        anytime._        Ԁ   	 	   SoshewanderedoffandIspentthenextfewhoursnursingbeersandwatchingthesuitshitoner.She   	    washavingfun,dancedallnight,_        musta_        Ԁbeeninthearmsofadozenorsoguys.Shedrewtheminlike   	    fliestohoneyandeverytimeshedwalkbymeshedcurlhernoseuplikeId_        fucked_        Ԁherbestfriendor   	 z
	   something.Itellyou,shewassomeprettyladybutwhataspoiledlittlebitchshewas,whenshedidnt   	 t	
   getherway.   	 n
   Igotkindatiredafterawhile,gotupandwalkedout.Funnythingisshewatchedmegothough,I   	 b
   meanshereallywatchedme,weird?   	 \
   Iwenttomyroom,stillfeltkindadirty,sotookanothershowerandlaidowntosleep.ThatistillI   	 P   startedgoingthough,theTVchannelsandcameacrossafuckflick.Wellnow,Idneverseemone_        a   	 J   those_        ԀbeforesoIstartedwatchingem,Imean,whowouldnt?IfiguredoutthatIcouldgetaboutfive   	 D   minutesononebeforeitaskedformoneyandwasonmythirdorfourthmovieandyouwannaknow   	 >   thetruthIthinksecondorthirdcomewhenthe_        friggin_        Ԁphonerang.Shitman,youeverhavethathappen   	 8   whenyouvegotyourdickinyourhandandarejustaboutthere.Fuck,itscaredthelivingshit_        outta_           	 2   me.   	 ,|   Itwas_        her_        !   	  p   ̀Shetoldme,shehadabottleofKentucyBourbonanddidntwanttodrinkalone,couldshecome   	 d   up?   	 ^   Couldshecome_        up_        !   	 !R   CouldJesuswalkon_        water_        !   	 "F   Yourefuckingright,shecouldcomeup,likeNOW!   	 $: !   Sorealcool,Isaidsureandsheseemedtobeatmydoorinasec.Idslippedonmyjeansatleastbut   	 &."#   nothingelse.I_        aint_        ԀtheprettiestthingonearthbutImprettytallwithabarrelchestandfiguredId   	 '(#$   advertisesome.   	 ("$%   Shewasntshy,wecrackedopenthebottleandfoundsomecupsinthebathroom,itwasfinebooze   	 *&'   butafterastomachloadofbeer,itmademyheadspin.Shedrankitlikewater,satonthebed,ranher   	 +'(   fingernailsacrossmychestandaskedmewhyIdidntdancewithher.Imumbledsomethingbutshe   	 ,
()   wasntinterested.WhileIwastalking,shesaidshewashotandpulledhertopoffoverherhead.While   	 -)*   Iwasdigestingthat,shesaid,thatshedhadtwokidsanddidnthaveonestretchmark,thenslidher   	       slacksoffandshowedme.Gripes,mymouthwashangingopenlikeafishoutofwater.Shewas   	     gorgeous,noshewasperfect,absolutelyfuckingperfect,theprettiestdambodyonawomenIveever   	    laideyeson.   	    Starknaked,drunk,hornyandstandingtwofeetaway.Ohyeah!CometoPapa!Ijumpedherinan   	 	   instant.   	 
   Youknow,IvehadafewwomeninmydayandsureknowmywayaroundafemalebodybutIve   	    neverranintoonethatnice,herskinwasallgoldentan,notablemishoneranywhereandshetasted   	 z
	   _        soo_        Ԁsweet.Hertitswerehardrocks,herassperkyandfirm,perfectsoftstraightlegswiththe_        cutest   	 t	
   little_        Ԁfeetandthetiniesttoes.Everything_        elnatural_        Ԁman,notabitofhairorplasticoneranywhere.   	 n
   Ilicked,munchedandsuckedeveryJesusinchofthatgirl.Wentaroundherworldatleasttwicethen   	 b
   settledmyoldtongueintoherpussyandlickedhertoa_        couplea_        Ԁquick,littlecomes.Myhairtoldme   	 \
   that,shit,shepulledenoughofitout.Shemotionedmeuponher,toldmeshewantedtobe_        fucked_        Ԁ,   	 V   _        fucked_        Ԁreallyhardandyouknow...Icouldnt.   	 P   Iwasnthard,gofigureeh!Imean,Ive_        fucked_        ԀwomensouglythatIdidntwannabeseennearemin   	 D   themorning,_        Nooo_        Ԁproblem.ButallofthemtreatedmeniceandItreatedthemrealniceback.
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           S            #   Xe  X  XF XeA  # Nooneevertreatedmelikeshitthenwantedmeonlyfor_        fucken_        .   	 Y   Wellshetried,Igottasaythat,shereallytried,she_        musta_        Ԁsuckedonmeforagoodfiveminutesbut   	 M   noway.MyOldBuddywasntinterested.Herbodywasperfect,herskillsinbedasgoodasanyIve   	 G   hadbutitwasntgonnahappen.   	 A   Iofferedtogodownonheragain.Hell;Ilikethework!Butshesaidshecouldgetallofthatshe   	 5   wantedathome,shewantedtobe_        fucked_        .Boy!Wassheeverpissed!LikeIsaid,onenastylittle   	 /   bitchwhenshedidntgetherway.Ipityherhusband,inmorewaysthanone,Iguess.   	 ) y   Shehadherclothesbackonandwasoutthatdoorinthirtyseconds.Sheleftthebottle,whichwas   	 "m   okaybyme.Ireallyneededanotherdrinkbythen,anyway.   	 #g   _        Funniestthing_        Ԁis,aftersheleft,lyingonthebed,smellingherperfumeandsippingherbooze.Iwas   	 %[ !   watchinganotherpornflickandgotmyselftheworldsbiggesthardon.Filledtwowhole_        kleenex_        s,   	 &U!"   gettingridofit.   	 &O"#   Nextmorningwhilepayingmybill,Inoticedasetofearringsinthesouvenirdisplay,theywerelittle   	 (C$%   redCanadianMapleLeafs.Smiling,Iboughtthemandhademsentuptoherroom.   	 )=%&   Ifigured,_        like_        ,itwasChristmaseh!Ihadtogivehersomething!   	 +1'(   I_        woulda_        Ԁlovedtobetherewhenshesawthem,butIaintnofool.   	 -%)*   ЇFeelingsmugashell,Iclimbedinmyoldtruckandbeatitforhome.   	       ListeningtoMerlHaggardssinging,IthinkIllstayhereanddrink,ontheeighttrack.   	     SafeWord   	    _        Copyrite_        Ԁ2003   	 
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	   Itsallmadeup,anabsolutefantasy.   	 t	
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