Andrew Roller Presents
C O M I C U P D A T E
FREE! Internet Edition May 14, 1995
THE COMIC UPDATE ARCHIVES
by Andrew Roller
From: COMIC UPDATE #1, August 1, 1986
Guidelines for Researchers: I have dispensed with the Ògrading system.Ó
Where the current address of the artist is known, I have published it.
Recent Comics #5, 25¢. Mini. (By anonymous), 2815 Montclair Cir.,
Sanford, NC 27330 (1986 address).
Headline: MUSIC MAN MAYHEM
Story Preview: Comikid participates in a Music Man musical where
members of the audience wind up getting handcuffed and the band forgets
to play.
Story Critique: Best described as a collection of tenuously related
vignettes about Music ManÕs opening night. One character gets a
Budweiser out of an empty Coca-Cola machine, which is impossible. Other
sequences are relatively meaningless, but overall itÕs a fun comic.
Art: Sub-Feazell stick figures.
1995 Commentary: A fun comic, but put out by someone I never got
to know by name (if anyone did). One of a number of stick-figure comics
inspired by Matt Feazell, particularly in the mid-80Õs when Matt was at
the height of his popularity. (HeÕs still eminently popular, of course, but
the raw Ònew-waveÓ enthusiasm of that era that infected the small press
(especially regarding stick-figure comics) is gone.)
Pictures of Matchstick Men #1, 25¢. Mini. (By illegible). Chuckles
Productions, (No address).
Headline: OATMEAL CAN CONGA
Story Preview: Edward Lee Bolman draws a story about the time he
and Charles Thomas Bunker performed the Instant Quaker Oatmeal Conga in
the middle of the Star market grocery store.
Story Critique: This comic is uncoordinated and makes little sense.
There are numerous problems: Names are too long. Bolman slips in and out
of a German accent. ÒLast issueÓ is referred to even though this is issue
number one. A needless map is included. Reference is made to two Star
markets even though all the action takes place in only one. A supermarket
manager ignores two ÒcustomersÓ who are beating on oatmeal cans,
singing, and chasing other purchasers. A gigantic flea bites one character.
There are references by the characters to the comic cover. Suddenly, the
characters are not in the U.S. but in a prison in Turkey!
Art: Clean, crisp. Feazell-type stick figures.
Stock: Grape astrobright.
1995 Commentary: This book may be by the well-known Ted Bolman,
who has a habit of drawing whimsical comics but leaving no address,
preferring to travel the country and stay with various small press friends.
Last I heard he was living on a houseboat somewhere, but that report of
his location dates from the late 1980Õs.
Despite my criticism of this book at the time, it is probably THE
most memorable book IÕve ever reviewed. If you asked me to name, off the
top of my head, one title IÕve reviewed (out of hundreds), Pictures of
Matchstick Men would probably pop out first.
Hai Tek #1, 25¢. Mini. Hal Hargit, Ozone Press.
Headline: HAI TEK HAS TROUBLES
Story Preview: Hai Tek is busily making millions for his employer
when he gets drafted into the Airspace Force (due to his unparalleled
scientific ability). His girlfriend thinks he enlisted to get away from her,
and beats him up. Meanwhile, bad guys conspire to kidnap him.
Story Critique: Pages one and two are excellent, must reading for
computer hackers. The rest of the comic is basically filler, with page
three being totally unrelated to the story, while pages five and six
comprise a lead-in to the next issue.
Art: Sub-Feazell stick figures.
Special Features: Editorial tribute to Cynicalman and Matt Feazell.
1995 Commentary: Hal Hargit, christened by his parents as ÒBuddy
Smith,Ó is one of the near legendary figures of the comics small press. He
is probably best remembered for his collaboration with Edd Vick (and
others), in producing the newspaper Comics F/X. This newspaper came out
in the late 1980Õs, put out about 15 (notoriously late) issues, then died. I
had the good fortune of being kicked out of F/X (as a subscriber!) just
before the paper died. Vick returned all the money IÕd ÒspentÓ subscribing,
then went bust. So I essentially got an entire subscription to the paper
for free. (I still have all the issues, though IÕll probably chuck them soon.)
Subsequent to being kicked out of Comics F/X, I wrote and drew Hal
Hargit, Porta-Potty Man. This was a two-part comic book which I
distributed to the comics small press. Hal worked at the time as a
construction worker (and presumably still does). So I drew him flying
around in a magical porta-potty ÒslimingÓ small press personalities he
didnÕt like...with shit from the porta-potty.
Hal Hargit has not been heard from since (though his departure
probably had little to do with me). Presumably, a few people (such as Edd
Vick) are still able to contact him. (Although Edd himself is hardly heard
from these days, as far as I can tell.)
Z I N E R E V I E W S
by Jim Corrigan
Uncommon Desires Newsletter 3, $6.00. Digest, 12 pages. Uncommon
Desires Newsletter, c/o N.S. Aristoff, P.O. Box 2377, New York, NY 10185.
Make checks payable to Lawrence A. Stanley, Esq. Special Account II. To
help in the ongoing legal defense of Uncommon Desires Newsletter send
check (in any amount) payable to Hayden, Perle and Silber (to the P.O. box
listed above).
I hope I counted the pages correctly in this nifty little zine. You see,
part of it is thumb-tacked to my wall! In about the middle of this issue is
a picture of a delightful little girl lying on her tummy. She is wearing
lacy mitten gloves and her bare bottom juts up at the camera. Delicious!
(And sure to enrage every yuppie feminist within a 100 mile radius!)
I highly recommend this publication. It makes depressing reading to
be sure, detailing our government's ongoing war against the First
Amendment. This issue a judge actually convicts a man for taking
pictures of young girls with their clothes on. Clearly, it is the political
content of the photos, not the photos themselves, which offended the
sensibilities of the judge.
Whether you're fond of the pictures in Uncommon Desires
Newsletter or not is immaterial. Ol' Jim Corrigan, the quintessential
Reasonable Man, takes his magazines at home, including the NAMBLA
Bulletin. Yet I, Jim, have no interest in NAMBLA Bulletin's photos of
naked little boys. You should support Uncommon Desires Newsletter
because your government doesn't want you to. That's right.
America is supposed to be a land "of the people, by the people, and
for the people." Or, in the words of the sage: "Here, sir, the people rule."
With, one might add, proper protection for the rights of the minority, as
spelled out by Publius. Yet in Washington there are those who think
themselves our masters. We are busily engaged in economic activity, and
hence hire servants like William Barr and Dick Thornburg to attend to the
public weal. Yet these men think they have been elevated to the rank of
Master, and proceed to tell us what we can see, what we can read, what
we can put into our bodies, and with whom we can associate. The
liberties enshrined in our Constitution are "interpreted" not to apply, even
by those who proclaim to follow the clear language of that document.
Just as unexercised muscles soon atrophy, so too with rarely
exercised freedoms. And there is certainly no hope of enlarging the scope
of our freedoms if we do not even use those clearly spelled out for us by
our forefathers.
Have you ever had a metal slug tear your guts out? Knock your jaw
off? Many men did, so that you and I could enjoy a life compassed by these
words: "Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or
of the press." Yes, friend, it is your turn to make a sacrifice, however
small, for freedom. I suggest you buy two dozen copies of Uncommon
Desires Newsletter and hand them out at the next NOW convention. Or,
better yet, mail them to your congressman. And if you get imprisoned or
fined for doing so, just sing the refrain from the Air Force's immortal
recruiting campaign: "Freedom isn't Free!"
V I D E O R E V I E W S
PERVERT ALERT!
by me, holy joe
Here in Sacramento we had a law passed that says all the "adult"
magazines have got to be covered up. This is so some innocent 17-
year-old child, walking by, won't be corrupted by seeing the cover of
Playboy!
Be that as it may, in our SunCoast video store here all the
Playboy tapes are very nicely arranged, and the covers of each video box
totally exposed to public view. And guess what? The Playboy videos
are right across the aisle from the children's videos. Isn't life sweet?
I was standing in Suncoast enjoying the view, and it occurred to
me that the Playboy video covers are getting racier than ever. The
latest, Sexy Lingerie VI, features three ladies in their underwear, in a
candlelit room that is obviously the inside of a brothel. It is amazing
to me that a real brothel, with a modest facade reading, say, "Turkish
Bath," is illegal in Sacramento, while the inside of a brothel is freely
displayed to children.
Not wanting to masturbate over the Sexy Lingerie VI box right in
the middle of the Suncoast video store, I bought it and took it home. I
know what you're thinking: "Joe, those Playboy videos are a ripoff!
Don't tell me you fell for one of those again!"
Well, Sexy Lingerie VI actually turns out to be reasonably good.
There is a 40's hotel scene where this slim lady with big boobs takes
off a man's tie. She rubs it back and forth between her crotch! I found
that, and staring at her boobs, quite enjoyable.
At the end of Sexy Lingerie VI there is a three-way orgy, and "my
cup runneth over" watching this. This scene doesn't actually feature
real Playboy playmates, but it does feature a cute blonde girl who I've
OD'ed on in other Playboy tapes.
Although Sexy Lingerie VI seemed a bit short, I recommend
buying it. However, I bought it specifically to see my very favorite
Playmates (pictured on the box) in action. However, the "action" those
particular girls provided was uninspiring.
C O M I C U P D A T E S T O R I E S
The Fading Universe
Part Four
by Andrew Roller
Chapter Three
Agile figures sprinted amidst the shadows.
"I think we've got company," Harrigan reported. He reached up and
changed the cellophane sign on the front of the bus from "15th Street"
to "Not in Service."
"Leatherjackets," Elsa breathed.
"Hey, we need a lift," a silhouette called from the curb.
"It's Harrigan!" someone shouted. "Harrigan's the driver!"
A salvo of gunfire shattered the windows along the left side of
the bus.
"Duck down," Marvin commanded. He crouched behind a broken
window and returned fire.
Gaudily dressed figures, most of them young males, ran out behind
the vehicle as it passed and threw Molotov cocktails at it. Explosions
rocked the bus.
Perry leaned out the back window, shouting curses.
Suddenly a convertible rushed out of an alley and came up
alongside the bus.
"Fuck you, Marvin," one of the passengers shouted, firing a
bazooka into the bus. Marvin dove to the floor of the bus as the blast
tore off a section of the roof above his head.
"Damn, they've picked up some pretty heavy artillery," Marvin
muttered.
"They ain't so smart," Frankie grinned at him. The dwarf leapt
onto a seat and nimbly pitched a concussion grenade into the
convertible. A cry went up, the car careened toward the pavement, and
a moment later an explosion erupted. The bus sped past the wreckage.
C O M I C U P D A T E N E W S
SHIRES EXPOSED!
by holy joe
Information continues to pour in following Roller's mailing about Ian
Shires. Humble, saintly, Rick Howe reports that Ian ripped off the U.F.O.
(the United Fandom Organization) to the tune of $100.00. The new
revelations are printed below:
"Mr. Roller; Your editorial concerning Ian Shires' Self-Publisher
arrived while I was trying to decide whether or not to send him any
more money," writes Carol Pond, 292 Henrietta Ave., Newbury Park, CA
91320-4334. "Unlike you, my ad was printed; however the minicomic I
sent him two years ago still has not been reviewed. Also, I didn't know
buying an ad entitled me to a free issue...wait a minute, maybe I did.
Anyway I agree with you that SP! looks messy and is extremely
difficult to read and maybe not the best way to spend my money.
"Did you send this to me because I had an ad in SP! ("Herbert Goes
Shopping")? [Yes. Ed.] "I have had a bit of bad luck with small press.
Every time I subscribe to a zine it either disappears altogether (if it
ever appeared at all) or, like SP! and SPF, suddenly becomes few and
far between." [I know what you mean. Kevin Collier ripped me off to
the tune of $5.00, Mike Gunderloy to the tune of $40.00. Tim Corrigan,
at least, returned my money, as did Comix F/X. Ed.]
"I would like to see a new issue of Comic Update. Do I ask you
for one, or write to W. Dockery?" [Send your stamp(s), money, etc. to
Jim Corrigan, P.O. Box 3663, Phenix City, AL 36868. However, any
checks must be made payable to WILLIAM DOCKERY. (Jim's ex-wife has
a judgement against him for spousal support.) Ed.]
"Do you have a catalog of your stuff?" [We will assign P.D. Wilson
the task of preparing a catalog. Ed.]
"Do you read Comic Effect Ñ a reviewzine emphasizing the fun
in reading comics? Sample issue $3.50 from Jim Kingman, Paloma St.
Publications, P.O. Box 2188, Pasadena, CA 91102-2188."
"Hey Ñ We just found out you ran a review of the newsletter Ñ thanks.
That explains the increase in mail," writes R.I.P. Frenum, R.I.P. Speed
Co., Box 55, Harrisonburg, VA 22801
"Enclosed is the December issue Ñ as always, the newsletter is
monthly and costs one 32¢ stamp.
"I wish there was someplace in this town where I could get Manic
Panic 'cos I really want purple hair.
"Thanks again."
[Roller is trying to dye his pubic hair tangerine. He says lots of
young girls like The Flaming Lips... Ñ holy joe]
WILSON NUDE!
Gossip by Hooly Joe
One P.D. Wilson, known to Columbus residents as a Welfare bum and
(fired) computer "programmer," was seen yesterday taking a crap on the
bridge that connects the illustrious cities of Columbus and Phenix City.
"This is a great tragedy," lamented William Dockery, Columbus'
sole expert on such matters. "In June of '92 an unknown bum took a
crap on the bridge, and every day motorists and pedestrians were
subjected to the sight of that shit deteriorating. Bum's shit seems to
last an especially long time, too. Perhaps it is all that indigestible
food they eat at the Burger King. I remember all too well the sight of
that bum's shit in '92 gathering flies, attracting stray dogs, and finally
turning white under the glare of the summer sun.
"Shit on the bridge is also a health hazard," Dockery continued.
"Rick Howe passed by and thought the McDonald's truck had dropped one
of its hamburger paddies. He almost picked it up. He was going to take
it in to work and fry it. He hates to see good food go to waste.
Fortunately, when he noticed that quite a number of flies had been
attracted to the turds, he realized it couldn't be McDonald's food. Their
food isn't tasty enough to draw that many flies."
(The headline about Wilson being nude relates, of course, to
Wilson's bare butt sticking out as he took his crap. I, Holy Joe, was not
present to witness this sight, so I cannot report on it personally.
However, it is rumored that Lynn Hansen has staked out the bridge,
hoping to "report" on such an incident first-hand in the near future.)
ROLLER PUBLICATIONS Founded 1972. Continuously publishing since
1986. Send a stamped, self-addressed return envelope (preferably a
greeting card-type envelope) to us for the latest FREE hardcopy issues.
(Including material never seen on the Internet!)
Or send $1.00 cash and we will supply the envelope. Order from:
Jim Corrigan, P.O. Box 3663, Phenix City, AL 36868.
Send comix, news, letters, and poems to Jim Corrigan.
Our titles:
COMIC UPDATE The latest small press comix news and reviews.
NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS Sex kittens in compromising
positions. (Include an age statement-18 or over.)
DREAMGIRLS WITH SHAMAN America's most popular poetry zine.
ALL poets are urged to contribute frequently!
THE ORATOR Militant views by misguided mortals.
END OF TRANSMISSION
Subj: Comic Update, May 14, 1995 (Hal Hargit, Wilson Nude!)